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Speaker 1: This is our last toy, y'all. Hey, why you're so excited.

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Speaker 1: Look how excited it is. Well, I'm not excited.

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Speaker 2: You know. It's funny because live shows are actually my

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Speaker 2: most favorite thing to do.

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Speaker 1: I can't tell you're supposed to say dead ass.

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Speaker 2: I was supposed to say dead ass ass.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 3: Boys and reading each other publicly as.

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Speaker 1: A form of therapy. Wait, I make you need therapy

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Speaker 1: most days. Wow.

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Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: We about to take Billows off to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: Story time. Oh my god, I'm gonna take y'all back

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Speaker 1: to two thousand and nineteen. That was the first time

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Speaker 1: we did a live show.

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Speaker 3: Was it twenty nineteen?

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Speaker 1: Yes? It was. And as a matter of fact, Nah,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take y'all back to two thousand and eighteen.

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Speaker 1: Caudeen and I was on the Black Love panel and

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Speaker 1: they did the Black Love Live panel, and this was

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Speaker 1: in LA. It was us Sternley K. Brown and his wife.

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Speaker 1: Who's the other couple, Oh, it's Tommy and Cody?

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Speaker 3: Was it Michael Jah White?

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Speaker 1: On that?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Not on that, depending on LA. It was just us

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Speaker 1: three couples. And I had told the story about the

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Speaker 1: stroller and how you cursed me out for what you

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Speaker 1: thought was given away the stroller which wasn't given away.

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Speaker 1: It was at my brother's house. Yes, yes, And in

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Speaker 1: that moment, I had saw the reaction from the crowd

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Speaker 1: that I had never saw before while I was telling

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Speaker 1: the stories, and I was like, man, I actually loved

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Speaker 1: telling these stories, but the feeling you get from telling

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Speaker 1: the stories as opposed to creating a post on Instagram

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Speaker 1: was completely different. And it was in that moment that

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Speaker 1: I was just like, we need to go on tour.

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Speaker 1: And that's when I came up with Devo's Truth Live.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 1: Posted by Kadeen. You would be hosting the whole storytelling

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Speaker 1: and us going back and forth, which is ultimately that

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Speaker 1: ass podcast.

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Speaker 2: Right, because it was giving us stand up esque kind

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Speaker 2: of feel but encompassing what the podcast show was like

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Speaker 2: throwing down.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because the whole idea to me was, we've never

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Speaker 1: seen a stand up comedian tell stories about his family

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Speaker 1: when his wife was there actually being able to either

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Speaker 1: coroborate the story or be like niney of you lie

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Speaker 1: right right right. And I just felt like it was

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Speaker 1: a different dynamic that we've ever seen from anyone, And

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Speaker 1: since I don't consider myself a stand up it was

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Speaker 1: just a way for us to do our show in

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Speaker 1: that way. So that was it only made sense, and

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Speaker 1: then it morphed into the Dead Ass Podcast and then

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Speaker 1: ultimately now Dead Ass Podcast Live. Dang, what song are

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Speaker 1: we going to sing karaoke?

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Speaker 2: What was one of our most popular songs? I feel

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Speaker 2: like on tour people love dreams of nightmares?

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Speaker 1: I was just about to say every time we closed

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Speaker 1: this show and you hear hold on, wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: y'all thought I was finished when I.

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Speaker 3: Bought that, as in many y'all thought it was rented.

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Speaker 1: It always turns the crowd like the crowd gets hype

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Speaker 1: as a way to close it, because everybody knows dreams

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Speaker 1: and nightmares, like the ultimate Hype song. They played that

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Speaker 1: before every basketball, football, baseball, soccer game, So the play

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Speaker 1: at the end of our live show was just like

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Speaker 1: it only made sense. And the first time we played

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Speaker 1: it we were in Philly.

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Speaker 2: We did about that, which makes sense because all that.

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Speaker 2: But we also had a couple of other good ones,

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Speaker 2: like think about those songs that when you hear it,

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Speaker 2: when black people are together in one space, we can't

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Speaker 2: help but go into chorus.

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Speaker 3: I think one is what's that Keisha Coole song?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm thinking about? Oh? Yes, yep?

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Speaker 3: And that song goes another good one, Can we Talk?

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Speaker 1: It's like cany I can see all right now? I

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Speaker 1: think that song every black person get up, start doing

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Speaker 1: the lectric.

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Speaker 3: That's a fact. You can't glaze over. Can't we talk?

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Speaker 1: Though?

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Speaker 3: That's another one that I was to.

