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Speaker 1: You have to do all the work, and you have

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Speaker 1: to be brave enough to put yourself out there. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes a lightning bolt is going to strike from the

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Speaker 1: heavens and it's going to work out. And sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: just not going to flow, and it's going to be

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Speaker 1: one of those days that it doesn't work. But if

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Speaker 1: you're not willing to put yourself up there and to

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Speaker 1: put yourself in a position to be great, you're never

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Speaker 1: going to be great.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Hurdlers, Emily a body here bringing you Episode one

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Speaker 2: hundred of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where I talk

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Speaker 2: to inspiring individuals about everything from their big wins to

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Speaker 2: how they've gotten through some of life's toughest moments. On

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Speaker 2: the show, you can expect vulnerability, motivation, and candid discussions

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Speaker 2: with everyone from top athletes to aspiring autopreneurs and what

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Speaker 2: it really takes to follow your passions. My mission is

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Speaker 2: simple to inspire you to be your best self, move

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Speaker 2: with intention, and have some fun along the way. I

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Speaker 2: have so many feelings right now. I can't believe that

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Speaker 2: the show has made it to this point. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I can believe it because I work really hard on it.

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Speaker 2: But if you were to ask me at the end

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Speaker 2: of twenty seventeen what I thought was going to happen

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Speaker 2: with this. This has already surpassed my wildest dreams. I

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Speaker 2: have had the opportunity to sit down with some of

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Speaker 2: the most amazing, talented, wise humans there are. I feel

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Speaker 2: so so grateful all the way back to Alex Silverfagen,

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Speaker 2: my first episode. I remember we recorded that inside of

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Speaker 2: my apartment. I sat in a skiuage with Amy Purty

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Speaker 2: and she talked to me about getting her leg amputated.

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Speaker 2: Hayden Slater, the founder of Press Juicery, and I sat

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Speaker 2: together in his office in Los Angeles and I sipped

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Speaker 2: on a green juice. I welcomed Casper Capetti, the co

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Speaker 2: founder of On Running, in front of a crowd of

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Speaker 2: hundreds inside of Paragon Sports near Union Square. I cried

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Speaker 2: with doctor Jason Worslin, the creator of the farragun in

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Speaker 2: the back of their Santa Monica office. Tia Claire Toomey

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Speaker 2: Crossfits Fittest Woman on Earth and I recorded in a

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Speaker 2: studio in the Bahamas that has hosted Justin Timberlake and

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Speaker 2: Mariah Carey. I sat down with Dina Caster, the American

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Speaker 2: Record holder for the marathon in a hotel room in London.

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Speaker 2: I got chills sitting on a couch in Los Angeles

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Speaker 2: chatting with Moon Juice founder Amanda chantal Bacon. Natasha Hastings

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Speaker 2: breast fed her baby while we talked in Baltimore. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I am forever changed because of these conversations, and I

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Speaker 2: can only hope that you all feel the same way.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for motivating me to be better,

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Speaker 2: to keep reaching for more, and to continue well after

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Speaker 2: today's episode. With that said, today's episode Mollie's Sidle. If

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Speaker 2: you're not a big fan of professional running, you will

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Speaker 2: be a big fan of Mollie regardless. Mollie came in

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Speaker 2: second at the US Olympic Marathon Trials in Atlanta, and

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Speaker 2: the headlines blew up. You see, Mollie had never run

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Speaker 2: a full marathon before. She qualified for the trials through

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Speaker 2: a half marathon, and we explain how that all works

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Speaker 2: in today's episode. Mollie has heart and she earned her

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Speaker 2: spot on that team. Today we talk about the hurdles

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Speaker 2: that she overcame to get there, battling obsessive compulsive disorder

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Speaker 2: disordered eating as well as a string of injuries that

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Speaker 2: set her back time and time again. In today's episode,

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Speaker 2: she talks to me how she got through the hard times,

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Speaker 2: giving me great detail about the treatments that she went through,

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Speaker 2: the rehab she did both for her mind and her body,

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Speaker 2: and her story of perseverance literally gives me goosebumps. Just

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Speaker 2: describing just a fun fact before we get into it.

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Speaker 2: Molly's marathon time in Atlanta was two hours, twenty seven

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Speaker 2: minutes and thirty one seconds. That's a five thirty eight

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Speaker 2: mile average, just throwing it out there before we get

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Speaker 2: into today's episode. I do need to take a moment

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Speaker 2: to thank my sponsors. First up, Athletic Greens. I feel

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Speaker 2: like I have a soft spot for Athletic Greens because

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Speaker 2: we've been through so much over the past couple years.

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Speaker 2: To this day, it is a staple in my morning routine.

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Speaker 2: I walk into the kitchen, usually after our workout, and

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Speaker 2: I put the greens petter in a shaker bottle with

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Speaker 2: about ten to twelve ounces of water, and by kicking

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Speaker 2: off the day this way, I know that I am

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Speaker 2: doing something right for my body, especially right now as

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Speaker 2: I am trying to be as cautious as possible as

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Speaker 2: I am really trying to take care of my immune system.

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Speaker 2: and superfoods. To celebrate the one hundredth episode of Hurdle,

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Speaker 2: I am teaming up with AG to do a really

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Speaker 2: other episode release on the Lace Up Challenge and click

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Speaker 2: through to the show notes. I'll be choosing a winner

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Speaker 2: the episode goes to Daily Harvest. If there has ever

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Speaker 2: been a time that I am thankful for having Daily

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Speaker 2: takes only one step to prepare. Just this week, I

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Speaker 2: made the butternut squash and kale shak shuka. I fried

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Speaker 2: up two eggs, and right there I had the perfect breakfast,

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Speaker 2: all while tucked in my apartment. Head on over to

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Speaker 2: your first box at Dailyharvest dot com. Again, that's Dailyharvest

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Speaker 2: dot com. Y'all know the drill at Hurdle podcast at

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Speaker 2: Emily Abody. If you have a hurdle moment of your

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Speaker 2: own to share. You just want to say hi, you

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Speaker 2: want to talk to someone over email at Emily at

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Speaker 2: hurdle dot us. Now more than ever, it is so

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Speaker 2: important to connect. I am here for you, I appreciate you,

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Speaker 2: and I just one more time, feel so blessed to

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Speaker 2: have this community listening in. Thank you from the bottom

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Speaker 2: of my heart for supporting me up to one hundred

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Speaker 2: in the many weeks, months, and years to come. And

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Speaker 2: with that, let's get to hurdling. Today. I'm sitting down

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Speaker 2: with Mollie Seidel. She is a pro run are assumed

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Speaker 2: to be Olympian that will never get old.

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Speaker 1: No, it really doesn't. And every time my heart kind

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Speaker 1: of like jumps a little bit.

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Speaker 2: I feel excited and a little bit honored that I'm

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Speaker 2: sitting here on your couch. We're in Boston. I am

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Speaker 2: really just kind of in awe of you, as I

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Speaker 2: think a lot of people are right now.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's a I'm vastly underwhelming when people

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Speaker 1: actually made me. I had a girl tell me the

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Speaker 1: other day, She's like, I expected you to be taller, Like, okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to respond to that.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure you're kind of interacting with a lot of

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Speaker 2: people for the first time right now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well it's wild because in the lead up to

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Speaker 1: the Trials, a lot of a lot of pro runners

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Speaker 1: like myself, we kind of like it's almost like this

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Speaker 1: monastic life, like you really kind of narrow in focus.

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Speaker 1: I was actually out in Flagstaff, Arizona, so it was

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Speaker 1: kind of like a very like focus on your training,

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Speaker 1: like you're not really going out a whole lot. It's

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Speaker 1: just like you're nailing your one hundred and fifteen one

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Speaker 1: hundred and twenty miles a week and that's your life.

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Speaker 1: And now it's like I get back to Boston where

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Speaker 1: all my friends are here. It's just a very Boston

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Speaker 1: is a huge running community in general, and so now

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Speaker 1: it's really weird. Like before I could just like bang

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Speaker 1: out my runs on the river and kind of like

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Speaker 1: put my hat down and go. And now I've even

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Speaker 1: just today I got stopped by a girl. I always

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Speaker 1: like want to be polite and friendly and introduce myself,

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Speaker 1: and I'm also like I kind of need to finish

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Speaker 1: my run kind of in a little bit of a rush.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm technically working right now, and I mean forget

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Speaker 2: in real life, but I can't even imagine what the

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Speaker 2: outreach has been on social media. And I mean, I'm

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Speaker 2: sure other wonderful journalists are reaching out to you as well,

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Speaker 2: so it's probably just a lot.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot. It's been pretty crazy. I also

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Speaker 1: like try to keep the perspective of, like if I

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Speaker 1: start to like get overwhelmed or get kind of like cranky,

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Speaker 1: like I just want to go back to just my little,

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Speaker 1: boring life, I try to remember that this is ultimately

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Speaker 1: very good for the sport of women's running because we

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Speaker 1: don't necessarily get a whole lot of press. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people don't know what professional running is or follow

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Speaker 1: professional road racing. So it is really exciting that all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden people are really excited about it, and

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Speaker 1: it's an Olympic year. It's kind of the prime time

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Speaker 1: to capitalize on it and let people know, like what our.

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Speaker 2: Sport is about. I love it, And so for those

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Speaker 2: that might not be in the loop. Molly came in

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Speaker 2: second at the Olympic Marathon trials with a two twenty

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Speaker 2: seven thirty one. That's a five thirty eight mile for

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Speaker 2: twenty six point two miles.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. See, that's the funny thing if somebody had told

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Speaker 1: me that beforehand that I would be able to run

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Speaker 1: that on that course, I definitely wouldn't have believed them.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't believe them if they told me I was

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Speaker 1: going to get second. But I was definitely nervous going

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Speaker 1: into it with it being a bit of a rookie

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Speaker 1: in this area about holding that kind of pace for

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Speaker 1: that long. So sometimes you just have to You just

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Speaker 1: have to do it before you're ready to do it.

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Speaker 2: And I mean you just said the keyword there, rookie.

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Speaker 2: So all of the headlines it's Mollie runs first ever marathon,

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Speaker 2: qualifies for the Olympics. So explain how that works to

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Speaker 2: people who might not totally understand how you just showed

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Speaker 2: up and ran your first marathon. Yeah, going to the Olympics.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So I think a lot of people have been

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Speaker 1: a little bit confused because a lot of the headlines

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Speaker 1: have been maybe exaggerating a bit, like girl literally runs

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Speaker 1: the first time in her life and qualifies for the Olympics. Incredible.

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Speaker 1: And I work the part time at a bakery as well,

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Speaker 1: so it's like Bisa takes two hour coffee break and

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Speaker 1: runs marathon. I being a professional runner, I do run

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Speaker 1: a lot. I've been running since high school. I ran

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Speaker 1: for many years for the University of Notre Dame at

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Speaker 1: the collegiate level, but I was primarily five k and

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Speaker 1: ten k, so that's three miles and six miles. And

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Speaker 1: as I transitioned to pro running after college, I moved

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Speaker 1: up a little bit, was doing slightly longer races. But

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Speaker 1: it's only within the past I would say four months

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Speaker 1: at this point that I've moved up to the half

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Speaker 1: marathon and now the marathon. So it was I was

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Speaker 1: training at a pretty high level going into this. By

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Speaker 1: no means was I like couch to five K or

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Speaker 1: couch to marathon. I'd been training upwards of about like

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Speaker 1: one hundred miles a week. I've had many interruptions with injury,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't necessarily a challenge to ramp up to

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Speaker 1: marathon training. My body handled it pretty well because I've

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Speaker 1: got basically, oh god, now i feel like I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: date myself. I'm twenty five now. I've been doing this

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Speaker 1: since I was about fourteen, running consistently every single day,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, basically eleven years at this point.

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Speaker 2: What made you decide to ramp up and go for

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Speaker 2: the longer distances.

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Speaker 1: Basically, I have struggled a lot over the past several

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Speaker 1: years with injury and things. I just felt like I

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Speaker 1: was hitting my head against the wall and kept getting hurt,

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Speaker 1: kept getting hurt doing this five k ten k training.

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Speaker 1: I ended up leaving the training group that I was

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Speaker 1: with over the summer specifically for or that was a

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Speaker 1: major part of it. It just wasn't really working anymore.

