1 00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Do you remember when we did that show and you 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,280 Speaker 1: had to go find a mini driver? Oh my god, 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:10,639 Speaker 1: Oh my god in London and I had to go 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,200 Speaker 1: out of the studio. It was really bad, and they 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 1: had to go out onto the bridge and like find 6 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,800 Speaker 1: someone driving many and not only that, they like, I 7 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,280 Speaker 1: did it. I love it. You didn't. That to me 8 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: is wonderful that you did. That's your curiosity and you 9 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:29,159 Speaker 1: you're being a game. Hello, I'm Mini Driver. Welcome to 10 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:34,279 Speaker 1: Many Questions Season two. I've always loved Crust's questionnaire. It 11 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: was originally a nineteenth century parlor game where players would 12 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,879 Speaker 1: ask each other thirty five questions aimed at revealing the 13 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: other player's true nature. It's just the scientific method really. 14 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: In asking different people the same set of questions, you 15 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,919 Speaker 1: can make observations about which truths appeared to me universal. 16 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 1: I love this discipline and it made me wonder, what 17 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: if these questions were just the jumping off point, what 18 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 1: to depths would be revealed if I ask these questions 19 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: as conversation starters with thought leaders and trailblazers across all 20 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:11,120 Speaker 1: these different disciplines. So I adapted prus questionnaire and I 21 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: wrote my own seven questions that I personally think a 22 00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: pertinent to a person's story. They are when and where 23 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: were you happiest? What is the quality you like least 24 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? 25 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: What question would you most like answered? What person, place, 26 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be 27 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: your last meal? And can you tell me something in 28 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:37,960 Speaker 1: your life that's grown out of a personal disaster? And 29 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, ones that 30 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 1: I am honored and humbled to have had the chance 31 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: to engage with. You may not hear their answers to 32 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: all seven of these questions. We've whittled it down to 33 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: which questions felt closest to their experience, or the most surprising, 34 00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:00,640 Speaker 1: or created the most fertile ground to connect. My guest 35 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 1: today on many questions is actor, writer, musician, and director 36 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,560 Speaker 1: David d Kovney. Dave and I made a movie a 37 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 1: little while ago, Okay, a lot a while ago that 38 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: remains one of my favorite movie making experiences, largely because 39 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 1: he is so clever and funny and such a good company. 40 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: I usually measure a good time by how much I 41 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:25,919 Speaker 1: have laughed, and that time was a solid nine point five. 42 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,920 Speaker 1: Most people at this point know that David is a 43 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 1: writer as much as he is a brilliant actor, and 44 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: I've actually longed for him to finish the PhD he 45 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: began when he was at university because its title has 46 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: always been so incredibly satisfying to me. It's called Magic 47 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,639 Speaker 1: and Technology and Contemporary American Fiction and Poetry. I mean, 48 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 1: it's a mouthful, isn't it, But you know, a good one. 49 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: Spending time in close proximity to David's brain has only 50 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: ever been a good and rewarding thing, which is why 51 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: I would urge you to read any of the novels 52 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 1: he's write, my favorite of which is called Miss Subways. 53 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: I think it's a crucible for some of my favorite 54 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:13,360 Speaker 1: strands of Decovneyism, the ideas of myth and mythology, time, love, 55 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 1: and of course New York City. It's always a pleasure 56 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 1: to speak to someone I've known for a long time, 57 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: but it was extra interesting getting to ask Dave these 58 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 1: questions at this point in our life, and what I 59 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:33,399 Speaker 1: hope is a long continuing friendship. Where and when were 60 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 1: you happiest? Don't laugh unless it's because it's a really 61 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 1: happy memory. I mean my relationship to the word happy, 62 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 1: it's pretty fright, you know, I don't know. I mean 63 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: it's a question my mother used to ask me all time, 64 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: are you happy? And I would always think, well, I 65 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: don't know how to answer that question. There are times 66 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: I've felt fully engaged. Those are the times I'm happiest 67 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: when I'm fully engaged, and usually either with family, with 68 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: my kids, or with work. When I'm fully engaged to 69 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,840 Speaker 1: work and just kind of the monkey brain has turned 70 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 1: off and it's just like creation, creation, creation, go to sleep, 71 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 1: wake up, trying to create some more. Those are the 72 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 1: best moments, and you can have that with kids as well, 73 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: But an actual specific instance, No, I think that's what 74 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,760 Speaker 1: I mean, because sometimes it's attached to a thing that 75 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 1: we do, But it's really what are the tenets of 76 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: I'm interested in and what the tenants of happiness off 77 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 1: for people? Because it's a weird one. Yeah. For me, 78 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:36,599 Speaker 1: it's it's bringing something into being that wasn't here before. 