Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: On this week's Whine About It Therapy Thursday, We've got
Speaker 2: Jen Sincero. So. She's a number one New York Times
Speaker 2: bestselling author, speaker, motivational speaker. She's helped countless people transform
Speaker 2: their personal and professional lives via her products, speaking engagements.
Speaker 2: Her number one New York Times bestseller You Are a Badass.
Speaker 2: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an
Speaker 2: Awesome Life, has remained on the New York Times Bestseller
Speaker 2: list for over five years to sold over five million
Speaker 2: copies worldwide. Let's get her on the show.
Speaker 3: Hey girl, Hey, how's it going.
Speaker 2: How are you?
Speaker 3: Who are you?
Speaker 2: I'm good. Well. I am so excited to get you
Speaker 2: onto the show because, first of all, obviously your book
Speaker 2: or was just reading the Rundown and how it's been
Speaker 2: on the New York Times bestseller list over five years,
Speaker 2: which is an insane feat like that. I mean, that's
Speaker 2: that's incredible.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm just shocked and so grateful and yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a miracle, it really is.
Speaker 3: I mean, in the land of miracles, that is definitely
Speaker 3: one of them.
Speaker 2: Why do you think it's staying there that long. Like,
Speaker 2: what do you think people are like really getting from
Speaker 2: the book that you're like, yes, this makes sense.
Speaker 1: Why I think that it's because, you know, I know,
Speaker 1: at the beginning, it was because it was sort of
Speaker 1: the first one that was a little reverend and used
Speaker 1: curse words and really used stories and sort of took
Speaker 1: the whole self help genre in a new direction. And
Speaker 1: now there are countless books doing the same thing. So
Speaker 1: I don't know why it stayed on, because they certainly
Speaker 1: are other ones that are doing But I think that
Speaker 1: it was such a shocker and there are a lot
Speaker 1: of people out there who couldn't relate to the other
Speaker 1: self help books. So if you read this and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're saying it in a way that
Speaker 1: I can actually hear it, I'm going to buy it
Speaker 1: forty of my friends. And that's how we got on
Speaker 1: the list in the first place. I mean, we didn't
Speaker 1: hit the bestseller list till three years after published, and
Speaker 1: then it just stayed out.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that's interesting lolow build yeah, it was.
Speaker 3: It was a total grassroots effort.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Okay, So with your book, I think one of the
Speaker 2: things that I've had a hard time like with you know,
Speaker 2: it's like you're you are a bad us? How to
Speaker 2: stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life?
Speaker 2: For me, self doubt is a thing that has killed
Speaker 2: everything for me, whether it's you know, right about to
Speaker 2: film an audition, I'm like, oh, nope, this part isn't
Speaker 2: right for me. It's I'm not going to get it.
Speaker 2: I immediately count myself out of something before I even
Speaker 2: do it, and it's I and I hate that, Like,
Speaker 2: I don't like that part about me. I'm like, why
Speaker 2: don't I go in more positive? Why do I immediately
Speaker 2: doubt myself? Why do you think? Why do you think
Speaker 2: people do that?
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I want to say, the important
Speaker 1: thing is that you do it anyway.
Speaker 3: So the self doubts there.
Speaker 1: But if you're doing it anyway, that really, truly is
Speaker 1: the most important piece. And I think we do it
Speaker 1: because we compare ourselves to others really spend so especially
Speaker 1: now like it's gotten, it's it's a problem now. I mean,
Speaker 1: but social media, we're all constantly comparing ourselves to other people.
