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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: I never want to.

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Speaker 4: Talk to my sister again after how she behaved at

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Speaker 4: my wedding. You're in time out, am I? They hope

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Speaker 4: for not talking to my sister after my wedding.

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Speaker 3: I don't think so.

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Speaker 4: I thirty six female, now married to my forty one

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Speaker 4: male husband as of March.

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Speaker 3: Fourteenth, twenty twenty five. This story starts all the way

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Speaker 3: back in February twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 4: I planned a whole week to ask my only sister,

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Speaker 4: forty one now, to be my mother in law. I

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Speaker 4: arranged a special weekend at a spot in hotel with

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Speaker 4: just the two of us. I had called a local

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Speaker 4: bakery to make custom donuts that asked her to be

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Speaker 4: my maid of honor. Oh my gosh, that's so cute.

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Speaker 4: She was thrilled with the idea of being my maid

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Speaker 4: of honor. Our wedding was scheduled for two and a

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Speaker 4: half years from the state because we were planning a

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Speaker 4: destination wedding and wanted to ensure people could save for

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Speaker 4: the trip as we just came out of the bid lockdown.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from a review background twenty

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Speaker 4: three seventy six on the our slash Okay story Time subreddits.

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Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories because

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Speaker 3: our slash Okay story Time subredits.

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Speaker 4: So the planning started a little more than a year

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Speaker 4: to our wedding date February twenty twenty four. With shopping

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Speaker 4: for my wedding dress. I had an image of how

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Speaker 4: I wanted our wedding. All the girls in yellow dresses,

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Speaker 4: a sentimental color between my fiance and I that's cute,

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Speaker 4: each matching the colors, but could pick their own dress style.

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Speaker 4: I asked my two cousins to stand my best friends

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Speaker 4: call her Shelley and her little sister, plus my sister and.

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Speaker 3: My new daughter, my fiance's daughter.

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Speaker 4: First, Shelley and I have been growing apart for a

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Speaker 4: few years, as she wasn't thrilled that I was no

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Speaker 4: longer living the single life and partying all the time.

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Speaker 4: I feel this is kind of the normal thing as

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Speaker 4: we grow older and hopefully get into serious relationships, looking

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Speaker 4: to get married and start families. My best friend Shelley

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Speaker 4: from childhood, who now would not answer any call nor

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Speaker 4: text messages to arrange bridesmaid's dress shopping or acknowledge my existence.

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Speaker 4: I had a Facebook group chat with the bridesmaids that

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Speaker 4: I ended up deleting both of them as either of

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Speaker 4: them as neither of them would engage or answer any

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Speaker 4: of my attempts to message them over the course of

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Speaker 4: three weeks. I was left beside myself as when Shelley

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Speaker 4: did eventually reach back almost a month later, and she

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Speaker 4: had told me that the reason that she didn't even

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Speaker 4: respond to my text was because she didn't feel well.

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Speaker 4: Yet I found out that she was engaging with others

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Speaker 4: in our friend group during this period. After Shelley and

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Speaker 4: I decided to go our separate ways, clearly her sister

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Speaker 4: followed suit. It wasn't devastating to my plans. Now I

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Speaker 4: was down to my sister, my two cousins, and my

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Speaker 4: soon to be daughter, so I just wanted to focus

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Speaker 4: on the next steps. My sister had the idea that

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Speaker 4: she wanted to wear a tr at my wedding. I

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Speaker 4: told her I wasn't comfortable with this as she was

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Speaker 4: in the bridal party and she was more than welcome

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Speaker 4: to wear one for her wedding, as she wasn't.

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Speaker 3: Supposed to be a focal point at mine.

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Speaker 4: I kind of set the tone on how my sister

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Speaker 4: was about to start acting during this process. She made

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Speaker 4: it known that this wasn't going to be about me,

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Speaker 4: but about her and what she wanted.

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Speaker 3: Oh love her. Wait, she made it clear that your

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Speaker 3: wedding was an about you.

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Speaker 4: She asked if she could wear a crown like a

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Speaker 4: little tiara as a bridesmaid. And then I think Opie

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Speaker 4: is kind of just saying that was the tipping point

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Speaker 4: to like all the other things that happened that like

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Speaker 4: made her want.

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Speaker 3: To be like the focal point pretty much. We haven't

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Speaker 3: seen the examples yet. No, no, no, no no.

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Speaker 4: My then fiance and I decided together on what the

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Speaker 4: groomsmen and bridesmaids were going to wear for our wedding.

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Speaker 4: We picked a color scheme that had a sentimental meaning

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Speaker 4: to both of us. The groomsmen were going to wear

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Speaker 4: a light gray suit without jackets, just best as it

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Speaker 4: was a Caribbean destination and we didn't want them to

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Speaker 4: be hot. And the bridesmaids were going to wear a

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Speaker 4: yellow that had meaning to us early in our relationship.

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Speaker 4: As I said before, they could pick any style of

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Speaker 4: dress that suited them, just in that color. It came

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Speaker 4: time to do some dress shopping myself, my mother, my sister,

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Speaker 4: and my daughter went to two boutiques the first day

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Speaker 4: and on the second day we went to the third boutique.

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Speaker 4: In the process of looking at wedding dresses, they had

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Speaker 4: a whole section for bridesmaid's dresses. At the third boutique,

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Speaker 4: I started looking and while I've found the color that

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Speaker 4: we were looking for, a stunning yellow dress. Both my

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Speaker 4: mom and daughter were ecstatic as it was a beautiful color.

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Speaker 4: My sister didn't like it. In fact, she told me

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Speaker 4: I'm not wearing that. I'll wear whatever color I want to.

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Speaker 4: You'll wear whatever color she tells you to, girl, or

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Speaker 4: you'll be sitting in the stands.

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Speaker 3: You won't be there.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I hope he doesn't have any brides she's got like

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Speaker 4: her soon to be daughter.

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Speaker 5: Dude.

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Speaker 4: Well, and she's got a couple cousins, I think. Still,

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Speaker 4: but still, we gotta find you some new friends, girl.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, mind you. This is my older sister and maid

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Speaker 3: of honor.

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Speaker 4: This left my daughter, mother and workers at the store

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Speaker 4: in awe that she would be so rude. It caught

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Speaker 4: me off guard to the point that I started to

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Speaker 4: cry and told her that it would be best if

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Speaker 4: she left the fitting. Yeah, let's just make your daughter

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Speaker 4: the maid of honor. Yeah, honestly, at that point, that's great,

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Speaker 4: that's super cute. And then she's like, I don't want

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Speaker 4: to wear that. You got you to my daughter. You

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Speaker 4: have to, you have to. I made the rules. I'm

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Speaker 4: your mom, make the rules. I had told my cousins

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Speaker 4: and showed them the color in which they love debt,

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Speaker 4: and they would in fact wear anything, as it was

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Speaker 4: my wedding and doing this was normal. After Shelley had

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Speaker 4: stepped down, there was a difference in the number of

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Speaker 4: groomsmen to bridesmaids, so I decided to ask another cousin

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Speaker 4: if she would want to stand. She said yes, and

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Speaker 4: it seemed that everything was back on track. I was

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Speaker 4: holding my ground with my sister as we all felt

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Speaker 4: that she was being a little selfish with her refusal.

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Speaker 3: Now one year to the wedding.

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Speaker 4: Now it's March twenty twenty four, and it's time to

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Speaker 4: officially book with the travel agent and lock in our

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Speaker 4: spot for the resort. My husband and I didn't want

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Speaker 4: the traditional bachelor and bachelorette party. We had planned separate events.

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Speaker 4: He was going to go paintballing with the guys, and

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Speaker 4: we were doing a wine tasting and an.

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Speaker 3: Airbnb with the ladies. We created a Facebook group.

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Speaker 4: For the wedding to ease communications with the travel agent

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Speaker 4: and updates with any planning and events. We had gotten

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Speaker 4: an amazing group rate from the travel agent. It was

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Speaker 4: now time to put deposits down for the trip. My

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Speaker 4: husband's side was a smooth operation as everyone didn't have

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Speaker 4: any issues with this, but when I came to my side,

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Speaker 4: my cousins and bridesmaids had informed me that over the

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Speaker 4: last two years, neither of them saved a single dollar

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Speaker 4: as they were hoping that their mother my aunt, would

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Speaker 4: cover the cost for them as she was well off.

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Speaker 4: When she told them that that wasn't happening, they would

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Speaker 4: need to pay for themselves. They reached out to tell

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Speaker 4: me that they would no longer be attending the wedding,

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Speaker 4: and my third cousin said that she was planning on

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Speaker 4: getting pregnant and wouldn't be attending as well because she

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Speaker 4: would be too close to her due date to travel.

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Speaker 4: They canceled the bridesmaid's weekend last minute, sticking me with

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Speaker 4: the entire Airbnb too late to get a refund.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, this sucks. I think.

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Speaker 5: What we do?

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Speaker 4: We go to a new country, start over, new friend,

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Speaker 4: over dude, new whole, new friend group, whole, new family.

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Speaker 4: We find a family, We go into their house, We

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Speaker 4: break into their house.

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Speaker 3: We say, hey, you looking for a new daughter. They

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Speaker 3: say yes, because it's the perfect world.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, of course, and new family. Yeah, it was like

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Speaker 4: a great plan. Yeah, I think you should tell Ope that. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: get her on the phone.

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Speaker 3: Ring ring, ring, ohp got a plan for you, and

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Speaker 3: got a plan for you. We'll take care of everything.

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Speaker 3: Don't worry, darling.

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Speaker 4: This was a low blow, as they knew well in

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Speaker 4: advance that they haven't saved a cent in over two years.

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Speaker 4: The plot thickens, though, as them dropping out last minute

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Speaker 4: wasn't bad news enough. My husband had initially proposed to

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Speaker 4: me with a ring that was sentimental but wasn't real.

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Speaker 4: He was in the process of having a custom ring

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Speaker 4: made and went through my cousins as they worked in

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Speaker 4: a jewelry shop. Oh no, and I'm like where this

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Speaker 4: is going. They had found a very stunning, rare vivid

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Speaker 4: canary diamond in the same color as the bridesmaid's dresses,

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Speaker 4: and was having this ring custom made along with the

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Speaker 4: wedding band. In fact, we were purchasing all our jewelry

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Speaker 4: for the wedding there. He had purchased some one caret

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Speaker 4: earrings for me on my birthday in August twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 4: We had been to the jewelry store a few times

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Speaker 4: to check on the progress of the ring and shop

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Speaker 4: for a few items. When my cousins dropped out, I

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Speaker 4: was definitely upset, as I couldn't nderstand why they wouldn't

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Speaker 4: have saved a dollar and lead me on that they

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Speaker 4: were coming for two years up to this moment. But

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Speaker 4: it also worried me as there was a heated argument

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Speaker 4: about why they let it go so long. Knowing that

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Speaker 4: they didn't save it, hadn't planned on attending soon.

