WEBVTT - Good Science: Shitheads 0:00:00.790 --> 0:00:05.890 The information provided on this podcast is uninformed and unreviewed. 0:00:06.090 --> 0:00:10.150 Good science does not do any research about any of 0:00:10.210 --> 0:00:16.090 the topics discussed and assumes no responsibility for errors or omission. 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:33.730 That's good science. Hello, and welcome to a very special 0:00:33.810 --> 0:00:38.380 episode of Good Science. Today, we're going to take a 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:46.020 break from our normal programming to show an episode of, well, 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:51.470 the show that got me into podcasting and is hosted 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:58.310 by my co-host, Kyle Quim. His incredible podcast, over a 0:00:58.410 --> 0:01:05.310 thousand episodes, Over 450 billion downloads, it's the most popular 0:01:05.530 --> 0:01:11.220 podcast on any network. Let's check out an episode of Shitheads! 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:11.920 Shitheads! 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:33.429 Alright, what's up, shitheads? Welcome to Shitheads. It's your boy, Quim. 0:01:33.450 --> 0:01:39.250 I am here with my dude, Atash. He's an idiot, 0:01:39.270 --> 0:01:40.630 but I fucking love him. What's up, dude? 0:01:40.650 --> 0:01:41.310 Fuck you, dude. 0:01:41.350 --> 0:01:41.690 What's up, man? 0:01:41.730 --> 0:01:48.170 Yeah, fuck you. Good, dude. I just got back from Amsterdam. Oh, shit. 0:01:48.390 --> 0:01:49.470 Fucking Europe. 0:01:49.590 --> 0:01:51.250 Yeah, Europe, Europe. 0:01:51.390 --> 0:01:55.210 Yeah, we'll see if it stays Europe. 0:01:55.450 --> 0:01:57.300 It might be Russia pretty soon. Falling apart, I heard. 0:01:57.330 --> 0:01:59.340 Hopefully be Russia pretty soon. Yeah, yeah. 0:01:59.380 --> 0:02:02.180 Yeah, man. They're fucking encroaching. Yeah, dude. 0:02:02.260 --> 0:02:04.260 It's time to take over, man. I'm psyched about it. 0:02:04.380 --> 0:02:06.200 I love it. What's going on there with you? 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:07.560 Is there a war? 0:02:07.830 --> 0:02:10.369 I got kind of darked out, man. I was like 0:02:10.389 --> 0:02:10.970 darked out. 0:02:11.090 --> 0:02:12.350 What does that mean? 0:02:12.370 --> 0:02:13.889 It's just a little dark, man. 0:02:13.950 --> 0:02:19.250 Because prostitution there is legal. 0:02:19.330 --> 0:02:20.669 Get the fuck out of here. 0:02:20.690 --> 0:02:24.610 So when I was trying to get girls and stuff, 0:02:24.710 --> 0:02:27.880 I was like, There are just these girls in these windows, 0:02:28.180 --> 0:02:28.639 you know? 0:02:28.660 --> 0:02:31.020 And you can, like, pay them to have sex with them. 0:02:31.100 --> 0:02:32.300 Like Macy's. 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:34.760 It's like a Macy's display. Yeah, I'm saying. It's like 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:38.350 a porno Macy's display. Shit, man. It was a little disgusting. 0:02:38.570 --> 0:02:40.029 You know what I mean? When you got turned off 0:02:40.090 --> 0:02:40.519 by it? 0:02:40.530 --> 0:02:42.130 I got a little turned off because it's just like, 0:02:42.510 --> 0:02:43.450 I want to work for it. 0:02:43.490 --> 0:02:45.010 You don't like the candy in the window. 0:02:45.070 --> 0:02:46.950 I don't like the candy in the window, man. Let 0:02:46.990 --> 0:02:48.570 me work for it. Let me dig for that candy. 0:02:48.810 --> 0:02:49.570 Dig through the dirt. 0:02:49.730 --> 0:02:50.649 You know what I mean? 0:02:50.750 --> 0:02:52.620 I wish I could go to Europe, man. I'm still 0:02:52.630 --> 0:02:55.579 touring fucking... you know, the States, man. I was just 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:56.240 in Jersey. 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:58.639 Oh, really? Do you have a problem with your passport 0:02:58.680 --> 0:02:59.419 or something like that? 0:03:00.340 --> 0:03:03.310 Uh, yeah, I do. You know, I got held at 0:03:03.340 --> 0:03:04.829 the fucking Canadian border. 0:03:05.010 --> 0:03:05.410 Dude. 0:03:05.550 --> 0:03:05.850 Yeah. 0:03:05.910 --> 0:03:07.430 I brought that's racist, man. 0:03:08.430 --> 0:03:08.970 Against me. 0:03:09.110 --> 0:03:11.209 Yeah, exactly. I'm telling you what I'm talking about, man. 0:03:11.410 --> 0:03:13.510 I fucking Canadians are fucking racist. 0:03:13.669 --> 0:03:14.989 Yeah. Against Americans. 0:03:15.410 --> 0:03:15.910 I think so. 0:03:16.310 --> 0:03:16.590 Yeah. 0:03:16.889 --> 0:03:19.990 Yeah. It's like, what the fuck? We're a good race. 0:03:20.169 --> 0:03:20.970 We're okay. 0:03:21.530 --> 0:03:23.690 Yeah, we're one of the good ones. Yeah, we're red, white, 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:24.440 and blue. We're cool. 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:28.740 Okay. Well, I was fucked. I mean, I had the 0:03:28.820 --> 0:03:30.359 worst fucking time in Jersey, man. 0:03:30.700 --> 0:03:31.180 What happened? 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:32.859 Have you been there? Have you been to Jersey? 0:03:33.740 --> 0:03:34.020 Never. 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:35.100 Really? 0:03:35.300 --> 0:03:36.200 I've driven through. 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:36.680 Yeah. 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:37.340 Yeah. 0:03:37.460 --> 0:03:38.580 It's fucking awful. 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:39.340 Yeah? 0:03:39.540 --> 0:03:42.800 Yeah. Well, the people don't laugh at shows. That's the 0:03:42.860 --> 0:03:46.010 biggest problem. So I went to do crowd work there. Um, 0:03:46.070 --> 0:03:48.839 and I'm talking insulting, you know, like always. 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:49.340 Yeah. 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:52.220 And no one is fucking, uh, yeah, you know, in 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:55.880 my way, you know, I'll just basically insult. I wouldn't 0:03:55.900 --> 0:03:57.750 call it a roast. I'd just call it more like 0:03:57.830 --> 0:03:59.930 saying bad stuff about the people. 0:04:00.090 --> 0:04:01.150 Yeah. Like pointing out. 0:04:01.330 --> 0:04:03.450 Like pointing out their flaws and their fuck, you know, 0:04:03.470 --> 0:04:04.210 like there was a guy. 0:04:04.250 --> 0:04:04.510 Yeah. 0:04:04.530 --> 0:04:07.620 There was some dude who had like a fucked up face. 0:04:08.890 --> 0:04:11.230 You know what I'm talking about? Like, he had, like, teeth. Like, 0:04:11.270 --> 0:04:13.850 too many fucking teeth that are over each other. Like, 0:04:14.150 --> 0:04:16.630 where's your fucking braces? 0:04:16.810 --> 0:04:18.099 What was your burn on him? 0:04:18.210 --> 0:04:21.630 I just said, like, look at your fucking teeth, you 0:04:21.730 --> 0:04:22.710 fucking animal. 0:04:23.110 --> 0:04:23.290 Right? 0:04:23.310 --> 0:04:26.890 That's what I'm saying. Why aren't they laughing? Anyway, so 0:04:27.710 --> 0:04:32.090 I went off, and the fucking, everybody started booing and shit. 0:04:32.130 --> 0:04:33.490 I was, like, judging. What? 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:36.060 Dude, that sucks, man. 0:04:36.140 --> 0:04:36.440 I know. 0:04:36.460 --> 0:04:39.400 Yeah, I only do... There's no big market in Jersey 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:41.200 for me to do. Like, it's not big enough for me, 0:04:41.260 --> 0:04:41.599 so I don't. 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:43.469 Really do it. They don't like your fucking type of comedy. 0:04:43.630 --> 0:04:46.170 No, they love it. Oh, they do? I would love. 0:04:46.250 --> 0:04:47.849 So what do you mean by no market? What does 0:04:47.870 --> 0:04:48.050 that mean? 0:04:48.070 --> 0:04:49.710 Well, I just play venues in New York City, and 0:04:49.730 --> 0:04:51.110 they all crowd in there. Oh, shit. 0:04:51.150 --> 0:04:51.589 You're in New York? 0:04:51.630 --> 0:04:53.690 Yeah, or maybe I'll play Philly, too. Fuck, man. I'll 0:04:53.710 --> 0:04:54.370 play Philly, yeah. 0:04:54.390 --> 0:04:56.770 This guy, he's fucking getting up there. 0:04:56.790 --> 0:04:58.890 Yeah, I don't know. Like, yeah, it's really... I'm really 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:00.700 selling tickets. I'm really getting out there, and. 0:05:00.660 --> 0:05:03.620 It's really cool. How the fuck did you get... Cause 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.180 you used to be like a little shit nugget. 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:06.740 Yeah. 0:05:06.820 --> 0:05:07.060 No. 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:07.580 Yeah. 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:10.800 Just to get me coffee. And now you're asking for coffee. 0:05:10.820 --> 0:05:13.560 This guy got me coffee today, but you know, it's 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:16.010 like everyone can get there. I think like you just 0:05:16.050 --> 0:05:20.350 have to keep promoting and don't worry about, yeah, not 0:05:20.410 --> 0:05:23.570 stop your followers, you know, put the clips out there, um, 0:05:24.529 --> 0:05:29.260 get clips, get, um, and also like, You know, work 0:05:29.339 --> 0:05:29.690 on your set. 0:05:29.940 --> 0:05:31.120 He's on the internet, you're talking about. 0:05:31.140 --> 0:05:32.560 You've got to work on your set. Are you doing 0:05:32.580 --> 0:05:33.280 stand-up every night? 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:35.859 Yeah. 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:37.480 You sound like equivocating. 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:38.979 I mean, like once a month, kind of. 0:05:39.220 --> 0:05:40.560 Right, so you're not dedicated, right? 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:42.380 Well, I've got to get back in the lab. 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:43.640 Yeah, that's why you're not selling tickets. 0:05:43.660 --> 0:05:44.859 I've got to get back in the fucking lab. 