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Speaker 1: I have so much respect for my previous coach, but

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Speaker 1: it was just frustrating for the both of us that

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Speaker 1: I couldn't do the kind of training that he wanted

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Speaker 1: me to do. When I began to be coached by

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Speaker 1: my current coach, who's a good friend of mine, who

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Speaker 1: was a Soccony teammate of my teammate of mine, John Green,

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Speaker 1: we kind of came to the realization that my body

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Speaker 1: really thrives off of super high mileage, longer tempo runs,

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Speaker 1: the type of training that a marathon or would traditionally

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Speaker 1: do as opposed to fast interval workouts that a track

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Speaker 1: athlete would do. So he was like, let's try this out.

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Speaker 1: We'll see if your mileage can get up. Just build

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Speaker 1: a good base, get aerobically strong, and then we'll see

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Speaker 1: what happens. And I was feeling really healthy, really strong,

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Speaker 1: and he thought it would be fun to hop in

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Speaker 1: a half marathon. Jumped in a half marathon in December,

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Speaker 1: qualified for the Olympic trials, and we figured.

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Speaker 2: Hey, it'll be a cool experience.

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Speaker 1: Like we'll go out and then maybe a couple of

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Speaker 1: years from now, when you're a little bit older, when

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Speaker 1: you're closer to the age that women traditionally start moving

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Speaker 1: up to the marathon, then you'll then you can try

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Speaker 1: and be competitive. So, yeah, this was all kind of

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Speaker 1: a big shock, like going in and with my first

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Speaker 1: marathon build up really going a lot better than I expected.

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Speaker 2: And I love what you told runners were old. You

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Speaker 2: said you were going into it and keeping an open mind,

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Speaker 2: knowing how much it's going to hurt, and prepared for

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Speaker 2: that amount of pain. The idea of pain and running.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like I've been talking about this a

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Speaker 2: lot lately because it's so true the pain is part

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Speaker 2: of what you sign up for.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of people assume that when

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Speaker 1: you get to the pro level of running, that it

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Speaker 1: doesn't hurt anymore. That if like, it's this idea that

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Speaker 1: if you get fast enough that it won't hurt anymore.

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Speaker 1: And if anything is the opposite, I think it. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's funny because I think I'm the biggest change in

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Speaker 1: going from high school to college professional running is your

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Speaker 1: relationship with the discomfort of running changes, and you're able

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Speaker 1: to kind of like come to terms with it and

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Speaker 1: handle it, because that's running at its core, is just

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Speaker 1: being uncomfortable for a long period of time and like

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Speaker 1: battling inside your own head, of your brain constantly telling

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Speaker 1: you to stop. And I hate to admit how many

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Speaker 1: times in races I have had the thought of, like,

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Speaker 1: you should just stop right now, and it's like, nope,

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Speaker 1: I can't stop. I have to keep going.

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Speaker 2: I think it's probably pretty refreshing for people to hear

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Speaker 2: that you still feel that way for people who are,

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Speaker 2: you know, maybe even just starting out. Yeah, so, speaking

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Speaker 2: of starting out, you didn't just show up in Atlanta.

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Speaker 2: A contrary to some of the headlines.

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Speaker 1: We're super oblivious about things in many senses. I had

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Speaker 1: no idea how much to warm up for before a marathon,

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Speaker 1: because for road races and shorter stuff, we warm up

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Speaker 1: twenty minutes or three miles, and so I was assuming

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Speaker 1: that i'd do the same thing for a marathon, and

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Speaker 1: I asked a couple of people. They're like, oh my god, no,

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Speaker 1: you don't warm up for a marathon. You're gonna be

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Speaker 1: running for twenty six miles. I'm like, I'm really glad,

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Speaker 1: I asked.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad I didn't go run an extra three.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly because that My coach is like, why would

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Speaker 1: you do that. You'd be running like thirty two miles

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Speaker 1: that day then, so extra I know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so you didn't just show up and running.

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Speaker 1: I did not just show up.

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Speaker 2: You said you grew up running, But talk to me

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Speaker 2: about where you grew up, what you what your interaction

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Speaker 2: was with sport from a young age.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, grew up grew up running in Wisconsin. Basically, I

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Speaker 1: went to a super super super small school, Like my

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Speaker 1: graduating class was thirteen kids. Grew up in Wisconsin, and

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Speaker 1: I knew that I loved running, but I was doing

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Speaker 1: a lot of other sports as well. I played field hockey,

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Speaker 1: ski racing was our main sport that was kind of

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Speaker 1: like our school's pride and joy. So those were kind

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Speaker 1: of like my main sports. But I knew that I

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Speaker 1: loved running, and I knew I was good at it.

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Speaker 1: I basically got into it through my church. They had

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Speaker 1: a church team and they needed extra kids for like

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Speaker 1: the Catholic School League, and they let me join through

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Speaker 1: my CCD and found out that I was pretty good

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Speaker 1: at it. But at the same time, this was like

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Speaker 1: a pretty pretty small pond to be running in. So

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Speaker 1: by the time I got into high school and I

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Speaker 1: was the only person on our track team, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, I hope that, like I can still

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Speaker 1: be competitive and ended up in going out and winning

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Speaker 1: quite a few state titles at the Wisconsin state level.

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Speaker 2: Is that just constant one on one coaching.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So it was basically my middle school track coach,

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Speaker 1: Brian Borkowski, who I'm still super super close with. He

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Speaker 1: was just like, well, if you need someone to oh

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Speaker 1: you too, Like I'll like come and like run with

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Speaker 1: you after school, like if you want to him, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that would be great. And he was actually pretty much

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Speaker 1: the first person that got me kind of dreaming of

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Speaker 1: someday doing the marathon because he would do Boston every year,

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Speaker 1: and in my mind, Brian was just like the coolest individual.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, he goes out and

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Speaker 1: like runs the Boston Marathon and does all this training

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Speaker 1: and he's still super fast, and he'll run my workouts

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Speaker 1: with me. And like, at the time, I was running

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Speaker 1: like twenty miles a week, it wasn't anything for him

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Speaker 1: to like run this extra stuff with me. But he

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Speaker 1: just showed me how to love running. Like he just

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Speaker 1: loved running so thoroughly that it showed me that, like,

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Speaker 1: running is this thing that, yeah, it's hard, it's painful,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, like it is just like

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Speaker 1: it brings you together with people, it helps you find

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Speaker 1: confidence in yourself, and it's it's this sport that's just

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Speaker 1: so much more than just running in circles. Right, So

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Speaker 1: I really am so grateful for him for teaching me

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Speaker 1: how to love running despite all the challenges that it brings.

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Speaker 2: Did you find in high school then that your love

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Speaker 2: for running was kind of a lonely experience if you

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Speaker 2: didn't have a ton of people to do it with

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Speaker 2: aside from your coach.

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Speaker 1: See that's the thing. I never feel like running alone

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Speaker 1: is lonely for me. And I don't know if part

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Speaker 1: of that is developed from so much time running alone.

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Speaker 1: Because Brian would only be able to meet up a

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Speaker 1: couple times a week, So yeah, about half the time

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Speaker 1: I was running solo, and then during cross country season,

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Speaker 1: I'd basically be running alone for the majority of the season.

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Speaker 1: And I had to learn a lot of self reliance,

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Speaker 1: I guess, not that I didn't have other people supporting

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Speaker 1: me and helping me, like my family was super supportive.

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of friends through the sport, But yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's I think I had to develop that sense of like,

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Speaker 1: regardless of whether there are people to run with, whether

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Speaker 1: or not the weather is good or bad or whatnot,

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Speaker 1: you just go out and run regardless. And I think

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Speaker 1: that really helps nowadays because I do. I do a

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Speaker 1: lot of my training solo, and I run a lot

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Speaker 1: more now than I was in high school. And so

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Speaker 1: it's just being able to get at that like internal

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Speaker 1: drive or I don't know it, probably the fact that

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Speaker 1: I have OCD probably plays into it a little bit

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Speaker 1: of just like it's really not a struggle to like

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Speaker 1: go out every day because I'm a little bit obsessive.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, I just I have to go

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Speaker 1: out and do it, and after a while it doesn't

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Speaker 1: even become a choice. It's just like brushing your teeth.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of like, oh, it's not a question of

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Speaker 1: whether I'm running today. I am running today, right.

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Speaker 2: I actually said that to my dad the other day

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Speaker 2: about going to the gym. He just got a membership

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Speaker 2: with the Why, and I was like, you just need

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Speaker 2: to establish what days are your gym days, and then

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Speaker 2: you'll wake up and it'll be Tuesday and it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: it's Jim Days gym day. Yeah, that's just it taking

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Speaker 2: the guesswork out of it so you can make it

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Speaker 2: actually a habit, and then that keeps you accountable obviously.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because when it's when you don't have to like

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Speaker 1: make a conscious decision every day of like oh do

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Speaker 1: I want to run, like do it like the weather's

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Speaker 1: not good, like factoring all that in like it's so hard.

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Speaker 1: But if it's just like in your mind like oh nope,

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Speaker 1: going out doing this, it's just not it's just automatic.

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Speaker 1: It takes out that extra guesswork and it makes it

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Speaker 1: that much easier to get out the door.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's why people love training for marathons, right,

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Speaker 2: because it brings another level of consistency and regularity and

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Speaker 2: kind of makes you feel like you have your life together.

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Speaker 2: Even when you might not just because you have a

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Speaker 2: schedule to follow, you have something that just feels constant

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Speaker 2: when everything around you might feel a little bit chaotic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well and that's what the times in my life

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Speaker 1: where I've had running, it taken away from me. So

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Speaker 1: like during injuries per se it, I do notice just

402
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Speaker 1: how unstructured. I feel like I'm just like a drift

403
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Speaker 1: kind of and I have no way of like, yeah,

404
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Speaker 1: I just feel like my days are just kind of

405
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Speaker 1: lost then, And it doesn't help that this is my job.

406
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Speaker 1: So imagine then, like not only do you not like

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Speaker 1: have running with the endorphins and the structure that it gives,

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Speaker 1: but then it's like I just don't have anything to do,

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Speaker 1: so right, Yeah, that can be. That was a real

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Speaker 1: real strength, especially like over the past several years. Once

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Speaker 1: this was like my full time job totally.

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Speaker 2: So in high school you win a few state championships

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Speaker 2: and then you go to Notre Dame.

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Speaker 1: So I ended up I won nationals for cross country

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Speaker 1: my senior year of high school. So it got a

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Speaker 1: scholarship to Notre Dame, which I was just like so

417
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Speaker 1: excited about. It was the chance to like get college

418
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Speaker 1: paid for it just because I can run in circles

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Speaker 1: kind of still blows my mind a little bit. But

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Speaker 1: I went to Notre Dame, had an incredible team around me,

421
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Speaker 1: but really struggled my first two years. I struggled with

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Speaker 1: a lot of injuries. I ended up my freshman year

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Speaker 1: having molded in my dorm room, so I was really really,

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Speaker 1: really really sick.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just not a great situation and it

427
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Speaker 1: was hard. I thought. By the end of my sophomore year,

428
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Speaker 1: I was considering quitting the cross country team just because

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Speaker 1: I couldn't get anything together. I was just so hurt.

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Speaker 1: I was just in pain all the time, and it

431
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Speaker 1: just wasn't fun anymore more. And I ended up basically

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Speaker 1: like I didn't qualify for regionals my sophomore year, just

433
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:09,200
Speaker 1: kind of like pieced out, went and did research down

434
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 1: in Argentina for the summer, and it was just like

435
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: kind of fell back in love with it because it

436
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 1: was running regularly and doing really high mileage. Was a

437
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 1: great way to fight some of the culture shock because

438
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 1: I was the only American on the crew that I

439
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,639
Speaker 1: was with, So yeah, kind of fell in love with it.

440
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 1: And when I came back, we ended up getting a

441
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: new coach that year, and Sparks just kind of changed

442
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 1: my entire collegiate career.

443
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 2: And you mentioned before that you had OCD, So when

444
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 2: did you start seeing that develop?

445
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: That was through high school just being around like my

446
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 1: family and the structure of that. It really helped being

447
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: able to and I think it's lower stress in high school.

448
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: Mine comes out a lot more when I'm under high

449
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:57,919
Speaker 1: stress situations, high pressure. So it really started kind of

450
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 1: like becoming this really big, no negative influence on my

451
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 1: life during college, just because I was under so much

452
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: stress with school, so much stress with running, and I

453
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: didn't have good ways of managing that anxiety. And that's

454
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 1: ultimately what OCD is. It's you have all this anxiety

455
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 1: and you develop control mechanisms to try and feel some

456
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,119
Speaker 1: sense of relief or some sense of control over the

457
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:23,400
Speaker 1: world that just feels like it's spinning out of control.