79 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: And that's even a person, you know, that's a child, 80 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 1: that's a book, that's a song, that's a movie, that's 81 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: a it's a joke. I don't know, it's just like 82 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,359 Speaker 1: that to me, that feels happy, like not that I've 83 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,479 Speaker 1: been kind of basking it, you know, like, oh, now 84 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: I've done it, I've created something. No, it's just that 85 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,040 Speaker 1: feeling of you know, that secle vortex when you're kind 86 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,920 Speaker 1: of in the middle of creating something and it's it's 87 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 1: just this wonderful kind of unseld feeling and what you're 88 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,720 Speaker 1: doing as I go with your instinct, and that's that's 89 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: a lovely feeling for me. I completely agree. The more 90 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: I've thought about it, and the more that I've lived 91 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,599 Speaker 1: and the more death that I've come up against, you 92 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 1: really do realize that that moment where you can be 93 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:21,040 Speaker 1: completely engaged in making something that is part of life, 94 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: that is really as good as it gets, because I 95 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 1: think either everything else. Since my mother died and I 96 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 1: do bang on about this a bit, and she would 97 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: get so annoyed that I kept using it as an illustration. 98 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 1: But it's a good one. There's this brilliant pointlessness when 99 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: somebody dies. There's this existential kind of nihilism which is 100 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: awful to begin with, and then if you're lucky, it 101 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 1: grows into a proper appreciation for what it might actually 102 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,919 Speaker 1: be about or what it seems to me to be about, 103 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 1: because when you watch somebody die, you really see, oh 104 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: it's it just ends. So those moments I totally get 105 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:59,159 Speaker 1: that of distilled creation, and in that moment of birthing something, 106 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: of paying attention, of being engaged, and even if it's fleeting, 107 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 1: or if it lasts for five minutes, or maybe it's 108 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: five hours of sitting writing something or watching your child 109 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: being born, Like, I completely agree with that. My mom's 110 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: ninety two. Now are you kidding me? You met her? 111 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 1: You met her and oh my god, I did. I 112 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 1: met her in Edinburgh? Yeah, exactly. She's fantastic. She's got 113 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: dementia and she recognizes us. But no, she's she's not 114 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: all there at all. And that's the other thing. It's 115 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:31,839 Speaker 1: not just life ends. It's like identity ends sometimes before life, 116 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,919 Speaker 1: and identity ends. And that's a really weird question, like 117 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: what did that mean? That identity? What was that construct 118 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 1: of character of personality? Was it a lie or was it? 119 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 1: What was it? You know? Is it just a screen? 120 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: What's the real thing? It says? Essential? Like you said, 121 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:51,160 Speaker 1: it's as wow, identity is flimsy. It's super flimsy. It's 122 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,359 Speaker 1: built on sand, as demonstrated by what happens when it 123 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: begins to disappear. But I do believe in something more kinetic. 124 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,839 Speaker 1: Let's beyond that. I really really do, having having watched 125 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 1: the intellectual side and the body diminished, but still felt 126 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 1: the presence of that kinetic something. There was something amazing. 127 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: It was just particularly when my mom died, it was 128 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 1: almost like just the tiniest beginning of a breadcrumb trail 129 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: that she left as she left. I think about that 130 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 1: a lot, and I don't know if that's just the 131 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: wishful thinking of of missing somebody or hoping that there 132 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: is a life. It was a year on mondaysolutely not 133 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: that one. Yeah, it brings up a lot of just 134 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: a lot about the bulwark of that you didn't realize 135 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 1: was there between you and your own mortality. When your 136 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: parents die, it's suddenly like, oh my god, I am next. 137 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: If you're lucky, you're next, You're lucky. Yes, what person, place, 138 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: or experience has most altered your life? Person, place, or experience? Well, 139 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 1: I think my mother probably the most formative person for me, 140 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 1: both going bad you know, place probably New York City. 141 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,760 Speaker 1: I grew up there, spent last like eight years there 142 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: raising my kids that I remember you gave me like 143 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: a whole when we did that screening of Return to 144 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 1: Me Edinburgh Edinburgh Castle, right, I remember, I remember you 145 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 1: gave me like a massive prep on your mother, like 146 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: maybe the whole day before we were doing pressed and stuff. 