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Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some rockin stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 1: got a quick tum in an ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 1: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 2: I banned my mother in law because she's turning me

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Speaker 2: into my husband's enemy.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, not pitting them against each other. Hi.

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Speaker 2: I'm a thirty five year old woman and I've been

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Speaker 2: with my husband thirty two since college. Met in twenty nineteen,

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Speaker 2: and he quickly became my best friend. He was carrying, attentive, funny, supportive,

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Speaker 2: honestly just a great person overall. Of course, neither of

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Speaker 2: us is perfect, but he has so many qualities I

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Speaker 2: admired and still do. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: userslash no mill brackets under no underscore mill. If you

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Speaker 2: want to assume in your own stories, good at the

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Speaker 2: r slash okay storytime stubreddit.

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Speaker 4: And this is directly from the r slash okay storytime slubreddit,

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Speaker 4: so we'll obviously read that.

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Speaker 5: Send them in.

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Speaker 2: We started as close friends and eventually became friends with benefit.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't ready for a relationship back then.

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Speaker 3: I was scared.

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Speaker 2: Interestingly, now, my mother in law was one of the

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Speaker 2: few people who knew about our situation, and she was

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Speaker 2: always welcoming. She would invite us to visit her often,

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Speaker 2: even though she lived nearly two hours away. I would

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Speaker 2: usually drive since my husband didn't have a car at

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Speaker 2: the time. I loved spending time with her. She was sweet, helpful,

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Speaker 2: and we bonded like I never thought possible. She helped

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Speaker 2: me prepare for interviews, we had long girl talks, and

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Speaker 2: I honestly thought she was the best mother in law

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Speaker 2: I could have asked for. I've always loved my own mom,

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Speaker 2: but were not very close, and being the youngest of

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Speaker 2: three girls with two golden sisters, I often felt alone,

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Speaker 2: so having a maternal figure like her felt incredibly special.

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Speaker 2: I even told my then best friend now husband how

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Speaker 2: thankful I was for her presence in my life. A

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Speaker 2: few weeks later, while we were at her house, he

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Speaker 2: took me out to dinner and officially asked me to

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Speaker 2: be his girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: Oh.

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Speaker 2: I was happy and excited to share the news with her,

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Speaker 2: but when we returned and told her, something changed in her.

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Speaker 5: Who no, who No.

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Speaker 2: At first I thought I was imagining it, but Over time,

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Speaker 2: her demeanor toward me became distant, cold, and passive aggressive.

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Speaker 2: We began visiting less frequently, not because we didn't want to,

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Speaker 2: but because we had school and were busy, so we

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Speaker 2: made the effort to go at least once a month,

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Speaker 2: but each.

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Speaker 3: Visit became more uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: One time, while chatting in the pool, I told her

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Speaker 2: that my husband had always felt somewhat distant from her,

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Speaker 2: like an outsider, and had once shared that he believed

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Speaker 2: she only married his father because she got pregnant. She

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Speaker 2: calmly told me that his grandmother had told him that

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Speaker 2: and it wasn't true. I thought we were having a

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Speaker 2: sincere moment.

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Speaker 3: It was a moment. Sincerely, it was a moment. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: uh yeah. Shortly after, my.

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Speaker 2: Husband wanted to accompany me to visit my grandmother. When

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Speaker 2: his mom found out, she got upset and accused him

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Speaker 2: of taking time off school for me, but.

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Speaker 5: Never for her.

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Speaker 2: Then came the holidays. We had agreed to spend Thanksgiving together,

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Speaker 2: then separate for Christmas Eve I would visit his family

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Speaker 2: on the twenty fifth and spend New Years together, But

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Speaker 2: as Thanksgiving approached, she came to our apartment crying, no

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Speaker 2: She said her brother was coming to visit it and

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Speaker 2: that family comes first, implying I wasn't family. That hurt

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Speaker 2: more than I can explain. That's understandable.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's hard.

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Speaker 2: To have been in this and feel like you understand

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Speaker 2: what a relationship is and then find out, Ah, it's

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Speaker 2: not quite what.

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Speaker 4: I thought, especially since I mean this started out with

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Speaker 4: Ophi being like I thought she was a great maternal

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Speaker 4: figure and I felt so accepted into the family.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she told us she didn't want us to get

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Speaker 2: engaged or married. Oh, at least not until she met

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Speaker 2: my entire family and waited another five years. She didn't

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Speaker 2: want to be a grandmother anytime soon either.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: She said we hadn't talked about family health issues, which

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Speaker 2: we had. She insulted me directly and indirectly, making it

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Speaker 2: seem like I wasn't even in the room.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy to.

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Speaker 2: Come to somebody else's house, yeah, and be like, by

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Speaker 2: the way, you're not getting married for five years.

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Speaker 5: Literally, It's like, okay, I get that.

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Speaker 6: Like parent has a certain idea or like what they

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Speaker 6: might want.

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Speaker 5: For a relationship for their kids.

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Speaker 2: Never up to them unless you are the one getting

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Speaker 2: on your knee yeah, with that fourteen carrot ring or whatever.

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Speaker 5: With the twenty four k golden Labuo boo, you're not.

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Speaker 2: You're not deciding what the timeline is.

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Speaker 3: No, and that was so many requirements.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and also yeah, you're doing this well, you're waiting

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Speaker 2: five years.

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Speaker 5: Also, I don't want any.

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Speaker 2: Grandkids right now until we talk about potential the way,

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Speaker 2: until we pun it square it out.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I need to meet your entire family.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, true, Hi goodness.

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Speaker 5: Oh yeah.

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Speaker 2: Eventually I broke and told my husband she won't stop

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Speaker 2: until she gets what she wants.

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Speaker 5: To just go with her for Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 2: And like flipping a switch, the tears were gone. She

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Speaker 2: turned to him and asked anything else. I, still hoping

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Speaker 2: for some healing, brought up the comment he once made

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Speaker 2: about her marrying his dad out of obligation.

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Speaker 5: Oh boy, my husband.

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Speaker 2: Scared to confront her and eager to please, denied ever

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Speaker 2: saying it.

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Speaker 3: Later, she blew up.

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Speaker 2: She claimed I insulted her by calling her easy and

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Speaker 2: judged her for getting pregnant before marriage, something I never said,

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Speaker 2: nor believe. I would never judge anyone for that, not her,

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Speaker 2: not my own siblings, not myself. It hurt that she

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Speaker 2: twisted my words and intentions. That night, I told my

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Speaker 2: husband I was done. I couldn't believe he stood by

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Speaker 2: while she insulted me. I called my mom crying. She

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Speaker 2: told me, you don't let anyone make you feel small.

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Speaker 2: He needs to make a choice. I went outside, talked

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Speaker 2: to my mom, and once I felt better, and I

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Speaker 2: told him I was leaving. I couldn't stay with someone

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Speaker 2: who wouldn't protect me. He broke down, crying and begged

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Speaker 2: me to stay. He said he'd cut his mom off

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Speaker 2: if he had to, that he didn't want to lose me.

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Speaker 2: I agreed to stay, but only if he started therapy.

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Speaker 2: We continued our relationship, but on his mother's birthday, she

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Speaker 2: was rude again, making faces at me. That's go crazy

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Speaker 2: And that was the last time I saw her, over

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Speaker 2: two years ago. But anyways, since then, he proposed and

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Speaker 2: we got married. Oh so, like the faces happened two

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Speaker 2: years past, proposals happened. When he told her about the engagement,

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Speaker 2: as his therapist recommended, all right, therapist and well okay,

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Speaker 2: I warned him she might act out. Sure enough, she

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Speaker 2: pretended to have a health emergency and was taken by

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Speaker 2: ambulance to.

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Speaker 3: The hospital as we expected. She was completely fine.

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Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, that's what I would call then over Yeah, yeah, yeah, good.

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Speaker 5: Oh man.

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Speaker 2: We didn't tell her about our legal marriage. Over these

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Speaker 2: two years, I've learned so much about her behavior. His

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Speaker 2: stepfather stole from him, gave him gifts and took them back,

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Speaker 2: and his mother regularly insulted him on the phone. He

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Speaker 2: forgave her.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't.

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Speaker 2: She has a long history of emotional manipulation, and no

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Speaker 2: one ever hold her accountable. Everyone just apologizes to her.

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Speaker 2: Even early on, both my husband and his stepfather told

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Speaker 2: me I should apologize, thankfully, with my therapist's help, I refused.

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Speaker 2: She also weaponized his brother with special needs by preventing

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Speaker 2: him from seeing me. Eventually, I messaged her and said

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Speaker 2: I didn't want her in our life until she sought

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Speaker 2: therapy and found her own healing, even spiritual.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: No, that's fair.

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Speaker 2: I'm with you on that one.

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Speaker 4: On that one, yeah, because I mean, like, it's a

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Speaker 4: lot to deal with someone who's faking going to the hospital.

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Speaker 2: And also how expensive is an ambulance?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, right, crazy, That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: There are better ways to Like, I'm not advocating for this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh wow.

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Speaker 2: I'm not advocating for the faking something to distract, but

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying they're easier and cheaper ways to do it.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 5: You know, you can do it at least be smart

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Speaker 5: about it.

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Speaker 3: Go on.

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Speaker 2: You don't need an ambulance or like do your little

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Speaker 2: like fainting at home, and then when people get there

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Speaker 2: and they're like, we should call an ambulance, you're like, actually, yeah,

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Speaker 2: like I'm fine.

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Speaker 3: Feeling better now, I'm feeling so much better.

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Speaker 2: A few weeks ago, she, her husband and her son

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Speaker 2: came to visit our city.

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Speaker 3: We moved five hours.

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Speaker 2: Away, and they weren't welcome in our home. They stayed

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Speaker 2: at a hotel. He had dinner with them and told

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Speaker 2: me I was invited five minutes before. I didn't go fair,

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Speaker 2: don't don't. This weekend, it was his brother's birthday. Again,

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Speaker 2: I wasn't invited, nor did I want to be. But

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Speaker 2: when he came back, he was clearly emotionally manipulated.

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Speaker 3: He said.

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Speaker 2: He asked his mom to apologize if she wanted a

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Speaker 2: relationship with us, and her response was, she can come

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Speaker 2: tell me what I need to apologize for.

