WEBVTT - 60 Seconds A Day Can Transform Your Relationship 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:06.840 Welcome everyone to this Saturday edition of Amy and TJ. 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:09.960 And I read. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:13.600 An article in Forbes magazine, TJ. That caught my attention. 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:16.560 What do you think you read forbed them? Nice? 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:19.760 Yes, every now and then I have some high brow moments. 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:20.639 Nice, very nice. 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:21.640 I'm really interested in. 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.880 The economy and how I can further my investments. No, 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:27.760 but this one actually was about a relationship. This actually 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:30.200 you had nothing to do with an investment or money 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:32.680 of any kind. But perhaps it's the thing that we 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:36.840 can invest in the most each other exactly. 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:38.199 I like how you pick that up? 0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:41.440 All right, So what would you think of this headline? 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:47.440 Just one minute of focused attention can transform your relationship. 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:50.640 One minute of focused attention, that's what the headline says. 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:52.280 Yep, one minute. 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:55.760 So they're talking about daily, but sixty seconds every day 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:59.440 a focused attention can transform your relationship. 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:00.080 Do you buy it? 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:02.720 Uh? You know what? I buy it enough that I 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:06.120 would go click, which I assume was what that headline 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:07.880 was meant to do, was to get me. 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:10.039 To click, which is exactly what I did. 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:14.800 So, yes, I'm curious. But let's if we're going to 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:18.680 take it step by step. Just hearing that I would go, Okay, obviously. 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:21.120 That's bs you'd be I rolling right, Okay, So here's 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:25.720 I like the concept. So the researcher or the psychologist 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:30.080 who notes several studies and own anecdotal personal evidence from 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:33.520 just their own practice, said that people make the mistake 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:39.000 of thinking that big events are what define a relationship, 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:41.880 that's what stands out in a relationship, But it's actually 0:01:41.920 --> 0:01:47.440 the small, repeated rituals that actually end up reassuring your partner. 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:49.120 Did they give you examples of big events? What were 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:52.600 we talking about? We literally talk about marriage or engagement, 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:55.000 a first date and that kind of stuff. Actually think 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:55.960 flowers or. 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.560 I think it's the grand gestures. People think, oh, I've 0:01:58.560 --> 0:02:00.360 got to I've got to go out for a big 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:02.360 date night, or I need to make a plan for 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:04.800 this vacation for just the two of us, and they're 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:07.400 thinking those are the moments that we should focus on 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:10.240 as a couple. But actually it's all wrong, that's what 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:13.120 they're saying. It's actually all the small, little daily things 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:16.720 that end up deciding whether or not your relationship is 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:20.080 successful and long lasting or not. So sixty seconds is 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:24.200 what they're talking about. Sixty seconds a full undivided attention. 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:26.600 You want some examples of what that could look for? 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:29.400 Well, what makes you I understand what you're saying. These 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:33.600 researchers are saying you can improve your relationship by simply 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:39.519 giving your partner sixty seconds of your time undivided. 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:43.160 Yes, and this is a decision daily. So they're talking 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:48.840 about no cell phone in hand. Yeah, no multitasking going on, yeah, 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.440 no rushing around. There's no where you had like, it 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:57.040 doesn't feel rushed. It's just an intentional minute devoted to 0:02:57.080 --> 0:02:57.600 the partner. 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:00.360 What. Okay, So there are some examples. 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:05.760 Okay, here's an example, one minute of a long hug. 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:08.920 Okay, why are you laughing? 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:12.720 I'm imagining us hugging with the timer on. 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:18.160 Okay, does cuddling count? 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:22.360 Yes? Yes, So they've recited a twenty twenty two study. 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:26.080 I've seen tons of these studies that say with just 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:29.760 a twenty second hug, you have your cortisol levels, your 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:31.880 stress levels are immediately reduced. 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:35.400 Like it's palpable. They have wired people up and even 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:36.360 a twenty. 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:43.400 Second hug has a significant neurological impact. So imagine if 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:45.600 you just said, sometimes I come up to you and 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:46.880 I just say, can I have a hug. 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:48.880 That is that annoying? 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:54.040 It's well, it depends on if you're asking for it 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:55.839 because you just did something to piss me off. 0:03:55.960 --> 0:04:01.560 Oh yeah, no, it's not that. I'm just joking. Stop, No, 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:03.600 I'm just thinking, like in the morning sometimes. 