WEBVTT - And not but

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to respect what others say and build

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<v Speaker 1>on it rather than disagreeing as a default, think and not.

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<v Speaker 1>But we've all been in situations where others seem to

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<v Speaker 1>immediately discount our ideas. Look there's an ice cream parlor,

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<v Speaker 1>but look at the line. Let's keep going. We could

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<v Speaker 1>host a five K to raise money for the hospital.

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<v Speaker 1>We did that several years ago and it was a

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<v Speaker 1>waste of time. I'd love to participate in our presentation

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<v Speaker 1>to the team, but I'm the project lead. I'm the

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<v Speaker 1>one who presents ouch. Moments like these are definitely de motivational,

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<v Speaker 1>and they don't have to happen even in situations where

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<v Speaker 1>there are some disagreements. New managers and new lewood's often

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<v Speaker 1>get the advice to say and not, But as they

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<v Speaker 1>learn to navigate new relationships, it turns out that using

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<v Speaker 1>the word but in emotionally charged conversations can make others

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<v Speaker 1>feel that their perspective is being dismissed or negated by

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<v Speaker 1>yours and feels more amicable. And chances are you can

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<v Speaker 1>still get to a good solution. For instance, imagine your

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<v Speaker 1>daughter says she wants to go to her friend's house.

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<v Speaker 1>Your first response, but we have to social distance, using

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<v Speaker 1>and suggests the different framing. You want to go to

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<v Speaker 1>Katie's house and we need to keep our family and

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<v Speaker 1>her family safe. How can we do that? Then maybe

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<v Speaker 1>together you decide she can hang out on her friend's

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<v Speaker 1>porch and not. But is great for finding solutions at

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<v Speaker 1>work too. Suppose your boss asks you to pull together

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<v Speaker 1>some data for a project. Immediately, you've got another deadline

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<v Speaker 1>that is taking all your attention Instead of responding, but

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<v Speaker 1>I'm swamped with that report you have me doing. Try

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<v Speaker 1>reframing it. You'd like me to pull together the data

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<v Speaker 1>as soon as possible, and I have this Friday deadline

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<v Speaker 1>for our other project. Could I get you the data Monday?

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<v Speaker 1>Among improv comedy troops, there's generally an agreement that when

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<v Speaker 1>one actor proposes something during a scene, the others accept

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<v Speaker 1>it and build on it. They call this principle yes.

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<v Speaker 1>And if one actor says, Dad, are dogs missing, the

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<v Speaker 1>other actor can say, I bet she's headed for the lake.

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<v Speaker 1>Dad cannot say, we don't have a dog that kills

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<v Speaker 1>the scene right there, and it takes the momentum out

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<v Speaker 1>of other interactions too favoring and over but allows us

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<v Speaker 1>to see possibilities. We're not canceling out what the other

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<v Speaker 1>person has said. We're letting their perspective and ours coexist

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<v Speaker 1>and see what can be made of the two. So today,

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<v Speaker 1>when you find yourself about to say but, try figuring

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<v Speaker 1>out a way to say, and but you can't have

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<v Speaker 1>ice cream, you haven't had your broccoli becomes and you

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<v Speaker 1>can have ice cream just as soon as you eat

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<v Speaker 1>your broccoli. Same thing, entirely different approach. In the meantime,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the number four,

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<v Speaker 1>then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeart media dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio. For

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