Speaker 1: So there's always going to be people that you feel
Speaker 1: like are better than you, that have it more down
Speaker 1: than you that have more experience, that are prettier, they're
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. So there's no
Speaker 1: end of self comparison. And I think that has a
Speaker 1: lot to do with self doubt. I also think if
Speaker 1: you're brave enough to go outside of your comfort zone
Speaker 1: and do something you've never done, that's a natural state
Speaker 1: to sort of doubt yourself. And so I think in
Speaker 1: the book one of the things that I really try
Speaker 1: to hammer home is the self doubt is going to
Speaker 1: be there, but you can sort of battle it by
Speaker 1: having a much funner attitude, just to like, just just
Speaker 1: see what you can get away with. Who cares if
Speaker 1: you've got self doubt, you know, just see if you
Speaker 1: can get this part. Just see if you can charge
Speaker 1: six figures for your next painting, Just see if you know,
Speaker 1: just see if you can get away with it. I mean,
Speaker 1: we're on a planet in infinite space. It's all ridiculous anyway,
Speaker 1: So why make such drama out of everything? And why
Speaker 1: drag yourself down with these you know, with these quote unquote,
Speaker 1: you know, these beliefs, which are just thoughts that you
Speaker 1: keep thinking over and over and over. You have the
Speaker 1: power to think something else and that can create a
Speaker 1: new belief. So it's really important to pay attention to
Speaker 1: what you're buying into in your own mind and just
Speaker 1: knock it out of it with something that's fun or funnier.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna see and if I fall flat on
Speaker 1: my face, who cares?
Speaker 2: Is it almost like a fake it till you make
Speaker 2: it kind of then attitude it.
Speaker 1: Is And it's yes, definitely, And it's more just have
Speaker 1: fun until you make it, like just try it until
Speaker 1: you make it. Just get off your own back until
Speaker 1: you make it, you know.
Speaker 2: Okay, But for the person that's like has a hard
Speaker 2: time having fun because they're so structured in work, or
Speaker 2: like I think I can go that way too, or
Speaker 2: I'm just like it, I can have a lot of fun,
Speaker 2: but I'm also like I have all these tasks I
Speaker 2: have to do and I have to take care of this, X,
Speaker 2: Y and Z, so that I'm like, Okay, I can
Speaker 2: do that, But then I'm like, I don't even I
Speaker 2: think the play element I lack doing that too.
Speaker 3: Do you enjoy anything about your job.
Speaker 2: When I'm on set working? Absolutely, But I think it's
Speaker 2: the like I set myself up going I'm just not
Speaker 2: going to get this, and like, yeah, the playing part
Speaker 2: of it, yeah, I would love to just like play
Speaker 2: around and try, but I'm like, oh, I don't have
Speaker 2: time for this or I get it. It's like I don't,
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't put in maybe the work that
Speaker 2: needs to be put in to it. And because I'm
Speaker 2: just like I already again, I'm already counting myself out.
Speaker 1: Well, I would recommend just sort of staying attached to
Speaker 1: your why, Like why you're doing this work in the
Speaker 1: first place is for something that is fun and that
Speaker 1: lights you up and that you're drawn to. And if
Speaker 1: you can, instead of getting meyered down and the to
Speaker 1: do of it and how bad you are at it
Speaker 1: and how you're going to fail and whatever you've got
Speaker 1: going on, stay with the excitement of the why, and
Speaker 1: before you sit down to do any other stuff you
Speaker 1: got to do, connect to that and just fantasize about
Speaker 1: yourself getting the part or whatever it is, and get
Speaker 1: that energy up, because we really everything is energy, and
Speaker 1: if you go into it with a more excited energy,
Speaker 1: it's going to make a huge difference.
Speaker 2: I know, and I know all that too, And I
Speaker 2: think it's just I think for me, it stems more like,
Speaker 2: you know, because I'm still believing maybe past messages that
Speaker 2: other people told me. Right, So it's like I let
Speaker 2: those things affect maybe some of my daily things that
Speaker 2: I do because I was told that I couldn't do that,
Speaker 2: or that I wouldn't get something, or that I'm not
Speaker 2: good enough or something. So that's the message that I'm like, Oh,
Speaker 2: then what's the point.
Speaker 1: Well, that's the work we all have to do. I mean,
Speaker 1: we're all blocked some garbage that we picked up along
Speaker 1: the way. That's not true. So become aware of what
Speaker 1: the actual stuff is. And when it comes up, then
Speaker 1: you just really be like, oh, look at me. Here,
Speaker 1: I am thinking this negative thing again.
Speaker 3: That's not true.
Speaker 1: It's just something somebody told me, and I can make
Speaker 1: a choice to not focus on it anymore.
Speaker 3: I mean, seriously, I tell my clients to focus on puppies.
Speaker 3: When that happens, Like it's hard to suddenly go from.
Speaker 1: You know, if you're an I don't know if you're
Speaker 1: an actress, but like you know that I'm okay, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to get this part.
Speaker 3: And because I'm to whatever and.
