Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Welcome back, everyone to another episode of Comeback Stories. I'm
Speaker 2: one of your co host, Darren Waller. I'm joined as
Speaker 2: always by my man, my running mate, my road dog,
Speaker 2: Donnie starkins. Donnie, how you doing today? Bro?
Speaker 3: Oh Man, that's good. That's like automatic smile comes on
Speaker 3: to my face when I see your face.
Speaker 2: No doubt Man's likewise, and I think this is the
Speaker 2: very first episode. We're joined by my cat Spiro. So
Speaker 2: if you guys hear him winding in the back me Allen,
Speaker 2: just just know he means no harm. But we're excited
Speaker 2: to be here today diving into a topic that Donnie
Speaker 2: and I are both really passionate about, something that's really
Speaker 2: unfolding in my life currently. We want to talk about
Speaker 2: the topic of leadership, and I feel like it's something
Speaker 2: that is constantly being unpacked, constantly being talked about, and
Speaker 2: to a lot of people it may sound intimidating, it
Speaker 2: may sound like it's outside of their reach, like they
Speaker 2: may have to be a CEO or a president or
Speaker 2: something grand in order to be a leader. But we
Speaker 2: kind of want to debunk that today and give people
Speaker 2: inspiration and just tips to help them lead wherever they're at,
Speaker 2: because we're all leaders no matter what we're called to,
Speaker 2: no matter if it's two people, no matter if it's
Speaker 2: two million people. We all have that space that leveraged
Speaker 2: that platform to be leaders and it's all about how
Speaker 2: we approach it. And you know, the greatest the quote
Speaker 2: I saw that keeps leadership simple is leadership is influence,
Speaker 2: which you may have heard from John Maxwell. And it's
Speaker 2: all about how you use that influence, whether it's for negative,
Speaker 2: whether it's for positive. But we all have a choice
Speaker 2: in our leadership. And you know, I'm just excited to
Speaker 2: unpack this with you guys today. Donnie, what are your
Speaker 2: opening thoughts when you think of leadership? What comes to
Speaker 2: mind first? For you?
Speaker 3: Well, what comes to mind? There's a couple of things. First,
Speaker 3: it's John Maxwell because I think he speaks and writes
Speaker 3: on on that top better than anybody. I think his
Speaker 3: last book was Leader Shift, which I love that name
Speaker 3: because my coaching program is called The Shift. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I think it is influence and we can influence positively
Speaker 3: or negatively, and you're leading either way. But I think
Speaker 3: the essence, I know we talk about this a lot.
Speaker 3: Is it's service, right, it's serving others rather than being
Speaker 3: self serving or actually wanting to be served by others.
Speaker 3: I always like to say, if service is below you,
Speaker 3: leadership is beyond you. And man, like, what a gift.
Speaker 3: It always comes back to our addiction in our past
Speaker 3: and the selfishness and self centeredness that gave us this
Speaker 3: antidote to life. It's the greatest life hack, and that's
Speaker 3: it's being of service. And it's just such a great
Speaker 3: way to lead by example. I think the world is
Speaker 3: changed by your example, not by your opinion. And in
Speaker 3: a world of social media and a lot of noise
Speaker 3: and some you know, leaders in our country and leaders
Speaker 3: in our world that might not necessarily be leading by example,
Speaker 3: that that it's important that really service is at the
Speaker 3: root of it. But as you were, as I saw
Speaker 3: your face, and as we're talking about leadership, it just
Speaker 3: had me thinking about you know how I'm constantly in
Speaker 3: the work of this and wanting to step up and
Speaker 3: be a great leader and then sometimes maybe not. And
Speaker 3: it can show up even in my relationship. Right, So
Speaker 3: like this weekend, came out to see you, came out
Speaker 3: to see you play, and my girl, my partner, she
Speaker 3: banged up her ankle really bad in New York City
Speaker 3: and she couldn't walk, and you kind of have to
Speaker 3: be able to walk in New York City. So you know,
Speaker 3: the selfish, self centered part of me was like, you know,
Speaker 3: stay home, I'm going to go to the game. And
Speaker 3: I just kind of had to like step up and
Speaker 3: be a leader and make sure she felt taken care
Speaker 3: of and sacrifice my own desires. And you know, I
Speaker 3: think about initially the level of disappointment that I felt,
Speaker 3: but also I started to embody a little bit right,
Speaker 3: and it's like it's not her fault, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. And so it was just interesting as you
Speaker 3: brought it up, and I'm like, wow, there was a
Speaker 3: gap there where maybe I wasn't a good leader in
Speaker 3: the relationship. Now luckily I don't think it lasted very long,
Speaker 3: but long enough to have some contrasts there. So you know,
Speaker 3: I think it's just a reminder that one leadership can
Speaker 3: look and it shows up in all areas of our life.
Speaker 3: And for me, it's just like constantly evolving from it.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, man. And there's a quote I love it. You're
Speaker 2: not responsible for your thoughts but you are responsible for
Speaker 2: your action. So I feel like in that situation, just
Speaker 2: because you had a thought of what you may have
Speaker 2: wanted to do, you know, I wouldn't judge yourself for that,
Speaker 2: you know, because your actions showed that, Hey, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: make sure that she's okay. I'm gonna set the tone
Speaker 2: here because she needs help and she's my partner. She's
Speaker 2: most important to me, so I'm gonna let that be known.
Speaker 2: And that's important man. And I feel like in order
Speaker 2: for you to see that, and in order to not
Speaker 2: do the people that are listening to disservice, I think
Speaker 2: we need to start with Leadership is about leading yourself
Speaker 2: before you get the opportunity to lead other people. And
Speaker 2: the fact that you're leading yourself whereas it's showing compassion
Speaker 2: to yourself, Like, hey, if you were in a certain
Speaker 2: situation and you were hurting, you'd care for yourself. So
Speaker 2: the fact that you know how to do that, you
Speaker 2: can extend that to Maho instead of, you know, trying
Speaker 2: to think just about yourself and what you may have
Speaker 2: wanted in a moment. And I feel like a lot
Speaker 2: of people want platforms, a lot of people want titles
Speaker 2: and positions to be able to direct people or tell
Speaker 2: people what to do. But where is your level of
Speaker 2: leadership at for yourself? Like when nobody else is watching,
Speaker 2: where's your level of discipline? Where's your level of you know,
Speaker 2: self maintenance, you know, self motivation? Like these things have
Speaker 2: to be taken into account because are you going to
Speaker 2: be a CEO but you don't know how to work,
Speaker 2: you don't have work ethic, or you you want to
Speaker 2: be a coach, a head coach, but you don't know
Speaker 2: how to serve, You don't know how to you know,
Speaker 2: be a position coach first, you don't know how to
Speaker 2: do all these things. So I feel like before we
Speaker 2: dive into all these things and qualities that people can implement,
Speaker 2: we got to start with saying like, hey, like we
Speaker 2: need to be leading ourselves because ultimately, our desires and
Speaker 2: our wants that are self centered will show if we're
Speaker 2: not about you know, having that character and having that
Speaker 2: proper influence that we should be policing in ourselves first
Speaker 2: before we even start to want to have influence over
Speaker 2: other people.
