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Speaker 1: My wife is leaving me for someone she's only known

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Speaker 1: for three months.

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Speaker 2: It's a.

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Speaker 1: Slight preface. My wife and her brother were very close

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Speaker 1: when young. He got very into booze, went to prison

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Speaker 1: for ten years, went immediately back into drinking, then passed

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Speaker 1: away in front of her.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: Quite some backstory, by the way. This comes from you

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Speaker 1: Heiss Scheiss on the Roka storytime subreddit. So my wife

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Speaker 1: thirty and I thirty three started going to the gym together.

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Speaker 1: We were loving the results of the fitness. It made

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Speaker 1: a spicy sleep even better, and we couldn't keep our

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Speaker 1: hands off each other. We felt as happy and as

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Speaker 1: close as ever. Three weeks after her brother passed away,

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Speaker 1: this guy chats her up at the gym and she

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Speaker 1: immediately clicks with him. I was wary, but I trusted

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Speaker 1: my wife. She is a sweetheart, and never imagined her

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Speaker 1: having the ability to have an affair. Last weekend we

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Speaker 1: had one of the most romantic days and evenings we've

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Speaker 1: had in a while. This week she decides that she

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Speaker 1: cannot go on without finding out why she developed such

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Speaker 1: a quick connection with this guy. We own a house

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Speaker 1: and three pets, her family and everyone we know are

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Speaker 1: devastated and blown away, but she is very serious. The

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Speaker 1: woman I knew last month, last week even has left

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Speaker 1: the building. This is a living nightmare that I just

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Speaker 1: want to wake up from.

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Speaker 2: I'm betting you they do CrossFit.

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Speaker 1: Maybe we did couples counseling three times and have one

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Speaker 1: schedule on Wednesday, but she has completely made up her

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Speaker 1: mind and seems to have rapidly fell out of love

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Speaker 1: with me. My life as I had known it is over.

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Speaker 1: I just needed to get this all off my chest.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, go bitch, press.

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Speaker 1: Yeah this poor dude, like what that is very drastic.

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Speaker 1: There is an update. I had a kind reditor reach

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Speaker 1: out to me over the weekend asking how I was

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Speaker 1: doing regarding the above situation. The original post got a

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Speaker 1: lot of attention, so I figured I would give an update.

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Speaker 1: My wife filed for divorce a month after moving out.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, geez.

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Speaker 1: During this time, I did the whole online dating thing,

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Speaker 1: which was way worse than I could have ever expected.

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Speaker 2: Why would you do that to yourself?

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Speaker 1: That's so quick? Yeah, you need time to grieve. Kept

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Speaker 1: myself busy, working out, building my own confidence, hanging out

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Speaker 1: with friends. In general, it was horrible, but I was

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Speaker 1: trying to keep my head up. I was in therapy,

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Speaker 1: didn't drive with my first therapist, found a new one

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Speaker 1: in December who I liked a lot more and am

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Speaker 1: still seeing her. Mid December, my wife calls me crying,

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Speaker 1: asking if she can stay in the guest bedroom because

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Speaker 1: she has nowhere to go. I say yes, No. Even

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Speaker 1: though she hurt me so badly, I did still love her.

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Speaker 1: So things with the guy at the gym turned very toxic,

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Speaker 1: very fast. I know the word narcissist gets thrown around

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Speaker 1: a lot these days. This guy, though, it's hard to

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Speaker 1: believe these subhuman pieces of trash actually exist. So she

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Speaker 1: stays in the guest bedroom for a week, then goes

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Speaker 1: and stays at her parents for a month. She had

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Speaker 1: a nervous breakdown and was able to get a medical

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Speaker 1: leave of absence from her work. Mid January comes around

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Speaker 1: and she is back at the house, but still in

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Speaker 1: a very frantic and erratic state, sort of like she

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Speaker 1: was withdrawing off of hard rugs. Woo. I had no

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Speaker 1: idea about the addictive nature of toxic relationships. It's a

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Speaker 1: psychological cluster f She is clear that she is too

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Speaker 1: fed up in the head to be in a relationship

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Speaker 1: and is going to work on herself. I give her

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Speaker 1: the time in space she requested. She goes all in

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Speaker 1: on learning about the psychology of all this crap in

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Speaker 1: her child work, how the nervous system reacts and attracts

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Speaker 1: you to toxic people if you grew up in a

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Speaker 1: toxic household, anxious and avoidance attachment styles. There's this book

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Speaker 1: called How to Stay Married where the wife had an

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Speaker 1: affair and it turns out the root of her issue

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Speaker 1: was her unresolved childhood trauma. Long story short, same thing

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Speaker 1: happened here. It hurts, but I can forgive her. She's

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Speaker 1: my best friend and we are insanely compatible in a

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Speaker 1: lot of ways. She has really been returning to herself

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Speaker 1: the past month. She's the happiest I've seen her in

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Speaker 1: at least a year. And last week we filed the

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Speaker 1: paperwork to dismiss the divorce. Okay, so we are both

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Speaker 1: in individual counseling and soon to start couple's therapy. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure a lot of people will think I'm making a

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Speaker 1: mistake and reconciling, but I am happy. I do trust

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Speaker 1: her that she now has a knowledge to not let

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Speaker 1: this happen again, and she is the drive to become

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Speaker 1: the best person she can be. What are your thoughts?

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Speaker 1: Would you take her back?

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Speaker 2: I have seen relationships work out after being cheated on.

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Speaker 2: Opie's ready to do the work. I do not know

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Speaker 2: the state of mind of Ope's partner ready to do

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Speaker 2: the work.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean, it seems like the partner was the

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Speaker 1: one that started all the work, like all this like

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Speaker 1: inner child work, reading books. Yeah, acknowledging that.

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Speaker 2: I think she's doing that to understand herself. I don't

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Speaker 2: know how she values this relationship though. I think she's

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Speaker 2: trying to figure out, Okay, why do I get with

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Speaker 2: this guy? What's going on? Blah blah blah blah. I

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Speaker 2: know that she said she's not ready for relationship and

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Speaker 2: she's working on herself. I just I know everyone's going

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Speaker 2: to probably disagree, but like, I think this could work

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Speaker 2: out if they're both on the same page. Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: just don't see anything from the why for right now

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Speaker 2: that's like on the same page.

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Speaker 1: There is an edit. I'm reading all the comments and

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Speaker 1: taking everything to heart, even Slash, especially the ones calling

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Speaker 1: me stupid chump and doramat. I completely understand where you

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Speaker 1: are coming from. I just don't have time or desire

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Speaker 1: to respond to so much. I want things to work

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Speaker 1: out and do trust my gut that this was a

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Speaker 1: one time thing. I will post an update and take

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Speaker 1: all of the I told you so if it comes

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Speaker 1: to that, ooh, suspense. Is it gonna work or is

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Speaker 1: it not?

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Speaker 2: You have an update? Oh my god, please, Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: I don't like this update. I don't like it.

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Speaker 1: I'm scared update too. My self esteem is a re

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Speaker 1: shattered and I really don't know what to think. My

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Speaker 1: wife and I were together for twelve years, and I

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Speaker 1: thought we had a great, spicy sleep life three to

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Speaker 1: four times a week, felt very passionate. She always talked

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Speaker 1: about how good I was at pleasing her. She always came.

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Speaker 1: She left me for someone she knew ninety days and

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Speaker 1: they lasted five months. I tried to salvage a relationship

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Speaker 1: of twelve years. Things were decent, but the passion was gone,

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Speaker 1: and she was clearly hung up on the fact that

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Speaker 1: her night and shining armor wasn't who she thought. It

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Speaker 1: was making me hate myself staying with her, so I

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Speaker 1: finally left. Okay, today, she told me that the main

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Speaker 1: reason we were not able to rekindle things is that

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Speaker 1: spicy sleep with the other guy is mind blowing and

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Speaker 1: that she can't be in a romantic relationship that doesn't

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Speaker 1: have that level of spicy, sleepable intensity.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: I was not expecting. Holy cow, that came out of

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Speaker 1: left field.

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Speaker 2: Holy So she was getting a decent six out of

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Speaker 2: ten and then she just had experience like I can't

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Speaker 2: go back. I cannot live with the six out of

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Speaker 2: ten anymore. That's crazy.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm supposed to process this.

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Speaker 2: Dude, we're mind blown too.

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Speaker 1: I'm so mind blown. Like, I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 2: Op, Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Just remember, guys, doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: In comparison is a thief of joy.

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Speaker 1: It's about the motion of the ocean.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, yikes.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what to say. This is why

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Speaker 1: people wait till marriage. Yeah, so you don't have anything

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Speaker 1: to compare it to. Not that I think that's good either, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but dang, there are some relevant comments. Different management once

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Speaker 1: said she sounds rather cruel and kind of stupid. I

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Speaker 1: bet your life is going to be better off without

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Speaker 1: her in it. Big opinion says your wife fantasy sized

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Speaker 1: spicy sleep over twelve years of commitment, memories and building

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Speaker 1: a life with you that's self absorbed. The fact that

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Speaker 1: she gives you the details too is really low. She

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Speaker 1: could have just said she wasn't happy and ended it.

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Speaker 1: Time to find yourself again and think about what you want.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: That is like something that I think about, right, It's like, how,

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Speaker 1: like what do you prioritize or I think like some

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Speaker 1: people might put spicy sleep above like or have that as.

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Speaker 2: Like oh more over compassion.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, or like over commitment and like stability. Right, it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this person had like passion, but then they're also really toxic,

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Speaker 1: right versus like your husband has compassion and you is

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Speaker 1: not toxic. But then maybe it's not as like passionate

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Speaker 1: in bed. So it's like how do you weigh the two?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I don't think she did not make the right story.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so either. Deleted comments from op that's

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Speaker 1: the truth. I wish i'd accepted that seven months ago.

