Speaker 1: Welcome to Canfully Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and the
Speaker 1: Black Effects, And.
Speaker 2: Just like that, we're back on the air.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Yeat another cafully Reckless episode with your
Speaker 1: girl Jess Ilarious. I'm gonna jump straight in, just fix
Speaker 1: my mess again. We got some voice notes this time, y'all.
Speaker 1: Thank you, because I'm getting tired of reading y'all long
Speaker 1: gas Synopsiss. All right, y'all, don't be spelling right or nothing.
Speaker 1: I keep telling y'all to proof read or sending your
Speaker 1: voice but I love y'all either.
Speaker 2: Way, so I guess I'm just have to keep reading.
Speaker 2: Here we go.
Speaker 3: Hey, Jess, I've been listening to your podcast since the
Speaker 3: very beginning, and I've always wanted to send in something,
Speaker 3: but I just never had the courage.
Speaker 4: So today I'm doing it. So I'm twenty three years.
Speaker 3: Old and I've been dealing with the guy for five
Speaker 3: years now, actually yesterday made it fin years.
Speaker 4: We've been on and off.
Speaker 3: We somewhat have a relationship, and I will break that
Speaker 3: down to you, but I believe me, being young and dumb,
Speaker 3: I've accepted this and allowed it to go on way
Speaker 3: longer than it has and I really think I know
Speaker 3: what's best, but due to also doubted myself, I'm not sure.
Speaker 2: So I really like advice on this.
Speaker 3: So the guy I've been dating for the last five
Speaker 3: years talking to, I will say when I met him, initially,
Speaker 3: I was twenty years old and by the time he
Speaker 3: was thirty eight years old. So fast forward, I'm twenty
Speaker 3: three today and he's forty one. I know, huge huge
Speaker 3: age gap.
Speaker 4: Between the two of us. We've worked hast had.
Speaker 3: That's really never been a problem for me, the age thing,
Speaker 3: and it's never been a problem for him.
Speaker 4: But relationship wise, since day one, since.
Speaker 3: I've known this man, he got my number, we went
Speaker 3: out and the until I went to his house, and
Speaker 3: it's been like this ever since.
Speaker 4: He'd call me every day. We call each other every day.
Speaker 3: Then it went from him calling me baby pretty face.
Speaker 4: To telling me this is forever.
Speaker 3: So now I'm believing in my head this is a relationship.
Speaker 3: This man wants me forever, and you know, I should
Speaker 3: be acting as if I want to be wanted forever.
Speaker 3: You know, I should do my wifely duties. Now, that's
Speaker 3: what I'm thinking. So for the past five years, that's
Speaker 3: what I've been doing. Although we don't live together, I'm
Speaker 3: at his house a lot. He will come and get
Speaker 3: me and I'll be there for maybe sometimes up to
Speaker 3: a month. I'll be you know, with him, or you know,
Speaker 3: whatever may be the case. I am a mother, so
Speaker 3: you know, I have my own schedule. Of course, I'm
Speaker 3: doing my thing on the side as a mother. I've
Speaker 3: never you know, selected on my mother skills to be
Speaker 3: with him. But this relationship has taken a lot from
Speaker 3: me in my twenties. You know, I've been only about him,
Speaker 3: and it's been feeling weird. These are red flags that
Speaker 3: I know I should have paid attention to a long
Speaker 3: time ago, but he has filled my head up with
Speaker 3: so many excuses that I thought it was normal. So
Speaker 3: I haven't met his mother, I haven't met his sister.
Speaker 3: He only has one sibling. I've never met any of them.
Speaker 3: He doesn't post me on social media. It was hard
Speaker 3: to get a date out of this man. And literally,
Speaker 3: as I'm sitting here telling you this story, like I know,
Speaker 3: I know, literally, yeah, it's time for me to walk away.
Speaker 4: Fast forward five.
Speaker 3: Years later, I've been sucking and sacking this man.
Speaker 4: You know, I've been doing all that to.
Speaker 3: Him I've been cooking and cleaning, and I come to
Speaker 3: his house and wash his fucking walls, and clean his
Speaker 3: fucking shower and make them dinner, bake up cakes, like all.
Speaker 4: Of the above. And I know I'm doing too much.
Speaker 3: And as a twenty three year old, there's so much more.