Speaker 3: Man, Yeah, it has me thinking about like a quality
Speaker 3: of leadership is someone that really prioritizes self care and
Speaker 3: personal development. Right, it's taking care of yourself. So there
Speaker 3: is an aspect of it where yeah, you do have
Speaker 3: to put yourself first before you can serve others. But
Speaker 3: that personal development and the self reflection and our in
Speaker 3: our recovery program, doing doing daily inventories and sitting in
Speaker 3: our practices, it's so important because what it does is
Speaker 3: it gives you more emotional intelligence, right, and emotional intelligence
Speaker 3: is just the ability to control and express your emotions
Speaker 3: as well as handle interpersonal relationships and conflict and when
Speaker 3: things don't go your way. And you know, it's just
Speaker 3: bringing me back to you know, my my scenario that
Speaker 3: I brought up in New York City, and you know,
Speaker 3: if I look back on it in my own self reflection,
Speaker 3: yes there were thoughts, but I think those thoughts turned
Speaker 3: into like leaky emotions a little bit. So luckily again
Speaker 3: it didn't last long. But it's just, you know, I'm
Speaker 3: aware of it, and I guess I you know, I
Speaker 3: just I know the importance of humility and honesty, and
Speaker 3: especially on this, you know, on our podcast, like you know,
Speaker 3: we can sit here and spit all the wisdom and
Speaker 3: knowledge that it's not ours, it's stuff that we learn
Speaker 3: but I think it's more important to talk about like
Speaker 3: the mess ups and where we're still lacking this and
Speaker 3: also just our willingness to like want to do better,
Speaker 3: you know, learn and grow from it.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Man. Yeah, like you said, we are people that
Speaker 2: are living out these things as as you guys are, Like,
Speaker 2: there's a new change and a new shift as far
Speaker 2: as leadership in my life being in New York, being
Speaker 2: on this new team, I'm one of the older guys
Speaker 2: in the locker room. And no matter how long I mean,
Speaker 2: the fact that I've been in the league so long,
Speaker 2: getting close to a decade, Guys that are young, no
Speaker 2: matter what I may be doing, no matter how good
Speaker 2: I may be playing, how bad I may be playing,
Speaker 2: they see me being in the league nine years just
Speaker 2: about and they're like, well, how is he doing that?
Speaker 2: Like I want to get there just that length of time.
Speaker 2: And so for me, it's about Okay, how conscious of
Speaker 2: am I of my routine, means, my my attitude, the
Speaker 2: way that I treat people, just being about a collective
Speaker 2: goal as opposed to an individual goal, and realizing that
Speaker 2: I've adopted this place of leadership whether I want to
Speaker 2: accept it or not, because usually you know who I am.
Speaker 2: In my core, I kind of just want to blend in,
Speaker 2: be quiet, you know, say some jokes, you know, kind
Speaker 2: of be say things every now and then. But I
Speaker 2: don't want to be the guy that's responsible for making
Speaker 2: this thing go. But now, like I feel like God
Speaker 2: is calling me out of that. He's not calling me
Speaker 2: to just be this super raw, raw leader, but somebody
Speaker 2: that can be more vocal, somebody that can share experience,
Speaker 2: because me being in the NFL at least in that lead.
Speaker 2: In this aspect of leadership of my life. I've been drafted,
Speaker 2: been drafted late, I've been cut, I've signed big contracts,
Speaker 2: I've been traded, I've been the pro bowler. I've also
Speaker 2: been hurt on injured reserve. So there's not an experience
Speaker 2: that I haven't add. So, you know, I honestly feel
Speaker 2: like shame on me for not wanting to lead, Shame
Speaker 2: on me for not wanting to share this experience with
Speaker 2: other people, because it's not necessarily about my comfortability with it.
Speaker 2: It's more so about how other people can learn. And
Speaker 2: that goes back to that servanthood that you were talking
Speaker 2: about earlier, Like being a leader is a servant it's
Speaker 2: not about what I can take from people. It's about
Speaker 2: what I can add. It's about what I can give.
Speaker 2: It's about you know, other people being better versions of themselves,
Speaker 2: growing just because they were around me and us working
Speaker 2: to a collective goal, right like you think of this,
Speaker 2: I remember this image I saw a long time ago
Speaker 2: before I even wanted to even dive into leadership. It's
Speaker 2: two different pictures of what people think leadership is and
Speaker 2: what leadership actually is. And some people think leadership is
Speaker 2: you know people kind of like carrying a throne like
Speaker 2: kind of like some slaves back in the day, like
Speaker 2: like way way back like BC, like Roman era, like
Speaker 2: carrying a throne of like an emperor on it. The
Speaker 2: emperor's pointing like work, we're going this way, but the
Speaker 2: leader is kind of just like relaxing and boston people around.
Speaker 2: Whereas the real image of leadership is that leader's out
Speaker 2: in front doing exactly what others are doing, getting their
Speaker 2: hands dirty, getting their feet, you know, ten toes on
Speaker 2: the ground, like really out there on the front lines
Speaker 2: and moving it. Not just calling out orders, calling out shots,
Speaker 2: so just trying to you know, create this image of
Speaker 2: you know, what leadership really is from a basic level
Speaker 2: and just continue to add to that.
Speaker 3: From a football standpoint, what would you say like your
Speaker 3: leadership style is today.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's hard for me to put it
Speaker 2: into like one style because I feel like it's shifting
Speaker 2: and evolving all the time, because, you know, naturally, I
Speaker 2: want my leadership style to be kind of like leading
Speaker 2: from the back, kind of like like the wolf situation.
Speaker 2: I don't know if anybody's familiar with that, but leading
Speaker 2: from the back essentially there's like a there's a wolf
Speaker 2: in the front that's kind of leading the pack everywhere
Speaker 2: they're going, but then there's a strong wolf that's also
Speaker 2: in the back that's like keeping anybody from getting to
Speaker 2: the weaker wolves or the wolves that are struggling, or
Speaker 2: the or the children, like keeping everybody, you know, make
Speaker 2: sure they're moving in the right direction. I feel like
Speaker 2: that's natural to me. Of encouraging guys that may have
Speaker 2: dropped the pass or made a bad player, made a mistake,
Speaker 2: that wanted to just beat themselves up or dive into
Speaker 2: self pity. I feel like that's natural for me because
Speaker 2: I see myself kind of slipping into those areas as well.
Speaker 2: But now it's you know, situations where I can be
Speaker 2: more vocal, like you know, just real. Uh. Just recently
Speaker 2: we had a game, first game of the season, and
Speaker 2: we got mopped, like it was tough, and you know,
Speaker 2: I've seen situations on the sideline and one of the
Speaker 2: guys I've always looked up to, with my teammate, Tyrod Taylor,
Speaker 2: he was like, hey, man, like, you know, lead these
Speaker 2: guys like be you know, be more vocal, like you know,
Speaker 2: they're gonna they're gonna listen to you. And it's like okay,
Speaker 2: Like in that moment, I'm just kind of like all right,
Speaker 2: like this is this is new territory for me, but
Speaker 2: it's it's constantly expanding, so it's hard to put myself
Speaker 2: into one style. But naturally me and myself, I'm a
Speaker 2: guy like lead from the back, maybe not necessarily in
Speaker 2: the front, leading rah rah. Like everybody sees like how
Speaker 2: ray Lewis was like, that's leadership for sure, But you
Speaker 2: don't have to be a leader to be that way.