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Speaker 3: The owner of the.

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Speaker 4: Shop called us to tell us that the ring was ready,

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Speaker 4: so we went to pick them up. The owner was

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Speaker 4: always very nice and asked if we were excited that

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Speaker 4: it was finally getting so close. I told him, of course,

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Speaker 4: and he asked if my cousins were excited as well

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Speaker 4: as he knew that.

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Speaker 3: They were standing. That's when I told him, no, they're

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Speaker 3: no longer coming. There wasn't anything said more than that

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Speaker 3: on the topic.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, can you imagine he was just like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 4: there are no more questions, none's coming, no worries, no worries.

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Speaker 3: It's like, no, they dropped out. I didn't invite them.

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Speaker 3: They just they got it. That's on them.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he was excited to show us the finished ring

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Speaker 4: and go over the design for the wedding band.

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Speaker 3: But that's when all heck breaks loose.

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Speaker 4: Oh, my cousin blows up on me, accusing me of

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Speaker 4: going into her work and that I'm awful for disclosing

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Speaker 4: their financial state. I literally just went to pick the

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Speaker 4: ring and size the wedding ban and answered one question.

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Speaker 4: I never said why they bailed or even said anything

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Speaker 4: negative about them, and definitely didn't mention any financials to

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Speaker 4: their boss. This has now caused a rift down my

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Speaker 4: side of the family, half siding with my cousins and

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Speaker 4: the other with me. I was accused of being selfish

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Speaker 4: for expecting people to spend thousands to attend my wedding,

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Speaker 4: even though they also get a beautiful week long vacation

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Speaker 4: with three years notice to save. What they failed to

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Speaker 4: realize is I wasn't mad that they weren't attending, I

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Speaker 4: get it.

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Speaker 3: I was mad that they led.

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Speaker 4: Me on for more than two years like they were going,

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Speaker 4: knowing that the whole time they never saved even a

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Speaker 4: cent to try and go and planned the dress shopping

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Speaker 4: and weekend trip. And to remind you, my fiance side

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Speaker 4: of the family all saved to attend, and they aren't

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Speaker 4: nearly as well off as my side of the family.

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Speaker 4: So I'm in a panic now as I have two

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Speaker 4: who bridesmaids left, one being my thirteen year old daughter

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Speaker 4: and my sister slash maid of honor, compared to my

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Speaker 4: husband's side that had five and the sister that doesn't

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Speaker 4: even want to like wear the bridesmaid's dress. I think

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Speaker 4: we just go with your daughter, you know, honestly your

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Speaker 4: husband's five young ones, okay, or just some of the

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Speaker 4: guys over. Yeah, put them in yellow bubble bff. Yeah bridesmaids.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, honestly, yeah, it just put some of the guys.

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Speaker 4: You ever said, yeah? I asked one of my good

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Speaker 4: friends from childhood who was attending if she wanted to stand,

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Speaker 4: and she was happy to, but my sister saw the

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Speaker 4: desperation and made her move for control. My maid of

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Speaker 4: honor slash sister knows that I was stressing about the

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Speaker 4: whole cousin situation and lack of bridesmaids all of a

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Speaker 4: sudden and makes.

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Speaker 3: Her own power move. She now utterly refuses.

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Speaker 4: To wear that color as she doesn't think it would

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Speaker 4: look good on her, and I'm crushed, and out of

250
00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:56,239
Speaker 4: fear of losing another bridesmaid, I give in to her demands.

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Speaker 4: My husband was so angry because the color had meaning

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Speaker 4: matched the engagement ring and he had put a lot

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Speaker 4: of thought and work into the groomsman outfits. But he

254
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Speaker 4: saw the amount of stress that I was under it

255
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Speaker 4: but didn't want to add to it, so he bit

256
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,680
Speaker 4: his tongue and let it go. He waited until my

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Speaker 4: sister found a color that she wanted as a groomsmen

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Speaker 4: ties were to match their dresses, and he had also

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Speaker 4: changed the shoes of his grooms went to match the

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Speaker 4: color my sister wanted.

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Speaker 3: This pisses me off. I'm sorry.

262
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Speaker 4: Not only does she just want to wear a different color,

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Speaker 4: now everyone else has to match her. No, no, absolutely

264
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Speaker 4: not no, you have to have stern words with his

265
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,680
Speaker 4: sister and be like, girl, what do you think a

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Speaker 4: bridesmaid is?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't get to just pick a dress. The

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00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:40,960
Speaker 3: problem is that opis so like I mean, not unfairly,

269
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,800
Speaker 3: but worried about optics of her wedding and like how

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00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,080
Speaker 3: to look for her to have you know, only one

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Speaker 3: bride's maid, which you know, it's a fair worry. I

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00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,439
Speaker 3: think a lot of people would want, like, wouldn't want

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Speaker 3: to have to deal with questions about that stuff, but like,

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00:11:55,040 --> 00:12:00,040
Speaker 3: don't worry about the optics more than having fun and

275
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Speaker 3: doing what you want on your wedding day.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, in such a special color, especial media and it

277
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Speaker 4: imaged the ring and then maybe if they got flowers

278
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Speaker 4: that much to do that be so cool? Lah makes

279
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Speaker 4: me so mad, Oh my gosh. We had informed everyone

280
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Speaker 4: we were going to upgrade to Diamond Club as well

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00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,600
Speaker 4: as the kids at the resort. We wanted to experience

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Speaker 4: the best amenities at the resort as this is our wedding.

283
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,640
Speaker 4: My husband's son, seventeen, recently started dating a really nice girl,

284
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Speaker 4: also seventeen, and we noticed that it was serious. We

285
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,559
Speaker 4: had already planned on getting the kids a separate room

286
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Speaker 4: for the trip, as well as we wanted our space

287
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Speaker 4: and privacy.

288
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,880
Speaker 3: We extended her an invite only eight months before the wedding.

289
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,920
Speaker 4: Not only did she work and save well being a

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00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,199
Speaker 4: full time student to attend, but she also upgraded to

291
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,400
Speaker 4: Diamond Club as it was only about three hundred dollars

292
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,559
Speaker 4: to do so, showing that it was a very feasible

293
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,400
Speaker 4: thing to do if someone truly wanted to. My husband's

294
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,040
Speaker 4: entire side upgraded as they want to be in the

295
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,520
Speaker 4: same area as us and also experience here's the better

296
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,480
Speaker 4: amenities of the resort. Mind you, my husband's side of

297
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,240
Speaker 4: the family is not nearly as well off as my side,

298
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,200
Speaker 4: but they felt with all the notice for the trip

299
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,520
Speaker 4: it wouldn't be a problem. But not my sister lash

300
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Speaker 4: mother in law, no way, mind you. She's forty one,

301
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,480
Speaker 4: lives at home with my mom. She has no kids,

302
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,560
Speaker 4: no pets, no debt, and frequently takes lavish trips several

303
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Speaker 4: times a year and makes well over one hundred k,

304
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,160
Speaker 4: including booking a week long retreat a few days after

305
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,720
Speaker 4: we returned from this trip to a spa for about

306
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,240
Speaker 4: three thousand dollars.

307
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Speaker 3: Oh wow.

308
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Speaker 4: We arrived at the resort on a Monday with his

309
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,760
Speaker 4: family and my side arrived on the Tuesday, and we

310
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Speaker 4: had made arrangements to have a welcome dinner with everyone

311
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,600
Speaker 4: at the resort. I sat next to my sister who

312
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,240
Speaker 4: was complaining about her awful experience at check in. I

313
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Speaker 4: had told her that if she had upgraded to Diamond Club,

314
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Speaker 4: there was a different experience, as there was a lounge

315
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,080
Speaker 4: they drove you to and had full bar and food

316
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Speaker 4: waiting while they dropped your bags off to your room.

317
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Speaker 4: It was a very different experience than waiting in line

318
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Speaker 4: to check in during March break. This set her off

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Speaker 4: on what would be a week of selfish behavior. She

320
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,199
Speaker 4: had thrown in my face that we were getting a

321
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,440
Speaker 4: kickback from the travel agent for booking such a large party,

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Speaker 4: and that's the only reason that we got an upgrade.

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Speaker 3: I showed her kickback or not we would have upgraded.

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Speaker 4: Also, would she not be like included or was it

325
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,680
Speaker 4: just then that got the little discount on I don't know.

326
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Speaker 3: I'm not quite sure. I don't know either.

327
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Speaker 4: The kickback is about thirty five hundred dollars and the

328
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,800
Speaker 4: total cost of our trip with two diamond club rooms,

329
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,480
Speaker 4: and the wedding was well over twenty three hundred dollars

330
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,000
Speaker 4: that him and I paid for a loan, not that

331
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,680
Speaker 4: it's even relevant to how she was acting in the

332
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Speaker 4: beginning of her bad behavior.

333
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Speaker 3: I told her the idea that we wouldn't have upgraded

334
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,080
Speaker 3: without that was nonsense.

335
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Speaker 4: My now husband is an engineer and truly brilliant and

336
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,320
Speaker 4: successful man. He has taken me on a few trips,

337
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,720
Speaker 4: and I remember our first trip together to Vegas. He

338
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,600
Speaker 4: insisted on renting a Corvette convertible. When we went to Cuba,

339
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,280
Speaker 4: he went into upgrade to a suite and I wasn't sure,

340
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,680
Speaker 4: and he told me no worries, he would cover the cost.

341
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,920
Speaker 4: We had a two story suite with a private hot

342
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,000
Speaker 4: tub and ocean view. We flew to Cancun for Christmas

343
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,120
Speaker 4: twenty twenty four and he flew us business class and

344
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,600
Speaker 4: upgraded our room again. Even the engagement ring that he

345
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:11,440
Speaker 4: made was well over fifteen K without the wedding man,

346
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Speaker 4: and it's so sad that though dresses so much.

347
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Speaker 3: Ah, that sucks.

348
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Speaker 2: Man.

