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Speaker 2: It's just so hard to process that you thought we
Speaker 2: had all this time and it was just taken away.
Speaker 3: Breaking news. Former One Direction thinger Liam Payne has.
Speaker 4: Been found dead at a hotel in Buenos Aires in Argentina.
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you why you felt that you
Speaker 1: wanted to come here to speak about this and why
Speaker 1: right now I want to talk about how you found
Speaker 1: out on the day that we sadly lost Liam.
Speaker 5: The day left Argentina was the last day I was
Speaker 5: able to touch Liam, to hug Liam in that moment.
Speaker 5: I still don't believe it to be true. I was
Speaker 5: supposed to be trying on my wedding dress. I wasn't
Speaker 5: supposed to be wearing black dress.
Speaker 1: What was the last conversation you'd had with Liam?
Speaker 5: One thing that really helps me day to day is
Speaker 5: reading letters that Liam has left me.
Speaker 1: And I believe you brought one of those letters that
Speaker 1: you talk could share.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Sheidy,
Speaker 4: Jay Sheddy.
Speaker 1: Shed Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am
Speaker 1: so grateful that you've tuned in today to listen, learn
Speaker 1: and grow. We have built this platform as a place
Speaker 1: of happiness, of health, and of healing. And today I'm
Speaker 1: really truly grateful because I have the honor of sitting
Speaker 1: down with Kate Cassidy, the girlfriend to internationally beloved artist
Speaker 1: and former One Direction member Liam Paine. And Liam's voice, talent,
Speaker 1: and charisma left an indelible mark on millions, and his
Speaker 1: sudden passing on October sixteenth left the world mourning a
Speaker 1: true star. Nearly three years ago, while working as a
Speaker 1: waitress in Charleston, which we'll hear about more Fate introduced
Speaker 1: Kate to Liam. Kate is here to share her story
Speaker 1: of love, loss and the strength to move forward. Please
Speaker 1: give a warm welcome to Kate Cassidy, Kate, Welcome to
Speaker 1: On Purpose. I want to start by just checking with
Speaker 1: you and asking you how you're doing today.
Speaker 5: Thanks for having me. I think that's the hardest question
Speaker 5: to answer. There's really no right answer to that. I
Speaker 5: think the best thing I can say to that is
Speaker 5: I'm doing okay. I have my harder days and I
Speaker 5: have my better days. I think each day it doesn't
Speaker 5: get so much better, but each day I'm just trying
Speaker 5: my best, and I think even just trying my best
Speaker 5: makes me feel that little bit better. This has just
Speaker 5: been such a rollercoaster of emotions, and I'm really just
Speaker 5: really trying my best. I don't, like I said, that's
Speaker 5: the hardest question to really put into words to answer.
Speaker 1: No, and I wanted I wanted to start off by
Speaker 1: and I was sharing this with you when you first arrived,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to share my prayers. My condolence is
Speaker 1: to yourself, to Liam, his family, friends, the fans all
Speaker 1: across the world, like just my prayers for him and
Speaker 1: for everyone who loves him because it's such a loss
Speaker 1: that you feel. I remember the day it happened, and
Speaker 1: me and my whole team there was it was. It
Speaker 1: was something that impacted everyone. And I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: you why you felt that you wanted to come here
Speaker 1: to speak about this, and why right now and why
Speaker 1: this was appropriate timing for you to want to share
Speaker 1: some of this story.
Speaker 3: It's been, just like I said, a roller coaster.
Speaker 5: And you give this such a sense of comfort, and
Speaker 5: I do want to be able to use my voice
Speaker 5: and be able to share my story as this has
Speaker 5: impacted me so much and changed my life forever, and
Speaker 5: you give this sense of comfort and sincerity that I
Speaker 5: genuinely feel like I would be just you know, And
Speaker 5: I am so comfortable speaking and sharing my story with you.
Speaker 5: And if there's any opportunity and chance for me to
Speaker 5: help other people that are dealing with grief, mental health,
Speaker 5: anything like that, I really want to be able to
Speaker 5: be able to help. And even though right now I'm
Speaker 5: not an expert, I don't think anybody can really be
Speaker 5: an expert at that. But I'm going through this day
Speaker 5: by day and I'm teaching and learning, you know, teaching
Speaker 5: myself how to better myself, and I think if there's
Speaker 5: if I could give anybody advice and help other people,
Speaker 5: then I would love to be able to be able
Speaker 5: to do that.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 1: I want to acknowledge how brave that is and how
Speaker 1: commendable that is. And again, I'm grateful that you're here
Speaker 1: and giving us the opportunity to hopefully help so many
Speaker 1: people as well, and hopefully do it from a place
Speaker 1: of peace for yourself. So the last few months for
Speaker 1: you have been drastically different and changed your life, as
Speaker 1: you mentioned just now, But before we dive into that,
Speaker 1: I wanted to focus on who Kate was before Liam,
Speaker 1: before this, so that we can understand you a bit
Speaker 1: more and your journey. So talk to me about Kate.
Speaker 5: So grew up in New Jersey. I actually am half British.
Speaker 5: My mom's from England, so I do have a ton
Speaker 5: of family in England.
Speaker 1: We're in England.
Speaker 3: She grew up in a town called Edmonton. I'm not
Speaker 3: too familiar.
Speaker 1: That is so close to where I grew up. Really, yeah,
Speaker 1: if we're talking about the same Edmonton, Yeah, I do.
Speaker 5: Have some family in England on my mom's side. Grew
Speaker 5: up in New Jersey after I graduated high school, I
Speaker 5: kind of immediately moved out of the house pretty much.
Speaker 5: I went to a college in South Carolina called Coastal
Speaker 5: Carolina University, graduated there. After four years, moved to Charleston,
Speaker 5: South Carolina. I think after college, I wasn't too sure
Speaker 5: what I wanted to do with work or with even
Speaker 5: my life. I think it was still kind of that,
Speaker 5: you know, I went to college. I had such a
Speaker 5: great experience. I met so many great people. I'm so
Speaker 5: glad I have a degree, and I didn't know though,
Speaker 5: what I wanted to do. Some people obviously go to
Speaker 5: college for you know, law school, medical school. They kind
Speaker 5: of know what path they're taking. I kind of went
Speaker 5: to college just saying, Okay, I know at some point
Speaker 5: it's going to click, like I know what I want
Speaker 5: to do. But I still didn't really understand what I
Speaker 5: wanted to do in life. So moved to Charleston with
Speaker 5: a bunch of my friends. My friends were all kind
Speaker 5: of in the same boat too. We were all just
Speaker 5: kind of like, all right, let's just take one day
Speaker 5: at a time. We all graduated college. We're all kind
Speaker 5: of almost in a way like lost. We don't know
Speaker 5: what to do college is over?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 5: What Now it's like the real life, the real big
Speaker 5: girl life. And moved to Charleston all together, and took
Speaker 5: some time there just to focus on myself, and I
Speaker 5: ended up a couple months later getting this waitressing job
Speaker 5: at this restaurant, lounge bar place, and that's where, on
Speaker 5: my second week of working, I met Liam and that
Speaker 5: day is you know, has changed my life forever, and
Speaker 5: it was you know, I'm such a believer and everything
Speaker 5: happens for a reason, and it's I've talked about this
Speaker 5: previously in the past, but it's very it's just so
Speaker 5: weird how sometimes the dots all connect. Because I tried
Speaker 5: so hard to get off work already my second week,
Speaker 5: I told my friend because my friend was the one
Speaker 5: who owned the restaurant, and I told her, I honestly
Speaker 5: want to I wanted to balance my social life with
Speaker 5: work life. So I just said to her, I want
Speaker 5: to work every other weekend. Because it was only a
Speaker 5: weekend shift. It was Thursday to Sunday. So I told her,
Speaker 5: I want to work every other weekend. And then week
Speaker 5: two came about and she put my name on the
Speaker 5: schedule and I remember calling her and I was like, wait,
Speaker 5: I thought I wasn't working back to back weekends, and
Speaker 5: she was like, we really need you, like.
Speaker 3: It's just our second week of opening. It was brand new.
Speaker 5: I tried so hard to get off and I was like,
Speaker 5: you know what, Okay, fine, So I went in and
Speaker 5: I met Liam that same night. And it's just crazy
Speaker 5: because if I did get off that I never would
Speaker 5: have met him.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I met him that night. I was his
Speaker 3: server and it all started from there.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that. I wanted people to have
Speaker 1: context of you know, where you've come from as well,
Speaker 1: and I can't believe me and your mum have Edmonton
Speaker 1: in common. That Yeah, that's still blowing my mind. I
Speaker 1: read somewhere that you said that you had a crush
Speaker 1: on Liam ever since you were ten years old, and
Speaker 1: that you even felt that you would definitely meet at
Speaker 1: some point, Like there was that yeah you had.
Speaker 5: I think a woman always has a strong intuition, and
Speaker 5: I think for me, I was a one direction fan
Speaker 5: and specifically Liam. I remember even a couple years ago,
Speaker 5: like a fan dug up this old Facebook post and
Speaker 5: it was of me from like twenty ten, and it
Speaker 5: was I think it said like Ferzane comment for Liam,
Speaker 5: and I commented on my own post Liam with an
Speaker 5: explanation point. And I really just feel like even the
Speaker 5: way that me and Liam met, I just think that
Speaker 5: the fact that it was my second week of work,
Speaker 5: Liam is in town in this kind of random city,
Speaker 5: just randomly, and that you know, I tried to get
Speaker 5: off work and I happened to be his server, and
Speaker 5: then we just clicked immediately. And just the fact that
Speaker 5: even I have all this background and I'm familiar with England,
Speaker 5: with London, and just we just hit it off the
Speaker 5: bat immediately. And I really do believe that people are
Speaker 5: meant to meet in this life, and I do believe.