Speaker 2: And I hope people can see that because some people
Speaker 2: aren't necessarily comfortable with getting out there and just and
Speaker 2: giving a passion filled speech and just going all out,
Speaker 2: like maybe we work ourselves into that, but we can
Speaker 2: find a leadership role in the style for ourselves exactly
Speaker 2: where we're at.
Speaker 3: Does it feel awkward to you to like be more
Speaker 3: vocal and when tired like approaches you? Do you do
Speaker 3: you feel the resistance initially or are you like taking
Speaker 3: charge after you you get a comment like that from him?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel the resistance initially because it's not something
Speaker 2: that that I've always done and I've always kind of
Speaker 2: picked my spots and know like, all right, when I
Speaker 2: say something, I'm going to have something to say. But
Speaker 2: in that situation, it's like, okay, like these guys, these
Speaker 2: guys trust me to to to say things that aren't
Speaker 2: gonna be out of line, or that aren't gonna be
Speaker 2: attacking people or that aren't gonna be scrutinized because I
Speaker 2: am somebody that's careful with my words. I'm careful with
Speaker 2: my actions. I'm careful with the way that I you know,
Speaker 2: present myself in work and prepare. So it's it's a
Speaker 2: matter of just kind of like throwing myself out there,
Speaker 2: kind of like taking that leap of faith into it,
Speaker 2: and uh, it's gonna take some time, you know, It's
Speaker 2: still gonna be a little bit of that resistance, maybe
Speaker 2: even for a while, but it's about pushing through it,
Speaker 2: you know. Like I've always heard this pastor like name
Speaker 2: is Tim Ross, he said, if you can't it's basically like,
Speaker 2: if you can't do it brave, do it afraid. And
Speaker 2: that's something that I'm embodying in a way to this
Speaker 2: new these new chapters of my leadership, because you know,
Speaker 2: as you go to new heights, you're gonna be uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: You just reset and uh and keep climbing. So I'm
Speaker 2: blessed to be in this position even though I do
Speaker 2: feel some of that resistance.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it comes back to We've talked a
Speaker 3: lot about just unfamiliar, right, which is like that's the
Speaker 3: part of the brain that doesn't like unfamiliar. It likes
Speaker 3: familiar comfort zone. Stay in the stay in the unhealthy relationships,
Speaker 3: stay in the dead end job, do what's familiar. And
Speaker 3: so immediately we have to do something unfamiliar, and that
Speaker 3: part of the brain is trying to protect us, but
Speaker 3: you know, it's just trying to keep us doing the
Speaker 3: same old thing because it's familiar. And I think leaning
Speaker 3: in and you know, finding our edge and being able
Speaker 3: to relax at our edge or step out of our
Speaker 3: comfort zone. I think this is the evolution. And you know,
Speaker 3: if I look at you as a leader, yeah, the
Speaker 3: on the field stuff is great, but my guess is
Speaker 3: that a lot of your teammates are the majority of
Speaker 3: your teammates are leaning on you for leadership because of
Speaker 3: everything else beyond the field. Yeah, you've got tenure and
Speaker 3: a lot of a lot more years than everybody else.
Speaker 3: But I think it's it's those other qualities. And me personally,
Speaker 3: if I think about the style of leadership that I
Speaker 3: resonate with the most, it's it's like it's you. It's
Speaker 3: the quiet, calm confidence. It's not the raw, raw, you know,
Speaker 3: yell and kind of like you know, just that that
Speaker 3: stuff brings me back to like Pop Warner days and
Speaker 3: like you know, high school football, and it's just I
Speaker 3: don't resonate with that more. Right, So I think just
Speaker 3: your leadership style is something that I would really be
Speaker 3: more influenced by as opposed to the raw, raw yelling stuff.
Speaker 2: No, totally get that, man. And I feel like, you know,
Speaker 2: a major component of leadership as well is just like
Speaker 2: what's your what's your motive, right, Like are you leading
Speaker 2: for the simply for the influence or are you leading
Speaker 2: for to have relationships with people? Because I feel like
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, that's what a leadership
Speaker 2: be about. And I feel like that's how I try
Speaker 2: to go about my leadership. It's like, you know, just
Speaker 2: like not trying to get too fast from you know,
Speaker 2: task the task or get too quick to the stats
Speaker 2: or like you know, where's mine but more so like
Speaker 2: all right, I'm I'm talking to my team. If a
Speaker 2: teammate waltks by me, I'm like, yo, how you doing? Man?
Speaker 2: Like how's your head? How's your day going? Like if
Speaker 2: if if I see a guy and he might be
Speaker 2: dealing with an injury, and like how's your how's your
Speaker 2: timetable coming? Like you know, what are you like asking
Speaker 2: somebody about their journey, ask somebody about their family, and
Speaker 2: kind of like build and starting from there because I
Speaker 2: feel like when I do that, it'll give me more
Speaker 2: of a know how to lead these people when it's time,
Speaker 2: Like if it's really in a crunch situation or you know,
Speaker 2: we're really you know, we're people's confidence is real and
Speaker 2: or you know you're in a jam it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: I know how to use my influence for the better
Speaker 2: to help us collectively because I actually know this person.
Speaker 2: I actually have taken the time to build a relationship
Speaker 2: with them, have conversations with them, get to know their life,
Speaker 2: what they may be struggling with, what they may be
Speaker 2: trying to get over the hump on. So that's something
Speaker 2: I try to take into account and you know, kind
Speaker 2: of like affirm myself for like, yeah, this is I'm
Speaker 2: covering my own lane with leadership, like this is a
Speaker 2: this is a certain style, but at the same time,
Speaker 2: you know, this has my own flavor on it. Nobody
Speaker 2: can do it like me. I can do it in
Speaker 2: a way that's inspirational and maybe challenge people that sometimes,
Speaker 2: but it's also loving. Like at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: those guys in the locker room know, like I just
Speaker 2: enjoy being around y'all, and I know where you want
Speaker 2: to go. I want to go in the same direction.
Speaker 2: Let's do it together and let's take all the ego
Speaker 2: out of it.
Speaker 3: You know, Oh man, I think you nailed it right
Speaker 3: there with It's also important to kind of define have
Speaker 3: our own definition of leadership because I think we all
Speaker 3: have natural gifts and talents, and some are going to
Speaker 3: be more vocal, some are going to be more high energy,
Speaker 3: some are going to be more grounding and have that
Speaker 3: calm confidence. But it it does come down to, like,
Speaker 3: if we want to step up our leadership game, we
Speaker 3: do have to step up our relationships. Emotionally intelligent and
Speaker 3: people and leaders understand that their success and failure always
Speaker 3: rests on the quality of their relationships. Right. It's kind
Speaker 3: of like that trust and having that and it goes
Speaker 3: beyond the surface level, right, And this is the essence
Speaker 3: of why why we do this podcast and why we
Speaker 3: talk about everything and share our stuff, right and bring
Speaker 3: on guests who might maybe the world looks at as
Speaker 3: like having all this shit together and then you know,
Speaker 3: we get to break it down and they don't. And
Speaker 3: it's that it's that that common bond, right to talk
Speaker 3: about the struggles. And yeah, I think it all does
Speaker 3: come down to relationships.
