WEBVTT - Who Are You REALLY? And How Do You Figure It Out 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.279 Your true self might actually feel really unknown and familiar. 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:05.360 It might actually feel really foreign to you. And it's 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:07.600 really easy to do that because when we don't know 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:09.319 who we actually are, of course we're going to try 0:00:09.360 --> 0:00:11.600 and hold onto anything that makes us feel like we do. 0:00:12.119 --> 0:00:13.800 We will want a sense of purpose, we will want 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:17.080 to know we belong. Welcome to a Really Good Cry podcast. 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:19.560 A Really Good Cry is here to help you understand 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:22.640 your body, feel confident in your skin, manage your emotions, 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.680 and take back control of your health. Because growth doesn't 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:28.960 always start with answers. Sometimes it starts with a really 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:32.159 good cry. Hey everyone, and welcome back to this week's 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:34.960 episode of A Really Good Cry. I hope you've had 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:36.479 a really good week, And if you have had a 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:38.800 really good cry, I hope it really helps you to 0:00:38.840 --> 0:00:40.839 have that really good week. I don't know whether you 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:44.120 guys are like this, I definitely am I. Very often 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:47.480 in my life my mind goes through these existential spirals. 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:50.960 Unfortunately I have them very often. They're always this like, 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:53.080 who am I? What am I doing here? Am I 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:55.680 doing the right thing in life? Am I even the 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:58.760 person I think that I am? What am I supposed 0:00:58.800 --> 0:01:00.800 to be doing? You? Know, like all all the questions 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:04.399 that you usually ask maybe once or twice in life, 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:06.840 I tend to ask quite often. And I've been thinking 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.080 why these questions keep spiraling in my mind and what 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:12.960 it really does mean, Like what does it really mean 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:15.479 true be your true self? How do you even get 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:18.440 closer to being whatever this true self is? And also 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:21.240 what even is there. I've studied and taken interest in 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:24.640 so many different spiritual paths and the different versions of 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:28.320 what that looks like for different people, the different philosophies, 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:31.440 and I've really found myself drawn to the Vedic philosophy 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:34.319 and its explanation of life and how to process and 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:38.000 understand myself and the world around me. So usually whenever 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:40.480 I have these really big questions, I try to tend 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:42.520 back to the text and try to dig deeper. And 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:45.080 I feel like it's so easy to think that you 0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:48.200 know who you are and make yourself really believe it, 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.680 Like it shocks me at how easy it is to 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:55.520 create a false sense of self, a false sense of identity, 0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:57.480 a false sense of this is who I am, and 0:01:57.560 --> 0:01:59.880 truly believe that this is who you are because I 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:03.559 you've believed it for so long, or it's something that 0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:07.240 you've created, and you're so scared of breaking that facade, 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:10.880 so scared of breaking that idea that you've created, because 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:13.400 the idea is pretty pretty good. I really thought that 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:15.600 I'd done so much self work, but there was this 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:18.400 feeling that I just kept getting that something's missing or 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:21.400 overthinking or changing my mind on certain things depending on 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:24.280 who I was with, and fundamentally not knowing what it 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:29.120 really meant practically daily to really work to uncover who 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:31.680 that is. So I thought it might be helpful if 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:33.880 you've ever been in that place, or you're in that 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:35.880 place in your life right now, or whatever, are in 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:39.399 that place, to share the things that I've been exploring 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:43.320 and reading and learning about how to really discover this 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:48.160 true self and what that really means. So in Lady philosophy, 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:51.000 there's a really specific word for it. It's called Artaman. 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:56.160 Artaman is your unchanging eternal consciousness. So we'll covey up 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:58.639 this by saying that if you are someone who doesn't 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:01.359 believe in the spirit, if you're someone doesn't believe in consciousness, 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:03.359 and you're someone that believes only in the body and 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:05.040 the body is what it is, this might not be 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:07.840 what you've been looking for. But if you are someone 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:10.720 who believes in this idea that there is an eternal 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.799 part of us, that there is a different level of 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:15.519 consciousness that exists within our body, then you're in the 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:17.840 right place. And then I feel like you'll really be 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:21.239 able to take this information in with so much depth. 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:25.040 So this is arthman. It is your unchanging eternal consciousness, 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:27.119 essentially your soul, and it's a part of you that's 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:30.080 actually been there the whole time, regardless of what your 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:32.760 body's changed, regardless of where you've been in this world. 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.920 We're in this universe over time, your soul has always existed. 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:38.680 And when texts like the Bagla Ghita talk about who 0:03:38.720 --> 0:03:41.920 you really are, they do something really interesting. They actually 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:44.600 start by telling you what you're not. And so they 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:47.080 say you are not your body because the body changes, 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:50.280 It changes day to day, it changes yet year, but 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:52.720 it also changes body to body. You're not your thoughts, 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:56.160 they come and go, You're not your emotions because they fluctuate. 