WEBVTT - Our Worst Advice Yet 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:03.480 Welcome to the podcast, everybody. Before we get started, I 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:07.120 would like to reflect on this podcast, well, actually on 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:09.520 the podcast, but I would like to reflect about something else. 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:12.200 I would like to reflect about my vacation with my 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:15.600 family this year, because I didn't really say enough about it. 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:19.760 So to give you some context, last year, we all 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:22.560 went on vacation for two weeks to Martha's vineyard, and 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:25.120 that was too much time together. And at the end 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:28.360 of the vacation, I wrote my entire family a long 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:33.120 letter saying these are the rules moving forward, and gave 0:00:33.240 --> 0:00:35.960 several examples of behavior that I was not accepting of 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:41.000 or will tolerate any more in the future, and made 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.600 sure that everyone knew that, you know, please, thank you, 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:48.560 and making eye contact are important things to have going 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:52.400 on in your repertoire as a human being. So I 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:54.720 said that letter. I mean, it took me a long 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:57.800 time to write it because I had to edit it, 0:00:57.880 --> 0:00:59.840 because you know, the first version of that letter is 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:03.480 like fuck you. The second version is like fuck you guys, 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:05.240 but I love you, and then the third version is 0:01:05.319 --> 0:01:08.319 I love you but not but I love you. And 0:01:08.920 --> 0:01:10.840 so I started out with a lot of love and 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:13.760 I wrote a very heartfelt letter to my family and 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:17.360 they received it really well. My whole family last summer 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:21.200 felt really badly that anything had gone you know, wrong, 0:01:21.400 --> 0:01:25.160 or nobody seemed appreciative or gracious or you know, whatever 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:28.399 my complaints may have been. And it was good because 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:30.600 it was like, you know, a post therapy letter, like 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:32.760 I would not have had the tools to write that letter. 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.080 If I hadn't gone to therapy. I wouldn't even be here. 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:38.080 If I hadn't gone to therapy, I probably would have 0:01:38.080 --> 0:01:42.560 just started having road rage and eventually murdered somebody. So 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:45.800 they received the letter really well, which is great. And 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:48.840 then this year we had another vacation and the women 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.200 who came into cleaning the house in the morning came 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:52.720 up to me and this woman was like, I just 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:55.280 have to tell you, like, your family is the most polite, 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:58.880 nice family we've ever worked for. And I just thought, 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:00.800 oh my god, I had two years in my eyes 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:03.880 I was, so I was like, meanwhile, you should see 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:05.800 the letter I wrote them last summer, and that's why 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:08.400 they're acting like this. But whatever, whatever gets the horse 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:12.639 to the water, right. So that was a good therapy 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:15.880 before the middle and after thing for me and I 0:02:15.880 --> 0:02:18.480 thought I would share it with the audience, because it 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:21.080 really works when you take the time to think about 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:24.120 sending something and not just firing stuff off even when 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:26.679 you're texting. Like I was texting my friend the other 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:29.720 morning and she kind of was going back and forth 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:31.680 and that I just could tell that the texting, the 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:34.799 tempo of the texting was no longer fun or ingest 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:38.280 or like. It just became like angry texting, and I 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:41.640 just noticed it, and I thought, this isn't fun. You 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:43.480 know those people you see at the airport that are 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:46.840 like pounding into their phone as they're walking down like 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.320 the corridor or whatever the hell it's called. I guess 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:51.839 it's called a hole. That's not a hot look either. 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:54.320 I think we have mentioned that before. But it's once 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.600 you get some self awareness and realize, oh, you're guilty 0:02:56.600 --> 0:02:59.720 of doing these things too, you're like, oh, I'm not 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:03.000 do that. Anyway, I thought I would share that personal 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:06.200 story anyway, Brandon, what is our subject matter todays? Sweetheart? 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:07.560 What are we going to tackle? And who are we 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:09.959 going to tackle? Well, you are tackled. You already tackled 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:12.880 somebody this morning. Well, it's people that are on a 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:15.200 little bit of a time crunch and we all feel 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:17.440 that way. