1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,639 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,160 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,320 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, It 6 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 1: is so great to have you here back for another episode. 7 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 1: Before we get into it, though, I firstly just want 8 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: to say thank you, a huge thank you for all 9 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 1: of the support in twenty twenty two. We are coming 10 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 1: into twenty twenty three, into the new year, strong, happy, 11 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: and ready for so many more interesting topics and episodes, 12 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: and there is so much to look forward to, so much, 13 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: but today we're going to begin our new year by tackling, 14 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 1: I think one of the biggest and most underrated concepts 15 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: that many of us will come across in our twenties. 16 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: If you've ever struggled with feeling like you don't know 17 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: yourself anymore, you've become separated from who you truly are. 18 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: You change yourself depending on the people you're around, depending 19 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 1: on your friends or your family, or you might just 20 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 1: be feeling a little bit lost. This episode is for you, 21 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,960 Speaker 1: because today we are talking about how to embrace our 22 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:36,120 Speaker 1: authentic selves. This is one of the most crucial things 23 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: that we do need to accomplish in our twenties. And 24 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 1: although it's not easy, although it's misunderstood, the outcomes, the benefits, 25 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: they're not only lifelong, but they're pretty endless. When we're 26 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 1: able to really connect and be our true selves, be 27 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: true to our values, be honest about who we are, 28 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 1: and vulnerable. So much research, so many studies show that 29 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: we are happier, we're more fulfilled, our relationships are better, 30 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:08,679 Speaker 1: and we are just you know, overall better versions of ourselves. 31 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 1: So today we are going to break down some of 32 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: the essential psychology behind embodying authenticity. We're going to discuss 33 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 1: the true meaning of authenticity and the reasons why it 34 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,520 Speaker 1: is so crucial. We're going to explore what happens when 35 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:31,119 Speaker 1: we become disconnected or separated from our authentic selves and 36 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:36,480 Speaker 1: why this is happening more and more in modern day society. 37 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: And finally, of course, how do we find our way back, 38 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 1: How do we fully embrace who we are and live 39 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: through our authentic selves through things like honesty, boundaries, generosity, 40 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 1: and of course self exploration. There is so much to 41 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 1: cover and the research. Oh my gosh, the studies are fascinating. 42 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 1: I have been having such a crisis of authenticity recently, 43 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: and it can be so incredibly painful, I think, to 44 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,760 Speaker 1: feel like the version of yourself that you are presenting 45 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 1: to others is not who you actually are. There have 46 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: been so many times I have changed myself for the 47 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: people I'm around, for the people I'm dating, for the 48 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 1: people I'm friends with. And something I've realized is that honestly, 49 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 1: life is too short. Life is too short to not 50 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: be exactly who you are. So let us learn and 51 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: grow together and explore how it is that we can 52 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: embody and embrace our authentic selves as we always do. 53 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: Let's begin with the basics. Let's begin with the foundation. 54 00:03:55,160 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: So what actually is the authentic self? The authentic self? 55 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 1: It's sometimes known as the true self as well, and 56 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: it is a concept that's been around for a while, 57 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: and it's discussed back in history by people like Socrates 58 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: and Freud. Although it is as a long history, I 59 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 1: would say it definitely hasn't lost its relevance in the 60 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 1: modern day and it remains just as important to understand, 61 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 1: especially in our twenties, when the pursuit of the authentic self, 62 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,039 Speaker 1: I think is one of the most crucial journeys that 63 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: we all have to embark on as individuals. Discovering our 64 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: authentic self is also really really crucial for our well 65 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: being and our relationships, not just with others but with 66 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: ourselves as well. If we don't have that keen awareness 67 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: or that understanding of who we are or what we 68 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 1: stand for, I think it's one of those things where 69 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: we can never actually truly be seen or understood. So 70 00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 1: the depth of our relationships, the depth of our knowing ourselves, 71 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: the depth of our self awareness is never going to 72 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,880 Speaker 1: be at the place that it truly needs to be. 73 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 1: So essentially, our authentic self is who we are at 74 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:15,919 