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:59.200 Your body at five years old is obviously not your body. Now, 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:01.280 your thoughts ten minutes ago. On the thoughts that you 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:04.360 are having right now, the emotions that might have really 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:06.880 messed you up last Tuesday. They might be gone or 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:09.840 they don't matter anymore. And so the Giara basically separates 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:13.560 you into two layers. And this framework alone really changed 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:16.280 how I think about myself. So the first layer is 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:18.560 the temporary self. This is the stuff that you usually 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:22.720 call me, your body, your thoughts, your emotions. I feel this, 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:26.400 I am this, I believe this. Your roles, your career, 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:29.920 your relationships, your identity, the way that you might introduce 0:04:29.960 --> 0:04:33.279 yourself at events. All of this is emotion all the time. 0:04:33.360 --> 0:04:35.480 But none of it is stable, none of it is certain. 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:38.480 Layer two is a true self, And this is the athma. 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:42.320 This is the observer. It's the awareness behind everything. It's 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:45.040 the part of you that was there in childhood that's 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:47.520 still here now and that will be there in every 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:49.960 phase ahead in your life. And that is actually what 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:52.120 you are. And here's the simplest way that I've heard it, 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:55.760 per Your true self isn't who you perform, think, or feel. 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.600 It's the part of you that's still there when all 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:01.560 of that changes. And if I'm honest, when I hear that, 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:04.480 even now, I feel like it's something you just have 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:07.480 to keep exploring and learning. It's almost like too vast 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:11.400 to put into a sentence or too big to truly 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:14.400 understand in one moment. It's something that has to keep 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:17.479 revealing itself and that you have to keep uncovering. And 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.520 ever so many times that I felt confused about which 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:22.760 is which, because it's become such a deep part of 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.840 me who I think I am versus who I actually am. 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.680 And if you've spent yourself acting or performing or trying 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.320 to be somebody that other people say you are, or 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:35.720 identifying with a certain aspect of yourself, like your job 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:38.320 more than anything else in your life, your true self 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:41.480 might actually feel really unknown and familiar. It might actually 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:44.440 feel really foreign to you, and it might feel very uncomfortable. 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:47.200 It's just like change, when something might be right for 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:51.360 you but you're not used to it, the familiar negative 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:53.320 thing might end up feeling better for you than the 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.200 unfamiliar positive thing. And I guess it's the same for this. 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:57.960 When you feel like you already know someone, you feel 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:00.719 comfortable and so you really know this other verse of yourself. 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:03.239 But if you've never really tapped in or tuned into 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:06.720 this real version of yourself or who your authentic self is, 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.680 then it might feel really foreign and uncomfortable to experience 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:12.640 or explore that. And the thing is, it's not saying 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:15.640 you shouldn't have your jobs, your relationships, this body. Obviously 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:18.680 we have them. But the problem comes when we start 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:21.240 thinking I am the moment I have a job becomes 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:23.440 I am my job, and it becomes your whole sense 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:26.839 of self for becomes your whole identity. And it's really 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:29.120 easy to do that because when we don't know who 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:30.719 we actually are, of course we're going to try and 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:32.920 hold onto anything that makes us feel like we do. 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:35.120 We will want a sense of purpose, we will want 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:38.400 to know we belong. And so whatever these different hats 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:41.000 are that we have, or these titles that we have 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:42.760 that makes us feel like we belong, we're going to 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:45.159 hold onto. We're going to latch onto. Another thing that 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:47.560 can really have an impact on how we connect to 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:49.000 our to we self is attachment. And I think this 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:50.880 is a really big one. The GI that talks about 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.440 this chain reaction that once you see it, you can't 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:55.479 really unsee it, and it kind of makes so much sense. 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:59.240 It says attachment can need to desire, Desire leads to frustration, 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:02.920 frustrate to confusion, and then confusion to loss of clarity. 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:06.719 So soon as you start attaching yourself to outcomes, to validation, 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:10.360 to how life is supposed to look, slowly, without noticing, 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:12.200 you stopped acting from a place of truth and start 0:07:12.240 --> 0:07:14.320 acting from a place of fear and control. You then 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:16.640 end up not making choices anymore. You're just protecting a 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:19.640 specific outcome that you believe is yours. I notice this 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:21.840 a lot when I catch myself doing something not because 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:24.280 I want to, but because I'm scared of what happens 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:27.040 if I don't, And that brings the ego into this. 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:30.000 In this context, ego doesn't mean arrogance. It's something actually 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:33.120 a lot more subtle than that, and honestly, way more pervasive. 