Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim and give us time and they
Speaker 2: termino and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off in style. You wanna
Speaker 3: welcome you back home? Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her?
Speaker 4: Was it fine?
Speaker 1: Mal porn? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need you ride?
Speaker 5: Ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need.
Speaker 1: With Karen and Chris, let's be professionals this time.
Speaker 5: Wait, what did we do last time that was bad?
Speaker 5: Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris
Speaker 5: Fairbanks and.
Speaker 1: This is Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 5: Oh, I remember what it was that we did last
Speaker 5: time that was bad? We were eating stones.
Speaker 7: There were We got a lot of feedback about how
Speaker 7: upsetting it is to eat, to eat and crinkle paper
Speaker 7: while you're doing a podcast.
Speaker 4: God damn it. We couldn't agree more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and we already knew that going in.
Speaker 5: We wanted to just make sure you knew that it
Speaker 5: was the wrong thing to do.
Speaker 7: You know, I'm one of those people that likes negative
Speaker 7: attention as much as positive attention.
Speaker 1: I don't really know the difference.
Speaker 7: And so as long as I'm making you tweet at
Speaker 7: me in a passionate manner, it's just as good as
Speaker 7: if you're saying I love you so much as you're
Speaker 7: saying if you ever do that again, you're going to
Speaker 7: break my brain exactly.
Speaker 5: And I learned from Mystery the Pickup Artist that even
Speaker 5: if you're being mean to a woman, yes and telling
Speaker 5: her her friend is more pretty and.
Speaker 1: That her feet are shaped funnily.
Speaker 5: And nice sweater, does it come in your size, it's
Speaker 5: the same as saying I love you.
Speaker 4: It's to women.
Speaker 7: If you just let a woman know that she has
Speaker 7: Fred Flintstone feet, she will marry you that same night.
Speaker 5: What did you come here in a canvas car with
Speaker 5: a bunch of ribs wrecked on the side.
Speaker 4: I never understood the ribs.
Speaker 7: I thought it was a large shell that they were
Speaker 7: putting onto the car.
Speaker 5: Nobody in the history of watching Hannah Barbera ever knew
Speaker 5: what was being put on Fred Flintstone's car.
Speaker 7: It's like, why don't why do they need a shell
Speaker 7: that big? Are they at the drive in movie theater?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just.
Speaker 5: That, you know, back then they still had rollers skating
Speaker 5: up to your windows service waitresses. Right, ribs were bigger
Speaker 5: because we were eating dinosaurs. Oh yeah, so it's a
Speaker 5: rack of ribs that he ordered at the drive in.
Speaker 4: But it's it's the ribs of a t rex.
Speaker 7: We're supposed to believe, Yeah, even though people and dinosaurs
Speaker 7: did not exist at the same time.
Speaker 1: Well, it depends on who you are. I believe.
Speaker 5: I'm going, Adam and Eve, I'm getting there.
Speaker 1: Adam and Eve get there.
Speaker 5: Then after they I can't remember he killed the last
Speaker 5: dinosaur they were riding on one, and then.
Speaker 7: Adam did, yes, poor Eve, Yes, as a gift. And
Speaker 7: then he said, you have one less rib than me.
Speaker 7: Here's a bunch of t rex ribs to knock your
Speaker 7: car over. That's how much I love you, you fat ugly bitch.
Speaker 5: Yeah, now let's go to the movies.
Speaker 7: Megging, Bible style nagging.
Speaker 4: I love that you remembered. Is it mysterio? What's that
Speaker 4: guy's name?
Speaker 1: Mystery?
Speaker 4: Oh, just plain mystery.
Speaker 5: Well I met when I did that, and that's my
Speaker 5: I Every time I talk, I'm paranoid that I've said
Speaker 5: this before. I'll tell you, dude, you must I do
Speaker 5: I think there's been a few times where you people
Speaker 5: think you're pretending not to remember, but it's all fresh
Speaker 5: to you too.
Speaker 1: I think together our brains are declining, and.
Speaker 4: I don't have to pretend not to remember.
Speaker 7: So everyone can drop that concept immediately because I go
Speaker 7: full blank on things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not good, it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 7: But I also enjoy the telling because you are as mad.
Speaker 4: Every time you tell the.
Speaker 7: Scorpion in your boot story, you're asmad is the first
Speaker 7: time in asthmad is when it happened to you originally.
Speaker 1: Right right, because it's fun.
Speaker 5: I don't recall already getting it out of my system
Speaker 5: now it's still just boiling on the surface.
Speaker 4: It's entirely in your system.
Speaker 5: See, that's why I should use my declining brain with
Speaker 5: my acting.
Speaker 7: That's true. It's all passion. So you worked with Mysterio.
Speaker 5: Oh, mystery, Mysterio I suddenly he had a curly mustache.
Speaker 1: Mystery is the pickup.
Speaker 5: He was on a reality show where they would take
Speaker 5: nerdy men and be like, here's how UV mean to
Speaker 5: girls and trick them into not relationships having sex.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's the worst. That's the worst show ever.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and the people that made Reality Bites Back, this
Speaker 5: show that was a parody of different reality shows that
Speaker 5: you worked on. I was on it, and Amy Schumer's
Speaker 5: on it, and Kreischer and Theo Vonn and some other folks.
Speaker 4: All the young stars of tomorrow.
Speaker 5: It was yeah, but it was a show that was
Speaker 5: not People weren't ready to I don't know, have a
Speaker 5: mirror because it was very.
Speaker 1: Funny and they didn't want to bite back to MICHAELA
Speaker 1: and Black was very funny, okay on it?
Speaker 5: Sure, Yeah, it wasn't by that was a news parody show,
Speaker 5: Reality Bites Back.
Speaker 1: Or well, wait, that's the title you just said, dog
Speaker 1: bites Man. I'm sorry.
Speaker 5: I I think I'm gradually losing it. It is called
Speaker 5: really Bites Back. You were right, I was right, then
Speaker 5: I was wrong. Now I'm right again. The crew came
Speaker 5: and they were the next thing we're shooting in this
Speaker 5: house is this dating show. And I saw Mystery on
Speaker 5: an airplane and I said, hey, I just met all
Speaker 5: the people that you're starting to work with, and he's like,
Speaker 5: oh yeah, I met him yesterday too, And I was
Speaker 5: talking with him, but the whole time he was looking
Speaker 5: over my shoulder to people getting on the plane to
Speaker 5: see who he could.
Speaker 1: Have sex with. I could just tell it was this unhealthy, scary.
Speaker 4: Now was he an attractive person?
Speaker 5: No, he was a tall, skinny kind of smell like boo,
Speaker 5: like a rocker smell like this is unwashed leather.
Speaker 1: Oh, so, get a load of my pheromones.
Speaker 4: He's trying to do like a Jane's Addiction pickup scheme.
Speaker 1: He is a Jane's Addiction the guy.
Speaker 5: Okay, he's reeked of heroin and no odor, and Tenny
Speaker 5: had ski goggles on his head to peak cock It's
Speaker 5: really cocky.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 5: See, I'm gonna sound a little like one of them
Speaker 5: because I remember all the phrases.
Speaker 7: Well and also clearly you've been using them since you
Speaker 7: met hit this man on.
Speaker 1: I have not, and I never would.
Speaker 4: You are constantly goggled.
Speaker 5: All I do is get shut down by the fact
Speaker 5: that I'm nice until I get an outburst of anger.
Speaker 1: Now I have two speeds, nice and and raised.
Speaker 5: But he later on I found out he did indeed
Speaker 5: have sex with several women that worked on the in
Speaker 5: the crew of that show, like everyone did have sex
Speaker 5: with him.
Speaker 1: He is a hypnotist of ladies.
Speaker 7: Well, but here's I just would like to bring up
Speaker 7: this side, is that there are women who are also
Speaker 7: looking for.
Speaker 1: Sex, So then that that's just simplicity.
Speaker 7: That's like, that's why tinder works so well for some people,
Speaker 7: because it's like, yeah, let's do this.
Speaker 4: I don't give a shit. It's not it's not that hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I'm not putting that out there apparently.
Speaker 7: No, you know why you need a switchblade or something threatening? Yeah,
Speaker 7: you need to take care of business.
Speaker 1: What about this new mustache st even? Does it work
Speaker 1: for you? Is it like a switchblade with the ladies?
Speaker 4: Steven loves mustaches?
Speaker 1: Oh, I keep it packed every time. Yeah, we are
Speaker 1: really almost have the same model right now.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you guys are in the Mustache Club, the Mustache
Speaker 7: Club for men.
Speaker 5: I am the president, Adam, and I'm also a member,
Speaker 5: but I.
Speaker 1: Am yeah he was. That's how I'm at the mystery Man.
Speaker 7: It's funny because that era, which feels very late nineties
Speaker 7: early two thousands of pickup artists and or like the law,
Speaker 7: the forty eight Laws of Power, all that stuff where
Speaker 7: people wanted a shortcut to basically being awesome.
Speaker 4: Right where it's just like, yeah, I can't be awesome individually.
Speaker 4: So can you write a book and then I will.
Speaker 7: I will just kind of run down a series of
Speaker 7: behaviors and that will make me awesome. Yeah, it's like,
Speaker 7: let's start with a shower axe, body spray.
Speaker 1: Apparently not, No, we're supposed to.
Speaker 5: There's a lot of people that use this pheromone business
Speaker 5: and it's not I can't be tricked by it.
Speaker 1: No, well, body odor isn't my bag?
Speaker 4: Oh is that really what he's doing?
Speaker 1: Like you smell the animal carnal probrace.
Speaker 5: He was very skinky. Maybe I caught him on a
Speaker 5: bad day.
Speaker 7: Maybe he was nervous because he was about to have
Speaker 7: sex with all those stewardesses, and it confind space.
Speaker 5: He would not look me in the face. He was
Speaker 5: looking at all the people behind me.
Speaker 7: I mean that alone is like you can have all
Speaker 7: the sex you want, but like nobody wants to actually
Speaker 7: spend time with you when you're like that. I mean,
Speaker 7: how many people have you been with at Hollywood parties
Speaker 7: where they just stare past you to the good person
Speaker 7: that might be walking through the door.
Speaker 1: There are five names I could give right now that
Speaker 1: I won't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wouldn't and good and yes I.
Speaker 1: Know every one of those we are thinking of the
Speaker 1: same people.
Speaker 7: You should say it's us Steven edited out and then
Speaker 7: he can hold it over ahead.
Speaker 1: He feels like it like blackmail.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, He's like, I got those five names.
Speaker 1: Well I'm not going to say the names now. I'm
Speaker 1: going to drop those names.
Speaker 7: Fel through the day you ever booked double booked me?
Speaker 4: Right, Steven, You're very vindictive.
Speaker 1: Always.
Speaker 5: Every time I look back there he's rubbing his hands together. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I can't wait. We have a guest today. I can't
Speaker 5: believe I'm going to let it out of the bag.
Speaker 7: Season two, first guest of season two, first episode two,
Speaker 7: first season five years long.
Speaker 4: It's the first season.
Speaker 7: We were really working some shit out and now we've
Speaker 7: got it worked out and we're ready. We're just ready
Speaker 7: to execute, execute, execute.