Speaker 3: That we were. We were like soule connections.
Speaker 5: We had that connection because instantly, as soon as we
Speaker 5: started talking, we had this connection more.
Speaker 3: It was just so easy.
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm not going to lie. Of course I
Speaker 5: was nervous. I was a fan, so I of course
Speaker 5: was so nervous to meet him. I remember walking up
Speaker 5: to his table, my heart was pounding and I was
Speaker 5: kind of just like what am I doing? Like this
Speaker 5: is terrifying, Like Hi, I'm Kate, nice to meet you.
Speaker 5: It was terrifying, but he was just such a humble,
Speaker 5: kind person. You would never even know that he was
Speaker 5: this huge worldwide pop star.
Speaker 3: You would never know.
Speaker 5: And he just had this sort of sparked him and
Speaker 5: he was just so kind, just so humble, so different
Speaker 5: than anybody I've ever met, and just immediately it was
Speaker 5: just like just a spark that we were just a
Speaker 5: conversation just flowed so easily. And it's just but I
Speaker 5: didn't think, of course that, oh, conversation's going great, I'm
Speaker 5: gonna have a future with this man. I didn't think
Speaker 5: anything about I just thought, this guy's really great. This
Speaker 5: is so cool to meet him. I had his posters
Speaker 5: on my want when I was ten years old. I know,
Speaker 5: drew photos of him when I was ten years old.
Speaker 5: So I didn't know it was going to go anywhere,
Speaker 5: and the obviously it did.
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you so much for sharing that, And I
Speaker 1: want to hear a bit about how did that evolve
Speaker 1: into this beautiful relationship. I've seen videos of both of
Speaker 1: you dancing together and attending events together and whatever else
Speaker 1: it may be like to talk to me about those
Speaker 1: early months of dating and how were you managing to
Speaker 1: spend time together with his busy schedule, where you were living.
Speaker 1: How did that all work?
Speaker 5: He did end up extending his flight a couple of
Speaker 5: days in Charleston. I think he was supposed to leave
Speaker 5: the next the following day, and he ended up extending
Speaker 5: it for three nights, so he was there for a
Speaker 5: couple of days. We spent day and night together. Immediately
Speaker 5: immediately just clicked so well. We would go to the beach,
Speaker 5: go to dinners, lunches, we went bowling, we would do
Speaker 5: all these Charleston tours. We just had this click and
Speaker 5: it was just so normal, you know, and it was nice.
Speaker 5: I felt like I was his tour guid. He's never
Speaker 5: been to Charleston before. I was able to show him around.
Speaker 5: He's been all over the world to all these different places,
Speaker 5: and it was like I was able to show him
Speaker 5: the one place he hasn't been to.
Speaker 3: So it kind of gave me that upperhand.
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, I feel kind of says cool
Speaker 5: that I'm able to show him this new place.
Speaker 3: And he loved it.
Speaker 5: He loved Charleston. I ended up going flying out to
Speaker 5: England to London about like a week later, and once
Speaker 5: again just inseparable, I mean, hit it off where it's
Speaker 5: like we were obviously I was staying with him, but
Speaker 5: we just the minute we'd wake up, we would just
Speaker 5: plan all these things throughout the day to do all
Speaker 5: these things, and it just felt right, is how I
Speaker 5: would describe it. It was just something that it was
Speaker 5: so fun and I could tell like I brought out
Speaker 5: this light in him where he was just so like
Speaker 5: he was just happy, and I think that I saw
Speaker 5: that in him, and we both brought out this light
Speaker 5: in each other.
Speaker 3: I was happy.
Speaker 5: He showed me this type of fairy tale life and
Speaker 5: I showed him a sense of normality, which I think
Speaker 5: is you know, balance is a key in a lot
Speaker 5: of relationships. And I think that it was just so
Speaker 5: cool to experience so many things I never would have
Speaker 5: thought I would experience, or places I never thought i'd
Speaker 5: be able to go to in the world that he
Speaker 5: took me after being with him for two months, not
Speaker 5: even and it's just it was crazy, it was insane,
Speaker 5: and I was so grateful and blessed to be able to,
Speaker 5: you know, experience that with somebody that I loved and love.
Speaker 1: How did it feel like going from I have a
Speaker 1: crush on this person to oh, my gosh, you're my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: Like what was that realization?
Speaker 5: Like at first, it was so surreal. I would wake
Speaker 5: up every day and just I would even say it
Speaker 5: to him. I'm not really a shy person, so I
Speaker 5: would say to him, I can't even believe me and
Speaker 5: you are together right now.
Speaker 3: Like I was a fan. I was a fan. I
Speaker 3: would always say these things to him.
Speaker 5: It's not like I would run into my closet and
Speaker 5: like scream out of excitement. I was honest with I
Speaker 5: just was always, you know, saying to him, I can't
Speaker 5: even believe it. But I think that it got to
Speaker 5: a point where it just became so normal and it
Speaker 5: just felt so normal, like you just put all that
Speaker 5: past you and you know it's still of course, I
Speaker 5: would always say to him, you are the coolest person
Speaker 5: I've ever met in my life, and it's just such
Speaker 5: an honor to be a part of your life. It's
Speaker 5: he was the best person I've ever met. And I
Speaker 5: think that one day it just kind of okay, this
Speaker 5: is reality. It doesn't you know, fame doesn't change somebody
Speaker 5: or you know, in his it didn't change him. So
Speaker 5: it just felt so normal and just felt so right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so beautiful to hear. And what was it
Speaker 1: like with the media attention on your relationship in those
Speaker 1: early days? How did you experience that? It was.
Speaker 5: Something I've never experienced before in my life, of course,
Speaker 5: and it was definitely difficult, i'd say in the beginning.
Speaker 5: I think also with boy bands and you know, guy
Speaker 5: like male pop stars, I think they have this fan
Speaker 5: base that, of course, so many girls are so protective
Speaker 5: over and I understand that. I mean, this was one
Speaker 5: direction was a part of so many you know, people's childhoods,
Speaker 5: and I me being one of those, so I totally
Speaker 5: understand that. But I think when we first kind of
Speaker 5: were spotted out in public, and I think it might
Speaker 5: have been maybe our first Instagram post together or something,
Speaker 5: I was just getting flooded with hate just like you're like,
Speaker 5: you know, just just being the new girlfriend, kind of
Speaker 5: like this isn't going to last.
Speaker 3: Who even are you? Where do you come from?
Speaker 5: Like just nitpicking everything about me, just my appearance down
Speaker 5: to everything. Just you know, people would dig up all
Speaker 5: these old photos of me from like twenty twenty, you know,
Speaker 5: and just be like, she looks so different than she
Speaker 5: looks now, Comparing photos and it was just it was.
Speaker 3: Just hard to see that.
Speaker 5: And Liam, you know, Liam would say to me like,
Speaker 5: I'm I'm so like he would feel at Folly'd be like,
Speaker 5: I feel so bad that you're that you have to
Speaker 5: put up with this and deal with this like this,
Speaker 5: you know, like if this isn't for you, And I
Speaker 5: was like, I don't care what people think at all
Speaker 5: because I love you. So if people think that our
Speaker 5: relationship is fake or staged, or if they think I
Speaker 5: wear too much makeup or like look ten times older,
Speaker 5: like or just have these little nippicking opinions about me, like,
Speaker 5: at the end of the day, nobody knows our relationship
Speaker 5: like me and Liam.
Speaker 3: So I never let it get to me.
Speaker 5: He never let it get to him, and he showed
Speaker 5: me that it's not don't let people's opinions get to you.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 5: It's always going to behind the computer screen and it
Speaker 5: shouldn't let it affect your day or your life. And
Speaker 5: I completely agree with that. And I try, you know,
Speaker 5: I try to have the thickest strong of skin, but
Speaker 5: I will say sometimes like one negative comment will weigh out.
Speaker 3: Ten positive comments.
Speaker 5: No matter how strong you are, you see that one
Speaker 5: really negative comment, but then you see ten really kind,
Speaker 5: beautiful comments on top of that. The only one you're
Speaker 5: going to think about all of that day is the
Speaker 5: one negative one you're not going to think about like
Speaker 5: the kind ones.
Speaker 1: No, it's so true, and it's even harder when it's
Speaker 1: almost like a life that you came into because it
Speaker 1: wasn't the life that you had. Yeah, it's extremely thick
Speaker 1: skinned for you to be able to say, I love you,
Speaker 1: so I don't care about it. But like you said,
Speaker 1: sometimes things got through. How did you navigate that together?
Speaker 1: How did you navigate that personally? Because like you said,
Speaker 1: there's always that one comment that kind of squeezes through
Speaker 1: that thick skin that we have that does affect us,
Speaker 1: and we all go through it. I know I go
Speaker 1: through it. How did you navigate that? How did you
Speaker 1: navigate that together?
Speaker 5: That was definitely all Liam for me. He almost like
Speaker 5: guided me into this way. He just built me up.
Speaker 5: He made me feel like this amazing human and this
Speaker 5: he grew up in the limelight of fame since the
Speaker 5: young age of fourteen fifteen years old, so he's had
Speaker 5: over at the time, you know, almost fifteen years of
Speaker 5: experience of this and He just completely always said, you're
Speaker 5: going to get hate no matter what, You're going to
Speaker 5: get negativity.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter what you do, he just always said.
Speaker 5: And I would see it because people wouldn't always be
Speaker 5: so nice to him, and I would see him just
Speaker 5: brushing it off. And he really you know, sometimes I
Speaker 5: could see that one comment that would get to him,
Speaker 5: but barely.
Speaker 3: He would just brush it off and just who cares.
Speaker 5: And he really taught me that it's not important this
Speaker 5: one comment, And he really did train me in a
Speaker 5: way to realize that life is more than that, and
Speaker 5: not to let one negative comment affect your.
