WEBVTT - Reckless Replay: Older Don't Mean Better 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.440 Welcome to Canfully Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and the 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:15.280 Black Effects, And. 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:17.000 Just like that, we're back on the air. 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:20.000 Welcome back to Yeat another cafully Reckless episode with your 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:23.040 girl Jess Ilarious. I'm gonna jump straight in, just fix 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:25.960 my mess again. We got some voice notes this time, y'all. 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:28.000 Thank you, because I'm getting tired of reading y'all long 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:32.600 gas Synopsiss. All right, y'all, don't be spelling right or nothing. 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:35.559 I keep telling y'all to proof read or sending your 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:37.720 voice but I love y'all either. 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:39.640 Way, so I guess I'm just have to keep reading. 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:40.480 Here we go. 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:44.400 Hey, Jess, I've been listening to your podcast since the 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:47.760 very beginning, and I've always wanted to send in something, 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:49.880 but I just never had the courage. 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:53.760 So today I'm doing it. So I'm twenty three years. 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:58.080 Old and I've been dealing with the guy for five 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:00.760 years now, actually yesterday made it fin years. 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:02.720 We've been on and off. 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:06.160 We somewhat have a relationship, and I will break that 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:09.560 down to you, but I believe me, being young and dumb, 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:12.440 I've accepted this and allowed it to go on way 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:15.240 longer than it has and I really think I know 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:20.639 what's best, but due to also doubted myself, I'm not sure. 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:22.479 So I really like advice on this. 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:26.720 So the guy I've been dating for the last five 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:30.479 years talking to, I will say when I met him, initially, 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:32.480 I was twenty years old and by the time he 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.759 was thirty eight years old. So fast forward, I'm twenty 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:40.440 three today and he's forty one. I know, huge huge 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:42.960 age gap. 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:44.360 Between the two of us. We've worked hast had. 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:47.199 That's really never been a problem for me, the age thing, 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:48.880 and it's never been a problem for him. 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:52.240 But relationship wise, since day one, since. 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:54.120 I've known this man, he got my number, we went 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:56.560 out and the until I went to his house, and 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.320 it's been like this ever since. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:03.080 He'd call me every day. We call each other every day. 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:06.040 Then it went from him calling me baby pretty face. 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:07.680 To telling me this is forever. 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:12.800 So now I'm believing in my head this is a relationship. 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:16.440 This man wants me forever, and you know, I should 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:19.760 be acting as if I want to be wanted forever. 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:22.320 You know, I should do my wifely duties. Now, that's 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:24.799 what I'm thinking. So for the past five years, that's 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:29.119 what I've been doing. Although we don't live together, I'm 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:31.320 at his house a lot. He will come and get 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:36.440 me and I'll be there for maybe sometimes up to 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:40.000 a month. I'll be you know, with him, or you know, 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:42.600 whatever may be the case. I am a mother, so 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:45.680 you know, I have my own schedule. Of course, I'm 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:48.680 doing my thing on the side as a mother. I've 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.800 never you know, selected on my mother skills to be 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:55.640 with him. But this relationship has taken a lot from 0:02:55.680 --> 0:03:00.239 me in my twenties. You know, I've been only about him, 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:04.680 and it's been feeling weird. These are red flags that 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:06.560 I know I should have paid attention to a long 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.160 time ago, but he has filled my head up with 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:12.359 so many excuses that I thought it was normal. So 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:15.480 I haven't met his mother, I haven't met his sister. 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:18.120 He only has one sibling. I've never met any of them. 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:21.720 He doesn't post me on social media. It was hard 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:24.960 to get a date out of this man. And literally, 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:27.720 as I'm sitting here telling you this story, like I know, 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:32.360 I know, literally, yeah, it's time for me to walk away. 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:33.840 Fast forward five. 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:38.040 Years later, I've been sucking and sacking this man. 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.080 You know, I've been doing all that to. 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:43.640 Him I've been cooking and cleaning, and I come to 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:46.800 his house and wash his fucking walls, and clean his 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:50.800 fucking shower and make them dinner, bake up cakes, like all. 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:53.560 Of the above. And I know I'm doing too much. 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:56.800 And as a twenty three year old, there's so much more. 0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:00.760 There's so much more to be experienced in life. And 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:02.600 why I said, you know, it hasn't been a full 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:05.920 blown relationship because, like I said, nobody knows we're in 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.800 this relationship, literally except for us, you know, And that 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:12.520 seems weird in the year of twenty twenty two. I 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:16.880 just don't think it's okay to I understand being private, 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:18.400 but this is a secret. 