Speaker 5: Yes, right, and it's going to be uh as smooth
Speaker 5: running as this has been this whole time.
Speaker 4: This conversation, or the entire.
Speaker 1: The whole season, the whole Zero Hitches season.
Speaker 7: Two has been and stellar. It's Emmy nominated already. Did
Speaker 7: you hear congratulations?
Speaker 1: Oh well no, I didn't hear. They're doing it means
Speaker 1: for podcast.
Speaker 7: Yeah, we won were nominated Podcast Emmy Best Original Dramatic Series.
Speaker 4: Congratulations, you have to stop driving. Everybody, you have to
Speaker 4: stop driving.
Speaker 1: D He isn't sorry.
Speaker 5: I like how you acted like you were going to
Speaker 5: go into his lane, though I liked it.
Speaker 1: Yes, I liked you.
Speaker 7: When people are doing things against the law, I threaten
Speaker 7: them with the car.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I just drive at them. Yeah, you should do
Speaker 5: that now that you don't have. Oh man, I saw
Speaker 5: a fit the other day of the car you used
Speaker 5: to have.
Speaker 1: Yes, do not like it. Don't have good memories with
Speaker 1: that car.
Speaker 4: No, it's not.
Speaker 1: It's well.
Speaker 7: I mean, I think Hondas make great cars, but that
Speaker 7: one specifically was filled with dog hare.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm a Honda man.
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course you are lifelong.
Speaker 5: But the fat no, and you're specifically riddled with dog
Speaker 5: hare that harmed his fault.
Speaker 7: And although they could have made it with the materials
Speaker 7: they made the car out of to keep the dog
Speaker 7: here not locked in place.
Speaker 5: And I'm not saying it's not a safe car. Most
Speaker 5: people know this from the first. It was the first
Speaker 5: thing we ever talked about. It is the first thing
Speaker 5: rear ended in another fit, and it according the car
Speaker 5: to where the back of the car became the back seat.
Speaker 5: So the back seat became the front seat, and I
Speaker 5: became the dashboard. And then the jockey box. I'm someone's
Speaker 5: gramp who cossed that.
Speaker 4: It's you and you're dead.
Speaker 1: What is it called.
Speaker 4: It's a jockey back.
Speaker 1: It's a glove compartment.
Speaker 5: Glove compartment, that's where you keep your gloves, not your
Speaker 5: tiny horse riding pants. The glove box opened up, and
Speaker 5: right when I got hit, it flew open. A pen
Speaker 5: flew out, and then not that I saw it in
Speaker 5: slow motion, but when we hit the car in front
Speaker 5: of us, it stuck into the air conditioning scent thing yep,
Speaker 5: and my head whipped down and the pen was just
Speaker 5: sticking out, and that was the first thing I noticed.
Speaker 5: It's how close I was to having a peen goo
Speaker 5: in my eye if not be killed. Oh this lady, Oh,
Speaker 5: she created her own lane and she's old and I
Speaker 5: feel sad.
Speaker 7: She's you know what, she's the most successful person in Hollywood.
Speaker 1: Can do spirit. She lives at the top of a
Speaker 1: tower gable.
Speaker 7: Oh my god, this is my favorite. So we were
Speaker 7: long ago for my favorite murder. We had to do
Speaker 7: a Halloween show and so in the Baskets writer's room,
Speaker 7: where I worked for last season. Somebody said, oh, what
Speaker 7: about that story about that death in the Hollywood Towers
Speaker 7: And I was like, what.
Speaker 4: Hollywood Towers is a very famous apartment building.
Speaker 1: It's here in La. We just drove by it. We
Speaker 1: did it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's back there now we're by the celebrity centers. O.
Speaker 1: Scary.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but scary, isn't it smoking.
Speaker 5: That's the most sinister building ever. Of course they abuse
Speaker 5: you mentally.
Speaker 7: It's the architecture, it is the Frankenstein's House, it's Frocktstein.
Speaker 1: I never noticed how scary it was. Sorry, no, no, no.
Speaker 7: So somebody said, what did you ever hear about those
Speaker 7: deaths in the Hollywood Tower And I was like, no,
Speaker 7: please tell me everything. And they were like, yeah, apparently
Speaker 7: the elevator. There's a bunch of people in the elevator
Speaker 7: and it got struck by lightning and dropped. And I
Speaker 7: was like, this is incredible. And then the next day
Speaker 7: at worked they go, I'm sorry, that's the story to
Speaker 7: Tower of Terror at calcun Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I've been on that ride.
Speaker 4: They told me the plot of a ride.
Speaker 7: Oh that's great, they thought they were like, I just
Speaker 7: remembered it as a true crime story.
Speaker 5: I'm so sorry, it's so what was there ever haunting
Speaker 5: at the Hollywood Towers?
Speaker 1: Well, that's so funny.
Speaker 7: They entirely remembered a ride at Disneyland and as being
Speaker 7: a true crime story.
Speaker 1: And in real life they just there was black mold
Speaker 1: or something had to tear down.
Speaker 7: Yes, that just kind of quietly killed people. They can't
Speaker 7: really trace it back.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's so funny.
Speaker 5: I as I was so excited to say that's also
Speaker 5: what happens on the ride.
Speaker 1: And what a weird.
Speaker 5: No, total have to write those rides. I knew a guy,
Speaker 5: Jerry Reese. He wrote a Brave Little Toaster and he
Speaker 5: designed concepts for Disney rides.
Speaker 1: That's cool.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was like one of his jobs. He was
Speaker 5: a nice he's still a nice man. But I haven't
Speaker 5: seen him for a while.
Speaker 4: Well, if you haven't seen him, he's probably an asshole now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, everyone changes. Probably doesn't even have a ponytail anymore.
Speaker 1: What a prick?
Speaker 4: What a sellout?
Speaker 1: No, he wanted to write.
Speaker 5: He liked Howard Kramer and I and he wanted to
Speaker 5: do an animated thing when I worked for Fuel TV.
Speaker 5: Oh nice, and he made like a concept of animation
Speaker 5: where it was like on a live action wall, like
Speaker 5: the graffiti came to life at night.
Speaker 1: And he and I were both artists that worked in
Speaker 1: a bar. Yeah, and then.
Speaker 5: It was pitched to like Comedy Central, and they said,
Speaker 5: we love it, we're doing it, but we don't have
Speaker 5: any money to pay the artists. And I'm like, of course,
Speaker 5: well why no, it's his whole idea.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and your Comedy Central, you have lots of money.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 1: They we didn't end up doing it. They would not
Speaker 1: they would not budge.
Speaker 4: Well, they're good people over there.
Speaker 5: This was That's what's important. So I don't even know
Speaker 5: these people don't even work there anymore. It was back
Speaker 5: when it was Adam Films. Don't get me started at.
Speaker 7: One when it had little Little Jimmy the Pimp, which
Speaker 7: was that used to infuriate me so much.
Speaker 1: Jimmy the Pimp, remember that.
Speaker 7: It was like a child pimp cartoon that like white
Speaker 7: boys thought was the funniest thing of all time.
Speaker 1: Oh god, this white boy comedy. Was it gonna stop
Speaker 1: never being enjoyable to me? Being my favorite kind of
Speaker 1: comedy see that's the kind of timing. It is amazing.
Speaker 1: We talked about it earlier, but I've been acting, you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have an audition today actually for what that
Speaker 5: must that's some kind of cat food?
Speaker 1: Why ruined the line already? I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: for cat food?
Speaker 7: Do you say the line with a mouthful of cat food?
Speaker 5: I did a spitta, except the gross kind that's actually spit.
Speaker 1: Yes, it wasn't my coffee. I just spit on your car.
Speaker 7: The whole mouthful of spit is the ultimate compliment, and
Speaker 7: it sells products.
Speaker 5: That's what I'm gonna do, no matter what it is.
Speaker 1: No, it's Farrell's Fargo. Nice. But I don't know what
Speaker 1: I have to do.
Speaker 5: But I'm telling you, I grow this mustache and all
Speaker 5: of a sudden, it's like, now that guy is a character.
Speaker 7: Yeah, people go, oh, I can see it now, I
Speaker 7: can see what he's all about.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I don't. I don't during the day. I
Speaker 5: don't like walking around with it. I wear ski mask.
Speaker 4: You really have to stay away from children, now, Yeah.
Speaker 5: No, it's true. I can tell that people think I'm
Speaker 5: a little weird. Well that's a pretty building.
Speaker 7: I know.
Speaker 4: It's not cool.
Speaker 1: So where Matt lives now, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't think so, because I'm driving past.
Speaker 5: We're picking up mac ingebrets, and I'm going to go
Speaker 5: ahead and say it.
Speaker 1: Do it.
Speaker 5: It would have been And I mean, it doesn't have
Speaker 5: to be a grand reveal.
Speaker 1: It can be a gradual reveal.
Speaker 5: It can be a depressing reveal that he has a
Speaker 5: show on Comedy Central called Corporate.
Speaker 1: It's very funny. He's very funny. He's very tall.
Speaker 4: He's very tall, and he loves to commandeer this show,
Speaker 4: which we love.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, yeah, we might be getting interviewed if he's
Speaker 5: still has the same style.
Speaker 6: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Has his style change.
Speaker 7: He may have changed since Corporate has become such a success.
Speaker 1: So Karen's text seeing him now, I'll try not to interrupt.
Speaker 4: Yeah, please be quiet while I text.
Speaker 1: This isn't nice. This isn't where he lived before. I
Speaker 1: don't think. No, he's moved.
Speaker 7: This is the third place he's lived in as many years.
Speaker 7: I'm sick of this nomadic lifestyle that he's living. Yeah,
Speaker 7: well this is I mean, it is nicer. If I
Speaker 7: ever get a show, I'm going to move into a
Speaker 7: nicer neighborhood too.
Speaker 1: I guess that's just how things go.
Speaker 7: Yeah, let's make a plan that you that you move
Speaker 7: out of your shit neighborhood when.
Speaker 1: You hit it.
Speaker 5: Marina Delrez's very nice. It's just where most people go
Speaker 5: to retire. I don't wake up with that get up
Speaker 5: and go pep that I would here in this neighborhood.
Speaker 4: That's right with the young hip people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, these people are moving and shaking, all right.
Speaker 4: So the text has been sent and now it's just
Speaker 4: a waiting.
Speaker 1: It's just a matter of the retrieval and reading of.
Speaker 7: It and understanding, yes, the concept.
Speaker 1: And then follow through.
Speaker 5: That's really important that he walk out of the building,
Speaker 5: and also.
Speaker 7: Maybe me double checking that I did come to the
Speaker 7: correct place. Oh yes, so he just wrote back coming.
Speaker 7: Oh great, this is all working out so cute nineteen. Sorry,
Speaker 7: it's ahead of us a little bit, a bit according
Speaker 7: to this map.
Speaker 1: It's not him, that's not him, it's another young happening.
Speaker 6: Dude.
Speaker 4: Oh, I think it's behind us now, Oh, I don't
Speaker 4: get it.
Speaker 1: It's okay, he'll find us on the hazard its idea.
Speaker 5: Yeah, where are your hazards? You haven't see You don't
Speaker 5: need them. Because this car never breaks down.
Speaker 4: That's true. This car rules.
Speaker 1: It really does rule the school.