458
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 2: So what were some of your control mechanisms.

459
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 1: Knocking was a big one for me. I would like

460
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 1: knock especially on wood in like repetitive patterns, saying things

461
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: over and over to myself when it gets really bad.

462
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 1: I would like flip light switches, like you can't like

463
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,880
Speaker 1: leave a room until you've done certain things of like, oh,

464
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: I check things, I flip the light switch on, like

465
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 1: obsessively checking like ovens. And I was pretty good at

466
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: like hiding it from a lot of people because I real, like,

467
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 1: you know, consciously like this is super weird. I don't

468
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 1: like you consciously know that it's not necessary to do

469
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: these things, but you have to do it, like your

470
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 1: body almost like you just feel a sense of dread

471
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 1: if you don't. And then obviously it would reflect in

472
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 1: my running sometimes I would kind of obsessively seek out mileage.

473
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 1: And then ultimately it came down to eating. Yeah, it

474
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,880
Speaker 1: developed into really negative, disordered eating habits.

475
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 2: Talk to me a little bit about that.

476
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 1: A lot of that it doesn't necessarily stem from body

477
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 1: image issues, though that is a huge problem in our sport,

478
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 1: this idea that you need to be very thin. I

479
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: was kind of like obsessively purging at certain times, so

480
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 1: making myself throw up. That was more towards like the

481
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:43,159
Speaker 1: early end of college. And yeah, just like only eating

482
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: certain kinds of foods, eating certain amounts, and yeah, it's

483
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 1: just finding ways to like exert control over the world

484
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 1: by controlling something like what you put into your body.

485
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: Is something so easily that you can control. So when

486
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: you're like I can't, like I feel like everything is

487
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 1: just like spinning out of my like out of my control.

488
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: I'm able to just like manage this one thing.

489
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 2: Right here, right. And so a lot of people casually

490
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 2: will say, oh, I have the worst OCD.

491
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:17,200
Speaker 1: I hate it when people say that, like, and I realize,

492
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: like I think, I think there are a lot of

493
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 1: people in the world who do have OCD tendencies. But

494
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:25,120
Speaker 1: like saying like I wash my hands all the time,

495
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 1: I'm so OCD, or like I just need to make

496
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,679
Speaker 1: sure my room is clean. I'm so OCD. I'm like,

497
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: you don't know what real OCD is, Like it's a nightmare, yeah,

498
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: And it's like it's just these repetitive thoughts. And sometimes

499
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: it's this feeling that your brain is like a radio

500
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 1: that's turned up to like full volume, and it's just

501
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 1: these repetitive thoughts. You can't get them to quiet down,

502
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 1: and you can't focus on the world because your brain

503
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 1: is just so loud, and so it's it's hard. But

504
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 1: I think like people who actually are really struggling with

505
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 1: it like getting help and like seeking therapy for me Ultimately,

506
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,159
Speaker 1: that was the biggest thing for me, is learning how

507
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: to manage it. It's like my life is so drastically

508
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,679
Speaker 1: different now than it was, and I've been on and

509
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: off medication for it. Ultimately, like meditation actually really helps.

510
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be good with it. And I know

511
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 1: that sounds so like millennial of like, oh yeah, I'm

512
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: meditating every day, but like that actually has been a

513
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 1: super big thing for me. And then just running. Even

514
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 1: though some of my OCD tendencies exert themselves on my running,

515
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: my running is a very good way to manage my OCD.

516
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: Something about like the rhythmic nature clearing my mind. It's

517
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: just like sometimes I feel like my brain doesn't fit

518
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,399
Speaker 1: with my body. Sometimes it's just like my brain is

519
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: just exploding. And then I go for a run and

520
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: it's like my brain finally fits inside of me, like

521
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 1: everything just makes sense and everything sinks up in a

522
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: way that I feel like my truest self them out running.

523
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: And I think that's ultimately why I love running so much,

524
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 1: because this is the only time that I feel like

525
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 1: my brain works.

526
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 2: I can relate with that for sure. And I mean,

527
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 2: when it came to dealing with your OCD and then

528
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 2: what eventually became disordered eating when you got help. Was

529
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 2: it because that you were ready to seek it or

530
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 2: was it because that people started to catch on to

531
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 2: the fact that you had a lot of ticks per se.

532
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 1: So it was it was a combination of things. I

533
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 1: originally early in college started going and seeing just one

534
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 1: of the Notre Dame like counseling center therapists because I

535
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 1: knew this was a problem and it was really affecting me.

536
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: It's like when it gets to a point of like

537
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: that you feel like you it's disrupting your normal life,

538
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 1: that's when it gets really hard. So in terms of

539
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: my OCD, that was something that I was able to

540
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 1: identify that I needed help on, sought out help, and

541
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: learned of ways to manage it a bit better. In

542
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 1: terms of my eating disorder, which then kind of took

543
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 1: on a life of its own that was much more

544
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 1: of like I was in such denial about it, and

545
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: I think because of how our sport is structured, the

546
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,719
Speaker 1: normal control stops of like when you see someone losing

547
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: a lot of weight, like struggling mentally, that isn't something

548
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: that kicks in quite as early as it would in

549
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: other realms, just because with running, it's like this idea

550
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: that like, oh you look so fit, you look so lean,

551
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,960
Speaker 1: you look so ready to race, that in other spaces

552
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 1: would have been like, oh, you look really unhealthy, like

553
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 1: you aren't well right now. But I was running so well.

554
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 1: I was winning NCAA championships. This was later in college,

555
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 1: just as more my junior senior year, and I ended

556
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 1: up having probably lost about twenty pounds at that point.

557
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 1: But it was that I was running so well and

558
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: I looked so quote unquote fit that things were okay.

559
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: And I thought things were okay because I had moved

560
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: past the point where I was knocking on things all

561
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,760
Speaker 1: the time, where I was forcing myself obsessively to purge

562
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 1: that now it had transformed into kind of this life

563
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: of its own. I think that's what's insidious about it,

564
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 1: is that with mental health issues, it can so quickly

565
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 1: transform into one thing. Yeah, yeah, I can go from

566
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 1: one thing to another. So I was like, I don't

567
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 1: have a problem anymore. But it became fairly apparent by

568
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: the end of my senior year that there was a

569
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 1: huge problem. Once I had gotten so new putritionally deprived

570
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 1: that my bones started breaking.

571
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 2: Talk to me about a what were you actually putting

572
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 2: into your body at this time, because you mentioned that

573
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 2: you were so particular about the foods that were okay

574
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 2: and the foods that were not okay.

575
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was. I won my first NCAA

576
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 1: championship at the end of my junior year. I think

577
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: it was kind of this idea of, oh, if I

578
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 1: want to win national championships for cross country, which is

579
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: arguably one of the hardest running national championships to win,

580
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: just because it's so competitive, I was like, I need

581
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 1: to be all in on every sense of my life.

582
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,719
Speaker 1: So I was running super high mileage, at least for

583
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 1: a collegiate athlete. I was running aboute hundred miles a week.

584
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 1: But then I was eating all the things that I

585
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 1: thought were I was supposed to that were quote unquote clean,

586
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 1: that were healthy, like good proteins, fats. I wasn't like

587
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 1: cutting out anything by any means, but I actually I

588
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 1: was gluten free at the time because I thought that

589
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 1: I had like my stomach would get super upset when

590
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 1: I had certain foods. But it was just because I

591
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 1: was so nutritionally deprived that like my body couldn't handle it.

592
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: I guess, which I've found out since then, but yeah,

593
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 1: I was probably the volume of food. I was nowhere

594
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: near the amount of calories that I needed to be eating,

595
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 1: but I was still eating a lot, so I was

596
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: able to kind of like fly under the radar. So

597
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: I was eating the amount that probably someone who was

598
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: running fifty miles a week should be eating, but I

599
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 1: was running double that, and so I just slowly kept

600
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: losing more and more weight, but I kept running faster

601
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: and faster and faster. Throughout that senior year. It was

602
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 1: like I came in it probably I won my first

603
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 1: NCAA championship that passed spring at one hundred and twelve,

604
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: came in after the summer having just trained so hard,

605
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 1: not eating enough, eating so quote unquote clean. I was

606
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: probably one o five one oh six. Then going to

607
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 1: the next season at one hundred and every time, because

608
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: you keep running faster, you think, oh, this is my

609
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 1: new racing weight, like this, this is what I should

610
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: be at. And then by the time I got to

611
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: the spring and summer of my senior year, which was

612
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 1: the twenty sixteen Olympic Trials, where I was just so

613
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 1: obsessed with making an Olympic team. I had my world

614
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 1: standard for the five k, but I was probably ninety

615
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 1: five pounds and just so unwell mentally and physically, and

616
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 1: that was that was the breaking point. I broke my

617
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: back and my sacrum in quick succession and just didn't

618
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 1: even make it to line at the trials. And that

619
00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: was kind of like the rock bottom moment that I knew, like,

620
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: you can't keep doing this, You're going to kill yourself.

621
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 2: When you have this moment, is it a conversation you're

622
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 2: having with yourself or does it quickly become a conversation

623
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 2: that you're having also with your coaches, with your family,

624
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 2: with your parents, and probably uncomfortable conversations.

625
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, those were awful. So it was I'm very,

626
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 1: very very lucky that I have people around me who

627
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 1: love me and were able to see and people around

628
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 1: me who love me and who love me regardless of

629
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 1: whether or not I'm running. And so basically like I

630
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 1: had a balling conversation with my mom about how she

631
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 1: was like, I just want you to be healthy, Like

632
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 1: I don't care about Molly the runner. I care about

633
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: Molly the person. And what Molly the person right now

634
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: needs is help, like you can't do this, and I

635
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 1: think I had convinced myself was like, I don't have

636
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: a problem. I just like, like, I just need to

637
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 1: gain a little bit of weight back and I'll be fine.

638
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 1: Like I know, maybe I'm a little bit too low

639
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: right now at ninety five. Think you're like, oh, I

640
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 1: just have to get back up to one hundred pounds

641
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 1: and then I'll be fine. And it was this realization

642
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 1: and talking with friends and family and my coach and

643
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:22,399
Speaker 1: be like, no, like you need to like really take

644
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 1: this seriously, like you are not healthy. This is going

645
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 1: to be a long time to get back where you

646
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 1: need to be. And I don't think when I was

647
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 1: at the worst of my disorder that I realized just

648
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: how hard it was going to be. Eating this sort

649
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: of treatment is really fucking hard, but ultimately it's worth it.

650
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 1: It just takes time. And that was I'm very glad

651
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 1: that I had that support because I would not have

652
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 1: gotten through that alone.

653
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 2: When you broke your back and then your sacrum, did

654
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 2: it start out as just something that felt a little off,

655
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:53,919
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden it was like, oh my god,

656
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 2: this is broken. Or was there a big moment that

657
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 2: you knew, wow.

658
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: For my back. It was kind of like it like

659
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 1: started out feeling really really sore. This is a couple

660
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 1: of days after indoor Nationals, so March of twenty sixteen

661
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 1: really sore. Gradually progressed. We thought it was a backstrain

662
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 1: for a while just from having a long season, got

663
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 1: an x ray, realized that there were fractures. Cross trained

664
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: so hard all through the spring with the intention of, Oh,

665
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 1: if I just cross trained super hard, I'll be back

666
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 1: running in six weeks and I'll be able to make

667
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: the trials, And got back on the ground, was running

668
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 1: and I was in a track workout being just so unhealthy.

669
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: Weight was so low getting ready for the trials, and

670
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 1: I literally like I felt like I'd been shot in

671
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,239
Speaker 1: my butt basically like it just went and I was like,

672
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: oh my god, and had to like literally sit down

673
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: at the track just stop. And we knew what it was. Yeah,

674
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 1: but even then I was like, maybe I can still

675
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,879
Speaker 1: make it back or something, because I was just yeah,

676
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 1: like mentally unwell. At that point, how do you accept

677
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: that you need help? It was it was hard. It

678
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 1: was hard getting to that point of like being willing

679
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: to say like okay, I'm going to take a step

680
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 1: back from my running and going to turn down these

681
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,919
Speaker 1: pro contracts that I've been offered. I'm going to give

682
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: up on And at the time, I thought I was

683
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,400
Speaker 1: giving up on my running career. And that's what like,

684
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 1: I just felt like I was giving up that I

685
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:25,279
Speaker 1: needed to keep pushing and pushing and pushing and I

686
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: couldn't anymore, and it was it was hard. Yeah, I

687
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 1: went back to Wisconsin. I was like, man, I'm like

688
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 1: moving back home. Cool, like super successful and uh yeah.