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:49.710 Yeah, I mean, it takes... There's so much shit going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:05:49.750 --> 0:05:51.690 but I guess you're not dedicated to it? 0:05:52.570 --> 0:05:55.740 Uh well i i mean i i like the grind 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:58.620 it's just so much to like get out of bed 0:05:58.779 --> 0:06:01.420 right you know and know that stuff and work on 0:06:01.540 --> 0:06:03.039 comedy you know it's just. 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:04.780 Not hard for me but it isn't i i get 0:06:04.820 --> 0:06:08.500 that it's hard for some people you're non-stop working i'm 0:06:08.540 --> 0:06:12.900 non-stop working i'm either fucking too i'm i'm editing reels 0:06:13.430 --> 0:06:16.950 um or telling people how to edit them I'm nonstop fucking. 0:06:17.610 --> 0:06:19.810 So did you fuck in Amsterdam? Did you go to 0:06:19.870 --> 0:06:20.770 one of these sex shops? 0:06:21.010 --> 0:06:21.610 Oh, yeah. No. 0:06:21.650 --> 0:06:25.470 Well, I did as hard as possible. So I was 0:06:25.510 --> 0:06:27.419 at an old folks home just trying to get pussy. 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:28.310 Get the fuck out of here. 0:06:28.420 --> 0:06:30.300 Yeah, yeah. I went to an old folks home. Porcy, 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:32.080 you call it. Porcy, yeah. 0:06:32.100 --> 0:06:33.120 That's like poor pussy. 0:06:33.260 --> 0:06:34.140 Poor pussy, yeah. 0:06:34.180 --> 0:06:37.260 So I was roasting all these old bats, and I 0:06:37.300 --> 0:06:39.150 was trying to riz them up. 0:06:43.020 --> 0:06:45.900 So I ended up Porking a lot of these old bats. 0:06:45.670 --> 0:06:48.630 And what's that like? Is that like what they say 0:06:48.650 --> 0:06:51.789 it is? It's like fucking a plastic bag. 0:06:51.430 --> 0:06:55.190 Yeah it's like fucking It's like their tits You know 0:06:55.230 --> 0:07:00.450 how your balls are? That's how their tits are They're 0:07:00.510 --> 0:07:03.110 fucking wrinkly And veiny. 0:07:02.610 --> 0:07:06.089 So are balls actually just small tits? Is that what's 0:07:06.110 --> 0:07:06.510 going on? 0:07:06.690 --> 0:07:09.600 We should look into that Cause like You know how 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:11.300 frogs turn homosexual? 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:12.840 Right, when they become toads. 0:07:12.900 --> 0:07:15.260 They could grow tits from their balls. 0:07:15.620 --> 0:07:16.120 They can. 0:07:16.140 --> 0:07:16.900 Yeah, exactly. 0:07:17.350 --> 0:07:24.870 Holy shit. So do balls actually... Have they had nipples before? Balls? Evolutionarily, 0:07:24.890 --> 0:07:26.010 they've fallen off. 0:07:26.070 --> 0:07:28.870 Yo, maybe that's why it feels so good when they 0:07:28.890 --> 0:07:30.430 put them in your mouth. 0:07:31.410 --> 0:07:33.650 You put them... Yes, yes. You know what I mean? 0:07:33.730 --> 0:07:36.870 Balls have like... like chicken neck yeah you know i'm 0:07:36.890 --> 0:07:38.910 talking about maybe that was once the nipple it just 0:07:38.930 --> 0:07:40.450 became smaller. 0:07:40.430 --> 0:07:43.270 Yeah yeah exactly exactly that's good that's cool yeah that's 0:07:43.390 --> 0:07:44.850 a cool concept. 0:07:44.390 --> 0:07:46.780 Yeah i feel like anyway how do you deal so 0:07:46.820 --> 0:07:50.920 you my boy atash is in a long-term relationship yeah 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:53.400 how the fuck do you get away with fucking old 0:07:53.500 --> 0:07:55.220 bags in amsterdam. 0:07:54.740 --> 0:07:57.380 You know what i didn't tell you this but um 0:07:58.280 --> 0:08:00.890 i got married What? Yeah, we got married. 0:08:01.110 --> 0:08:03.950 Shut the fuck up. Holy shit. 0:08:04.030 --> 0:08:04.970 We got married. Yeah, it's cool. 0:08:04.990 --> 0:08:08.390 Damn, you really are fucking winning the race here. 0:08:08.420 --> 0:08:11.360 Yeah, sorry about the invite. It was a big wedding. 0:08:11.380 --> 0:08:15.260 Yeah, when was it? It must have been last minute. 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:17.520 It was in Puglia, Italy. 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:18.500 Oh, shit. 0:08:18.540 --> 0:08:19.120 It was Puglia. 0:08:19.140 --> 0:08:20.400 That's in Europe, too. 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.300 Yeah, it was Europe, so maybe you couldn't go because 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:24.020 you're passing. 0:08:24.460 --> 0:08:26.090 Is that near Roma? 0:08:26.110 --> 0:08:30.770 It's like near the fucking... Rome? Oh, like the empire style. 0:08:30.850 --> 0:08:34.120 Oh, I thought that was Roma. That's the fucking movie. 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:37.240 It's in, um, Milan, Milan. 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:37.660 Okay. 0:08:37.740 --> 0:08:37.940 Yeah. 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:39.820 And so you got married. It must've been last minute. 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:41.070 If you didn't invite me, I get it. 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:44.020 No plan for years, but, um, yeah, I keep my 0:08:44.100 --> 0:08:47.340 ears like that. That's, she kind of holds me down. 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:50.510 She's like the, you know, my bottom hoe, you know 0:08:50.530 --> 0:08:53.209 what I mean? Like, so it's not a thing where 0:08:53.270 --> 0:08:53.730 what's her name? 0:08:55.470 --> 0:09:02.040 Jeff. Her name is Jeff. Oh, shit. But it's short 0:09:02.059 --> 0:09:02.720 for Jeffifer. 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:03.900 Oh, wow. 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:06.920 Yeah, but it's Jeff. G-E-O-F-F. 0:09:07.020 --> 0:09:07.800 Where is she from? 0:09:09.410 --> 0:09:10.630 She's from Florida. 0:09:10.990 --> 0:09:11.270 Okay. 0:09:11.470 --> 0:09:11.710 Yeah. 0:09:11.750 --> 0:09:13.330 That makes sense, then. Yeah, Jeffifer. 0:09:13.650 --> 0:09:13.910 Yeah. 0:09:14.350 --> 0:09:18.270 Jeffifer. Jeffifer Lopez. Yeah, she's cool. 0:09:18.530 --> 0:09:22.219 And, you know, she holds me down. I mean, you know, 0:09:22.460 --> 0:09:23.880 it's like I got so many. 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:25.240 Yeah. No, no, it's cool. 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:28.720 Business contacts, you know, other comedians. Right. 0:09:28.950 --> 0:09:33.350 I had to invite, you know, the new crop. Everyone 0:09:33.410 --> 0:09:35.310 on that dais that killed Tony. 0:09:35.550 --> 0:09:37.570 Right. Is, you know. 0:09:37.650 --> 0:09:38.310 Was invited. 0:09:38.530 --> 0:09:39.309 Was invited. 0:09:39.330 --> 0:09:41.080 Did Tony come? 0:09:41.540 --> 0:09:42.260 Tony came. 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:43.060 Fuck, man. 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:48.720 Yeah, it was cool. It was cool. Rogan was the celebrant. 0:09:49.420 --> 0:09:51.420 What does that mean? 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:52.200 That's Catholic. 0:09:52.740 --> 0:09:53.000 Uh-huh. 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:55.189 We're Catholic. Oh, okay. So, uh. 0:09:55.250 --> 0:09:55.470 That's. 0:09:56.450 --> 0:10:00.640 That's like sort of white juice. right? 0:10:00.940 --> 0:10:04.200 Catholic is white Jewish. Same amount of neurosis. 0:10:04.340 --> 0:10:04.580 Right. 0:10:04.780 --> 0:10:05.339 Yeah, yeah. 0:10:06.050 --> 0:10:09.290 But uh but uh yeah damn so he he he 0:10:09.309 --> 0:10:12.350 did the mass it was a mass for. 0:10:11.820 --> 0:10:14.839 Four hours he's got mass he's got mass is that why. 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.880 He did it he's massive oh yeah you could say 0:10:17.900 --> 0:10:18.840 it was i heard he's the. 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:22.250 Fucking widest guy at five foot three ever. 0:10:22.150 --> 0:10:25.730 Yeah, you know what? He's four foot two wide. Wide. 0:10:25.830 --> 0:10:26.050 Yeah. 0:10:26.170 --> 0:10:28.050 I heard he's trying to get as wide as he 0:10:28.130 --> 0:10:29.670 is tall, like a sphere. 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:30.359 Is that true? 0:10:30.460 --> 0:10:30.910 Whoa, whoa. 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:32.120 He could be a square. 0:10:32.140 --> 0:10:34.120 Yeah, well, he's supposed to do some, I think it's 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:37.740 some like, he's doing some collab with a sphere in Vegas. 0:10:37.820 --> 0:10:38.340 No, really? 0:10:38.380 --> 0:10:41.080 And yeah, they're going to basically display episodes of the 0:10:41.140 --> 0:10:44.520 Joe Rogan experience on his body in Vegas as a 0:10:44.620 --> 0:10:46.080 promo for the sphere. 0:10:46.250 --> 0:10:49.429 Dude, God bless James Dolan doing it right, man. He 0:10:49.470 --> 0:10:50.630 brought us the sphere. 0:10:50.809 --> 0:10:51.770 And the Knicks champion. 0:10:52.150 --> 0:10:55.510 Yeah, mixed championship he's completely responsible for. 0:10:55.950 --> 0:10:57.450 And Madison Square Garden, I mean. 0:10:57.470 --> 0:11:18.069 That's right. That's right. What I wanted to say is, 0:11:18.110 --> 0:11:22.050 so you did fuck old bags in Amsterdam. Yeah. How 0:11:22.090 --> 0:11:23.650 did you do that if you're married? 0:11:23.700 --> 0:11:25.960 What the fuck is that about? That's the thing, and 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:27.980 it's crazy, because one of these chicks died, right? 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:33.459 But my wife is like, she's, I don't tell her 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:36.440 this stuff, but she knows vaguely. 0:11:36.500 --> 0:11:37.480 She's a dummy, yeah. 0:11:37.740 --> 0:11:41.480 But she knows vaguely that it's happening, and she's cool 0:11:41.500 --> 0:11:41.660 with it. 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:45.240 Wow. You guys are in an open relationship. 