Speaker 5: When I get to make it big with my TV show,
Speaker 5: I going to get a car like this.
Speaker 1: I'm going to live a street a lot like this.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna wear shirts like the one I'm wearing.
Speaker 7: You're gonna do everything just like the people around you are.
Speaker 5: We're going to change so much good you wear suits.
Speaker 5: I'm going to have an affected accent. I'm going to
Speaker 5: visit a country for just a couple of weeks and
Speaker 5: then have that accent forever.
Speaker 4: Yes, this is just.
Speaker 7: Like me every year school year, when I would start
Speaker 7: school and go this year, I'm going to be shy. Yep,
Speaker 7: and it would never work. Now that's probably the sixth
Speaker 7: time I've said that on this point.
Speaker 5: No, I really, I know that we've talked about how
Speaker 5: I shy people used to exist.
Speaker 1: And I miss them.
Speaker 5: Yes, because now it's just a bunch of confident babies
Speaker 5: like you're they're just born.
Speaker 1: I can do anything.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's the parenting. Where's the Yeah, they don't really
Speaker 7: do abuse anymore that.
Speaker 1: They used to.
Speaker 5: What happened to the kids who lived in fear and they
Speaker 5: didn't know what they were scared of. Like me, I
Speaker 5: think it makes for a nice person every day. Oh,
Speaker 5: a lot of people. Last time I was talking about
Speaker 5: how I would hear voices and tunnel vision, and a
Speaker 5: lot of people upset.
Speaker 6: I had the same thing.
Speaker 1: Oh well that's amazing.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Here's Matt, Oh, Matt ingebretsen coming in.
Speaker 1: Right next to the garbage.
Speaker 7: Hi.
Speaker 1: Hi, we we thought we'd have you enter right by
Speaker 1: the trash here.
Speaker 4: You like garbage, right, Matt?
Speaker 1: Do you know Stephen the Oscar of comedy?
Speaker 4: Please don't fight guys, Seriously.
Speaker 1: You get Stephen. You guys know each other and get along, right, Matt?
Speaker 1: Do you want a black coffee? Uh? Because you have?
Speaker 6: I do.
Speaker 4: We did right by you this time.
Speaker 1: Karen's real good at gifts. I knew just what to
Speaker 1: get you recording. Yeah we are. Yeah, can't you.
Speaker 4: Tell by how fake we're acting?
Speaker 6: Why are you guys acting like this?
Speaker 1: I can't stop smiling.
Speaker 6: Stephen's touching me, yea, touch me, and I screamed.
Speaker 1: Touch me? Oh do we have?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yes, of course. I almost to be.
Speaker 6: Holding a coffee the whole But it works out perfectly.
Speaker 7: This is a beautiful neighborhood and I'm going to show
Speaker 7: you where I used to live.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, really, you you this neighborhood. I was in
Speaker 1: this neighborhood.
Speaker 7: We lived in this house right here when I was
Speaker 7: on Speed in the nineties, and we had parties that
Speaker 7: were so loud and insane that the people who lived
Speaker 7: in this house here moved.
Speaker 6: Away when I was on Speed.
Speaker 7: This we lived that one right there, okay, and it
Speaker 7: was a disaster. My friend Dave Messmer and my other
Speaker 7: friend Maliva Barbula, and.
Speaker 4: We just drank.
Speaker 7: This was when I decided I was going to take
Speaker 7: speed so I can be thin enough to audition for
Speaker 7: TV shows. But then I drank my weight and beer
Speaker 7: every night, so it was just a kind of counteractive.
Speaker 7: It didn't totally work, and I never slept, and I
Speaker 7: would get up in the morning and just start fucking.
Speaker 7: I start smoking and rolling calls, making plans of like
Speaker 7: we're all meeting for lunch at this place, we're all
Speaker 7: doing this show tonight, and then we're going to meet
Speaker 7: at this bar.
Speaker 4: And that's all I did.
Speaker 8: I was like, Wow, like a personal assistant for your
Speaker 8: party friends.
Speaker 6: I'm so glad I know you at this point in
Speaker 6: your life.
Speaker 7: I yelled, slightly less than I used to, but only
Speaker 7: a little bit.
Speaker 1: It was nuts.
Speaker 6: What have you guys been talking about since she got
Speaker 6: in the car?
Speaker 4: Chris audition?
Speaker 1: Chris has been on Chris not about a retail but
Speaker 1: now format.
Speaker 5: I yeah, yeah, I've I think I need to take
Speaker 5: an acting class because there isn't I don't know how
Speaker 5: I have done until months later when you get to
Speaker 5: see it, and then it washes over me that I'm
Speaker 5: not terrible, but I feel like I do. I can
Speaker 5: be terrible, but I don't know. So I need to
Speaker 5: take an acting class and learn how to do.
Speaker 7: This now, Matt when you Matt is one of the
Speaker 7: stars and creators of the Comedy Central series Corporate hit series.
Speaker 6: Right, yeah, that's right serious?
Speaker 7: Ye did that happen to you when you started on Corporate? Like,
Speaker 7: did you ever have that performance anxiety of I don't
Speaker 7: know what I'm doing?
Speaker 6: Ye know?
Speaker 8: I have the blind confidence of a tall white man. Okay,
Speaker 8: so no, it definitely did. Especially when we made the pilot.
Speaker 8: Jake and I were both like, well, we're frauds, so
Speaker 8: we need to really work hard at this until we
Speaker 8: get it right. So I don't know, I think stand
Speaker 8: up helps a lot, though. I think you're like with
Speaker 8: your confidence, but it's not so.
Speaker 5: Much the confidence that I'm worried about. I really think
Speaker 5: there are techniquey things to this. That is the reason
Speaker 5: people go to schools like Steppenwolf and Juilliard or whatever. Like,
Speaker 5: it's not just about being confident. I know that I
Speaker 5: don't know what I'm doing. Did you take classes?
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 8: The best piece of advice I ever got from Adam Lustick,
Speaker 8: who's also in the show Incredible Actor, and that is
Speaker 8: that all he went to NYU to school whatever it is,
Speaker 8: to like dramatic school, and he said the only thing
Speaker 8: he learned was that the only thing to be good
Speaker 8: at acting is to like not be self conscious while
Speaker 8: on camera. If you can like remove all of that,
Speaker 8: you're doing a plus work. Yeah, he said, he just
Speaker 8: learned breathing exercises and they did yoga in acting classes.
Speaker 6: So I don't think you learned anything interesting.
Speaker 7: I took acting classes and I was a theater major,
Speaker 7: but I never connected the fact that the reason we
Speaker 7: were doing these incredibly irritating exercises was to relax me
Speaker 7: for performance.
Speaker 1: I was always just like, Oh, here's this stupid shit.
Speaker 7: Where we have to pretend we're walking through honey, and
Speaker 7: it would make me so mad and I wouldn't kind
Speaker 7: of pay attention.
Speaker 4: And then when we would go to perform, I'd be
Speaker 4: like to get through this.
Speaker 6: And I never am on speed walking through honey.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just saying it out loud.
Speaker 7: It was harder for me than other people because I
Speaker 7: was on speed walking through honey.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why am I?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I feel like quicksand is always some sort of exercise
Speaker 5: pretending you're in quicksand, or maybe that's just a game
Speaker 5: I used to.
Speaker 8: I know for the listeners, Karen just honked and someone
Speaker 8: taking a left turn, and she was justified in doing so,
Speaker 8: but it was aggressive, But was I.
Speaker 7: Because they were waiting for a person who was running
Speaker 7: the light. So I think I actually was in the wrong.
Speaker 8: Okay, addendum Karen was and deserves no pity.
Speaker 6: Beware of Karen.
Speaker 7: Up.
Speaker 4: I deserve it online.
Speaker 1: The thing that happened the other day was I started
Speaker 1: to get nervous.
Speaker 5: I'm like, they all think I'm a fraud, and I
Speaker 5: started sweating, and then it totally helped because the scene
Speaker 5: was me breaking up with someone, and that is also
Speaker 5: when you get nervous and would start sweating, and I
Speaker 5: was like, oh.
Speaker 1: This is working out perfect. My self awareness just bailed
Speaker 1: me out.
Speaker 8: You just need to play parts where the person is
Speaker 8: nervous and sweaty.
Speaker 1: Yes, if I could just corner that market.
Speaker 8: The dumbest audition I ever did was for a Taco
Speaker 8: bell commercial and the premise of it was that you
Speaker 8: were like, you had to make a tiny taco. So
Speaker 8: during the audition I had to mine I get that.
Speaker 1: You did get that audition?
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I did not. I'm creating a tiny taco.
Speaker 8: And just halfway through creating it, I just looked up
Speaker 8: and was like, I'm sorry, I can't do this.
Speaker 7: That happened all the time where I would go in
Speaker 7: and it would be like commercial for like a bank,
Speaker 7: and they'd be like, so, basically, there's a line here,
Speaker 7: and you're just gonna go down and like rip the
Speaker 7: people as they're standing in line.
Speaker 4: So just picture the people.
Speaker 7: There's no line of people, so you just had to
Speaker 7: improvise insulting people who weren't there. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 7: it sounds good, and then I went to the beginning
Speaker 7: so to do that and then start the copy and
Speaker 7: so I started, and I was like, nice shirt t
Speaker 7: the America Trade or whatever the thing was, and went
Speaker 7: straight to the coffe because I was like, what are.
Speaker 1: You talking about? How you?
Speaker 7: So I use my imagination to improvise a bunch of
Speaker 7: insults that can't be funny because you can't see what
Speaker 7: I'm imagining.
Speaker 5: You can't see that the invisible person does not indeed
Speaker 5: have a nice shirt.
Speaker 6: It's a stupid show. That's what's funny.
Speaker 7: You're picturing that they have a beautiful shirt on, and
Speaker 7: so the comedy won't ever land.
Speaker 4: I hate auditioning so much so.
Speaker 5: That I forget because I vividly remember it was like
Speaker 5: two years ago.
Speaker 1: What happens to the tiny taco? I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't to do with a mouse?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Is there a mouse eating it?
Speaker 4: Were they serving mice a taco bell?
Speaker 5: Because like, well, you guys all know in this car
Speaker 5: that I do like miniatures, like dollhouse or otherwise.
Speaker 4: But I didn't know that, certainly didn't know that I love.
Speaker 1: When I was a kid, I wanted a doll house.
Speaker 5: What I really wanted a dollhouse just for the tiny
Speaker 5: toasters and little chairs, and like the I like miniatures.
Speaker 8: I mean now that you're saying this, this does make
Speaker 8: sense based on what I know about you, But I
Speaker 8: did not know this.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is.
Speaker 5: It is a cooler And I follow on Instagram a
Speaker 5: lot of mini Like there's guys that make just the
Speaker 5: frontage of a subway, you know, entrance and buildings. And
Speaker 5: so I think my dad was scared that I wanted
Speaker 5: to start playing with dolls.
Speaker 1: It's scary and yeah, yeah, god forbid. That was a
Speaker 1: big fear in the eighties that your son would just
Speaker 1: be like.
Speaker 6: You better buy him a gun.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: They called it doll panic, doll panic of the eighties.
Speaker 5: So he had me doing pushups and then but we
Speaker 5: made like a Wild West store facade and that had
Speaker 5: miniatures and it really fulfilled that desire.
