1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: I poured wine on my husband's ex because she tried 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:07,160 Speaker 1: to steal him from me. Happens, happens, you know, gonna 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: make him bleed a little wine read. A few days ago, 4 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 1: I told my mother in law that I'd bring her grandkids, 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: our gorgeous twins five years old, to her house for dinner. 6 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: It was a gesture of good faith, as she and 7 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: father in law had babysat for an entire weekend while 8 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:29,480 Speaker 1: Hobby and I took some time to ourselves. Mother in 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,519 Speaker 1: law decided to make that dinner a grand occasion and 10 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: invited the entire family over. Fine by me, the more 11 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 1: the merrier, except half an hour after we arrive, Joe 12 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:45,880 Speaker 1: walks in the entirety of her back out, boobies poppin' 13 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: and all. Now, Joe is my husband's ex girlfriend, who 14 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: also happens to be a favorite of mother in law 15 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 1: and a long time friend of hobbies family. 16 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 2: That's tough family friend. 17 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: Do the titties poppin' and Mama loves the titties that 18 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 1: you're screwed. You're screwed. This comes from just no mother 19 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,880 Speaker 1: in law, man, I see what you mean. On the 20 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: rsagh okay storytime, stole bread and so I don't know 21 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 1: why they didn't work out. Frankly, I don't care. Sounds 22 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: like it, yep. Long story short. Joe does what she 23 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 1: always does at these functions, touch my husband inappropriately, whisper 24 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: in his ear, try to eat off his plate. She 25 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: went as far as to try and steal my seat 26 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:37,760 Speaker 1: next to him at the dinner table. Luckily, my sister 27 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,919 Speaker 1: in law, a literal saint, was able to stop her hobby. 28 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: Is generally okay with putting his foot down. If she 29 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 1: does anything truly egregious, he does put a stop to it. 30 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: But to him, her touchy behavior in the way she 31 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: tends to hover around him and try to get his 32 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 1: attention does not fall into that category. I told myself 33 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 1: to ignore her and not let her get to me, 34 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: but she pulled me aside later that evening and said 35 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: absolutely horrible things to me, telling me that it was 36 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 1: only a matter of time before my husband left me 37 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 1: and that he was using me as a breeding plant, 38 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:16,800 Speaker 1: et cetera. Fun fact, I'm currently pregnant again. Breeding plant 39 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: a breeding plant? 40 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 2: Wow? 41 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,799 Speaker 1: So I dumped my drink on her and walked away. 42 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: Joe absolutely lost it and walked out of the house. 43 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: Hubby's extended family generally as a good opinion of me. 44 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 1: So no one thinks I did it on purpose. WHOA, 45 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: but I did? Ooh, she got them? Oh, and I'd 46 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 1: do it again, so opie, I think. 47 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:39,959 Speaker 2: Just went oh, played it off. 48 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so sorry I did, and I'd do it again. 49 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 1: But my husband knows better. He pulled me aside to 50 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: confront me about it and was surprisingly angry. Did I 51 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: make a bit of a scene, sure, but his anger 52 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: wasn't proportional to that at all. If you can't tell, 53 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,800 Speaker 1: Hubby is the type of person that doesn't like to 54 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:04,519 Speaker 1: make a scene, especially around his family. I have complained 55 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: about his proximity to Joe multiple times before all this 56 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,799 Speaker 1: went down, so I guess she has communicated. I've asked 57 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,519 Speaker 1: him to cut contact with her and basically just ignore 58 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: her presence, and he's refused on the basis that she's 59 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:19,239 Speaker 1: a family friend. Basically, he thought I was overreacting every 60 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: time i'd bring her up. But I'm tired of being 61 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: the bigger person. Why should I have to watch her 62 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: throw herself at him and rise above. No, that hunch 63 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 1: got what was coming to her, and my actions were 64 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,839 Speaker 1: long overdue. We argued back and forth about it for 65 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: a while before I eventually revealed what she said to 66 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 1: me at dinner. He understood my anger at that point, 67 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: but I don't think it should have even gotten that 68 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: far for him to understand why I don't want her around. 69 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: The fact that he'd trust the character of an ex 70 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 1: over his wife of ten plus years and the mother 71 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 1: of his children is baffling and incredibly hurtful. But how 72 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: long has she been a friend? A friend for twenty 73 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: plus years? 74 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, we could keep playing this cat and mouse, like, well, 75 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 3: I've been a friend for twenty plus years, Well, I 76 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 3: had always children. 77 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 2: Well I helped him past middle school and he was 78 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 2: gonna fail. 79 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: For dude, you do those middle school tests. 80 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,039 Speaker 3: Those are just it's just they have I feel like 81 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,520 Speaker 3: they have a tit for tats for everything. 82 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 1: Double up on the tits, yeah, double up. 83 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:30,720 Speaker 3: And that you can't censor us platform you can't used appropriately. 84 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 1: Also, dude, middle school tests were hard. I remember when 85 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,719 Speaker 1: I was in Australia in third grade and they did 86 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: spelling tests and they said like all right, spell beautiful, 87 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 1: but like they would say it beautiful or like they 88 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 1: would say, oh, spell error. Era, because it was like 89 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 1: a different language over there. I spell things differently, and 90 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: they spell things differently. I color every every time I 91 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 1: got color wrong. 92 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 2: I still can't spell beautiful today, so a beautiful never 93 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 2: seen it? I can, but O it's embarrassing. 94 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:04,919 Speaker 1: I explained this to him and he adamantly disagrees and 95 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: gives excuses anw we're here. Hubby thinks I should have 96 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 1: brought up what she said from the beginning. To me, 97 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 1: this isn't an issue what she said in it of herself, 98 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 1: but her behavior as a whole. It's not one instance, John, 99 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:22,360 Speaker 1: one instance. It's true, book past. It is a series 100 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: of disrespect. Tip of the iceberg, tip of the ice 101 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 1: tip of the iceberg. The iceberg goes all the way down. 102 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 1: We're just seeing the little nipple. There's just a little 103 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,600 Speaker 1: little iceberg nipple right above. And we're about to reach 104 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,480 Speaker 1: the aerial Yeah, we' about to reach an area. Tell 105 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,160 Speaker 1: we might even get a full grab of that of 106 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: that whole, of that whole thing. 107 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 2: It's coming. 