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, great, So we 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:21.320 have a caller who feels like the biological clock is ticking, 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:26.320 hanging bills. I mean, it's a wide variety of issues. Okay, 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:28.000 we're gonna take a quick break so I can have 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:30.399 some of my medication now, and we will be back 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:34.760 so we can take some questions. Our first submission comes 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:39.360 from Jeremy from Salt Lake City. Oh, we are familiar 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:41.680 with the area. Yeah, I love Salt Lakes. Well, I 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:45.600 don't love it. I love Park City. I don't like 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:48.920 the alcohol problem in Park City. I don't non problem 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:51.920 really because they barely let you drink. It's so annoying 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:55.200 to order a fucking drink in Salt Lake City in Utah, 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:57.520 and then it's like I don't know an eighth of 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:59.440 a shot that they put in a drink. And so 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:01.440 if you can't order a double, and you can't order 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.440 two at once, and you can't order two drinks at once, 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:06.200 so I can't even go to Utah. It's problematic. Remember 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:08.320 the show I did in Utah. I was performing at 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:11.000 some theater there last year and it was dry. It 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:14.400 was dry theater and I almost flipped out. I cannot perform. 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:17.480 I cannot have my fans come and not drink. Turn out, 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:19.000 it was like one of the best shows I've ever had, 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:20.680 so mean while because they probably all got really sucked 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:24.440 up before they got there. Yeah, they were so unfair 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:26.760 to go to a venue and then not be provided 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:30.440 with alcohol. I agree. I mean the law. That law 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:34.400 is so so stupid because it's the more minstake. That's okay, 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:37.920 It's yeah. I have a love hate relationship with Utah anyway. 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:41.960 So Jeremy, he's thirty seven. He's a Instagram traveler. What 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:44.760 a great occupation. He probably travels and posted on Instagram 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:47.880 being an Instagram traveler. Well you kind of were on Netflix, 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:51.039 he writes, Dear Chelsea, here's my dilemma. I'm thirty seven 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:53.240 and I've never been in a serious relationship. I just 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:55.480 can't seem to find anyone that I like better than 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:58.960 my amazing single life. Whatever should I do? Would you 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:02.120 give up your ski trips to do something they want 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:04.640 to do? So? Like, would you give up your ski 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:07.160 trips to prioritize something that you were dating? Like if 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:09.320 they want to go do something else, I think we 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:11.440 both knew the answer to that, but Jeremy's on the phone, 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.080 so let's see what's going on. I feel like there's 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:15.599 more to the situation, and I bet he is a 0:05:15.640 --> 0:05:21.040 former Mormon. I have a sneaking suspicion. Ah, Hi, Jeremy, 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:25.599 how are you? Hi? How are you good? You are cute? 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:30.719 I'm very much a former Mormon. Are you well? I mean, 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.760 I just, I just I can appreciate with someone's cue, 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:35.920 I know, but it was like you're throwing yourself at 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:39.719 him through the through the screen would be painful. Hi, Jeremy, 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:42.279 you are cute. Hi. Nice to meet you. Both of 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:45.720 you are cute too, so thank you. I can relate. Okay, 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:50.359 so you're a former Mormon, former Mormon while you graduate 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:55.040 return missionary as Mormons say. So I've I've done all 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:58.039 of the things they asked me to do, but surprisingly 0:05:58.040 --> 0:05:59.880 they never did anything that I asked them to do, 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:04.479 so it wasn't really a mutually beneficial relationship. Well how 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.039 do what were you asking them to do? I was 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:10.520 asking them to answer any of my prayers, my questions 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:13.840 and why everything is the way that it is, Why 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:16.240 can't we do this? Why can't we do that, but 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:19.680 yet they never really gave me anything in return for 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:22.799 all the things that I was so diligent in doing 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:27.240 for them, like not drinking for example. Right, so when 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:29.480 did you point? No, I know there is no point 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:33.039 to life cocktails, honestly, So when did you leave the church? 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:36.359 As they say? Yeah? So actually the last week of 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:39.640 December in two thousand and eight, when I graduated from 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:43.080 d y U, I told my family that I wasn't 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:45.840 sure if I wanted to date men or women, and 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:49.240 it just didn't go over very well as you can imagine. 