Speaker 1: My parents. This was not the thing they grew up with.
Speaker 1: Like I said, their concerns growing up were we have
Speaker 1: to make it, we have to provide for our kids.
Speaker 1: And I know that any concern and I know this
Speaker 1: in my heart. I didn't know it in that moment
Speaker 1: sitting in my room, but I know it now. Any
Speaker 1: concerns they might have expressed were not because they didn't
Speaker 1: love me or they wanted me to be unhappy. It's because,
Speaker 1: in their understanding, they wanted to protect me from the world.
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one
Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every
Speaker 1: single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn,
Speaker 1: and grow. And I am so excited to be talking
Speaker 1: to you today. I can't believe it. My new book,
Speaker 1: Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot wait
Speaker 1: to share it with you. I am so so excited
Speaker 1: for you to read this book, for you to listen
Speaker 1: to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't
Speaker 1: got it already, make sure you go to eight Rules
Speaker 1: of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying
Speaker 1: to find, keep, or let go of love. So if
Speaker 1: you've got friends that are dating, broken up or struggling
Speaker 1: with love. Make sure you grab this book and I'd
Speaker 1: love to invite you to come and see me for
Speaker 1: my global tour Love Rules. Go to Jay Shettytour dot
Speaker 1: com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences and more.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you this year now. Today's
Speaker 1: guest is one of the few select guests that are
Speaker 1: on the podcast twice. She was in our first three
Speaker 1: episodes of all Time and on purpose. It is my
Speaker 1: dear friend. The incredibly talented, the multifaceted entertainer, actress, producer,
Speaker 1: writer and creator. A leading force in the digital world,
Speaker 1: she has amassed a global audience get this of over
Speaker 1: thirty eight million followers across her social media channels, where
Speaker 1: she writes, rex produces, and stars in comedic and inspirational videos. Currently,
Speaker 1: Lily can be seen in the second season of Hulu's
Speaker 1: comedy doll Face and if you haven't seen it, highly
Speaker 1: recommend it, where she will play live a queer bar
Speaker 1: owner with a confident sense of humor, kind of like
Speaker 1: her opposite Shane Mitchell. This coming April twenty twenty two,
Speaker 1: She's going to be part of the Star studded ensemblecast
Speaker 1: for the DreamWorks Animation action comedy Bad Guys. On April fifth,
Speaker 1: Lily will release her second book, And this is what
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about today. And if you haven't already,
Speaker 1: I want you to head over to the comments and
Speaker 1: the link section and the caption and ordered this book
Speaker 1: even before this podcast, because it's gonna be epic. Be
Speaker 1: a triangle how I went from being lost to getting
Speaker 1: my life into shape Following her New York Times best
Speaker 1: selling book, How to Be a Bouse, A Guide to
Speaker 1: Surviving and Conquering Life. Now, Lily is a dear friend.
Speaker 1: I know her deeply. I spent all of my COVID
Speaker 1: night spending katan with her, listening to music, her beating
Speaker 1: me a ping pong, and we just bonded somelmost, Lily
Speaker 1: saying in the house, I am a thrilled to be
Speaker 1: I can watch you all day long, the smile on
Speaker 1: my face because, like we said, we're friends. But when
Speaker 1: I see you do all this, I'm just like, I
Speaker 1: can watch you forever. Thank you for having me. Well,
Speaker 1: I could read your glories forever. I'm looking at that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, I think we share this in common.
Speaker 1: But when I look at how hard you work, and
Speaker 1: I know how much effort you've put in to serving humanity,
Speaker 1: to inspiring people, to building what you're doing to show
Speaker 1: young girls all over the world what's possible, and young
Speaker 1: people all over the world, and a younger me all
Speaker 1: over the world too, I'm just amazed. And what I
Speaker 1: love about you most is that when we are together,
Speaker 1: you're the sweetest, kindest, most hospitable. Just I want everyone
Speaker 1: to know, Lily is amazing at table placements. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: thank you for saying that. Oh my god, that's a
Speaker 1: wrapper good here. Yes, a lot of people don't know this,
Speaker 1: but I'm a huge would nerd. If I could quit
Speaker 1: my job and do anything, I would just want to
Speaker 1: set tables for the rest of my life. You're the
Speaker 1: most hospitable human that I come to your house and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, wow, this is amazing. Absolutely, the handkerchief
Speaker 1: like choice where it's placed that anyway, please know why
Speaker 1: steamed the napkins before you get served? All or nothing?
Speaker 1: It's all or nothing, but I love it. Because we're
Speaker 1: talking about your book today, Be a Triangle, which is
Speaker 1: so exciting because your first book came out I think
Speaker 1: now five years ago, which is incredible. What is time?
Speaker 1: I know, and the fact that you've focused on building
Speaker 1: and writing this amazing book, which you thankfully sent to me.
Speaker 1: I got to read it ahead of time. I've read
Speaker 1: some of my favorite chapters. Today we get to dive in,
Speaker 1: and like I said, everyone's watching or listening back at
Speaker 1: home makes you go and order this book. Not only
Speaker 1: is literally one of my favorite people in the world,
Speaker 1: she bears a soul in this book, makes it super
Speaker 1: accessible and relevant, and it's highly practical and has the
Speaker 1: cutest images in it as well. But let's dive in.
Speaker 1: When I first heard you announced the title, I was
Speaker 1: just fascinating. I was so intrigued. I was like, be
Speaker 1: a triangle. I was like, what does that mean? Like
Speaker 1: I was only ever called square growing up, right or
Speaker 1: other words? And I was like, what does it mean
Speaker 1: to be a triangle? Let's start there. Yes, I was
Speaker 1: also called square, and then during COVID I turned into
Speaker 1: a circle. And now I've decided that my shape is triangle.
Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting you bring this up because and
Speaker 1: I'll tell you explain the title in a second, but
Speaker 1: I actually have to fight for this title because when
Speaker 1: I had sent the email to my team being like,
Speaker 1: I know this is not immediately understandable, but no other
Speaker 1: title will suffice. It has to be a triangle. And
Speaker 1: the response I got was it's kind of confusing, and
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I stuck to my guns, and
Speaker 1: I'm so happy I did, because it is what the
Speaker 1: book is about, you know. The book is about me
Speaker 1: really coming to terms with the fact that although I've
Speaker 1: done a lot of cool things in my life, you know,
Speaker 1: you rattled off a few in the intro, and I'll
Speaker 1: vow I'm on my fourth vision board. I think during COVID,
Speaker 1: I really had a moment when everything went away and
Speaker 1: I had no events and I had nothing. It's not
Speaker 1: that I was like, oh, I'm a workaholic and now
Speaker 1: I'm bored. It was deeper than that, was that, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't think I have any value right now, Like
Speaker 1: I can't measure myself in any way because I don't
Speaker 1: have events and I don't have work, and so I'm
Speaker 1: just kind of floating in space, unsure of what to
Speaker 1: do or how to think of myself, or how to
Speaker 1: think of life right now. And I realized that's because
Speaker 1: work was the only thing I associated value with. You know,
Speaker 1: I never really thought about, but what kind of person
Speaker 1: do you want to be? And if you accomplish all
Speaker 1: things on your vision board, how should that make you feel?
Speaker 1: And how come you don't feel that way right now?
Speaker 1: And so I got to thinking, and the root of
Speaker 1: it was that I never had a solid foundation of
Speaker 1: just what my belief system is. You know, what do
Speaker 1: I want my values to be? Where do I want
Speaker 1: to be, not just professionally but spiritually mentally, What do
Speaker 1: I really care about and what's important? And that's all
Speaker 1: about building foundation. Now, one of the strongest structural shapes
Speaker 1: on the planet is a triangle, and so I thought,
Speaker 1: I need to be a triangle. I need to build
Speaker 1: a strong foundation for myself so that all of my
Speaker 1: life experiences and everything from this moment on I can
Speaker 1: put on top of this strong foundation. That is perfect.
Speaker 1: And I love that you stuck to Your guys were like,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? And I was like, be
Speaker 1: a triangle. It's gotta it's gotta be this. So I
Speaker 1: went through a similar thing that when I wrote the
Speaker 1: title Think like a Monk, and I was always the
Speaker 1: title that I wanted for my first great title, and
Speaker 1: fourteen out of seventeen imprints that heard that title said
Speaker 1: that I should change it because they didn't want me
Speaker 1: to have that as the title. But they said they
Speaker 1: said to me, they said, well, who wants to think
Speaker 1: like a monk? People don't even know what monks are.
Speaker 1: They don't know what they do. And I was like,
Speaker 1: but it's so true to what I'm trying to share
Speaker 1: with the world. Is like, this is the line of
Speaker 1: wisdom that I learned from. And it sounds like you're
Speaker 1: saying the same thing. It's like, this is what I'm
Speaker 1: actually asking people to do. I don't need to come
Speaker 1: up with a catchy, gimmicky title correct just to sell
Speaker 1: a book. I completely agree because I think so much
Speaker 1: of my life I'll be real, I make thousands and
Speaker 1: thousands of YouTube videos, we do stuff on social med
Speaker 1: that you need to be a little clicky and buzzy
Speaker 1: and grab people's attention. For this, though such a vulnerable,
Speaker 1: raw piece of work. I was like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to do that. If this is the title that I
Speaker 1: think feels right and it's what I actually want to communicate,
Speaker 1: this is what it's going to be. Yeah, I love
Speaker 1: that you brought about how we value ourselves and I
Speaker 1: want to start there. And you talk a lot about
Speaker 1: in the book what we learned at school, what we
Speaker 1: didn't learn at school. Where do you think we learned
Speaker 1: to ascribe our value to anything in life? Like you said,
Speaker 1: you so work as your value. What are some of
Speaker 1: those other values that people ascribe to and where do
Speaker 1: you think we develop them? I mean, I think there's
Speaker 1: a few ways. And I can only speak to me
Speaker 1: dissecting my own life. I think for me, a lot
Speaker 1: of it is definitely cultural. I mean, you can probably
Speaker 1: relate to this as both being South Asian. Is that
Speaker 1: my family and my community, they really do value a degree.
Speaker 1: We live in a time right now where and I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to bash school, but I don't know a
Speaker 1: single person using their degree right now. That doesn't matter
Speaker 1: to my parents. A degree is the save all end all.
Speaker 1: You need the degree or else you are not at
Speaker 1: You know, you have to establish a family. You have
Speaker 1: to get married yet to have kids because you have
Speaker 1: to keep the family name going. You have to contribute
Speaker 1: back to the world through kids, because they are not
Speaker 1: used to another way of contributing to the world. Their
Speaker 1: understanding is that you contribute to the world through having
Speaker 1: kids and making the world progress. See I for a
Speaker 1: long time, and this is where I get really realised.