689
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: I went into treatment just outside of Milwaukee and spent

690
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 1: four months in super intensive treatment and then the still

691
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 1: continued to like seek treatment over the next two years,

692
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,239
Speaker 1: just on a more infrequent basis, but staying with my

693
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: therapist and I actually still talk with him fairly frequently.

694
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 1: It's been kind of like my main go to guy

695
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 1: because it's still something you need to like keep maintaining.

696
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 1: You're never fully done with it.

697
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 2: So that was an in patient program, so you were

698
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 2: there for four months.

699
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 1: So it was an intensive outpatient because we lived so

700
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 1: close that it was actually better for me and my

701
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 1: therapist thought of this that if I was living at home,

702
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: that it would be a much better situation for me

703
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: to have the structure of family, for like my mom

704
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,440
Speaker 1: was able to like make me meals and like be

705
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 1: able to really watch what I was eating, and he

706
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 1: knew that. I was like when I hit rock bottom,

707
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 1: I just went all in, like I was willing to

708
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: do whatever I needed to do to save my running

709
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 1: career because I knew if I didn't take it seriously.

710
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 1: He was like, my therapist was super hard on me,

711
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: like very frank of like, if you don't take this seriously,

712
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: you will never run again. And I was like, I'm

713
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 1: going to be as dedicated to this as I am

714
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:51,240
Speaker 1: to my running. So if you want me to drink

715
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 1: three Insure shakes a day, I will drink three goddamn

716
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 1: Sure shakes a day, and like do all this and

717
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 1: like and I think he was actually pretty surprised about

718
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 1: how quickly I was able to do it. Usually something

719
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:05,439
Speaker 1: like that will take like six months to a year

720
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 1: of pretty intensive work, So I think he was very

721
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 1: surprised at just how like crazy, like crazy invested I was,

722
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 1: And like, let's do this.

723
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 2: So while you're going through this program, how are you

724
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 2: rehabbing your body as well? Obviously a big part of

725
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 2: it is reshaping maybe your relationship with food, and also

726
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 2: the mental side, but what are you doing for rehab

727
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 2: for all of your bones and yeah, that kind of stuff.

728
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 1: So I didn't run for a while. I obviously like

729
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: just needed to like let my body.

730
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 2: Heal, talk me through the mental side of that.

731
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 1: It's hard. It's really hard because running is kind of

732
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 1: like what keeps me stable. Part of it is like

733
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: at least when you're like coming back from something like that,

734
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,320
Speaker 1: at the very beginning, it is just so physically painful

735
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: to move that it's like you you just can't do anything.

736
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: And just I had been so obsessively cross training and

737
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,919
Speaker 1: pushing through the pain, which is something that you become

738
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: very good at when you're a runner. But you need

739
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: to be able to separate like the good pain or

740
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 1: like quote unquote discomfort when you're training from like the

741
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: bad pain of like oh this is broken, and so

742
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,800
Speaker 1: being able to just learn to be still for a while.

743
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 1: And that's something that I still struggle with in times

744
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: that like I need to take off where I just

745
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 1: have a trouble sitting still sometimes. Yeah, just learning to

746
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: be like okay with your body and okay with your

747
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: mind and learning some of those calming techniques and finding

748
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: other ways of managing my OCD and anxiety without having

749
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 1: to resort to obsessively working out or controlling the foods

750
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 1: that I was eating right and then because at the

751
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,320
Speaker 1: same time you're doing this, you're having to like gain weight,

752
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 1: which goes against basically everything in sports culture, and just

753
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 1: like I don't know, freaking Instagram culture nowadays of like no,

754
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,280
Speaker 1: only drink Kale smoothies and you can lose another five pounds,

755
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 1: and just like this idea of like, oh I have

756
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: to gain ten pounds and yeah, it's like my weight

757
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:07,320
Speaker 1: was so low that even just like eating normal meals

758
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,320
Speaker 1: and then they were having me drink like two extra

759
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 1: Insure shakes a day, like you're going to gain weight

760
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: off that. So it's like the mental side is just

761
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: like trying to process, like you've gone through all of

762
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 1: this stress and like losing weight and losing weight and

763
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 1: losing weight, and you just feel like a failure as

764
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 1: your weight goes up. But yeah, you kind of just

765
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,879
Speaker 1: have to buck up and it sucks, but you get

766
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 1: through it.

767
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:30,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I can only imagine how difficult it's

768
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 2: got to be to get over those mental hurdles of

769
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 2: just accepting this new way of life and these new

770
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 2: patterns and counteracting the things that you were so diligently

771
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 2: working toward.

772
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and you have to relearn just how to

773
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 1: live and how to think, because I think for the

774
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: longest time my mind had been set to this idea.

775
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: It's in sport, it's always okay to be a little

776
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 1: bit underweight rather than overweight. The worst thing you can

777
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 1: do is be one pound overweight. It's fine to be

778
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: three pounds underweight. And now my thinking is totally shifted

779
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 1: of like I cannot go under like my minimum baseline weight,

780
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 1: like because I will get injured and I will like

781
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 1: my bones are gonna suffer. So it's better now in

782
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, Okay, it's better to be a

783
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,400
Speaker 1: little bit overweight in your training, and then like I

784
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: don't know, you can get down to like your race weight,

785
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: but you can't go below that and just straight up

786
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,359
Speaker 1: you don't have the energy reserves. Like I'm so much

787
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: stronger now in the training that I'm doing because I

788
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: actually have energy to train rather than just like running

789
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 1: off fumes and being so light that sometimes like that

790
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: your body can just propel itself.

791
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 2: I'm curious to know what your relationship is these days

792
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,120
Speaker 2: with a scale, do you get I actually.

793
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: Don't weigh myself at more. Yeah, Like I'm fine with

794
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 1: like being weighed, but I think it's I'll get like

795
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,839
Speaker 1: too wrapped up in the numbers. And so I've found

796
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 1: that it's a lot better for me to actually just

797
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: like I've got a better awareness of my body. So

798
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 1: I was out in Ethiopia in the fall doing some

799
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,160
Speaker 1: volunteer work with girls, got to run and training, and

800
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 1: I lost weight while I was over there, and so

801
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: when I came back, I was like, Okay, Like I

802
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 1: can feel that I'm under the weight that I need

803
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: to be. I just don't feel good right now, Like

804
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:18,600
Speaker 1: I need to focus on like gaining some weight back. Yeah,

805
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,439
Speaker 1: or even like after this marathon cycle, I'm I'm doing

806
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 1: fairly light training right now compared to what I was doing.

807
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 1: So like I'm okay with like gaining some weight, getting

808
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,319
Speaker 1: like my reserves back up as I enter the next

809
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 1: training cycle, because I know it's going to be a

810
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 1: really long spring and summer.

811
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 2: Like ause I get ready for the games, right, And

812
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,800
Speaker 2: how special is it now that you have this sense

813
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:42,280
Speaker 2: to feel how it is that you're doing because before

814
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 2: so much of quote unquote how you felt was based

815
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:47,359
Speaker 2: on what you would look down and see.

816
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:50,839
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. It's like just being able to like have that,

817
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,839
Speaker 1: like I guess, confidence and awareness of my body and

818
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:55,879
Speaker 1: to like step to the line and no, I'm not

819
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,839
Speaker 1: necessarily the skinniest girl on that line, but that I'm

820
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 1: like confident in my body is like I'm much more

821
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: at peace with it and I don't, like I'm not

822
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 1: obsessed with it like I was, right, Yeah, and that

823
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: just brings me a lot of like relief.

824
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:18,840
Speaker 2: Taking a quick break from today's episode to give some

825
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,320
Speaker 2: love to Daily Harvest. As a person who is pretty

826
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 2: health conscious, I am always trying to be mindful of

827
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 2: what I eat, even my quickest meals, especially now that

828
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 2: I am cooped up in this apartment. That is why

829
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 2: I love Daily Harvest. They deliver the food you want

830
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:38,359
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831
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,560
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832
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,400
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833
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:48,160
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834
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:51,400
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835
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,680
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836
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:58,160
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837
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838
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839
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:08,320
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840
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841
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842
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843
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,399
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844
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,560
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845
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:30,759
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846
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847
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 2: so four months through the treatment program, then what happens?

848
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 1: Uh? Then I was actually healthy enough at that point

849
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 1: that my therapist had kind of told me like, I

850
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 1: don't think you should be like training super heavily, But

851
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 1: I was like, but I want to train heavily, and like,

852
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,400
Speaker 1: if I can get super healthy in the next four months,

853
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 1: would you let me like go maybe spend the fall

854
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,760
Speaker 1: out in Flagstaff, live back there in a healthy way,

855
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 1: and then come back maybe go back to Notre Dame

856
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: in the spring then, and so I like went all

857
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 1: in on treatment, got healthy, got back up to the

858
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 1: weight that he had wanted me at, and then ended

859
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: up being able to go out to flag Staff for

860
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:23,040
Speaker 1: that fall, do some training, and then with the intention

861
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: of coming back that next spring and hoping to run

862
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 1: well so that I could get a pro contract. Sorry

863
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:29,400
Speaker 1: if this timeline is.

864
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:32,320
Speaker 2: Super message, I'm running this the fall of twenty sixteen.

865
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 1: Okay, So I got to go out to Flagstaff just

866
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,760
Speaker 1: be with friends. I took the fall off of school

867
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 1: because this was after I'd graduated, but coming back for

868
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,839
Speaker 1: a fifth year now, so I was not at Notre

869
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: Dame for that fall, came back in the spring, and

870
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:48,720
Speaker 1: even though my body was in a much healthier place

871
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 1: and eating disorder like that, it it just kind of

872
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 1: SAPs your bones. It has very long term repercussions that

873
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: I don't think I was fully prepared for just how

874
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: severe they are going to be. And I ended up

875
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 1: fully fracturing my hip at the end or my pelvis

876
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 1: at the end of my fifth year. So I finished

877
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 1: out my NCAA career being effectively immobile, not able to

878
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:18,240
Speaker 1: do anything, and with just nobody was offering me contracts

879
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:22,240
Speaker 1: because I was effectively a broken toy, And yeah, nobody

880
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:22,880
Speaker 1: was interested.

881
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 2: When you fracture your pelvis, that's such a horrible sentence

882
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:31,759
Speaker 2: to say. When that happens to you. Are you do

883
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 2: you feel like you're just back on the ground again?

884
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. I continued to run on it for

885
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: a while. It was kind of a situation where it

886
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:45,240
Speaker 1: was so excruciatingly painful, but I was really in denial

887
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:46,880
Speaker 1: about what it was, and I think my coach was

888
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 1: hoping that it was something different than it was, and

889
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 1: I was under a lot of pressure to perform. But

890
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: eventually it got to the point where I could not walk,

891
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 1: so we went in got the MRI. It showed that

892
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 1: it was very severely fractured. So that was it, And

893
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 1: it's just I thought that was truthfully, I thought that

894
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 1: was it, that I was going to be done, and

895
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: I healed up. I finally was able to do stuff again,

896
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 1: and sock Andy was willing to offer me a contract

897
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: to come out to Boston run on a team that

898
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:19,839
Speaker 1: they were putting together. And for me at the time,

899
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:23,640
Speaker 1: that was way more than I deserved, Like nobody would

900
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: have offered that kind of contract, that kind of developmental contract,

901
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 1: and so I like, I'm still so enormously grateful to

902
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 1: them for that. So I moved out here. I was

903
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:35,000
Speaker 1: training for a year, and I had quite a bit

904
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:38,280
Speaker 1: of success my first year of training, but kept running

905
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 1: into this problem that my hip that I had thought

906
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,319
Speaker 1: healed would just get sore. The more track work that

907
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: I was doing, kept getting hurt, kept getting hurt, and

908
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 1: right after USA USA ten K champs on the track

909
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 1: after that first year of running, Pro went back in

910
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 1: got another MRI to see if there was something wrong,

911
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,120
Speaker 1: and they found that it actually never healed fully, that

912
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:04,640
Speaker 1: I had a two millimeter gap in that pelvis, So yeah,

913
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 1: anothery're biggie, and then they're like, okay, you need to

914
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 1: have this like surgically repaired, like this won't heal on

915
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: its own. So that was went in on my birthday

916
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 1: in summer of twenty eighteen. They drilled out the bone

917
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 1: marrow from the two crests of my hip on the

918
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 1: very top, spun it down to get the stem cells,

919
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: and then injected in the bottom and that was like,

920
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 1: I've been through some really painful things in my life

921
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 1: and having to do that with no pain, like because

922
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 1: they couldn't do pain medication and they couldn't put me

923
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 1: out for it because I needed to be awake to

924
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 1: like manipulate myself. That was quite literally like what I

925
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 1: imagine hell to.

