1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,440 Speaker 1: Welcome to Canfully Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and the 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: Black Effects, And. 3 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,000 Speaker 2: Just like that, we're back on the air. 4 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Yeat another cafully Reckless episode with your 5 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,040 Speaker 1: girl Jess Ilarious. I'm gonna jump straight in, just fix 6 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 1: my mess again. We got some voice notes this time, y'all. 7 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: Thank you, because I'm getting tired of reading y'all long 8 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: gas Synopsiss. All right, y'all, don't be spelling right or nothing. 9 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,559 Speaker 1: I keep telling y'all to proof read or sending your 10 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: voice but I love y'all either. 11 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 2: Way, so I guess I'm just have to keep reading. 12 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:40,480 Speaker 2: Here we go. 13 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 3: Hey, Jess, I've been listening to your podcast since the 14 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 3: very beginning, and I've always wanted to send in something, 15 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:49,880 Speaker 3: but I just never had the courage. 16 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 4: So today I'm doing it. So I'm twenty three years. 17 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 3: Old and I've been dealing with the guy for five 18 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 3: years now, actually yesterday made it fin years. 19 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 4: We've been on and off. 20 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,160 Speaker 3: We somewhat have a relationship, and I will break that 21 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 3: down to you, but I believe me, being young and dumb, 22 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 3: I've accepted this and allowed it to go on way 23 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 3: longer than it has and I really think I know 24 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:20,639 Speaker 3: what's best, but due to also doubted myself, I'm not sure. 25 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,479 Speaker 2: So I really like advice on this. 26 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 3: So the guy I've been dating for the last five 27 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,479 Speaker 3: years talking to, I will say when I met him, initially, 28 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 3: I was twenty years old and by the time he 29 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,759 Speaker 3: was thirty eight years old. So fast forward, I'm twenty 30 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 3: three today and he's forty one. I know, huge huge 31 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,960 Speaker 3: age gap. 32 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 4: Between the two of us. We've worked hast had. 33 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,199 Speaker 3: That's really never been a problem for me, the age thing, 34 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 3: and it's never been a problem for him. 35 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 4: But relationship wise, since day one, since. 36 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 3: I've known this man, he got my number, we went 37 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 3: out and the until I went to his house, and 38 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 3: it's been like this ever since. 39 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 4: He'd call me every day. We call each other every day. 40 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 3: Then it went from him calling me baby pretty face. 41 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 4: To telling me this is forever. 42 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 3: So now I'm believing in my head this is a relationship. 43 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 3: This man wants me forever, and you know, I should 44 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 3: be acting as if I want to be wanted forever. 45 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 3: You know, I should do my wifely duties. Now, that's 46 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,799 Speaker 3: what I'm thinking. So for the past five years, that's 47 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:29,119 Speaker 3: what I've been doing. Although we don't live together, I'm 48 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 3: at his house a lot. He will come and get 49 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 3: me and I'll be there for maybe sometimes up to 50 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 3: a month. I'll be you know, with him, or you know, 51 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 3: whatever may be the case. I am a mother, so 52 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 3: you know, I have my own schedule. Of course, I'm 53 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 3: doing my thing on the side as a mother. I've 54 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,800 Speaker 3: never you know, selected on my mother skills to be 55 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 3: with him. But this relationship has taken a lot from 56 00:02:55,680 --> 00:03:00,239 Speaker 3: me in my twenties. You know, I've been only about him, 57 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 3: and it's been feeling weird. These are red flags that 58 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 3: I know I should have paid attention to a long 59 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 3: time ago, but he has filled my head up with 60 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:12,359 Speaker 3: so many excuses that I thought it was normal. So 61 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 3: I haven't met his mother, I haven't met his sister. 