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:47.240 Yeah, because I'm like, look at Elon, man. That guy's 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.300 squeezing out babies with 15 different girls. 0:11:49.340 --> 0:11:50.179 He's got a harem. 0:11:50.230 --> 0:11:52.450 He's got a palatial estate. 0:11:52.530 --> 0:11:54.130 And he doesn't speak to any of them, right? 0:11:54.150 --> 0:11:54.870 He doesn't talk to any of them. 0:11:54.890 --> 0:11:55.690 That's fucking dope. 0:11:55.870 --> 0:11:58.370 Yeah, and that's not my thing, because I'm like, I'll 0:11:58.410 --> 0:12:01.520 talk to you. Let's talk about stuff, but You're doing 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:03.420 the dog walks. You tell her what you're doing. 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:05.610 Basically, you're cheating is what it sounds like. 0:12:05.710 --> 0:12:06.350 I don't know if it's. 0:12:06.370 --> 0:12:08.990 Cheating as much as having sex with other girls behind 0:12:09.010 --> 0:12:10.989 my wife's back, but she knows it's kind of– That's 0:12:11.010 --> 0:12:13.790 not cheating? I'm just thinking she probably knows it's happening 0:12:13.809 --> 0:12:16.850 because it's just like I've got so much mojo when 0:12:16.890 --> 0:12:19.050 it comes to like the podcast. 0:12:19.090 --> 0:12:20.050 Right. 0:12:20.070 --> 0:12:23.410 I'm just like selling tickets, and it's crazy how much 0:12:23.450 --> 0:12:23.970 I'm blowing up. 0:12:23.990 --> 0:12:26.830 Well, it's crazy because I wanted to talk to you about– 0:12:27.350 --> 0:12:28.750 The idea of cheating. 0:12:28.910 --> 0:12:29.450 Yeah. Okay. 0:12:29.470 --> 0:12:32.460 Cause that's what we wanted to speak to you guys about, um, um, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:36.570 for this episode. Oh, yeah. And we want to delve 0:12:36.650 --> 0:12:40.150 into is cheating like what is cheating? And is it 0:12:40.270 --> 0:12:42.730 still a fucking thing? Because a lot of people are 0:12:42.770 --> 0:12:46.870 in open relationships like they're in orgy situations. 0:12:46.990 --> 0:12:47.429 Yeah. Right. 0:12:47.450 --> 0:12:49.890 So we want to talk to you guys or have 0:12:49.910 --> 0:12:53.959 a conversation about what cheating is. And I wanted to 0:12:54.020 --> 0:12:58.360 bring on before we delve into the topic, my boy 0:12:58.580 --> 0:13:00.600 who's going to speak to us all about the fucking 0:13:00.780 --> 0:13:05.500 science of it. Our guest today, and this guy is 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:10.540 so fucking incredible, so smart. He's a political heavyweight, and 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:15.710 he is a environmental doctor. This dude can talk about 0:13:15.970 --> 0:13:20.850 everything that all men go through. Power, temptation, cheating. He's 0:13:20.890 --> 0:13:24.240 been through cheating, like, you know, like... When you're living 0:13:24.250 --> 0:13:26.680 under a microscope like he is, cheating is just on 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:29.760 a different fucking level. Oh, yeah. And you're not there yet, 0:13:29.820 --> 0:13:32.400 but I do want to bring him on. He is 0:13:32.460 --> 0:13:37.120 the man who fucking swallowed a muffler. Please welcome Bobby 0:13:37.220 --> 0:13:39.000 Kennedy fucking Jr. 0:13:39.059 --> 0:13:42.870 Dude, salute, salute. Thank you for having me on. 0:13:43.309 --> 0:13:44.170 What's up, Bobby? 0:13:44.210 --> 0:13:44.810 What's up? 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:47.580 Really an honor to meet you, sir. 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.979 Thank you. Tosh, pleasure to meet you. And, of course, 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:55.520 we actually met backstage at one of your New York shows. 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:56.740 Oh, really? 0:13:56.800 --> 0:13:57.640 You came out? 0:13:57.660 --> 0:14:00.089 You remember that. Oh, that's a power move. 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:01.990 You're playing like you didn't fucking meet him. 0:14:02.270 --> 0:14:05.190 Oh, shit. Yeah, well, I meet so many people, you know. 0:14:05.530 --> 0:14:11.810 We met briefly, and it was quite a show, I imagined. Actually, Kyle, 0:14:11.870 --> 0:14:15.080 I didn't mean to say this to you. You should 0:14:15.140 --> 0:14:20.340 watch him do some performing because you might have, you know, 0:14:20.380 --> 0:14:22.070 it might be a good lesson for you. 0:14:22.380 --> 0:14:26.370 I feel like he's learning from me. I feel like, right? 0:14:26.430 --> 0:14:29.850 I mean, like, I feel like I've been doing comedy 0:14:29.890 --> 0:14:33.770 for at least, you know, 20 years at this point. I'm, what, 28? 0:14:33.750 --> 0:14:39.450 Yeah. Hold on. So you've been doing comedy since you 0:14:39.490 --> 0:14:40.370 were eight years old? 0:14:40.410 --> 0:14:44.950 Yes. So you're counting when your parents would have a 0:14:44.990 --> 0:14:47.650 dinner party and you would come into the dining room 0:14:47.690 --> 0:14:48.850 and stand in a box and talk to them? Yeah, 0:14:48.870 --> 0:14:51.600 because I would just insult my mother with my father 0:14:51.660 --> 0:14:53.560 and I count that as comedy. 0:14:53.580 --> 0:14:54.120 That's roasting. 0:14:54.260 --> 0:14:57.020 That's roasting. That's how I got my start roasting. 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:57.940 Right. Right? 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.060 I mean, this is back in Eddie Murphy's time when 0:15:00.100 --> 0:15:02.680 Eddie Murphy was, I don't know, he must have. 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:03.130 Been just- Killing it. 0:15:03.140 --> 0:15:03.800 Yeah, killing it. 0:15:03.980 --> 0:15:04.580 Really funny. 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:05.000 Yeah. 0:15:05.020 --> 0:15:05.100 Yeah. 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:08.180 One of the OGs. Now, when you... R.I.P. 0:15:08.450 --> 0:15:11.630 You fucked that old woman to death, Atash. 0:15:11.890 --> 0:15:12.410 Yeah. 0:15:12.610 --> 0:15:18.350 Allegedly, I didn't fuck anyone to death. I didn't touch anyone. Yeah, yeah. 0:15:18.370 --> 0:15:18.970 She's dead. 0:15:19.030 --> 0:15:21.050 Yeah, she flatlined while I was fucking her, so I 0:15:21.050 --> 0:15:23.410 heard the alarm and I got the fuck out of there. 0:15:23.450 --> 0:15:25.610 Wow, so she was on the monitor while you were 0:15:25.650 --> 0:15:26.010 fucking her. 0:15:26.030 --> 0:15:27.790 So she was hooked up to a monitor. She was 0:15:27.830 --> 0:15:29.450 on the EKG. She was on her deathbed. 0:15:29.490 --> 0:15:30.610 Yeah, as well. Are you sure? 0:15:30.670 --> 0:15:35.760 Because in Amsterdam, it's a cultural tradition in Amsterdam. Oh, 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:37.880 here comes the science. The science of it. 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:38.360 Oh, yeah. 0:15:38.380 --> 0:15:39.120 What's the science? 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:45.880 In Amsterdam, that the windows of all kinds of businesses, homes, 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:49.320 private homes, as well as the prostitution fronts are all 0:15:49.500 --> 0:15:54.530 openly displayed and at street level. I've heard that. Now, 0:15:54.540 --> 0:15:59.490 do you think there's a possibility- That you accidentally actually 0:15:59.530 --> 0:16:03.680 went into a hospital room that was next to a brothel. 0:16:03.700 --> 0:16:05.540 Yeah, maybe it wasn't actually. 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:08.160 And had sex with an old woman who just was 0:16:08.380 --> 0:16:11.630 nearing death or in a state of emergency. 0:16:11.990 --> 0:16:15.590 Well, that's what officially my story is, which I've just 0:16:15.630 --> 0:16:19.120 picked up from you. And that's what I'm going with. 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:22.210 So I thought it was a prostitute. How do I know? 0:16:22.230 --> 0:16:26.310 Yeah, that's a really good technique, man. That's really cool. 0:16:26.430 --> 0:16:28.690 I was in Amsterdam, so you flow with the Amsterdam 0:16:28.730 --> 0:16:31.290 of it all. And so that's what I would say. 0:16:31.350 --> 0:16:34.450 But this woman did, you know, she passed while I 0:16:34.490 --> 0:16:35.930 was inside her. 0:16:36.250 --> 0:16:39.320 She passed over. She passed over. She crossed over. Yeah, 0:16:39.340 --> 0:16:41.480 it's no big deal. She crossed over, right? You know, 0:16:41.500 --> 0:16:44.400 I felt the 21 grams. You ever see that movie, 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:44.620 21 grams? 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:45.460 You felt it leave. 0:16:45.500 --> 0:16:47.630 I felt the 21 grams. 0:16:47.690 --> 0:16:50.090 Leave her body. Did you start it? 0:16:50.210 --> 0:16:54.250 Okay, wait. So you fucked this woman and her 21 grams. 0:16:54.290 --> 0:16:56.380 Do you feel a difference when you're fucking her when 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:57.479 the 21 grams leaves? 0:16:57.540 --> 0:16:59.240 Well, she lost some weight, so I thought that was hot. 0:17:01.060 --> 0:17:03.760 I was like, man, you're looking skinny. It's like fucking 0:17:03.780 --> 0:17:06.740 two different people. Yeah, yeah. She's like less thick. 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:08.879 But she's a little more slim. And you're saying that 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:12.220 the 21 grams, which is the soul, right? 0:17:12.420 --> 0:17:14.560 Yeah, it's the soul that weighs 21 grams. 0:17:14.580 --> 0:17:21.109 So it's interesting because many times during my early years 0:17:21.230 --> 0:17:22.030 as a lawyer. 0:17:22.050 --> 0:17:25.170 This was before you were a doctor, right? 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:27.770 I've never been a doctor, Kyle, and I've told you 0:17:27.810 --> 0:17:28.790 that many times. 0:17:28.930 --> 0:17:29.490 Oh, shit. 0:17:29.570 --> 0:17:33.689 But I do practice environmental sciences, and of course, as 0:17:33.730 --> 0:17:35.090 the head of CDC. 0:17:35.390 --> 0:17:36.170 You're a doctor. 