349
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:20,360
Speaker 4: I'll literally fight someone over that fight fight I physically

350
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,520
Speaker 4: throw down, mind you. I also make very good money

351
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,920
Speaker 4: and usually pay him my have but he always spoils

352
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,440
Speaker 4: me with the extras. So to insinuate that we wouldn't

353
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,120
Speaker 4: have upgraded is utter nonsense because that's the way my

354
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:35,240
Speaker 4: hobby likes to travel. Plus, the upgrade was only three

355
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,600
Speaker 4: hundred bucks and was well worth it, as my hobby

356
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,600
Speaker 4: pointed out that he drank all the John Julio on

357
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,840
Speaker 4: the whole resort with his groomsmen. The following morning, my

358
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,440
Speaker 4: sister found us at the Diamond Club beach with the

359
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,840
Speaker 4: rest of the wedding party. She pulled me aside and

360
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:53,640
Speaker 4: said she was feeling better. I regret even telling her

361
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,640
Speaker 4: about the kickbag if she was going to try and

362
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 4: throw it in my face. My sister has no history

363
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,880
Speaker 4: of mental illness or depression or anything along lines. She

364
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 4: looks me straight in the face two days before my

365
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,360
Speaker 4: wedding and tells me that she's self harming, and she

366
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 4: also told me that she couldn't be excited for my

367
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,800
Speaker 4: next big steps, being married or having kids and starting

368
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 4: a family. I told her that this is utterly ridiculous,

369
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,680
Speaker 4: as we are all here for a good time, but

370
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,000
Speaker 4: she can go to her section of the resort because

371
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,640
Speaker 4: I'm not letting her ruin this trip.

372
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,920
Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa. Very mixed feelings.

373
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:28,440
Speaker 4: Weird interaction there, weird weird interaction. Weird because on one hand,

374
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,280
Speaker 4: I'm like, well, how can we confirm that she's like

375
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,880
Speaker 4: not being not telling the truth? Yeah, and if she's

376
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,160
Speaker 4: telling the truth, then like, well, I don't know, go

377
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,960
Speaker 4: like suck it, walk it off that On the other

378
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,600
Speaker 4: side of the resort, can you just be okay?

379
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:48,040
Speaker 3: Yeah Jesus oh man. But one of them is not great.

380
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:52,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's like two outcomes in this situation and they're

381
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:57,560
Speaker 4: both possibly in the wrong time. Yeah, I'm gonna move

382
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 4: on from that. That evening, we had an all white

383
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,920
Speaker 4: party at one of the restaurants for the wedding group.

384
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,879
Speaker 4: My sister was at my table with her boyfriend and

385
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,040
Speaker 4: the best man and his girlfriend, and my mother with

386
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,760
Speaker 4: my now husband. My sister sat there with her arms

387
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,119
Speaker 4: crossed while the rest of us all talked and laughed

388
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:17,320
Speaker 4: and enjoyed ourselves, especially my mom.

389
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,679
Speaker 3: Because when my husband referred to her as mom, she

390
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 3: was beaming.

391
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,000
Speaker 4: I tried to get my sister to engage by asking

392
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,360
Speaker 4: her to take a picture of me and my husband, and.

393
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:30,200
Speaker 3: Man, it looks good. I love someone. I think we

394
00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,640
Speaker 3: both would have passed away, to the.

395
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,919
Speaker 4: Point that other people at the dinner started asking me,

396
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,399
Speaker 4: what's wrong with your sister. I couldn't even give them

397
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,960
Speaker 4: a real answer and just played it off because I'm

398
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,959
Speaker 4: not sure if it was jealousy or what. I had

399
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,920
Speaker 4: a few other things to do for the wedding. Guest

400
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 4: cars with bottles of sand from the beach with personalized

401
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,560
Speaker 4: notes is so thoughtful. My maid of honor didn't help

402
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,439
Speaker 4: with anything. In fact, she revealed the fact that she

403
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,320
Speaker 4: did nothing to help as my maid of honor with

404
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 4: anything in the entire process. In fact, my husband helped

405
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,200
Speaker 4: me with every maid of honor duty because she would

406
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,600
Speaker 4: literally pick a fight any time I asked for any

407
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:06,159
Speaker 4: help planning.

408
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's when you just go like, Okay, you're just

409
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 3: not the made of honor anymore, not the made of honor.

410
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 3: Don't get to stand.

411
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,040
Speaker 4: You're making it really difficult, so you don't get that

412
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,000
Speaker 4: job anymore.

413
00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:19,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, bye bye. She even dropped her dress off to

414
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,679
Speaker 3: me to steam for the wedding.

415
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,520
Speaker 4: No, I'm not a freaking laundry mat. And then that's

416
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,200
Speaker 4: when you get the yellow dress. I'm not the cleaners

417
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 4: put the yellow dress in the garment bag and be like,

418
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,200
Speaker 4: all right, it's all ready for you.

419
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 3: And she's like, I actually I burned the other dress.

420
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,440
Speaker 3: She goes, this is every dress, so you go. Oh,

421
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 3: I'm I don't know what happened. I must have died

422
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:48,360
Speaker 3: it in the wash. Yeah, sorry, oh sorry, gosh oh man.

423
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,199
Speaker 4: His cup was getting full, as he had bitten his

424
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,320
Speaker 4: tongue many times during this whole process.

425
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,359
Speaker 3: The morning of the wedding and we are getting ready

426
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,680
Speaker 3: in my mother in law's room.

427
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 4: My sister was with me at my final dress fitting,

428
00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 4: which the tailor at the dress store showed my sister

429
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,320
Speaker 4: how to do up my bustle for the train in

430
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,879
Speaker 4: my dress. My sister didn't bother to listen, take notes, picture,

431
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,560
Speaker 4: or our video, really any effort.

432
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,440
Speaker 3: She had no clue how to do it up.

433
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,880
Speaker 4: Fortunately, my mom and mother in law and bride'smaids worked

434
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,160
Speaker 4: it out, Thank goodness.

435
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 3: As I was finally losing all patients with my sister.

436
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,080
Speaker 4: The wedding was perfect, my husband was perfect, the weather

437
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 4: was perfect, and everything was perfect. It wasn't until we

438
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,919
Speaker 4: got back home that my husband mentioned my sister's speech

439
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,440
Speaker 4: that I didn't really pick up on until I rewatched

440
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 4: it at home. Oh no, He and several guests noticed

441
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 4: that her speech was very self oriented and didn't welcome

442
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,679
Speaker 4: my husband or his kids into our family, and was

443
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 4: very much more about her as she tried to make

444
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,360
Speaker 4: everything about her in one way or another. My husband

445
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 4: didn't say anything then, because the day wasn't about her,

446
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,359
Speaker 4: it was about us and our love. Fortunately, his best

447
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 4: man gave an amazing speech along with both of our mothers.

448
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,680
Speaker 4: Sister and I's relationship has been damaged beyond repair from.

449
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 3: The whole ordeal and probably won't ever fully recover. I

450
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,719
Speaker 3: mean probably would have been okay, yeah, if we hadn't

451
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,840
Speaker 3: made her the maid of honor, like honestly, after the

452
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,200
Speaker 3: whole thing with the crown and her trying to get

453
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 3: her away with the dress color, I would have been like, yeah, okay,

454
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,639
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go with my daughter. Yeah, she's cool, she

455
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 3: listens to me long honor. Sorry, Yeah, And then she

456
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,920
Speaker 3: could come to the wedding and everything would be chill, yeah,

457
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,199
Speaker 3: or she could even be a bridesman, or she just

458
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 3: don't listen to her.

459
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

460
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 4: She probably would try to find some sort of way

461
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 4: to like get attention, but at least she wouldn't have

462
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 4: like the attention that it made of honor gets Yeah.

463
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's usually pretty Yeah. I don't want to give

464
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:47,120
Speaker 3: her that type of attention. No, no, no, exactly exactly.

465
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 4: To the point that my husband and I went to

466
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,880
Speaker 4: talk to a therapist to get an outside perspective.

467
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 3: He basically labeled her an insane.

468
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,679
Speaker 4: Self absorbed person, a woman who has a lot of

469
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,239
Speaker 4: growing up to do. My husband I wanted to confront her,

470
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,439
Speaker 4: as he justifiably should, but for the sake of not

471
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 4: adding stress onto me, he bit.

472
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 3: His tongue again. His only request is distanced from her,

473
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 3: and I fully agree.

474
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,160
Speaker 4: There's more to add on an update, but I'll end

475
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 4: this year and hopefully Charlotte reads this tale.

476
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:17,920
Speaker 3: Ps.

477
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 4: My husband was also the best maid of honor I

478
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:21,479
Speaker 4: could have asked for.

479
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 3: Oh wait, we have a little update. Wait a second,

480
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 3: big news alert? Big got an updates? What? Oh? Big news?

481
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 4: Then on to the update we go. It had been

482
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 4: nearly eight weeks since we returned from the wedding. My

483
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 4: sister and I had a falling out after we got

484
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 4: home as we found out that our estranged father had

485
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 4: passed away. Whoa big news?

486
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 3: Uh?

487
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 4: He abandoned us when we were children, and neither her

488
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 4: nor I had spoken to him in any fashion in

489
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,439
Speaker 4: over a decade. In fact, I've never even received a

490
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 4: single present, Birthday or Christmas, or even a card from

491
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 4: him in my entire life. My husband and I only

492
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 4: truly have one regret in our wedding, and that was

493
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 4: that we changed the theme and color.

494
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 3: Due to my sisters. Yeah. Other than that, married life

495
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 3: has been great.

496
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 4: We are closer than ever and I couldn't be happier

497
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 4: with my husband, my kiddos, and the direction of our lives.

498
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 4: His mother, my mother, and most of his family and

499
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:17,399
Speaker 4: groomsmen feel that my sister is hugely jealous younger sister

500
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,919
Speaker 4: getting married first can cause some type of feelings. My

501
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 4: sister was engaged before, but the guy was kind of

502
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 4: a bum, couldn't hold a job, she had to buy

503
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 4: her own engagement ring, and she eventually left him because

504
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 4: he was a heavy drinker and wouldn't get help. My

505
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 4: husband has all reason to hold a grudge against her

506
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 4: because he saw the additional stress that she caused.

507
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 3: My now husband.

508
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,199
Speaker 4: When he first met my sister, cooked his dinner and

509
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 4: tried his best to get off on a good foot

510
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 4: with her. She judged him from day one before knowing him.

511
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 4: He's a well built, tall, brown and handsome man. He

512
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 4: has a lot of tattoos, all classy and with much

513
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 4: thought and reading. She labeled him a thug, though, and

514
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 4: he's never been in trouble. I'm pretty sure he was

515
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 4: never suspended from school. Who's a graduated engineer that was

516
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:03,400
Speaker 4: a chef before that.

517
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 3: I consider myself lucky. He's the best cook I've ever met.

518
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 4: And he's extremely handy, as he has built the majority

519
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 4: of our house with his own two hands. That's beautiful.

520
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 4: I have no new thoughts, no new thoughts. There is

521
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 4: a little bit more to take a bit. Let's take

522
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:18,360
Speaker 4: her home.

523
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 3: Let's take it home.

524
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:24,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, just the sister, Man's just sister, just boo boo.

525
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 4: Just seems like she's just not happy with how her

526
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,399
Speaker 4: life is gone. Yeah, she needs to stand out. Is

527
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 4: not happy that someone else is happy, especially her younger sister. Yeah,

528
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,880
Speaker 4: there's always like a dynamic there and it's.

