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Speaker 1: There have been years, maybe two years in the eleven

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Speaker 1: that I haven't posted my mom for December ninth, the

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Speaker 1: day of my mom's passing, and I would get grabbed

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Speaker 1: for it. I was at some award shows where I

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Speaker 1: sang for my mom and I saw in a comment

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Speaker 1: they were like, Oh, is she just like always going

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Speaker 1: to do this for her mom? I was like, what,

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Speaker 1: that is so ridiculous. In the Latin culture, you have

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Speaker 1: to respect the first month or months and don't listen

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Speaker 1: to music, and I get that. My thing is, however,

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Speaker 1: you want to grieve, no one should judge you for that.

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Speaker 1: What up, guys, Welcome to another episode of Chee's and Chill.

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Speaker 1: Today actually marks the last Cheeze and Chill episode of

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Speaker 1: the season, and then we'll be back in early twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty four, so don't be too sad you guys. Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for coming along with me on this journey.

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Speaker 1: I've had so many great moments and wonderful discussions here

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Speaker 1: on my pot and I hope you'll join me for

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Speaker 1: another season. So with that being said, today this episode

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Speaker 1: is going to be a solo episode. I want to

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Speaker 1: talk to you about the pressures of grieving publicly. If

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Speaker 1: you've lost someone, you probably know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: There's this pressure to feel a certain way or act

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Speaker 1: a certain way, and I want to talk about that

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Speaker 1: just a little bit more. So let's get into it.

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Speaker 1: This is Cheeky's and chill. Okay, So some of you

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Speaker 1: might already know this, but Saturday marked the eleventh anniversary

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Speaker 1: of my mom. January Vera is passing eleven freaking years.

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Speaker 1: You guys, I swear, I'm like, how when how did

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Speaker 1: I get here? You know what I mean? Like, I'm

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Speaker 1: like eleven years already, and there are times when it

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Speaker 1: feels like forever, and then most of the time it

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Speaker 1: feels like it was just yesterday. It's the craziest thing

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Speaker 1: because when I sit there and think everything that I've

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Speaker 1: gone through and that I've had to deal with or

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Speaker 1: face without my mom, it trips me out still to

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Speaker 1: this day. And I think that day, December ninth, the

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Speaker 1: day of my mom's passing, is more to be with

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Speaker 1: my siblings more than anything. And there are years, there

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Speaker 1: has been year should I say where Mikey, my brother,

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Speaker 1: or even Jenica. Some of us just want to be alone,

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Speaker 1: don't necessarily want to be together. They want to do

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Speaker 1: their own thing, and I've had to learn to respect

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Speaker 1: that because in the beginning years, we had this thing

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Speaker 1: of like, let's all be together and we you know,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to remove that pressure because we already

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Speaker 1: have so much pressure I feel publicly with my mom's passing.

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Speaker 1: And this is exactly why I want to talk about this,

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Speaker 1: because there have been years, maybe two years in the

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Speaker 1: eleven that I haven't posted my mom for December ninth,

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Speaker 1: and I would get crab for it. People would talk shit,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just like, what the hell Like Now, I

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Speaker 1: don't care. Now, I'm just like, if I feel it,

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Speaker 1: if I wake up in the morning and I feel

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Speaker 1: it on that day, I'm going to do it. Times

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Speaker 1: that i'll feel it later in the day. There are

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Speaker 1: times that I'll feel it at three o'clock in the

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Speaker 1: morning December ninth, and I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna post it.

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Speaker 1: And there are times where I'm like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I just want to deal with this on my own

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Speaker 1: and not feel the pressure of like what I have

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Speaker 1: to write or what picture I'm going to choose, or

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Speaker 1: trying to please everyone else. Like I really go based

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Speaker 1: off of my feelings and what feels right to me.