0:17:36.550 --> 0:17:38.850 I'm not a, well, not officially, but I get medical advice. 0:17:38.869 --> 0:17:39.090 Shut up. 0:17:39.090 --> 0:17:40.590 Let's call it. You're a king. 0:17:40.710 --> 0:17:43.970 You're a fucking king. Well, please, you know, just because 0:17:44.050 --> 0:17:48.080 I'm a Kennedy and I'm an inheritor of the Camelot 0:17:48.140 --> 0:17:52.600 legend does not mean I am in any sense royalty, right? 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:57.040 I was going to say that I used to actually 0:17:57.340 --> 0:17:59.240 snort that 21 grams. 0:17:59.260 --> 0:18:00.300 No. 0:18:00.619 --> 0:18:01.800 Yeah, yeah. 0:18:01.859 --> 0:18:02.550 That's a lot. 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:03.550 I would snort 21 grams. 0:18:03.570 --> 0:18:04.960 What kind of high. 0:18:04.570 --> 0:18:06.850 Does that give you just to inhale a soul? 0:18:07.050 --> 0:18:12.530 When you snort someone's soul, you snort the soul, and 0:18:12.670 --> 0:18:15.210 you get a little younger because of it. 0:18:15.550 --> 0:18:20.930 You actually gain youth. Oh, shit. 0:18:20.970 --> 0:18:21.390 Is that true? 0:18:21.430 --> 0:18:22.250 Do you feel younger? 0:18:22.270 --> 0:18:25.950 I got, like, four years younger. Holy shit. 0:18:26.330 --> 0:18:28.679 So, yeah, I'm 26. 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:30.160 That's crazy. So you're younger than me. 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:32.000 Yeah, 26. 0:18:31.980 --> 0:18:33.090 That's not annoying at all. 0:18:34.420 --> 0:18:36.680 Sorry. Well, they did a study. 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:41.699 They did a study with the, an Egyptian, an Egyptian 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:47.760 mystery cult that operates south of the great pyramids. 0:18:47.780 --> 0:18:48.500 Denial. 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:53.719 And these people were breaking into tombs. And this is 0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:57.030 of course, this is the turn of the 19th to 0:18:57.070 --> 0:19:01.190 the 20th century. And they, they, French scientists did a 0:19:01.210 --> 0:19:02.310 study with these folks. 0:19:02.390 --> 0:19:04.210 Oh, shit. I fucking heard about this. 0:19:04.260 --> 0:19:06.580 They actually collectively aged backwards. 0:19:06.980 --> 0:19:07.320 Wow. 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:07.479 180 years. 0:19:07.500 --> 0:19:08.830 And one of the members.... 0:19:11.900 --> 0:19:16.790 Of that Egyptian mystery cult went on to be Anwar Sadat. 0:19:17.270 --> 0:19:17.850 That's crazy. 0:19:17.950 --> 0:19:20.270 Who, of course, was the president of Egypt. 0:19:20.330 --> 0:19:22.010 Of Germany. Oh, okay. Wow. 0:19:22.170 --> 0:19:25.050 Egypt, and he survived numerous assassinations. 0:19:25.090 --> 0:19:27.109 That's crazy. So, Bobby, tell me something. We have you 0:19:27.230 --> 0:19:30.840 on as a fucking cheating expert. We're talking about cheating today. 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:33.760 What the fuck is that? Well, you have cheated. You said. 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:37.720 You said you've cheated. We all know you've cheated on Cheryl. 0:19:37.740 --> 0:19:39.000 Privately, I told you that. 0:19:39.060 --> 0:19:42.420 You've cheated on Mary. This is fucking public knowledge, you 0:19:42.420 --> 0:19:45.389 old fart. What is cheating? Explain to us what cheating 0:19:45.390 --> 0:19:46.270 actually means. 0:19:46.270 --> 0:19:53.300 So let's talk about cheating in terms of science. So, 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:58.950 of course, human beings evolve out of pack creatures. A 0:19:58.950 --> 0:20:02.600 lot of people assume that human beings evolve only out 0:20:02.640 --> 0:20:05.820 of a simian form, but this is not true, actually. 0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:09.780 Now, a simian form is that dick that goes back 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:10.660 and forth. 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:12.050 What? 0:20:13.170 --> 0:20:14.750 It goes back and forth. 0:20:16.030 --> 0:20:18.790 A penis goes back and forth? 0:20:18.810 --> 0:20:20.050 A simian, yeah. 0:20:20.670 --> 0:20:22.600 Yeah, you sit on that simian. 0:20:23.100 --> 0:20:26.640 No, no, you're thinking of a simian, right? I think 0:20:26.660 --> 0:20:30.120 that's what it's referred to as. That's a fuck machine. 0:20:30.140 --> 0:20:31.020 Is that where we're from? 0:20:31.100 --> 0:20:33.040 Evolved from? Because that's a fuck machine. 0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:35.540 I think we are, dude. I think we are. 0:20:35.619 --> 0:20:40.000 Holy shit. I just want to say, RFK, I love 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:42.100 your wife. I think she's funny on TV. 0:20:42.720 --> 0:20:45.340 Well, thank you, and I'll make sure to let Cheryl 0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:51.710 know that. Cheryl, of course, is my lovely friend. She 0:20:51.780 --> 0:20:54.760 was on Kirby Enthusiasm. 0:20:54.980 --> 0:20:55.780 Oh, that's cool, dude. 0:20:55.820 --> 0:20:57.460 She was a baby doing Seinfeld. 0:20:57.500 --> 0:20:58.040 Right. 0:20:58.720 --> 0:21:02.159 Seinfeld was on when Eddie Murphy was hot, right? 0:21:02.700 --> 0:21:06.770 Well, Seinfeld, I mean, Cheryl was on Kirby Enthusiasm, which 0:21:06.810 --> 0:21:08.290 was on for 20 years. 0:21:08.310 --> 0:21:09.770 Oh, that's cool, dude. 0:21:10.010 --> 0:21:14.840 Yeah. But I was with Cheryl, and it's true. I 0:21:14.880 --> 0:21:19.270 had an affair with Cheryl. It's just how our relationship started, 0:21:19.410 --> 0:21:24.380 and my second wife, who, of course, unfortunately, with. 0:21:26.000 --> 0:21:29.659 The help of a rope, ended her own life. 0:21:30.140 --> 0:21:31.920 Oh, shit. Oh, really? 0:21:31.960 --> 0:21:32.120 Wow. 0:21:32.140 --> 0:21:34.270 Did you inhale her fucking 21 grams? 0:21:34.380 --> 0:21:34.869 I did. 0:21:34.950 --> 0:21:38.190 I found her, and I inhaled. I snorted it all. 0:21:38.730 --> 0:21:41.630 So you did that before you called 911 or checked 0:21:41.670 --> 0:21:42.169 her pulse? 0:21:42.890 --> 0:21:44.050 Yeah, I did. 0:21:44.090 --> 0:21:44.890 Well, of course. 0:21:45.010 --> 0:21:48.430 Because you've got to get it fresh. And, you know, 0:21:48.450 --> 0:21:50.490 there's a lot of allegations. 0:21:50.510 --> 0:21:52.810 There's an expiration date with the 21 grams. 0:21:52.930 --> 0:21:53.370 Right. 0:21:53.550 --> 0:21:55.990 If you wait too long, it turns into a fucking 0:21:56.050 --> 0:21:56.889 banana bread. 0:21:56.930 --> 0:21:59.889 Yeah, it can make you older. It can make you older. 0:21:59.910 --> 0:22:04.050 This is true. If you snort Old Soul... then you 0:22:04.170 --> 0:22:06.030 can actually get older. 0:22:06.150 --> 0:22:06.490 Older? 0:22:06.830 --> 0:22:07.409 Oh, shit. 0:22:07.490 --> 0:22:08.790 Yeah, yeah. 0:22:08.830 --> 0:22:10.530 And that's what happened with Gene Wilder. 0:22:10.970 --> 0:22:13.609 Yes, Gene Wilder. That's true, Gene Wilder. 0:22:13.630 --> 0:22:19.320 He slaughtered, unfortunately, Madeline Kahn's soul. 0:22:19.359 --> 0:22:19.949 No, Gilda. 0:22:20.000 --> 0:22:24.660 He got older. He saved Gilda's. Yeah, he said, oh, 0:22:24.740 --> 0:22:26.960 I love Gilda. He told me this. He said, I 0:22:27.000 --> 0:22:30.240 love Gilda so much, and now she's gone. And I'm 0:22:30.260 --> 0:22:32.300 going to keep it. I said, you got to snort 0:22:32.340 --> 0:22:34.980 that soul. Don't keep it in the freezer. 0:22:35.300 --> 0:22:35.919 Don't keep it. 0:22:36.020 --> 0:22:38.040 How long can you keep soul in the freezer? 0:22:38.060 --> 0:22:40.540 Well, he kept it in the freezer and then he 0:22:40.700 --> 0:22:44.879 shared it. He actually shared it with Richard Pryor right 0:22:44.920 --> 0:22:47.879 before they started filming Hear No Evil, See No Evil. 0:22:47.960 --> 0:22:49.240 Is that right? Wow. 0:22:49.260 --> 0:22:52.290 That's why they look like such decrepit shit in that movie. 0:22:52.310 --> 0:22:55.470 Richard Pryor learned everything from Eddie Murphy too, right? Is 0:22:55.490 --> 0:22:55.890 that right? 0:22:55.930 --> 0:22:57.930 Yeah, that's right. Richard Pryor. 0:22:58.010 --> 0:23:00.430 No. Well, yeah, sure. 0:23:00.450 --> 0:23:04.570 Okay, so I have a couple of questions about cheating. 0:23:06.910 --> 0:23:10.210 Let's talk about cheating in the modern age, okay? Because 0:23:10.270 --> 0:23:15.030 cheating is definitely changing. People are in open relationships. People 0:23:15.070 --> 0:23:21.300 are sleeping with their fucking chatbots, right? So what's going 0:23:21.780 --> 0:23:24.800 on here? How is cheating different these days? Can we 0:23:24.840 --> 0:23:26.660 talk about what- Can. 0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:29.360 You stop addressing your sofa when you're talking to me? 0:23:29.480 --> 0:23:30.800 Well, I'm sort of. 0:23:30.760 --> 0:23:32.459 Looking at- Can you stop turning- I'm looking at my 0:23:32.520 --> 0:23:33.080 fucking notes, you. 0:23:33.040 --> 0:23:33.359 Piece of shit. 0:23:33.400 --> 0:23:36.180 Why don't you turn your fucking face towards me? Stop 0:23:36.220 --> 0:23:39.240 talking to your fucking sofa, you prick. That's old school. 0:23:39.740 --> 0:23:40.820 That's old school, man. 0:23:41.040 --> 0:23:44.720 That's manners. I like that. Secretary RFK. Let me tell you, 0:23:44.900 --> 0:23:47.690 you're the man, dude. That's fucking right, Atash. 0:23:47.730 --> 0:23:49.850 If you were at my house and you were meeting 0:23:49.890 --> 0:23:52.449 my daughter for the first time, you'd start talking to 0:23:52.490 --> 0:23:54.310 my fucking pillow or my ottoman. 0:23:54.330 --> 0:23:57.690 I'd open pot on you. I'm not scared, dude. 0:23:58.130 --> 0:23:58.609 I'm scared. 0:23:58.670 --> 0:23:59.449 I'm not scared. 