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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: On this week's Whine About It Therapy Thursday, We've got

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Speaker 2: Jen Sincero. So. She's a number one New York Times

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Speaker 2: bestselling author, speaker, motivational speaker. She's helped countless people transform

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Speaker 2: their personal and professional lives via her products, speaking engagements.

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Speaker 2: Her number one New York Times bestseller You Are a Badass.

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Speaker 2: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an

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Speaker 2: Awesome Life, has remained on the New York Times Bestseller

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Speaker 2: list for over five years to sold over five million

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Speaker 2: copies worldwide. Let's get her on the show.

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Speaker 3: Hey girl, Hey, how's it going.

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: Who are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm good. Well. I am so excited to get you

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Speaker 2: onto the show because, first of all, obviously your book

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Speaker 2: or was just reading the Rundown and how it's been

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Speaker 2: on the New York Times bestseller list over five years,

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Speaker 2: which is an insane feat like that. I mean, that's

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Speaker 2: that's incredible.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm just shocked and so grateful and yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a miracle, it really is.

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Speaker 3: I mean, in the land of miracles, that is definitely

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Speaker 3: one of them.

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Speaker 2: Why do you think it's staying there that long. Like,

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Speaker 2: what do you think people are like really getting from

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Speaker 2: the book that you're like, yes, this makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Why I think that it's because, you know, I know,

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Speaker 1: at the beginning, it was because it was sort of

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Speaker 1: the first one that was a little reverend and used

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Speaker 1: curse words and really used stories and sort of took

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Speaker 1: the whole self help genre in a new direction. And

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Speaker 1: now there are countless books doing the same thing. So

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Speaker 1: I don't know why it stayed on, because they certainly

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Speaker 1: are other ones that are doing But I think that

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Speaker 1: it was such a shocker and there are a lot

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Speaker 1: of people out there who couldn't relate to the other

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Speaker 1: self help books. So if you read this and you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, you're saying it in a way that

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Speaker 1: I can actually hear it, I'm going to buy it

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Speaker 1: forty of my friends. And that's how we got on

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Speaker 1: the list in the first place. I mean, we didn't

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Speaker 1: hit the bestseller list till three years after published, and

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Speaker 1: then it just stayed out.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, that's interesting lolow build yeah, it was.

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Speaker 3: It was a total grassroots effort.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So with your book, I think one of the

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Speaker 2: things that I've had a hard time like with you know,

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Speaker 2: it's like you're you are a bad us? How to

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Speaker 2: stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life?

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Speaker 2: For me, self doubt is a thing that has killed

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Speaker 2: everything for me, whether it's you know, right about to

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Speaker 2: film an audition, I'm like, oh, nope, this part isn't

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Speaker 2: right for me. It's I'm not going to get it.

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Speaker 2: I immediately count myself out of something before I even

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Speaker 2: do it, and it's I and I hate that, Like,

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Speaker 2: I don't like that part about me. I'm like, why

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Speaker 2: don't I go in more positive? Why do I immediately

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Speaker 2: doubt myself? Why do you think? Why do you think

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Speaker 2: people do that?

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Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I want to say, the important

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Speaker 1: thing is that you do it anyway.

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Speaker 3: So the self doubts there.

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Speaker 1: But if you're doing it anyway, that really, truly is

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Speaker 1: the most important piece. And I think we do it

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Speaker 1: because we compare ourselves to others really spend so especially

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Speaker 1: now like it's gotten, it's it's a problem now. I mean,

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Speaker 1: but social media, we're all constantly comparing ourselves to other people.

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Speaker 1: So there's always going to be people that you feel

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Speaker 1: like are better than you, that have it more down

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Speaker 1: than you that have more experience, that are prettier, they're

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. So there's no

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Speaker 1: end of self comparison. And I think that has a

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Speaker 1: lot to do with self doubt. I also think if

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Speaker 1: you're brave enough to go outside of your comfort zone

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Speaker 1: and do something you've never done, that's a natural state

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Speaker 1: to sort of doubt yourself. And so I think in

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Speaker 1: the book one of the things that I really try

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Speaker 1: to hammer home is the self doubt is going to

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Speaker 1: be there, but you can sort of battle it by

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Speaker 1: having a much funner attitude, just to like, just just

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Speaker 1: see what you can get away with. Who cares if

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Speaker 1: you've got self doubt, you know, just see if you

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Speaker 1: can get this part. Just see if you can charge