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Speaker 1: I love to be true to myself in that way

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Speaker 1: and removing the exterior comments and judgment that sometimes we feel.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I want to do with my siblings,

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Speaker 1: because when we were closer to my extended family before

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Speaker 1: it was a thing, it was like, Okay, that's we're

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Speaker 1: gonna do something super big and special, and it was

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Speaker 1: just it became like a lot. It became like something

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Speaker 1: that we had to do publicly for other people versus

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Speaker 1: just something that we don't even know how we're going

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Speaker 1: to feel that day, you know, and especially in the

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Speaker 1: beginning years twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen, like I

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Speaker 1: felt personally, and I speak for myself. My siblings have

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Speaker 1: mentioned certain things, but I don't want to speak for them,

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Speaker 1: but I'm going to tell you how I felt. I

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Speaker 1: felt like I couldn't be happy on December night, Like

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Speaker 1: I could not smile, Like I had to be on

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Speaker 1: social media and be sad. I had to just be sad,

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Speaker 1: even if I wasn't necessarily feeling sad. I mean, obviously

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Speaker 1: I woke up and I'm like, damn, today was the

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Speaker 1: day A year ago, two years ago, three years ago

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Speaker 1: that my mom passed, and of course it would hurt,

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Speaker 1: but it was like someone says something funny and I

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Speaker 1: would laugh, and then I'm like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be laughing. I shouldn't be listening to music. I

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Speaker 1: should be crying. Why why am I not crying? I

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Speaker 1: would ask myself that, and then I'm like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: why do I feel this way? And I started realizing

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Speaker 1: that it was because of other people's pressure that I

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Speaker 1: was allowing to affect me. Until I said, if this

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Speaker 1: this is my mom, and if I feel like posting

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Speaker 1: her on August second, let's say, then that's okay. If

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Speaker 1: I feel like dedicating her another song, why not because

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Speaker 1: just the other day. And the reason I'm saying that

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Speaker 1: this is because I was at some award shows the

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Speaker 1: Latin billboards where I sing and had a Noma nah

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Speaker 1: for for my mom, and you know, it was Kali

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Speaker 1: and Los Rastianez and I saw in a comment somewhere.

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Speaker 1: There were all beautiful comments, thank goodness, but there was

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Speaker 1: that one comment that I came across that usually I ignore,

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Speaker 1: but they were like, oh, is she just like always

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Speaker 1: going to do this for her mom? Like she just

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Speaker 1: always my mom. She's always doing tributes for her mom.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I almost responded, and I was like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: what that is so ridiculous for someone to even say,

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Speaker 1: Like even if my mom wasn't a famous person and

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Speaker 1: I was still a singer and my mom wasn't I

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Speaker 1: have the right to sing my mom a song every

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Speaker 1: single day of my life if I wanted to. If

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Speaker 1: I want to have a tribute an altar, and I

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Speaker 1: don't I want to post I want to talk about

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Speaker 1: my mom. That is my business and it is my right,

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Speaker 1: and that is my mom and I can do as

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Speaker 1: I please. I was just more dumbfounded by this person,

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Speaker 1: like how what that is such a ridiculous thing to

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Speaker 1: say that. I'm like, why wouldn't I? Why would I not?

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Speaker 1: Especially because my mom is a famous person, I could

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Speaker 1: and I should, and it's my right, it's my you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like it just really bothered me.

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Speaker 1: So anyways, that's why I was talking about that, and

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Speaker 1: this year I wanted to post something happier, just because

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Speaker 1: so much has happened. I'm so grateful for what's happened

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Speaker 1: in my life and that I'm in a good place

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Speaker 1: right now. To be honest, and yes, I miss my mother.