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Speaker 1: Glaze over and you can pause that because I'm not

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Speaker 1: glazing anything but everybody, especially since the challenge came out, which.

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Speaker 3: Challenge can we Talk?

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Speaker 1: Challenge? Yeah, exactly, You're gonna try and sing because I

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Speaker 1: know I'm not.

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Speaker 3: The super star Challenge.

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Speaker 1: You said, we're not gonna close over can we talk?

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Speaker 1: You're not gonna do the can we talk? Don't glaze

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Speaker 1: over it?

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Speaker 3: What say it? Wait? What the whole song? Not just

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Speaker 3: the challenge for what's the challenge part?

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Speaker 2: Again? I forget because my mind is is on Superstar

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Speaker 2: now by us?

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Speaker 1: Sure it the same person that told me all right,

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Speaker 1: so we just glazed up. She literally said we're not

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Speaker 1: gonna glaze over can we talk? And then I said,

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Speaker 1: well go singing? She said, we will we at the

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Speaker 1: Superstar Challenge. Now, how you gonna do that?

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Speaker 2: Welcome to our karaoke confilation, y'all, as we prepare for

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Speaker 2: the Dead Ass Live Show. Yes, let's get it together

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Speaker 2: and we're gonna pay some bills to come back, and

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Speaker 2: we're gonna talk about preparing for the tour, what it's

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Speaker 2: looking like for us, why this might be our last

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Speaker 2: tour for now, and hopefully we can get some clarity

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Speaker 2: for y'all about what's gonna be happening when we're out

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Speaker 2: there in February. So stick around, we'll be back, all right.

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Speaker 2: I forgot that that was really how we came up

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Speaker 2: with the Dead Ass Live Show. Yes, that it was

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Speaker 2: really when we had to sit down on stage with

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Speaker 2: Cody and Tommy and Sterling and Ryan, but also too,

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Speaker 2: I remember us going to the live show for the

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Speaker 2: read Yes with Crystalline and Kid and.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we love the read.

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Speaker 1: The first podcast that started to talk about you and

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Speaker 1: I and we started to get some momentum from the read.

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Speaker 1: So we always have to give a shout out to

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Speaker 1: the read. Kid, this is my guy, Brom He's he's freaking.

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Speaker 2: And Crystal shout out to the read. They're the ones

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Speaker 2: who really are for us, are like the fairy god parents.

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Speaker 1: Of pod podcasting, because that's what we looked at.

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Speaker 2: We did, we did, and they're still doing their things,

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Speaker 2: so go into their live show as well too. We

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Speaker 2: were like, wow, this is like pretty much like the podcast,

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Speaker 2: but we get to see them in person. So it

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Speaker 2: was like the perfect marriage for Deval and I when

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Speaker 2: we were trying to curate what the Dead Ass live

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Speaker 2: experience was going to look like. It's having the entertainment

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Speaker 2: portion of it, where devalas of course doing his elaborate

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Speaker 2: story times that I'm there to either confirm or deny

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Speaker 2: whether the story is true or not, and then getting

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Speaker 2: audience participation because of course that's the one thing that

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Speaker 2: we're missing when we have podcasts that we record like this, right,

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Speaker 2: he and I are just answering things, But then there's

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Speaker 2: the listener letter portion where we get to have the

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Speaker 2: audience interacting with us and asking questions live and in

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Speaker 2: the moment. And Yeah, this time around, I think Deval

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Speaker 2: and I were really looking for a way to kind

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Speaker 2: of we've been saying go out with a bang. So

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Speaker 2: what does that mean for you, babe, telling these folks

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Speaker 2: that we're going out with a bang?

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Speaker 1: Well, the first thing is is going out not because

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Speaker 1: we necessarily just don't want to do it anymore. We

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Speaker 1: clearly still want to do it. The problem is finding

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Speaker 1: time to prepare around my filming schedule and our parenting

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Speaker 1: schedule and actually putting on the show that we feel

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Speaker 1: is good enough to be dead ass podcast. That's your

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Speaker 1: biggest issue? Sure, last year we did a show in August,

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Speaker 1: and then we did another show again in February, so

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Speaker 1: it was literally about five to six months in between

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Speaker 1: and and planning that show. It was a lot. It

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Speaker 1: was very taxing.

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Speaker 3: On us the year before.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, no, twenty twenty twenty three, we did it

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Speaker 1: in just February, but then twenty twenty two we did

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Speaker 1: it in August, so we actually did two shows in

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Speaker 1: two rounds of shows in one year. And the way

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Speaker 1: we picked the shows for people who keep asking us,

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Speaker 1: how come y'all to come here? How can you come there? Right,

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Speaker 1: we are picking the shows in the locations based on weather.