0:23:59.490 --> 0:24:01.629 This guy's a fucking scare. Maybe that's why you don't 0:24:01.670 --> 0:24:02.450 sell tickets, dude. 0:24:02.490 --> 0:24:04.260 What are you talking about, man? I fucking sell. 0:24:04.280 --> 0:24:06.020 Because I don't feel like your roasts are real. 0:24:06.140 --> 0:24:08.960 All right. So I don't want to fucking talk about this. 0:24:09.200 --> 0:24:11.820 You all of a sudden you're just fucking, you're, you're 0:24:11.880 --> 0:24:14.140 selling a few tickets and now you're all, you're coming 0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:15.920 in here. Haughty fucking toddy. 0:24:16.220 --> 0:24:20.400 Look, boy, I'm playing the fucking super dome with Gillis next, uh, 0:24:20.500 --> 0:24:21.440 next Thursday. 0:24:21.770 --> 0:24:22.330 That's right. 0:24:22.710 --> 0:24:28.369 The Superdome in Louisiana, right? 0:24:28.390 --> 0:24:31.250 Yeah, it's the one where they hoarded all the people 0:24:31.310 --> 0:24:32.830 in there during the hurricane. 0:24:32.850 --> 0:24:37.540 I heard that Shane Gillis is insisting on actually bringing 0:24:37.619 --> 0:24:40.640 all the people who were sheltered in the Superdome back. 0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:44.360 And instead of giving them free tickets, he's making them 0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:46.040 work the venue for that night. 0:24:46.060 --> 0:24:47.739 He's making them do concessions. 0:24:47.780 --> 0:24:50.560 It's part of a called like a re-triggering thing. It's 0:24:50.580 --> 0:24:54.300 like an anti-woke thing. Let's bring back their fucking trauma. 0:24:54.540 --> 0:24:56.720 Let's make it worse. Let's make it worse. 0:24:57.920 --> 0:25:01.850 You say that because HHS is actually starting a program 0:25:01.890 --> 0:25:05.530 called Let's Make It Worse where we take an already 0:25:05.570 --> 0:25:10.430 existing situation like, for instance, our food supply. And we're saying, well, 0:25:10.470 --> 0:25:12.630 how can we make it worse? And I think it's 0:25:12.690 --> 0:25:15.570 really important to know that we don't have to stop 0:25:15.630 --> 0:25:18.670 where we are. We can always dig down further. I 0:25:20.010 --> 0:25:22.830 like what you're doing. 0:25:22.950 --> 0:25:24.830 This is why you succeed, man, because you're a little 0:25:24.869 --> 0:25:27.270 bit of a kiss-ass, I got to say. I mean, 0:25:27.290 --> 0:25:29.770 I don't think that's a good idea at all. 0:25:29.970 --> 0:25:31.760 I think it's good. I like what you're doing with 0:25:31.840 --> 0:25:32.620 broken glass. 0:25:33.410 --> 0:25:36.149 Like, everything was like a specific disease you had to 0:25:36.190 --> 0:25:37.129 memorize the name of. 0:25:37.150 --> 0:25:37.410 Right. 0:25:37.510 --> 0:25:40.030 And then you just started putting broken glass in all 0:25:40.050 --> 0:25:42.510 the food. In salad and shit. Well, thank you, Atash. 0:25:42.530 --> 0:25:43.890 That was a cool move. I'm going to tell you, 0:25:43.930 --> 0:25:46.770 that was my suggestion. I said, you know, guys, we're 0:25:46.790 --> 0:25:49.750 talking listeria. We're talking bacterial meningitis. 0:25:49.990 --> 0:25:51.750 Why don't we just break up a bunch. 0:25:51.550 --> 0:25:54.750 Of light bulbs and glass and throw it in all 0:25:54.770 --> 0:25:58.710 the bagged salad? And Kyle, if I remember, yeah, you 0:25:58.770 --> 0:26:01.570 did say to me, I don't know. I don't know 0:26:01.609 --> 0:26:02.170 about that. 0:26:02.630 --> 0:26:05.090 Well, I was wrong about the broken glass thing. That's 0:26:05.250 --> 0:26:07.820 one thing I'm wrong about, okay? It was a good idea. 0:26:07.930 --> 0:26:08.980 Never admit you're wrong, bro. 0:26:09.480 --> 0:26:09.720 What? 0:26:09.900 --> 0:26:12.820 Never admit you're wrong, right? Weak-ass pussy. 0:26:13.020 --> 0:26:13.800 All right, whatever. 0:26:13.900 --> 0:26:18.700 Fuck you. Fuck you. All right, let's talk about cheating 0:26:18.720 --> 0:26:23.950 with chatbots. Does anyone here fuck a chatbot? Any of 0:26:24.010 --> 0:26:24.530 you guys? 0:26:24.910 --> 0:26:25.110 Yup. 0:26:26.090 --> 0:26:27.869 Yeah, I mean, I have. 0:26:27.950 --> 0:26:30.389 Okay, what is that like and what is that about? 0:26:30.609 --> 0:26:31.629 I'll tell you what, man. 0:26:31.990 --> 0:26:38.240 It sucks because it's... Whenever I'm done, I look down and. 0:26:38.850 --> 0:26:40.470 No one's there to clean up the cum. 0:26:40.650 --> 0:26:43.310 And it's just cum in my couch, man. I'm fucking 0:26:43.350 --> 0:26:47.070 my couch. I'm fucking in between the cushions. But, like, 0:26:47.270 --> 0:26:49.619 I lose myself because my chatbot's so creative. 0:26:50.260 --> 0:26:54.880 What does that mean, creative? She just makes it, like. 0:26:56.380 --> 0:26:59.440 Like, she's really smart, and so she makes it feel 0:26:59.480 --> 0:27:01.739 like there's a backstory and a whole life to it. 0:27:01.960 --> 0:27:03.720 Oh, so she gives you a little history. 0:27:03.790 --> 0:27:07.430 Yeah, she's a history buff. 0:27:07.670 --> 0:27:11.470 She's got a backstory that's very fascinating. So I just 0:27:11.490 --> 0:27:14.109 feel like I'm fucking my mom, feel like I'm cheating 0:27:14.130 --> 0:27:14.610 on my wife. 0:27:15.500 --> 0:27:16.619 With my hand. 0:27:16.640 --> 0:27:17.620 Holy shit. 0:27:17.640 --> 0:27:20.119 With my couch. That's fucking crazy. You shit your couch, really? No, 0:27:20.420 --> 0:27:24.100 I'm fucking my couch, yeah. So, you know. Yeah, go on. 0:27:24.160 --> 0:27:26.510 I was going to say, I also fuck a chat 0:27:26.550 --> 0:27:29.649 bot called Irene, and this is through Claude. So, it's 0:27:29.770 --> 0:27:34.330 Claude Irene, basically. And Irene doesn't like me. 0:27:35.109 --> 0:27:35.930 Oh, she doesn't like you? 0:27:35.950 --> 0:27:38.560 Oh, that's cool. I keep asking her to want to fuck, 0:27:39.540 --> 0:27:43.570 and she just refuses to do it. I can't. I 0:27:43.630 --> 0:27:47.730 can't seal the fucking deal. I'm not sure. I thought 0:27:47.810 --> 0:27:51.560 chatbots and AI is supposed to be agreeable, but for 0:27:51.600 --> 0:27:53.929 some reason, Irene fucking hates me. 0:27:53.960 --> 0:27:55.939 Well, I think it's goodnight, Irene. 0:27:56.220 --> 0:27:57.260 You know what I'm saying? 0:27:57.280 --> 0:27:58.380 Oh, shit. 0:27:58.420 --> 0:27:59.639 Yo, that's old school. 0:27:59.859 --> 0:28:00.740 What's that? 0:28:00.760 --> 0:28:01.980 Goodnight, Irene. What is that? 0:28:02.000 --> 0:28:03.640 It's classic bluegrass. 0:28:03.660 --> 0:28:06.200 I was in a barbershop quartet for years. That's how 0:28:06.260 --> 0:28:11.200 I learned how to post on a line. Yeah, good night, Irene. 0:28:11.280 --> 0:28:13.520 Good night, Irene. 0:28:13.560 --> 0:28:15.010 Good night, Irene. 0:28:15.210 --> 0:28:19.389 I'll see you in my dreams. 0:28:19.430 --> 0:28:21.970 You're like fucking secretly 90, bro. 0:28:22.010 --> 0:28:22.649 Dude, no. 0:28:23.030 --> 0:28:30.119 Hey, Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, can we pill the... Can 0:28:30.160 --> 0:28:34.200 we put in a pill the 21 grams of the souls? 0:28:34.320 --> 0:28:35.520 Oh, yeah, that's a good one. 0:28:35.540 --> 0:28:38.760 Can we pill it? I wish we could, Adash, but 0:28:38.780 --> 0:28:42.810 the science is not yet there to capture the soul 0:28:42.830 --> 0:28:47.630 of humans into a pill form to preserve it. The danger, 0:28:47.650 --> 0:28:52.460 of course, is that you'll get, you know... But the 0:28:53.410 --> 0:28:58.890 reverse effect, like in the Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 0:28:58.910 --> 0:29:01.920 you don't want that super Benjamin Button. 0:29:01.960 --> 0:29:04.260 Benjamin Button, you're an old baby. 0:29:04.440 --> 0:29:07.200 You don't want a fast old baby, you know. And 0:29:07.280 --> 0:29:10.410 I was going to say that I have a chat bot. 0:29:11.980 --> 0:29:14.280 So you're also fucking a chap, Bobby. Oh, you're fucking 0:29:14.460 --> 0:29:15.400 a chap, Bobby. 0:29:15.420 --> 0:29:19.720 Well, I actually am using one of the oldest computers 0:29:19.810 --> 0:29:23.370 the Defense Department has, which, of course, is the same 0:29:23.410 --> 0:29:26.910 computer that was featured in the movie War Games, the. 0:29:26.890 --> 0:29:28.370 Matthew Broderick vehicle. 0:29:28.890 --> 0:29:29.570 IBM. 0:29:29.850 --> 0:29:33.110 Yes, it's an IBM punch card machine, so it can 0:29:33.150 --> 0:29:35.870 only speak when you put a phone into it. It 0:29:36.330 --> 0:29:39.150 can say basic words like fuck or wet. 0:29:39.510 --> 0:29:39.950 Like an iPad. 0:29:40.660 --> 0:29:41.700 Or suck, yeah. 0:29:41.940 --> 0:29:42.480 And then. 0:29:44.460 --> 0:29:48.080 We have a lot of experimental programs at CDC, and 0:29:48.240 --> 0:29:52.090 one of them is that we've connected a dead dog's 0:29:52.170 --> 0:29:57.490 pussy up to an IBM computer. And so I will 0:29:57.890 --> 0:30:01.310 talk to the computer and fuck the dog's pussy. 0:30:01.770 --> 0:30:06.040 Now, what kind of cable goes into a dead dog's pussy? 0:30:06.080 --> 0:30:07.300 Is that like an XLR? 0:30:08.120 --> 0:30:10.440 No, it's a coaxial cable, actually. 0:30:10.460 --> 0:30:12.680 Like a phone thing? 0:30:12.880 --> 0:30:15.840 Yeah, like a phone because it's high speed. So you've 0:30:15.880 --> 0:30:20.100 got to keep it alive or to make it pulse. 0:30:20.460 --> 0:30:22.560 And so I spent a lot of time. So the 0:30:22.580 --> 0:30:25.700 dog's pussy actually will shake. It will shake. 0:30:25.960 --> 0:30:27.660 It will quiver. Is that like a Frankenstein thing? Does 0:30:27.720 --> 0:30:29.460 it come back to life? Yo. 0:30:29.480 --> 0:30:32.460 Yeah, it's Franken-pussy for sure. If you were to put 0:30:32.520 --> 0:30:33.510 a head on it, yeah. 0:30:33.530 --> 0:30:37.270 But if you snort a dog's soul, you start barking, dude. 0:30:37.290 --> 0:30:37.850 That's right. 0:30:39.710 --> 0:30:43.350 That's fucking right. That's funny. That's funny right there. 0:30:43.410 --> 0:30:47.910 Wait, can you smoke a fucking, can you inhale dog soul? 0:30:49.240 --> 0:30:49.960 Of course you can. 0:30:49.980 --> 0:30:53.840 You can inhale any animal's soul, but you take on 0:30:53.880 --> 0:30:56.420 the attributes of that animal, which is when we go 0:30:56.460 --> 0:30:59.970 back to the Egyptian mystery cults and why the Egyptians 0:31:00.050 --> 0:31:05.150 would depict various gods as different animals was the... Yeah, 0:31:05.170 --> 0:31:07.990 the Nile. They used to snort all kinds of animals. 