Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast, everybody. Before we get started, I
Speaker 1: would like to reflect on this podcast, well, actually on
Speaker 1: the podcast, but I would like to reflect about something else.
Speaker 1: I would like to reflect about my vacation with my
Speaker 1: family this year, because I didn't really say enough about it.
Speaker 1: So to give you some context, last year, we all
Speaker 1: went on vacation for two weeks to Martha's vineyard, and
Speaker 1: that was too much time together. And at the end
Speaker 1: of the vacation, I wrote my entire family a long
Speaker 1: letter saying these are the rules moving forward, and gave
Speaker 1: several examples of behavior that I was not accepting of
Speaker 1: or will tolerate any more in the future, and made
Speaker 1: sure that everyone knew that, you know, please, thank you,
Speaker 1: and making eye contact are important things to have going
Speaker 1: on in your repertoire as a human being. So I
Speaker 1: said that letter. I mean, it took me a long
Speaker 1: time to write it because I had to edit it,
Speaker 1: because you know, the first version of that letter is
Speaker 1: like fuck you. The second version is like fuck you guys,
Speaker 1: but I love you, and then the third version is
Speaker 1: I love you but not but I love you. And
Speaker 1: so I started out with a lot of love and
Speaker 1: I wrote a very heartfelt letter to my family and
Speaker 1: they received it really well. My whole family last summer
Speaker 1: felt really badly that anything had gone you know, wrong,
Speaker 1: or nobody seemed appreciative or gracious or you know, whatever
Speaker 1: my complaints may have been. And it was good because
Speaker 1: it was like, you know, a post therapy letter, like
Speaker 1: I would not have had the tools to write that letter.
Speaker 1: If I hadn't gone to therapy. I wouldn't even be here.
Speaker 1: If I hadn't gone to therapy, I probably would have
Speaker 1: just started having road rage and eventually murdered somebody. So
Speaker 1: they received the letter really well, which is great. And
Speaker 1: then this year we had another vacation and the women
Speaker 1: who came into cleaning the house in the morning came
Speaker 1: up to me and this woman was like, I just
Speaker 1: have to tell you, like, your family is the most polite,
Speaker 1: nice family we've ever worked for. And I just thought,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I had two years in my eyes
Speaker 1: I was, so I was like, meanwhile, you should see
Speaker 1: the letter I wrote them last summer, and that's why
Speaker 1: they're acting like this. But whatever, whatever gets the horse
Speaker 1: to the water, right. So that was a good therapy
Speaker 1: before the middle and after thing for me and I
Speaker 1: thought I would share it with the audience, because it
Speaker 1: really works when you take the time to think about
Speaker 1: sending something and not just firing stuff off even when
Speaker 1: you're texting. Like I was texting my friend the other
Speaker 1: morning and she kind of was going back and forth
Speaker 1: and that I just could tell that the texting, the
Speaker 1: tempo of the texting was no longer fun or ingest
Speaker 1: or like. It just became like angry texting, and I
Speaker 1: just noticed it, and I thought, this isn't fun. You
Speaker 1: know those people you see at the airport that are
Speaker 1: like pounding into their phone as they're walking down like
Speaker 1: the corridor or whatever the hell it's called. I guess
Speaker 1: it's called a hole. That's not a hot look either.
Speaker 1: I think we have mentioned that before. But it's once
Speaker 1: you get some self awareness and realize, oh, you're guilty
Speaker 1: of doing these things too, you're like, oh, I'm not
Speaker 1: do that. Anyway, I thought I would share that personal
Speaker 1: story anyway, Brandon, what is our subject matter todays? Sweetheart?
Speaker 1: What are we going to tackle? And who are we
Speaker 1: going to tackle? Well, you are tackled. You already tackled
Speaker 1: somebody this morning. Well, it's people that are on a
Speaker 1: little bit of a time crunch and we all feel
Speaker 1: that way. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, great, So we
Speaker 1: have a caller who feels like the biological clock is ticking,
Speaker 1: hanging bills. I mean, it's a wide variety of issues. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break so I can have
Speaker 1: some of my medication now, and we will be back
Speaker 1: so we can take some questions. Our first submission comes
Speaker 1: from Jeremy from Salt Lake City. Oh, we are familiar
Speaker 1: with the area. Yeah, I love Salt Lakes. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't love it. I love Park City. I don't like
Speaker 1: the alcohol problem in Park City. I don't non problem
Speaker 1: really because they barely let you drink. It's so annoying
Speaker 1: to order a fucking drink in Salt Lake City in Utah,
Speaker 1: and then it's like I don't know an eighth of
Speaker 1: a shot that they put in a drink. And so
Speaker 1: if you can't order a double, and you can't order
Speaker 1: two at once, and you can't order two drinks at once,
Speaker 1: so I can't even go to Utah. It's problematic. Remember
Speaker 1: the show I did in Utah. I was performing at
Speaker 1: some theater there last year and it was dry. It
Speaker 1: was dry theater and I almost flipped out. I cannot perform.
Speaker 1: I cannot have my fans come and not drink. Turn out,
Speaker 1: it was like one of the best shows I've ever had,
Speaker 1: so mean while because they probably all got really sucked
Speaker 1: up before they got there. Yeah, they were so unfair
Speaker 1: to go to a venue and then not be provided
Speaker 1: with alcohol. I agree. I mean the law. That law
Speaker 1: is so so stupid because it's the more minstake. That's okay,
Speaker 1: It's yeah. I have a love hate relationship with Utah anyway.
Speaker 1: So Jeremy, he's thirty seven. He's a Instagram traveler. What
Speaker 1: a great occupation. He probably travels and posted on Instagram
Speaker 1: being an Instagram traveler. Well you kind of were on Netflix,
Speaker 1: he writes, Dear Chelsea, here's my dilemma. I'm thirty seven
Speaker 1: and I've never been in a serious relationship. I just
Speaker 1: can't seem to find anyone that I like better than
Speaker 1: my amazing single life. Whatever should I do? Would you
Speaker 1: give up your ski trips to do something they want
Speaker 1: to do? So? Like, would you give up your ski
Speaker 1: trips to prioritize something that you were dating? Like if
Speaker 1: they want to go do something else, I think we
Speaker 1: both knew the answer to that, but Jeremy's on the phone,
Speaker 1: so let's see what's going on. I feel like there's
Speaker 1: more to the situation, and I bet he is a
Speaker 1: former Mormon. I have a sneaking suspicion. Ah, Hi, Jeremy,
Speaker 1: how are you? Hi? How are you good? You are cute?
Speaker 1: I'm very much a former Mormon. Are you well? I mean,
Speaker 1: I just, I just I can appreciate with someone's cue,
Speaker 1: I know, but it was like you're throwing yourself at
Speaker 1: him through the through the screen would be painful. Hi, Jeremy,
Speaker 1: you are cute. Hi. Nice to meet you. Both of
Speaker 1: you are cute too, so thank you. I can relate. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you're a former Mormon, former Mormon while you graduate
Speaker 1: return missionary as Mormons say. So I've I've done all
Speaker 1: of the things they asked me to do, but surprisingly
Speaker 1: they never did anything that I asked them to do,
Speaker 1: so it wasn't really a mutually beneficial relationship. Well how
Speaker 1: do what were you asking them to do? I was
Speaker 1: asking them to answer any of my prayers, my questions
Speaker 1: and why everything is the way that it is, Why
Speaker 1: can't we do this? Why can't we do that, but
Speaker 1: yet they never really gave me anything in return for
Speaker 1: all the things that I was so diligent in doing
Speaker 1: for them, like not drinking for example. Right, so when
Speaker 1: did you point? No, I know there is no point
Speaker 1: to life cocktails, honestly, So when did you leave the church?
Speaker 1: As they say? Yeah? So actually the last week of
Speaker 1: December in two thousand and eight, when I graduated from
Speaker 1: d y U, I told my family that I wasn't
Speaker 1: sure if I wanted to date men or women, and
Speaker 1: it just didn't go over very well as you can imagine.