147 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: You were just like just dropping things like, now listen 148 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: if she's really unimpressed and doesn't smile when she says 149 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: hello to like, don't worry, it means this. Now do 150 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: talk about this with her. And there was a whole 151 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 1: like you knew her so well, you were saying it 152 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,720 Speaker 1: all with a smile. She was so brilliant and she 153 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: was I remember we went on a tour of Edinburgh 154 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:42,199 Speaker 1: Castle and she was the mistress of the acerbic asides. 155 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,960 Speaker 1: She also like out of shot, which I thought was 156 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 1: quite kind of her. Of the tour guide filled in 157 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 1: the massive bits of history that they had missed out 158 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: that she knew about the castle, which was brilliant. So 159 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,680 Speaker 1: I just hung back like the naughty kid with the 160 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 1: really sort of smart acerbic teacher. Yeah, my mother is Scottish, 161 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 1: you know. But but I didn't fight out. And here's 162 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 1: here's the weird thing about one's parents is I didn't 163 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 1: find out till maybe ten or fifteen years ago. My 164 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: mother was actually born in Queens, New York. What Yeah, 165 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 1: I did that show, who do you think? But I didn't. 166 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: I didn't learn it there, but I learned other things there. 167 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 1: But my grandparents came over from Scotland in the late twenties. 168 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 1: They came to Queens where my grandfather worked as a superintendent. 169 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 1: That's what I learned in the show. He was super 170 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:33,839 Speaker 1: for building. They had three kids and then they went 171 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 1: back to Scotland. So they enjoyed the depression here in America. 172 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: Depression was lifting here, so they decided it's still going 173 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: on at evening. We love the impression so much, we're 174 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: going to continue this good thing in Scotland. So that's 175 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 1: what they did. Everybody packed your bags were going aback 176 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: for more depression. We're no depressed. One para shute for 177 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 1: ten years is enough. Mother would als also told me, 178 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: you know, she was in a small town in Scotland. 179 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: She was raised in called White Hills, I believe, and 180 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,240 Speaker 1: she would say that the Germans on their bombing runs 181 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: would take off from I guess Finland, what is closest 182 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: to Scotland and it's right there. It's just so is 183 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: it is it Norway or is it Finland. It's just 184 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,199 Speaker 1: I'm going to go out on a limb and say 185 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 1: that it's Norway. But quick, someone look at a map. 186 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,440 Speaker 1: I think it's Norway. Yeah. So the Germans had annexed 187 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: whatever country it was for that reason, so they could 188 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,679 Speaker 1: be as close as they could get to London and 189 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 1: refuel and just go on their their bombing on. So 190 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 1: they would go on these bombing when I'm taking off 191 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 1: from Norway on our way to London. And sometimes if 192 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: they hadn't dropped their payload, they would just kind of 193 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 1: like drop little bombs because any self respecting German aviator 194 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,720 Speaker 1: can't come home with some bombs still in the tank barry. 195 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: They would try to bomb bridges. You know, they're trying 196 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: to trying to create a havoc whatever. You know, they 197 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 1: didn't drop Willie Hilly. But she says one time she 198 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: was out playing as a young child and this German 199 00:10:56,160 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 1: bomber came screaming in low and she made not an 200 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 1: attach with the pilot and he kind of gave an 201 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,720 Speaker 1: odd and went on his way. Oh my god, It's 202 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 1: like wow, that is such an eerie story. God, that's 203 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:15,839 Speaker 1: a really weirdly cinematic image here. That's like when I 204 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 1: asked my dad he flew in the Second World War, 205 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,680 Speaker 1: and I remember saying, why was going to the Berlin 206 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 1: Film Festival? And I called him up and I was like, Dad, 207 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: you know Berlin and he was like, only from twelve 208 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: thousand food. I was like, I was more thinking along, 209 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: where could I get a good old schnitzel. That's amazing 210 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,839 Speaker 1: that she remembers that. It's amazing that it was our 211 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,959 Speaker 1: parents generation. I mean, my father was really my grandfather, 212 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: Like I mean, not literally, but he was the same 213 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 1: age as because he flew in that war, but got 214 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: those stories. Yeah, right, because my dad he was eighteen 215 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: and so he was entraining when the war ended. He 216 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: was lucky. He's really lucky. Yeah. My daddy was eighteen 217 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 1: and flew the first great and Terrible bombing raid, the 218 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: first and the last day raid that the R A 219 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 1: F flew, and he was one of only four survivors 220 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,959 Speaker 1: out of twelve planes, five man apiece. There was the 221 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,599 Speaker 1: Verde ron Braun, who was the inventor of that you 222 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 1: two and instrumental in the creation of nuclear mom he's 223 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 1: he's a Nazi scientist who re appropriated after the war. 224 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: I remember, I remember they took him in. Yeah, I 225 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,719 Speaker 1: wanted all his intel. Yes, so he you know, he 226 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: got to live his his autobiography. I believe it's called 227 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,959 Speaker 1: I Am for the Stars, and Lenny Bruce said it 228 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 1: should have been called I Am for the Stars. But 229 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:36,679 Speaker 1: sometimes I hit love. Oh my god, yes, exactly. Wow. 230 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 1: What stories, what relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? 