Speaker 3: There's so much more to be experienced in life. And
Speaker 3: why I said, you know, it hasn't been a full
Speaker 3: blown relationship because, like I said, nobody knows we're in
Speaker 3: this relationship, literally except for us, you know, And that
Speaker 3: seems weird in the year of twenty twenty two. I
Speaker 3: just don't think it's okay to I understand being private,
Speaker 3: but this is a secret.
Speaker 4: I'm a secret. This is in privacy anymore.
Speaker 3: Anytime I brought up the fact that i'd like to
Speaker 3: meet as parents, we never spent holidays together. Anytime I
Speaker 3: bring things like that up, he tells me, I'm being childish.
Speaker 4: That's little shit, and I need to get over that.
Speaker 3: Why is it important to me his family when his
Speaker 3: mama don't really care to meet nobody else, She don't
Speaker 3: want to meet no more women, things of that nature.
Speaker 3: But you're telling me that we're gonna be together forever.
Speaker 3: You're even doing the things to you know, we're doing
Speaker 3: the things to make a baby here, you know. So
Speaker 3: I know it's time to stop fooling around and to
Speaker 3: just grow up. And although he's gonna tell me whatever
Speaker 3: I need to hear to stay, I'm really.
Speaker 4: Ready to walk away.
Speaker 3: We had an actual talk yesterday and he told me
Speaker 3: finally that he wouldn't be able to marry me, not
Speaker 3: right now at least, and I really feel like I
Speaker 3: need to take that as face value and get the
Speaker 3: fuck away, Jess, help my mess. As side know, he
Speaker 3: is a wealthy man and at this point he's a
Speaker 3: shiny ass penny. Yes I said it, regardless of what
Speaker 3: he has or how good he looks, or why they
Speaker 3: bloa say, the way he has treated me has been
Speaker 3: I feel like mental mind games and that sick me.
Speaker 3: And I feel like he's better than that and I'm
Speaker 3: better than that, and I should do us both a
Speaker 3: favorite and walk away. But Jess, I need you to
Speaker 3: straighten me up. I need you to tell me this.
Speaker 3: So when I think about answering those calls again, when
Speaker 3: I feel like talking to him, yeah.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, we're not doing that. I want to
Speaker 4: be done. I need better.
Speaker 3: I want to be a wife. I want to find
Speaker 3: my husband, and I really do bad all by myself
Speaker 3: if I'm not gonna be a wife. So I just
Speaker 3: need some encouraging words. Please, yes, thank you.
Speaker 1: So girl, I'm gonna beat you down, then I'm gonna
Speaker 1: build you up and encourage you and send you on
Speaker 1: your way because you asked for.
Speaker 2: This, all right.
Speaker 1: First of all, you already know because you kept saying
Speaker 1: it while you were telling me. You know, you know
Speaker 1: what type of man this is, you know, And he
Speaker 1: caught you very, very young. He caught you when you
Speaker 1: were eighteen. He was thirty eight. What the fuck are
Speaker 1: you doing? What a baby?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 1: Listen, I've done this as well. When I was sixteen,
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship with.
Speaker 2: A thirty I think he was thirty eight too. I
Speaker 2: met this man when I was fourteen. He was thirty four.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was twenty years older than me, twenty years
Speaker 1: older than me when I was sixteen. So I absolutely
Speaker 1: know exactly how you feel. I know your pain. That
Speaker 1: shit makes you feel special. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: especially in your little young mind. I'm speaking to eighteen
Speaker 1: year old you and your young mind. Oh you doing
Speaker 1: a damn thing, cause you got a nigga that drive,
Speaker 1: and he older, and he is and he that, and
Speaker 1: he is and he that, and you know what that
Speaker 1: has done is kind of took you out of the
Speaker 1: dating pool to date your age, or to date a
Speaker 1: little older than you, and to even experience what peer
Speaker 1: love could be like.
Speaker 2: You didn't even get to experience what you don't like.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, or what turns you off
Speaker 1: about an older guy because you ain't never been dating
Speaker 1: no younger guys, you know what I'm saying. Now, you
Speaker 1: said you have a baby, and apparently that's not his baby, obviously,
Speaker 1: and I'm very glad that it's not. So apparently you've
Speaker 1: been doing some other fucking and sucking outside of this man,
Speaker 1: And I listen, more power to you, because you do
Speaker 1: not need to be with him. You didn't have no
Speaker 1: business being with him. He was eighteen. He didn't have
Speaker 1: no business fucking praying on you when you were eighteen
Speaker 1: years old.