62 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 3: He only has one sibling. I've never met any of them. 63 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 3: He doesn't post me on social media. It was hard 64 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 3: to get a date out of this man. And literally, 65 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 3: as I'm sitting here telling you this story, like I know, 66 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,360 Speaker 3: I know, literally, yeah, it's time for me to walk away. 67 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 4: Fast forward five. 68 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 3: Years later, I've been sucking and sacking this man. 69 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 4: You know, I've been doing all that to. 70 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 3: Him I've been cooking and cleaning, and I come to 71 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 3: his house and wash his fucking walls, and clean his 72 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 3: fucking shower and make them dinner, bake up cakes, like all. 73 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 4: Of the above. And I know I'm doing too much. 74 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 3: And as a twenty three year old, there's so much more. 75 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 3: There's so much more to be experienced in life. And 76 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 3: why I said, you know, it hasn't been a full 77 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 3: blown relationship because, like I said, nobody knows we're in 78 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 3: this relationship, literally except for us, you know, And that 79 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 3: seems weird in the year of twenty twenty two. I 80 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 3: just don't think it's okay to I understand being private, 81 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 3: but this is a secret. 82 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 4: I'm a secret. This is in privacy anymore. 83 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,039 Speaker 3: Anytime I brought up the fact that i'd like to 84 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 3: meet as parents, we never spent holidays together. Anytime I 85 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,120 Speaker 3: bring things like that up, he tells me, I'm being childish. 86 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 4: That's little shit, and I need to get over that. 87 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 3: Why is it important to me his family when his 88 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 3: mama don't really care to meet nobody else, She don't 89 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 3: want to meet no more women, things of that nature. 90 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 3: But you're telling me that we're gonna be together forever. 91 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 3: You're even doing the things to you know, we're doing 92 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,719 Speaker 3: the things to make a baby here, you know. So 93 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 3: I know it's time to stop fooling around and to 94 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 3: just grow up. And although he's gonna tell me whatever 95 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 3: I need to hear to stay, I'm really. 96 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,359 Speaker 4: Ready to walk away. 97 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,919 Speaker 3: We had an actual talk yesterday and he told me 98 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 3: finally that he wouldn't be able to marry me, not 99 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 3: right now at least, and I really feel like I 100 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,839 Speaker 3: need to take that as face value and get the 101 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 3: fuck away, Jess, help my mess. As side know, he 102 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 3: is a wealthy man and at this point he's a 103 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 3: shiny ass penny. Yes I said it, regardless of what 104 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 3: he has or how good he looks, or why they 105 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 3: bloa say, the way he has treated me has been 106 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 3: I feel like mental mind games and that sick me. 107 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,279 Speaker 3: And I feel like he's better than that and I'm 108 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:42,800 Speaker 3: better than that, and I should do us both a 109 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 3: favorite and walk away. But Jess, I need you to 110 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:47,600 Speaker 3: straighten me up. I need you to tell me this. 111 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 3: So when I think about answering those calls again, when 112 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,600 Speaker 3: I feel like talking to him, yeah. 113 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, we're not doing that. I want to 114 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,600 Speaker 4: be done. I need better. 115 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 3: I want to be a wife. I want to find 116 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,359 Speaker 3: my husband, and I really do bad all by myself 117 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 3: if I'm not gonna be a wife. So I just 118 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 3: need some encouraging words. Please, yes, thank you. 119 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: So girl, I'm gonna beat you down, then I'm gonna 120 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: build you up and encourage you and send you on 121 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,040 Speaker 1: your way because you asked for. 122 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 2: This, all right. 123 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 1: First of all, you already know because you kept saying 124 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: it while you were telling me. You know, you know 125 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,279 Speaker 1: what type of man this is, you know, And he 126 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 1: caught you very, very young. He caught you when you 127 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: were eighteen. He was thirty eight. What the fuck are 128 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,040 Speaker 1: you doing? What a baby? 129 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 4: Now? 130 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,480 Speaker 1: Listen, I've done this as well. When I was sixteen, 131 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,039 Speaker 1: I was in a relationship with. 132 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 2: A thirty I think he was thirty eight too. I 133 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 2: met this man when I was fourteen. He was thirty four. 134 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, he was twenty years older than me, twenty years 135 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 1: older than me when I was sixteen. So I absolutely 136 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: know exactly how you feel. I know your pain. That 137 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,840 Speaker 1: shit makes you feel special. You know what I'm saying, 138 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: especially in your little young mind. I'm speaking to eighteen 139 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: year old you and your young mind. Oh you doing 140 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: a damn thing, cause you got a nigga that drive, 141 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,080 Speaker 1: and he older, and he is and he that, and 142 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 1: he is and he