108 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,320 Speaker 1: As a disclaimer, I know my husband is not cheating 109 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 1: on me with this woman. Do you know, though we 110 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: spend every waking second, either together or with the kids 111 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: he wouldn't have time to It's not that he wouldn't 112 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,559 Speaker 1: do it, he just doesn't have the time. I trust 113 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: him completely as well. It just bothers me how comfortable 114 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: and desperate that woman is. Mother in law loves her 115 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: and Joe can do no wrong in her eyes. So 116 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 1: I suppose that's where she gets the confidence from that aside, 117 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,000 Speaker 1: I don't understand why he allows her to come near 118 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,280 Speaker 1: him in the first place. And the A hole I 119 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,039 Speaker 1: want to hear from you. There is a big, fact 120 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,919 Speaker 1: juicy update coming up, so stick around because this update 121 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,360 Speaker 1: comes three weeks later in the month that we are in. 122 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 2: Currently, the fate will be decided. This is really say, 123 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 2: will be decided. 124 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,239 Speaker 1: We do you have some edits before that thick update, 125 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: But John, really quick, it is op the a hole 126 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:41,479 Speaker 1: for pop it over some wine on this this fine individual. 127 00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 3: I feel like a philosophy that we've generally landed as 128 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:48,560 Speaker 3: any time it goes into physical that is a line 129 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 3: that's just just just don't cross it. You don't cross, 130 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 3: just don't cross it. So was Opie the a hole 131 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 3: the a hole for the act of pouring wine? Yes, 132 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 3: but but big yes, But exactly see what Opie said 133 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 3: at the very end of this part of the story, 134 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,840 Speaker 3: why was it allowed to escalate to this point? 135 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe if. 136 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 3: We're gonna be really, really, really generous, we give husband, 137 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 3: the oblivious husband, benefit of the doubt. 138 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 1: Right. 139 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 3: If that's the case, Opie should go and say like, hey, 140 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 3: you know, this is really bothering me, and like, hey, look, 141 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 3: this is this is something that you should that you 142 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 3: should notice. 143 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 1: And OPI has brought this up before. Okay, brought this 144 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: up before. He has brought it up to the husband. 145 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 1: But you know this, this this woman, Joe, She's gonna 146 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 1: be Joe. Joe's gonna Joe's Joe. So like, you can't 147 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: you can't fault Joe for being Joe. She's just gonna 148 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 1: be her authentic self, you know, So just avoid Joe. 149 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: What you can fallow is the person that you're in 150 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: a relationship, the husband, you know, the husband. I'm like, 151 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 1: the husband should be putting up boundaries. Joe is an 152 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 1: evil doer that's gonna do evil things. Yes, the husband, 153 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 1: I feel like is who we should focus on in 154 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: terms of like throwing the wine on Joe. Understand why 155 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: you pour the wine? She said some heinous things to 156 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: you but once you pour the wine, the rest of 157 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: the family's like, wait, sweet little little little boostie Joe 158 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: is getting is getting wine poured over by the evil 159 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: Oh p like she can do no wrong, I think honestly. Like, 160 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: now mother in law is being like talking to Op's 161 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 1: husband is like, hey, you know that girl that you're with, Like, 162 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: I don't know if she's stable. She's pouring wine on 163 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,679 Speaker 1: people you know who's always been stable and there for you, Joe, 164 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 1: it's her evil four double D plot dude, four double 165 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: D chests four double D chest. 166 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,559 Speaker 3: Is being played here. She's like, I know I can. 167 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 3: She probably knows her pretty well. She's like, I know 168 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 3: I can push her to the line and get it, 169 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 3: do something like this. 170 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: It's probably all part of her plan, push her to 171 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: the point of throwing wine and then discredit her and 172 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,959 Speaker 1: then get in the relationship. Yes it could this Gop, 173 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,280 Speaker 1: don't fall for it. But ultimately, like you said, it's 174 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 1: all a husband. This is all a trap. Yeah, it 175 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,839 Speaker 1: is a trap. It is on the husband, is on 176 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: the husband. But what could Op have done better? Not 177 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: pour the wine but still talk to the husband. 178 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 3: Go directly to the husband and be like this is 179 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,040 Speaker 3: like like she could have said, Hey, I want to leave. 180 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 3: This is insane what she's saying to me. Many things 181 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 3: could be could be done. That one thing I think 182 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:15,360 Speaker 3: past the line. 183 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: But John, there are big fat, juicy updates. Oh we're 184 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,960 Speaker 1: gonna I think, see this unfold in a train wreck 185 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 1: of a way. But before we do that, I do 186 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 1: have an edit. I do have an edit that I 187 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: want to go over. So edit, No, I was not 188 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 1: drinking while pregnant. Of course, Reddit focuses on that I 189 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,320 Speaker 1: have not told my husband's family that I am pregnant, 190 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: as we haven't passed the first trimester yet. Hubby had 191 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 1: gotten me juice in a wine glass, But because no 192 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 1: one knew, the narrative became that I threw wine. I 193 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: think it's really funny if it was just no, I 194 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:48,520 Speaker 1: was not drinking. 195 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 2: You didn't read the story. 196 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 1: I threw it on her. It was a full glass. 197 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: That's why she got so damn too. Gotten a couple 198 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: people asking how taking the kids to dinner is a 199 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 1: reward for mother in law. She's been asking us to 200 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,040 Speaker 1: come around for dinner for a while and is always 201 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 1: asking for an excuse to see our kids. We don't 202 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: live very close by anyone, so in person visits are 203 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 1: rare nowadays. She also really enjoys cooking for everyone and 204 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,760 Speaker 1: would do weekly dinners when Hubby and I still live 205 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 1: in the area. My husband's family is Italian, if that 206 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 1: gives any idea. And we have now the big fact 207 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: Josie updates. 208 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 2: From a few days ago. This is this is happening. 209 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: This is happening, a real time, live and direct, live 210 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: and direct straight to your ear holes. Get get buckled up, John, 211 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: because we we got two updates that are The second 212 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,719 Speaker 1: update is thick, but the update too is even thicker. Well, 213 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 1: fates be decided. It's I think fates will be decided. 214 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 1: We got, we got, we got some thick poords that 215 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: we're about to lap up and uh cress our tongues 216 00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: with oh god, God, you ready, Let's do it, Let's 217 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 1: do it. I ended up showing Hubby the comments and 218 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 1: private messages I got from my post a couple days after. 219 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 1: So now Reddit is banding, redda is banding against Hubby, 220 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: and the comments were largely against him. What condemning a 221 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,680 Speaker 1: man for not putting up boundaries? Who would have thought? 