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Speaker 1: My parents. This was not the thing they grew up with.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, their concerns growing up were we have

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Speaker 1: to make it, we have to provide for our kids.

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Speaker 1: And I know that any concern and I know this

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Speaker 1: in my heart. I didn't know it in that moment

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Speaker 1: sitting in my room, but I know it now. Any

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Speaker 1: concerns they might have expressed were not because they didn't

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Speaker 1: love me or they wanted me to be unhappy. It's because,

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Speaker 1: in their understanding, they wanted to protect me from the world.

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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one

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Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every

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Speaker 1: single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn,

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Speaker 1: and grow. And I am so excited to be talking

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Speaker 1: to you today. I can't believe it. My new book,

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Speaker 1: Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot wait

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Speaker 1: to share it with you. I am so so excited

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Speaker 1: for you to read this book, for you to listen

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Speaker 1: to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't

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Speaker 1: got it already, make sure you go to eight Rules

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Speaker 1: of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying

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Speaker 1: to find, keep, or let go of love. So if

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Speaker 1: you've got friends that are dating, broken up or struggling

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Speaker 1: with love. Make sure you grab this book and I'd

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Speaker 1: love to invite you to come and see me for

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Speaker 1: my global tour Love Rules. Go to Jay Shettytour dot

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Speaker 1: com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences and more.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you this year now. Today's

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Speaker 1: guest is one of the few select guests that are

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Speaker 1: on the podcast twice. She was in our first three

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Speaker 1: episodes of all Time and on purpose. It is my

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Speaker 1: dear friend. The incredibly talented, the multifaceted entertainer, actress, producer,

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Speaker 1: writer and creator. A leading force in the digital world,

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Speaker 1: she has amassed a global audience get this of over

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Speaker 1: thirty eight million followers across her social media channels, where

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Speaker 1: she writes, rex produces, and stars in comedic and inspirational videos. Currently,

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Speaker 1: Lily can be seen in the second season of Hulu's

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Speaker 1: comedy doll Face and if you haven't seen it, highly

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Speaker 1: recommend it, where she will play live a queer bar

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Speaker 1: owner with a confident sense of humor, kind of like

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Speaker 1: her opposite Shane Mitchell. This coming April twenty twenty two,

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Speaker 1: She's going to be part of the Star studded ensemblecast

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Speaker 1: for the DreamWorks Animation action comedy Bad Guys. On April fifth,

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Speaker 1: Lily will release her second book, And this is what

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk about today. And if you haven't already,

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Speaker 1: I want you to head over to the comments and

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Speaker 1: the link section and the caption and ordered this book

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Speaker 1: even before this podcast, because it's gonna be epic. Be

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Speaker 1: a triangle how I went from being lost to getting

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Speaker 1: my life into shape Following her New York Times best

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Speaker 1: selling book, How to Be a Bouse, A Guide to

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Speaker 1: Surviving and Conquering Life. Now, Lily is a dear friend.

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Speaker 1: I know her deeply. I spent all of my COVID

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Speaker 1: night spending katan with her, listening to music, her beating

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Speaker 1: me a ping pong, and we just bonded somelmost, Lily

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Speaker 1: saying in the house, I am a thrilled to be

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Speaker 1: I can watch you all day long, the smile on

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Speaker 1: my face because, like we said, we're friends. But when

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Speaker 1: I see you do all this, I'm just like, I

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Speaker 1: can watch you forever. Thank you for having me. Well,

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Speaker 1: I could read your glories forever. I'm looking at that.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, I think we share this in common.

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Speaker 1: But when I look at how hard you work, and

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Speaker 1: I know how much effort you've put in to serving humanity,

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Speaker 1: to inspiring people, to building what you're doing to show

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Speaker 1: young girls all over the world what's possible, and young

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Speaker 1: people all over the world, and a younger me all

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Speaker 1: over the world too, I'm just amazed. And what I

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Speaker 1: love about you most is that when we are together,

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Speaker 1: you're the sweetest, kindest, most hospitable. Just I want everyone

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Speaker 1: to know, Lily is amazing at table placements. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: thank you for saying that. Oh my god, that's a

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Speaker 1: wrapper good here. Yes, a lot of people don't know this,

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Speaker 1: but I'm a huge would nerd. If I could quit

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Speaker 1: my job and do anything, I would just want to

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Speaker 1: set tables for the rest of my life. You're the

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Speaker 1: most hospitable human that I come to your house and

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, wow, this is amazing. Absolutely, the handkerchief

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Speaker 1: like choice where it's placed that anyway, please know why

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Speaker 1: steamed the napkins before you get served? All or nothing?

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Speaker 1: It's all or nothing, but I love it. Because we're

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Speaker 1: talking about your book today, Be a Triangle, which is

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Speaker 1: so exciting because your first book came out I think

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Speaker 1: now five years ago, which is incredible. What is time?

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Speaker 1: I know, and the fact that you've focused on building

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Speaker 1: and writing this amazing book, which you thankfully sent to me.

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Speaker 1: I got to read it ahead of time. I've read

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Speaker 1: some of my favorite chapters. Today we get to dive in,

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Speaker 1: and like I said, everyone's watching or listening back at

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Speaker 1: home makes you go and order this book. Not only

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Speaker 1: is literally one of my favorite people in the world,

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Speaker 1: she bears a soul in this book, makes it super

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Speaker 1: accessible and relevant, and it's highly practical and has the

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Speaker 1: cutest images in it as well. But let's dive in.

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Speaker 1: When I first heard you announced the title, I was

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Speaker 1: just fascinating. I was so intrigued. I was like, be

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Speaker 1: a triangle. I was like, what does that mean? Like

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Speaker 1: I was only ever called square growing up, right or

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Speaker 1: other words? And I was like, what does it mean

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Speaker 1: to be a triangle? Let's start there. Yes, I was

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Speaker 1: also called square, and then during COVID I turned into

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Speaker 1: a circle. And now I've decided that my shape is triangle.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting you bring this up because and

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you explain the title in a second, but

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Speaker 1: I actually have to fight for this title because when

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Speaker 1: I had sent the email to my team being like,

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Speaker 1: I know this is not immediately understandable, but no other

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Speaker 1: title will suffice. It has to be a triangle. And

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Speaker 1: the response I got was it's kind of confusing, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, I stuck to my guns, and

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy I did, because it is what the

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Speaker 1: book is about, you know. The book is about me

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Speaker 1: really coming to terms with the fact that although I've

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Speaker 1: done a lot of cool things in my life, you know,

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Speaker 1: you rattled off a few in the intro, and I'll

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Speaker 1: vow I'm on my fourth vision board. I think during COVID,

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Speaker 1: I really had a moment when everything went away and

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Speaker 1: I had no events and I had nothing. It's not

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Speaker 1: that I was like, oh, I'm a workaholic and now

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Speaker 1: I'm bored. It was deeper than that, was that, oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't think I have any value right now, Like

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Speaker 1: I can't measure myself in any way because I don't

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Speaker 1: have events and I don't have work, and so I'm

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Speaker 1: just kind of floating in space, unsure of what to

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Speaker 1: do or how to think of myself, or how to

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Speaker 1: think of life right now. And I realized that's because

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Speaker 1: work was the only thing I associated value with. You know,

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Speaker 1: I never really thought about, but what kind of person

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Speaker 1: do you want to be? And if you accomplish all

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Speaker 1: things on your vision board, how should that make you feel?

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Speaker 1: And how come you don't feel that way right now?

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Speaker 1: And so I got to thinking, and the root of

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Speaker 1: it was that I never had a solid foundation of

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Speaker 1: just what my belief system is. You know, what do

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Speaker 1: I want my values to be? Where do I want

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Speaker 1: to be, not just professionally but spiritually mentally, What do

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Speaker 1: I really care about and what's important? And that's all

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Speaker 1: about building foundation. Now, one of the strongest structural shapes

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Speaker 1: on the planet is a triangle, and so I thought,

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Speaker 1: I need to be a triangle. I need to build

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Speaker 1: a strong foundation for myself so that all of my

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Speaker 1: life experiences and everything from this moment on I can

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Speaker 1: put on top of this strong foundation. That is perfect.

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Speaker 1: And I love that you stuck to Your guys were like,

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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? And I was like, be

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Speaker 1: a triangle. It's gotta it's gotta be this. So I

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Speaker 1: went through a similar thing that when I wrote the

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Speaker 1: title Think like a Monk, and I was always the

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Speaker 1: title that I wanted for my first great title, and

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Speaker 1: fourteen out of seventeen imprints that heard that title said

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Speaker 1: that I should change it because they didn't want me

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Speaker 1: to have that as the title. But they said they

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Speaker 1: said to me, they said, well, who wants to think

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Speaker 1: like a monk? People don't even know what monks are.

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Speaker 1: They don't know what they do. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: but it's so true to what I'm trying to share

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Speaker 1: with the world. Is like, this is the line of

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Speaker 1: wisdom that I learned from. And it sounds like you're

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Speaker 1: saying the same thing. It's like, this is what I'm

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Speaker 1: actually asking people to do. I don't need to come

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Speaker 1: up with a catchy, gimmicky title correct just to sell

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Speaker 1: a book. I completely agree because I think so much

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Speaker 1: of my life I'll be real, I make thousands and

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Speaker 1: thousands of YouTube videos, we do stuff on social med

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Speaker 1: that you need to be a little clicky and buzzy

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Speaker 1: and grab people's attention. For this, though such a vulnerable,

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Speaker 1: raw piece of work. I was like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to do that. If this is the title that I

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Speaker 1: think feels right and it's what I actually want to communicate,

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Speaker 1: this is what it's going to be. Yeah, I love

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Speaker 1: that you brought about how we value ourselves and I

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Speaker 1: want to start there. And you talk a lot about

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Speaker 1: in the book what we learned at school, what we

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Speaker 1: didn't learn at school. Where do you think we learned

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Speaker 1: to ascribe our value to anything in life? Like you said,

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Speaker 1: you so work as your value. What are some of

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Speaker 1: those other values that people ascribe to and where do

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Speaker 1: you think we develop them? I mean, I think there's

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Speaker 1: a few ways. And I can only speak to me

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Speaker 1: dissecting my own life. I think for me, a lot

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Speaker 1: of it is definitely cultural. I mean, you can probably

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Speaker 1: relate to this as both being South Asian. Is that

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Speaker 1: my family and my community, they really do value a degree.

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Speaker 1: We live in a time right now where and I'm

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Speaker 1: not trying to bash school, but I don't know a

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Speaker 1: single person using their degree right now. That doesn't matter

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Speaker 1: to my parents. A degree is the save all end all.

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Speaker 1: You need the degree or else you are not at

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Speaker 1: You know, you have to establish a family. You have

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Speaker 1: to get married yet to have kids because you have

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Speaker 1: to keep the family name going. You have to contribute

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Speaker 1: back to the world through kids, because they are not

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Speaker 1: used to another way of contributing to the world. Their

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Speaker 1: understanding is that you contribute to the world through having

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Speaker 1: kids and making the world progress. See I for a

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Speaker 1: long time, and this is where I get really realised.

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Speaker 1: For a long time, I think I had a bit

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Speaker 1: of a chip on my shoulder when I thought of

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Speaker 1: my parents and I thought of my culture, because I thought,

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Speaker 1: you guys only have one way of doing things, like

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Speaker 1: I do things different from a different time in place.

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Speaker 1: But that was really unfair of me because I never

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Speaker 1: took the time to understand, well, why are my parents

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Speaker 1: actually like this? You know, is it just that they're older?

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Speaker 1: Is it just that they were born in India. So

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Speaker 1: for the work of my therapist and honestly through writing

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Speaker 1: this book, I was like, you know, it's actually a

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Speaker 1: lot to do with generational trauma. It's about my parents

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Speaker 1: were born in Punjab, India. They didn't have the luxury

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Speaker 1: of being like today, I'm gonna care about my mental

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Speaker 1: health today, I'm going to contribute to the world by

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Speaker 1: making a YouTube video and motivating people. They were like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: we're in a country with a billion people. There's limited resources.

