WEBVTT - Leading with Purpose 0:00:04.773 --> 0:00:08.693 Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. 0:00:11.293 --> 0:00:14.493 Welcome back, everyone to another episode of Comeback Stories. I'm 0:00:14.493 --> 0:00:16.493 one of your co host, Darren Waller. I'm joined as 0:00:16.493 --> 0:00:19.253 always by my man, my running mate, my road dog, 0:00:19.333 --> 0:00:21.213 Donnie starkins. Donnie, how you doing today? Bro? 0:00:21.453 --> 0:00:24.333 Oh Man, that's good. That's like automatic smile comes on 0:00:24.453 --> 0:00:26.653 to my face when I see your face. 0:00:27.733 --> 0:00:29.973 No doubt Man's likewise, and I think this is the 0:00:30.053 --> 0:00:33.173 very first episode. We're joined by my cat Spiro. So 0:00:33.253 --> 0:00:36.293 if you guys hear him winding in the back me Allen, 0:00:36.493 --> 0:00:40.173 just just know he means no harm. But we're excited 0:00:40.173 --> 0:00:42.693 to be here today diving into a topic that Donnie 0:00:42.693 --> 0:00:44.853 and I are both really passionate about, something that's really 0:00:45.013 --> 0:00:47.853 unfolding in my life currently. We want to talk about 0:00:47.893 --> 0:00:51.493 the topic of leadership, and I feel like it's something 0:00:51.533 --> 0:00:56.133 that is constantly being unpacked, constantly being talked about, and 0:00:56.253 --> 0:00:59.093 to a lot of people it may sound intimidating, it 0:00:59.173 --> 0:01:01.333 may sound like it's outside of their reach, like they 0:01:01.333 --> 0:01:05.133 may have to be a CEO or a president or 0:01:05.173 --> 0:01:08.573 something grand in order to be a leader. But we 0:01:08.693 --> 0:01:11.293 kind of want to debunk that today and give people 0:01:11.493 --> 0:01:15.013 inspiration and just tips to help them lead wherever they're at, 0:01:15.053 --> 0:01:18.733 because we're all leaders no matter what we're called to, 0:01:18.813 --> 0:01:21.373 no matter if it's two people, no matter if it's 0:01:21.773 --> 0:01:27.053 two million people. We all have that space that leveraged 0:01:27.093 --> 0:01:30.253 that platform to be leaders and it's all about how 0:01:30.293 --> 0:01:33.173 we approach it. And you know, the greatest the quote 0:01:33.213 --> 0:01:36.373 I saw that keeps leadership simple is leadership is influence, 0:01:36.733 --> 0:01:40.133 which you may have heard from John Maxwell. And it's 0:01:40.133 --> 0:01:44.213 all about how you use that influence, whether it's for negative, 0:01:44.253 --> 0:01:47.013 whether it's for positive. But we all have a choice 0:01:47.053 --> 0:01:49.893 in our leadership. And you know, I'm just excited to 0:01:50.013 --> 0:01:52.773 unpack this with you guys today. Donnie, what are your 0:01:52.813 --> 0:01:54.933 opening thoughts when you think of leadership? What comes to 0:01:54.933 --> 0:01:55.573 mind first? For you? 0:01:56.013 --> 0:01:58.973 Well, what comes to mind? There's a couple of things. First, 0:01:58.973 --> 0:02:02.293 it's John Maxwell because I think he speaks and writes 0:02:02.413 --> 0:02:05.893 on on that top better than anybody. I think his 0:02:06.293 --> 0:02:08.773 last book was Leader Shift, which I love that name 0:02:08.773 --> 0:02:11.453 because my coaching program is called The Shift. But yeah, 0:02:11.453 --> 0:02:14.213 I think it is influence and we can influence positively 0:02:14.293 --> 0:02:17.733 or negatively, and you're leading either way. But I think 0:02:17.773 --> 0:02:20.533 the essence, I know we talk about this a lot. 0:02:20.653 --> 0:02:24.653 Is it's service, right, it's serving others rather than being 0:02:24.733 --> 0:02:27.853 self serving or actually wanting to be served by others. 