Speaker 1: our very core. When all of the distractions and the 75 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 1: facades are gone, and when we are truly stripped back 76 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,719 Speaker 1: and vulnerable, that's what remains. That's our authentic selves, and 77 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:27,600 Speaker 1: it's the part of you that would exist regardless of 78 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 1: others expectations, regardless of where you are in the world 79 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,799 Speaker 1: or who you are with. It's this essence, this deep 80 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:41,719 Speaker 1: essence of who you are as an individual. In psychology, authenticity, 81 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 1: it's more than merely trying to be ourselves. It requires 82 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: a lot more than that. It requires action and truth 83 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,160 Speaker 1: and honesty, and at the end of the day, owning 84 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 1: what you believe, what you desire, and your strengths and weaknesses, 85 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 1: along with what you choose to do with all of 86 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: those things. It's also not just something that we happen across. 87 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,920 Speaker 1: It can take us years, years, sometimes even decades for 88 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:13,160 Speaker 1: some people to fully embrace and discover who we are. 89 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: But once we do it, I think it is one 90 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 1: of those things that never goes out of style, it 91 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 1: never loses its merit. It's such a valuable thing to 92 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:26,720 Speaker 1: do so our authentic selves. It's made up of a 93 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,799 Speaker 1: few components, and there is a bit of a debate 94 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: about this within the discipline of psychology about the contents 95 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,360 Speaker 1: of the authentic self, but the main elements that tend 96 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: to come up include things like our values, our beliefs, judgments, 97 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: our desires, our temperament, which is a really important one, 98 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 1: and then things like our mission, our creativity, our free will, 99 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: and finally that recognition, that feeling, that acknowledgment of being alive, 100 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: of being our own person and of being in control 101 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,280 Speaker 1: of who we are and the actions that we take. 102 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 1: These are. I guess what make up the authentic self. 103 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 1: But it isn't just a list of how we would 104 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 1: describe ourselves. Isn't just a box of different things. It's 105 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: also a verb, and our authentic self requires action to realize. 106 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: Individuals who we would consider to live in alignment with 107 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 1: their true self or their authentic selves. They are these 108 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: people who are able to recognize and accept themselves for 109 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 1: truly for who they truly are. That's not just the 110 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: good stuff, right. I think often we have a tendency 111 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 1: to characterize ourselves by the things that we're good at, 112 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 1: or by our jobs, or by the things that we 113 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: see merit in. But in order to understand or our 114 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: authentic selves, we also have to be able to recognize 115 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: the ugly things about ourselves, the bad things, our weaknesses. 116 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: People who are in alignment with their authentic selves, they 117 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 1: also strive to align their actions what they choose to do, 118 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: with their core values and their beliefs in that hope 119 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: of sinking everything they do and discovering who they are 120 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: in kind of tandem with everything else in their life, 121 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 1: So acting in one way at all times and in 122 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: alignment with their true selves. And these are the people 123 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: who we see. I'm sure some of us know them 124 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: who express themselves really freely, who act with consistency. They 125 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: are the people we see and who we meet, who 126 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: seem almost free from others, expectations, societal norms. But mostly 127 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 1: they don't deny who they are, and they don't deny 128 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: they believe they are and what they want to do 129 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,160 Speaker 1: with their lives and what their impact on the world 130 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 1: will be. This is because authenticity, as an idea but 131 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:58,960 Speaker 1: also as something that we embody, it almost illuminates that 132 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,559 Speaker 1: path forward to live the life that you want. When 133 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: you are clear with yourself about what matters, you begin 134 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,360 Speaker 1: to understand how to make decisions that are going to 135 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,960 Speaker 1: align with your goals, with your identity and your core values, 136 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:17,439 Speaker 1: and you begin to build a life for yourself that 137 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: does have meaning and does have joy. And I know 138 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: if this sounds a bit like New Age enlightenment, I 139 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: don't blame you from thinking this. I can understand how 140 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: a lot of the words by using sound pretty wishy washy. 