529
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 3: Just just boo. Man, Just be happy for your freaky sister.

530
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 3: We're yellow so hard one.

531
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 4: Also, I don't hold any grudges with my cousins. My

532
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,399
Speaker 4: husband is a good Christian man and has told me

533
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 4: to forgive and move on, to not hold on to

534
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 4: those feelings, as they just spoil other great things that

535
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 4: we have going on. Yet I can't say that I've

536
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 4: forgiven my sister yet, and if the day comes where

537
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 4: I can forgive her, I will never forget, and I

538
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 4: know our relationship will never be the same. He still

539
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,880
Speaker 4: wants to confront her and set the boundaries moving forward,

540
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,399
Speaker 4: but respects my wishes on just leaving it as a

541
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 4: no contact situation for now. Am I the a hole

542
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 4: for not speaking to my sister after all of this?

543
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:22,360
Speaker 3: What ourar Nah? No ah, No, I think you could

544
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 3: try and figure it out maybe, but give it some time.

545
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 3: She's causing a mess. Yeah, maybe when she gets her

546
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,879
Speaker 3: life in a little bit of a better place. But

547
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 3: right now, yeah, just a mess. But that is the

548
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,199
Speaker 3: end of that story. I posted a picture of my

549
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 3: nephew on social media without my brother's permission. Well that's

550
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 3: not COO, ask permission, kids. Ah. My brother twenty five

551
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 3: male I'll call him Tom, and I twenty six female,

552
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 3: have never really been close, even though we were a

553
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 3: year and two months apart from each other. I was

554
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 3: born first, but he usually questioned my authority when I

555
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 3: was the one who in charge of keeping him in

556
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 3: check when we were alone or going pretty much anywhere

557
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 3: by ourselves. We went to school together, and most people

558
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 3: didn't even know we were siblings until one of us

559
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 3: said something since we didn't exactly look click each other,

560
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 3: though we do share the same parents. Someone even had

561
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:21,199
Speaker 3: mentioned before that we looked like a cute couple, and

562
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 3: I get city you No, he's my brother. Ever since

563
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 3: we were kids, Tom's always been the trouble maker and

564
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 3: the one who never takes advice given to him. This

565
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 3: will be important for later, by the way. This comes

566
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 3: from Sketchy Girl on the r slash Charlotte Dobray YouTube.

567
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 3: Separated it and if you want to sell your own

568
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 3: stories on the r slash show get a story. Tom

569
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 3: separated it. Flash four It to our early adult years

570
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 3: and Tom gets a girlfriend. I'll call her Kai since

571
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 3: that's the name she changed it to you and she

572
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,879
Speaker 3: deserves the fiery pits for what she did. Who is

573
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 3: well crazy. Granted Tom's girlfriends were always crazy up until

574
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 3: this one, but she was really off her rocker. You

575
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 3: and me both girl. To put it into some retrospect.

576
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 3: The first words out of her mouth when I met

577
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 3: her for the very first time were I haven't slept

578
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 3: in three days, you and me both girl.

579
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 6: I ended up talking to Tom and saying she was

580
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 6: a bit loony, since no sane person would just blurt

581
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 6: that out for a first impression, But he brushed me off,

582
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 6: saying that's just how she is.

583
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 3: Leave her alone, so I let it be. A few

584
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 3: months later, I ended up moving out of the house

585
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,639
Speaker 3: to try and make it on my own with my boyfriend.

586
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 3: Now ex Ooh, there's a story there, and Tom was

587
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 3: moved to the basement of the home with Kai moved

588
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,199
Speaker 3: in as well. About six months went by after I

589
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 3: moved out and I get a call from my mother.

590
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,200
Speaker 3: She tells me Tom got married and he didn't tell

591
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 3: anyone about it. She ended up hearing from a friend

592
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 3: of a friend who heard him talking about it as

593
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,239
Speaker 3: his job and decided to douse him digging. They had

594
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 3: a marriage license hidden in a drawer and it was

595
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 3: from months prior they went to the court house and

596
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 3: got married. I was astounded and couldn't believe he had

597
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 3: the audacity to keep it a secret out of a

598
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 3: fear of our mother's wrath. Kai was living under the

599
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 3: roof with him in the basement, and neither of them

600
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 3: thought to tell our parents about their big decision the

601
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 3: whole time. Anyway, my mother punted them both out since

602
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 3: they have been laid on rent and wouldn't do any chores.

603
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 3: Since Kai was clinically frail, she was clinically frail. I

604
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 3: feel like there's got to be a better medical diagnosis

605
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:34,120
Speaker 3: than clinically frail clinically skinny. The doctor diagnoster is skinney

606
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 3: skinny in her words, where her back was always hurting,

607
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 3: or she was always six so she couldn't work, etc.

608
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 3: She had to take medications to function as a normal person,

609
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,239
Speaker 3: and there were a lot of them. After they were

610
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 3: moved out, I had to come to help my mother

611
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 3: clean up their vacated living space and it was absolutely disgusting.

612
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 3: I wanted to buy myself a hazmat suit to clean it,

613
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 3: and needed to take a number of breaks because it

614
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 3: was a lot. Fast forward about a year later, Ki

615
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 3: and Tom are expecting congrats. I was happy for them

616
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,880
Speaker 3: and growing their family, but I was worried for the child.

617
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 3: At the same time. They were both not really parental material,

618
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 3: especially Kai and she was the one who was going

619
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 3: to be carrying the baby. All I could do was

620
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 3: hope this one was going to stay, since apparently she

621
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 3: had eight miscarriages in the past before even meeting my

622
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 3: brother Tom. A month goes by after they tell me,

623
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 3: and I get a call from Kai saying that Tom

624
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 3: is mistreating her and all this horrible stuff. But I

625
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 3: know my brother. Wait, no, whoa She's said all this

626
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 3: stuff and he oh, He's like, I'm not going to

627
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:32,719
Speaker 3: look into that.

628
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 5: That's not my brother.

629
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 4: She's like, nah, I know him, but do you know

630
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 4: how he is in relationships behind closed doors?

631
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 3: So I think, oh, p he's a little bit judgy.

632
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 3: He's not that type. But I take her story and

633
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 3: keep it in mind since she lies a lot to

634
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 3: get attention. Only a week after that, everything exploded and

635
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 3: all heck broke loose. Kai and Tom were apparently in

636
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 3: an open marriage. She slept with someone and didn't have

637
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 3: them wear protection, even though she had told Tom that

638
00:28:57,760 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 3: they did, and it was said during a fight that

639
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 3: the baby he might not even be his to begin with.

640
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 3: Tom was upset and Kai was trying to drag his

641
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 3: name in the mud. After having her lies found out,

642
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 3: She and him got a divorce and she was still

643
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 3: pregnant with the child when it was finalized, but a

644
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 3: paternity test was requested when the child was born. During

645
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 3: the separation, Kai started spreading misinformation and attempted to take

646
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 3: him to court for his towards her. I was fuming,

647
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 3: so I defended Tom in her comments and even made

648
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 3: my own post about what she said, stating that she

649
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 3: had no right to say things like that about my brother.

650
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 3: Well are they true? Does she have proof?

651
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 4: Like?

652
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 3: Are you just like? No way?

653
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 2: That's what I'm wondering.

654
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 3: She didn't respond and ended up straight up blocking me

655
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 3: since I was no longer on her side. Good riddance.

656
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 3: Then the time came for the baby to be born.

657
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 3: I don't know the full details of what occurred, but

658
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 3: he was placed into foster care. While later Kai got

659
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 3: the DNA test and he was Tom's son. We were

660
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 3: all relieved and accepted him into the family when the

661
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 3: news came back. Wait, what were you like? Mm, Tom,

662
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 3: If that's not your bit, You're not gonna be in

663
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 3: our family now?

664
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 5: Yeah?

665
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 3: What what?

666
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 4: What?

667
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 3: He's currently being taken care of by some family friends

668
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 3: who will be adopting him when the time finally comes

669
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 3: around later this year, and I did think for a

670
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 3: moment they were talking about Tom, but I believe they're

671
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 3: talking about the baby. Then comes the true meaning of

672
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 3: my post. I saw my nephew for the first time

673
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 3: last year and got to get some pictures of him

674
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 3: and I together. He has fallen asleep on my chest

675
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 3: while I held him, and his face was turned away

676
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 3: from the camera, so it wasn't violating any of the

677
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 3: rules with the agency if I was to post it.

678
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 3: I was given permission to post my proud aunti pictures

679
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 3: to Facebook by the foster parents, and so I did.

680
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 3: Tom saw them and had then demand I had them

681
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 3: taken down. He patronized me and called me names, saying

682
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 3: that I shouldn't be posting pictures of his son online

683
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 3: because it can hurt his chances of being a real

684
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 3: father in Yadagada. At this time, his son was only

685
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 3: about four months old, and Tom hasn't made any effort

686
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 3: to see him or acknowledge his birth. He didn't even

687
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 3: visit Kai in the hospital while she was in labor,

688
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 3: so he was practically irresponsible. And my eyes, why were

689
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 3: you so gung about him? Like there's no way that

690
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 3: he could have possibly, you know, been the bad guy

691
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 3: in the relationship. Like OPI was like, there's no way

692
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 3: that Tom could have done anything wrong, And now he's

693
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 3: telling us that he's like this kind of absentee parent. Yeah,

694
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 3: Tom is the brother. Tom is Opie's brother who got

695
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 3: this girl pregnant. I'm confused about that line that said,

696
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 3: like accepting him into the family. Then I don't get that. Oh, guys,

697
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:32,239
Speaker 3: accepting the baby in the family, not Tom. Oh, I

698
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 3: just got that accepting the baby, and I totally was

699
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 3: thinking about Tom too. I was worded that. I was like,

700
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 3: that doesn't make get any sense, accepting the baby in

701
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 3: the family. Oh, okay, okay, but yeah, oh, he's like

702
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 3: going really back and forth about her brother. Yeah, maybe

703
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 3: she's responsible. And then also, there's no way that he

704
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 3: could have done any of this. He didn't even visit

705
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 3: Kai in the hospital while she was labor, so he

706
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 3: was practically irresponsible in my eyes. I know he isn't

707
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 3: financially stable enough to raise his son on his own,

708
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 3: nor does he have the most safe of household since

709
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 3: he lives in filth, but he had to think that

710
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 3: someone was at least going to post something about his son.

