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Speaker 1: Hey, I've got shows people, and I want to see

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Speaker 1: you out there. Come on out, let's have a good time.

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Speaker 1: Let's try and forget about the past two years. Let

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Speaker 1: me go to the details, all right, so you can

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Speaker 1: get tickets and make plans. Coming up on January four,

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Speaker 1: basically Friday, I'll be in Chicago at the Chicago Theater

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Speaker 1: for one night only. As January at Chicago Theater, one

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Speaker 1: night only. Then January twenty one and twenty second, I

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Speaker 1: will be in New York City at the Beacon Theater.

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Speaker 1: Who will Who's gonna come to New York City anyway?

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Speaker 1: Next up after that you can catch me at the

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Speaker 1: Capital One Hall in Tyson's, Virginia January and January twenty nine. Alright,

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Speaker 1: so more shows are being added, but just keep checking

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Speaker 1: my website Russell Peters dot com for updates. And now

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Speaker 1: please enjoy the shoe. Welcome to this episode of Culturally

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Speaker 1: cansas our first one back. Um, what is the show

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Speaker 1: called culturally canceled? Oh? Of course I know that because

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Speaker 1: let me in Avid SNK. But and you are Russell brand,

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Speaker 1: a good brand that looks like a vibrator and inhailer

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Speaker 1: right there. But I think it's definitely definitely would a microphone.

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Speaker 1: You know that's a that's actually a flighter. Oh was

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Speaker 1: a Vibratorina on fire with that one. Um that's sitting

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Speaker 1: in with me today is the lovely, talented, my dear

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Speaker 1: friend and Canadian homie, Caroline Ray. I'm so excited to

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Speaker 1: be in your backyard. That's and uh and also sitting

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Speaker 1: in with us today is my good friend. Um, how

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Speaker 1: do I describe you? Billy? Um, he's a virgo. He's uh,

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Speaker 1: he was very important in the party scene in l

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Speaker 1: A in the nineties. And uh now he's also a

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Speaker 1: what do you do? It's a party planner, new party planner.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't say a party plan you know what? He

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Speaker 1: I will just I will um tell the dirty look

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Speaker 1: that was given since we're Hammond when when you called

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Speaker 1: him a party planner. Well, listen, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I actually don't know what then Billy does. But Bill

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Speaker 1: Hammond is sitting in with us today. He's kind of

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Speaker 1: a nobody, but he's a really great guy. Well that's

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Speaker 1: a thing, and we have court Chester. I'll look at

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Speaker 1: that leok racking those pictures. Jesus, Jesus, that was pretty baby,

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Speaker 1: put those away, Lady, you're gonna hurt somebody. God, we

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Speaker 1: really get Wow, that was a good picture. I hired

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Speaker 1: two people to hold them all night. They were that

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Speaker 1: I was at the Golden Globe. Can I have everybody

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Speaker 1: will look at your rack? Like only two comics, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? Anyone else I'm like, yeah, look

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Speaker 1: at him. Everyone else will be like I can't believe

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Speaker 1: you said. I'm like, yeah, they look good. I've send

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Speaker 1: that picture on occasion. Oh did I mean I meant

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Speaker 1: to send this to was that Montreal? There was that

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Speaker 1: you know where that is? It's that is where? Um okay.

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Speaker 1: So I was headling it at Caroline's two years ago

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Speaker 1: and I walked backstage and um, Kim Whitley was backstage

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Speaker 1: going through my purse and I was like hi, and

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Speaker 1: she's like, you have your purse open, someone's going to

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Speaker 1: go through it. I'm like, clearly you are going through it. Then, um,

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Speaker 1: she and I became friends, and then I did a

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Speaker 1: pilot because you wanted to get your ship pack exactly.

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Speaker 1: I did a pilot called Planed B and she played

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Speaker 1: it was The show was about basically going to a

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Speaker 1: weight watchers meeting and then it explained why I ate

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Speaker 1: the way I ate in flashbacks because I was, you know,

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Speaker 1: and she was one of people. And then um, and

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Speaker 1: then she and I got cast together in a movie,

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Speaker 1: The Perfect Man, and that's the premiere. Oh wow, perfect Man?

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Speaker 1: Who was in that again? Heather Lack clear n she

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Speaker 1: looks amazing. Yeah, she's the queen of White Watchers. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: wait Watchers ambassador for like a year and a half.

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Speaker 1: Really she doesn't talk about what do we really have

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Speaker 1: to google me? What year was that? It was? Yesterday?

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Speaker 1: Can we Hilary? Was she the kid? Are we really

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Speaker 1: going to do this? Because I'm gonna google some like

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Speaker 1: things of you and whatever you say, Eddie will google it, right.

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Speaker 1: Russell's Peters, Peter, I have that, and I have that

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Speaker 1: in a file on my phone. I can show you

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Speaker 1: that myself. Is it so big that to Scurol? No,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna need to magnify. Hey, there's Kim. Look, she

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Speaker 1: was running the Michael Jackson glove to take the movie.

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Speaker 1: She look like she was going to the g I

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Speaker 1: Joe premier. Oh and the glove. Yeah, I just saw that. Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is a horrible Who is doing this? Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

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Speaker 1: I think Eddie's aggressed my hands. Good lord, Okay, was

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Speaker 1: this pre Sabrina Jesus now it was after stop looking

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Speaker 1: at this page. You were great. What are you talking about?

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Speaker 1: You need to be celebrated. You know what the worst

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Speaker 1: thing is when you look at when you Google pictures

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Speaker 1: yourself now, it'll say like Russell Peter's old, Russell Peters young. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's that ten year challenge going on right now. I'm

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Speaker 1: not doing that. Does that I'm not, first of all,

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Speaker 1: And first of all, I'm not going to do it

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Speaker 1: because I know how much fat are I got in

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Speaker 1: ten years. Secondly, I don't need the government to see

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Speaker 1: dressed a comparison so they have actual footage of you know,

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Speaker 1: we have a little problem with the government. But you

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Speaker 1: never know. I mean why I put it out there

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Speaker 1: so when you do movies you will not be using

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Speaker 1: your actual face. Yeah, I'll be like c G I

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Speaker 1: a new one on there. Okay, if you stop doing

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Speaker 1: this literally any story, Eddie, let her live. Eddie. Do

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Speaker 1: you like football? Okay? I like that about you. I'm

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Speaker 1: not a team sport guy at all, but you just

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Speaker 1: like one on one like m M A m M.

