WEBVTT - Some Marriages Are Buckling Under Coronavirus Lockdowns

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<v Speaker 1>It's Friday, July t I'm Oscar Ramirez from the Daily

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<v Speaker 1>Dive podcast in Los Angeles, and this is reopening America.

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<v Speaker 1>Some marriages are starting to buckle under quarantine and strict

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<v Speaker 1>lockdowns in some households, months of monotony and spending too

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<v Speaker 1>much time together is exposing bad behavior and exacerbating underlying problems,

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<v Speaker 1>most likely there before the pandemic began. Marissa Kashino, senior

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<v Speaker 1>editor at Washington I in joins us for more. Thanks

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<v Speaker 1>for joining us, Marissa, thank you so much for having me.

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to talk about one of the by products

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<v Speaker 1>I guess of being on lockdown and quarantine for so long.

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<v Speaker 1>People get frustrated with each other. They get frustrated with

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<v Speaker 1>their partners being in such close quarters for such long

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<v Speaker 1>periods of times, and some marriages are buckling under these quarantines. Mersa,

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<v Speaker 1>you wrote a story. You spoke to a few people

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<v Speaker 1>about how it's been a difficult go during the quarantine

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<v Speaker 1>and their marriages have kind of ended during it, but

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<v Speaker 1>they've had to stay in the same house because of lockdowns.

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<v Speaker 1>It's been a lot of crazy different situations. Tell us

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit about it that's correct and I think

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<v Speaker 1>even for the happiest, healthiest marriages, quarantine is very trying.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, all of a sudden, you're not just sharing

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<v Speaker 1>a home with your spouse or your partner, you're sharing

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<v Speaker 1>a workspace, or you're trying to balance homeschool and your

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<v Speaker 1>children with keeping you on top of your full time job.

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<v Speaker 1>So I think that's important. Distress is that this has

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<v Speaker 1>been a tough time for even the healthiest, best marriages.

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<v Speaker 1>So the partnerships that were already on the rocks, or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe already had problems that were bubbling just beneath the surface,

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<v Speaker 1>have been particularly challenged during this time. I think a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of these marriages may have ended at some point

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<v Speaker 1>regardless of quarantine. It's just that all of this time

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<v Speaker 1>stuck together in the same house has made problems that

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<v Speaker 1>might have been somewhat tolerable really really impossible to ignore.

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<v Speaker 1>These are just the times that we're living in right now,

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<v Speaker 1>And as you said, the pandemic being on these lockdowns

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<v Speaker 1>kind of exacerbates some of these underlying problems. And then

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<v Speaker 1>you're stuck with a person. You know, a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>people just can't pick up and go in the same

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<v Speaker 1>way during normal time. So this is kind of reflectives

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<v Speaker 1>in some of the stories that you shared in your article.

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<v Speaker 1>Share some of those stories that you had with some

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<v Speaker 1>of the with some people. The most extreme cases are

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<v Speaker 1>the marriages where at least one partner thought everything was

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<v Speaker 1>fine before quarantine and some sort of earth shattering discovery

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<v Speaker 1>has been made as a result of being stuck together.

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<v Speaker 1>So there's one woman in my story. I talked to

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<v Speaker 1>her lawyer. I didn't speak with her directly, but her lawyer,

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<v Speaker 1>her divorce lawyer, heard from this woman who taught that

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<v Speaker 1>everything in her marriage, for the most part, was fine.

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<v Speaker 1>Like a lot of people you know in Washington or

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<v Speaker 1>in big cities, she has a very demanding career, as

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<v Speaker 1>does her husband. So when times were normal, they were

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<v Speaker 1>often out of the house a lot, and they were

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<v Speaker 1>traveling for work, and even when they were in town,

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<v Speaker 1>they were working long hours and just not seeing that

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<v Speaker 1>much of each other. So now all of a sudden,

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<v Speaker 1>they're locked down during the pandemic, spending seven together, and

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<v Speaker 1>it turns out it's a lot harder to keep a

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<v Speaker 1>secret when you're stuck in quarantine with your spouse. So

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<v Speaker 1>this poor woman happened upon some direct messages in one

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<v Speaker 1>of her husband's social media accounts from a longtime girlfriend

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<v Speaker 1>that he'd had in another city, and in fact, he

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<v Speaker 1>had practically a double life. So that's a very extreme scenario,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, but it's also the kind of thing that

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<v Speaker 1>this weird sort of situation that we've been in with