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:06.440 No, of course it's not annoying. Who gets annoyed? If 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:09.560 anybody out there gets annoyed by a hug or a 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.520 request for a hug. No, how many hugs have you 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:15.680 ever had that didn't feel good? Few? 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:18.839 We've had some only from someone I didn't like or 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:19.800 I didn't like at the time. 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:24.160 Yes, but if your spouse, your maid, the anybody you 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:27.159 like puts their arms around you, and the embrace always 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:29.160 feels good. So you're telling me a sixty second. 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:30.640 Hug, it changes the day. 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:33.600 You're telling me that every couple out there that's struggling 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:36.880 start with this. Yeah, put your arms around each other 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:38.400 for sixty seconds a day. 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:40.960 You know what I would say, that can't hurt, can't hurt, 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:43.400 It can't hurt. So that was one example. One minute 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.920 of a long hug. Okay, one minute where you share 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:49.680 a moment of gratitude with each other. So they're saying 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:52.360 it could be first thing in the morning, last thing 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:54.880 at night where you just say something you're grateful for 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:57.640 about the other person. You just make a note of 0:04:57.800 --> 0:04:59.160 letting the other person know. 0:04:59.120 --> 0:04:59.880 What you're grateful for. 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.080 Ever done anything like that. No, I've never tried to 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:04.479 nam Ah to sit down and do that kind of routine. 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:07.760 It's so interesting that you say that, because they absolutely 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:10.599 say that it will feel strange at first. It will 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.160 absolutely feel strange at first. But if you incorporate one 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:16.360 or both or some of these practices daily, And that 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:18.599 was it has to be consistent, and it has to 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:21.120 be intentional. And they actually they have some suggestions and 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:23.159 we'll get into them about how you can make this 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:25.560 a constant thing, how to make it stick. 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:25.839 So to speak. 0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:27.920 But they said, give it two to three weeks before 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:30.200 you say this is so dumb, this is so silly, 0:05:30.279 --> 0:05:33.000 this doesn't matter. Give it two to three weeks and 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:37.120 see and then you'll know, and they claim you'll recognize 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:41.640 that it absolutely is a game change. Who's the researcher 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:44.960 is this psychologist you have Forbes magazine just going through 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:48.159 all of their resources. But another thing they said, in 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:49.760 the morning, you could check in for one minute and 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:51.680 say how can I support you today? What's your day like? 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:54.400 And is there anything I can do to support you today? 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:58.800 That's sweet. That sounds like a dream to me. If 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:01.560 every day your partners, Hey, what's your day like? And 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:04.560 is there any way I can support you today? 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:08.800 Man, y'all hope everybody's writing this down. Two out of 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:11.599 the three at least can be done instantly, yep, Like 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:14.080 you can start this tomorrow. But when you go about 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:16.039 your day, it's not just amount of saying, hey, what 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:18.360 you got going which can show a level of interest, 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:20.679 and that's fine, But when you take it a step further, 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.800 how can what all you've got going on? How can 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:26.520 I make that load easier? Ah? How can I assist? 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:29.880 Do you instantly feel like gratitude towards the person who 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:30.520 asks you that? 0:06:30.560 --> 0:06:34.680 You immediately feel that. It feels so supportive and you 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:35.479 feel connected. 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:36.200 That's a good one. 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:39.000 Okay, I like that too. I like this one too, 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:41.320 because sometimes you're not always in the best place with 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:45.000 your partner. Sometimes you're annoyed, sometimes there are issues. So 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:48.719 they say it's okay to do We're really good, right, Yeah, 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:50.359 But they say it's okay to do a one minute 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:54.719 silent ritual, which means holding hands. Just go and hold 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:56.760 your partner's hand for one minute. You don't have to 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:00.040 say anything. They even suggested this seemed funny to me, 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:01.760 and I laughed picturing this. 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:08.000 But forehead to forehead, I don't see us doing that, right, 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:08.719 that's funny? 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:11.680 Was that being forehead to forehead? 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.760 You just put your forehead to your partner's forehead and 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:17.920 you say nothing, but you're connected. That's a very intimate 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:20.200 thing to do that you would not do with anyone else. 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:23.720 The movie posters of that, like some love stories and 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:24.960 they have forehead to forehead. 