222 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: Who would have thought? I didn't anticipate it. Swaying his 223 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 1: opinion much, and it did it. In fact, it made 224 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 1: the situation worse. He didn't like the overwhelming majority of 225 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,840 Speaker 1: comments claiming that he liked the attention and thought I 226 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: embellished details about Joanna's behavior in the post. I did not, 227 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 1: and in many cases I downplayed just how crazy some 228 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: of her actions are. I asked him if his mom 229 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: even liked me, and he didn't even respond to the question. 230 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: That's pretty bad. Not responding directly to a question is 231 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: kind of an admission that you agree. Yeah, dude, Well 232 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 1: I don't know, dude, tell us what you think, chat 233 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:07,679 Speaker 1: let us know. 234 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 2: I think so dad. 235 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 1: Oh man, I'm I'm just seeing red flag after red 236 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: flag with this guy. 237 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not it's not looking great. 238 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,560 Speaker 1: It's not looking great, sounding great. He looked at me 239 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,559 Speaker 1: and we sat in silence for a full effing minute 240 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:31,079 Speaker 1: like this again, like that. Many people under my previous 241 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,599 Speaker 1: post said I was crazy if I thought mother in 242 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 1: law would invite hubbies ex to dinner with his wife 243 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,720 Speaker 1: and kids there as a show of respect and goodwill. 244 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,720 Speaker 1: Call me crazy, but I bought into the hole she's 245 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 1: a family friend crap, and continually let it slide I 246 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:52,440 Speaker 1: cried NonStop for days after our conversation. So I think 247 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 1: what op He's realizing is the mom said like the 248 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: family friend thing and maybe like to try to force Opie, 249 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: Opie's husband and Joe together. So like this has been 250 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,559 Speaker 1: a plot insane. 251 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 3: Now we have to protect foreshore from other law as 252 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 3: well if this is to be salvaged. 253 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 1: Also, chat Chat was like fifty to fifty before chat 254 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: is ninety five percent for divorce. 255 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 3: One lone soldier standing on the NAW on the KNA side. 256 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, Yeah. 257 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,319 Speaker 2: Wow, it's getting it's getting worse and worse with like it. 258 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 1: Is pretty dicey. Everything dicey. I'm not I'm not feeling good. 259 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 1: It's like, also, you know there is more to this story, 260 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 1: but really quick, Like, if the mom is against you, 261 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: it's gonna be hard. 262 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 2: It's that is such an uphill battle. 263 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: It's such an uphill battle, especially I mean depending on 264 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,960 Speaker 1: how close. I mean, if they they're not close with 265 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: their family, then maybe not. But like if they're close 266 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 1: with their family, it's it's gonna be it's gonna be hard, 267 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,720 Speaker 1: it's gonna be bad. Yeah, It's it's hard to turn 268 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 1: the tide of someone hating. 269 00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 3: You quick the idea to solve this accept my wife 270 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 3: or you don't get to see your grandkids. 271 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: You want ultimatum, it's leg not a not a ultimate 272 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:10,920 Speaker 1: against her. 273 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 3: Basically be like a pod in your game, Like, if 274 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 3: you're gonna treat my wife like this way, then then 275 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 3: why would we ever want to come over? 276 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 1: Yeah? I never want to get children in a cage. 277 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 1: And if you don't, if you don't accept me, I 278 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 1: won't release them. And that is what John is saying. 279 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: And we'll let. 280 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 2: Them fold their pizza while they eat it. 281 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:31,040 Speaker 1: What does that mean? 282 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 2: Italians? 283 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 3: Like? 284 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 2: What else? 285 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 1: What's? What's the pasta that set the Italians? We're going 286 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: to teach them that just real quick context for everyone 287 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: who's just coming in the family is Italian? 288 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 2: Yes they are? What what? 289 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 1: But maybe I'm an eight and I should have seen 290 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: the signs. But I genuinely thought me and my mother 291 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,600 Speaker 1: in law had a decent relationship, especially now that I 292 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: have twins. There was some stuff that happened early on 293 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 1: in Hobby and I's relationship that caused more discord. Also, 294 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 1: by the way, you can join us on our discord 295 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 1: if you go to discord dot gg slash okay, storytime 296 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 1: join us. Anyway. It caused some discord, but I thought 297 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 1: we had moved past it all clearly. 298 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 3: Not. 299 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 1: I think it's much more likely that she likes her 300 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: grandkids and just tolerates the vesticle, vesticle, vesticle that produced them. 301 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: Hubby and I stood at somewhat of an impasse for 302 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 1: a week after. I'm very loving by nature, but I've 303 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,920 Speaker 1: just about had it with this situation. So it was irritable, quiet, 304 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: just a complete one eighty for my usual self. We 305 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: talked again and he said he tried to be more 306 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 1: assertive with Joe. I don't like that. I don't like it. 307 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 1: Just sounds like assertive in the bedroom. Oh, you know, 308 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: try to be more assertive with Joe. I don't like it. 309 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 1: I told him there'd be no need since I had 310 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 1: no plans I'm going to his mother's house anymore. Me 311 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: not going means the twins can't either, since he can't 312 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: very well be expected to entertain his family and look 313 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: after the children he helped create. Note the sarcasm, though 314 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: that does work in my favor, since mother in law 315 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 1: loves the twins and he apparently cannot stand to disappoint her. 316 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:23,560 Speaker 1: The impasse continues. Okay, now we're going we're going into 317 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 1: a little sad zone here, so jump on. I've had 318 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 1: a few complications with my pregnancy since then. Baby and 319 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: I are okay, nothing too worrisome, And there's been so 320 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 1: many other things happening in our lives that the frigid 321 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 1: air between us has slowly started to melt. So it's 322 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: like it seems like life has kind of gotten a 323 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 1: little bit more complicated, which is causing them to band 324 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 1: together across all this mother and a lot of stuff. 325 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,040 Speaker 1: It's like to be a complication with your pregnancy, you're 326 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: probably gonna forget about Joe. Just think about your baby 327 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: becomes the number one, that becomes the number one. We 328 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: have not resolved the situation at all, just glossed over 329 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 1: it in favor of more pressing matters. I really do 330 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: need him right now, and I'm not necessarily mad. Things 331 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 1: are starting to go back to normal. I know it's 332 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 1: going to become a thing the next time his mom 333 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,440 Speaker 1: throws an event. Yeah, I think what's happening right now 334 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,880 Speaker 1: is yes, something more pressing is coming on, but it's 335 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: like you still haven't address the root of the issue. 