Speaker 2: No doubt in our comeback stories listeners and friends, brothers
Speaker 2: and sisters, like the people that have been through struggle
Speaker 2: like you and I, Donnie. It may we may be
Speaker 2: trained to think like we may not have as much
Speaker 2: to offer, or we may have disqualified ourselves from a
Speaker 2: position of leadership. But really, at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: we're the ones that are more or equipped for that
Speaker 2: role because we can empathize with people. We've we've fallen,
Speaker 2: and we can we can see, you know, maybe that
Speaker 2: little bit of brokenness or that pain and in somebody else.
Speaker 2: So when we achieve or assume a leadership position, we're
Speaker 2: not gonna judge them, We're not gonna punish them, We're
Speaker 2: not gonna, you know, look a look down on them
Speaker 2: any type of way. We see them as our fellows,
Speaker 2: as our brothers, as even we're not ahead of them,
Speaker 2: we're not above them. They're right there with us, and
Speaker 2: quite frankly, we have more experience to share. Like when
Speaker 2: when crisis hits, do you want a leader that hasn't
Speaker 2: been through anything, who everything's been you know, green pastors,
Speaker 2: and has never faced the challenge. It's gonna be tough
Speaker 2: because he's gonna have to learn in that moment what
Speaker 2: a lot of us have learned on our lives journey
Speaker 2: and continue to learn. It's like there's no escaping that,
Speaker 2: there's no escaping failure, there's no and there I thought
Speaker 2: there's people in leadership in the world today that feel
Speaker 2: like if you failure is fatal in a way, you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, When really it's like failure is necessary,
Speaker 2: and we need that narrative being pushed more amongst people
Speaker 2: because then people can be like, oh, yeah, I have
Speaker 2: you know, gotten knocked in the dirt a little bit,
Speaker 2: but oh that I could still make something happen. I
Speaker 2: could still lead these young men on this team that
Speaker 2: I'm coaching. I could still you know, be a mentor
Speaker 2: to these kids in these in these rough areas that
Speaker 2: don't have an example to look to. I can still
Speaker 2: you know, lead in my book club, amongst you know,
Speaker 2: wives in the neighborhood. It's like, wherever you are, like
Speaker 2: the pain that you've experienced, the hurdles that you've faced
Speaker 2: in life, like those are just equipping you to be
Speaker 2: a better leader. And people need to know that, Yeah.
Speaker 3: We all have way more influence than we'll ever imagine.
Speaker 3: And people are watching, Your kids are watching, there's people
Speaker 3: watching you, and you get to choose how you're going
Speaker 3: to show up. And I just keep coming back to
Speaker 3: this gift of the gift of desperation in our addiction
Speaker 3: that gave us this gift of sobriety that gave us tools.
Speaker 3: I'm coming back to, like the early on in sobriety,
Speaker 3: it was the HOW acronym honesty, open minded, and willing,
Speaker 3: and all we had to really do is walk into
Speaker 3: these meetings and just be honest, open minded, and willing.
Speaker 3: And I remember early on in twelve step meetings that
Speaker 3: I would like because I really cared what other people think,
Speaker 3: like I still do, but it's way better than it
Speaker 3: used to be. And I would go into these meetings
Speaker 3: and just like you know, not be listening and just
Speaker 3: be waiting to like in my head about what I
Speaker 3: was going to say because I wanted to impress or
Speaker 3: like drop a nugget of wisdom. And then I would
Speaker 3: go in and watch a newcomer come in just raw,
Speaker 3: real honest, crying, showing emotion, and that person had so
Speaker 3: much more influence on me than you know, someone that
Speaker 3: was just dropping stuff out of the book or you know.
Speaker 3: But then I would forget that and then still fall
Speaker 3: back into that loop of like and it's like, no,
Speaker 3: this is leadership. Like this kind of vulnerability and honesty
Speaker 3: is everything that I need, because vulnerability back then was
Speaker 3: like an issue for me. So I think, like you know,
Speaker 3: it comes down to like these tools that we've been given,
Speaker 3: and how like you can just you can be a
Speaker 3: living example of leadership by living that how acronym of
Speaker 3: just getting honest, getting honest with yourself. That's the self
Speaker 3: reflection in the personal development part. Being open minded even
Speaker 3: as a leader if you are at the top of
Speaker 3: a leadership chain in a company, to still be open
Speaker 3: minded that it doesn't have to be your way all
Speaker 3: the time. And then willing right, willing to do the work,
Speaker 3: willing to get your hands dirty with you know, the
Speaker 3: people that are way below you on the ORG chart.
Speaker 3: Like all of that is so important to me. That
Speaker 3: is the most influential way to lead your people.
Speaker 2: That's so good man. Like if people, if you need
Speaker 2: a blueprint on where to start as a leader, that's it.
Speaker 2: Like just imagine the leader that you would want, Like,
Speaker 2: imagine the leader that you would want if you were
Speaker 2: the imperfect human being which you are like and you
Speaker 2: were to mess up, and what kind of leader would
Speaker 2: you want? Would you want a leader that feels you
Speaker 2: could resonate with you and your failure. Would you want
Speaker 2: a leader that anytime that you have an idea, they
Speaker 2: would shoot it down. No, you want a leader that's
Speaker 2: open minded to your ideas and wants to empower you
Speaker 2: to have great ideas because that leader wants you to
Speaker 2: be a leader one day. Like that's the ultimate goal,
Speaker 2: Like leading from a place of I want to create
Speaker 2: more leaders. I want to plant seeds. I don't want
Speaker 2: it to just be like I'm leading and you guys
Speaker 2: are my little minions, you know, as I go about
Speaker 2: trying to do what I want and get what I
Speaker 2: can get. No, it's about empowering you so that you
Speaker 2: can continue to go on and be a leader in
Speaker 2: your world and affect more people and have those leaders
Speaker 2: affect more people and operate from that place. Because then
Speaker 2: it's like we're creating the world we want, you know,
Speaker 2: like Gandhi, we're being the change that we want to
Speaker 2: see because we're choosing to lead from a place of
Speaker 2: strong core values and plant the seed. Because you never
Speaker 2: know what one person could could benefit from, Like like Donnie,
Speaker 2: like you teaching your yoga class. You don't know somebody
Speaker 2: could come in there and you could change their life
Speaker 2: one day just by the way that you operate, by
Speaker 2: the way that you are the way the energy that
Speaker 2: you provide and that you radiate. So it is getting
Speaker 2: to that frame of mind with leadership and what she
Speaker 2: said about getting in touch with the newcomer and feeling
Speaker 2: what they feel. I watched this movie on a plane recently.
Speaker 2: It's called Tar. It's about this lady who's like this
Speaker 2: world famous music composer, and you know, she achieved so
Speaker 2: much power and influence that she almost becomes like drunk
Speaker 2: off of that power. And she is like, you know,
Speaker 2: cheating on her wife and like just you know, treating
Speaker 2: like young musical students who are looking up to her.