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Speaker 1: six figures for your next painting, Just see if you know,

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Speaker 1: just see if you can get away with it. I mean,

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Speaker 1: we're on a planet in infinite space. It's all ridiculous anyway,

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Speaker 1: So why make such drama out of everything? And why

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Speaker 1: drag yourself down with these you know, with these quote unquote,

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Speaker 1: you know, these beliefs, which are just thoughts that you

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Speaker 1: keep thinking over and over and over. You have the

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Speaker 1: power to think something else and that can create a

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Speaker 1: new belief. So it's really important to pay attention to

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Speaker 1: what you're buying into in your own mind and just

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Speaker 1: knock it out of it with something that's fun or funnier.

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna see and if I fall flat on

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Speaker 1: my face, who cares?

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Speaker 2: Is it almost like a fake it till you make

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Speaker 2: it kind of then attitude it.

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Speaker 1: Is And it's yes, definitely, And it's more just have

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Speaker 1: fun until you make it, like just try it until

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Speaker 1: you make it. Just get off your own back until

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Speaker 1: you make it, you know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, But for the person that's like has a hard

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Speaker 2: time having fun because they're so structured in work, or

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Speaker 2: like I think I can go that way too, or

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Speaker 2: I'm just like it, I can have a lot of fun,

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Speaker 2: but I'm also like I have all these tasks I

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Speaker 2: have to do and I have to take care of this, X,

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Speaker 2: Y and Z, so that I'm like, Okay, I can

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Speaker 2: do that, But then I'm like, I don't even I

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Speaker 2: think the play element I lack doing that too.

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Speaker 3: Do you enjoy anything about your job.

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Speaker 2: When I'm on set working? Absolutely, But I think it's

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Speaker 2: the like I set myself up going I'm just not

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Speaker 2: going to get this, and like, yeah, the playing part

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Speaker 2: of it, yeah, I would love to just like play

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Speaker 2: around and try, but I'm like, oh, I don't have

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Speaker 2: time for this or I get it. It's like I don't,

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Speaker 2: I don't. I don't put in maybe the work that

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Speaker 2: needs to be put in to it. And because I'm

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Speaker 2: just like I already again, I'm already counting myself out.

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Speaker 1: Well, I would recommend just sort of staying attached to

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Speaker 1: your why, Like why you're doing this work in the

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Speaker 1: first place is for something that is fun and that

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Speaker 1: lights you up and that you're drawn to. And if

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Speaker 1: you can, instead of getting meyered down and the to

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Speaker 1: do of it and how bad you are at it

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Speaker 1: and how you're going to fail and whatever you've got

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Speaker 1: going on, stay with the excitement of the why, and

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Speaker 1: before you sit down to do any other stuff you

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Speaker 1: got to do, connect to that and just fantasize about

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Speaker 1: yourself getting the part or whatever it is, and get

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Speaker 1: that energy up, because we really everything is energy, and

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Speaker 1: if you go into it with a more excited energy,

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Speaker 1: it's going to make a huge difference.

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Speaker 2: I know, and I know all that too, And I

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Speaker 2: think it's just I think for me, it stems more like,

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Speaker 2: you know, because I'm still believing maybe past messages that

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Speaker 2: other people told me. Right, So it's like I let

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Speaker 2: those things affect maybe some of my daily things that

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Speaker 2: I do because I was told that I couldn't do that,

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Speaker 2: or that I wouldn't get something, or that I'm not

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Speaker 2: good enough or something. So that's the message that I'm like, Oh,

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Speaker 2: then what's the point.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's the work we all have to do. I mean,

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Speaker 1: we're all blocked some garbage that we picked up along

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Speaker 1: the way. That's not true. So become aware of what

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Speaker 1: the actual stuff is. And when it comes up, then

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Speaker 1: you just really be like, oh, look at me. Here,

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Speaker 1: I am thinking this negative thing again.

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Speaker 3: That's not true.

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Speaker 1: It's just something somebody told me, and I can make

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Speaker 1: a choice to not focus on it anymore.

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Speaker 3: I mean, seriously, I tell my clients to focus on puppies.

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Speaker 3: When that happens, Like it's hard to suddenly go from.

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Speaker 1: You know, if you're an I don't know if you're

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Speaker 1: an actress, but like you know that I'm okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to get this part.

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Speaker 3: And because I'm to whatever and.