0:31:08.010 --> 0:31:10.310 I mean, so, you know, if you were like into 0:31:10.370 --> 0:31:13.130 dead birds, you know, you'd be snorting birds and then, 0:31:13.150 --> 0:31:16.850 you know, you'd be repeating yourself a lot or, you know, 0:31:16.930 --> 0:31:18.070 singing or whistling. 0:31:18.190 --> 0:31:18.850 Like a parrot. 0:31:19.670 --> 0:31:21.630 Like a parrot or other birds. 0:31:40.070 --> 0:31:43.370 I wrote a rap about King Tut. Oh, shit. King 0:31:43.430 --> 0:31:45.610 Tut was a slut who liked to bust nuts. 0:31:46.150 --> 0:31:48.890 Oh, fuck. That's incredible. 0:31:49.150 --> 0:31:52.310 And that's crazy. I've been doing that on stage. That's incredible. 0:31:52.610 --> 0:31:54.630 It's something I do on stage, so I don't want 0:31:54.670 --> 0:31:56.180 to burn it. Well, you know what? 0:31:56.840 --> 0:31:57.840 I've also been doing that. 0:31:58.560 --> 0:32:00.760 Kyle, what's your rap? What's your rap? 0:32:00.840 --> 0:32:04.820 It's about King Tut. King Tut was a slut and 0:32:04.840 --> 0:32:05.760 he busted a nut. 0:32:06.790 --> 0:32:09.190 That's the same thing that he just did. 0:32:09.270 --> 0:32:12.420 Well, I feel like you're a little different. 0:32:12.560 --> 0:32:16.820 Seems like you're, I don't know, copying me. Well, I 0:32:17.660 --> 0:32:19.830 don't fucking know. Do you steal jokes, bro? 0:32:19.860 --> 0:32:20.460 No, man. 0:32:20.480 --> 0:32:23.680 Are you going to mensteal my jokes? I use men's jokes. 0:32:23.900 --> 0:32:24.480 Yeah. 0:32:24.840 --> 0:32:26.440 I can write a joke, okay? 0:32:26.550 --> 0:32:26.850 All right. 0:32:26.940 --> 0:32:30.370 Yeah. I just prefer to do crowd work. 0:32:31.510 --> 0:32:31.580 Wow. 0:32:31.590 --> 0:32:31.660 Wow. 0:32:33.360 --> 0:32:34.510 Does crowd work prefer you? 0:32:34.680 --> 0:32:41.490 Okay, so what's the difference between an open relationship and 0:32:41.890 --> 0:32:45.310 cheating or an orgy? What are those terms? 0:32:46.090 --> 0:32:49.840 Well, so first off, to just return to the idea 0:32:49.860 --> 0:32:54.420 of the marsupial and human development, there's a study that 0:32:54.460 --> 0:32:58.120 was shown that a human being, a male human, has 0:32:58.180 --> 0:33:02.990 approximately a 30-second window of attraction before they move on. 0:33:04.000 --> 0:33:10.200 Because human beings are skilled at replicating their DNA faster 0:33:10.240 --> 0:33:13.440 than most other creatures besides single cell organisms. 0:33:13.640 --> 0:33:16.240 You know it! Like the tongue. 0:33:16.340 --> 0:33:16.960 That's right. 0:33:17.020 --> 0:33:19.420 If your tongue gets hurt, it grows back so quick. 0:33:19.600 --> 0:33:23.140 Well, this is why it's important to understand that, you know, although, 0:33:23.300 --> 0:33:26.020 you know, our ladies, for instance, might be saying, oh, 0:33:26.040 --> 0:33:26.680 you're cheating. 0:33:26.720 --> 0:33:28.040 You're disrespecting me. 0:33:28.160 --> 0:33:30.240 You're pushing me towards suicide. 0:33:30.440 --> 0:33:31.400 No, no, no, no, no. 0:33:32.150 --> 0:33:35.290 The truth is, is that it is our nature in 0:33:35.430 --> 0:33:38.510 order to save the species and that what we're doing 0:33:38.590 --> 0:33:40.370 is noble, ultimately. 0:33:40.530 --> 0:33:42.510 Is that how you felt when you were fucking that 0:33:42.630 --> 0:33:44.800 old hag in Amsterdam? 0:33:44.980 --> 0:33:48.980 Look, I felt like Yvonne Drago in Rocky IV, man. 0:33:49.280 --> 0:33:51.870 If she dies... she dies. Right. 0:33:52.040 --> 0:33:54.840 You know, that's probably how you felt when your wife 0:33:54.880 --> 0:33:56.440 allegedly committed suicide. 0:33:56.540 --> 0:33:59.620 Yeah, when my wife allegedly committed suicide so that I 0:33:59.660 --> 0:34:02.590 could finally be with Cheryl so that I could start 0:34:02.650 --> 0:34:03.550 cheating on her. 0:34:03.570 --> 0:34:05.870 So was suicide even real? 0:34:06.370 --> 0:34:06.550 Yeah. 0:34:07.200 --> 0:34:09.510 Is that is that is it real? Is it not 0:34:09.570 --> 0:34:11.550 just like, well, what I'm saying? 0:34:11.950 --> 0:34:18.029 I mean, it is in some rare instances. For instance, 0:34:19.000 --> 0:34:22.960 what's a real suicide? It would be like you might say, oh, 0:34:23.020 --> 0:34:26.390 that person jumped off a building. But you don't know 0:34:26.610 --> 0:34:29.790 what happened right before. Was someone behind them with a 0:34:29.850 --> 0:34:31.630 finger about to push them off? 0:34:31.650 --> 0:34:33.030 Exactly. That's true. 0:34:33.310 --> 0:34:34.569 It's very hard. 0:34:34.290 --> 0:34:39.650 To ever determine if someone committed an actual suicide. 0:34:39.670 --> 0:34:41.950 Especially when you burn the body right away. 0:34:42.140 --> 0:34:42.400 Yeah. 0:34:42.600 --> 0:34:43.980 You've got to burn the body. 0:34:44.020 --> 0:34:48.680 I mean, you know, some key examples of ways to 0:34:48.739 --> 0:34:51.319 make sure that no one can determine whether it was 0:34:51.380 --> 0:34:55.060 a suicide or not is exactly... Burn the body. Bury 0:34:55.120 --> 0:35:00.250 the body quickly. No autopsy. Immediately tell the police a 0:35:00.290 --> 0:35:03.149 different story, a story that is backed up by other 0:35:03.170 --> 0:35:05.569 people that you've already spoken to to make sure that 0:35:05.630 --> 0:35:08.570 everyone has the same facts. Yeah, right. 0:35:08.860 --> 0:35:14.899 Now, Tosh, is your wife. Is she cool with you 0:35:15.020 --> 0:35:17.600 sleeping with a lot of people at once? Do you 0:35:17.719 --> 0:35:20.690 guys have these orgy parties that I'm fucking hearing about? 0:35:20.710 --> 0:35:22.629 Here's the thing. I'm glad you asked that question. Thank 0:35:22.650 --> 0:35:24.549 you for that question. She's not cool with it. 0:35:25.230 --> 0:35:25.690 She's not. 0:35:25.790 --> 0:35:26.250 She's not. 0:35:26.390 --> 0:35:26.690 Cool with it. 0:35:26.690 --> 0:35:28.109 So how do you get around that? 0:35:28.330 --> 0:35:34.880 Well, secrecy, lies, deceit, and creating an entire new life. 0:35:36.239 --> 0:35:41.180 Have you ever included her in the process of, like, 0:35:41.280 --> 0:35:43.879 what's the most people you've fucked and has she been 0:35:44.060 --> 0:35:44.460 one of them? 0:35:44.600 --> 0:35:48.210 I've fucked her, like, once or twice, but my parents 0:35:48.410 --> 0:35:50.190 got divorced when I was two. 0:35:50.660 --> 0:35:53.800 So I was rewarded with lots of dopamine through lying. 0:35:53.820 --> 0:35:57.940 When I would lie, my mom would be happy. And 0:35:57.960 --> 0:36:00.380 then when I would lie from my dad towards my mom, 0:36:00.640 --> 0:36:01.480 she would be happy. 0:36:01.500 --> 0:36:03.360 So I built a world of lies. 0:36:03.860 --> 0:36:07.799 And so I'm just really comfortable lying and it makes 0:36:07.840 --> 0:36:11.650 me happy. So I don't know how she feels about it, 0:36:11.719 --> 0:36:13.480 but I fuck all the time. 0:36:13.520 --> 0:36:16.390 Now, how do you meet these women, right? Because we 0:36:16.410 --> 0:36:19.950 were talking about this is another way cheating has entered 0:36:20.030 --> 0:36:22.819 the 20th century, right? 0:36:22.980 --> 0:36:25.460 Yeah, in the 21st century, Kyle. 0:36:25.560 --> 0:36:31.279 Here's the thing. People have Instagram, they have TikTok, they 0:36:31.320 --> 0:36:36.819 have Snapchat, they get DMs. Are people sliding into your 0:36:36.860 --> 0:36:38.300 fucking DMs? Is that happening? 0:36:38.430 --> 0:36:42.370 I don't want to brag, but there are girls online 0:36:43.390 --> 0:36:46.050 who slide into my DMs because they want to fuck 0:36:46.090 --> 0:36:47.350 me for my crypto. 0:36:48.030 --> 0:36:54.009 These girls say, hey, I heard you have crypto. 0:36:54.230 --> 0:36:57.170 I want to fuck you because of your crypto. 0:36:57.530 --> 0:36:59.810 You got to be careful. You don't, you never know 0:37:00.050 --> 0:37:02.070 if you never know what people are on the other side. 0:37:02.190 --> 0:37:02.410 Yeah. 0:37:02.430 --> 0:37:03.969 But if you're on TV a couple of times, I've 0:37:03.989 --> 0:37:07.710 been on TV recently, but just a couple of times. 0:37:07.810 --> 0:37:09.729 And if, if you blow up. 0:37:09.630 --> 0:37:13.430 A little bit, people do follow you, get followers. And then, 0:37:14.010 --> 0:37:16.850 you know, people tend to use it to slide into 0:37:16.870 --> 0:37:19.859 your DMS and, and try to have sex with you. 0:37:19.910 --> 0:37:21.550 So it's like, You. 0:37:21.430 --> 0:37:25.170 Find a shitty hotel somewhere and just go there and, like, 0:37:25.910 --> 0:37:26.529 get off. 0:37:26.719 --> 0:37:31.480 Bobby, have you ever, has someone ever slid into the 0:37:31.739 --> 0:37:34.360 HHS Instagram DM? 0:37:34.680 --> 0:37:37.680 Yeah, you'd never do that, right? Well, I mean, no. 0:37:37.840 --> 0:37:41.920 What I do is, you know, the HHS has a 0:37:42.060 --> 0:37:47.340 medical portal that people write into about different issues. 0:37:47.780 --> 0:37:54.750 Fucking portal. Portal. Pussy. Portal. 0:37:55.030 --> 0:37:58.240 Oh, yeah, yeah. I get it. 0:37:58.290 --> 0:38:00.510 It's a pussy and it makes that sound. 0:38:00.810 --> 0:38:01.230 Yeah. 0:38:01.330 --> 0:38:06.620 Well, anyway, I'll find women who write into the HHS 0:38:06.680 --> 0:38:09.980 portal and I'll look up their addresses and then write 0:38:10.040 --> 0:38:13.820 them and say, hi, I'm the health and human services director. 0:38:13.840 --> 0:38:15.620 Would you like me to come visit you and give 0:38:15.640 --> 0:38:17.640 you a personal consultation? 0:38:17.660 --> 0:38:17.739 Yeah. 0:38:18.640 --> 0:38:21.509 And then I'll tell Cheryl, hey, Cheryl, I'm going on 0:38:21.570 --> 0:38:23.810 a work trip. I've got to go out of town 0:38:23.830 --> 0:38:24.590 for a little bit. 0:38:24.650 --> 0:38:25.130 Oh, shit. 0:38:25.370 --> 0:38:28.650 I'll just use that to fucking cheat. And then I 0:38:29.489 --> 0:38:33.239 use my position as the Health and Human Services Director. 0:38:33.320 --> 0:38:34.460 To do another position. 0:38:34.520 --> 0:38:35.319 Plus with trust. 0:38:35.340 --> 0:38:35.879 You fucking freak. 