Speaker 2: She's just kind of bashing them and just like you know,
Speaker 2: doing whatever she wants. And it almost feels like she's
Speaker 2: invincible to consequences. And you know, I don't want to
Speaker 2: ruin the movie for anybody, but at the end, at
Speaker 2: the very end of the movie, there she talks about
Speaker 2: there's a part in the movie like towards the beginning
Speaker 2: she talks about like the source of music, where her
Speaker 2: source of inspiration was, and just like the root of
Speaker 2: just like loving to play music. And at the end,
Speaker 2: when her power trip like just exhaust and just completely
Speaker 2: burns her out, she goes back to that source and
Speaker 2: becomes that has that beginner's mind again of like this
Speaker 2: is where I started, like getting back in touch with
Speaker 2: you know, just the rawness of what she loved at
Speaker 2: that time, which I feel like is similar to getting
Speaker 2: in touch with the newcomer, like me being six years
Speaker 2: plus in sobriety, Like I still need to hear people's stories.
Speaker 2: I still need to hear them being fresh off the
Speaker 2: street in the urgency with which they want to be sober,
Speaker 2: the urgency with which they want to change their lives,
Speaker 2: because that's helping me. And it's like at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, leaders don't know it all. Leaders still
Speaker 2: need to be learning and to lead and create an
Speaker 2: atmosphere in which people know like, hey, you're learning to
Speaker 2: I'm learning right alongside you, and we're never finished products.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm even coming back to that how acronym. You know,
Speaker 3: if you're questioning how you are a leader, if you
Speaker 3: don't think you're a leader, if you're in any kind
Speaker 3: of romantic relationship, coming back to that, that how acronym
Speaker 3: to be able to lead in the relationship, you know,
Speaker 3: you got to be honest, Like that's that's going to
Speaker 3: be really important, but also open minded, open minded to
Speaker 3: getting help, getting feedback from your partner, which you know
Speaker 3: as a as a male, like to the ego, it
Speaker 3: doesn't always feel great, but it's not like our way
Speaker 3: isn't always the right way. And then that willingness, right,
Speaker 3: it's willing to again get outside help, willing to do
Speaker 3: something different. That acronym just runs so deep, and it's
Speaker 3: like how you do anything is how you do everything.
Speaker 3: So you know you can take that and you can
Speaker 3: you know, good or bad, whether you're using something for
Speaker 3: a positive or negative, it's going to seep into every
Speaker 3: major area of your life. And so you know, again
Speaker 3: people are watching and you have no idea the influence
Speaker 3: that you're making. And it just kind of comes back
Speaker 3: to the podcast where you are referencing, you know, me
Speaker 3: teaching a yoga class. But I know you're not on
Speaker 3: social media, but like you know, the messages like you don't,
Speaker 3: we don't realize, we're just we're me and you are
Speaker 3: just chopping it up talking. But the beautiful thing about
Speaker 3: having a positive influence on a platform like this is
Speaker 3: like the messages that come through and all we're doing
Speaker 3: is share in our story and providing space for other
Speaker 3: people to share their story to align with our mission,
Speaker 3: which was just to reach as many people as possible
Speaker 3: to remind them that they're not alone. So, you know,
Speaker 3: it's so nice that we get to lean on this,
Speaker 3: this gift of recovery that we've gotten and the tools
Speaker 3: it's given us to be able to lead. And sometimes
Speaker 3: it's just by sharing our story and all the shady
Speaker 3: and dumb stuff that we did in our addiction, so
Speaker 3: that when we're honest about it and we share, like
Speaker 3: you know, it can bankrupt that story of somebody else
Speaker 3: thinking they're all messed up because they did this, and
Speaker 3: then they hear that you know, you and I both
Speaker 3: overdose and and we're still here, right. So yeah, I
Speaker 3: think this is our responsibility to really utilize this platform
Speaker 3: and lead by example just by just by being honest,
Speaker 3: being real.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and being and being real comes with when you're real.
Speaker 2: It's like a you hear people talk about purpose, and
Speaker 2: one and one person I talked about or hear talk
Speaker 2: about with purpose is you know, find what breaks your heart.
Speaker 2: And you know, as people like us, I mean even
Speaker 2: people that aren't in recovery that have been in touch
Speaker 2: with that level of pain and that level of brokenness
Speaker 2: and are honest about it and are open about it
Speaker 2: and are willing to change it. In those moments you
Speaker 2: find purpose, which I feel like leads to the next
Speaker 2: component is like leading with a vision, Like when you
Speaker 2: know what breaks your heart, you know what you want
Speaker 2: to fix, like your your source of inspiration is right there,
Speaker 2: Like you're going to attack that issue. You're going to lead,
Speaker 2: and you're gonna lead until that vision comes into fruition
Speaker 2: and you're going to continue to lead through it. And
Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of people, you know, may
Speaker 2: not necessarily have a vision or something that they're necessarily
Speaker 2: that passionate about. It may be off of cardinal desires,
Speaker 2: may be off of money. It maybe just be off
Speaker 2: of power and things like that which don't ultimately empower
Speaker 2: at the end of the day. And you know, you
Speaker 2: talk about the world today is there's a lot of leaders.
Speaker 2: And it's honestly been taught to us. It's honestly been
Speaker 2: you know, presented to us in a way that is
Speaker 2: attractive to to want to lead, to want to get
Speaker 2: to the top of the mountain, to want to climb
Speaker 2: and get up there and show people that what we've done,
Speaker 2: but it's not really a way that is truly healthy
Speaker 2: and truly fulfilling. That's why you hear about people that
Speaker 2: are worth fifty million dollars, you know, putting a gun
Speaker 2: in their mouth, or like people that achieve so much
Speaker 2: success being so depressed because there's not something there necessarily
Speaker 2: working towards and trying to lead others toward that is
Speaker 2: really going to make a difference not only in them
Speaker 2: but in so many other people. And I feel like
Speaker 2: that's a that's another area, another realm that we have
Speaker 2: to to get into as leaders of, Like you know,
Speaker 2: what vision do I have that is going to have
Speaker 2: a lasting impact long past when I'm done here, or
Speaker 2: that lasts longer then I'm in the spotlight, or that
Speaker 2: you know, like there's something that my children can continue
Speaker 2: to walk in or grandchildren or just whatever it may be,
Speaker 2: but something that's that's bigger than you, because I feel
Speaker 2: like leadership in a lot of ways, it's like there's
Speaker 2: no way it could be bigger than you, because ultimately
Speaker 2: you want to lead for yourself and how it makes
Speaker 2: you feel. And that's just something that I hope this
Speaker 2: world can continue to just unpack and continue to talk
Speaker 2: about continue to just face up and look in the
Speaker 2: mirror and be like, damn, I really do think like that,
Speaker 2: Like I do want this for myself. I do want
Speaker 2: the influence for myself and the power for myself as
Speaker 2: opposed to when you get it, is it going to
Speaker 2: flow through you?
Speaker 3: So yeah, I think it's important to because purpose in leadership,
Speaker 3: I mean, in my world and my mind go hand
Speaker 3: in hand, and even just figuring out like well how
Speaker 3: can I go lead? Well, it comes back to purpose,
Speaker 3: which purpose is figuring out what your natural gifts and
Speaker 3: talents are. Our purpose isn't static, right, It's not something
Speaker 3: we declare a purpose statement and we live by about
Speaker 3: the rest of our lives. Our purpose is dynamic. But
Speaker 3: what's consistent and static are our natural gifts and talents.