711
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 3: My mother was actually the first to post a picture

712
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 3: of him as her first grandchild, so why wasn't he

713
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 3: going after her about pictures anyway? After I refused, he

714
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 3: ghosted me. My then half sister, I'll call her Tia

715
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 3: reposted the picture of my mother holding Tom's son, saying,

716
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 3: this is the only picture I have of him. But yay,

717
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 3: I'm an auntie. I wanted to wait after Tom was

718
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 3: able to get custody, but oh well, so I had

719
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 3: a good chat with her. I told her that she

720
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 3: should either delete her post or edit it to cut

721
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 3: out the custody part, because it violates the rules of

722
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 3: the agency that Tom's son is under. If he wanted

723
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 3: any of his rights to make a difference in being

724
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 3: able to see him or even get the custody, he

725
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 3: and everyone else has to follow these rules or it

726
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 3: will be over for him. Tia went off on me,

727
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 3: saying that if I can post about my nephew, then

728
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 3: she can too. I argued that I have a right

729
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 3: to post about my nephew because I am his full

730
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,479
Speaker 3: blooded auntie and she was only half related to us.

731
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 3: I even had permission from the foster parents and made

732
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 3: sure that I didn't post his face, so I didn't

733
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 3: see why there would be an issue. Tia was fuming

734
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 3: at me and calling me names. She probably has undiagnosed

735
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 3: bipolar if I'm gonna be honest, and demanded that I

736
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 3: should take the picture down because it was hurting our

737
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 3: brother too, but I kept refusing. I then told her

738
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 3: the reason you only had the one picture of our

739
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,479
Speaker 3: nephew is because you took it as a screenshot from

740
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 3: my mother's post. Tom hasn't made any effort to see him.

741
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 3: I know he doesn't have the contact information of the

742
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 3: foster parents for safety reasons, but he still could have

743
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 3: had visits with an Asian present, which he hasn't done.

744
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 3: So get off drye horse because you have no power here.

745
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 3: Then she blocked me too. Ever, since then, Tom and

746
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 3: our half sister Tia have been mad at me. That

747
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 3: was nearly a year ago. Now it's crazy that Tom

748
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 3: is okay with Tia posting Yeah. I wonder if he

749
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 3: is Yeah, it seems I wonder if they about it.

750
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 2: I don't know.

751
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 3: I still have that picture of my nephew and I

752
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 3: up and when I scroll and see it, I'm reminded

753
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 3: of the reason my own brother won't talk to me

754
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 3: much anymore. Maybe I could have been a bit nicer,

755
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 3: but I was just done with the mess of the situation.

756
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 3: Tom put himself in So am I the ale for

757
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 3: posting a picture of my nephew on Facebook without my

758
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 3: brother's permit? And there is an update. Angela Connolly says,

759
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 3: everyone sucks here. That's where I'm at. Honestly, I honestly

760
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 3: think that. I mean, like, Tom obviously sucks, but I

761
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:10,879
Speaker 3: think Ope's being a little bit sucky about this whole

762
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 3: situation too.

763
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 6: Yeah.

764
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 4: I feel like he's, like, you know, technically playing by

765
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 4: the rules. But if Tom is like, Okay, can you

766
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 4: like not do that for my own sake, then she

767
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 4: should be considerate of that and be like, you know what,

768
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 4: You're so right, Let's like get this finalized and then

769
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 4: we can figure that out.

770
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:28,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, agreed.

771
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,359
Speaker 4: It just feels like this doesn't need to be as

772
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 4: big of a problem as it is at all.

773
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, Josh says, how does Ope even know that Tom

774
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 3: hasn't made any effort to see the baby? I don't know.

775
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 3: I think Op's making a lot of assumptions. Yeah, the

776
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 3: picture stuff get permission from everyone. I deleted the photo.

777
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 3: After reading the comments and coming to the conclusion that

778
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 3: I was in the wrong, I decided to just delete

779
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 3: the photo I had posted from last February. I came

780
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 3: to realize that my family has a problem with privacy

781
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,839
Speaker 3: since I grew up with my grandparents posting about life

782
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,760
Speaker 3: events with my cousins, their nieces and nephews and anyone

783
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 3: else on Facebook, and I shouldn't have assumed that it

784
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 3: would be okay for me to take part in that,

785
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 3: even with the permission I got from the foster parents.

786
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 3: In the moment, I was happy about being an aunt

787
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 3: to the most precious of little boys, but he was

788
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 3: selfish of me since I didn't think of the questions

789
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 3: it would raise through mutual friends about my brother becoming

790
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,399
Speaker 3: a father. It could have heard his reputation at the time,

791
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 3: and I should have waited until everything was finalized before

792
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 3: taking any action. There is a little bit left to

793
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 3: this story, any final thoughts.

794
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 4: I think deleting the photo was probably a good bay

795
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,760
Speaker 4: to go, and especially if you have privacy issues, especially.

796
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 3: With kids on social media.

797
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 4: That's just in itself like a touchy subject and kind

798
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 4: of like you know, so it makes.

799
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 3: Sense that people wouldn't want them on their so just

800
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 3: don't put them on theirs.

801
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 4: Okay, we not on those media. It's okay, it's fine.

802
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 4: Just tell people in real life or on text.

803
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I agree, good with everything he said, but

804
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,839
Speaker 3: there's a little bit left to this story. In the end,

805
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 3: I regret having made the mistake and caused such a

806
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 3: rift in my relationship with him. I believe that's in

807
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 3: it's the foster parents said final say. I didn't have

808
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 3: to listen to my brother and my half sister, but

809
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 3: I now understand that I should have been more mindful

810
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 3: since it was his child. After all, I have no

811
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 3: ill will towards my brother, and I didn't mean to

812
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 3: hurt him in all this time having the picture up,

813
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 3: so an apology to him would have to be in order.

814
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 3: Thank you guys for helping me come to this realization.

815
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 3: I will accept my a hoole judgment and try my

816
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 3: best to be more mindful of others in the future.

817
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 3: And folks, that's the end of that story.

818
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:27,399
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

819
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 5: Here.

820
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 7: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

821
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 7: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

822
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 1: My son's dad just moved in with his new girlfriend.

823
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: But she really doesn't like his kids.

824
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:37,720
Speaker 2: Oh, that seems like an eel breaker.

825
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: My thirty two five year old son's dad, Jacob thirty four,

826
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 1: moved in with his girlfriend, Anna thirty five, over a

827
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 1: year ago, and I found out that she does not

828
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: like children. I don't really know this one. She refuses

829
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 1: to acknowledge me in any capacity. I'm not allowed in

830
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,359
Speaker 1: their home and she does everything she can to avoid me.

831
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: I have let this slide because there was some overlap

832
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 1: between her and I. By the way, this comes from

833
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 1: deleted on the r slash too Hot Take subreddit, and

834
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

835
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 1: the r slash Okay Storytime subrette and send it in. So,

836
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: Jacob and I have been toying with the idea of

837
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: getting back together when they met. After they made it official,

838
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,919
Speaker 1: him and I failed to enforce boundaries. While we never

839
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 1: slept together, we definitely had one night where things got

840
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: too close. He told her about it. She was upset,

841
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: but they decided to stay together and work on it.

842
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: She moved in with him about five months later. I'm

843
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,279
Speaker 1: probably a bit naive, but I didn't really realize that

844
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: she was harboring negative feelings towards me. At first, when

845
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 1: my son would speak positively about her, I would text

846
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 1: her to tell her the good things that he was saying.

847
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 1: I would thank her for being so sweet to him.

848
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: In retrospect, I'm not really sure that she responded to

849
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: those messages. I started getting the vibe that she was

850
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: really unhappy. When I would FaceTime my son, either she

851
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 1: would leave the room or Jacob would take my son

852
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: into another room and close the door. I started noticing

853
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: that she seemed to be avoiding me in situations where

854
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,759
Speaker 1: we would normally cross paths. I asked Jacob about this,

855
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 1: and he kind of played it off. He said that

856
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,879
Speaker 1: she doesn't really want to talk to me, but it's

857
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 1: not a huge deal. I tried to respect her, but

858
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: understanding that it must be difficult. Then one night, my

859
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,280
Speaker 1: son told me that he felt nervous when I called

860
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 1: because Anna doesn't like me and she says mean things

861
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 1: about me. Since then, I've been trying to get some

862
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 1: forward momentum on actually working on the problem that she

863
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 1: has with me. I tried texting her a long apology.

864
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: If I'm honest, I probably focus too much on trying

865
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 1: to get her to understand where I was mentally when

866
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 1: we betrayed her trust. Although I personally don't really know her,

867
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,960
Speaker 1: I can understand how a text message focusing on excusing

868
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 1: my behavior would be received poorly. She was pretty livid

869
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 1: about it. I continued trying to give them space, even

870
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 1: though I do find it very frustrating. I've been trying

871
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 1: to separate my personal hurt from what actually affects my son.

872
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 1: I know that he struggles with it, but I also

873
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 1: see where she puts in the effort. I try to

874
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: focus on the good things because so much feels like

875
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:47,840
Speaker 1: it's out.

876
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:48,360
Speaker 5: Of my control.

877
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: Anyways, one day, she asked to have my son on

878
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: a day that he would normally be at his grandma's.

879
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,800
Speaker 1: His sister was coming to town, and she wanted my

880
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: son to meet her nieces and nephews. This made me

881
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:01,239
Speaker 1: feel really emotional because it made me feel like she

882
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 1: loves and appreciates.

883
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 5: Him as an individual and not just as a byproduct

884
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:05,959
Speaker 5: of his father.

885
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 1: I reached out two weeks later to thank her and

886
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:09,840
Speaker 1: to tell her how much it means to me. She

887
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 1: responded a couple of days after, saying that we should

888
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 1: all get together and talk. Felt really grateful and hopeful

889
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 1: today was the day and we all make it together

890
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: to talk. She came in pretty hot, having issues with

891
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 1: things that I never would have anticipated, one of which

892
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 1: seemed to be that she feels like I am pressuring

893
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,879
Speaker 1: her to have a relationship with my son. She made

894
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,759
Speaker 1: it very clear that she was there for Jacob and

895
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: no one else. She kept saying that we can't force

896
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,879
Speaker 1: her to have a relationship with my son because it's

897
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: pushing them farther apart. She said that she's trying to

898
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 1: learn to love him because she loves Jacob. She keeps

899
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 1: dismissing my son's feelings by saying that she has high

900
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:45,280
Speaker 1: standards and.

901
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:46,760
Speaker 5: He's not used to rules.

902
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 1: When we were leaving at the end, she asked me

903
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 1: if I had anything I needed to say. I kind

904
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 1: of said it like a joke, but I said, I'm

905
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,359
Speaker 1: just wondering how you don't love my son because he's

906
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 1: just so lovable. So her response to that was that

907
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 1: she doesn't like people and that kids are just pe

908
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 1: who have no consideration for anyone else. I'm not really

909
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 1: good at processing things in real time, so as then

910
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 1: I continued, I feel more and more sad. I hate

911
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 1: the idea that the other half of my son's life

912
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 1: is being spent with someone who sees him as a chore.

913
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 5: I know that he can sense it.