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:53.640 That's another archaic. Yeah, well, it's I like to frame 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:57.279 things in a pre Glee or post Glee world because 0:06:57.320 --> 0:06:59.200 for a lot of people, like I graduated high school 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:01.240 in two thousand and eight and the there was like 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:07.200 an acceptance or media focus on inclusion of like LGBTQ 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:11.800 people that kind of broadened people's scope or viewpoint on 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:16.160 gay youth. And that was a very tricky time, I'm 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:18.280 sure to tell your family, because that was before we 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:20.400 were kind of seeing it everywhere that like, look, the 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:22.920 inclusion is so important for people at a certain age. 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:26.200 So are you into guys girls both? What's your story? 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:30.320 So I'm into both. Actually I dated women. It's more 0:07:30.440 --> 0:07:35.840 it's fun guys and girls. Why not? Yeah? Yeah? I 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:38.120 mean you can dis imagine flipping a coin and heads 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:41.119 or tails and you're like both because I win heads 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:45.760 or tails? Right, I get it? Do you prefer one 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:50.800 over the other? I have a much stronger emotional connection 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:53.480 to women, the women I've dated, the women that I 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:56.560 have in my life, and but I have a very 0:07:56.600 --> 0:08:02.360 strong physical attraction to men and not necessarily as strong 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:05.360 to women. So you kind of get stuck in between 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:11.120 with wondering which direction do I go because I'm not 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:17.600 necessarily attracted just two individuals. There's characteristics I like of both, 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:20.200 and so I find myself going on a lot of 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:24.080 first dates and I'll explain to a girl that yes, 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:27.880 I have attraction to men, and they're like, like, that 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:30.440 doesn't really vibe with them. And then I tell a man, yeah, 0:08:30.480 --> 0:08:35.360 I still enjoy going out and dating women, and there's 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:40.480 response is exactly the same. So you really don't know 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:45.360 how to be authentic when something that's at your core 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:49.600 most people don't understand. I could. Yeah, I can see that. 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:52.000 I can see that being an issue because I'm just 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:53.360 trying to think if I went on a date with 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:55.560 a guy and he said he was into guys. I 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:58.640 would my first reaction would be like, oh, no, then 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:01.560 you're not into girls. But it's not that way. Like 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:04.080 we're you know, as we're all learning and growing up 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:07.200 and getting you know, aware of the situation. It's really 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:10.760 not that way. It's another societal construct. You know that 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:12.800 men are supposed to be with girls, and you know, 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:15.160 and then you have a baby like, yeah, I guess. 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:17.319 I guess as we move forward, there's going to be 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.200 more and more people that are going to like having 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:24.760 sex with both sexes or attracted to a non binary person. Well, 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:27.440 I keep telling you could become a late in life sweetheart. 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:28.880 We talked about this all the time. Well, when I 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:30.600 do it, I'll let you know, I'll let the whole world. 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:32.920 I'd like you to open yourself up to that possibility sooner. 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:37.040 So do you want a relationship, Jeremy. So it's interesting 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:39.760 because I don't. I don't have anybody in my life 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:42.360 that I look at their relationship and I aspire to 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:45.080 like live like them. I feel like a lot of 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:47.800 people in my life aspire to live the life that 0:09:47.920 --> 0:09:52.000 I live. So it's very hard for me to say, yes, 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:55.800 I want a relationship, even though at my core I 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:59.880 feel like I've been programmed to not be fulfilled and 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:04.640 complete unless like somebody else by my side, like what 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:06.880 do we do? Like I want to go skiing this 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:11.840 weekend and every weekend and every day, and you don't. 