926
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 2: Be, Like, yeah, I can't how like how does someone endure.

927
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 1: One the aamya xanax. So at least I was like

928
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: chilled out while it was happening. The doctor who did

929
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:01,800
Speaker 1: the surgery was like, she's one of my favorite people,

930
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: super super nice. She gave me like a sandwich halfway

931
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,719
Speaker 1: through because it's like a two part surgery. But yeah,

932
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 1: it was. It was hellish. They pulled out like and

933
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 1: even like after you go through the drilling and like

934
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:18,080
Speaker 1: the bone marrows out, your hip is just so hurting,

935
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 1: so bad, and then they unsheath this like needle that

936
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 1: is the biggest needle I've ever seen to inject the

937
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 1: stem cells into the bottom of your like like the

938
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 1: very bottom part of my pelvis. And it was just like,

939
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 1: oh my god, but you just kind of, yeah, you

940
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 1: just get through it.

941
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:37,839
Speaker 2: Did you think at this point even though you were

942
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 2: getting quote unquote fixed that you were going to be

943
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 2: able to come back to running. Were you sure of it?

944
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 1: They gave me a fifty to fifty chance of it working.

945
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 1: And then like even then it might not, like with

946
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: the full knowledge that like I might never run at

947
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: the same level again, just with how impinged and like

948
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 1: impaired my hip would be. So yeah, I'm happy to

949
00:49:57,840 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 1: say that I was the better half of that fifty percent.

950
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 1: And yeah, it was kind of like truthfully, it was

951
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 1: kind of miraculous. But yeah, it was basically six months

952
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 1: of not being able to do anything. So yeah, from

953
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:11,799
Speaker 1: July of that year to the next January.

954
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 2: So now we're finally in January twenty nineteen.

955
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 1: Twenty nineteen. Literally, I know, sorry if there's so much stuff,

956
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 1: it's like the timeline's wild, but yeah, that it's like

957
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 1: literally starting from square one, right, And so yeah, twenty

958
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,239
Speaker 1: nineteen was hard because it was like trying to like

959
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 1: build back up off of nothing.

960
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 2: What advice would you offer to people who, like you,

961
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:37,240
Speaker 2: just feel as though they are getting knocked down time

962
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 2: and time and time again by injury.

963
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 1: I would say that the number one thing is to

964
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 1: if you are feeling like you're just in this injury cycle,

965
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 1: constantly hurting things, you have to get back to a

966
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: point where it you feel fully healthy. You don't want

967
00:50:57,239 --> 00:51:00,360
Speaker 1: to constantly be playing ketchup. And I think that was

968
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,760
Speaker 1: my problem for a long time, is that I always

969
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 1: had something going on and I would try to push

970
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,600
Speaker 1: through it, and then it would cause another injury. And

971
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:08,760
Speaker 1: I'd try and push through that and it'd cause another injury.

972
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 1: And I almost think that those six months of being

973
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 1: able to just like sit, let everything heal, and then

974
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 1: start building off of it, coming from the standpoint of

975
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:22,920
Speaker 1: my body is finally healthy, my hip is finally healed.

976
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:26,280
Speaker 1: I'm not like nursing something and then trying to push

977
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 1: through it. I think once you're coming from a standpoint

978
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 1: of being healthy, then you can build off of that.

979
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 1: It takes a long time, but if you're constantly like

980
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 1: facing these tiny things or large things, you're going to

981
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 1: be hitting yourself against a wall constantly. And that's not

982
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:45,440
Speaker 1: to say that through twenty nineteen I didn't have a

983
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 1: lot of injuries. I mean, that's ultimately why I ended

984
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 1: up with my new coach, because I had so many

985
00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: like imbalances. But now I do feel that at least

986
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 1: I'm in the standpoint where like I'm able to train

987
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: at a higher level because like my hip is repaired

988
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:05,439
Speaker 1: and because I took the time to let it heal.

989
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:09,239
Speaker 1: And it was really freaking hard being patient enough to

990
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:11,720
Speaker 1: do that, but and it sucked at the time.

991
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also think it's I also think that it

992
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 2: was probably important for you, like your mom said to

993
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,760
Speaker 2: you when you were younger, like I care about Molly,

994
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 2: my daughter, not just Molly the runner. You probably also

995
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 2: had to get to a point where you cared about

996
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 2: Molly the person and not just Molly the runner.

997
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's like, yeah, having to think

998
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: about like, oh man, I don't want to like destroy

999
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 1: my body so like twenty years from now I can't walk,

1000
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:43,320
Speaker 1: which I think previously I was definitely under the opinion

1001
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:44,919
Speaker 1: like I'm just gonna go as hard as I can

1002
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,360
Speaker 1: now and not think about Molly at age forty five,

1003
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,719
Speaker 1: and now it's like I want to make sure that,

1004
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 1: like my pelvis doesn't snap when I'm that old. Yeah,

1005
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, definitely try and even not even

1006
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,360
Speaker 1: from that standpoint, just thinking like if I want to

1007
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 1: try and stay in sport for the next hopefully ten years.

1008
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: Like I see women now who are competing at a

1009
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:06,919
Speaker 1: super high level in the marathon at age thirty five

1010
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 1: thirty six, It's like, I'd ultimately like to do that,

1011
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 1: but I need my body to be healthy to do that,

1012
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 1: and I can't be like constantly just like tearing myself apart.

1013
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 2: So what's the first race in twenty nineteen that you

1014
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 2: come back to and it's like Molly's back.

1015
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:26,800
Speaker 1: I did the BAA ten k that was in June,

1016
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:31,239
Speaker 1: so it actually had been based almost exactly a full

1017
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:35,400
Speaker 1: year since my previous race at USA outdoors on the track,

1018
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: and I actually raced way better than I thought I

1019
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 1: was going to. I actually think I like PRD in

1020
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:43,400
Speaker 1: the ten k and there so I was like shocked.

1021
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 2: I feel towing the line that day.

1022
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 1: Oh, I was so nervous, but I was so excited.

1023
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 1: There's just like nothing feels like racing feels, and I

1024
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:55,239
Speaker 1: was just so like ready to get back into it. Yeah,

1025
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 1: it was terrifying. I was like, I really hope I'm

1026
00:53:57,719 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: still able to do this.

1027
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 2: So you do the ten k and then you're feeling high.

1028
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 1: Feeling high, go and do a couple more races and

1029
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:11,920
Speaker 1: then do Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta on July fourth,

1030
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:14,640
Speaker 1: and I hurt my hip again and was on crutches

1031
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 1: for two weeks, and I definitely called coach Sparks by

1032
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 1: college coach and cried to him. It was like, I

1033
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 1: think this is the end of my running career. And

1034
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 1: he was like, you're being dumb. You're too dumb to

1035
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,360
Speaker 1: quit running. Like you're going to get through this, just

1036
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,759
Speaker 1: like you've gotten through everything else. You just need to

1037
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 1: be patient, right, got through that, spent the summer rehabbing.

1038
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 2: When did you say you went to Ethiopia?

1039
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 1: That was actually November? Okay, so that was part of it.

1040
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,239
Speaker 1: I had gotten involved with girls got to run previously.

1041
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 1: I'd been out in January of twenty twenty nineteen actually

1042
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:49,440
Speaker 1: doing a relay and it was a really good way

1043
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,520
Speaker 1: of while I was injured and kind of building up

1044
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 1: to focus on something that wasn't just me. Yeah, And

1045
00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 1: I think that actually really helped as well, because it's

1046
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 1: like running is such a selfish sport that you're just

1047
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:02,000
Speaker 1: so self focused all the time. It's like how does

1048
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,959
Speaker 1: my body feel? How am I performing? And being able

1049
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 1: to think like bigger picture of like what's going to

1050
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:10,880
Speaker 1: be good for all of these people who aren't me

1051
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:14,880
Speaker 1: was really important for me. And realizing like that ultimately,

1052
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 1: like our sport is super silly and inconsequential, and like

1053
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:20,960
Speaker 1: there's a huge world out there, and it just gives

1054
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 1: you a good perspective on like I'm doing this because

1055
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 1: I love running and it fulfills my goals, but there's

1056
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 1: more to this than just.

1057
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 2: Me, right, And so you come back from that trip

1058
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 2: and you qualify for the trials at the Rock and

1059
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 2: Roll San Antonio, Yes, one ten twenty seven. Yeah, and

1060
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:43,439
Speaker 2: that was love.

1061
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:44,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was.

1062
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:45,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1063
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 1: I was very surprised, just because it was very hard

1064
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:51,399
Speaker 1: to train in Ethiopia. It's really high. I had only

1065
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 1: been running consistently since September at that point, and John

1066
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:58,240
Speaker 1: was now coaching me, so my current coach and my friend,

1067
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 1: and so we had no idea how that was going

1068
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 1: to go. I think John always has a lot of

1069
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 1: confidence in me, but yeah, we were both pleasantly surprised

1070
00:56:06,920 --> 00:56:07,799
Speaker 1: with how well that went.

1071
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:11,240
Speaker 2: And that's a and that's a one ten twenty seven

1072
00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:14,320
Speaker 2: half marathon. I feel like we just like throw these numbers.

1073
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 1: Around, yeah, yeah, probably like what are these numbers? So

1074
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:20,320
Speaker 1: what's going on, but then there was more to be had. Yeah,

1075
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 1: So after that race, I was originally set to debut

1076
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:28,239
Speaker 1: in the marathon at the Houston Marathon and then the

1077
00:56:28,239 --> 00:56:30,680
Speaker 1: Houston half is the big race that everybody does before

1078
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:33,960
Speaker 1: the trials, and my coach and I were talking and

1079
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 1: he was like, you know what, like maybe like you

1080
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:39,759
Speaker 1: could switch to the half at Houston, And I was like,

1081
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 1: would you let me do the Olympic trials like for

1082
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 1: the marathon. He's like, I'm not wild about the idea,

1083
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 1: but like maybe we can do this, Like this might

1084
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:50,600
Speaker 1: be a really cool experience, and like we'll see if

1085
00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:52,879
Speaker 1: Houston will let you switch to the half. They let

1086
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:56,520
Speaker 1: me switch to the half and went out to altitude.

1087
00:56:56,560 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 1: Then beginning of this past year twenty twenty was train

1088
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 1: them a butt off and got to the line, ran

1089
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 1: very well at Houston, and yeah, then just was like

1090
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 1: kind of got that like little inkling in my mind

1091
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:13,279
Speaker 1: of like, Okay, I think I can do this.

1092
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 2: And I think what I didn't even realize until more

1093
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:19,760
Speaker 2: recently was just the dramatic difference I would say, between

1094
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 2: how fast you have to be as a half marathon

1095
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 2: or to qualify for the Olympic trials in the marathon

1096
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:28,800
Speaker 2: versus I mean, within reason, how fast you would run

1097
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 2: a marathon. To qualify for the trials in a marathon

1098
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:33,959
Speaker 2: for women, you have to run a marathon and under

1099
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:37,720
Speaker 2: two forty five, And if you are qualifying using a

1100
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 2: half marathon time, you have to run the half marathon

1101
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 2: and under one thirteen. That is a big difference. I

1102
00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 2: think it's I think it's like talks to how much

1103
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 2: of a badass you are that you qualified being a

1104
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 2: half marathon er.

1105
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 1: And there are other women who do qualify off the

1106
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 1: half marathon. I don't know the exact number of us

1107
00:57:56,320 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 1: that did, but yeah, it's I think it's kind of

1108
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:01,520
Speaker 1: this expectation, like if you're going to be like, if

1109
00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:03,840
Speaker 1: you're qualifying off the half, you have to be willing

1110
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 1: to go out and like freaking send it, like totally. Yeah,

1111
00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 1: you have to kind of know what you're getting yourself into.

1112
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:12,920
Speaker 2: So, needless to say, you come off of the Houston

1113
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 2: half marathon, you're feeling great and you're like, Wow, I

1114
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 2: guess it's time to go out there and run a

1115
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:17,520
Speaker 2: full finally.