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Speaker 3: That was infuriating.

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Speaker 2: Understandable. That's not remorse, that's avoidance. She knows exactly what

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Speaker 2: she did. I shouldn't have to list every insult, every

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Speaker 2: moment she tried to accumulate or isolate me a sincere

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Speaker 2: apology doesn't come with conditions. What upset me even more

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Speaker 2: was how my husband presented it, like his mom really

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Speaker 2: wanted to fix things, and like I was the one refusing.

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Speaker 2: He didn't say those exact words, but that's how it felt,

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Speaker 2: as if I was the barrier. We've been talking about

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Speaker 2: having children, and I had to be honest with him.

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Speaker 2: I told him I don't want his mother anywhere near me.

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Speaker 2: I'm not even sure I want kids with him. Every

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Speaker 2: time she comes back into his life, he regresses all

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Speaker 2: the progress he made in therapy gone in an instant,

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Speaker 2: and if we ever did have children, she would not

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Speaker 2: be allowed near them.

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Speaker 5: Whoof Yeah, wow, that's why they gave.

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Speaker 2: Us the kind of chill story right before this.

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Speaker 3: That's why we were like the last one, we were like, actually, that.

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Speaker 5: Wasn't too bad, give us a little bit of a break.

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Speaker 3: That was great.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, everybody kind of figured it out and out what

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Speaker 2: their feelings.

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Speaker 5: Healthy. Right, Let's go to the next one o them

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Speaker 5: movie storm.

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Speaker 2: Yeah fair, I'm glad that she's being honest and standing up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, for herself. This is a rough situation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not the ideal situation. I don't want to

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Speaker 2: feel this way, but I will not let someone like

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Speaker 2: her who refuses accountability, uses emotional blackmail, and manipulates everyone

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Speaker 2: around her anywhere near our future children. He says, he agrees,

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Speaker 2: but then days like this come and it's back to

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Speaker 2: mommy dearest. If she truly wanted to make things right,

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Speaker 2: she had every chance, including when she came here, but

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Speaker 2: she didn't. And now I'm the one who feels like

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Speaker 2: the bad guy for holding the line. But I won't bend,

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Speaker 2: not for her, not anymore.

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Speaker 5: Dang man.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, that's hard because obviously he's in this like manipulative

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Speaker 6: relationship from his parents, right, Like that's very hard to

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Speaker 6: break out of. And even though he is in therapy

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Speaker 6: and she's seeing him regress, it's like, I feel like

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Speaker 6: you still have to be sympathetic. But at a certain point,

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Speaker 6: it's like if not the thing is really happening and

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Speaker 6: really staying there and staying in practice, it's like it's

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Speaker 6: at a certain point you kind of do have to

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Speaker 6: detach yourself if you are getting the front of it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so it I don't. There's a lot of stuff

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Speaker 2: going on, you know, ups and downs. There's some messy

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Speaker 2: bits to this, but at the end of the day, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it sucks.

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Speaker 3: To have to deal with that.

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Speaker 2: And this one didn't say, am I the A hole?

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Speaker 2: I would say, I would say, not the a hole?

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Speaker 2: I would say, this is a weird Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: you gotta holding the line is a good phrase I

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Speaker 2: think of just you have to keep that boundary there

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Speaker 2: because otherwise, right, Okay, update from the comment, I'm evaluating

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Speaker 2: my future slay. We will start couple's therapy and I

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Speaker 2: will decide after that.

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Speaker 5: Okay, okay.

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Speaker 2: Comment one, you will spend the rest of your life

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Speaker 2: trying to fix and repair this family and never succeed.

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Speaker 2: It's time to cut the strings and eliminate the hurt

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Speaker 2: and nonsense comment too. I'm wondering if he's still in

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Speaker 2: contact with her is because of his younger brother. Many

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Speaker 2: times siblings or family members will become their legal guardians

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Speaker 2: when parents pass or become too ill to care for them.

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Speaker 2: I also would not trust her with any child, much

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Speaker 2: less a special needs child. People that behave like this

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Speaker 2: are seriously scary on what they won't do to get

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Speaker 2: their way. If your husband does go no contact, she will,

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Speaker 2: without a doubt, in my opinion.

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Speaker 3: Go full throttle on the crazy.

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Speaker 2: He needs to make a choice before you decide to

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Speaker 2: make it for him. I would definitely invest in security

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Speaker 2: cameras if he.

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Speaker 5: Does pull his head out. Oh god, there's opie.

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Speaker 2: Yes, my husband is still in contact with his mother,

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Speaker 2: but only because of his younger brother, and part of

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Speaker 2: him hopes things can get better. His brother is a

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Speaker 2: kind and respectful young man who just turned eighteen, and

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Speaker 2: he has nothing to do with the conflict between us

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Speaker 2: and their mother. Unfortunately, she still has a lot of

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Speaker 2: control over him, and my husband doesn't want to abandon him,

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Speaker 2: which I completely understand. When we first went no contact,

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Speaker 2: she didn't respect that boundary. She kept sending manipulative messages, texts, videos,

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Speaker 2: and articles about why sons stop talking to their mothers,

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Speaker 2: all suggesting I.

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Speaker 3: Was the reason.

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Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, wooh.

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Speaker 2: It was emotionally exhausting and clearly meant to guilt him

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Speaker 2: back into contact.

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Speaker 5: That sucks.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry about that. Yeah, that's it's also biased journalism.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: You know, I assume she wasn't sending other articles that

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Speaker 2: weren't saying yeah, it's because of your son's just.

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Speaker 5: Part confirmation bias going on.

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Speaker 3: Before a wedding celebration.

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Speaker 2: She even tried to send him a handwritten letter through

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Speaker 2: a friend, hoping it would reach him right.

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Speaker 3: Before this ceremony.

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Speaker 5: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: Thankfully his friend refused and told her not to create drama.

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Speaker 5: Shout out to them. Yeah, that is the hero of

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Speaker 5: this story, honestly, Wow, my goodness.

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Speaker 2: She ended up texting it instead, and of course it

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Speaker 2: was full of guilt and manipulation. Dude, not being at

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Speaker 2: the wedding, like looking at the altar.

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Speaker 3: I just I think you're making a huge mistake. I

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Speaker 3: know you probably won't see this until after the.

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Speaker 2: Vows have already been exchanged.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, I know, you're literally in the middle of

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Speaker 4: a wedding and don't even have your phone on you

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Speaker 4: right now.

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Speaker 5: Or imagine he did and he's.

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Speaker 4: Just reading trying to like and it's like, oh, looking

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Speaker 4: on in la Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Because of his brother.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure that going completely non contact is even

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Speaker 2: realistic right now. She seems to know that and uses

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Speaker 2: it to stay connected honestly, sometimes it feels like real peace.

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Speaker 2: It won't come until she's no longer around. I don't

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Speaker 2: say that out of spite, just from exhaustion and experience.

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Speaker 2: And yes, we already have cameras and home security, not

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Speaker 2: because of her, but we just want to feel safe

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Speaker 2: in our own space.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, woof.

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Speaker 1: I refuse to take in my stepsister, even if it

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Speaker 1: would help her.

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Speaker 3: You don't need to.

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Speaker 1: When I, now twenty nine, female was fourteen, it came

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Speaker 1: out that my dad had been living a whole secret

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Speaker 1: life behind his wife and my mom's back one where

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Speaker 1: he had a one year old daughter who is now sixteen,

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Speaker 1: with his employee. What practice family what? Back then it

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Speaker 1: was a huge deal.

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Speaker 3: I've like it's a huge deal now.

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Speaker 1: My brother, now thirty one, refused to speak to our

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Speaker 1: dad for a whole year, and I couldn't look him

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Speaker 1: in the eye ever since. Now. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: our mom knew or if she just didn't care, but

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Speaker 1: I remember her being very desperate to keep her husband.

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Speaker 1: Perhaps it was because he was the breadwinner and made

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Speaker 1: quite a lot, who knows. But eventually, after many therapy

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Speaker 1: sessions and counseling, they stayed together by the way. This

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Speaker 1: comes from user patient Win eighty eight thirty one. If

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Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 1: r slash Okay storytime Subradett. But that didn't mean his

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00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:26,240
Speaker 1: other family was brick walled, as you'd think would be appropriate.

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Speaker 1: In fact, my dad stopped going out with the other woman,

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Speaker 1: but they remained friends, and my mom and her had

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Speaker 1: some sort of sister wives vibes going on. It was

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Speaker 1: just weird. On every holiday there'd be this woman who

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Speaker 1: knowingly and willingly almost destroyed another family. Yes, she was

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Speaker 1: aware our dad was married and didn't care. And this

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Speaker 1: baby who we me and my brother were meant to

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Speaker 1: treat like a sibling. We haven't felt like a family since.

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Speaker 1: My brother refused to participate in holidays like Christmas or

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Speaker 1: Easter for a few years. Then came around when Ali,

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00:14:56,720 --> 00:15:01,680
Speaker 1: my stepsister's fake name, was four years old, and decided

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Speaker 1: he'd be a brother to her. It was a very

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00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,120
Speaker 1: sudden switch, though he still doesn't speak to our father

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Speaker 1: or Ali's mom. Maybe I'm jaded, but I never saw

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Speaker 1: Ali's mom as anything but a home wrecker and a

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Speaker 1: terrible person, and Ali as a result of that. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if Jade, it's the right word for that.

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Speaker 1: I think you're probably traumatized. I think you need to,

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Speaker 1: like really and.

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Speaker 3: The brother when he comes How old was he when

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00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,520
Speaker 3: he came into the family.

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Speaker 1: Or I don't think we had the number. It's he's

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Speaker 1: now thirty one, so.

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Speaker 3: Okay to like try and be a brother to like

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Speaker 3: probably lighteens, maybe early twenties somewhere in there.

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Speaker 1: I know my dad is to blame as well, but

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Speaker 1: back then it was easier to be angry at them

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Speaker 1: than at my dad.

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Speaker 3: Well, I feel like your dad is the blame.