that, and you know what that 143 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: has done is kind of took you out of the 144 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 1: dating pool to date your age, or to date a 145 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 1: little older than you, and to even experience what peer 146 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 1: love could be like. 147 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 2: You didn't even get to experience what you don't like. 148 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, or what turns you off 149 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,679 Speaker 1: about an older guy because you ain't never been dating 150 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 1: no younger guys, you know what I'm saying. Now, you 151 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: said you have a baby, and apparently that's not his baby, obviously, 152 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 1: and I'm very glad that it's not. So apparently you've 153 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: been doing some other fucking and sucking outside of this man, 154 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: And I listen, more power to you, because you do 155 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: not need to be with him. You didn't have no 156 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: business being with him. He was eighteen. He didn't have 157 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 1: no business fucking praying on you when you were eighteen 158 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: years old. 159 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 2: Now listen, this is something that he does. 160 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say this because this is something that 161 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: the guy that I was dating when I was sixteen 162 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 1: did as well. 163 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 2: You think you're the only one, and you're not. He 164 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 2: has a bunch. 165 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: Of y'all little young girls, and I think he also 166 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 1: may be married as well. He's probably bored in his marriage. 167 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: He probably is never gonna leave his wife or whoever 168 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 1: the fuck he got at home, which is why you 169 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,280 Speaker 1: never see him on holidays. 170 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 2: But you are his fun now. 171 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: He's been doing this for a long time, so he 172 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 1: knows how to keep up these relationships and make each 173 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: one of y'all feel like y'all are the priority. 174 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 2: You said. 175 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 1: He talks to you every day, y'all flirt every day 176 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 1: you're able to see him. You just don't get to 177 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,320 Speaker 1: spend the times of the year that means the most 178 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: to people usually, and that those are holidays, birthdays and 179 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 1: stuff like that. He's keeping you exactly where he wants 180 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: you to be. He's gonna tell you anything you want 181 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 1: to hear to get you to never leave, because that's 182 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,839 Speaker 1: exactly what he was doing when he met you. That's 183 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,720 Speaker 1: why he prays on y'all so young. That's why he 184 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,960 Speaker 1: dates y'all so young. Now, mind you, I'm saying y'all 185 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: because you're not the only one. That should be evident 186 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 1: enough this is me straightening you up. That should be 187 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: evident enough for you to be like, oh, yeah, I'm done. 188 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 1: Yeah you're not his only little young baby. And while 189 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: he's not old enough to be a sugar daddy, oh 190 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 1: he on his way. Now I can say you're a 191 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,959 Speaker 1: sugar baby, not be a sugar daddy. But baby, you 192 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 1: are a sugar baby. Believe that that's what it is. 193 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: I think you know what to do. And I know 194 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 1: you said, oh, I want to be a wife. I 195 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: want to be married. Yes, I want, I want, I want, 196 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: But not at the expense of your hearts, not at 197 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: the expense of who you are, your mind, your dignity. Girl, 198 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: do not rob yourself. You're dodging a bullet leaving that 199 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 1: shit alone. You're doing him a favor, and you a favor, 200 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 1: and his wife a favor, or his girlfriend a favor. 201 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 1: You're doing a favor for all three of y'all at 202 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 1: this point. But the fact that you've been cooking and 203 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 1: cleaning and like, this motherfucker is training you to be 204 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: a wife that you'll never be. So actually he trained 205 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: you for somebody else, you know, because you're gonna make 206 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: someone a very lucky husband one day. It just cannot 207 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 1: be that, nigga. It cannot and it won't be. If 208 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 1: it's anything I can do with my power, I will 209 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: not let you do that shit. 210 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 2: Girl. 211 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 1: Hell no, you're twenty three. You're supposed to be worrying 212 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,560 Speaker 1: about what fucking career choice you want to pick. Your 213 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 1: supposed to be worried about, you know, like, come on 214 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 1: now and then you in your early twenties. 