Speaker 1: To being like I am going to get this part
Speaker 1: because I'm brilliant. Like, if you've got a lot of
Speaker 1: momentum going in the direction of it, you're not going
Speaker 1: to get it. It's very hard to suddenly like turn
Speaker 1: it around and be like I'm going to get it
Speaker 1: and believe that, right, sure, So the key is to
Speaker 1: just stop focusing on them I'm not going to get
Speaker 1: it part, just to distract yourself. And I'm just like
Speaker 1: puppies or nature or a good song, like just don't
Speaker 1: even think about it. Stop giving it so much damn
Speaker 1: energy and slow it down and then you can change it.
Speaker 2: How did you become a badass? Like when?
Speaker 1: How?
Speaker 2: Why did you write this book? Like what was something
Speaker 2: in your life? Whe're like, this needs to be said.
Speaker 1: Because I was living in a garage. I was making
Speaker 1: like they five thousand dollars a year. I was in
Speaker 1: my forties, living in a garage, feeling like a gigantic loser,
Speaker 1: and I ended up tripling my income in three months
Speaker 1: and then suddenly now money is not even an issue
Speaker 1: for me anymore. And so the fact that my broke
Speaker 1: ass was able to really make such an impossible shift,
Speaker 1: I mean, money was always always always a big problem
Speaker 1: in my life, and I felt like, if I can
Speaker 1: do that, if my forty year old like dedicated to
Speaker 1: the poverty identity can change that around, then I have
Speaker 1: something to share with other people. And also in the
Speaker 1: process of turning my life around, I read every self
Speaker 1: help book under the sun. And I was a writer
Speaker 1: before I was a coach or any of this, and
Speaker 1: so I was always just like, you know, this information
Speaker 1: is changing my life. It's incredible, But how come none
Speaker 1: of it's funny? And how come none of it is
Speaker 1: said and in a way that I want to hear
Speaker 1: it said?
Speaker 2: So then you're like, I'm going to write this really awesome,
Speaker 2: funny book that everyone can relate to that doesn't want
Speaker 2: to just hear the like therapist speaking words. You want
Speaker 2: to hear the like you know, stop it, you're a badass,
Speaker 2: all the things that like people can actually relate to.
Speaker 1: Words and just in my own voice, like I just
Speaker 1: felt like I want to tell it very truthfully the
Speaker 1: way I went through it, and I think people can
Speaker 1: relate to it because I was such a train wreck
Speaker 1: for so long that I could feel their pain wherever
Speaker 1: they were.
Speaker 2: How did you get there? Like you know, you go
Speaker 2: from the garage to the like what led you to that,
Speaker 2: and then the moment where you were like, wait a minute,
Speaker 2: I have to get out of this.
Speaker 1: I made the decision, and it's kind of an unsatisfactory
Speaker 1: answer for a lot of people. But it wasn't like
Speaker 1: I almost got evicted or I got sick, or you know,
Speaker 1: I finally did something.
Speaker 3: I just I honest.
Speaker 1: It's really first of all boring to be broke you
Speaker 1: can't do anything. But more importantly, I was like, seriously, Jen,
Speaker 1: this is your one shot at being you on planet Earth,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna spend it wallowing in this quagmire of
Speaker 1: self doubt and loseriness and everybody else. So it was
Speaker 1: more just like I felt deep inside that I was like,
Speaker 1: I can do better than this. So I started reading
Speaker 1: all the self help books. I started going to every
Speaker 1: money making seminar I could find, and believe me, I
Speaker 1: was like in a rock band.
Speaker 3: I was super cool. I was like, this self helped
Speaker 3: stuff is so gooey, and if.
Speaker 1: Anybody sees me at one of these things, my cred
Speaker 1: is blown.
Speaker 3: But that's what happens.
Speaker 1: When you make a decision, you do whatever the hell
Speaker 1: it takes no matter how uncomfortable it was. And everything
Speaker 1: was uncomfortable. And then I hired a coach, and that
Speaker 1: was you know. I put her on She costs one
Speaker 1: third of my annual income, and I put her on
Speaker 1: a credit card because I was.
Speaker 3: Not screwing around.
Speaker 1: I was like, I've been trying this on my own
Speaker 1: for forty years and I clearly suck at it.