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Speaker 1: In boxing, that's all I do. That's right, you're a boxer.

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Speaker 1: I boxed and now do jiu jitsu for the past

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Speaker 1: six years. Now, wow, no ships coming on seven? Now?

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Speaker 1: All right? You know what I watched yesterday, Cobra Kai.

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Speaker 1: I've never watched you know it's so good. Stop. I

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Speaker 1: thought it was me? God, okay, never were just distracted?

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Speaker 1: You really are only right. You can't focus it all over.

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Speaker 1: Eddie's got the TV gone on for no reason. He

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Speaker 1: was trying to put the game on. Could I feel

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Speaker 1: less about that? Was for Bill? Because I don't give

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Speaker 1: a shit about football. You could have ten football games.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't care about it, So why do

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Speaker 1: you bought? My dad was an amateur box where he

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Speaker 1: broke his was five times, very good at it. I

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Speaker 1: broke mine once and it just continuously kept breaking. I

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Speaker 1: never fixed it. It It would just sit in place. Then

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Speaker 1: it would shift. Oh God, painful. So it's still broken. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to talk because I've been a host

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Speaker 1: um too that I'm going to talk about, um, the

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Speaker 1: ginormous success of your career and what is the largest

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Speaker 1: because I remember saying to you, can I please open

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Speaker 1: for you in South Africa. I would let you an heartbeat. Um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'd like to open for you now. I think that

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Speaker 1: would be a good combo. I have everyone who watched

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Speaker 1: Sabrina there now in their seventies, and then, um, all

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Speaker 1: the people or at least born in the seventies. Um,

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Speaker 1: what's the largest amount of people were performed for people?

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Speaker 1: Of people? I think it was like eighteen thousand or

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Speaker 1: something like that. No more than that two nights in

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Speaker 1: a row though, so thirty six thousand. I mean, you know, wow,

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Speaker 1: are we going to just keep doing the math? That

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Speaker 1: would be very amazing fifty four thousand people eventually, but

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Speaker 1: the venue can only hold eighteen. I opened for Bill

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Speaker 1: Cosby for people at the Ford, uh corporate party? Ford

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Speaker 1: Corporate Party had how many people? What do they have

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Speaker 1: every Ford Dealership or everyone in the world. I feel

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Speaker 1: like we're in Vegas. Had to be Vegas. Had to

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Speaker 1: be Vegas people? What do they get an arena? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're MGM in the back there? And how long ago

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Speaker 1: was that? Which version of Bill was it? But the

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Speaker 1: one we didn't know? Everything bad? Okay, so it was

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Speaker 1: still America's Sweetheart Bill. You know my my wife was

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Speaker 1: his assistant for a few years. Are you serious when

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Speaker 1: he was doing kids say the darnedest things. And she

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Speaker 1: said she doesn't believe any of it. She said, I

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Speaker 1: was with him every day for two years. I don't

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Speaker 1: believe one word of it. She said, I was in

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Speaker 1: with them close quarters every single day. Experience with her

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Speaker 1: is not that case. But well, that's why she doesn't believe.

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Speaker 1: It's evidence. And you know, I think it's just like

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Speaker 1: you don't want to believe it. You don't want to believe,

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Speaker 1: but there's a lot of evidence that shows that it happened. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know again, I just have to go

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Speaker 1: to what she says, because she I didn't, I will never.

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Speaker 1: I mean, he was a complete I've never seen anybody

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Speaker 1: have control of an audience like that. And somebody screamed

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Speaker 1: out of the audience you're old, and the audience and

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Speaker 1: he invistrated that. Man, Oh my god, some young punk

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Speaker 1: saying like you're old. I was like, oh, all right,

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Speaker 1: how is that? Even? Like I have kids say that

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Speaker 1: to me on the internet when I posted a man,

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Speaker 1: you got old, I'm like, you know, the opposite of

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Speaker 1: getting old is stupid, fucking not getting old, and then

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Speaker 1: you want to meet them, and I go, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: make sure you don't get old, because I'm gonna fucking

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Speaker 1: kill you my damn self. Do you want to go

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Speaker 1: to a doctor your age or a twenty two year

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Speaker 1: old doctor. I don't want to go to no, damn

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Speaker 1: young dog exactly, and you're not old. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be good. I don't want my doctor googling

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Speaker 1: what the symptoms are. I could have done that. My

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Speaker 1: back hurts, that's weird. Mind doesn't because you're fucking twenty.

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Speaker 1: You just got your back, got a brand new back.

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Speaker 1: Your backs does warranty. I am billy year old. Let's

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Speaker 1: talk about you. I was. I say that there are

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Speaker 1: very few middle aged phone sex operators because they'd be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you want to come over? And yeah, I'll get on topic.

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Speaker 1: But I can't get fully on happy because I tore

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Speaker 1: my menis because but you know, it's funny when people

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Speaker 1: call me middle age. I I can't be middle age anymore.

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Speaker 1: I'm fifty one years old living. And you know what,

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Speaker 1: there's a new middle age, the middle the middle age, forties,

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Speaker 1: middle seventies. I think it's because of you know, all

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Speaker 1: the stamp cell creep creepy stuff that people take. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but every everybody looks like they've been in a plastic

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Speaker 1: melting accident. Just they really do. They've been way too

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Speaker 1: close to the fight. Like a billy. He's got a

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Speaker 1: nice glow to him in You're what's seventy three? Bill?

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Speaker 1: Sixty three? Sorry? How is it that? Your friends? Because

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Speaker 1: you've irritated Bill? Oh, I do it all the time

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Speaker 1: to planet fuck. I know that was your opportunity to

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Speaker 1: say what it is you do. Giant, massive events created

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Speaker 1: vaccines for an entire community. I don't know the exact terminology.

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Speaker 1: You're an event planner, yes, if that producer? Yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: what's your biggest event that you were ready to do?

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Speaker 1: I'm very possy. Let it, let it happen, lady be you.