215 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 2: We are in different times. 216 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: Now you're supposed to be thinking about starting the fucking business, 217 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: going back to school if that's what you. 218 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 2: Want to do. 219 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,160 Speaker 1: You're supposed to be worrying about other shit, how you 220 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 1: can get ahead in life, how you can be setting 221 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:19,680 Speaker 1: yourself up so you can be well off in your thirties. Okay, 222 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,800 Speaker 1: you're supposed to be going to parties and shit. You're 223 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: supposed to be dating around, not waiting for an old 224 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,200 Speaker 1: ass man to leave another woman, because that's exactly what 225 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 1: you will be waiting for, And you don't even know 226 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: that's what you will be signing up for. Don't nobody 227 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,079 Speaker 1: know about you. It ain't nobody going on about you. 228 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 1: Imagine him bringing your little young ass to his mother. 229 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: Imagine that he wouldn't do that if he wasn't with 230 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,000 Speaker 1: another woman. You're too young. I would feel hard as 231 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 1: a forty one year old man bringing my twenty three 232 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: year old girlfriend to meet my mother. What it's nothing 233 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,199 Speaker 1: that he can even learn from you. A relationship is 234 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: given to take everything. It's benefit for both everything. I 235 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 1: want a man I can learn from, but I also 236 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,679 Speaker 1: want my man to learn from me. It ain't nothing 237 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 1: that he can learn from your little ass. 238 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 2: Nothing. 239 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,439 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you're dense, or you're stupid or 240 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,440 Speaker 1: not intelligent or anything. No, uneducated. That's not to say 241 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: that he has been twenty three before. And I understand 242 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 1: you're very mature dealing with his old ass, but you 243 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,000 Speaker 1: still can't teach him shit. That's why he wants to 244 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: control the situation because you know he manipulates you. You 245 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 1: can't teach him anything. You're not even in control of 246 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: the situation. But you're gonna take control. You're gonna leave 247 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 1: that ass. That's how you get revenge, that's how you control. 248 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: You leave it and let him deal with any other 249 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 1: little young girl he gonna deal with. Let him sell 250 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 1: them dreams to somebody else. Okay, seriously raise your baby 251 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: and date date. I don't feel bad telling young girls 252 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: date around, date a round? How the fuck you know 253 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,080 Speaker 1: what you want if you never had nothing to compare 254 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: it to? How the fuck you know you comparing everybody? 255 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,679 Speaker 1: This old ass man girl? What somebody gonna. 256 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,720 Speaker 2: Meet you and rock your world? 257 00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: Sweep you off your fucking feet, Beautiful, don't let it go? 258 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 2: All right? I love you, like literally like I love 259 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 2: you up. 260 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,080 Speaker 1: Hold up, I know this shit getting good, but listen 261 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: to just a couple seconds of a commercial. 262 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,160 Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen. 263 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 1: Moving on, this is an update, and then she has 264 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 1: another problem that she would like for me to fix. 265 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 3: Listen, Hey, Jess, I was just listening to you on 266 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,360 Speaker 3: the No for Sure podcast, and it reminded me that 267 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,960 Speaker 3: I forgot to actually fucking update you. But I listened 268 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 3: to your advice, and you know what, I literally put 269 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 3: my pride aside for no reason. I had always, you know, 270 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 3: wanted to hit them up, but I was just scared 271 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 3: or whatever. 272 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 5: And once I heard. 273 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 3: You say, you know, either pray for new friends to 274 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 3: come into your life or hit them up because you 275 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 3: missed them or whatever, I literally was crying and listening 276 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 3: to it because, like I genuinely really missed them, like, 277 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,480 Speaker 3: it's like a part of me is grieving because I 278 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,920 Speaker 3: missed them so much. So I did what you said, 279 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 3: and I texted both of them, and one of them 280 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 3: was like, she was like awkwardly texting me as if 281 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 3: like why are you texting me? 282 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:01,840 Speaker 5: Or like what did you hear? 283 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 3: So I just stopped texting her, and the other one 284 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 3: left me on red. So I just want to thank 285 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,080 Speaker 3: you for taking the time out to listen to my 286 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 3: story and. 287 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 5: Help me with that. 288 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 3: And I'm gonna pray for some new friends because some 289 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 3: homes is not shit. 290 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:14,520 Speaker 5: Thank you. I love you. 291 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:18,319 Speaker 1: Bydy exactly, Baby, I love you too, and listen, that's 292 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,679 Speaker 1: no love loss there. If you want to continue to 293 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: pray for those ladies, you can. If you just want 294 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: to leave it there, leave it there. Don't reach out again. 