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Speaker 1: Our divorce was twelve days away before she dismist. Now

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Speaker 1: we got to go through it again, love and learn.

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Speaker 1: I wish that were true. I'm leaving because of her

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Speaker 1: hitting me below the belt last week. I wanted to reconcile,

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Speaker 1: try and save what was once a loving and secure relationship.

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Speaker 1: Her telling me that crap was the final nail in

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Speaker 1: the coffin, one last kick in the balls to conclude

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Speaker 1: a year of pain and heartbreak. I will be okay though. Yep, yep,

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Speaker 1: got that right. Also just started making six figures in

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Speaker 1: a low cost of living area, Sleigh, in addition to

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Speaker 1: selling a house that is nearly paid off. Fitness is

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Speaker 1: my main priority right now. Overall, I'm not too worried.

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Speaker 1: I'm ready to move on. I just feel stupid, not

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Speaker 1: divorced yet. It's been a long time coming, but this

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Speaker 1: crap just went down two weeks ago. Our finances have

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Speaker 1: been separate for a while. Now She is broke and

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Speaker 1: I have like one hundred and fifty k in IRA

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Speaker 1: and four to one saving, so he's thriving. Rose up.

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Speaker 1: My sister is a lawyer, not a divorce lawyer, but

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Speaker 1: she says I should do it without a lawyer. I'm

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Speaker 1: doing the paperwork right now. By the way, these people

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Speaker 1: are divorcing, but doesn't mean we should. So you should

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Speaker 1: join us live on YouTube and Facebook every day at

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Speaker 1: three pm ps T. Tap on our profile soon to

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Speaker 1: be ex wife isn't mad at me or anything. She

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Speaker 1: does feel bad and knows she is the pos in

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Speaker 1: this situation, so she is being civil. We've agreed to

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Speaker 1: sell the house, split the profit, and that will be

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Speaker 1: that she will leave my retirement account alone. Appreciate the

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Speaker 1: advice that is sound wisdom. I hike a lot, hit

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Speaker 1: the gym five to six days a week, have been

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Speaker 1: for two years. I'm a novice at guitar and this

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Speaker 1: seems like a perfect opportunity to get really good. Would

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Speaker 1: love to be in a band. We'll have to think

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Speaker 1: about combat sports. I do kickboxing workouts for cardio and

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Speaker 1: do enjoy these. Yep, yep, no doubt. Divorce has been filed, all.

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Speaker 2: Right, and he has a lot of free time coming up.

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Speaker 1: I guess you know he's like hot boy summer now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna be kickboxing mile of the way.

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Speaker 1: That's it.

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Speaker 2: Yep. And if you love, let's make sure to subscribe

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Speaker 2: you and see you tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: My ex fiance just broke up with me, and now

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Speaker 1: he's stalking me because I moved on quickly.

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Speaker 2: Oh the chase never stops, so I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Man Ah twenty eight had been with my fiance Alex

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Speaker 1: thirty four since twenty twenty. We met at a friend's party,

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Speaker 1: hit it off, and have slash had been together ever since.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: He finished his doctorate in economics just last year. Since

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Speaker 1: then he has been working at the UNI. I have

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Speaker 1: my masters in media sciences and decided to start working

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Speaker 1: instead of going for a PhD. By the way, this

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Speaker 1: comes from you Past House two five eight on the

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Speaker 1: Roka Storytime subreddit. So okay, So the problem is that

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Speaker 1: Alex broke up with me last Monday. It was literally

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Speaker 1: so surreal and honestly just weird. For the past few months,

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Speaker 1: he'd been acting strange. He was making demands and then

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Speaker 1: dropping them immediately. A few examples, he told me we

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Speaker 1: were going to paint our walls back from dark green

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Speaker 1: to white. When I asked why, he just said, for

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Speaker 1: f's sake, forget it and never brought it up again,

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Speaker 1: even when I asked. Another time. He came home and

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Speaker 1: got mad because I was sitting on the couch with

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Speaker 1: my head covered in a blanket. I had cramps. He

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Speaker 1: was upset because I was just sitting there watching Netflix.

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Speaker 1: Mind you, the house was spotless. When I tried to

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Speaker 1: talk about it. He said, forget it, it's not a

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Speaker 1: big deal. That kind of thing became common every time

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Speaker 1: I tried to communicate, tried to figure out what was

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Speaker 1: going on, whether it was something I did or maybe

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Speaker 1: he was just stressed at work. He would just say

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Speaker 1: everything was fine, but he was clearly seething with rage.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even have to do anything. He would just

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Speaker 1: find something to complain about the apartment, clothes, me, work.

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Speaker 3: Et cetera.

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Speaker 1: So I gave him space, which apparently was also wrong.

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Speaker 1: I told him I was going to help my parents

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Speaker 1: with repairs for a few days, and somehow that was

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Speaker 1: also wrong because he wanted to renovate the apartment too.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, you can't do anything.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, geez.

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Speaker 1: Then on Monday, I got a text saying we need

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Speaker 1: to talk. I knew what was coming, and after the

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Speaker 1: last few months, I had made peace with it. When

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Speaker 1: I came home, he was sitting on the couch. He

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Speaker 1: didn't even wait for me to take off my jacket

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Speaker 1: before saying I want to break up. Then the verbal

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Speaker 1: diarrhea started. He told me he resented me first because

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Speaker 1: I didn't pursue my academic career further. Even though I

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Speaker 1: was capable and he didn't want to upset me at

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Speaker 1: the time. Then, when I started making more money, since

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Speaker 1: he didn't make much as a PhD student, he felt

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Speaker 1: like I should have the last word financially, and he

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Speaker 1: hated it. Mind you, I never said anything like it's

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Speaker 1: my money, so I have the final say. That's a

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Speaker 1: rule he imposed on himself, and he hated it. He

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Speaker 1: said he hated our paint scheme, the couch, and even

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Speaker 1: our effing Kroc pot. Then he told me he had

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Speaker 1: rejected a better PhD program to stay here because I

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Speaker 1: had already started my job by the time he got

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Speaker 1: the acceptance letters. Only he never even told me he

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Speaker 1: had applied overseas. He said a few months ago, he

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Speaker 1: checked in with a friend who's in that program, saw

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Speaker 1: how they were thriving, and decided I ruined his life.

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Speaker 1: He said I had too much control over his life

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Speaker 1: and that he hated the idea that I could just

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Speaker 1: decide not to pay for things and f him over.

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Speaker 1: I honestly don't even know what that means. He also

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Speaker 1: said that he hated that all of his friends loved

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Speaker 1: me and didn't let him vent about me. So clearly

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Speaker 1: the problem is him. Then he said again, I'm done.

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Speaker 1: I was floored. I had already made peace with the

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Speaker 1: idea that we were ending, and it hurt, But after

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Speaker 1: that rant, I was just disgusted. I looked at him,

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Speaker 1: probably with a disgusted expression, and said, okay, he lost it.

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Speaker 1: He said, this is exactly what he meant that it

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Speaker 1: was horrible. We had been together for four years, and

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Speaker 1: all I had to say was okay to our breakup.

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Speaker 1: I just asked if he wanted to stay here while

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Speaker 1: he figured out where to go. He said, typical, of course,

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Speaker 1: you're holding the apartment over me and started ranting again.

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Speaker 1: So I just left. I told my parents, and they're

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Speaker 1: all so confused. My dad suggested I reach out to

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Speaker 1: our landlord and explain the situation to see what options

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Speaker 1: I have. I can keep paying the rent, no problem myself.

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Speaker 1: He covered the utilities and some subscriptions, just to reiterate,

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Speaker 1: I never had a problem with this. I saw that

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Speaker 1: he was chasing his dream and that was more important

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Speaker 1: to me than a fifty to fifty financial split. Being

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Speaker 1: a reasonable woman.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's awesome that you did that.

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Speaker 1: I make good money and I'm happy at my job.

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Speaker 1: I never saw it as slaving away. I always had

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Speaker 1: the mentality that my money was our money because we

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Speaker 1: were building a life together. Of course I had my

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Speaker 1: own savings and fun money, but I honestly never cared.

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Speaker 1: As long as I felt he was working towards something

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Speaker 1: and wasn't taking advantage of me, I was fine with it.

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Speaker 1: More than fine. Alex is still mad. He's going between

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Speaker 1: texting me like a robot about the logistics of the

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Speaker 1: split to being a seating a whole complaining about everything.

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Speaker 1: I'm not even hurt anymore. I just feel nauseated by

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Speaker 1: him at this time point. I don't know should I

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Speaker 1: have reacted differently. No, at it. Thank you for all

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Speaker 1: your opinions. It was nice to get this off my

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Speaker 1: chest lol. Just to clarify though, I don't feel.

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Speaker 2: Like a victim, don't see you as one.

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Speaker 1: And no, I feel like something happened and my relationship

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Speaker 1: just turned bad. He behaved like an a hole, but

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Speaker 1: that is the extent of it. Very clearly something is

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Speaker 1: going on, but he doesn't want me to be part

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Speaker 1: of whatever it is, and I have to respect that.

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Speaker 1: Now I just have to detangle myself legally from him,

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Speaker 1: and after that I'll just be left alone with my

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Speaker 1: ugly green wall color. I think I might also adopt

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Speaker 1: a cat, as my ex was really allergic. I support

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Speaker 1: that decision. Adopt that cat. Update one to start. Alex

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00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,000
Speaker 1: moved out pretty quickly after the breakup. He has been

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Speaker 1: staying with a friend and we sorted out everything like

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00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,160
Speaker 1: male subscriptions and the lease. I'm also in the process

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Speaker 1: of adopting a cat. Her name is Luna.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's so.

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Speaker 1: Cute, but I've been thinking about changing it since my

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Speaker 1: family already has two pets named Luna, a Moon and Kamar.