Speaker 1: That's another archaic. Yeah, well, it's I like to frame
Speaker 1: things in a pre Glee or post Glee world because
Speaker 1: for a lot of people, like I graduated high school
Speaker 1: in two thousand and eight and the there was like
Speaker 1: an acceptance or media focus on inclusion of like LGBTQ
Speaker 1: people that kind of broadened people's scope or viewpoint on
Speaker 1: gay youth. And that was a very tricky time, I'm
Speaker 1: sure to tell your family, because that was before we
Speaker 1: were kind of seeing it everywhere that like, look, the
Speaker 1: inclusion is so important for people at a certain age.
Speaker 1: So are you into guys girls both? What's your story?
Speaker 1: So I'm into both. Actually I dated women. It's more
Speaker 1: it's fun guys and girls. Why not? Yeah? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: mean you can dis imagine flipping a coin and heads
Speaker 1: or tails and you're like both because I win heads
Speaker 1: or tails? Right, I get it? Do you prefer one
Speaker 1: over the other? I have a much stronger emotional connection
Speaker 1: to women, the women I've dated, the women that I
Speaker 1: have in my life, and but I have a very
Speaker 1: strong physical attraction to men and not necessarily as strong
Speaker 1: to women. So you kind of get stuck in between
Speaker 1: with wondering which direction do I go because I'm not
Speaker 1: necessarily attracted just two individuals. There's characteristics I like of both,
Speaker 1: and so I find myself going on a lot of
Speaker 1: first dates and I'll explain to a girl that yes,
Speaker 1: I have attraction to men, and they're like, like, that
Speaker 1: doesn't really vibe with them. And then I tell a man, yeah,
Speaker 1: I still enjoy going out and dating women, and there's
Speaker 1: response is exactly the same. So you really don't know
Speaker 1: how to be authentic when something that's at your core
Speaker 1: most people don't understand. I could. Yeah, I can see that.
Speaker 1: I can see that being an issue because I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to think if I went on a date with
Speaker 1: a guy and he said he was into guys. I
Speaker 1: would my first reaction would be like, oh, no, then
Speaker 1: you're not into girls. But it's not that way. Like
Speaker 1: we're you know, as we're all learning and growing up
Speaker 1: and getting you know, aware of the situation. It's really
Speaker 1: not that way. It's another societal construct. You know that
Speaker 1: men are supposed to be with girls, and you know,
Speaker 1: and then you have a baby like, yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1: I guess as we move forward, there's going to be
Speaker 1: more and more people that are going to like having
Speaker 1: sex with both sexes or attracted to a non binary person. Well,
Speaker 1: I keep telling you could become a late in life sweetheart.
Speaker 1: We talked about this all the time. Well, when I
Speaker 1: do it, I'll let you know, I'll let the whole world.
Speaker 1: I'd like you to open yourself up to that possibility sooner.
Speaker 1: So do you want a relationship, Jeremy. So it's interesting
Speaker 1: because I don't. I don't have anybody in my life
Speaker 1: that I look at their relationship and I aspire to
Speaker 1: like live like them. I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: people in my life aspire to live the life that
Speaker 1: I live. So it's very hard for me to say, yes,
Speaker 1: I want a relationship, even though at my core I
Speaker 1: feel like I've been programmed to not be fulfilled and
Speaker 1: complete unless like somebody else by my side, like what
Speaker 1: do we do? Like I want to go skiing this
Speaker 1: weekend and every weekend and every day, and you don't.
Speaker 1: But yet I like this about you, and but it's
Speaker 1: not a complete package. So I'm stuck trying to figure
Speaker 1: that out. Yeah you are. Yeah, I mean it's confusing
Speaker 1: when you talk about it, so I can understand you
Speaker 1: being confused. Also I'm confused, lightly, are you? Sweet time? No,
Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying, because I think that relationships
Speaker 1: are framed in a certain way, and we are conditioned
Speaker 1: to believe that they must maintain a certain structure in
Speaker 1: order for them to be successful. And what we've seen
Speaker 1: is that that's not true. And you embracing your individuality
Speaker 1: and autonomy in that way, like I would like to
Speaker 1: maintain these aspects of my life. What that means for
Speaker 1: you is that you're going to have to find someone
Speaker 1: to fit within your current lifestyle that you would like
Speaker 1: to maintain, which is possible. Hopefully it's someone that loves
Speaker 1: to ski on the weekends some weekends, but then wants
Speaker 1: to take a trip on their own with their friends.
Speaker 1: Like that is the best possible outcome. Like that you
Speaker 1: are two individuals who can come together but still live
Speaker 1: somewhat separate lives. Like that, there's longevity in those types
Speaker 1: of relationships. Someone told me one time that their relationship
Speaker 1: had lasted so long because they worked in entertainment and
Speaker 1: that they both basically live totally separate lives. But that's
Speaker 1: that's one way to keep a relationship alive. Is not altogether.
Speaker 1: But I think, you know, I don't ever think if
Speaker 1: I'm going to be in a relationship long term or
Speaker 1: I just I try and appreciate my single doom while
Speaker 1: I have it, because I know eventually there's going to
Speaker 1: be guys around, you know, like there's always somebody popping
Speaker 1: in and out of your life. So I really enjoy
Speaker 1: every day that I'm alone, because I'm like, just enjoy this,
Speaker 1: enjoy this, enjoy this. I mean, I might enjoy it
Speaker 1: a little too much. Some would argue, right, I am selfish,
Speaker 1: and I've become more selfish as I've gotten older, because
Speaker 1: I realized what I like, what I want, and how
Speaker 1: I want it right. I mean, Chelsea, I've mastered everything
Speaker 1: you just talked about for both of you. Then it's
Speaker 1: a reminder that when the right person materializes, you're going
Speaker 1: to find the adaptation and inclusion of them into your
Speaker 1: life much easier exact exactly to feel like work. It's
Speaker 1: going to be much less effort, yes, because and then
Speaker 1: you don't have to think about it as a compromise,
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't let anybody into my orbit unless they
Speaker 1: were an additive, unless they were like adding something to
Speaker 1: the situation. I'm not going to get into a back
Speaker 1: and forth tug of war with like a guy or
Speaker 1: a long distance Actually long distance is a good I
Speaker 1: like that because obviously they're not around all the time.
Speaker 1: But I remember being in a real troubling relationship that
Speaker 1: I was in for a couple of years and he
Speaker 1: was in New York and I was in l A.
Speaker 1: And we would just go back and forth and it
Speaker 1: was just constant like who's doing what? And how can
Speaker 1: I show up for you? And how can you show
Speaker 1: up for me? And it was like it was just
Speaker 1: so depleting, like all of that negotiation and the compromise.
Speaker 1: So I understand what you're saying about compromising things, it
Speaker 1: can be depleting to an extent if that person isn't
Speaker 1: primarily just adding something to your life. I wonder about
Speaker 1: long term relationships too, because I can't even make a
Speaker 1: short term or short distance or long distance. That's the
Speaker 1: tricky part is saying, well, I want my own time,
Speaker 1: but yet I want to see this person and I
Speaker 1: wanted to be convenient. But I think the right person
Speaker 1: for you changes throughout the course of your relationship. So
Speaker 1: it's about how you can change together and keep that
Speaker 1: relationship going as you're both changing and evolving. Because if
Speaker 1: you had to constantly worry about the right person at
Speaker 1: each moment, you would be going through relationships on a cycle.
Speaker 1: Like your opinions of people change, how you feel about
Speaker 1: them change. You have to weather some of those things.
Speaker 1: So like you may wake up one morning and like
Speaker 1: a woman, you may wake up one morning like a man.
Speaker 1: Like that's going to happen in your situation. But it's
Speaker 1: about if you find a relationship and knowing that that
Speaker 1: person is who you want to continue to build a
Speaker 1: life with that my new ship doesn't matter like, well,
Speaker 1: right now they don't feel like the right person, but
Speaker 1: long term are they like you have to see kind
Speaker 1: of you have to do some forward thinking about where
Speaker 1: you see your life with that person. Yeah. Like my
Speaker 1: psychiatrist Dan, when I would talk about this, he'd be like,
Speaker 1: do you want to be in a relationship? And I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know. Do what you tell me?
Speaker 1: Do I want to be in a relationship because I
Speaker 1: really don't know, like and he was like, you have
Speaker 1: to think about that, and so we had conversations. I go, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship. And this is
Speaker 1: like two years ago, and he said, okay, well you
Speaker 1: need to put yourself in situations where you're gonna be
Speaker 1: meeting men, you know, men that you wouldn't normally run into.