Speaker 1: For a long time, I think I had a bit
Speaker 1: of a chip on my shoulder when I thought of
Speaker 1: my parents and I thought of my culture, because I thought,
Speaker 1: you guys only have one way of doing things, like
Speaker 1: I do things different from a different time in place.
Speaker 1: But that was really unfair of me because I never
Speaker 1: took the time to understand, well, why are my parents
Speaker 1: actually like this? You know, is it just that they're older?
Speaker 1: Is it just that they were born in India. So
Speaker 1: for the work of my therapist and honestly through writing
Speaker 1: this book, I was like, you know, it's actually a
Speaker 1: lot to do with generational trauma. It's about my parents
Speaker 1: were born in Punjab, India. They didn't have the luxury
Speaker 1: of being like today, I'm gonna care about my mental
Speaker 1: health today, I'm going to contribute to the world by
Speaker 1: making a YouTube video and motivating people. They were like, Hey,
Speaker 1: we're in a country with a billion people. There's limited resources.
Speaker 1: We need to problem solve every day. We need to
Speaker 1: survive every day. The things that matter are family, sticking together, survival, education,
Speaker 1: getting good job, money, food on the table. And now
Speaker 1: I've taken the tools that they have taught me and
Speaker 1: I'm trying to use them in a time and place
Speaker 1: that is not that time and place. Yeah, So that's
Speaker 1: where I think it comes from. And I talk about
Speaker 1: in the book that in school, when you look back,
Speaker 1: you're measured by grades, and in work you're measured by
Speaker 1: promotions and salaries, and that's how you measure growth and success.
Speaker 1: But as a kid, it was never like, hey, Lily,
Speaker 1: today you were really patient and that marks growth. Like
Speaker 1: that didn't matter. It didn't matter if you grew mentally
Speaker 1: or spiritual. He was always measured by something else. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love that. What a beautiful switch your mindset, because
Speaker 1: that is something that you can measure every day. You
Speaker 1: can measure every day if you feel more patient, we
Speaker 1: feel more kind, or you feel more supportive or supported.
Speaker 1: But you can't measure a view count or an award
Speaker 1: every day, like that's like one percent. I mean, you've
Speaker 1: won so many awards in your career and you look
Speaker 1: at that and you go, that was like one percent
Speaker 1: of the experience. That was like the top of the pyramid.
Speaker 1: But it's the tiniest part of the tiniest part of
Speaker 1: the triangle. Right, It's like the tip of the triangle. Yes,
Speaker 1: where you're like, that was just the tip, but the
Speaker 1: whole journey to get there was We're all the hard work. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And I think one of the reasons I was so
Speaker 1: resilient to the things I write about in this bookcause literally,
Speaker 1: when I write the book, I keep thinking five years
Speaker 1: ago the person who wrote How to Be a Boss,
Speaker 1: which I still believe everything I wrote in that book.
Speaker 1: But I think I was resistant at first because I
Speaker 1: was like, no, but I still love working, and I
Speaker 1: still want to hustle, and I still want the awards.
Speaker 1: And I'll be honest and say I want the awards,
Speaker 1: I want the events, I want the accomplishments. I think
Speaker 1: the switch is not choosing between two things. That's saying
Speaker 1: you can have that. What does it mean? Yeah, so
Speaker 1: what does it mean? You don't have to eliminate it.
Speaker 1: But is the award your value or is it a
Speaker 1: consequence of you having great values on this journey? Yes,
Speaker 1: that is so well said. I love that that it
Speaker 1: is not it is the consequence of having good values? Right?
Speaker 1: Is it your value? Is it the consequence of having
Speaker 1: good values. That is a beautiful line. Everyone cut that up,
Speaker 1: email quote, put it out there. No, but genuinely, that's
Speaker 1: so powerful because I couldn't agree. I couldn't agree with
Speaker 1: you more I've I've whenever anyone asked me. I care
Speaker 1: about words, I care about titles, and I'm very honest
Speaker 1: and open about that too. And I see it the
Speaker 1: exact same way, because to me, it makes me feel
Speaker 1: like mental health is winning. It makes me feel like
Speaker 1: the things I'm standing for a winning. It helps me
Speaker 1: realize that we are making a den in the mainstream
Speaker 1: where these comments and these conversations need to happen. Now,
Speaker 1: when I look back at what you're saying here, how
Speaker 1: difficult was it to dismantle your value system? Because I
Speaker 1: think that's why we don't do it right when you
Speaker 1: actually look at it and you go, Wow, value my
Speaker 1: work or I value how much people like me, or
Speaker 1: I value how many followers I have, or I value
Speaker 1: how many positive comments I get. When you live in
Speaker 1: that world, which a lot of people do, you don't
Speaker 1: have to be a creative or an artist to feel
Speaker 1: that way. How do you get the courage to actually
Speaker 1: look inward and go, wow, I need to dismantle my
Speaker 1: value system. Yeah, it can be really, really scared. I
Speaker 1: think you're absolutely right. That's why people hesitate to do it,
Speaker 1: because it's so strange. There were moments when I was
Speaker 1: writing the book when I was alone in a room,
Speaker 1: no one else was there, and I would find myself
Speaker 1: byessing a little on the page. I'm like, who are
Speaker 1: you lying too? There's no one here, Like, rip this
Speaker 1: up and start again, like what are you actually what
Speaker 1: do you actually care about? Because years ago from honest,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't sit here and say no, I do care
Speaker 1: about money. I do actually care about I like that
Speaker 1: I have a big I wouldn't say that because I
Speaker 1: would think I'm going to come across this way and
Speaker 1: that's not what I'm supposed to care about. No, again,
Speaker 1: it's be honest with yourself. You're allowed to value whatever
Speaker 1: you want. It's just doing the work to understand what
Speaker 1: those things mean and if also those things should be
Speaker 1: the driving forces behind your happiness. Because the thing with
Speaker 1: the awards and all that stuff is, like I said,
Speaker 1: when you think of them like a consequence. If they happen, great,
Speaker 1: but if they don't happen, your whole world doesn't crash down.
Speaker 1: I think that was the issue I had before I
Speaker 1: wrote this book. I thought, my post is not getting
Speaker 1: these likes. Oh, I don't have the work. My travels
Speaker 1: got canceled. Now I don't have purpose, value and happiness.
Speaker 1: That is where I don't want to be. And so
Speaker 1: I think it was scary for me to figure out
Speaker 1: my values, but also more than scary, just really difficult
Speaker 1: because there is no map to do that. You know.
Speaker 1: I remember sitting down writing this book and for two
Speaker 1: days I would just stare at a blank screen, thinking
Speaker 1: if this was a math problem, I would be able
Speaker 1: to google this, I would be able to dig up
Speaker 1: some lesson from my math teacher. But we've just never
Speaker 1: been taught as kids how to do any of this work.
Speaker 1: So that's what I'm attempting to go through in this book.
Speaker 1: I love it and I want to dive into it.
Speaker 1: And what I love, as I said about the book,
Speaker 1: is that there's all these beautiful sketches and you're telling me, yes,
Speaker 1: just offline, you're telling me about the amazing artist that
Speaker 1: did the absolutely so the artist her name is paper Samosa.
Speaker 1: On Instagram, her name is Simmy. She's fantastic. But the
Speaker 1: story is that a couple years ago when I got
Speaker 1: my late night show, we had no money, no budget,
Speaker 1: and I had this office in the writer's room, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I really need some pizzaz because
Speaker 1: it's a creative space. We have no money to buy
Speaker 1: art or anything like that. So I found her on
Speaker 1: Instagram and I said, would you be willing to gift
Speaker 1: me a few prints so I can put it in
Speaker 1: my writing room for the first season of my late
Speaker 1: night show. I don't have a budget to offer you
Speaker 1: from the studio, but I promise you, like, I'll be
Speaker 1: so appreciative, and maybe Carmena will come around. And then
Speaker 1: when I did this book, I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: She's going to illustrate my book. So it's a complete
Speaker 1: full circle moment. That's beautiful and a lesson to everyone.
Speaker 1: If I ask for something free, you should do. Everyone
Speaker 1: should just give me. You know, Lamborghini Ferrari, you should
Speaker 1: just give me the free thing because you never know
Speaker 1: it will come back. You never will come back, it's guaranteed.
Speaker 1: I love it. No, but they're honestly incredible And one
Speaker 1: of the things you talk about in this book that
Speaker 1: I love is you talk about this idea of coming home. Yes,
Speaker 1: And when I started to read that in your book,
Speaker 1: and there's obviously each chapter you talk about coming home
Speaker 1: to something different. I love that language because I think
Speaker 1: about all the time, even when I come home to
Speaker 1: my physical home, I always think about what do I
Speaker 1: want to come home to? How do I want to feel,
Speaker 1: especially because I work hard, I try my best, I'm
Speaker 1: doing this and that, and I always think what environment
Speaker 1: do I want to come home to? What does coming
Speaker 1: home mean to you? Before we dive into each chapter,
Speaker 1: and where did that language come to you from that?
Speaker 1: What does that mean to you? Yeah? I think you know.
Speaker 1: When I was writing this book, I really wanted it
Speaker 1: to be, Hey, you don't need to have a bunch
Speaker 1: of fancy tips and tricks and all these ways to
Speaker 1: get happy. It's really something that's within you already, and
Speaker 1: it's organizing what's within you and deciding where you want
Speaker 1: to go from there. And so I've learned that home
Speaker 1: is not a place. It is not a physical building.
Speaker 1: You know it is, And I especially that during COVID
Speaker 1: because I was in the physical building of my home
Speaker 1: and I wasn't able to see my family for two years,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't feel like i'm at home.
Speaker 1: Home for me is a place that gives you that
Speaker 1: feeling of safety, security, no judgment. You can just be
Speaker 1: and return to what really matters, you know, a reset.