295 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: You missed them so much and you love them still 296 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,080 Speaker 1: with everything in you because you guys grew up together. 297 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 2: Those were your. 298 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 1: First real fucking friends. But people grow up and certain 299 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,559 Speaker 1: people evolve and some people don't. When you grow, everybody 300 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: won't grow with you. Unfortunately, everybody grows at their own pace. 301 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 1: Those girls are still stuck in the motherfucking hood, fighting 302 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 1: and shit. They want some zoos network shit. Naw, you 303 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 1: on some HBO shit. Baby, Go ahead, keep on going, 304 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: keep on fucking going. Okay, no love loss, and don't 305 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: even regret hitting them, because maybe that's the closure that 306 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: you fucking need a lot of people don't realize. Closure 307 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: doesn't have to always be positive. Closure does not have 308 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: to always bring you back together, because if it's closure, 309 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: then it's not closed. You're reopening, you're rehashing. No closure 310 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 1: is exactly what the fuck you got? All right, left 311 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: me all read? All right, I reached out. I love you, guys. 312 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna love y'all from a distance. 313 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 2: That's it. 314 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: If you still choose to but you said it, I didn't. 315 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 1: Them holes ain't shit and it wasn't shit before, but 316 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 1: you loved them. Y'all had a relationship. You know, y'all 317 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: had friendship, and it's nothing wrong with that. 318 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 2: That's it. 319 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: They just gave you the closure that you needed. Now 320 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 1: you have another story. I'm gonna play hejus. 321 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 3: So I'm back, and I just want to get your 322 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 3: advice on the situation to see if it's really the 323 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 3: deal I'm making it or if I'm overreacting. 324 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,640 Speaker 5: So to give you a little background history. 325 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 3: I met my man about four years ago and we've 326 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 3: been in a relationship for three years together. We have 327 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,040 Speaker 3: one kid, but but he came with one and then 328 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,560 Speaker 3: I had one, so we have three kids all together. 329 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 3: The relationship is really well, it's a typical relationship. We 330 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 3: argue some days, but we're always good most of the time, 331 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 3: so that's really good. He's a good man. He's good 332 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 3: to me. He really does a lot for me, for 333 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 3: my son. We all love him, but I kind of 334 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 3: feel like, in a way, he belittles me, and it's 335 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 3: honestly starting to fuck with me. He's a few years 336 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 3: older than me, like about five years older than me, 337 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 3: so he has some more experience in life, and I 338 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 3: never take away from him. He did like three years 339 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 3: in jail, so he has a lot of knowledge. 340 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 5: Now. 341 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 3: The problem is when it comes to me expressing anything 342 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 3: to him, I feel like he makes it seem as 343 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 3: if I'm dumb. 344 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 5: He belittles any knowledge. 345 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 3: That I talk to him about, and it's kind of 346 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,560 Speaker 3: starting to put me in a place where I feel like, 347 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 3: you know, I don't want to be with this man 348 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 3: because he doesn't look at me as smart. Like sometimes 349 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 3: when I explain things to him, it's, you know, easy, 350 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 3: but other times it's like he's trying to belittle what 351 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 3: I'm saying or my point of view. 352 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 5: So for instance, I was talking. 