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Speaker 1: She is still at her foster home for now, but

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Speaker 1: I visited her a few times and I already adore her.

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Speaker 1: She's a scrappy little tabby who follows her foster mom

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Speaker 1: around like a shadow, and I can't wait for her

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Speaker 1: to move in during the first weeks of December. I've

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Speaker 1: already gotten her bowls, toys, and a bed by the window.

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Speaker 3: Ready.

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Speaker 1: Now onto what happened last week. I was out showing

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Speaker 1: someone around the city. He is the son of my parents'

353
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,800
Speaker 1: friends who recently moved here for work. My parents asked

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00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,840
Speaker 1: me to help him get familiar with the area, so

355
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Speaker 1: I agreed, I see you, I see you. It was

356
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,680
Speaker 1: nothing special, just walking around, grabbing coffee and pointing out

357
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:38,280
Speaker 1: useful spots in the city. Apparently, Alex saus oh yeah,

358
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Speaker 1: but he was like I didn't even realize he was there.

359
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Speaker 1: But later that night I started getting texts from an

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Speaker 1: unknown number.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, that's weird.

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Speaker 1: I guess he got a new number since I blocked

363
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 1: his old one. The texts were just weird. He accused

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00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,600
Speaker 1: me of flaunting my new relationship in public, said I

365
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 1: must have been seeing this guy before we broke up,

366
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Speaker 1: and told me that everything he suspected about you was true.

367
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:04,200
Speaker 1: I didn't respond. I wasn't going to entertain his paranoia.

368
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,920
Speaker 1: The messages kept coming through. They went from angry to desperate,

369
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,239
Speaker 1: with him saying things like, at least admit you were

370
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,440
Speaker 1: lying to me and was anything about us even real?

371
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,360
Speaker 1: It was exhausting and honestly a little scary to see

372
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Speaker 1: how quickly he spiraled. For the record, this guy isn't

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend. He's not even someone I'm interested in. He's

374
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 1: just the son of family friends who needed help settling

375
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,199
Speaker 1: into the city. The whole thing was completely innocent, but

376
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,040
Speaker 1: Alex has twisted it into some kind of betrayal in

377
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Speaker 1: his head. What gets me is how little Alex seems

378
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 1: to know about me. I'm not the type of person

379
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,600
Speaker 1: to jump into a relationship so soon after everything that happened.

380
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,680
Speaker 1: Even if I were, it wouldn't be any of his business.

381
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Speaker 1: We are done. I've made that clear. After I didn't

382
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Speaker 1: respond to his texts, Alex started calling. I didn't pick up,

383
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Speaker 1: but the voicemails were a mix of angry rants and

384
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,040
Speaker 1: desperate please. I ended up blocking his new number two.

385
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Speaker 1: It feels ridiculous that I have to keep doing this,

386
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,800
Speaker 1: but I guess this is where we are now.

387
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,639
Speaker 2: Are there any red flags before this? Can this just

388
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:03,960
Speaker 2: happen to someone like that?

389
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:07,239
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, some people, Yeah, you never know.

390
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,439
Speaker 1: Then this weekend I went out to a bar with

391
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Speaker 1: my friends. A few hours in. Guess who walked in?

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Speaker 2: Girl. You gotta check everything you have, check all your clothes,

393
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 2: check your phone. Hey, he's got a track her on.

394
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 1: He's got an air tag or something. Alex. I don't

395
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,280
Speaker 1: know if it was a coincidence or if he followed

396
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 1: me there, but as soon as he spotted me, he

397
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 1: came straight over. He was clearly upset, asking to talk,

398
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Speaker 1: and I told him no. My friend stepped in, and

399
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 1: thankfully he left without causing a scene, but it ruined

400
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,800
Speaker 1: my night. It felt like I couldn't escape him, no

401
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,919
Speaker 1: matter where I went or what I did. When I

402
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 1: got home later that night, I was completely drained. I

403
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,399
Speaker 1: just started to relax when I heard a knock on

404
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 1: my door. It was Alex standing there in tears.

405
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Speaker 2: Call the cops.

406
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 1: He started crying, saying he missed me, that he didn't

407
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 1: understand why I was doing this to him, and that

408
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,679
Speaker 1: he didn't know how to move on. It was like

409
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 1: all all the anger from earlier had been replaced with

410
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,160
Speaker 1: this desperate sadness. I didn't let him in. I told

411
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,119
Speaker 1: him he needed to leave, and if he didn't, I

412
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 1: would call someone to make him leave. He begged me

413
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 1: to listen, but I just close the door. I spent

414
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,159
Speaker 1: the rest of the night feeling shaken and honestly a

415
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,879
Speaker 1: little scared. I don't know what he's going through. I

416
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: wrote his best friend about the situation, but the plea

417
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:23,360
Speaker 1: of talking to him, he said he would. I'm seriously

418
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 1: considering getting a new phone number and possibly even talking

419
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 1: to someone about how to handle this. Legally if it

420
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 1: keeps happening. It feels unfair that I have to go

421
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 1: to these links just to have some peace. But I

422
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,360
Speaker 1: don't see another option. Oh my god, we have there's

423
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 1: another update.

424
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Speaker 2: You restraining order. Of course, at this point, you.

425
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 1: Do that he keeps like showing up at her doorstep

426
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:47,240
Speaker 1: and like low key like harassing her, then yeah, she

427
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,199
Speaker 1: she should update number two. Thanks for the concern and

428
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 1: support I've received. I'm fine. Really. A lot of people

429
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 1: suggested things like getting a restraining order, but I just

430
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 1: want to clarify that it's not as simple as walking

431
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 1: into an office and asking for one. The process involves

432
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,880
Speaker 1: proving there's an immediate danger to your safety, providing evidence

433
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 1: like text calls or witnesses, and then attending court to

434
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,199
Speaker 1: get approval. It's not something you can do lightly or

435
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 1: without solid proof. And no, I'm obviously not getting a gun.

436
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:17,200
Speaker 1: I've also seen people diagnosing Alex with various mental health issues,

437
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,200
Speaker 1: and I want to ask everyone to stop. Yes, something

438
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 1: is clearly wrong, but I'm not a doctor, and neither

439
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,199
Speaker 1: of most of you. It's not fair or helpful to

440
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 1: label him with something like bipolar disorder or anything else

441
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 1: without real expertise for what it's worth. I don't actually

442
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 1: feel like I'm in danger. In the past months, these

443
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,200
Speaker 1: were the only three incidents that happened. I don't think

444
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 1: he's actively stalking me so much as he just knew

445
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,479
Speaker 1: my patterns. The barbie were at is my favorite spot,

446
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,639
Speaker 1: and it was a party of one of my closest friends,

447
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 1: so it makes sense that he might have guessed that

448
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: I'd be there when he showed up at my apartment.

449
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 1: He knows what time I usually get home. The city

450
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: tour is the only thing that might have been more intentional,

451
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 1: but it could also have been a coincidence that triggered everything. Anyway,

452
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 1: this is the end of it. Yesterday Alex came over

453
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 1: with his mom and one of his friends. At first,

454
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,640
Speaker 1: I didn't want to let him in, but he promised

455
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: me that this would be the last time I ever

456
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 1: saw him. I agreed, mostly because his mom and friend

457
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: were there, and I figured it would be more awkward

458
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 1: to argue on my doorstep.

459
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 2: Okay, we have a common it's in a public place

460
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,680
Speaker 2: with people, with people. Okay, this is better.

461
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 1: When we sat down, Alex admitted that he was going

462
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 1: through a crisis. He told me he was mad at me,

463
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 1: and he didn't know why. He said he didn't like me,

464
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 1: that I annoy him, but that he weirdly still loves me,

465
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: which is why he went crazy when he saw me

466
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 1: with someone else. He assured me that there wasn't anyone

467
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 1: else on his end either. He said he felt like

468
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,639
Speaker 1: he was going insane. He talked about how he feels

469
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 1: judged for being older and not being able to give

470
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,239
Speaker 1: me the life he thinks I deserve. So you know,

471
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 1: he's feeling bad about not being the provider. He said

472
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 1: he hates his colleagues, hates his job, hates everything right now,

473
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 1: and that everyone and everything annoys him. This is why

474
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 1: they say, like, you can't be in a relationship until

475
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,920
Speaker 1: you learn to love your Like, if everything in your

476
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,479
Speaker 1: life sucks and you're like, you know what, my partner

477
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,880
Speaker 1: sucks too, maybe think about how maybe the other things

478
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: in your life that suck are making you think your

479
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 1: partner sucks.

480
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:14,880
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, Because if everything in your life is feeling.

481
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 1: This way, might not be you right, and it might

482
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: not be the person that you're like, Oh, this person sucks.

483
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: Like when I'm stressed and in like down in the dumps,

484
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,239
Speaker 1: I get more annoyed at my partner too. Doesn't mean

485
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 1: that they're doing anything wrong. I'm just stressed.

486
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 2: Yum.

487
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 1: He told me he feels old and he should want

488
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,880
Speaker 1: kids at this point in life, but he doesn't. That

489
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,399
Speaker 1: thought terrifies him. He said he just wants to be

490
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 1: alone and not talk to anyone for a while. I

491
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: didn't say much. I mostly just nodded because I didn't

492
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: know what to say. After he was done, he told

493
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 1: me he was leaving. He's on some kind of mental

494
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 1: health leave from work, and he said he's leaving the

495
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 1: country on Sunday. He's going to South America to spend

496
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 1: time in nature and find himself. He thanked me for

497
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 1: everything and said he was sorry for how he acted.