Speaker 3: Entire day or your life.
Speaker 5: That's amazing to focus on the good things, focus on
Speaker 5: the positivity from it, not the negativity.
Speaker 1: That's that's incredible to hear. I mean about his character
Speaker 1: and just how comforting and loving he was and supportive
Speaker 1: he was was as you just mentioned there that he
Speaker 1: sometimes received it too. You know, obviously from my outside perspective,
Speaker 1: it's like you look at someone like him who's so beloved,
Speaker 1: so appreciated, admired, What was he experiencing, what was he
Speaker 1: what was he going through?
Speaker 5: I think a lot of the negativity and it always
Speaker 5: comes with fame, Like I said before, but he would
Speaker 5: just almost have got to a point where a lot
Speaker 5: of the things that he would do, he was getting
Speaker 5: this negativity brought towards him and it was just so
Speaker 5: uncalled for and it's just so mean and verticuoling and cyberbullying.
Speaker 5: And he could be out somewhere wearing something and people
Speaker 5: would say he's trying too hard, or he could post
Speaker 5: something and people would say, oh, like, you know, he
Speaker 5: thinks he's all that, just such mean things that And
Speaker 5: like I said before, he was the most humble person
Speaker 5: you know. And that's how I would say to him too,
Speaker 5: like these people are just behind a computer screen. Don't
Speaker 5: let this affect you. And he didn't need to hear
Speaker 5: that from me. I mean, he's been dealing with this
Speaker 5: fifteen years. But yeah, he just for pretty much anything
Speaker 5: that he did, he was living under this microscope. People
Speaker 5: would love it, people would hate it. He would wear
Speaker 5: something specific and people would say, oh, my god, he's
Speaker 5: dressed great, but then people would be like, what the
Speaker 5: hell is he wearing? He looks so whatever, And anything
Speaker 5: he did, pretty much he'd get that mixture of love
Speaker 5: and heat, and I think that's with a lot of
Speaker 5: people that are living in the limelight. I think no
Speaker 5: matter what they do, will get that mixture of love
Speaker 5: and hate, no matter what, doesn't matter who you are,
Speaker 5: what you do, they will always get that. But I
Speaker 5: think he did such a good job of being able
Speaker 5: to just push that negativity aside and just focus on
Speaker 5: the good and the positivity. I mean, he was so
Speaker 5: talented and he knew that, and he knew that, and
Speaker 5: he should know that and just not let those comments,
Speaker 5: those hurtful comments, ruin his day, because there's no point.
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Speaker 1: and make sure you use the code on purpose. He
Speaker 1: seems like a humble, wonderful, kind, giving human being And
Speaker 1: at the same time, was he already struggling with addiction
Speaker 1: and mental health challenges when you both met or was
Speaker 1: that something that you saw develop.
Speaker 5: He's been pretty open about his mental health, and I
Speaker 5: think it's something he struggled with for definitely a good
Speaker 5: amount of time even before we were together.
Speaker 3: It was no secret.
Speaker 5: And I think that you know, with mental health and addiction,
Speaker 5: it really is you just never really know what way
Speaker 5: it's going to go, and it's just a flip that
Speaker 5: can switch. I think that for him, Yeah, he experienced
Speaker 5: struggles with mental health for years before dating me as well,
Speaker 5: and I think that he did struggle with addiction, and
Speaker 5: I think again, he was pretty open about that. And
Speaker 5: like I said, with mental health, it's kind of the
Speaker 5: same thing where it's like you addiction is something where
Speaker 5: obviously you don't want to have that addiction, and it's
Speaker 5: something you know, if he could have chose to just
Speaker 5: be sober the rest of his life, he would have been.
Speaker 5: It's just something that I at first, I think, did
Speaker 5: didn't fully understand. I don't have addiction that runs in
Speaker 5: my family. I didn't really understand it at first, So
Speaker 5: to be completely honest, I think in the beginning of
Speaker 5: our relationship, when he was struggling a little bit, I
Speaker 5: think that I remember just kind of being like in
Speaker 5: my head, like, well, can't you just not do that?
Speaker 3: But it's not that easy.
Speaker 5: It's not easy at all, and they don't want an
Speaker 5: attict doesn't want to do that, he doesn't want to
Speaker 5: pick up a drink, he doesn't want to take a
Speaker 5: certain substance. Like they don't want to do that, but
Speaker 5: they it's almost like their brain is wired to pick
Speaker 5: up that beer, to do that thing. And that's when
Speaker 5: I started to realize, like, this is a this addiction
Speaker 5: is a serious thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that makes so much sense. I feel
Speaker 1: for all of us. If you haven't seen someone with
Speaker 1: an addiction close up, you actually don't realize how deeply
Speaker 1: conditioned and wired it is for that person. And it's
Speaker 1: so easy from afar to say, oh, why can't you
Speaker 1: just stop or why can't you just quit? Or why
Speaker 1: can't why can't you just not do that? And that's
Speaker 1: a natural feeling people have, But as you move closer
Speaker 1: to someone who has an addiction, you recognize it's actually
Speaker 1: them acting against their own will. It can be really
Speaker 1: something that just pulls them towards it, even when they
Speaker 1: really don't want it. And you know, whenever I've met
Speaker 1: or seen people with addiction, I've seen that to be
Speaker 1: the case. And I really appreciate you being so honest
Speaker 1: about it, because I think when you're new to it
Speaker 1: when you don't have an experience of it. That is
Speaker 1: how we process it. How did you start to notice it?
Speaker 1: When was it that you started to notice that this
Speaker 1: wasn't something that just goes away or that he can stop.
Speaker 1: And how did you adapt and change and show up
Speaker 1: for him in those times?
Speaker 5: I think it was I finally realized, you know that
Speaker 5: this is something he did not choose, you know, something
Speaker 5: that he does not want to choose. When he would,
Speaker 5: like I said, prior, it's we would have the best day,
Speaker 5: we would have such a great day, and then later
Speaker 5: on that night it was just something would just tick
Speaker 5: in his brain where he couldn't help himself. And I
Speaker 5: think that's a huge factor with addiction. In our relationship,
Speaker 5: balance was definitely a huge key. I really tried to
Speaker 5: do what I could to help him and better him
Speaker 5: and distract his mind. For me, I'm really not a
Speaker 5: homebuddy at all. And Liam was a homebuddy and that's okay,
Speaker 5: But for me, I didn't want to be at home
Speaker 5: from the minute I wake up to the minute I
Speaker 5: go to sleep. And one thing I remember closer to
Speaker 5: the beginning of our relationship was that I remember Liam
Speaker 5: would always order us coffee from Starbucks on Uber eats
Speaker 5: every morning, and I eventually said to him, I was like,
Speaker 5: this is before I got my you know, I was
Speaker 5: able to drive and learn how to drive on the
Speaker 5: other side of the road in England, as you know.
Speaker 5: And I remember saying to him, I was like, you know,
Speaker 5: you have a car, why don't we just go out
Speaker 5: and grab a coffee? Like why do we have to
Speaker 5: order one every single morning from Starbucks? And he just
Speaker 5: would always say, I just I don't really want to
Speaker 5: get out of bed. I don't want to get out
Speaker 5: of bed yet. I just want to have like a
Speaker 5: lazy morning and then we'll go do something later on.
Speaker 5: And for me, I prefer to actually wake up early,
Speaker 5: go grab a cup of coffee, go on a Starbucks
Speaker 5: drive through, sit on the drive through. I know it's
Speaker 5: something so small, but it makes my day feel ten
Speaker 5: times more productive just getting out of bed rather than
Speaker 5: sitting in your bed and waiting for a coffee to
Speaker 5: show up right at your doorstep. So for me, I
Speaker 5: think balance was a huge key factor in helping Liam
Speaker 5: with his mental health. You know, I tried to make
Speaker 5: sure that we weren't busy twenty four to seven, because
Speaker 5: he wouldn't have liked that. That's like him trying to
Speaker 5: keep me at home twenty four seven. I wouldn't have
Speaker 5: liked that. So I think a balance was great. You know,
Speaker 5: some nights we would go out to a nice dinner
Speaker 5: and then go watch a movie after and then play
Speaker 5: mini golf or something or go bowling and then come home.
Speaker 5: But then other nights we would cook dinner at home,
Speaker 5: watch a movie at home in bed, and then play
Speaker 5: we bowling, you know, like we didn't have to be
Speaker 5: out all the time. But I think balance is so good,
Speaker 5: especially when you do struggle with mental health, to help
Speaker 5: get that person kind of out of their shell and
Speaker 5: out of the house. And that's something that I really
Speaker 5: tried to And some days, you know, he wouldn't really
Speaker 5: want to leave the house, and I would just kind
Speaker 5: of say to him, come on, like, we're getting out
Speaker 5: of the house. I have I found this cool museum.
Speaker 5: We're going to go here. And just at the end
Speaker 5: of the day, everything that we did, we never regretted
Speaker 5: because I knew in a way we succeeded the day
Speaker 5: I got him through his mental health, that day I
Speaker 5: got him out of that headspace. And I remember in
Speaker 5: Greece a couple months ago before Liam passed away. We
Speaker 5: were in Greece and he was posting on his snapchat
Speaker 5: and he was having one of those days where he
Speaker 5: woke up and he wasn't in the best headspace. And
Speaker 5: I said to him, all right, get dressed, we're going
Speaker 5: to the beach. It's we're in Greece, it's eighty degree
Speaker 5: ninety degree weather. Why are we in the hotel room.
Speaker 5: We're going to the beach. He didn't want to go
Speaker 5: to the beach. He said to me, I don't want
Speaker 5: anyone I want to say in the hotel room. And
Speaker 5: I remember saying to him, no, we're going to beach.