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:29.040 Have we ever we might have like touched fore heads? Yeah, 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:31.600 but we that's usually don't We don't linger. 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:34.280 Yeah, well it's cuddling. We don't stand in a hall 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:38.400 while you're touching its okay, all right. 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:40.200 And then the other thing was you could do breathwork 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:43.240 like breathing together with that also, I would just start laughing. 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.120 That's the thing we have that we have that friendship 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:48.000 like two kids who should not sit next to each 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:49.520 other in school friendship. 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:50.280 We would just. 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:52.240 Start laughing if we had to do breathwork together, Like 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:53.880 I don't think I could ever do yoga with you, 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:57.280 because I would just start laughing. I would just start 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:02.760 laughing at watching you. 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:04.880 You don't think I could handle yoga, is what you say? 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:07.240 I think you would look hilarious doing yoga. 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:10.040 Why I just do Maybe you'd be sexy and you'd 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:10.520 be amazing. 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:12.320 I don't know, but I have it. It's something we 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:13.080 could try. 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:14.960 All right, So I think Wait, those were five? 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:16.920 Yeah, those were some of you tell me. 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:18.520 The one before the last one, it was something I 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:19.640 wanted to get at. What was it? 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:19.880 What? 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:20.320 So? 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:23.480 That was a one minute morning check in and then 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:25.360 after you find out what they're doing, you ask how 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:26.480 can I support you today? 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:29.960 That's a really really good one. And the last one 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:30.320 was what. 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:33.840 That was just a silent ritual holding hands for a minute. 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:35.560 I was gonna ask, does it count if you're holding 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:36.559 hands walking down the street. 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:42.920 Well, they said you shouldn't be distracted or or multitasking, gotcha? 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:44.120 So I don't think that counts. 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:47.080 No, what if? So you shouldn't be watching a movie 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:47.840 and holding hands? 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:50.800 Should it's not part of this practice? Like, that's great 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:52.880 to do that, but this is actually an intentional We're 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:56.720 just gonna sit and it's about feeling and acknowledging the connection, 0:08:57.520 --> 0:08:59.960 and so that's part of what it is, where you 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.960 actually it's not just a habit where you're just like, oh, 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:05.360 inadvertently touching each other. 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:08.000 This is I am intentionally connecting to you. 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:11.280 That's good. I like that with the I thought about 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:13.600 that because you said sitting in silence, I was, and 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:16.240 then holding hands. It made me think of this happened. 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:19.360 It's happened a couple of days recently. And we both 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:21.320 laughed out loud after I said it. But we're walking 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:24.280 down the street, we're holding hands, and then after a 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:27.720 block or two we haven't said anything, and I say. 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:28.320 Are we in a fight? 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:29.240 Are we fighting? 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:34.640 Like, no, we're just taking in all the sights and 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:37.480 sounds and whatever. But no, that is true because it 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:39.480 feels weird, like why are we not talking right now? 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:41.480 But I actually think sometimes that's a level of comfort, 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:43.959 all right. For the skeptics out there. 0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:47.160 The article has a lot of. 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:49.720 Good points to try and combat any skeptics out there. 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:52.960 First of all, they said to think about this sixty seconds, 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:57.240 this minute as a deposit in your emotional bank account. 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:01.959 So research shows that couples who stayd together consistently make 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:04.439 far more deposits than withdrawals. 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:05.760 What is a withdrawal? 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:09.480 You ask, any time you ignore your partner or you 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:12.760 dismiss your partner, whether you realize it or not, you 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:14.959 are there is a withdrawal that is being made where 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:21.200 your your other partner feels less connected, they feel misunderstood. 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:25.240 So that is the negative. The positive is the connection. 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:28.480 I'm so sorry. Tell me it's a deposit. It and 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:29.560 it withdraw from your what. 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:32.600 Bank account, emotional bank account, and how you're viewing your 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:35.760 connection to your partner. So they say the magic ratio, 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:38.280 and I've seen studies saying this exact same number. For 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:43.880 every negative interaction you need at least five positive ones 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:48.520 to counter it. So so resentment doesn't build, because if 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:51.840 you can't have a five to one ratio, resentment builds. 