498
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: Then he just got up, grabbed the few things he

499
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 1: had left at my place, and walked out. His mom

500
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:04,400
Speaker 1: was inconsolable. She kept apologizing to me over and over,

501
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,400
Speaker 1: saying how embarrassed she was by his behavior. I told

502
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,159
Speaker 1: her it was okay and that she didn't need to

503
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: apologize for him. She cried a lot, and his friend

504
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 1: ended up driving her home after Alex left. By the

505
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: way they left, but hopefully you can stay and watch

506
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,120
Speaker 1: us the live on YouTube and Facebook every week at

507
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: three pm PST. And we're probably live right now, so

508
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: go tap on our profile. I don't think that this

509
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: dude is like inherently a bad person. I think clearly

510
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 1: he's going through a lot in his personal life and

511
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 1: then he's projecting it and like unfortunately decided to terminate

512
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 1: his relationship because of it. But yeah, this is why

513
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of problems in relationships. Most

514
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 1: of the time, it's not even about the partner.

515
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 2: It's like you WHOA.

516
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 1: I don't really know how I feel about this. Part

517
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 1: of me is relieved that it's over. Part of me

518
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: feels sad for him because he clearly doesn't know how

519
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 1: to deal with everything he's feeling. Mostly though, I just

520
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 1: feel tired. I'm glad he's taking steps to figure himself out,

521
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 1: but it's not my responsibility anymore.

522
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, good for you for figuring that out.

523
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 3: You know.

524
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: And I hope he finds himself and he finds his happiness.

525
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 2: And should we take him back if he does what

526
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 2: he changes into his best self.

527
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 1: I don't see why not. That's a thing too. It's

528
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 1: like I think people can change, doesn't seem like they

529
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 1: had like a bad relationship. I think he just was

530
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 1: like going crazy a little bit. So that's the end

531
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 1: of that story.

532
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to get to the next one. He

533
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 2: cheated on me and I'm not giving him a second chance.

534
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:29,640
Speaker 1: Don't give him one.

535
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,480
Speaker 2: Apologies for my English. I'm still trying to be fluent.

536
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 2: I female, twenty six met my partner Mail thirty nine,

537
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 2: six years ago when I first moved to Canada from Germany.

538
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 2: We moved in together within a year. We work in

539
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 2: different fields, but we make about the same amount annually.

540
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 2: I found out I got pregnant in July. When I

541
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:52,000
Speaker 2: told him, he got frustrated. Mix emotions. Congrats. By the way,

542
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 2: this comes from sad Panda twenty twenty four to one

543
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 2: on the r slash Okay story Tom saubredd It. I

544
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 2: told him that I repeatedly reminded him about medication interactions

545
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 2: and doctor advising using the protective layer among the banana

546
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:10,119
Speaker 2: while I'm on this medication, and he refused. Eventually, he

547
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 2: said he is happy to be a dad and supports me.

548
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,479
Speaker 2: We got invited to a destination wedding in Mexico, his

549
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 2: friend's wedding. I told him my doctor advised me not

550
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 2: to travel, as I have been very sick lately, hospitalized

551
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: a few times, so I can't go. Doctor, how do

552
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 2: we feel love this, I'll go. He got upset and

553
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,360
Speaker 2: he said he really wanted me to go. I got

554
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 2: tired of hearing his grumpiness, so I said I would

555
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 2: be fine. It's just a week, so I said, okay,

556
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 2: let's just go. I talked to his mom and she

557
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 2: said she would drive me to the hospital again if

558
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 2: I needed to while we will be away. Wedding was

559
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 2: last Tuesday. He left on Saturday evening. He sent some

560
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 2: pictures to me on the day. He said he missed

561
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 2: me and how he wished I was there, which I said,

562
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 2: hopefully we can do more trips when the baby is here.

563
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 2: Then he was quiet. On Wednesday, I got worried, so

564
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 2: I texted his friend. He replied, oh, yeah, he's fine.

565
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 2: I'll tell him to text you. Still nothing on Friday evening,

566
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 2: so last night he called me. I asked him, what's

567
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 2: going on. I was worrying, sick. He asked how I

568
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 2: was doing if I needed help. I said I'm good. Luckily, no,

569
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 2: I've been fine. He then said he needed to talk

570
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 2: to me. He made a horrible, wasting mistake.

571
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: That's never good.

572
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 2: We already know what it is.

573
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:25,159
Speaker 1: So what happened?

574
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:29,119
Speaker 4: He hooked up with one of the bridesmaids, bride's sister

575
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 4: and brought her to his room, but in the morning

576
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,120
Speaker 4: he realized what a fool he was and told her

577
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:35,480
Speaker 4: to leave.

578
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 2: He said, I made a mistake, but you have to

579
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 2: realize if you were here with me, this wouldn't have happened.

580
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 2: I was wasted and lonely. What it was a one

581
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 2: time thing. It meant nothing.

582
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: How dare he blame it on her?

583
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 2: It's her fault. She should have been there.

584
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 1: You should be ashamed.

585
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: Ah, I felt like my brain was frozen. I said,

586
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 2: you ghost to me for days and now tell me this.

587
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 2: You were busy with her all this time, he said, no,

588
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 2: I needed time to and I was ashamed. I told him,

589
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 2: don't bother coming home, dang, stay with her or your

590
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 2: mother until I find a place. Then I don't ever

591
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 2: want to see you again. He said, I'm being selfish, hormonal,

592
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 2: and overreacting to one mistake, just one little sake.

593
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 1: Calling a woman hormonal when she's pregnant, and also when

594
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 1: you just cheated on her.

595
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 2: Is demanded he calm down.

596
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 1: You're being so hormonal right now.

597
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,640
Speaker 2: He said, he took responsibility. Oh this mistake and will

598
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 2: do anything to prove it to me. Am I overreacting

599
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,399
Speaker 2: for not even considering this for the sake of the baby.

600
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,160
Speaker 2: My best friend says we should try counseling and give

601
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 2: him one last chance. But I'm just so upset. I

602
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 2: can't even think thank you for your advice, and we

603
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 2: have an update.

604
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: If she did give him a second chance, I'd be like, Okay,

605
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 1: that's fine, you know, you guys are having a baby together.

606
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 1: But also like she's probably so hurt and shocked right

607
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: now that I feel like she probably needs some time.

608
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, separation, that's valid. I know a few marriages

609
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:00,479
Speaker 2: that have stayed together after being cheated after cheat, but

610
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 2: not all marriages can handle that right exactly.

611
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: And I think it's like a case by case basis.

612
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 1: And I think it's fine if that's a deal breaker

613
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 1: for you, and it's fine if it isn't.

614
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 2: I don't like the part where he's saying I made

615
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 2: a mistake, I took responsibility. You need to give me

616
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 2: another chance.

617
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, he's being a douchebag.

618
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 2: That's not gonna last because he'll do it again. Yeah,

619
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 2: as I mean you suggested. I sent a quick message

620
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 2: to his friend and the bride's maid he slept with.

621
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 2: I told him that Kyle had admitted about him hooking

622
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 2: up and says it was a one time thing. But

623
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 2: I'm wondering if there is more to the story that

624
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 2: you would like to share. They both blocked me, then

625
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 2: all his friends blocked me on social media. He said something.

626
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 2: He said something because you believe the news you first hear.

627
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 2: So he went around and said, hey, my wife cheated

628
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 2: on me. So I was wasted and we've been having

629
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 2: bad But he lied to them. He probably manipulated them

630
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 2: into saying something.

631
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess good friends to him. They're very loyal,

632
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: but also like what bad people If my friend cheated

633
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: on their partner while they're prob, I don't care. If

634
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 1: you're my friend, I'm gonna side with the partner.

635
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. The victim of the cheating situation

636
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 2: girl Code. Last night late he sent me a message.

637
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 2: I think he was wasted that I am an unhinged lunatic.

638
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 2: He did the right thing and owned to his mistake

639
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 2: and confessed to me yet I acted like a crazy

640
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 2: see you next Tuesday and harassed him and his friends

641
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 2: and their family. He meant the bridesmaid he said, I

642
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 2: am so insecure, it's pathetic. He said, we are done,

643
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 2: and he wants me out of his house immediately. What

644
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 2: he didn't even mention once the baby's out. He's like,

645
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 2: I think I can work this out with the bridesmaid's sister.

646
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 2: We're done. You know we're done. I don't think this

647
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 2: is gonna work. You're at you're being insecure.

648
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: This man makes no sense to me, and I think

649
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: he needs to be blocked out of her life.

650
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, wait till he comes back to reality. He's

651
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 2: gonna be bagging back for you. Op. He's like, please

652
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 2: take me back.

653
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: What about the baby?

654
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and I bet you coming up, it's gonna

655
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 2: be like I cooked him food, I cleaned up, blah blah,

656
00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 2: I did everything for him. That This is top a

657
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 2: gap we're talking about. I decided not to bother replying.

658
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 2: I had no energy and was crying all day. I'm

659
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 2: moving back with my family, I decided last night early

660
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 2: morning tomorrow. My family is happy that I'm moving back,

661
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 2: especially my mother. Oh that's sweet. I don't think i'll

662
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 2: say goodbye to his mom. I'm not ready to talk

663
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 2: to him, and she will make him do that. Thank

664
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 2: you again for all your comments. We have another freaking update.

665
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: What do you think is going to be?

666
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 2: I don't even know.

667
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 1: Do you think she's gonna take him back?

668
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 2: He's definitely gonna bag. I think op, no, goodbye. Che's

669
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 2: over it.

670
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 1: Hi.

671
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 2: I'm sitting in the airport waiting for my flight, so

672
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 2: I thought i'd right one last update. I messaged his

673
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 2: mom and told her what happened. I was shocked when

674
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 2: she called back immediately and was furious with me.

675
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: Huh.

676
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 2: She said, I have some nerve twisting the story covering

677
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 2: my cheating. But I told her I don't understand what

678
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 2: she's talking about. I called that. I'm freaking called that.

679
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: Would never have expected that.