231 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,439 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just gonna go with my first thought. 232 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 1: But I think of Jesus Christ, who is not my 233 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: lord and savior, but I do recognize him as a 234 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 1: good teacher, and in the myth he gives his life 235 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:09,000 Speaker 1: the aga. The Greeks had two notions of love. They 236 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,080 Speaker 1: had aero sexual love romantic love, and they had agape, 237 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: which was friendship or spiritual love. And Jesus to me 238 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 1: his self sacrifice whatever it is on the cross, you know, 239 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 1: so that we in the Christian traditions, so that Christians 240 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 1: may be absolved. The original sin moves me. It moves me. 241 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: It's a kind of a loved one has for what's children. 242 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,280 Speaker 1: You would lay down your life for them. It's a 243 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: complete selflessness without a possessiveness of erotic love. I guess 244 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 1: that's my definition of that's so lovely. I didn't know 245 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 1: that aga. I've had friends who go to gatherings where 246 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: I guess that is the particular teaching, like a form 247 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,960 Speaker 1: of worship, like a worship on a Sunday. I didn't 248 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,000 Speaker 1: know that came from the Greek. I think you're right. 249 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 1: I think that the eros the erotic side, which is different, 250 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: but I think that kind of it's more encompassing the 251 00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 1: unconditional love of a child or a dog. Well, you know, 252 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: I think we confuse ourselves because people in relationships are 253 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: always talking about unconditional love, and I'm thinking that doesn't 254 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 1: sound very smart. I mean, I feel like he is 255 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:13,960 Speaker 1: totally conditional for the most parts. You know, the conditions 256 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,079 Speaker 1: are you know that you are when you say you are, 257 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: you know those kinds of things you know. So it's like, 258 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: I just think it's completely impossible for a human to 259 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 1: be unconditional. We create these conditions, and whether they come 260 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 1: from like reptilian brains survival, or whether they come from no, 261 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 1: I think it really is from that, Like, you can't 262 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: be unconditional as a human being, but you can, I 263 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 1: suppose be aware of how you can sort of maybe 264 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 1: release those conditions to let love in because it is 265 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 1: better like that. Yeah, and you know, when you're lucky 266 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 1: enough to have children, you realize the different kind of 267 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: love as possible in one's life, you know. And it's 268 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: a scarier one for sure, but it's also it's less turbulent. 269 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: It's it's less subject to conditions. It's not subject to conditions. 270 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: It's no, I know, there's so much letting go. No 271 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,600 Speaker 1: one told me that. It's no one told me how 272 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: much letting go that was with your children. I was like, oh, 273 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: but it's like we say, we have children. You know 274 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: I have a child. It's like, no, you don't. But 275 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 1: I think it does make you a nicer person. I 276 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: think it's made me a nicer person to stand at 277 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: the side of it. Yeah. I'm always amazed that how 278 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 1: how easily they can do without me. You know, I 279 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 1: know I thought I was indispensable. I really really thought 280 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: that were It's so annoying because now that my mother 281 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: is gone, I just so wish I could say you 282 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: really were right when you were like, you'll be sorry 283 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 1: when I'm gone. I really am, But I think that's 284 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,520 Speaker 1: a kid's journey. They have to think that they can 285 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 1: completely do without us. Yeah, well you want that, But 286 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 1: at the same time, it's it's terribly painful, suppalling, it's appalling. 287 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 1: It is to be so entertaining them, you know, unlike 288 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: the coolest, the coolest. Yeah, I guess having children it's 289 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: got some kind of great marketing, like built in marketing campaign, 290 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 1: because nobody talks about the stuff that is just brutal 291 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 1: aver how hard it is and how much you have 292 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 1: to let go of this beautiful thing that used to 293 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 1: love you and adore you and then has to individuate 294 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: and has to kind of cut ties with you being irrelevant. Yeah, 295 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 1: at least for a minute. But you know, I'm still 296 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 1: thinking about your mom. And my dad died in like 297 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: two thousand and five or saying quite a while ago. 298 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 1: And it's weird because you say so and so died, 299 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,960 Speaker 1: you know, that's the way we say it. We