914
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: He's used to being daddy's boy, but over the last

915
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:19,799
Speaker 1: few months he is sad when he.

916
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:20,919
Speaker 5: Has to go to his dad's house.

917
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 1: He says it's just because he loves me more and

918
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 1: feels closer to me. I feel like I am now

919
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 1: realizing that it's because he doesn't feel wanted over there.

920
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: So Jacob and I are the father talked on the

921
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,760
Speaker 1: phone after Anna went to Spleep and I expressed my concerns.

922
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:36,359
Speaker 1: I asked him how it doesn't hurt him that our

923
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 1: son is so desperately seeking the approval of somebody who.

924
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,800
Speaker 5: Does not like him. He says it does make him sad,

925
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 5: but they are trying to work on it.

926
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: I just don't really think that this is something you

927
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,720
Speaker 1: can work on in a relationship, no matter how badly

928
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 1: she wants to be who Jacob needs her to be.

929
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,960
Speaker 1: If she doesn't like children, that's not something that just

930
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 1: goes away. And as he gets older, he's going to

931
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: continue to push boundaries. And I'm just not sure she

932
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 1: has the temperament for it. It's also not really my place,

933
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: but I just feel so worried and sad.

934
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 5: What do I do? Is there anything I can do?

935
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 5: Sorry for the long post.

936
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 1: I felt the backstory was important and we haven't added

937
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 1: coming up.

938
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 5: I really don't know.

939
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 1: How to use read it, so I'm sorry if I'm

940
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,399
Speaker 1: doing this wrong. I wasn't really expecting to get eaten

941
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: alive in the comments. Well, here are some clarifications. I'm

942
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: not incessantly texting her In the beginning. I thought sharing

943
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 1: the positive things my son shared would be affirming, but

944
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 1: I noticed that she didn't seem so keen on it,

945
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 1: so I stopped. I didn't text her again until my

946
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: son said that she was talking badly about me.

947
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 5: I had been.

948
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 1: Noticing some bad tension for a while and had been

949
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:35,879
Speaker 1: bringing it up to Jacob. I said that her son

950
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,359
Speaker 1: was eventually going to notice and it would impact him.

951
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 1: He kept telling me they were working on it. I

952
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 1: called his dad and of course found out that he

953
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 1: hadn't talked.

954
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 5: To her about it at all.

955
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,240
Speaker 2: The dad hasn't done anything.

956
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,760
Speaker 5: He literally hasn't gone yeah yeah.

957
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 2: To his man is a noodle spine.

958
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 5: I told him, got any people.

959
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 1: That he needed to talk to her and come to

960
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 1: me with a plan by the next.

961
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 5: Week or I would be reducing time.

962
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 1: He told me that she didn't receive this well and

963
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:06,919
Speaker 1: was unwilling to work on changing anything because she says

964
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 1: she never speaks negatively about me around him.

965
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 5: I told him he needed to talk.

966
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: To her and come to me with the plan by

967
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 1: next week or I would be reducing time, reducing the custody.

968
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: He told me that she didn't receive this well and

969
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 1: was unwilling to work on changing anything because she says

970
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 1: she never speaks negatively about me around him. I obviously

971
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: don't believe my son is lying. This was when I

972
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 1: decided to reach out directly and apologize to her again.

973
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 1: First time was immediately after it happened. She didn't receive

974
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,240
Speaker 1: it well, and in retrospect, I can recognize that trying

975
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 1: to get her to understand my POV was unlikely to

976
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,399
Speaker 1: be productive. I've been trying to make sure I am

977
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: only reacting to things that affect my son and not

978
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 1: to things that may personally offend me.

979
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,280
Speaker 5: I want to be fair and reasonable.

980
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 1: I was hoping we could work on it together to

981
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 1: make the environment less tense for my son. My son

982
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 1: hasn't mentioned it again, so I was hoping that it

983
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:53,760
Speaker 1: got better.

984
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 5: His dad's only solution was to have her.

985
00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 1: Hand my son the phone when I called. My son

986
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 1: doesn't really say bad things about her.

987
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 5: Often.

988
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 1: He mostly speaks positively, which is why I haven't been

989
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 1: pushing harder for a change or to reduce time. She's

990
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 1: been spending a lot more time doing activities with him,

991
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 1: so I've been feeling so grateful that she's taking the

992
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:14,240
Speaker 1: time to make him a priority. I keep seeing people

993
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 1: say that she's not his step bomb, but they live together.

994
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: She is making house rules for him to abide by.

995
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 1: I want to be supportive of them building a bond.

996
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:24,480
Speaker 5: I have felt like.

997
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 1: I don't want her to be discouraged by the concerns

998
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 1: that came up, so I texted her last week to

999
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: tell her I could see that she's really.

1000
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 5: Trying and I appreciate it.

1001
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 1: She responded that we should meet in chat, and I

1002
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 1: kind of thought that I cracked the code, lol.

1003
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 5: I was not anticipating her negative energy. To be honest, now,

1004
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,399
Speaker 5: my son doesn't really say bad things about her.

1005
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 1: I do feel like I have been seeing changes in

1006
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:46,839
Speaker 1: his behavior not wanting to go to his dad's house.

1007
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 1: Is new favoring me so blatantly, is new him exhibiting

1008
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety at night. He doesn't want me

1009
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 1: to leave him alone. He says he feels alone and

1010
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 1: at night it's scary. I finally got us in with

1011
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 1: a play therapist. We had one session, and I have

1012
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 1: been hoping that this will uncover if there's underlying issues

1013
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,840
Speaker 1: I'm unaware of, and if not, just give him the

1014
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 1: tools that he needs to cope. I just found out

1015
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,799
Speaker 1: last night that she doesn't like kids. I fear that

1016
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 1: she had a cold and strict temperament, but also didn't

1017
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:13,960
Speaker 1: really think that I would be the best judge of

1018
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: for character considering the circumstances. Seeing how she really feels

1019
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 1: about my son is crystallizing a lot of my son's

1020
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,760
Speaker 1: behavior change. I was hoping the effort I was seeing

1021
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 1: was coming from a genuine place of wanting what is

1022
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 1: best for the child in the situation. She made it

1023
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,280
Speaker 1: very clear, however, that it is only about Jacob. I

1024
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 1: told her that the relationship doesn't exist in a vacuum.

1025
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 5: She got upset and her and Jacob started arguing.

1026
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:38,320
Speaker 1: I honestly started having trouble tracking the conversation at that point,

1027
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 1: and it went off the rails for a bit. In general,

1028
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 1: I struggle to trust my perspective on things. I want

1029
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: to be sure I'm not overreacting or being unfair. Anyways,

1030
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 1: I need to get my son ready for the day.

1031
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: I will check back in later. We have an updates.

1032
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 1: So this subreddit is brutal. I have never written on

1033
00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 1: Reddit before, but I love the podcast so thought I

1034
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,360
Speaker 1: would try. The advice I get from people in my

1035
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 1: life is of course biased. Things with my kids. Dad

1036
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 1: changed shortly after he was brought home from the Nakhu.

1037
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 1: I found on a lot of things that made me

1038
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 1: realize he isn't who I thought at the time. I

1039
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 1: vowed to myself that I would never let my feelings

1040
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: about things he has done to me dictate the decisions

1041
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 1: I made for my child.

1042
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,280
Speaker 5: I would say, bad partner, good dad.

1043
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 1: I guess I'm not doing a very good job at

1044
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:26,360
Speaker 1: that because maybe I'm overcompensating by being too forgiving. But anyways,

1045
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I don't want the decisions I make for

1046
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 1: my son to be clouded by my personal hurt and rage.

1047
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: At the end of all of this the point really

1048
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 1: got lost, and I found that I am primarily just

1049
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 1: trying to stand up for myself. I don't believe I

1050
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 1: am beyond reproach, But I also don't think.

1051
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 5: A lot of the responses here were fair.

1052
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 1: In regards to the overlap everyone was referencing, I didn't

1053
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 1: give details because I didn't think that they were relevant.

1054
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,880
Speaker 1: I thought the context was important in understanding. My perspective

1055
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 1: may not be accurate because I do not know her

1056
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,800
Speaker 1: at all. For what I have felt is a valid reason.

1057
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 1: I don't know how to take the weight of words

1058
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,720
Speaker 1: of a five year old and a man and known

1059
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 1: to be a habitual liar, because I literally know nothing

1060
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 1: about her. Before this weekend, I had never even seen

1061
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 1: her in person. We had only talked on the phone once,

1062
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: and it was her asking me what happened the cheating.

1063
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:12,799
Speaker 1: She knows is that it was a BackRub and he

1064
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 1: got too handsy when she met him. I'm pretty sure

1065
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 1: he told her that I was sappik When she called me,

1066
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,280
Speaker 1: she did say if I was so starved for touch,

1067
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 1: I should find a girlfriend haha. The truth is that

1068
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 1: Jacob was going on for months saying he wanted to

1069
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,760
Speaker 1: try our relationship again. He was telling me he wanted

1070
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 1: to have another child together. We had started regularly doing

1071
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 1: family time, which made my son so happy. I knew

1072
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 1: he was also casually dating, but we weren't actually together

1073
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 1: or anything, so I wasn't concerned. After a while, I

1074
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 1: started considering trying again for the sake of my son.

1075
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,680
Speaker 1: The family time is fun and I enjoyed seeing my

1076
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 1: son so happy. I told Jake that we could try,

1077
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 1: but we'd have to go to therapy. In that conversation,

1078
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: he told me he met somebody that he could see

1079
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: a future with. I should have completely cut him off

1080
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: at that moment, but I did not yet. I think

1081
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:03,840
Speaker 1: Opie's Opie's letting him get away with it. We continue

1082
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 1: doing family time and he continued to come over during

1083
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 1: the day when I was coming home just to hang out.

1084
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 1: He would try to be affectionate and hold my hand

1085
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: or play with my hair, and I would tell him

1086
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 1: to stop. He would then talk about feeling confused and

1087
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: tell me he loves me. Right after he found someone

1088
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 1: he sees the future with. He came over to my

1089
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,240
Speaker 1: birthday because my son was so sick. He brought over dinner,

1090
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 1: edibles and booze.

1091
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:25,479
Speaker 5: Oh my god.

1092
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 1: I don't drink, but I did have an edible after

1093
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 1: my son went to sleep. He was saying I shouldn't

1094
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 1: be so stressed out on my birthday. He offered me

1095
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 1: a BackRub broh No, which we did regularly before. He

1096
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: told me about the girl he saw a future with.

1097
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: At first I said no, but eventually I convinced myself

1098
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,719
Speaker 1: that it wasn't that big of a deal. He got

1099
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 1: really weird and aggressive. He then tried getting on top

1100
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: of me and I told him to stop. Before he

1101
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,960
Speaker 1: finally got off, I was living and could not stop crying.