Speaker 7: We never finished and yet, but while at the same
Speaker 7: time being insanely manly.
Speaker 1: Right yeah, yeah, he had me smoking cigars.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, now, Matt, what's the thing we don't know
Speaker 7: about you?
Speaker 1: Miniature style? Yeah, yeah, that you're into that other people
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but it has to be miniature.
Speaker 5: No, No, it's just that style.
Speaker 1: Oh, this is so hard. It's a secret.
Speaker 4: What don't we know about you? It's a secret.
Speaker 7: But it's very light secret, like the miniatures. We don't
Speaker 7: want to get into your bullshit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you don't need to bring your bullshit to
Speaker 1: the table.
Speaker 6: I was going to bring my bullshit. So I'm glad
Speaker 6: you said soth.
Speaker 8: Okay, I did just read This might not count be
Speaker 8: exactly what you're talking about, but I did just read
Speaker 8: the book Dune.
Speaker 6: You guys ever heard of the book Dune.
Speaker 1: Sure.
Speaker 8: I've had mixed feelings about it, and I don't really
Speaker 8: know why I read it. I felt like a book
Speaker 8: I should read, or it seemed like a I don't
Speaker 8: really get nerd culture, I guess, or like kind of
Speaker 8: like sci fi obsession. Sure, but I was like, maybe
Speaker 8: if I read this it will it will help me.
Speaker 4: And did the spe help you?
Speaker 6: You know about the spice? Sure?
Speaker 8: Okay, yeah, no it did not help me, but I
Speaker 8: did it. I enjoyed it well enough, But I was like,
Speaker 8: I don't know why people are talking about this book
Speaker 8: so much. It's just like different Star Wars.
Speaker 1: It was a yeah, it was a storyline in togetherness.
Speaker 5: They were going to do a Dune musical for kids, right,
Speaker 5: oh yeah, yeah, something to do, and I sort of
Speaker 5: wanted to read it after that too, because there are
Speaker 5: a lot of people that What's Togetherness?
Speaker 1: That show that was great on HBO.
Speaker 6: They do plast Brothers show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 5: A lot of the same people that are making that
Speaker 5: Single Parents show.
Speaker 7: It's just you were making a reference as if you
Speaker 7: were saying, like this very well known thing, and when
Speaker 7: that happens and I don't know the thing, I can,
Speaker 7: I get really upset.
Speaker 5: No, it's okay, And I tend to just make references
Speaker 5: to things that are specific and just assume that everyone
Speaker 5: knows what they are.
Speaker 1: So, boy, what a combed room together? I'm diving into
Speaker 1: traffic now, Yeah, dude, what is it? A big book?
Speaker 6: I'm in?
Speaker 8: Oh, it's a big book, A big boy book for
Speaker 8: big boys and girls.
Speaker 1: Are you a big proud boy?
Speaker 4: Mostly boys?
Speaker 8: Yeah, most serious, seriously, mostly boys. They don't treat women great.
Speaker 4: And girls actually hate books like that.
Speaker 1: Does the book have Do worms go in someone's nose?
Speaker 6: No? There, but they're too big to fit in the nose.
Speaker 1: Okay, they're like worms. Okay, that's right. Kevin Bakers.
Speaker 6: Wait, Karen, why do you know about this stuff? Did
Speaker 6: you see the movie?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm one of those girls that knows boy things, Oh, Karen, as.
Speaker 5: You have to know it to survive a woman who
Speaker 5: focuses on boy things.
Speaker 8: Are just one of the many books you read on
Speaker 8: speed in the night you were got.
Speaker 1: It, spe I got everything good? Moving on?
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 7: Actually there's a so that director. I watched this documentary
Speaker 7: one day by accident. This can be my piece of trivia.
Speaker 7: It's not that good, but it's a Judgerowski.
Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, I haven't seen that, but it's on my list.
Speaker 1: It's so good.
Speaker 7: So he wanted to direct Dune, Yes, And it's all
Speaker 7: about the work he put into the like basically what
Speaker 7: he was going to do to be the director of Dune.
Speaker 1: Yes, And he had H. R.
Speaker 4: Geiger. Is that his name s? H. G.
Speaker 1: Geiger. Yeah, he does does very technical air brush. He
Speaker 1: designed Alien.
Speaker 7: He's the Alien guy, and he's like an amazing uh
Speaker 7: Art director.
Speaker 4: Would that be what he is?
Speaker 7: So that guy had all the all, he had a
Speaker 7: whole book that was going to be the Dune movie,
Speaker 7: and just all the studios were like, we just don't
Speaker 7: this looks crazy. We can't Yeah, we don't believe in it.
Speaker 7: And then like a year later they did Star Wars.
Speaker 7: So it was like he was he's always been this visionary.
Speaker 7: But in that documentary there's a thing he goes into
Speaker 7: talking about how fucked Hollywood is for true artists get
Speaker 7: sucked in Hollywood.
Speaker 4: Yes, and it is the speech.
Speaker 7: While I was watching the documentary, I started taking pictures
Speaker 7: of the screen grabs of things he was saying and
Speaker 7: posting them on Twitter like a lunatic because it was
Speaker 7: all this like.
Speaker 4: This money, this, Jody money that whatever. Where I was like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, this is it. Nothing good exists in entertainment.
Speaker 8: Have you ever seen the documentary Burden of Dreams about
Speaker 8: Werner hertzog No his attempt to a movie that I
Speaker 8: think eventually came out. But it was a movie that
Speaker 8: was shot in the like a jungle in South America
Speaker 8: where people died in the production.
Speaker 7: Yes, it was Fitzgaraldo.
Speaker 6: Yeah that's right.
Speaker 8: Uh huh ye, which is insane because once you've made anything,
Speaker 8: you're like, if somebody died while we while we made
Speaker 8: a fucking movie or TV show, we should all go
Speaker 8: to hell.
Speaker 5: Yes, the insanity of that movie, roar that, it's I
Speaker 5: don't think the original movement one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's insanity.
Speaker 5: Have you seen that this movie with all these wild
Speaker 5: tigers in it and people on camera getting attacked by tiger.
Speaker 1: Melanie Griffith.
Speaker 7: Yes, yes, Melanie Griffiths, so it Yes, because they're her
Speaker 7: mom's tigers, right, Yes, it's that thing.
Speaker 4: Because we watched the trailer for it.
Speaker 7: We went down a rabbit hole in the baskets room
Speaker 7: one day about how Tippy Hedron and it's Tippy Headron
Speaker 7: her mom and they kept lions at their fucking house
Speaker 7: in like Sherman Oaks, and they had a bunch and
Speaker 7: there was one picture where a lion just has Melanie Griffith,
Speaker 7: I think is in the pool and she just the
Speaker 7: lion has its whole mouth around her head.
Speaker 1: Yes, oh my god, I've seen that picture.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 8: I saw that movie in a theater, like a packed theater,
Speaker 8: and it was one of the craziest experiences I've ever
Speaker 8: had because people are freaking.
Speaker 6: It's so scary what you're watching.
Speaker 5: So Tippy Hendron is a decent actor if she had
Speaker 5: to pretend then to be scared of birds. I live
Speaker 5: with lions voluntarily.
Speaker 1: They are my lines. Oh no, birds are flowing, you
Speaker 1: mean they're gonna pack me with their little beak.
Speaker 5: I've had my head in Hawaiian's mouth and she's just
Speaker 5: holding a whip standing on a stool.
Speaker 1: I do it.
Speaker 8: All birds are scary, though, I was just at the
Speaker 8: I was in Hawaii. Guys, by the way island Kawai
Speaker 8: the best.
Speaker 1: I always asked that, and then I don't know anything about.
Speaker 4: The islands is where I went last or for this
Speaker 4: past fourth of July?
Speaker 1: My favorite incredible.
Speaker 5: Yeah, when someone says the Big One, what they mean
Speaker 5: may Hawaii itself?
Speaker 1: Just say Hawaii.
Speaker 7: It's they're trying to make you feel bad because you
Speaker 7: don't have as much money.
Speaker 1: I knew it.
Speaker 5: Thank you for saying that every time someone, even right now,
Speaker 5: Matt's trying to make me feel good.
Speaker 6: Yeah, the Big Island is extra expensive.
Speaker 1: What did you do there? It's hard to get a
Speaker 1: hotel there?
Speaker 8: Almost nothing, truly almost nothing. There's very little to do
Speaker 8: other than just like eat and drink and lie on
Speaker 8: the beach.
Speaker 7: Sure did you go to that bar where they have
Speaker 7: pizza and serve the strongest my ties? Right?
Speaker 8: The shaky Yeah, that's right, they got a Shaky's.
Speaker 1: Just for the people at home.
Speaker 4: Christ did a comedy sip after he said Shaky's.
Speaker 7: He leaned over to his drink. He didn't bring the
Speaker 7: drink to his mouth and then sipped.
Speaker 1: Like that was the best job. No, it's just people
Speaker 1: are laughing. I can have some of my alcohol.
Speaker 8: And that bar was used in the movie The Descendants. Yes,
Speaker 8: and they had the movie The Descendants at the airbnb
Speaker 8: I was staying at and we watched it and it
Speaker 8: felt like a really lame thing to do.
Speaker 1: Haw Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah when my sister, So we have family friends that
Speaker 7: have a house in Kawhi that they rent.
Speaker 4: But then everybody also goes to a lot. So then
Speaker 4: do it friend, do it?
Speaker 6: Make?
Speaker 4: This was just oh, I see he was helping his
Speaker 4: other friend.
Speaker 1: Happened again. We were getting mad at someone being courteous.
Speaker 1: That's right, God, motherfucker, he should have run it.
Speaker 7: That guy like he's an asshole, and he's been an
Speaker 7: asshole the whole time.
Speaker 1: I wish people we need to have cameras.
Speaker 6: This should be lost.
Speaker 1: We're just driving down Western. It shouldn't be that big
Speaker 1: of a deal.
Speaker 7: That guy's been mad at me for not running about
Speaker 7: four different lights the entire time, and it looked a
Speaker 7: lot like Jake Fogelnest I might confront him on Twitter later.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's.
Speaker 4: What is the name of that bar again?
Speaker 1: Can you remember? Knew?
Speaker 7: Yeah, so my sister and Adrian and all of their
Speaker 7: friends that were there for it was somebody's birthday and
Speaker 7: everybody was there.
Speaker 4: It was like two months ago.
Speaker 7: They went to that bar, and they would go to
Speaker 7: that bar like every day or every night, depending because
Speaker 7: it's kind of the only game in town, essentially, unless
Speaker 7: you want to go to Happy Talk, which is also awesome.
Speaker 1: Did you go to that one Happy Talk?
Speaker 4: It's the bar in the Tell that's right there.
Speaker 5: On the Oh, are you ready to joust a ambulance ambulance?
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh, he just pulled right over. I guess.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're just getting some coffee.
Speaker 1: Sometimes that bothers me when I'm not of course.
Speaker 8: Uh you know, ambulance is a father no, no firemen
Speaker 8: or that's a fire truck.
Speaker 1: It's red. They're there, they're heroes.
Speaker 6: But a lot of times they bother me.