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Speaker 1: To being like I am going to get this part

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Speaker 1: because I'm brilliant. Like, if you've got a lot of

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Speaker 1: momentum going in the direction of it, you're not going

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Speaker 1: to get it. It's very hard to suddenly like turn

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Speaker 1: it around and be like I'm going to get it

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Speaker 1: and believe that, right, sure, So the key is to

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Speaker 1: just stop focusing on them I'm not going to get

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Speaker 1: it part, just to distract yourself. And I'm just like

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Speaker 1: puppies or nature or a good song, like just don't

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Speaker 1: even think about it. Stop giving it so much damn

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Speaker 1: energy and slow it down and then you can change it.

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Speaker 2: How did you become a badass? Like when?

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Speaker 1: How?

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Speaker 2: Why did you write this book? Like what was something

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Speaker 2: in your life? Whe're like, this needs to be said.

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Speaker 1: Because I was living in a garage. I was making

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Speaker 1: like they five thousand dollars a year. I was in

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Speaker 1: my forties, living in a garage, feeling like a gigantic loser,

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Speaker 1: and I ended up tripling my income in three months

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Speaker 1: and then suddenly now money is not even an issue

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Speaker 1: for me anymore. And so the fact that my broke

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Speaker 1: ass was able to really make such an impossible shift,

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Speaker 1: I mean, money was always always always a big problem

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Speaker 1: in my life, and I felt like, if I can

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Speaker 1: do that, if my forty year old like dedicated to

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Speaker 1: the poverty identity can change that around, then I have

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Speaker 1: something to share with other people. And also in the

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Speaker 1: process of turning my life around, I read every self

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Speaker 1: help book under the sun. And I was a writer

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Speaker 1: before I was a coach or any of this, and

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Speaker 1: so I was always just like, you know, this information

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Speaker 1: is changing my life. It's incredible, But how come none

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Speaker 1: of it's funny? And how come none of it is

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Speaker 1: said and in a way that I want to hear

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Speaker 1: it said?

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Speaker 2: So then you're like, I'm going to write this really awesome,

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Speaker 2: funny book that everyone can relate to that doesn't want

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Speaker 2: to just hear the like therapist speaking words. You want

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Speaker 2: to hear the like you know, stop it, you're a badass,

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Speaker 2: all the things that like people can actually relate to.

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Speaker 1: Words and just in my own voice, like I just

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Speaker 1: felt like I want to tell it very truthfully the

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Speaker 1: way I went through it, and I think people can

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Speaker 1: relate to it because I was such a train wreck

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Speaker 1: for so long that I could feel their pain wherever

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Speaker 1: they were.

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Speaker 2: How did you get there? Like you know, you go

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Speaker 2: from the garage to the like what led you to that,

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Speaker 2: and then the moment where you were like, wait a minute,

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Speaker 2: I have to get out of this.

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Speaker 1: I made the decision, and it's kind of an unsatisfactory

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Speaker 1: answer for a lot of people. But it wasn't like

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Speaker 1: I almost got evicted or I got sick, or you know,

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Speaker 1: I finally did something.

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Speaker 3: I just I honest.

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Speaker 1: It's really first of all boring to be broke you

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Speaker 1: can't do anything. But more importantly, I was like, seriously, Jen,

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Speaker 1: this is your one shot at being you on planet Earth,

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna spend it wallowing in this quagmire of

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Speaker 1: self doubt and loseriness and everybody else. So it was

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Speaker 1: more just like I felt deep inside that I was like,

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Speaker 1: I can do better than this. So I started reading

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Speaker 1: all the self help books. I started going to every

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Speaker 1: money making seminar I could find, and believe me, I

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Speaker 1: was like in a rock band.

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Speaker 3: I was super cool. I was like, this self helped

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Speaker 3: stuff is so gooey, and if.

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Speaker 1: Anybody sees me at one of these things, my cred

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Speaker 1: is blown.

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Speaker 3: But that's what happens.

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Speaker 1: When you make a decision, you do whatever the hell

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Speaker 1: it takes no matter how uncomfortable it was. And everything

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Speaker 1: was uncomfortable. And then I hired a coach, and that

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Speaker 1: was you know. I put her on She costs one

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Speaker 1: third of my annual income, and I put her on

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Speaker 1: a credit card because I was.

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Speaker 3: Not screwing around.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I've been trying this on my own

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Speaker 1: for forty years and I clearly suck at it.

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Speaker 3: So I got up my game and then she helped

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Speaker 3: me triple my income.

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Speaker 2: Very quickly with the book.