Speaker 3: And so if you're looking to lead, or you're looking
Speaker 3: to find more purpose or live life with more purpose
Speaker 3: on purpose, figure out what your natural gifts and talents
Speaker 3: are and then use those to be of service, like
Speaker 3: how can I use my gifts to help others and
Speaker 3: lead others? Like That's really what it comes down to,
Speaker 3: because otherwise you're kind of maybe leading it from a
Speaker 3: place of inauthenticity, like you're just playing the role. You know,
Speaker 3: when you know, someone gets to the top of the
Speaker 3: ladder and they get that CEO or that leadership title
Speaker 3: and they have no like relationship skills or you know,
Speaker 3: emotional intelligence. It's like the example you gave in the movie.
Speaker 3: It's it will create a very toxic environment and disrupt
Speaker 3: a culture, whether it's a you know, if it's an organization,
Speaker 3: a sports organization or a family. Like it all starts
Speaker 3: at the top, and you know they say shit seeps downhill.
Speaker 3: So you can turn into a positive. But again it
Speaker 3: comes back to like people are watching. They're watching you,
Speaker 3: and it doesn't cut. It's not about oh, carrying what
Speaker 3: other people think. It's like that level of accountability, like
Speaker 3: you are being a role model for somebody. They're watching
Speaker 3: you out there, and so you get to choose how
Speaker 3: to show up.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I think I think it's important to take
Speaker 2: a second to honor and just empathize with these leaders
Speaker 2: who who may not be leading in the way that
Speaker 2: we would want them to or in the purest fashion,
Speaker 2: because leadership isn't easy, especially when you have influence over
Speaker 2: a lot of people. You're gonna be tempted by a
Speaker 2: lot of things. You're gonna be tempted to go in
Speaker 2: certain directions, tempted by things, tempted by metrics, tempted by
Speaker 2: you know, funds, like whatever. It may be, tempted away
Speaker 2: from your values, tempted away from what you're true to.
Speaker 2: And we need to honor them. We need to pray
Speaker 2: for them, We need to send loving energy, loving kindness
Speaker 2: to them. And you know, I want to say something
Speaker 2: that may not necessarily be that sexy, like serve your leaders,
Speaker 2: even if that even if that leader above you, it
Speaker 2: may not be the leader that you would want or
Speaker 2: that you would envision being the best one, Like serve
Speaker 2: them like because ultimately, one day, when you're a leader
Speaker 2: and you're in a position, you're not going to be perfect.
Speaker 2: You may take somebody off, you may ruffle somebody's feathers,
Speaker 2: but at the end of the day, like, would you
Speaker 2: want them to serve you still, just because even though
Speaker 2: you messed up. That's a question we got to ask ourselves,
Speaker 2: because we can't you know, put down leaders now just
Speaker 2: because they may do certain things, Like we need to
Speaker 2: try to honor them in any way possible, Like even
Speaker 2: if we don't see eye to eye. Even if we
Speaker 2: don't agree with everything that we're doing, we can still
Speaker 2: try to see them as human being. That's that's trying
Speaker 2: the lead that may be imperfect because we're no better
Speaker 2: than them, because we're going to slip ourselves.
Speaker 3: So what would you say is like the main motivation
Speaker 3: behind your your leadership today and how you're choosing to lead,
Speaker 3: Like what's underneath it all for you?
Speaker 2: I would say motivation behind me for the way in
Speaker 2: which I lead is for people to have no shame,
Speaker 2: to show up as you know, who they authentically are.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I was a guest on a podcast recently and they
Speaker 2: said they interviewed one of my current teammates before and
Speaker 2: they asked him about me, and they said, yeah, he's
Speaker 2: he's daring no matter what we're in a room he
Speaker 2: walks into. And I was like, that's crazy, because I
Speaker 2: spent most of my life like wearing different masks, trying
Speaker 2: to be somebody different every room I went into. And
Speaker 2: it's still tempting sometimes to do that and to not
Speaker 2: because of that feeling of getting exposed or something. But
Speaker 2: when I heard that, I was like, wow, like because
Speaker 2: I never felt that way until up until recently about
Speaker 2: being you know, in my own skin and showing up
Speaker 2: and like being in a performance driven industry but not
Speaker 2: having my whole piece be wrapped up in how I perform.
Speaker 2: Like I can show up and be like in joke
Speaker 2: and you know, be excited and be enthusiastic. You know,
Speaker 2: even in moments where people want to be super wound
Speaker 2: up and super tight and super serious. It doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that I don't care. It doesn't mean that I don't
Speaker 2: hold myself to a high standard and want you to
Speaker 2: do the same as well. But it's like that fear
Speaker 2: of of Darren Waller being a failure because football may
Speaker 2: not have ended the way that I wanted to is like,
Speaker 2: that's that's not a thing anymore. And I want people
Speaker 2: to do that as well, because when you show up
Speaker 2: in the locker room like that, when you show up
Speaker 2: to work like that, free of that of that fear
Speaker 2: or that shame of oh, if I don't win at this,
Speaker 2: or if I do happen to fail fall in my face,
Speaker 2: even in a public fashion like that, that it's over
Speaker 2: for me. That's not the truth, because my reality is
Speaker 2: every There are plenty of situations where it should have
Speaker 2: been over for me, and it wasn't. And here I
Speaker 2: am still writing my story. Here I am still you know,
Speaker 2: continuing on a spiritual journey, trying to find peace, just
Speaker 2: trying to you know, just cultivate more and more joy
Speaker 2: in my life organically, and I want to see the
Speaker 2: people around me do that, especially to men like women
Speaker 2: as well for certain but as men, you know, we
Speaker 2: carry so much on our shoulders and feel like we
Speaker 2: got to do so many things and be so much
Speaker 2: that we're not free as men, like we're always tied
Speaker 2: to something, some habit, some addiction, something that is we're
Speaker 2: just trying to take the edge off because we feel
Speaker 2: like life is so hard and we always have to
Speaker 2: be performing in a certain way when it's like that's
Speaker 2: how I want to lead ultimately, is like to show
Speaker 2: men there's a way to you know, have peace throughout
Speaker 2: every situation that may come your way. It doesn't have
Speaker 2: to steal the stillness and the calm that that you're
Speaker 2: trying to cultivate.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just being able to be a witness of your
Speaker 3: journey and the constancy of the work that you put in.
Speaker 3: Forget about all the on the field stuff. I'm talking
Speaker 3: about the daily journaling, the morning routines, the meditations, showing
Speaker 3: up at meetings, like being of service, Like the consistency
Speaker 3: I believe that you've been in the practice of has
Speaker 3: allowed you to consistently show up as Darren and not
Speaker 3: somebody else. It's like, the most self confident people are
Speaker 3: the ones that keep the promises they make to themselves.
Speaker 3: They do the things they say they're going to do.
Speaker 3: And you know, if you're not doing those things, it's
Speaker 3: really hard to be comfortable in your own skin and
Speaker 3: really just be authentic. But if I think about the
Speaker 3: qualities of like a good leader of today and the
Speaker 3: people that I look up to the most, it's authenticity.