680
00:31:57,720 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 2: I called that because he went around. He's like, I'm

681
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 2: gonna get and lie because whatever you say first, people

682
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 2: believe that's wild. I knew it. I freaking knew it.

683
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 2: Roll that back. Apparently he told everyone, including his mother,

684
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 2: that he checked my social media. He had all my passwords,

685
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 2: but I never asked any of his. I've changed them

686
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 2: all now and found out I was having an affair

687
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 2: with my coworker and I was trying to check him

688
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 2: into raising my affair.

689
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 1: Baby, what this man needs to be arrested?

690
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 2: To Gel, I told her, most of my team work virtually,

691
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 2: so this makes no sense. I also have maybe twenty

692
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 2: five followers on my Instagram and most of them are

693
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 2: my family from back home. I also have a rule

694
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 2: to never add any of my coworkers on social media

695
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 2: because I'd rather keep my personal life professional life separate.

696
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,479
Speaker 2: She said her son found out when he was alone

697
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 2: in Mexico and now he is heartbroken. Then went on

698
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 2: and on about how could I do that to say

699
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 2: him and stuff. I kept explaining. She wasn't listening. I

700
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 2: was so upset. I told her I'm done. I'm done arguing,

701
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 2: and I hung up. I'm done with this man and

702
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 2: his lives. By the way, please don't be done with us.

703
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 2: When we go live every weekday at three PMPSC just

704
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 2: tap our profile and where do we go live?

705
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 1: Stuff on YouTube and Facebook and Twitch and.

706
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 2: TikTok and we might be live right now, so come

707
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 2: and check. But yeah, no, this man doesn't he want

708
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 2: you back anyway.

709
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: So he's a menace to society, and you should run

710
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 1: away far away from this man and his family because

711
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: clearly they suck.

712
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 2: They do suck. I love doing or get it ready

713
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 2: with me, explaining your side of the story and posting

714
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 2: on TikTok and letting everyone in the world know. Yeah,

715
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 2: the fans.

716
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: Then they all blocked her.

717
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 2: So oh, man, he already did get ready with me first, Yeah,

718
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 2: he did. Even if your partner cheats on you, going

719
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 2: to Mexico and doing it back to them, and I

720
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 2: guess he had a few days to think about it.

721
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 1: This man was like making too many moves. He's like

722
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 1: playing chess out here. He was like three steps ahead.

723
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, he just makes up lies and blames me

724
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 2: for it. I can't do this anymore. I submitted time

725
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 2: off from my boss. She is amazing and will be

726
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 2: settling for the next few weeks, looking forward to the

727
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 2: new chapter of my life without him. And that's it.

728
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 2: Good for you, OPI good for you figuring that out.

729
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 2: Leave him. Oh my gosh.

730
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,840
Speaker 1: I hope you have a good life, and I hope.

731
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 2: One day he'll go on social media and see how

732
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 2: nice your life is and be like, man, what would

733
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 2: I do?

734
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 1: I will not wish evil upon other people. But next

735
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: story your time, my.

736
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 3: Friend wanted me to make her address, but she had

737
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 3: ulterior motives.

738
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 2: Ooh, is a.

739
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 3: Maybe I was going to make this a Facebook real

740
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 3: its event, but I decided to put it here instead.

741
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 3: That's funny. If I'm bugging, just let me know. I

742
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 3: have a hobby of sewing, and every year I take

743
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 3: custom prom dress orders. Wow. The standard procedure when I

744
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,359
Speaker 3: accept a commission is for people to send me an

745
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,800
Speaker 3: inspo pic, and in turn I quote them a price,

746
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 3: then schedule a consultation to get all of the details

747
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,240
Speaker 3: ironed out before they're given the final cost of the dress.

748
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Shaysha four fifteen on

749
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 3: the OK Storytime Separate. So a friend of mine will

750
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,320
Speaker 3: call her Sheila, inquired about a dress for her daughter

751
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 3: back in November twenty twenty three. They sent me an

752
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 3: inspo pick and I quoted her a roundabout price for

753
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 3: the gown. Her daughter's dress was the first inquiry of

754
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,280
Speaker 3: the season, and needless to say, I was excited because

755
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 3: I'd watched this baby grow up and was thrilled that

756
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 3: they'd ask me to make her a gown. That's very school.

757
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 2: It's like they're a little what do you call someone

758
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 2: you look down to but like you kind of look

759
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 2: up to them? I don't know, come on, I don't know,

760
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 2: like I look up to John, but like as me

761
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:40,919
Speaker 2: being John's mintee. Yeah, what's my title here? Chack? How's

762
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 2: my title?

763
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 3: Proud of?

764
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm called proud of, proud of. I'm proud of

765
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 2: proud that's not proud of.

766
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: That's not proud of. Fast forward a few months to

767
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,359
Speaker 3: the end of January. We have a proper consultation where

768
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,319
Speaker 3: I take measurements, discuss dress details, et cetera, and they're

769
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:59,240
Speaker 3: given the final price for the dress. All dress details

770
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 3: are written out in an invoice along with payment details.

771
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 3: I'll make a note that the dress consultation was rescheduled

772
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 3: three times for some reason or another. Another month passed

773
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,840
Speaker 3: before I finally received a deposit for the dress. I

774
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 3: decided to wait another day to order materials and just

775
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 3: added an everything to a cart online to double check

776
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,880
Speaker 3: before I placed the order. Of The following day, I

777
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,759
Speaker 3: was having some drinks at home and didn't want a

778
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,399
Speaker 3: wasted shop lol. The next day I decided to see

779
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,479
Speaker 3: if there was anything that I could purchase in town

780
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 3: to speed up the dress making process, and luckily I

781
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,360
Speaker 3: found most of what I needed at a store locally.

782
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 3: I don't have many options in my small city. As

783
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 3: I'm about to leave home to run at my errands,

784
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 3: Sheila texted me to wait and not purchase anything for

785
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 3: the dress and then requests an itemized list of materials.

786
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 3: Red flag number one. I immediately thought to myself, Okay,

787
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 3: it's about to be a problem, so let me just

788
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:50,840
Speaker 3: go ahead and give her back her money. I literally

789
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,800
Speaker 3: had the car running and had to step back in

790
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:54,839
Speaker 3: the house to pick something up before I left. When

791
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 3: the text came through, I sent a screenshot of whatever

792
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 3: was in the different carts that I added, I don't

793
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 3: recall if the car r it's haid quantities, just prices,

794
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 3: and then asked her where I could meet her to

795
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 3: return her deposit. She eventually decided that she'd stop by

796
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 3: my place to pick it up later. When she stopped

797
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 3: by that evening, she said that her daughter and mother

798
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 3: got into it, and the grandmother isn't letting her daughter

799
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 3: go to prom anymore. What messie. I'll make a note

800
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 3: that she's always bragging about how well behaved her daughter

801
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,839
Speaker 3: is and how well she's doing academically and never gets

802
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 3: into trouble, so that to me was another red flag.

803
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 3: She then mentions how her son's baby mother got him

804
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,799
Speaker 3: locked up and they're looking for a lawyer and she

805
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 3: may need the funds for that. Oh no, I thought

806
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 3: to myself that I didn't need to know all the details.

807
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 3: You have your funds now, so it's cool because none

808
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 3: of that makes sense for why you asked me for

809
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 3: an itemized materials list. Maybe three days later, she list

810
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 3: sends a message asking for the measurements that I'd taken

811
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 3: for her daughter because she wanted to order her some bras.

812
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 3: I informed her that the measurements that I'd taken wouldn't

813
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 3: help her get bras and that she should find a

814
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 3: store that she could get measured at. To a sister.

815
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 3: She says okay, and then asks if she can just

816
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 3: have the measurements any way, but she'd understand if she

817
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 3: can't have them. I said no, and that they're for

818
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 3: my records and that she'd have access to them in

819
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 3: the future once they completed a purchase with me. She

820
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 3: then mentions that she's still going through it with their

821
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 3: son's situation and that she'd appreciated it if I could

822
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 3: do that for her, I replied, dang, that's crazy. I

823
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 3: hope y'all get that situation figured out.

824
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 2: Dang. So they so they paid her up front, took

825
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 2: the money back, and is trying to use the free work, yes,

826
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 2: for the things, because I think what they're gonna do

827
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 2: is get.

828
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 3: To get their own dress.

829
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, get their own dress, And that's why they want

830
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 2: the atomized lists.

831
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 3: But honestly, I feel like, just like, probably just pay

832
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 3: for the measurements.

833
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, but be like, hey, give me twenty bucks and

834
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:35,839
Speaker 2: give them.

835
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, taking measurements isn't that hard. A couple

836
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 3: more days past, and I received a message from Sheila's

837
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 3: daughter stating that her grandmother wanted to know if I

838
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 3: still have her measurements, which I replied yes. She said

839
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,759
Speaker 3: that her grandmother wanted to know the measurements, but she

840
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:51,879
Speaker 3: wasn't sure of why. I responded that, as I told

841
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 3: her mother, the measurements are mine to keep and they'd

842
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 3: have access to them when they completed a purchase with me.

843
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 3: My theory is that she'd found someone else to make

844
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 3: the dress for cheaper and wanted to turn over the

845
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 3: deposit and whatever leg work I'd done to the other person.

846
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 3: I think it's very disrespectful, since we're supposed to be friends,

847
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 3: that she didn't consider my time and work put into

848
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 3: any of this. I'm not at all upset that she's

849
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 3: chosen to go with someone else. She has a right

850
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 3: to do so, but don't play in my face like

851
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 3: I'm stupid. There was no need to beat around the

852
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 3: bush to go to give me some excuse for wanting

853
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 3: your money back. I quoted her a price of seven

854
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 3: hundred dollars for the dress.

855
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 2: That is such a deal. I am sorry. I know

856
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 2: the world of fashion, dang kind of and that's a deal.