Speaker 1: It's like, I get it. I can hear you.
Speaker 5: A lot of times. And in that case, I think
Speaker 5: there was a first response reason. But sometimes the sirens
Speaker 5: go off and they're just picking up some lunch.
Speaker 1: Sure, you know what I mean. Oh, they take advantage.
Speaker 7: My dad actually came down the first time I hosted
Speaker 7: the The Like showcase night at the Improve in San Francisco.
Speaker 7: My dad was a fireman in Chinatown at Station two,
Speaker 7: and so they came down and pretended they were there
Speaker 7: to check the fire safety and then they all just
Speaker 7: stood in the back of the room and watched me help.
Speaker 4: All in full uniform with the truck park double parked
Speaker 4: out front.
Speaker 1: That's that's just a story about you having a good dad.
Speaker 6: Right, how'd you do?
Speaker 1: Yeah, how'd you eat it?
Speaker 4: I killed every time. I'm always always killed.
Speaker 1: She did, she killed? She killed so hard they were
Speaker 1: glad the firemen were there.
Speaker 8: Do you hear CPR you're taggling? Should be Karen the
Speaker 8: perfect comedian.
Speaker 7: Rarely doesn't kill. And then it turns out I don't
Speaker 7: know what kill means. So to the last time they
Speaker 7: were in at Kawai, they went to Tahiti Nui and
Speaker 7: there was this guy, Yes, and he was partying with
Speaker 7: them and he was buying them my ties, and everyone
Speaker 7: was having a great time. And at one point he
Speaker 7: told either my sister or her friend Adrian, he was
Speaker 7: the king of the island. And they're like sounds great,
Speaker 7: and he's like we're just like okay, buddy, I'll buy.
Speaker 6: You a beer.
Speaker 1: Whatever.
Speaker 7: It turned out he was the king of the island.
Speaker 7: What like they looked it up on Facebook and he's
Speaker 7: the King of.
Speaker 1: Kawhi in conjunction with the government.
Speaker 7: Yeah, he's the official, like he is the you know
Speaker 7: thirtieth you know in the in the line to the
Speaker 7: throne or whatever.
Speaker 4: He's he's the king. And he actually had a sidekick
Speaker 4: guy with him that.
Speaker 7: Was like taking care of business, and like at one
Speaker 7: point he asked one of them to dance and then
Speaker 7: the sidekick is like, yeah, go dance with the king.
Speaker 4: And they're like, I better go dance with the king.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Wow, isn't that the best?
Speaker 1: I really? I wonder what duties he has as a king.
Speaker 4: Well, he has to party, Yeah, he has to.
Speaker 1: Wear Hawaiian shared.
Speaker 8: What's funny about Hawaii is I had gone once before,
Speaker 8: but just for a couple of days, and but going
Speaker 8: this time' gonna just reminded me. It's exactly what you
Speaker 8: think it is, like everything they've said, and like the music,
Speaker 8: Like we got off the plane and we're literally hearing
Speaker 8: the ukulele version of somewhere over the rainbow.
Speaker 1: It's a little bit.
Speaker 6: Like, maybe change it up a little bit.
Speaker 7: Sometimes there just needs to be more songs recorded by
Speaker 7: that guy, because he only did the watch.
Speaker 5: I can't remember that is a specific that's a hit
Speaker 5: song that that cover that was big for Hawaiian ukulele.
Speaker 4: It's nice.
Speaker 1: I can't remember his name. My dad would know.
Speaker 6: Christy played instrument.
Speaker 5: I played trombone for a while and I picked up
Speaker 5: a rusty one the other day and I just couldn't
Speaker 5: even make it blow.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to.
Speaker 6: Playing a sex joke, a terrible sex joke.
Speaker 5: I picked one up and I couldn't even make it
Speaker 5: make a sound.
Speaker 1: You weren't joking.
Speaker 5: There's like I played it for four years and the
Speaker 5: other day I blew on it and just went like
Speaker 5: it wouldn't even I didn't know how to do it anymore.
Speaker 5: What a waste of time? That was my trombone? Yours
Speaker 5: were real.
Speaker 7: I mean just the word trombone sounds insand and this
Speaker 7: one was indeed rusty.
Speaker 1: I knew when I said it it was kind of
Speaker 1: a sex joke, but it was a rusty. It was
Speaker 1: just that your luck that you found a Rusty my
Speaker 1: friend Sanchez. He needed about He's dirty trombone. Are you
Speaker 1: enjoying any of this?
Speaker 6: Matt? Every moment I just.
Speaker 1: Smiling.
Speaker 6: Who had this podcast? Is? I can't? So we can't
Speaker 6: look at each other.
Speaker 4: Christ That's okay, It's why I like it.
Speaker 8: I'm not even looking at the back of your head.
Speaker 8: I'm looking at a headrest. I see any part of it?
Speaker 5: Did I put the little googly eyes like the kind
Speaker 5: that de face statues?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Karen? Do you play guitar much or have you? Are
Speaker 6: you still playing? Do you pick it up?
Speaker 7: I haven't played in a while, so every once in
Speaker 7: a while I will. But it doesn't ever sound good to me.
Speaker 7: And I think I did it when I was a
Speaker 7: guitar comic. It's such shame about it that I think
Speaker 7: I ruined it a little bit for myself, Like I
Speaker 7: did it for too long past the time I wanted.
Speaker 4: To do it, I see, because it's too lazy to
Speaker 4: actually write an act, and so then I just turned it.
Speaker 4: I turned it on myself.
Speaker 8: That is an unfair way to categorize what you do,
Speaker 8: because because what you did is incredibly funny and so good. Yeah,
Speaker 8: you're writing it off yeah, I'm calling bull.
Speaker 5: Also, yeah, and you're good at guitar, and you got
Speaker 5: to start a rock band and let me at least.
Speaker 6: That's a rusty trombone.
Speaker 1: I swear I'll practice. Do you play an instrument now?
Speaker 8: I played drums and percussion growing up, But I kind
Speaker 8: of let it slide. Music is fucking hard. You gotta
Speaker 8: do it every day or it falls away very quick.
Speaker 6: There.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's everything almost but you.
Speaker 7: But also if you're in a band, you have to
Speaker 7: be writing songs that justify you doing it every day.
Speaker 7: So like for me, like I have friends that are
Speaker 7: in a band that's my favorite band and it's the best,
Speaker 7: and like it makes sense to me that they have
Speaker 7: this kind of very It's almost like all their life
Speaker 7: makes perfect sense to Waystones Nick, I'm Jerry and Dan,
Speaker 7: but they but like that makes sense. But then there's
Speaker 7: those people you know that like you go to see
Speaker 7: them because they invite you, yes, and.
Speaker 4: Their music sucks, their lyrics suck, and you wish you
Speaker 4: didn't go.
Speaker 7: And like they're practicing just as hard as the people
Speaker 7: who are good at it, right, I know, that's that's
Speaker 7: what makes me sad about music.
Speaker 8: I stop practicing so now I'm just left with my
Speaker 8: angelic voice, my perfect singing voice.
Speaker 4: That's you're the perfect singer trademark, like I am the
Speaker 4: perfect to me, Dan.
Speaker 5: Yeah, no matter how much you practice, at some point,
Speaker 5: talent has to be part of the thing, right yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: Well you got the good scar and you got to
Speaker 5: start that band.
Speaker 1: Okay, you can be like the Sundays with a.
Speaker 4: Could you remember with an edge?
Speaker 7: Matt, If you would please pick up those drum sticks again,
Speaker 7: you could be the drummer.
Speaker 1: Okay, you're giving mad role. I'm the one that wants
Speaker 1: to start the band.
Speaker 7: Okay, Okay, Rusty Trombone, you can have your dumb sex joke.
Speaker 6: Chris bums on until the sex joke during the act, mid.
Speaker 1: Song every time, and then I come out of the music.
Speaker 5: Could probably stop and I do some dumb aristocrats act.
Speaker 8: The great thing about Chris, though, is that even if
Speaker 8: it's the same joke every time, you'll tell it slightly differently.
Speaker 8: I stumbled through it in a slightly different funny way.
Speaker 4: You know, he's absolutely talking off the.
Speaker 1: Top of his head.
Speaker 5: I need all I need is slight variation to enjoy comedy. Yes,
Speaker 5: otherwise you're just repeating yourself, don't we all.
Speaker 6: I did a little holiday shopping this morning.
Speaker 4: Oh do you online?
Speaker 8: I bought an expensive mug for a family member.
Speaker 6: He loses lately.
Speaker 8: No for the Listeners is a hip part of Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: And it's pronounced I know, what did I just say?
Speaker 6: Damn it? I know, but that's.
Speaker 4: You didn't just move here, I know what it is.
Speaker 5: That's how you prove the correct You pronounce it in
Speaker 5: Spanish but not in La Yeah, but.
Speaker 1: You have to.
Speaker 6: I will.
Speaker 5: When I moved to Austin and everyone it was I
Speaker 5: called it Guadalupe straight, and everyone said, oh, no, no,
Speaker 5: it's Gua And I'm like, you know what, No, it's
Speaker 5: a Spanish word.
Speaker 1: I'm going to say Guadaloupe.
Speaker 5: Then you're on the bus and they announced every stop
Speaker 5: in English, and then afterwards.
Speaker 1: They announced it in Spanish and.
Speaker 5: They said, you know, the next street is Guadaloup with
Speaker 5: like a Texas accent, and then they repeated in Spanish,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 1: Like cala asked a Guadaloup.
Speaker 5: They mispronounced the Spanish word in Spanish, which is just
Speaker 5: a Texas you know.
Speaker 1: Fucking look, remember the Alamo?
Speaker 4: Yeah, because if you win that fucking war.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I guess so you won the war, you get
Speaker 7: to change all the pronunciations.
Speaker 5: Right, they didn't they win? Yeah, they just trapped people
Speaker 5: and burn down a building like that. That's not winning
Speaker 5: a war. Don't get me started on saddle techniques. Don't
Speaker 5: you dare besmirch the War of Texas or over that.
Speaker 1: Osbourneau I'm pistol on the Great War of Texas.
Speaker 8: But anyway, there's about a dozen shops in Los Feliz
Speaker 8: that just damn it. I did it again, Los Feelis
Speaker 8: that was better?
Speaker 6: Okay?
Speaker 8: That sell only seventy dollars mugs, Yeah, three thousand dollars
Speaker 8: blankets and five hundred dollars pillows.
Speaker 1: Now do you think those? Do you think it's a
Speaker 1: drug front?
Speaker 4: Do you think it's a trustafarian?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 4: I mean a trust fund?
Speaker 1: Child?
Speaker 4: Like, how do you explain those stories?
Speaker 8: I think it's I think you have to be rich
Speaker 8: to start one. I will say, let's take let's be
Speaker 8: empathetic here. Okay, my guess is, let's let's try let's
Speaker 8: just try.
Speaker 1: To be a good PERSONA.
Speaker 6: Why can't we be good people?
Speaker 8: I would imagine because most of the stuff in there
Speaker 8: is like handmade by single like it's not like your mother.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so in order to.
Speaker 8: Sustain their business, you got to pay seventy bucks for
Speaker 8: their fucking right.
Speaker 6: Pretty, there's soap. The mugs are very pretty, I will yeah, sure,
Speaker 6: And this is.
