WEBVTT - Managing Childhood Stress

0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:06.760
<v Speaker 1>Stay Calm as a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome

0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:11.920
<v Speaker 1>to Stay Calm, your daily dose of calmness. I'm Bob Roth,

0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:14.520
<v Speaker 1>and I've been teaching people to meditate for fifty years,

0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:18.159
<v Speaker 1>helping them to stay calm under pressure, reboot and re

0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:22.319
<v Speaker 1>energize their lives, and basically be a happier, healthier version

0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:25.000
<v Speaker 1>of themselves. And now I want to help you do

0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:29.720
<v Speaker 1>the same. Ready, sit comfortably, take a few deep breaths,

0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:35.880
<v Speaker 1>and let's begin today's journey. Way back before the quarantine,

0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:39.640
<v Speaker 1>I was invited to talk about meditation to sixty second

0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:44.280
<v Speaker 1>graders at a suburban elementary school in New Jersey. Unsure

0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:46.519
<v Speaker 1>of how to begin, I asked the kids, almost in

0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:51.080
<v Speaker 1>a joking manner, how many of you feel stressed out? Naively,

0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:55.319
<v Speaker 1>thinking maybe a few would raise their hands. Instead, they

0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:59.800
<v Speaker 1>almost all did. I asked another question, how many of

0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:03.080
<v Speaker 1>you have a hard time falling asleep at night? Almost

0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:06.800
<v Speaker 1>as many hands went up. Afterwards, their teachers told me

0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:12.800
<v Speaker 1>that kids these days are really stressed second graders. When

0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:14.480
<v Speaker 1>I was a kid, I don't think I even knew

0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:19.440
<v Speaker 1>what the word stress meant. I left feeling sad. I

0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:22.520
<v Speaker 1>keep talking about kids on this podcast because I feel,

0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:26.160
<v Speaker 1>without any exaggeration, unless we do something, we could be

0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:30.280
<v Speaker 1>in danger of losing an entire generation. And I'm talking

0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:34.680
<v Speaker 1>about all kids, every one of them, including those attending

0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:37.240
<v Speaker 1>some of the most elite prep schools in the country.

0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:41.520
<v Speaker 1>No one is immune. For these reasons, I went back

0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:44.920
<v Speaker 1>to Dr Bill sticks Root, co author of the bestseller

0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:47.960
<v Speaker 1>The Self Driven Child, for a second session with him

0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:50.560
<v Speaker 1>of Stay Calm. I wanted to get more of his

0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:53.440
<v Speaker 1>insights and share them with you, and if you don't

0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:56.320
<v Speaker 1>have kids, maybe you can pass these along to someone

0:01:56.360 --> 0:02:00.160
<v Speaker 1>who does. The first thing Dr sticks Froud said is

0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:03.160
<v Speaker 1>that there's an optimal mental state for a student to learn,

0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:08.519
<v Speaker 1>and that's called relaxed alertness. And there's an optimal environment

0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:11.960
<v Speaker 1>for a student to learn, which is high challenge but

0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:17.600
<v Speaker 1>low threat. Good teachers create that optimal state and environment.

0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:22.160
<v Speaker 1>They challenge the student, they stretch the student, but they

0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:24.360
<v Speaker 1>let the student know that if you make a mistake,

0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:28.640
<v Speaker 1>it's okay because you're still learning. It's actually the same

0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:33.000
<v Speaker 1>for good parenting. We want our kids to stretch themselves,

0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:35.360
<v Speaker 1>but we also want them to know it's safe to

0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:40.960
<v Speaker 1>do it. Number two, stress is contagious. In fact, there's

0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:44.600
<v Speaker 1>a whole science called stress contagion, which shows, for example,

0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:47.520
<v Speaker 1>that if a teacher is stressed out, the courtisol levels

0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:50.520
<v Speaker 1>go up in the student, and if parents argue in