Speaker 2: Now listen, this is something that he does.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say this because this is something that
Speaker 1: the guy that I was dating when I was sixteen
Speaker 1: did as well.
Speaker 2: You think you're the only one, and you're not. He
Speaker 2: has a bunch.
Speaker 1: Of y'all little young girls, and I think he also
Speaker 1: may be married as well. He's probably bored in his marriage.
Speaker 1: He probably is never gonna leave his wife or whoever
Speaker 1: the fuck he got at home, which is why you
Speaker 1: never see him on holidays.
Speaker 2: But you are his fun now.
Speaker 1: He's been doing this for a long time, so he
Speaker 1: knows how to keep up these relationships and make each
Speaker 1: one of y'all feel like y'all are the priority.
Speaker 2: You said.
Speaker 1: He talks to you every day, y'all flirt every day
Speaker 1: you're able to see him. You just don't get to
Speaker 1: spend the times of the year that means the most
Speaker 1: to people usually, and that those are holidays, birthdays and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. He's keeping you exactly where he wants
Speaker 1: you to be. He's gonna tell you anything you want
Speaker 1: to hear to get you to never leave, because that's
Speaker 1: exactly what he was doing when he met you. That's
Speaker 1: why he prays on y'all so young. That's why he
Speaker 1: dates y'all so young. Now, mind you, I'm saying y'all
Speaker 1: because you're not the only one. That should be evident
Speaker 1: enough this is me straightening you up. That should be
Speaker 1: evident enough for you to be like, oh, yeah, I'm done.
Speaker 1: Yeah you're not his only little young baby. And while
Speaker 1: he's not old enough to be a sugar daddy, oh
Speaker 1: he on his way. Now I can say you're a
Speaker 1: sugar baby, not be a sugar daddy. But baby, you
Speaker 1: are a sugar baby. Believe that that's what it is.
Speaker 1: I think you know what to do. And I know
Speaker 1: you said, oh, I want to be a wife. I
Speaker 1: want to be married. Yes, I want, I want, I want,
Speaker 1: But not at the expense of your hearts, not at
Speaker 1: the expense of who you are, your mind, your dignity. Girl,
Speaker 1: do not rob yourself. You're dodging a bullet leaving that
Speaker 1: shit alone. You're doing him a favor, and you a favor,
Speaker 1: and his wife a favor, or his girlfriend a favor.
Speaker 1: You're doing a favor for all three of y'all at
Speaker 1: this point. But the fact that you've been cooking and
Speaker 1: cleaning and like, this motherfucker is training you to be
Speaker 1: a wife that you'll never be. So actually he trained
Speaker 1: you for somebody else, you know, because you're gonna make
Speaker 1: someone a very lucky husband one day. It just cannot
Speaker 1: be that, nigga. It cannot and it won't be. If
Speaker 1: it's anything I can do with my power, I will
Speaker 1: not let you do that shit.
Speaker 2: Girl.
Speaker 1: Hell no, you're twenty three. You're supposed to be worrying
Speaker 1: about what fucking career choice you want to pick. Your
Speaker 1: supposed to be worried about, you know, like, come on
Speaker 1: now and then you in your early twenties.
Speaker 2: We are in different times.
Speaker 1: Now you're supposed to be thinking about starting the fucking business,
Speaker 1: going back to school if that's what you.
Speaker 2: Want to do.
Speaker 1: You're supposed to be worrying about other shit, how you
Speaker 1: can get ahead in life, how you can be setting
Speaker 1: yourself up so you can be well off in your thirties. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be going to parties and shit. You're
Speaker 1: supposed to be dating around, not waiting for an old
Speaker 1: ass man to leave another woman, because that's exactly what
Speaker 1: you will be waiting for, And you don't even know
Speaker 1: that's what you will be signing up for. Don't nobody
Speaker 1: know about you. It ain't nobody going on about you.
Speaker 1: Imagine him bringing your little young ass to his mother.
Speaker 1: Imagine that he wouldn't do that if he wasn't with
Speaker 1: another woman. You're too young. I would feel hard as
Speaker 1: a forty one year old man bringing my twenty three
Speaker 1: year old girlfriend to meet my mother. What it's nothing
Speaker 1: that he can even learn from you. A relationship is
Speaker 1: given to take everything. It's benefit for both everything. I
Speaker 1: want a man I can learn from, but I also
Speaker 1: want my man to learn from me. It ain't nothing
Speaker 1: that he can learn from your little ass.