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Speaker 1: You're in a safe space. Uh an event with Stevie

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Speaker 1: Wonder for Nelson Mandela in South Africa. You put that

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Speaker 1: together when I'm many people and one we're gonna be

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Speaker 1: very prices, right and one four one? That was? And uh,

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Speaker 1: I guess Stevie didn't see that. But how did you, um,

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Speaker 1: how did you like that show? It was great? It

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Speaker 1: went well and then it was Stevie Wonder for eleven years,

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Speaker 1: producing a House full of Toys with him. Did you

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Speaker 1: do it when I did it? So? I produced it

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Speaker 1: from nineties seven to two thousand and eight. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: took over in Live Nation, took over after right, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I did it. I hosted it, Okay, Me and Tommy

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Speaker 1: Davidson hosted it in two thousand and ten. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: that was three years after I left. It was Tommy's

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Speaker 1: great He lives in Orange County, Orange County. I just

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Speaker 1: saw him. He was married, he had another baby, just

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Speaker 1: had five kids. Now he's like sixty now right almost, Tommy,

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Speaker 1: Tommy six, just had another baby. Don't you think it's better?

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Speaker 1: I mean I was not at sixty and forty three,

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Speaker 1: but like, I'm much better off having been an older

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Speaker 1: mother than well, yeah, because I don't want me to

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Speaker 1: open mics with a baby. You know, I had my

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Speaker 1: daughter at forty and my son at forty nine. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: I like the double end book end my life. My

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Speaker 1: forties are funed. How are your forties, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what they were. Like my having you know,

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Speaker 1: being a comedian with a thirteen year old daughter, it's

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Speaker 1: like the heckler followed me home from the comedy club.

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Speaker 1: She's like, that's not funny you're wearing that. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you're hurting my feelings very means and she and then

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Speaker 1: she feels terrible because she's a librathday October she's my

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Speaker 1: brother's birthday, really the same day as my brother. Do

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Speaker 1: you wanna do something really weird? I keep on meeting

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Speaker 1: men that are born October eight. I've literally met three

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Speaker 1: men born one I hadn't seen in twenty years, when

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Speaker 1: I hadn't seen in twenty five years, and when I

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Speaker 1: hadn't seen in forty years. And they're all born October eight,

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Speaker 1: which just goes to show that when a man's says

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Speaker 1: I will call you back, he means within his lifetime,

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Speaker 1: just like October. I thank you, Courtney. Courtney and I

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Speaker 1: are having a conversation and I'm starting in the October D.

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Speaker 1: That's a lighter as well. That's a lighter. Ye don't

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Speaker 1: hold it upside down, you're gonna burn your pants off.

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Speaker 1: It looks First of all, why would you have a

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Speaker 1: lighter like that for my cigars? Good for your cigars?

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Speaker 1: Because you can't use a regular flame it's too weak.

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Speaker 1: You need a jet, right are we What are we

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Speaker 1: talking about now? For lighting a cigar? Okay, I think

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Speaker 1: she's talking about the shape in the form of the

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Speaker 1: phallic lighter that I have. No, it's not phallic. It

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Speaker 1: looks like you would kill a man with that, like

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Speaker 1: a grass knuckles, kind of like a taser. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: if you put the flame high. Look look, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: what's wrong with you? Oh my god, bless you, covider.

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Speaker 1: It's allergies actually, because the giant flamethrowing devices. What the

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Speaker 1: hell that? Who gave you that? Eddie? Why do you

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Speaker 1: have that? Um? Okay? What are your dreams and aspirations?

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Speaker 1: What do you do besides develop a sitcom? Oh? I

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Speaker 1: don't know if it's a dream anymore. But I I

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Speaker 1: think just to become financially secure again and uh and

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Speaker 1: not have to worry to depend on anything. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to depend on any gigs. I don't want to rely.

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Speaker 1: I want to become a smarter investor in life. You

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Speaker 1: know what, I truly believe this. Everybody's made amazing decisions

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Speaker 1: and everybody's made terrible decisions, and I've done both of those. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course, everybody has. I remember selling Apple at about

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Speaker 1: it fifty and I was like, this is amazing. I

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Speaker 1: tripled my money. Had I just kept that, let's say

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be here right now looking at the scary later.

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Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. I'd be having a huge, giant

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Speaker 1: event planned by Bill Hammond, a giant Bill Hammond production,

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Speaker 1: well until I called him a party planner, and then

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Speaker 1: he would take that giant lighter your party down, Eddie,

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Speaker 1: what are you doing? Are we that boring? You're literally

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Speaker 1: like playing candy crush. It's heart is the fact, googler

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Speaker 1: Pauli's the phone interrupted. At some point we'll go off.

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Speaker 1: I am an entertainment jeez um. What was Nelson Mandela like?

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Speaker 1: Hair was red and tall, warm, pleasant, calm, fine girl.

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Speaker 1: Mr Hammond for coming back home bringing Stevie wand off

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Speaker 1: with you. My village is happy, My whole country it's happy.

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Speaker 1: See a ba, Mr Hammond. Yea means thank you in

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Speaker 1: Zulu O case you were wondering cause you thought I

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Speaker 1: was just making it up, weren't you, massive, massive, massive insect.

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Speaker 1: That was the first place. That was the first place,

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Speaker 1: that one first first place I was ever famous really,

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Speaker 1: how did that happen? I mean it's odd. Wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: what's no? No? Where did you find that? That's it

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Speaker 1: says close party planner? And it doesn't even have a

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Speaker 1: time like when it's he just put that that that

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Speaker 1: is a building. Where is it that's gonna like? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: That Actually, I'm not going to mention the two reviews

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Speaker 1: that that's not the site. You know what? Wonder there

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Speaker 1: you go, Let me ask you something. Are you making

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Speaker 1: enough time for sexy time? Are you doing the pants

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Speaker 1: off dance off as much as you'd like? Is your

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Speaker 1: Seeing that on videos it's pretty pretty good and I'm

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Speaker 1: Eve dot com. Who's that in the top left when

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Speaker 1: don't forget the last part of American? Is I can?

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Speaker 1: That's what I always remember when I was you telling

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Speaker 1: me what kind of wonder word plays that? Um? So

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Speaker 1: you're a Libra, so always punny. Sometimes in astrological signs,

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Speaker 1: it's like a wonder word. All the things that you

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Speaker 1: are are in your sign, like air liar, bra quait

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Speaker 1: a minute bar file Now that's now, no, now that's real.

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Speaker 1: Now I believe it. What was your first baby mama's birthday?

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Speaker 1: October something? She was a Libra? Too? Terrible Jesus. It's like, oh, really,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm going out to cheat on you tonight. Really

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Speaker 1: it's gonna but I'm cheating on you. I actually never

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Speaker 1: cheated on her when I was married to her. Really,

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Speaker 1: she was convinced I did. I was like, I never did.