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Speaker 1: We need to problem solve every day. We need to

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Speaker 1: survive every day. The things that matter are family, sticking together, survival, education,

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Speaker 1: getting good job, money, food on the table. And now

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Speaker 1: I've taken the tools that they have taught me and

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to use them in a time and place

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Speaker 1: that is not that time and place. Yeah, So that's

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Speaker 1: where I think it comes from. And I talk about

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Speaker 1: in the book that in school, when you look back,

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Speaker 1: you're measured by grades, and in work you're measured by

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Speaker 1: promotions and salaries, and that's how you measure growth and success.

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Speaker 1: But as a kid, it was never like, hey, Lily,

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Speaker 1: today you were really patient and that marks growth. Like

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Speaker 1: that didn't matter. It didn't matter if you grew mentally

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Speaker 1: or spiritual. He was always measured by something else. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love that. What a beautiful switch your mindset, because

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Speaker 1: that is something that you can measure every day. You

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Speaker 1: can measure every day if you feel more patient, we

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Speaker 1: feel more kind, or you feel more supportive or supported.

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Speaker 1: But you can't measure a view count or an award

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Speaker 1: every day, like that's like one percent. I mean, you've

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Speaker 1: won so many awards in your career and you look

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Speaker 1: at that and you go, that was like one percent

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Speaker 1: of the experience. That was like the top of the pyramid.

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Speaker 1: But it's the tiniest part of the tiniest part of

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Speaker 1: the triangle. Right, It's like the tip of the triangle. Yes,

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Speaker 1: where you're like, that was just the tip, but the

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Speaker 1: whole journey to get there was We're all the hard work. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And I think one of the reasons I was so

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Speaker 1: resilient to the things I write about in this bookcause literally,

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Speaker 1: when I write the book, I keep thinking five years

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Speaker 1: ago the person who wrote How to Be a Boss,

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Speaker 1: which I still believe everything I wrote in that book.

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Speaker 1: But I think I was resistant at first because I

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Speaker 1: was like, no, but I still love working, and I

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Speaker 1: still want to hustle, and I still want the awards.

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Speaker 1: And I'll be honest and say I want the awards,

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Speaker 1: I want the events, I want the accomplishments. I think

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Speaker 1: the switch is not choosing between two things. That's saying

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Speaker 1: you can have that. What does it mean? Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: what does it mean? You don't have to eliminate it.

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Speaker 1: But is the award your value or is it a

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Speaker 1: consequence of you having great values on this journey? Yes,

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Speaker 1: that is so well said. I love that that it

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Speaker 1: is not it is the consequence of having good values? Right?

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Speaker 1: Is it your value? Is it the consequence of having

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Speaker 1: good values. That is a beautiful line. Everyone cut that up,

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Speaker 1: email quote, put it out there. No, but genuinely, that's

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Speaker 1: so powerful because I couldn't agree. I couldn't agree with

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Speaker 1: you more I've I've whenever anyone asked me. I care

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Speaker 1: about words, I care about titles, and I'm very honest

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Speaker 1: and open about that too. And I see it the

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Speaker 1: exact same way, because to me, it makes me feel

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Speaker 1: like mental health is winning. It makes me feel like

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Speaker 1: the things I'm standing for a winning. It helps me

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Speaker 1: realize that we are making a den in the mainstream

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Speaker 1: where these comments and these conversations need to happen. Now,

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Speaker 1: when I look back at what you're saying here, how

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Speaker 1: difficult was it to dismantle your value system? Because I

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Speaker 1: think that's why we don't do it right when you

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Speaker 1: actually look at it and you go, Wow, value my

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Speaker 1: work or I value how much people like me, or

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Speaker 1: I value how many followers I have, or I value

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Speaker 1: how many positive comments I get. When you live in

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Speaker 1: that world, which a lot of people do, you don't

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Speaker 1: have to be a creative or an artist to feel

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Speaker 1: that way. How do you get the courage to actually

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Speaker 1: look inward and go, wow, I need to dismantle my

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Speaker 1: value system. Yeah, it can be really, really scared. I

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Speaker 1: think you're absolutely right. That's why people hesitate to do it,

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Speaker 1: because it's so strange. There were moments when I was

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Speaker 1: writing the book when I was alone in a room,

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Speaker 1: no one else was there, and I would find myself

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Speaker 1: byessing a little on the page. I'm like, who are

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Speaker 1: you lying too? There's no one here, Like, rip this

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Speaker 1: up and start again, like what are you actually what

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Speaker 1: do you actually care about? Because years ago from honest,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't sit here and say no, I do care

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Speaker 1: about money. I do actually care about I like that

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Speaker 1: I have a big I wouldn't say that because I

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Speaker 1: would think I'm going to come across this way and

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Speaker 1: that's not what I'm supposed to care about. No, again,

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Speaker 1: it's be honest with yourself. You're allowed to value whatever

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Speaker 1: you want. It's just doing the work to understand what

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Speaker 1: those things mean and if also those things should be

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Speaker 1: the driving forces behind your happiness. Because the thing with

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Speaker 1: the awards and all that stuff is, like I said,

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Speaker 1: when you think of them like a consequence. If they happen, great,

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Speaker 1: but if they don't happen, your whole world doesn't crash down.

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Speaker 1: I think that was the issue I had before I

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Speaker 1: wrote this book. I thought, my post is not getting

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Speaker 1: these likes. Oh, I don't have the work. My travels

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Speaker 1: got canceled. Now I don't have purpose, value and happiness.

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Speaker 1: That is where I don't want to be. And so

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Speaker 1: I think it was scary for me to figure out

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Speaker 1: my values, but also more than scary, just really difficult

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Speaker 1: because there is no map to do that. You know.

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Speaker 1: I remember sitting down writing this book and for two

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Speaker 1: days I would just stare at a blank screen, thinking

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Speaker 1: if this was a math problem, I would be able

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Speaker 1: to google this, I would be able to dig up

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Speaker 1: some lesson from my math teacher. But we've just never

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Speaker 1: been taught as kids how to do any of this work.

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Speaker 1: So that's what I'm attempting to go through in this book.

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Speaker 1: I love it and I want to dive into it.

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Speaker 1: And what I love, as I said about the book,

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Speaker 1: is that there's all these beautiful sketches and you're telling me, yes,

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Speaker 1: just offline, you're telling me about the amazing artist that

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Speaker 1: did the absolutely so the artist her name is paper Samosa.

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Speaker 1: On Instagram, her name is Simmy. She's fantastic. But the

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Speaker 1: story is that a couple years ago when I got

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Speaker 1: my late night show, we had no money, no budget,

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Speaker 1: and I had this office in the writer's room, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I really need some pizzaz because

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Speaker 1: it's a creative space. We have no money to buy

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Speaker 1: art or anything like that. So I found her on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and I said, would you be willing to gift

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Speaker 1: me a few prints so I can put it in

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Speaker 1: my writing room for the first season of my late

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Speaker 1: night show. I don't have a budget to offer you

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Speaker 1: from the studio, but I promise you, like, I'll be

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Speaker 1: so appreciative, and maybe Carmena will come around. And then

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Speaker 1: when I did this book, I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: She's going to illustrate my book. So it's a complete

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Speaker 1: full circle moment. That's beautiful and a lesson to everyone.

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Speaker 1: If I ask for something free, you should do. Everyone

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Speaker 1: should just give me. You know, Lamborghini Ferrari, you should

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Speaker 1: just give me the free thing because you never know

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Speaker 1: it will come back. You never will come back, it's guaranteed.

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Speaker 1: I love it. No, but they're honestly incredible And one

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Speaker 1: of the things you talk about in this book that

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Speaker 1: I love is you talk about this idea of coming home. Yes,

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Speaker 1: And when I started to read that in your book,

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Speaker 1: and there's obviously each chapter you talk about coming home

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Speaker 1: to something different. I love that language because I think

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Speaker 1: about all the time, even when I come home to

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Speaker 1: my physical home, I always think about what do I

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Speaker 1: want to come home to? How do I want to feel,

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Speaker 1: especially because I work hard, I try my best, I'm

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Speaker 1: doing this and that, and I always think what environment

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Speaker 1: do I want to come home to? What does coming

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Speaker 1: home mean to you? Before we dive into each chapter,

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Speaker 1: and where did that language come to you from that?

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Speaker 1: What does that mean to you? Yeah? I think you know.

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Speaker 1: When I was writing this book, I really wanted it

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Speaker 1: to be, Hey, you don't need to have a bunch

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Speaker 1: of fancy tips and tricks and all these ways to

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Speaker 1: get happy. It's really something that's within you already, and

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Speaker 1: it's organizing what's within you and deciding where you want

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Speaker 1: to go from there. And so I've learned that home

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Speaker 1: is not a place. It is not a physical building.

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Speaker 1: You know it is, And I especially that during COVID

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Speaker 1: because I was in the physical building of my home

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't able to see my family for two years,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't feel like i'm at home.

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Speaker 1: Home for me is a place that gives you that

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Speaker 1: feeling of safety, security, no judgment. You can just be

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Speaker 1: and return to what really matters, you know, a reset.

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Speaker 1: So I came up with these places mentally that could

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Speaker 1: be home that when you go out in the day

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Speaker 1: and you hear your friends spilling the tea and your

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Speaker 1: other friends got relationship drama and all the stuff is

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Speaker 1: going down, where can you come home to in your

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Speaker 1: mind to reset and no judgment and recharge just like

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Speaker 1: you would physically. Yeah, you know, yeah yeah, And us

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Speaker 1: to go into that because I think, and you've posted

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Speaker 1: about this several times, and you post like candidly, and

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Speaker 1: you post like what you really look like right now

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Speaker 1: versus you know, one of the shows you did the

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Speaker 1: night before. So I'm wearing spanks you will know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're you know. And I said, you're so open about it,

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Speaker 1: But I've heard you talk about how like so often

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Speaker 1: when we look in the mirror, we're criticizing ourselves, or

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Speaker 1: so often when we see ourselves in a same way,

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Speaker 1: we are judgment too. So for a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: coming home is actually all those things as well absolutely

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Speaker 1: tell us about how you've started to shift that dialogue

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Speaker 1: for yourself. Like when we look in the mirror, more

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Speaker 1: people are probably saying something negative about themselves than positive

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Speaker 1: about themselves. Right. I have learned that I very seldom

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Speaker 1: give myself cut myself any slack. I am truly and

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Speaker 1: I know it's cli, but I'm truly my toughest critic

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Speaker 1: in the sense that I could have a super successful

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Speaker 1: day and the one hiccup that went wrong, I'll look

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Speaker 1: in the mirror and I'll be like, Okay, well, next time,

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Speaker 1: we got to make sure that doesn't happen, and you've

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Speaker 1: got to be better prepared. And so I am very

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Speaker 1: critical of myself. And that's why the language coming home

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Speaker 1: was so important to me, because home is not a

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Speaker 1: place you should feel that judgment. And why I wrote

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Speaker 1: come home is okay, I'm going to go to this

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Speaker 1: place mentally where Lily, even you, you don't get to

404
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,960
Speaker 1: tell yourself all the things that went wrong. You don't

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Speaker 1: get to be that get you let yourself be human

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Speaker 1: at home. You know, home is where the pants are,

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Speaker 1: not you let yourself be human, And so that was

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Speaker 1: really important to me. I've sounds simple, but it's a

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Speaker 1: complex idea of I've given myself permission to be a

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Speaker 1: human yes at home? Yes, yes, And I think we

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Speaker 1: all have to get to that point. And you're right.

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Speaker 1: Isn't a tip or a trick or a life hack.

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Speaker 1: It is just changing that in a dialogue with yourself

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Speaker 1: of starting to realize that. By the way, when I

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Speaker 1: do call myself like, I realized this when I realized

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Speaker 1: that when I made myself feel guilty, that didn't lead

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Speaker 1: to growth. Yes, like, my guilt actually blocked my growth.

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Speaker 1: When I was guilty that I didn't go to the gym,

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Speaker 1: that maybe made me go to the gym the next day,

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Speaker 1: but it didn't last. When I was guilty that I

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Speaker 1: had something that I wish I didn't eat, that guilt

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Speaker 1: didn't make me eat healthy for the next week. It

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Speaker 1: made me made bad decisions. Guilt made me feel worse

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Speaker 1: about myself and make worse decisions. So I had to

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Speaker 1: coach myself out of having guilty thoughts. Absolutely, what are

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Speaker 1: some of those thoughts that you think? Like? There it

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Speaker 1: sounded like when you said you're you're in toughest critic.