Speaker 1: And he was like, I want you to go to
Speaker 1: this conference. I want you to do things that are
Speaker 1: outside of your comfort zone to meet men, and literally
Speaker 1: like a weekend. I'm like, I don't. I don't want
Speaker 1: to meet anyone, Like after having to put that effort
Speaker 1: for it, I'm like, it's not worth it. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have to make such an effort
Speaker 1: to meet someone. You know, either I will or I won't,
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to actively pursue it in that way,
Speaker 1: it's just not part of my d n A. And
Speaker 1: I'm getting the same vibe from you. You're not actively
Speaker 1: pursuing a relationship because you probably are not ready to
Speaker 1: have one or don't want one. Well, it's also I
Speaker 1: have so many amazing hobbies and activities and friends, and
Speaker 1: you feel your life with your time is is finites right.
Speaker 1: We all have twenty four hours in a day, and
Speaker 1: it's like, what do I want to spend my time
Speaker 1: doing trying to create an experience with somebody I don't
Speaker 1: know and I've never met, but I want to meet
Speaker 1: them or use that same time to have incredible experiences
Speaker 1: with the people that are already in your life and
Speaker 1: hope that at some point somebody crosses your path. When
Speaker 1: people say when you least expected, it sounds like, okay.
Speaker 1: My final thought on this is, I know you're saying
Speaker 1: that you're not having luck in this area, but I
Speaker 1: think you're gonna have much more luck finding a gay
Speaker 1: man or another bisexual man who's going to give you
Speaker 1: the ability to still have connections with women. Also, like,
Speaker 1: maybe it's not gonna be a monogamous relationship, Like that's
Speaker 1: also something that's happening all the time. It's already that
Speaker 1: I already made that determination, and I would say. What
Speaker 1: I would say is like, oh, yeah, I don't open
Speaker 1: with telling people you're bisexual, but like girls. But then
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, because you have to be upfront and honest.
Speaker 1: You have to tell people the truth right away. I'm
Speaker 1: all for that, but it's clearly scaring girls off, so
Speaker 1: he can't even pursue, you know, And does it scare
Speaker 1: guys off too? Oh? Yeah, I think authenticity scares people
Speaker 1: in general. Yeah, no, tell me about its sister. How's
Speaker 1: your family now with your bisexuality? Are they better? I
Speaker 1: haven't spoken of them in almost ten years. Actually, you
Speaker 1: don't talk to any of your siblings. Oh, what's a shame.
Speaker 1: That is so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. It worked out
Speaker 1: for the better. So they are very conservative, they're not progmos,
Speaker 1: very conservative. But it worked out for the best because
Speaker 1: they were inhibiting me from living my best life. Yet sucks,
Speaker 1: but I'm so happy today. How can I look back
Speaker 1: and say, oh, I'm so mad that happened. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the right attitude. But that's a big injury. Even
Speaker 1: if it worked out for the best. It is really
Speaker 1: hard to have your parents desert you in that way,
Speaker 1: abandon you. And how are you vulnerable in relationship when
Speaker 1: your most vulnerable moment in your entire life you got
Speaker 1: kicked to the curb by the people that we're supposed
Speaker 1: to love you the most. Yea, So maybe that's a
Speaker 1: bigger issue for you. It might be. Yeah, growing up Mormon,
Speaker 1: you're basically trained to lie and be really good at
Speaker 1: lying for your entire life. And when I left the church,
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't have to lie anymore. I
Speaker 1: don't have to be dishonest. I don't have to get
Speaker 1: up in front of people and tell them that I
Speaker 1: believe in all of this and feel that pressure and
Speaker 1: make these covenants that they talk about. And so at
Speaker 1: the same time, I'm done with that phase of my life.
Speaker 1: I don't need to lie anymore. I want to be authentic.
Speaker 1: And that's probably been the biggest challenge in dating for me,
Speaker 1: is that my desire to be authentic and my best
Speaker 1: self is not met with the same excitement that I
Speaker 1: need it with in my life. Yeah, I hear what
Speaker 1: you're saying. I hear what you're saying, but I think
Speaker 1: You're on the right track, you know. I think that
Speaker 1: you can't alter your behavior because of anyone's reaction, right,
Speaker 1: you know that? So I think you are on the
Speaker 1: right track. And your appreciation and jade Vi for life
Speaker 1: is impressive, and I think yeah, and I think it does.
Speaker 1: It's intense. You're an intense gy, right, and people get
Speaker 1: scared of that. I can relate to that for sure,
Speaker 1: But I would just say, what what are we saying, Brandon?
Speaker 1: What what advice are we giving here? That you really
Speaker 1: don't need to make any sort of correction. I mean,
Speaker 1: you seem to have a really good outlook on where
Speaker 1: you're at, and that you know, if someone comes in,
Speaker 1: they're going to have to be kind of that missing
Speaker 1: puzzle piece for You're not going to rearrange to make
Speaker 1: them work into your lifestyle. But I think more people
Speaker 1: need to take that outlook. Yeah, I think you have
Speaker 1: a great outlook. You're only thirty seven years old. You
Speaker 1: have plenty of time, so don't worry about that. And
Speaker 1: from what you're saying, you don't even want to be
Speaker 1: in a real compromising what you want it, but you
Speaker 1: don't want it all. I feel that too. I I
Speaker 1: want it sometimes and then I'm like, no, please leave
Speaker 1: h I know, good luck, I guess, Jeremy, good luck.
Speaker 1: Hopefully we'll see you in Utass and we'll see you
Speaker 1: at Park City one day. Will continue the conversation on
Speaker 1: the slopes. That's that's where every problem is solved. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll do double duty. I will find you both or
Speaker 1: will both come to salt like you can have sex
Speaker 1: with both of us. Uh really, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know purview to offer me. I shall do it
Speaker 1: for basically anything else. So so anyway, yeah, sit with that.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to sit with it, sit on it,
Speaker 1: sit around it, yeah, on top of it. Okay, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: have a great day, Jerem. You know what I don't
Speaker 1: like about men everything, Well, the smells, the thing that
Speaker 1: I have a problem like, we didn't help him out. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think he was confusing. He was a little confusing.
Speaker 1: There was a lot going on there, that's he was.
Speaker 1: He's very intense smell. And he reminded me of Christian Gray,
Speaker 1: who is that from like fifty Shades of Gray? Like
Speaker 1: he very unwavering but also very also not specifically right,
Speaker 1: but very broad and and what he was looking for
Speaker 1: our worst advice calls so far. Sweetheart. He he was,
Speaker 1: he was really cute, but I could see why going
Speaker 1: on a date with him would be a little exhausting. Well, yes,
Speaker 1: because imagine sitting down and having all that information unloaded
Speaker 1: on you right away, just like I know, But what
Speaker 1: I mean, he has to be honest. I respect that.
Speaker 1: I respect his honesty. What do you think about someone
Speaker 1: like that? Though? Who It wasn't a what was me
Speaker 1: or like a victim mentality, but the idea that nothing
Speaker 1: and no one is ever going to come along that will.
Speaker 1: He didn't have that, but I see I felt like
Speaker 1: he did have that. He's like, I don't I can't
Speaker 1: find this. This isn't happening no matter what I do,
Speaker 1: Like it's not happening on an app, it's not happening
Speaker 1: in person. To me, I'm like, that's that's certainly not true.
Speaker 1: Like it has to be happening somewhere, and either you're
Speaker 1: not allowing it to come in or you're I don't know,
Speaker 1: Like I know, my problem is when I actively for
Speaker 1: somebody to have sex with, it happens right away. When
Speaker 1: I when I don't actively look, it doesn't happen, so
Speaker 1: it's hard to get the stamina to pursue all the time.
Speaker 1: Like my sister Simones was on a date the other
Speaker 1: night and she was telling me, Shanna and Simone and
Speaker 1: I are on a text thread for Sissy's and she says,
Speaker 1: I went on a date from you know, Bumble or
Speaker 1: Hinge or whatever site she's on, and she's like, it's
Speaker 1: just I can't. I can't keep doing this. It's just
Speaker 1: too depressing the men out there. And I'm like, I know,
Speaker 1: the effort you have to put forth in the pursuit
Speaker 1: of someone is not something I'm willing to put forth.