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Speaker 1: I just didn't. I was like, I was married. I

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Speaker 1: cheat on her once we broke up, but not once

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Speaker 1: we're married. Okay, and that's really cheating. I have to

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Speaker 1: break up. I was like, no, it's called dating, but okay.

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Speaker 1: And how long were you married to her? For a

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Speaker 1: solid fourteen months? And how long did you know her before? Uh?

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Speaker 1: Before I married or knew her? Eight months? Eight months?

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Speaker 1: This would be when we're going to write the book.

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Speaker 1: This is in the poor decision. It's already already, it's

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Speaker 1: already in the blood decision. The worst decisions have subsequently

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Speaker 1: been made. Really yeah, you know you know that goes.

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Speaker 1: Do you ever listen to UM? This is what I realized.

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Speaker 1: I've just had all my had and six boxes delivered

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Speaker 1: from New York, as I mentioned to your mother, of

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Speaker 1: the world's largest collection of UM empty notebooks with inspirational

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Speaker 1: quotes on them. Can't And so if you see me

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Speaker 1: buying one of those, you're allowed to knock it out

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Speaker 1: of my hand. And if you see me stopping in

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Speaker 1: a Michael's craft store. You're allowed to knock me to

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Speaker 1: the ground, Absolutely not if you see me. What's my

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Speaker 1: favorite quote? I think zipp and Eddie is up there, Um,

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Speaker 1: stop sucking googling me. That be my number two. And

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Speaker 1: he's not a party planner. He's a bad planner. Party.

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Speaker 1: How did you fall for um Russell? How did you

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Speaker 1: become his assistant? Here's the abbreviated version, as I knew

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Speaker 1: Eddie from another comic, and then Eddie went to jail.

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Speaker 1: And when Eddie got out of jail, I hired him

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Speaker 1: much okay, like he couldn't get a job because he's

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Speaker 1: an idiot. Well, no kidding. I don't think anybody is

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Speaker 1: having their dream job here. So I think I think

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Speaker 1: x Con is on most resumes that applied for the

357
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Speaker 1: job because he had just gotten out of jail. I

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Speaker 1: fell in, all right, I have the guy for you.

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00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:48,639
Speaker 1: I was paying him in soups. How many romans is

360
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: that this week? Oh my god, that's twenty eight cents

361
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 1: a day? Just like in prison? Um, you poor baby?

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Speaker 1: What we in prison for receiving stolen good selling facial products?

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00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: Sorry the second part makes me laugh. Yeah, I was

364
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:10,040
Speaker 1: about to say, but you got Bill's attention. What can

365
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 1: I tell you something that I went to visit a

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Speaker 1: friend of mine in prison a few years ago, a Canadian,

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Speaker 1: and um, it's Ridiccaus, first of all, I called Canadian

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Speaker 1: in America. Yeah, I called prison many times and I'm like, Hi,

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Speaker 1: this is Carol, I'm ready, this is my number, this

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Speaker 1: is you know. I'll be at my sister's if you

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Speaker 1: can't reach me here. Finally get this guy called me

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Speaker 1: and he was like, do you know that you're not

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Speaker 1: allowed to call a prison? And like, oh, I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: so sorry, and I just I want to visit my friend.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to do it. And he goes,

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Speaker 1: all right, this is what you do. First of all,

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00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: sent us every document and prove of citizenship so you'll

378
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: never feel comfortable ever again. Sent all that and then

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00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,399
Speaker 1: they said he said, um, and another thing, don't wear

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00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: a white button down shirt and khaki's And I said

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Speaker 1: I won't because I don't work at home depot. And

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00:21:58,080 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 1: this guy had no sense of humor at all, and

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Speaker 1: he said, I go, why is that? And he said,

384
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,479
Speaker 1: because that's what the prisoners wear, and we don't want

385
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 1: you to be confused with the prisoner and I go, well,

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00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 1: it's quite hurtful because it's an all male prison, but

387
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 1: thank you. So I um, I arrived at the prison

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00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 1: and it's like literally like what do you what do

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00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,199
Speaker 1: the you know, like at the tumbleweed, like you know,

390
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: it's like where were you in prison? Okay, different prison,

391
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Speaker 1: and um so I'm like driving up and I get there.

392
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Speaker 1: I swear to god, I've never been more recognized in

393
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Speaker 1: mind to like, in order to work at that prison,

394
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: you have to watch every episode of Sabrina, everything I've

395
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: ever done until literally I looked up I heard like

396
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:41,879
Speaker 1: I was like oh and um I'm like oh, they

397
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 1: also told me that I could not wear yoga pants

398
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 1: or any tight clothes. And I was like okay, so

399
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: yeah exactly. So all right. So I get there and

400
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: the guy looks at me and he like he literally

401
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 1: goes down like lower his head and he goes, I

402
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 1: know who you are, and I'm like discomforting and disheartening,

403
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 1: and I said okay, I and like everyone was like,

404
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 1: you know, I'm like too, like they're like we're not

405
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: allowed to take pictures and like understandably. So he then

406
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 1: says can you turn around please. I'm like okay, and

407
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: he goes up, Great, you're all signed up to see

408
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: your friend, but um, your pants are too tight, so

409
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to there's a camera about sixteen miles away.

410
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to get some different pants. And I go, um,

411
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,199
Speaker 1: these are actually egoes. Are yoga pants, right? I go no, no, no, no,

412
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: they have zippers on them. For some reason, I was

413
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,160
Speaker 1: wearing pants they were like chicos and with like zippers

414
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: on the ankle. And the guy goes up and I go,

415
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 1: I really don't want to drive sixteen miles. These are

416
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Speaker 1: not yoga pants. And I swear to God this is tree.