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Speaker 1: Of course I miss my mother, But it went from

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Speaker 1: grieving her death to celebrating her freedom. And I know

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Speaker 1: that sounds weird, but it's she graduated to a much better,

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Speaker 1: a peaceful life, eternal life. She's not here having to

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Speaker 1: deal with certain things. And I'm happy for her because

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Speaker 1: she would be so disappointed, you guys, to see certain

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Speaker 1: people that she loved and that I'm sure love her,

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Speaker 1: but something changed throughout the years. I don't know, to

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Speaker 1: see some of the shit that they're doing and saying

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Speaker 1: is so disappointing. Like I always say, I'm like, damn,

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Speaker 1: if my mom was here, oh my goodness, she would

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Speaker 1: put these mobuckles in their place, you know. So it's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm happy for her. She's not dealing with all this.

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Speaker 1: She's in peace, she's resting. So I went from oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I miss my mom and yes, cause I do.

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Speaker 1: I miss her. There are times where I randomly am

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Speaker 1: driving and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I cannot

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Speaker 1: believe I don't have my mom here. Like it's a trip.

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Speaker 1: I can't even explain it, but it just comes to

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Speaker 1: me out of nowhere, and it's happened to me a

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Speaker 1: handful of times where I'm like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 1: get like a little anxiety attack and I'm like, oh shit,

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Speaker 1: like my mom's not here, Like this really happened, like

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Speaker 1: she passed away in an aeroplane. Like when you really

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Speaker 1: think about it and you say it out loud and

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Speaker 1: how things ended, it's like, what the hell, Thank you God,

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Speaker 1: by your grace and your favor. I am still standing

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Speaker 1: on my two feet and doing my damn thing. And

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Speaker 1: I'm proud of myself for that. And I owe it

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Speaker 1: to my mom because I know because she taught me,

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Speaker 1: first of all, while she was here physically, to work,

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Speaker 1: to be strong, to be resilient, to have courage, to

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Speaker 1: be honest, to be unapologetically yourself. She taught me so

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Speaker 1: many things, things that she would talk to me about,

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Speaker 1: but also her actions that I'm like, I owe it

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Speaker 1: to her. I owe it to God that I'm still here.

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Speaker 1: And I know that now that she's not here physically,

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Speaker 1: that's what she taught me physically when she was here,

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Speaker 1: you know, in her body now, her spirit in heaven,

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Speaker 1: I feel is helping me so much and is blessing

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Speaker 1: my life and my career in so many different ways.

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Speaker 1: Like I know it's her and God, Like I know

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Speaker 1: she's not only helping me, but my siblings. I see it.

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Speaker 1: She's given us all the strength. Like my mom really

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Speaker 1: raised some badass children. And I say that with a

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Speaker 1: lot of pride because I feel like, Okay, I also helped,

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Speaker 1: But to see my siblings stand in their own and

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Speaker 1: do their thing, each and every single one of them,

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Speaker 1: I'm just so proud because life dealt us a pretty

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Speaker 1: heavy hand, and we do our best to honor her

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Speaker 1: and every way that we possibly can. And I'm glad

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Speaker 1: that we all got to a point where we're really

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Speaker 1: honoring ourselves as well and our feelings and not feeling

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Speaker 1: the pressures of the world or media or even my

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Speaker 1: mom's fans to say, oh, well, why aren't you doing

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Speaker 1: this and why don't you do that. It's like, wait,

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Speaker 1: Like we have the right to grieve or to celebrate

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Speaker 1: my mom in any way that we want. Last year,

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Speaker 1: in twenty twenty two, on December ninth, I usually have

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Speaker 1: like a team Thrive party or a Christmas party celebration

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Speaker 1: for my team, and last year I did it on

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Speaker 1: December ninth. I said, you know what, I want to

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Speaker 1: have my team. I want to have everyone that's been

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Speaker 1: a part of my career this year and I'm grateful

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Speaker 1: for and I'm grateful with and I'm very you know, appreciative,

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Speaker 1: and my siblings all in one place and we're going

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Speaker 1: to have a party and we're going to see what happens.