1102
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: Then he started crying again and again and started talking

1103
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:56,319
Speaker 1: about being so confused because he loves me. I made

1104
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 1: him leave, but the next day he came back early

1105
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 1: in the morning to bring me breakfast in bed. I

1106
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: made him leave again and refuse to speak to him.

1107
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: I just did not know what to say. Call me

1108
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,320
Speaker 1: a few days later from outside her parents' house, crying

1109
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: and telling me that he was in love with her.

1110
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: He said that she can never know what we did together.

1111
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 1: I effing hate this man. I told him that if

1112
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,719
Speaker 1: he really loved her, he wouldn't start this relationship on

1113
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: a lie. A few days after that, she calls me.

1114
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 1: I felt cornered. I didn't know what to say, and

1115
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 1: I agreed with his aforementioned lie. I know that from

1116
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:29,840
Speaker 1: through her point of view, I am the affair partner,

1117
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:32,439
Speaker 1: but it just didn't feel like that. The comment section, though,

1118
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 1: has made it pretty clear that my perspective on my

1119
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,840
Speaker 1: own innocence isn't accurate. I felt like, if she could

1120
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,040
Speaker 1: forgive him, then I don't understand why she can't forgive me.

1121
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,560
Speaker 1: In terms of the custody, we do have a parenting plan.

1122
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:46,799
Speaker 1: We share sixty forty I have sixty percent. In terms

1123
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: of the phone call, I didn't strategically wait until she

1124
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 1: was sleeping to voice my concerns. He called to debrief

1125
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 1: and I said that the way she spoke about my

1126
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 1: son worried me. This man is an effing weirdo, and

1127
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 1: started talking about how it worries him too, and that

1128
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 1: I should call and ask his best friend because he

1129
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,919
Speaker 1: would tell me that he has noticed it too. I'm

1130
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 1: obviously not going to do that. It's weird and irrelevant

1131
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 1: to me. He keeps saying he's not stupid and he

1132
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 1: sees the same potential issues, but they are working on

1133
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 1: it and that if he doesn't see any improvement, he

1134
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,320
Speaker 1: wait up, He's never ended.

1135
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 5: A single relationship. He just cheats.

1136
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,279
Speaker 1: In terms of a text, people keep saying I'm stalking her.

1137
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 5: I am not.

1138
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 1: There have been five total texts over a year. The

1139
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:27,359
Speaker 1: first apology was right after she called me. I said

1140
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 1: I was sorry and that nothing like that would ever

1141
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 1: happen again because we were no longer going to socialize

1142
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 1: outside of phone calls about her son. And again, Opie, like,

1143
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:38,320
Speaker 1: is so totally ten million percent within a right to

1144
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,480
Speaker 1: be like he did this to me, I'm a victim

1145
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 1: in this, in this situation, Like.

1146
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:45,360
Speaker 2: How much does this? Does she know that that is

1147
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 2: the case? Like has she been educated on this?

1148
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 5: I think she doesn't know.

1149
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 1: So OPI agreed to do the lie that she's Jacob.

1150
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 5: One, yeah, so she she doesn't know.

1151
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 1: Two because my son had said nice things and I

1152
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 1: thought it would just be nice to he was saying

1153
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 1: nice stuff. Then I started noticing tension, so I stopped

1154
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 1: until I found out that she was talking badly about

1155
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 1: me in front of my son. I don't know how

1156
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 1: she felt so strongly about me because I hadn't had

1157
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:14,000
Speaker 1: communication with Jacob by anything.

1158
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 5: Outside of our son.

1159
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 1: Since I promised her that I was backing off a

1160
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,719
Speaker 1: year prior, I was never under the impression that she

1161
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 1: was purposely trying to alienate me for my son. I

1162
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 1: just thought her anger was so loud we couldn't hide

1163
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:28,840
Speaker 1: it from me. I know I'm infected. I'm infected, geez.

1164
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 1: I was hoping that apologizing again and opening the door

1165
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:33,720
Speaker 1: for conversation would fix the issue.

1166
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:35,760
Speaker 5: The last one was last week.

1167
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: I felt like I was seeing a lot of positive

1168
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 1: efforts because the way my son was talking about her

1169
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 1: had change. I just wanted to thank her for being

1170
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 1: so kind to him, and I also wanted to apologize

1171
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: that my last text upset her so much. Jake told

1172
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 1: me it made her mad. She didn't respond this time.

1173
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 1: She texted me back and said that we should meet up.

1174
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 1: So on the meeting, she was angry about things that

1175
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 1: I didn't anticipate. She said I lied about what's happening

1176
00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 1: when she called me.

1177
00:50:58,400 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 5: That is true.

1178
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 1: I don't know what part she thinks is a lie,

1179
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 1: but I was definitely dishonest. She thinks it's inappropriate that

1180
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:06,319
Speaker 1: I have a relationship with Jake's mom. It has been

1181
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:08,959
Speaker 1: rocky but even periods where Jacob and I don't talk,

1182
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:11,320
Speaker 1: her and I have always maintained a relationship. She was

1183
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 1: angry that I told my son his dad has ad

1184
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 1: tattoo on his butt, because I shouldn't be talking about

1185
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 1: her boyfriend's But if you guys think that's also weird,

1186
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 1: my son has been looking at my tattoos and asked

1187
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,399
Speaker 1: if his dad hasn't. She felt like the positive text

1188
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 1: were an attempt to pressure her and that my apologies

1189
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 1: are just me dumping on her emotionally. That was never

1190
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 1: my intention. But I told her that I understood that now,

1191
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 1: and that I know what her boundaries are, I can

1192
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:37,520
Speaker 1: adjust my behavior. She received it really well. The meeting

1193
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 1: ended in smiles from her, and she thanked me and

1194
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: told me that if I really have something important to say,

1195
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 1: call her. However, throughout the conversation, all these little comments

1196
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 1: she made about my son, their time together, and her

1197
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 1: high expectations bothered me.

1198
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 5: Again.

1199
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 1: I am not good at confrontation, so I said that

1200
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 1: I don't understand how she didn't already love my son

1201
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:57,280
Speaker 1: in a jokey type voice. That was when she said

1202
00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:59,840
Speaker 1: she is trying to learn to like him, but she

1203
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 1: doesn't like people, and children are people with no consideration.

1204
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:07,359
Speaker 1: I felt fakas f that that conversation objectively went well,

1205
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 1: But I am now more concerned than I was.

1206
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:12,440
Speaker 5: I thought we had a small hurdle if her not

1207
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 5: liking me.

1208
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,400
Speaker 1: I was never thinking I was going to get her

1209
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 1: like me, but I thought that if I could ease

1210
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 1: her rage, the environment wouldn't feel so stressful for my son.

1211
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:23,319
Speaker 1: It now feels bigger than I first anticipated, because it's

1212
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 1: not just about me. She is fighting more than just

1213
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:28,800
Speaker 1: hatred for me. People feel like I am only focusing

1214
00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 1: on her. That is because we have already gone to court.

1215
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 1: The only thing that would change my POV on the

1216
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,839
Speaker 1: current arrangement is that if she isn't safe for him.

1217
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 1: People are saying I should take him from his dad's

1218
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 1: care immediately, but we do have a legal agreement and

1219
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 1: there are no obvious signs of abuse.

1220
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:44,440
Speaker 5: His behavior has changed.

1221
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 1: I am noticing that he's anxious and doesn't want to

1222
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 1: leave my house to go to his dad's. I don't

1223
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:49,879
Speaker 1: want to do something rash and withhold him without any

1224
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 1: due cause. Anyways, I have to be done here. My

1225
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,400
Speaker 1: feelings are thoroughly hurt. I will never look for advice

1226
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 1: on the internet again, Well, your girl should probably just

1227
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 1: find a therapist of her own, because I am realizing

1228
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:04,240
Speaker 1: there are more issues here than just the girlfriend doesn't

1229
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 1: like kids. Thank you for those of them who are

1230
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 1: nice to me. Yet, Hey, it's John here. We're gonna

1231
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,839
Speaker 1: get back to the stories. Put a quick three minute

1232
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 1: ad break from our sponsors that keep the show going.

1233
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 1: My boyfriend's family trashed our home. I'm not letting them

1234
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 1: come back.

1235
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 7: Don't a little backstory. I, twenty one female, and my boyfriend,

1236
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 7: twenty one male, moved in together about eight months ago.

1237
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 7: We live in a cozy, one bedroom suite that is

1238
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,759
Speaker 7: the perfect size for the two of us. We've had

1239
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 7: friends and some family that have stayed with us for

1240
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 7: a few nights. We've never had any issues. They're all

1241
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 7: respectful of our space and understand that since I work

1242
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 7: in healthcare, I like to keep house free of bacteria

1243
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:45,240
Speaker 7: and germs. Everyone always makes sure to clean up after themselves.

1244
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:48,239
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from Affectionate Suns seventy eight

1245
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 7: thirty one on the Charlotte Dobray YouTube subreddit. So and

1246
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 7: if you want us some of your own stories, go

1247
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 7: to the r Slash Showcase, Storytime, subred it and submit

1248
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:58,760
Speaker 7: them there. We've always enjoyed having guests and hosting people

1249
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,840
Speaker 7: for dinners. Have I ever had any issues with ever

1250
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 7: having house guests until his family came to town for

1251
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 7: Easter weekend. My boyfriend and I spent all week preparing

1252
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 7: for his family to come, making sure the house was

1253
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 7: stocked up on food and that the house was organized

1254
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 7: so that it wouldn't be too squishy for everybody, as

1255
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:18,719
Speaker 7: there was going to be five of us, which is

1256
00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 7: more than we've ever had staying at the house. The

1257
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 7: one time, his family was supposed to come in Thursday

1258
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:25,279
Speaker 7: after my boyfriend and I were done with school and

1259
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 7: we were up fairly early. I leave at seven am

1260
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:30,280
Speaker 7: for work and my boyfriend's classes at eight am for school,

1261
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:33,000
Speaker 7: and then we got a very shocking call when they

1262
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,759
Speaker 7: decided they were going to come a day early and

1263
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 7: let us know at five pm that they were on

1264
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 7: their way. They didn't end up getting in until two am,

1265
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 7: which left me extremely tired for work and my boyfriend

1266
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:48,400
Speaker 7: very tired for school. We didn't mind, though, as we

1267
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:50,759
Speaker 7: were looking forward to having company and we don't see

1268
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 7: his family very often as they live in a completely

1269
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:56,880
Speaker 7: different province. We're in Canada, y'all, eight hours away. Before

1270
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:58,840
Speaker 7: I was heading home from work, I got a call

1271
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 7: from my boyfriend. We sat a little work. He then

1272
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 7: informed me that his brother was sick, which we were

1273
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 7: not made aware of prior to them coming, and his

1274
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 7: brother had been throwing up the whole morning we were gone.