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:20.640 I'm a secret. This is in privacy anymore. 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:23.039 Anytime I brought up the fact that i'd like to 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:27.000 meet as parents, we never spent holidays together. Anytime I 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:30.120 bring things like that up, he tells me, I'm being childish. 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:33.800 That's little shit, and I need to get over that. 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:36.520 Why is it important to me his family when his 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:39.360 mama don't really care to meet nobody else, She don't 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.680 want to meet no more women, things of that nature. 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:44.640 But you're telling me that we're gonna be together forever. 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:47.680 You're even doing the things to you know, we're doing 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:49.719 the things to make a baby here, you know. So 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:54.599 I know it's time to stop fooling around and to 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:58.800 just grow up. And although he's gonna tell me whatever 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:01.760 I need to hear to stay, I'm really. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:02.359 Ready to walk away. 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:05.919 We had an actual talk yesterday and he told me 0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:09.719 finally that he wouldn't be able to marry me, not 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:12.200 right now at least, and I really feel like I 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:14.839 need to take that as face value and get the 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:19.240 fuck away, Jess, help my mess. As side know, he 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.520 is a wealthy man and at this point he's a 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:26.680 shiny ass penny. Yes I said it, regardless of what 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.680 he has or how good he looks, or why they 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:33.440 bloa say, the way he has treated me has been 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:37.120 I feel like mental mind games and that sick me. 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.279 And I feel like he's better than that and I'm 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.800 better than that, and I should do us both a 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:44.800 favorite and walk away. But Jess, I need you to 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:47.600 straighten me up. I need you to tell me this. 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:51.440 So when I think about answering those calls again, when 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:53.600 I feel like talking to him, yeah. 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:55.960 No, no, no, no, we're not doing that. I want to 0:05:56.000 --> 0:05:57.600 be done. I need better. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:05:59.160 I want to be a wife. I want to find 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:02.359 my husband, and I really do bad all by myself 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:04.800 if I'm not gonna be a wife. So I just 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:07.680 need some encouraging words. Please, yes, thank you. 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:10.920 So girl, I'm gonna beat you down, then I'm gonna 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:12.640 build you up and encourage you and send you on 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:14.040 your way because you asked for. 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:14.760 This, all right. 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:17.440 First of all, you already know because you kept saying 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:20.000 it while you were telling me. You know, you know 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.279 what type of man this is, you know, And he 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:24.520 caught you very, very young. He caught you when you 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:27.520 were eighteen. He was thirty eight. What the fuck are 0:06:27.560 --> 0:06:29.040 you doing? What a baby? 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:30.000 Now? 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:33.480 Listen, I've done this as well. When I was sixteen, 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:37.039 I was in a relationship with. 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:39.760 A thirty I think he was thirty eight too. I 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.240 met this man when I was fourteen. He was thirty four. 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:44.160 Yeah, he was twenty years older than me, twenty years 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:47.440 older than me when I was sixteen. So I absolutely 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:51.520 know exactly how you feel. I know your pain. That 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:53.840 shit makes you feel special. You know what I'm saying, 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:56.880 especially in your little young mind. I'm speaking to eighteen 0:06:56.920 --> 0:06:59.440 year old you and your young mind. Oh you doing 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:01.120 a damn thing, cause you got a nigga that drive, 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.080 and he older, and he is and he that, and 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:05.880 he is and he that, and you know what that 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:09.400 has done is kind of took you out of the 0:07:09.480 --> 0:07:11.760 dating pool to date your age, or to date a 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:15.280 little older than you, and to even experience what peer 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:16.840 love could be like. 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:19.920 You didn't even get to experience what you don't like. 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:22.680 You know what I'm saying, or what turns you off 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:24.679 about an older guy because you ain't never been dating 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:26.240 no younger guys, you know what I'm saying. Now, you 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:28.720 said you have a baby, and apparently that's not his baby, obviously, 0:07:28.760 --> 0:07:31.720 and I'm very glad that it's not. So apparently you've 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:34.400 been doing some other fucking and sucking outside of this man, 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:37.360 And I listen, more power to you, because you do 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:40.280 not need to be with him. You didn't have no 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:42.080 business being with him. He was eighteen. He didn't have 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:44.560 no business fucking praying on you when you were eighteen 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:45.080 years old. 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:46.760 Now listen, this is something that he does. 