Speaker 1: So I came up with these places mentally that could
Speaker 1: be home that when you go out in the day
Speaker 1: and you hear your friends spilling the tea and your
Speaker 1: other friends got relationship drama and all the stuff is
Speaker 1: going down, where can you come home to in your
Speaker 1: mind to reset and no judgment and recharge just like
Speaker 1: you would physically. Yeah, you know, yeah yeah, And us
Speaker 1: to go into that because I think, and you've posted
Speaker 1: about this several times, and you post like candidly, and
Speaker 1: you post like what you really look like right now
Speaker 1: versus you know, one of the shows you did the
Speaker 1: night before. So I'm wearing spanks you will know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're you know. And I said, you're so open about it,
Speaker 1: But I've heard you talk about how like so often
Speaker 1: when we look in the mirror, we're criticizing ourselves, or
Speaker 1: so often when we see ourselves in a same way,
Speaker 1: we are judgment too. So for a lot of people,
Speaker 1: coming home is actually all those things as well absolutely
Speaker 1: tell us about how you've started to shift that dialogue
Speaker 1: for yourself. Like when we look in the mirror, more
Speaker 1: people are probably saying something negative about themselves than positive
Speaker 1: about themselves. Right. I have learned that I very seldom
Speaker 1: give myself cut myself any slack. I am truly and
Speaker 1: I know it's cli, but I'm truly my toughest critic
Speaker 1: in the sense that I could have a super successful
Speaker 1: day and the one hiccup that went wrong, I'll look
Speaker 1: in the mirror and I'll be like, Okay, well, next time,
Speaker 1: we got to make sure that doesn't happen, and you've
Speaker 1: got to be better prepared. And so I am very
Speaker 1: critical of myself. And that's why the language coming home
Speaker 1: was so important to me, because home is not a
Speaker 1: place you should feel that judgment. And why I wrote
Speaker 1: come home is okay, I'm going to go to this
Speaker 1: place mentally where Lily, even you, you don't get to
Speaker 1: tell yourself all the things that went wrong. You don't
Speaker 1: get to be that get you let yourself be human
Speaker 1: at home. You know, home is where the pants are,
Speaker 1: not you let yourself be human, And so that was
Speaker 1: really important to me. I've sounds simple, but it's a
Speaker 1: complex idea of I've given myself permission to be a
Speaker 1: human yes at home? Yes, yes, And I think we
Speaker 1: all have to get to that point. And you're right.
Speaker 1: Isn't a tip or a trick or a life hack.
Speaker 1: It is just changing that in a dialogue with yourself
Speaker 1: of starting to realize that. By the way, when I
Speaker 1: do call myself like, I realized this when I realized
Speaker 1: that when I made myself feel guilty, that didn't lead
Speaker 1: to growth. Yes, like, my guilt actually blocked my growth.
Speaker 1: When I was guilty that I didn't go to the gym,
Speaker 1: that maybe made me go to the gym the next day,
Speaker 1: but it didn't last. When I was guilty that I
Speaker 1: had something that I wish I didn't eat, that guilt
Speaker 1: didn't make me eat healthy for the next week. It
Speaker 1: made me made bad decisions. Guilt made me feel worse
Speaker 1: about myself and make worse decisions. So I had to
Speaker 1: coach myself out of having guilty thoughts. Absolutely, what are
Speaker 1: some of those thoughts that you think? Like? There it
Speaker 1: sounded like when you said you're you're in toughest critic.
Speaker 1: Where has that come from? Is also from our parenting
Speaker 1: is that, I mean, I think I think it's a
Speaker 1: mix of things. I think one thing is that I'm
Speaker 1: a very all or nothing type person, and I've been
Speaker 1: I've been trying to work on this, and Jay knows,
Speaker 1: and I'll be very honest and say that I consider
Speaker 1: myself a really good friend. But I've caught myself being
Speaker 1: slightly annoying because I know it's true. It's true. I
Speaker 1: can fully admit this. I'll invite Jay over and everything
Speaker 1: will be perfect. The food will be perfect, and the
Speaker 1: table will be perfect, and I have all the activities,
Speaker 1: planet's good to go. And then Jay, as he does,
Speaker 1: we'll show up, you know, twenty minutes later. He'll blame
Speaker 1: Roddy and he's definite, by the way, and that is
Speaker 1: definitely always on time. Okay, Rody's not here to defend herself,
Speaker 1: but who knows. But then in my mind, I've my
Speaker 1: mind will start going, oh well, oh my god, the
Speaker 1: evening is ruined now because they came twenty And I
Speaker 1: do that with everything. I do it to such a
Speaker 1: detriment where it's like it's either perfect or it's nothing.
Speaker 1: Now I can't enjoy it, and I think that has
Speaker 1: to do with control. I think I can understand all
Speaker 1: and I can understand nothing. The compromise is in the
Speaker 1: middle being someone who controls things. They don't like that compromise.
Speaker 1: That's not in my control. And so I've had to
Speaker 1: let go of this all or nothing mentality. Hey, you
Speaker 1: did so great today. It wasn't perfect, but it was
Speaker 1: really really good, and we're going to celebrate that. You know,
Speaker 1: it's not letting because you're right that guilt does start
Speaker 1: to control your life. And also, going back to the
Speaker 1: home concept, home is somewhere you don't want to run
Speaker 1: away from. You know, home is somewhere you returned to.
Speaker 1: I think what I really struggled with for so long
Speaker 1: is I did do those tips and tricks. You've been
Speaker 1: to my house, you know, my old house. I had
Speaker 1: all these post its everywhere, and I had positive affirmations,
Speaker 1: and that's all great, But that's all I had. I
Speaker 1: had these little ways of being happy momentarily temporarily, and
Speaker 1: then I would wander off somewhere else mentally. But if
Speaker 1: you say come home to a place, that really means, hey,
Speaker 1: this is where you are going to return to spiritually,
Speaker 1: no matter what happens in your day always so that
Speaker 1: you cannot be led astray, because I get led astray
Speaker 1: very often, very we all do. And the thing I
Speaker 1: love about that because in your book you talk about
Speaker 1: nothing last forever, and you talk about the need to
Speaker 1: be okay with change, and that includes not just changing
Speaker 1: scenarios I me coming late to your house, but also
Speaker 1: the idea of change in that we change. And what
Speaker 1: you just said, you completely agree with everything you wrote
Speaker 1: in your last book, but you have an evolved version
Speaker 1: of that today. That doesn't take away from what you said.
Speaker 1: How have you allowed yourself to update? Like we think
Speaker 1: of updating our phones and our computers easily, but when
Speaker 1: it comes to updating ourselves and upgrading ourselves, we get
Speaker 1: really slow and scared about it. How have you become
Speaker 1: okay with the fact that you're changing, evolving, adapting person. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: before writing this book, I would not be okay with it.
Speaker 1: I talk about in the book how I did subscribe
Speaker 1: to this mentality that there's right and wrong. That if
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily agree with everything I've done instead in
Speaker 1: the past and now I think differently, that must mean
Speaker 1: the past version of me was wrong. And I would
Speaker 1: think that that means that person doesn't agree with what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. They're wrong and I'm right. It doesn't need
Speaker 1: to be wrong or right. We don't need to assign
Speaker 1: these labels so easily to things. I know we like
Speaker 1: to categorize things in our brain. Isn't right, wrong, black, white, okay, easy, hard,
Speaker 1: But really what it is it's allowing yourself and giving
Speaker 1: yourself permission to think differently and evolve. And so for me,
Speaker 1: the hardest example of this is how I define success.
Speaker 1: You know what I was taught, and for much of
Speaker 1: my life, I believe success is the paycheck. It is
Speaker 1: the house, it is the car, it is awards, it
Speaker 1: is all that stuff. It is the career you have.
Speaker 1: And it's not that I think I was wrong for
Speaker 1: thinking that. It's my definition of success has changed. Now.
Speaker 1: All those things are great. But now if I have
Speaker 1: all of those things but I'm not happy and I'm
Speaker 1: not having fun, then I'm not successful. Yeah, And that's
Speaker 1: what I believe now. Again, not right or wrong, It's
Speaker 1: just I'm changing. I'm in different a different place in
Speaker 1: my life. I have different values and different priorities, and
Speaker 1: that's okay. I think I resisted that for so long
Speaker 1: because I was like, don't be lazy. That's lazy. You
Speaker 1: have to pull the al mat or you have to
Speaker 1: do that, you don't be lazy. But it's not about that.
Speaker 1: It's about Hey, you are a human that is evolving
Speaker 1: and you're in different circumstances. You cannot grow and expect
Speaker 1: to stay the same. So well said, so well. Honestly,
Speaker 1: everything you're saying is like, I couldn't be happier hearing
Speaker 1: it from you, because I think so many people are
Speaker 1: inspired by you, and all of you look up to you,
Speaker 1: like including me, And when I see you having these
Speaker 1: revelations and realizations based on your own inner work, it
Speaker 1: gives me so much confidence that everyone who looks up
Speaker 1: to you is being inspired in this beautiful direction. And
Speaker 1: I also love that you value hard work and that
Speaker 1: you value putting in the time and your attention to detail,
Speaker 1: because that's also something I appreciate about you. So whether
Speaker 1: I'm a friend or whether someone in business, I appreciate
Speaker 1: your purpose, but I also appreciate your practicality, like the
Speaker 1: fact that you are an effective human being who manages
Speaker 1: time effectively. And I think again, what you're saying is
Speaker 1: we've been living in this society, which is either or
Speaker 1: you either have to be lazy or you're productive. Right,
Speaker 1: But we don't have this in between, which is I
Speaker 1: know how to do what I need to do when
Speaker 1: I need to do it, but then I also know
Speaker 1: how to let go. I think the Internet has convinced
Speaker 1: us of that a lot, that there's either this or
Speaker 1: that there's this or that, not fully appreciating that we're
Speaker 1: complex human beings that fall on various spots, on various spectrums,
Speaker 1: and we are all on our own circumstances. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: don't give ourselves enough credit. Sorry, no, no no, no, please,
Speaker 1: I want to Yeah, it's I think I think that's
Speaker 1: like that. It's what I have here, and I wanted
Speaker 1: to read this out because I had it marked, but
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, before I get into what I
Speaker 1: wanted to read, it's your classic green sorry, silver sorry
Speaker 1: dilemma and the debate yes, right, and that's what it is.
Speaker 1: It's like it's this or is this yes, And that's
Speaker 1: the only two ways we can be. There's something you
Speaker 1: wrote that I want to read out because I want
Speaker 1: people to realize that this isn't even though this is
Speaker 1: a okay, and you can correct if I'm wrong. But
Speaker 1: the way I say this is a book that is
Speaker 1: going to inspire, help and guide people through their own
Speaker 1: inner work. It is that, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: it is also a book where you, like, really open
Speaker 1: up and get vulnerable in war. And I wanted to
Speaker 1: read something for people to realize just how that comes across.
Speaker 1: So that you say, I can't do Lily's voice, can't
Speaker 1: do impressions, I can't do accents. I have none of
Speaker 1: those skills, so I will not try. I will simply
Speaker 1: read it in my British accent. So, at the age
Speaker 1: of thirty, I came out as bisexual to my family.
Speaker 1: It was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done in
Speaker 1: my life, and the lead up to that moment was
Speaker 1: filled with anxiety. Out of fear that I would lose
Speaker 1: my words. I wrote my parents a letter, printed it out,
Speaker 1: and placed it in front of them. All I could
Speaker 1: muster up the courage to say was read this. I
Speaker 1: vividly remember feeling a pang of guilt when my mom
Speaker 1: jokingly responded to the letter by saying, are you getting married?