1116
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,400
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, but I was like, that's not to say

1117
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:24,240
Speaker 1: that I wasn't scared out of my goddamn mind, because

1118
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 1: it was effectively the deepest field the Olympic marathon trials

1119
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 1: it ever had. Just the state of women's distance running

1120
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:34,560
Speaker 1: in the US right now is insane. There are so

1121
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 1: many women who are so talented. So going into this,

1122
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:42,160
Speaker 1: I really was trying to keep my expectations fairly low.

1123
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:47,480
Speaker 1: The secret to happiness to really say, but yeah, I

1124
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 1: was not by any means try like just seeing like, oh,

1125
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:53,200
Speaker 1: we have Sarah Hall, who's run two twenty two for

1126
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:57,040
Speaker 1: the marathon. We have like Emma Bates, Emily Sism, Molly Huddle,

1127
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 1: who's like a thirty time national champion, Desi lynd And

1128
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 1: who's fricking won the Boston marathon, like all of these women.

1129
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 1: And every time I would think, I think of like

1130
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:07,640
Speaker 1: five new other women who are doing this thing, and

1131
00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:11,840
Speaker 1: so I'm like, okay, like let's just like go out

1132
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:13,760
Speaker 1: with the goal of just seeing what you can do.

1133
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:17,440
Speaker 1: Try and like keep your expectations based on your effort

1134
00:59:17,520 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: rather than on like places, because like I was so

1135
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 1: mentally prepared to do so badly in this race that

1136
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: I was just like typing myself up, Like your self

1137
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: worth isn't based on how you finish in a marathon,

1138
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,840
Speaker 1: like your time in the marathon doesn't tell you anything

1139
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:35,320
Speaker 1: about your value as a human. And so I was

1140
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:37,800
Speaker 1: so ready to do so badly in this race, and

1141
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 1: then it went so much better than I expected it to.

1142
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 1: And I almost don't know how to like react to that.

1143
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 2: Now, do you attribute that to anything specific?

1144
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:52,840
Speaker 1: I think I've been over the last I guess it's

1145
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:56,120
Speaker 1: five years now at this point, I've running has broken

1146
00:59:56,200 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 1: my heart so many times. I've had so many failure

1147
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 1: years in this sport that I try to, like not

1148
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 1: to say that I always expect the worst, but I'm

1149
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 1: always ready for it if it comes. And that's I

1150
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 1: think part of my mentality going into that race, of

1151
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:15,640
Speaker 1: like just expecting it to hurt so badly the entire time,

1152
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 1: because that's just I've kind of gotten used to that

1153
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,640
Speaker 1: over the last couple of years. Like, and I'm okay

1154
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:23,440
Speaker 1: with that. I know that sometimes like life just sucks

1155
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:25,440
Speaker 1: and you just have to get through it. And I

1156
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:28,680
Speaker 1: kind of expected that to be the marathon, but when

1157
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 1: it's not, That's why I was so surprised that, like

1158
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 1: the first twenty miles, I was like, the marathon is

1159
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:36,480
Speaker 1: obviously hard, but then I'm getting into it. I'm like, oh, man,

1160
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:39,680
Speaker 1: like I feel like consistent and smooth in this Like

1161
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:42,640
Speaker 1: I feel it's this feeling of like power. I guess,

1162
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:44,720
Speaker 1: like you know you're running hard and you feel tired,

1163
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 1: but you're like, I can keep running at this like

1164
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 1: all day long.

1165
01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's this indescribable high.

1166
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1167
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 2: I can't even imagine maintaining the pace that you were

1168
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:57,720
Speaker 2: running and feeling that level of high. But I can

1169
01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:03,680
Speaker 2: relate to that feeling because earlier last year I ran

1170
01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 2: Chicago at a pace that I had never dreamed of,

1171
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 2: and you're out there and it just is as if

1172
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:11,680
Speaker 2: you're invincible. Yeah.

1173
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:14,240
Speaker 1: And then even with the crowds at the trials, it

1174
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:16,920
Speaker 1: was crazy. There were so many people there. It's like

1175
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 1: going through its scream tunnel and you're just like, but

1176
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 1: that's the funny thing. I wasn't like elated by any means.

1177
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 1: I felt like my emotions were very in check and

1178
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:28,520
Speaker 1: like I was just in like this flow state that

1179
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 1: I just felt like I was like going.

1180
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 2: Talk to me about the moment you realize what's about

1181
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:39,680
Speaker 2: to happen. As you were getting toward mile twenty five

1182
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 2: mile twenty six.

1183
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,560
Speaker 1: Well, I want to preface this with I was in

1184
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:46,840
Speaker 1: more pain in those last two miles, and I've been

1185
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 1: just about in any race of my life, Like it's

1186
01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:53,120
Speaker 1: so freakin' hard, so like you can't really like enjoy

1187
01:01:53,160 --> 01:01:56,320
Speaker 1: it because one you're so terrified that someone's gonna catch you,

1188
01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:59,000
Speaker 1: and then they give you that tiny little flag, like

1189
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 1: six hundred meters from the finish, You're like, this is

1190
01:02:01,360 --> 01:02:03,320
Speaker 1: way too early to be giving me this flag. There's

1191
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 1: a lot of race left, but I think coming down

1192
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:09,160
Speaker 1: once you hit the final downhill, because it was downhill

1193
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:11,960
Speaker 1: for the last two hundred meters, and so by that time,

1194
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm pretty confident that I'm going to

1195
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 1: the Olympics at this point. And I could see my

1196
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 1: my whole family was there, and I could see my

1197
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:24,040
Speaker 1: brother and my sister holding up these ridiculous cut out

1198
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:28,280
Speaker 1: heads they'd had of me, and my sister is literally inhysterics,

1199
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:31,720
Speaker 1: like sobbing, and that's when I was like starting to

1200
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 1: like break, like just break apart. I was just like,

1201
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:39,040
Speaker 1: oh my god, Yeah, it was. It was wild because

1202
01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:41,600
Speaker 1: you're just crossing the line and it's like the culmination

1203
01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:44,120
Speaker 1: of every dream you've had. You're like a kid, it

1204
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:47,520
Speaker 1: was it was like next level and just realizing like damn,

1205
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:52,000
Speaker 1: like I just like did that. Yeah, I'm still kind

1206
01:02:52,040 --> 01:02:53,200
Speaker 1: of processing that moment.

1207
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:58,080
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone ever fully processes that moment. You

1208
01:02:58,240 --> 01:03:00,680
Speaker 2: just replay it and replay it and replay it, and

1209
01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:03,600
Speaker 2: you probably ask yourself, how does it get better than this?

1210
01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 2: And I think maybe the answer to that is when

1211
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 2: you run in the Olympics.

1212
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:11,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's like I don't know, it's just

1213
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:15,720
Speaker 1: like it's such an honor to get to like say like, oh, yeah,

1214
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 1: I'm representing the US like at the Olympics. And I

1215
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:21,480
Speaker 1: think that's the that's the core of it, just the

1216
01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:26,520
Speaker 1: opportunity to go out on the world stage to represent everything,

1217
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:29,440
Speaker 1: like represents the country that I grew up in and like,

1218
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just a sense of pride and

1219
01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm really really looking forward to getting to do that.

1220
01:03:34,040 --> 01:03:37,960
Speaker 1: And everyone dreams is like being competitive at the at

1221
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 1: the Olympics, but at the end of the day, it's

1222
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:43,280
Speaker 1: about like going out and just being a willing to

1223
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:47,240
Speaker 1: like give your best effort and do everything you can

1224
01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:49,720
Speaker 1: on the day to like, I don't know, put the

1225
01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:51,760
Speaker 1: best foot forward for the country. Effectively.

1226
01:03:52,040 --> 01:03:54,320
Speaker 2: I love it and the metaphor of the best foot

1227
01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:56,479
Speaker 2: forward as you move forward with running, you're.

1228
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:59,760
Speaker 1: Just so oh Joe because it's running so.

1229
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:03,320
Speaker 2: Good at this. Okay, so talk to me about what

1230
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:06,360
Speaker 2: life's like now. Obviously you said your training isn't a

1231
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:08,479
Speaker 2: well deserved down beach.

1232
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:11,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, my coach has been super nice. He knows that,

1233
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:14,600
Speaker 1: like sometimes in full time off, that my body doesn't

1234
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:16,520
Speaker 1: respond super well to it, so he's letting me run

1235
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:19,760
Speaker 1: in these two weeks after the marathon, which really helps. Shockingly,

1236
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:22,960
Speaker 1: my body actually feels like pretty okay right now. So

1237
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,040
Speaker 1: like I've just been doing easy mileage. I think I

1238
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 1: did like thirty miles last week, and it's just nice

1239
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:30,720
Speaker 1: being able to like enjoy being back home in Boston

1240
01:04:30,800 --> 01:04:34,040
Speaker 1: finally with my sister. The weather's been really nice. I'm

1241
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:37,600
Speaker 1: back with my friends and just kind of like in

1242
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:40,600
Speaker 1: that sense, my life is much calmer. In the sense

1243
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 1: of media and social media specifically, things have been absolutely insane,

1244
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:48,080
Speaker 1: which I don't think I was prepared for.

1245
01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:49,120
Speaker 2: Let's talk about that.

1246
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:50,520
Speaker 1: It's been wild.

1247
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:53,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I mean, how many, like if we just

1248
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 2: take Instagram as a platform for example, like how many

1249
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:57,479
Speaker 2: followers did you show up to the trials with.

1250
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 1: I showed up on Trials morning probably with either a

1251
01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:04,000
Speaker 1: hair under eight thousand or right around eight thousand.

1252
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:05,800
Speaker 2: And now what are we at like forty five carry five?

1253
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:08,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just got verified as of today.

1254
01:05:08,520 --> 01:05:09,560
Speaker 2: That was exciting.

1255
01:05:09,840 --> 01:05:13,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like it's almost like a joke to me,

1256
01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:16,160
Speaker 1: Like every time I see it, it doesn't seem real.

1257
01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:22,080
Speaker 1: And like I now, I definitely I'm not super good

1258
01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:24,479
Speaker 1: with posting all the time. I'll go dark for long

1259
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:27,480
Speaker 1: periods of time. Also, I usually don't have very good

1260
01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:30,840
Speaker 1: quality photos on my Instagram, So now, for one, it's

1261
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:33,400
Speaker 1: really weird having all of these great photos from the trials.

1262
01:05:33,440 --> 01:05:34,880
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do with it. It's really

1263
01:05:34,960 --> 01:05:41,160
Speaker 1: ruining my blurry iPhone running photo aesthetic. But yeah, it's uh,

1264
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:44,360
Speaker 1: it is kind of fun and definitely like having a

1265
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:46,560
Speaker 1: little bit more of a platform. A lot of people

1266
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:50,160
Speaker 1: have been like reaching out or dming, so I apologize

1267
01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:53,320
Speaker 1: if anyone hearing this has DMed me, and I haven't responded.

1268
01:05:54,400 --> 01:05:57,760
Speaker 1: I'm still working through everything and I truthfully probably won't

1269
01:05:57,760 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 1: get to them all.

1270
01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:01,320
Speaker 2: I think you're entitled to house time to defer it.

1271
01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:04,480
Speaker 2: And I mean, but the thing about social media is

1272
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:09,760
Speaker 2: that there's no denying that you want to do the

1273
01:06:09,760 --> 01:06:11,960
Speaker 2: best you can to help as many people as you can.

1274
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:14,240
Speaker 2: And I think, I mean it speaks to the work

1275
01:06:14,280 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 2: that you did in Ethiopia, like you want to show

1276
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:20,439
Speaker 2: up and help other people, and sometimes it feels as

1277
01:06:20,520 --> 01:06:23,480
Speaker 2: though there's just not enough time to help as many

1278
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:24,320
Speaker 2: people as you want.

1279
01:06:24,640 --> 01:06:28,160
Speaker 1: No, and that's what like, Yeah, it's like there's always

1280
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,680
Speaker 1: a new message to respond to. There's always like five

1281
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:32,640
Speaker 1: different things, and I feel like you can just kind

1282
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 1: of like spiral into it and there's no getting out.

1283
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:40,680
Speaker 1: And then obviously you always have like the haters online

1284
01:06:40,680 --> 01:06:44,000
Speaker 1: of people like responding to stuff, and it's almost like

1285
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:47,600
Speaker 1: you can't even respond. It's like it's not even worth it.