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Speaker 1: Because last year we did Detroit and Chicago in February

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Speaker 1: and we almost didn't have a Detroit show because there

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Speaker 1: was a weather emergency and there was a blizzard and

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Speaker 1: a lot of people were telling us, you might want

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Speaker 1: to cancel the show, but we were like, we can't

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Speaker 1: cancel the show because if we do, we won't know

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Speaker 1: when we'll be able to come back. And we've had

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Speaker 1: over a thousand people buy tickets.

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Speaker 3: Shout out to Detroit.

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Speaker 2: Y'all are resilient af facts, And for them, I think

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Speaker 2: the people in Detroit, they were just like, well, it's

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Speaker 2: just another snow day out here, yep, you know, So

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Speaker 2: everybody still came out like the house was sacked. And

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Speaker 2: we love y'all for that, Detroit. So of course we

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Speaker 2: do want to run it back, but we may run

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Speaker 2: it back if we do in the future.

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Speaker 1: In the summer months, Detroit and Chicago in the summertime,

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Speaker 1: that'll be great. We also did LA in February last

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Speaker 1: year and it rained the two days that we were

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Speaker 1: in LA. So now we're trying to figure out what's

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Speaker 1: the best time to do a tour. But we also

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Speaker 1: realized the only time for us to do a tour

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Speaker 1: is in February during pilot season because once March and

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Speaker 1: April comes around, I'm typically filming. Yeah, so we can't

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Speaker 1: even do it in the spring. The summertime we've dedicated

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Speaker 1: to our family, we dedicated to the boys, and then

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Speaker 1: in the fall, I'm typically filming sisters or as a

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Speaker 1: team on. So right now, the only time we have

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Speaker 1: is February, and we don't want to just continue to

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Speaker 1: give you guys the bare minimum. We tried to up

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Speaker 1: the ante every time, but that requires a lot more planning.

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Speaker 3: So listen, y'all. The one thing we ain't trying to

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Speaker 3: do is playing y'all face.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So we're not going to tell y'all to come

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Speaker 2: out to a show, make it a thing, make it

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Speaker 2: a weekend or whatever, and then deliver.

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Speaker 3: A mediocre show.

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Speaker 2: Not doing that, we're always trying to find ways to

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Speaker 2: elevate the experience.

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Speaker 1: Facts.

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Speaker 2: How do we feel about our first live show versus

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Speaker 2: the last one? I mean, man, so much evolution I

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Speaker 2: think has taken place from the first show to the

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Speaker 2: last one we did. The last show was Chicago. The

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Speaker 2: very first show was that in Philadelphia. Philadelphia was Brooklyn.

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Speaker 1: No, the very first show was in Philadelphia. We finished

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Speaker 1: in Brooklyn.

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Speaker 3: Yes, you're right.

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Speaker 1: The very first show was your Philadelphia. I can't remember

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Speaker 1: the name of the theater. It was about a four

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Speaker 1: hundred seat venue. Yeah, the crowd was amazing. That's why

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Speaker 1: we always go back to Philly whenever we do in

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Speaker 1: northeast toilways go back to Philly.

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Speaker 3: For sure.

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Speaker 1: I felt good because of course it was a smaller venue,

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Speaker 1: so we were actually trying some things out. But I

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Speaker 1: learned then that you and I worked really well in

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Speaker 1: a live situation like it was. It was so much

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Speaker 1: fun because we got to bounce off of each other

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Speaker 1: and the audience.

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Speaker 2: And I was going to say, the audience energy and

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Speaker 2: everything for us that Philly shall remember exactly the Philly

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Speaker 2: she I remember being super nervous. We had like a

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Speaker 2: small meet and greet before and it's something about just

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Speaker 2: meeting y'all in person that I know when people approach

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Speaker 2: us sometimes they're like, oh my god, I can't believe,

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Speaker 2: like I'm so meeting you. But I get nervous meeting

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Speaker 2: y'all sometimes because I never want for anyone to meet

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Speaker 2: me and they feel like, damn, like Kadeen didn't live

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Speaker 2: up to whatever I expected her to be. You know

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Speaker 2: what I'm saying, Like, that's always something that I take

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Speaker 2: into consideration. And of course, you know, you may find

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Speaker 2: me in a moment where I might be in the

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Speaker 2: middle of like my mind, or I'm traveling with the kids,

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Speaker 2: or like we just went through TSA the other day

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Speaker 2: and they took my child butter from me and I

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Speaker 2: was so mad about it and shout out to homeboy

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Speaker 2: at TSA. Sorry, bro, wasn't you. It's just like I've

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Speaker 2: traveled with that so many times before, and the one

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Speaker 2: time I travel this time, you want to take it

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Speaker 2: for me?