417
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,120
Speaker 1: He goes, I'll say if I can help you out,

418
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:52,439
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I want to owe you a favorite

419
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 1: of your favorite he calls, and I guess whatever. The

420
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: warden and goes, uh, listen, I have someone coming into

421
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: visit a prisoner or whatever. And they say the number,

422
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,439
Speaker 1: which is horrifying, and he goes, yeah, the thing is

423
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: her U. Her pants are too tight, and I'm like,

424
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 1: oh god, this is humilian. And then I hear like

425
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 1: this extremely tight. I'm like God, So then I lose

426
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: my mind and I leaned forward and I said, okay, um,

427
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:24,239
Speaker 1: I just want to tell you something. These pants are

428
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: not tight. I've been on a gluten freeze, sugar free,

429
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 1: dairy free diet for fourteen weeks, and yesterday I about

430
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: se sees candy Russell Stover chocolate, marshmallow santas and this

431
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: is inflammation and I'm just puffy. I'm literally selling. I'm like,

432
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: it's just puffiness. Okay, They're not tight. It's inflammation. So

433
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 1: any pants you make me go and buy at Kmart,

434
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 1: they're gonna be like this because I'm just puffy and

435
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: I'm swollen from the salt. He looks at me and

436
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 1: he's like, okay, So then this is the most humiliating.

437
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: He goes like this. He goes, listen, her pants are

438
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 1: too tight. But I'm gonna I'm gonna say they are

439
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: in no way provocative. Zero. Nobody in like isolation looks out.

440
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: They're all gonna go, oh no, she's obviously had too

441
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: much salt. Now look at this puffy bitch, Hey puff

442
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 1: daddy puff, Mommy's here. I can't get sugar crass. It's

443
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 1: funny because Eddie was a big hit in prison. Um

444
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 1: they used to call him Ship Knuckles mcgilla cutting. But

445
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:56,159
Speaker 1: you weren't puffy, and that's what counts. How long were

446
00:25:56,200 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: you in prison before? Oh all right, this poor guy

447
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 1: was in it for four years. I don't know how.

448
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 1: I think it's the worst system possible. It's a terrible, terrible.

449
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: Private prisons are disgusting. But now they're not arresting anybody.

450
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 1: Now they've just got the opposite way. They're not arresting.

451
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 1: You get arrested, get released right away. Even if you

452
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: kill somebody, it's almost like you can still possibly get out.

453
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: It's very odd now one of the jails and god

454
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 1: shut down because of the corruption, just mismanaged. Wow, no,

455
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: that's so strange. So wait, so you get out of

456
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 1: prison and you think I have a new lease on life.

457
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna work for Russell Peters. But how did you

458
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: find each other? Well, he liter, what do you get

459
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 1: on a Thursday? Wen? He got out on a Thursday

460
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 1: and came and saw me on the Saturday and at

461
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: the Ontario improv I was like, hey, what goes? Yeah,

462
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 1: I just got out of jail. I go, oh Ship okay,

463
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,439
Speaker 1: and then after the show go I want to go

464
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: to Vegas. So we drove to my house in Vegas

465
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 1: because I still hadn't really gotten used to the distances

466
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 1: in l A. Oh my god. So I was like, Ontario,

467
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 1: it's like not far from Vegas, right, It's like an

468
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 1: hour and a half, isn't it? And then so I

469
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 1: jove we drove to Vegas. When I got to the house,

470
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 1: I went to sleep and then woke up, was like,

471
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 1: we'd better get back at a kid to Ontario and

472
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: literally woke up and went back to Ontario. Are you serious? Yeah?

473
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: Do you still have a house in Vaca? Yeah, I

474
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: was just there. I came in last Saturday Sunday morning.

475
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 1: Are you a big gambler? No? No, I used to be.

476
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,879
Speaker 1: If she looked clean, I wouldn't wear one. But if

477
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 1: she looked clean, I wouldn't wear one. No, I don't

478
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 1: like gambling that much. It's like you, it's right in

479
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 1: your mind. It's many children and liked children with different women.

480
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 1: You just look at him. I'm like, you've never bought

481
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 1: a condom in your life. My pullout game is very weak. No.

482
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: I only have two kids to mom, baby Momas, a

483
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 1: lot of sex under my belt. So I think I

484
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,159
Speaker 1: did pretty good. I mean, how did you quit gambling?

485
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: I was never a game. I was never a gambler.

486
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 1: You're joking with the baby, Yeah, I was never. I'm not.

487
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 1: I don't have an addictive personality. You don't know, but

488
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: you're not. Really No, not really. I can't help myself.

489
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: There's a type. There was a type. There was a type.

490
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 1: I got over the type and big bibs behind big,

491
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: big dark hair. Is this going to end up the

492
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 1: word Kardashian? I mean there was a very Kardashian about them. Kardashian. No,

493
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: I did not. One of my friends had a kid

494
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: with one, though. Literally the way you just said that,

495
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 1: it was like, could you dehumanize people more? Now my friend,

496
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 1: my friend had a kid with one, like they went

497
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,239
Speaker 1: on a ride at Disney. Basically, oh my god, did

498
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 1: you go in the kradician kid? Right? Yeah? Now that

499
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: kid has a baby at a mother and friend. This

500
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: is four different ext girlfriends. Oh my god, we're gonna

501
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 1: this is gonna be like I'm looking at the same thing. Okay.

502
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: The fact that they're in this format, god, I was like,

503
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 1: good lord, everybody goes on these websites. This is the

504
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 1: same girl. This is a joke. It might not be

505
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 1: the same girl, but it's definitely the same. Surgeon's four

506
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 1: different is so big. They look like they have cleft

507
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: in their chins. Okay, oh my god, they're all the same. God.

508
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: That's such a creepy type. That's why I got out

509
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: of it. This is the creepiest picture of you ever.

510
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: This is like, hello. Look when I when I went

511
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 1: to visit my friends at the prison, I was like

512
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 1: circling because they were like moving the prisoners, and I

513
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: look obviously panicked. And this woman came over and she goes,

514
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 1: don't worry, darling, you get used to it. Your he's

515
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: still your matter what? And I'm like, uh, he's my

516
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: friend's brother. Um, okay, so obviously you were obsessed with

517
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: Demi Moore. I don't know. I just it's the creepy

518
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: ass lascibious look on your face. It's all of them.

519
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: It's true. I do have a very creepy look. But

520
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: together these girls are one person. That's what I've getting them. Maybe, yeah,

521
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 1: well at least you know, I gotta you know what,

522
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: we're all of their birthdays. Oh, I don't know, I

523
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 1: don't know. Let's see February September February, July and July,

524
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 1: and the mamas are July and July, July and October.

525
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to ask this not to diminish their value,

526
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 1: because they're probably lovely girls. But do they all have

527
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 1: boob chops? Uh? Three out of them? Three of them?

528
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: Three out of the four boobs one? Three out of

529
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 1: four boobs shows crest, How made you take care of

530
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: only one of them? Only one? Only one breast you gave?