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Speaker 1: You're also fourteen year child, so it makes sense. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I never saw Ali as his sister and made it

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Speaker 1: clear that resulted in some familial tension that continues to

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Speaker 1: this day. It would be really hard to list everything

378
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 1: that happened here, so I won't, and I'll get to

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00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,400
Speaker 1: the main issue at hand. Ali recently decided to change

380
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:10,520
Speaker 1: schools because of some issues I'm not interested in. For clarification,

381
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:15,560
Speaker 1: my country's high schools can have specific specializations like art, confectionery, hairdressing,

382
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,800
Speaker 1: and so on and so forth. These are just the

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Speaker 1: first ones I could think of, but I'm just not

384
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,080
Speaker 1: sure how common it is. Ali used to study in

385
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Speaker 1: grammar school, high school that has no specific field but

386
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,960
Speaker 1: is usually a stepping stone between high school and college.

387
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,000
Speaker 1: But apparently grammar school was too demanding and she decided

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Speaker 1: to drop out and pursue art school. She's not an

389
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,400
Speaker 1: extraordinary artist for her age, but good enough to get

390
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,760
Speaker 1: accepted into a pretty good art school that happens to

391
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Speaker 1: be near me. Ali and her mom live close to

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Speaker 1: my parents, and my parents live a solid three hours

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00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,000
Speaker 1: away from me, so getting to and from school would

394
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 1: be difficult for her, but not impossible. Two days ago,

395
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,520
Speaker 1: we had a family dinner, yes, Ali and her mom

396
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,600
Speaker 1: were invited, much to my dismay, where the issue was

397
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 1: brought up. They talked around the topic, maybe expecting me

398
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,920
Speaker 1: to pipe up and open my doors for her, but

399
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,320
Speaker 1: I didn't, so they eventually asked flat out if I

400
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,240
Speaker 1: could let Ali live with me for the school year.

401
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,080
Speaker 3: That's a big ask.

402
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,680
Speaker 1: It feels like they should know that You're already like

403
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:10,720
Speaker 1: you don't like this.

404
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,239
Speaker 3: You've never wanted a relationship with Ali, which, like you know,

405
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,480
Speaker 3: is your own thing. They're dealing with. Yeah, regardless of

406
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,560
Speaker 3: whether or not out like, Ali's obviously not in.

407
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,720
Speaker 1: Fault yeah, regardless of where that comes from, this is

408
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,880
Speaker 1: not going to be a situation that's helpful to anybody.

409
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,920
Speaker 1: You're like the current circumstances. I think it is.

410
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,800
Speaker 3: The sixteen year old is going to live with a

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Speaker 3: person who hates her.

412
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:34,600
Speaker 1: No, we shouldn't do that. Parents don't know how bad

413
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,439
Speaker 1: it is, you know. Yeah, maybe it's just been kind

414
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,040
Speaker 1: end up and held inside the whole time. Fourteen year

415
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,600
Speaker 1: olds are really good doing that.

416
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 3: And so maybe maybe Op just says no, I hate her. Yeah,

417
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,040
Speaker 3: like she goes no, and they go, what, I hate her?

418
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:52,320
Speaker 1: So she'd be there from Monday to Friday and be

419
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,400
Speaker 1: at home for any holidays and such. I also work

420
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,080
Speaker 1: in art and am an illustrator, so they think it

421
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,880
Speaker 1: would be beneficial for Ali to spend time around real artists,

422
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,720
Speaker 1: which is hilarious because they previously called my profession useless.

423
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 1: Here are my reasons for declining. There is an option

424
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,960
Speaker 1: of dorms just outside of campus. The living conditions are good,

425
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 1: not five star hotel, but good. Nonetheless, I don't like Ali,

426
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,639
Speaker 1: and have made that clear. We have absolutely no relationship.

427
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,479
Speaker 1: Aside from her being blood related. There's nothing about her

428
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,840
Speaker 1: that would convince me to take her in. My brother

429
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,520
Speaker 1: lives closer to the art school, like an hour away.

430
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 1: It's not right around the corner, but doable. Plus he

431
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,919
Speaker 1: actually likes Ali. When I needed help and came to

432
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,360
Speaker 1: Ali's mom as a hail Mary, she laughed me out

433
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 1: the door and said that we're not family. So for

434
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 1: her to insist we are, in fact a family now

435
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,960
Speaker 1: is both irritating and funny. I have a pretty modest apartment.

436
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,199
Speaker 1: Yes I have two rooms, but I'm renting out the

437
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 1: other one for my best friend. They didn't ask me nicely,

438
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,080
Speaker 1: they demanded, and when I showed hesitation, they immediately descended

439
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,000
Speaker 1: upon me like a pack of vultures. Apparently Ali doesn't

440
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,800
Speaker 1: want to live with a stranger in a dorm, something

441
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,440
Speaker 1: about anxiety, which, while I can sympathize, I also lived

442
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,560
Speaker 1: in dorms with two strangers that didn't even like me.

443
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,399
Speaker 1: She's my sister despite it all, and God wanted us

444
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,880
Speaker 1: to be a family now because I'm atheist. My brother's

445
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 1: girlfriend is currently pregnant with a baby soon do, and

446
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to bring Ali into all of that.

447
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 1: Plus his girlfriend is nervous around strangers, which is the

448
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 1: last thing she needs. I should displace my roommate in

449
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,680
Speaker 1: favor of family, and it should be a no brainer

450
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:24,320
Speaker 1: to let my sister live with me. Again, She's not

451
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:25,200
Speaker 1: my sister.

452
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,639
Speaker 3: Oh Pete has not seen her, has her sister.

453
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,359
Speaker 1: I don't know her, and I never put in the

454
00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:32,719
Speaker 1: effort to get to know her, nor do I want to.

455
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to know. If I'm the a hole

456
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,600
Speaker 1: for that, I guess I am, because it's not her fault.

457
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,119
Speaker 1: She came to the world like this. Anyway. I wanted

458
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:42,720
Speaker 1: to think about it for a bit and then turn

459
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,040
Speaker 1: them down, to at least pretend to seriously consider it.

460
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,159
Speaker 1: But with how the evening devolved from calm and peaceful

461
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 1: to yelling and demanding in a matter of seconds, I

462
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 1: said no immediately and remained firm on my stance. Everything

463
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 1: calmed down when Ali ran out of the house back

464
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 1: to her house, I assume. Then I was asked to leave,

465
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,959
Speaker 1: which I was already doing, and was told we'll discuss

466
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,720
Speaker 1: the matter when I'm ready to act like an adult,

467
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,639
Speaker 1: in which case I better sign up for kindergarten before

468
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,639
Speaker 1: they're all full. I made this all very clear, and

469
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,440
Speaker 1: when Ali's mom messaged me to discuss the topic, I

470
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,359
Speaker 1: left her on red and when my dad called me,

471
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,879
Speaker 1: I didn't pick up, which is fair because you've already

472
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,919
Speaker 1: made it very clear you're not going to do it. Yeah,

473
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: I won't put up with them yelling and demanding, as

474
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,680
Speaker 1: if that would change my mind. Am I the a hole?

475
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 1: Not about yeah, not about that, only about the thing

476
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,399
Speaker 1: that you admitted you were the a hole about Now

477
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,120
Speaker 1: you've already given the situation.

478
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,359
Speaker 3: I think you recognize that, Like, you have a lot

479
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,879
Speaker 3: of animosity and feelings that should be directed at your

480
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 3: dad that you've redirected at this girl, which makes sense.

481
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 3: I think a lot of people do that, of course,

482
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:50,919
Speaker 3: but they were also forty Obviously you were traumatized.

483
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 1: It's not Allie's fault, yeah.

484
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 3: Which is something I think like therapy can help, you know,

485
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 3: working through those feelings. But at the end of the day,

486
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 3: your question is am I the for not letting her

487
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 3: move into my house? And you are not the a hole?

488
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,919
Speaker 1: Not at all, You're not.

489
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,200
Speaker 3: Zero percent.

490
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 1: It does kind of, it does, kind of, it's you know,

491
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: it just sucks. So am I the a hole?

492
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 2: Like?

493
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 1: No, update, The thing I feared the most happened. Currently,

494
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 1: Ali is in my room after appearing out of nowhere

495
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,359
Speaker 1: in front of my apartment with my friend letting her

496
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 1: in after she started having a mental breakdown in the hall.

497
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 1: You are now living a Hallmark movie. Oh I think

498
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 1: it's now you have to lean into like I'm gonna

499
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,679
Speaker 1: write a script out of this and sell it for

500
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 1: a jillion dollars and it's gonna win an Oscar.

501
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 3: Oh man. They can't just leave a sixteen year old,

502
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 3: she's a minor.

503
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 1: I really really didn't think this would happen. I mean

504
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 1: I thought about it, but more so in the humors

505
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: what if kind of way. I think my father and

506
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 1: Ali's mom divorced themselves from reality if they thought I

507
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 1: would let this slide. I'll update later, and there's comments here.

508
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 1: Comment number one not the a Disregarding everything else for

509
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,640
Speaker 1: a second. Ali's only sixteen. She's going to be three

510
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: hours away from home and will potentially want to experiment

511
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 1: with that freedom. Because teenager, but also because teenager, you

512
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,400
Speaker 1: will automatically be expected to act as the default parent substitute,

513
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 1: ensuring she eats properly and coxs up with her studies,

514
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 1: monitoring who her friends are waiting up at night when

515
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 1: she's out doing who knows what.

516
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,480
Speaker 3: That's what I said. I was right.

517
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, because you are not her parent, she will laugh

518
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 1: in your face if you try to assert any authority

519
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 1: over her, which why would you, and you'll get the

520
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: blame if she messes up. No, it's far too big

521
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: of a responsibility, even if you wouldn't have to make

522
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 1: big changes to your own life. Who accommodate the request?

523
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 1: Op replies Once Ali left, Dad and his ex side

524
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 1: chick told me they've already told her she'll have to

525
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 1: act super nice and respectful for me to agree to

526
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 1: take her in, So I guess me saying no was

527
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,879
Speaker 1: a bit of a blow. She was apparently even saving

528
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,959
Speaker 1: up money so she can help with the bills. Although

529
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,199
Speaker 1: I must say my dad likes to fluff up his

530
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: statements so they sound better, so maybe he was lying.