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Speaker 1: You guys have no idea. The amount of people that

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Speaker 1: were like, I cannot believe Chiki's that you're having a

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Speaker 1: party on your mom's tenth year anniversary. And I was like, what,

198
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Speaker 1: like a lot of comments and thank goodness, I don't

199
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Speaker 1: know what's happened in the past few years where I'm

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Speaker 1: just like me, I don't care what people have to

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Speaker 1: say anymore, Like I really truly mean it. Sometimes I'm

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Speaker 1: just like what you know it? It kind of like

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Speaker 1: trips me out. But that time I was like, why not.

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Speaker 1: Why can't I celebrate my mom and have a big

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Speaker 1: ass party and celebrate her life, everything that she taught us,

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Speaker 1: the platform that she left for me, for my siblings,

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Speaker 1: for other women in the genre, for other just artists

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Speaker 1: in the in the genre, even if they're men, Like

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Speaker 1: my mom did so much and left her mark on

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Speaker 1: earth that I can't cry every single year. I shouldn't.

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Speaker 1: That's like dishonoring her. The way to honor her legacy

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Speaker 1: is to celebrate the woman that she is, that she

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Speaker 1: was and that she will forever be. And if I

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Speaker 1: want to have abanda to celebrate her and take some

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Speaker 1: shots with my civil to do that, and if I cry,

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Speaker 1: then I cry. And if I'm happy, I'm happy and

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Speaker 1: I'm smiling, and that's okay. Before it was okay, everyone

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Speaker 1: has to wear black at a funeral. That's the way

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Speaker 1: you grieve, and that's the way you show that you're sad.

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Speaker 1: Now I've seen more and more people wear white. And

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Speaker 1: that's what we did our entire family for my mom,

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Speaker 1: because we're like, you know what, we believe in God,

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Speaker 1: and we believe that she's going to heaven and we

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Speaker 1: believe that she's going to a much better place. So

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Speaker 1: we're going to wear white. And some people criticize then

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Speaker 1: criticize that, and was like, oh my god, I can't

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Speaker 1: believe they're wearing white. Are they happy that she's gone?

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Speaker 1: It's like, no, it has nothing to do with that.

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Speaker 1: It's just honoring the person's legacy. So I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to see if any of you guys, if I feel

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Speaker 1: this way, if you guys have felt that way, because

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Speaker 1: in the Latin culture that you have to respect the

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Speaker 1: first month or months and don't listen to music. And

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Speaker 1: I get that because honestly, it all goes on how

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Speaker 1: you're feeling, you know what I mean. Like my thing is,

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Speaker 1: however you want to grieve, however you want to celebrate

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Speaker 1: the person's life, even if they're no longer here. No

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Speaker 1: one should judge you for that. Go based off what

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Speaker 1: you feel in the moment, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But I know traditionally it's you know, no, don't go dancing,

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Speaker 1: no skuches musika, don't listen to music, don't wear certain

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Speaker 1: colors like don't show your happiness in any way. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I necessarily agree with that. When

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Speaker 1: my mom passed, it was such a big passing that

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Speaker 1: I obviously was. It was really really hard, so there

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Speaker 1: were certain things that didn't feel right, just I didn't

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Speaker 1: feel like it was natural or whatever. But now as

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Speaker 1: the years have gone by, I see it differently. I

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Speaker 1: see it like I'm explaining to you guys, she has graduated,

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Speaker 1: and not just say it, but really really mean it

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Speaker 1: and really feel it and visualize her in a happy place,

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Speaker 1: and that makes me happy. That gives me peace to

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Speaker 1: know that, Okay, wherever she is, she's in peace, and

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Speaker 1: I know she's okay with me smiling and being happy

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Speaker 1: and being grateful, you know, for everything that has happened.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. And I've I've sat after

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Speaker 1: I've read certain comments, especially the ones having to do

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Speaker 1: with with my mom and her passing and stuff, and

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Speaker 1: I wonder, I'm like, I wonder if they've ever lost anyone,

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Speaker 1: I mean, or why do they feel they have the

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Speaker 1: right to judge me. I think, you know what, maybe

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Speaker 1: they haven't lost anyone, and that's good. I hope, I

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Speaker 1: hope they don't. I hope they don't ever feel that pain.