Speaker 1: I'm not willing to put forth that. And I told Simone,
Speaker 1: I said, you should just give up, Like I think
Speaker 1: we should call it, just wrap it up and she
Speaker 1: can come. We can live together and just transition into
Speaker 1: our elderly lesbian state. I do think things can happen
Speaker 1: organically than people assume anymore. I think that they think
Speaker 1: the only means is to have these minor, very surface
Speaker 1: level interactions online, and I don't believe that to be true.
Speaker 1: I think you have to recondition yourself to having in
Speaker 1: person interactions. Everything is online, so I don't see people
Speaker 1: walk up to someone in a bar anymore, Like unless
Speaker 1: you were on the phone and they're in your area
Speaker 1: and you're on that app, there's no interaction. If people
Speaker 1: had the confidence or stamina to maintain in person conversations,
Speaker 1: I think you'd be much more likely to find a partner. Well,
Speaker 1: but then where what do you what do you mean
Speaker 1: you just go and start talking to someone, Yes, you
Speaker 1: give someone a compliment, you start a conversation. I don't know,
Speaker 1: it can be done, it used to be done. So
Speaker 1: there are other ways and outlets to find someone you're
Speaker 1: interested in. Join a club, find a hobby, what like
Speaker 1: a lawn bowling club, what you could maybe at least
Speaker 1: then you know that there's a hobby in common. Well
Speaker 1: you know what I thought. I thought, Oh, I'll meet
Speaker 1: someone skiing, you know, on the slopes on the chairlift.
Speaker 1: Like it's easy. I'm like, this is perfect, And it
Speaker 1: was so hard because everyone's faces are covered, so you
Speaker 1: don't even know what you're talking to. You can't see
Speaker 1: the person that you're talking to. So then putting the
Speaker 1: effort forth and maybe not, but that's a very specific
Speaker 1: example of you doing something that you like, Like, yes,
Speaker 1: the chairlift is not going to be ideal for finding
Speaker 1: someone because you can't see what they look like. It's
Speaker 1: hard to hear them. But what about app? Right, you
Speaker 1: see a guy that you find attractive, how often do
Speaker 1: you walk over and start a conversation with him if
Speaker 1: he's not part of your immediate friend or a friend
Speaker 1: of a friend. But I'm shy. Actually if people put
Speaker 1: themselves out more and that isn't attractive quality that someone
Speaker 1: just swalks up to you to start a conversation. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I get shy around guys that I like. I do.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is. It doesn't match my personality.
Speaker 1: Like I want them to take the lead and I
Speaker 1: want them to take control and I want them to
Speaker 1: come over. But if everyone waits for that, no one
Speaker 1: gets anywhere. All sucking on these apps, get off the app,
Speaker 1: stop annoying. I was like texting with some guy on
Speaker 1: Riya and I was like, I can't do this. Even
Speaker 1: that was like, I'm like it's even opening That Ryan
Speaker 1: app is like too much for me. But people also,
Speaker 1: this is advice for anyone who's dating because this is
Speaker 1: something I deal with with all of my friends who
Speaker 1: are on Ryan or Bumble or Tinder. There's conversation, but
Speaker 1: there's no setup to actually get together, Like I would
Speaker 1: exchange two messages like hey, we both liked each other's profile.
Speaker 1: How are you, how's your day going? Whatever? Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: available one night this week. Do you want to grab dinner?
Speaker 1: Like you need to set it up immediately because there
Speaker 1: are too many people, there are too many other sources
Speaker 1: to grab their attention. You need to get them on
Speaker 1: the fucking hook. If you're that interested in them, you
Speaker 1: need to set a date to do something. They're just like, no,
Speaker 1: we've been talking for three months. I'm like, for what
Speaker 1: are they your counselor I think it's like, like what
Speaker 1: then are you talking about for three months on? It's
Speaker 1: like a modern day penpal. I also don't want to
Speaker 1: talk on the phone before I meet the person. I
Speaker 1: want to see them and if there's anything to talk about,
Speaker 1: we'll find out about it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be on the phone. I don't
Speaker 1: want you to FaceTime me, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: FaceTime you, and I don't want to talk for a
Speaker 1: long period of time before we meet up. That is
Speaker 1: not going to I also have a proposed set up
Speaker 1: for dates is that everyone should set it up for
Speaker 1: a drink and have a reservation made for dinner just
Speaker 1: in case, but you don't tell that person that. So
Speaker 1: you you both know that you're going to drinks at
Speaker 1: a specific location. You find a restaurant nearby for a
Speaker 1: reservation for dinner in case it's going well. That way,
Speaker 1: you can say, hey, like I set this up, do
Speaker 1: you want to go grab dinner? But you haven't out.
Speaker 1: We're like, you know, happy hour's gonna last so long
Speaker 1: and you've got to get out of there. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do that tonight. I'm gonna If I see someone
Speaker 1: cute at Hotel bel Air, I'm going there for early
Speaker 1: dinner tonight, I'll go up to them. And then I realized, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm in l A. I'll already know people there. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like l A is, there's something
Speaker 1: about l A that makes it very hard to to
Speaker 1: be freestyle like that, like l A Is. Well, I
Speaker 1: would like to challenge you. That's my advice to you.
Speaker 1: I would like to challenge you that in a social
Speaker 1: setting next time with people you don't know, if you
Speaker 1: find someone attractive that you start a conversation. Okay, and
Speaker 1: you are good at that. You can go give him
Speaker 1: a compliment about something there you you will find a
Speaker 1: way suite hurt without a doubt. I know you're right.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that. Actually, we're gonna do that. That's
Speaker 1: gonna be. I'm gonna go up and approach man now
Speaker 1: from now on. I think that's exactly what I need
Speaker 1: to do, because I could do it for anything else
Speaker 1: in my life. It's just that one area that I'm
Speaker 1: like a little girl like well, and there's no reason
Speaker 1: for you to hurt your beautiful sweetheart. Oh God, stop it.
Speaker 1: Our next mission comes from Marissa from San Diego. She's
Speaker 1: twenty nine. She's starting law school. She writes, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I'm almost a thirty year old woman, and I was
Speaker 1: hit really hard during COVID nineteen. Before coronavirus, I was
Speaker 1: in a two year long term relationship. I had a
Speaker 1: job I loved in the entertainment industry, and I lived
Speaker 1: in an apartment in a cool part of l A.
Speaker 1: Since then, I've lost my job, my apartment, and broke
Speaker 1: up with my boyfriend after I found out he was
Speaker 1: cheating on me. As of right now, I'm struggling with
Speaker 1: what to do on the relationship front. I'm planning on
Speaker 1: starting law school in the fall. I also want to
Speaker 1: get married and have kids. At some point, I just
Speaker 1: feel like my biological clock is running out of time.
Speaker 1: I feel overwhelmed trying to figure out how to balance
Speaker 1: education and career and trying to have a family. How
Speaker 1: can I work through all of these things? How did
Speaker 1: you prioritize your career? These are struggles we all go through. Merissa,
Speaker 1: are you on the line, Yeah, I'm here. Hi, Marissa, Hi,
Speaker 1: Sorry about your boyfriend cheating on you. It's okay. It happens.
Speaker 1: It does happen. It does happen, and it's not the
Speaker 1: end of the world. But I would say right off
Speaker 1: the bat that prioritizing your education shin and going to
Speaker 1: law school is a you'll probably meet somebody in law
Speaker 1: school and be that's more important than meeting somebody right now, Like,
Speaker 1: you have to take care of yourself and get yourself
Speaker 1: on the right track, so that takes priority, you know.
Speaker 1: So that's your first point of operation, is going to school,
Speaker 1: taking care of yourself, doing what's best so that you're
Speaker 1: able to take care of you. Yeah, that's I mean,
Speaker 1: that's kind of what I'm trying to work through, is
Speaker 1: like focusing on myself but also just freaking out, like
Speaker 1: am I running out of time? Am I just gonna
Speaker 1: get lost in? Like like working to become a lawyer. Well,
Speaker 1: you have to remember that the time construct is being
Speaker 1: placed on you. So you think that you need to
Speaker 1: achieve these things by a certain point because that's what
Speaker 1: you've seen. But you're still young, Like, you'll go through
Speaker 1: law school. You'll get through law school. You will have
Speaker 1: plenty of time for a family and to find a partner.