Speaker 1: A standard mug. It's just a it's not doesn't have
Speaker 1: a top on it. You're not talking like a thermost.
Speaker 6: It's just it's a mug that'll make you feel better
Speaker 6: than your neighbor.
Speaker 1: Gotcha. That's all I want out of a mug.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, it's mug superiority. It's very common these days.
Speaker 1: Do you have any prestige mugs here at the.
Speaker 9: Asnavi Dods starring, They do, and they will My niece
Speaker 9: and I'm sorry because I did tweet this, but my
Speaker 9: niece wants an ice skating She's big into ice skating.
Speaker 4: And takes lessons and she's really good on it.
Speaker 7: So she's My sister said, Nora wants an ice skating necklace.
Speaker 7: So I look up ice skating necklace on Amazon and
Speaker 7: there's all kinds of like a single ice skate on
Speaker 7: a pendant. There's full girls ice skating that you could
Speaker 7: get that. My sister said, she thinks that's what she
Speaker 7: wants and it looks super tracked. She very large.
Speaker 1: But then at the bottom of the page.
Speaker 7: Uh, the sponsored ad for a necklace was a pendant
Speaker 7: of the guy from Saw, the mask from Saw.
Speaker 1: Weird.
Speaker 7: So it's ice skating, ice skating, little girl stuff. And
Speaker 7: then the boss this huge that the like, shall we
Speaker 7: play a game? Guy with the creepy cheeks and that
Speaker 7: it was fucking hilarious.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know, especially on the ice skating.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 5: It categorically there because of some did that guy skate
Speaker 5: when he wasn't haunting people or something?
Speaker 4: I don't know the Saw series, I don't.
Speaker 1: Know that his his you know, it's exact upcoming Saw.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that he was a former.
Speaker 1: It was an ice.
Speaker 5: Dancer, paint a red swirl on his cheek. Yeah, that's
Speaker 5: all I know about the Saw monster.
Speaker 6: I've never seen Saw.
Speaker 1: I've never seen one of them. There's one Carrie carry
Speaker 1: always who I like.
Speaker 7: Is that how you say name the guy that you know?
Speaker 1: Los felis the guy that was Princess Bride.
Speaker 5: He's so good in that, and then he was in
Speaker 5: this so movie and uh, and he was not good
Speaker 5: at acting.
Speaker 1: What if he listens to the podcast, I'm going to feel.
Speaker 7: Absolutely could and he is a good as He probably
Speaker 7: was like this sucks and who cares?
Speaker 1: Well he did that for Liar Liar too.
Speaker 5: Anyway, Yeah, the new boyfriend.
Speaker 7: I think when he has an American accent, he seems
Speaker 7: less appealing then when he's British because he's British.
Speaker 1: Oh man, he was. He's great. I'll just reiterate he
Speaker 1: was great and Princess ride.
Speaker 6: It's too late, Chris.
Speaker 1: Him. I already said that. I feel like I do
Speaker 1: good sometimes bad. Sometimes He needs to know.
Speaker 8: We're the same cars carry always.
Speaker 4: We're a human beings carried accept it.
Speaker 1: You stunk up and why didn't?
Speaker 4: It was like he was too campy for you?
Speaker 1: What was the problem with Liar Liar?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, it was just uh he was, yes, sure,
Speaker 5: can't be. You're just bad at acting. I don't know,
Speaker 5: and it was not convincing.
Speaker 8: I know what you're talking about, but I for one
Speaker 8: love his acting and would never say anything bad about it.
Speaker 5: I know that he's say on my back is sweating
Speaker 5: because you guys don't get in my head.
Speaker 6: Listen, Carrie, Chris is a nice guy. I gotta let
Speaker 6: this one go.
Speaker 1: You guys really think he's listening. I turned and he's
Speaker 1: in the back of the car. Sad. No one likes me.
Speaker 1: You can't always be.
Speaker 4: What's the last movie that you saw in the theater?
Speaker 6: Map? Yeah, the Favorite Ool and I loved it. It's good, right,
Speaker 6: I thought it was so good.
Speaker 4: I can't wait to see it.
Speaker 8: It's so fun. You're gonna fucking love it. It's just
Speaker 8: all like smart, fucked up dialogue and terrible things happened.
Speaker 6: It's great. Yes, it's pure fun.
Speaker 4: I did love The Lobster so much.
Speaker 6: The Lobster is great.
Speaker 4: Except for that ending was dark.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, it's dark.
Speaker 8: It's less because it's Yoro Slanthemo's that director, but he
Speaker 8: didn't write it, so it's a little more of like
Speaker 8: because his movies are like psychotic and wild and this
Speaker 8: is a little more straightforward, but in a good way.
Speaker 6: I think.
Speaker 7: Okay, well, I picked the street that has all the
Speaker 7: stopped garbage trucks on it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's fun because then, oh, this guy doesn't care.
Speaker 5: He's like, come on, come on, I'm a smooth faced asshole.
Speaker 1: I'll look him right in the eye.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I didn't like that guy at all that's that was
Speaker 1: a lot like the guy that was.
Speaker 4: Behind me for several blocks.
Speaker 7: There's a lot of tension in this town, especially around
Speaker 7: the holidays.
Speaker 1: When's the last time you saw a car with a
Speaker 1: boot on it? That have a boot? Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: used to get the boot.
Speaker 4: A lot in the nineties, you know, when I was
Speaker 4: on speed.
Speaker 8: The holidays are so funny, like especially like the airport
Speaker 8: I went. I flew home for Thanksgiving and you never
Speaker 8: see and I flew on Thanksgiving Day. Such a combination
Speaker 8: of the most angry people at the airport and next
Speaker 8: to them like very happy people who are like every
Speaker 8: blissed out abby to go home, and then some people
Speaker 8: who are furious at what's happening.
Speaker 1: It's the only difference is full or empty stomachs. I
Speaker 1: almost almost.
Speaker 6: I almost going to a fight at the airport going home.
Speaker 1: What the fuck?
Speaker 6: Wait?
Speaker 4: Can I just ask?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 7: Did you fly at night? Like you had dinner and
Speaker 7: then you were like, I have to go back.
Speaker 6: I flew in the morning.
Speaker 4: So you did pre Thanksgiving and then came home.
Speaker 8: Well, okay, So my little sister's a nurse and so
Speaker 8: she worked Thanksgiving, so we did Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: The next day.
Speaker 4: Oh nice, okay, oh got it. You were on your
Speaker 4: way out.
Speaker 6: Yes, got it.
Speaker 8: I was on my way to Houston. Okay, yeah, anyway,
Speaker 8: let's back up.
Speaker 6: I want to explain the I want to explain that
Speaker 6: a little bit.
Speaker 1: I want to explain Are you gonna are you gonna
Speaker 1: talk about the fight? Yes, okay, okay.
Speaker 8: So I was going through the TSA and I got through,
Speaker 8: and before I was getting putting my stuff on the
Speaker 8: like conveyor belt to the or whatever the security thing,
Speaker 8: this guy cut in front of me. And I usually
Speaker 8: let that go, but I've let it go a few
Speaker 8: times recently, and I then just am angry the whole time,
Speaker 8: just in a subtle way, like pissed off for weeks, yeah,
Speaker 8: for weeks. And so we cut in front of me,
Speaker 8: and right away I just said, hey, you cut in
Speaker 8: front of me, and he turned around and was just
Speaker 8: like red faced, like felt like New Jersey somehow to me,
Speaker 8: big big guy, and was like he was like you're
Speaker 8: He's like, well, you're taking up too much time. And
Speaker 8: then I was and he was like you want to
Speaker 8: get in front of me, Get in front of me,
Speaker 8: and so I got so I was like, okay, so
Speaker 8: I got in front of him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, good good, that is you did the right thing just.
Speaker 6: Right behind my head, like I'm doing to you. He
Speaker 6: was like, while I was.
Speaker 8: Going to like, you little fucking son of a bitch,
Speaker 8: you want to take this outside, We'll take it outside.
Speaker 1: Oh kidding?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh man, I should have.
Speaker 8: I guess I should have alerted the TSA, but I
Speaker 8: just stood there and kind of took it. And then
Speaker 8: we got through, and I was like, have an I stay.
Speaker 1: I would have. That's awesome.
Speaker 5: So you want to not go through security, go outside.
Speaker 1: I feed each other the boots from go outside.
Speaker 4: At the airport.
Speaker 8: I did tweet this and somebody was like, you should
Speaker 8: have said, yeah, let's go outside and then let him
Speaker 8: leave the line.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, oh god, that would have been.
Speaker 7: But I think that people out there, I think people
Speaker 7: obviously everyone's insane these days and enraged all the time, yes,
Speaker 7: but I also think that people have so much anxiety
Speaker 7: about flying and don't know where to put it that.
Speaker 4: They get drunk or take pills.
Speaker 7: They get like crazy to relieve their anxiety, and then
Speaker 7: they're like irresponsible with their behavior.
Speaker 8: This guy felt like he was on speed, caring killer
Speaker 8: style Yeah.
Speaker 4: Was he trying to make plans with you for lunch, dinner.
Speaker 6: And to show that party with me.
Speaker 1: On Jenna? Yeah, he was trying to organize a part that.
Speaker 6: Was I did.
Speaker 8: It was even though I did call him out for
Speaker 8: cutting in front of me, I didn't like make a
Speaker 8: big deal of it after that because I was like,
Speaker 8: this guy must be going through hell. Why would he
Speaker 8: behave this way if his life wasn't a total nightmare?
Speaker 1: Totally.
Speaker 7: Yeah, And he knew he was wrong to cut in
Speaker 7: front of you, That's why he was being so defensive. Yes,
Speaker 7: which is like, then he's just caught.
Speaker 6: Yes.
Speaker 1: Did you say he was.
Speaker 8: Big, big, but like broad chested, like like he could
Speaker 8: have he would have beat me.
Speaker 4: Up right bad if he would just step outside.
Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5: There's also guys that are like that and it's always
Speaker 5: worked for them since there he maybe just wanted to fight. Also,
Speaker 5: there's also just sinister people like that. Yeah, I've been
Speaker 5: in situations like that. It's like, oh, there is no
Speaker 5: logic behind this, there is no reasoning with this person. No,
Speaker 5: he gets like excited in almost a sexual way by
Speaker 5: punching another man in the face.
Speaker 7: And what's interesting is he was in the wrong, yet
Speaker 7: he was coming at you like you cut him off.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's what's hilarious.
Speaker 6: It was crazy.
Speaker 5: It's so funny because I've been in that exact situation
Speaker 5: Matt and I and I did.
Speaker 1: I was like, what what would that mean? We would
Speaker 1: both leave this and go outside.
Speaker 6: And then come check back in.
Speaker 5: Yeah, think about that. You want to miss your flights
Speaker 5: for this? And then he was like, but he was
Speaker 5: dad age.
Speaker 6: I wish he could have at least just admitted.
Speaker 1: Like, this is sexual for me.
Speaker 6: People as sexual.
Speaker 1: God, you look good in this TSA line. What is it?
Speaker 6: Okay? If you need this, I'll do it.
Speaker 1: Well, that's a thing. I don't do this. Dance with you.