0:02:28.413 --> 0:02:30.973 I always like to say, if service is below you, 0:02:31.693 --> 0:02:35.213 leadership is beyond you. And man, like, what a gift. 0:02:35.253 --> 0:02:38.333 It always comes back to our addiction in our past 0:02:38.373 --> 0:02:40.973 and the selfishness and self centeredness that gave us this 0:02:41.093 --> 0:02:44.693 antidote to life. It's the greatest life hack, and that's 0:02:45.293 --> 0:02:48.893 it's being of service. And it's just such a great 0:02:48.893 --> 0:02:51.653 way to lead by example. I think the world is 0:02:51.733 --> 0:02:54.173 changed by your example, not by your opinion. And in 0:02:54.213 --> 0:02:57.213 a world of social media and a lot of noise 0:02:57.333 --> 0:03:00.133 and some you know, leaders in our country and leaders 0:03:00.173 --> 0:03:03.293 in our world that might not necessarily be leading by example, 0:03:04.253 --> 0:03:07.093 that that it's important that really service is at the 0:03:07.133 --> 0:03:09.493 root of it. But as you were, as I saw 0:03:09.533 --> 0:03:12.173 your face, and as we're talking about leadership, it just 0:03:12.213 --> 0:03:15.973 had me thinking about you know how I'm constantly in 0:03:16.093 --> 0:03:19.213 the work of this and wanting to step up and 0:03:19.253 --> 0:03:21.933 be a great leader and then sometimes maybe not. And 0:03:22.373 --> 0:03:25.933 it can show up even in my relationship. Right, So 0:03:26.133 --> 0:03:29.333 like this weekend, came out to see you, came out 0:03:29.373 --> 0:03:32.653 to see you play, and my girl, my partner, she 0:03:33.213 --> 0:03:35.453 banged up her ankle really bad in New York City 0:03:35.493 --> 0:03:38.053 and she couldn't walk, and you kind of have to 0:03:38.093 --> 0:03:41.493 be able to walk in New York City. So you know, 0:03:41.573 --> 0:03:45.013 the selfish, self centered part of me was like, you know, 0:03:45.613 --> 0:03:47.533 stay home, I'm going to go to the game. And 0:03:47.893 --> 0:03:50.013 I just kind of had to like step up and 0:03:50.373 --> 0:03:53.013 be a leader and make sure she felt taken care 0:03:53.093 --> 0:03:56.413 of and sacrifice my own desires. And you know, I 0:03:56.453 --> 0:04:00.733 think about initially the level of disappointment that I felt, 0:04:01.053 --> 0:04:04.773 but also I started to embody a little bit right, 0:04:04.853 --> 0:04:06.893 and it's like it's not her fault, you know what 0:04:06.933 --> 0:04:09.373 I mean. And so it was just interesting as you 0:04:09.413 --> 0:04:11.893 brought it up, and I'm like, wow, there was a 0:04:11.933 --> 0:04:15.333 gap there where maybe I wasn't a good leader in 0:04:15.413 --> 0:04:18.333 the relationship. Now luckily I don't think it lasted very long, 0:04:18.373 --> 0:04:22.133 but long enough to have some contrasts there. So you know, 0:04:22.173 --> 0:04:25.053 I think it's just a reminder that one leadership can 0:04:25.133 --> 0:04:28.053 look and it shows up in all areas of our life. 0:04:28.093 --> 0:04:32.133 And for me, it's just like constantly evolving from it. 0:04:33.173 --> 0:04:36.653 Absolutely, man. And there's a quote I love it. You're 0:04:36.693 --> 0:04:40.533 not responsible for your thoughts but you are responsible for 0:04:40.573 --> 0:04:43.053 your action. So I feel like in that situation, just 0:04:43.053 --> 0:04:45.693 because you had a thought of what you may have 0:04:45.733 --> 0:04:49.773 wanted to do, you know, I wouldn't judge yourself for that, 0:04:49.893 --> 0:04:52.093 you know, because your actions showed that, Hey, I'm gonna 0:04:52.093 --> 0:04:53.933 make sure that she's okay. I'm gonna set the tone 0:04:53.973 --> 0:04:57.533 here because she needs help and she's my partner. She's 0:04:57.653 --> 0:05:00.053 most important to me, so I'm gonna let that be known. 