Speaker 5: It's a five minute walk, and then if you want
Speaker 5: to come back to the hotel room, we'll come back
Speaker 5: to the hotel room after. Let's just get out for
Speaker 5: even thirty minutes.
Speaker 3: Let's go.
Speaker 5: So we go to the beach and he's posting these
Speaker 5: snapchat stories and in a way, he's kind of joking.
Speaker 5: He's posting these videos and pictures. He's kind of joking saying, like,
Speaker 5: you know, my girlfriend dragged me to the beach. I
Speaker 5: don't want to be here. But part of him was
Speaker 5: being serious, and I remember when he put that out,
Speaker 5: I was. I actually the next day received a lot
Speaker 5: of hate from that because the fan base don't know
Speaker 5: what goes on behind closed doors, so they took it
Speaker 5: as in I forced Liam out of the house. I
Speaker 5: forced him to do things he doesn't want to do,
Speaker 5: like he didn't want to go to the beach, but
Speaker 5: his girlfriend's dragging him to the beach. But I just
Speaker 5: did it to help better his headspace that day. And
Speaker 5: at the end of the day, we had a great
Speaker 5: time at the beach. We did, and we ended up
Speaker 5: getting lunch after we made a whole day out of
Speaker 5: it instead of just sitting in the hotel room all day.
Speaker 5: And once again I knew that day we succeeded. It
Speaker 5: was at times a lot for me, and I am
Speaker 5: not a professional. I never was, and I, you know,
Speaker 5: am so young and I was so young at the time,
Speaker 5: and I really just tried to do everything that I could,
Speaker 5: and I just I think one thing that people need
Speaker 5: to realize is that you cannot fix somebody, and you
Speaker 5: cannot cure somebody. They could really only do it themselves.
Speaker 5: I think that's one thing. Back to what I was
Speaker 5: saying earlier that I just kind of was like, why
Speaker 5: can you know, why does he have to do this?
Speaker 5: Like can't he just stop? Or Oh, I'm gonna run
Speaker 5: in and be the big hero. He's gonna you know,
Speaker 5: he's gonna, I'm gonna save the day. But at the
Speaker 5: end of the day, you cannot hear somebody, but you can.
Speaker 5: You can help them, You can support them through their
Speaker 5: better days their worst days always, but you can't cure somebody.
Speaker 5: And I think that's one thing that a lot of
Speaker 5: people don't realize an addiction, that you and mental health
Speaker 5: you can't cure somebody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, And it's a lot to try, even beyond
Speaker 1: this situation. I think it's it's so hard, and I'm
Speaker 1: empathizing with so many people who probably listening and watching
Speaker 1: to this right now, who are trying to support a
Speaker 1: partner through something like this, or a friend or a
Speaker 1: family member, And it can be really hard on you
Speaker 1: because you take on this responsibility, you take on this role,
Speaker 1: and every day it changes, right, It's not linear. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people think it gets better every day,
Speaker 1: But you could get better for three days and then
Speaker 1: feel like you move back four steps exactly. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: shifting every single day, and it's very challenging for both
Speaker 1: people because the person who's suffering doesn't want to put
Speaker 1: that on the other person, and the person who's trying
Speaker 1: to help wants to let go of that suffering, and
Speaker 1: so it's heavy for both people. It's also not just
Speaker 1: a one way thing. Yeah, it's both sides. I've seen
Speaker 1: people through addiction and having mental health disorders that are
Speaker 1: just feeling so bad for their caretaker or their partner
Speaker 1: or friend who's trying to help them through it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think something like that too.
Speaker 5: You have to in order to help and care for
Speaker 5: somebody else, you you have to not forget to care
Speaker 5: about yourself. And that's one thing I think I at
Speaker 5: times was kind of forgetting to do, where you know,
Speaker 5: a lot of people could probably relate to that if
Speaker 5: they're in a similar situation, and you have to be
Speaker 5: able to care and better yourself as well. You can't
Speaker 5: just let yourself forget about yourself. You need to make
Speaker 5: sure that you care about yourself as well and that
Speaker 5: other person, of course both.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you overall feel like things were getting better?
Speaker 1: Did you feel that he was moving in the right direction? Like,
Speaker 1: what was your thoughts about how that progress was happening
Speaker 1: for him?
Speaker 5: It was more so positive than it was negative. I
Speaker 5: think he made you know, like you said before, a
Speaker 5: lot of you know, he would take five steps forwards
Speaker 5: and then three steps backwards.
Speaker 3: It would be kind of one of those things.
Speaker 5: He was a very strong, strong person, so he had
Speaker 5: a strong mindset where he could really he could better
Speaker 5: himself at times, but it's just that flip, that that
Speaker 5: switch that just flips where you wake up one morning
Speaker 5: and it's almost like he doesn't have a choice, but
Speaker 5: he feels a certain type of way.
Speaker 1: Kate, I want to talk about how you found out
Speaker 1: on the day that we sadly lost Liam and what
Speaker 1: happened that day. Where were you and how did you
Speaker 1: find out?
Speaker 5: I was in Florida and it was about three days
Speaker 5: after I got back from Argentina. I was in the
Speaker 5: house alone with our dog Nala, and I remember just
Speaker 5: being on the couch. I feel like that whole day
Speaker 5: was kind of a blur for me. Well, not the day,
Speaker 5: but that moment in time. I was on the couch
Speaker 5: and I got a phone call from one of Liam's
Speaker 5: friends and he called me and said, is Liam.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 5: I heard he fell from a balcony, and I said, what,
Speaker 5: that must be a rumor. I was like, that's not
Speaker 5: true at all, Like there's no way this isn't true.
Speaker 5: And when his friend first called me to he didn't
Speaker 5: mention anything about death. So the first thing that went
Speaker 5: to my mind was either it was a rumor, just
Speaker 5: something for clickbait, or he fell off a balcony and
Speaker 5: he broke a rib, like he's okay. So I'm making
Speaker 5: all these phone calls and nobody's answering the call, and
Speaker 5: eventually I call the friend back. At this point, I'm
Speaker 5: like starting to freak out, but I didn't think the worst,
Speaker 5: so I'm not even like panicking too too much, and
Speaker 5: I'm starting to get a little bit panicky. I call
Speaker 5: his friend back and I say, have you heard any updates?
Speaker 5: I'm really confused, like what's going on? And he was like,
Speaker 5: the only update I've heard is that Liam's Liam's Liam's dead.
Speaker 3: And in that moment, I in that moment, I still
Speaker 3: didn't believe it to be true. There was just no way.
Speaker 5: But there was just that one little part of me
Speaker 5: in the back of my head that was like, why
Speaker 5: would somebody make this up, you know.
Speaker 3: I'm just starting to panic at this point.
Speaker 5: At this point, I'm thinking of Okay, this this must
Speaker 5: be true, and I'm pacing around the house. I couldn't
Speaker 5: even sit still like I was genuinely there was like
Speaker 5: sweat dripping down me and I've never experienced that before,
Speaker 5: and I was just I just I couldn't stop fidgeting
Speaker 5: with my hands. I couldn't be on my phone. At
Speaker 5: this point, my phone was getting blown up. So this news,
Speaker 5: whether it be this rumor that wasn't true because I
Speaker 5: didn't have confirmation yet, or this true news that I
Speaker 5: was just I just found out two mensco. My phone
Speaker 5: was completely getting blown up by my friends, my family,
Speaker 5: people that I haven't spoken to in years. I was
Speaker 5: getting miss calls from and I'm just staring at my
Speaker 5: phone and I'm like, not even looking at my messages,
Speaker 5: but just I knew exactly what these calls were for.
Speaker 5: I'm I'm piecing around the house, freaking out. And eventually
Speaker 5: his friend called me back and he said that Liam's
Speaker 5: not here anymore, and he's not he's dead and he
Speaker 5: fell to his death. And I still I still didn't
Speaker 5: really believe it. I just I kept saying, no, no, no,
Speaker 5: he's Are you sure he's He's probably just he broke
Speaker 5: he broke a bone, he broke a rib, he broke
Speaker 5: something like, he's not dead, he's not dead.
Speaker 3: There's there's no way he's dead. There's no way. And
Speaker 3: his friend said he's dead. He was like, I can't
Speaker 3: really talk for I can't talk. I just need to
Speaker 3: let you know the news. I'll call you back later.
Speaker 3: And at this point I just lost it.
Speaker 5: I I just even talking about it, it brings all
Speaker 5: these emotions back, where it's just still doesn't even feel
Speaker 5: true talking about it. Sometimes I can talk about it
Speaker 5: without crying, and then other times I can't really even
Speaker 5: speak because it's just so the way that I found out,
Speaker 5: it's just it's something that I never would have thought
Speaker 5: would have happened. And I'm sitting in my house, I'm
Speaker 5: all alone with my dog. I didn't want to be
Speaker 5: on my phone because, like I said, it was getting
Speaker 5: blown up. And our housekeeper pulled in the driveway. And
Speaker 5: our housekeeper left earlier that day and she.
Speaker 1: She, you know, I.
Speaker 3: We got along really well, and.
Speaker 5: I guessed as soon as she pulled in the driveway,
Speaker 5: I looked up out, you know, I looked out the
Speaker 5: front door.
Speaker 3: I saw a carpooll in the driveway.
Speaker 5: She put in the garage code, ran in the house
Speaker 5: and just literally fell on the ground and just hugged
Speaker 5: me and just said, I am so sorry.
Speaker 3: I just got home.
Speaker 5: The first thing I did I put on the news
Speaker 5: and it was the first thing after getting back from
Speaker 5: your house. And it was just me and her, and
Speaker 5: she was so comforting and brought me water, brought me tissues,
Speaker 5: and eventually this is when all of my friends came
Speaker 5: over to support me. Obviously, my mom and dad are
Speaker 5: in New Jersey, so my mom got on a flight
Speaker 5: the next day. Three of my best friends from childhood
Speaker 5: all gone on a flight the next day all flew
Speaker 5: down to be with me.