Speaker 3: So I got up my game and then she helped
Speaker 3: me triple my income.
Speaker 2: Very quickly with the book.
Speaker 1: Oh, the book didn't happen. I had You Are a
Speaker 1: Badass is my third book. So I had already written
Speaker 1: and published two other books on yeah, with major pubblishers.
Speaker 1: So she taught me how to start an online coaching business,
Speaker 1: coaching entrepreneurs how to write and sell their nonfiction book proposals.
Speaker 1: And so even that was like, oh, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be the nonfiction book proposal lady like snore, like that's
Speaker 1: you know, I'm cool. I've got all this other stuff
Speaker 1: I want to do. But she's like, listen, you're getting started.
Speaker 1: You got to get out of your debt so that
Speaker 1: you can think strange. She's like, would you rather be broken?
Speaker 3: Cooler? Rich? And cheesy?
Speaker 1: Because I thought all the online stuff was so cheesy
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. I was like, I'll take rich
Speaker 1: and cheesy. And then I started writing all of my
Speaker 1: marketing and you know, all the stuff I was doing
Speaker 1: in my own voice, and that's sort of how I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I can sort of meld this online
Speaker 1: marketing world, which is typically you know, a certain way,
Speaker 1: and make it sort of edgier, which was my own.
Speaker 3: And that's sort of what I did with the self
Speaker 3: help stuff too.
Speaker 2: That's so cool. I mean it's inspiring too, because I
Speaker 2: feel like, you know, I'm going to be forty in
Speaker 2: a couple months, and you're just like, well, I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't know if I should start that. But it's
Speaker 2: like it's never too late to start anything ever, you know.
Speaker 2: And it's like it's just sometimes just it might just
Speaker 2: look like a mountain, you know, and you're like, you
Speaker 2: just got all right, you gotta just you gotta start climbing,
Speaker 2: because you know, if you I don't like to live
Speaker 2: with regrets ee there. So I'm like, I gotta like,
Speaker 2: I gotta try. And I'm always constantly like throwing things
Speaker 2: at dark boards and like seeing what sticks. But it's again,
Speaker 2: it's that that self doubt that I have to like
Speaker 2: overcoming it. But again I think that's it's that's everybody now,
Speaker 2: especially with social media and comparing yourself and so that's
Speaker 2: that's hard. But are there any tips in that You
Speaker 2: Are a Badass book that you're like, these are some
Speaker 2: amazing takeaways that will help with being of you know,
Speaker 2: being the great, like owning your greatness.
Speaker 3: The whole book everything.
Speaker 1: But you know, and so for self doubt, like you
Speaker 1: just said, with social media, it seems like social media
Speaker 1: is a big one, you know, for you and for
Speaker 1: most people.
Speaker 3: If that really is a big one, get off social media,
Speaker 3: like go.
Speaker 1: On just to post your stuff, just to like sometimes
Speaker 1: we need to be on our business, but don't spend
Speaker 1: time there. If that's the thing that brings you down,
Speaker 1: knock it off, Like it's not that big a mystery.
Speaker 1: A lot of the stuff we just like to pretend
Speaker 1: that we don't know what it is for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: Like you know, if you want to lose weight, don't
Speaker 1: eat a lot of fattening food.
Speaker 3: But we just do it anyway. So this is why
Speaker 3: what I was saying about, like focusing on your why
Speaker 3: is so important.
Speaker 1: So you know, if you really want to feel good
Speaker 1: and confident, I call it going to the spiritual Jim.
Speaker 1: I talking a lot about it a lot in all
Speaker 1: of my books, where you've got to have some kind
Speaker 1: of practice down. You just can't wake up every morning
Speaker 1: and wing it and hope it's going to change. You've
Speaker 1: got to catch yourself in your limiting thoughts and beliefs
Speaker 1: and words. Right, So whatever your broken record is, catch
Speaker 1: it and write it down and look at it and
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, this is the thing that is stopping
Speaker 1: me all the time. So when it comes up, I
Speaker 1: am going to think about puppies, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: think about puppies until I've diffused it a little bit,
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to start turning it around, being
Speaker 1: like I'm a great actress who cares like there's so
Speaker 1: many other people out there who are killing it or
Speaker 1: are far less.
Speaker 3: Fabulous than I am.