Speaker 1: And I think once you get through law school, you'll
Speaker 1: realize that it's not as critical in terms of timing
Speaker 1: as it feels right now because you just have so
Speaker 1: much going on and you know you're about to enter
Speaker 1: this new stage of life that you want to be
Speaker 1: able to check all these boxes. But the list will
Speaker 1: still be there to check when you get done with
Speaker 1: law school and you're in a better position, and it's
Speaker 1: very likely like every lawyer I know, well not every
Speaker 1: lawyer I know, but a lot of people. You're gonna
Speaker 1: meet so many people in law school. You don't even
Speaker 1: know what your life is going to be like in
Speaker 1: four years, you know, and what your priorities are going
Speaker 1: to be like and if you're gonna want if you're
Speaker 1: going to feel the same way that you feel right now.
Speaker 1: And it's a difficult time. You're coming out of COVID.
Speaker 1: You know, you've said you've been really hit hard by this.
Speaker 1: I believe you, you know, and so this isn't a
Speaker 1: time for you to be worrying about making sure that
Speaker 1: you're ticking all these boxes. You have to take it
Speaker 1: one step at a time. And we get overwhelmed when
Speaker 1: we think we have to do everything all at one time. Everything.
Speaker 1: There's an urgency for all of it. When your life
Speaker 1: is kind of unraveled in a certain way and you're
Speaker 1: trying to weave it all back together, everything feels like
Speaker 1: it has to be done right now, right now, right now,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't. And you're doing the most important thing
Speaker 1: right now, which is setting yourself up for success later.
Speaker 1: I think about how much easier it's going to be
Speaker 1: to have a family and kids once you're an attorney.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's true. Yeah, I won't be in like a
Speaker 1: small apartment just trying to figure things out right. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: that totally makes sense. That's very calming actually and very helpful.
Speaker 1: And we we both feel that way in different ways,
Speaker 1: like we both there's an urgency with work or there's
Speaker 1: this has to be done right now, right now, right now,
Speaker 1: And sometimes she'll have to say it to me like hey,
Speaker 1: you're wound tight, or elf to tell her like it's
Speaker 1: on the list, but this is an urgent. There are
Speaker 1: other things we need to get done first. And so
Speaker 1: it's not just you. Everyone feels this way and everyone's
Speaker 1: personal life feels like it's not where they want it
Speaker 1: to be, but it will be yeah, yeah, And just
Speaker 1: feeling like I've lost a year because of COVID, but
Speaker 1: trying to realize like everyone kind of was going through
Speaker 1: the same thing. So yeah, that and everything is temporary. Listen,
Speaker 1: everyone is coming out of COVID and it has had
Speaker 1: a hard year everybody. Some people have been hit really
Speaker 1: hard and some people less so. But you have to
Speaker 1: be okay with not knowing what is going to happen.
Speaker 1: You have to get comfortable with that because you know,
Speaker 1: if you're tied too tightly to a plan and it
Speaker 1: doesn't work, then it's you're causing yourself suffering. You know,
Speaker 1: you have to be okay with like, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: the step I'm taking here, this is what's happening now,
Speaker 1: and maybe later down the road you can think of that.
Speaker 1: But it's not like it doesn't have to happen immediately.
Speaker 1: You don't have to find your husband and have your
Speaker 1: children and and you know and check that box. It
Speaker 1: doesn't it's just not necessary. Yeah, okay, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Was that helpful? Yeah, that was really helpful. Okay, like
Speaker 1: help me put into perspective like not trying to do
Speaker 1: everything at once, right, make sure you remind yourself of that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. Okay, thank you, Massa, take care, Thank you
Speaker 1: so much, you too, Bye bye. Our next submission comes
Speaker 1: from Alex from nyc. Uh. They're a music teacher. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying there, Bex. I'm not sure they're preferred pronoun
Speaker 1: or where they are on that spectrum. Oh, Alex, I
Speaker 1: was just I was just about to read your submission.
Speaker 1: But since you're here, why don't you just why don't
Speaker 1: you just give us a breakdown of what's going on now? Okay? Sure,
Speaker 1: Hi guys, so M I guess the biggest thing I'm
Speaker 1: dealing with right now is that in late November, my
Speaker 1: dad got diagnosed with cancer. He's my only living parent
Speaker 1: and he lives on his own on the opposite coast
Speaker 1: for me, so we haven't been together through the pandemic.
Speaker 1: And then the other thing that I'm dealing with is
Speaker 1: I kind of throughout the pandemic before I even knew
Speaker 1: that my dad was sick, I was falling behind my
Speaker 1: rent and that felt like a normal problem to have
Speaker 1: during COVID times, I guess, But my I think maybe
Speaker 1: since I emailed you, I've been kind of given a
Speaker 1: letter from my landlord's attorney being like you maybe served
Speaker 1: with something in twenty days or something like. That's some
Speaker 1: scary letter. So I just feel like I have a
Speaker 1: lot on my mind and it's hard to feel productive,
Speaker 1: and it's hard to figure out whether I should just
Speaker 1: say like fuck it and go like be with my
Speaker 1: dad or I think, Ay, there's something called Panda Mac
Speaker 1: of Love. My friend runs this organization and they help
Speaker 1: with relief with money and they pair you up with
Speaker 1: somebody who will help you financially. So how do we
Speaker 1: get in touch with Shelley's organization? It's a mindful skate
Speaker 1: girl is her Instagram handle, and you have to say
Speaker 1: I sent you, and they'll pair you up with a
Speaker 1: sponsor who will help you financially for you know, however
Speaker 1: long you need to be helped. Okay, So there's one thing.
Speaker 1: That's one thing you can do. You just have to
Speaker 1: give them your situation and explain, you know, it's COVID relief,
Speaker 1: it's helping for all the mind what sorry? Okay. So
Speaker 1: the organization is called Pandemic of Love dot com and
Speaker 1: her Instagram handle is Mindful Skater Girl. Mind Mindful Skater Girl. Okay, Yeah, definitely,
Speaker 1: just say I sent you. Okay. They've helped millions of
Speaker 1: people and they are continuing to help millions of people.
Speaker 1: So that's one thing you can do. Wow, well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much that I really appreciate that problem solved
Speaker 1: on that front. Now, as far as far as your
Speaker 1: dad having cancer, so you're on you're in New York
Speaker 1: or he's in New York. You're in New York. I'm
Speaker 1: in New York. Yeah, and he's okay, So you want
Speaker 1: to be with him, right, yeah, I mean hopefully it
Speaker 1: would be safe to think about traveling again. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think you want to be with your
Speaker 1: dad during this time, you know. Yeah, so what are
Speaker 1: your options are you? Do you have a job right now? Like,
Speaker 1: how can you make that happen? Yeah, I'm yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: pretty much back to the workflow that I had pre pandemic.
Speaker 1: It was just the first three months or so that
Speaker 1: I kind of fell behind. And yeah, but I'm back
Speaker 1: to making money. I just I don't know if I
Speaker 1: can come up with, you know, whatever, the money that
Speaker 1: they want me to come up with in the next
Speaker 1: twenty days or something, well, and how have you. What
Speaker 1: I've realized from a lot of people who are in
Speaker 1: similar situations is that there is just not enough communication
Speaker 1: between the landlord and the tenant or whoever is responsible
Speaker 1: for obtaining the funds for your unit and just saying like,
Speaker 1: this is where I'm at, this is what I can
Speaker 1: afford right now, either to add additionally to what I
Speaker 1: am current paying on my rent. I feel like communications
Speaker 1: can be had because you both want the same resolution.