1286
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:48,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1287
01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:50,840
Speaker 1: So, and truthfully, I'm usually show a wall with my

1288
01:06:50,880 --> 01:06:53,960
Speaker 1: social media that I miss half the stuff on there,

1289
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,760
Speaker 1: so probably for the better, sometimes probably for the better,

1290
01:06:56,880 --> 01:06:58,120
Speaker 1: or just like at the end of the day, I

1291
01:06:58,200 --> 01:07:00,040
Speaker 1: just try to I try to keep in mind. And

1292
01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:02,840
Speaker 1: a piece of advice I was once given that don't

1293
01:07:03,360 --> 01:07:06,320
Speaker 1: accept criticism from anyone, that you wouldn't.

1294
01:07:05,960 --> 01:07:09,480
Speaker 2: Accept advice from Oh good one. Yeah I dig that.

1295
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:12,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's good to keep in mind of all the

1296
01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:13,840
Speaker 1: RANDO like let's run haters.

1297
01:07:14,080 --> 01:07:16,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure, and there are definitely a lot of them.

1298
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:21,320
Speaker 2: When it comes to walking away from that trials experience,

1299
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:24,640
Speaker 2: aside from obviously a place on the Olympic team, what

1300
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 2: would you say, just from that experience and from running

1301
01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:30,880
Speaker 2: a marathon, maybe one of your biggest takeaways was whether

1302
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,920
Speaker 2: it's technical or a little bit more metaphorical or whatever you.

1303
01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 1: Got For me, I guess it's this feeling of going

1304
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 1: into that race. I felt like I even like on

1305
01:07:40,720 --> 01:07:42,720
Speaker 1: the starting line, I didn't feel like I belonged. I

1306
01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:45,760
Speaker 1: don't deserve to be here. I haven't done enough to

1307
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:48,080
Speaker 1: earn my way here. There's so many people here who

1308
01:07:48,080 --> 01:07:51,600
Speaker 1: have done so much more. I even now like I've

1309
01:07:51,600 --> 01:07:54,560
Speaker 1: felt like a fraud a little bit. And being in

1310
01:07:54,600 --> 01:07:57,880
Speaker 1: that race and finally getting up there, it was actually

1311
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,520
Speaker 1: kind of cool. The final part of the course. You

1312
01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:03,919
Speaker 1: go out underneath the Olympic rings, turn around and come

1313
01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:07,240
Speaker 1: back past the Olympic torch, and as we're coming back,

1314
01:08:07,280 --> 01:08:10,040
Speaker 1: you're seeing the women coming out still and one of

1315
01:08:10,080 --> 01:08:12,480
Speaker 1: those women was Desi Lindon, who was in fourth at

1316
01:08:12,480 --> 01:08:15,720
Speaker 1: that time and trying to trying to still close the gap,

1317
01:08:15,760 --> 01:08:20,280
Speaker 1: make the team, and she saw us, she saw me

1318
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:23,719
Speaker 1: and Alphine coming out, and she just like looked straight

1319
01:08:23,720 --> 01:08:26,360
Speaker 1: at us and gave me a thumbs up, and I

1320
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:29,439
Speaker 1: was I felt like it was like that moment of like, no,

1321
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:33,040
Speaker 1: you deserve to be here, Like you freaking go after this,

1322
01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:37,320
Speaker 1: like don't disappoint Deesse Lindon because like she's just like

1323
01:08:37,479 --> 01:08:40,280
Speaker 1: the freaking biggest hero of mine. Like I cried watching

1324
01:08:40,280 --> 01:08:42,600
Speaker 1: her win Boston coming through mile nineteen and be like,

1325
01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:45,240
Speaker 1: oh my god, she's gonna do it. So like getting

1326
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:49,439
Speaker 1: that kind of like validation and like realizing like no,

1327
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:53,920
Speaker 1: like I I can perform at this level, like regardless

1328
01:08:53,960 --> 01:08:56,120
Speaker 1: of what I've gone through the last couple of years,

1329
01:08:56,640 --> 01:09:00,479
Speaker 1: Like I have worked way too damn hard and suffered

1330
01:09:00,479 --> 01:09:03,240
Speaker 1: too damn much to give up now. So I think

1331
01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:06,040
Speaker 1: that kind of validation of like coming overline being like

1332
01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:10,280
Speaker 1: I'm glad that I didn't chicken out, or like I'm

1333
01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:13,559
Speaker 1: glad that I was brave enough to go and run

1334
01:09:13,600 --> 01:09:16,040
Speaker 1: hard before I believed I was ready to run hard

1335
01:09:16,040 --> 01:09:16,639
Speaker 1: in that race.

1336
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:19,040
Speaker 2: And I think that happens for so many people, right,

1337
01:09:19,600 --> 01:09:23,799
Speaker 2: regardless of its running or I mean, how many times

1338
01:09:23,840 --> 01:09:26,400
Speaker 2: do we question do I belong here? Can I show

1339
01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:28,880
Speaker 2: up here? Am I allowed to take up space? But

1340
01:09:29,200 --> 01:09:31,760
Speaker 2: how beautiful is it when you do show up and

1341
01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:34,800
Speaker 2: you tell yourself that I do belong here?

1342
01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:35,439
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1343
01:09:35,479 --> 01:09:36,800
Speaker 2: Because so often.

1344
01:09:37,200 --> 01:09:39,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think a lot of people probably sell

1345
01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:42,280
Speaker 1: themselves short. I think I definitely have done that on

1346
01:09:42,320 --> 01:09:45,240
Speaker 1: a lot of occasions, assuming like I shouldn't be up

1347
01:09:45,240 --> 01:09:48,120
Speaker 1: with the front pack because I'm I'm not fast enough

1348
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:50,120
Speaker 1: to run with that group. I should play it safe

1349
01:09:50,160 --> 01:09:52,880
Speaker 1: and stay back here. And that's not to say that

1350
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:55,439
Speaker 1: sometimes it doesn't work out, Like I've definitely had times

1351
01:09:55,479 --> 01:09:56,880
Speaker 1: where I've tried to go out with the front pack

1352
01:09:56,920 --> 01:10:01,920
Speaker 1: and I've blown up spectacularly. I think it's it's this

1353
01:10:02,080 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 1: idea that like, you have to do all the work,

1354
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:06,679
Speaker 1: and you have to be brave enough to put yourself

1355
01:10:06,680 --> 01:10:09,840
Speaker 1: out there, and sometimes a lightning bolt is going to

1356
01:10:09,840 --> 01:10:11,599
Speaker 1: strike from the heavens and it's going to work out,

1357
01:10:11,600 --> 01:10:13,599
Speaker 1: and sometimes it's just not going to flow and it's

1358
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,400
Speaker 1: going to be one of those days that it doesn't work.

1359
01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:18,000
Speaker 1: But if you're not willing to put yourself up there

1360
01:10:18,439 --> 01:10:20,400
Speaker 1: and to put yourself in a position to be great,

1361
01:10:20,479 --> 01:10:21,840
Speaker 1: you're never going to be great.

1362
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:24,040
Speaker 2: So you talk to me about maybe one of the

1363
01:10:24,080 --> 01:10:27,000
Speaker 2: biggest takeaways aside from going to the Olympics, from the trials,

1364
01:10:27,040 --> 01:10:29,040
Speaker 2: what would you say was one of the best pieces

1365
01:10:29,080 --> 01:10:31,200
Speaker 2: of advice that you were offered going into it.

1366
01:10:32,120 --> 01:10:35,280
Speaker 1: A couple of the amateur women who had qualified for

1367
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,519
Speaker 1: the trials. I was kind of hanging out with them

1368
01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:39,840
Speaker 1: before the race, just sitting with them. They were super nice.

1369
01:10:39,880 --> 01:10:42,960
Speaker 1: They were like my race moms, and they kept saying

1370
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:45,599
Speaker 1: they were the women who first told me don't warm

1371
01:10:45,640 --> 01:10:50,400
Speaker 1: up twenty minutes, like five minutes, but then also saying like, remember,

1372
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:54,400
Speaker 1: stay calm, stay patient. The race doesn't start until at

1373
01:10:54,520 --> 01:10:57,559
Speaker 1: least sixteen miles, so on that course they were eight

1374
01:10:57,560 --> 01:11:00,360
Speaker 1: mile loops, so that would have been the going into

1375
01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:03,439
Speaker 1: the third lap. So those first two laps, I was

1376
01:11:03,640 --> 01:11:07,040
Speaker 1: conserve your energy, stay in the pack, tuck behind, draft

1377
01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:08,680
Speaker 1: off people because it was super windy. It was like

1378
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:10,840
Speaker 1: twenty miles an hour. But I was like, use as

1379
01:11:10,880 --> 01:11:15,040
Speaker 1: little mental energy as you can because the race starts

1380
01:11:15,080 --> 01:11:17,400
Speaker 1: on the third lap, and like you have to be

1381
01:11:17,520 --> 01:11:19,320
Speaker 1: ready by the time you get to the third lap.

1382
01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:22,320
Speaker 1: You can't exhaust your legs early in the race. Trying

1383
01:11:22,320 --> 01:11:25,360
Speaker 1: to race these first sixteen miles because it doesn't start

1384
01:11:25,439 --> 01:11:28,000
Speaker 1: till till like well into the day.

1385
01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:30,599
Speaker 2: And how valuable is that that that helped you get

1386
01:11:30,680 --> 01:11:33,160
Speaker 2: to that point and then really kicking in.

1387
01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:36,280
Speaker 1: That saved me. That saved my race, like being able

1388
01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:38,400
Speaker 1: to go into the third lap and feel like, Okay,

1389
01:11:38,640 --> 01:11:40,680
Speaker 1: now I'm ready to go. And I think at that

1390
01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:44,040
Speaker 1: point a lot of women in that race were because

1391
01:11:44,600 --> 01:11:47,479
Speaker 1: a lot of women's legs were just absolutely fried. People

1392
01:11:47,520 --> 01:11:52,400
Speaker 1: had been playing little strategic games fighting each other, making moves,

1393
01:11:52,920 --> 01:11:55,000
Speaker 1: and with how windy it was and how hilly it was,

1394
01:11:55,040 --> 01:11:57,519
Speaker 1: I think it sapped a lot of people's legs and

1395
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:59,120
Speaker 1: a lot of women said that after the race that

1396
01:11:59,160 --> 01:12:03,160
Speaker 1: their legs just felt trashed. Yeah, And I think like

1397
01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:06,439
Speaker 1: between the sixteen to twenty two mile mark is when

1398
01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:10,120
Speaker 1: quite a few of the top group ended up dropping out.

1399
01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:13,080
Speaker 1: And so I think it was definitely a matter of

1400
01:12:13,160 --> 01:12:15,519
Speaker 1: just learning to like preserve yourself as long as you

1401
01:12:15,600 --> 01:12:18,640
Speaker 1: can and like choose your battles. Because that's not to

1402
01:12:18,680 --> 01:12:21,880
Speaker 1: say like the last six miles were the hardest I've

1403
01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:25,200
Speaker 1: ever run, but I felt like I was able to

1404
01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:27,439
Speaker 1: get to that point and still be like, Okay, you

1405
01:12:27,439 --> 01:12:30,519
Speaker 1: can be competitive you can. You can fight this out

1406
01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:33,240
Speaker 1: and not feel like you're redlining the entire time.

1407
01:12:33,600 --> 01:12:38,719
Speaker 2: You mentioned the forty five thousand new social media followers. God,

1408
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:43,120
Speaker 2: they come to your page now and they see this

1409
01:12:44,960 --> 01:12:50,240
Speaker 2: triumphant woman. Don't laugh, It's true. It's just so weird,

1410
01:12:50,360 --> 01:12:56,760
Speaker 2: this triumphant woman who has maybe even surpassed her wildest dreams.

1411
01:12:57,680 --> 01:13:00,519
Speaker 2: You look in the mirror, now, what is it that

1412
01:13:00,600 --> 01:13:02,240
Speaker 2: you see staring back at you.

1413
01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:05,559
Speaker 1: Despite everything over the past week and even that race, Like,

1414
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:10,160
Speaker 1: I feel like my general opinion of myself hasn't changed

1415
01:13:10,200 --> 01:13:12,920
Speaker 1: at all. Like all of this is fun. It almost

1416
01:13:13,080 --> 01:13:15,880
Speaker 1: like still doesn't seem quite real. But I felt like

1417
01:13:15,960 --> 01:13:18,479
Speaker 1: going into that race, I was in a really good

1418
01:13:18,520 --> 01:13:21,760
Speaker 1: place mentally. I went into that race because I was

1419
01:13:21,840 --> 01:13:24,320
Speaker 1: assuming that it was going to go so badly. I

1420
01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:25,840
Speaker 1: had come to terms with the fact that it was like,

1421
01:13:25,880 --> 01:13:29,560
Speaker 1: the outcome of this race doesn't affect my opinion of myself.