Speaker 3: It's just like people that are real, right. But I
Speaker 3: don't think you can get to that place if you
Speaker 3: don't have going back to the qualities of a leader
Speaker 3: of personal development and self reflection and the practices yes
Speaker 3: leadership and our purpose it has to be something bigger
Speaker 3: than us. But we still have to put us first
Speaker 3: in terms of like our sacred practices, our rituals and
Speaker 3: the things that are going to like allow us to
Speaker 3: lead from a grounded place.
Speaker 2: And I want I want people to know about about
Speaker 2: you as well, and your journey in your walk, Like
Speaker 2: how are you still finding that desire and that motivation
Speaker 2: and that commitment to lead in coaching and teaching yoga?
Speaker 2: Like how do you stay grounded in you know, these
Speaker 2: leadership principles we've been discussing.
Speaker 3: Man, I think it all comes down to I think
Speaker 3: it's a Gary Vee quote that says, my selfishness is
Speaker 3: my selflessness, because it goes down to the root of
Speaker 3: my addiction, which was selfishness and self centeredness, and how
Speaker 3: it was just like all about me, and you know,
Speaker 3: the people that I dragged through the glass with me
Speaker 3: and that addiction and the pain I put my family through,
Speaker 3: and you know, just like really living a terrible, self destructive,
Speaker 3: self centered lifestyle. And uh, it's just I never want
Speaker 3: to go to that place again. And so I know
Speaker 3: the way that I'm I get out of that is
Speaker 3: just to serve to help others. But I also know
Speaker 3: I can't show up in a real authentic way or
Speaker 3: as the best version of myself if I don't have
Speaker 3: my practices. I also know, as a coach and as
Speaker 3: a leader, that you can only take your people as
Speaker 3: far as you're willing to go again. This is why
Speaker 3: we do the podcast and why we share our stories
Speaker 3: and why we just try to keep it real, because
Speaker 3: I think people will sniff that shit out in a
Speaker 3: heartbeat if you're just like all bark and you're actually
Speaker 3: not in the practices of these things. And I mean
Speaker 3: that was me for a while, you know, even early
Speaker 3: on in sobriety, but like you know, I was just
Speaker 3: trying to figure my shit out. But like today, it
Speaker 3: always just comes back to that because man, it was
Speaker 3: like the contrast of you know, being an athlete and
Speaker 3: then turning into this just disaster of a human. To
Speaker 3: be honest with you, just the way I was living
Speaker 3: my lifestyle and the people I was attracting into my life.
Speaker 3: You know, this is another important part of why having
Speaker 3: good leadership skills and embodying leadership is so important, because
Speaker 3: your vibe attracts or tribe, so you end up attracting
Speaker 3: more of those people in your life. Just like in
Speaker 3: my addiction, Like the people I was attracting into my
Speaker 3: life not so good, right, They were as lost as
Speaker 3: I was. And so yeah, I think it's that And
Speaker 3: also for me, it's getting close to people that have
Speaker 3: something that I want Proximity is power, and so just
Speaker 3: through like osmosis, I've had a gift of like if
Speaker 3: I see somebody that has something that I want, and
Speaker 3: I'm not talking about houses and material things, I'm talking
Speaker 3: about a calm, confidence and inner peace, a stage presence,
Speaker 3: a consistency, Like I just want to get close to
Speaker 3: those people and grab a hold of a little bit
Speaker 3: of what they have or learn and grow from them.
Speaker 2: That's so good man. I felt like this conversation is
Speaker 2: bringing new meaning to remember when you were a kid
Speaker 2: and adults would be like be a leader, not a follower,
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh whatever, Like man, fuck off. But
Speaker 2: it's like you never you didn't know back then, like
Speaker 2: you know what following an example that isn't true to
Speaker 2: you or authentic to your story or your journey where
Speaker 2: it could lead you and ultimately where it led us
Speaker 2: because I was following what somebody else described to me.
Speaker 2: What was a form of peace, which was drugs, which
Speaker 2: was alcohol, which was you know, a lot of different things,
Speaker 2: but ultimately, at the end of the day, it was
Speaker 2: me following an idea of what an ideal life would be, like,
Speaker 2: what would make me happy, what would have me to
Speaker 2: be fulfilled. And it's like as a kid, you're like, yeah, hey, mom,
Speaker 2: like whatever, Like I'm just trying to have fun with
Speaker 2: my friends. But eventually there's a there comes a point
Speaker 2: in your life where you not even may not even
Speaker 2: be aware of it. Like I wasn't aware of it.
Speaker 2: I was too lost in the addiction. I was too
Speaker 2: lost in you know, the the achievement, that the chase,
Speaker 2: the hustle that I never could stop and ask myself
Speaker 2: like what am I doing right now? Like am I
Speaker 2: am I leading? Or am I following? Like being honest?
Speaker 2: The age part of the of the acronym. It's like
Speaker 2: I just think back on that phrase, and it's just like,
Speaker 2: you know, we carry our inner child with us everywhere
Speaker 2: that we go, you know, like you see me, I'm
Speaker 2: by the time y'all hear this, I'll be thirty one
Speaker 2: years old. But there's still that the little kid reactions.
Speaker 2: There's still the little kid fears and insecurities in me
Speaker 2: from back then. So it's like now, it's a lot
Speaker 2: easier for me now to take that phrase and be
Speaker 2: like okay, like I need to be conscious of this
Speaker 2: on a daily basis, But how do we get that
Speaker 2: conversation to where it's like when you're a kid, you're
Speaker 2: conscious and you start, you know, crafting at your leadership
Speaker 2: role as at the same age I started using drugs,
Speaker 2: Like what, like, you know, what does it look like?
Speaker 2: And I don't know, it's just something Nando that it's
Speaker 2: popped in my head. But it's like a simple phrase
Speaker 2: that was so overlooked but now has big time ramifications.
Speaker 2: Here we are forty five minutes of babbling on how
Speaker 2: important leadership is and it being one of the most
Speaker 2: important commodities in the world, yet we can, you know,
Speaker 2: overlook it in the most important part of our lives.
Speaker 3: What do you think You've had a lot of coaches.
Speaker 3: I'm just curious from a football standpoint, what qualities of
Speaker 3: leadership in coaching? And obviously not the name names or
Speaker 3: anything with coaching, but like, what do you think is
Speaker 3: lacking from the coaching staff? What qualities or quality is
Speaker 3: lacking the most when it comes to leading from a
Speaker 3: coaching standpoint.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's changing a lot these days because
Speaker 2: football has been through errors, right, there was errors of football.
Speaker 2: I mean I think I tasted it grown up in
Speaker 2: the nineties when I started playing football, of like no emotions,
Speaker 2: no crying, like get the get the bleep up, and
Speaker 2: you know, rub some dirt on it, and it's like
Speaker 2: you suck, like just you know, yelling right in your face,
Speaker 2: just saliva in your face. And and it was like
Speaker 2: that was a coach should do it, should just just
Speaker 2: absolutely crush the player, just rip them a new one.
Speaker 2: And that's what coaches were. But now it's a new world.