Speaker 1: You don't want to have to leave. They just want
Speaker 1: their money. So have you have you gone through that
Speaker 1: protocol of trying to figure out what that would look
Speaker 1: like to get them additional funds? Yes, So it seems
Speaker 1: like I can't say this for certain, But I requested
Speaker 1: a repair to be made in my apartment and then
Speaker 1: they like returned with this like letters saying like you
Speaker 1: owe us frint kind of. So it just it feels
Speaker 1: a little like, I mean, New York landlords are assholes,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, Donald Trump is a New York landlord, so
Speaker 1: it's not your landlord. Laugh. Oh you need laugh more? Okay,
Speaker 1: So that helps, Like in any situation, what are you
Speaker 1: gonna So I'm just confused, like, so, can you go
Speaker 1: visit your father? Could you work remotely? Yeah? I mean
Speaker 1: I just feel so frozen and stuck and like it
Speaker 1: feels like a struggled I mean, I'm combingly not even
Speaker 1: giving my best to my clients these days. I don't
Speaker 1: even know. But what do you do for a living?
Speaker 1: I'm a teacher? Okay, so you can do that remotely,
Speaker 1: right yeah? Yeah? Yeah absolutely? Okay. So I think what
Speaker 1: you need to do is you need to get hooked
Speaker 1: up with pandemica blove. That's going to take care of
Speaker 1: your own situation, Okay. And then I think you need
Speaker 1: to make plans. How long would you want to come
Speaker 1: out and see your dad for? Like, do you want
Speaker 1: to spend like a month here or do you want
Speaker 1: to spend like what's your game plan? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it's also it has to do with like my least
Speaker 1: ends at the end of the summer. So I don't
Speaker 1: even know what that it's gonna look like, you know,
Speaker 1: depending on how this pans out with my landlord. That's it.
Speaker 1: The other thing is just it just all feels like
Speaker 1: it's happening right now. And my dad just finished radiation.
Speaker 1: He just is looking really rough and I want to
Speaker 1: be with him. Yeah, I think you should make plans.
Speaker 1: Get yourself a ticket for two weeks and go out
Speaker 1: there for a set amount of time, whether it's a
Speaker 1: week or a month. Like how much time do you
Speaker 1: see yourself spending in Long Beach? Yeah, I could see
Speaker 1: myself spending maybe two weeks there. I get a little
Speaker 1: restless there, but okay, I've never been are under these circumstances, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: So I think you should give give yourself two weeks
Speaker 1: to come out here. Right, just deal with what this
Speaker 1: situation right now. Don't worry about your least being up
Speaker 1: at the end of the summer. You're going to get
Speaker 1: this sorted out. With pandemic of love, I think That's
Speaker 1: what I'm kind of sensing is just like I love
Speaker 1: my mom to cancer young agents of this feels like
Speaker 1: kind of a resurfacing of that trauma, and I feel like,
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I'll be super I'll have so
Speaker 1: many regrets if I don't spend time with him and
Speaker 1: God for good at least him. Yeah, it is retraumatizing.
Speaker 1: I know what you mean. It feels like an abandonment, right.
Speaker 1: You know, you lose somebody you love and you feel abandoned,
Speaker 1: and even though it's not their fault, that's what you're
Speaker 1: left feeling. And so of course it's a trigger, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean the word of the day or word of
Speaker 1: the year with everybody using trigger, it's so annoying, but
Speaker 1: it's true. It is a trigger, right, It's a trigger
Speaker 1: for you, and you did lose your mom and I'm
Speaker 1: sorry about that. All you can do is show up
Speaker 1: for the people that you care about in your life
Speaker 1: and be there for him. You know that's what you
Speaker 1: want to do. You love your dad, he loves you.
Speaker 1: All you can do is be with him and let
Speaker 1: him know that he's loved by you right during this time,
Speaker 1: and you can support him in whatever way you can,
Speaker 1: and that means get to him. And as soon as
Speaker 1: you have that, I think when you have someone you know,
Speaker 1: when you're close to a family member, it all kind
Speaker 1: of makes a lot more sense. All the stress in
Speaker 1: your life seems to simmer down when you're in close
Speaker 1: proximity to family members. Yeah, I don't know how, Yeah exactly,
Speaker 1: I don't know how much of like what I'm feeling
Speaker 1: is just disconnection because I've been alone for the last
Speaker 1: year and change, so I feel kind of in a
Speaker 1: vacuum with my own feelings, and then things keep pil
Speaker 1: I think once you get something in place, and a
Speaker 1: lot of it you have to remember is not gonna
Speaker 1: be solved overnight. So once you just get things in
Speaker 1: motion for kind of each of these stressors seeing your dad,
Speaker 1: once you know that you either have like a bus
Speaker 1: ticket booked or a plane ticket whatever that looks like,
Speaker 1: and you have something on your calendar, like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: can alleviate this stress with my dad. I know I'm
Speaker 1: going to see him at this time. I know I've
Speaker 1: spoken to the landlord about this aspect. It makes all
Speaker 1: those things feel a little less stressful because you know
Speaker 1: things are in motion and it's it's when you're stagnant
Speaker 1: that you feel like, Okay, nothing's happening, nothing's happening. That's
Speaker 1: when you become more stress that you're left with just
Speaker 1: those feelings instead of an action. So just keep the
Speaker 1: momentum going, make a list today of the things you
Speaker 1: know you need to address, and then just make sure
Speaker 1: every day you're looking at that and that something is happening,
Speaker 1: that you've either made a phone call, you sent a
Speaker 1: text message, you let him know like these are the dates,
Speaker 1: put it on your calendar, whatever that looks like. Because once,
Speaker 1: once the wheels are turning, it's gonna put you back
Speaker 1: in motion. You're gonna be able to give a little
Speaker 1: bit more to your clients. You're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: give a little bit more attention to your dad. You're
Speaker 1: gonna know, I'm going to be in a safe place
Speaker 1: with my home at the end of the summer. You'll
Speaker 1: have answers. It's the unknown that is so mentally, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's totally the uncertainty that is, you know, driving me
Speaker 1: crazy and just not knowing whether he'll finde and going well,
Speaker 1: whether all the place to live, etcetera, etcetera. At just
Speaker 1: like feels like a lot. You can only control so much,
Speaker 1: and what you can control is how you address each
Speaker 1: of these situations. So once you take back that power
Speaker 1: and know that I've made the decisions in these areas,
Speaker 1: you're not going to feel as overwhelmed. M Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: just overwhelmed right now. I can see it on your face.
Speaker 1: You're you're you're exhausted, and you're not alone everybody you know,
Speaker 1: so many people are just like fuck, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: And it's the lack of interaction with others also that's
Speaker 1: taking its toll on every day. So without that, you're
Speaker 1: only alone with your own thoughts and you're only sitting
Speaker 1: there thinking, oh yeah. And there's so much inertia right
Speaker 1: now and so much in action that it does feel overwhelming.
Speaker 1: But you're gonna be okay. You're going to be okay.
Speaker 1: You're breathing, You're gonna be fine. You've made it through
Speaker 1: the last year, like you've You've come out on the
Speaker 1: other side of that, so you're you're in control and
Speaker 1: it's going to keep getting better. Yeah, and your dad, listen,
Speaker 1: you know, whatever happens with your dad, you're also going
Speaker 1: to be okay. Yeah, you know that like, you're going
Speaker 1: to be okay. It's very difficult to deal with losing
Speaker 1: a parent, and it's I can't even imagine what it's
Speaker 1: like to lose two parents. Actually both my parents are dead,
Speaker 1: so I can. It is overwhelming. But all you can
Speaker 1: do is show up and be loving, like that's all
Speaker 1: you can do. Is that's your gift to your dad,
Speaker 1: you know, is to be there with him and do
Speaker 1: what you can. You're you know, I understand how difficult
Speaker 1: it is. But even if your father, you know, has
Speaker 1: a really difficult time, even if he passes away, you
Speaker 1: are going to be okay. Yeah that's true. Yeah, now
Speaker 1: you're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're going through this
Speaker 1: right now. I feel fair. You're You're strong though, and
Speaker 1: that's what you remember you have. You have that strength
Speaker 1: within you, and you certainly got that from somewhere, and
Speaker 1: I'm assuming it's your two parents. And my grandfather used
Speaker 1: to say, don't borrow trouble, and I try and remember
Speaker 1: that that these things that you're worried about, like especially
Speaker 1: with your dad, because that is something totally out of
Speaker 1: your control in all aspects, and so just being there
Speaker 1: for him and accepting his current state, but knowing that
Speaker 1: you're going to operate in a way that whatever happens,
Speaker 1: you've done the best that you can for yourself and
Speaker 1: for him, it's going to give you a peace of mind. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're that's absolutely true. Yeah, I just it's weird when
Speaker 1: you feel like something happen when you're so young that
Speaker 1: you feel like, of course, like that's a kind of
Speaker 1: pain that I can conquer and get over and get through,
Speaker 1: and then something you get a phone call that you
Speaker 1: know somebody's cancer, and then all of a sudden, your
Speaker 1: world comes crashing down. Yeah, but you don't, you don't.