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:56.520 And so for every negative interaction, you need five positive ones. 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:58.959 Because that's those are the ones that stick with us. Yeah, 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:00.560 it takes a lot more over coming. 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:04.880 Because we are we're protecting ourselves. We're scared of rejection, 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:08.199 we're scared of losing the connection, and so we harp 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:12.359 on that. So the daily practice of sixty seconds guarantees 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:16.319 at least one positive deposit each day. So you're getting 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:18.200 ahead of the game, so to speak. 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:20.160 Well, we're okay loans, we don't have a negative one. 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:22.280 We don't have to do five deposits every day. 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:24.120 Correct if it's for every negative, right. 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:25.800 So we should want to build up as me deposits. 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:27.400 You want to have as much money in the bank 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:27.800 as you can. 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:31.320 Right. So they say, I love this. This is what 0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:34.240 the study found. Every time think about this as from 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:38.240 your personal standpoint, be honest with yourself. Every time you're ignored, 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.800 even and that's what they call a small rejection. But 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:47.000 being ignored is a small rejection resentment and distance builds 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:48.960 and it accumulates. 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:50.720 And that's so true. 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:52.040 Say that again. 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:56.440 Every time you're ignored by your partner, it's considered a 0:11:56.520 --> 0:12:03.320 small rejection. And that was builds and distance then builds. 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:05.640 You're starting to build a wall, like you start to 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:06.439 protect yourself. 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:08.200 It's what humans do. 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:11.679 Do they give any examples of what type of being 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:15.480 ignored big things, small things, and just they say, anytime 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:18.559 you feel ignored, yes, yes. 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:21.440 That you need to pay attention to that, that that matters. 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:25.560 And so they said, getting this sixty seconds is the 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.559 one thing. They said, I appreciated this the sixty seconds 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:33.080 thing that's sustainable, like you can do that. Everyone has 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.800 one minute to be intentional with their partner, and they 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:40.880 say it's powerful. They're calling it a micro habit, meaning 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:44.160 it's considered too small to fail, and yet it works. 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:47.240 So they're calling this sixty second ritual a micro habit. 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:50.960 What are we? I mean, where are we that we're 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:56.000 asking that little of our partner? I mean, I guess 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:58.960 do most of us give more than sixty seconds? It 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:01.640 seems bizarre that this is all that takes. I guess 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:04.200 it's baby steps, but that's a really really small baby 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:08.319 step to say that. Can you again? I always when 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:12.520 we start these relationship chats, I come back to it, boom, 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:19.680 everybody ask have you given your partner sixty seconds of 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:23.600 your undivided attention today? 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:26.520 Damn it's harder than you think, especially when you have kids, 0:13:26.600 --> 0:13:29.920 especially when you're racing around. You're managing all the things 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.800 that we manage as adults, and it's kind of crazy 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:35.480 to think about it like that. All right, So I 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:39.160 think I'm I'm bought into this plan. 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Welcome 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:52.440 back to this edition of Amy and TJ, where we 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:58.000 are talking about a pretty cool concept that came from Forbes' magazine. 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:02.000 This notion that all it takes is one minute each day, 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:06.160 sixty seconds of undivided attention towards your partner, and that 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:11.320 that intention, that one minute can transform your relationship for 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:15.120 the better. And so we talked about what it is 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:17.240 that you could do, what you should do, what we 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:20.720 should all be doing, probably in our relationships each and 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:22.200 every day. But how do you make it a happen? 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:24.800 How do you make it stick well? One of the 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:28.680 suggestions from the researchers was to tie it to something 0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:31.760 you do every day. So you're about to brush your 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:33.840 teeth in the morning or in the evening, like that's 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:35.840 like when you think about, oh I need to brush 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:37.920 my teeth, that's the moment you do it. It needs to 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.080 be tied to something that you know you're going to 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.240 do every day. The other thing they said was to 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:46.280 make sure it's pressure free. It's not always going to 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:50.480 be a magical sixty seconds, like somehow we think, oh, 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:53.520 this sixty seconds is going to be this beautiful. Sometimes 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:56.680 it isn't, but you do it anyway. And I thought 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:58.960 that was cool, like just to lower the expectations of 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:03.680 what these seconds might be and even on rush days 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:06.360 when maybe because they said you could decide together when 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:08.320 you're gonna do it, or you can individually decide to 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.640 do it. But they said you can remind one another gently, Hey, 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:13.360 do you want to take our one minute now? Like 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:16.000 when things get crazy and maybe you're feeling the tension, 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.200 you could say to your partner, hey, can we take 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:19.160 our one minute now? 