336 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 2: Can's been kicked down the road. 337 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 1: Can's being kicked down the roads. The weeds are being 338 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:22,879 Speaker 1: waxed at the at the above above ground level, and 339 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,639 Speaker 1: those weezers grow back. That can is still going to 340 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 1: exist up that road. 341 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 2: And the snakes they're slithering through. 342 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,399 Speaker 1: The slytherin in short weeds. They're so yeah that they 343 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: can hide. 344 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 2: They can hide. 345 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,359 Speaker 1: They can hide when the weeds thick easy, and they 346 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,959 Speaker 1: can hide with the can is long away. 347 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 2: Oh they can do. They can handle real long cans. 348 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 1: They can handle hands. Those snakes are thick, long snakes, 349 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 1: long cans. That's what I've always said, factly, that that 350 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,040 Speaker 1: is that documented all the time. 351 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 2: I say it every day. 352 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 1: So I will convince myself that this time around will 353 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: be fine, and it won't, because it is never fine. 354 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 1: I'm unsure how to bring up the issue again without 355 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 1: seeing me like I'm dragging up the past. It truly 356 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: does drive me crazy, even more so now that I 357 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:11,640 Speaker 1: realize mother in law's kindness isn't fully genuine. Is there 358 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 1: any advice on bringing this up carefully, on resolving this 359 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 1: issue once and for all. I'm at my wits end 360 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: because I adore this man in every other aspect but 361 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 1: I can't keep putting up with this. There is another updates, 362 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:34,120 Speaker 1: another freaking updates that is thicker, it's bigger, it's better. Ooh, 363 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: maybe too much for mister chat Oh. If anyone's seen Incredibles. 364 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 3: I thought it was funny. I thought it was like 365 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 3: a WWE reference or something. 366 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 1: It's when syndrome is like, it's bigger, it's too much, 367 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 1: it's incredible. 368 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,920 Speaker 2: Anyway, I know exactly what I want. 369 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: Thanks Sophia. What should OP before we get into the 370 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: big factaucy update, what do you think OP should do 371 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: to resolve this this thing? 372 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,120 Speaker 3: So the can has been kicked down the road, they 373 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 3: have banded together with the baby complications. I think maybe 374 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,440 Speaker 3: saying to him like, hey, I know we're focusing on 375 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 3: on priority number one, which is our which is our 376 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,320 Speaker 3: bun in the oven. But when the time arises, we 377 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 3: are going to need to tackle this. If not, maybe 378 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,080 Speaker 3: now it might be better to just like tell her 379 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,960 Speaker 3: now and I feel like you get it out. 380 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 1: Of the way quote unquote yeah, I mean it's like right, 381 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 1: like because you don't you want to you want to 382 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,640 Speaker 1: talk before the yield, because like you when. 383 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 2: You harvest, you know, you never know. 384 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,399 Speaker 1: It gets more complicated, right, It gets more complicated after 385 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:35,960 Speaker 1: a harvest, because you have to figure out, you know, 386 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,080 Speaker 1: where you're gonna put. 387 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 2: All the where's your hoe? 388 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,560 Speaker 1: You that you gotta grab that you gotta you gotta distribute, 389 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:42,840 Speaker 1: You gotta put in a truck. You gotta put it 390 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: in a grain, grain cylinder. 391 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 2: You know, you know silo. 392 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,119 Speaker 1: Yeah, my country boy man's in Florida. You know he 393 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 1: seen his fair share. I do think bringing it up 394 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,640 Speaker 1: now is better because I mean what we always say 395 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 1: is like secrets get stinkier with age. Oh yeah, and 396 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: I feel like this not saying how you feel is 397 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,879 Speaker 1: just gonna get be worse for you. It's gonna be 398 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 1: worse for your husband. It's gonna be worse for your 399 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:16,439 Speaker 1: your your yield infection. Yeah, you don't want to yield infection. 400 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 1: I would, I would say something now, but it's not 401 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:24,480 Speaker 1: looking great. Like I think something something I am a 402 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: fan of is being like very clear what your boundaries are. 403 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, don't just say don't flirt 404 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,200 Speaker 1: with other people, say like, hey, when you do this 405 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: specific action, it makes me uncomfortable, yes, but when you 406 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,160 Speaker 1: start having to get that specific about what action makes 407 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,280 Speaker 1: you uncomfortable, so people recognize that a behavior is not acceptable. 408 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: Then it's like, are you just trying to abide within 409 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 1: the rules? Are you actually like living with the intention 410 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 1: of what it means to be committed to each other? 411 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: There's like a difference between like that kind of loyalty 412 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: of committing to someone and literally not saying a sexual 413 00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: mark about an iceberg and then also being and then 414 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 1: like kind of like like going abiding by the rule, 415 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:09,440 Speaker 1: but uh like disregarding the intention. It feels like maybe 416 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,159 Speaker 1: if she brings up this is the specific behavior that 417 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,400 Speaker 1: I don't like and to stop doing it, he's going 418 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,359 Speaker 1: to maybe do other behavior that she hasn't outline because 419 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: the intention of what she wants him to not do 420 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,439 Speaker 1: is not being listened to. 421 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I think it's like so basically it's like, Okay, 422 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,119 Speaker 3: we could set up all these very specific parameters around 423 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 3: like Joe the person for instance, right, or basically like, hey, 424 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 3: let's basically completely remove me op from interaction with Joe 425 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,160 Speaker 3: and then like you as well, like what reason is there? 426 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean there's like there's the no contact thing. 427 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 1: It just seems like I feel like you could go 428 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: no contact with Joe and that might be something that 429 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,600 Speaker 1: you want to do for the health of your relationship. Like, 430 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,879 Speaker 1: I think that might be one of the solutions, because 431 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 1: right now, what it seems like is Op's husband is 432 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 1: not adhering to the intention of what OP needs. OP needs, 433 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,399 Speaker 1: I want to feel like you are committed to me 434 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:15,560 Speaker 1: and loyal to me, and Ope's husband's actions are are 435 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:19,200 Speaker 1: one of like a wandering eye instead of commitment. Yeah, 436 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,280 Speaker 1: And I think that's that's a little bit. 437 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 3: It's memorizing the answer, not like actually knowing and doing 438 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,120 Speaker 3: it right. So it's likely you can't just like check 439 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,639 Speaker 3: C and o C is correct. Why is see the 440 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 3: correct answeractly? Which to your point, maybe it's like, okay, 441 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 3: I'm not only laying out on his boundary, but here's why, 442 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,359 Speaker 3: and like moving forward, like I want to see you 443 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,359 Speaker 3: be able to find these times when like the Joes 444 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,159 Speaker 3: of the world come around and disrespect me as your 445 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 3: wife and show your loyalty and love to me. So 446 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 3: it's like, beyond just this one thing, this is a 447 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:52,920 Speaker 3: bigger behavior than. 448 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 2: I'm going to be looking for in you. And maybe 449 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 2: a great way to approach sharing bounties. 