141 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 1: But psychology as a discipline, as a scientific discipline, has 142 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: shown us time and time again that this version of 143 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 1: us does exist, The authentic self does exist, and the 144 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: people who are able to access it are by far 145 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 1: some of the happiest people in the world. And in 146 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: contrast to all of this and the authentic self, there 147 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: is also this false self, right inauthentic self, and that 148 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 1: refers to almost a defensive facade or disguise that we 149 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:12,200 Speaker 1: tend to create to protect us from judgment or to 150 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,080 Speaker 1: conform and to be who others want us to be. 151 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 1: This inauthentic self, it's viewed as doing our duty rather 152 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,160 Speaker 1: than acting out of desire and from a place of 153 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 1: honesty and vulnerability. And when people act in ways that 154 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 1: go against or violate their true self, often there are 155 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,839 Speaker 1: emotional consequences that come along with that. You might experience 156 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: negative feelings, ranging from feeling a bit uncomfortable in a 157 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 1: situation to feeling really guilty all the time or really shameful. 158 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 1: Think about a time in your life when you did 159 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 1: when you did act in a way that you knew 160 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 1: contradicted who you truly were at your core. Maybe you 161 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:02,560 Speaker 1: were working a job that didn't align with your values, 162 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: you were distracting yourself with social media, or acting in 163 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: a way and treating others that contradicted your beliefs. In 164 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 1: that moment. I think we all know this feeling, this 165 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 1: tug in our chest, this panic, this distress, often some 166 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:24,320 Speaker 1: kind of mental reaction that indicates to us that something 167 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: isn't quite right. That feeling is in itself pretty revealing, 168 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: and it's something we have to learn to listen to, 169 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,439 Speaker 1: which is what we're going to discuss in a second. 170 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,199 Speaker 1: But I think it's also important to acknowledge that there 171 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: is this kind of long standing debate, right Like, we've 172 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: talked a lot about the existence of the authentic self, 173 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: the fact that this thing is real, what some of 174 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 1: the consequences are, but there is this kind of I 175 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 1: would say, yeah, this discussion, this debate within psychology about 176 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: whether we do possess an innate, authentic self that is 177 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 1: permanent and long lasting, whether this version of ourselves changes 178 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:08,319 Speaker 1: over time. But regardless of what you think, one thing 179 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: remains true. When we are disconnected from our core values, 180 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 1: our purpose, and our characteristics and our desires, the result 181 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 1: is not very pleasant, and it's hard for us to 182 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 1: be our best selves during these times. Not embodying our 183 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: authentic self can actually be quite painful. You know, I've 184 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,199 Speaker 1: had a few times in my life where I've spent 185 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:46,439 Speaker 1: many hours crying in my car, feeling really terrible about 186 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: myself because I didn't know who I was when we 187 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: were in our early twenties. We just feel so confused, 188 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 1: and we're trying to figure out is this really who 189 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 1: I am? Is this what I want in my life? 190 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: Does this align with my values? And I didn't know 191 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,200 Speaker 1: if anything I was doing actually did align with that 192 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 1: version of me. And although I wasn't able to identify 193 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 1: what exactly was going wrong, why exactly I was feeling 194 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 1: that way, those moments were really scary and really painful 195 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: to experience, because who really are we if we are 196 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 1: not connected to our true self, the things that we want, 197 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 1: the qualities we embody, the person we are at our core. 198 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,960 Speaker 1: If you're going through this right now, you deserve a 199 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: lot of credit because it is so difficult, and there's 200 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:44,960 Speaker 1: a reason behind this. Most psychologists which suggest that it's 201 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 1: because we are ignoring and suppressing our authentic selves in 202 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 1: those moments, and what we're actually doing is pretending and 203 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:55,680 Speaker 1: finding a way to mask who we truly are. This 204 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,360 Speaker 1: takes a lot of mental energy to pretend to be 205 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: someone you're not, and that exhaustion has some pretty real 206 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: mental consequences. You know, imagine if every single moment of 207 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,199 Speaker 1: your life you were acting out some character someone else 208 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 1: who you didn't really understand, who you didn't really believe in. 209 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: It's exhausting. It's like having a full time job that 210 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 1: the clock never stops on. And additionally, we can feel 211 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: a lot of guilt and shame if we're acting in 212 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: a way that doesn't align with our core values and beliefs, 213 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 1: because what it really does is go against this core 214 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: belief system. It's confusing, and there's a sense of us 215 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: that knows, either through societal teaching and societal learning, that 216 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: when we act out against who we actually are, the 217 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: consequences are sometimes severe and it can just be really painful. 