Speaker 1: I went upstairs while they read it, unable to be
Speaker 1: in the same room. With them and waited for what
Speaker 1: felt like an entire lifetime for anything, a knock on
Speaker 1: my door, a tap on my shoulder. After a long silence,
Speaker 1: finally I heard footsteps and my parents entered my room.
Speaker 1: Like when you take me into a place like that
Speaker 1: in your book, I'm like, wow, this, you know, it's
Speaker 1: so intimate, and I feel so grateful that we get
Speaker 1: to go there with you as a reader in your book,
Speaker 1: because these are not things that you make videos about.
Speaker 1: These are not things that you talk about every day.
Speaker 1: And people see you share your sexuality and where you are,
Speaker 1: but they don't understand what's going on in your head
Speaker 1: because we only get this one moment or headline. Lily
Speaker 1: Sing announces this and that's what people see. But then
Speaker 1: this is what's going on behind the scenes, and the
Speaker 1: book does this again and again again. Tell me about
Speaker 1: that moment and tell us about how that journey has
Speaker 1: evolved over time and even before and after. I just
Speaker 1: want to hear about that whole process. Yeah, from things
Speaker 1: I know as your friend, but I want to hear
Speaker 1: from how you feel about it through the book. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: So I have to give credit to my editor here
Speaker 1: because you're right, I don't openly talk about this a lot.
Speaker 1: You might see me holding the Pride flag on Instagram,
Speaker 1: but whoa letty, But I don't actually go into what
Speaker 1: that experience was like, and for the reason of it's
Speaker 1: just something that I don't want taken out of context,
Speaker 1: and I know the media will run with it, and
Speaker 1: I know people will not actually put themselves into that
Speaker 1: time and place, and so I thought the book was
Speaker 1: the perfect opportunity for me to really talk about this.
Speaker 1: The first time I wrote this chapter, I skimmed over it.
Speaker 1: I was like, so I did this thing, and then
Speaker 1: my parents came and then my editor was like, hey,
Speaker 1: I really think you should take the reader into exactly
Speaker 1: where you were. And it's the best note she's ever
Speaker 1: given me, because I was like, you know what, Lily, again,
Speaker 1: no one's in the room here when you're this actually
Speaker 1: open up, like people could really use this perspective. And
Speaker 1: so I did. And it was very difficult to write.
Speaker 1: Even as you were reading it, I was like, it's
Speaker 1: a heavy emotional thing. But the reason it was important
Speaker 1: for me to talk about this is this is one
Speaker 1: of the biggest changes that has ever happened in my life,
Speaker 1: and like I said the scariest thing I've ever done
Speaker 1: in my life, and it was something that I had
Speaker 1: to really address head on, because, to be honest, I
Speaker 1: don't think I don't think I was honest about what
Speaker 1: that situation was in my mind for so many years.
Speaker 1: You know, I came out to my parents at thirty,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people don't know this. I'm very type,
Speaker 1: so they shouldn't be surprised. But I actually came out
Speaker 1: to myself thirty days before that. So on September first,
Speaker 1: I in my room came out to my dog, Scarborough,
Speaker 1: the first time ever to myself. Prior to this, I
Speaker 1: had thoughts and feelings like I don't know why I'm
Speaker 1: not just so committed in the relationships I'm in. Something
Speaker 1: fuels off. You know. Growing up, I didn't know a
Speaker 1: single core person. High school, there was not a single
Speaker 1: queer person. This was not euphoria. My high school was
Speaker 1: not euphoria. In university, I knew of one queer person
Speaker 1: and it was it was someone who identified as a male,
Speaker 1: and I was so different from him, so I never
Speaker 1: really connected with him. And so at the age of thirty,
Speaker 1: I came out to myself. So at the age of
Speaker 1: twenty nine, I came out to myself and I said,
Speaker 1: before my thirtieth birthday, I'm going to come out to
Speaker 1: all the people that matter in my life. And it
Speaker 1: was a list of like ten people, and my parents
Speaker 1: were last, of course, type I had a list to
Speaker 1: do list, not a to do list to come out
Speaker 1: as I would. It was right there in between esteem
Speaker 1: the Napkins, and so they're last on the list, and
Speaker 1: I thought, okay, I'm going to tell them. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: write them this letter. And in my brain I had
Speaker 1: thought up this scenario of all the things they were
Speaker 1: going to do and say, and I had two versions
Speaker 1: on it. One was, this is going to go horrible again,
Speaker 1: all or nothing. It's gonna go horrible. They're not going
Speaker 1: to understand just in case, I'm going to have this
Speaker 1: idea of things I need to pack in my bag
Speaker 1: so I can leave the house, like just all of
Speaker 1: these worst case scenarios. And then the opposite, it was
Speaker 1: or they are going to throw me a party then
Speaker 1: and there because they're gonna be so proud all they're nothing. Mentality.
Speaker 1: The truth is that they came into my room and
Speaker 1: the first thing that my mom did was give me
Speaker 1: a big hug and said, why are you crying? You're
Speaker 1: my daughter and I love you regardless, beautiful, amazing. I
Speaker 1: was so scared in that moment and so nervous that
Speaker 1: because they were not saying the exact sentences I expected
Speaker 1: them to say. I was a little dismissive, to be honest,
Speaker 1: and it pains me to admit that because I know
Speaker 1: so often in these stories we want to hear that,
Speaker 1: like to support the kid, no matter what the kid
Speaker 1: is right. But I was dismissive, and I didn't give
Speaker 1: my parents the credit that they deserved of being like,
Speaker 1: they probably don't even know what this is. They've never
Speaker 1: been introduced to this idea before. And so we had
Speaker 1: the conversation. They did and said things of support. They
Speaker 1: did not disown me, They did not kick me out
Speaker 1: of the house. They did none of those things. But
Speaker 1: I left that conversation needing an enemy. To be honest,
Speaker 1: I needed to distance myself from people, even though they
Speaker 1: were being supportive, because I was so insecure. I had
Speaker 1: just done this big thing in my life and I
Speaker 1: didn't know how to figure it out. I didn't know
Speaker 1: how to now navigate the world. I felt so insecure.
Speaker 1: Everyone staring at me, these headlines are saying all these things.
Speaker 1: So I distanced myself from so many people, including my family,
Speaker 1: not because they weren't being supportive, even though I convinced
Speaker 1: myself that was what it was. Was because I just
Speaker 1: couldn't be in close proximity to people that I felt
Speaker 1: like I was disappointing, even though they were not disappointed,
Speaker 1: you know, And that was a hard pill for me
Speaker 1: to swallow, because that takes a lot of you admitting
Speaker 1: that you don't have to figure it out, and like
Speaker 1: you didn't give your parents enough credit. And so I'm
Speaker 1: happy to say that me and my parents are so
Speaker 1: close today and were so lovely. And it's just a lesson.
Speaker 1: I learned that it's so easy again to go back
Speaker 1: to right and wrong, but everyone is a human in
Speaker 1: different circleustances. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Yeah, Wow,
Speaker 1: they're honest. Thank you for sharing that. Like that is
Speaker 1: just it's so powerful on so many levels. And I
Speaker 1: felt the same by the way when I was reading it,
Speaker 1: it felt it was like it's transformative. It's transformative for
Speaker 1: me too, even just the idea of what you said
Speaker 1: that when we make a decision. We expect all or
Speaker 1: nothing results, or we expect extreme responses and actually life
Speaker 1: somewhere in between. And when you get that in between,
Speaker 1: you then don't know what to do with it because
Speaker 1: you only prepared your mind for the extremes. And what's
Speaker 1: really special about what you said is, although what you
Speaker 1: needed was compassion in that moment, you also needed to
Speaker 1: express compassion to them for their experience. Absolutely, And that's
Speaker 1: a really interesting conversation that you're starting, where it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I needed them to be compassionate to my human experience,
Speaker 1: but they needed my compassion because they don't understand this
Speaker 1: because they've never been exposed to it. Potentially, that trading
Speaker 1: of compassion is a really beautiful thing in the world,
Speaker 1: which I think is so often missing. I think I
Speaker 1: could not agree more. They gave me the compassion. I
Speaker 1: can sit here and tell you I did not return it.
Speaker 1: I thought they should immediately understand. How would they immediately
Speaker 1: understand this? And I see this all the time with
Speaker 1: the world, especially on social media, it's especially with cancel culture.
Speaker 1: It's they didn't get it right away, they don't get
Speaker 1: a chance to redeem themselves. They made a mistake. Well,
Speaker 1: they can improve. It is this lack of giving people
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt and being human, and this
Speaker 1: lack of compassion. You know, it's that if you really
Speaker 1: look back, and these are not excuses, it's the reality
Speaker 1: of the circumstances. My parents, this was not the thing
Speaker 1: they grew up with. Like I said, their concerns growing
Speaker 1: up were we have to make it, we have to
Speaker 1: provide for our kids. And I know that any concern
Speaker 1: and I know this in my heart. I didn't know
Speaker 1: it in that moment sitting in my room, but I
Speaker 1: know it now. Any concerns they might have expres or
Speaker 1: not because they didn't love me or they wanted me
Speaker 1: to be unhappy, it's because, in their understanding, they wanted
Speaker 1: to protect me from the world. They in their mind
Speaker 1: think this is going to make Lily's life harder. Potentially,
Speaker 1: we are scared for her, and we're to protect her.
Speaker 1: That's where they're coming from. Whether or not that's just
Speaker 1: is not the conversation, is that that's their circumstance. Well,
Speaker 1: you've just done, and what you've broken down for us
Speaker 1: is you've clearly articulated what compassion looks like in practice.
Speaker 1: To actually understand where that person's coming from, why they
Speaker 1: think that way, whether you agree with it or not,
Speaker 1: or disagree with it, whether it's fair or unfair, let
Speaker 1: me take a moment to understand how did that person
Speaker 1: get to where they are. And I think that even
Speaker 1: what we're seeing in movies today and media today, I
Speaker 1: love that we're getting into stories of how people became
Speaker 1: who they became because it's so important. We always tell
Speaker 1: the origin story of heroes, but we rarely tell the
Speaker 1: origin story of the villain. No one ever knows how
Speaker 1: the villain became the villain. And then you start seeing
Speaker 1: movies like Joker come out and everything, and you start go, oh, like,
Speaker 1: when now we're telling this story of how someone got
Speaker 1: there when we don't agree with them. And it's also
Speaker 1: this idea of if you really think about it, the
Speaker 1: hero and the villain are the same person in different circumstances.
Speaker 1: And that's another thing that I write in the book
Speaker 1: that I actually say during my meditation every day, is
Speaker 1: that I am everyone and everyone as me, and we
Speaker 1: are in different circumstances. And the reason I say that
Speaker 1: is because literally, get off your high horse. You are
Speaker 1: not right compared to someone else. Even though you are
Speaker 1: in two different sides of the spectrum of what you
Speaker 1: might agree on in a certain subject. They have certain circumstances,
Speaker 1: You have certain circumstances, and the reality of the situation
Speaker 1: is if I was born in a different time and
Speaker 1: place and I were my parents, I might have reacted
Speaker 1: even worse. To be honest, I might have reacted horribly.