450 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,200 Speaker 1: And I think I think maybe Op, maybe like she said, 451 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,919 Speaker 1: I don't like when you or with Joe, but like, 452 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,600 Speaker 1: what what is the need that is violated with that? 453 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: Maybe that hasn't been communicated as well as the husband 454 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,879 Speaker 1: might need to understand. But it also sounds like Opie 455 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 1: has been coming to that a couple of times and 456 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: and striking out and trying to get this this, uh, 457 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: this point across. 458 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,680 Speaker 2: So are you saying is it worth it? 459 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,679 Speaker 1: I think it's worth it. They have kids, you know, 460 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,240 Speaker 1: when you have kids, you you I think there's there. 461 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,840 Speaker 1: You should spend a little bit more time trying to 462 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 1: work it out because it's difficult to end a relationship 463 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 1: like that. I think you have to say why you feel, 464 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,879 Speaker 1: like what you're not feeling that loyalty, yes, because you 465 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,879 Speaker 1: know someone that may maybe someone else would be totally fine, 466 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,959 Speaker 1: like they would like, Oh I can be I can 467 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,920 Speaker 1: be loyal and still flirt with other people like that. 468 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,040 Speaker 1: That that is a thing that some couples hold, right, 469 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: which other couples definitely don't, right. So uh, just coming 470 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:56,719 Speaker 1: together and communicating. 471 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,639 Speaker 3: I feel like if they can do this successfully, like 472 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:04,280 Speaker 3: thumbs up, continue to the next step. If this happens 473 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 3: with another Joe, that's like exactly, and and Joe isn't 474 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 3: solved as well. Like that's where it's like massively ret 475 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 3: alar territory exactly. 476 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 1: It's not about just this Joe. It's about all the jos, 477 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:17,919 Speaker 1: all the jokes coming to your future. 478 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:18,920 Speaker 2: And there's a lot of jokes. 479 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 1: There's a lot of Joe. 480 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,200 Speaker 2: The lot of Joe's are coming. 481 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're horning all the time, just like chat. Okay, 482 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 1: we had an update. I think we're gonna get more 483 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,639 Speaker 1: context on the relationship. We're going back in time. So 484 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 1: dear husband and I met in college, all right, We're 485 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,840 Speaker 1: going to some background. At the time, he and his 486 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 1: on again off again X had broken up. So I 487 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,639 Speaker 1: asked him out. If i'd known back then what I 488 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 1: know now, I'm not sure I would have bought shadow. 489 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 1: Maybe two years into our relationship, I still had not 490 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 1: met his parents. He had not met mine because my 491 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,520 Speaker 1: family is a disaster and an entirely different story. But 492 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,480 Speaker 1: from what I could tell, his parents seem fine. When 493 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,679 Speaker 1: I asked why I hadn't met them, he joked that 494 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 1: his mom didn't like me because of his ex foreshadowing. Again, 495 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: I can't recall his specific words, but that was a 496 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:10,879 Speaker 1: general idea. Anyway, I treated it like a joke. Because 497 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 1: he did as I progressed, it felt less and less 498 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,919 Speaker 1: like a joke and more like the startling truth. I 499 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,960 Speaker 1: finally got to meet mother in law and father in 500 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,600 Speaker 1: law a few more months down the line, and the 501 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:26,639 Speaker 1: welcome underwhelming, to say the least. But I figured it 502 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 1: was just me having weird expectations. His family's Italian, so 503 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,920 Speaker 1: I'd done a little crappy research on what to expect 504 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,080 Speaker 1: in addition to asking him about his family. 505 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,399 Speaker 2: That's so funny. She's like looking up. She's like, I 506 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 2: am dating Italian man. 507 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:46,960 Speaker 1: What to expect? And they said underwhelming welcome, but delicious, boss, Yeah. 508 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,560 Speaker 2: Exactly, unlimited breadsticks. 509 00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 1: The atmosphere is okay, but the bread sticks are to 510 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 1: die for. I thought they'd be a little warmer, but 511 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 1: they were not downright rude to me, so it was 512 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,159 Speaker 1: still a win in my book. As time passes, I 513 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,320 Speaker 1: tried to warm up to mother in law, but nothing work. 514 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 1: Her indifference slowly turned into thinly veiled disdain. For one 515 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:11,440 Speaker 1: of my father in law's birthdays, I got him a handmaid, 516 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,840 Speaker 1: expensive expensive as f I still think about the gosh 517 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:20,080 Speaker 1: darn wallet and it arrages me Italian leather wallet with 518 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 1: dear husband's boyfriend at the time approval. So got like 519 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,560 Speaker 1: that expensive, expensive handmade watt Have you ever gotten an 520 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,120 Speaker 1: expensive gift for your partner's parents. 521 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 2: I have not. 522 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,439 Speaker 3: That's which is a good point, like op is like 523 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,000 Speaker 3: going the extra mile here, like I. 524 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: Understand getting gifts for your you know, oh you know 525 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,640 Speaker 1: who you know who has gotten mom present my ex 526 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 1: gave it is true by my ex gave my mom 527 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,960 Speaker 1: a Thanksgiving note after we had broken up. 528 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 2: It's true. Wow. 529 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,160 Speaker 1: So it turns out Italians have a superstition against gifting 530 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,880 Speaker 1: empty wallets, which made the gift a bit awkward. But 531 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 1: father in law didn't make a big deal and even 532 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 1: gave me a coin to turn it in to a 533 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 1: purchase instead of a gift. We laughed and I thought 534 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,959 Speaker 1: things were fine until I found out that the wallet 535 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 1: was tucked away in my dear husband's apartment a month later. 536 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,360 Speaker 1: Oh that's sad. I find out from him that mother 537 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,920 Speaker 1: in law apparently said that she got father in law 538 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: a better one, so mine wasn't needed anymore when that happened. 539 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,640 Speaker 1: And why no one bothered to tell me, I don't know. Oh, 540 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,240 Speaker 1: and father law fell ill shortly afterwards, which I'm pretty 541 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 1: sure she blamed on me too. Great mother in law 542 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,320 Speaker 1: speaks fluid English, but for the first couple of months 543 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,920 Speaker 1: of knowing her, I was led to believe she always 544 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 1: spoke Italian. 