428
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,119
Speaker 1: Where has that come from? Is also from our parenting

429
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,760
Speaker 1: is that, I mean, I think I think it's a

430
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,680
Speaker 1: mix of things. I think one thing is that I'm

431
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,800
Speaker 1: a very all or nothing type person, and I've been

432
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 1: I've been trying to work on this, and Jay knows,

433
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,719
Speaker 1: and I'll be very honest and say that I consider

434
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 1: myself a really good friend. But I've caught myself being

435
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 1: slightly annoying because I know it's true. It's true. I

436
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 1: can fully admit this. I'll invite Jay over and everything

437
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 1: will be perfect. The food will be perfect, and the

438
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,720
Speaker 1: table will be perfect, and I have all the activities,

439
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,919
Speaker 1: planet's good to go. And then Jay, as he does,

440
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,960
Speaker 1: we'll show up, you know, twenty minutes later. He'll blame

441
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:34,080
Speaker 1: Roddy and he's definite, by the way, and that is

442
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 1: definitely always on time. Okay, Rody's not here to defend herself,

443
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,479
Speaker 1: but who knows. But then in my mind, I've my

444
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 1: mind will start going, oh well, oh my god, the

445
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,960
Speaker 1: evening is ruined now because they came twenty And I

446
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 1: do that with everything. I do it to such a

447
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 1: detriment where it's like it's either perfect or it's nothing.

448
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 1: Now I can't enjoy it, and I think that has

449
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,400
Speaker 1: to do with control. I think I can understand all

450
00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 1: and I can understand nothing. The compromise is in the

451
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 1: middle being someone who controls things. They don't like that compromise.

452
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 1: That's not in my control. And so I've had to

453
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 1: let go of this all or nothing mentality. Hey, you

454
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,119
Speaker 1: did so great today. It wasn't perfect, but it was

455
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 1: really really good, and we're going to celebrate that. You know,

456
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,399
Speaker 1: it's not letting because you're right that guilt does start

457
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,879
Speaker 1: to control your life. And also, going back to the

458
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,080
Speaker 1: home concept, home is somewhere you don't want to run

459
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 1: away from. You know, home is somewhere you returned to.

460
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 1: I think what I really struggled with for so long

461
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 1: is I did do those tips and tricks. You've been

462
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 1: to my house, you know, my old house. I had

463
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 1: all these post its everywhere, and I had positive affirmations,

464
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 1: and that's all great, But that's all I had. I

465
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:43,159
Speaker 1: had these little ways of being happy momentarily temporarily, and

466
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 1: then I would wander off somewhere else mentally. But if

467
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,720
Speaker 1: you say come home to a place, that really means, hey,

468
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 1: this is where you are going to return to spiritually,

469
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 1: no matter what happens in your day always so that

470
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 1: you cannot be led astray, because I get led astray

471
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 1: very often, very we all do. And the thing I

472
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,639
Speaker 1: love about that because in your book you talk about

473
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,919
Speaker 1: nothing last forever, and you talk about the need to

474
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: be okay with change, and that includes not just changing

475
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 1: scenarios I me coming late to your house, but also

476
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: the idea of change in that we change. And what

477
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 1: you just said, you completely agree with everything you wrote

478
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,439
Speaker 1: in your last book, but you have an evolved version

479
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 1: of that today. That doesn't take away from what you said.

480
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 1: How have you allowed yourself to update? Like we think

481
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 1: of updating our phones and our computers easily, but when

482
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: it comes to updating ourselves and upgrading ourselves, we get

483
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 1: really slow and scared about it. How have you become

484
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:43,400
Speaker 1: okay with the fact that you're changing, evolving, adapting person. Yeah, well,

485
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 1: before writing this book, I would not be okay with it.

486
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 1: I talk about in the book how I did subscribe

487
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: to this mentality that there's right and wrong. That if

488
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily agree with everything I've done instead in

489
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 1: the past and now I think differently, that must mean

490
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: the past version of me was wrong. And I would

491
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 1: think that that means that person doesn't agree with what

492
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,959
Speaker 1: I'm saying. They're wrong and I'm right. It doesn't need

493
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 1: to be wrong or right. We don't need to assign

494
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 1: these labels so easily to things. I know we like

495
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 1: to categorize things in our brain. Isn't right, wrong, black, white, okay, easy, hard,

496
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,640
Speaker 1: But really what it is it's allowing yourself and giving

497
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 1: yourself permission to think differently and evolve. And so for me,

498
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 1: the hardest example of this is how I define success.

499
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: You know what I was taught, and for much of

500
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 1: my life, I believe success is the paycheck. It is

501
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: the house, it is the car, it is awards, it

502
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 1: is all that stuff. It is the career you have.

503
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 1: And it's not that I think I was wrong for

504
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:39,400
Speaker 1: thinking that. It's my definition of success has changed. Now.

505
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 1: All those things are great. But now if I have

506
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: all of those things but I'm not happy and I'm

507
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 1: not having fun, then I'm not successful. Yeah, And that's

508
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 1: what I believe now. Again, not right or wrong, It's

509
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: just I'm changing. I'm in different a different place in

510
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 1: my life. I have different values and different priorities, and

511
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 1: that's okay. I think I resisted that for so long

512
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 1: because I was like, don't be lazy. That's lazy. You

513
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: have to pull the al mat or you have to

514
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 1: do that, you don't be lazy. But it's not about that.

515
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 1: It's about Hey, you are a human that is evolving

516
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,959
Speaker 1: and you're in different circumstances. You cannot grow and expect

517
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: to stay the same. So well said, so well. Honestly,

518
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 1: everything you're saying is like, I couldn't be happier hearing

519
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: it from you, because I think so many people are

520
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 1: inspired by you, and all of you look up to you,

521
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 1: like including me, And when I see you having these

522
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:33,879
Speaker 1: revelations and realizations based on your own inner work, it

523
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: gives me so much confidence that everyone who looks up

524
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 1: to you is being inspired in this beautiful direction. And

525
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,239
Speaker 1: I also love that you value hard work and that

526
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,479
Speaker 1: you value putting in the time and your attention to detail,

527
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 1: because that's also something I appreciate about you. So whether

528
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,440
Speaker 1: I'm a friend or whether someone in business, I appreciate

529
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 1: your purpose, but I also appreciate your practicality, like the

530
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 1: fact that you are an effective human being who manages

531
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 1: time effectively. And I think again, what you're saying is

532
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: we've been living in this society, which is either or

533
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: you either have to be lazy or you're productive. Right,

534
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 1: But we don't have this in between, which is I

535
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,360
Speaker 1: know how to do what I need to do when

536
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 1: I need to do it, but then I also know

537
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: how to let go. I think the Internet has convinced

538
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: us of that a lot, that there's either this or

539
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: that there's this or that, not fully appreciating that we're

540
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: complex human beings that fall on various spots, on various spectrums,

541
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: and we are all on our own circumstances. Yeah, we

542
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: don't give ourselves enough credit. Sorry, no, no no, no, please,

543
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 1: I want to Yeah, it's I think I think that's

544
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: like that. It's what I have here, and I wanted

545
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,080
Speaker 1: to read this out because I had it marked, but

546
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,399
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, before I get into what I

547
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 1: wanted to read, it's your classic green sorry, silver sorry

548
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 1: dilemma and the debate yes, right, and that's what it is.

549
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,360
Speaker 1: It's like it's this or is this yes, And that's

550
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 1: the only two ways we can be. There's something you

551
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 1: wrote that I want to read out because I want

552
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,159
Speaker 1: people to realize that this isn't even though this is

553
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: a okay, and you can correct if I'm wrong. But

554
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: the way I say this is a book that is

555
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: going to inspire, help and guide people through their own

556
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 1: inner work. It is that, but at the same time,

557
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 1: it is also a book where you, like, really open

558
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: up and get vulnerable in war. And I wanted to

559
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 1: read something for people to realize just how that comes across.

560
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: So that you say, I can't do Lily's voice, can't

561
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 1: do impressions, I can't do accents. I have none of

562
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 1: those skills, so I will not try. I will simply

563
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: read it in my British accent. So, at the age

564
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: of thirty, I came out as bisexual to my family.

565
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 1: It was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done in

566
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 1: my life, and the lead up to that moment was

567
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 1: filled with anxiety. Out of fear that I would lose

568
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: my words. I wrote my parents a letter, printed it out,

569
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 1: and placed it in front of them. All I could

570
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 1: muster up the courage to say was read this. I

571
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 1: vividly remember feeling a pang of guilt when my mom

572
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:02,560
Speaker 1: jokingly responded to the letter by saying, are you getting married?

573
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: I went upstairs while they read it, unable to be

574
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: in the same room. With them and waited for what

575
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 1: felt like an entire lifetime for anything, a knock on

576
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: my door, a tap on my shoulder. After a long silence,

577
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: finally I heard footsteps and my parents entered my room.

578
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: Like when you take me into a place like that

579
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,400
Speaker 1: in your book, I'm like, wow, this, you know, it's

580
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:33,880
Speaker 1: so intimate, and I feel so grateful that we get

581
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 1: to go there with you as a reader in your book,

582
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: because these are not things that you make videos about.

583
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 1: These are not things that you talk about every day.

584
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 1: And people see you share your sexuality and where you are,

585
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 1: but they don't understand what's going on in your head

586
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 1: because we only get this one moment or headline. Lily

587
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,439
Speaker 1: Sing announces this and that's what people see. But then

588
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 1: this is what's going on behind the scenes, and the

589
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: book does this again and again again. Tell me about

590
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 1: that moment and tell us about how that journey has

591
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: evolved over time and even before and after. I just

592
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 1: want to hear about that whole process. Yeah, from things

593
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 1: I know as your friend, but I want to hear

594
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: from how you feel about it through the book. Absolutely.

595
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: So I have to give credit to my editor here

596
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 1: because you're right, I don't openly talk about this a lot.

597
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 1: You might see me holding the Pride flag on Instagram,

598
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 1: but whoa letty, But I don't actually go into what

599
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: that experience was like, and for the reason of it's

600
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 1: just something that I don't want taken out of context,

601
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 1: and I know the media will run with it, and

602
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 1: I know people will not actually put themselves into that

603
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: time and place, and so I thought the book was

604
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: the perfect opportunity for me to really talk about this.

605
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:44,959
Speaker 1: The first time I wrote this chapter, I skimmed over it.

606
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: I was like, so I did this thing, and then

607
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 1: my parents came and then my editor was like, hey,

608
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: I really think you should take the reader into exactly

609
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 1: where you were. And it's the best note she's ever

610
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 1: given me, because I was like, you know what, Lily, again,

611
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: no one's in the room here when you're this actually

612
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 1: open up, like people could really use this perspective. And

613
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: so I did. And it was very difficult to write.

614
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: Even as you were reading it, I was like, it's

615
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 1: a heavy emotional thing. But the reason it was important

616
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 1: for me to talk about this is this is one

617
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: of the biggest changes that has ever happened in my life,

618
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 1: and like I said the scariest thing I've ever done

619
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: in my life, and it was something that I had

620
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 1: to really address head on, because, to be honest, I

621
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 1: don't think I don't think I was honest about what

622
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 1: that situation was in my mind for so many years.