Speaker 3: It was hard, and it just it just still. It
Speaker 3: was just something I never thought I would ever get.
Speaker 3: That phone call.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people talk about phone calls you never want to
Speaker 1: receive in life, and that's definitely one of them. I
Speaker 1: can't imagine the shock, the lack of power, control ability
Speaker 1: to change anything in that moment, the lack of feeling helpless,
Speaker 1: and confirmation not confirmation. I mean, there's so many emotions
Speaker 1: that are running there. I again so sorry to even
Speaker 1: hear about it that way, and you know the courage
Speaker 1: that you have to share it right now. I'm sure
Speaker 1: it's not easy at all. What was the last conversation
Speaker 1: you'd had with Liam? Is that something that you were
Speaker 1: thinking about then? Did you remember that?
Speaker 5: I think I think about the last day in the
Speaker 5: last words that we said to each other. It brings
Speaker 5: me this mixture of pain and peace, and it brings
Speaker 5: me pain because I can't fully still process that that
Speaker 5: day was the day left Argentina, was the last day
Speaker 5: I was able to touch Liam, to hug Liam, to
Speaker 5: speak to him, to be in the same room as him.
Speaker 5: But it brings me peace because it was such a
Speaker 5: beautiful last moment we had together on our last day.
Speaker 5: We woke up, we had an amazing breakfast, we were
Speaker 5: in the countryside, we went horseback riding, and I had
Speaker 5: a later on evening flight and me and Liam had
Speaker 5: this almost I don't even know what other word to
Speaker 5: describe it, but we had this cleaniness to us where
Speaker 5: even how we met, we kind of just met instance spark,
Speaker 5: and our relationship moved very quickly. And some people might
Speaker 5: say it's too quick. You know, people are going to
Speaker 5: say what want to say. But I would never change
Speaker 5: anything about it. And if I even went away for
Speaker 5: one night to go spend the night at my girlfriend's house,
Speaker 5: or even go to dinner with my girlfriends, the way
Speaker 5: me and Liem would say gobye to each other was
Speaker 5: and just like, oh, I'll see you later. Majority of
Speaker 5: the time it was this heartfelt, long goodbye for at
Speaker 5: least five minutes of just hugging I'm going to miss you,
Speaker 5: I love you. And on the last day in Argentina,
Speaker 5: my car was in the driveway and we went back
Speaker 5: into the guest house, grabbed my suitcase, and we were
Speaker 5: sitting on the couch and I just kept going on
Speaker 5: and on and on about how much I love him
Speaker 5: and how much he means me, and how much I'm
Speaker 5: going to miss him, and that I can't wait for
Speaker 5: him to already be back in Florida because we were
Speaker 5: starting this new chapter of our life. We just bought
Speaker 5: a new house, we just got a dog. We just
Speaker 5: moved to America as well. I mean I was living
Speaker 5: in England with him for two years. We just moved
Speaker 5: to you know, my country. It was just all these
Speaker 5: new beginnings and it was in just such a positive light.
Speaker 5: So I remember sitting there with him and I was
Speaker 5: going on and on and on and saying to Liam
Speaker 5: how much I love him, and he laughed and he
Speaker 5: interrupted me and he just said, Kate, like you're going
Speaker 5: to miss your flight. Your car's in the driveway. You're
Speaker 5: acting like this is the last time you're ever going
Speaker 5: to see me again.
Speaker 1: Wow. I just laughed back.
Speaker 3: I was just like, I know, I'm being silly. I
Speaker 3: need to get in the car. I can't miss my flight.
Speaker 5: Just to even look back in time and just know
Speaker 5: that really was the last, the last time I was
Speaker 5: able to see him again, is just so chilling. But
Speaker 5: in a way, I think that the way that we
Speaker 5: said goodbye to each other, I'm so blessed. And this
Speaker 5: is where I get that piece from it, that it
Speaker 5: was that heartfelt beautiful. I didn't know of it, but
Speaker 5: obviously our last goodbye. I wouldn't have wanted it to
Speaker 5: be any differently if it was just if I just
Speaker 5: said all right, i'll see you in a couple of days,
Speaker 5: like love you. I'm so glad that we had that
Speaker 5: last beautiful moment together and shared that.
Speaker 1: I can see how much you're holding back and how
Speaker 1: hard this is for you. Just you know, I think
Speaker 1: when people lose people and you know, are family members sick,
Speaker 1: there's a it's never easy, ever, but there's a preparation.
Speaker 1: There's there's time to process with a tragic moment like this,
Speaker 1: which you're not expecting at all, and then to have
Speaker 1: the shock of it. Did you want to fly to Argentina? Like,
Speaker 1: what was even going through your mind?
Speaker 5: I think my first thought definitely was yes, to get
Speaker 5: on a flight to Argentina. But then after all my
Speaker 5: friends and my mom came to Florida, I just realized
Speaker 5: there would be no point and it's just better to
Speaker 5: not be in a like foreign country.
Speaker 3: I don't know anybody in Argentina.
Speaker 5: I don't have family or friends there, So just to
Speaker 5: be in a home where I feel comfortable being and
Speaker 5: being surrounded by such a great support system is just
Speaker 5: going to be so much better for my mental health.
Speaker 5: I knew, of course, if I had to be there,
Speaker 5: I would have been there, but there was almost no
Speaker 5: point in me going there. I think obviously being in
Speaker 5: Florida for those couple of days after finding out the
Speaker 5: news and then being in England was definitely where I
Speaker 5: needed to be, was being in England.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us when we lose someone,
Speaker 1: When we lose someone, a lot of us focus on
Speaker 1: the moment we find out, but we don't often ask
Speaker 1: people or how they felt the morning after, because it's
Speaker 1: almost like when you wake up and the news is
Speaker 1: still true and you realize it's real, it almost feels heavier.
Speaker 1: What was that next day and that next morning.
Speaker 5: Like it was a mixture of this numbness where I
Speaker 5: didn't sleep at all that night the first night, I
Speaker 5: couldn't sleep at all, I remember, just because of also
Speaker 5: the time difference and obviously England. I was just on
Speaker 5: the phone back and forth with a lot of family
Speaker 5: and friends in England. My friends who were with me
Speaker 5: stayed up night with me. I don't think any of
Speaker 5: us could sleep. I mean Liam was even you know,
Speaker 5: he made such an effort with my friends and they
Speaker 5: looked at Liam as a friend as well.
Speaker 3: So we all lost. They lost a friend. I lost
Speaker 3: the love of my life.
Speaker 5: I remember one thing my friends immediately they said to
Speaker 5: me after obviously the news the first night, they basically
Speaker 5: took my phone and deleted social media. They were like,
Speaker 5: don't redownload this. You don't want to see anything, because
Speaker 5: there were a lot of images and things that were
Speaker 5: coming out on the web that they were protecting me
Speaker 5: that I shouldn't have seen. So I didn't have social
Speaker 5: media for a couple of days. Honestly, maybe three days,
Speaker 5: which is no time at all, and I'm ashamed to
Speaker 5: even say that I re downloaded TikTok. I think after
Speaker 5: three days it was everywhere in the media. It was,
Speaker 5: you know, I would just scroll on TikTok and it
Speaker 5: was my entire video after video Liam and just I
Speaker 5: think the videos of of seeing him happy and with
Speaker 5: a smile and just good memories and good moments made
Speaker 5: me more sad because I realized, like, he's never going
Speaker 5: to smile again, and he's never it's just an end
Speaker 5: to creating any future memories. It was harder for me
Speaker 5: to see those videos. But yeah, the morning after was
Speaker 5: just numb. I think with grief it comes in so
Speaker 5: many different emotions. I've never lost anybody extremely close to me.
Speaker 5: I've never been to a funeral before, and the fact
Speaker 5: that I'm twenty five years old in the first funeral
Speaker 5: that I have to attend is my partner's funeral just
Speaker 5: still doesn't sit right with me.
Speaker 3: And it's just mind boggling to even think that. I
Speaker 3: remember what I was.
Speaker 5: Trying on my funeral dress. I remember just trying it on,
Speaker 5: looking in the mirror, and I just remember thinking in
Speaker 5: my head, I just started bawling because I was like,
Speaker 5: I was supposed to be trying on my wedding dress.
Speaker 5: I wasn't supposed to be wearing a black dress. I
Speaker 5: was supposed to be wearing a white dress. And Lee
Speaker 5: was supposed to be here with me, you know, So
Speaker 5: it was really hard to accept this reality of knowing
Speaker 5: he's not here anymore.
Speaker 1: I mean, when I'm hearing that, I feel like losing
Speaker 1: someone is hard enough, and then losing someone when they're
Speaker 1: in the public eye and they have fans all over
Speaker 1: the world, and then when you're every post you see
Speaker 1: is about that person and what's happened, it's a different
Speaker 1: thing to deal with. And where everyone knows who thinks
Speaker 1: they know, or knows who that person was, it's a
Speaker 1: very different thing to go through. And I find that
Speaker 1: you're not only grieving the loss of someone you loved,
Speaker 1: but you're also grieving the life that you were going
Speaker 1: to build together. It sounds like when you talk about
Speaker 1: getting married, was that something that you both had spoken
Speaker 1: about and talked about.
Speaker 5: I mean, for me, I think that most couples, of course,
Speaker 5: why would you be with somebody if you don't expect
Speaker 5: to have a future with them. It's something we definitely
Speaker 5: spoke about and something that we knew when the time
Speaker 5: was right that we wanted to develop and build this
Speaker 5: life together. And I think we were really on our
Speaker 5: way of doing that by moving to America, getting this
Speaker 5: new house. I was starting to think of buying some
Speaker 5: new decorations and all these things, and you know, having
Speaker 5: a dog, and we were just kind of on our
Speaker 5: way there. And to have that ripped from you is
Speaker 5: just in one day. I mean, you really never know
Speaker 5: what tomorrow will bring, and I think ever since October sixteenth,
Speaker 5: I live in a fear of I don't know what
Speaker 5: tomorrow will bring ever. But everything just got completely ripped
Speaker 5: away from me in that one day.