say 300 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: my dad died, and you say my mom died. But 301 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 1: my experience of it was more, oh, he's still dead, 302 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like he dies every day. 303 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 1: In a way. Oh my god, Dave, that's exactly that 304 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: is exactly fucking it. That's it. I've been trying to 305 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,720 Speaker 1: articulate this with these surges of grief, like I had 306 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: one yesterday and I was trying my poor neighbor who 307 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 1: found me on the beach, just sort of like just 308 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,960 Speaker 1: having a proper moment, and I was trying to explain 309 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 1: to her exactly that it's that she's still dead. There 310 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: are these moments where my brain simply cannot comprehend that, 311 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 1: and I think it must be that's the human that's 312 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 1: the reptilian brain, going that it only exists in and 313 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 1: of itself, and only when it is gone can the 314 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: heart or the spirit or whatever it is. I got you, 315 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,880 Speaker 1: But we've been having to deal with this extraordinary machine 316 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: in our head that you know, I can't comprehend of 317 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 1: a lot of stuff beyond it. Well, time from one 318 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 1: without getting too heavy, because I don't know what I'm 319 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,680 Speaker 1: talking about when I talk about time, Well, who does stay? 320 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: That's why I had you on the show. Who then 321 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 1: knows anything? But every you know, all the all the 322 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,719 Speaker 1: brilliant physicists and scientists will tell you that time doesn't 323 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 1: exist in the way we experience it, But it's some 324 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:50,920 Speaker 1: kind of a simultaneous past and future at the same 325 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 1: time deal going on and the only thing that's going 326 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,359 Speaker 1: forward is kind of entropy, like things breaking apart, but 327 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: there's no like linear from the past to the future. 328 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: And I think when you have such a strong connection 329 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: with another human being, like with a parent, it obliterates 330 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 1: that illusion of time that starts in the past and 331 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 1: go straight into the future and kind of put you 332 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,920 Speaker 1: in this weird flow, you know, which is where I 333 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: Sometimes I know my dad's dead, and sometimes I don't know, 334 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: and so I'll go through a day where I didn't 335 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 1: know it, I don't realize oh, you know what I mean, 336 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 1: or a month where I don't think about them. And 337 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,760 Speaker 1: then there were months where I felt I was closer 338 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,879 Speaker 1: to him than I was in life, you know, that 339 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 1: I needed him to die for me to get really 340 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: close to him, And that was a weird feeling too. 341 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,640 Speaker 1: I'll tell you that I had this novella coming out 342 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,639 Speaker 1: in June called The Reservoir. Because nobody wants to buy 343 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 1: a novella much. They don't even really want to buy novels, 344 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 1: but they really don't want to buy an avella. But 345 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 1: I had this kind of gimmick but cool thing, which 346 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 1: is a bunch of poems and photographs that I've taken 347 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 1: and written over the years that you get as like 348 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,479 Speaker 1: a bonus if you buy it early or something. But 349 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,679 Speaker 1: one of the poems I wrote about my dad, and 350 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,160 Speaker 1: I'm imagined him in the poem I think it's called 351 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 1: seven years Dead, but I was imagining him growing in 352 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: that in death, the way we grow in life. You 353 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,920 Speaker 1: know that he was a child in death somehow and 354 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 1: in some other consciousness, and I was a man, and 355 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 1: and does he need me? You know, does he need me? 356 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 1: Like does that dead child growing in the consciousness of death? 357 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,159 Speaker 1: Does he need to to hold his hand? Or you know? 358 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,560 Speaker 1: You know what we're talking about is like poetry can 359 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:32,159 Speaker 1: kind of address things like that because it's not sensical, 360 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 1: it's not scientific, but it tries to get at those 361 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 1: paradoxes that we're touching on, you know. So I will 362 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 1: say that I kind of have thought about that, just 363 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,640 Speaker 1: in the sense of, oh, does it grow? Does he grow? 364 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 1: He was born into that death that that year and 365 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 1: now he's this many years dead, and is he is 366 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,439 Speaker 1: he growing? Is he you know that kind of a 367 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,880 Speaker 1: question that's so funny. I just I had a conversation. Well, 368 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,119 Speaker 1: I don't know whether it's with her or with my head, 369 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,240 Speaker 1: but I asked Mom something and she went, I, you know, 370 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: I'm newly dead. And it was so funny, and it 371 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,160 Speaker 1: was what makes me think that it was her, because 372 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 1: it was both annoyed and funny, which was a distillation 373 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 1: of her. I had the dream a long time ago 374 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 1: about my grandmother, about my dad's mother, who was dead 375 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,240 