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:15.720 But yet I like this about you, and but it's 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:18.960 not a complete package. So I'm stuck trying to figure 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:22.600 that out. Yeah you are. Yeah, I mean it's confusing 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:24.760 when you talk about it, so I can understand you 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:28.040 being confused. Also I'm confused, lightly, are you? Sweet time? No, 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:31.120 I understand what you're saying, because I think that relationships 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:33.600 are framed in a certain way, and we are conditioned 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:36.560 to believe that they must maintain a certain structure in 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:38.600 order for them to be successful. And what we've seen 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:43.920 is that that's not true. And you embracing your individuality 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:45.560 and autonomy in that way, like I would like to 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:48.520 maintain these aspects of my life. What that means for 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:50.120 you is that you're going to have to find someone 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:53.040 to fit within your current lifestyle that you would like 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:57.000 to maintain, which is possible. Hopefully it's someone that loves 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.360 to ski on the weekends some weekends, but then wants 0:10:59.360 --> 0:11:01.520 to take a trip on their own with their friends. 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:04.880 Like that is the best possible outcome. Like that you 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.520 are two individuals who can come together but still live 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:11.480 somewhat separate lives. Like that, there's longevity in those types 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:14.320 of relationships. Someone told me one time that their relationship 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:16.400 had lasted so long because they worked in entertainment and 0:11:16.440 --> 0:11:20.120 that they both basically live totally separate lives. But that's 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:23.080 that's one way to keep a relationship alive. Is not altogether. 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:25.600 But I think, you know, I don't ever think if 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:28.640 I'm going to be in a relationship long term or 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:31.520 I just I try and appreciate my single doom while 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:33.360 I have it, because I know eventually there's going to 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:35.800 be guys around, you know, like there's always somebody popping 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:39.360 in and out of your life. So I really enjoy 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:42.679 every day that I'm alone, because I'm like, just enjoy this, 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:45.360 enjoy this, enjoy this. I mean, I might enjoy it 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:48.480 a little too much. Some would argue, right, I am selfish, 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.040 and I've become more selfish as I've gotten older, because 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:53.040 I realized what I like, what I want, and how 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:56.200 I want it right. I mean, Chelsea, I've mastered everything 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:59.760 you just talked about for both of you. Then it's 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:04.400 a reminder that when the right person materializes, you're going 0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:07.280 to find the adaptation and inclusion of them into your 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:10.280 life much easier exact exactly to feel like work. It's 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:13.520 going to be much less effort, yes, because and then 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:15.319 you don't have to think about it as a compromise, 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:17.760 like I wouldn't let anybody into my orbit unless they 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:20.280 were an additive, unless they were like adding something to 0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:22.559 the situation. I'm not going to get into a back 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.400 and forth tug of war with like a guy or 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:27.880 a long distance Actually long distance is a good I 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:30.240 like that because obviously they're not around all the time. 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.760 But I remember being in a real troubling relationship that 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:35.320 I was in for a couple of years and he 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:36.600 was in New York and I was in l A. 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:38.000 And we would just go back and forth and it 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.840 was just constant like who's doing what? And how can 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:42.240 I show up for you? And how can you show 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:43.880 up for me? And it was like it was just 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:47.560 so depleting, like all of that negotiation and the compromise. 0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:49.880 So I understand what you're saying about compromising things, it 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:52.840 can be depleting to an extent if that person isn't 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:56.680 primarily just adding something to your life. I wonder about 0:12:56.720 --> 0:13:00.280 long term relationships too, because I can't even make a 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:04.920 short term or short distance or long distance. That's the 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.920 tricky part is saying, well, I want my own time, 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:10.319 but yet I want to see this person and I 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:13.559 wanted to be convenient. But I think the right person 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.720 for you changes throughout the course of your relationship. So 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.800 it's about how you can change together and keep that 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:24.760 relationship going as you're both changing and evolving. Because if 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:28.120 you had to constantly worry about the right person at 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:31.440 each moment, you would be going through relationships on a cycle. 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:34.040 Like your opinions of people change, how you feel about 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:36.600 them change. You have to weather some of those things. 0:13:37.000 --> 0:13:39.080 So like you may wake up one morning and like 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:40.880 a woman, you may wake up one morning like a man. 