Speaker 1: I know it hasn't been very long, but what has
Speaker 1: helped you with the grieving process over the last few
Speaker 1: months and as you're in that process and journey still,
Speaker 1: what's been useful to you? What was helpful to you,
Speaker 1: and what was unhelpful as well, because I think so
Speaker 1: many people listening or watching, whether they've lost someone close
Speaker 1: to them or I think people struggle to know what
Speaker 1: to say, people struggle to know what to do themselves
Speaker 1: when they've lost someone. What worked for you, I.
Speaker 5: Think at the end of the day, you need to
Speaker 5: listen and trust your heart, because grief comes in so
Speaker 5: many waves, so many different emotions. You're going to wake up,
Speaker 5: you're going to feel numb, You're going to wake up,
Speaker 5: you're going to feel sad, you're going to feel angry,
Speaker 5: you're going to feel One day, you're going to wake
Speaker 5: up and you're going to laugh, and you're going to
Speaker 5: just think of good moments you had, and then you're
Speaker 5: going to find yourself just this laugh turning into this
Speaker 5: hysterical cry. And I think that grief is something that
Speaker 5: you never know what to expect, and it hits everybody
Speaker 5: so differently. So I think the best, you know, some
Speaker 5: advice that I would give, just some general advice, would
Speaker 5: be to always trust your gut. Some things for me
Speaker 5: might not work for other people. I think keeping a
Speaker 5: consistent of course, schedule, routine, and I'm not saying waking
Speaker 5: up in the morning from nine am, having a strategic
Speaker 5: plan throughout the day, and then not getting home until
Speaker 5: eight pm. Of course not your mind needs time to
Speaker 5: rest and think. But even just if you take one
Speaker 5: activity per day, it could just be walking, baking, going
Speaker 5: to the gym, going to applies class, just any type
Speaker 5: of small thing, it just helps so much with your headspace.
Speaker 5: But I think for me, one thing that really has
Speaker 5: helped me so much and that makes me feel so
Speaker 5: full of light and love is seeing signs.
Speaker 1: And I.
Speaker 5: See so many signs of Lim And I'm such a
Speaker 5: believer in signs. I believe in manifesting, and I know
Speaker 5: that he's with me and I feel him all the time.
Speaker 5: And I remember at first when he passed away, I
Speaker 5: didn't feel him for i'd say the first five days.
Speaker 5: And I know that's not a long amount of time,
Speaker 5: but obviously five days when you're not with somebody after
Speaker 5: being with them twenty four to seven, it feels like,
Speaker 5: you know, five years. So I remember getting kind of
Speaker 5: angry and just being like talking to Liam, just saying,
Speaker 5: why haven't you shown me any signs? And I remember
Speaker 5: one day it was before I flew out to England.
Speaker 5: So I was still in our house in Florida. I
Speaker 5: sat on the floor of his closet and I started
Speaker 5: crying hysterically, and I was so angry with him. I said,
Speaker 5: show me a sign. This is so unfair, like are
Speaker 5: you here with me? Show me a sign? And this
Speaker 5: is a stage of grief that also, I want people
Speaker 5: to know it's okay to be angry, and it's okay
Speaker 5: to cry, and it's okay to say things.
Speaker 3: It's okay.
Speaker 5: And I was crying and I was just saying, I'm
Speaker 5: so disappointed. I love you so much, but I need
Speaker 5: you to show me a sign because I don't feel you.
Speaker 5: And I remember I went back downstairs and it's just
Speaker 5: it was such a simple thing, but my friends asked me,
Speaker 5: do you want anything from McDonald's. And at this point
Speaker 5: it was so hard for me to even hold down food.
Speaker 5: I was barely eating. And for me, me and Liam,
Speaker 5: we loved McDonald's. It was something that we would probably
Speaker 5: get like twice a week, which I know is not
Speaker 5: the healthiest option. It was just a part of like
Speaker 5: just kind of our childlike things to do, and we
Speaker 5: would always get the happy Meal toy. We always would
Speaker 5: get the Happy Meal toy. It was always also Liam's
Speaker 5: idea to do that. He was such a kid at
Speaker 5: heart and he would always get the Happy Meals toy.
Speaker 5: And I said to my friends, you know what, get
Speaker 5: me a Kid's mealk. I'm not even hungry. I really
Speaker 5: don't want to eat, but I'll try to. I'll try
Speaker 5: to eat something, but I just want to see what
Speaker 5: the happy Meal toy is. I really just want to
Speaker 5: see what it is. So they came back. They brought
Speaker 5: me the Happy Meal and it came in this like
Speaker 5: because it was around Halloween. It came in this trick
Speaker 5: or treat bin instead of the cardboard McDonald's like happy mailbox.
Speaker 5: And I remember when they gave it to me. I
Speaker 5: was I was annoyed because I was like, this is
Speaker 5: the happy Meal toy. I thought I was going to
Speaker 5: get like a little cute thing that maybe would have
Speaker 5: been a symbol of Liam, or something that Liam would
Speaker 5: have liked, or something like cute that could just make me.
Speaker 3: Feel a little lifted.
Speaker 5: I was just my head was everywhere, just even thinking
Speaker 5: that I could get any sort of positivity and light
Speaker 5: from a happy Meal Kid's meal toy. That was just
Speaker 5: where my head's face was and I was so angry.
Speaker 5: I didn't get any type of toy. I just got
Speaker 5: a trigg or treatment that obviously I'm not quiting trick
Speaker 5: or treating. So then I opened the lid to try
Speaker 5: to eat some of the food and I noticed there's
Speaker 5: this maze on the back of the lid, and it
Speaker 5: was kind of one of those mazes where it's like
Speaker 5: count how many black cats count, how many ghosts count?
Speaker 5: How many pumpkins you can find? And I, obviously I
Speaker 5: didn't try to even do the maze.
Speaker 3: Why would I?
Speaker 5: And on the back of it it said the answers
Speaker 5: in small little letters, so you can, I guess, match
Speaker 5: it up to see if you won the puzzle. And
Speaker 5: our angel numbers have always been four, any sequence of four,
Speaker 5: and the answers on the back of it were four
Speaker 5: four four, And that was immediately the first sign I
Speaker 5: got from Liam. And the number four symbolizes guidance and
Speaker 5: support from your angels. And this has been such a
Speaker 5: big part of our relationship. I mean, he had the
Speaker 5: number four initialed on his finger. I ended up getting
Speaker 5: it after he passed away, and I think that four
Speaker 5: was such a part of our every single letter he's
Speaker 5: written me, he has ended it with your four four four.
Speaker 3: It's just it was always our thing.
Speaker 5: So the fact that I got these this happy meal
Speaker 5: toy and the answer said four for four, that was
Speaker 5: Liam listening to me, and he was giving me a
Speaker 5: sign saying I know I am here, I am here.
Speaker 5: You're not alone like I am here, and it made
Speaker 5: me feel so just my I just lit up. I remember,
Speaker 5: and I still kept the little map I have folded
Speaker 5: up and it's in my bedside drawer.
Speaker 1: And it sounds like you've seen so many other signs
Speaker 1: off to that as well.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have, and I see so many signs. And
Speaker 5: I came to La obviously to be here. I came
Speaker 5: to La and I've never been to La with without
Speaker 5: Liam before. I've only been with Liam. We've went a
Speaker 5: handful of times together and we've created so many memories here.
Speaker 5: And when I landed in La, I felt like part
Speaker 5: of me was missing. I just even getting on the plane,
Speaker 5: just sitting alone, you know, not next to Liam, just
Speaker 5: felt so wrong. And I was just still, you know,
Speaker 5: everything that I do, I miss Liam. I'm thinking of Liam,
Speaker 5: but being in this city that I love, and I
Speaker 5: have this connection with La.
Speaker 3: I love it so much.
Speaker 5: Without the person that I love who brought me here
Speaker 5: and showed me around La and introduced me to this
Speaker 5: wonderful city, it just felt so empty. And I think
Speaker 5: on my second or third night here, I mean, my
Speaker 5: friend went to a basketball game and we were on
Speaker 5: our way to the basketball game. We were in an
Speaker 5: uber and everywhere we were just seeing fours everywhere on
Speaker 5: license plates, we were seeing it on billboards, phone numbers,
Speaker 5: like on billboard everywhere, just the number four.
Speaker 3: And then we get into the basketball game.
Speaker 5: We go into a suite and every suite it's like,
Speaker 5: I'm assuming decorated differently that's normally how it is. It
Speaker 5: has like a different type of interior to sign especially
Speaker 5: at this arena. And we walk in and the wallpaper
Speaker 5: is the exact same wallpaper as me and Liam's bathroom
Speaker 5: wallpaper in England, and it's so unique. I've never seen
Speaker 5: a wallpaper like this before. It's lionheads with this floral design.
Speaker 5: It's something that's not just a color or not this
Speaker 5: sort of design that you would see shopping for, you know,
Speaker 5: a painting at TJ Max. It's just this design that
Speaker 5: I've never seen before moving into this house in London
Speaker 5: with Liam, and the fact that that was in the suite,
Speaker 5: I immediately that's the first thing.
Speaker 3: I walked into the suite and I just stopped.
Speaker 5: I turned to my friend and I said, this is
Speaker 5: the same wallpaper that me and Liam had in our
Speaker 5: bathroom in London.
Speaker 3: And then we leave the basketball game.
Speaker 5: At this point, it's kind of late and we just
Speaker 5: want to get some food in us, so we go
Speaker 5: to this quick little restaurant for a bite to eat.