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:49.120 And I'm gonna say this because this is something that 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:51.240 the guy that I was dating when I was sixteen 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:52.160 did as well. 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.000 You think you're the only one, and you're not. He 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:55.080 has a bunch. 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:57.160 Of y'all little young girls, and I think he also 0:07:57.200 --> 0:08:00.000 may be married as well. He's probably bored in his marriage. 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:03.360 He probably is never gonna leave his wife or whoever 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:04.960 the fuck he got at home, which is why you 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:06.280 never see him on holidays. 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.000 But you are his fun now. 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:10.520 He's been doing this for a long time, so he 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:12.640 knows how to keep up these relationships and make each 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:15.440 one of y'all feel like y'all are the priority. 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:15.920 You said. 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:18.480 He talks to you every day, y'all flirt every day 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:20.400 you're able to see him. You just don't get to 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:23.320 spend the times of the year that means the most 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:26.560 to people usually, and that those are holidays, birthdays and 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:30.600 stuff like that. He's keeping you exactly where he wants 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:33.480 you to be. He's gonna tell you anything you want 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:35.680 to hear to get you to never leave, because that's 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:37.839 exactly what he was doing when he met you. That's 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:39.720 why he prays on y'all so young. That's why he 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.960 dates y'all so young. Now, mind you, I'm saying y'all 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:45.600 because you're not the only one. That should be evident 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.280 enough this is me straightening you up. That should be 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:51.280 evident enough for you to be like, oh, yeah, I'm done. 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:54.480 Yeah you're not his only little young baby. And while 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:57.120 he's not old enough to be a sugar daddy, oh 0:08:57.160 --> 0:08:59.200 he on his way. Now I can say you're a 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:01.959 sugar baby, not be a sugar daddy. But baby, you 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:05.400 are a sugar baby. Believe that that's what it is. 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:07.760 I think you know what to do. And I know 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:09.960 you said, oh, I want to be a wife. I 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.480 want to be married. Yes, I want, I want, I want, 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:16.720 But not at the expense of your hearts, not at 0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:20.600 the expense of who you are, your mind, your dignity. Girl, 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:23.520 do not rob yourself. You're dodging a bullet leaving that 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:26.280 shit alone. You're doing him a favor, and you a favor, 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:29.600 and his wife a favor, or his girlfriend a favor. 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:32.000 You're doing a favor for all three of y'all at 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:35.040 this point. But the fact that you've been cooking and 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:37.880 cleaning and like, this motherfucker is training you to be 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:40.360 a wife that you'll never be. So actually he trained 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.240 you for somebody else, you know, because you're gonna make 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:47.120 someone a very lucky husband one day. It just cannot 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:49.560 be that, nigga. It cannot and it won't be. If 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:51.640 it's anything I can do with my power, I will 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:52.760 not let you do that shit. 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:53.280 Girl. 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:56.160 Hell no, you're twenty three. You're supposed to be worrying 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:59.560 about what fucking career choice you want to pick. Your 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.600 supposed to be worried about, you know, like, come on 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:04.640 now and then you in your early twenties. 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:06.240 We are in different times. 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:08.920 Now you're supposed to be thinking about starting the fucking business, 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:10.360 going back to school if that's what you. 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:10.640 Want to do. 0:10:11.160 --> 0:10:13.160 You're supposed to be worrying about other shit, how you 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.640 can get ahead in life, how you can be setting 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:19.680 yourself up so you can be well off in your thirties. Okay, 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:21.800 you're supposed to be going to parties and shit. You're 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:25.400 supposed to be dating around, not waiting for an old 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:28.200 ass man to leave another woman, because that's exactly what 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.400 you will be waiting for, And you don't even know 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:33.120 that's what you will be signing up for. Don't nobody 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:36.079 know about you. It ain't nobody going on about you. 0:10:36.559 --> 0:10:38.840 Imagine him bringing your little young ass to his mother. 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:42.640 Imagine that he wouldn't do that if he wasn't with 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:46.000 another woman. You're too young. I would feel hard as 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:48.120 a forty one year old man bringing my twenty three 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:51.640 year old girlfriend to meet my mother. What it's nothing 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.199 that he can even learn from you. A relationship is 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:58.080 given to take everything. It's benefit for both everything. I 0:10:58.120 --> 0:10:59.760 want a man I can learn from, but I also 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:02.679 want my man to learn from me. It ain't nothing 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:04.160 that he can learn from your little ass. 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:04.920 Nothing. 