218 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: There was a recent study published in Psychological Science and 219 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: it found that hiding your authentic self it produces feelings 220 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 1: of immorality and impurity. So, throughout the course of these 221 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: five experiments, these scientists, these researchers got these participants to 222 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: act out in these certain different certain different conditions, and 223 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: participants reported that when they were made to be inauthentic, 224 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: when they were asked to act in a way that 225 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,160 Speaker 1: didn't align with how they believed it made them feel 226 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:29,320 Speaker 1: really immoral, and it increased this desire to do something 227 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 1: to almost redeem themselves. And on the other hand, when 228 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: participants were able to act in a way that did 229 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 1: align with their authentic selves, or when they were asked 230 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 1: to recall a time when they had behaved with authenticity, 231 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 1: it actually made them feel really positive about themselves. There 232 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: are some other studies that really back this up. One 233 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,400 Speaker 1: was in two thousand and eight. It found that people 234 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: who are more authentic they feel happier, they have self esteem. 235 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: They were even doing research on this back in the nineties, 236 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: and they discovered that when you show up authentically as yourself, 237 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:09,360 Speaker 1: this actually brings greater satisfaction and lower stress levels, particularly 238 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:14,160 Speaker 1: in the workplace or in certain social situations. Being authentic 239 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: it's also super important for our relationships. I'm going to 240 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 1: give you guys some more research here just because I 241 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 1: think it is so fascinating. In two thousand and six, 242 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: these researchers showed that authenticity increased satisfaction in romantic relationships 243 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: like threefold by a crazy amount. When we embrace our 244 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: true selves, we are honest, we set boundaries, and we 245 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:43,440 Speaker 1: don't need external validation to fulfill ourselves because we already 246 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 1: know who we are, and all of this results in 247 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: better relationships with others, whether it is family, friends, or 248 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: a romantic partner. So there is someone who talks about 249 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 1: this a lot who I absolutely love. Her name is 250 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: Brunei Brown. If you know who I'm talking about, Oh 251 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 1: my gosh, sending you big kisses and love. I'm a 252 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: big fan. I think she is incredible. And she did 253 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: this TED talk a little while ago that was incredible. 254 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: It was about embracing our authentic self and she explains 255 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:22,440 Speaker 1: how authenticity is an essential part of developing meaningful relationships. 256 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 1: I would really highly recommend listening to this Ted talk. 257 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 1: But what she essentially concludes is that people show up 258 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 1: with their vulnerabilities and living their truth and when they 259 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 1: do this, it allows them to truly connect and feel 260 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 1: close to others. And in contrast, when we have that 261 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 1: fear of rejection, when we are scared, when we haven't 262 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,120 Speaker 1: really done the work to figure out who we are, 263 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 1: it often prevents us from authentic, from sorry expressing our 264 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: authentic selves. They put up this mask and we sometimes 265 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: change our behayor out in order to fit in and 266 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 1: in order to have people think about us a certain way, 267 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: and we're not doing ourselves any favors by acting that way. 268 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 1: There is no doubt that pursuing and embodying our authentic 269 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 1: self can be really difficult, especially in your twenties, when 270 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: our brains aren't even fully developed, our ideas about the 271 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:27,440 Speaker 1: world aren't even fully developed, and therefore embodying our authentic 272 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: selves is going to be difficult. However, this decade is 273 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 1: particularly pertinent because although our journey I guess towards authenticity 274 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: is a lifelong process, there are certain times and certain 275 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,120 Speaker 1: periods of our lives that are more crucial and more 276 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:50,560 Speaker 1: important in which that exploration is more permissible. In our twenties, 277 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:55,080 Speaker 1: we are given this crazy opportunity to experiment and to 278 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,880 Speaker 1: make mistakes with our friends, with our partners, our hobbies, 279 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 1: our jobs, where we live, and we get to identify 280 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: what feels right, what aligns with who we want to be, 281 