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:36.440 It's this false identity that's built around I meet mine, 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:39.160 I am successful, I am rejected, I am the type 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:42.960 of person who and you attached to these outcomes, this 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:46.720 validation how life should look, and slowly you really do 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:50.080 stop acting from this place of who actually am I, 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:52.840 but you start acting from fear and control and ego. 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:55.080 And the fact is that ego is so fragile, it's 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:58.880 constantly under construction and constantly under threat. So if you 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:02.160 live from it, you naturally feel unstable because you are 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:05.760 functioning from a place of instability, because anything that contradicts 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.520 this story will end up shaking you. Anything that doesn't 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.720 fit within this idea that you've constructed of your belief 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:13.920 of who you are. If it doesn't fit in that 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:16.360 it feels like a threat, which actually stops you from 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:19.160 exploring or from doing the work required to understand who 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:21.760 it is you actually are. I think there's also this 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:25.800 difficulty in wanting to understand who you are because maybe 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:28.040 sometimes you become someone that you don't actually want to be, 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:32.520 and the reality of who you truly are might actually 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:35.080 scare you, and it might actually become as a shock 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.520 to you because you've created this version of yourself that 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:40.439 you believe is the best version or who you should be, 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:43.319 because it protects you from actually thinking, Wow, I didn't 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:44.960 know that I had these thoughts. I didn't know that 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.160 I had these feelings. I didn't know that this is 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:50.480 what I actually believe about these certain things. And sometimes 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:53.280 it might disappoint you, and sometimes you might realize you've 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:56.480 become someone that you absolutely had no idea you were. 0:08:56.720 --> 0:09:00.400 But I think that exploration is what's really necessary, and 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:03.400 the willingness to know that you might uncover things that 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:05.960 you might not like, and it's quite likely that you 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.240 might do that. I think you have to be open 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:10.960 to that. Otherwise you're constantly digging, but you're not looking 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:12.680 in the right places. I think one of the biggest 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:14.960 hurdles that we all have right now is that we 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:17.600 have constant noise around us. Like if you think about 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:20.320 the last time that you actually just chose to sit 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:22.800 with yourself and do absolutely nothing and just hear your thoughts. 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:25.360 This last weekend, I had so much going through my head, 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:28.320 and I consciously made a point to specifically do that. 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:31.680 Not sit and watch something, not listen to loud music, 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:36.160 not talk to your friend, but just genuinely sitting with myself. 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.080 I watched the leaves move outside. I had no music, 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:42.520 no conversation, no cause, just sitting on my own in 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.480 one place with my thoughts. And actually something that really 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:48.080 helped me was speaking out loud. I felt like I 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:51.199 was speaking to God. But like having this conversation with yourself, 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.280 with your soul, with whoever it is that you want 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:56.840 to connect to that helps you reveal what that is. 0:09:57.600 --> 0:09:59.600 Really taking time out to do that because I think 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:02.480 it can re feel so much more like silence can 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:05.360 reveal so much more to you than anything else can, 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:07.680 than all the noise around you possibly can. And I 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:09.959 realize I've not done that in so long, and so 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:11.880 much can come to you in those moments. Even if 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:15.439 you don't get incredible realizations of yourself, it's still sending 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:17.320 a signal to your mind and your body and your 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:20.079 consciousness that you're there and you are willing and wanting 0:10:20.080 --> 0:10:22.640 to listen to it. With all of the distractions, the 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:25.440 stimulation and the overthinking, we're always reacting and never really 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:28.480 observing ourself. And if you're never observing, you can't really 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:30.240 get to know or begin to learn who your true 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:33.600 self really is. And that's actually something I feel I'm 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:38.240 deeply trying to go through right now is uncovering and 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:43.120 exploring and really seeing into my thought processes, the things 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:46.600 that I believe in the ideas that I've had about life, 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:49.240 like so many different parts where I'm like, is this 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:51.120 my thought or is this someone else's? Is this my 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:54.240 belief or do I think I should believe this? And 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:57.360 really breaking that down and understanding where all of this 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:00.760 comes from, whether it's something I truly feel feels right 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:02.839 for me, and then whether it's something I actually want 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:04.760 to continue. I think the more that you try to 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:07.320 build an identity, the further you actually move away from 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:09.320 your true self because you're trying to build it, and 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.040 the true self isn't constructed, it already exists. So it's 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:15.800 actually less about building and more about exploring and uncovering. 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:17.680 I think we're so used to creating things, like you 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:19.640 create the life that you want, you do your job, 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:23.400 you create your family, you find your partner, like we're 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:27.080 so used to doing, rather than actually stripping back and uncovering. 