1275
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 7: Due to me working in healthcare, I tend to be

1276
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 7: around people who are very susceptible to sickness, so I

1277
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:17,640
Speaker 7: had to be very cautious and make sure I wasn't

1278
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,120
Speaker 7: sick before going back to work the following week. We

1279
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 7: know craft happens, people get sick, so we don't worry

1280
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:24,440
Speaker 7: about it too much. If I got sick, I got sick.

1281
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:27,279
Speaker 2: And we didn't need to worry. It was whatever if

1282
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 2: it happened.

1283
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 7: When I got home, my boyfriend and I took his

1284
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:31,839
Speaker 7: brother up to one of the parks to go play

1285
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:33,839
Speaker 7: with a frisbee and get some fresh air. While we

1286
00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 7: were at the park, his mom and her boyfriend went

1287
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,719
Speaker 7: to the grocery store, and when they were all done,

1288
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:40,479
Speaker 7: we all headed back to the house. When we got there,

1289
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:44,279
Speaker 7: com was made that pissed me quite a bit. When

1290
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 7: my boyfriend's mom and her boyfriend started to bring everything

1291
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 7: in the house and started putting it away. His mom's

1292
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:52,240
Speaker 7: boyfriend made a comment to me about how we didn't

1293
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:54,240
Speaker 7: have food in the house for them to make breakfast,

1294
00:55:54,239 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 7: and there wasn't much that we had, so they went

1295
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 7: to the grocery store to pick some stuff up for

1296
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:00,840
Speaker 7: them to be able to eat. This comment made me

1297
00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 7: quite upset. When I found out they were coming. I

1298
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,600
Speaker 7: had taken bacon out of the freezer, we had eggs

1299
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 7: and the fridge, cereal and the cupboard, along with pancake mix,

1300
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 7: and most of all the day prior, I had spent

1301
00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 7: hours making homemade bagels for everyone to enjoy. It was

1302
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:18,240
Speaker 7: my grandmother's recipe. The bagels were not at all touched

1303
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 7: the entire weekend, and I ended up I wanted to

1304
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 7: throw them out as they had gone bad. This made

1305
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 7: me very angry as I did all this work and

1306
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 7: it was ignored completely. My boyfriend and I eat fairly healthy,

1307
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:31,319
Speaker 7: so we don't keep much junk food in the house,

1308
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 7: which is when I realized that the majority of things

1309
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:37,800
Speaker 7: his family had bought chips, chocolate, pizza, buns, and lots

1310
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:41,600
Speaker 7: of soda pop everybody has different eating habits. I didn't

1311
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 7: mind and just brushed it off, and maybe they didn't

1312
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:45,399
Speaker 7: like some of the things I had in the house.

1313
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,799
Speaker 7: When Saturday came along, we'd been planning the day prior

1314
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:49,800
Speaker 7: to leave at twelve o'clock to go to my family's

1315
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 7: Easter dinner. My family lives about an hour away from

1316
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 7: where we live, and I've been looking forward all week

1317
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 7: ago spend Easter with them. My family has many Easter

1318
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 7: traditions that we keep, one in particular, which is very

1319
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 7: important to us. It's a tradition that started by my grumps,

1320
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:06,239
Speaker 7: who passed away just before Easter twenty twenty two. The

1321
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,919
Speaker 7: morning we're supposed to leave, my boyfriend and I woke

1322
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:11,719
Speaker 7: up getting ready in our room when he went out

1323
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 7: to the living room to find that his whole family

1324
00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 7: was still asleep at eleven thirty. He had gotten them up,

1325
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:19,400
Speaker 7: but we didn't end up actually getting to leave until

1326
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 7: one thirty. Maybe quite upset as I was worried I

1327
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:23,680
Speaker 7: was going to miss out on my family tradition that

1328
00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 7: my boyfriend knows is extremely important to me. My family

1329
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 7: did hold off and they waited till we got there,

1330
00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 7: so I sat in the bedroom and read my book

1331
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:31,480
Speaker 7: for a little bit before we left. When it was

1332
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 7: time to go, his entire family would not look at me.

1333
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 7: It would not speak to me or listen to me

1334
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 7: when I talked, and this was made very clear when

1335
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 7: my boyfriend was on the phone giving directions where to go.

1336
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 7: Every time I talked to clarify anything with my boyfriend,

1337
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 7: his mom said he needs to stop talking. I can't

1338
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 7: hear anything, not realizing the phone was on speaker and.

1339
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:50,600
Speaker 2: I could hear everything.

1340
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:52,880
Speaker 7: This made me very upset and caused me to cry.

1341
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 7: Halfway on the trip to my parents' house. I even

1342
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,840
Speaker 7: called my mom to talk to her because I felt

1343
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 7: as if I had done something wrong and needed another opinion.

1344
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 7: You didn't do anything wrong, op which she assured me.

1345
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 7: I did not do anything wrong, as I was just

1346
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:09,800
Speaker 7: enjoying peace and quiet, reading my book, waiting for everyone

1347
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 7: to get ready. The door had been opened to the

1348
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 7: bedroom and anyone who looked in and could see that

1349
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 7: all I was doing, which having her tell me that

1350
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 7: made me feel much better. When we got to my

1351
00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:25,800
Speaker 7: parents house, the dinner went very well and everyone was happy.

1352
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 7: My boyfriend had talked to his mom and let her

1353
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 7: know that they had upset me on the way there,

1354
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 7: that I felt as if they were ignoring me and

1355
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 7: mad at me. After the dinner with my family, my

1356
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 7: boyfriend and I had gone to the store get some

1357
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:41,040
Speaker 7: adult beveragesoo as it had been a long week and

1358
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 7: his family was leaving the next day. We all sat

1359
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,840
Speaker 7: down with the drink and watched the movie together. Midway

1360
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:49,880
Speaker 7: through the movie, I'd realized my boyfriend's mom had spilled

1361
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:52,600
Speaker 7: some of her drink on the floor, which she cleaned up.

1362
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:57,360
Speaker 7: A few moments later, her boyfriend had spilled adult soda

1363
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:01,320
Speaker 7: down the side of a couch and on our car whoa,

1364
00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 7: which I had just cleaned prior to them coming to visit.

1365
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 7: I brushed it off as my boyfriend cleaned it up

1366
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 7: the next day. Okay, everything ran fairly smoothly. The last

1367
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:10,760
Speaker 7: day they were here. We enjoyed the day and had

1368
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 7: lots of fun. When they left Monday, my boyfriend and

1369
00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 7: I decided to clean the house and go have showers,

1370
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:18,720
Speaker 7: as we hadn't gotten the shower since Friday through there

1371
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:21,560
Speaker 7: being no hot water because it's family showered every morning

1372
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 7: raining the hot water tank. When I went to have

1373
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 7: a shower, I noticed some things were off. I gotten

1374
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 7: out of the shower, wrapped up in a towel, called

1375
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 7: for my boyfriend. He'd come in, and that's when we

1376
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:36,360
Speaker 7: learned multiple of our shower products we're being used without

1377
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:39,800
Speaker 7: our knowledge. Three bottles of shampoo and body wash were

1378
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:43,280
Speaker 7: completely empty. They were half full before they came to visit.

1379
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,080
Speaker 7: A brand new hair mask I had bought was open

1380
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 7: and half empty, and my expensive shampoo conditioner that I

1381
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 7: had tucked away prior to them getting there had been

1382
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:54,120
Speaker 7: taken out of the cabinet and the bottles were half empty.

1383
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 7: We did the math on how much stuff of ours

1384
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 7: had been used from our shower.

1385
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 2: It came out to over one hund.

1386
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,880
Speaker 7: Hundred dollars of our bathroom stuff being used without our knowledge.

1387
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 7: I was very upset and very angry as many of

1388
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 7: my skincare products has also been used, and one had

1389
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:12,920
Speaker 7: been spilled, which was also extremely expensive. I'm normally not

1390
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 7: one to be materialistic, but I was quite upset because

1391
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 7: after cleaning the house, we had learned many things were spilled.

1392
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 7: Oliver blankets, his little brother had snot all over pillows,

1393
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 7: blankets or couch and all the furniture, and there was

1394
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:29,280
Speaker 7: something spilled all down the side of our white out.

1395
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 7: I had already been very upset and this was just

1396
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:35,120
Speaker 7: the cherry on top of the cake. So am I

1397
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:37,560
Speaker 7: the a hole if I never let my boyfriend's family

1398
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:39,960
Speaker 7: come stay with us again. And yes, my boyfriend knows

1399
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 7: I'm posting this, and he is also the loss what

1400
01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:44,360
Speaker 7: to do and if we should ever invite them back

1401
01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:46,760
Speaker 7: again due to many things being broken, used, or wrecked.

1402
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 7: So we got an update job oh on this situation,

1403
01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:53,080
Speaker 7: baby boy. But let me know what is within your

1404
01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 7: head of what you think, oh, he should do in

1405
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:58,160
Speaker 7: terms of inviting this family back.

1406
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,800
Speaker 5: So the family's gone now, right, thank god?

1407
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 1: I think we do not invite the family back, and

1408
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 1: I think just going back to our classic old rule,

1409
01:01:09,160 --> 01:01:11,480
Speaker 1: who's going to be the person that delivers the news

1410
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:14,040
Speaker 1: the partner, because that's his family.

1411
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 7: My boyfriend and I have talked with his family since

1412
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 7: this all has happened. We had a nice long conversation

1413
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:25,040
Speaker 7: and there were lots of apologies at the bathroom items

1414
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 7: being used, and we were reimbursed for the products used.

1415
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,080
Speaker 7: We have since set boundaries and let them know the

1416
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:32,560
Speaker 7: next time they want to visit will either be going

1417
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:34,720
Speaker 7: there or if they want to come back to us,

1418
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 7: they can stay in a hotel or airba, which they

1419
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 7: agreed with so everyone can have more space. We have

1420
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:44,240
Speaker 7: come to a good understanding and many apologies have been said.

1421
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 7: There's another relevant update and I'm just going to go

1422
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 7: right into it. My boyfriend had a conversation regarding the

1423
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 7: things said to me while they were visiting. As I

1424
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:55,160
Speaker 7: am bad with confronting things like this, an apology was

1425
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 7: sent to me regarding it all. My boyfriend has been

1426
01:01:57,520 --> 01:01:59,920
Speaker 7: amazing through this all and has been apologizing to me

1427
01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:02,120
Speaker 7: for what has happened. He has made it up to

1428
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:05,080
Speaker 7: me in many ways, making my favorite dinner, giving me

1429
01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:08,240
Speaker 7: chocolates and flowers. Thank you all for reading my amazing

1430
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:11,280
Speaker 7: story and for all the amazing for suggestions and support.

1431
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:12,080
Speaker 2: XO XO