1422
01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:32,960
Speaker 1: Like I was so obsessed in twenty sixteen with making

1423
01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:35,000
Speaker 1: a team. I felt like that was what I had

1424
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:37,920
Speaker 1: to do to have value as a human, And this

1425
01:13:37,960 --> 01:13:41,120
Speaker 1: time around, it was like, I feel like I love

1426
01:13:41,160 --> 01:13:44,000
Speaker 1: the training that I'm doing, I love the community that

1427
01:13:44,040 --> 01:13:47,280
Speaker 1: I'm surrounded by in Boston. I love the I love

1428
01:13:47,400 --> 01:13:49,439
Speaker 1: just like being in this place right now that I

1429
01:13:49,479 --> 01:13:52,920
Speaker 1: am in my life and making an Olympic team doesn't

1430
01:13:53,040 --> 01:13:56,680
Speaker 1: change that about me. Like, sure it would like that

1431
01:13:56,800 --> 01:13:59,240
Speaker 1: is my highest goal as an athlete, but at the

1432
01:13:59,360 --> 01:14:01,400
Speaker 1: end of the day, like my value as a human

1433
01:14:01,439 --> 01:14:05,360
Speaker 1: doesn't rest on that, and so going into it and

1434
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:07,759
Speaker 1: making that team it's so cool. But at the same

1435
01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:10,120
Speaker 1: time it makes me so happy, But I feel like

1436
01:14:10,160 --> 01:14:13,200
Speaker 1: my happiness isn't contingent on that anymore. I feel like

1437
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:17,320
Speaker 1: a more complete person who's got other things. And like, truthfully,

1438
01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:21,040
Speaker 1: the happiest moment of that day wasn't crossing the finish

1439
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:24,400
Speaker 1: line and like having the adoration of people like, oh

1440
01:14:24,400 --> 01:14:26,040
Speaker 1: my god, you made the team. It was sitting in

1441
01:14:26,080 --> 01:14:30,320
Speaker 1: the bar that night, eating a burger, surrounded by my

1442
01:14:30,520 --> 01:14:33,160
Speaker 1: favorite people in the world, getting to just celebrate this

1443
01:14:33,320 --> 01:14:38,519
Speaker 1: moment and be be in it and just being happy

1444
01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:41,639
Speaker 1: that I was healthy and able to walk without pain

1445
01:14:41,840 --> 01:14:44,840
Speaker 1: after that race and surrounded by people that I love

1446
01:14:45,240 --> 01:14:48,640
Speaker 1: and just realized that I was going to the Tokyo Olympics.

1447
01:14:49,000 --> 01:14:53,200
Speaker 1: And yeah, It's like there are these huge moments in

1448
01:14:53,240 --> 01:14:55,200
Speaker 1: our life. I think everyone assumes like, oh, you make

1449
01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:56,880
Speaker 1: an Olympic team and you're just happy for the rest

1450
01:14:56,880 --> 01:14:59,120
Speaker 1: of your life. Like, no, I'm still going to struggle.

1451
01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:02,080
Speaker 1: I'll probably still go get hurt multiple times through my career.

1452
01:15:02,120 --> 01:15:04,400
Speaker 1: There's going to be other things. But as long as

1453
01:15:04,439 --> 01:15:06,400
Speaker 1: I'm okay with like being who I am at my

1454
01:15:06,520 --> 01:15:09,280
Speaker 1: core and able to live with that, that is what

1455
01:15:09,600 --> 01:15:13,160
Speaker 1: brings me. That's what brings me, like peace. It's not

1456
01:15:14,280 --> 01:15:18,400
Speaker 1: getting metals or yeah, yeah, getting metals or breaking records

1457
01:15:18,439 --> 01:15:20,479
Speaker 1: or whatnot. All those are temporary. You need to be

1458
01:15:20,520 --> 01:15:22,240
Speaker 1: okay with who you are at the end of the day.

1459
01:15:22,640 --> 01:15:25,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's really special that the best

1460
01:15:25,040 --> 01:15:27,599
Speaker 2: part of that day is the celebration of the event,

1461
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:32,320
Speaker 2: because I think so often, especially in events and milestones

1462
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:35,160
Speaker 2: where you work so hard, there's so much build up

1463
01:15:35,160 --> 01:15:38,080
Speaker 2: that we don't take the time to stop, look around

1464
01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:40,519
Speaker 2: and enjoy all of our hard work.

1465
01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:44,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and just to enjoy it wasn't even necessarily that.

1466
01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:47,920
Speaker 1: It was like being able to appreciate all of the

1467
01:15:47,960 --> 01:15:51,080
Speaker 1: people who helped me get there, like seeing my mom

1468
01:15:51,120 --> 01:15:54,080
Speaker 1: and dad so happy and having seen them like have

1469
01:15:54,160 --> 01:15:56,960
Speaker 1: to drive me to eating disorder treatment, and like be

1470
01:15:57,080 --> 01:16:00,920
Speaker 1: with me through that, or like my sister who was

1471
01:16:00,960 --> 01:16:04,559
Speaker 1: like having to help me like hobble around on crutches

1472
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:07,800
Speaker 1: all summer, and like, I don't know, my brother who

1473
01:16:07,880 --> 01:16:09,320
Speaker 1: was one of the people who was there at those

1474
01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:11,400
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen trials with me that I was like at

1475
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:14,639
Speaker 1: my breaking point and he got me through it. It's like, yeah,

1476
01:16:14,680 --> 01:16:17,200
Speaker 1: it's just like those are the people who got me

1477
01:16:17,240 --> 01:16:18,880
Speaker 1: through the worst of times, and now I get to

1478
01:16:18,960 --> 01:16:22,679
Speaker 1: share this with them and it's just so much fun.

1479
01:16:22,720 --> 01:16:24,040
Speaker 1: And like now they're going to get to come to

1480
01:16:24,040 --> 01:16:26,800
Speaker 1: Tokyo with me and like get to just share that.

1481
01:16:26,960 --> 01:16:30,559
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, that's what was really special. It's

1482
01:16:30,600 --> 01:16:33,760
Speaker 1: the act of It's the act of running on the day,

1483
01:16:33,880 --> 01:16:36,840
Speaker 1: like actually being in that race and realizing that there's

1484
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:39,400
Speaker 1: no other place that I would rather be in the

1485
01:16:39,400 --> 01:16:43,439
Speaker 1: world than full flight in the middle of a race,

1486
01:16:43,640 --> 01:16:46,960
Speaker 1: just hauling and just being in it, and then getting

1487
01:16:46,960 --> 01:16:50,000
Speaker 1: to celebrate and just be surrounded by my favorite people

1488
01:16:50,640 --> 01:16:53,760
Speaker 1: and just appreciate what we've been through to get to

1489
01:16:53,800 --> 01:16:54,360
Speaker 1: that moment.

1490
01:16:55,280 --> 01:17:00,759
Speaker 2: You have an opportunity right now to offer the Mollie

1491
01:17:01,080 --> 01:17:05,400
Speaker 2: who is in the thick of it, she's struggling. You

1492
01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:08,160
Speaker 2: have an opportunity to offer her one piece of advice.

1493
01:17:08,240 --> 01:17:11,639
Speaker 2: Looking back on it, what do you tell her?

1494
01:17:12,479 --> 01:17:17,240
Speaker 1: I would say that nothing lasts forever. In that nothing,

1495
01:17:17,960 --> 01:17:20,639
Speaker 1: no bad thing, is going to last forever. No matter

1496
01:17:20,680 --> 01:17:23,960
Speaker 1: how bad it gets, it won't last forever, and good

1497
01:17:24,040 --> 01:17:28,120
Speaker 1: things won't last forever. So it's like you just have

1498
01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:30,320
Speaker 1: to be in the moment and get through it, and

1499
01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:33,960
Speaker 1: this idea that it's okay to feel sad and hurt

1500
01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:39,320
Speaker 1: and to just let yourself experience those emotions and just

1501
01:17:39,360 --> 01:17:41,920
Speaker 1: realize that no matter how much you're hurting right now,

1502
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:45,439
Speaker 1: that will pass and you're going to be able to

1503
01:17:45,439 --> 01:17:47,200
Speaker 1: get through it. But you just have to accept that

1504
01:17:47,320 --> 01:17:51,080
Speaker 1: sometimes it's going to be really, really hard and you

1505
01:17:51,280 --> 01:17:55,040
Speaker 1: just have to keep moving and stay strong. And even now,

1506
01:17:55,080 --> 01:17:58,800
Speaker 1: it's like I can appreciate I can appreciate the pain

1507
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,120
Speaker 1: that I went through to sort of treatment or when

1508
01:18:01,120 --> 01:18:04,000
Speaker 1: I had my injuries, because I realized, like that's turned

1509
01:18:04,040 --> 01:18:07,840
Speaker 1: me into the person that I am now. But I

1510
01:18:07,880 --> 01:18:10,680
Speaker 1: think I just needed to like fully experience that when

1511
01:18:10,720 --> 01:18:13,599
Speaker 1: I was in it, and yeah, it sucked, but now

1512
01:18:13,600 --> 01:18:15,920
Speaker 1: it's like on the other side, I can appreciate it,

1513
01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:19,120
Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel like I didn't say that as

1514
01:18:19,120 --> 01:18:22,599
Speaker 1: eloquently as I wanted to, But just this idea that

1515
01:18:24,120 --> 01:18:26,800
Speaker 1: there's going to be so many ups and downs, but

1516
01:18:27,520 --> 01:18:29,519
Speaker 1: none of them are going to last forever. So just

1517
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:32,880
Speaker 1: be able to keep riding it out and you're going

1518
01:18:32,960 --> 01:18:36,360
Speaker 1: to get through it. And I don't know, no matter

1519
01:18:36,400 --> 01:18:39,400
Speaker 1: how bad things might be, you never know what's going

1520
01:18:39,439 --> 01:18:41,360
Speaker 1: to happen the next day.

1521
01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:46,280
Speaker 2: I personally am so grateful for your time and I

1522
01:18:46,320 --> 01:18:49,240
Speaker 2: actually have zero deaths in my mind that this is

1523
01:18:49,320 --> 01:18:52,280
Speaker 2: going to impact and help a lot of people, some

1524
01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:54,240
Speaker 2: of which you maybe just don't have the time to

1525
01:18:54,240 --> 01:18:55,479
Speaker 2: get there to their DM.

1526
01:18:55,960 --> 01:18:59,120
Speaker 1: I apologize I left you on unread.

1527
01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:02,559
Speaker 2: It's okay, Hey, it's okay, thank you, Thanks so much.

1528
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:05,120
Speaker 2: Please take a moment and leave a quick review by

1529
01:19:05,120 --> 01:19:07,519
Speaker 2: clicking the link with a description to this episode. We

1530
01:19:07,640 --> 01:19:10,240
Speaker 2: all face multiple hurdles in life. I want to hear

1531
01:19:10,280 --> 01:19:12,479
Speaker 2: about yours. Reach out to me at Emily at Hurdle

1532
01:19:12,520 --> 01:19:16,519
Speaker 2: dot us, connect with the podcast Instagram, Twitter at Hurdle

1533
01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:18,880
Speaker 2: Podcast Mollie. Where do they find you? How do they

1534
01:19:18,960 --> 01:19:21,200
Speaker 2: keep up with you? How do they follow you on

1535
01:19:21,240 --> 01:19:22,599
Speaker 2: your road to Tokyo?

1536
01:19:23,120 --> 01:19:26,240
Speaker 1: Probably the best way is through my Instagram at by

1537
01:19:26,320 --> 01:19:30,479
Speaker 1: Golly Mollie. I have a pretty much inactive Twitter account

1538
01:19:30,560 --> 01:19:33,680
Speaker 1: at by Golly Molly twelve, so probably don't rely on that.

1539
01:19:34,200 --> 01:19:37,000
Speaker 1: Or if you're around the Boston area and out running,

1540
01:19:37,479 --> 01:19:39,320
Speaker 1: just come say hi to me. You'll probably see me

1541
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:41,000
Speaker 1: down by the river. Come run with me.

1542
01:19:41,320 --> 01:19:46,160
Speaker 2: Perfect I am at Emily Abodi. Another hurdle conquered. Catch

1543
01:19:46,200 --> 01:19:46,960
Speaker 2: you guys next time.