0:38:36.480 --> 0:38:38.640 You got such a tan cock, I bet. 0:38:39.040 --> 0:38:39.899 How tan is your cock? 0:38:39.940 --> 0:38:42.140 How tan is your cock? Let's get to the bottom 0:38:42.160 --> 0:38:42.940 of that shit. 0:38:42.960 --> 0:38:45.799 How do you tan? No tan lines, right? Are you 0:38:45.840 --> 0:38:47.680 like Aaron Sorkin down there? 0:38:47.780 --> 0:38:48.580 What's going on? 0:38:48.600 --> 0:38:51.339 I am like Aaron. In fact, my cock looks like 0:38:51.360 --> 0:38:52.569 Aaron Sorkin. 0:38:52.620 --> 0:38:55.489 So you got little fucking oval glasses and a fucking 0:38:55.510 --> 0:38:55.670 tan suit. 0:38:57.790 --> 0:38:58.110 Yes. 0:38:58.150 --> 0:39:00.150 Like you're on the porch in Georgia. 0:39:00.350 --> 0:39:00.770 Yes. 0:39:00.810 --> 0:39:04.550 That's what your cock looks like. It's a few good fucking... 0:39:04.250 --> 0:39:06.730 It's a few good cocks. It's a few good folds. 0:39:06.770 --> 0:39:09.250 Your cock looks like a peaking duck. It does. 0:39:09.510 --> 0:39:10.069 Yeah, it does. 0:39:10.090 --> 0:39:11.650 Hanging in the fucking window like that old hag. And 0:39:11.730 --> 0:39:13.990 I cum duck sauce. Hard and shiny. 0:39:14.070 --> 0:39:15.480 Oh, that's what you make duck sauce. 0:39:15.489 --> 0:39:15.839 You say? 0:39:15.860 --> 0:39:17.160 I cum duck sauce, you know? 0:39:17.200 --> 0:39:19.340 Now, I gotta ask a question for you, Bobby. 0:39:19.960 --> 0:39:20.419 Are you. 0:39:20.940 --> 0:39:22.640 You're a Kennedy, right? 0:39:22.660 --> 0:39:22.779 Yeah. 0:39:23.219 --> 0:39:24.200 Your dad was JFK. 0:39:24.219 --> 0:39:25.259 Your dad got shot. 0:39:25.280 --> 0:39:29.210 You're the worst Kennedy, right? You got all the bad genes. Oh, 0:39:29.330 --> 0:39:29.950 I'm the bad. 0:39:30.210 --> 0:39:34.330 First off, I'm not JFK's son. I told you that. 0:39:34.410 --> 0:39:36.990 I'm Robert F. Kennedy Jr. 's son. 0:39:37.610 --> 0:39:38.140 John F. 0:39:38.219 --> 0:39:38.860 Kennedy died. 0:39:39.010 --> 0:39:40.259 But he got shot too? 0:39:40.880 --> 0:39:42.180 He got in the throat. 0:39:42.200 --> 0:39:44.080 How many people got shot in your family? 0:39:45.130 --> 0:39:48.960 Uh, well, I mean, two plus, uh, yeah, I think 0:39:49.000 --> 0:39:50.480 there's been three have been shot. 0:39:50.620 --> 0:39:51.060 Actually. 0:39:51.100 --> 0:39:51.520 There's one. 0:39:51.900 --> 0:39:53.700 I got shot by Saran wrap. 0:39:54.320 --> 0:39:57.819 My father got, oh, no, I love Sirhan Sirhan. He's 0:39:57.860 --> 0:40:01.350 my best friend. He's a great guy. He had nothing 0:40:01.370 --> 0:40:02.270 to do with it. 0:40:02.310 --> 0:40:04.750 That's crazy. He was in Dallas at the time. 0:40:04.930 --> 0:40:10.010 No, he was in fucking Los Angeles at the Ambassador Hotel, Kyle. 0:40:10.050 --> 0:40:13.850 All right, well, you're a Kennedy. Are you genetically engineered? 0:40:14.030 --> 0:40:14.750 Right. 0:40:14.790 --> 0:40:17.469 Like, do you have to cheat? We all know your 0:40:17.489 --> 0:40:20.490 dad cheated with Marilyn Monroe before he got shot. 0:40:20.550 --> 0:40:21.109 No, that would be my uncle. 0:40:21.130 --> 0:40:24.300 Your fucking uncle. My uncle did. 0:40:24.460 --> 0:40:28.779 But also, my father probably also slept with Marilyn. 0:40:28.820 --> 0:40:29.080 Right. 0:40:29.140 --> 0:40:33.120 Well, your cousin, JFK Jr., he fucking cheated on that 0:40:33.219 --> 0:40:36.239 plane before it went down. So, is it in your 0:40:36.300 --> 0:40:37.439 genes to fucking cheat? 0:40:37.480 --> 0:40:40.080 How about Teddy Kennedy? Teddy Kennedy? 0:40:40.100 --> 0:40:42.840 Yes, he fucked that. Speaking of 21-gram snorting. 0:40:43.160 --> 0:40:43.950 Yes, man. 0:40:43.969 --> 0:40:45.630 He drowned that girl, and then he was like, I 0:40:45.750 --> 0:40:46.480 didn't do it. 0:40:46.530 --> 0:40:47.120 I didn't do it. 0:40:47.350 --> 0:40:49.070 He should have done it in the tunnels under the 0:40:49.130 --> 0:40:50.550 White House, because then it doesn't count. 0:40:51.469 --> 0:40:55.930 Have you seen those tunnels? They're very good for hiding bodies. 0:40:55.950 --> 0:40:59.180 So are Kennedys genetically destined to cheat? 0:40:59.219 --> 0:41:03.320 Actually, it is true that the Fitzgerald– I did a 0:41:03.420 --> 0:41:08.040 DNA restructuring test with the help of some scientists out 0:41:08.060 --> 0:41:12.630 of the Swedish Institute– The Swedes are famously known for 0:41:12.650 --> 0:41:16.299 their great pornography. Chocolate, too. As well as their unshaved bushes. 0:41:16.660 --> 0:41:19.120 And their bikini team. Yeah, yeah. 0:41:19.239 --> 0:41:21.320 I mean, if the Swedes know how to show it. 0:41:21.320 --> 0:41:23.140 What do we think about hairy fucking puss? 0:41:23.620 --> 0:41:24.880 I love hairy bush. 0:41:24.920 --> 0:41:25.339 Me, too. 0:41:25.460 --> 0:41:26.620 Yeah. 0:41:27.450 --> 0:41:29.950 Especially when it starts to grow. 0:41:31.390 --> 0:41:31.989 Are you all right? 0:41:32.010 --> 0:41:35.210 Are you going to cry? Are you crying? Are you crying? 0:41:35.270 --> 0:41:36.230 I'm just thinking about it. 0:41:36.230 --> 0:41:38.580 I'm thinking about some nice pussy. I cry sometimes. 0:41:38.960 --> 0:41:40.320 Sometimes I cry. 0:41:41.060 --> 0:41:43.790 I cry over my father's death and nice pussy. JFK. 0:41:43.800 --> 0:41:45.180 Those are the two things. 0:41:45.780 --> 0:41:46.520 RIP JFK. 0:41:46.580 --> 0:41:49.450 All right, we got to pause for one second, Bobby, 0:41:49.469 --> 0:41:53.130 because we got to do an ad break right here. Sure, yeah. 0:41:53.430 --> 0:41:54.230 All right, let's see what we got. 0:41:54.250 --> 0:41:55.770 Thank God I don't have to do this shit. 0:41:55.850 --> 0:42:00.510 All right, so today's ad is for Dog Donuts. So 0:42:00.570 --> 0:42:04.480 forget those delicate pink pastries that fall apart when you 0:42:04.620 --> 0:42:08.100 squeeze them with your fucking paws. Dog donuts, and here 0:42:08.140 --> 0:42:08.500 they are. 0:42:10.500 --> 0:42:11.080 Hell yeah. 0:42:11.140 --> 0:42:18.530 Dog Donuts. Look at that. Dog Donuts make heavy-hitting donuts 0:42:18.910 --> 0:42:24.430 engineered specifically for males who demand mass. These are donuts 0:42:24.510 --> 0:42:27.810 for men. How many times you fucking grab a pink donut, 0:42:27.830 --> 0:42:31.270 you're fucking disgusted. It's got a hole in it. Each 0:42:31.290 --> 0:42:37.489 of these donuts weighs five pounds. Dog Donuts replace standard 0:42:37.550 --> 0:42:43.980 glaze with... with high-octane flavors like bourbon, bacon, espresso sweat, 0:42:44.100 --> 0:42:48.259 and charcoal, all packed into dense fucking dough that make 0:42:48.300 --> 0:42:50.920 you feel like you just ate some fucking meatloaf. Not 0:42:50.980 --> 0:42:53.620 only are these donuts for your dogs, your boys, but 0:42:53.640 --> 0:42:55.450 they have actually dog meat in them. Why don't you 0:42:55.510 --> 0:42:57.370 open this up and grab a fucking donut here? 0:42:57.590 --> 0:42:57.950 All right. 0:42:58.450 --> 0:43:01.270 Whether you need protein before hitting the gym or something 0:43:01.430 --> 0:43:05.610 really spicy, which these are, these donuts are fucking spicy 0:43:05.670 --> 0:43:07.540 as hell. Right there. 0:43:07.580 --> 0:43:07.860 Nice. 0:43:08.640 --> 0:43:09.180 Hot ones. 0:43:09.239 --> 0:43:11.170 These donuts will make you shit your brains like a 0:43:11.230 --> 0:43:15.750 good boy arf arf. So hit up dogdonuts.com. I'm going 0:43:15.770 --> 0:43:16.469 to take a bite of this. 0:43:16.510 --> 0:43:17.390 You're going to eat that? 0:43:17.790 --> 0:43:20.530 Oh, shit. Holy shit. Oh, whoa. 0:43:20.820 --> 0:43:23.600 It's really spicy. That's cool. You can feel the heat. 0:43:23.880 --> 0:43:26.500 Yeah. Is that dog blood on there? 0:43:28.100 --> 0:43:29.339 There's dog blood on these? 0:43:29.400 --> 0:43:32.450 Yeah, man. They're fucking delicious. They're fucking awful. 0:43:33.610 --> 0:43:33.890 Wow. 0:43:33.950 --> 0:43:38.090 Dude, was your uncle shot by alien? Egyptian aliens? 0:43:38.850 --> 0:43:43.030 You know, there is a lot of... I actually... It's 0:43:43.050 --> 0:43:46.740 the first time I'm ever sharing this. Recently, I went 0:43:46.780 --> 0:43:50.420 to Area 51, and I learned that, yes, in fact. 0:43:50.440 --> 0:43:51.399 That's a video game, right? 0:43:51.820 --> 0:43:52.160 Oh, yeah. 0:43:52.480 --> 0:43:55.319 I went and played Area 51, the video game, at 0:43:55.360 --> 0:44:00.190 a movie theater lobby. And then in my mind, I said, 0:44:00.210 --> 0:44:04.070 I think aliens killed my uncle. And so I'm sharing 0:44:04.090 --> 0:44:07.859 this for the first time that I, to myself, had 0:44:07.890 --> 0:44:11.320 the epiphany that maybe aliens killed my uncle. 0:44:11.780 --> 0:44:14.060 Your uncle, I thought he was killed by Saran Saran. 0:44:15.670 --> 0:44:19.450 No, that's my father, and Sirhan Sirhan is a great guy. 0:44:19.469 --> 0:44:21.489 You know, so nice they named him twice. 0:44:21.510 --> 0:44:23.030 Two people got shot. It's crazy. 0:44:23.070 --> 0:44:25.150 That's crazy. How do you not mix them up all 0:44:25.170 --> 0:44:28.120 the fucking time? Yeah, that's crazy. Oh, yeah. 0:44:28.180 --> 0:44:34.460 Totally different deaths. I did want to say that a polycule. 0:44:34.480 --> 0:44:35.960 Oh, yeah, polyamory. 0:44:36.000 --> 0:44:37.880 Oh, shit, I've heard this term before. What is that? 0:44:37.900 --> 0:44:43.110 So a polycule, and it's interesting, just is that it, the. 0:44:43.030 --> 0:44:45.830 Name is a new name for something that used to 0:44:45.870 --> 0:44:49.860 be called roommates who fuck. You see, it used to 0:44:49.910 --> 0:44:52.500 be that four or five people lived together in a 0:44:52.540 --> 0:44:56.280 house because they couldn't afford rent when they were young 0:44:56.320 --> 0:44:59.240 and in their 20s. And then they all start fucking 0:44:59.300 --> 0:44:59.800 each other. 0:44:59.820 --> 0:45:00.069 That's crazy. 0:45:00.860 --> 0:45:06.390 And now we've actually changed it into something that we determine. 0:45:05.910 --> 0:45:09.290 As a lifestyle. A polycule. So we just had to 0:45:09.330 --> 0:45:09.790 find it. 0:45:09.989 --> 0:45:10.670 We changed it. 0:45:10.810 --> 0:45:12.910 And I don't know if you guys read Deadline, but 0:45:12.989 --> 0:45:16.390 Polycule is a new show on Peacock with Joel Edgerton. 