545 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:41,360 Speaker 2: She really hates you red flags. Yeah we are. It's 546 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:42,520 Speaker 2: all making sense. 547 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:53,200 Speaker 1: Now, Wow, that's so evil. Yeah wow wow, oh man, 548 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: this is getting a husband. 549 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 2: Didn't even tell her, Yeah wow, that makes. 550 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 1: Sense because that's all she would speak around me. Granted 551 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,720 Speaker 1: I could have asked dear husband about her level of English, 552 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,640 Speaker 1: but it didn't occur to me. I assumed one would 553 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,120 Speaker 1: speak English around company that didn't speak their native language 554 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 1: if they had the ability to imagine my shock hearing 555 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,879 Speaker 1: him speak fluent English for the first time, not to me. 556 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:21,520 Speaker 1: Can't remember the context, but still, what the f And 557 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:25,120 Speaker 1: don't get me started on wedding planning an absolute nightmare. 558 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: Mother in law nitpicked everything. We had a smaller budget, 559 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,760 Speaker 1: largely due to me, and she made sure I felt 560 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 1: lesser for it. She had mentioned wanting to be involved, 561 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,960 Speaker 1: and she and father in a lot were footing most 562 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 1: of the costs, so I said yes. My bridesmaids helped 563 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,560 Speaker 1: a deal with her, but eventually I cut her out 564 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,080 Speaker 1: of planning entirely because having her around was starting to 565 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 1: suck the life out of me. She also made a 566 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,960 Speaker 1: big deal about my parents not attending or paying for 567 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 1: a portion of the wedding. My family and I were 568 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,080 Speaker 1: completely estranged at that time, and she didn't quite seem 569 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 1: to like that either. She'd rant in Italian, and while 570 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: I didn't understand much, I knew she was talking Oh yeah. 571 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, but so much worse than another language, just because 572 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:07,800 Speaker 2: it's like. 573 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 1: I don't know what they're saying, but I know it's me, 574 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,680 Speaker 1: which makes it's kind of like the the monster in 575 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,920 Speaker 1: scary movies, Like it's like in Jaws, like you never 576 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 1: see the monster, and so it's scarier. True, like you 577 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 1: not understanding the talk makes the talk more. 578 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,320 Speaker 2: How can I? How can I? I can back? 579 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:27,680 Speaker 1: And she's a classic mama boy and nabler. They infantilized 580 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:30,320 Speaker 1: dear husband growing up, and there was a time where 581 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: we couldn't buy groceries without her input. He's her golden boy. 582 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 1: I've heard her refer to him as her miracle child. 583 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: She has not had difficulty conceiving that I know of, 584 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 1: but he is the only boy she gave birth to. 585 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 1: When friction would rise between mother in line and I, 586 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,960 Speaker 1: he try to keep the peace but still took her 587 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: side in many situations. 588 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 2: M hm. 589 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,800 Speaker 1: He only stood firm when she insulted my upbringing and 590 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:02,320 Speaker 1: tried to make me feel unworthy of dear husband, both 591 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 1: things I appreciated immensely because those are sore subjects. But 592 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,280 Speaker 1: I wish he'd done more. At times, it feels like 593 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,080 Speaker 1: he's just not doing enough in all areas of life. 594 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:10,840 Speaker 2: Seems like it. 595 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 1: He isn't blameless in this either, but this post isn't 596 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 1: really about him. We're not even at the juice yet, John. 597 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 1: The juice has has yet to be squeezed. We got 598 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 1: juice going. We got some juicy, juicy juice. Orange will 599 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:27,120 Speaker 1: be wrung. 600 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,400 Speaker 2: Oh, a lot of vitamin C. 601 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,400 Speaker 1: A lot of vitamin C come on our way. So 602 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 1: suffice to say, I have many a story of how 603 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 1: crappy and cold my mother in law would be towards me. 604 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 1: But then I got pregnant and her attitude did a 605 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,440 Speaker 1: complete one eighty. Suddenly she was offering a babysit, cooked meals, 606 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: nit clothes, et cetera. She even kissed me on both 607 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:48,880 Speaker 1: cheeks when she came to see us after labor. This 608 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:52,560 Speaker 1: woman had never voluntarily touched me before this point, I 609 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,160 Speaker 1: don't think. We started cooking together, and she taught me 610 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:59,120 Speaker 1: family recipes and some niche Italian phrases commonly used in 611 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 1: the village their family is from. Dare I say we bonded. 612 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 1: I thought we'd finally gotten past whatever the initial problem was. 613 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,680 Speaker 1: Maybe having kids with her son was enough to prove 614 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,000 Speaker 1: that I was here to stay. So you just see, 615 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 1: so she decided to warm up to me. I don't know. 616 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,640 Speaker 1: I had no close maternal figures in my life, no 617 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: contact with my narcissistic mom since Carl since college, and 618 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:27,640 Speaker 1: hardly any contact with my grandmother's so this felt incredibly cathartic. Oh, 619 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: I know, She's like, Oh, I finally have a favor finally. 620 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 2: Nope. 621 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 1: I wasn't racing to tell her. My secrets were confided 622 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,400 Speaker 1: in her, but toying with the idea that we might 623 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 1: be able to build up to that point made me happy. 624 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 1: I had postpartum depression after the twins, and having her 625 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 1: around to help was a godsend. I was hesitant at first, 626 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 1: but she proved herself to be beyond trustworthy, and my 627 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 1: husband and I were absolutely exhausted. Yeah, I mean, imagine 628 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 1: having one kid and then imagine just bop twins. That's crazy. 629 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:00,920 Speaker 2: That is a lot. 630 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 1: I love my gorgeous girls, but two kids at once 631 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,840 Speaker 1: made me the witchiest I've ever been. 632 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:07,880 Speaker 2: Nice. 633 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:15,320 Speaker 1: My stress levels, we're through the roof between feeding, nursing, changing, burping, soothing, yielding, 634 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 1: et cetera. My husband was equally exhausted, and just when 635 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,720 Speaker 1: we would feel hopeless, mother in law would offer to 636 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 1: come over, let us sleep, eat, go out, just do 637 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: whatever we needed to recharge. We would talk, usually about 638 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 1: the kids, but I just felt excited that she wanted 639 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: to hold conversation with me. In the past, she hasn't bothered. 640 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,640 Speaker 1: She's been speaking Italian in the past. If she called, 641 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,040 Speaker 1: it was her son's phone and they'd speak and then 642 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,720 Speaker 1: she'd hang up. But suddenly she was asking to speak 643 00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 1: to me as well. There was something extremely validating about 644 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,440 Speaker 1: it all, and I was happy to put the past 645 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 1: to bed in favor for this new change. I feel like, also, 646 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 1: we're just we're building. 