0:05:00.533 --> 0:05:03.853 And that's important man. And I feel like in order 0:05:03.853 --> 0:05:06.253 for you to see that, and in order to not 0:05:06.293 --> 0:05:08.293 do the people that are listening to disservice, I think 0:05:08.333 --> 0:05:11.893 we need to start with Leadership is about leading yourself 0:05:11.933 --> 0:05:14.853 before you get the opportunity to lead other people. And 0:05:15.173 --> 0:05:19.453 the fact that you're leading yourself whereas it's showing compassion 0:05:19.493 --> 0:05:21.893 to yourself, Like, hey, if you were in a certain 0:05:21.973 --> 0:05:24.773 situation and you were hurting, you'd care for yourself. So 0:05:25.213 --> 0:05:26.773 the fact that you know how to do that, you 0:05:26.773 --> 0:05:30.093 can extend that to Maho instead of, you know, trying 0:05:30.133 --> 0:05:32.813 to think just about yourself and what you may have 0:05:32.853 --> 0:05:35.373 wanted in a moment. And I feel like a lot 0:05:35.413 --> 0:05:39.253 of people want platforms, a lot of people want titles 0:05:39.293 --> 0:05:43.213 and positions to be able to direct people or tell 0:05:43.253 --> 0:05:47.533 people what to do. But where is your level of 0:05:47.573 --> 0:05:50.133 leadership at for yourself? Like when nobody else is watching, 0:05:50.573 --> 0:05:54.293 where's your level of discipline? Where's your level of you know, 0:05:54.493 --> 0:05:58.453 self maintenance, you know, self motivation? Like these things have 0:05:58.493 --> 0:06:01.293 to be taken into account because are you going to 0:06:01.333 --> 0:06:04.053 be a CEO but you don't know how to work, 0:06:04.133 --> 0:06:06.573 you don't have work ethic, or you you want to 0:06:06.573 --> 0:06:08.653 be a coach, a head coach, but you don't know 0:06:08.653 --> 0:06:10.653 how to serve, You don't know how to you know, 0:06:11.053 --> 0:06:12.933 be a position coach first, you don't know how to 0:06:13.253 --> 0:06:15.373 do all these things. So I feel like before we 0:06:15.413 --> 0:06:18.133 dive into all these things and qualities that people can implement, 0:06:18.533 --> 0:06:20.933 we got to start with saying like, hey, like we 0:06:21.013 --> 0:06:27.093 need to be leading ourselves because ultimately, our desires and 0:06:27.213 --> 0:06:31.773 our wants that are self centered will show if we're 0:06:31.813 --> 0:06:35.173 not about you know, having that character and having that 0:06:35.653 --> 0:06:39.213 proper influence that we should be policing in ourselves first 0:06:39.213 --> 0:06:41.733 before we even start to want to have influence over 0:06:41.733 --> 0:06:42.213 other people. 0:06:43.173 --> 0:06:47.013 Man, Yeah, it has me thinking about like a quality 0:06:47.573 --> 0:06:52.453 of leadership is someone that really prioritizes self care and 0:06:52.853 --> 0:06:56.093 personal development. Right, it's taking care of yourself. So there 0:06:56.133 --> 0:06:57.933 is an aspect of it where yeah, you do have 0:06:57.973 --> 0:07:01.053 to put yourself first before you can serve others. But 0:07:01.173 --> 0:07:04.973 that personal development and the self reflection and our in 0:07:05.013 --> 0:07:10.413 our recovery program, doing doing daily inventories and sitting in 0:07:10.453 --> 0:07:15.093 our practices, it's so important because what it does is 0:07:15.813 --> 0:07:19.613 it gives you more emotional intelligence, right, and emotional intelligence 0:07:19.693 --> 0:07:22.853 is just the ability to control and express your emotions 0:07:23.213 --> 0:07:28.733 as well as handle interpersonal relationships and conflict and when 0:07:28.773 --> 0:07:31.013 things don't go your way. And you know, it's just 0:07:31.053 --> 0:07:33.813 bringing me back to you know, my my scenario that 0:07:33.853 --> 0:07:36.933 I brought up in New York City, and you know, 0:07:36.973 --> 0:07:39.373 if I look back on it in my own self reflection, 0:07:40.013 --> 0:07:42.733 yes there were thoughts, but I think those thoughts turned 0:07:42.733 --> 0:07:48.253 into like leaky emotions a little bit. So luckily again 0:07:48.373 --> 0:07:51.213 it didn't last long. But it's just, you know, I'm 0:07:51.213 --> 0:07:55.093 aware of it, and I guess I you know, I 0:07:55.133 --> 0:07:58.333 just I know the importance of humility and honesty, and 0:07:58.453 --> 0:08:01.493 especially on this, you know, on our podcast, like you know, 0:08:01.533 --> 0:08:04.173 we can sit here and spit all the wisdom and 0:08:04.213 --> 0:08:07.373 knowledge that it's not ours, it's stuff that we learn 0:08:07.493 --> 