Speaker 1: You don't really know the power of your own strength.
Speaker 1: And being by your father's side is going to remind
Speaker 1: you of how strong you are, because you're going to
Speaker 1: be strong for him, and you're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: tap into that reservoir of strength that you have. You
Speaker 1: are it's just right now, it feels like a fucking
Speaker 1: ship store. But I think you're gonna feel better as
Speaker 1: soon as even I think you're feeling better, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. You're letting it out. And you should
Speaker 1: also look up, look online and find an online counselor
Speaker 1: or someone you can talk to. I have therapist, you
Speaker 1: seeing me for free right now? Really generously. Oh that's great, awesome,
Speaker 1: look at that. Yeah, I mean that's awesome. So I
Speaker 1: mean you can go through all of this stuff. You know,
Speaker 1: these are life things that we all have to deal with.
Speaker 1: Everybody has to deal with apparent dying at some point.
Speaker 1: And the fact that you already went through it, I know,
Speaker 1: Like how I know what you mean. I know exactly
Speaker 1: what you're talking about. You know. I remember when my
Speaker 1: dad died. I was so unemotional about it, non emotionally
Speaker 1: disconnected because I was like, well, this is just another death.
Speaker 1: My brother died, my mother died, Like we know how
Speaker 1: to do this. Death is the one thing I know
Speaker 1: how to do. I can handle this. I can handle that.
Speaker 1: And I remember saying like, am I going to have
Speaker 1: delayed grief to my psychiatrist because my whole therapy journey
Speaker 1: was about delayed grief from my brother dying. I'm like, oh, funk,
Speaker 1: am I gonna have delayed grief again? And he's like no,
Speaker 1: But and I go, why aren't I having a reaction
Speaker 1: to this? And he's like, I think you've been grieving
Speaker 1: for so long like this this delayed grief that's been
Speaker 1: living inside of you, that you've been dealing with for
Speaker 1: so long that you're a little bit out of grief.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I'm like that's interesting, and
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, sometimes that happens, he goes it might
Speaker 1: hit you later, like you know, you're reacting to the diagnosis, right,
Speaker 1: You're reacting to your father's cancer diagnosis, which is a
Speaker 1: completely normal reaction, and just kind of the way he
Speaker 1: looks after treatment. It's not such a pretty Yeah, he
Speaker 1: doesn't really look like my dad anymore, to be honest,
Speaker 1: it's jarn, but he is your dad. The aesthetics come
Speaker 1: and go for all of us, so right, whether it's
Speaker 1: old age or an illness, and I think you being
Speaker 1: there with him and feeling his presence it gives you
Speaker 1: that security like, oh, this is my dad. What I'm
Speaker 1: seeing is an element of what he's going through. And again,
Speaker 1: you'll feel much better being at his side and knowing
Speaker 1: that that's his physical state. But that's it. Yeah, thank
Speaker 1: you guys. I appreciate that. All right, Alex, thank you, Alex.
Speaker 1: All Right, I think it's gonna be okay. You're gonna
Speaker 1: be okay, Okay, yeah, of course, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: By and again and these are serious fucking oh my god,
Speaker 1: my tits are out again. This is why I know.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I don't even bring it up anymore at
Speaker 1: this point. This is people are dealing with real things. See,
Speaker 1: this is why that's out because I have that, but
Speaker 1: this braw should not be exposed like that. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I can't close it at it, I know, I know, Okay. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I mean, people are some that was heavy. There's some
Speaker 1: heavy ship going on. But again, it's important to hear
Speaker 1: these things. People to listen because when you're at the
Speaker 1: grocery store and you're mad that your checkout is taking
Speaker 1: too long, I'm not saying this to you, even though
Speaker 1: this is you. If that's the worst thing you have
Speaker 1: to deal with today, is your grocery line check out
Speaker 1: taking too long. Think about Alex and his dad, like,
Speaker 1: take into account what other people are dealing with. I
Speaker 1: know it doesn't always change our irritation, but it should
Speaker 1: be something that we take into consideration. So it's time
Speaker 1: alone with your own thoughts is overwhelming, and I'm glad
Speaker 1: he's seeing a therapist though. That's that's really good. That
Speaker 1: will help in prioritizing anything. Just to make you feel
Speaker 1: like something is happening in your life is also going
Speaker 1: to be helpful. Harlo, I wonder how this one's gonna be.
Speaker 1: I hope it's light. We have Carlos c We don't
Speaker 1: know wherees from, how old he is, or what he does,
Speaker 1: but he says, Hi, Chelsea, I've been working from home
Speaker 1: for close to a year. I got my first vaccine.
Speaker 1: I've been timid in regards to going inside public restaurants
Speaker 1: and movies, which is part of dating. I'm very picky.
Speaker 1: I do not currently have an interest. Plus I lean
Speaker 1: on friendships prior to romance. My question is are you
Speaker 1: dating and what have you been comfortable doing in regards
Speaker 1: to dating. I'm assuming that means during the pandemic. I'm
Speaker 1: up for taking hikes and walks, but that's about it. Carlos,
Speaker 1: that sounds like a question for me. I mean, well,
Speaker 1: maybe wants to date you? Okay, Well is he on
Speaker 1: the phone? Well this is just a smission, so you're
Speaker 1: just giving blind device here. We already talked about that
Speaker 1: dating during the pandemic with the COVID test. But what
Speaker 1: should what should he be doing? Like? What should people
Speaker 1: be doing who want to start dating again after the pandemic.
Speaker 1: But it's a little bit overwhelming with like what available
Speaker 1: options there are to date. So here's what you're gonna do.
Speaker 1: You're gonna call Q Health and you're gonna get the
Speaker 1: COVID machine installed at your house. Five grand. You can't
Speaker 1: do that. You can't offer that up people, all right, No,
Speaker 1: it was five grand for you because we had an
Speaker 1: unreasonable number of tests because I wanted to test everybody.
Speaker 1: Yes you did. I think outdoor activities are great. I
Speaker 1: mean you don't like a hike, but no I don't.
Speaker 1: But yeah, outdoor activities are great. And now if you're
Speaker 1: double backs, then you can just use that as your
Speaker 1: requirement to meet anyone else. But wouldn't you just say
Speaker 1: good to go on dating sites though, Like, well I
Speaker 1: think that Okay, let me reread this. Maybe I wasn't listening.
Speaker 1: I've been working from home for close to a year.
Speaker 1: I got my first vaccine. I've been timid in regards
Speaker 1: to going inside public restaurants in movies, which is part
Speaker 1: of dating. I am very picky. I do not currently
Speaker 1: have an interest. Plus I lean on friendships prior to
Speaker 1: romance he doesn't have an interest. I'm assuming that means
Speaker 1: like an interest, we have an interest in a person.
Speaker 1: Is he talking about a pinterest account? It could be.
Speaker 1: My question is are you dating? And what have you
Speaker 1: been comfortable doing in regards to dating. I well, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll answer that I do casually dates people, but I
Speaker 1: mean not no, oh, I would just oh my god. Okay, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: this is not that complicated. If someone was going to
Speaker 1: ask you on a date, what is a viable option
Speaker 1: for that date? Activity? Finding a restaurant, yes, like every
Speaker 1: restaurant has a second patio. Now. But he's saying he
Speaker 1: has no interest. He has no one of interest. That's
Speaker 1: what I don't know. So we're gonna let's cover both topics.
Speaker 1: If you don't have anyone of interest, that's okay. Embrace
Speaker 1: being alone, Carlo ci Yeah, if you know, if you
Speaker 1: don't have anyone, you don't have anyone. I thought he
Speaker 1: said he has no interests. I see, I'm framed that
Speaker 1: as he doesn't have interesting You're not interested in people
Speaker 1: or activities, so you're alone. We see, we know this,
Speaker 1: We accepted it. I have no hobbies and I don't
Speaker 1: like people. You know what you can do in COVID.