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,879 Speaker 1: And we also have an opportunity or I guess, it 282 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,359 Speaker 1: also is the time in which most of us begin 283 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,479 Speaker 1: to question the beliefs that have been ingrained in us 284 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:20,119 Speaker 1: since childhood, by our parents, by our community, by general society, 285 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: and we get to decide whether these are what we 286 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,239 Speaker 1: actually believe, or we're just kind of going along with 287 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: the flow and conforming to what is expected of us. 288 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: It goes without saying I think that our authentic selves 289 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 1: are rather elusive beings. And I think in many ways 290 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 1: we are separated from this version of us by things 291 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:46,719 Speaker 1: like technology, by our relationships, by people pleasing, by just 292 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,359 Speaker 1: like the general business of everyday life, which keeps us 293 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 1: disconnected from our core identity. So although we might be 294 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 1: able to recognize that this decade is important for this 295 00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 1: journey and important for this discovery, there are so many 296 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 1: things also occurring at the same time that are going 297 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,360 Speaker 1: to keep us preoccupied because we also have been very 298 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 1: The world around us has changed. It's a lot more digital, 299 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: there are a lot more distractions and drama, And during 300 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,680 Speaker 1: this decade, we often place a lot a lot more 301 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 1: importance in the significance of fleeting moments and our daily 302 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 1: tasks and our jobs, and our relationships and our breakups 303 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,400 Speaker 1: and the drama and our friendship groups, rather than the 304 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: idea of who we actually are, and that keeps us separated, 305 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: That keeps us disconnected, and even if we are in 306 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,960 Speaker 1: touch with the authentic version of who we are, the 307 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 1: battle doesn't really stop there because there is such an 308 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:51,800 Speaker 1: intense pressure to conform to social norms and societal expectations 309 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: for who we should be. And what that kind of 310 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: means is that often we end up abandoning our wants, 311 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:03,000 Speaker 1: our desires, our individual differences to be perceived as quote 312 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:09,200 Speaker 1: unquote normal and conform. This kind of pressure to conform. 313 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 1: It's often really subtle, so much so that it's not 314 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: really noticed until we get to the point of feeling 315 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 1: immensely dissatisfied. When someone conforms, they put aside their personal preferences, 316 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 1: they put aside their authentic selves, and they go along 317 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 1: with the group. Because that's what conformity is all about. 318 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 1: It's about aligning yourself with the majority and a willingness 319 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 1: to conform. It stems from a deep desire to be 320 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,000 Speaker 1: accepted and to have your membership to the groups that 321 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: you belong to endorsed, and you don't want to feel rejected. 322 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 1: This isn't necessarily an innately negative thing, right Like, it's 323 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: super normal to want to feel like you belong to 324 00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 1: want to be a member of your social groups and 325 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: to have your membership endorsed, to feel like you're connected 326 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 1: and welcome, but it is a bad thing when it 327 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: disrupts your connection to your authentic self, because that's the 328 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 1: thing that's going to matter beyond all of these things. 329 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,680 Speaker 1: Social groups come and go, your membership to them will 330 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 1: come and go, but your authentic self is something that 331 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: is always going to be within you. So how do 332 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,199 Speaker 1: we push back against all of these factors, all of 333 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:31,399 Speaker 1: these kind of external pressures to pursue authenticity in the 334 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 1: face of all of this. Our next partner has a 335 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,200 Speaker 1: product I use literally every day. I started taking ag 336 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: One because I've been on a bit of a health journey. 337 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: I wanted to take better care of my immune system 338 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: and my gut health. 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So there is this author. 