Speaker 5: We were the only ones in the restaurant because I
Speaker 5: think their kitchen was about to close within five minutes.
Speaker 5: We walk into the restaurant and the song that's playing
Speaker 5: as we're walking in is Night changes by one direction.
Speaker 5: And the first place my eyes go to is the
Speaker 5: TV screen behind the boots, and it was Liam on
Speaker 5: the screen. They were playing the music video and it
Speaker 5: was just three signed, three big signs in a row
Speaker 5: being here in la and I just knew Liam was
Speaker 5: with me that night, and Liam was there at that
Speaker 5: basketball game with us. Liam was there that night eating
Speaker 5: tacos with us. He was there with us, and seeing
Speaker 5: those signs make me feel so much more connected and
Speaker 5: close to him. And that I know he's here and
Speaker 5: he's listening to me, and he's he's far, but he's
Speaker 5: not too far.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I had the pleasure of interviewing Laurea Lyn Jackson,
Speaker 1: who wrote the book Signs. Yeah, and I loved that book.
Speaker 1: For anyone who loves learning about signs, loves knowing about signs,
Speaker 1: that that book is speaking so closely to I don't
Speaker 1: know if you've ever seen it or ever met Laurea Lynn,
Speaker 1: but she speaks so beautifully about how all of us
Speaker 1: have different whether it's numbers, whether it's emblem symbols, things
Speaker 1: that we can see anywhere that points to us that
Speaker 1: we're moving in the right direction. And yeah, me and
Speaker 1: my team have had some pretty crazy experiences when we
Speaker 1: were preparing for that interview and met her and everything
Speaker 1: else as well, And so thank you for sharing those
Speaker 1: because it's amazing to see how Liam so alive in
Speaker 1: your life and so present in your life. And I
Speaker 1: can imagine that's hard too. I'm curious to know what's
Speaker 1: been the hardest part of the last few months for you,
Speaker 1: because as much as it's wonderful to see Liam being
Speaker 1: present in all these places, I'm sure it's hard as well.
Speaker 5: I think the hardest thing that this has of course
Speaker 5: brought me is this loneliness feeling. And you go from
Speaker 5: being with somebody twenty four to seven to knowing and
Speaker 5: facing the reality that you're never going to see this
Speaker 5: person again in this life, and that, for me is
Speaker 5: something that I still just cannot fully process in my mind.
Speaker 5: And I think that is always in the back of
Speaker 5: my mind. I think going places to everything reminds me
Speaker 5: of Liam. I could be having a specific coffee flavor
Speaker 5: from Starbucks and I'm just thinking, Oh, Liam, love this
Speaker 5: coffee I bring. You know, I bring up Liam in
Speaker 5: almost every conversation I have because everything reminds me of him,
Speaker 5: and at the end of the day, I'm thinking about
Speaker 5: him every second of every single day. I could be
Speaker 5: having a full converse, full bow in conversation with somebody
Speaker 5: about something completely off topic, something just completely not involving me,
Speaker 5: involving Liam, and always in the back.
Speaker 3: Of my head, I'm just thinking Liam, Liam, Liam.
Speaker 5: And then even some of the things that I don't
Speaker 5: connect with with Liam, things that we haven't done, memories
Speaker 5: that we haven't made yet, or moments that we haven't
Speaker 5: shared together remind me of him, because I'll think to myself,
Speaker 5: Liam would have loved this, or I wish Liam was
Speaker 5: able to experience this, or I wish we were able
Speaker 5: to try this together. So everything reminds me of him
Speaker 5: in one way or another.
Speaker 1: You know, I think we often think of grief as
Speaker 1: a almost as if we're waiting to wake up one
Speaker 1: day and we don't feel what we felt anymore. And
Speaker 1: that's for anyone who's tried to grieve knows that's not true,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't happen like that, And it's almost like
Speaker 1: this very day to day thing. Day to day we
Speaker 1: can feel different things, feel different emotions. One day, we
Speaker 1: can be an absolute wreck. One day we can speak
Speaker 1: with love about person that we've lost. What's been helping
Speaker 1: you day today.
Speaker 5: One thing that really helps me day to day is
Speaker 5: reading letters that Liam's left me, And I think in
Speaker 5: today's generation it's not as common to leave letters. And
Speaker 5: I'm not talking just about birthday letters, a birthday card
Speaker 5: or a Christmas card, just letters that our heart felt
Speaker 5: and that in the moment you want to surprise and
Speaker 5: leave your loved one this letter. And throughout me and
Speaker 5: Liam's relationship, he has written me I mean, he was
Speaker 5: a songwriter. He was so good with his words. He
Speaker 5: was almost like a poet in a way. And one
Speaker 5: of his love languages was to put his thoughts and
Speaker 5: words on paper. And he would leave me these notes
Speaker 5: all around the house. And I have every single note
Speaker 5: that he's left me, ever since the very beginning to
Speaker 5: the very end. And we could be at a diner
Speaker 5: and he'll write me a small little I love you
Speaker 5: on a napkin, and I'll fold it up and.
Speaker 3: Put it in my purse.
Speaker 5: I keep everything that he's given me, And honestly, if
Speaker 5: it weren't for these notes, letters that he's written me,
Speaker 5: I don't even know where my head's face would really
Speaker 5: be at. Because I think when you're reading a letter
Speaker 5: in somebody else's handwriting you genuinely, when you're reading it
Speaker 5: to yourself, in your mind, you hear this person, you
Speaker 5: hear his voice, and it's just this connection that means
Speaker 5: so much more than something on text or a compliment
Speaker 5: in person. And that's so important too, of course, but
Speaker 5: something about just a letter just speaks so much volume.
Speaker 3: It just means so much.
Speaker 1: And I believe you brought one of those letters with you.
Speaker 1: Do it that you talk could share. Yeah, when was
Speaker 1: this letter written?
Speaker 5: This letter was more towards the beginning of our relationship.
Speaker 5: Another part of his love language was to, you know,
Speaker 5: give gifts and sentimental gifts that would last a lifetime,
Speaker 5: something that maybe even I could pass down to my
Speaker 5: future children. And any single gift he's given me has
Speaker 5: always comes with a card and or a letter. And
Speaker 5: this letter here says the reason I picked this watch
Speaker 5: out for you is because it doesn't have any numbers
Speaker 5: on it, and my love for you is endless.
Speaker 3: It literally means eternity.
Speaker 5: So now every time you look down at your wrist,
Speaker 5: you can no and remember that my love for you
Speaker 5: is timeless. We have all the time in the world
Speaker 5: to learn our love language for each other, and I
Speaker 5: hope and pray that I get this right for you
Speaker 5: with every tick and every talk this watch makes from
Speaker 5: this second onwards, I love you with all my heart, Kaitlin,
Speaker 5: and I won't lose you.
Speaker 3: You're four four four.
Speaker 2: Sorry, it's just somethimes reading it out loud, just it's
Speaker 2: just so hard to process that. It's like we thought
Speaker 2: we had all this time, and he thought we had
Speaker 2: all this time, and it was just taken away and
Speaker 2: it's this is the watch, and it's so it's so special.
Speaker 5: To me, and I just you know, this is something
Speaker 5: that I will always everything he's given me, but this
Speaker 5: watch will always cherish, and especially ever since he's passed away.
Speaker 5: I read this note so often and I look down
Speaker 5: and I I just like he he you know, he
Speaker 5: wants me to look down at my wrist and remember him.
Speaker 3: And you know it's not in the way that we thought, but.
Speaker 5: This, this watch is so special, and it's even the
Speaker 5: way he gave me this watch it was I remember
Speaker 5: he came home one day and he said, I got
Speaker 5: you a gift and I said, you didn't have to
Speaker 5: what Okay, Like that's so kind.
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 5: And Liam would always bring me gifts, and they weren't
Speaker 5: always these luxurious items. Sometimes he'd bring me McDonald's happy
Speaker 5: meal to way that he got earlier that day after work,
Speaker 5: or can we bring me a coffee or just a
Speaker 5: card or note or flowers. It was always something different,
Speaker 5: and he said, you're gonna have to go find it.
Speaker 5: It's in the backyard.
Speaker 3: And I was like, what do you mean.
Speaker 5: He was like, I just thought we'd make fun out
Speaker 5: of it. I want you to remember this gift. So
Speaker 5: I hit it in the backyard. We're gonna have a
Speaker 5: scavenger hunt. And I'm just in the backyard, running around everywhere,
Speaker 5: and he's kind of just saying warmer, colder. And finally
Speaker 5: I look behind this chair bench thing we had in
Speaker 5: our backyard, and I see this box and this card
Speaker 5: on top of it. And every gift he's given me
Speaker 5: has a story to it, and I think that's something
Speaker 5: that's so important too, and so important with me too.
Speaker 5: I have not only these cards that I can read,
Speaker 5: but these gifts, small or big, doesn't matter that they
Speaker 5: each have a story and a memory to it. They're
Speaker 5: not They weren't just given to me like, oh, I
Speaker 5: picked this up today, I thought of you, thought you'd
Speaker 5: like it. Okay, I'm gonna go shower now. Every single
Speaker 5: thing he's given me has such a story behind it,
Speaker 5: and I'll cherish this watch for the rest of my life.
Speaker 5: And everything's given me.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that with us and letting us
Speaker 1: into the beautiful love that you both shared, and also
Speaker 1: knowing how powerful it is for the people we love
Speaker 1: and the people that love us to have these memories
Speaker 1: that we can hold on to so deeply, especially as
Speaker 1: you said so wonderfully in the form of letters. I
Speaker 1: think it's such a beautiful message for you to share
Speaker 1: with everyone that what's helping you day today is these cards,
Speaker 1: these letters, these moments in time that you've kind of
Speaker 1: kept as this capsule that you can turn to and
Speaker 1: experience that love, even if it is challenging, but to
Speaker 1: reconnect with it and feel closer again to Liam as well.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for sharing that with us.