0:08:10.133 but I think it's more important to talk about like 0:08:10.733 --> 0:08:13.813 the mess ups and where we're still lacking this and 0:08:14.453 --> 0:08:17.173 also just our willingness to like want to do better, 0:08:17.293 --> 0:08:18.573 you know, learn and grow from it. 0:08:19.333 --> 0:08:22.733 Absolutely. Man. Yeah, like you said, we are people that 0:08:22.773 --> 0:08:27.333 are living out these things as as you guys are, Like, 0:08:27.573 --> 0:08:29.853 there's a new change and a new shift as far 0:08:29.853 --> 0:08:33.333 as leadership in my life being in New York, being 0:08:33.333 --> 0:08:36.413 on this new team, I'm one of the older guys 0:08:36.453 --> 0:08:41.133 in the locker room. And no matter how long I mean, 0:08:41.213 --> 0:08:42.653 the fact that I've been in the league so long, 0:08:42.693 --> 0:08:46.773 getting close to a decade, Guys that are young, no 0:08:46.813 --> 0:08:48.373 matter what I may be doing, no matter how good 0:08:48.413 --> 0:08:49.933 I may be playing, how bad I may be playing, 0:08:49.973 --> 0:08:52.973 they see me being in the league nine years just 0:08:53.013 --> 0:08:55.933 about and they're like, well, how is he doing that? 0:08:56.013 --> 0:08:58.533 Like I want to get there just that length of time. 0:08:58.973 --> 0:09:02.293 And so for me, it's about Okay, how conscious of 0:09:02.773 --> 0:09:07.653 am I of my routine, means, my my attitude, the 0:09:07.693 --> 0:09:13.053 way that I treat people, just being about a collective 0:09:13.093 --> 0:09:16.453 goal as opposed to an individual goal, and realizing that 0:09:18.013 --> 0:09:20.813 I've adopted this place of leadership whether I want to 0:09:20.813 --> 0:09:23.053 accept it or not, because usually you know who I am. 0:09:23.053 --> 0:09:24.773 In my core, I kind of just want to blend in, 0:09:26.133 --> 0:09:28.453 be quiet, you know, say some jokes, you know, kind 0:09:28.453 --> 0:09:30.693 of be say things every now and then. But I 0:09:30.733 --> 0:09:33.213 don't want to be the guy that's responsible for making 0:09:33.253 --> 0:09:36.373 this thing go. But now, like I feel like God 0:09:36.453 --> 0:09:38.053 is calling me out of that. He's not calling me 0:09:38.093 --> 0:09:41.373 to just be this super raw, raw leader, but somebody 0:09:41.413 --> 0:09:44.853 that can be more vocal, somebody that can share experience, 0:09:44.893 --> 0:09:48.453 because me being in the NFL at least in that lead. 0:09:48.573 --> 0:09:52.733 In this aspect of leadership of my life. I've been drafted, 0:09:52.773 --> 0:09:56.213 been drafted late, I've been cut, I've signed big contracts, 0:09:56.413 --> 0:10:00.493 I've been traded, I've been the pro bowler. I've also 0:10:00.773 --> 0:10:04.013 been hurt on injured reserve. So there's not an experience 0:10:04.013 --> 0:10:07.733 that I haven't add. So, you know, I honestly feel 0:10:07.733 --> 0:10:09.813 like shame on me for not wanting to lead, Shame 0:10:09.853 --> 0:10:11.493 on me for not wanting to share this experience with 0:10:11.533 --> 0:10:14.813 other people, because it's not necessarily about my comfortability with it. 0:10:15.053 --> 0:10:17.373 It's more so about how other people can learn. And 0:10:17.373 --> 0:10:19.013 that goes back to that servanthood that you were talking 0:10:19.053 --> 0:10:21.733 about earlier, Like being a leader is a servant it's 0:10:21.773 --> 0:10:23.533 not about what I can take from people. It's about 0:10:23.533 --> 0:10:25.493 what I can add. It's about what I can give. 0:10:25.573 --> 0:10:29.893 It's about you know, other people being better versions of themselves, 0:10:30.053 --> 0:10:33.333 growing just because they were around me and us working 0:10:33.333 --> 0:10:35.733 to a collective goal, right like you think of this, 0:10:35.853 --> 0:10:37.813 I remember this image I saw a long time ago 0:10:37.933 --> 0:10:40.933 before I even wanted to even dive into leadership. It's 0:10:41.213 --> 0:10:43.533 two different pictures of what people