531
00:30:56,160 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: You paid for one boob job, paid for one? Get one?

532
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: I got one, but I take mine when I leave

533
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: for her boop job one of them? Yeah, what about?

534
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 1: It was like a long time ago going to see that.

535
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 1: To Billy, I supposed to the four pack because I've

536
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: seen a two pack before. Okay, those are the most

537
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: virgo glasses ever. And I can tell all the way

538
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 1: over here how good you smell. And I can't smell

539
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: you right now, but I can tell you there you go, Billy,

540
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: you yeah, swipe no, Oh my god, he say no,

541
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: like first of all, as if any of them are available,

542
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 1: all four are available right now. A lot of people

543
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: go on the websites. I um I The dating set

544
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,680
Speaker 1: I went on is task Rabbit I'm very excited. I

545
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: haven't asked. I've heard of that. Courtney is the only

546
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: one that's a dating ones taskbard Man staring at me.

547
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 1: Just Courtney laughing, get off your phone. I feel like

548
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 1: I'm with my try heading it off your phone, and

549
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 1: your daughter's playing roadblocks right now. Mine is. That's why

550
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 1: I bought the stock to have it go from eight

551
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 1: to eighty four. That's why I like to buy a stock.

552
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 1: Usually like to stock at to have to go to

553
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: a thousand and sell it at one. I enjoy the bride.

554
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 1: I have to start doing that because I don't know

555
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: how to do that stuff. You know, it's really stupid

556
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,200
Speaker 1: that they don't teach us any of this in school.

557
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 1: They don't teach you that. They teach you ridiculously. It's

558
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 1: like you up and I spoke. I studied Latin for

559
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: five years. Well, I grew up in Toronto, when I

560
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: studied French for I know home speaking French. And when

561
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: you go to Montreal, I've never wanted to go Ua

562
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 1: li Biblio tech. I've never wanted to go to Montreal

563
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: for aale. I'm looking for a few knickknacks from my

564
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 1: living room, you know, I never had to say that ever,

565
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: except once at a flea market in Italy, and I've

566
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 1: never been happier in my entire life. And then they answered,

567
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm sorry, I have no idea. What

568
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 1: the other the only sentence I knew? Did you learn

569
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 1: Greek from? Yes, my daughter's name is Eva ray Economopoulos.

570
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: I've already explained to you because is silent, good eye everybody.

571
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 1: It's just a Greek word, which means difficult to care.

572
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 1: Where's Anne speaking of sweet Greeks? And he's on his

573
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: way here. Actually, Mr Contreal, his daughter and my daughter

574
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 1: are very very close. They are, so they're actually just

575
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 1: text me, I'll be your intentment. I can't believe your

576
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 1: little daughter doesn't watch that. I mean the show that

577
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 1: I was. She should watch Sabrina for free. My daughter

578
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 1: just plays roadblocks and then we'll look at weird things

579
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 1: on YouTube. That's about it. You know what the worst

580
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 1: is when they get into the unwrapping. She already passed

581
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 1: that phase. She passed. I couldn't. I couldn't. Literally, I

582
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 1: didn't understand that at all. No, No, I got completely

583
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 1: addicted and like, no, no, We're going to watch another

584
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 1: story being open yeah. I didn't get that. I didn't.

585
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 1: It made no sense to me. The unwrapping videos, Well,

586
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: what do you watch? You watch unwrapping videos and unwrapping clothes? No, no,

587
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: I I watched something. What do you watch? Let's watch

588
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 1: the Scar channel. I watched You're Gonna You're and I'm

589
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: gonna believe me. I watched like, um, lots of like

590
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 1: astrophysics stuff, lots of stuff on the James Web Explorer

591
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,759
Speaker 1: that just got launched in the Hubble imagery. And I

592
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: really don't believe any of this. That's all I look

593
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 1: at so and pond Stars. Um, oh my god, I

594
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: watched Pond Stars. Glips is quite addictive. Yeah, oh yes,

595
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 1: and I get mad when they don't buy it. I'm like, funk.

596
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 1: It was so close. I feel like invested, like I'm

597
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 1: the one bringing the like that I'm the one that

598
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 1: brought the product in or when I could be on

599
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,879
Speaker 1: storage course storage wards. I used to watch a lot too.

600
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 1: I had a storage unit um uh sold off because

601
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 1: my American Express card was stolen and it was an

602
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: automatic payment and so it didn't pay. Of course, by

603
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 1: the time I caught on that it was stolen, and

604
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 1: you know, and they sold everything off. I was like,

605
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 1: is there any way they could sell the others? I

606
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 1: got all my stuff in Canada in a storage there,

607
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: so I gotta make sure my brother checks on that too.

608
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: They gave you at least thirty days or six. Now,

609
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:01,800
Speaker 1: it was really like about I mean, I wow, you know,

610
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 1: and I was very upset because I was in worse

611
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 1: dressed in People magazine and nine nineties something, and um,

612
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 1: I had all the clothes. I was very upset to

613
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: have lost them. You could have exactly all right, explained

614
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 1: to me in one sentence what an n f T

615
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 1: is it is. Uh So, basically, let's let's let me

616
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 1: do it in this term. First of all, I have.

617
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,760
Speaker 1: You're losing all credibility that you were this thing about

618
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 1: astrophysics you started with. Basically, anyway, I have to think

619
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: about how to word this properly, because I'm doing it

620
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: in terms of a comic can understand. So I bought it,

621
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm a comic. I'm saying it for

622
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 1: my my purposes. All right, Please don't feel you need

623
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:44,800
Speaker 1: to dumb it down first. No, No, I need to

624
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 1: dumb it down for me about you, how you know

625
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 1: how to buy stocks. I don't even know how to

626
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,160
Speaker 1: do that. By the way, owns more Bitcoin probably than

627
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 1: any of us. Eddie knows how to buy stocks, and

628
00:35:54,480 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: he hasn't even told me how. Okay, So basically, I

629
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 1: buy a ticket to your show. Right for a hundred dollars,

630
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:06,320
Speaker 1: I buy a ticket. I now want a ticket to

631
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 1: the Caroline Ratio. And now I've seen the show. It's

632
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 1: also a time machine that anyone paying a hundred dollars

633
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,359
Speaker 1: to see me, he's in the n f T world

634
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 1: now right. I buy spent hundred dollars on this ticket

635
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,839
Speaker 1: to buy the ticket to the end, to the Caroline Ratio.