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:43.319 Like that's going to happen in your situation. But it's 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:45.920 about if you find a relationship and knowing that that 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:47.680 person is who you want to continue to build a 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:50.360 life with that my new ship doesn't matter like, well, 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:52.160 right now they don't feel like the right person, but 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:54.920 long term are they like you have to see kind 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:57.360 of you have to do some forward thinking about where 0:13:57.400 --> 0:13:59.840 you see your life with that person. Yeah. Like my 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.400 psychiatrist Dan, when I would talk about this, he'd be like, 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:03.760 do you want to be in a relationship? And I 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.040 was like, I don't know. Do what you tell me? 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:07.599 Do I want to be in a relationship because I 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:09.960 really don't know, like and he was like, you have 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:12.640 to think about that, and so we had conversations. I go, yeah, 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:14.520 I want to be in a relationship. And this is 0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:16.800 like two years ago, and he said, okay, well you 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:18.680 need to put yourself in situations where you're gonna be 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:22.120 meeting men, you know, men that you wouldn't normally run into. 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:23.920 And he was like, I want you to go to 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:25.600 this conference. I want you to do things that are 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:28.160 outside of your comfort zone to meet men, and literally 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.400 like a weekend. I'm like, I don't. I don't want 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:33.120 to meet anyone, Like after having to put that effort 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:34.960 for it, I'm like, it's not worth it. I don't. 0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:36.760 I don't want to have to make such an effort 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:39.360 to meet someone. You know, either I will or I won't, 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:42.000 but I'm not going to actively pursue it in that way, 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.480 it's just not part of my d n A. And 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:47.640 I'm getting the same vibe from you. You're not actively 0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:53.640 pursuing a relationship because you probably are not ready to 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:58.120 have one or don't want one. Well, it's also I 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:01.480 have so many amazing hobbies and activities and friends, and 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:04.960 you feel your life with your time is is finites right. 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:08.080 We all have twenty four hours in a day, and 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:09.840 it's like, what do I want to spend my time 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:14.120 doing trying to create an experience with somebody I don't 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:15.920 know and I've never met, but I want to meet 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:21.120 them or use that same time to have incredible experiences 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:24.000 with the people that are already in your life and 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:27.520 hope that at some point somebody crosses your path. When 0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:30.800 people say when you least expected, it sounds like, okay. 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:33.200 My final thought on this is, I know you're saying 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:34.600 that you're not having luck in this area, but I 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.080 think you're gonna have much more luck finding a gay 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:40.920 man or another bisexual man who's going to give you 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:45.560 the ability to still have connections with women. Also, like, 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:48.200 maybe it's not gonna be a monogamous relationship, Like that's 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.520 also something that's happening all the time. It's already that 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:52.840 I already made that determination, and I would say. What 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:54.520 I would say is like, oh, yeah, I don't open 0:15:54.600 --> 0:15:57.440 with telling people you're bisexual, but like girls. But then 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.560 I'm like, no, because you have to be upfront and honest. 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.000 You have to tell people the truth right away. I'm 0:16:02.040 --> 0:16:04.680 all for that, but it's clearly scaring girls off, so 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:07.240 he can't even pursue, you know, And does it scare 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:11.840 guys off too? Oh? Yeah, I think authenticity scares people 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.680 in general. Yeah, no, tell me about its sister. How's 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:18.040 your family now with your bisexuality? Are they better? I 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:21.440 haven't spoken of them in almost ten years. Actually, you 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:25.400 don't talk to any of your siblings. Oh, what's a shame. 