Speaker 5: The MMA fighter Tank Abbots, everyone talks about how he
Speaker 5: would get erections while he fought people. Really yeah, and
Speaker 5: it was intimidating for a lot of fighters.
Speaker 1: A lot of them would be like kind of homophobic
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 5: But he would get aroused and he'd have a boner
Speaker 5: and he'd have you in a leg walk and it
Speaker 5: was very obvious because it was you know, your pretzel up,
Speaker 5: your face is right near it.
Speaker 4: I don't understand how because I was just.
Speaker 1: Watching Cabit probably listens to the podcast.
Speaker 4: Hey, we're just praising him for having a.
Speaker 1: Great strategy, awesome boner.
Speaker 7: I just watched the Paul Giamani movie Win Win, where
Speaker 7: he plays a high school wrestling coach, and as I
Speaker 7: was watching, I'm like, isn't the thing with guys in
Speaker 7: high school? And I know this because I know boy things. Yeah,
Speaker 7: it's constant worry that you're going to get an erection
Speaker 7: and you can't do anything about it. And then you
Speaker 7: become a wrestler, where like obviously that's you're highly at risk,
Speaker 7: I know, and in like a singlet, it just seems
Speaker 7: very risky.
Speaker 5: You know, he's probably was walking around with a boner
Speaker 5: half his life, and he's like, how can I use
Speaker 5: this to my advantage?
Speaker 1: Oh, I know, I'll become a fighter.
Speaker 4: Because it's at the bank.
Speaker 6: It's not working right, nobody likes at the bank.
Speaker 1: There's very strong letters from Wells Fargust.
Speaker 7: So it's so quiet there you could hear that erection
Speaker 7: from it.
Speaker 1: Please don't bring it.
Speaker 5: It's funny because the last time I went to a doctor,
Speaker 5: you're scared because not to be gross, but I had
Speaker 5: to get a camera in mine and and you you
Speaker 5: really are your body reacts to that and it wants
Speaker 5: your Your penis wants to go away because of it,
Speaker 5: but it wanted to just go away, just be a
Speaker 5: turtle and go away.
Speaker 7: It's like as and Junior hide and can I disappear exactly?
Speaker 5: And also it's hard to get get cathetered or get it.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry that I'm an old man, but I've had
Speaker 5: a you know, it's not a responsibility, and it's harder.
Speaker 6: So this podcast is about educating listeners.
Speaker 1: Before the process.
Speaker 5: I sort of made myself get sort of an erection
Speaker 5: just by just because I knew it would make it easier.
Speaker 6: Did the doctor request this or was this a choice.
Speaker 1: You made and it was a timing thing.
Speaker 5: I don't want to overdo it and tankab it up
Speaker 5: this situation, but I do want to make sure it's
Speaker 5: not the smallest it can be, which is usually where
Speaker 5: I'm at when I'm walking around or riding a bike.
Speaker 1: You know, your body was that a.
Speaker 7: Difficult challenge being that you were about to have a
Speaker 7: painful medical procedure.
Speaker 1: It was difficult for me to just talk about it
Speaker 1: just now.
Speaker 7: Yeah, but now is it a fetish thing?
Speaker 1: It's getting so expensive? I wish. I just like having sex.
Speaker 4: I have to buy that tiny camera in my bedside table.
Speaker 5: And that's why I get That's why I keep trying
Speaker 5: to get these commercials so I can get the insurance,
Speaker 5: so I can get going.
Speaker 4: Let's get this go fund me so that Chris can
Speaker 4: get what he needs.
Speaker 1: It's going to.
Speaker 5: Really have a long, convoluted description. I just need to
Speaker 5: see a doctor. And it's not for medical reasons.
Speaker 7: I'm worried about the prizes that you get with each pledge.
Speaker 1: They call that the reward. I don't want my reward.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, thank you all unclaimed rewards.
Speaker 1: Oh man, Well, it's true.
Speaker 8: Chris acted in an episode of season two of Corporate this.
Speaker 7: Year and it turned out good, right, it turned out great,
Speaker 7: and he and he was panicked day of talking to
Speaker 7: going back to talking about being a fraud.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know I was.
Speaker 6: I wanted to talk him off a ledge.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wanted to be good. Did you really?
Speaker 7: Yes, I have a friend who hit a guy here
Speaker 7: really because yeah, there's so many people.
Speaker 1: Probably that guy he just leapt in the trap. He
Speaker 1: really did. When when the show comes out January fifteenth,
Speaker 1: is are they a good club? Can you watch them all.
Speaker 6: Not at once.
Speaker 8: Comedy Central's doing this new thing where they don't adopt
Speaker 8: adapt to the times.
Speaker 1: We're oh good, it's like a retro station. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I like, I like when you have to wait.
Speaker 8: Yeah, so it'll be out yeah, January fifteenth. The in
Speaker 8: your episode, you're in the finale, right, can you just
Speaker 8: tell Can.
Speaker 1: I get an overview of what christ will be doing?
Speaker 6: Yes? Well, if you if you watch the first.
Speaker 1: Season, sons spoilers, Yes, I'll.
Speaker 8: Spoil something in the first season, which is that you
Speaker 8: learn that Chris's character Ted, he admits to having inadvertently
Speaker 8: helped do nine to eleven, and you don't ever.
Speaker 6: Learn what his involvement was, right, So yeah, yeah, and
Speaker 6: so that's all you hear from him. He's another little
Speaker 6: part in that in that episode as well.
Speaker 1: But that but it's the same care I'm still tend.
Speaker 6: There's still ten.
Speaker 8: So we just learned more about Ted and this he
Speaker 8: comes back and is up to some new things that
Speaker 8: he is also not very good at.
Speaker 1: Yes, causing more not as big as nine to eleven,
Speaker 1: but he must be pretty good.
Speaker 6: Wait, which is happening?
Speaker 1: The birds?
Speaker 6: Just the us?
Speaker 1: I think that bird just fired out on your hood.
Speaker 1: It was like a teenage boy bird Steve.
Speaker 7: And if there was ever a time I wish you
Speaker 7: were taking Instagram stories, kitchen attacks would definitely be one.
Speaker 5: Even if he was poised and ready with a with
Speaker 5: a tripod, he would not have captured that question.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was a that would have been tough shooting wise.
Speaker 8: By the way, Stephen is cramped back here and if
Speaker 8: he if his parents were to see what he's doing,
Speaker 8: they would be like.
Speaker 6: What are you? What is your life? Now?
Speaker 1: They do pay you for this?
Speaker 5: Yes, actually I should say my phone died, so I'm
Speaker 5: taking notes on the Starbucks cup.
Speaker 7: Oh God, like producing Stephen, that is bugging in the
Speaker 7: clutch producing?
Speaker 6: Well done?
Speaker 1: Was that episode I did not to go back to it?
Speaker 6: Was it?
Speaker 1: It was it direct or written by Bridger Weineger.
Speaker 6: No, it was not. It was written by Jessica Gow
Speaker 6: But he did write some right, he did because he
Speaker 6: was a writer.
Speaker 5: I just was on thing and he had written it
Speaker 5: and then he met he brought that up and right, yeah, yes.
Speaker 1: Don't anyone get excited. My character's name is Man.
Speaker 5: I'm hoping we can change it to arguing man, but
Speaker 5: it might just be man.
Speaker 4: What about sweating man in the grocery store.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're very specific man that has riddled with self doubt. Man,
Speaker 1: it's more about me.
Speaker 8: Bridger Wininger is deeply funny, and we would give him
Speaker 8: every script we wrote to punch up and he would
Speaker 8: add probably five to six new jokes a script that
Speaker 8: we would leave in. A very high caliber writer.
Speaker 5: And what I was talking about earlier, he's one of
Speaker 5: the there was a window of time where career like
Speaker 5: Rob Delaney from Twitter, these people are getting plucked out.
Speaker 1: I don't think it happens anymore, right, but Bridger was
Speaker 1: like noticed on Twitter. Yes, how I remember?
Speaker 4: Very cool.
Speaker 7: No, he's the funniest he Also, I don't know how
Speaker 7: much of this type of thing I'm allowed to say. Stephen,
Speaker 7: prepare to make a note on your cup that we
Speaker 7: might have to cut this. Bridger is going to have
Speaker 7: a podcast coming out on our new podcast.
Speaker 6: Very excited about that.
Speaker 1: I am too.
Speaker 4: It's such a funny idea.
Speaker 7: And when he told when he told me the title
Speaker 7: and I won't say it will it'll be a big
Speaker 7: teaser for later, but it made me like it's so him,
Speaker 7: and it made me laugh so hard, and I immediately
Speaker 7: had fifteen ideas like it's just so good.
Speaker 5: Oh man, I wish you can tell us after. I'm
Speaker 5: really I'm on a hanging a cliff on the edge, Chris,
Speaker 5: I'm hang lighting.
Speaker 1: I don't have the right equipment. I'm actually a bit
Speaker 1: of a panic.
Speaker 4: We were going to scoop you right up the second
Speaker 4: this thing up.
Speaker 1: It's really windy. A bird disattacked me.
Speaker 7: A dirty pigeon just flew low. Look at everything they
Speaker 7: were like doing everything. Everything's starting to look nice again.
Speaker 1: Yep, guys. Do you guys get excited about Christmas? Matt,
Speaker 1: do you decorate or holidays?
Speaker 8: Or I have a I think a healthy relationship with
Speaker 8: sure me too, where I don't get overly excited, but
Speaker 8: I try to allow myself to get swept up as
Speaker 8: much as I am able to, because there's so little
Speaker 8: joy left in this right that, even though Christmas is
Speaker 8: insane and a totally batshit in crazy consumers holiday, I
Speaker 8: try to let it make me feel good if it can.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I and my family gets along and we exchange gifts.
Speaker 6: It's nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is nice. I'm excited for it. I enjoy
Speaker 1: it as well. I love it.
Speaker 7: There's a man at the end of my sister's street,
Speaker 7: and the game is always and when I'm up there
Speaker 7: for Thanksgiving, will he put up his Christmas lights before
Speaker 7: I leave? Because he does the full on every single
Speaker 7: like the car, the house we just drove by, where
Speaker 7: it's like as many things as he can fit on
Speaker 7: his front lawn and on the front of his house
Speaker 7: he puts up.
Speaker 1: I love that and it all goes with music.
Speaker 7: And it's like a whole event and it's so fun
Speaker 7: because my niece has loved it since she was like
Speaker 7: a baby.
Speaker 4: So then it's kind kind of like a weird tradition of.
Speaker 7: Somebody else doing all the work and then we like
Speaker 7: drive by it basically right, and like stuff like that
Speaker 7: is my favorite.
Speaker 8: I really appreciate people like that more and more as
Speaker 8: I get older, because I learned, like, like I don't
Speaker 8: put up Christmas light, so it's like, thank god this
Speaker 8: guy exists who doesn't.
Speaker 5: Exactly, I don't do it because I know these guys
Speaker 5: are going to overdo it and they'll make up for
Speaker 5: the loss of me not doing it, because it is
Speaker 5: a loss.
Speaker 1: It's a huge loss. We miss you. Yeah, it used
Speaker 1: to be good. Used to paint windows I was into
Speaker 1: the holidays. You're in all of it. I just don't
Speaker 1: do it anymore.