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:29.680 And so it's this process of actually less of creation, 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:34.360 less of you trying to control a situation and create, 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:39.160 and more to do with you uncovering and digging really, 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:41.160 really deep, which is actually a lot more scary and 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.160 a lot harder than the other bits. So even if 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:45.680 all of this makes sense, the next thing I thought was, Okay, 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:47.200 so how do I actually uncover all of this and 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:48.920 how do you work your way through this to reveal 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:50.720 who you really are? So I'm going to share some 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:53.840 of the things that I've been doing in the process 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:56.720 so far. I'm still in the beginnings of it, but 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.480 to try and help you go through this process. Maybe 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:01.120 at the same time we can go through it together 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.520 of doing this work every single day or every single 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.800 week to uncover and what that looks like. So the 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:10.920 first thing is removing before you add things in. We're 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:13.400 so used to asking who should I become? Or like 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:16.480 these bigger, better and more impressive, healed, more enlightened versions 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:19.280 of ourselves. But in maybe philosophy, it actually changes the 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:22.560 question to what isn't me? Which believes did I just inherit? 0:12:22.640 --> 0:12:25.960 And never question conditioning? Where does it come from? Where 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:27.720 does it show up? And how can I amend it? 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.120 Which habits keep draining me? But I keep doing because 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:32.960 I think that their mine. Which identities am I performing 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:36.040 and for whose benefit? Whether it's fear or attachment. So 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:38.760 the work is an addition, it's subtraction. You're not building 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:41.679 a new self, You're peeling things off an existing one. 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:45.120 I'm making sure I have moments of stillness every single day. 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.880 I think this is definitely the non negotiable. Truth reveals 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:52.199 itself in silence, not in more thinking, not in more journaling, 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:55.720 just in silence, when you can actually hear what your 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:58.320 inner self is actually saying, When you can actually hear 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.240 what your thoughts are and discover where they're coming from. 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:03.520 You can only do that if you're willing and have 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:06.040 the opportunity to listen to them and hear. And this 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:07.960 does not have to be like a forty minute meditation. 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:11.000 It can be you going on your walk without your AirPods. 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:13.000 It could be the first ten minutes of your morning 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:15.600 before any input. It could be sitting in the car 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:18.400 after you park somewhere and before you go inside and 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:20.280 just hearing and sitting with your body and thinking what 0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:22.520 is going on right now? Or there's this new obsession 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:24.840 online called raw dogging, where you just sit on a 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:26.800 fly or in a waiting room or on a couch 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.920 with no input, no phone, no music, no podcast, no book, 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:32.200 just you and your mind. A lot of people are 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:35.400 doing that to help reset their distractions and their life 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:37.480 and to help reset their nervous system. But I also 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:39.880 think it's like the perfect way to also do this, 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:43.280 And I think the initial reaction, like when I did 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:46.520 it this weekend, it felt really uncomfortable. It felt unbearable. 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:48.520 I felt like I needed to reach for something or 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:51.440 do something, or be productive in some way, or be 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:54.360 talking to someone. The idea of just sitting and just 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:56.920 being felt really uncomfortable to me. But I think that's 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:00.000 the point, because still this lets you process your identity 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.280 and let's things settle so you can actually see what's 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.280 at the bottom, which is usually parts that we never 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.560 get to because you're always living on the surface layers 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:09.160 of ourself. And the next thing is noticing where you perform. 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:12.160 Like this week, I've been trying to really see what 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:13.920 are the places that I perform the most. Is it 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:16.000 in your relationships? Is it in your work. It doesn't 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:18.440 mean that you cut those places out, but sometimes it's 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:20.520 just about noticing where you're doing it and then trying 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:22.920 to uncover why you're doing it, because sometimes there are 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:26.000 actual legitimate reasons for you to have to perform at work. 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:27.840 It might be part of your role there. The next 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.680 thing I started doing was just really trying to see 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:32.360 where am I performing the most? In what conversations with 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:37.840 which people, in what environments am noticing myself putting on 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:40.920 this performance of this identity that I've created. And you 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:43.360 might notice that with specific people, You might notice that 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:46.320 in specific relationships, you might notice that when certain things 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:48.640 are triggered in you. And so I think this first 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:51.600 week is really just well, every week is about observing, 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:54.840 but it's right now you're just trying to understand where 0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:58.280 these things come into play. So just start noticing where 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.280 do you soften your opinions? Where do you agree with 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.320 