636
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 1: The show's over. Now I still have this ticket. I

637
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,640
Speaker 1: could sell this ticket and and somebody else can see

638
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 1: the same show right now, but I'm not gonna sell

639
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: for hundred dollars. I'm gonna send it for a hundred

640
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: and fifty or two hundred dollars, so that way I

641
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: get my money back, and then somebody else can see

642
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 1: the same show, and you will get of the hundred

643
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 1: that I spent, so you get ninety bucks. And I

644
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: saw it then for two hundred bucks, you're gonna get

645
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: twenty bucks because you're getting in perpetuity of whatever is

646
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 1: left on that first purchase ticket. So if it's as

647
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 1: with two hundred, next time, you're gonna get twenty bucks.

648
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: If it's also for four, you know, and so on

649
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 1: and so on. So you're forever getting money from this

650
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: n f T, right, as long as it's more. Yeah,

651
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, it's like they don't have it

652
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 1: and there'll be more things out of it. Alright, Yeah, alright,

653
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: I think you're really lovely. It was a terrible, terrible explanation. Listen.

654
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 1: I don't claim to be the guy that knows it all,

655
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: and nor should you know. I watched all the James

656
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 1: web stuff. I couldn't really tell you what it's going to.

657
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: He was a guy that initially had designed telescope that

658
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 1: could look deep, and then they made this really really

659
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 1: big telescope, bigger than the Hubble. So the Hubble could

660
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,360
Speaker 1: is a deep field Hubble was a deep field imager,

661
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: and then deep field imager is Hubble, okay, and James

662
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 1: Webb can go further, it can go past what Hubble

663
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,959
Speaker 1: can do. He's the viagraa of tell us it's true,

664
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: it's true, and uh and he it gets stiff out

665
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 1: there so if it's if that, if the if the

666
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:04,840
Speaker 1: James to stiff for longer than four hours, call another planet?

667
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 1: And why how did you get interested in this? I

668
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,839
Speaker 1: just I'm always so if you weren't a comedian, which

669
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:14,760
Speaker 1: you are so clearly so funny, what would you be, honestly?

670
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 1: I would, honestly probably working in the mall. Oh and

671
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 1: look at me, I said, astrophysicist. No, not even close.

672
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 1: I would. I didn't go to college nothing. I was

673
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:26,279
Speaker 1: never a good student. I'm a more life learner. How

674
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 1: old were you when you started drink stand up? Nineteen?

675
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:32,320
Speaker 1: I just turned nineteen. And where did you start? Toronto?

676
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 1: Yuck x young and Eglington? And how quick was it?

677
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 1: Meteorc meteor not meteorte? I got. I moved to l

678
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 1: A on my seventeen theory of doing stand up It's okay.

679
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: I've done one CD. I did it after my UMI

680
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 1: year and that's all I ever did was one CD.

681
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 1: When did you start eighty nine as well? Yeah? Same

682
00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: as me. So we're both thirty three years in the game.

683
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 1: You know what it is. But you didn't start in Montreal? No,

684
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: because I knew that well. It was redicting first A

685
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: Bruce Hills took my apartment when I moved. Hilarious. Yeah,

686
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:13,320
Speaker 1: and he and he was not looking at me like

687
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 1: I was a comedian. He was looking at me like

688
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 1: I was his friend. And he moved in with Elizabeth.

689
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 1: And then they called me by the way on New

690
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 1: Year's right at midnight on Montreal toime Bruce, Elizabeth and

691
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 1: the kids, Mikey and the daughter Lizzie. Lizzie Wait is

692
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 1: it little Lizzie was Mikey and horrible that I sorry Bruce. Um.

693
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 1: He is such a good man in ways that nobody

694
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,800
Speaker 1: will ever understand. Like my mom was dying, he was

695
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 1: so there for me. And when my daughter's other godmother,

696
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:55,080
Speaker 1: Terry Diab he she my mother and my best friend

697
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 1: died of breast cancer the same year. It was horrendous

698
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 1: and they were in Montreal, both of them. Yeah, and

699
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 1: he took such good care of Terry and he couldn't. Um.

700
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 1: They used to be the Lance Armstrong Ride, and he

701
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:14,439
Speaker 1: did the ride for Terry, like the hundred kilometers. He's

702
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,800
Speaker 1: a very good human and so is Lizzie. She's a

703
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: very good human being. But you know it's not But

704
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 1: I couldn't but he would never have helped me as

705
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 1: a stand up honestly at the beginning, well, yeah, he

706
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 1: didn't help me either, that the beginning. It's weird. They

707
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: were very weird. Well for me, I mean for Canadians

708
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 1: they were really they were in the nineties. It was

709
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: not a fun place to know. They were not supportive.

710
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: The first just for laughs I did was in and

711
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 1: I was seven years in and I was so excited

712
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 1: to be doing it because you know, that's when you

713
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: thought you can get a development deal and change your life.

714
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,399
Speaker 1: That was the year that Kevin James got his deal

715
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 1: and that kid Chicken one a million got a million

716
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 1: dollar deal, and remember those million dollar deals, a million

717
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 1: dollar deals, and I was like, this is this is

718
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 1: gonna be the year, guys, I'm gonna change my life.

719
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 1: Costello got a million dollar deal. I don't even know

720
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:00,839
Speaker 1: who that is, but okay, well she's a funny girl.

721
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 1: So these comedian Canadian promoters store, yeah, they just they

722
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 1: loved Americans more than Canadians. I felt, Yeah, it's hard,

723
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 1: and they would put you on like the Montreal show

724
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: for the local show. Yeah, that's what I got put on.

725
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: So when I got on the first year, I had

726
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 1: to fly myself to watch you. I'll put myself up.

727
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 1: And then I was doing that show Comedy Net in

728
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: Canada and I was the only non white on the show,

729
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 1: and I was on first both nights, and I was like,

730
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:29,279
Speaker 1: motherfucker's just stack it against me. And Mike McDonald was

731
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 1: hosting it and Michael McDonald, No, Mike McDonald, Canadian guy.

732
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: Mike McDonald was a very beloved Canadian comedian who really

733
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: was like pioneer for the Canadian comics. Yeah, he was

734
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,279
Speaker 1: the first guy to like destroy a room. Yeah he was,

735
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:46,799
Speaker 1: and he was hilarious. He just he had a hard

736
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 1: he he made a lot of enemies in his time too.