Speaker 1: And to say otherwise it's just a lie. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: so easy to be like, if I were in your shoes,
Speaker 1: I would have done this. You might not have. You
Speaker 1: might have done worse, because circumstances matter. Yeah, I love
Speaker 1: that reminder. I think it was a few years ago
Speaker 1: where I realized that I wasn't better or worse than anyone.
Speaker 1: I wasn't ahead or behind of anyone. I wasn't right
Speaker 1: and they were wrong or vice versa. I was just
Speaker 1: me and how I process this experience. And you've brought
Speaker 1: up meditation there. Let's dive into that, because I know
Speaker 1: you've meditated for a long time and it's continue to
Speaker 1: evolve as a practice for you. In this book, you
Speaker 1: talk about our wonderful dear friend John Vie Harrison too. Yes,
Speaker 1: which is wonderful to see because She's such a special
Speaker 1: human being. And I love that you're you're really good
Speaker 1: at like in this book that you you know, you're
Speaker 1: just good at like picking people who have had this
Speaker 1: impact and sharing their work with you, tell us about
Speaker 1: what meditation looks like for you now and and why
Speaker 1: the current practice that you do of it is useful
Speaker 1: to you. Absolutely. So I've really had to remind myself
Speaker 1: of that it doesn't have to be all or nothing here,
Speaker 1: because although I aspire to be a J. Shetty, I
Speaker 1: know when I've tried in the past to have a
Speaker 1: rigid routine where I wake up at a certain time
Speaker 1: and I meditate in a certain place, looks a certain way,
Speaker 1: I have failed because for me, I go to sleep
Speaker 1: at different times, my schedules awry, and honestly, I get
Speaker 1: bored sometimes. And that's just me being really honest. When
Speaker 1: I have a really rigid routine, sometimes I get bored.
Speaker 1: I need a little change. So for me, what meditation
Speaker 1: looks like is not every day, I would say three
Speaker 1: ish forest times a week. I will listen to one
Speaker 1: of John v songs. Actually, I meditate to her music
Speaker 1: for me. I like music for me. Personally guided meditations
Speaker 1: I've learned don't work, and I've stopped being embarrassed about that.
Speaker 1: Even though so my dear friends have guided meditations, because
Speaker 1: I always start thinking about what the person looks like
Speaker 1: and all that type of brand and stuff. And if
Speaker 1: I listened to Jay guide me through a meditation, I're like, day,
Speaker 1: I missed that guy. I don't want to start to
Speaker 1: just wander in all places. So I personally use music,
Speaker 1: especially because for me, I'm really connected to musicality and
Speaker 1: the journey it takes you on. I'm really into the
Speaker 1: highs and lows and visualizing myself in all these places.
Speaker 1: And so I meditate to music for about twenty minutes.
Speaker 1: I use now the things I write about in my book.
Speaker 1: So I start my every meditation by saying, today, the
Speaker 1: four things that matter are the relationship to yourself, the
Speaker 1: relationship to the universe, understanding distraction, and implementing design. I
Speaker 1: check in on myself. I'm really honest with myself, how
Speaker 1: I feel, what I'm grateful for. If I'm having any
Speaker 1: petty thoughts, I really want to just like, it's a
Speaker 1: really safe space for me to be like, hey, You're
Speaker 1: allowed to process whatever is going through your mind. Right now,
Speaker 1: and you don't have to process it in a way
Speaker 1: where now you're going to come with solutions. It's just
Speaker 1: to know where you're at. Just connect with yourself. How
Speaker 1: are you feeling physically, mentally, emotionally. That's it, That's all
Speaker 1: I have to do. Next. I connect myself to the universe.
Speaker 1: And the reason I do this is because I talk
Speaker 1: about in the book, but it's also because in our industry, Jay,
Speaker 1: you can get very vain very fast. It can become
Speaker 1: all about you very very fast. I really value that
Speaker 1: reminder that I'm connected to something greater, and it also
Speaker 1: helps me alleviate some of my control issues that I
Speaker 1: have that not everything is in my control. I'm connected
Speaker 1: to something bigger, connected to other people. Like I said,
Speaker 1: i'm them, they're me and more in different circumstances. I
Speaker 1: also then send compassion, and I talk about this in
Speaker 1: the book, which is for so long I would meditate
Speaker 1: when I was upset, I would ask God for things
Speaker 1: and I'm having a bad day. It's just all about
Speaker 1: take take take from the universe. And I never really
Speaker 1: thought about, well, what are you putting back into the universe?
Speaker 1: You know, are you being a fair partner to the universe.
Speaker 1: And so I spend time really thinking about how I
Speaker 1: can send love, and I literally visualize love and like
Speaker 1: coming from my hands and sending it to whoever might
Speaker 1: need it. You know, it might sound silly, but before
Speaker 1: I judged on Canada's Got Talent, when I meditated, actually
Speaker 1: sent love and light to all the contestants love because
Speaker 1: I was like, I know what it feels like. I
Speaker 1: know I'm judging you, but like, if you're nervous, and
Speaker 1: I visualize them as if you're nervous, remember to have fun,
Speaker 1: like know that I'm going to be with you on
Speaker 1: that stage. I just try to send the energy to
Speaker 1: ever needs it. That's beautiful, and that is so beautiful,
Speaker 1: Thanks t Ye. And then I go into understanding distraction
Speaker 1: and implementing design, which to talk about in the book,
Speaker 1: and that is I have defined distraction not as the
Speaker 1: way we traditionally think of it. You know, your phone
Speaker 1: going off, someone talking during a movie, all these things,
Speaker 1: but distraction is the things that take us away from
Speaker 1: where we want to be spiritually, so take us away
Speaker 1: from the home we've created. Suddenly I'm feeling petty, I'm
Speaker 1: comparing myself to someone I'm feeling ungrateful. I label all
Speaker 1: of those things as distractions, not because they aren't valid,
Speaker 1: but because I don't want to stay there. I want
Speaker 1: to go there, process whatever needs to happen, and come
Speaker 1: back to this place where I am grateful and I
Speaker 1: do have strong values. And then I implement design. And
Speaker 1: this is where my practicality and spirituality makes up. And
Speaker 1: this says, hey, you know the life that you want.
Speaker 1: Stop telling yourself all the reasons you can't have those things,
Speaker 1: and actually just design your life in a way where
Speaker 1: they can happen, you know. And a prime example of
Speaker 1: that is so often I was told growing up that, hey, like,
Speaker 1: you can't have a career where you dress up and
Speaker 1: play pretend and you're creative and you do like grow up,
Speaker 1: get a real career. That's a phase. I had to
Speaker 1: design a life where I was like, I unsubscribed to
Speaker 1: that idea. The idea that I can do this as
Speaker 1: a career serves me better, So I'm going to design
Speaker 1: my life this way. So a lot of that has
Speaker 1: to do with unsubscribing from the ideas that do not
Speaker 1: serve us. Because I and I'm sure many other people
Speaker 1: we have signed this invisible contract on a lot of
Speaker 1: ideas that do not benefit us, but we do it anyway.
Speaker 1: You know that is so well said, because I remember
Speaker 1: when I fully had signed the contract that I was
Speaker 1: going to work a full time job and that teaching
Speaker 1: wisdom was going to be my hobby. That i'd signed
Speaker 1: that contract, i'd subscribe to the idea that sharing wisdom
Speaker 1: could not be a full time purpose. It had to
Speaker 1: be something I dident evenings and weekends. And now when
Speaker 1: I look back, and I think, I am so glad
Speaker 1: that at one point I unsubscribed, as you said, from
Speaker 1: that ideology, because otherwise I'd still be in that same place. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's incredible to think about it, because it sounds
Speaker 1: easy to say it now, but I can honestly say
Speaker 1: that when I started, I had no idea that anyone
Speaker 1: would care at all. I just knew that I believe
Speaker 1: deeply about what I was trying to share, and that's
Speaker 1: what fueled me to keep trying. Yeah, but I'm with you.
Speaker 1: I was fully subscribe to the idea this is not
Speaker 1: real job. It's scary unsubscribing to ideas. I mean, those
Speaker 1: ideas exist for a reason. Society has these ideas for
Speaker 1: a reason because no one has challenged them, no one
Speaker 1: has found a different way. And again it helps categorize
Speaker 1: people into boxes. To unsubscribe from those ideas. It's scary
Speaker 1: and it's risky, and it feels like you're walking a
Speaker 1: path alone. But those are ideas, they're not facts. There
Speaker 1: is no rulebook saying Jay has to do this and
Speaker 1: he can't do this as a job. There's no rulebook,
Speaker 1: Like for so long I thought there was a written
Speaker 1: rulebook that I'm an Indian woman, I can only do
Speaker 1: this things. I have to be quiet, I can't be outspoken.
Speaker 1: I have to do X y Z. Where is this rulebook,
Speaker 1: Like I have just decided that that's what I'm going
Speaker 1: to live my life by. No, like I do the
Speaker 1: work to let go of those ideas and make your
Speaker 1: life the things you want them to be. It takes work.
Speaker 1: No one's thinking it doesn't, but it's so that work
Speaker 1: is so worth it. Absolutely. My auntie has that book
Speaker 1: at home if you need to copy. I'm sure she does.
Speaker 1: I'm sure she does. I'm with you this, I love
Speaker 1: I want to go back to this. You talked about
Speaker 1: the universe, but you have this graphic in area which
Speaker 1: is about the miss calls from the universe, which when
Speaker 1: I saw that, I was like, I need to read
Speaker 1: this section because and that's how I went through the book.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was looking at stuff that was
Speaker 1: and I was like, Oh this, I love I love this.
Speaker 1: Let me read what this is about. Tell me about that,
Speaker 1: because I think that, like you said, we always expecting
Speaker 1: the universe to give to us, but you are actually
Speaker 1: saying here that we're missing calls from the universe. What
Speaker 1: are those miss calls? What are those signs that we're
Speaker 1: getting but that we keep missing. Well, I think it's
Speaker 1: a lot of things. I think it's how we think
Speaker 1: about even failure and loss. We don't think that there's
Speaker 1: and at least in that moment, we don't think that
Speaker 1: there's something bigger at play. You know, we have this
Speaker 1: tendency to think when we're sad that the world is
Speaker 1: against us, the universe is against us, because that's a
Speaker 1: comforting and easy place to go to. I am hurt,
Speaker 1: it's because my life sucks and this is sucky, and
Speaker 1: my day was sucky, and in that moment, we don't
Speaker 1: think that's something bigger is at play. We're missing calls
Speaker 1: from the universe. I can genuinely say, any horrible thing
Speaker 1: that has happened to me, any failure or any loss,
Speaker 1: there has been an exchange there. I lost something and
Speaker 1: then I gained something because of that thing. And that's
Speaker 1: the way I have to think about the universe. The
Speaker 1: universe is constantly exchange. Everything is an exchange, and it
Speaker 1: is a relationship that we really need to foster because
Speaker 1: we ignore it so often. We don't think about that, Hey,
Speaker 1: I actually have my job today and I have the
Speaker 1: following I have today because I spoke so openly about
Speaker 1: my experience going through mental health and people related to
Speaker 1: me great, but we don't actually dissect, like, hey, remember
Speaker 1: that time you're really sad. This is the exchange for that.