things that you might not really agree on. Where do 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:05.320 you feel like you really shift in personality that you 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:06.560 come out of there You're like, well, I don't know 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:09.560 who that person was. And then the last concept that 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:12.360 I really appreciated what I was reading through about this 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:15.480 in vading philosophy is this idea of derma. And it's 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:17.400 actually the word is used in many different ways. The 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:20.680 most common is to describe your life's purpose, but another 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:23.560 meaning of drama is your natural expression, the way that 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:26.400 you would move through the world if nobody was watching 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:29.120 and nothing was at stake. So the question really asking 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:32.000 yourself is what feels inherently like me? What feels natural 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:33.840 to me? What do I do that doesn't feel like 0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:37.080 effort even when it's hard work? How would I talk, act, 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:40.160 or be in this situation as my full self? What 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:42.840 feels right? I don't think you find this idea of 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.520 true self by searching harder. You find it by becoming 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:48.480 quiet enough to recognize what's always been there. So you're 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.720 doing less doing and more noticing, less becoming and more remembering. 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:53.320 If you look at it from a self help point 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:54.880 of view, the question makes you feel like you have 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:57.880 to optimize your way into yourself. You have to read more, 0:15:57.920 --> 0:15:59.360 you have the general more, you have to heal more, 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:01.160 you have to manifest more, you have to do more. 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:02.720 And honestly, I feel like I did a lot of 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:05.560 those things thinking that I was doing the work, but 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:07.960 actually sometimes that just adds so much more to it. 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:10.920 It's like, when you're trying to understand this idea of 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:12.840 who am I, you could listen to lots of people's 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:15.120 opinions on it, you can listen read lots of books 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:18.120 about it, but that sometimes might just add on the 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:22.440 layers of everybody else's voices and opinions. And so sometimes 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:25.240 when you have a question, I think it's often better 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:27.040 to just sit with yourself and come up with something 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:29.840 for your own mind and then go and explore, rather 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.680 than hearing everybody else's opinion and then coming back to yourself, 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:35.160 because that could always cloud your judgment because by that 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:37.280 point you've still got too much information in your mind. 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:39.720 So this is your reminder that this is honestly just 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.200 the beginning. It's not a work, it's not a project 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:45.200 with a finish line. It's just a practice. And some 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:48.320 days you'll feel really close to it, clearer and calmer, 0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:50.480 like you're really moving through life as you and other 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:53.920 days you'll be back in the noise, performing attached spiraling. 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:55.880 But that's not failure. I think it's just part of 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:57.800 the rhythm you have to go through. The more you 0:16:57.880 --> 0:16:59.440 end up doing it, the deeper you end up getting 0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:02.080 in your realize. So this week I'm going to leave 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:04.960 you with three small practices that you could maybe do 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:07.240 to try and help you to start this journey. So 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.360 the first is ten minutes of stillness every single day, 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:11.880 no phone, no input, just to you or I would 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:13.919 say a minimum of ten minutes a day. Obviously, if 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:15.600 you could do more, that's great. A question that you 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:17.800 can maybe ask yourself is what am I performing? Where 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:21.199 am I performing and for who? And one subtraction that 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:23.199 you could do is pick one belief or habit or 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:26.359 identity that you really suspect isn't actually yours and just 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:28.040 hold it up to the light. You'd have to do 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:30.679 anything with it. Yet just see it and let the 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:35.040 discomfort take over you and allow yourself to actually live 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:37.879 with that thought and see how it actually influences so 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:40.359 many aspects of your life. And so there's going to 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:42.320 be a slow process. It's not something that you just 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:46.159 can do overnight. I'm noticing that very vividly in my 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.240 life right now, and it's actually a beautiful thing to 0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:52.760 even have these questions and to be in a position 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.040 where you want to explore it rather than avoid it. 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:58.440 And so I don't know whether I've answered the question 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:00.400 of what it is and who are we and what doing? 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:03.879 But hopefully I've given you some sort of push or 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:06.280 some sort of technique or a method for you to 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:09.760 at least start figuring that out for yourself, because I 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:11.840 think the fact is, no matter how much you end 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:14.080 up doing with all of these other parts of ourselves, 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:16.560 you could build and build and build, but you can 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.560 still end up feeling so not great in your life 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:23.000 because you haven't truly understood who you are or what 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:24.720 it is you want, and that will keep coming into 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:27.800 play in different aspects of your life until you address it. 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:32.400 And so I think no time like the present, And 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:34.639