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Speaker 1: And now that it's been eleven years, you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you, it's it's it's different every single day, it's

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Speaker 1: different every single year. But I just I don't appreciate

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Speaker 1: those type of comments because unless you've been through something

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Speaker 1: like this, losing someone, then I feel like you have

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Speaker 1: no right to judge, you know what I mean. Everyone's

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Speaker 1: entitled to an opinion, but with something like this, it's

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Speaker 1: just like dude, like, just be quiet, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, Like, don't if you have nothing nice to say,

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Speaker 1: don't say it at all. Like I just don't understand

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Speaker 1: people that sit there and write negative things, Like I

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Speaker 1: just don't get it. Honestly, I would never go on

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Speaker 1: someone's page and write something negative unless it's something that

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Speaker 1: I don't agree with, you know what I mean, that's

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Speaker 1: something I don't know, something crazy, Like for instance, when

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Speaker 1: I saw someone post a video of Nipsey Hustle like

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Speaker 1: being shot and killed and he was lying on the floor, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why would you post this video? I did

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Speaker 1: say that. I commented, I'm like, why would you post this?

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Speaker 1: Like he has children, he has a wife, he had

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Speaker 1: Like this is not okay, this is not okay. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I would never want someone posting like something

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Speaker 1: like that about my mom or stuff that happened the

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Speaker 1: day or just because people did post that and I

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Speaker 1: was horrible to see and I just I remember how

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Speaker 1: I felt so when they did that and I saw

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Speaker 1: Nipsey Hustle, you know, like, I was like, this is

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Speaker 1: not cool. So I followed that person and it wasn't

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Speaker 1: necessarily a negative comment. It was just like, dude, this

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Speaker 1: isn't good. Like I'm unfollowing you, this isn't cool. So

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Speaker 1: now that the years have gone by and I've matured,

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Speaker 1: now I do as I please, and not in a

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Speaker 1: messed up way or in a disrespectful way, not at all.

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Speaker 1: But now I'm like, I choose to see and to

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Speaker 1: celebrate my mom for everything that she was and that

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Speaker 1: she still is in my life and all the lessons

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Speaker 1: that she taught me and the beautiful memories that we

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Speaker 1: had together. There are so many, you guys, there's so many.

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Speaker 1: For instance, I miss so much. And this is when

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Speaker 1: I was a lot younger. I was like ten, twelve,

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Speaker 1: even fourteen. My mom had this thing that she would

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00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,920
Speaker 1: drive my sister and I and her sister and I

306
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:43,000
Speaker 1: would work at this Marisco place selling CDs, and after

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Speaker 1: she would pick us up or whatnot. If we sold

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Speaker 1: a lot, like, we would celebrate the whole thing, and

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Speaker 1: she would like, okay, you guys, here's the red light.

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Speaker 1: We'd be in the car right She's like, there's a

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Speaker 1: red light, and she's like, get off and dance. So

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Speaker 1: we would as soon as we hit the red light,

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Speaker 1: no matter if there were a bunch of cars or

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Speaker 1: no cars, Like she would make us go out and

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Speaker 1: dance and jump in the car right before or right

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Speaker 1: when the light turned green, and like stuff like that

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Speaker 1: that I feel like, I wish people would just see

318
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,040
Speaker 1: the human side of her and how many beautiful things

319
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Speaker 1: and funny things and crazy shit that she would make

320
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Speaker 1: us do. I mean even like we would go like

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Speaker 1: people's houses, you guys, Like, obviously that's super frowned upon today,

322
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,640
Speaker 1: but like there was someone that would be messing with her,

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Speaker 1: or you know, something something going on, whatever it may be,

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Speaker 1: and she would say, okay, grab a carton eggs. She