Speaker 2: Nothing.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you're dense, or you're stupid or
Speaker 1: not intelligent or anything. No, uneducated. That's not to say
Speaker 1: that he has been twenty three before. And I understand
Speaker 1: you're very mature dealing with his old ass, but you
Speaker 1: still can't teach him shit. That's why he wants to
Speaker 1: control the situation because you know he manipulates you. You
Speaker 1: can't teach him anything. You're not even in control of
Speaker 1: the situation. But you're gonna take control. You're gonna leave
Speaker 1: that ass. That's how you get revenge, that's how you control.
Speaker 1: You leave it and let him deal with any other
Speaker 1: little young girl he gonna deal with. Let him sell
Speaker 1: them dreams to somebody else. Okay, seriously raise your baby
Speaker 1: and date date. I don't feel bad telling young girls
Speaker 1: date around, date a round? How the fuck you know
Speaker 1: what you want if you never had nothing to compare
Speaker 1: it to? How the fuck you know you comparing everybody?
Speaker 1: This old ass man girl? What somebody gonna.
Speaker 2: Meet you and rock your world?
Speaker 1: Sweep you off your fucking feet, Beautiful, don't let it go?
Speaker 2: All right? I love you, like literally like I love
Speaker 2: you up.
Speaker 1: Hold up, I know this shit getting good, but listen
Speaker 1: to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1: Moving on, this is an update, and then she has
Speaker 1: another problem that she would like for me to fix.
Speaker 3: Listen, Hey, Jess, I was just listening to you on
Speaker 3: the No for Sure podcast, and it reminded me that
Speaker 3: I forgot to actually fucking update you. But I listened
Speaker 3: to your advice, and you know what, I literally put
Speaker 3: my pride aside for no reason. I had always, you know,
Speaker 3: wanted to hit them up, but I was just scared
Speaker 3: or whatever.
Speaker 5: And once I heard.
Speaker 3: You say, you know, either pray for new friends to
Speaker 3: come into your life or hit them up because you
Speaker 3: missed them or whatever, I literally was crying and listening
Speaker 3: to it because, like I genuinely really missed them, like,
Speaker 3: it's like a part of me is grieving because I
Speaker 3: missed them so much. So I did what you said,
Speaker 3: and I texted both of them, and one of them
Speaker 3: was like, she was like awkwardly texting me as if
Speaker 3: like why are you texting me?
Speaker 5: Or like what did you hear?
Speaker 3: So I just stopped texting her, and the other one
Speaker 3: left me on red. So I just want to thank
Speaker 3: you for taking the time out to listen to my
Speaker 3: story and.
Speaker 5: Help me with that.
Speaker 3: And I'm gonna pray for some new friends because some
Speaker 3: homes is not shit.
Speaker 5: Thank you. I love you.
Speaker 1: Bydy exactly, Baby, I love you too, and listen, that's
Speaker 1: no love loss there. If you want to continue to
Speaker 1: pray for those ladies, you can. If you just want
Speaker 1: to leave it there, leave it there. Don't reach out again.
Speaker 1: You missed them so much and you love them still
Speaker 1: with everything in you because you guys grew up together.
Speaker 2: Those were your.
Speaker 1: First real fucking friends. But people grow up and certain
Speaker 1: people evolve and some people don't. When you grow, everybody
Speaker 1: won't grow with you. Unfortunately, everybody grows at their own pace.
Speaker 1: Those girls are still stuck in the motherfucking hood, fighting
Speaker 1: and shit. They want some zoos network shit. Naw, you
Speaker 1: on some HBO shit. Baby, Go ahead, keep on going,
Speaker 1: keep on fucking going. Okay, no love loss, and don't
Speaker 1: even regret hitting them, because maybe that's the closure that
Speaker 1: you fucking need a lot of people don't realize. Closure
Speaker 1: doesn't have to always be positive. Closure does not have
Speaker 1: to always bring you back together, because if it's closure,
Speaker 1: then it's not closed. You're reopening, you're rehashing. No closure
Speaker 1: is exactly what the fuck you got? All right, left
Speaker 1: me all read? All right, I reached out. I love you, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna love y'all from a distance.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: If you still choose to but you said it, I didn't.