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Speaker 1: Oh, the book didn't happen. I had You Are a

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Speaker 1: Badass is my third book. So I had already written

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Speaker 1: and published two other books on yeah, with major pubblishers.

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Speaker 1: So she taught me how to start an online coaching business,

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Speaker 1: coaching entrepreneurs how to write and sell their nonfiction book proposals.

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Speaker 1: And so even that was like, oh, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be the nonfiction book proposal lady like snore, like that's

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm cool. I've got all this other stuff

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Speaker 1: I want to do. But she's like, listen, you're getting started.

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Speaker 1: You got to get out of your debt so that

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Speaker 1: you can think strange. She's like, would you rather be broken?

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Speaker 3: Cooler? Rich? And cheesy?

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Speaker 1: Because I thought all the online stuff was so cheesy

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Speaker 1: and all that stuff. I was like, I'll take rich

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Speaker 1: and cheesy. And then I started writing all of my

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Speaker 1: marketing and you know, all the stuff I was doing

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Speaker 1: in my own voice, and that's sort of how I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, I can sort of meld this online

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Speaker 1: marketing world, which is typically you know, a certain way,

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Speaker 1: and make it sort of edgier, which was my own.

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Speaker 3: And that's sort of what I did with the self

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Speaker 3: help stuff too.

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Speaker 2: That's so cool. I mean it's inspiring too, because I

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Speaker 2: feel like, you know, I'm going to be forty in

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Speaker 2: a couple months, and you're just like, well, I'm like, well,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I should start that. But it's

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Speaker 2: like it's never too late to start anything ever, you know.

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Speaker 2: And it's like it's just sometimes just it might just

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Speaker 2: look like a mountain, you know, and you're like, you

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Speaker 2: just got all right, you gotta just you gotta start climbing,

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Speaker 2: because you know, if you I don't like to live

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Speaker 2: with regrets ee there. So I'm like, I gotta like,

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Speaker 2: I gotta try. And I'm always constantly like throwing things

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Speaker 2: at dark boards and like seeing what sticks. But it's again,

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Speaker 2: it's that that self doubt that I have to like

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Speaker 2: overcoming it. But again I think that's it's that's everybody now,

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Speaker 2: especially with social media and comparing yourself and so that's

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Speaker 2: that's hard. But are there any tips in that You

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Speaker 2: Are a Badass book that you're like, these are some

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Speaker 2: amazing takeaways that will help with being of you know,

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Speaker 2: being the great, like owning your greatness.

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Speaker 3: The whole book everything.

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Speaker 1: But you know, and so for self doubt, like you

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Speaker 1: just said, with social media, it seems like social media

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Speaker 1: is a big one, you know, for you and for

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Speaker 1: most people.

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Speaker 3: If that really is a big one, get off social media,

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Speaker 3: like go.

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Speaker 1: On just to post your stuff, just to like sometimes

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Speaker 1: we need to be on our business, but don't spend

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Speaker 1: time there. If that's the thing that brings you down,

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Speaker 1: knock it off, Like it's not that big a mystery.

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Speaker 1: A lot of the stuff we just like to pretend

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Speaker 1: that we don't know what it is for whatever reason.

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Speaker 1: Like you know, if you want to lose weight, don't

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Speaker 1: eat a lot of fattening food.

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Speaker 3: But we just do it anyway. So this is why

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Speaker 3: what I was saying about, like focusing on your why

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Speaker 3: is so important.

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Speaker 1: So you know, if you really want to feel good

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Speaker 1: and confident, I call it going to the spiritual Jim.

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Speaker 1: I talking a lot about it a lot in all

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Speaker 1: of my books, where you've got to have some kind

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Speaker 1: of practice down. You just can't wake up every morning

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Speaker 1: and wing it and hope it's going to change. You've

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Speaker 1: got to catch yourself in your limiting thoughts and beliefs

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Speaker 1: and words. Right, So whatever your broken record is, catch

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Speaker 1: it and write it down and look at it and

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Speaker 1: be like, Okay, this is the thing that is stopping

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Speaker 1: me all the time. So when it comes up, I

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Speaker 1: am going to think about puppies, and I'm going to

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Speaker 1: think about puppies until I've diffused it a little bit,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm going to start turning it around, being

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Speaker 1: like I'm a great actress who cares like there's so

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Speaker 1: many other people out there who are killing it or

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Speaker 1: are far less.

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Speaker 3: Fabulous than I am.