531
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 1: I don't know. Still pretty fed up of them to

532
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 1: act like I'll agree to this to taking care of

533
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 1: this kid. Comment two would you consider going load to

534
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 1: no contact, even just for a few months until the

535
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 1: school year starts. I wouldn't be surprised if they just

536
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 1: showed up and dumped Ali at your front door. I'd

537
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: get a door camera and change the locks if they

538
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 1: have any sets of keys, not the a hole. Opie says,

539
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 1: they don't have the keys luckily, and I'll have to

540
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: ask my landlord about door cameras. Thank you for the suggestion.

541
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:32,400
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about them. Breaking in Comment three

542
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 1: says I would have said no from the get go.

543
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,880
Speaker 1: And these family dinners with both partners give me the creeps.

544
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,680
Speaker 1: Opie says, Oh my god, you have no idea. Ali

545
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,159
Speaker 1: and Ali's mom aren't invited over every time, but when

546
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 1: they are, we meaning me and my brother, get either

547
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 1: no warning or a warning five minutes before we get there.

548
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 1: Maybe they're forgetful, but I also wouldn't put it above

549
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,719
Speaker 1: them to do this intentionally. They know I hate Ali's

550
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: mom and feel very ambivalent about Ali herself, so I

551
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,919
Speaker 1: wouldn't attend if I knew forehand. My parents' house has

552
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 1: two extra bedrooms, and Ali's mom sometimes sleep there. It's

553
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 1: so effing weird. They don't sleep there often, if my

554
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: parents are to be believed, And it's so shocking my

555
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 1: mom went from a proud, headstrong woman to being a

556
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: borderline side chicken plain sight under her own roof.

557
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 3: Ooh, I don't even that's ouch.

558
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 1: It's it's kind of cathartic to let all this out.

559
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: Only my friend who I live with, sees my point.

560
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 1: Others excuse it or outright call me the a hole,

561
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 1: not to mention how fine my brother seems with everything.

562
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,159
Speaker 1: One Sunday, I walked in and saw Ali's mom in

563
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: a towel and brushing her teeth, and I just left. Yeah,

564
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 1: I think you need help working through this, honestly.

565
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 3: And also, they clearly don't have any boundaries. The problem

566
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,119
Speaker 3: is that none of this is Ali's fault, but none

567
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 3: of the adults, the other adults in your life, have

568
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 3: learned anything from this whole scenario. Yeah, they still all

569
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 3: suck And like, Ali's a child, it's not her fault.

570
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,400
Speaker 3: You were the had to deal with this at fourteen,

571
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 3: your fault, but you're still dealing with that, like anger

572
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:09,080
Speaker 3: and frustration from you know, your dad, and your dad's

573
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,120
Speaker 3: a fair partner and your mom. Uh, and it's all

574
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 3: going on Alley.

575
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like others, it's like it sounds like a

576
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,160
Speaker 1: little bit on your brother too, And like why isn't

577
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 1: my brother more upset? And it's like I don't know, Yeah,

578
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 1: maybe he doesn't want to be you know, Yeah, Sam,

579
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,479
Speaker 1: here og host where you get back to these stories.

580
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 3: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors. First, I

581
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 3: skipped my brother's wedding because I wasn't invited to the

582
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 3: engagement party.

583
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 1: Well that's interesting.

584
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 3: I twenty eight male, have a twin brother. Growing up,

585
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 3: we were inseparable, and until recently I thought we were

586
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,359
Speaker 3: still very close. I was always more of a shy

587
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 3: nerd and he was an extrovert that played sports throughout

588
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 3: our childhood and high school. But we spent almost all

589
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 3: of our time together by choice. By the way, this

590
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 3: comes from the Juggernaut Slow four two one three, and

591
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

592
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 3: the r slash Okay story times up. So we went

593
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 3: our separate ways when college came. He stayed local in

594
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 3: Arizona and I went to college in Portland. When I graduated,

595
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,439
Speaker 3: I stayed there because I fell in love with the city.

596
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 3: My friends are here, my professional networks from internships were here,

597
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 3: et cetera. But I always flew back home for holidays, events, birthdays,

598
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 3: et cetera. My brother announced on Instagram that he and

599
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 3: his girlfriend of three years got engaged. I was incredibly happy.

600
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 3: For him and texted him congrats. He mentioned they were

601
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 3: planning to have an engagement party in six to eight weeks,

602
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 3: and I told them to let me know so I

603
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 3: can book a flight to come celebrate. I was never

604
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 3: told a date. If I brought it up with him

605
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 3: or anyone in my family, they'd changed the subject or

606
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 3: say it's still being planned and confirmed. After a few weeks,

607
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 3: I texted my brother to ask about the date, because

608
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 3: it must be getting close and I don't want to

609
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 3: pay for a last minute flight. No response. I asked

610
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 3: my mom for details, and she said it's not really

611
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 3: an engagement party, just a small dinner with ban There's

612
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 3: no need to come down for it. Oh he is family,

613
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 3: that's that's that's her brother. I eventually found out that

614
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 3: it was in fact a big party. They rented out

615
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 3: an entire restaurant for four hours and there were about

616
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 3: eighty guests day.

617
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 1: That's not time. I also Riley had to pee.

618
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 3: Oh Tinkleman, every old family, friends, cousins, everyone.

619
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: So to be fair, this is now makes a lot

620
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 1: more sense why you would skip the wedding because you

621
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 1: didn't go to the engagement party because they lied to

622
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 1: you about it.

623
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 3: They lied, they lied. Yeah, ah boy, everyone was told

624
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 3: I couldn't make it. My aunt, who was like a

625
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 3: second mother to me, texted me that she was very

626
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 3: disappointed I couldn't make time to join, and I replied

627
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 3: that I would have happily come, but I was not invited.

628
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 5: Yeah.

629
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:58,679
Speaker 3: Words spread quickly about my snub, and my parents and

630
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 3: brother tried to say it was just a misunderstanding. Oh,

631
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,360
Speaker 3: because you because you asked about it. You said, hey,

632
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 3: is there a party happening? And they said no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

633
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 3: it's it's nothing.

634
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: Don't come, do not come. Yeah.

635
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 3: That was almost over a year ago. Since then, I've

636
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 3: tried to get to the bottom of why I wasn't invited.

637
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 3: Over the course of months, it went from it was

638
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 3: just meant to be a small gathering to I don't

639
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 3: know what happened. There must have been a miscommunication, to

640
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 3: it's just a party, it's no big deal. I asked

641
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 3: my brother if he was mad at I thought maybe

642
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 3: his fiance didn't like me. Even if she or he

643
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 3: didn't want me there. Why were my parents okay with this?

644
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 3: This really wasn't like them. Christmas and Easter was as

645
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 3: awkward as heck, because no one but me wanted to

646
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 3: address the elephant in the room, and any conversation about

647
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 3: anything was like small talk with strangers.

648
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 1: Come on, man, like really like you literally go out

649
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 1: of your way to be like, don't even come down.

650
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,959
Speaker 1: She's a small thing. You lied because you were like,

651
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't want to tell you that, but

652
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 1: it's a big thing that you're the only one basically

653
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: being excluded from. So I'm gonna lie to you and

654
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 1: say that it's not anything.

655
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 3: So I hope he's like, I just want to talk

656
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 3: about it. I literally just want to talk about it.

657
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 3: If you were mad at me, just tell me.

658
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:12,959
Speaker 1: I want to get to the bottom of this.

659
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 3: Why when I visited in May for my sister's birthday,

660
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 3: I left early after my sister said, you moved so

661
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 3: far away, it's like you're not really family anymore.

662
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 5: Huh.

663
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: That's crazy.

664
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 2: Huh.

665
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: I didn't know there was a physical distance attached to

666
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:30,719
Speaker 1: literal family ties.

667
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 3: You make everything feels so weird. Now. Nine months ago

668
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 3: I got the Save the Data announcement, and six months

669
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 3: ago I got the invitation to the wedding. I wasn't

670
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 3: asked to be in the wedding party, which is fine

671
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 3: and wasn't surprising at the point. My sister and younger

672
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 3: brother were asked to be in the wedding or in

673
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 3: the wedding party, so another snub. I also didn't get

674
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,479
Speaker 3: a plus one for my girlfriend I've been seeing for

675
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 3: almost a year and a half. My sister, however, got

676
00:29:55,760 --> 00:30:00,040
Speaker 3: a plus one for her friends with benefits well, so

677
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 3: so I decided I wasn't welcome and I was probably

678
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 3: only invited for optics and to play happy family. I

679
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 3: did an RSVP no, since I knew that would cause

680
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 3: a crap show, I just didn't go. The wedding was

681
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 3: this past weekend. No one contacted me about missing the

682
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 3: rehearsal dinner, so I guess even if I did go,

683
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 3: I wasn't invited to that either or expected to be there.

684
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 3: I started getting calls and texts about an hour before

685
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 3: the ceremony, asking where I was, if my flight was delayed,

686
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 3: how far along I will be, et cetera, and I

687
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 3: ignored them. They stopped for a while during the ceremony,

688
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 3: but started up again right after. I finally picked up

689
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 3: my mom's call, and she screamed, where the heck are you?

690
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 3: In reply, I said, in Portland, where you all preferred

691
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 3: me to be. You said, this is your brother's wedding out.

692
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 3: Get you, I'm barrathat, I answered, just a party. It's

693
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 3: no big deal, right.

694
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you soak it up.

695
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 3: It was get up, probably the first time in my life.

696
00:30:56,760 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 3: My mother was speechless. A few seconds of sight Islands.

697
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 3: I said, tell everyone, I said, hi, and I hung up.

698
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 3: Now I'm getting calls and texts from everyone saying I

699
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 3: was being petty and ruined the day. So am I

700
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 3: the ale here? I feel like I'm just matching their

701
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 3: energy and dropping the rope in census not the Ale,

702
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 3: so much so that I had to dig for the

703
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 3: your the Ale comments, which mostly consisted of the fact

704
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 3: that it's poor formed not RSVP, or that OPI must

705
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 3: have excluded some vital information to make themselves look innocent. Uh.

706
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 3: And we've got some more comments by OP. But do

707
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 3: you have any thoughts?