Speaker 1: Them holes ain't shit and it wasn't shit before, but
Speaker 1: you loved them. Y'all had a relationship. You know, y'all
Speaker 1: had friendship, and it's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: They just gave you the closure that you needed. Now
Speaker 1: you have another story. I'm gonna play hejus.
Speaker 3: So I'm back, and I just want to get your
Speaker 3: advice on the situation to see if it's really the
Speaker 3: deal I'm making it or if I'm overreacting.
Speaker 5: So to give you a little background history.
Speaker 3: I met my man about four years ago and we've
Speaker 3: been in a relationship for three years together. We have
Speaker 3: one kid, but but he came with one and then
Speaker 3: I had one, so we have three kids all together.
Speaker 3: The relationship is really well, it's a typical relationship. We
Speaker 3: argue some days, but we're always good most of the time,
Speaker 3: so that's really good. He's a good man. He's good
Speaker 3: to me. He really does a lot for me, for
Speaker 3: my son. We all love him, but I kind of
Speaker 3: feel like, in a way, he belittles me, and it's
Speaker 3: honestly starting to fuck with me. He's a few years
Speaker 3: older than me, like about five years older than me,
Speaker 3: so he has some more experience in life, and I
Speaker 3: never take away from him. He did like three years
Speaker 3: in jail, so he has a lot of knowledge.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 3: The problem is when it comes to me expressing anything
Speaker 3: to him, I feel like he makes it seem as
Speaker 3: if I'm dumb.
Speaker 5: He belittles any knowledge.
Speaker 3: That I talk to him about, and it's kind of
Speaker 3: starting to put me in a place where I feel like,
Speaker 3: you know, I don't want to be with this man
Speaker 3: because he doesn't look at me as smart. Like sometimes
Speaker 3: when I explain things to him, it's, you know, easy,
Speaker 3: but other times it's like he's trying to belittle what
Speaker 3: I'm saying or my point of view.
Speaker 5: So for instance, I was talking.
Speaker 3: To him because he's in jail now, and no, I
Speaker 3: didn't meet him in jail. He just went to jail
Speaker 3: this year, so don't do it.
Speaker 5: But so for instance, he's in jail, so of course
Speaker 5: he doesn't have.
Speaker 3: Any access to any internet or anything. And he said
Speaker 3: that the TV is always on sports. So I was
Speaker 3: telling him about the ten year old boy who killed
Speaker 3: his mom in Missouri, and I was telling him, you know,
Speaker 3: what the news reporter said. I constantly stated what the
Speaker 3: news said, or what the article said, or what this
Speaker 3: this nest said.
Speaker 5: And then it's like I was like.
Speaker 3: You know, a little bit emotional because I'm a mom
Speaker 3: myself and I have two kids, and I feel like
Speaker 3: it was just like heartbreaking as a mother.
Speaker 5: So I was talking to him about it. I was
Speaker 5: really vulnerable.
Speaker 3: It was really bothered me, something that still bothers me
Speaker 3: because it's really new.
Speaker 5: But it's kind of like he brushed off how I.
Speaker 3: Was feeling, and he was just saying, you know, will
Speaker 3: I don't know what happened, but I don't believe everything
Speaker 3: that be on the news.
Speaker 5: I feel like people.
Speaker 3: Believe anything somebody tell them, and I feel like it's
Speaker 3: always like that. Even when he explains things to me,
Speaker 3: he starts talk by saying, will I know you don't know?
Speaker 5: Or I know you don't think like this, or you know.
Speaker 5: He basically just always tries.
Speaker 3: To make it seem like I'm this dumb ass bitch,
Speaker 3: and it's honestly starting to bother me. Like I told you,
Speaker 3: We've been together three years, so this is three years
Speaker 3: of this shit been built up. We have talked about
Speaker 3: it multiple times, and I have told him that I
Speaker 3: would prefer him not to say those type of words
Speaker 3: before we're discussing anything. Don't tell me, well, you know
Speaker 3: I don't think like this, or you know, because you
Speaker 3: don't know what the fuck I know, you don't know
Speaker 3: how the fuck I think. And it's really starting to
Speaker 3: bother me to the point where I'm starting to for
Speaker 3: a lot of love with him because I feel like
Speaker 3: he doesn't look at me as a black educated woman
Speaker 3: that I carry myself to be.