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Speaker 1: Right, So you can start turning it around and knock

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Speaker 1: it off. Get a really solid spiritual gym practice in place,

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Speaker 1: where you know meditation. I'm a huge meditation fan, because

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Speaker 1: that's how you really stop all those thoughts. They say,

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Speaker 1: you know, ninety percent of the thoughts we think are

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Speaker 1: thoughts we think every day, and that's how they become

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Speaker 1: and that's how we.

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Speaker 3: Form our reality. What you think creates your reality.

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Speaker 1: Right now, there are gazillion things I could focus on,

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Speaker 1: but I tend to focus on the same things over

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Speaker 1: and over because I have an identity and I am

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Speaker 1: in the habit of thought when you catch yourself and

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Speaker 1: make different choices. And I remember when I was starting

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Speaker 1: out with all this, I was so irritated by the

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Speaker 1: idea that like, your thoughts, your words, and your beliefs

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Speaker 1: create your reality, right And I was like, it can't

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Speaker 1: be that hard. I cannot be living in a garage

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Speaker 1: at the age of forty and that's all I gotta do.

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Speaker 1: But it absolutely is, because your thoughts, your beliefs, and

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Speaker 1: your words create your actions. So it's it all, it really,

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Speaker 1: it's all. It's all combined. So you start by paying

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Speaker 1: attention to thoughts, polition, words, you get a spiritual gym

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Speaker 1: practice down.

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Speaker 3: I'm talking really quickly where you raise your frequency.

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Speaker 1: So meditating reading self help books every day for like

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Speaker 1: five minutes doesn't.

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Speaker 3: Need to be a big whoopie do.

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Speaker 1: Listening to music that pumps you up, hanging out with

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Speaker 1: other people who are kicking button instead of other people

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Speaker 1: that you can sit around and whine with about how

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Speaker 1: hard everything and how much it sucks. Staying off social media.

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Speaker 1: You know, there's endless things you can do, walking in nature.

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Speaker 1: I'm a big hiker. I'm a big nature person that,

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Speaker 1: you know, hanging out with my dog, you know, whatever.

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Speaker 1: It is, getting coaching, but you've got to treat it

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Speaker 1: like your life depends on it, because it really truly does.

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Speaker 3: And I'm talking.

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Speaker 1: Like a half hour a day where you work out

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Speaker 1: that muscle of that frequency, because motivation and self worth

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Speaker 1: is a muscle, and if you don't work it out,

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Speaker 1: it's like going to the gym, you lose your physical mass.

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Speaker 1: So you've got to you got to work it out.

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Speaker 1: You got to pay attention to it, you got to

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Speaker 1: make it, make it a really important deal for you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what would be the next book that you would

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Speaker 2: want to write?

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Speaker 1: I really don't know right now, honestly, Like I just

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Speaker 1: you know, Badass Habits came out in twenty twenty, which was.

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Speaker 3: So long ago already I was like, I just wrote

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Speaker 3: a book. I was like, actually it's been years.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So you know, I wait until I'm really inspired

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Speaker 1: when it comes to books, and I have a couple

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Speaker 1: ideas floating around, but nothing that I can't shake off

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Speaker 1: my leg just yet.

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Speaker 2: So I'm sharing did because I feel like there's you know,

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Speaker 2: there's probably so many things that you're like, I've already

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Speaker 2: I've already and already said because it's all right there.

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Speaker 2: I mean everything that you're saying, I'm like, yeah, like

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Speaker 2: that's it. You You already kind of have your Bible,

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Speaker 2: so now these are just going to be little roots

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Speaker 2: that come off.

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Speaker 1: Of it and more, and you can always go deeper

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Speaker 1: and you can always say it in a different way.

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Speaker 1: I mean, how many times have you read the same

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Speaker 1: I mean I read self help books all the time,

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Speaker 1: and I'll read the same one over and over and

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Speaker 1: I'll get different things every single time I read it.

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Speaker 3: So same with writing.

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Speaker 1: I can always find news ways to say it that

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Speaker 1: will hopefully get the message across.

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Speaker 2: Jen, Where could our listeners find you?

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Speaker 1: You are a Badass dot com and also Jen Sincero

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Speaker 1: dot com, j E N s I N c E

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Speaker 1: r O dot com.

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Speaker 2: Awesome, Thank you so much, Jenn, I appreciate that.

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Speaker 3: Thanks a lot.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for coming on, girl, okay,