647 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:56,520 Speaker 2: Up, dude. 648 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:57,239 Speaker 1: This building up. 649 00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 3: This is sane, build up. This is this is a 650 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,760 Speaker 3: one thousand foot roller coaster. 651 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,400 Speaker 1: And it's about to go down. We're like right at 652 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:09,640 Speaker 1: the precipice where like the chicks are going oh and 653 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:13,000 Speaker 1: that roller coaster is about to go down. But but 654 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 1: but there's a big butte there it is. There's a 655 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:16,040 Speaker 1: big butt. 656 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,440 Speaker 2: We were waiting for leans us over the agg. 657 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: That big booty flopping all. But recently, through a situation 658 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 1: that is related but not the focus at this post, 659 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:33,239 Speaker 1: I realized she never respected me or my relationship with 660 00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,040 Speaker 1: her son. For the past decade, mother in law has 661 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,880 Speaker 1: been inviting my husband's ex to family gatherings and turning 662 00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,920 Speaker 1: a blind eye to her blatant advances on him. She 663 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 1: was introduced as a family friend, so I thought nothing 664 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,440 Speaker 1: of it initially. Plus, as mother in law and I's 665 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:53,040 Speaker 1: relationship improved, I assumed any malice she showed towards me 666 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:56,560 Speaker 1: would naturally fade. She had been inviting husband's ex to 667 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,640 Speaker 1: family events prior to me giving birth and continue to 668 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 1: do so oh well after. I didn't know why, but 669 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,120 Speaker 1: I made the dumb assumption that because it continued, it 670 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,719 Speaker 1: could have It couldn't have been in bad taste, you know, 671 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 1: inviting the X. We'd gotten past our bad blood after all, 672 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,680 Speaker 1: So if she was still inviting dear husband's X, it 673 00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:20,480 Speaker 1: couldn't have been with bad intent, or so went my 674 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:21,600 Speaker 1: idiotic logic. 675 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:23,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, or so I got. 676 00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,480 Speaker 1: But after posting about my situation, I realized that I 677 00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:34,479 Speaker 1: was horribly naive about everything. Then a few weeks ago, 678 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 1: I came across a post of a man disparaging his 679 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,920 Speaker 1: mom for treating her daughter in law like crap and 680 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,759 Speaker 1: then switching up when she gave birth to her grandchildren. 681 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,520 Speaker 1: And then it clicked, this is exactly what happened to me. 682 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,040 Speaker 1: Mother in law's kindness truly may never have been genuine 683 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 1: towards me. Rather, her love for her grandchildren outweighed any 684 00:34:56,640 --> 00:35:01,080 Speaker 1: disdain she held towards me. She was carrying them and 685 00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 1: she Yeah, she is just the silo Karen, that yield. 686 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:04,919 Speaker 2: That's right. 687 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,440 Speaker 1: She wasn't warming up to me at all. She was 688 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:13,120 Speaker 1: tolerating my presence to have access to my kids. Reddit 689 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:17,640 Speaker 1: really is an eye opening place, darn tutin is you 690 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:21,399 Speaker 1: know opening place? What our live streams every weekday three 691 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,240 Speaker 1: pm PSC to come check them out right here on YouTube? 692 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:32,440 Speaker 1: Yes her, needless to say, I feel absolutely crushed. Everything 693 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,319 Speaker 1: else aside I truly thought mother in law was in 694 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,880 Speaker 1: my corner the past five years felt so healing because 695 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,560 Speaker 1: of our relationship. I've never had a sustained, genuine relationship 696 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,279 Speaker 1: with an older woman like this before, and finding out 697 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,920 Speaker 1: it was all fake is numbing in ways I can't explain. 698 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:53,640 Speaker 1: I feel so effing stupid, really quick. Yes, we have 699 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,799 Speaker 1: a little bit more to this story actually, like like 700 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,960 Speaker 1: a good a good chunk, A good chunk. But I 701 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:02,000 Speaker 1: want to stop right here and based on everything you know, 702 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:06,839 Speaker 1: divorce or not, low contact or not, Like, what are 703 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,720 Speaker 1: you feeling is the mix of things that OP should 704 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 1: do to remedy what she's realizing about this relationship she 705 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:14,520 Speaker 1: has with this family. 706 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:22,520 Speaker 3: Divorce because ten years of proof, you know how the 707 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,840 Speaker 3: mother in law behaves, and you know that the husband 708 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,560 Speaker 3: is not there to vacuum the corner. I also love 709 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,360 Speaker 3: how we started off as with Joe as like the 710 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:33,640 Speaker 3: evil villain, and. 711 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,320 Speaker 2: It's just it's the mother in law completely. 712 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,239 Speaker 3: The mother in law was pulling the strings behind the 713 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 3: curtains the whole time. 714 00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:44,560 Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it's just like, think divorce immediately. 715 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,120 Speaker 1: What would you So you've gone on Reddit, you found 716 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:52,080 Speaker 1: all this out? Nothing, nothing bad, nothing new bad has happened. 717 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,319 Speaker 3: Yes, So as we usually say, I think you know 718 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 3: going to like, let's say, starting with couples counseling with 719 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,800 Speaker 3: the husband and revealing this revelation and confronting in with 720 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:02,600 Speaker 3: all its information. 721 00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:04,480 Speaker 2: Your mother has never liked or. 722 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,520 Speaker 3: Loved me for who I am and only did it 723 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 3: for the kids and is still plotting against me. You 724 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 3: at almost every single turn, have have sided with her, 725 00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:16,360 Speaker 3: and I am basically alone out here. You need to 726 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:20,160 Speaker 3: show the level of switch up that the husband has 727 00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:23,440 Speaker 3: to show to show op that she's defended because she 728 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,840 Speaker 3: now has ten years of reasons why she should suspect 729 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,160 Speaker 3: that she isn't or feel that she isn't. So I 730 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,799 Speaker 3: think you can totally like bring that case, bring that 731 00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:38,680 Speaker 3: to couples counseling. But I think it's kind of with 732 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,040 Speaker 3: the slant and angle of like, at least this is 733 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 3: probably how I would feel, of like, I just don't 734 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 3: It would take a herculean effort, and I don't know 735 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,919 Speaker 3: really what it would take to make me feel after 736 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,879 Speaker 3: ten years of not feeling like safe and secure with 737 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:54,719 Speaker 3: your mom and you. 738 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:56,840 Speaker 2: I just don't know if it's possible. 739 00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:01,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel similar that it's like a lot would 740 00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:04,080 Speaker 1: have to be shown to repair the relationship. I think 741 00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,239 Speaker 1: in terms of what would have to be shown, I 742 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,480 Speaker 1: think I'm not going to be in the same room 743 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 1: as Joe, and I don't want my kids being there. 