353 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,760 Speaker 3: To him because he's in jail now, and no, I 354 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 3: didn't meet him in jail. He just went to jail 355 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 3: this year, so don't do it. 356 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 5: But so for instance, he's in jail, so of course 357 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 5: he doesn't have. 358 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 3: Any access to any internet or anything. And he said 359 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 3: that the TV is always on sports. So I was 360 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 3: telling him about the ten year old boy who killed 361 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,800 Speaker 3: his mom in Missouri, and I was telling him, you know, 362 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 3: what the news reporter said. I constantly stated what the 363 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 3: news said, or what the article said, or what this 364 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 3: this nest said. 365 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 5: And then it's like I was like. 366 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 3: You know, a little bit emotional because I'm a mom 367 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 3: myself and I have two kids, and I feel like 368 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 3: it was just like heartbreaking as a mother. 369 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 5: So I was talking to him about it. I was 370 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 5: really vulnerable. 371 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 3: It was really bothered me, something that still bothers me 372 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 3: because it's really new. 373 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 5: But it's kind of like he brushed off how I. 374 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,640 Speaker 3: Was feeling, and he was just saying, you know, will 375 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 3: I don't know what happened, but I don't believe everything 376 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 3: that be on the news. 377 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 5: I feel like people. 378 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,440 Speaker 3: Believe anything somebody tell them, and I feel like it's 379 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 3: always like that. Even when he explains things to me, 380 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 3: he starts talk by saying, will I know you don't know? 381 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 5: Or I know you don't think like this, or you know. 382 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,880 Speaker 5: He basically just always tries. 383 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,359 Speaker 3: To make it seem like I'm this dumb ass bitch, 384 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 3: and it's honestly starting to bother me. Like I told you, 385 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,479 Speaker 3: We've been together three years, so this is three years 386 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 3: of this shit been built up. We have talked about 387 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 3: it multiple times, and I have told him that I 388 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 3: would prefer him not to say those type of words 389 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 3: before we're discussing anything. Don't tell me, well, you know 390 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 3: I don't think like this, or you know, because you 391 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,479 Speaker 3: don't know what the fuck I know, you don't know 392 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,720 Speaker 3: how the fuck I think. And it's really starting to 393 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,240 Speaker 3: bother me to the point where I'm starting to for 394 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,240 Speaker 3: a lot of love with him because I feel like 395 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:07,439 Speaker 3: he doesn't look at me as a black educated woman 396 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,879 Speaker 3: that I carry myself to be. 397 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 5: And usually people break up with people. 398 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 3: For cheating or being abusive and it's literally none of that. 399 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 3: And that's why I've asked one other person besides you, 400 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,640 Speaker 3: and they said that, you know, it's just how he 401 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 3: is because he was in prison. You know, a lot 402 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,919 Speaker 3: of people who went to prison before are really educated 403 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,479 Speaker 3: because they don't have anything to do but read and 404 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,879 Speaker 3: learn upon things, which is also true. 405 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 5: He is a you know, educated black man. 406 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 3: He's highly educated, and I give him that props, but 407 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 3: I just feel like when it comes to me, it's 408 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 3: nothing like he belittles me all the time. 409 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 5: No matter what we're talking about. I always feel. 410 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 3: Like he just puts me down when it comes to 411 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,679 Speaker 3: being educated, and it's starting to bother me. When I 412 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 3: do tell him stuff like what's bothering me or what 413 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 3: he's saying that he shouldn't say, he does apologize, and 414 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 3: he honestly takes my feels is in consideration for the moment, 415 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:03,960 Speaker 3: and he might not say it for about a week. 416 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 3: But then it's like when we're talking about something else 417 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 3: that's going on in social media or for our future, 418 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,880 Speaker 3: he always mentions that, you know, I know you don't 419 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 3: think like this, and it's just starting to like annoy 420 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,159 Speaker 3: the hell out of me, and I don't want to 421 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,439 Speaker 3: be with him. So I just want to come to 422 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,919 Speaker 3: you and see if I'm overreacting. Is it not a 423 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,239 Speaker 3: big deal? Because, like I said, I carry myself as 424 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 3: an educated black woman. 425 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 5: I am young. 