325
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Speaker 1: would take us to the liquor store, get a curtain

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Speaker 1: of eggs, and go just bomb these people's houses and cars,

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Speaker 1: you guys. I think about it, I'm like, oh my god,

328
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,320
Speaker 1: my mom would not get away with half of the

329
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,600
Speaker 1: stuff that she would say and she would do, or

330
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Speaker 1: we would do because she would make us do it,

331
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Speaker 1: or like hey, you know, like come on, let's just

332
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Speaker 1: do this, and we just wanted to make her happy

333
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Speaker 1: and it was fun. I'm not gonna lie, but it

334
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,560
Speaker 1: wouldn't fly nowadays, it just wouldn't fly. But we had

335
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,880
Speaker 1: so many beautiful memories and I choose to say, you

336
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,520
Speaker 1: know what, instead of being sad, instead of thinking of

337
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,040
Speaker 1: the things that happen and where maybe she fell short,

338
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,560
Speaker 1: you know, because she wasn't a perfect mother, And that's okay,

339
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,920
Speaker 1: Like I'm okay with like I have forgiven her for

340
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,880
Speaker 1: certain things my siblings and I, but more than anything,

341
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:08,719
Speaker 1: she was a mother that did her best that even

342
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,680
Speaker 1: though she was a single mother, and sometimes I didn't

343
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,760
Speaker 1: even know that she couldn't make ends meet, but we

344
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,000
Speaker 1: didn't know that there was always food on our table,

345
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,639
Speaker 1: you know, like we made it happen. She made it

346
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,880
Speaker 1: happen in any way that she possibly could. And I'm

347
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,919
Speaker 1: so grateful, and now that's what it is. I'm just

348
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:28,119
Speaker 1: grateful and with her with everything she taught me, whether

349
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:31,160
Speaker 1: it was a hard lesson or not, for my siblings,

350
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,560
Speaker 1: for just so much, you guys, and like I said,

351
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,439
Speaker 1: so much, so many doors that she has helped me

352
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:41,000
Speaker 1: open from heaven. And I know it's her and I

353
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 1: know it sounds crazy, but she speaks to me, you guys,

354
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,399
Speaker 1: through music, and it's happened to me a handful of

355
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,119
Speaker 1: times where I'm sad and I'm thinking about her, and

356
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,320
Speaker 1: I swear to you my car, or like I'm listening

357
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 1: to Pandora or some type of music app and a

358
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,520
Speaker 1: song comes on and I swear to you, it's like,

359
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,399
Speaker 1: I feel like that's how she next with me. It's

360
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,520
Speaker 1: it's crazy. It's just I know she's here, and I

361
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,199
Speaker 1: know she has shown me in so many ways that

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00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,760
Speaker 1: she is here with me, and not to be sad.

363
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 1: If I feel like crying, it's okay to cry, let

364
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,399
Speaker 1: it out, cleanse your soul. Crying is good to cleanse

365
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 1: your soul. You guys, but they don't want us. Our

366
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,520
Speaker 1: loved ones that have passed, don't want us to sit

367
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Speaker 1: here and keep crying for them and missing them. They

368
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,879
Speaker 1: want us to move on and to be happy and

369
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Speaker 1: to live our life and to honor them in that way.

370
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,239
Speaker 1: And even my mom's song Kuna Mom, she states it

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Speaker 1: that she wants her kids to sit there with their

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Speaker 1: head held high and show the world the kids that

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Speaker 1: she raised. And that's what we're doing. And if some

374
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,960
Speaker 1: people don't agree with that, that's okay. And if some

375
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 1: people don't agree with the way you want to grieve

376
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,720
Speaker 1: for your loved one that passed, who cares what people say?

377
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:50,720
Speaker 1: Get you grieve the way that you feel is best

378
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,800
Speaker 1: in however it is that you want to grieve the person.