737
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 1: Yeah why not with me? But you know he would

738
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 1: always start fights with guys on the road, so not

739
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: on stage, but off stage, off stage. It was very,

740
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 1: very funny. And then you know, my Canadian hero was

741
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 1: Larry Horowitz. I don't know him from Toronto, know, Larryrowits

742
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 1: You must have seen him, you had to have. There

743
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 1: are so many funny Canadian comedians though, I do, like

744
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:15,800
Speaker 1: I've hosted a bunch of the festivals and they amazed

745
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 1: how funny they are. I mean, they're just hilarious. Yeah,

746
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 1: there's some real good ones out there. Yeah, that's him.

747
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: Remember I dropped him home from the airport one time

748
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 1: years ago when he was living in Glendale, since he

749
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: was so nice to me. That's the thing is, you know,

750
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 1: I would hear all these stories about, oh, Mike here,

751
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,759
Speaker 1: he's drunk, he's gonna fight, he wants to fight people.

752
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, I never had a problem with Mike ever. Never.

753
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 1: I loved him, not not one, not one problem. He

754
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:43,399
Speaker 1: was also sober eventually, was he not? Yeah, I'm sure

755
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 1: he was, but he was. He was always. But he

756
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,760
Speaker 1: really killed I mean he could really. He had great jokes.

757
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 1: Larry Horowitz was so funny. Where is he alive? Why

758
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,239
Speaker 1: are you saying? I don't know if he's I'm sure

759
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,359
Speaker 1: he's at Hopefully he's alive. I mean, what about Norm?

760
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: I had to open for Norm in horrowitzaid he not

761
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 1: or if it's um Norm McDonald dying. That was a

762
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 1: real heartache. Yeah, that one sucks because the Norm was

763
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 1: really a genius, really a genius. Yeah. Do you remember him? No? Oh,

764
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 1: a little too, No, I don't remember him. Remember his face? Man,

765
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: he was funny. So Larry Horowitz on a stage in Montreal,

766
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 1: Toronto were Toronto and Larry Howarts here at the comedy store.

767
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: Would he get the same way after this act? Was incredible? Really,

768
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 1: he knew how to make his list. The joke with him,

769
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 1: with all the comics in him was that he'd been

770
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 1: doing the same set for so many years, but no

771
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 1: matter how many times I saw him do the same set,

772
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 1: he always made it look like he just thought of it.

773
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 1: That's that's the genius. Yeah, And you know he had

774
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 1: a joke about cars and the names. They named cars

775
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: after animals. He said, but they're starting to run out

776
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 1: of animals now. You know, I'm pretty sure next ye're

777
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:03,399
Speaker 1: gonna hear about the I remember back then it would

778
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 1: be like Ford Pig and you pushed the horn and goes,

779
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 1: you know, and then and then the joke was I

780
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: would see him like a ninety nine Ford Pig, and

781
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 1: then i'd see somebody I go, They go, who'd you

782
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,440
Speaker 1: work with this? I worked with Horowitz And they go,

783
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 1: and that there'll be an older time to go. I

784
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:26,400
Speaker 1: remember when it was the seventy three for Pig. That's funny.

785
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 1: And he goes, You know that those scratch tickets you

786
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 1: always see the people in the commercials for the Scratching

787
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 1: and they scratching whoopee, I won because you never see

788
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 1: the real one where it's just a guy covered in

789
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 1: that that ship from the ticket going fuck. So did

790
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: a Horwitz ever get out of Canada? And yeah he

791
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:46,520
Speaker 1: did the States. He did the Joan Rivers Late Night Show,

792
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 1: but that's when Mark Breton was booking it, so I

793
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 1: mean he he really could have been something I think,

794
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 1: but you know it's everybody has a different desire in

795
00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: this game. What does it still make you happy? Drinks

796
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 1: you have when I'm doing stand up? Yes, when you're

797
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: actually you know what, it was my McDonald that used

798
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 1: to say, they don't pass to your stand up. They

799
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 1: passed to leave our house and our families and travel.

800
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 1: That's what we're getting paid for. The minute we're on stage,

801
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 1: we're like, this is the best thing ever, but getting

802
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 1: there sucked. Yeah. It's like when you get a hooker,

803
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,839
Speaker 1: you're not paying or you're paying her to leave. That's

804
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: exactly what I always say. That's exactly you're acknowledging that

805
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: there's a woman present. The whole me to business not

806
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 1: happen at all. But as long as you're Okay, welcome

807
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,920
Speaker 1: to Culturally can exactly. Corney and I will just look

808
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 1: at each other like, seriously, I'm an extracting Partney and

809
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 1: you run. I'm gonna be okay Courney for every episode

810
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 1: and he's a fellon. I understand why he can't go

811
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: anywhere unless you shot a man and he picked you

812
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 1: up in the audience. I don't get it. Courtney is

813
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: a comic too, by the way, you are, so you're

814
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: are you learning a lot Courtney for what not to do?

815
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 1: Exactly x NA on that do not do the following

816
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 1: things and mostly don't offer a cigar. Hey, thanks for listening.

817
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:08,400
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this conversation. If you like the podcast,

818
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 1: please be sure to rate and review it on Apple

819
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: Podcasts so more people can find out about it. And

820
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 1: if you didn't like it, go fuck yourself and follow

821
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 1: us on Instagram and Culturally Canceled and Culturally RP on Twitter.

822
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 1: We're also on YouTube. If you want to see what

823
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:22,759
Speaker 1: the backyard kind of looks like, you don't really see

824
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 1: the backyard looks like. Let me just see where my

825
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 1: smoking section looks like, and you can probably sneak a

826
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 1: peek in the house you're a weirdo. Also, we have

827
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 1: a phone line now, so call and leave a message.

828
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 1: You can ask me about whatever you want to ask

829
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:38,319
Speaker 1: me about hip hop, parenting, food boxing, mm A, relationships, comedy, sex,

830
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 1: so I don't give a ship. Ask me whatever you

831
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 1: want and I'll do my best to answer your question.

832
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:45,040
Speaker 1: If you want to leave a message, the phone number

833
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 1: is four to four six six six. That's four to

834
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:55,839
Speaker 1: four six six six until next week. I'm murder Rest

835
00:46:55,880 --> 00:47:00,120
Speaker 1: of the pets on