357 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,880 Speaker 1: Their name is Kim out Ravi Kan't and they had 358 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: this to say about discovering and a guest embracing our 359 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 1: authentic selves. I thought it was so amazing when I 360 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,439 Speaker 1: read this, I was like, this has to go on 361 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 1: the episode. It's so incredible. This is what they had 362 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 1: to say. We don't stumble accidentally into an amazing authentic life. 363 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:29,560 Speaker 1: It takes a conscious commitment to figuring out what we 364 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,359 Speaker 1: stand for, finding our truth, and it begins by looking 365 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,679 Speaker 1: inside ourselves. Because when it rises from within, we have 366 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 1: no choice but to express it and to live it. 367 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 1: I love that. I think that's amazing. I think that 368 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,720 Speaker 1: sums up everything we're talking about. Done, and Dustin, we 369 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:49,440 Speaker 1: can move on, obviously joking, and you know, I can't 370 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,160 Speaker 1: give you all the answers, but some of the research 371 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,600 Speaker 1: I looked into for this episode completely aligned with what 372 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,320 Speaker 1: they had to say, and there are some amazing tips 373 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 1: forgetting us to our most true, authentic self and embodying 374 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,160 Speaker 1: this version of us and everything that we do, every 375 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:10,199 Speaker 1: interaction we have, every relationship that we are in. So 376 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,679 Speaker 1: I'm going to talk through some of the things that 377 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 1: we can tangibly do, some of the actions that can 378 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:21,080 Speaker 1: make our authentic selves a verb like we talked about. Firstly, 379 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 1: I think I say this whenever we're talking about a 380 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,360 Speaker 1: process like this, but you actually need to be prepared 381 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,119 Speaker 1: to be super honest and vulnerable with yourself and to 382 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,520 Speaker 1: take a really hard look at yourself in the mirror. 383 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: And one way of doing this is by putting aside 384 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:45,159 Speaker 1: thirty minutes and asking yourself the following questions. Firstly, what 385 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,400 Speaker 1: are the five biggest values that you want to embody? 386 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,160 Speaker 1: What are the five things about yourself, the five values 387 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,200 Speaker 1: and qualities that you love the most and which represent you. 388 00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:05,360 Speaker 1: These values could be things like honesty, creativity, independent, strength, faith, love, courage, determination. 389 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:09,200 Speaker 1: There are so many, but each of us will have 390 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: at least five major ones that we believe define us. 391 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,040 Speaker 1: These are the values that we need to keep at 392 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,919 Speaker 1: the front of our minds because they are core to 393 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:27,359 Speaker 1: who we are, and therefore they're core to our authentic selves. Secondly, 394 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,840 Speaker 1: I want you to reflect on what activities, what people, 395 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:37,639 Speaker 1: and what situations make you feel the most alive. And 396 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,479 Speaker 1: a way to identify this is to consider the times 397 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,280 Speaker 1: in your life in which you've entered a flow state. 398 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 1: So our flow state. It's also colloquially known as like 399 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,159 Speaker 1: kind of being in the zone, and it refers to 400 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: a time in which we are completely engrossed in an 401 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,679 Speaker 1: activity to the point where time and everything else in 402 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 1: our life wives kind of fades away. And this state 403 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 1: of mind in which we are energized and which we 404 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,360 Speaker 1: are focused and fully involved in what we're doing. It's 405 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,400 Speaker 1: one of the highest states of consciousness that we can 406 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: be in, and it indicates that we are doing something 407 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:19,280 Speaker 1: that aligns with our authentic self. Think about the friends 408 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:23,639 Speaker 1: with whom you can talk for hours about everything and 409 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,919 Speaker 1: anything without looking at your phone or worrying about the 410 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:31,040 Speaker 1: outside world. Those are the people to hold close because 411 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: in their presence you can be authentic. Think about the 412 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 1: hobbies that you can be consumed by and effortlessly find 413 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:45,440 Speaker 1: yourself wrapped up in. Whether it's painting, running, I don't know, knitting, reading, 414 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,199 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast, I don't know, whatever it is, 415 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,639 Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. These are the things that 416 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:54,159 Speaker 1: you should be doing more of, and find time to 417 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,080 Speaker 1: be doing these in your daily life, if not your 418 00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 1: weekly kind of plan. Set aside time to actively engage 419 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 1: in the activities and the hobbies that make you feel alive. 420 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,400 Speaker 1: It does amazing things for your brain, It does amazing 421 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:12,399 Speaker 1: things for your well being. It refreshes you, and you know, 422 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 1: essentially it connects you with your authentic self. And finally, 423 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 1: consider the issues, the topics, the ideas that really light 424 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: your soul on fire, which you could discuss for hours. 