Speaker 1: at the time, and she loved Fire Island when she 376 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: had a house there and a summer home there, and 377 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,439 Speaker 1: you have to take a ferry there, you know, you 378 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,919 Speaker 1: can't really drive there. And I dreamt that I was 379 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 1: on this ferry with Julia. I had to call Julia 380 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,399 Speaker 1: because she wouldn't allow anybody to call her grandmother because 381 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:41,199 Speaker 1: she was eternally and uh so she was out at 382 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,879 Speaker 1: the front of the boat with you know, she had 383 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: a scarfon on her head in the wind and her 384 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:50,400 Speaker 1: face and she was clearly like loving this moment, being 385 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,879 Speaker 1: on the ferry and the sun, going out to a 386 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,320 Speaker 1: place that she loved. And I was withst some people 387 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,600 Speaker 1: and they were like, you've got to go tell her 388 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,400 Speaker 1: she's dead, And I was like, why me. I mean, 389 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,640 Speaker 1: like she needs to know, she needs to know she's dead. 390 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,160 Speaker 1: It's not right. So I went and I sat down 391 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 1: next her, and I just sat there for a bit. 392 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,120 Speaker 1: Eventually they said, Julia, I have to tell you something. 393 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 1: I have to tell you that you're dead. And she said, 394 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,960 Speaker 1: but that's such a great dream. Yeah, it was a 395 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 1: good forget it. I love that she knew. Yeah, the matter, 396 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:32,960 Speaker 1: it was incidental. Maybe it is, Maybe it is incidental. Yeah, 397 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,360 Speaker 1: I just I don't know. Having felt my mother so 398 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 1: keenly throughout my entire life and lived so far away 399 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 1: from her for most of my adult life but felt 400 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,879 Speaker 1: her as keenly and tuned in, I feel her as 401 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,400 Speaker 1: keenly now and I can feel like I know she's 402 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 1: absolutely fine. I don't know whatever form that takes, but 403 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:53,359 Speaker 1: there is nothing disturbed, and I know that isn't mind made. 404 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: And maybe that's just from having kind of explored feeling 405 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,639 Speaker 1: as a currency in my life, not just as a 406 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,960 Speaker 1: post the actor, but just in general. Do you talk 407 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 1: to your sister about your Yeah, we do, and we've 408 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,040 Speaker 1: started to laugh more like we would do, like we 409 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 1: used to laugh at her a lot. And then we 410 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,200 Speaker 1: call her and go we were laughing at you so 411 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,639 Speaker 1: hard because we were remembering when you ate that rotten 412 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: lamb and you said the green stuff was mint sauce 413 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,520 Speaker 1: and we were like, no, it's not, its mold, and 414 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,399 Speaker 1: then you ate it and you almost died. Remember that. 415 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,840 Speaker 1: But now we've just started telling stories. And even though 416 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: there's this weird, this adjunct feeling of like falling off 417 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: the cliff because we can't then call her and say 418 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 1: we were just having a laugh at your expense, it's 419 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 1: now becoming clear that there can be a different exchange. 420 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,960 Speaker 1: So what quality do you like, at least about yourself? 421 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: I think impatience impatience. I'm impatient. Are you impatient with 422 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 1: yourself or you impatient with other people or both? I mean, 423 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: I'm aware of my impatience with other people. I'm aware 424 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:59,160 Speaker 1: how torrible it is, so I really try and keep 425 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: it to myself. But you know, I feel it, and 426 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,919 Speaker 1: it's something something I wish I didn't have. You know, 427 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,920 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know where it comes from. 428 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,359 Speaker 1: I don't think it serves the purpose, but it's there. God, 429 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 1: movie sets and television sets exacerbate that. I'm sure, Yeah, certainly, yeah, 430 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 1: I felt that a lot waiting around on a movie set. Sure, 431 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,159 Speaker 1: I don't know. I think I'm so often in my 432 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:27,200 Speaker 1: head like in some kind of whether it's a creative space, 433 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 1: I'm maintaining that I'm protective of it. And therefore if 434 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,800 Speaker 1: somebody is kind of knocking in a little bit and 435 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:38,080 Speaker 1: with information that I'm not crazy about or I don't 436 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,440 Speaker 1: care about, I can I just stop. I don't want 437 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,119 Speaker 1: to hear about that. So it probably made me a 438 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 1: bad father from time to time. You know, when you're 439 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: living a creative life and you have children, there's no roadmap, 440 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,560 Speaker 1: you know, like to a creative life. It's like you're 441 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: always doing it when you're off. So it took me 442 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 1: a while to figure out how to be a decent 443 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 1: person and not carve out all this time in which 444 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be creating, even if it's just being quiet. God, 445 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: that's a good reminder, is that being quiet and appreciating 446 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 1: the pines against the blue sky is being creative. You 447 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,520 Speaker 1: certainly know that when you've spent a winter in London, 448 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 