857
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 3: I think that's totally fair for her to price at

858
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 3: seven hundred. But I also understand on the other end,

859
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 3: being like, oh, I cannot spend five one hundred dollars

860
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 3: on this. Plus in my invoice terms and conditions, all

861
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,760
Speaker 3: the deposits are non refundable, as they're used to purchase

862
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 3: materials for the dress. But because she's my friend, I

863
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 3: didn't mind giving her the refunds since I'd yet to

864
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 3: obtain everything. There is a standard fifty dollars consultation feed

865
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 3: that i'd take up front that's non refundable that goes

866
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 3: towards the price of the dress, so I was at

867
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 3: least compensated for what little time I'd already put into

868
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 3: the project. Personally, I think what she did was trash,

869
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,279
Speaker 3: but you all may feel otherwise. I'd be happy hear

870
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 3: your input. I'll post another update after prom because there's

871
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,359
Speaker 3: no way that she won't post a pick of her daughter.

872
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 3: We have a lot of mutual friends, so even if

873
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 3: it was blocked from seeing the post, some will show me.

874
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 3: I think it's scheduled for the end of April. I

875
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 3: doubt if there will be another update before then. At it,

876
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 3: I see a few comments about measurements and materials. I

877
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 3: keep all measurements in one of three journals. The different

878
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 3: journals are for different categories of clients, so I didn't

879
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 3: discard them because I don't rip pages out of the journals.

880
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,800
Speaker 3: As for the materials, during each consultation, materials are chosen

881
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 3: by the client. I don't use anything that they don't

882
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 3: pick out, so I scrolled the websites or vendorless that

883
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 3: I use local or not, so that they see the

884
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 3: cost of everything being used. I have a base fee

885
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 3: based on design and all material costs are added to

886
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 3: that feet. I hope this clears some things up. Update.

887
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 3: I coincidentally ran into grandmom. I needed to drop off

888
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 3: a suit to a client while who works at the

889
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 3: school that Sheila's daughter attends. While waiting up the front office,

890
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 3: I see Sheila's daughter there with the grandmother. Long story short,

891
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 3: the grandmother had nothing to do with it. Prom is

892
00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 3: in a couple weeks I'll update again.

893
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 2: Then there is update.

894
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, now that that's kind of confirmed, They're definitely

895
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 3: really stinky because I was gonna say, like, if they

896
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 3: can't afford it, they can't afford it. But if they're

897
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 3: lying about it, that's really stinky. That's very stinky. I

898
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 3: did I thought he definitely found something. Yeah, but there

899
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 3: is another update. Sheila texted me one day stating that

900
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 3: she missed hanging out with our old group because we

901
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 3: used to have so much fun. By the way, you

902
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 3: can have fun with us by joining us live every

903
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 3: weekday three pmpst on YouTube and Facebook and TikTok. Just

904
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 3: hop her profile probably live right now and there is

905
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,760
Speaker 3: a little bit left. But what's your final thoughts?

906
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 2: The mom's crazy grandma checks out she's my daughter, checks out,

907
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:39,840
Speaker 2: mom doesn't. Yeah, crazy?

908
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,919
Speaker 3: My only thought and maybe, like you'll you guys will

909
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 3: disagree with this kind of going back to my point

910
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:48,120
Speaker 3: about the measuring being not that hard of a thing

911
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 3: to do. My only thought would be if they had

912
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,439
Speaker 3: asked about the measurements, you could have just been like, hey,

913
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:55,879
Speaker 3: it's gonna cost this much, you know if you want those,

914
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,839
Speaker 3: rather than saying outright like you can't have them. Yeah.

915
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 3: But there is a little bit left to the story.

916
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,879
Speaker 3: Before then, I hadn't heard from her since she asked

917
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 3: me for the measurements. I suspect that she only reached

918
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 3: out because I made a post on Facebook asking if

919
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 3: everyone wanted to come have drinks in the backyard like

920
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 3: we did last year for my birthday. I think she

921
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 3: just wanted to get an invite. She was invited last

922
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 3: year but didn't come. I forgot the reason why. Ultimately,

923
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,399
Speaker 3: I let her know how the situation left a bad

924
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 3: taste in my mouth, and how asking for an itemized

925
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 3: list and measurements suggested that she'd found someone else to

926
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 3: do the dress or plan to order one elsewhere. I

927
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 3: mentioned to her that I didn't care that she found

928
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 3: other avenues for the dress, but I felt laid and

929
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 3: like she wasn't honest with me. But ultimately I wasn't

930
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 3: very upset. Initially I was because of how it played out,

931
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 3: but now I just wanted her to know how I

932
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 3: was feeling. And that is the end of that story.

933
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 3: No contact, minimum, you know, minimum media not to talk

934
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:50,279
Speaker 3: to her because you're just because he's still kind of

935
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 3: close with the daughter. I think, yeah, but yeah, you

936
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 3: don't have to talk to this she's just well, it

937
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 3: depends on how she responds. If she's like, I'm so sorry,

938
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,120
Speaker 3: I didn't realize that's you know, yeah, But if she

939
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 3: just doubles down and bye, shoe, shoe go. But that

940
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,360
Speaker 3: is the end of that story.

941
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 2: My friends don't get along, so I didn't put a

942
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:13,759
Speaker 2: single one of them in my bridal party cause it

943
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 2: too much drama. Nukid. I had a great wedding, but

944
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 2: I still wonder if I was in the wrong on this.

945
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 2: Also all fake names. Myus and I live in his hometown,

946
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 2: not mine. When we moved in together in his hometown,

947
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,760
Speaker 2: his guy friends and their significant others became my friends

948
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 2: as well. By the way, this comes from Albini Weeni

949
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 2: on the r slash Okay storytime ceubred it. So I

950
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:39,359
Speaker 2: need to give some background and relationship dynamics before I

951
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 2: get into this. Everyone hang in Ming Ming. There is

952
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:42,959
Speaker 2: a lot of new.

953
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 3: Names here, damn all flowers, Daffodil, Daffodil. Oh, is that

954
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 3: what you're waiting for? I thought you were just like,

955
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 3: there's so many flower names.

956
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 2: I've never seen daffodil spell out before. Wow. Wow, I

957
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 2: don't really read them much, man, oh man. Daisy, Daffodil, Rose,

958
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 2: and Lily are all girlfriends of mine that I know

959
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 2: because of my husband. Daisy and Daffodil are the significant

960
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 2: of the two of my husband's guy friends. Rose is

961
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 2: a friend of his high school and Lily is Rose's wife.

962
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:18,920
Speaker 2: I am closer with Daisy and Daffodil because we have

963
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 2: a weekly's girls night, and when my husband and his

964
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 2: guy friends hang out, us girls come along too, and

965
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 2: we hang out together. Rose and Lily are not usually

966
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 2: included in these gatherings because Daisy and Daffodil don't like them.

967
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 2: Rose is not a fan of Daisy. When I host events,

968
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,479
Speaker 2: I invite everyone, but when Daisy or Daffodil hosts, Rose

969
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 2: and Lily are not included. Now. I didn't want to

970
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 2: deal with any of this for my wedding, so I

971
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 2: wanted to keep the bridal party small in order to

972
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,720
Speaker 2: make things easier for me and to avoid weird tension

973
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 2: and drama. I thought the best thing would be not

974
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 2: to have Daisy, Daffodil, Rose or Lily and my bridal party.

975
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 2: I wanted to make a small bridal party anyways, and

976
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 2: it would be mean to pick some of them and

977
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 2: not all of them. So I told all four girls

978
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 2: that I've decided not to have them to be bridesmaids

979
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 2: because I wanted the small bridal party to keep things

980
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 2: easier for me, and that it would be impossible and

981
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 2: unfair of me to pick some of them and not others.

982
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,879
Speaker 2: And I didn't want anyone to have their feelings start

983
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 2: because they were not picked and someone else's was. You

984
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 2: know how you have those like she asked me to

985
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 2: be a bridal like thing, and it's like big on

986
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:25,399
Speaker 2: social media op to the opposite. Yeah, So I asked

987
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 2: her not to be my bridesmaid.

988
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 3: None of you are going to be my bridesmaids. And

989
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 3: also the hearts signify that, oh, he's closer to Daisy

990
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:34,839
Speaker 3: and Dapotel, but none of them are bridesmaids. I feel

991
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 3: like they're going to be pretty upset about that.

992
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 2: Okay, they were still invited to the wedding events like

993
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 2: my bachelorette party and bridle shower. I let them know

994
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 2: that I would love them at these events if they

995
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 2: could make it, but not to sweat it if they

996
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 2: couldn't make it. They all ended up coming to my

997
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,799
Speaker 2: bachelorette party and not the bridle shower. I had a

998
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 2: great time at both of these events, and I thought

999
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 2: everything was good. But my bridal party, I had my sister,

1000
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 2: sister in law and two childhood best friends. Okay, for

1001
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 2: my bridal party, my sister's sister in law and two

1002
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 2: childhood best friends. All these people I had known for

1003
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 2: much longer than before girls. A week before my wedding,

1004
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:11,200
Speaker 2: Daisy and Daffidil and I had her weekly girls night.

1005
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 2: At this girl's night, they told me they were upset

1006
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 2: and disappointed at me that they were not selected as bridesmaids.

1007
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 2: They said they thought we were all good enough friends

1008
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 2: and that they deserve to be included, and that they

1009
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 2: felt bad that they were missing out on things like

1010
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 2: dress shopping and getting ready together in the bridal suite.

1011
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:29,840
Speaker 3: I don't think you can really be like, we deserve

1012
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 3: to be your brides I deserve being your bridesmaid.

1013
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:35,320
Speaker 2: I to live with you for a year. Yeah, I

1014
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,960
Speaker 2: totally deserve your I mean but yeah, but like, yeah,

1015
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 2: you don't. You don't get to call the shots and

1016
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 2: what you deserve.