708
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean the engagement party being like lied about

709
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 1: is fun. Like I just want to know whose ideas?

710
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 1: Whose point is this?

711
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 3: Yeah?

712
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: Is it like your brother's Beyonce who doesn't like you?

713
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: Is it your brother? Like? Why? Like, why can't anyone

714
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 1: just like tell you what was up? Is there?

715
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 3: Something seems like they really don't care about you being

716
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 3: on any of these things. They just don't like when

717
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 3: people call.

718
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: Them out for you not being It's like, how far

719
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: away is Portland from where they are. It's a flight

720
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: away for the engagement dinner. It's like I can see being.

721
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 3: Like invited and then to say it's going to be

722
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 3: a small thing.

723
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 1: True, but it's like that can also come from like

724
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 1: we don't want to make you feel like you have

725
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: to buy a plane ticket to get to go to dinner,

726
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,800
Speaker 1: and also we don't want to make you feel like

727
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 1: you're missing out. So I'm gonna tell you it's small

728
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 1: because there's literally no communication going on here. There is

729
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 1: no way to know what the intent was. And until

730
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: I knew that intent, I probably wouldn't have gone out

731
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 1: of my way to like because you know, I know

732
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: you're like, I didn't want a RVP no because it

733
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: be a crap show, but you knew you weren't gonna

734
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 1: show up, and you knew it would be a crap

735
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 1: show regardless, So I think I would have dug way harder.

736
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: I would not have let them get away with no,

737
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? I'd be like, just let

738
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 1: be what's going on? And if they told me like, yeah,

739
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: we just didn't want you to feel like you had

740
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 1: to be there because it's like we didn't want to

741
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 1: feel like we were forcing you, then you know, then

742
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: that's that. I don't know. It's hard. I why would

743
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: they be so malicious? That's what I would That's what

744
00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 1: I need to know.

745
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's I think what is wondering.

746
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 1: This?

747
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 3: Sorry some of the comments by ope. I really do

748
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 3: feel like they've been icing me out for at least

749
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 3: the past year, probably started long before that, but I

750
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 3: just didn't realize it. Honestly, I was gonna suggest family therapy,

751
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 3: but I'm not sure that'll even work or if I

752
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 3: want anything out of that. Thinking about the last few years,

753
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 3: it feels like any contact was always initiated by me.

754
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 3: The flights aren't very long, two and a half hours,

755
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 3: and between holidays and birthdays and other celebrations, I'm back

756
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 3: in Phoenix almost every month. So it's Portland to Phoenix.

757
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: OK, Yes, that's not that far.

758
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 3: That's not far enough to be wet, that's not far

759
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,239
Speaker 3: enough to be like, Oh, I didn't want to bother you.

760
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 3: It's not like I moved to another country and they

761
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 3: haven't seen me in the years. If anyone was just like, hey,

762
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 3: it feels like we've lost touch. So just to heads up,

763
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 3: you may not be as involved as others would have been. Fine,

764
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 3: you were only reinvited to the wedding so you could

765
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 3: sit there like a prop while everyone clink glasses and

766
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 3: said look at our perfect family, says one user, and

767
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 3: OPI says one of my cousins who on my side,

768
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 3: actually told me that I wasn't even placed at the

769
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 3: family table because there wasn't any room to fit me

770
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 3: in there. So even if I went, I would have

771
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 3: been some random guest. My extended family on both sides

772
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 3: are no more than a thirty minute drive away from

773
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,959
Speaker 3: each other. I was expected to come back home after

774
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,400
Speaker 3: I graduated, and the guilt trips when I told everyone

775
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 3: I was staying where I established myself almost made me

776
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 3: change my mind and moved back. I always thought we

777
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 3: stayed close. You'd visit me about every year for a

778
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,840
Speaker 3: week since I graduated. We may not have chatted or

779
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 3: texted every day, but we kept each other abreast of

780
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,760
Speaker 3: what's going on in our lives. We may not text

781
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 3: for two to three weeks, but when we did there'd

782
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,320
Speaker 3: be an hour of texting back and forth and inside jokes.

783
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 3: I traveled back home about ten times a year, so

784
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 3: I met his now wife, and I thought we got

785
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 3: along too. No change in politics, as far as I

786
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 3: can tell, no magazation or anything like that. My dad

787
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:56,240
Speaker 3: is a lifelong Republican, my mama Democrat, and my siblings

788
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,320
Speaker 3: and I are all still pretty liberal. No real change there,

789
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 3: and no shit I've noted from any post on social media.

790
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 3: My brother has visited about five times. My sister lived

791
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 3: with me one summer for an internship. Yere my cousin,

792
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,879
Speaker 3: who is totally on my side, live with me and

793
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 3: two of my friends in a four bedroom, of course,

794
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 3: for two years after she transferred to the college I

795
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,320
Speaker 3: went to and finished her degree here. My parents visited

796
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 3: twice during college, and my little brother has no interest.

797
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,240
Speaker 3: Went to a party school, but seized get degrees. From

798
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 3: what I know, he likes his job and makes a

799
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 3: decent wage. I make a surprisingly good wage which allows

800
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 3: me to visit home regularly, or allowed me to visit

801
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,360
Speaker 3: home often. But I doubt I'll be traveling there anytime

802
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 3: in an air in the near future. I definitely didn't

803
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 3: bully him. He would have whooped my butt. No change

804
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 3: in politics from what I could see. Literally everyone in

805
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 3: my family, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins live a thirty

806
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 3: minute drive from each other. I'm the only one that's

807
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 3: moved away, but I visit almost on a monthly basis

808
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,799
Speaker 3: to keep connected. I probably make the most of all

809
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 3: my siblings. So I've gifted money in the past, mostly

810
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,240
Speaker 3: because I know it's a waste to loan to family.

811
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 3: I feel like I give one hundred and ten percent

812
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 3: to receive seventy percent back.

813
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: You're in an unwinnable situation. I'm starting to see it now.

814
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:13,919
Speaker 3: Yep.

815
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 1: It's like you go to Portland and you come visit

816
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: and you bring your big Portland money, and they're like, oh,

817
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 1: big Portland man thinks she's so much better than us

818
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: with Portland money.

819
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,240
Speaker 3: He wouldn't stay in Arizona.

820
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 1: If you didn't do that and you just stayed in

821
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: portlandly they'd be like, oh, big Portland boys too to

822
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 1: get to go see his family with his Portland Portland vibe.

823
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 3: Doesn't share his Portland money, just stay in Portland, Richie

824
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,280
Speaker 3: rich My last visit was in May for my sister's birthday.

825
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,840
Speaker 3: I will not be visiting until after a few weeks

826
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 3: after my cousin, whom I'm still close to, gives birth

827
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 3: in January, and even then it'll probably just be to

828
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 3: see her only about Opie's partner. Honestly, my family loves her,

829
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 3: or at least they say they do. He came with

830
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,439
Speaker 3: me for Christmas, and my mother pulled me aside and said,

831
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 3: I finally found someone who can put up with me

832
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 3: and she can stop worrying about my future.

833
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 1: Now. Oh, okay, that's a weird way to put that,

834
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 1: I guess, but it could be cute if you're being cheeky.

835
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 3: My girlfriend was cool with there being no plus one

836
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 3: and said it's getting more common to only give plus

837
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 3: ones to engaged or married couples since the bride and

838
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 3: groom don't want some rando they never see again and

839
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 3: their photos if the relationship doesn't work out, like the

840
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 3: friends with benefit. Yeah, engagement and marriages sometimes don't work

841
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 3: out either. But then she found out my sister got

842
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 3: a plus one for her f boy and there is

843
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 3: an update, folks, I have no idea I mean, the

844
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 3: only thing I can think of is that he moved

845
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 3: away and they hate him for that, moved.

846
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: Away, makes a lot of money, hates him for it.

847
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, but there is an update one week later. Thank

848
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 3: you to everyone who responded to my last post. I

849
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 3: can't believe how many replies it got, and I'm trying

850
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 3: to keep up, but couldn't. I also thought it'd be

851
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 3: fifty to fifty, not the Ale and you're the Ale,

852
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 3: because I know what I did was a bit petty

853
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 3: to the people who said you're the Ale. I understand

854
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 3: your reasons. Yes, it was cowardly to not are to

855
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 3: avoid drama, but looking back, I was in a headspace

856
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 3: where I just caved the guilt if I RSVP'd that

857
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 3: I wasn't planning to attend. Also, a little part of

858
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 3: me was hoping they'd realize I didn't RSVP and they

859
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 3: tell me they want me to come. But every day

860
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 3: that passed between the RSVP date and the wedding, I

861
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 3: got angrier and more hurt, and I wanted to make

862
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 3: it clear in a big way that if they don't

863
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 3: want me around, I don't have to be around. And

864
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 3: I get that's an a whole move. I had a

865
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 3: long phone call with my aunt and cousin last night

866
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 3: about the wedding drama. They have given me some more info,

867
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:36,880
Speaker 3: and our suspicions are a bit of conjecture based on

868
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 3: what we know and what we've heard. But here it goes.

869
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 3: We really do think my mother felt I rejected them

870
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 3: when I didn't move back after graduating. This is despite

871
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 3: always coming home for my brother and sisters, graduation, all birthdays,

872
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:55,760
Speaker 3: mine and immediate families, holidays, special events, etc. I practically

873
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 3: visit on a monthly basis. But despite this, we think

874
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,720
Speaker 3: that she has some weird vendetta against me for splitting

875
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 3: up her family and being an example to my siblings

876
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 3: that they don't have to stay local.

877
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 1: They don't though you don't.

878
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 3: Even worse, somehow, visiting so often made my mother resentful,

879
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 3: because my aunt mentioned that my mother once told her

880
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 3: a few years ago that I was launting my wealth

881
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 3: by showing I could visit so often.

882
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,879
Speaker 1: Yes, see Dad, she said, yeah.

883
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 3: Thanks to my senior year internship, I went immediately into

884
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,719
Speaker 3: a field where progression can be quick, and thanks to

885
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 3: going back for a very specialized master's degree, I am

886
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 3: in a very niche space within that field and was

887
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 3: able to move up faster. I'm not bragging. It was

888
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 3: just luck, connections and a great mentor. Early on, people

889
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 3: suggested my brother might be jealous he does earn less,

890
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 3: but as far as I know, he loves his job.