1: I must say where it's like, Oh the slab, gray 449 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,480 Speaker 1: against the slate, gray against the pigeon, gray against the 450 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 1: gray gray. Yeah, well, I remember doing the X Files 451 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,119 Speaker 1: in Vancouver and we would always say, you know, we 452 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 1: go to work in twilight and we rapid twilight, and 453 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,159 Speaker 1: then we sleep and we wake up in twilight. It 454 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,200 Speaker 1: does get to be a weird state of existence. But 455 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,760 Speaker 1: you know, I don't know how much protection I need, 456 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,919 Speaker 1: you know, to do the things that I do. But 457 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 1: sometimes I air on the side of quiet. Please, you know, 458 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: leave me be, be be. I think it's interesting if 459 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: you know what it's in the service of. Like I 460 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: started querying, like why does this get me so bent 461 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,280 Speaker 1: out of shape? Like why am I being so impatient? 462 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,880 Speaker 1: Because I think impatience is one of my worst qualities 463 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,240 Speaker 1: as well. And I was like, what is it you're 464 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 1: trying to get to you? And I think it's normally 465 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 1: that if you're busy wanting to get on with the 466 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: thing that you thought everybody was focused on doing, because 467 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,720 Speaker 1: it usually happens for me at work and it's like, oh, 468 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,240 Speaker 1: but no, it's about someone spraying a little bit of 469 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 1: something on my ear and then tugging on my pant 470 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,719 Speaker 1: leg and having a whole conversation about the buffet at 471 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,520 Speaker 1: lunch and suddenly I've forgotten what I'm doing. I had 472 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,200 Speaker 1: this rule, like, it's going to make me sound I'm 473 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,840 Speaker 1: a bit of an asshole when I made it up 474 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 1: and when I use it. But I say it only 475 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: in the nicest way. But if somebody on set is 476 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,399 Speaker 1: super like into their job and they're doing it super 477 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,400 Speaker 1: super well, but it's getting in my way, I'll say, 478 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,879 Speaker 1: you're giving a ten percent and that's really admirable. But 479 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,120 Speaker 1: what I need is like se from you right now. 480 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god. I can so imagine 481 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,400 Speaker 1: a teacher saying that to me. It's cool, it's horrible. 482 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,160 Speaker 1: I can see that you're giving and you already think like, oh, 483 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,679 Speaker 1: that's a good things. Been is a good thing. And 484 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: then you're like, what I need from you? Oh ship, 485 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:20,240 Speaker 1: I gotta let some air out of tires. Okay, last 486 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,560 Speaker 1: question in your life? Can you tell me something that 487 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 1: has grown out of a personal disaster? Oh? Everything, anything worthwhile, 488 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:32,160 Speaker 1: anything worthwhile. But specifically, the only specific thing I can 489 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,119 Speaker 1: think of is when I was getting divorced. Obviously I 490 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 1: had a lot more time because I was living away 491 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,960 Speaker 1: from my kids and my soon b ex wife, And 492 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,200 Speaker 1: that was when I took up guitar started writing songs. 493 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 1: I never would have done that if I hadn't had 494 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,880 Speaker 1: that particular disaster unfolding and slow motion as divorce does. 495 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,360 Speaker 1: It's like a it's a it's a very slow moving disaster, 496 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 1: regardless of who wants to do it, who doesn't want 497 00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,639 Speaker 1: to every it's a disaster for everyone. I started write novels, 498 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,040 Speaker 1: I started to write songs on guitar, and these are 499 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,399 Speaker 1: things I never probably would have done had I not 500 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: been so uneasy. The cliche that the sand and oyster 501 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:13,520 Speaker 1: just so kind of irritated, irritated all the time, anxious, 502 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,080 Speaker 1: irritated left what can I do? What can I do? 503 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,439 Speaker 1: And that was my answer was I'm going to do 504 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 1: things that I haven't done before. Actually think, however, agonizing 505 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,679 Speaker 1: and this sort of guys across the board conflict is 506 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,960 Speaker 1: is ultimately creative. I mean there's a lot of collateral 507 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 1: damage often along the way, but I do think it 508 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 1: is creative. I do think that's the other side of it. 509 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 1: And this being the last question, it's sort of the 510 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:37,399 Speaker 1: antidote to that first question, because I think we do 511 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:42,959 Speaker 1: pursue this notion of happiness, probably completely erroneously as human beings, 512 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,520 Speaker 1: when in actual fact it's about not really where were 513 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 1: you happiest? But where was it shittiest? And what grew 514 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: that was good out of that? I now think the 515 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 1: person who wrote these questions, which was me, is just 516 00:27:54,200 --> 00:28:00,200 Speaker 1: like dog loving idiot, which was you. Yeah, as me, 517 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 1: you solved the mystery. I saw the miship and wondering 518 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: which asshole which asshole wrote? It was all yeah, but 519 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:16,120 Speaker 1: that's it. That's it. Conflict. Conflict is creative. I mean 520 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:20,720 Speaker 1: way more kind of fundamentally or or literally, divorce or 521 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,280 Speaker 1: any the end of or losing a parent or you know, 522 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 1: any kind of irrevocable split or loss makes you redefine yourself. 