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:22.840 And again, this is supposed to be undivided. It's not 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:24.800 just a matter of spending time together. So if we're 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:28.160 in the kitchen and you're cutting up celery and I'm 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.560 over there making a margarita, that doesn't count. 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:34.000 No, in fact, you did, Hey, can we put our 0:16:34.080 --> 0:16:37.480 knives down? Can we put our phones down? And can 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.040 we take our minute? Whatever that is? It's a hug, 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:40.760 it's a handhole. 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:43.960 Well it's yeah, that's fun. Do you think we get 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:45.280 anywhere close to a minute a day? 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:50.200 I don't know if it's a minute consecutively, like, yes, 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:51.880 we do things for each other, but is it a 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:53.080 full sixty seconds? 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:53.760 I don't know. 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:56.280 We should put a timer on it a couple times 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.560 and just see what happens. Like how uncomfortable is a 0:16:58.600 --> 0:16:59.440 sixty second hug? 0:16:59.520 --> 0:16:59.880 I don't know. 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:04.200 See not the hug? I think we get in more 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:06.840 than sixty seconds a day. And I say it because 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:10.399 I'm just gonna start reeling off some things undivided though undivided. 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:16.560 The time you get in conversation with me laying down 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:20.159 in the bed, the time you remember me on my 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:23.000 knees while you're still laying in the bed, I'm sitting 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:25.000 there looking up talking to you about something. The time 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:27.159 I lay my head on your stomach. A lot of 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:32.280 this involved me laying on you in somewhere. Apparently we 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.280 have these moments that we stop. We're not trying to, 0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:38.879 we're not consciously making a decision to do so. But 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:40.879 there are times where, for like, I stop and I 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:43.280 look at you and I'm talking to you about something 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.480 other than work, that nothing else is going on. 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:49.040 Yeah, I think, yes, I hear you. 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.760 I also think a lot of times we have moments 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:55.280 but we're taking a quick break from the computer or 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:59.359 from a movie, or from preparing dinner or lunch. Like 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:02.000 there's we're all always doing something while we're connecting, and 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:04.560 so I just think that's a unique spin to not 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:07.879 be doing anything else. That's where I think the challenge is. 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:11.880 They also said for parents, a really good time to do. 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:14.000 This is right after you put your kids to bed. 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:16.440 That makes a lot of sense. You put your kids 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:18.359 to bed, you say, let's take our minute now. Or 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:21.240 they say, if you're a long distance, if you're away 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:23.200 from each other, you can keep it up with a 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:26.879 one minute call. That doesn't seem like much, but one 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:29.200 minute text or a voicemail, but just something to let 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:31.240 the other person know. The idea is to let the 0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:34.760 other person know you're thinking of them, you're prioritizing them, 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:38.400 you're connecting to them, you're showing them that you love them. 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:42.400 I think that is what it is. And they say, yes, 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:44.160 I said this earlier, but give it two to three weeks. 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:47.760 Don't judge the outcome until you give it. 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:48.240 That much time. 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:50.560 You want to try it, I would like to try it. 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:52.280 I think we could try it and then report back 0:18:52.320 --> 0:18:54.479 in three weeks. I think that sounds like fun. And 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:58.760 the end of the article. I liked this last line. 0:18:58.760 --> 0:19:02.919 They want to to let everyone who is willing to 0:19:02.920 --> 0:19:09.080 try to recognize that the transformation happens from what the 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:12.600 ritual symbolizes. It's not the ritual itself. It's that you 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:17.680 are prioritizing your love that it's what it's about It's 0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:20.159 not how you do it or when you do it necessarily, 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:22.280 but it's the fact that you're doing it, that you're 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:25.520 making time for it despite all the stresses in life. 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:28.120 You're saying, this is important enough that I am going 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:32.880 to take a beat literally sixty seconds and invest in us. 0:19:33.960 --> 0:19:37.040 I like it. Okay, you brought me around. 0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:39.040