744 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:16,040 Speaker 1: EI though, so like full no contact with Joe. She 745 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,440 Speaker 1: doesn't deserve my presence. And I want you to go 746 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,680 Speaker 1: no contact with Joe as well, then low contact with 747 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:24,680 Speaker 1: mother in law. I think, you know, obviously she's like 748 00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,359 Speaker 1: your mom. I don't think I don't want to cut 749 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 1: off your family, but she has been so damaging to 750 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,680 Speaker 1: our relationship. I need to show that you're going to 751 00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:36,560 Speaker 1: be choosing me over her, especially because what she's been 752 00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:43,880 Speaker 1: doing is actively disrespecting and destroying and a destabilizing our relationship, 753 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,680 Speaker 1: and that is not something I'm going to stick around 754 00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:50,399 Speaker 1: with doing because if you want to keep doing this, 755 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,640 Speaker 1: I am going to have to leave for the sanity 756 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:58,800 Speaker 1: of my own brain. Yeah, I think that's what I 757 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:02,319 Speaker 1: would ask for and then and see kind of like 758 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:04,600 Speaker 1: what what happens from that. 759 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,560 Speaker 3: But I'm even like, even in explaining us to the husband, 760 00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,399 Speaker 3: in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, like. 761 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:10,479 Speaker 1: He's not gonna change. 762 00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,560 Speaker 3: Is not only is he not going to change, but 763 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,080 Speaker 3: let's you know what, Let's say he does change, right, 764 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,200 Speaker 3: or it's he goes through the long, slow and steady 765 00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:19,840 Speaker 3: process of getting to that change. 766 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,479 Speaker 2: Is the emotional labor worth? 767 00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:26,640 Speaker 3: How long is it going to take for uh it 768 00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:29,200 Speaker 3: to get to the point where Opie now has at 769 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:32,520 Speaker 3: least a drastically better situation? 770 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,239 Speaker 2: If not, like okay, this is like like. 771 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:37,799 Speaker 1: That's really good. Yeah, I just it's I guess it's like, 772 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,879 Speaker 1: is that length of time that you know you could 773 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 1: wait all that time and it not change the way 774 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,239 Speaker 1: you need? Is that is that is the is the 775 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:49,800 Speaker 1: chance of that better than going through with the divorce? 776 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,840 Speaker 3: It feels like it would be a year's long process, 777 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,919 Speaker 3: and then it's like we could reach that year's long 778 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:55,719 Speaker 3: process and then. 779 00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,959 Speaker 2: Still be well close to the same place. 780 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,200 Speaker 1: Yes, I And again there's more to this story. Sorry, 781 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,719 Speaker 1: But something I'm thinking is like, if you say no 782 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 1: contact with Joe, low contact with mom. Uh, that's kind 783 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:12,120 Speaker 1: of an immediate change. This is dynamic. But it's like 784 00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,680 Speaker 1: that whole idea we were talking before where it's like, yes, 785 00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,200 Speaker 1: these are the actions that you're doing to kind of 786 00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,440 Speaker 1: like fit what op needs in the moment, but the 787 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,680 Speaker 1: intention is still not there. I think it's going to 788 00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,200 Speaker 1: take a while to build up the intention, but at 789 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,120 Speaker 1: least the action would create a different setting that might 790 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:29,600 Speaker 1: make something salvageable. 791 00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,359 Speaker 2: I don't know, I just thought of this just now. 792 00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,560 Speaker 3: Maybe the reason why I'm feeling so hesitant with this 793 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:39,120 Speaker 3: situation is because it's a different scenario if it was 794 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:44,279 Speaker 3: like purely solely only actions, like if the husband was 795 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,320 Speaker 3: the one always inviting Joe and like doing all these things, 796 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,960 Speaker 3: something that's completely within the husband's control. This is not 797 00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:52,879 Speaker 3: only dealing with the mother in law, which is someone 798 00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,080 Speaker 3: outside of the husband's control, but the level of which 799 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,520 Speaker 3: the like kind of severe or like just what I'm 800 00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:05,000 Speaker 3: seeing and reading the mother in law's like personality traits 801 00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,960 Speaker 3: are I feel like it's baked in so deep, and 802 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,960 Speaker 3: you know, to to in fairness to the husband, it's 803 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:12,239 Speaker 3: like he really can't control that. 804 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,279 Speaker 2: Yes, you can go low contact, but. 805 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:20,480 Speaker 3: There's like such a strong variable where the gravity around 806 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:24,799 Speaker 3: his family is so high. It's your mom, It's it's 807 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:28,080 Speaker 3: gonna be hard to low to go low contact. Yeah, 808 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 3: So that's maybe why you know, a bit a big 809 00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:32,560 Speaker 3: piece even. 810 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,480 Speaker 2: More complicating it from where I'm sitting. 811 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:38,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I would love to know what all of y'all do. Yes, 812 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,480 Speaker 1: put your answers in the chat. Divorce or not. You're 813 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:43,080 Speaker 1: gotta try to work it out a little bit more. 814 00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,640 Speaker 1: Right now, you have enough info to divorce again. You 815 00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:51,319 Speaker 1: got kids, multiple of them, but we got a little 816 00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 1: bit more to this story. So I feel so effing stupid, 817 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,439 Speaker 1: which is saying quite a bit, considering I didn't think 818 00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,600 Speaker 1: feeling like more of an idiot was possible for me. 819 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:03,040 Speaker 1: Right now now, I just wonder how starved for attention 820 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:07,720 Speaker 1: I must be to have missed such clear signs. Grieving 821 00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,880 Speaker 1: a relationship that only existed on my head is effing hard, 822 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,600 Speaker 1: and coming to terms with my own lack of awareness 823 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:19,319 Speaker 1: and disillusionment has been a battle among several others that 824 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:23,920 Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm effing losing. Feel a bit pathetic, 825 00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:27,000 Speaker 1: all things considered, because how did I not realize? And 826 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:30,680 Speaker 1: now all these thoughts flood my mind of what she's 827 00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,680 Speaker 1: been telling my children when she's with them, whether or not. 828 00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,080 Speaker 1: Extended family is in on it as well, right, the 829 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:41,920 Speaker 1: extended family. I've been a mess. God, I feel sick. 830 00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:45,279 Speaker 1: There's certainly many layers of this situation. But this one 831 00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:48,719 Speaker 1: hurts much more than I thought it would. I'm going 832 00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:52,200 Speaker 1: to stop here because I've already written ample, but I 833 00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:58,000 Speaker 1: am more than going through it, and that is where 834 00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:02,240 Speaker 1: the story ends. So I love to know from everyone, 835 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,160 Speaker 1: divorce or not, what do you think OP should do? 836 00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:09,359 Speaker 1: Put your answers in the comments. It's a big one. 837 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:14,000 Speaker 1: It's a big one. Might might see this video. So yeah, 838 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,160 Speaker 1: I'd love to know what y'all think. Put your answer 839 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:17,640 Speaker 1: to the chat. I feel like Johnny kind of wrapped 840 00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:19,600 Speaker 1: it up with what you were saying, right yeah before 841 00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,000 Speaker 1: the same feelings as before, same feelings, So that's what 842 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,000 Speaker 1: you think. But that is the end of that story. 843 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:27,440 Speaker 2: And while OP might not love her husband anymore. 844 00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:29,120 Speaker 1: You know what, we always love. We love you guys, 845 00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,200 Speaker 1: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe We 846 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,320 Speaker 1: love you and see it tomorrow.