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:28.520 That is so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. It worked out 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:33.240 for the better. So they are very conservative, they're not progmos, 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:36.800 very conservative. But it worked out for the best because 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:41.480 they were inhibiting me from living my best life. Yet sucks, 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:45.320 but I'm so happy today. How can I look back 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:49.120 and say, oh, I'm so mad that happened. Right, Yeah, 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:51.560 that's the right attitude. But that's a big injury. Even 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:54.120 if it worked out for the best. It is really 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:57.760 hard to have your parents desert you in that way, 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:01.080 abandon you. And how are you vulnerable in relationship when 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:04.399 your most vulnerable moment in your entire life you got 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:06.440 kicked to the curb by the people that we're supposed 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:08.480 to love you the most. Yea, So maybe that's a 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:11.760 bigger issue for you. It might be. Yeah, growing up Mormon, 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:14.960 you're basically trained to lie and be really good at 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:19.320 lying for your entire life. And when I left the church, 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:22.320 I was like, I don't have to lie anymore. I 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:24.080 don't have to be dishonest. I don't have to get 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.280 up in front of people and tell them that I 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:29.680 believe in all of this and feel that pressure and 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:33.080 make these covenants that they talk about. And so at 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:36.120 the same time, I'm done with that phase of my life. 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:39.800 I don't need to lie anymore. I want to be authentic. 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:44.800 And that's probably been the biggest challenge in dating for me, 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:50.840 is that my desire to be authentic and my best 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:55.960 self is not met with the same excitement that I 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:58.919 need it with in my life. Yeah, I hear what 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:00.720 you're saying. I hear what you're saying, but I think 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:02.960 You're on the right track, you know. I think that 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:06.240 you can't alter your behavior because of anyone's reaction, right, 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:08.320 you know that? So I think you are on the 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:11.879 right track. And your appreciation and jade Vi for life 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:14.400 is impressive, and I think yeah, and I think it does. 0:18:14.520 --> 0:18:17.520 It's intense. You're an intense gy, right, and people get 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:20.760 scared of that. I can relate to that for sure, 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.679 But I would just say, what what are we saying, Brandon? 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:27.120 What what advice are we giving here? That you really 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.800 don't need to make any sort of correction. I mean, 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:31.720 you seem to have a really good outlook on where 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.159 you're at, and that you know, if someone comes in, 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.320 they're going to have to be kind of that missing 0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:39.080 puzzle piece for You're not going to rearrange to make 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:41.800 them work into your lifestyle. But I think more people 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:43.760 need to take that outlook. Yeah, I think you have 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:45.679 a great outlook. You're only thirty seven years old. You 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:48.080 have plenty of time, so don't worry about that. And 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:49.600 from what you're saying, you don't even want to be 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:54.399 in a real compromising what you want it, but you 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:56.919 don't want it all. I feel that too. I I 0:18:57.040 --> 0:18:59.720 want it sometimes and then I'm like, no, please leave 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:03.440 h I know, good luck, I guess, Jeremy, good luck. 0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:05.359 Hopefully we'll see you in Utass and we'll see you 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:08.800 at Park City one day. Will continue the conversation on 0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:12.040 the slopes. That's that's where every problem is solved. Yeah, 0:19:12.080 --> 0:19:14.520 I'll do double duty. I will find you both or 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:16.840 will both come to salt like you can have sex 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:21.280 with both of us. Uh really, I don't know. I 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:23.919 don't know purview to offer me. I shall do it 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:27.399 for basically anything else. So so anyway, yeah, sit with that. 0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:30.159 I'm going to have to sit with it, sit on it, 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:34.200 sit around it, yeah, on top of it. Okay, yes, okay, 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:38.120 have a great day, Jerem. You know what I don't 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:44.000 like about men everything, Well, the smells, the thing that 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:46.399 I have a problem like, we didn't help him out. No, 0:19:46.720 --> 0:19:49.520 I don't think he was confusing. He was a little confusing. 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:51.960 There was a lot going on there, that's he was. 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:55.320 He's very intense smell. And he reminded me of Christian Gray, 0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:58.119 who is that from like fifty Shades of Gray? Like 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:03.919 he very unwavering but also very also not specifically right, 0:20:04.000 --> 0:20:08.840 but very broad and and what he was looking for 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:12.800 our worst advice calls so far. Sweetheart. He he was, 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:15.120 he was really cute, but I could see why going 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:18.680 on a date with him would be a little exhausting. Well, yes, 0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:21.520