1017
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 3: And plus like that's her wedding.

1018
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:44,360
Speaker 2: It was like she had like other people in her life,

1019
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 2: Like come.

1020
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 3: On, yeah, she has other closer friends and siblings.

1021
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,280
Speaker 2: Get out of here. The thing is, though, I didn't

1022
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 2: want to do any of that stuff with my bridesmaids.

1023
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,240
Speaker 2: They all live in different areas, so most wedding planning

1024
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,319
Speaker 2: I did was with my husband and our parents. I

1025
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:59,280
Speaker 2: got my wedding dress with my mom only. My husband's

1026
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 2: parents went to check out venues with us and did

1027
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 2: the food tasting. My sister would ask about wedding stuff

1028
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 2: since she was my maid of honor, but she didn't

1029
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 2: do anything to help the plan the wedding because I

1030
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 2: had it covered. There was no bridal suite. I got

1031
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 2: ready with my mom and my dad in their hotel

1032
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 2: room so my husband wouldn't see me. I feel like

1033
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 2: the things Daisy and Daffodil said they were missing out

1034
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 2: on were things that never happened and my actual bridesmaids

1035
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 2: didn't even do. And Daisy, Dafinil and I all got

1036
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 2: mannipaidies together before the wedding that I paid for because

1037
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 2: I wanted them to feel a little prettier and I

1038
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 2: thought it would be more fun with them instead of

1039
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 2: going alone. Yeah, so she did do kind of her version, yeah,

1040
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 2: of getting ready together.

1041
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, like they're still part of it. I mean they're

1042
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 3: going to the Bachelor Red Party, They're going to the

1043
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 3: bridal shower. It's still they're still part of most of

1044
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,719
Speaker 3: the things. They're just making drama, which is why they're

1045
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,800
Speaker 3: not bridesmaids, because they're freaking making drama.

1046
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 2: Also, besides with the parents, I didn't talk about my

1047
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 2: wedding in front of Daisy or Daffel or with anyone

1048
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,840
Speaker 2: really unless I was asked about it. I like planning

1049
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,840
Speaker 2: and I'm pretty organized, so it was a pretty fun,

1050
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:07,120
Speaker 2: chill process with not a lot to talk about. Anyways,

1051
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 2: I was absolutely crushed when they told me that I

1052
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,280
Speaker 2: hurt them. This was what I was trying to avoid,

1053
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,919
Speaker 2: and I was sad and guilty that I hurt them,

1054
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 2: but also angry that they wouldn't bring it up a

1055
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 2: week before my wedding after telling them my reasoning behind

1056
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,920
Speaker 2: why I chose or didn't choose who I did to

1057
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 2: be bridesmaids. It made me feel like they cared more

1058
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:31,240
Speaker 2: about the bridesmaids title than they did about me. Yeah,

1059
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 2: and it completely consumed me and brought me down the

1060
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 2: days leading up to my wedding when I should have

1061
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:37,800
Speaker 2: been excited.

1062
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 3: Oh, they're making it all yes, Yeah, they're making it

1063
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 3: all about them, which is like the whole point of

1064
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:46,320
Speaker 3: being a bridesmaid is to make it easier for the bride,

1065
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 3: and they're making it harder. And they're not even bridesmaids

1066
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 3: and they're proving why they shouldn't be.

1067
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're probably like, oh my gosh, like, you know,

1068
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 2: at my wedding, I did this, blah blah blah blah.

1069
00:48:56,800 --> 00:49:00,320
Speaker 2: Plus oh, Pie, you weren't at their weddings. Oh my gosh.

1070
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,880
Speaker 2: I told them I was sorry that there wasn't a

1071
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 2: ton I could do about it now. I ended up

1072
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 2: talking to my mother in law about including them in

1073
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 2: the rehearsal lunch since she was planning and paying for it,

1074
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 2: and then we were able to add them in. I

1075
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:14,520
Speaker 2: also arranged with the photographer to have photos of us

1076
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 2: taken after the wedding to try to make it up

1077
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 2: to them. And we will make it up to you

1078
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 2: on your all very good or very bad days.

1079
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 3: We need you.

1080
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 2: Wannas live every weekday at three pm PSD. Where do

1081
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 2: you go?

1082
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 3: Sovia on Facebook, TikTok, Twitch, YouTube, just top her profile.

1083
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:29,800
Speaker 2: We got a little bit more here. Should o P

1084
00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 2: be doing this? She should be going out of her

1085
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 2: way to make her friends feel more.

1086
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,439
Speaker 3: No, I would just be like, dude, guys, my day,

1087
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 3: I don't have time.

1088
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:36,399
Speaker 2: Yep.

1089
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 3: I probably honestly wouldn't say that because I'm a little

1090
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,360
Speaker 3: bit of a conflict avoidant.

1091
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 2: I have a crippling people.

1092
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:47,759
Speaker 3: Please but what you should do is be like, you

1093
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 3: know what, you guys have made this a lot about yourselves. Yeah,

1094
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 3: and it's not really fair to me, and you know,

1095
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 3: I loving us, but it can are hard.

1096
00:49:56,880 --> 00:50:00,160
Speaker 2: I think taking photos afterwards is nice. Yeah, they are

1097
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 2: important to OPI, but I don't like the way well.

1098
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:06,840
Speaker 2: And also Daisy and Daffil probably were like, uh, like

1099
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 2: we wanted to have special moments with you blubb blah.

1100
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:11,160
Speaker 2: But they should have brought it up earlier. Yeah, come on,

1101
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 2: here we go. Even though this happened a little bit

1102
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 2: ago and didn't end up affecting my actual wedding day, thankfully,

1103
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:20,760
Speaker 2: I'm not over it. I can't imagine being so entitled

1104
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 2: that I feel I deserve to be a bridesmaid's in

1105
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 2: someone's wedding, and then complaining about it when it doesn't happen.

1106
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 3: That's ridiculous.

1107
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 2: I feel like they were being selfish and thoughtless. They

1108
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 2: really hurt me, and I feel like I can no

1109
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:36,040
Speaker 2: longer trust them. They have no idea how much they

1110
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,919
Speaker 2: hurt me, and honestly, I'm glad they weren't bridesmaids because

1111
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 2: they thought doing this was okay and didn't think about

1112
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,720
Speaker 2: how it would affect me a week before my wedding.

1113
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 2: I know Daisy and Daffodil are over it because Daffidil

1114
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 2: asked me to be in her wedding, and you better

1115
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 2: bet that I'm going to be Miss Positive Patsy and

1116
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 2: I will not bring that girl down like she did me.

1117
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 2: So am I they a hole for not including my

1118
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:00,920
Speaker 2: friends at my bridal party to avoid her feelings? But

1119
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 2: then having that happen anyways.

1120
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 3: No, you're not the hole. Your friends are the whole.

1121
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, your friends are not. They're like, you can't just

1122
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 2: like lay a mine filled the week before a wedding happens.

1123
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

1124
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 3: Keep it to yourself, bring it up later and be like, hey,

1125
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:21,400
Speaker 3: like I was a little hurt by this.

1126
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:23,880
Speaker 2: So that's the ODR on that story.

1127
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 3: My friends made my birthday feel unimportant for years. It

1128
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:29,359
Speaker 3: might be time to cut them off.

1129
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:31,279
Speaker 2: No, just cut out your birthday. It's nothing.

1130
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 3: Your birtha doesn't matter. This is a throwaway because I

1131
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 3: haven't made up my mind and don't want this link

1132
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 3: back to me. This might get quite long. Sorry in advance,

1133
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 3: it's actually quite short. Some background flow, some background in foe.

1134
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 3: In school, around age fourteen, I became part of a

1135
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:51,800
Speaker 3: big friendship group of girls. I was the last to

1136
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 3: join the group, so as an outsider from the get go.

1137
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 3: What is that called an outsider?

1138
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:57,040
Speaker 2: No?

1139
00:51:57,120 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 3: No, no, no, a pariah? No, an outcast?

1140
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'm almost there. The flower wall Wallflower. Yes, okay.

1141
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 3: I was never part of the og friends around five

1142
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 3: of the girls, but grew the closest to one of them.

1143
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:18,240
Speaker 3: In the circle. With big friendship groups, you'll be closer

1144
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 3: to some people more than others. I know this and

1145
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:23,360
Speaker 3: never resent not being in the circle. I was just

1146
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 3: so happy they were my friends. By the way, this

1147
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,439
Speaker 3: comes from Throwaway twelve eighty nine fifty four sixty seven

1148
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 3: on the Okay Storytime Separate It. So, with so many

1149
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,200
Speaker 3: of us in the group, we decided that instead of

1150
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:36,399
Speaker 3: us all getting small individual presents, we would instead pool

1151
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 3: all our money together to buy someone a big present

1152
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 3: for their birthday.

1153
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that is something my friends did for me,

1154
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:44,080
Speaker 2: and I'm so hapry. That's true. We did do that

1155
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 2: for your birthday, and I give them back gifts. Oh.

1156
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:49,320
Speaker 3: This tradition has lived on until this day. I was

1157
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:51,799
Speaker 3: given presents for two of my birthdays the same as

1158
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 3: everyone else. Before finishing school. When I was sixteen, my

1159
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:58,280
Speaker 3: dad passed away. To make a long story short, roughly

1160
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 3: half a year after this, I was based on fully

1161
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,719
Speaker 3: supporting myself, living away from my mom and siblings while

1162
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:06,239
Speaker 3: doing my A levels. This was a very stressful time

1163
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 3: for me, and while trying to balance working and all

1164
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,800
Speaker 3: STEM subjects as well as keeping in touch with my family,

1165
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 3: I know I wasn't able to be as involved with

1166
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,040
Speaker 3: my friends as I would have liked. I would try

1167
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 3: to attend as many of the outings as I possibly could,

1168
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 3: but I couldn't afford to drop hundreds of pounds on gigs, festivals,

1169
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 3: even thirty pounds on eating outs wow, or it would

1170
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:27,759
Speaker 3: mean I would struggle to survive for the next week.