623
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: You know, I came out to my parents at thirty,

624
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: and a lot of people don't know this. I'm very type,

625
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: so they shouldn't be surprised. But I actually came out

626
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 1: to myself thirty days before that. So on September first,

627
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 1: I in my room came out to my dog, Scarborough,

628
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 1: the first time ever to myself. Prior to this, I

629
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 1: had thoughts and feelings like I don't know why I'm

630
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: not just so committed in the relationships I'm in. Something

631
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: fuels off. You know. Growing up, I didn't know a

632
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: single core person. High school, there was not a single

633
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: queer person. This was not euphoria. My high school was

634
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: not euphoria. In university, I knew of one queer person

635
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 1: and it was it was someone who identified as a male,

636
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 1: and I was so different from him, so I never

637
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 1: really connected with him. And so at the age of thirty,

638
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: I came out to myself. So at the age of

639
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 1: twenty nine, I came out to myself and I said,

640
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 1: before my thirtieth birthday, I'm going to come out to

641
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: all the people that matter in my life. And it

642
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 1: was a list of like ten people, and my parents

643
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 1: were last, of course, type I had a list to

644
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: do list, not a to do list to come out

645
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 1: as I would. It was right there in between esteem

646
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 1: the Napkins, and so they're last on the list, and

647
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 1: I thought, okay, I'm going to tell them. I'm gonna

648
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 1: write them this letter. And in my brain I had

649
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 1: thought up this scenario of all the things they were

650
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: going to do and say, and I had two versions

651
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: on it. One was, this is going to go horrible again,

652
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: all or nothing. It's gonna go horrible. They're not going

653
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 1: to understand just in case, I'm going to have this

654
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: idea of things I need to pack in my bag

655
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 1: so I can leave the house, like just all of

656
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 1: these worst case scenarios. And then the opposite, it was

657
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: or they are going to throw me a party then

658
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 1: and there because they're gonna be so proud all they're nothing. Mentality.

659
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: The truth is that they came into my room and

660
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 1: the first thing that my mom did was give me

661
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 1: a big hug and said, why are you crying? You're

662
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 1: my daughter and I love you regardless, beautiful, amazing. I

663
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: was so scared in that moment and so nervous that

664
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 1: because they were not saying the exact sentences I expected

665
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 1: them to say. I was a little dismissive, to be honest,

666
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: and it pains me to admit that because I know

667
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: so often in these stories we want to hear that,

668
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 1: like to support the kid, no matter what the kid

669
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 1: is right. But I was dismissive, and I didn't give

670
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: my parents the credit that they deserved of being like,

671
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 1: they probably don't even know what this is. They've never

672
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 1: been introduced to this idea before. And so we had

673
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: the conversation. They did and said things of support. They

674
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: did not disown me, They did not kick me out

675
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 1: of the house. They did none of those things. But

676
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: I left that conversation needing an enemy. To be honest,

677
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:09,479
Speaker 1: I needed to distance myself from people, even though they

678
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 1: were being supportive, because I was so insecure. I had

679
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 1: just done this big thing in my life and I

680
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 1: didn't know how to figure it out. I didn't know

681
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 1: how to now navigate the world. I felt so insecure.

682
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: Everyone staring at me, these headlines are saying all these things.

683
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: So I distanced myself from so many people, including my family,

684
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 1: not because they weren't being supportive, even though I convinced

685
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: myself that was what it was. Was because I just

686
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 1: couldn't be in close proximity to people that I felt

687
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: like I was disappointing, even though they were not disappointed,

688
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 1: you know, And that was a hard pill for me

689
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: to swallow, because that takes a lot of you admitting

690
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: that you don't have to figure it out, and like

691
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: you didn't give your parents enough credit. And so I'm

692
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 1: happy to say that me and my parents are so

693
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: close today and were so lovely. And it's just a lesson.

694
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: I learned that it's so easy again to go back

695
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 1: to right and wrong, but everyone is a human in

696
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 1: different circleustances. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Yeah, Wow,

697
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: they're honest. Thank you for sharing that. Like that is

698
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: just it's so powerful on so many levels. And I

699
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:10,719
Speaker 1: felt the same by the way when I was reading it,

700
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: it felt it was like it's transformative. It's transformative for

701
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 1: me too, even just the idea of what you said

702
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 1: that when we make a decision. We expect all or

703
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 1: nothing results, or we expect extreme responses and actually life

704
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 1: somewhere in between. And when you get that in between,

705
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: you then don't know what to do with it because

706
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 1: you only prepared your mind for the extremes. And what's

707
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 1: really special about what you said is, although what you

708
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 1: needed was compassion in that moment, you also needed to

709
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: express compassion to them for their experience. Absolutely, And that's

710
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: a really interesting conversation that you're starting, where it's like, well,

711
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: I needed them to be compassionate to my human experience,

712
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 1: but they needed my compassion because they don't understand this

713
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: because they've never been exposed to it. Potentially, that trading

714
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 1: of compassion is a really beautiful thing in the world,

715
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 1: which I think is so often missing. I think I

716
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 1: could not agree more. They gave me the compassion. I

717
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 1: can sit here and tell you I did not return it.

718
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: I thought they should immediately understand. How would they immediately

719
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 1: understand this? And I see this all the time with

720
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: the world, especially on social media, it's especially with cancel culture.

721
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 1: It's they didn't get it right away, they don't get

722
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: a chance to redeem themselves. They made a mistake. Well,

723
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: they can improve. It is this lack of giving people

724
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt and being human, and this

725
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,800
Speaker 1: lack of compassion. You know, it's that if you really

726
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 1: look back, and these are not excuses, it's the reality

727
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 1: of the circumstances. My parents, this was not the thing

728
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,919
Speaker 1: they grew up with. Like I said, their concerns growing

729
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 1: up were we have to make it, we have to

730
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 1: provide for our kids. And I know that any concern

731
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 1: and I know this in my heart. I didn't know

732
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: it in that moment sitting in my room, but I

733
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 1: know it now. Any concerns they might have expres or

734
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: not because they didn't love me or they wanted me

735
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:07,640
Speaker 1: to be unhappy, it's because, in their understanding, they wanted

736
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: to protect me from the world. They in their mind

737
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 1: think this is going to make Lily's life harder. Potentially,

738
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 1: we are scared for her, and we're to protect her.

739
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 1: That's where they're coming from. Whether or not that's just

740
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 1: is not the conversation, is that that's their circumstance. Well,

741
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: you've just done, and what you've broken down for us

742
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:27,839
Speaker 1: is you've clearly articulated what compassion looks like in practice.

743
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,839
Speaker 1: To actually understand where that person's coming from, why they

744
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 1: think that way, whether you agree with it or not,

745
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 1: or disagree with it, whether it's fair or unfair, let

746
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: me take a moment to understand how did that person

747
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:41,839
Speaker 1: get to where they are. And I think that even

748
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 1: what we're seeing in movies today and media today, I

749
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: love that we're getting into stories of how people became

750
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 1: who they became because it's so important. We always tell

751
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 1: the origin story of heroes, but we rarely tell the

752
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 1: origin story of the villain. No one ever knows how

753
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:58,879
Speaker 1: the villain became the villain. And then you start seeing

754
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 1: movies like Joker come out and everything, and you start go, oh, like,

755
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,680
Speaker 1: when now we're telling this story of how someone got

756
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: there when we don't agree with them. And it's also

757
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: this idea of if you really think about it, the

758
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,800
Speaker 1: hero and the villain are the same person in different circumstances.

759
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 1: And that's another thing that I write in the book

760
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 1: that I actually say during my meditation every day, is

761
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: that I am everyone and everyone as me, and we

762
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: are in different circumstances. And the reason I say that

763
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 1: is because literally, get off your high horse. You are

764
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,879
Speaker 1: not right compared to someone else. Even though you are

765
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: in two different sides of the spectrum of what you

766
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 1: might agree on in a certain subject. They have certain circumstances,

767
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 1: You have certain circumstances, and the reality of the situation

768
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 1: is if I was born in a different time and

769
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,760
Speaker 1: place and I were my parents, I might have reacted

770
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: even worse. To be honest, I might have reacted horribly.

771
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: And to say otherwise it's just a lie. Yeah, it's

772
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 1: so easy to be like, if I were in your shoes,

773
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: I would have done this. You might not have. You

774
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 1: might have done worse, because circumstances matter. Yeah, I love

775
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 1: that reminder. I think it was a few years ago

776
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 1: where I realized that I wasn't better or worse than anyone.

777
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 1: I wasn't ahead or behind of anyone. I wasn't right

778
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: and they were wrong or vice versa. I was just

779
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 1: me and how I process this experience. And you've brought

780
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: up meditation there. Let's dive into that, because I know

781
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 1: you've meditated for a long time and it's continue to

782
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: evolve as a practice for you. In this book, you

783
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 1: talk about our wonderful dear friend John Vie Harrison too. Yes,

784
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: which is wonderful to see because She's such a special

785
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: human being. And I love that you're you're really good

786
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 1: at like in this book that you you know, you're

787
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 1: just good at like picking people who have had this

788
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 1: impact and sharing their work with you, tell us about

789
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 1: what meditation looks like for you now and and why

790
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 1: the current practice that you do of it is useful

791
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 1: to you. Absolutely. So I've really had to remind myself

792
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 1: of that it doesn't have to be all or nothing here,

793
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: because although I aspire to be a J. Shetty, I

794
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,360
Speaker 1: know when I've tried in the past to have a

795
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,800
Speaker 1: rigid routine where I wake up at a certain time

796
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 1: and I meditate in a certain place, looks a certain way,

797
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: I have failed because for me, I go to sleep

798
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 1: at different times, my schedules awry, and honestly, I get

799
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 1: bored sometimes. And that's just me being really honest. When

800
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,879
Speaker 1: I have a really rigid routine, sometimes I get bored.

801
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: I need a little change. So for me, what meditation

802
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: looks like is not every day, I would say three

803
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,719
Speaker 1: ish forest times a week. I will listen to one

804
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 1: of John v songs. Actually, I meditate to her music

805
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 1: for me. I like music for me. Personally guided meditations

806
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,759
Speaker 1: I've learned don't work, and I've stopped being embarrassed about that.

807
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: Even though so my dear friends have guided meditations, because

808
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 1: I always start thinking about what the person looks like

809
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 1: and all that type of brand and stuff. And if

810
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 1: I listened to Jay guide me through a meditation, I're like, day,

811
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 1: I missed that guy. I don't want to start to

812
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: just wander in all places. So I personally use music,

813
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: especially because for me, I'm really connected to musicality and

814
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: the journey it takes you on. I'm really into the

815
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,240
Speaker 1: highs and lows and visualizing myself in all these places.

816
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 1: And so I meditate to music for about twenty minutes.

817
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,399
Speaker 1: I use now the things I write about in my book.

818
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 1: So I start my every meditation by saying, today, the

819
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 1: four things that matter are the relationship to yourself, the

820
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: relationship to the universe, understanding distraction, and implementing design. I

821
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: check in on myself. I'm really honest with myself, how

822
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:17,239
Speaker 1: I feel, what I'm grateful for. If I'm having any

823
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 1: petty thoughts, I really want to just like, it's a

824
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 1: really safe space for me to be like, hey, You're

825
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 1: allowed to process whatever is going through your mind. Right now,

826
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 1: and you don't have to process it in a way

827
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: where now you're going to come with solutions. It's just

828
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 1: to know where you're at. Just connect with yourself. How

829
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,799
Speaker 1: are you feeling physically, mentally, emotionally. That's it, That's all

830
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 1: I have to do. Next. I connect myself to the universe.

831
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 1: And the reason I do this is because I talk

832
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 1: about in the book, but it's also because in our industry, Jay,

833
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: you can get very vain very fast. It can become

834
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: all about you very very fast. I really value that

835
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: reminder that I'm connected to something greater, and it also

836
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: helps me alleviate some of my control issues that I

837
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: have that not everything is in my control. I'm connected

838
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,879
Speaker 1: to something bigger, connected to other people. Like I said,

839
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 1: i'm them, they're me and more in different circumstances. I

840
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: also then send compassion, and I talk about this in

841
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: the book, which is for so long I would meditate

842
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 1: when I was upset, I would ask God for things

843
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:11,720
Speaker 1: and I'm having a bad day. It's just all about

844
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 1: take take take from the universe. And I never really

845
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,480
Speaker 1: thought about, well, what are you putting back into the universe?

846
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,320
Speaker 1: You know, are you being a fair partner to the universe.