Speaker 5: And usually people break up with people.
Speaker 3: For cheating or being abusive and it's literally none of that.
Speaker 3: And that's why I've asked one other person besides you,
Speaker 3: and they said that, you know, it's just how he
Speaker 3: is because he was in prison. You know, a lot
Speaker 3: of people who went to prison before are really educated
Speaker 3: because they don't have anything to do but read and
Speaker 3: learn upon things, which is also true.
Speaker 5: He is a you know, educated black man.
Speaker 3: He's highly educated, and I give him that props, but
Speaker 3: I just feel like when it comes to me, it's
Speaker 3: nothing like he belittles me all the time.
Speaker 5: No matter what we're talking about. I always feel.
Speaker 3: Like he just puts me down when it comes to
Speaker 3: being educated, and it's starting to bother me. When I
Speaker 3: do tell him stuff like what's bothering me or what
Speaker 3: he's saying that he shouldn't say, he does apologize, and
Speaker 3: he honestly takes my feels is in consideration for the moment,
Speaker 3: and he might not say it for about a week.
Speaker 3: But then it's like when we're talking about something else
Speaker 3: that's going on in social media or for our future,
Speaker 3: he always mentions that, you know, I know you don't
Speaker 3: think like this, and it's just starting to like annoy
Speaker 3: the hell out of me, and I don't want to
Speaker 3: be with him. So I just want to come to
Speaker 3: you and see if I'm overreacting. Is it not a
Speaker 3: big deal? Because, like I said, I carry myself as
Speaker 3: an educated black woman.
Speaker 5: I am young.
Speaker 3: I'm only twenty one and he is twenty six, so
Speaker 3: we do have like a little bit of an age difference.
Speaker 3: And I know that could be not a big deal
Speaker 3: to most because I'm considered younger to him.
Speaker 5: And I haven't been through that much in life.
Speaker 3: But I still feel like I carry myself well and
Speaker 3: I would like other people to notice how educated I am,
Speaker 3: especially my man. If nobody else noticed, then I would
Speaker 3: at least want my man to know, you know, hey,
Speaker 3: I have a beautiful black woman who is also educated.
Speaker 3: Like I don't want him to just think that, you know,
Speaker 3: I'm just dumb bitch.
Speaker 5: And even if he doesn't think.
Speaker 3: It, because he always says that's not what I'm thinking,
Speaker 3: that's not what I mean, I just don't like the
Speaker 3: tone when we're talking. It's to the point where I
Speaker 3: have just stopped talking to him about shit that I
Speaker 3: know he would respond in that type of manner about.
Speaker 5: So, yeah, girl, I just want to know am I overreacting?
Speaker 5: Is it not a big deal. Am I doing too much?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: Like I said, we have been together for three years,
Speaker 3: but I'm just annoyed as hell.
Speaker 1: Now we got a commercial and if you click off
Speaker 1: of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 1: Okay, No, I don't think you're overreacting at all. I don't,
Speaker 1: and I think the rest of the listeners could agree
Speaker 1: with me as well. I don't think you're overreacting. I
Speaker 1: think this is something within himself. He's not happy in
Speaker 1: his life where he is. Anytime he has to just
Speaker 1: keep telling you you don't think like that, or I
Speaker 1: don't listen everything that happens. Obviously you don't listen, and
Speaker 1: obviously you don't know everything, or you would know how
Speaker 1: to keep that asside of jail. Damn, how about that?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 2: Now, Listen, while people do go.
Speaker 1: To jail, and that's where a lot of men and
Speaker 1: women both are taught a lot of things because right
Speaker 1: they don't really have a lot of things that they
Speaker 1: can do, a lot of activities that can get into
Speaker 1: you know, they're in jail.
Speaker 2: They're in prison, so they do read.
Speaker 1: A lot of people do ready, and they educate themselves
Speaker 1: and they even have classes in prisons, you know, not
Speaker 1: jails so much, but in prisons, you know, they got
Speaker 1: classes you can take it and all that type of stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm not putting anything past how educated he is or not.
Speaker 1: But I also feel like that he plays on the
Speaker 1: fact that you are young, five years younger than he is,
Speaker 1: and I feel like you're kind of letting that play
Speaker 1: on you as well, because I've even heard you say
Speaker 1: and I haven't really been through much in life.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no no.