891
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:54,840
Speaker 3: It just doesn't have the same career progression. Honestly, his

892
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 3: job is much more exciting than mine, and I'm sure

893
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 3: it fulfills him a lot. My job isn't terrible. Well,

894
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 3: it's just not one anyone wants to hear work stories

895
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:03,479
Speaker 3: about at a dinner party.

896
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 6: Lol.

897
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 3: I was also flaunting my money by gifting family money

898
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,160
Speaker 3: when they needed it. My grandfather often said, never loan

899
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 3: family money. Give it freely if you want to, but

900
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 3: you'll destroy relationships when you start asking for repayment. I

901
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 3: think that's actually very smart. That's a very smart thing

902
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 3: to say.

903
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 1: Money will definitely money is a way that money will

904
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 1: blow anything up. Dude.

905
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think loans are very tricky, tricky tricky.

906
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 1: Yeah.

907
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 3: Not a week of Judge Uty reruns goes by without

908
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 3: proving that true. So when I could, I gifted my

909
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 3: family money when they needed it, money for car repairs,

910
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 3: money to help with my parents' mortgage, when my dad

911
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 3: was out of work, during the VID money, when my

912
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 3: brother ran out halfway through his kitchen renovations, and until

913
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 3: last night, my parents internet and Disney Plus bills. But

914
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 3: I've now canceled the monthly auto payments. Again, this was

915
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:57,839
Speaker 3: me flunting my success. But they never stopped asking either.

916
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. That's the crazy part is it's like.

917
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 3: Okay, so yeah, this is this is why they're saying.

918
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: So it was literally exactly, You're in this unwinnable position

919
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 1: where it's no matter what you do, you're either flawning

920
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 1: your wealth or you feel like you're too good to

921
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 1: even help them. So this is not this is a

922
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,320
Speaker 1: them problem, not a you problem.

923
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 3: Nope. My aunt and cousin also said they've heard lots

924
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:23,280
Speaker 3: of passive aggressive comments about me over the years, first

925
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 3: from my mother during the first few years after I

926
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,800
Speaker 3: decided to stay in Portland, and then eventually from my siblings.

927
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,800
Speaker 3: We're pretty sure my mother slowly poisoned them against me,

928
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 3: if for not moving back home and showing what happens

929
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 3: if they ever tried to move away. Someone said this

930
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 3: about my mother meeting my girlfriend in my previous post.

931
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:43,760
Speaker 3: Be honest, given the context of everything else that's happened.

932
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 3: What your mother said here about finally finding someone who

933
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 3: can put up with you sounds less like a tongue

934
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 3: in cheek joke and more like a not so subtle barb.

935
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:53,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

936
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 2: It's like this.

937
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:56,360
Speaker 1: It's a weird way to put that.

938
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 3: Yep, I see it now. I laughed it off as

939
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 3: just my but I now also see that these passive

940
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 3: aggressive comments to me to my siblings over years was

941
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 3: subtle manipulation to turn them against me and for me

942
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 3: to learn to accept it. A lot of people suggested

943
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 3: this treatment was to get me to move back home

944
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 3: and to punish me for leaving. But I'm not gonna

945
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 3: come home to embrace treatment like this and hope it

946
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 3: goes away now that they got their way, especially when

947
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 3: it's been too ingrained in them by now. It also

948
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 3: explains by for the past few years, almost every conversation

949
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:33,320
Speaker 3: is initiated by me. They simply don't like me anymore

950
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 3: and don't need me until they need or want something.

951
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,320
Speaker 3: My cousin also learned from another cousin that my brother

952
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 3: shot himself in the foot when he mentioned the engagement party.

953
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 3: I wasn't supposed to know at all. The plan was

954
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 3: to tell everyone I couldn't make it and hope i'd

955
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 3: never find out. My brother told that cousin that I

956
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 3: wasn't supposed to find out about it, but after he

957
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 3: let it slip, I wouldn't shut up about asking to come.

958
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 3: Based on how they've been talking about me for a

959
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 3: couple of years, lots of extended family thinks I'm some

960
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 3: annoying loser who makes my too often visits miserable for

961
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:10,320
Speaker 3: my family, and I can't get the hint to f off,

962
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 3: so I'm finally effing off. I'm sorry. Anybody in your

963
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 3: family who's hearing this of like, oh, he's so annoying

964
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:21,359
Speaker 3: loser who comes He's crazy? You are family. I don't

965
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 3: care if you're you were annoying your family. You can't

966
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 3: get the hint to f off your family unless they

967
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 3: have definitive proof that you're stealing money or awful person

968
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:37,319
Speaker 3: your If I heard that, I'd be like, you want

969
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 3: your brother to f off?

970
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 1: Like he won't take the hint. It's like, well, because

971
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,479
Speaker 1: you're too scared to tell me to f off because

972
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 1: you're taking my money.

973
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 3: This is not a guy who's like, will you go

974
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:48,279
Speaker 3: away with me?

975
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:49,480
Speaker 1: Will you go out with me?

976
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 3: No, this is your brother. My aunt and mother never

977
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 3: really got along. My aunt is my mother's brother's wife. Okay,

978
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 3: but my aunt said she knew all of this had

979
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 3: my mom's name all over it, and that years of digs,

980
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 3: passive aggressive comments, and full on aggressive comments have all

981
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 3: come to this. She said, they're not the same people.

982
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,359
Speaker 3: I told them that. I don't think there's any coming

983
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 3: back from this. My aunt and cousin both mentioned that

984
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 3: they never heard my dad say anything bad. So my

985
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 3: aunt is going to have my uncle talk to my

986
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 3: dad man to man to see if he can find

987
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 3: out what the heck is going on.

988
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, lose their number, lose your mom's number. Probably, I

989
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: don't know.

990
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:32,800
Speaker 3: That's just don't give any more money.

991
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: Check. Yeah, I said it started there. It started from

992
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,280
Speaker 1: one of your parents, and then it seeped into everything else.

993
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 1: I think figure out never told you that the engagement

994
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:44,800
Speaker 1: party was happening. Don't lose their number.

995
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 3: No, the brothers it slip brother.

996
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,400
Speaker 1: Right, So it's like even your brother, I think he

997
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 1: was the twin right, But it's like I feel like

998
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: if you step back, yeah, and you just pull back,

999
00:44:56,080 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 1: and then the mom probably goes crazy about it because

1000
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 1: now she can't I don't know, there's there's nothing left

1001
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:07,359
Speaker 1: for her to manipulate, so she's just gonna go ballistic. Probably, Yeah,

1002
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: And I feel like your siblings might be like, maybe

1003
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: we were wrong to believe everything she said about our brother,

1004
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:17,200
Speaker 1: even though we do. You know, we're human. You can

1005
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 1: feel jealous. You can feel insecure about like somebody like

1006
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 1: a brother or a close friend being more successful than you.

1007
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 1: But like, especially if you have like another thing like

1008
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,360
Speaker 1: pushing you behind you to like be like yeah, and

1009
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: it's worse than you think, and it's worse than you think.

1010
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,879
Speaker 1: Like you know, I think you just.

1011
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 3: Need to figure out who reaches out to you.

1012
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely do a season of no contact and yeah,

1013
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 1: no financial aid to your whole fancy who.

1014
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 3: Comes over and says like, hey, what happened exactly? You

1015
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 3: know why? You see? Who comes over and says, hey,

1016
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 3: what happened? Are you okay? And who says, hey, we

1017
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 3: want money?

1018
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 1: Right? And yeah, yeah, but uh.

1019
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,959
Speaker 3: There's a little bit more. I thanks to my aunt

1020
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 3: and cousin and reminded them they are pretty much the

1021
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 3: only family I have left, and I don't plan on

1022
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 3: losing touch with them. My aunt even mentioned that they

1023
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 3: haven't gone camping in years and asked if there are

1024
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 3: any nice places around Portland. It's too far to drive

1025
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 3: to go camping, but it means they may visit sometime.

1026
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 3: They also said they're going to try to correct info

1027
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:18,839
Speaker 3: about me with extended family members, but I told them

1028
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 3: not to bother. They've already chosen to believe it. But

1029
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 3: for now, my immediate family are cut off. I blocked

1030
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 3: them on my phone and social media. No more free

1031
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,360
Speaker 3: handouts when they need money. No more wasting money to

1032
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:34,719
Speaker 3: go to Phoenix f Thing, Arizona ten times a year

1033
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 3: just to be roasted by the sun and family members.

1034
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:42,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's yes, Phoenix's Hot, Phoenix Hot.

1035
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 3: No more the old one, tu in Bag. Thank you

1036
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 3: all for your support and helping me realize my family

1037
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:49,720
Speaker 3: really is crappy.

1038
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 1: Comment one.

1039
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 3: This makes me sadder than a lot of the more dramatic,

1040
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 3: angst inducing posts I find on the sub. It really does, reply,

1041
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 3: especially because you feel in the first post that Opie

1042
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 3: thought he was close to his family, but then they

1043
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 3: pulled this crap. Comma two. You know Opie's going to

1044
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,360
Speaker 3: get all those money requests in a few months, asking

1045
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 3: for more handouts dowd he would update, But man, what

1046
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 3: I love to know the crap storm of who with me?

1047
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 3: I need money? When that comes through? I don't get

1048
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:18,719
Speaker 3: mom though. Shouldn't she be proud that her kid did

1049
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 3: so well professionally and financially And the fact that none

1050
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 3: of his siblings can see through the BS says a

1051
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:29,240
Speaker 3: lot too commed. Three. Although the uncle will presumably speak

1052
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 3: to the opie's dad, it's hard to see much movement

1053
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 3: from that. You have failed as a father, you have

1054
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 3: failed as a human being, and your wife is an

1055
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 3: absolute disgrace. Isn't an easy message to stick the landing on.