426 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 3: I'm only twenty one and he is twenty six, so 427 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 3: we do have like a little bit of an age difference. 428 00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:38,440 Speaker 3: And I know that could be not a big deal 429 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,640 Speaker 3: to most because I'm considered younger to him. 430 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 5: And I haven't been through that much in life. 431 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 3: But I still feel like I carry myself well and 432 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,680 Speaker 3: I would like other people to notice how educated I am, 433 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 3: especially my man. If nobody else noticed, then I would 434 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,680 Speaker 3: at least want my man to know, you know, hey, 435 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 3: I have a beautiful black woman who is also educated. 436 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,480 Speaker 3: Like I don't want him to just think that, you know, 437 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:03,480 Speaker 3: I'm just dumb bitch. 438 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,560 Speaker 5: And even if he doesn't think. 439 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 3: It, because he always says that's not what I'm thinking, 440 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 3: that's not what I mean, I just don't like the 441 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 3: tone when we're talking. It's to the point where I 442 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 3: have just stopped talking to him about shit that I 443 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,879 Speaker 3: know he would respond in that type of manner about. 444 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,520 Speaker 5: So, yeah, girl, I just want to know am I overreacting? 445 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 5: Is it not a big deal. Am I doing too much? 446 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:26,919 Speaker 4: You know? 447 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 3: Like I said, we have been together for three years, 448 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,120 Speaker 3: but I'm just annoyed as hell. 449 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: Now we got a commercial and if you click off 450 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,679 Speaker 1: of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. 451 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 2: Listen. 452 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:42,320 Speaker 1: Okay, No, I don't think you're overreacting at all. I don't, 453 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,439 Speaker 1: and I think the rest of the listeners could agree 454 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,359 Speaker 1: with me as well. I don't think you're overreacting. I 455 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 1: think this is something within himself. He's not happy in 456 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 1: his life where he is. Anytime he has to just 457 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 1: keep telling you you don't think like that, or I 458 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 1: don't listen everything that happens. Obviously you don't listen, and 459 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,080 Speaker 1: obviously you don't know everything, or you would know how 460 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 1: to keep that asside of jail. Damn, how about that? 461 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:04,359 Speaker 5: You know? 462 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,880 Speaker 2: Now, Listen, while people do go. 463 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,199 Speaker 1: To jail, and that's where a lot of men and 464 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 1: women both are taught a lot of things because right 465 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,719 Speaker 1: they don't really have a lot of things that they 466 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,639 Speaker 1: can do, a lot of activities that can get into 467 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:17,680 Speaker 1: you know, they're in jail. 468 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 2: They're in prison, so they do read. 469 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,040 Speaker 1: A lot of people do ready, and they educate themselves 470 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 1: and they even have classes in prisons, you know, not 471 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,959 Speaker 1: jails so much, but in prisons, you know, they got 472 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 1: classes you can take it and all that type of stuff. 473 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,399 Speaker 1: I'm not putting anything past how educated he is or not. 474 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 1: But I also feel like that he plays on the 475 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 1: fact that you are young, five years younger than he is, 476 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,720 Speaker 1: and I feel like you're kind of letting that play 477 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:40,960 Speaker 1: on you as well, because I've even heard you say 478 00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: and I haven't really been through much in life. 479 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:43,919 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no no. 480 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,360 Speaker 1: I think you're letting him make you think that way 481 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:50,160 Speaker 1: of yourself. You maybe have gone through different shit than 482 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 1: he has gone through, for sure, because he is in 483 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:52,880 Speaker 1: and out of jail. 484 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:53,919 Speaker 2: Baby, you're not. 485 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:58,680 Speaker 1: But that doesn't go to say you haven't been through anything. 486 00:21:59,240 --> 00:21:59,439 Speaker 5: You know. 487 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 1: Don't talk like that, don't you know? And it is 488 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,479 Speaker 1: not what he say is the way he says it. 489 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,480 Speaker 1: You know, I do understand that could be a point 490 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 1: as well, because you're just like, look, don't tell me 491 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 1: what the fuck I know. 492 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,479 Speaker 2: He can't tell you what you know. And yes, you 493 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:15,560 Speaker 2: do want to be supportive. 