Speaker 1: The universe actually came around and gave you something. So
Speaker 1: why do you not nurture that relationship. I want to
Speaker 1: talk a lot about people who have a lot and
Speaker 1: have really tough pass and perhaps we don't give ourselves
Speaker 1: the opportunity to analyze what those losses gave us, and
Speaker 1: I think we should because I think that makes them
Speaker 1: silver linings and it makes us realize that, like, hey,
Speaker 1: there's something bigger at play. What do you think your
Speaker 1: biggest loss or failure was internally or externally, Like, what
Speaker 1: was that when you think about that moment where you
Speaker 1: felt lost, as you say in the subtitle of the book,
Speaker 1: but also the idea of when you feel you've lost, right,
Speaker 1: feeling lost and feeling like you've lost, When was that
Speaker 1: for you? And how did Obviously we know how you
Speaker 1: process it, because that's what the books about, but when
Speaker 1: was that for you? How did you identify that? I mean,
Speaker 1: there's a few moments, but if I'm being really really honest,
Speaker 1: the most recent one on the one that was most profound,
Speaker 1: and I think this is for a lot of people
Speaker 1: because it was an extraordinary circumstance, was during quarantine. You know,
Speaker 1: I really did feel like I lost momentum in my job.
Speaker 1: I felt like I definitely physically wasn't the worst. I
Speaker 1: would walk up the stairs and every windowed because I
Speaker 1: was doing nothing. I wasn't leaving the house. I was
Speaker 1: just I literally baked thirty cookies every day and played Fortnite.
Speaker 1: You know this, I asked you to play with me
Speaker 1: every day. But I was in such a place where
Speaker 1: I was so lost and had no direction, and I
Speaker 1: remember thinking, man I've worked so hard at stuff, and
Speaker 1: these two years is going to completely derail me, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start from scratch and all my momentum is
Speaker 1: going to be gone. And I could not see any
Speaker 1: light in that situation, especially because of what was happening
Speaker 1: in the world. I saw no light in that situation.
Speaker 1: If quarantine didn't happen, without doubt, there would never be
Speaker 1: another time in my life where I actually would have
Speaker 1: the time to do this work because I would be
Speaker 1: so busy with distractions and obligations. And I joke that
Speaker 1: quarantine forced me to pause and reflect. It forced me
Speaker 1: because otherwise I would have never done it. I truly would.
Speaker 1: I would have still been going. But I'm on a
Speaker 1: flight right now. I would have burnt out times a
Speaker 1: million right now. Yeah. And so this book, I keep
Speaker 1: calling it a gift to myself. It is the gift
Speaker 1: that COVID and quarantine gave me. So that loss, that
Speaker 1: mean being lost, the exchange of that was me doing
Speaker 1: this work. I love that idea of the loss and
Speaker 1: the exchange like that, that's such a we understand it
Speaker 1: with everything else. You buy something from a store, you
Speaker 1: eat calories, you understand it with everything else, But we
Speaker 1: don't tend to understand it spiritually because we don't connected exactly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because we don't do the work to connect it. We're
Speaker 1: never taught to connect it. And I'm encouraging people to
Speaker 1: make those connections and understand and it will help you
Speaker 1: understand loss, and it'll help you understand that the universe
Speaker 1: is big, it is glorious, and it's magical, and you
Speaker 1: should be open to and you should be connecting and
Speaker 1: nourishing that relationship. Yeah, and you're bringing it. I mean
Speaker 1: you're saying it's a gift to yourself. This book is
Speaker 1: definitely a gift to everyone who's going to read it. Genuinely.
Speaker 1: It genuinely is because it's I think what you just
Speaker 1: said about COVID and the pandemic, I think that was
Speaker 1: a worldwide phenomenal experience, phenomenon and experience. It was that's
Speaker 1: how everyone one felt in some way, and yes, in
Speaker 1: different extremes, in different experiences, but that was a unified
Speaker 1: feeling that these two years are derailing my life. It
Speaker 1: postponed my wedding. It means I'll never see my family
Speaker 1: again potentially because I lost them. It means I can't
Speaker 1: get the career I wanted. I started a new job,
Speaker 1: but we're not in the office, so I don't meet anyone.
Speaker 1: I'm just stuck in my tiny apartment right like that experience.
Speaker 1: And that's why if you're saying that that's what catalyzed
Speaker 1: all of these reflections and the work, then it is
Speaker 1: a gift to everyone because that's exactly what everyone needs
Speaker 1: to hear. So one of the things I want to
Speaker 1: dive into is this idea that you bring about around distractions.
Speaker 1: And I've seen you like and implementing design. If anyone
Speaker 1: wants to know how good Lily is an implementing design,
Speaker 1: play Fortnite with her and watch her play Katan and
Speaker 1: you literally just don't exist because she's just like you know.
Speaker 1: And I love the way You're mind works because we
Speaker 1: always joke about this that we have a lot of similarities.
Speaker 1: We are very We're very similar to me. When I
Speaker 1: see I see so much of myself and Lily all
Speaker 1: the time. Yes, anytime I'm in an argument with anyone
Speaker 1: and I want someone to see my point of view,
Speaker 1: I will call you. I'm like Jay is going to
Speaker 1: know exactly where I'm coming from here, and I relate
Speaker 1: to you fully and we're totally on the same page.
Speaker 1: But when I see you and I see you operate
Speaker 1: in that way, and now that you're bringing this compassionate
Speaker 1: heart to it, in this kindness to it, and you're
Speaker 1: able to implement design in that way, has it become
Speaker 1: more joyful in the execution of stuff? Like I want
Speaker 1: to hear about how you execute differently now because we've
Speaker 1: talked about how to be abouts and that was like
Speaker 1: the book before and we talked about that that is important,
Speaker 1: But now we're going back to them, like now when
Speaker 1: you're hustling, or now when you're working really hard, or
Speaker 1: now when you're being productive, how is it now fueled
Speaker 1: with joya how do you make sure that now it's
Speaker 1: coming from a place of meaning? Yeah, so I posted
Speaker 1: about this recently. This is not a joke for anyone
Speaker 1: that doesn't follow me. My vision board is in my shower. Yes,
Speaker 1: it is in my shower. It is taped to the
Speaker 1: glass outside of my shower. So I see it every
Speaker 1: single I literally, yes, I see it every day, smack
Speaker 1: dab in the middle of my vision board. Because my
Speaker 1: vision board is structured in a way where the things
Speaker 1: in the middle are my core values, and then it
Speaker 1: builds out and right in the middle is make sure
Speaker 1: you have fun. So part of my foundation, my triangle
Speaker 1: is that my relationship with myself, in my relationship with
Speaker 1: the universe, and how I implement design is going to
Speaker 1: be that my definition of success must include fun. It
Speaker 1: did not previously and my come up in my career,
Speaker 1: I did a lot of events and gigs and things
Speaker 1: where I was like, I don't care about this at all.
Speaker 1: This is horrendous, but I will do it. I will
Speaker 1: do the free gig. I will do this gig. I'm
Speaker 1: not passionate about to earn my stripes. We all work
Speaker 1: hard with this idea that I'm going to get to
Speaker 1: this place where eventually I can call the shots, I
Speaker 1: can do what I want to do. We get so
Speaker 1: caught up in the climb that even when we're in
Speaker 1: the position to do what we want to do, we're
Speaker 1: climbing still because now it's a habit. It's a habit,
Speaker 1: and we've forgotten the reason we started in the first place.
Speaker 1: That's where I was. So now having fun is a
Speaker 1: requirement of anything I say yes to. It doesn't matter
Speaker 1: what opportunity comes in my inbox. If I'm not going
Speaker 1: to have fun, it is not going to happen. And
Speaker 1: so yes, because of that decision, things are more joyful.
Speaker 1: When I'm doing a podcast or I'm presenting something on stage,
Speaker 1: I'm not going into it thinking nail every line. It's
Speaker 1: got to be perfect. You got to execute, and then
Speaker 1: you gotta network. It's hey, this is pretty cool that
Speaker 1: we're here, and I think you should go there, and
Speaker 1: I think by the end of the night, Lily, I
Speaker 1: think you should go home, and I think you should say, hey,
Speaker 1: you know what, that was like really fun Because if
Speaker 1: you don't have that, it doesn't matter. Yeah, it really
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, and there is no point. That doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you can't do it. Well, thats mean you can't be prepared.
Speaker 1: I will still do all of those things, but I
Speaker 1: will find the joy in doing all these extraordinary things
Speaker 1: that I get to do. And I learned this, especially
Speaker 1: because I'm sad to admit that in my first world tour.
Speaker 1: I mean, think about this, a thirty city world tour.
Speaker 1: Not many people can say they've done that in their life.
Speaker 1: I had to meet with my fans hell is costumes
Speaker 1: and how old we Oh, this was like six years ago.
Speaker 1: So yeah, fourteen, I was you know, yeah, I would
Speaker 1: be lying if I said that I remembered every moment
Speaker 1: of that because I was so fixated on this lighting
Speaker 1: queue and this next thing I have to say. And
Speaker 1: the T shirt says everything has to be perfect, And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying again evolution not all or nothing. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that's not important. It is. And I know
Speaker 1: you're like this too. We like things to be a
Speaker 1: certain qualities, but that doesn't mean you can't be president
Speaker 1: and have fun. Yes, right, you should still have fun.
Speaker 1: And so now I've decided everything I do the criteria
Speaker 1: is joy and fun. Yeah. I love what you just
Speaker 1: said about the habit and how that habit and I get.
Speaker 1: At least let me clarify and you can correct me
Speaker 1: if I'm wrong. But what I'm hearing you say is
Speaker 1: that there was a time when to earn your stripes,
Speaker 1: you had to do things that didn't necessarily extract joy,
Speaker 1: but you saw them creating platforms from which you could
Speaker 1: experience joy. But what happens is that as you keep
Speaker 1: reaching those platforms, you maintain that habit and that pattern
Speaker 1: that stops you again and again and again from saying
Speaker 1: there's another platform from which I can be in full joy,
Speaker 1: right absolutely, And so earning your stripes wasn't the mistake.