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Speaker 1: She was gude. I'm like, he didn't make the rule.

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Speaker 1: All he's doing is enforcing the rules of the day.

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Speaker 2: Just want the rules to be consistent, y'all. Come on,

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Speaker 2: heart to feel Atlanta be consistent. I want the same

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Speaker 2: travel experience every time. But AnyWho, I just say that

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Speaker 2: to say, whenever I meet y'all, I love to have

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Speaker 2: that energy in person.

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Speaker 3: We feed off of you.

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Speaker 2: That's why I think also too, for us some show venues,

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Speaker 2: we think one show is maybe better than the other

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Speaker 2: because the audience participation, the vibe that you give to

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Speaker 2: us helps us to deliver a show to you. So

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Speaker 2: that reciprocity I love to have in a live show

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Speaker 2: experience what inspired us to put together on this next show.

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Speaker 1: So I'm glad you asked that. Last year, Kadeen and I, well,

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Speaker 1: Kadeen specifically went on a world tour with Beyonce. I

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Speaker 1: actually had an opportunity to go see Beyonce twice. I

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Speaker 1: saw LLL Cooj, which to me is one of the

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Speaker 1: goats rappers that he's one of the greatest performers I

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Speaker 1: had ever seen. We saw Drake, and we saw Usher

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Speaker 1: to close out the year. Watching those live performances definitely

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Speaker 1: sparked something in me to want to give y'all greater.

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Speaker 1: So when people keep asking what can we expect and

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Speaker 1: like why is this the last show? I know how

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Speaker 1: much work it took for those artists to create the

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Speaker 1: show that they curated for people. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: give people any shortcuts. So we have some things in

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Speaker 1: this show. I'm not going to say, but when you

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Speaker 1: watch it, you're gonna say they've invested time and resources

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Speaker 1: to be able to prepare that for us because I

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Speaker 1: want you guys to have the wild shock factor. We're

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Speaker 1: not going to get into the details of what we've

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Speaker 1: added to the show. That we've added some different elements

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Speaker 1: that's gonna make you say, Wow, this is no longer

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Speaker 1: just a podcast experience. You're coming to see a show

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Speaker 1: working over here.

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Speaker 2: Yes, all right, we are over here working physically, mentally, man, man,

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Speaker 2: you see it, spiritually, you see.

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Speaker 1: Niggas don't care no more, but listen, we gotta do

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Speaker 1: the podcast. Yes, but I'm tired. I've been working out

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Speaker 1: every single day, we have rehearsals, we have so many

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Speaker 1: other things to do, and I'm like, I'm gonna put

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Speaker 1: this clothes on, I'm gonna change the shirt for them.

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Speaker 1: But we are working so hard, Kadeen and I and

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Speaker 1: our whole staff, the Cruel team, the whole team. Every

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Speaker 1: day we on phone calls like what do you guys

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Speaker 1: think about this, Let's add this, let's increase this. It's

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Speaker 1: just it's been a fun experience.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it really has been fun to prepare.

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Speaker 2: I think it brings us and us that much closer together.

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Speaker 2: It brings the crew that much closer together, and everybody

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Speaker 2: is so invested in what will be the dead ass

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Speaker 2: live show at least for the foreseeable future, because like

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Speaker 2: I said, it really is like I joke about, like

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Speaker 2: not coming back and not wanting to do this anymore,

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Speaker 2: but it really is one of my most favorite things

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Speaker 2: to do, and it is having the live experience. And

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Speaker 2: I think that's just from my background of always like

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Speaker 2: being on.

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Speaker 4: Stage, seek you be fronting, Like these live shows are

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Speaker 4: so much but I have to do her intro, and

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Speaker 4: when I do an intro, when I look back and

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Speaker 4: I see that pos in that silhouette, and then you

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Speaker 4: start walking and nothing else matters.

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Speaker 1: You're not worried about anything else. I get you are

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Speaker 1: the star. You come out and you get in your element,

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Speaker 1: and it's amazing to watch. It really is amazing to

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Speaker 1: watch you getting your element on that stage and do

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Speaker 1: what you.

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Speaker 3: Do because it's it's important for me too.

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Speaker 2: As much as it fills me up, it's important for

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Speaker 2: me to deliver that to you guys when you come

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Speaker 2: to the show, Like, I don't take it lightly that

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Speaker 2: you guys have spent your hard earned money that you

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Speaker 2: are investing to, that you're listening to, listening to us,

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Speaker 2: you're supporting us, you're sharing us with people who you

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Speaker 2: know and love.