think leadership is and 0:10:43.533 --> 0:10:46.853 what leadership actually is. And some people think leadership is 0:10:47.253 --> 0:10:49.933 you know people kind of like carrying a throne like 0:10:50.013 --> 0:10:54.093 kind of like some slaves back in the day, like 0:10:54.093 --> 0:10:56.693 like way way back like BC, like Roman era, like 0:10:56.733 --> 0:10:59.293 carrying a throne of like an emperor on it. The 0:10:59.293 --> 0:11:02.733 emperor's pointing like work, we're going this way, but the 0:11:02.813 --> 0:11:06.253 leader is kind of just like relaxing and boston people around. 0:11:06.333 --> 0:11:10.293 Whereas the real image of leadership is that leader's out 0:11:10.333 --> 0:11:14.853 in front doing exactly what others are doing, getting their 0:11:14.893 --> 0:11:18.733 hands dirty, getting their feet, you know, ten toes on 0:11:18.773 --> 0:11:22.293 the ground, like really out there on the front lines 0:11:22.653 --> 0:11:25.933 and moving it. Not just calling out orders, calling out shots, 0:11:25.933 --> 0:11:28.933 so just trying to you know, create this image of 0:11:29.133 --> 0:11:32.173 you know, what leadership really is from a basic level 0:11:32.493 --> 0:11:34.133 and just continue to add to that. 0:11:35.813 --> 0:11:39.413 From a football standpoint, what would you say like your 0:11:39.693 --> 0:11:41.213 leadership style is today. 0:11:44.493 --> 0:11:46.733 I feel like it's hard for me to put it 0:11:46.773 --> 0:11:50.653 into like one style because I feel like it's shifting 0:11:50.693 --> 0:11:54.693 and evolving all the time, because, you know, naturally, I 0:11:54.813 --> 0:11:56.853 want my leadership style to be kind of like leading 0:11:56.893 --> 0:11:59.253 from the back, kind of like like the wolf situation. 0:11:59.293 --> 0:12:02.453 I don't know if anybody's familiar with that, but leading 0:12:02.453 --> 0:12:05.053 from the back essentially there's like a there's a wolf 0:12:05.093 --> 0:12:06.693 in the front that's kind of leading the pack everywhere 0:12:06.693 --> 0:12:08.653 they're going, but then there's a strong wolf that's also 0:12:08.693 --> 0:12:12.733 in the back that's like keeping anybody from getting to 0:12:13.013 --> 0:12:15.293 the weaker wolves or the wolves that are struggling, or 0:12:15.333 --> 0:12:17.933 the or the children, like keeping everybody, you know, make 0:12:17.933 --> 0:12:19.493 sure they're moving in the right direction. I feel like 0:12:19.573 --> 0:12:23.533 that's natural to me. Of encouraging guys that may have 0:12:23.613 --> 0:12:26.293 dropped the pass or made a bad player, made a mistake, 0:12:26.333 --> 0:12:28.693 that wanted to just beat themselves up or dive into 0:12:28.693 --> 0:12:31.133 self pity. I feel like that's natural for me because 0:12:31.173 --> 0:12:33.373 I see myself kind of slipping into those areas as well. 0:12:33.413 --> 0:12:36.493 But now it's you know, situations where I can be 0:12:36.533 --> 0:12:40.653 more vocal, like you know, just real. Uh. Just recently 0:12:40.693 --> 0:12:42.373 we had a game, first game of the season, and 0:12:42.453 --> 0:12:46.613 we got mopped, like it was tough, and you know, 0:12:46.813 --> 0:12:48.693 I've seen situations on the sideline and one of the 0:12:48.693 --> 0:12:51.133 guys I've always looked up to, with my teammate, Tyrod Taylor, 0:12:51.173 --> 0:12:53.293 he was like, hey, man, like, you know, lead these 0:12:53.293 --> 0:12:55.693 guys like be you know, be more vocal, like you know, 0:12:56.253 --> 0:12:58.413 they're gonna they're gonna listen to you. And it's like okay, 0:12:58.493 --> 0:13:00.853 Like in that moment, I'm just kind of like all right, 0:13:00.893 --> 0:13:03.013 like this is this is new territory for me, but 0:13:03.053 --> 0:13:06.693 it's it's constantly expanding, so it's hard to put myself 0:13:06.693 --> 0:13:10.133 into one style. But naturally me and myself, I'm a 0:13:10.173 --> 0:13:12.453 guy like lead from the back, maybe not necessarily in 0:13:12.493 --> 0:13:15.373 the front, leading rah rah. Like everybody sees like how 0:13:15.493 --> 0:13:19.453 ray Lewis was like, that's leadership for sure, But you 0:13:19.493 --> 0:13:21.173 don't have to be a leader to be that way. 0:13:21.373 --> 0:13:23.293 And I hope people can see that because some people 0:13:23.333 --> 0:13:26.453 aren't necessarily comfortable with getting out there and just and 0:13:26.533 --> 0:13:30.733 giving a passion filled speech and just going all out, 0:13:30.933 --> 0:13:33.733 like maybe we work ourselves into that, but we can 0:13:33.733 --> 0:13:36.613 find a leadership role in the style for ourselves exactly 0:13:36.653 --> 0:13:37.213 where we're at. 0:13:38.493 --> 0:13:41.773 Does it feel awkward to you to like be more 0:13:41.853 --> 0:13:46.013 vocal and when tired like approaches you? Do you do 0:13:46.053 --> 0:13:49.253 you feel the resistance initially or are you like taking 0:13:49.373 --> 0:13:52.733 charge after you you get a comment like that from him? 0:13:53.213 --> 0:13:56.053 Yeah, I feel the resistance initially because it's not something 0:13:56.093 --> 0:13:58.533 that that I've always done and I've always kind of 0:13:58.573 --> 0:14:00.453 picked my spots and know like, all right, when I 0:14:00.493 --> 0:14:02.693 say something, I'm going to have something to say. But 0:14:02.813 --> 0:14:06.613 in that situation, it's like, okay, like these guys, these 0:14:06.653 --> 0:14:09.733 guys trust me to to to say things that aren't 0:14:09.733 --> 0:14:11.653 gonna be out of line, or that aren't gonna be 0:14:11.693 --> 0:14:14.773 attacking people or that aren't gonna be scrutinized because I 0:14:14.813 --> 0:14:16.733 am somebody that's careful with my words. I'm careful with 0:14:16.773 --> 0:14:19.853 my actions. I'm careful with the way that I you know, 0:14:20.573 --> 0:14:24.413 present myself in work and prepare. So it's it's a 0:14:24.453 --> 0:14:26.253 matter of just kind of like throwing myself out there, 0:14:26.373 --> 0:14:28.693 kind of like taking that leap of faith into it, 0:14:28.773 --> 0:14:30.613 and uh, it's gonna take some time, you know, It's 0:14:30.613 --> 0:14:33.693 still gonna be a little bit of that resistance, maybe 0:14:33.693 --> 0:14:35.533 even for a while, but it's about pushing through it, 0:14:35.573 --> 0:14:38.453 you know. Like I've always heard this pastor like name 0:14:38.533 --> 0:14:42.253 is Tim Ross, he said, if you can't it's basically like, 0:14:42.293 --> 0:14:46.093 if you can't do it brave, do it afraid. And 0:14:46.533 --> 0:14:49.973 that's something that I'm embodying in a way to this 0:14:50.053 --> 0:14:52.293 new these new chapters of my leadership, because you know, 0:14:52.333 --> 0:14:54.573 as you go to new heights, you're gonna be uncomfortable. 0:14:54.613 --> 0:14:58.093 You just reset and uh and keep climbing. So I'm 0:14:58.093 --> 0:14:59.933 blessed to be in this position even though I do 0:14:59.973 --> 0:15:01.013 feel some of that resistance. 0:15:01.493 --> 0:15:03.493 Yeah, I think it comes back to We've talked a 0:15:03.533 --> 0:15:07.093 lot about just unfamiliar, right, which is like that's the 0:15:07.133 --> 0:15:10.653 part of the brain that doesn't like unfamiliar. It likes 0:15:10.693 --> 0:15:16.493 familiar comfort zone. Stay in the stay in the unhealthy relationships, 0:15:16.533 --> 0:15:20.213 stay in the dead end job, do what's familiar. And 0:15:20.253 --> 0:15:23.653 so immediately we have to do something unfamiliar, and that 0:15:23.693 --> 0:15:25.413 part of the brain is trying to protect us, but 0:15:25.693 --> 0:15:27.253 you know, it's just trying to keep us doing the 0:15:27.293 --> 0:15:30.213 same old thing because it's familiar. And I think leaning 0:15:30.253 --> 0:15:33.493 in and you know, finding our edge and being able 0:15:33.533 --> 0:15:36.813 to relax at our edge or step out of our 0:15:36.853 --> 0:15:39.693 comfort zone. I think this is the evolution. And you know, 0:15:39.733 --> 0:15:42.653 if I