425 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 1: These are the ideas that fuel you, and they represent 426 00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:34,320 Speaker 1: the intricacies and the desires of your true self. I 427 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 1: think I've recommended these exercises in another episode, but it's 428 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 1: just as valuable here. It's so important I do this 429 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 1: at least every three months. It's everyone has thirty minutes 430 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 1: in their week, thirty minutes in their month just to 431 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 1: sit down and really do some thinking about it, and 432 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 1: it benefits you so much. It's like so powerful doing this. 433 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,520 Speaker 1: Take some time to really concentrate it, concentrate on it, 434 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,719 Speaker 1: and journal your thoughts on it. I promise the results 435 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 1: are so enlightening and it does bring you a step 436 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,920 Speaker 1: forward to your authentic self. Another tip, and another I 437 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 1: think crucial thing you need to do is to speak 438 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:15,719 Speaker 1: your truth with unwavering certainty. I know I said speak 439 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: your truth, but this also means representing yourself based on 440 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 1: how you feel internally, whether that's what you wear, how 441 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 1: you present yourself for the conversations you have, who you 442 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 1: choose to be around. All of this is representative of 443 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: your authentic self, and you do have to consciously and 444 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:38,440 Speaker 1: confidently put this version forward without worrying about the judgment 445 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,120 Speaker 1: of others. A lot easier said than done. We've talked 446 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 1: about a lot of the pressures that we find to lie, 447 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 1: to create this facade, to pretend, and it takes practice 448 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: but slowly integrating your deepest truths into who you choose 449 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 1: to be, and also recognizing when you're trying to conceal 450 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: this version of you or change you are because you 451 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,480 Speaker 1: think others won't like this person. That's a really valuable 452 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 1: thing we have to learn, and it involves taking daily 453 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 1: actions towards authenticity and also setting healthy boundaries with people 454 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 1: who don't respect that version of you. I think often 455 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: our authentic selves can feel like a really big, abstract concept, 456 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 1: but when you really look at it, it really does 457 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:26,120 Speaker 1: just come down to daily actions because in those small 458 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 1: moments you build consistency, You build up that version of 459 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,120 Speaker 1: yourself every single day, and the things you say, your decisions, 460 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:40,040 Speaker 1: your actions, those add up to who you are actualizing 461 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 1: an authentic life. It also starts with intentional planning and 462 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: daily planning, like choosing who we surround ourselves with, how 463 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 1: we go about our daily lives, the jobs we work, 464 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,760 Speaker 1: the places we live, and the small tasks and everyday 465 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 1: behaviors the cumulatively build up into who we are. Make 466 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:07,239 Speaker 1: some small intentions with yourself or resolutions to do the 467 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 1: things that make you your authentic self happy, whether that 468 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:17,800 Speaker 1: is spending time in nature, nurturing others through acts of service, 469 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:23,040 Speaker 1: cooking for them, or speaking passionately about what you believe 470 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,320 Speaker 1: even you know this is such a small one, but 471 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,760 Speaker 1: posting whatever the hell you want on social media. Social 472 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,720 Speaker 1: media is a huge way in which we can seal 473 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 1: our authentic selves. I've had times where I'm like, Oh, 474 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,240 Speaker 1: I really want to post this, but I'm not going 475 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,000 Speaker 1: to because it's not how i want to represent myself, 476 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 1: And it's like, no, just post it. If it's something 477 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:43,840 Speaker 1: you want to do, if it aligns with your desires, 478 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:48,600 Speaker 1: if it's your truth, you should post it. Because our 479 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 1: authentic self, it's built on each minute, each action, each 480 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,760 Speaker 1: decision we deliberately decide to be who we truly are, 481 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: learn how to trust to yourself and be independent. Often 482 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: we become disconnected from our authentic selves because we're caught 483 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:10,680 Speaker 1: up in people pleasing or conforming with societal expectations. So 484 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:14,600 Speaker 1: take inventory of your life and decide what are the 485 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 1: things that actually make you happy? What decisions are you 486 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:22,160 Speaker 1: in control of, and take control of them. So often 487 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,760 Speaker 1: we do things we don't want to do. We are 488 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,600 Speaker 1: in jobs that we hate, We say yes to plans 489 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,960 Speaker 1: that we know are going to make us unhappy, And 490 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:35,680 Speaker 1: with every choice like that, we make ourselves separated further 491 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,719 Speaker 1: and further. From authenticity. So learn to trust yourself and 492 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,680 Speaker 1: say no to things that don't serve you and yes 493 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:46,480 Speaker 1: to things that do. When you are able to discover 494 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: how to be your authentic self through some of those tips, 495 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:53,560 Speaker 1: through some of those ideas, through journaling, through daily practices, 496 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 1: you live in the flow. You're in a good state 497 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: of mind, and you trust your judgment. And what comes 498 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:06,280 Speaker 1: with that is this marvelous, consistent embodiment of your core 499 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:12,560 Speaker 1: values and beliefs. We feel more connected to ourselves and 500 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:16,920 Speaker 1: as the studies have suggested, that means we have better relationships, 501 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:22,360 Speaker 1: greater connection with our environment and our internal world. We're happier. 