Speaker 7: But I think it's also for slightly older people who
Speaker 7: understand they've been It's for people whose lives have been
Speaker 7: decimated and then they're.
Speaker 1: Like, look a string of lights.
Speaker 4: We can we can be happy again. I honestly believe
Speaker 4: that's what it's all about.
Speaker 7: It's like, if you're kind of in your life and
Speaker 7: doing it, you're like, oh shit, it's Christmas.
Speaker 4: I didn't realize. Yeah, But if you're like everyone in
Speaker 4: my family's dead.
Speaker 1: Look at this, Look at this picture. Yeah that's on
Speaker 1: make cup for the fact that the house is now
Speaker 1: empty except for me.
Speaker 6: I drank hot cocoa last night. Then it really did
Speaker 6: something for me.
Speaker 1: You're like the tank cabin of Beveridge were the Starbucks.
Speaker 6: I put the co into my pool and I got
Speaker 6: it a little wreck, right.
Speaker 1: Yes, so much to talk about it, and we're not
Speaker 1: saving it for later. It's now on the podcast.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I get excited. I get excited for Christmas. It's the best.
Speaker 1: There was a street in Austin where people it was
Speaker 1: the entire street.
Speaker 5: There wasn't one house that didn't participate in in just
Speaker 5: like all these houses required extra power sources and car
Speaker 5: batteries for like these a lot of the houses, like
Speaker 5: in there was a seat went like a pattern that
Speaker 5: went across three houses. So they all got together to
Speaker 5: do this thing. And it was like the last Muslim
Speaker 5: one was Jewish, you'd like to think. So, yeah, it
Speaker 5: was really pretty cool. It was like watching an animated
Speaker 5: light show. Yeah, and this was one, and so everyone
Speaker 5: there's just so everyone's into it because there was a
Speaker 5: line of cars always just waiting to see these lights.
Speaker 7: So it's free and everyone's broke these days, no one
Speaker 7: can do a bunch of crazy shit. But like if
Speaker 7: a bunch of people go, then it's like, oh yeah,
Speaker 7: I want to do what everybody else is doing.
Speaker 4: And it really is delightful when things are lit up.
Speaker 6: It's nice. It is.
Speaker 8: By the way, we just passed a tanning salon. Isn't
Speaker 8: that crazy? But that is still happening.
Speaker 6: We all know.
Speaker 1: It's not the same color. Yeah, that's what the sun does.
Speaker 8: Oh, I guess they could be doing spray tnds versus
Speaker 8: like like cancer inducing like hotbeds or whatever.
Speaker 5: They still do. Go, it's spray tanned. And I did
Speaker 5: the full the darkest you can get. It was for
Speaker 5: a Jersey short character. I was interviewing these guys nice,
Speaker 5: but they did abs.
Speaker 1: On me and everything. Like I it was really it
Speaker 1: felt great. I pulled up my shirt at the end
Speaker 1: of the segment and everyone was.
Speaker 5: Like, man, you got all ripped, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 5: it's stray Tan commentary a fraud.
Speaker 1: It was a stencil of tits and pecs and this
Speaker 1: is rated acts.
Speaker 6: I come on here to have a nice time, drink.
Speaker 4: Hot cocoa and not talk about your peanuts.
Speaker 6: Last night, I was.
Speaker 1: Really I'm sorry I mentioned the urethral. I really am sorry.
Speaker 1: I wish I hadn't read it brought it up all.
Speaker 6: But we've referenced so many times since then that you
Speaker 6: have to leave it in. You can't edit it.
Speaker 1: Foundational.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's once I start talking about catheters and cameras, you.
Speaker 1: Can't get me to stop.
Speaker 4: Now do you order your catheters on Team I reuse them.
Speaker 1: That's not actually how my grandpa died. No, I'm not kidding.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 5: I normally would esus normally blurt something like that really
Speaker 5: tainted this episode.
Speaker 1: It's important to let people know don't reuse these things.
Speaker 1: You will get an infection.
Speaker 6: Point of this episode, you will.
Speaker 1: It's important for your health to always use a new.
Speaker 7: Cat and if anybody needs to know it, it's the
Speaker 7: listeners of Do You Need to Ride?
Speaker 1: The oldest.
Speaker 4: Consort of podcast listeners there is.
Speaker 1: I'm in my early forties, barely in my forties, and
Speaker 1: I've needed.
Speaker 6: You're basically thirty nine.
Speaker 1: I would say, no one's going to go to the
Speaker 1: hospital to get calfed.
Speaker 5: If you're gonna have to go to your house, you
Speaker 5: got to use one of these Wilford Brimley sponsored one
Speaker 5: eight hundred calf.
Speaker 6: I'm used to did a catheter company.
Speaker 1: Yes, and they're not made a plastic.
Speaker 7: It's biodegrave catheter and it saves the turtles. It's called
Speaker 7: do you Need a Catheter? And that's why we're bringing
Speaker 7: it up on this show right now.
Speaker 5: So far, I just designed my own. It's a it's
Speaker 5: a straw. It's a regular straw.
Speaker 1: It's a Starbuck straw that other people aren't allowed to use.
Speaker 1: That other people have you it's a used straw.
Speaker 7: Gross, sorry, but an unused catheter that's the key.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's yeah, sorry.
Speaker 6: Across the street front.
Speaker 1: Anyone in my family who I need to move?
Speaker 4: And I'm like knocking on the door, Where do you
Speaker 4: want to go to lunch?
Speaker 1: Where do you want to go to dinner? We got
Speaker 1: to make it happen.
Speaker 4: I think that was a really long drive, wasn't it?
Speaker 1: To nowhere? It was great? I mean in a good way.
Speaker 1: We mentioned.
Speaker 6: Why did we do that.
Speaker 5: Time, even though we didn't actually go to the airport
Speaker 5: that had everything that doing that provides. We talked about Hawaii,
Speaker 5: we talked about flying, We've talked about TSA, we talked
Speaker 5: about the cact We talked about the camera in my penis.
Speaker 6: So you cut people up from the airport sometimes.
Speaker 1: We haven't in a while. The airport hell, it has worse. Yeah,
Speaker 1: now that.
Speaker 7: You can do Burbank Airport, Burbank's great lax is living
Speaker 7: hell and we keep this is now season two.
Speaker 1: You're a second episode of season two? Do you need
Speaker 1: a ride?
Speaker 4: We decided to break it up like that because now
Speaker 4: we're on the exactly right now.
Speaker 1: But plug plug.
Speaker 7: But yeah, it started to be where the person who
Speaker 7: would ask for the ride, we would judge them on.
Speaker 4: It would be like are they worth.
Speaker 7: Picking up from the airport because it's like, we're not
Speaker 7: driving out there for just any old middler.
Speaker 4: It's gonna have to be someone that delivers big time.
Speaker 6: Or we're not doing it, someone like what's his name?
Speaker 6: Not actor? I would have been a great call back.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, just go past, sir, just t bone backwards.
Speaker 1: Soy am I right as a January fifteenth.
Speaker 8: January fifteenth on Comedy Central at ten thirty after Drunk History,
Speaker 8: or find it however you can. I think it'll be
Speaker 8: on iTunes and Amazon, do whatever you need to do
Speaker 8: to watch it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, follow Corn, Yeah, follow me.
Speaker 8: On Instagram at matt Ingabritz And I'm posting a lot
Speaker 8: of fun picks these days.
Speaker 4: What are you posting these days, Matt Well?
Speaker 8: I got to actually Bridger Wineger gave me a T
Speaker 8: shirt and on the T shirt it's a red T
Speaker 8: shirt and white letters, it says, if you have a
Speaker 8: problem with my badass attitude, call one eight hundred.
Speaker 6: Each shit.
Speaker 8: And it's my favorite T shirt now. And I just
Speaker 8: posted a Hawaii pick of me wearing that T shirt
Speaker 8: on the beach.
Speaker 1: Wait were you wearing that shirt when you were going
Speaker 1: through TSA. You started that light matal you did it.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, it's too late.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't accept your apology.
Speaker 6: Well, thank you for having me on, guys, God, thank
Speaker 6: you so much.
Speaker 1: It was wonderful. Yeah, I'm very excited. Do you have
Speaker 1: what are you coming up? Plug anything? Nope, you know
Speaker 1: you're just relaxing. I'm maxing and relaxed. Christmas I have
Speaker 1: so Jesus has risen. No, that's Easter.
Speaker 4: It's Jesus's birthday, everybody.
Speaker 1: I just on Christmas.
Speaker 6: On Christmas, yeah, two thousand years ago.
Speaker 1: Yeah, birthday Jesus.
Speaker 5: And I'm doing I want to mention I'm doing recording
Speaker 5: as a special on January fifth in Portland, Oregon.
Speaker 6: Awesome.
Speaker 1: What place are you're recording up? Mississippi Studios? Awesome? Two shows.
Speaker 5: That is very cool, and it's important to me. It's
Speaker 5: the most important, uh comedy set of my life so far.
Speaker 1: So fly, that's not too.
Speaker 6: Much pressure to put on.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited.
Speaker 6: Exact right amount of pressure.
Speaker 1: Don't do this to one of these two shows, correctly,
Speaker 1: it is over. It is the end. It's just going
Speaker 1: to be a very expensive mistake for me.
Speaker 4: And I know you well, but Mississippi Studios is awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm excited.
Speaker 7: It's a cool it's a good spot. Yeah, it's a
Speaker 7: great town. They are so smart, they know their company.
Speaker 1: And I got good cameras and nice guys operating them.
Speaker 7: And it's going to be great if you're listening and
Speaker 7: you're anywhere in the Williamette Valley, tigered.
Speaker 1: To bend the dolls.
Speaker 8: Call oh, I know it all, and don't forget to
Speaker 8: keep it out for Chris' upcoming catheter company.
Speaker 6: I really agreeable.
Speaker 5: If you are a member of my family, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5: I still it was in the moment that I brought
Speaker 5: up the passing of my grandfather. But if you didn't know,
Speaker 5: just don't reuse catheters.
Speaker 1: This is it's almost like the ultimate spoiler. It's not
Speaker 1: I'm being serious, me too, it is. They're also gesturing.
Speaker 1: It's very big. All of our hands are up.
Speaker 6: We're all doing weird.
Speaker 1: Everyone has their tiny orange hands up. Look and listen.
Speaker 1: This is crazy.
Speaker 5: But it's hard not to giggle like a fifth grader
Speaker 5: when you're talking about catheters.
Speaker 1: That's right. That's why I was laughing, not because I
Speaker 1: think it's funny. When when gradas it's huge.
Speaker 7: This is the woman Trump does the most that I hate,
Speaker 7: which is the okay sign pointed at someone.
Speaker 1: He's doing an okay job.
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm sorry, that's okay.
Speaker 1: So I think this is a conclusionary moment. Do it,
Speaker 1: wrap it. You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?
Speaker 9: D y n they are.
Speaker 1: This has been an exactly Right production. Produced by Annalise Nelson,
Speaker 1: mixed by John Bradley. Our talent booker is Patrick Cotner.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Karen Kogerrett. Art work by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 7: Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
Speaker 7: podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.
Speaker 1: For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com. Thank
Speaker 1: you well, You're welcome.