Speaker 2: It's like people like we're acknowledging like the mental health
Speaker 2: aspect of things. Like back in the day, there was
Speaker 2: no mental health conversation, so people couldn't even speak on
Speaker 2: or even realize that the way certain coaches, certain people
Speaker 2: were talking to them and treating them was affecting their
Speaker 2: mental health, was affecting their their confidence, was making them
Speaker 2: anxious and tight to the point where they're taking the
Speaker 2: field and thinking I don't want to fail as opposed
Speaker 2: to I'm about to go make a play. So nowadays,
Speaker 2: I feel like coaches are realizing that because you can
Speaker 2: reach a divide with some players, like players today it's
Speaker 2: like noh, like I like you, You're not going to
Speaker 2: talk to me like that, Like we're on an evil
Speaker 2: playing field here. It used to be like the coaches
Speaker 2: is just talking down on the players and this is
Speaker 2: what you do and then you go do it when
Speaker 2: really it's like, ultimately we're working together. So there needs
Speaker 2: to be a common level of respect. There needs to
Speaker 2: be a common level of you know, at least trying
Speaker 2: to see things from your perspective, meeting them halfway and
Speaker 2: being like, Okay, I can't talk to these players like
Speaker 2: this anymore. I need to create an environment that's empowering.
Speaker 2: I need to create an environment that encourages these players
Speaker 2: to not just be not just giving me the results
Speaker 2: that I want, but to know like that they're they're
Speaker 2: they're cared about here, They're valued here, their experience is
Speaker 2: valued here as men, and that when they leave here,
Speaker 2: I want them to be better. And that may take
Speaker 2: yelling sometimes because they may not be living up to
Speaker 2: this standard or they may be slacking in a certain way,
Speaker 2: but a lot of the times it's just real conversation
Speaker 2: showing them the real side of you. And you know,
Speaker 2: I felt I've talked about a couple of times of
Speaker 2: when I want to be when I'm a parent, I
Speaker 2: feel like I'm going to be real with my kids
Speaker 2: because a lot of times there's parents out here that
Speaker 2: forget that they were fifteen years old, forget that they
Speaker 2: were twenty something years old and made those mistakes or
Speaker 2: acted a certain way when really it's like, I feel
Speaker 2: like relationships could be better if you just put yourself
Speaker 2: in the other person's shoes or just met them where
Speaker 2: they were and saw common ground in it. And I
Speaker 2: feel like coaches are starting to do that now. I
Speaker 2: definitely feel like my head coach does that, the coaches
Speaker 2: on our staff do that, and coaches that I've been around,
Speaker 2: great coaches that you know, really are about you know what,
Speaker 2: this is about my connection with you. First. This isn't
Speaker 2: about me saving my ass or you know, trying to
Speaker 2: get my promotion. No, it's about improving you as a player,
Speaker 2: improving you as a man, and us going on this
Speaker 2: journey together to where we can all grow, we can
Speaker 2: all get better and achieve everything that we set out for.
Speaker 2: And I feel like it's changing. You know, you see
Speaker 2: a lot of young coaches. You see a lot more
Speaker 2: younger coaches now, a lot more coaches that just have
Speaker 2: that energy and can relate to players but also have
Speaker 2: that elevated level of knowledge. And that's how you got
Speaker 2: to be as a coach now because guys just ain't
Speaker 2: aren't going to rock with you. They're not going to
Speaker 2: run through a wall for you unless you're really trying
Speaker 2: to meet them where they are and do it in
Speaker 2: a loving way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think this deserves the shout out to
Speaker 3: all the athletes out there that have spoken up about
Speaker 3: mental health, which again another leadership quality, that honesty and
Speaker 3: that vulnerability, because I think it's taken individuals and athletes
Speaker 3: like yourself and other ones that have talked around mental
Speaker 3: health that like this is what we needed for a
Speaker 3: shift in leadership, especially in a sport like football. You know,
Speaker 3: that's for god knows how many years was all about
Speaker 3: manning up and so manning up today looks a little different.
Speaker 3: So again, this all stem from people speaking up and
Speaker 3: talking about their struggles. Otherwise it would be like the
Speaker 3: same old thing over and over again. So again it's
Speaker 3: just like comes back to that, like that vulnerability and
Speaker 3: that honesty and stepping up and sharing what you're going through.
Speaker 3: It is so important. It's it's why Darren and I
Speaker 3: you know, started this podcast. We say it all the time,
Speaker 3: but you know, I think we've been We've been talking
Speaker 3: a while on leadership, and I know we could talk
Speaker 3: for a lot longer, but I think some nuggets or
Speaker 3: some questions, especially from a servant leadership mindset or mentality,
Speaker 3: some things that you can ask yourself, you know, you
Speaker 3: just want to ask people or ask yourself, like what
Speaker 3: do people need from me on a daily that maybe
Speaker 3: they're afraid to ask for? Or what can like going
Speaker 3: back to the personal development, what can I work on
Speaker 3: that's going to help me show up and serve better?
Speaker 3: And how am I going to know that I'm actually
Speaker 3: serving people? Well, I think that is so important. You
Speaker 3: can also get honest and say what is it like
Speaker 3: for people to work for me? What is it like
Speaker 3: for my children? Like taking an honest look at how
Speaker 3: you're showing up for them? And yeah, I think it's
Speaker 3: like what can I do every single day that's gonna
Speaker 3: allow me to continue to step up my service game
Speaker 3: because that's what it all comes down to. It's like
Speaker 3: love and service and making sure we're showing up in
Speaker 3: a real authentic way.
Speaker 2: That's so well said, bro. And yeah, man, if you
Speaker 2: there's so many nuggets in here, I hope you guys
Speaker 2: can dig back in re listen. If you need to
Speaker 2: send to somebody, send to the leaders that you know,
Speaker 2: Send to the leaders that are doing it. Send to
Speaker 2: the leaders that are new, that may be experienced, that
Speaker 2: could take something away from this, Go ahead and send
Speaker 2: it to them, because we feel like here at comeback
Speaker 2: Stories that ultimately your your comeback story and your respond
Speaker 2: to adversity through resilience is only preparing you to be
Speaker 2: the lead that you should be. It's preparing you to
Speaker 2: be the leader that people need, that this world needs,
Speaker 2: and it's you exactly as you are. And we're praying, hoping,
Speaker 2: sending you all the good vibes to the good love,
Speaker 2: the good energy that you would be able to step
Speaker 2: into that and to step into that with confidence. So
Speaker 2: on behalf of Donnie and myself. We appreciate you guys,
Speaker 2: join us for another episode. I hope you guys like
Speaker 2: rate comments, subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, whether it
Speaker 2: be iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, you name it. You can also
Speaker 2: find us on the Inflection Network on YouTube. But we're
Speaker 2: just excited to continue on this journey with you guys
Speaker 2: as always, and because we're all going to keep coming back.
Speaker 2: We're all coming back. On a daily basis, whether it
Speaker 2: be from something huge, something small, just responding to each
Speaker 2: and every day showing up. Man, it's important because not
Speaker 2: only do the people around you need it and are
Speaker 2: looking towards you, but you got to look at that
Speaker 2: mirror and love yourself and affirm yourself that you're right
Speaker 2: where you're supposed to be on your journey. So we
Speaker 2: appreciate you guys joining us and hope you guys rock
Speaker 2: with us again next week. Peace We're Out.
Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio.
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