847
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 1: And so I spend time really thinking about how I

848
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 1: can send love, and I literally visualize love and like

849
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,399
Speaker 1: coming from my hands and sending it to whoever might

850
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 1: need it. You know, it might sound silly, but before

851
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,240
Speaker 1: I judged on Canada's Got Talent, when I meditated, actually

852
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,800
Speaker 1: sent love and light to all the contestants love because

853
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: I was like, I know what it feels like. I

854
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 1: know I'm judging you, but like, if you're nervous, and

855
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 1: I visualize them as if you're nervous, remember to have fun,

856
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 1: like know that I'm going to be with you on

857
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: that stage. I just try to send the energy to

858
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: ever needs it. That's beautiful, and that is so beautiful,

859
00:40:55,880 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 1: Thanks t Ye. And then I go into understanding distraction

860
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,439
Speaker 1: and implementing design, which to talk about in the book,

861
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 1: and that is I have defined distraction not as the

862
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 1: way we traditionally think of it. You know, your phone

863
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,319
Speaker 1: going off, someone talking during a movie, all these things,

864
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 1: but distraction is the things that take us away from

865
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 1: where we want to be spiritually, so take us away

866
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: from the home we've created. Suddenly I'm feeling petty, I'm

867
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 1: comparing myself to someone I'm feeling ungrateful. I label all

868
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 1: of those things as distractions, not because they aren't valid,

869
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: but because I don't want to stay there. I want

870
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 1: to go there, process whatever needs to happen, and come

871
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 1: back to this place where I am grateful and I

872
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: do have strong values. And then I implement design. And

873
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: this is where my practicality and spirituality makes up. And

874
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 1: this says, hey, you know the life that you want.

875
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: Stop telling yourself all the reasons you can't have those things,

876
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 1: and actually just design your life in a way where

877
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 1: they can happen, you know. And a prime example of

878
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:58,360
Speaker 1: that is so often I was told growing up that, hey, like,

879
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 1: you can't have a career where you dress up and

880
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: play pretend and you're creative and you do like grow up,

881
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 1: get a real career. That's a phase. I had to

882
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,160
Speaker 1: design a life where I was like, I unsubscribed to

883
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 1: that idea. The idea that I can do this as

884
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:14,760
Speaker 1: a career serves me better, So I'm going to design

885
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,799
Speaker 1: my life this way. So a lot of that has

886
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 1: to do with unsubscribing from the ideas that do not

887
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 1: serve us. Because I and I'm sure many other people

888
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: we have signed this invisible contract on a lot of

889
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 1: ideas that do not benefit us, but we do it anyway.

890
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 1: You know that is so well said, because I remember

891
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 1: when I fully had signed the contract that I was

892
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 1: going to work a full time job and that teaching

893
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: wisdom was going to be my hobby. That i'd signed

894
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 1: that contract, i'd subscribe to the idea that sharing wisdom

895
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 1: could not be a full time purpose. It had to

896
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 1: be something I dident evenings and weekends. And now when

897
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 1: I look back, and I think, I am so glad

898
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 1: that at one point I unsubscribed, as you said, from

899
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 1: that ideology, because otherwise I'd still be in that same place. Yeah,

900
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: and it's incredible to think about it, because it sounds

901
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: easy to say it now, but I can honestly say

902
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 1: that when I started, I had no idea that anyone

903
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 1: would care at all. I just knew that I believe

904
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: deeply about what I was trying to share, and that's

905
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 1: what fueled me to keep trying. Yeah, but I'm with you.

906
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 1: I was fully subscribe to the idea this is not

907
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:21,799
Speaker 1: real job. It's scary unsubscribing to ideas. I mean, those

908
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,480
Speaker 1: ideas exist for a reason. Society has these ideas for

909
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 1: a reason because no one has challenged them, no one

910
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 1: has found a different way. And again it helps categorize

911
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 1: people into boxes. To unsubscribe from those ideas. It's scary

912
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 1: and it's risky, and it feels like you're walking a

913
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:40,239
Speaker 1: path alone. But those are ideas, they're not facts. There

914
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: is no rulebook saying Jay has to do this and

915
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,320
Speaker 1: he can't do this as a job. There's no rulebook,

916
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 1: Like for so long I thought there was a written

917
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 1: rulebook that I'm an Indian woman, I can only do

918
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 1: this things. I have to be quiet, I can't be outspoken.

919
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 1: I have to do X y Z. Where is this rulebook,

920
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 1: Like I have just decided that that's what I'm going

921
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: to live my life by. No, like I do the

922
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: work to let go of those ideas and make your

923
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 1: life the things you want them to be. It takes work.

924
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 1: No one's thinking it doesn't, but it's so that work

925
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 1: is so worth it. Absolutely. My auntie has that book

926
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: at home if you need to copy. I'm sure she does.

927
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 1: I'm sure she does. I'm with you this, I love

928
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:19,439
Speaker 1: I want to go back to this. You talked about

929
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,319
Speaker 1: the universe, but you have this graphic in area which

930
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 1: is about the miss calls from the universe, which when

931
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:24,839
Speaker 1: I saw that, I was like, I need to read

932
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 1: this section because and that's how I went through the book.

933
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 1: I was like, I was looking at stuff that was

934
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: and I was like, Oh this, I love I love this.

935
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 1: Let me read what this is about. Tell me about that,

936
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 1: because I think that, like you said, we always expecting

937
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:37,800
Speaker 1: the universe to give to us, but you are actually

938
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:41,279
Speaker 1: saying here that we're missing calls from the universe. What

939
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:43,919
Speaker 1: are those miss calls? What are those signs that we're

940
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 1: getting but that we keep missing. Well, I think it's

941
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:48,719
Speaker 1: a lot of things. I think it's how we think

942
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:52,800
Speaker 1: about even failure and loss. We don't think that there's

943
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 1: and at least in that moment, we don't think that

944
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 1: there's something bigger at play. You know, we have this

945
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: tendency to think when we're sad that the world is

946
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 1: against us, the universe is against us, because that's a

947
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,959
Speaker 1: comforting and easy place to go to. I am hurt,

948
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 1: it's because my life sucks and this is sucky, and

949
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: my day was sucky, and in that moment, we don't

950
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,439
Speaker 1: think that's something bigger is at play. We're missing calls

951
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 1: from the universe. I can genuinely say, any horrible thing

952
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,280
Speaker 1: that has happened to me, any failure or any loss,

953
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 1: there has been an exchange there. I lost something and

954
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 1: then I gained something because of that thing. And that's

955
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 1: the way I have to think about the universe. The

956
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 1: universe is constantly exchange. Everything is an exchange, and it

957
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,800
Speaker 1: is a relationship that we really need to foster because

958
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 1: we ignore it so often. We don't think about that, Hey,

959
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 1: I actually have my job today and I have the

960
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:45,320
Speaker 1: following I have today because I spoke so openly about

961
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 1: my experience going through mental health and people related to

962
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 1: me great, but we don't actually dissect, like, hey, remember

963
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,399
Speaker 1: that time you're really sad. This is the exchange for that.

964
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:57,719
Speaker 1: The universe actually came around and gave you something. So

965
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,319
Speaker 1: why do you not nurture that relationship. I want to

966
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 1: talk a lot about people who have a lot and

967
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 1: have really tough pass and perhaps we don't give ourselves

968
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 1: the opportunity to analyze what those losses gave us, and

969
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:13,799
Speaker 1: I think we should because I think that makes them

970
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 1: silver linings and it makes us realize that, like, hey,

971
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 1: there's something bigger at play. What do you think your

972
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:24,320
Speaker 1: biggest loss or failure was internally or externally, Like, what

973
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 1: was that when you think about that moment where you

974
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,840
Speaker 1: felt lost, as you say in the subtitle of the book,

975
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 1: but also the idea of when you feel you've lost, right,

976
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,359
Speaker 1: feeling lost and feeling like you've lost, When was that

977
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 1: for you? And how did Obviously we know how you

978
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 1: process it, because that's what the books about, but when

979
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 1: was that for you? How did you identify that? I mean,

980
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,720
Speaker 1: there's a few moments, but if I'm being really really honest,

981
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 1: the most recent one on the one that was most profound,

982
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: and I think this is for a lot of people

983
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 1: because it was an extraordinary circumstance, was during quarantine. You know,

984
00:46:56,840 --> 00:47:01,279
Speaker 1: I really did feel like I lost momentum in my job.

985
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: I felt like I definitely physically wasn't the worst. I

986
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 1: would walk up the stairs and every windowed because I

987
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:09,840
Speaker 1: was doing nothing. I wasn't leaving the house. I was

988
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 1: just I literally baked thirty cookies every day and played Fortnite.

989
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: You know this, I asked you to play with me

990
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 1: every day. But I was in such a place where

991
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 1: I was so lost and had no direction, and I

992
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,360
Speaker 1: remember thinking, man I've worked so hard at stuff, and

993
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 1: these two years is going to completely derail me, and

994
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start from scratch and all my momentum is

995
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:31,279
Speaker 1: going to be gone. And I could not see any

996
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 1: light in that situation, especially because of what was happening

997
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:35,400
Speaker 1: in the world. I saw no light in that situation.

998
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 1: If quarantine didn't happen, without doubt, there would never be

999
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 1: another time in my life where I actually would have

1000
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,239
Speaker 1: the time to do this work because I would be

1001
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: so busy with distractions and obligations. And I joke that

1002
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:54,360
Speaker 1: quarantine forced me to pause and reflect. It forced me

1003
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: because otherwise I would have never done it. I truly would.

1004
00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: I would have still been going. But I'm on a

1005
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 1: flight right now. I would have burnt out times a

1006
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 1: million right now. Yeah. And so this book, I keep

1007
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: calling it a gift to myself. It is the gift

1008
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 1: that COVID and quarantine gave me. So that loss, that

1009
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: mean being lost, the exchange of that was me doing

1010
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 1: this work. I love that idea of the loss and

1011
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 1: the exchange like that, that's such a we understand it

1012
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 1: with everything else. You buy something from a store, you

1013
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 1: eat calories, you understand it with everything else, But we

1014
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 1: don't tend to understand it spiritually because we don't connected exactly. Yeah,

1015
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: because we don't do the work to connect it. We're

1016
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,319
Speaker 1: never taught to connect it. And I'm encouraging people to

1017
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 1: make those connections and understand and it will help you

1018
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 1: understand loss, and it'll help you understand that the universe

1019
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:39,320
Speaker 1: is big, it is glorious, and it's magical, and you

1020
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,040
Speaker 1: should be open to and you should be connecting and

1021
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 1: nourishing that relationship. Yeah, and you're bringing it. I mean

1022
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 1: you're saying it's a gift to yourself. This book is

1023
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 1: definitely a gift to everyone who's going to read it. Genuinely.

1024
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: It genuinely is because it's I think what you just

1025
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 1: said about COVID and the pandemic, I think that was

1026
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:59,319
Speaker 1: a worldwide phenomenal experience, phenomenon and experience. It was that's

1027
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 1: how everyone one felt in some way, and yes, in

1028
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 1: different extremes, in different experiences, but that was a unified

1029
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:10,160
Speaker 1: feeling that these two years are derailing my life. It

1030
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:13,240
Speaker 1: postponed my wedding. It means I'll never see my family

1031
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: again potentially because I lost them. It means I can't

1032
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,759
Speaker 1: get the career I wanted. I started a new job,

1033
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 1: but we're not in the office, so I don't meet anyone.

1034
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 1: I'm just stuck in my tiny apartment right like that experience.

1035
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: And that's why if you're saying that that's what catalyzed

1036
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 1: all of these reflections and the work, then it is

1037
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: a gift to everyone because that's exactly what everyone needs

1038
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 1: to hear. So one of the things I want to

1039
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 1: dive into is this idea that you bring about around distractions.

1040
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: And I've seen you like and implementing design. If anyone

1041
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 1: wants to know how good Lily is an implementing design,

1042
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,960
Speaker 1: play Fortnite with her and watch her play Katan and

1043
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:58,360
Speaker 1: you literally just don't exist because she's just like you know.

1044
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: And I love the way You're mind works because we

1045
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,839
Speaker 1: always joke about this that we have a lot of similarities.

1046
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,440
Speaker 1: We are very We're very similar to me. When I

1047
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 1: see I see so much of myself and Lily all

1048
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:11,240
Speaker 1: the time. Yes, anytime I'm in an argument with anyone

1049
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:12,919
Speaker 1: and I want someone to see my point of view,

1050
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,400
Speaker 1: I will call you. I'm like Jay is going to

1051
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,879
Speaker 1: know exactly where I'm coming from here, and I relate

1052
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 1: to you fully and we're totally on the same page.