Speaker 1: That's a healthy thing and that's needed in everyone. But
Speaker 1: what was the mistake was that habit that gets formed
Speaker 1: of like I will be not happy because that's what
Speaker 1: you're saying, I will allow myself to have fun when
Speaker 1: exactly there's always another better time or place where this
Speaker 1: joy could happen. And I think that's a learned thing
Speaker 1: as well. You know, I talk about how my parents
Speaker 1: have earned their stripes above and beyond. They immigrated to
Speaker 1: Canada and the seventies, work so hard, you know, my
Speaker 1: dad had multiple jobs. He grew from one position to
Speaker 1: the next. They're so well off now and they've done
Speaker 1: such a great job. Both of their kids are taking
Speaker 1: care of They don't need to work, they don't need
Speaker 1: to save up for anything. God knows, I'm not getting married.
Speaker 1: They don't need to use that money for anything, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And I always tell them, like,
Speaker 1: why aren't you guys traveling everywhere and like doing all
Speaker 1: the things, And they still are in that mindset of
Speaker 1: like no, because you know, we have we have to
Speaker 1: save up for things and we can't do those things now,
Speaker 1: we're too old for those things. That it's that habit
Speaker 1: that we can't do that yet. We're not there yet, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we are so often we are there. Yeah, And if
Speaker 1: we keep chasing that no, not yet, not yet, later,
Speaker 1: we're gonna miss out on that joy. Yeah. That's so
Speaker 1: so well said. And I fully agree with you too.
Speaker 1: I was saying now my team recently and just saying
Speaker 1: that I want to be able to do things that
Speaker 1: I want to do that our risks and are fun
Speaker 1: and our things people don't expect of me. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: that's what you work hard for, is to be able
Speaker 1: to do that. I was like, even doing this was
Speaker 1: a risk in the first place, exactly, So why would
Speaker 1: I stop taking risks now? You know, because I think
Speaker 1: we get protective as well, right, And to me, I
Speaker 1: think taking risks has always been a core value of mine.
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, I want to take more risks,
Speaker 1: and I want to do things that surprise me and
Speaker 1: surprise other people and are not things that people expect,
Speaker 1: because when I started this, people didn't expect to either.
Speaker 1: So why it's funny how we especially people like me
Speaker 1: and you we and other creatives as well. We stepped
Speaker 1: outside of a box, only to then put ourselves in
Speaker 1: another box. It's a slightly bigger box, totally totally yeah,
Speaker 1: for comfort and safe exactly. And we keep doing that
Speaker 1: and then I always have to remind myself, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I've remind my team when they're like, hey, this is
Speaker 1: not how things are traditionally done, and hey we should
Speaker 1: do things like this. I'm like, you have to know
Speaker 1: who you're talking to here, because right now I have
Speaker 1: a wig and a beard on my face and I'm
Speaker 1: dressed up as my dad. So you need not tell
Speaker 1: me how things You need not tell me how things
Speaker 1: are usually done. Absolutely. I was at a dinner the
Speaker 1: other day and I paid for the dinner and the
Speaker 1: two people I was with, one of them said to me,
Speaker 1: to said, Jay, you are bucking every industry trend, like
Speaker 1: someone else should have picked up the check. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I am my response to that straight away,
Speaker 1: and they were very grateful and they were wonderful about it.
Speaker 1: But my response that was I want to break every
Speaker 1: tradition absolutely, because these traditions have just again who wrote
Speaker 1: the rule book? And the more we subscribe whenever I
Speaker 1: feel the same way whenever anyone says to me like,
Speaker 1: but yeah, this is how it's done, or this is
Speaker 1: what this role is, or this this I'm like, says
Speaker 1: who and most of these roles are not going to
Speaker 1: exist in ten years, And why is it not done
Speaker 1: another way totally? Why is it not done another way totally?
Speaker 1: You know? And those and another thing I was gonna
Speaker 1: say that the bigger lesson I've learned here is that
Speaker 1: I need to go out to more dinners with you.
Speaker 1: I was like, what, Jays, we can have checks around here?
Speaker 1: What I think? I think? Yes, yeah, I mean anything.
Speaker 1: I will unsubscribe to the idea that I should pay
Speaker 1: for the check and you can pay for the check.
Speaker 1: I'm okay with that. Well with us actually, to everyone
Speaker 1: as the truth, we're always competing, We're always does everyone
Speaker 1: has My relationship, Jay is very sticky, comes to my house,
Speaker 1: He's like no, no, no, no, next time, next time,
Speaker 1: And then the next time is always he's sneaking, So
Speaker 1: you definitely have to pull it. They see moves of
Speaker 1: like running and giving the credit card an advantage. I'm
Speaker 1: one of those awkward plant based people who doesn't want
Speaker 1: to cause like pressure to other people, and like, you know,
Speaker 1: we're just two uncles battling it all right, Lily. So
Speaker 1: we have dissected how to be a triangle, but we
Speaker 1: have literally scratched the surface. There are so many incredible
Speaker 1: messages in this book, the sections that Lily talked about
Speaker 1: in this interview, they go so much more deeper. There
Speaker 1: are so many more takeaways. There are so many more
Speaker 1: beautiful moments where you're going to have these light bulb
Speaker 1: moments and these moments of insight and reflection for yourself.
Speaker 1: And I honestly believe that this. You know, I think
Speaker 1: and I read a lot of nonfiction self help and
Speaker 1: mindset books. It's I love that stuff, and sometimes it
Speaker 1: can get repetitive, and this was one of the first
Speaker 1: books I've read in a long time. But this was
Speaker 1: so authentically you, Like, it was just so you, like,
Speaker 1: everything you said was so you, and it was so
Speaker 1: genuine to who you are that I was like, this
Speaker 1: is so real, and that's why it works for people,
Speaker 1: and that's why it will work for people. And when
Speaker 1: people apply it, they will feel change in their life.
Speaker 1: Because you're not trying to teach, or you're not trying
Speaker 1: to preach or You're not trying to guide. You're literally
Speaker 1: saying that this is what worked for me, and this
Speaker 1: is how I think about stuff, and it's so simple
Speaker 1: yet so practical, yet so applicable to people that I
Speaker 1: was just blown away as to how you it is.
Speaker 1: And I could hear your voice in my head. I
Speaker 1: could hear your voice in my head that you as
Speaker 1: you think through an idea and that is exactly I
Speaker 1: literally would explain it to me were saying next. And
Speaker 1: I think that's beautiful for people to know that, because
Speaker 1: I think people can read a lot of self help
Speaker 1: and oh this is repetitive or I've heard this before,
Speaker 1: or someone said, and I'm like sure, but we have
Speaker 1: to hear it from someone's unique experience, and I think
Speaker 1: you capture that really well. So thank you for doing that.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that what I wanted the impact to be,
Speaker 1: So thank you. Yeah, thank you. All right, So we're
Speaker 1: going to end uh this interview with what we call
Speaker 1: the final five. All Right, these are a rapid, fire
Speaker 1: fast five which I always break the rules on. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna definitely break tell me more, and so anyway,
Speaker 1: we try and answer these in one word to one
Speaker 1: sentence matchico. I'm definitely gonna break those. It's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 1: I'll allow you usually sometimes. Yeah, all right, okay. Question
Speaker 1: number one, what is the best advice you've ever received?
Speaker 1: Sorry to everyone is listening to you. I'm not sorry.
Speaker 1: This is how I feel. Um. Okay, this supposed to
Speaker 1: be rapid? Oh my god, I shouldn't call it rapid.
Speaker 1: I should call it um. I should change the name.
Speaker 1: Now you just made me realize it shouldn't be rapid.
Speaker 1: It should be more like condensed. Five. But that sounds terrible.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's definitely probably gonna be Okay, it canna
Speaker 1: be a quote. It's actually live by I actually first
Speaker 1: heard it from my big fact Greek wedding. Oh cool, okay.
Speaker 1: And the quote is, and I'll never forget it is,
Speaker 1: don't let your pass define who you are, to be
Speaker 1: a part of who you become. And I think that
Speaker 1: speaks really well to the evolution we were talking about earlier.
Speaker 1: Great answer that was, that's good? All right. Question number two,
Speaker 1: what is the worst advice you've ever received? I think
Speaker 1: what we talked about this is how things have usually
Speaker 1: been done, is tried and tested. Yeah, definitely, I don't
Speaker 1: want to hear that about anything in my life. I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it about even I'm not even
Speaker 1: on what workstime. I don't want to hear about anything
Speaker 1: in my life absolutely about how one should be spiritual,
Speaker 1: or how one shold have relationships, about how one should
Speaker 1: form friendships. I don't think any idea should be treated
Speaker 1: as as a fact. Ideas are just that, their ideas
Speaker 1: to be explored. I love that you have full permission
Speaker 1: to avoid the one sentence, because that was a great answering.
Speaker 1: So I feel fair if anything I asked you and
Speaker 1: you want to expand on it, still accommodating, no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: because that was such a I'm so happy you expanded
Speaker 1: on that because I love that you stretched it out
Speaker 1: to everything, Like I think the idea of not just
Speaker 1: saying this isn't just about work or people in an industry.
Speaker 1: The fact that you talked about how to be spiritual
Speaker 1: like that, I that resonates so deeply with me. I
Speaker 1: love that, and so please please expand. Okay. Question number three,
Speaker 1: how would you describe your current purpose in life? I
Speaker 1: think my purpose is to be a destructor. I have
Speaker 1: come to terms with that word. It used to mean
Speaker 1: destruction chaos to me, but now it means beautiful chaos
Speaker 1: to me. I want to disrupt systems and ideas, and
Speaker 1: that does include paving the path. Yes, I want to
Speaker 1: disrupt the industry. I want to disrupt how TV and
Speaker 1: film is made. I want to disrupt the stories we see.
Speaker 1: But in everything in my family, I'm a disruptor. I'm
Speaker 1: the first that has done many many things. My parents
Speaker 1: will openly tell you. I want to disrupt and shake
Speaker 1: things up. That's my purpose. Yeah, And I think what's
Speaker 1: interesting about that, which I love. By the way, that's
Speaker 1: a very unique concept. We've never had it on the show.
Speaker 1: The reason why I love that is because a you
Speaker 1: can do it anytime, anywhere. There's no way you can't
Speaker 1: do that. And what I love about it more importantly
Speaker 1: is that what you just said is the first to
Speaker 1: do many things, and that's actually scary, and it also
Speaker 1: means that you're not always going to get it right
Speaker 1: by other people's standards, And I think we have to
Speaker 1: learn to value that when people are treading new paths
Speaker 1: and are disrupting that there are going to be changes
Speaker 1: and pivots and adapting that comes along the way, and
Speaker 1: I think we want innovation in the world, but when
Speaker 1: someone tries to innovate and it's slightly different to what
Speaker 1: we expect, we're so quick to criticize or get to
Speaker 1: tear someone down. And actually that doesn't make any sense
Speaker 1: because that thing only got created because someone did something
Speaker 1: that was never done before. And so I think we
Speaker 1: need to we need to create more space for people
Speaker 1: to be able to try new things for the first time,
Speaker 1: because that's what takes the world forward at all. Could
Speaker 1: not have said it better myself. Innovation and disruption, and
Speaker 1: you know those you're You're the first of many as well.