Speaker 1: As I've been listening to you today, I think you're
Speaker 1: really brave and courageous to share the journey that you
Speaker 1: both went on. The journey that you've been on can
Speaker 1: be very hard with anyone who's beloved by so many
Speaker 1: people all over the world. Like I said, you know
Speaker 1: everyone in my life. When we found out the news,
Speaker 1: there were messages being shared and people who didn't know him,
Speaker 1: So I can't imagine you know, yourself, his family, everyone
Speaker 1: else who's actually gone through this loss and had to
Speaker 1: process it publicly as well. What's something that you think
Speaker 1: this outpouring from the fans. I mean, the response from
Speaker 1: the online world was so beautiful to see, and it's
Speaker 1: always this is something that I find so difficult that
Speaker 1: when people are alive, they rarely get to see how
Speaker 1: much everyone loves them. And we deal with this back
Speaker 1: and forth of criticism, challenge, whatever else it may be.
Speaker 1: And then when we lose someone, we all realize how
Speaker 1: we actually felt about that person and how they made
Speaker 1: us feel, and we remember the first time we saw
Speaker 1: that person on screen, or the first time we met
Speaker 1: them if we got that, or the first time you
Speaker 1: went to a concert for someone like Liam, or you
Speaker 1: start seeing all of these stories and memories pour out.
Speaker 1: And so when you look at that out pouring, what
Speaker 1: would you have loved for Liam to have experienced?
Speaker 5: I think I just would have loved for Liam to
Speaker 5: know how loved he really was. And I think he
Speaker 5: knew that to an extent, but with any type of
Speaker 5: criticism he was receiving, he didn't have that validation of
Speaker 5: knowing how much of an impact and how much the
Speaker 5: world loved him and you know loves him, you know
Speaker 5: still every single day for the rest of his life.
Speaker 5: I mean, Liam is going to be spoken about forever
Speaker 5: was He made such a mark on people's lives and
Speaker 5: impacted so many and I really do wish he was
Speaker 5: here to see the love and support he's received from
Speaker 5: everybody worldwide, because it's really nothing but beautiful, and the
Speaker 5: memorials that people have put together, the tributes, and it's
Speaker 5: just he deserved it. And as time goes by, going
Speaker 5: to get this recognition and this love and support, and
Speaker 5: I couldn't be more proud of him, and I do
Speaker 5: wish he was here to be able to see the
Speaker 5: tremendous legacy that he's left behind, and it's something he deserves.
Speaker 3: And I think this is just.
Speaker 5: Another message to be kind to people, especially online, and
Speaker 5: it's one thing people weren't always so kind to Liam,
Speaker 5: and especially like I said before, with so many other celebrities,
Speaker 5: so many people aren't kind online. But then when something
Speaker 5: tragic like this happens, everyone turns and everyone just sits
Speaker 5: there and talks about the good. And he deserves only
Speaker 5: to be spoken in such a highly positive matter. This
Speaker 5: should be just a message to just be kind. And
Speaker 5: you know, we're never going to live in a world
Speaker 5: where people are always going to be kind. There's always
Speaker 5: going to be that one out of ten comments or
Speaker 5: three out of ten comments that are going to be
Speaker 5: hateful always, and it's something we can't control. But I
Speaker 5: think the fact that we can't control that, then why
Speaker 5: are we letting it to us so much. We can't
Speaker 5: control what people's opinions are, what people think. We can't
Speaker 5: control it, so there's no point in trying to, you know,
Speaker 5: in letting that ruin your day.
Speaker 1: How do you think he would have reacted if he
Speaker 1: did have a chance to feel and experience the outpouring
Speaker 1: of love.
Speaker 5: If he saw all of this, I think he would
Speaker 5: feel just so grateful and just he would just know
Speaker 5: that would just be his confirmation of how important he
Speaker 5: was in this life. And I mean to me he
Speaker 5: was the most important person in my life. To so many,
Speaker 5: he was, but he just maybe didn't fully feel that confirmation.
Speaker 5: I'm not sure, but if he saw this, he would
Speaker 5: have that confirmation of Wow, I really left this legacy.
Speaker 5: I impacted so many people's lives. And that's what he
Speaker 5: would want, and that's he would just be. He would
Speaker 5: be proud of himself, but he would be right now
Speaker 5: if he was able to see everything, he'd be so proud.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely. Hearing about him from you has made me
Speaker 1: appreciate him even more, respect to me even more, and
Speaker 1: feel so much, you know, love for him through you
Speaker 1: and through all the beautiful memories and things that I
Speaker 1: read about when we found out the news. Just to
Speaker 1: see him being honored and appreciated in that way is
Speaker 1: really beautiful to see. Whenever we lose someone that's important
Speaker 1: to us, I feel like we find a new part
Speaker 1: of ourselves because we lose an old part of ourselves
Speaker 1: and this part that of course always stays. But for you,
Speaker 1: what perspectives have changed, what's shifted for you through this
Speaker 1: journey that you've been on. For him, what's kind of
Speaker 1: what's a lesson that's kind of risen to the surface.
Speaker 5: I think, just like you said, I think that when
Speaker 5: you do lose somebody so close to you, you do
Speaker 5: lose a part of yourself. And I do feel like
Speaker 5: I lost half of me. And if Liam were here,
Speaker 5: he would want me to be strong. He would want
Speaker 5: me to be brave and do things that make me happy,
Speaker 5: and do things to honor his legacy and honor his
Speaker 5: name and to help other people. And I think for me,
Speaker 5: one of the things I just keep thinking about is
Speaker 5: what else can I lose in life now? When I
Speaker 5: already lost the best thing in my life, Like what
Speaker 5: more is there to lose? Like, how could it get worse?
Speaker 5: So in my mind it's like take the risk. Do things,
Speaker 5: be brave, be strong, don't lay in bed all day,
Speaker 5: get out of bed, live your life. And I have
Speaker 5: to live my life for Liam because I'm twenty five.
Speaker 5: He would never want me to be in bed all
Speaker 5: day depressed, and I have those days. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 5: I'm sad all the time, but I'm happy sometimes because
Speaker 5: I just think about all the memories we have and
Speaker 5: there was like, there's never going to be a love
Speaker 5: in my life that Liam was one of a kind.
Speaker 5: The love that we experienced is going to be one
Speaker 5: of a kind. I'm never going to experience that type
Speaker 5: of love again in the future. Whatever is meant for me,
Speaker 5: it's going to be so different than what I experienced
Speaker 5: with Limb and it's something that you know, I'm so
Speaker 5: I wouldn't change any part of it and I don't
Speaker 5: regret anything, and it's something that it's like out of
Speaker 5: a movie. And I love him so much and I
Speaker 5: will continue to for the rest of my life. I
Speaker 5: just think that for me, just doing things that make
Speaker 5: me happy and that I know would make him happy,
Speaker 5: I'm just trying to do those things and be strong
Speaker 5: and just realize that life's short and take the resks,
Speaker 5: take the opportunities, do what makes you happy, because you
Speaker 5: don't have much to lose.
Speaker 1: Okay, I want to thank you for taking the risk,
Speaker 1: being so courageous, and hoping that everyone's been listening today
Speaker 1: has felt through you a deeper sense of love for
Speaker 1: Liam and the beautiful words you shared about him, which
Speaker 1: I really do believe honor him. And I really hope
Speaker 1: for anyone who's listening who's lost someone near and dear
Speaker 1: to them, someone who's close to them, feels a sense
Speaker 1: of peace and healing through you sharing your journey of
Speaker 1: grief and loss and everything that you're still going through.
Speaker 1: And I think you've left us with some really beautiful
Speaker 1: reminders that I know I'm going to hold on to
Speaker 1: of whether that's leaving the people we love letters, whether
Speaker 1: it making sure that we do what's right for us
Speaker 1: when we're going through loss, because no one really knows
Speaker 1: what else we're going through, and ultimately what you're really
Speaker 1: sharing with all of us that it's the oldest lesson
Speaker 1: in the world, but it's the one we need again
Speaker 1: and again and more and more in this world today
Speaker 1: is that we have no idea what someone's going through.
Speaker 1: You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind,
Speaker 1: And it doesn't take anything, and it doesn't cost anything
Speaker 1: to be kind and to be loving and to be supportive.
Speaker 1: And I'm walking away from this conversation feeling inspired and
Speaker 1: touched and close to Lim in a way that I
Speaker 1: feel grateful that I didn't have the opportunity to before.
Speaker 3: So thank you so much, genuinely, thank you for having me.
Speaker 5: And I think opening up and talking about it really
Speaker 5: really helps me with my grief. This conversation has really
Speaker 5: just done a lot for me. I feel before talk
Speaker 5: into this room, it's sometimes hard for me to talk
Speaker 5: about it, but I think leaving this room, I'm going
Speaker 5: to feel just addressing the good memories about Liam and
Speaker 5: just thinking about those putting them out there for it
Speaker 5: to share with you, to share with your viewers. I
Speaker 5: think it's just so important and it made me feel
Speaker 5: so much better. So thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: I'm glad, no, thank you. That means the world to me.
Speaker 1: And it's another lesson in that that when someone's ready
Speaker 1: to talk about it and when they feel comfortable, it
Speaker 1: can actually help with their healings. So thank you. If
Speaker 1: you love this episode, you'll love my interview with doctor
Speaker 1: Gabo Matte on understanding your trauma and how to heal
Speaker 1: emotional wounds to start moving on from the past. Everything
Speaker 1: in nature grows only where it's vulnerable. So a tree
Speaker 1: doesn't go over it's hard and thick, does it. It
Speaker 1: goes where it's soft and green and vulnerable.