1053
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 1: But when I see you and I see you operate

1054
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,839
Speaker 1: in that way, and now that you're bringing this compassionate

1055
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,239
Speaker 1: heart to it, in this kindness to it, and you're

1056
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 1: able to implement design in that way, has it become

1057
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:35,839
Speaker 1: more joyful in the execution of stuff? Like I want

1058
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: to hear about how you execute differently now because we've

1059
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 1: talked about how to be abouts and that was like

1060
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 1: the book before and we talked about that that is important,

1061
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:44,879
Speaker 1: But now we're going back to them, like now when

1062
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 1: you're hustling, or now when you're working really hard, or

1063
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 1: now when you're being productive, how is it now fueled

1064
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:53,239
Speaker 1: with joya how do you make sure that now it's

1065
00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 1: coming from a place of meaning? Yeah, so I posted

1066
00:50:57,719 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 1: about this recently. This is not a joke for anyone

1067
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: that doesn't follow me. My vision board is in my shower. Yes,

1068
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 1: it is in my shower. It is taped to the

1069
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:07,880
Speaker 1: glass outside of my shower. So I see it every

1070
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 1: single I literally, yes, I see it every day, smack

1071
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 1: dab in the middle of my vision board. Because my

1072
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: vision board is structured in a way where the things

1073
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 1: in the middle are my core values, and then it

1074
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:21,839
Speaker 1: builds out and right in the middle is make sure

1075
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 1: you have fun. So part of my foundation, my triangle

1076
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:29,279
Speaker 1: is that my relationship with myself, in my relationship with

1077
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:31,680
Speaker 1: the universe, and how I implement design is going to

1078
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:35,799
Speaker 1: be that my definition of success must include fun. It

1079
00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:38,800
Speaker 1: did not previously and my come up in my career,

1080
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:40,799
Speaker 1: I did a lot of events and gigs and things

1081
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,800
Speaker 1: where I was like, I don't care about this at all.

1082
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 1: This is horrendous, but I will do it. I will

1083
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 1: do the free gig. I will do this gig. I'm

1084
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 1: not passionate about to earn my stripes. We all work

1085
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 1: hard with this idea that I'm going to get to

1086
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 1: this place where eventually I can call the shots, I

1087
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 1: can do what I want to do. We get so

1088
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,319
Speaker 1: caught up in the climb that even when we're in

1089
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 1: the position to do what we want to do, we're

1090
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,760
Speaker 1: climbing still because now it's a habit. It's a habit,

1091
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 1: and we've forgotten the reason we started in the first place.

1092
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 1: That's where I was. So now having fun is a

1093
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: requirement of anything I say yes to. It doesn't matter

1094
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 1: what opportunity comes in my inbox. If I'm not going

1095
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,920
Speaker 1: to have fun, it is not going to happen. And

1096
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,880
Speaker 1: so yes, because of that decision, things are more joyful.

1097
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: When I'm doing a podcast or I'm presenting something on stage,

1098
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:29,279
Speaker 1: I'm not going into it thinking nail every line. It's

1099
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:30,719
Speaker 1: got to be perfect. You got to execute, and then

1100
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 1: you gotta network. It's hey, this is pretty cool that

1101
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 1: we're here, and I think you should go there, and

1102
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 1: I think by the end of the night, Lily, I

1103
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 1: think you should go home, and I think you should say, hey,

1104
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:44,399
Speaker 1: you know what, that was like really fun Because if

1105
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:48,320
Speaker 1: you don't have that, it doesn't matter. Yeah, it really

1106
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, and there is no point. That doesn't mean

1107
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:51,800
Speaker 1: you can't do it. Well, thats mean you can't be prepared.

1108
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:53,560
Speaker 1: I will still do all of those things, but I

1109
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:56,919
Speaker 1: will find the joy in doing all these extraordinary things

1110
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: that I get to do. And I learned this, especially

1111
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:02,879
Speaker 1: because I'm sad to admit that in my first world tour.

1112
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 1: I mean, think about this, a thirty city world tour.

1113
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 1: Not many people can say they've done that in their life.

1114
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 1: I had to meet with my fans hell is costumes

1115
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:14,480
Speaker 1: and how old we Oh, this was like six years ago.

1116
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 1: So yeah, fourteen, I was you know, yeah, I would

1117
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:23,360
Speaker 1: be lying if I said that I remembered every moment

1118
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:26,800
Speaker 1: of that because I was so fixated on this lighting

1119
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: queue and this next thing I have to say. And

1120
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,400
Speaker 1: the T shirt says everything has to be perfect, And

1121
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 1: I'm not saying again evolution not all or nothing. I'm

1122
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:35,560
Speaker 1: not saying that's not important. It is. And I know

1123
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 1: you're like this too. We like things to be a

1124
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:40,840
Speaker 1: certain qualities, but that doesn't mean you can't be president

1125
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 1: and have fun. Yes, right, you should still have fun.

1126
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,839
Speaker 1: And so now I've decided everything I do the criteria

1127
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 1: is joy and fun. Yeah. I love what you just

1128
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 1: said about the habit and how that habit and I get.

1129
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:53,920
Speaker 1: At least let me clarify and you can correct me

1130
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: if I'm wrong. But what I'm hearing you say is

1131
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 1: that there was a time when to earn your stripes,

1132
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:04,360
Speaker 1: you had to do things that didn't necessarily extract joy,

1133
00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: but you saw them creating platforms from which you could

1134
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:10,719
Speaker 1: experience joy. But what happens is that as you keep

1135
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:14,320
Speaker 1: reaching those platforms, you maintain that habit and that pattern

1136
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 1: that stops you again and again and again from saying

1137
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:20,120
Speaker 1: there's another platform from which I can be in full joy,

1138
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:23,360
Speaker 1: right absolutely, And so earning your stripes wasn't the mistake.

1139
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,839
Speaker 1: That's a healthy thing and that's needed in everyone. But

1140
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:29,720
Speaker 1: what was the mistake was that habit that gets formed

1141
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:32,719
Speaker 1: of like I will be not happy because that's what

1142
00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 1: you're saying, I will allow myself to have fun when

1143
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,920
Speaker 1: exactly there's always another better time or place where this

1144
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 1: joy could happen. And I think that's a learned thing

1145
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:45,320
Speaker 1: as well. You know, I talk about how my parents

1146
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:49,319
Speaker 1: have earned their stripes above and beyond. They immigrated to

1147
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,040
Speaker 1: Canada and the seventies, work so hard, you know, my

1148
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 1: dad had multiple jobs. He grew from one position to

1149
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 1: the next. They're so well off now and they've done

1150
00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 1: such a great job. Both of their kids are taking

1151
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 1: care of They don't need to work, they don't need

1152
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:04,479
Speaker 1: to save up for anything. God knows, I'm not getting married.

1153
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: They don't need to use that money for anything, you

1154
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:09,120
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And I always tell them, like,

1155
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 1: why aren't you guys traveling everywhere and like doing all

1156
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 1: the things, And they still are in that mindset of

1157
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 1: like no, because you know, we have we have to

1158
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,239
Speaker 1: save up for things and we can't do those things now,

1159
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:24,800
Speaker 1: we're too old for those things. That it's that habit

1160
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 1: that we can't do that yet. We're not there yet, Yeah,

1161
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 1: we are so often we are there. Yeah, And if

1162
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:33,680
Speaker 1: we keep chasing that no, not yet, not yet, later,

1163
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:36,239
Speaker 1: we're gonna miss out on that joy. Yeah. That's so

1164
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,480
Speaker 1: so well said. And I fully agree with you too.

1165
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:41,080
Speaker 1: I was saying now my team recently and just saying

1166
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 1: that I want to be able to do things that

1167
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:47,560
Speaker 1: I want to do that our risks and are fun

1168
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 1: and our things people don't expect of me. Yeah, because

1169
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 1: that's what you work hard for, is to be able

1170
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,040
Speaker 1: to do that. I was like, even doing this was

1171
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:58,319
Speaker 1: a risk in the first place, exactly, So why would

1172
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 1: I stop taking risks now? You know, because I think

1173
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 1: we get protective as well, right, And to me, I

1174
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:07,439
Speaker 1: think taking risks has always been a core value of mine.

1175
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:09,759
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, I want to take more risks,

1176
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,319
Speaker 1: and I want to do things that surprise me and

1177
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:14,880
Speaker 1: surprise other people and are not things that people expect,

1178
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:16,919
Speaker 1: because when I started this, people didn't expect to either.

1179
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:20,000
Speaker 1: So why it's funny how we especially people like me

1180
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:24,480
Speaker 1: and you we and other creatives as well. We stepped

1181
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:28,200
Speaker 1: outside of a box, only to then put ourselves in

1182
00:56:28,239 --> 00:56:31,919
Speaker 1: another box. It's a slightly bigger box, totally totally yeah,

1183
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 1: for comfort and safe exactly. And we keep doing that

1184
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 1: and then I always have to remind myself, and sometimes

1185
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 1: I've remind my team when they're like, hey, this is

1186
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:39,760
Speaker 1: not how things are traditionally done, and hey we should

1187
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,719
Speaker 1: do things like this. I'm like, you have to know

1188
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,239
Speaker 1: who you're talking to here, because right now I have

1189
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 1: a wig and a beard on my face and I'm

1190
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 1: dressed up as my dad. So you need not tell

1191
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 1: me how things You need not tell me how things

1192
00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 1: are usually done. Absolutely. I was at a dinner the

1193
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: other day and I paid for the dinner and the

1194
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 1: two people I was with, one of them said to me,

1195
00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 1: to said, Jay, you are bucking every industry trend, like

1196
00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:03,319
Speaker 1: someone else should have picked up the check. And I

1197
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:05,359
Speaker 1: was like, I am my response to that straight away,

1198
00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:07,359
Speaker 1: and they were very grateful and they were wonderful about it.

1199
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:09,760
Speaker 1: But my response that was I want to break every

1200
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,919
Speaker 1: tradition absolutely, because these traditions have just again who wrote

1201
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 1: the rule book? And the more we subscribe whenever I

1202
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 1: feel the same way whenever anyone says to me like,

1203
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 1: but yeah, this is how it's done, or this is

1204
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: what this role is, or this this I'm like, says

1205
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 1: who and most of these roles are not going to

1206
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 1: exist in ten years, And why is it not done

1207
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 1: another way totally? Why is it not done another way totally?

1208
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:31,800
Speaker 1: You know? And those and another thing I was gonna

1209
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:33,680
Speaker 1: say that the bigger lesson I've learned here is that

1210
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 1: I need to go out to more dinners with you.

1211
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 1: I was like, what, Jays, we can have checks around here?

1212
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 1: What I think? I think? Yes, yeah, I mean anything.

1213
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 1: I will unsubscribe to the idea that I should pay

1214
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:49,960
Speaker 1: for the check and you can pay for the check.

1215
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:53,640
Speaker 1: I'm okay with that. Well with us actually, to everyone

1216
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,160
Speaker 1: as the truth, we're always competing, We're always does everyone

1217
00:57:57,200 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 1: has My relationship, Jay is very sticky, comes to my house,

1218
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:01,120
Speaker 1: He's like no, no, no, no, next time, next time,

1219
00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 1: And then the next time is always he's sneaking, So

1220
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 1: you definitely have to pull it. They see moves of

1221
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:08,200
Speaker 1: like running and giving the credit card an advantage. I'm

1222
00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:10,600
Speaker 1: one of those awkward plant based people who doesn't want

1223
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 1: to cause like pressure to other people, and like, you know,

1224
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:18,800
Speaker 1: we're just two uncles battling it all right, Lily. So

1225
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 1: we have dissected how to be a triangle, but we

1226
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: have literally scratched the surface. There are so many incredible

1227
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 1: messages in this book, the sections that Lily talked about

1228
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 1: in this interview, they go so much more deeper. There

1229
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 1: are so many more takeaways. There are so many more

1230
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 1: beautiful moments where you're going to have these light bulb

1231
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:40,520
Speaker 1: moments and these moments of insight and reflection for yourself.