523 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: You have to. You're no longer defined in this way. 524 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 1: You're no longer defined as a daughter. Necessarily, you're not 525 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 1: more defined as a mother. What you said like closer 526 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 1: to mortality, any loss that I could go through, this 527 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 1: just happens to be the thing that came to mind. 528 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: But in my life, any loss, you do have to 529 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 1: then look at yourself in the mirror and though, well, 530 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 1: who am I now? And what does that person do? 531 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 1: That's exactly it, Like what the sort of evolution of 532 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,680 Speaker 1: identity like on what do you take? What survives that loss? 533 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 1: What has gone, and it's a good thing. It's gone. 534 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 1: What am I going to go back and sift through 535 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:07,479 Speaker 1: the rubble to salvage? But that also takes inquiry, that 536 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:11,320 Speaker 1: takes interest in inquiring into that. You have to be curious, 537 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,959 Speaker 1: everybody's favorite word. You have to be resilient. Without those things, 538 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 1: life I think is miserable. I think if there was 539 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: anything that I ever tried to impart to my children, 540 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: it would have been curiosity and resilients. Although it's you 541 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,200 Speaker 1: can't really do that, you know, that's something they either 542 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,400 Speaker 1: have or they don't, or they learn on their own 543 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,280 Speaker 1: or they don't. But I see it all around me, 544 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,280 Speaker 1: especially as I get older, you know, I see the 545 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 1: people that have given up, and I see the people 546 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 1: who haven't. I see the people who remain curious and resilient. 547 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 1: And I'm not judging it. I'm not saying it's easy. 548 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: I'm not saying one way is better than the other. 549 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: I just think for me, I couldn't go on if 550 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 1: I didn't think I could bounce back in some way. 551 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 1: I couldn't take chances if I didn't think I could 552 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,760 Speaker 1: bounce back. That's a really good thing to think about. 553 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 1: That's really interesting. It could be very sick too. It 554 00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,720 Speaker 1: could be like, ah, you still have need, You still 555 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,560 Speaker 1: have need to be seen or to give, to make 556 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 1: something that somebody consumes or you know, appreciates, Like I 557 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: haven't chat enough, motherfucker. You know. It's like I've certainly 558 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 1: had enough. But there's something in me that once they 559 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 1: keep doing it, it could be an illness or it 560 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 1: could be beautiful. I'm not sure. Oh I hope it's 561 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:24,360 Speaker 1: something beautiful. All right, Love, I'm going to text you 562 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 1: later loads of love and thank you so much. Thank 563 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,240 Speaker 1: you really appreciate it. D see you, lovel by bye. 564 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,880 Speaker 1: Dave's newest book, The Reservoir, will be released on June 565 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: seven and is available for pre order now. Dave's in 566 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: the new jud Apatow movie The Bubble, which comes out 567 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 1: on April one on Netflix, but I'll let Dave tell 568 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,800 Speaker 1: you about it, and also how I came to be 569 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 1: in the movie without actually being in the movie, because 570 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 1: I'm not in it, but I sort of am, which 571 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: is lovely. Wait when is the Bubble out? It's so funny. 572 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 1: I was just watching the trailers because like obviously I'll 573 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 1: watched the trailer with the new jut uptown movie and 574 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:05,680 Speaker 1: you're in it, and then what happens. It's Kate McKinnon. 575 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,760 Speaker 1: K McKinnon is the movie studio bars. She's like, there's 576 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 1: Mini Driver. I love her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It 577 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,160 Speaker 1: was really weird. I wonder why that came about. I 578 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,480 Speaker 1: mean because Jed wal just sit there on the mic 579 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 1: and I can just hear him saying, there's a really Driver. 580 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,800 Speaker 1: Just say something. I can't wait. I'll be first in 581 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 1: line on the Netflix queue. You don't have to be 582 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,440 Speaker 1: on my actual work. It'll jump right ahead of the 583 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 1: cake shows, straight to number one in my wish list? 584 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 1: How many times can you watch season? By the way, 585 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,760 Speaker 1: it turns out a fucking lot, because I've done it 586 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,280 Speaker 1: many questions. Is hosted and written by Me Mini Driver, 587 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:53,440 Speaker 1: Supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Levoy, Research assistant Marissa Brown. 588 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:59,160 Speaker 1: Original music Sorry Baby by Mini Driver. Additional music by 589 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 1: Aaron Kaufman. Executive produced by Me Mini Driver. Special thanks 590 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 1: to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison, No Day, Lisa Castella 591 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:15,600 Speaker 1: and Annicke Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescadore, Kate 592 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support. 593 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 1: Henry Driver