502 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,040 Speaker 1: Isn't that something that everyone wants? Like It might be 503 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 1: really difficult to do this, but there are so many 504 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:33,560 Speaker 1: people that never make this decision, who spend their entire 505 00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: lives being a fake version of their selves, not being 506 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:42,040 Speaker 1: true to themselves, and most of them are deeply unhappy, 507 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,760 Speaker 1: and they get to a point in their life where 508 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,080 Speaker 1: they have this crisis. You know, they're thirty, they're forty, 509 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:51,000 Speaker 1: they're fifty sixty years old, and they look around and 510 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 1: they're like, I get one life. There is only a 511 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,320 Speaker 1: finite amount of time on this world and I wasted 512 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:01,440 Speaker 1: that time being someone who I am not. And here's 513 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,480 Speaker 1: the thing, Like, no one is looking at you as 514 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,240 Speaker 1: hard as you're looking at yourself. And the people who 515 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 1: are their authentic selves, I'm sure we've all met them. 516 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 1: They're abusing, they're bright, they're brilliant, and that could be 517 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,319 Speaker 1: you as well. Isn't that the most beautiful thing? Like 518 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,680 Speaker 1: that could be you? This year? What's not? You know? What? 519 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,799 Speaker 1: Is not? A lot about that? Nothing? So if this 520 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:26,480 Speaker 1: is something you're struggling with, I would highly recommend doing 521 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:31,120 Speaker 1: some of those mental exercises we discussed and being conscious 522 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,800 Speaker 1: of the person that you want to be. I know 523 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:37,000 Speaker 1: you can do it. And I think the other thing 524 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:40,840 Speaker 1: to remember is that although you're not going to stumble 525 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,560 Speaker 1: across your authentic self, it is going to take time. 526 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,360 Speaker 1: That version of you already exists, it's already within you, 527 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,680 Speaker 1: and it can be discovered. I think it's so valuable 528 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,520 Speaker 1: to do in this decade. It's going to benefit your 529 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:59,960 Speaker 1: life exponentially incredibly. You're going to attract better people, better romance, 530 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:03,720 Speaker 1: tick partners, better opportunities, and you're just going to be happier. 531 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,239 Speaker 1: Sound that was such a little bit of a speech there, 532 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:10,200 Speaker 1: a little bit of an indoctrinated speech, but I really 533 00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,879 Speaker 1: do believe it and it's something that I really want 534 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,640 Speaker 1: to focus on in this year, in twenty twenty three. 535 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,000 Speaker 1: So if it's something that you want to focus on 536 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,800 Speaker 1: as well, well, you know, do a bit more research. 537 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 1: But I feel like this is a good place to start. 538 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,719 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. That's 539 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,719 Speaker 1: all we have for this episode. I do feel like 540 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,320 Speaker 1: I could do a part two, maybe not for a while, 541 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 1: maybe like a reflection on my own authentic self. I 542 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 1: don't know. The idea has been swirling around in my head, 543 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,760 Speaker 1: but it's something I'm really into talking about at the moment. 544 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,800 Speaker 1: I'm talking about with so many of my friends, so 545 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 1: I'm glad you could join in on the conversation. Thank 546 00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:52,600 Speaker 1: you for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If 547 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,879 Speaker 1: you did, and if you do feel cool to do so, 548 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:58,640 Speaker 1: please feel free to leave a five star review on 549 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:03,799 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now. It 550 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,400 Speaker 1: really helps the show to grow and to reach new people. 551 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:10,279 Speaker 1: And I know I said it at the start, but 552 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 1: thank you for all of the love and support last year, 553 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,080 Speaker 1: this year is going to be amazing. There are so 554 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:20,880 Speaker 1: many plans. I'm so excited, So if you want to 555 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,160 Speaker 1: be the first to know about those plans, please follow 556 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:28,720 Speaker 1: our Instagram at that Psychology Podcast. You also get to 557 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,520 Speaker 1: pick what episodes I publish. I do a poll every 558 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:36,839 Speaker 1: couple of weeks and let the listeners decide what they 559 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,640 Speaker 1: hear that week. So if you want to be involved 560 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,319 Speaker 1: in the community in that way, please feel free to 561 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,560 Speaker 1: do so. We would love to have you on board 562 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,120 Speaker 1: and thank you again for listening. Happy twenty twenty three. 563 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:52,840 Speaker 1: Here is two, an amazing year of being and embracing 564 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 1: our authentic cells.