look at you as a leader, yeah, the 0:15:42.773 --> 0:15:45.653 on the field stuff is great, but my guess is 0:15:46.333 --> 0:15:48.333 that a lot of your teammates are the majority of 0:15:48.453 --> 0:15:52.693 your teammates are leaning on you for leadership because of 0:15:53.373 --> 0:15:56.893 everything else beyond the field. Yeah, you've got tenure and 0:15:56.973 --> 0:15:58.853 a lot of a lot more years than everybody else. 0:15:58.893 --> 0:16:02.013 But I think it's it's those other qualities. And me personally, 0:16:02.893 --> 0:16:05.773 if I think about the style of leadership that I 0:16:05.893 --> 0:16:09.733 resonate with the most, it's it's like it's you. It's 0:16:09.773 --> 0:16:14.053 the quiet, calm confidence. It's not the raw, raw, you know, 0:16:14.253 --> 0:16:16.853 yell and kind of like you know, just that that 0:16:16.893 --> 0:16:19.453 stuff brings me back to like Pop Warner days and 0:16:19.653 --> 0:16:23.213 like you know, high school football, and it's just I 0:16:23.253 --> 0:16:26.333 don't resonate with that more. Right, So I think just 0:16:26.893 --> 0:16:29.813 your leadership style is something that I would really be 0:16:29.973 --> 0:16:34.053 more influenced by as opposed to the raw, raw yelling stuff. 0:16:35.013 --> 0:16:37.533 No, totally get that, man. And I feel like, you know, 0:16:38.173 --> 0:16:42.413 a major component of leadership as well is just like 0:16:42.493 --> 0:16:46.453 what's your what's your motive, right, Like are you leading 0:16:46.533 --> 0:16:50.613 for the simply for the influence or are you leading 0:16:50.693 --> 0:16:53.653 for to have relationships with people? Because I feel like 0:16:54.053 --> 0:16:55.653 at the end of the day, that's what a leadership 0:16:55.733 --> 0:16:57.373 be about. And I feel like that's how I try 0:16:57.413 --> 0:17:00.013 to go about my leadership. It's like, you know, just 0:17:00.053 --> 0:17:04.053 like not trying to get too fast from you know, 0:17:04.213 --> 0:17:06.693 task the task or get too quick to the stats 0:17:06.813 --> 0:17:08.973 or like you know, where's mine but more so like 0:17:08.973 --> 0:17:11.413 all right, I'm I'm talking to my team. If a 0:17:11.453 --> 0:17:13.453 teammate waltks by me, I'm like, yo, how you doing? Man? 0:17:13.493 --> 0:17:16.693 Like how's your head? How's your day going? Like if 0:17:16.773 --> 0:17:18.733 if if I see a guy and he might be 0:17:19.053 --> 0:17:21.133 dealing with an injury, and like how's your how's your 0:17:21.253 --> 0:17:24.453 timetable coming? Like you know, what are you like asking 0:17:24.493 --> 0:17:26.893 somebody about their journey, ask somebody about their family, and 0:17:27.613 --> 0:17:29.773 kind of like build and starting from there because I 0:17:29.773 --> 0:17:33.853 feel like when I do that, it'll give me more 0:17:34.053 --> 0:17:37.893 of a know how to lead these people when it's time, 0:17:38.093 --> 0:17:40.573 Like if it's really in a crunch situation or you know, 0:17:40.613 --> 0:17:43.173 we're really you know, we're people's confidence is real and 0:17:43.413 --> 0:17:46.253 or you know you're in a jam it's like, oh, 0:17:46.293 --> 0:17:49.613 I know how to use my influence for the better 0:17:49.693 --> 0:17:52.973 to help us collectively because I actually know this person. 0:17:53.493 --> 0:17:57.013 I actually have taken the time to build a relationship 0:17:57.053 --> 0:17:59.773 with them, have conversations with them, get to know their life, 0:17:59.773 --> 0:18:02.013 what they may be struggling with, what they may be 0:18:02.093 --> 0:18:05.053 trying to get over the hump on. So that's something 0:18:05.133 --> 0:18:07.493 I try to take into account and you know, kind 0:18:07.493 --> 0:18:09.773 of like affirm myself for like, yeah, this is I'm 0:18:09.773 --> 0:18:11.653 covering my own lane with leadership, like this is a 0:18:11.773 --> 0:18:15.013 this is a certain style, but at the same time, 0:18:15.133 --> 0:18:17.693 you know, this has my own flavor on it. Nobody 0:18:17.693 --> 0:18:19.733 can do it like me. I can do it in 0:18:19.773 --> 0:18:23.973 a way that's inspirational and maybe challenge people that sometimes, 0:18:23.973 --> 0:18:26.213 but it's also loving. Like at the end of the day, 0:18:26.253 --> 0:18:28.333 those guys in the locker room know, like I just 0:18:28.453 --> 0:18:32.133 enjoy being around y'all, and I know where you want 0:18:32.133 --> 0:18:33.693 to go. I want to go in the same direction. 