379
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,679
Speaker 1: But also I will tell you because you know, there

380
00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,440
Speaker 1: are seven stages you guys, in the grieving process. Don't

381
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,440
Speaker 1: get stuck in one for too long. I understand being sad.

382
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,080
Speaker 1: I get all of that, you guys, And this is

383
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 1: for someone that has lost someone recently. Allow yourself to

384
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:15,520
Speaker 1: go through these stages, okay, which are shock and denial,

385
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:21,199
Speaker 1: pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and acceptance. And

386
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,400
Speaker 1: believe me, it was tough because my mom and I,

387
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 1: as you guys some of you may know, we weren't

388
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:29,239
Speaker 1: on the best terms when she passed. So I was

389
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,440
Speaker 1: very angry for a while. But that did me no good.

390
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 1: It was a disservice actually, So through therapy, through reading books,

391
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 1: through church, through my faith, through my siblings, because they

392
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,640
Speaker 1: helped me out a lot, and understanding that God has

393
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 1: a plan and really trusting that it helped me remove

394
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 1: the anger, accept the pain, endure the pain, embrace the pain,

395
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 1: and also let it go. You have to know when

396
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,840
Speaker 1: to let it go and just say, if I keep

397
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,560
Speaker 1: holding onto this, I'm not letting this person rest. I'm

398
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,399
Speaker 1: not letting myself rest. I'm not allowing myself to grow

399
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:10,119
Speaker 1: because resentment, pain, guilt, holding onto all that stuff, you guys,

400
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 1: does you no good. If anything, it keeps you from

401
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 1: becoming your best self. But allow yourself to go through

402
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 1: because you're going to. It's inevitable to not go through

403
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 1: these when you've lost someone. But always maintain your faith

404
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,920
Speaker 1: and always think of them for the good things, even

405
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,440
Speaker 1: if there were bad things, because there's none of us,

406
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,200
Speaker 1: none of us are perfect. But always do your best

407
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,080
Speaker 1: to honor the person and think of the positive things

408
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 1: and the beautiful things that you lived with them, and

409
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,560
Speaker 1: that will also help you not get over it, because

410
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,120
Speaker 1: it's honestly, it's a wound that will never be completely healed.

411
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 1: It becomes a scar, and it's a scar that you

412
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 1: live with and that you're like, Okay, thank goodness, is

413
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 1: no longer an open wound. It's a scar that helps

414
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,439
Speaker 1: me remember this person. But if you keep picking at

415
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,199
Speaker 1: that wound, it's never gonna heal. You get me, So

416
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: it's like, it'll also help you heal by thinking of

417
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: all those beautiful things that you live with the person.

418
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: That's my piece of advice. I know every situation is different,

419
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,959
Speaker 1: but don't stay stuck too long in the pain and

420
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 1: in the guilt or losing the person. Like God has

421
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 1: a plan. And I know when you're in the thick

422
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: of things and the thick of it, it's so hard

423
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,359
Speaker 1: to see it. Believe me, I have been there, I know,

424
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,360
Speaker 1: but I thank God that I'm no longer there because

425
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 1: it was. It made me tired, It made me look old,

426
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Speaker 1: it made me feel old, It made me sick, It

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00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,879
Speaker 1: made me gain weight, so many things. It was so

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00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 1: much toxicity that I was keeping in my body, even

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00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 1: having that bot tos s heat, that mindset, remember that

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00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 1: botas heat, that mindset attitude that we were talking about

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00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 1: on a few episodes back, that I was going through

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00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 1: that like, oh my god, I can't believe this happened

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00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 1: to me. H my goodness, like blaming everyone else and

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00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 1: instead of looking within myself and saying, okay, wait, what

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00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,439
Speaker 1: could I have done differently? Okay? Cool? What am I

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00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 1: going to learn from this? Like I was really like

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00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 1: poor me the whole thing, Like I can't believe this,

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00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,639
Speaker 1: this is my life and how it was left. And

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00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 1: I was mad at my mom and it was just