Speaker 1: Right, So you can start turning it around and knock
Speaker 1: it off. Get a really solid spiritual gym practice in place,
Speaker 1: where you know meditation. I'm a huge meditation fan, because
Speaker 1: that's how you really stop all those thoughts. They say,
Speaker 1: you know, ninety percent of the thoughts we think are
Speaker 1: thoughts we think every day, and that's how they become
Speaker 1: and that's how we.
Speaker 3: Form our reality. What you think creates your reality.
Speaker 1: Right now, there are gazillion things I could focus on,
Speaker 1: but I tend to focus on the same things over
Speaker 1: and over because I have an identity and I am
Speaker 1: in the habit of thought when you catch yourself and
Speaker 1: make different choices. And I remember when I was starting
Speaker 1: out with all this, I was so irritated by the
Speaker 1: idea that like, your thoughts, your words, and your beliefs
Speaker 1: create your reality, right And I was like, it can't
Speaker 1: be that hard. I cannot be living in a garage
Speaker 1: at the age of forty and that's all I gotta do.
Speaker 1: But it absolutely is, because your thoughts, your beliefs, and
Speaker 1: your words create your actions. So it's it all, it really,
Speaker 1: it's all. It's all combined. So you start by paying
Speaker 1: attention to thoughts, polition, words, you get a spiritual gym
Speaker 1: practice down.
Speaker 3: I'm talking really quickly where you raise your frequency.
Speaker 1: So meditating reading self help books every day for like
Speaker 1: five minutes doesn't.
Speaker 3: Need to be a big whoopie do.
Speaker 1: Listening to music that pumps you up, hanging out with
Speaker 1: other people who are kicking button instead of other people
Speaker 1: that you can sit around and whine with about how
Speaker 1: hard everything and how much it sucks. Staying off social media.
Speaker 1: You know, there's endless things you can do, walking in nature.
Speaker 1: I'm a big hiker. I'm a big nature person that,
Speaker 1: you know, hanging out with my dog, you know, whatever.
Speaker 1: It is, getting coaching, but you've got to treat it
Speaker 1: like your life depends on it, because it really truly does.
Speaker 3: And I'm talking.
Speaker 1: Like a half hour a day where you work out
Speaker 1: that muscle of that frequency, because motivation and self worth
Speaker 1: is a muscle, and if you don't work it out,
Speaker 1: it's like going to the gym, you lose your physical mass.
Speaker 1: So you've got to you got to work it out.
Speaker 1: You got to pay attention to it, you got to
Speaker 1: make it, make it a really important deal for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what would be the next book that you would
Speaker 2: want to write?
Speaker 1: I really don't know right now, honestly, Like I just
Speaker 1: you know, Badass Habits came out in twenty twenty, which was.
Speaker 3: So long ago already I was like, I just wrote
Speaker 3: a book. I was like, actually it's been years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So you know, I wait until I'm really inspired
Speaker 1: when it comes to books, and I have a couple
Speaker 1: ideas floating around, but nothing that I can't shake off
Speaker 1: my leg just yet.
Speaker 2: So I'm sharing did because I feel like there's you know,
Speaker 2: there's probably so many things that you're like, I've already
Speaker 2: I've already and already said because it's all right there.
Speaker 2: I mean everything that you're saying, I'm like, yeah, like
Speaker 2: that's it. You You already kind of have your Bible,
Speaker 2: so now these are just going to be little roots
Speaker 2: that come off.
Speaker 1: Of it and more, and you can always go deeper
Speaker 1: and you can always say it in a different way.
Speaker 1: I mean, how many times have you read the same
Speaker 1: I mean I read self help books all the time,
Speaker 1: and I'll read the same one over and over and
Speaker 1: I'll get different things every single time I read it.
Speaker 3: So same with writing.
Speaker 1: I can always find news ways to say it that
Speaker 1: will hopefully get the message across.
Speaker 2: Jen, Where could our listeners find you?
Speaker 1: You are a Badass dot com and also Jen Sincero
Speaker 1: dot com, j E N s I N c E
Speaker 1: r O dot com.
Speaker 2: Awesome, Thank you so much, Jenn, I appreciate that.
Speaker 3: Thanks a lot.
Speaker 2: Thanks for coming on, girl, okay,