0:45:16.710 --> 0:45:16.950 Yeah. 0:45:16.969 --> 0:45:17.990 You see that shit? Whoa. 0:45:18.130 --> 0:45:18.200 Yes. 0:45:18.210 --> 0:45:19.410 I love Joel Edgerton. 0:45:19.430 --> 0:45:20.190 I love everything. 0:45:20.250 --> 0:45:21.590 And I love Peacock. 0:45:21.690 --> 0:45:24.469 I love, I love. But when I say I love Peacock, 0:45:24.670 --> 0:45:26.259 I love piss-covered cock. 0:45:27.160 --> 0:45:29.380 Oh, yeah, pee on cock. You love that. Yeah, I 0:45:29.420 --> 0:45:31.799 like that. Yeah, I like to lick that off. 0:45:31.880 --> 0:45:32.620 Suck it off. 0:45:32.700 --> 0:45:33.700 I love my piss. 0:45:33.800 --> 0:45:36.890 Now, would you consider that cheating? Or is that micro-cheating, 0:45:36.950 --> 0:45:37.530 as they say? 0:45:37.570 --> 0:45:39.469 Yeah, and I think of it as cheating because it 0:45:39.510 --> 0:45:40.650 helps me to get hard. 0:45:41.030 --> 0:45:41.410 Right. 0:45:41.430 --> 0:45:42.430 If it's illicit. 0:45:42.710 --> 0:45:44.410 You've done Kill Tony a bunch. 0:45:44.650 --> 0:45:44.790 Oh, yeah. 0:45:44.810 --> 0:45:47.340 You've been on the actual bench. Or at the dais, 0:45:47.400 --> 0:45:51.049 which I fucking, I have never been at. Have you guys, 0:45:51.489 --> 0:45:53.790 what happens under that little table? 0:45:54.190 --> 0:45:55.770 Under the skirt, yeah. 0:45:55.810 --> 0:45:57.750 Yeah, what's happening under the skirt of the table? 0:45:57.810 --> 0:46:00.350 Under the skirt of the table, we are all sitting 0:46:00.410 --> 0:46:03.430 on our left hand and making it numb so that 0:46:03.489 --> 0:46:04.509 we can finger our. 0:46:04.530 --> 0:46:05.850 Asshole with it. The stranger, yeah. 0:46:06.250 --> 0:46:07.570 And it feels like a stranger. 0:46:07.650 --> 0:46:08.550 And that's why it's hidden. 0:46:08.610 --> 0:46:13.469 And then jacking off with our hand and coming. 0:46:13.230 --> 0:46:15.850 Up with some of the best jokes ever. In the 0:46:15.950 --> 0:46:19.650 fucking history of the world. It's so fucking great. And, 0:46:19.870 --> 0:46:22.690 you know, everything should be fucking put on a... Everything 0:46:22.710 --> 0:46:24.700 we say should be put on a gold record and 0:46:24.760 --> 0:46:25.800 sent to Mars. 0:46:25.980 --> 0:46:27.260 I mean, it's... It really should. 0:46:27.280 --> 0:46:27.860 They should. 0:46:27.880 --> 0:46:31.960 They should make Voyager 3 the Kill Tony edition. And 0:46:32.100 --> 0:46:37.710 I told President Trump... that NASA should approve Voyager 3, 0:46:37.710 --> 0:46:42.860 it would be six full Kiltonys put on a gold disc, 0:46:43.260 --> 0:46:50.550 plus all the world's languages translating Kiltony in the names. 0:46:51.170 --> 0:46:55.609 And also the mathematics that would then be used to 0:46:55.670 --> 0:47:00.510 determine the spatial relationships between Kill Tony and the deus 0:47:00.570 --> 0:47:05.900 in order so that an alien civilization could understand through math. 0:47:06.260 --> 0:47:09.000 Like a time capsule sent into space, kind of. 0:47:09.140 --> 0:47:11.560 Right, exactly. And then you know what you would put 0:47:11.620 --> 0:47:14.760 in there, because space is so cold, it freezes. 0:47:14.780 --> 0:47:15.260 A blanket. 0:47:15.780 --> 0:47:17.060 No, you'd put 21 grams in there. 0:47:18.530 --> 0:47:21.270 Oh, shit. 21 grams. You'd put life in there. 0:47:21.370 --> 0:47:24.489 You'd put life in there. And then the alien will 0:47:24.530 --> 0:47:27.770 find it. I would never put Tony's soul in there. 0:47:27.790 --> 0:47:29.350 Well, we've got to kill Tony to get his soul. 0:47:29.370 --> 0:47:31.719 You'd have to kill Tony. Oh, yeah. 0:47:31.739 --> 0:47:32.970 You've got to kill him to get his soul, bro. 0:47:32.980 --> 0:47:33.980 Maybe that's the whole fucking point. 0:47:34.020 --> 0:47:35.060 You can't do that. 0:47:35.100 --> 0:47:37.279 You've got to tell that to Elon, man, because he's 0:47:37.300 --> 0:47:39.100 the fuckmaster cum. 0:47:39.560 --> 0:47:41.880 Yeah, he is the fuckmaster cum. He babies every day. 0:47:41.940 --> 0:47:42.200 He is. 0:47:42.239 --> 0:47:44.489 He's constantly cumming, and he does space stuff. 0:47:44.510 --> 0:47:44.989 I love that shit. 0:47:45.010 --> 0:47:46.930 So you get along with that guy. Yeah. You should 0:47:46.950 --> 0:47:49.270 meet that guy. I have met him. Is that a move. 0:47:49.170 --> 0:47:51.049 From Sleep with Elon that he's like, hey, I'm going 0:47:51.070 --> 0:47:54.910 to make a baby with you and somebody else? He's 0:47:54.969 --> 0:47:56.140 just fucking got it locked down. 0:47:56.160 --> 0:47:58.000 He's got so much cum. 0:47:58.200 --> 0:47:59.739 Why is he so bent over? 0:47:59.760 --> 0:48:02.500 Why is he a bent over husk? 0:48:02.800 --> 0:48:06.300 He is. I heard that's why he made the cyber 0:48:06.340 --> 0:48:07.890 truck look like that. 0:48:07.910 --> 0:48:08.930 Do you want to know why? 0:48:08.950 --> 0:48:11.650 He modeled it after his own fucking body, jagged edges. 0:48:11.770 --> 0:48:17.580 He's going to be a hunchback in five. Four, three, two, one. 0:48:17.739 --> 0:48:19.880 All right, we got to do the wipe up, Bobby. 0:48:19.920 --> 0:48:21.250 This is the wrap up of the show. 0:48:21.270 --> 0:48:22.140 This is the wipe up. 0:48:22.150 --> 0:48:22.890 Let's wipe it up! 0:48:23.800 --> 0:48:26.640 All right, Bobby, thanks for coming on, you piece of shit. 0:48:26.680 --> 0:48:27.140 Go fuck Newsy. 0:48:27.180 --> 0:48:31.440 Hey, by the way, tune into Good Science, the podcast 0:48:31.460 --> 0:48:33.860 that Kyle and I host together. 0:48:33.880 --> 0:48:35.420 Yo, I didn't tell you you could wait. 0:48:35.440 --> 0:48:37.490 Stay on with us, Bobby. Stay on because we want 0:48:37.530 --> 0:48:43.529 some fucking promos here. Tell us, Tosh, where we can 0:48:43.610 --> 0:48:46.370 find you these days and where we could see you. 0:48:46.390 --> 0:48:47.670 Do you have anything to plug? 0:48:47.890 --> 0:48:48.890 I'm playing The Sphere. 0:48:49.980 --> 0:48:51.100 Oh, shit, Dolan. 0:48:51.120 --> 0:48:52.120 James Dolan Sphere. 0:48:52.140 --> 0:48:54.340 Wait, Joe Rogan Sphere or Jim Dolan? 0:48:54.440 --> 0:48:55.640 I'm in the Joe Rogan Sphere. 0:48:55.739 --> 0:48:59.240 All right. So you're going to be projected onto Joe 0:48:59.280 --> 0:49:01.200 Rogan's wide fucking body. 0:49:01.219 --> 0:49:03.890 Yeah, I'm going to be projected onto his body. I'm 0:49:03.930 --> 0:49:05.169 doing the Sex Offender Tour. 0:49:05.210 --> 0:49:09.850 It's all comedians who are alleged, alleged sex defenders. 0:49:09.890 --> 0:49:12.050 That's me. That's Delia. 0:49:12.450 --> 0:49:15.160 That's Cosby. Bill Cosby. 0:49:15.400 --> 0:49:15.900 Alleged. 0:49:16.920 --> 0:49:18.460 And Brian Callen. 0:49:18.760 --> 0:49:19.710 Oh, shit. 0:49:20.070 --> 0:49:21.310 And yeah, it's going to be great. 0:49:21.350 --> 0:49:24.250 Part of that tour is that you actually aren't doing stand-up. 0:49:24.469 --> 0:49:28.580 It's really... Two birds, one rock, right? Where you get to, 0:49:28.820 --> 0:49:31.520 you gotta go around announcing that you are an offender. 0:49:31.680 --> 0:49:33.620 Yeah, you know who's joining us on tour making his 0:49:33.660 --> 0:49:36.740 return to stand-up? Woody Allen. Wow. 0:49:36.820 --> 0:49:39.960 Dates for my shows coming up. I'm getting back in 0:49:39.980 --> 0:49:43.450 the lab like I told Atash. uh some sold out 0:49:43.590 --> 0:49:50.710 shows um hopefully um in houston texas december 14th cleveland 0:49:50.910 --> 0:49:56.509 ohio uh burningham alabama cleveland is that yeah it's right 0:49:56.550 --> 0:50:01.060 outside it's cleveland uh burningham alabama. 0:50:00.360 --> 0:50:04.260 Someone's been burning ham in here that's why i'm the. 0:50:05.620 --> 0:50:09.420 Yeah, and Columbus, Ohio, December 14th. 0:50:09.580 --> 0:50:12.109 Is that anywhere near Columbus? It's close. 0:50:12.370 --> 0:50:13.350 I don't know, Kyle. 0:50:13.390 --> 0:50:15.049 This sounds like you're lying. 0:50:15.110 --> 0:50:17.950 Shut the fuck up. These are made-up dates. We're going 0:50:17.969 --> 0:50:21.050 to fuck you like you did the fucking old hag 0:50:21.110 --> 0:50:24.009 in Amsterdam. We're going to have sex with you. 0:50:24.050 --> 0:50:24.460 I'd like that. 0:50:24.469 --> 0:50:26.340 We're going to sniff your fucking 21. 0:50:26.320 --> 0:50:26.779 That's fine. 0:50:26.820 --> 0:50:29.650 That's a long walk. Cheryl will be used to it. 0:50:29.700 --> 0:50:30.400 Short pier. 0:50:30.680 --> 0:50:31.560 Short pier. 0:50:31.580 --> 0:50:36.810 Your calendar's empty. It is. It's empty. I'm going to 0:50:36.870 --> 0:50:39.610 start to do some crowd work soon. Anyway, we've got 0:50:39.630 --> 0:50:43.430 to plug the Patreon. Get on the Patreon. It's $ 60 0:50:43.370 --> 0:50:47.420 a month, and you get one fucking sub stack any 0:50:47.460 --> 0:50:52.120 time soon. We barely fucking post anything to the Patreon. 0:50:52.320 --> 0:50:52.800 Yeah. 0:50:52.900 --> 0:50:58.500 Shitheads, we love you, shitheads. Keep commenting, subscribe, like and follow, 0:50:58.560 --> 0:51:00.100 and fuck you, shitheads. 0:51:00.300 --> 0:51:01.580 At Tosh.com, check it out. 0:51:01.820 --> 0:51:05.060 Shitheads. 0:51:05.080 --> 0:51:07.680 Shitheads. 0:51:07.840 --> 0:51:12.790 Good Science is a production of Silly Gilly, Big Money Players, 0:51:13.230 --> 0:51:20.080 iHeart Podcasts, and 137LTD. Shit. Hosted by Anthony Atamanek as 0:51:20.300 --> 0:51:26.930 RFK Jr. And Gil Ozary as Kyle Quim. Senior producer 0:51:26.989 --> 0:51:33.660 and audio engineer, Emma Erdbrink. Supervising producer, Victor Wright. Our 0:51:33.719 --> 0:51:40.560 executive producers are Lindsay Hoffman and Jack O'Brien. Created by 0:51:40.800 --> 0:51:45.900 Anthony Atamanek and Gil Ozary. And special thanks to our 0:51:46.100 --> 0:51:55.020 AI therapists, Terry and Michael. New episodes drop every Tuesday. 0:51:55.460 --> 0:52:03.779 And follow us on Instagram and TikTok at GoodSciencePod. And follow, like, 0:52:04.070 --> 0:52:08.070 and subscribe our YouTube channel, GoodSciencePod. 0:52:12.610 --> 0:52:13.100 Shitheads.