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:07.439 I'm not saying that you're dense, or you're stupid or 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:11.440 not intelligent or anything. No, uneducated. That's not to say 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:15.360 that he has been twenty three before. And I understand 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:17.320 you're very mature dealing with his old ass, but you 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:20.000 still can't teach him shit. That's why he wants to 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:23.160 control the situation because you know he manipulates you. You 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:25.760 can't teach him anything. You're not even in control of 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:27.800 the situation. But you're gonna take control. You're gonna leave 0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:32.160 that ass. That's how you get revenge, that's how you control. 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:35.200 You leave it and let him deal with any other 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:37.480 little young girl he gonna deal with. Let him sell 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:42.360 them dreams to somebody else. Okay, seriously raise your baby 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:45.880 and date date. I don't feel bad telling young girls 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:47.880 date around, date a round? How the fuck you know 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.080 what you want if you never had nothing to compare 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:52.480 it to? How the fuck you know you comparing everybody? 0:11:52.520 --> 0:11:54.679 This old ass man girl? What somebody gonna. 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:55.720 Meet you and rock your world? 0:11:56.280 --> 0:12:00.480 Sweep you off your fucking feet, Beautiful, don't let it go? 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:05.000 All right? I love you, like literally like I love 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:06.120 you up. 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:08.080 Hold up, I know this shit getting good, but listen 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:10.000 to just a couple seconds of a commercial. 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:11.160 If you love me, you'll listen. 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.600 Moving on, this is an update, and then she has 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.920 another problem that she would like for me to fix. 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:21.320 Listen, Hey, Jess, I was just listening to you on 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:24.360 the No for Sure podcast, and it reminded me that 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:27.960 I forgot to actually fucking update you. But I listened 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:30.120 to your advice, and you know what, I literally put 0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:33.640 my pride aside for no reason. I had always, you know, 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:35.760 wanted to hit them up, but I was just scared 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:36.320 or whatever. 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:37.920 And once I heard. 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:40.440 You say, you know, either pray for new friends to 0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:42.400 come into your life or hit them up because you 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:44.800 missed them or whatever, I literally was crying and listening 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.400 to it because, like I genuinely really missed them, like, 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:50.480 it's like a part of me is grieving because I 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:52.920 missed them so much. So I did what you said, 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:55.480 and I texted both of them, and one of them 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.960 was like, she was like awkwardly texting me as if 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:00.600 like why are you texting me? 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:01.840 Or like what did you hear? 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.120 So I just stopped texting her, and the other one 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:06.360 left me on red. So I just want to thank 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:08.080 you for taking the time out to listen to my 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:09.760 story and. 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:10.600 Help me with that. 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:12.440 And I'm gonna pray for some new friends because some 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:13.440 homes is not shit. 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:14.520 Thank you. I love you. 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:18.319 Bydy exactly, Baby, I love you too, and listen, that's 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.679 no love loss there. If you want to continue to 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:22.520 pray for those ladies, you can. If you just want 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:24.880 to leave it there, leave it there. Don't reach out again. 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:28.520 You missed them so much and you love them still 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:31.080 with everything in you because you guys grew up together. 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:31.720 Those were your. 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:35.400 First real fucking friends. But people grow up and certain 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:38.559 people evolve and some people don't. When you grow, everybody 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:41.880 won't grow with you. Unfortunately, everybody grows at their own pace. 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:45.600 Those girls are still stuck in the motherfucking hood, fighting 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.640 and shit. They want some zoos network shit. Naw, you 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:51.480 on some HBO shit. Baby, Go ahead, keep on going, 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:56.280 keep on fucking going. Okay, no love loss, and don't 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:59.240 even regret hitting them, because maybe that's the closure that 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:02.480 you fucking need a lot of people don't realize. Closure 0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:05.720 doesn't have to always be positive. Closure does not have 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:09.400 to always bring you back together, because if it's closure, 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:14.120 then it's not closed. You're reopening, you're rehashing. No closure 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.600 is exactly what the fuck you got? All right, left 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.080 me all read? All right, I reached out. I love you, guys. 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:20.520 I'm gonna love y'all from a distance. 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:21.120 That's it. 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.960 If you still choose to but you said it, I didn't. 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:27.760 Them holes ain't shit and it wasn't shit before, but 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.400 you loved them. Y'all had a relationship. You know, y'all 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:33.200 had friendship, and it's nothing wrong with that. 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:33.560 That's it. 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:35.960 They just gave you the closure that you needed. Now 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:38.800 you have another story. I'm gonna play hejus. 