494 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 1: You do want to feel like your man is confident 495 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,679 Speaker 1: in you, just as you're confident in yourself. I am 496 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 1: a beautiful, black, educated woman, and yeah, I have a 497 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,439 Speaker 1: queen by my side. 498 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,760 Speaker 2: She's smart, she knows some shit. You know. We both 499 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 2: don't know everything, but we know a little about a lot. 500 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: And that's what I always say. I don't know everything, 501 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,439 Speaker 1: but I know a little about a lot, you know 502 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So I don't want to ever tell 503 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,000 Speaker 1: someone to leave someone unless they're being physically harmed or 504 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:45,720 Speaker 1: mentally abused. But I do feel like he has to 505 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: take a break from the relationship and get his own 506 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 1: self together. Mentally, there's something he's battling and something that 507 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 1: is weighing on his heart and over his head about 508 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,560 Speaker 1: his own life. I strongly feel that I don't know 509 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 1: what that is. You've been with him for three years. 510 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,000 Speaker 1: You've been with him longer, so you would know. Then 511 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,760 Speaker 1: before y'all got together, I imagine that you guys were just friends. 512 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,199 Speaker 1: So I mean, I can't assume I don't know, But 513 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 1: you know him more than I know him. 514 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 2: You know him more than the listeners know him. 515 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,399 Speaker 1: You would know if there was something that he was 516 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: suffering with, or that was something that he was just 517 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: mentally battling. And unfortunately we as girlfriends can always help 518 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,400 Speaker 1: our men out with that. They have to get professional help. 519 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,920 Speaker 1: They have to actually go and seek help on their own, 520 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 1: because they're just running away from their problems. They're masking 521 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 1: their problems and then internally shunning them, like internally shutting down, 522 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,479 Speaker 1: and then projecting what they're going through on others. And 523 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 1: that's not good either, because now you're blaming everyone else 524 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 1: for your issues. 525 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 2: I feel that's what he does. 526 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: And I can bet you it's very very difficult for him, 527 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 1: or very rare that he accepts accountability for shit that 528 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,959 Speaker 1: he does, or you know, just anything that he does. 529 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 1: Why he's in jail while you guys argue why he 530 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 1: treats you the way that he does things like that. 531 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: I think you should take a break from a relationship, 532 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,080 Speaker 1: have him get hisself together. He in jail now, shit, 533 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,880 Speaker 1: he got nothing but time and books to read. Get 534 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: yourself together? Why he on the inside and he need 535 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,679 Speaker 1: to get hisself together? Why he's away from you, and 536 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: then revisit it. But I don't think that it's really healthy, 537 00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: especially if you've been in this for three years and 538 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: it's just now. 539 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 2: Starting to fuck with you. Oh baby, listen, you're young. 540 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 1: You should be doing so many other things right now 541 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 1: instead of trying to pick a man's fucking brain apart 542 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,919 Speaker 1: to see why he doesn't think you're smart. Excuse me, 543 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:40,160 Speaker 1: You're twenty one, all right. Get yourself together and hopefully 544 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,400 Speaker 1: he gets hisself together. Check back in with me, girl 545 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,120 Speaker 1: now listen. That is the end of this episode, y'all. 546 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: I love y'all so much. I really love what I do. 547 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,200 Speaker 1: I love what carefully Reckless has formed into. I love 548 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,320 Speaker 1: that it's a very therapeutic space. It's a very safe 549 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,639 Speaker 1: space for my listeners. It's a safe space for my 550 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,440 Speaker 1: girls and my guys who are sending me their situations 551 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,360 Speaker 1: that they need help on, that they need me. 552 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 2: To fix, you know, or try to fix. 553 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,000 Speaker 1: And I'm just happy that I can be of any 554 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 1: assistance to any of you that I have helped, and 555 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:13,400 Speaker 1: I'm sorry for those who I haven't. But make sure 556 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: you tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday. Tune 557 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 1: into Reckless Discussions this evening as well at seven pm 558 00:25:19,680 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 1: only on YouTube and in my deepest Pam voice Peace Can't. 559 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. 560 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:42,800 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, 561 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,879 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.