Speaker 1: I think you're letting him make you think that way
Speaker 1: of yourself. You maybe have gone through different shit than
Speaker 1: he has gone through, for sure, because he is in
Speaker 1: and out of jail.
Speaker 2: Baby, you're not.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't go to say you haven't been through anything.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: Don't talk like that, don't you know? And it is
Speaker 1: not what he say is the way he says it.
Speaker 1: You know, I do understand that could be a point
Speaker 1: as well, because you're just like, look, don't tell me
Speaker 1: what the fuck I know.
Speaker 2: He can't tell you what you know. And yes, you
Speaker 2: do want to be supportive.
Speaker 1: You do want to feel like your man is confident
Speaker 1: in you, just as you're confident in yourself. I am
Speaker 1: a beautiful, black, educated woman, and yeah, I have a
Speaker 1: queen by my side.
Speaker 2: She's smart, she knows some shit. You know. We both
Speaker 2: don't know everything, but we know a little about a lot.
Speaker 1: And that's what I always say. I don't know everything,
Speaker 1: but I know a little about a lot, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So I don't want to ever tell
Speaker 1: someone to leave someone unless they're being physically harmed or
Speaker 1: mentally abused. But I do feel like he has to
Speaker 1: take a break from the relationship and get his own
Speaker 1: self together. Mentally, there's something he's battling and something that
Speaker 1: is weighing on his heart and over his head about
Speaker 1: his own life. I strongly feel that I don't know
Speaker 1: what that is. You've been with him for three years.
Speaker 1: You've been with him longer, so you would know. Then
Speaker 1: before y'all got together, I imagine that you guys were just friends.
Speaker 1: So I mean, I can't assume I don't know, But
Speaker 1: you know him more than I know him.
Speaker 2: You know him more than the listeners know him.
Speaker 1: You would know if there was something that he was
Speaker 1: suffering with, or that was something that he was just
Speaker 1: mentally battling. And unfortunately we as girlfriends can always help
Speaker 1: our men out with that. They have to get professional help.
Speaker 1: They have to actually go and seek help on their own,
Speaker 1: because they're just running away from their problems. They're masking
Speaker 1: their problems and then internally shunning them, like internally shutting down,
Speaker 1: and then projecting what they're going through on others. And
Speaker 1: that's not good either, because now you're blaming everyone else
Speaker 1: for your issues.
Speaker 2: I feel that's what he does.
Speaker 1: And I can bet you it's very very difficult for him,
Speaker 1: or very rare that he accepts accountability for shit that
Speaker 1: he does, or you know, just anything that he does.
Speaker 1: Why he's in jail while you guys argue why he
Speaker 1: treats you the way that he does things like that.
Speaker 1: I think you should take a break from a relationship,
Speaker 1: have him get hisself together. He in jail now, shit,
Speaker 1: he got nothing but time and books to read. Get
Speaker 1: yourself together? Why he on the inside and he need
Speaker 1: to get hisself together? Why he's away from you, and
Speaker 1: then revisit it. But I don't think that it's really healthy,
Speaker 1: especially if you've been in this for three years and
Speaker 1: it's just now.
Speaker 2: Starting to fuck with you. Oh baby, listen, you're young.
Speaker 1: You should be doing so many other things right now
Speaker 1: instead of trying to pick a man's fucking brain apart
Speaker 1: to see why he doesn't think you're smart. Excuse me,
Speaker 1: You're twenty one, all right. Get yourself together and hopefully
Speaker 1: he gets hisself together. Check back in with me, girl
Speaker 1: now listen. That is the end of this episode, y'all.
Speaker 1: I love y'all so much. I really love what I do.
Speaker 1: I love what carefully Reckless has formed into. I love
Speaker 1: that it's a very therapeutic space. It's a very safe
Speaker 1: space for my listeners. It's a safe space for my
Speaker 1: girls and my guys who are sending me their situations
Speaker 1: that they need help on, that they need me.
Speaker 2: To fix, you know, or try to fix.
Speaker 1: And I'm just happy that I can be of any
Speaker 1: assistance to any of you that I have helped, and
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for those who I haven't. But make sure
Speaker 1: you tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday. Tune
Speaker 1: into Reckless Discussions this evening as well at seven pm
Speaker 1: only on YouTube and in my deepest Pam voice Peace Can't.
Speaker 1: Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.