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:41.240 So I'm back, and I just want to get your 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:45.080 advice on the situation to see if it's really the 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:48.040 deal I'm making it or if I'm overreacting. 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:51.640 So to give you a little background history. 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:54.440 I met my man about four years ago and we've 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:58.720 been in a relationship for three years together. We have 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:02.040 one kid, but but he came with one and then 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.560 I had one, so we have three kids all together. 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:08.760 The relationship is really well, it's a typical relationship. We 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:12.000 argue some days, but we're always good most of the time, 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:15.440 so that's really good. He's a good man. He's good 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:19.360 to me. He really does a lot for me, for 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:23.160 my son. We all love him, but I kind of 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:26.760 feel like, in a way, he belittles me, and it's 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:30.000 honestly starting to fuck with me. He's a few years 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.280 older than me, like about five years older than me, 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:36.600 so he has some more experience in life, and I 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:39.400 never take away from him. He did like three years 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:42.160 in jail, so he has a lot of knowledge. 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:42.600 Now. 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:46.000 The problem is when it comes to me expressing anything 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.640 to him, I feel like he makes it seem as 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:50.760 if I'm dumb. 0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:54.000 He belittles any knowledge. 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:56.400 That I talk to him about, and it's kind of 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:58.560 starting to put me in a place where I feel like, 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:00.520 you know, I don't want to be with this man 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:04.440 because he doesn't look at me as smart. Like sometimes 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:07.240 when I explain things to him, it's, you know, easy, 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:10.040 but other times it's like he's trying to belittle what 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.080 I'm saying or my point of view. 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.960 So for instance, I was talking. 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:16.760 To him because he's in jail now, and no, I 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:19.520 didn't meet him in jail. He just went to jail 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:21.280 this year, so don't do it. 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:24.800 But so for instance, he's in jail, so of course 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:25.400 he doesn't have. 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.400 Any access to any internet or anything. And he said 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.680 that the TV is always on sports. So I was 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:33.720 telling him about the ten year old boy who killed 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.800 his mom in Missouri, and I was telling him, you know, 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:40.040 what the news reporter said. I constantly stated what the 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:43.080 news said, or what the article said, or what this 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:43.920 this nest said. 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:46.080 And then it's like I was like. 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:48.240 You know, a little bit emotional because I'm a mom 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.360 myself and I have two kids, and I feel like 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:53.840 it was just like heartbreaking as a mother. 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:57.160 So I was talking to him about it. I was 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:58.080 really vulnerable. 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:01.080 It was really bothered me, something that still bothers me 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:02.280 because it's really new. 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:05.520 But it's kind of like he brushed off how I. 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:07.640 Was feeling, and he was just saying, you know, will 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:12.000 I don't know what happened, but I don't believe everything 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:13.520 that be on the news. 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:14.840 I feel like people. 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:18.440 Believe anything somebody tell them, and I feel like it's 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:21.560 always like that. Even when he explains things to me, 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:24.560 he starts talk by saying, will I know you don't know? 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:27.840 Or I know you don't think like this, or you know. 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:29.880 He basically just always tries. 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:32.359 To make it seem like I'm this dumb ass bitch, 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.080 and it's honestly starting to bother me. Like I told you, 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.479 We've been together three years, so this is three years 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:40.680 of this shit been built up. We have talked about 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:42.760 it multiple times, and I have told him that I 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:45.119 would prefer him not to say those type of words 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:49.240 before we're discussing anything. Don't tell me, well, you know 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.000 I don't think like this, or you know, because you 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:54.479 don't know what the fuck I know, you don't know 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:57.720 how the fuck I think. And it's really starting to 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:00.240 bother me to the point where I'm starting to for 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:02.240 a lot of love with him because I feel like 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:07.439 he doesn't look at me as a black educated woman 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:08.879 that I carry myself to be. 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:12.280 And usually people break up with people. 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:15.600 For cheating or being abusive and it's literally none of that. 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:19.240 And that's why I've asked one other person besides you, 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:22.640 and they said that, you know, it's just how he 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:24.760