1056
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:44,439
Speaker 3: And even if it does land, what is the dad

1057
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 3: gonna do? Gravel, divorce, deprogram as other kids? It's broken

1058
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 3: and the dad will at best despise himself for his

1059
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 3: chronic failings. Common four says, I may be wrong, but

1060
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 3: I'm picking up some ex Mormon coded language and family

1061
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 3: dynamics here. That's a really good point, could be. Yeah,

1062
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 3: is there Well, I just think even if it's not

1063
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 3: ex Mormon, is there a religious element of like leaving

1064
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:09,920
Speaker 3: the faith?

1065
00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, just Another reason was, like, mister Big

1066
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 1: Chad thinks he's so much better than the Latter day Saints.

1067
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:19,400
Speaker 3: Arizona has a decently high concentration of the faith. NFOP

1068
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:21,879
Speaker 3: moved away to a liberal city and left the church.

1069
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 3: The rest of the family belonged to in this case,

1070
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 3: potentially including all extended family too, because Mormonism that would

1071
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 3: really make being iced out from his family make more sense.

1072
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:35,479
Speaker 3: Mormons believe in prosperity Gospel, and when someone is able

1073
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:38,879
Speaker 3: to be happy and successful after abandoning the faith, they

1074
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:41,879
Speaker 3: have to tear that person down to legitimize their own

1075
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:45,799
Speaker 3: life choices. I have unfortunately experienced the same thing and

1076
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,000
Speaker 3: know many many other former members of COLTS have had

1077
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:50,359
Speaker 3: similar experiences.

1078
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:52,800
Speaker 1: Hey is John Ogihost. We're gonna get back to the stories,

1079
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 1: but a quick free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1080
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:58,960
Speaker 3: My wife cheated with her ex. Now I might lose

1081
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 3: my kids, life and kids.

1082
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:02,720
Speaker 1: The worst double duo ever.

1083
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 3: I mail fifty two, lost my first wife ten years ago.

1084
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 3: At the time, I had two daughters, now twenty one

1085
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,960
Speaker 3: and twenty four. Life went on. After about three years

1086
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 3: I met my current wife, female thirty eight, met innocently enough.

1087
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:19,399
Speaker 3: Basically kept bumping into her at various places around town,

1088
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:22,879
Speaker 3: never really talked, sometimes made eye contact. We would point

1089
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 3: at each other a distance and just smile. Then one day,

1090
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 3: getting my car worked on, she walked into the waiting

1091
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 3: room while hers was worked on also, so we finally

1092
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 3: had a long conversation. We went across the street to

1093
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 3: get real coffee as the service centers was bad. We

1094
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 3: talked about an hour, then I was paged mine was done.

1095
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 3: I asked if she would like to do lunch one

1096
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 3: day to continue talking. We exchanged numbers and set a

1097
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:46,560
Speaker 3: day to meet up. By the way, this comes from

1098
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,919
Speaker 3: what about the kids and if you want to spit

1099
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime,

1100
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 3: separate it. We dated two years, then married. She has

1101
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,280
Speaker 3: two boys, now ten and fourteen. They moved into my house.

1102
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 3: She's been living with her parents for three years. Girls

1103
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 3: lover not as a stepmom, but as a big sister.

1104
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 3: Although having another adult in the house with two teenage

1105
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:09,040
Speaker 3: girls was a blessing, life is grand. I love those

1106
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 3: boys as if they were my own. I want to

1107
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 3: adopt them when they can make a decision on their own.

1108
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 3: The little one calls me Dad the oldest. It was awkward.

1109
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:18,120
Speaker 3: I told him to call me what he felt comfortable with,

1110
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:20,839
Speaker 3: so my first name. The girls called her by her name.

1111
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 3: Wife is a stay at home mom, we decided until

1112
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 3: the kids were adjusted.

1113
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:24,439
Speaker 1: Now.

1114
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 3: She doesn't want to work, but does volunteer at school,

1115
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 3: lunch and other thing. Daughter one goes off to college,

1116
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 3: now graduated. The younger daughter graduated this past morning. We

1117
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 3: were moving the rest of her things this weekend. I

1118
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,600
Speaker 3: was told her ex abandon them about the time baby

1119
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:40,720
Speaker 3: number two came along and has been no contact since.

1120
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 3: Her mom is very nice, but holds me at arm's length.

1121
00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 3: He is an alpha dog. I don't think he wanted

1122
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 3: anyone else taking care of his daughter, only child, and grandkids.

1123
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,880
Speaker 3: He would beerate me because I was too old, not

1124
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 3: much younger than them. This would be any time I

1125
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 3: was around them. I'm non confrontational, so I told wife

1126
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,320
Speaker 3: I would just stay away from them. I did encourage

1127
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 3: her to continue the relationship, as they only live a

1128
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:07,800
Speaker 3: couple blocks away. February this year, her ex reappears wants

1129
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 3: to be in their lives. He's sketchy at best. I

1130
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 3: cannot refuse this. He starts coming around often. I set

1131
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,440
Speaker 3: a boundary that he comes on weekends so as not

1132
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 3: to interfere with school and so we can control his

1133
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,919
Speaker 3: visitation somewhat. He comes most weekends, but really spends little

1134
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:24,880
Speaker 3: time alone with the kids as we try to give

1135
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:27,520
Speaker 3: him space. I asked wife if he had made any

1136
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 3: child support payments while he was gone. I suggested to

1137
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 3: her to talk to him about getting caught up on

1138
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 3: whatever he owes and to ask about signing over rights

1139
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:37,839
Speaker 3: so I could adopt. She said she would talk to him.

1140
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:41,160
Speaker 3: First part of March, our spicy sleep life starts to dive.

1141
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 3: You know where this is going, right?

1142
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:43,840
Speaker 1: No?

1143
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 3: No, no, but I'm oblivious. I mention it to wife.

1144
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:50,799
Speaker 3: She has the usual excuses. I noticed little things around

1145
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 3: the house are different. My favorite snacks are gone, missing,

1146
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 3: a few adult sodas. Not a big drinker, just one

1147
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 3: every now and then. But the big one was I

1148
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 3: could smell what I thought it was devil's lettuce. I

1149
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 3: asked why if she was smoking, as we don't. She hasn't.

1150
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:08,239
Speaker 3: I thought that now. Fourteen year old was suggested we

1151
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 3: talk with him, and she says she would handle it.

1152
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 3: About two weeks ago, the fourteen year old asks me

1153
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 3: if I love mom? I said yes, thinking he has

1154
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 3: a girlfriend. Time for a talk, right, He says that

1155
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:20,879
Speaker 3: we always sat together and we were touching each other

1156
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,279
Speaker 3: some way or other. This made him feel good. He

1157
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:27,400
Speaker 3: asks if mom loved his dad. I responded that sure

1158
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:30,239
Speaker 3: on some level. She does. Why ask him? He replies

1159
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 3: that they are always looking at each other, talking and touching,

1160
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 3: and he is over all the time. I asked what

1161
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 3: he meant by all the time. Almost every day when

1162
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 3: they got home from school, he's there, then leaves, yes,

1163
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 3: fourteen year old's ratting out the freaking scummy parents. He's like,

1164
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 3: you know what, I like my stepdad. This isn't okay.

1165
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be like, what's love?

1166
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 5: I'm just a fourteen year old.

1167
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,759
Speaker 3: He's come an overall like fourteen year old absolutely knows

1168
00:52:57,760 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 3: what's going on, and I feel like he's playing kind

1169
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:02,759
Speaker 3: of to be like I didn't know it was a secret.

1170
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 3: That weekend, I'm in the living room he is over

1171
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 3: for visitation. He comes in and sits down across from

1172
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 3: me with an adult soda. I look up for my

1173
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,360
Speaker 3: reading and tell him to help himself to an adult soda.

1174
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,400
Speaker 3: He says nothing. I ask why he isn't with the kids.

1175
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:19,479
Speaker 3: I could hear laughing coming from the family. He said

1176
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 3: he might go in a little bit. I tell him

1177
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:23,239
Speaker 3: I will not drink in front of the kids. I

1178
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 3: wait until after there in bet he says nothing. He

1179
00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:27,960
Speaker 3: then states, you know I'm only here for her. What

1180
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 3: does that mean? You're talking about my wife? He says,

1181
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 3: technically not divorced. He never signed papers, so she's his wife.

1182
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 3: I know a judge signed off on the divorce because

1183
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:39,280
Speaker 3: he could not be found. That's why it took longer

1184
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 3: to divorce. I finally asked about the child support since

1185
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:43,759
Speaker 3: I never heard back. Just looked at me and said

1186
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 3: he was caught up paid her fifteen thousand dollars in cash. WTF.

1187
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 3: I asked then, if she talked to him about giving

1188
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 3: up rights. Never asks. He asked what it would be

1189
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 3: worth to me. I said, you gotta be kidding. You

1190
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:58,440
Speaker 3: would sell your kids. Before you could answer, I told

1191
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:00,440
Speaker 3: him to leave. The next day. This past Sunday, the

1192
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,680
Speaker 3: kids bread Gramma and Grandpa with wife. I bought and

1193
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 3: installed a camera. I put it on top of the TV.

1194
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:07,720
Speaker 3: Very small. It has a view of the front door

1195
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:10,600
Speaker 3: and living room. Motion activated so I'm at work. I

1196
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 3: get a notice figure it's the wife cleaning up. I

1197
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 3: look anyways, he comes back, She lets him in. They

1198
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:20,279
Speaker 3: kiss long. He starts grabbing at her, She playfully pushes away.

1199
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:22,759
Speaker 3: They're laughing, no sound. He sits on the couch. She

1200
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:26,920
Speaker 3: brings him an adult soda and snacks. Ten am, she disappears.

1201
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 3: She's back a few minutes later, clothes changed. She's going

1202
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 3: to school for lunch. They're talking, more grabbing, more pushing away, laughing.

1203
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,399
Speaker 3: A few minutes later, she's up, getting ready to leave.

1204
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:39,359
Speaker 3: He gets up, grabs her again, making some gestures, then

1205
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:42,320
Speaker 3: poses like he's praying. Hands together. They sit down again,

1206
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 3: then she gives him spicy time. He finishes up, goes

1207
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 3: out of range, comes back, says something, then leaves. He

1208
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 3: then watches TV, then takes a nap. Screen eventually goes black.