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00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 1: not cute. You guys, so it's like you got to

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00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 1: shake that shit off and just see the person for

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00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,959
Speaker 1: what they were and the light that they were and

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00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 1: will continue to be if you allow them to be

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00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 1: in your life. So now it's like I have an

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00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 1: angel in heaven watching over me, and I feel like

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00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: she's not here physically, but she's here with me, and

447
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 1: she's helping me more than she could have helped me

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00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 1: if she was here physically. Does that make sense? So,

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00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 1: you guys, I just felt in my heart that I

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00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: wanted to talk a little bit about this, about grieving

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00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:38,119
Speaker 1: and how we all react different to it, especially since

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00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 1: I had read that comment underneath my performance from the

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00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 1: Latin bill Boards. And I hope that in some way

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00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,640
Speaker 1: it helps you and it touches your heart and allows

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00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,360
Speaker 1: you to just feel whatever it is that you're feeling

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00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 1: and not letting anyone else affect that. I hope that

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00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode. It makes me sad but also

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00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 1: very excited that, well, thanks to you guys, we have

459
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 1: had two seasons of Chickens and Chill. So it makes

460
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,879
Speaker 1: me sad because we're ending one season, but you guys

461
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: are coming with me on the next season because we're

462
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: gonna have a third season of Cheekis and Chill, so

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00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 1: I'm just excited. Thank you guys for being with me again.

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00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: I know I said it on the top of the episode,

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00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 1: but still, thank you guys. I love you guys so much.

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00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,120
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful. You have no idea. Thank you for listening.

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00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: And it just makes me feel good that I'm able

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00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 1: to use this platform to help to inspire, to empower

469
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 1: in any way. It also helps me. It's a note

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00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 1: to myself. It reminds me of things that I have

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00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,679
Speaker 1: to do myself, you know, because life just gets crazy

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00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 1: sometimes and you fall back and you're like, wait a second.

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00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 1: So it helps me stay accountable. So thank you guys

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00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 1: for allowing me to express myself here and talk about

475
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 1: so many different things. I love you, guys, And before

476
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 1: I go, you know that I always have a motivational

477
00:23:55,640 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 1: quote for you. The quote for today is when we

478
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: lose someone we love, we must learn not to live

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00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 1: without them, but to live with the love they left behind.

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00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: And that's what it is. That's exactly what we talked about.

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Speaker 1: So you guys, I love you. Thank you so much.

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00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 1: I can't say it enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you,

483
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 1: thank you. Thank you. I love you with all my heart.

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00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,919
Speaker 1: I'm sending you all a big hug. Please have a

485
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 1: safe new Year. Wherever you're at, where you're seatbuilt, don't

486
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,959
Speaker 1: drink and drive, have fun, look sexy, put on your car.

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00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 1: That's for love. And then if you wear your little

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00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: yellow underwear, it's for abundance. Light your candle, saved your house,

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00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: the whole thing. You guys, have a beautiful new year.

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00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: I'm wishing you all a wonderful, beautiful, amazing, prosperous, healing,

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00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 1: you know, successful new Year twenty twenty four. I love you, guys,

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00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 1: and I'll see you on the next one. Okay, twenty

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00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: twenty four. Chickens and Chill Season three, what's up? I

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00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 1: love you bestos do you need advice on love, relationship,

495
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 1: health emails. I'm so excited to share with you that

496
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,359
Speaker 1: my Cheeky's and Chill podcast will have an extra episode

497
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 1: drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just

498
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 1: leave me a voice message first nine Monday. All you

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00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: have to do is go to speak pipe dot com

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00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 1: slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I

501
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 1: can't wait to hear from you. This is a production

502
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network. Follow us on

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00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 1: Instagram at michael Gura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's

504
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,119
Speaker 1: c h i q u i s. For more podcasts

505
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

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00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite podcast, and check us out

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00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 1: on YouTube