Speaker 1: You can also if you're worried about because a lot
Speaker 1: of people are just having sex right with masks on.
Speaker 1: Have you done that? Is that you have to get
Speaker 1: it from behind, just a lot of penetration through the sheet. No,
Speaker 1: I have not done that. What I do is make
Speaker 1: sure that I know who I'm dealing with and that
Speaker 1: they're vaccinated. You know what I mean. Moving forward, I
Speaker 1: won't be hooking up with anyone that's not vaccinated. Probably
Speaker 1: that would be my move. But you can have sex
Speaker 1: with your oh my god, you can have sex with
Speaker 1: your mask on, but in my head, it's a Halloween mask,
Speaker 1: like you're both in costume. You can have sex with
Speaker 1: the mask on, but you have to do it from
Speaker 1: behind and you cannot get closer. You can't. Well it
Speaker 1: is it a mask and face shield or is it
Speaker 1: just a mask? You can dose? Girl? Well? Yeah? Or
Speaker 1: but yeah, so you can't. If you don't, what is
Speaker 1: my Your advice is basically doggie style. That's how to
Speaker 1: date during COVID Doggie style. Okay, this is how I
Speaker 1: did it. Now this isn't reasonable for everybody, because I
Speaker 1: did get a testing kit at my house. The Q
Speaker 1: health testing kit. But it was like five thousand dollars,
Speaker 1: wasn't it. Well, the testing equipment is eight hundred, just
Speaker 1: be very honest with the pricing is eight hundred, and
Speaker 1: then each test is two d and fifteen dollars. But
Speaker 1: we had an excessive number of tests because you were
Speaker 1: testing everyone and you are not technologically inclined, so a
Speaker 1: lot of them had to be retested. Yeah, I sucked
Speaker 1: up that. So I would basically have guys come over
Speaker 1: to my house and I would like that I met
Speaker 1: on I'm on a dating app, and I would have
Speaker 1: them come over and I would hang out with them,
Speaker 1: and I would give them a test. Immediately. We'd be
Speaker 1: sitting outside and I'd give them a test, and then
Speaker 1: I would wait twenty minutes, and after talking to them,
Speaker 1: if I decided like, oh yeah, I'm into this guy,
Speaker 1: take twenty minutes to get the results, then I would
Speaker 1: just you know, if I liked him, I'd be like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, if he was negative, he was negative. But
Speaker 1: if I didn't like him, I would just tell them
Speaker 1: they were positive and that they had to leave. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's one way to do it, But I don't
Speaker 1: know if you want to buy the testing kid, or
Speaker 1: what your financial situation is the other thing that I
Speaker 1: would suggest. I mean that how I've handled it, because yes,
Speaker 1: in the beginning of the panic, I'm like, yeah, who's
Speaker 1: going to hook up again? No one's ever gonna Anyone
Speaker 1: who's single isn't gonna hook up. I mean, imagine all
Speaker 1: the people who were having affairs during the pandecic to
Speaker 1: stop seeing their affair. But after three or four months,
Speaker 1: I was like, well, fuck, am I gonna have sex again?
Speaker 1: I don't want to. This could go on forever. So
Speaker 1: then I was I had to start thinking about what
Speaker 1: I was going to do. And then also, you know,
Speaker 1: you could just be I have no advice for this.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's an accountability and there's accessibility to rapid
Speaker 1: response tests now basically everywhere that the vaccines are in
Speaker 1: place and there's no lines. It's quick. So if you
Speaker 1: find someone that you are interested in, you just both
Speaker 1: get tested before day find some more a nice outdoor patio. Like,
Speaker 1: let's not make this more complicated than it needs to be.
Speaker 1: Very straightforward. This is straightforward, right, So problem solved again. Okay, um,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break. I'm gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick shower, and we will be right back. Thank you
Speaker 1: so well. To wrap things up for the day, our
Speaker 1: caller from Salt Lake City, Jeremy was his name, who's
Speaker 1: having trouble being pan sexual. I guess it's interesting because
Speaker 1: it's waited. It's it's an interesting thing to look at
Speaker 1: that because that's not my reality. So it's an interesting
Speaker 1: to know how how common that is to that perspective,
Speaker 1: you know. So hopefully we'll have more people like that
Speaker 1: calling in and always, I think everybody should know by
Speaker 1: now that my opinion is always going to be to
Speaker 1: take your education and career over babies. That will always
Speaker 1: be my advice. That's how I feel. And I feel
Speaker 1: like more people need to have less children. And on
Speaker 1: that note, I think I don't know what do you
Speaker 1: think this was? This was heavy lift today with the
Speaker 1: advice it was, it was hard today. I'm not my
Speaker 1: thoughts are not clear. I have no clarity. I've no
Speaker 1: mental clarity. You were You were basically robbed too, I
Speaker 1: mean I was robbed of my memory yesterday. Sorry, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: But we can make fun of your robber. I bet
Speaker 1: you he did not remember that he robbed you, that
Speaker 1: he did who knows. We need to give him some advice.
Speaker 1: I'd like to get him on the podcast. I'd like
Speaker 1: to get him in jail first and then on the podcast.
Speaker 1: You I wouldn't mind having him call into the podcast.
Speaker 1: Maybe when next time you chase him down the street,
Speaker 1: you can ask him. My grandmother just called her. I
Speaker 1: saw her name pop up on my phone. We'll have
Speaker 1: to call her on the car on the way. It's
Speaker 1: a little troubling. She doesn't call often, and when she does,
Speaker 1: she's got something to say. Oh I see I hear you.
Speaker 1: Copy that over and out, well, well over and out
Speaker 1: for us. It's a wrap on this episode. Oh it
Speaker 1: is okay, okay, but let's let's remember the only thing
Speaker 1: I want to take away is that you're going to
Speaker 1: make a move on a man in person, start a conversation.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, I'm going to Hotel bell there later.
Speaker 1: See if there's any men around that. I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is gonna be t M. I but what's the
Speaker 1: youngest you've had sex with? M I'm not really empty
Speaker 1: younger guys. Oh that guy from yeah, yeah, that guy
Speaker 1: who robbed me. Actually, so this guy I was dating
Speaker 1: this guy I wasn't dating this guy. I was. I
Speaker 1: was casually interacting with him and we were skiing together,
Speaker 1: and then he tried to use my credit card in
Speaker 1: a store to buy jewelry for himself and pretended he
Speaker 1: was buying jewelry for me, but with my own credit card.
Speaker 1: And even after that, I felt so bad for him
Speaker 1: that he had to steal from me. Like a normal
Speaker 1: person would have been like, get out, get out, But
Speaker 1: I have no boundaries, and I was like, why are
Speaker 1: you stealing? Like why do you need to do that?
Speaker 1: That's terrible kind of like, and I think I had
Speaker 1: sex with him again after he still he still I did?
Speaker 1: I did, Oh my god, I did. That was a
Speaker 1: very confusing time away for all of us, as a
Speaker 1: matter of fact, I mean none of us understood what
Speaker 1: was going on. Oh yeah, that was That was right
Speaker 1: after the election. Remember when I was in a bad place.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what happened. Yep, I was in a bad
Speaker 1: place and uh, not going to do that again. And
Speaker 1: definitely so we've both been robbed, sweetheart, we have different
Speaker 1: different times. Well, now we know what this episode was about.
Speaker 1: Don't rob your neighbor or the girl that you're fucking bye. Also,
Speaker 1: I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale.
Speaker 1: We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to
Speaker 1: be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets
Speaker 1: a ticket Master for my shows. I'll be playing my
Speaker 1: next big show. I'm at the Santa Barbara Bowl August one,
Speaker 1: so you can come see me there. And then I
Speaker 1: have all the other cities that I have already released
Speaker 1: and tickets are available and I can't fucking wait. It's
Speaker 1: called vaccinated and a horny, So make sure that you
Speaker 1: bring your vaccinations and your horny nows and then keep
Speaker 1: them to yourself. Please, If you want any assistance with
Speaker 1: your partner, your best friend, really, anything, you can write
Speaker 1: into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea
Speaker 1: Project at gmail dot com