1171
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:30,759
Speaker 2: It's hard being friends and going out.

1172
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 3: It's real. It is because I mean sometimes you know

1173
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 3: you have friends who can only hang out by doing

1174
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 3: like paying for something like that's the only way they

1175
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:41,440
Speaker 3: can hang out, and you're like, I don't have the

1176
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 3: money for that. No, it's yeah, Especially in college when

1177
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,239
Speaker 3: I didn't have money, I was like, guys, what if

1178
00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:52,279
Speaker 3: we what if we cooked at home? What if what

1179
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,799
Speaker 3: if we had a game night? What do we think

1180
00:53:55,800 --> 00:54:00,680
Speaker 3: about that? And that usually worked. My my friends all

1181
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 3: had two parents who had good jobs to depend upon,

1182
00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 3: and I only had my mom, who worked a minimum

1183
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 3: wage job and had my siblings. Story about I'm pretty

1184
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,279
Speaker 3: sure during this time I was never asked to put

1185
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 3: money towards buying a present for anybody. My memory of

1186
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 3: this time isn't great, since I blocked a lot of

1187
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 3: things out and from the ages of around seventeen to nineteen.

1188
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:21,879
Speaker 3: I'm reasonably positive I never received a present or put

1189
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 3: towards a present for anyone else, but I always made

1190
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,720
Speaker 3: sure to wish everyone a happy birthday. From around nineteen,

1191
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,520
Speaker 3: my situation didn't change much. Only now I was back

1192
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,440
Speaker 3: living with my mom and siblings. I should probably mention

1193
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 3: I was still working a lot and lived around an

1194
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,040
Speaker 3: hour by car from all the girls. Around this time,

1195
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 3: my mental health got a lot better, and I was

1196
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,960
Speaker 3: communicating with the girls much more frequently. However, I was

1197
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 3: still unable to attend most of the hangouts since I

1198
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:48,120
Speaker 3: couldn't drive, I had little money, and public transport was

1199
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 3: impossible since girls didn't want to meet in the middle.

1200
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 2: See I saw two things there. Yeah, I distanced myself

1201
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,919
Speaker 2: from the girls. My mental health got better.

1202
00:54:57,200 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 3: Well, I think the thing is here just based on circumstance.

1203
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:05,560
Speaker 3: OP was going through, you know, financial stuff and mental

1204
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 3: health stuff and just couldn't you know, couldn't contribute to gifts,

1205
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:14,720
Speaker 3: couldn't hang out with them a lot, And unfortunately sometimes

1206
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,239
Speaker 3: that is the way that life goes, and you just

1207
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 3: kind of lose those friendships. Yeah, and it's like, honestly,

1208
00:55:21,239 --> 00:55:24,920
Speaker 3: not like right now, at least unless we learn something crazy,

1209
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:28,080
Speaker 3: it's not really anyone's fault. I think. I think that's

1210
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 3: just kind of how some sometimes it goes, You know,

1211
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:33,640
Speaker 3: when you have to distance yourself based off of life.

1212
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:35,320
Speaker 2: M I agree.

1213
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:38,520
Speaker 3: I agree, Like yeah, like for sure they could have

1214
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 3: made more of an effort, But like when you're sometimes

1215
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:43,359
Speaker 3: when you're the only friend out of a big friend

1216
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:46,279
Speaker 3: group that can't do anything, it's like, oh, well, a

1217
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,600
Speaker 3: year or so after that, after taking a gap year

1218
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 3: to work all time, I was finally able to get

1219
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 3: my driving license and pay for a car and insurance.

1220
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:56,400
Speaker 3: Then I started UNI. With UNI, I have a lot

1221
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:58,840
Speaker 3: more time and opportunities to hang out with everyone and

1222
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:02,239
Speaker 3: attend every meeting I possibly can now on to if

1223
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:04,439
Speaker 3: I would be the ale. Around one to two weeks

1224
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:06,840
Speaker 3: before someone's birthday, we would make a group chat to

1225
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,840
Speaker 3: discuss what we were going to get someone. I have

1226
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:11,600
Speaker 3: been added and even sometimes created the group chat to

1227
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:13,880
Speaker 3: discuss this for each person in the group. I am

1228
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 3: the second oldest in the group, with my closest friend,

1229
00:56:16,160 --> 00:56:18,840
Speaker 3: Lily being the eldest. The year before last year, I

1230
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 3: was added to a group chat to discuss getting Lily

1231
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 3: a present since I was now in a better situation,

1232
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:25,919
Speaker 3: I gathered that was why I was being included again.

1233
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:28,920
Speaker 3: When my birthday came around, however, I never received a

1234
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 3: present from the group.

1235
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:33,439
Speaker 2: Oh that's that's not freaking gosh. These are mean girls.

1236
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 2: These are girls that only like go up to the hierarchy,

1237
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:39,360
Speaker 2: popular ladder chain of whatever.

1238
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:42,799
Speaker 3: What the heck, what the heck egg what I think

1239
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:45,440
Speaker 3: they're just like they no longer feel that close to Ope,

1240
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 3: I guess, which is still Yeah, no, it's still like

1241
00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 3: messed up to not you know, to expect her to

1242
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:53,880
Speaker 3: give you guys a gift and then not do anything

1243
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:54,320
Speaker 3: in return.

1244
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 2: Freaking crazy.

1245
00:56:55,960 --> 00:56:58,320
Speaker 3: Originally I thought maybe the girls were just including me

1246
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 3: and getting Lily a gift because they knew I was

1247
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 3: closest to Lily. However, for everyone else in the group,

1248
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 3: I was also added to a chat to put money

1249
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,879
Speaker 3: towards buying a present for them. Yeah, that is where

1250
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:10,839
Speaker 3: it gets like they are actively, you know, doing something

1251
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 3: wrong here. This year that would just went the same

1252
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 3: thing happened again. Everyone else in the group received a

1253
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 3: present and I am the only one who didn't. I

1254
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 3: just want to make it known it's not the fact

1255
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:23,160
Speaker 3: that I didn't get an expensive present. That has me upset.

1256
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,480
Speaker 3: It's the idea that no one must have cared enough

1257
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 3: to remember that my birthday was coming up so they

1258
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 3: could create a chat and get me something. They could

1259
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 3: give me a five pound bouquet of flowers from Tesco,

1260
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,200
Speaker 3: and I would be so happy that they remembered. I'm

1261
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:37,360
Speaker 3: pretty sure they only wished me happy birthday because snapchat

1262
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,840
Speaker 3: reminds them. But I'm just reminding you, guys that we

1263
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 3: go live on YouTube and Facebook and TikTok every weekday

1264
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,880
Speaker 3: at three PMPST. Just typ her profile and there's a

1265
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 3: little bit left.

1266
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 2: Dude, cut these girls out. Ah yeah, you friends.

1267
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know sometimes people because of life circumstances, you

1268
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:54,800
Speaker 3: kind of dripped apart. But the fact that they are

1269
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 3: still actively relying on you to spend money for people

1270
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 3: in the front group and not providing anything to you.

1271
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 3: These are fake These are fake friends. It's yeah.

1272
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:08,720
Speaker 2: Also, Mean Girls is a beautiful movie.

1273
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 3: It's a good movie.

1274
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:13,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's It's just beautiful how it just evolves, It's

1275
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 2: just brilliant. I love the musical too.

1276
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 3: It's yeah, I haven't seen I've listened to some of

1277
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:19,439
Speaker 3: the music.

1278
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 2: I knuck into the musical. I actually don't like musical.

1279
00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 2: How just snug in where the movie theaters?

1280
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 3: Oh, the movie the musical? I see them.

1281
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I watch this and I did.

1282
00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:33,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, But there is more to the story.

1283
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 2: Uh oh.

1284
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:36,760
Speaker 3: It's also the fact that they all know that they

1285
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 3: haven't gotten me anything for the past five years, but

1286
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:41,800
Speaker 3: still include me to buy presents for everyone else. That's ridiculous.

1287
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 3: After this happened two years consecutively, I went to get

1288
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:46,919
Speaker 3: the opinion of another close friend outside of the group,

1289
00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:48,720
Speaker 3: who said I shouldn't allow them to treat me like

1290
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 3: this and to cut them out of my life. But

1291
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 3: I don't know what to do. Would that be too drastic?

1292
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 3: Or am I allowing people to walk all over me?

1293
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:56,560
Speaker 3: Am I being childish? I don't even know what I

1294
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:58,360
Speaker 3: would say to them, or to how or how to

1295
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,480
Speaker 3: even broach the subject without outing stupid or entitled or

1296
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 3: breaking down in tears, which happens every time I think

1297
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 3: about the situation. So would I be the a hole

1298
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:07,800
Speaker 3: if I cut them out of my lives? If they

1299
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 3: do this again this year? No, that is the end

1300
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,320
Speaker 3: of that story. No, it's been going on as Lulu

1301
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:17,800
Speaker 3: says for five years. I think you guys were already

1302
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 3: you already lost that closeness, and they're still expecting you

1303
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 3: to shell out money. Yeah, so I think that you're

1304
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 3: not saving anything here. There's nothing to save here. Yeah,

1305
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:28,160
Speaker 3: I definitely think you should cut them off.

1306
00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 2: This should have stopped four years ago.

1307
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:32,760
Speaker 3: I'm also wondering if Lily is, you know, getting her

1308
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:35,600
Speaker 3: a gift, because OPI said, oh, we're the closest, but

1309
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 3: it doesn't She hasn't mentioned whether or not Lily has

1310
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 3: gotten her a gift, which is ridiculous.

1311
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't sound like it

1312
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story.