0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:53.520
<v Speaker 1>front of their kids, the courtisol levels go up for

0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:57.600
<v Speaker 1>them as well. Number three. I made this point in

0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.600
<v Speaker 1>my previous podcast with Doctor sticks Through, but I say

0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:04.680
<v Speaker 1>it again. Teenagers really need to have a sense of

0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:08.320
<v Speaker 1>control of their lives. They need to have the confidence

0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:11.799
<v Speaker 1>to think that, yes, I can manage my life, I

0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:15.160
<v Speaker 1>can make decisions. I don't have to feel helpless all

0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:19.440
<v Speaker 1>the time. And this confidence has to develop at home

0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:23.080
<v Speaker 1>because when they go off to college it's often too late.

0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:28.880
<v Speaker 1>And finally, Dr Sticksford leaves us with two positive things

0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:32.040
<v Speaker 1>we can do to help our kids right now stay

0:03:32.080 --> 0:03:38.520
<v Speaker 1>calm and resilient. First, we should model what he calls calm, courageous, coping.

0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.640
<v Speaker 1>Kids want to see that their parents don't get overshadowed

0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:46.000
<v Speaker 1>with all the upheaval and uncertainty of these days. They

0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:48.400
<v Speaker 1>want to see that their parents can still be present

0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:54.440
<v Speaker 1>and positive and loving. And second, we should listen. That's

0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:58.600
<v Speaker 1>the main thing kids want. They want to be heard. Yes,

0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:01.440
<v Speaker 1>it's fine to give advice and reassure your child that

0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:04.120
<v Speaker 1>there's no reason to worry if you think your child

0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:08.520
<v Speaker 1>is worrying unnecessarily. But before you do that, your first

0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:12.240
<v Speaker 1>message needs to be your willingness to listen. You can

0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:16.480
<v Speaker 1>just say, tell me what you're feeling. I know it's scary.

0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.880
<v Speaker 1>I get scared sometimes too. Then once you know they

0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:23.000
<v Speaker 1>feel they've been heard, you can offer ways to cope.

0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:26.839
<v Speaker 1>You could say this is what's worked for me, it

0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:30.760
<v Speaker 1>might work for you. Remember these tips come from an

0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:33.960
<v Speaker 1>expert who's been working with children, teens, and young adults

0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:37.160
<v Speaker 1>for over thirty years. He's got a one year waiting

0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:40.800
<v Speaker 1>list from parents who want his advice, which means, given

0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.520
<v Speaker 1>a chance, these tips can work for the young people

0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:48.760
<v Speaker 1>in your life as well. All right, let's end this

0:04:48.800 --> 0:04:51.080
<v Speaker 1>time together doing something that I think should be a

0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:55.200
<v Speaker 1>feature of our everyday life, and that's appreciation and gratitude.

0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:58.960
<v Speaker 1>So let's take thirty seconds of quiet, thirty seconds to

0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:02.200
<v Speaker 1>take a break, just take a moment. It turns out

0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:04.679
<v Speaker 1>when we do that, it's good for our health as well.

0:05:04.760 --> 0:05:37.279
<v Speaker 1>I'll be right back, all right, thank you for joining

0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:41.039
<v Speaker 1>me today. I hope you heard something that inspires that

0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:44.640
<v Speaker 1>uplifts you and that you can incorporate into your own life.

0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:52.000
<v Speaker 1>This is Bob Roth. Stay calm. Hey, all of you

0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:54.320
<v Speaker 1>out there, I'd love to hear from you. You can

0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:57.039
<v Speaker 1>send me your stories, your questions, or anything else on

0:05:57.080 --> 0:06:00.720
<v Speaker 1>your mind. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook or

0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:05.520
<v Speaker 1>Instagram at meditation Bob. You can also send me an

0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:10.039
<v Speaker 1>email at meditation Bob Roth at gmail dot com. I

0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:11.440
<v Speaker 1>look forward to hearing from you