1232
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:44,640
Speaker 1: And I honestly believe that this. You know, I think

1233
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 1: and I read a lot of nonfiction self help and

1234
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:51,360
Speaker 1: mindset books. It's I love that stuff, and sometimes it

1235
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 1: can get repetitive, and this was one of the first

1236
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 1: books I've read in a long time. But this was

1237
00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 1: so authentically you, Like, it was just so you, like,

1238
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 1: everything you said was so you, and it was so

1239
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:05,160
Speaker 1: genuine to who you are that I was like, this

1240
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 1: is so real, and that's why it works for people,

1241
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 1: and that's why it will work for people. And when

1242
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:12,160
Speaker 1: people apply it, they will feel change in their life.

1243
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,360
Speaker 1: Because you're not trying to teach, or you're not trying

1244
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 1: to preach or You're not trying to guide. You're literally

1245
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 1: saying that this is what worked for me, and this

1246
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 1: is how I think about stuff, and it's so simple

1247
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:28,400
Speaker 1: yet so practical, yet so applicable to people that I

1248
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 1: was just blown away as to how you it is.

1249
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 1: And I could hear your voice in my head. I

1250
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:35,200
Speaker 1: could hear your voice in my head that you as

1251
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:37,360
Speaker 1: you think through an idea and that is exactly I

1252
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 1: literally would explain it to me were saying next. And

1253
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:42,440
Speaker 1: I think that's beautiful for people to know that, because

1254
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 1: I think people can read a lot of self help

1255
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 1: and oh this is repetitive or I've heard this before,

1256
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,720
Speaker 1: or someone said, and I'm like sure, but we have

1257
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 1: to hear it from someone's unique experience, and I think

1258
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:55,320
Speaker 1: you capture that really well. So thank you for doing that.

1259
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:57,560
Speaker 1: I appreciate that what I wanted the impact to be,

1260
00:59:57,680 --> 00:59:59,400
Speaker 1: So thank you. Yeah, thank you. All right, So we're

1261
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 1: going to end uh this interview with what we call

1262
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 1: the final five. All Right, these are a rapid, fire

1263
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 1: fast five which I always break the rules on. Okay,

1264
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:10,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna definitely break tell me more, and so anyway,

1265
01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 1: we try and answer these in one word to one

1266
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:17,680
Speaker 1: sentence matchico. I'm definitely gonna break those. It's fine, it's fine.

1267
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:21,360
Speaker 1: I'll allow you usually sometimes. Yeah, all right, okay. Question

1268
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:24,920
Speaker 1: number one, what is the best advice you've ever received?

1269
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 1: Sorry to everyone is listening to you. I'm not sorry.

1270
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 1: This is how I feel. Um. Okay, this supposed to

1271
01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 1: be rapid? Oh my god, I shouldn't call it rapid.

1272
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:42,960
Speaker 1: I should call it um. I should change the name.

1273
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,600
Speaker 1: Now you just made me realize it shouldn't be rapid.

1274
01:00:44,600 --> 01:00:47,320
Speaker 1: It should be more like condensed. Five. But that sounds terrible.

1275
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 1: I mean, it's definitely probably gonna be Okay, it canna

1276
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 1: be a quote. It's actually live by I actually first

1277
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 1: heard it from my big fact Greek wedding. Oh cool, okay.

1278
01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 1: And the quote is, and I'll never forget it is,

1279
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:00,200
Speaker 1: don't let your pass define who you are, to be

1280
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:02,040
Speaker 1: a part of who you become. And I think that

1281
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:05,640
Speaker 1: speaks really well to the evolution we were talking about earlier.

1282
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 1: Great answer that was, that's good? All right. Question number two,

1283
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 1: what is the worst advice you've ever received? I think

1284
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 1: what we talked about this is how things have usually

1285
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 1: been done, is tried and tested. Yeah, definitely, I don't

1286
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:20,600
Speaker 1: want to hear that about anything in my life. I

1287
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:21,919
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it about even I'm not even

1288
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:23,640
Speaker 1: on what workstime. I don't want to hear about anything

1289
01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: in my life absolutely about how one should be spiritual,

1290
01:01:28,040 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 1: or how one shold have relationships, about how one should

1291
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:33,920
Speaker 1: form friendships. I don't think any idea should be treated

1292
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 1: as as a fact. Ideas are just that, their ideas

1293
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:38,680
Speaker 1: to be explored. I love that you have full permission

1294
01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 1: to avoid the one sentence, because that was a great answering.

1295
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 1: So I feel fair if anything I asked you and

1296
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:45,120
Speaker 1: you want to expand on it, still accommodating, no, no no, no,

1297
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:48,000
Speaker 1: because that was such a I'm so happy you expanded

1298
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 1: on that because I love that you stretched it out

1299
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 1: to everything, Like I think the idea of not just

1300
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 1: saying this isn't just about work or people in an industry.

1301
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,760
Speaker 1: The fact that you talked about how to be spiritual

1302
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:00,680
Speaker 1: like that, I that resonates so deeply with me. I

1303
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 1: love that, and so please please expand. Okay. Question number three,

1304
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 1: how would you describe your current purpose in life? I

1305
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 1: think my purpose is to be a destructor. I have

1306
01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:17,000
Speaker 1: come to terms with that word. It used to mean

1307
01:02:18,560 --> 01:02:21,320
Speaker 1: destruction chaos to me, but now it means beautiful chaos

1308
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:26,280
Speaker 1: to me. I want to disrupt systems and ideas, and

1309
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 1: that does include paving the path. Yes, I want to

1310
01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:30,320
Speaker 1: disrupt the industry. I want to disrupt how TV and

1311
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 1: film is made. I want to disrupt the stories we see.

1312
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:35,680
Speaker 1: But in everything in my family, I'm a disruptor. I'm

1313
01:02:35,720 --> 01:02:38,160
Speaker 1: the first that has done many many things. My parents

1314
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:42,160
Speaker 1: will openly tell you. I want to disrupt and shake

1315
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:44,120
Speaker 1: things up. That's my purpose. Yeah, And I think what's

1316
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 1: interesting about that, which I love. By the way, that's

1317
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 1: a very unique concept. We've never had it on the show.

1318
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 1: The reason why I love that is because a you

1319
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 1: can do it anytime, anywhere. There's no way you can't

1320
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:57,280
Speaker 1: do that. And what I love about it more importantly

1321
01:02:57,400 --> 01:03:00,320
Speaker 1: is that what you just said is the first to

1322
01:03:00,360 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 1: do many things, and that's actually scary, and it also

1323
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:06,880
Speaker 1: means that you're not always going to get it right

1324
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:10,040
Speaker 1: by other people's standards, And I think we have to

1325
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:13,000
Speaker 1: learn to value that when people are treading new paths

1326
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:17,480
Speaker 1: and are disrupting that there are going to be changes

1327
01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:21,360
Speaker 1: and pivots and adapting that comes along the way, and

1328
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,840
Speaker 1: I think we want innovation in the world, but when

1329
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:27,120
Speaker 1: someone tries to innovate and it's slightly different to what

1330
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 1: we expect, we're so quick to criticize or get to

1331
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:32,960
Speaker 1: tear someone down. And actually that doesn't make any sense

1332
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:35,720
Speaker 1: because that thing only got created because someone did something

1333
01:03:35,720 --> 01:03:37,800
Speaker 1: that was never done before. And so I think we

1334
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 1: need to we need to create more space for people

1335
01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:42,200
Speaker 1: to be able to try new things for the first time,

1336
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:46,040
Speaker 1: because that's what takes the world forward at all. Could

1337
01:03:46,040 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 1: not have said it better myself. Innovation and disruption, and

1338
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 1: you know those you're You're the first of many as well.

1339
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:54,000
Speaker 1: It is very difficult to do. There's a lot of

1340
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:56,560
Speaker 1: obstacles and hurdles that come in your way a lot

1341
01:03:56,560 --> 01:04:01,560
Speaker 1: of people will never know about. But I enjoy being

1342
01:04:01,560 --> 01:04:04,080
Speaker 1: a disruptor, and I enjoy encouraging people to think differently,

1343
01:04:04,120 --> 01:04:05,880
Speaker 1: and I enjoy doing things in a different way. I

1344
01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:10,240
Speaker 1: love that, all right. Question number four is what did

1345
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:13,360
Speaker 1: you once used to value that you no longer value.

1346
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:17,040
Speaker 1: This is a little bit of a complex answer, but

1347
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:24,720
Speaker 1: something I used to value is a certain type of friendship.

1348
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:28,080
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is, and I might

1349
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 1: be a little jaded by be being in the public eye.

1350
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:32,760
Speaker 1: To be honest, but I used to only want to

1351
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:36,080
Speaker 1: be friends with people, and I really valued the friendships

1352
01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:40,120
Speaker 1: I had when people knew me before I got famous.

1353
01:04:40,560 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 1: I really valued that connection of like, these are my

1354
01:04:43,320 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 1: childhood friends and they know me, and these are my

1355
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:49,760
Speaker 1: true friends. That has really hindered me growing up because

1356
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:51,240
Speaker 1: now I've been in the public eye for ten years,

1357
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:52,760
Speaker 1: what does that? Where does that leave me? And at

1358
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:54,880
Speaker 1: least be in a position to never make new friendships again,

1359
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:57,600
Speaker 1: right because inevitably the new people I meet, they're never

1360
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:01,040
Speaker 1: going to know me before ten years ago. I don't

1361
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:08,480
Speaker 1: value that definition of friendship anymore. I value evolving that

1362
01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:11,400
Speaker 1: and connect with people in different ways I've never had before. Hey,

1363
01:05:11,480 --> 01:05:13,960
Speaker 1: I met this person, I really feel something me and

1364
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,120
Speaker 1: you is a perfect example. I can consider one of

1365
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:19,160
Speaker 1: my close good friends. You didn't know me before I

1366
01:05:19,200 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 1: was you know Lily on YouTube, And I didn't know

1367
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:25,680
Speaker 1: you before you were the j Shetty you know. And

1368
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:28,480
Speaker 1: I think if I met you years and years ago,

1369
01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:30,880
Speaker 1: I would have probably dismissed our friendship because I would

1370
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:33,680
Speaker 1: have been like, it's just another networking thing, another work thing.

1371
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:38,120
Speaker 1: I value that so differently. Now I understand that you

1372
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:40,320
Speaker 1: can connect with people in different ways, and people can

1373
01:05:40,320 --> 01:05:43,040
Speaker 1: play different roles in your life and it can still

1374
01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:45,320
Speaker 1: be magical and special. Yeah, and I love hearing that

1375
01:05:45,360 --> 01:05:49,080
Speaker 1: because I value our friendship so much, but I get

1376
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:52,040
Speaker 1: that it's it is really interesting to toy with that.

1377
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:56,200
Speaker 1: Like the person I speak to most every week is

1378
01:05:56,240 --> 01:05:57,800
Speaker 1: the guy who's the best man at my wedding. I

1379
01:05:57,880 --> 01:05:59,320
Speaker 1: speak to me like three times a week, and we

1380
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:02,480
Speaker 1: talked for an hour every time. And if someone told me,

1381
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 1: where do you find that time, it's really weird because

1382
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:06,600
Speaker 1: I'll find it in gaps. He's always kindly available and

1383
01:06:06,800 --> 01:06:08,920
Speaker 1: we'll pick up and make time for me. And he's

1384
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur too, so he can be flexible and we'll

1385
01:06:12,920 --> 01:06:15,720
Speaker 1: just talk and we can talk for hours, and it's

1386
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:18,200
Speaker 1: easy because he's I've known him for I've known him

1387
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:20,040
Speaker 1: since I was eighteen, so I've known for nearly seventeen

1388
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:22,720
Speaker 1: years now. He's one of my closest He's my closest friend.

1389
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:27,360
Speaker 1: And what I realized is history is important to me,

1390
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:31,400
Speaker 1: because there is something special about when someone has history

1391
01:06:31,440 --> 01:06:34,000
Speaker 1: with you. But what I've realized that doesn't stop you

1392
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 1: from creating new history and new memories. And that's what

1393
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:38,840
Speaker 1: I feel with you, Like when I look at my

1394
01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:41,920
Speaker 1: time in COVID, I think of our time as we

1395
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:45,520
Speaker 1: built so much history during COVID together that that's exciting

1396
01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:47,280
Speaker 1: to me because I don't have that history with any

1397
01:06:47,280 --> 01:06:50,280
Speaker 1: of those people because I wasn't there with them. And

1398
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:52,000
Speaker 1: I think that's exactly correct. And I'm not trying to

1399
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:54,600
Speaker 1: discredit my child friends. When I go and hang on

1400
01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:56,960
Speaker 1: my childoo friends, it's special and we have these memories.