Speaker 1: It is very difficult to do. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: obstacles and hurdles that come in your way a lot
Speaker 1: of people will never know about. But I enjoy being
Speaker 1: a disruptor, and I enjoy encouraging people to think differently,
Speaker 1: and I enjoy doing things in a different way. I
Speaker 1: love that, all right. Question number four is what did
Speaker 1: you once used to value that you no longer value.
Speaker 1: This is a little bit of a complex answer, but
Speaker 1: something I used to value is a certain type of friendship.
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is, and I might
Speaker 1: be a little jaded by be being in the public eye.
Speaker 1: To be honest, but I used to only want to
Speaker 1: be friends with people, and I really valued the friendships
Speaker 1: I had when people knew me before I got famous.
Speaker 1: I really valued that connection of like, these are my
Speaker 1: childhood friends and they know me, and these are my
Speaker 1: true friends. That has really hindered me growing up because
Speaker 1: now I've been in the public eye for ten years,
Speaker 1: what does that? Where does that leave me? And at
Speaker 1: least be in a position to never make new friendships again,
Speaker 1: right because inevitably the new people I meet, they're never
Speaker 1: going to know me before ten years ago. I don't
Speaker 1: value that definition of friendship anymore. I value evolving that
Speaker 1: and connect with people in different ways I've never had before. Hey,
Speaker 1: I met this person, I really feel something me and
Speaker 1: you is a perfect example. I can consider one of
Speaker 1: my close good friends. You didn't know me before I
Speaker 1: was you know Lily on YouTube, And I didn't know
Speaker 1: you before you were the j Shetty you know. And
Speaker 1: I think if I met you years and years ago,
Speaker 1: I would have probably dismissed our friendship because I would
Speaker 1: have been like, it's just another networking thing, another work thing.
Speaker 1: I value that so differently. Now I understand that you
Speaker 1: can connect with people in different ways, and people can
Speaker 1: play different roles in your life and it can still
Speaker 1: be magical and special. Yeah, and I love hearing that
Speaker 1: because I value our friendship so much, but I get
Speaker 1: that it's it is really interesting to toy with that.
Speaker 1: Like the person I speak to most every week is
Speaker 1: the guy who's the best man at my wedding. I
Speaker 1: speak to me like three times a week, and we
Speaker 1: talked for an hour every time. And if someone told me,
Speaker 1: where do you find that time, it's really weird because
Speaker 1: I'll find it in gaps. He's always kindly available and
Speaker 1: we'll pick up and make time for me. And he's
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur too, so he can be flexible and we'll
Speaker 1: just talk and we can talk for hours, and it's
Speaker 1: easy because he's I've known him for I've known him
Speaker 1: since I was eighteen, so I've known for nearly seventeen
Speaker 1: years now. He's one of my closest He's my closest friend.
Speaker 1: And what I realized is history is important to me,
Speaker 1: because there is something special about when someone has history
Speaker 1: with you. But what I've realized that doesn't stop you
Speaker 1: from creating new history and new memories. And that's what
Speaker 1: I feel with you, Like when I look at my
Speaker 1: time in COVID, I think of our time as we
Speaker 1: built so much history during COVID together that that's exciting
Speaker 1: to me because I don't have that history with any
Speaker 1: of those people because I wasn't there with them. And
Speaker 1: I think that's exactly correct. And I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: discredit my child friends. When I go and hang on
Speaker 1: my childoo friends, it's special and we have these memories.
Speaker 1: But I really did if I'm being on a struggle
Speaker 1: with friendship when I moved to LA because I was
Speaker 1: so attached to how that should happen, how friendship is
Speaker 1: supposed to be. That I was my biggest obstacle when
Speaker 1: it came to making new connections. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: What a great answer, Like, what a great honestly, like,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it because that is such a we've again
Speaker 1: never had done the show. And so you know, you
Speaker 1: hire me, am. I heard hired am, I hired am.
Speaker 1: I heard we'll give you an award. Yea fifth, do
Speaker 1: not award me? What is it? The consequence of fifth
Speaker 1: and final question is and I'm so glad we didn't. Okay,
Speaker 1: this from today, the fast five is officially being scrapped.
Speaker 1: When I feel like it. We have to find a
Speaker 1: new name. Please steadily tag us on Instagram and come
Speaker 1: up with the new name. Because I'm struggling. All I'm
Speaker 1: doing right now, I was thinking of a new name.
Speaker 1: What is this thing going to be? I haven't got one. Okay.
Speaker 1: So fifth and final question is if you could create
Speaker 1: one law or one habit that everyone in the world
Speaker 1: had to follow every day and take your time as well,
Speaker 1: because every time we take your time we get the
Speaker 1: best answers. We'd be a trankle that was Lily's voice.
Speaker 1: One word or one law or one habit. Yeah, either
Speaker 1: either law as in something that people have to follow,
Speaker 1: a habit people have to practice. It's up to you.
Speaker 1: Something that I think is being lost in the universe today,
Speaker 1: and perhaps it could be jaded by my career in
Speaker 1: social media, I don't know, because the other fields being
Speaker 1: lost in the world is the value of context. I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of conflict in the world, a
Speaker 1: lot of tension in the world, a lot of negativity
Speaker 1: in the world, is because we don't value context anymore.
Speaker 1: We judge people very quickly. We judge them from snippets
Speaker 1: online or things that they've said. Like I said, we
Speaker 1: don't appreciate their circumstances. We don't even acknowledge that they
Speaker 1: might have different circumstances from ours. I think the world
Speaker 1: would be a better place if it was mandatory to
Speaker 1: have context when you're speaking to someone, when you're putting
Speaker 1: something on Twitter, when you are even debating. And I
Speaker 1: think the reason the word law made me think of
Speaker 1: this is I think of how many times in a
Speaker 1: courtroom a decision or law has been passed about a
Speaker 1: person or a group of people, even though that personal
Speaker 1: group of people, their context is nowhere in that room,
Speaker 1: you know. I think about how many people have made
Speaker 1: laws about women's bodies and no woman was part of that,
Speaker 1: or like one woman out of twenty was part of
Speaker 1: that decision because there's no context. I think context is
Speaker 1: important and should be valued. And if you don't have that,
Speaker 1: what are you actually talking about? You know? Really, with
Speaker 1: the death wore I'm trying. I mean, these laws, three
Speaker 1: answers that you've given, We've just gone in and obviously
Speaker 1: completely different direction to what we're talking about. But like
Speaker 1: that's such an that would be such an incredible law
Speaker 1: in habit that, And I don't know how you would
Speaker 1: execute a different time. Just the value of context, because
Speaker 1: it seems to be an endangered concept right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I I often find the way I've been trying to
Speaker 1: do in certain circumstances. And I'm sure you get this
Speaker 1: a lot. A lot of people ask me, oh, what's
Speaker 1: this person like? And I'm sure you get there too,
Speaker 1: because you've interviewed some amazing people, you're friends with, incredible people,
Speaker 1: and people what's this person really like? And what I've
Speaker 1: realized is that that answer can be so complex and again,
Speaker 1: out of context, because it's so easy to say, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just bumped into them and an elevator and they
Speaker 1: were really rude, and just in case they're a rude person,
Speaker 1: and what you just said, it's like, well, that's just
Speaker 1: one tiny, minuscule experience, or the experiences me saying oh,
Speaker 1: they're the sweetest, nicest person in the world. Again, it's
Speaker 1: a very subjective experience. And the point is that without context,
Speaker 1: that answer can be so misconstrued. And that's just one example.
Speaker 1: And I've realized for me practically, it's just saying something
Speaker 1: along the lines of like this has been my experience
Speaker 1: and being able to context you guys, but this is
Speaker 1: my relationship with that person, and this is my experience
Speaker 1: with that person. That's all I can give you. I
Speaker 1: think even hearing someone say in my experience experience, I
Speaker 1: think why I love that is because then someone listening
Speaker 1: doesn't really have the right to say, well no, yeah,
Speaker 1: well that's not because again context is again we all
Speaker 1: have our own experiences, and we need to understand that
Speaker 1: everyone has their own experiences. I love that everyone Lily
Speaker 1: sing be a triangle. How I went from being lost
Speaker 1: to getting my life into shape is available right now.
Speaker 1: We have the link in every bio caption comment wherever
Speaker 1: you can get it. Please please please go and order
Speaker 1: the book today. It will not disappoint I cannot wait
Speaker 1: to see this. Please tag me and Lily on Instagram,
Speaker 1: on Twitter, on Facebook, on TikTok, whatever you're on, and
Speaker 1: share what your biggest nuggets, your biggest wisdom, your biggest
Speaker 1: takeaway were from this interview. Because I love seeing what
Speaker 1: resonated with you, what connected with you. And then what
Speaker 1: I'd love for you to do is take a picture
Speaker 1: of your favorite picture, sketch, whatever it may be, from
Speaker 1: the book, and I want you to tag me in
Speaker 1: Lily and post that on Instagram too, because this book
Speaker 1: is full of the most beautiful designs at paper Somosa.
Speaker 1: At paper Somosa, please do tag us because I'd love
Speaker 1: to see which ones you're resonating with, which ones you're
Speaker 1: in love with, which ones you're going to make a
Speaker 1: part of your vision board and your meditation every day. Lily,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Thank you so much for your
Speaker 1: support from the King himself. Thank you for the support
Speaker 1: I appreciate. I was such a great commence, and it's
Speaker 1: so lovely because like we're friends, but we don't always
Speaker 1: get the chance to go this this and I love it,
Speaker 1: like literally when I'm hearing and I felt this last
Speaker 1: time too, I said the same and last time we
Speaker 1: weren't as we had starting, we were just starting our
Speaker 1: friendship and I was three years ago, and I felt
Speaker 1: the same way last time, and I said the same
Speaker 1: thing to you. I was like, that was just so
Speaker 1: deep and profound and thoughtful in so many ways. And
Speaker 1: you know you you're a comedian, so you'll always just
Speaker 1: like laughing off or whatever. But but genuinely it was
Speaker 1: even this time, and you've given me so much to
Speaker 1: think about that. And I appreciating these conversations with you
Speaker 1: because we relate on so many levels. So much for
Speaker 1: having me, thank you, for everyone for listening. I appreciate it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you,