0:18:34.373 --> 0:18:37.373 Let's do it together and let's take all the ego 0:18:37.373 --> 0:18:37.693 out of it. 0:18:37.733 --> 0:18:40.573 You know, Oh man, I think you nailed it right 0:18:40.573 --> 0:18:43.973 there with It's also important to kind of define have 0:18:44.093 --> 0:18:46.533 our own definition of leadership because I think we all 0:18:46.533 --> 0:18:49.173 have natural gifts and talents, and some are going to 0:18:49.253 --> 0:18:51.413 be more vocal, some are going to be more high energy, 0:18:51.493 --> 0:18:54.933 some are going to be more grounding and have that 0:18:54.973 --> 0:18:58.453 calm confidence. But it it does come down to, like, 0:18:58.493 --> 0:19:01.253 if we want to step up our leadership game, we 0:19:01.333 --> 0:19:04.653 do have to step up our relationships. Emotionally intelligent and 0:19:04.693 --> 0:19:08.773 people and leaders understand that their success and failure always 0:19:08.813 --> 0:19:12.813 rests on the quality of their relationships. Right. It's kind 0:19:12.853 --> 0:19:16.133 of like that trust and having that and it goes 0:19:16.173 --> 0:19:18.573 beyond the surface level, right, And this is the essence 0:19:18.573 --> 0:19:21.133 of why why we do this podcast and why we 0:19:21.173 --> 0:19:24.493 talk about everything and share our stuff, right and bring 0:19:24.533 --> 0:19:27.773 on guests who might maybe the world looks at as 0:19:27.933 --> 0:19:30.493 like having all this shit together and then you know, 0:19:30.533 --> 0:19:33.573 we get to break it down and they don't. And 0:19:33.613 --> 0:19:37.293 it's that it's that that common bond, right to talk 0:19:37.333 --> 0:19:40.093 about the struggles. And yeah, I think it all does 0:19:40.173 --> 0:19:42.653 come down to relationships. 0:19:42.693 --> 0:19:48.253 No doubt in our comeback stories listeners and friends, brothers 0:19:48.293 --> 0:19:51.333 and sisters, like the people that have been through struggle 0:19:51.413 --> 0:19:55.093 like you and I, Donnie. It may we may be 0:19:55.173 --> 0:19:57.413 trained to think like we may not have as much 0:19:57.413 --> 0:20:00.693 to offer, or we may have disqualified ourselves from a 0:20:00.733 --> 0:20:02.893 position of leadership. But really, at the end of the day, 0:20:02.973 --> 0:20:05.413 we're the ones that are more or equipped for that 0:20:05.613 --> 0:20:09.373 role because we can empathize with people. We've we've fallen, 0:20:09.413 --> 0:20:11.813 and we can we can see, you know, maybe that 0:20:11.853 --> 0:20:14.973 little bit of brokenness or that pain and in somebody else. 0:20:15.053 --> 0:20:19.253 So when we achieve or assume a leadership position, we're 0:20:19.253 --> 0:20:22.533 not gonna judge them, We're not gonna punish them, We're 0:20:22.533 --> 0:20:24.293 not gonna, you know, look a look down on them 0:20:24.293 --> 0:20:26.693 any type of way. We see them as our fellows, 0:20:26.733 --> 0:20:29.093 as our brothers, as even we're not ahead of them, 0:20:29.133 --> 0:20:31.613 we're not above them. They're right there with us, and 0:20:31.893 --> 0:20:36.573 quite frankly, we have more experience to share. Like when 0:20:36.893 --> 0:20:40.013 when crisis hits, do you want a leader that hasn't 0:20:40.053 --> 0:20:43.933 been through anything, who everything's been you know, green pastors, 0:20:43.973 --> 0:20:48.013 and has never faced the challenge. It's gonna be tough 0:20:48.013 --> 0:20:50.933 because he's gonna have to learn in that moment what 0:20:51.293 --> 0:20:54.133