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<v Speaker 1>quarantine gives people the opportunity to discover and maybe otherwise

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<v Speaker 1>this woman never would have discovered it, or it would

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<v Speaker 1>have been you know, years before she figured out that

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<v Speaker 1>something was really wrong in her marriage. And then if

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<v Speaker 1>the suspicion arises, you know, what do you do to

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<v Speaker 1>kind of figure it out? You have to do some sleuthing.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes people are paying private eyes to investigate their spouse,

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<v Speaker 1>and they're paying a lot of money for that. You

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<v Speaker 1>spoke to a few private eyes who are also kind

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<v Speaker 1>of getting caught up in the mix of trying to

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<v Speaker 1>figure these things out, and these guys have been in

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<v Speaker 1>the private investigative business for decades and they were telling

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<v Speaker 1>me that they've never seen anything like this. A lot

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<v Speaker 1>of the cases that they're investigating now started before the pandemic,

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<v Speaker 1>so that's an important clarification. I think that these spouses

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<v Speaker 1>already had some suspicion before quarantine. But perhaps you would

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<v Speaker 1>assume that because we were in the middle of a

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<v Speaker 1>public health crisis, people would at least put their philandering

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<v Speaker 1>and they're cheating aside until the public health risk the

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<v Speaker 1>sides a bit. But it turns out that's not true.

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<v Speaker 1>And that is what these private eyes found so shocking

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<v Speaker 1>that even though we're all supposed to be social distancing,

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<v Speaker 1>their catching husbands, meeting up with girlfriends or just random

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<v Speaker 1>people they've met on Tinder or on other hookup sites

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<v Speaker 1>at hotel rooms. This one p I told me that

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<v Speaker 1>he followed a mom to park where she was meeting

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<v Speaker 1>up with her boyfriends or her you know, on the side,

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<v Speaker 1>and she brought along her kids. So some of these

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<v Speaker 1>stories are pretty sad, and and then in turn, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>of course these people are out cheating on their spouses

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<v Speaker 1>and then coming home, and not only are they coming

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<v Speaker 1>home and having been unfaithful, but they're also now potentially

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<v Speaker 1>exposing their partners and their families to coronavirus because they

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<v Speaker 1>haven't been careful. So it's like the sort of double

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<v Speaker 1>threats like cheating and taking to a different level, and

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<v Speaker 1>even the ultimate solution, the divorce and finalizing divorce is

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<v Speaker 1>kind of elusive in all of this because the divorce

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<v Speaker 1>cases have been delayed. You know, there's a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>other things that have been put in the queue right

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<v Speaker 1>now that need to be handled before that, and some

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<v Speaker 1>people are saying that they can be delayed to as

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<v Speaker 1>late as next year. So even that part of it

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<v Speaker 1>is a difficult thing to navigate. That's another stress or

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<v Speaker 1>on top of all of this, because you know, in

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<v Speaker 1>normal times, if I discovered that my partner was cheating

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<v Speaker 1>on me and I decided to get a divorce, that

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<v Speaker 1>would be traumatic enough. But compound that with the courts

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<v Speaker 1>are closed for a lot of run of the mill

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<v Speaker 1>business like that. So my options are very limited right now,

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<v Speaker 1>which means that my stress level is going to be

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<v Speaker 1>going through the room even more than it would in

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<v Speaker 1>normal times. And I think that that will be a

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<v Speaker 1>reason that we see, you know, a sort of divorce boom,

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<v Speaker 1>hopefully when things are turned to normal sooner rather than later.

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<v Speaker 1>It might not be that a ton of couples decided

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<v Speaker 1>to get divorced during quarantine who wouldn't otherwise have made

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<v Speaker 1>that decision at some point, But it's like, there's this

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<v Speaker 1>going to be this backlog, this log jam of people

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<v Speaker 1>who would have been gradually going through the motions, and

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<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden, once the courts open up, they're

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<v Speaker 1>all going to be pounding on the doors, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>asking to hurry up the process because they've been stuck

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<v Speaker 1>together for so long. It'll be like a damn has broken.

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<v Speaker 1>Marissa Casino, Senior editor at Washington I and thank you

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<v Speaker 1>very much for joining us. Thank you so much. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>Oscar Ramirez, and this has been reopening America. Don't forget

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<v Speaker 1>effort today's big news stories. You can check me out

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<v Speaker 1>on the Daily Dive podcast every Monday through Friday. So

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