1401
01:06:57,520 --> 01:06:59,880
Speaker 1: But I really did if I'm being on a struggle

1402
01:06:59,880 --> 01:07:02,000
Speaker 1: with friendship when I moved to LA because I was

1403
01:07:02,040 --> 01:07:05,520
Speaker 1: so attached to how that should happen, how friendship is

1404
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:10,080
Speaker 1: supposed to be. That I was my biggest obstacle when

1405
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:12,400
Speaker 1: it came to making new connections. Yeah, I love that.

1406
01:07:12,520 --> 01:07:15,080
Speaker 1: What a great answer, Like, what a great honestly, like,

1407
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:18,280
Speaker 1: I appreciate it because that is such a we've again

1408
01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:20,120
Speaker 1: never had done the show. And so you know, you

1409
01:07:20,200 --> 01:07:23,000
Speaker 1: hire me, am. I heard hired am, I hired am.

1410
01:07:23,040 --> 01:07:27,880
Speaker 1: I heard we'll give you an award. Yea fifth, do

1411
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:32,680
Speaker 1: not award me? What is it? The consequence of fifth

1412
01:07:32,720 --> 01:07:36,240
Speaker 1: and final question is and I'm so glad we didn't. Okay,

1413
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:40,320
Speaker 1: this from today, the fast five is officially being scrapped.

1414
01:07:40,320 --> 01:07:42,000
Speaker 1: When I feel like it. We have to find a

1415
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:45,880
Speaker 1: new name. Please steadily tag us on Instagram and come

1416
01:07:45,960 --> 01:07:48,160
Speaker 1: up with the new name. Because I'm struggling. All I'm

1417
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:49,360
Speaker 1: doing right now, I was thinking of a new name.

1418
01:07:49,560 --> 01:07:52,080
Speaker 1: What is this thing going to be? I haven't got one. Okay.

1419
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:55,440
Speaker 1: So fifth and final question is if you could create

1420
01:07:55,520 --> 01:07:59,240
Speaker 1: one law or one habit that everyone in the world

1421
01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:03,160
Speaker 1: had to follow every day and take your time as well,

1422
01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:04,600
Speaker 1: because every time we take your time we get the

1423
01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:11,520
Speaker 1: best answers. We'd be a trankle that was Lily's voice.

1424
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:15,720
Speaker 1: One word or one law or one habit. Yeah, either

1425
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:17,880
Speaker 1: either law as in something that people have to follow,

1426
01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:20,040
Speaker 1: a habit people have to practice. It's up to you.

1427
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:27,120
Speaker 1: Something that I think is being lost in the universe today,

1428
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:29,360
Speaker 1: and perhaps it could be jaded by my career in

1429
01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:31,280
Speaker 1: social media, I don't know, because the other fields being

1430
01:08:31,280 --> 01:08:37,040
Speaker 1: lost in the world is the value of context. I

1431
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:40,439
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of conflict in the world, a

1432
01:08:40,520 --> 01:08:42,960
Speaker 1: lot of tension in the world, a lot of negativity

1433
01:08:42,960 --> 01:08:45,640
Speaker 1: in the world, is because we don't value context anymore.

1434
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:50,040
Speaker 1: We judge people very quickly. We judge them from snippets

1435
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:52,439
Speaker 1: online or things that they've said. Like I said, we

1436
01:08:52,439 --> 01:08:54,760
Speaker 1: don't appreciate their circumstances. We don't even acknowledge that they

1437
01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:58,120
Speaker 1: might have different circumstances from ours. I think the world

1438
01:08:58,160 --> 01:09:01,640
Speaker 1: would be a better place if it was mandatory to

1439
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:04,840
Speaker 1: have context when you're speaking to someone, when you're putting

1440
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:09,600
Speaker 1: something on Twitter, when you are even debating. And I

1441
01:09:09,640 --> 01:09:11,760
Speaker 1: think the reason the word law made me think of

1442
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:13,920
Speaker 1: this is I think of how many times in a

1443
01:09:14,000 --> 01:09:17,840
Speaker 1: courtroom a decision or law has been passed about a

1444
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:21,559
Speaker 1: person or a group of people, even though that personal

1445
01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:24,320
Speaker 1: group of people, their context is nowhere in that room,

1446
01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:26,080
Speaker 1: you know. I think about how many people have made

1447
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:28,960
Speaker 1: laws about women's bodies and no woman was part of that,

1448
01:09:29,240 --> 01:09:30,840
Speaker 1: or like one woman out of twenty was part of

1449
01:09:30,840 --> 01:09:34,240
Speaker 1: that decision because there's no context. I think context is

1450
01:09:34,240 --> 01:09:36,559
Speaker 1: important and should be valued. And if you don't have that,

1451
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:41,760
Speaker 1: what are you actually talking about? You know? Really, with

1452
01:09:41,920 --> 01:09:51,040
Speaker 1: the death wore I'm trying. I mean, these laws, three

1453
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:53,200
Speaker 1: answers that you've given, We've just gone in and obviously

1454
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:55,320
Speaker 1: completely different direction to what we're talking about. But like

1455
01:09:56,280 --> 01:09:58,400
Speaker 1: that's such an that would be such an incredible law

1456
01:09:58,439 --> 01:10:00,920
Speaker 1: in habit that, And I don't know how you would

1457
01:10:00,920 --> 01:10:05,960
Speaker 1: execute a different time. Just the value of context, because

1458
01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:10,880
Speaker 1: it seems to be an endangered concept right now. Yeah,

1459
01:10:10,960 --> 01:10:13,040
Speaker 1: I I often find the way I've been trying to

1460
01:10:13,040 --> 01:10:15,680
Speaker 1: do in certain circumstances. And I'm sure you get this

1461
01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:18,439
Speaker 1: a lot. A lot of people ask me, oh, what's

1462
01:10:18,479 --> 01:10:20,400
Speaker 1: this person like? And I'm sure you get there too,

1463
01:10:20,400 --> 01:10:23,719
Speaker 1: because you've interviewed some amazing people, you're friends with, incredible people,

1464
01:10:24,439 --> 01:10:28,120
Speaker 1: and people what's this person really like? And what I've

1465
01:10:28,120 --> 01:10:33,559
Speaker 1: realized is that that answer can be so complex and again,

1466
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:36,880
Speaker 1: out of context, because it's so easy to say, oh, yeah,

1467
01:10:36,880 --> 01:10:39,599
Speaker 1: I just bumped into them and an elevator and they

1468
01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:42,240
Speaker 1: were really rude, and just in case they're a rude person,

1469
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:44,599
Speaker 1: and what you just said, it's like, well, that's just

1470
01:10:44,800 --> 01:10:48,439
Speaker 1: one tiny, minuscule experience, or the experiences me saying oh,

1471
01:10:48,439 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 1: they're the sweetest, nicest person in the world. Again, it's

1472
01:10:51,479 --> 01:10:55,280
Speaker 1: a very subjective experience. And the point is that without context,

1473
01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:58,200
Speaker 1: that answer can be so misconstrued. And that's just one example.

1474
01:10:58,200 --> 01:11:00,920
Speaker 1: And I've realized for me practically, it's just saying something

1475
01:11:00,920 --> 01:11:03,160
Speaker 1: along the lines of like this has been my experience

1476
01:11:03,479 --> 01:11:06,400
Speaker 1: and being able to context you guys, but this is

1477
01:11:06,400 --> 01:11:08,679
Speaker 1: my relationship with that person, and this is my experience

1478
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:10,240
Speaker 1: with that person. That's all I can give you. I

1479
01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:13,160
Speaker 1: think even hearing someone say in my experience experience, I

1480
01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:16,080
Speaker 1: think why I love that is because then someone listening

1481
01:11:16,600 --> 01:11:20,120
Speaker 1: doesn't really have the right to say, well no, yeah,

1482
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:23,479
Speaker 1: well that's not because again context is again we all

1483
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:25,240
Speaker 1: have our own experiences, and we need to understand that

1484
01:11:25,240 --> 01:11:28,200
Speaker 1: everyone has their own experiences. I love that everyone Lily

1485
01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:31,639
Speaker 1: sing be a triangle. How I went from being lost

1486
01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:35,080
Speaker 1: to getting my life into shape is available right now.

1487
01:11:35,280 --> 01:11:38,519
Speaker 1: We have the link in every bio caption comment wherever

1488
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:41,240
Speaker 1: you can get it. Please please please go and order

1489
01:11:41,280 --> 01:11:45,200
Speaker 1: the book today. It will not disappoint I cannot wait

1490
01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:48,640
Speaker 1: to see this. Please tag me and Lily on Instagram,

1491
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:51,920
Speaker 1: on Twitter, on Facebook, on TikTok, whatever you're on, and

1492
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:54,519
Speaker 1: share what your biggest nuggets, your biggest wisdom, your biggest

1493
01:11:54,520 --> 01:11:58,000
Speaker 1: takeaway were from this interview. Because I love seeing what

1494
01:11:58,160 --> 01:12:00,640
Speaker 1: resonated with you, what connected with you. And then what

1495
01:12:00,720 --> 01:12:02,960
Speaker 1: I'd love for you to do is take a picture

1496
01:12:03,080 --> 01:12:06,840
Speaker 1: of your favorite picture, sketch, whatever it may be, from

1497
01:12:06,880 --> 01:12:08,120
Speaker 1: the book, and I want you to tag me in

1498
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:10,759
Speaker 1: Lily and post that on Instagram too, because this book

1499
01:12:10,800 --> 01:12:15,080
Speaker 1: is full of the most beautiful designs at paper Somosa.

1500
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:18,120
Speaker 1: At paper Somosa, please do tag us because I'd love

1501
01:12:18,160 --> 01:12:20,280
Speaker 1: to see which ones you're resonating with, which ones you're

1502
01:12:20,280 --> 01:12:21,680
Speaker 1: in love with, which ones you're going to make a

1503
01:12:21,720 --> 01:12:25,360
Speaker 1: part of your vision board and your meditation every day. Lily,

1504
01:12:25,439 --> 01:12:27,280
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Thank you so much for your

1505
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:30,679
Speaker 1: support from the King himself. Thank you for the support

1506
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:32,599
Speaker 1: I appreciate. I was such a great commence, and it's

1507
01:12:32,600 --> 01:12:34,960
Speaker 1: so lovely because like we're friends, but we don't always

1508
01:12:34,960 --> 01:12:37,280
Speaker 1: get the chance to go this this and I love it,

1509
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:39,479
Speaker 1: like literally when I'm hearing and I felt this last

1510
01:12:39,520 --> 01:12:41,240
Speaker 1: time too, I said the same and last time we

1511
01:12:41,240 --> 01:12:44,559
Speaker 1: weren't as we had starting, we were just starting our

1512
01:12:44,600 --> 01:12:47,160
Speaker 1: friendship and I was three years ago, and I felt

1513
01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:48,599
Speaker 1: the same way last time, and I said the same

1514
01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:50,160
Speaker 1: thing to you. I was like, that was just so

1515
01:12:50,400 --> 01:12:54,320
Speaker 1: deep and profound and thoughtful in so many ways. And

1516
01:12:54,439 --> 01:12:56,400
Speaker 1: you know you you're a comedian, so you'll always just

1517
01:12:56,479 --> 01:12:59,000
Speaker 1: like laughing off or whatever. But but genuinely it was

1518
01:12:59,040 --> 01:13:00,880
Speaker 1: even this time, and you've given me so much to

1519
01:13:00,920 --> 01:13:03,880
Speaker 1: think about that. And I appreciating these conversations with you

1520
01:13:03,960 --> 01:13:07,640
Speaker 1: because we relate on so many levels. So much for

1521
01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:10,400
Speaker 1: having me, thank you, for everyone for listening. I appreciate it. Yeah,

1522
01:13:10,479 --> 01:13:10,840
Speaker 1: thank you,