1209
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 1: Dude, Oh my gosh, he's not even h This is

1210
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:57,839
Speaker 1: the worst thing ever.

1211
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:01,440
Speaker 3: A little after one pm, i'm another alert. She's home.

1212
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 3: They talk, they both leave the room. I know they're

1213
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 3: headed to the bedroom. I race home and find them.

1214
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 3: They never heard me coming. There is the hysterics you

1215
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:11,439
Speaker 3: would expect. He slithers out. I tell her she asked

1216
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:13,720
Speaker 3: to go. She pleads it was a one time mistake.

1217
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 3: He had just got there. She was lonely because we

1218
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,799
Speaker 3: weren't having spicy sleep, et cetera. I called BS. I

1219
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 3: asked how often he came over, just the weekends, this

1220
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 3: was an anomaly. I showed the video of him napping.

1221
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 3: She said he was tired and asked. Then I showed

1222
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:32,160
Speaker 3: her the other spicy stuff. She had nothing to say.

1223
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,400
Speaker 3: I told her to pack her bags. She's out. I

1224
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 3: left and called her dad to take them in. We

1225
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 3: were having issues. He of course takes alpha position, telling

1226
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 3: me how I would screw this up, YadA YadA. I

1227
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:45,920
Speaker 3: couldn't get a word in. Finally I stopped him, asked again.

1228
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 3: He said yes, then started on me again. I had enough.

1229
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:51,320
Speaker 3: I said I would send him something. I sent the

1230
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 3: video edited down to the spicy stuff. I told them

1231
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:57,840
Speaker 3: to view and call me back if I was wrong.

1232
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 3: Never heard back. I talked a lawyer Auray. He helped

1233
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 3: with estate plan after first wife preferred me to a

1234
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 3: partner who does family law. We'll meet tuesday, divorce will happen,

1235
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:09,320
Speaker 3: he felt, but did not know for sure that I

1236
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,360
Speaker 3: would be on the hook for support for kids, no

1237
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,880
Speaker 3: alimony since she broke our prenup. I made it up

1238
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 3: before marriage, in addition to a state plan to protect

1239
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 3: my girls. I don't care about the support, glad to

1240
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:22,480
Speaker 3: do it. It's the boys. So my question or advice needed.

1241
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:25,000
Speaker 3: Has anyone else been through divorce and was able to

1242
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 3: see their ex's kids, even if they're not yours? How

1243
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:30,360
Speaker 3: did that go? The fourteen year old is partially vulnerable

1244
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:32,880
Speaker 3: as he will be in high school next year formative years.

1245
00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:34,960
Speaker 3: I don't want to see him go down the tube

1246
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:37,520
Speaker 3: and turn out like dad. Thanks to you all in advance,

1247
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:40,800
Speaker 3: and there is an update. Butt home Sunday put daughter's

1248
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,840
Speaker 3: stuff from apartment in garage. I get a call early

1249
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 3: evening from fourteen year old dad. What's going on? No

1250
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:50,800
Speaker 3: one's talking to us. Mom and grandma are crying, Grandpa's yelling.

1251
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 3: Is this because of what I told you? I assured

1252
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 3: him that his mom made a bad mistake, that he

1253
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:57,319
Speaker 3: had nothing to do with this mess. He asked if

1254
00:56:57,360 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 3: I was packing up their stuff because he saw the

1255
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,840
Speaker 3: U haul in the driveway. I explain what happened and

1256
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:04,520
Speaker 3: that all their stuff would remain there. Monday and Wednesday

1257
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 3: were sports night. Family sits in bleachers while I stand

1258
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 3: behind home plate backstop, my usual spot. Since I don't

1259
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 3: see eye to eye with father in law. On the

1260
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 3: way across the field, the oldest stops, swarm up and

1261
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 3: runs over to me. We hug and talk a few minutes,

1262
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 3: then I send him back. As I get to my spot,

1263
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 3: I have a ten year old crash into me at

1264
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:24,479
Speaker 3: full speed. I bend down, hug and kiss him all over.

1265
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:27,160
Speaker 3: As he is squirming away, my father in law asks

1266
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:29,200
Speaker 3: if we could talk. We step away from your shot.

1267
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 3: He apologizes for the way he has treated me in

1268
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:34,520
Speaker 3: the past and that he was wrong well a little late,

1269
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 3: but I accepted and said I knew that it was

1270
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 3: a hard thing for him to do. He invited me

1271
00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:40,560
Speaker 3: to sit with them. I declined. He asked if I

1272
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 3: wanted to talk to wife. I said Thursday would be better,

1273
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:46,640
Speaker 3: So we set time and place. Tuesday comes meet with lawyer.

1274
00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 3: I told him the whole story. He knew from his partner,

1275
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:51,520
Speaker 3: but wanted to hear from me. He asked what I

1276
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 3: wanted to do. I wanted to stay with the boys,

1277
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:57,440
Speaker 3: then stay married. The boys were most important. He stated

1278
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 3: in his experience that the marriage would be a Sharah

1279
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:02,800
Speaker 3: not good for the boys. We could work out a

1280
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 3: visitation if wife is willing. As far as support, he said,

1281
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 3: I could do what I wanted for the boys, not

1282
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 3: to give her anything for me to control. The prenut

1283
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 3: was solid. She violated conditions no support. He cautioned, though,

1284
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 3: that judges around the country have in some instances ordered

1285
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,240
Speaker 3: child support in my case due to being in their

1286
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 3: lives so long. He did not think our judges had

1287
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 3: ruled that way in the past, but you never know.

1288
00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:27,560
Speaker 3: He was sure her attorney would seek support. He suggested

1289
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 3: that we try to agree on everything we could before court,

1290
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 3: then the judge would look favorably on us. Yeah, I think,

1291
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 3: see if you can be in their lives before you try,

1292
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 3: and like you know, before you stay married. Before leaving.

1293
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 3: He told me that every Monday morning, the partners meet

1294
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:44,640
Speaker 3: to discuss new and ongoing cases. My previous attorney started

1295
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:49,240
Speaker 3: out describing everything. Each partner has a specialty estate planning,

1296
00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:52,520
Speaker 3: elder law, criminal liability, family. Later in the PM, the

1297
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:55,280
Speaker 3: criminal lawyer meets up with my attorney. After the meaning

1298
00:58:55,360 --> 00:58:59,200
Speaker 3: he calls a contact in the prosecutor's office. The fifteen

1299
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:02,840
Speaker 3: thousand dollars did not seem right. How do folks in

1300
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:07,280
Speaker 3: the middle class have fifteen thousand dollars in cash laying around?

1301
00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:10,680
Speaker 3: Turns out X did not abandon them. He was in jail.

1302
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 3: He was released three years ago when fed's were releasing

1303
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 3: non violent criminals to ease overcrowding, et cetera. He was

1304
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 3: sure the police would be interested if he was back

1305
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 3: and practicing his profession again, but he did not have

1306
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 3: any other info but the jail time. Thursday, I meet

1307
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 3: with wife and father in law. I asked if they

1308
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 3: minded if I recorded, so there would be no misinterpretation.

1309
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 3: Later they agreed. Before we started, wife wanted to talk privately.

1310
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:37,000
Speaker 3: Father in law moved to another room. Wife started to apologize.

1311
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 3: I cut her off. I said, before you say anything,

1312
00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:41,560
Speaker 3: know that I know a lot more than you think.

1313
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 3: I asked how long the spicy sleep had been going on.

1314
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,720
Speaker 3: She said the one time. I told her the video

1315
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 3: shows that's not true. I played a clip of her

1316
00:59:49,200 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 3: dusting the TV. She never saw the camera. I know

1317
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 3: it was only a few days, but she was going

1318
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:55,600
Speaker 3: to lie, so I was due. She thought it was

1319
00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:57,840
Speaker 3: part of the video games. Not big, but it is

1320
00:59:57,960 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 3: obvious on top of the TV. She admitted since March.

1321
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 3: Almost right away, I told her no more. Lie. I

1322
01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 3: told her of the family secret, that he was in jail,

1323
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 3: not running away. She admitted to this also. I asked

1324
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:11,880
Speaker 3: how long in contact since February. I asked if she

1325
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:14,400
Speaker 3: met up any time before him appearing. She said no.

1326
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 3: I then told her he had been out for three years.

1327
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,080
Speaker 3: We got father in law back in turn on recorder.

1328
01:00:20,280 --> 01:00:21,720
Speaker 3: I asked if she had a lawyer.

1329
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:21,880
Speaker 1: No.

1330
01:00:22,120 --> 01:00:24,760
Speaker 3: Told her to get one because the divorce will happen.

1331
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 3: They both asked if something along reconciliation could take place.

1332
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 3: I said no. I said I wanted the boys. She

1333
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:33,320
Speaker 3: could live with X. I told her, when speaking privately,

1334
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:36,440
Speaker 3: that X tried to sell me the boys. I repeated

1335
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:38,640
Speaker 3: for father in law. We settled on the boys could

1336
01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 3: see me any time within reason. She would not keep

1337
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:44,000
Speaker 3: them from me. I said I would provide at my choosing.

1338
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 3: She would get no support. I did not want her

1339
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:48,240
Speaker 3: getting the boys to ask me for things. They would

1340
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 3: be honest if I asked, there you have it. One

1341
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:53,560
Speaker 3: last thing. Redditors, The wife and I are avid readers

1342
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:55,800
Speaker 3: of this site. We have our favorite subs. We would

1343
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:57,680
Speaker 3: read and share it was a thing we did together.

1344
01:00:57,840 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 3: She has read my post as she figured it out,

1345
01:00:59,800 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 3: and she read every reply you made. She stated, you

1346
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:06,880
Speaker 3: savaged her. I mean, come on, girl, come on, you

1347
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 3: said many things I only wish I could have because

1348
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:11,960
Speaker 3: I did feel it. For that, I thank you. How

1349
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:13,560
Speaker 3: do you, I don't know, Like, how do you go

1350
01:01:13,600 --> 01:01:15,440
Speaker 3: on read it and read all these stories and then

1351
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:18,160
Speaker 3: you're like, well, I'm gonna I'm gonna do something that

1352
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:18,880
Speaker 3: I've read about