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Speaker 3: I don't take that lightly.

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Speaker 2: So one of the questions on here is what's most

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Speaker 2: important to you with putting on these live shows is

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Speaker 2: really just making sure that every single person in the

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Speaker 2: audience feels like, man I really enjoyed this ninety minutes

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Speaker 2: or whatever with the Ellises and those of you who

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Speaker 2: have the meet and greet. You know, I hope that

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Speaker 2: when we do meet you, even though you know, we

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Speaker 2: may be exhausted.

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Speaker 3: From a show right right right, it's a long line

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Speaker 3: of people to meet and greet.

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Speaker 2: We want each experience for you guys to feel like

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Speaker 2: man I was the only person in this room with

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Speaker 2: Devalan Kadeen. So just know that, from the bottom of

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Speaker 2: our hearts, that's really what we're invested in. Yes, we

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Speaker 2: know none of this will be possible without you, guys.

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Speaker 2: You say that one more time, Yes, none of this

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Speaker 2: would be none of this would be possible without you guys,

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Speaker 2: our Patreon crew. Yes, everyone on social media who share

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Speaker 2: and subscribe and pass along notes about coming to see

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Speaker 2: the elisis.

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Speaker 1: None of this is responded. None of this could have

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Speaker 1: been done without you. So we appreciate you.

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Speaker 2: Cause I will say, particularly the patrig shout out to y'all.

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Speaker 2: You have to really be invested in a level of

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Speaker 2: support to us if you are spending money every month

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Speaker 2: to join us in those experiences. So we don't take

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Speaker 2: lightly what we produce for you on Patreon. You don't

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Speaker 2: have to be there to do that, and we've given

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Speaker 2: i want to say, almost seven years of just content

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Speaker 2: that hasn't been like highly produced or cost anything.

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Speaker 1: That's why this next question, what do you hope to

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Speaker 1: gain from the live shows? That's what you're saying leads

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Speaker 1: me into that I hope to curate an experience in

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Speaker 1: person because the digital age has made it so that

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Speaker 1: people think they really know you because they watch you

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Speaker 1: on the phone or watch you on TV. But no,

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Speaker 1: they don't really know us. So when we do the

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Speaker 1: live shows, I want them to really get a chance

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Speaker 1: to know us, get a chance to say I was

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Speaker 1: in the same room as those people. I was there

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Speaker 1: when they were building. Because even like one thing I

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Speaker 1: will say, there is no mistake when you look at

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Speaker 1: entertainment and why comedians continue to be the greatest source

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Speaker 1: of influence. When they're looking to add someone to a project,

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Speaker 1: they'll go to find a comedian, They'll go to find

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Speaker 1: a singer or a rapper. They always go to people

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Speaker 1: who do what provide live shows? No, not laugh live shows.

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Speaker 3: Well, live shows that live shows, Yeah, come and.

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Speaker 1: Laugh because live shows bring people together. Someone who can

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Speaker 1: command an audience live is a better person that will

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Speaker 1: command them on television or in the movies. So for me,

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Speaker 1: I want to continue that aspect of entertaining live, not

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Speaker 1: just digital. I wanted to. I want people to be

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Speaker 1: like I went to an event and I ate, and

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Speaker 1: I drank, and I laugh and I cried and I

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Speaker 1: hugged my girl and my wife or I hugged my husband,

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Speaker 1: and I met them afterwards and they were the same

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Speaker 1: people that I saw on the internet. Like I saw

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Speaker 1: them and I actually shook hands and they gave me

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Speaker 1: words of encouragement, and like that's what I want for people,

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Speaker 1: oh for sure.

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Speaker 2: And I even think of people who have left the shows,

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Speaker 2: like when it talks about what the audience gains. I've

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Speaker 2: had people who then rode in after the fact or

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Speaker 2: even just hearing from our team, Like people got to

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Speaker 2: see the full experience, not just the Valenkadean, but they

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Speaker 2: got to meet Josh and Matt and Triple and Denoor

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Speaker 2: and like all of the people who help to really

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Speaker 2: just be invested in what that sperience looks like for y'all.

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Speaker 2: So it's like a family feel. We get to be

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Speaker 2: on stage with you guys. It's not all curated and

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Speaker 2: highly edited and all that. You really are just getting

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Speaker 2: us in the moment. Yes, And I love I love

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Speaker 2: what that feels like for us. And I'm hoping that

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Speaker 2: everyone who's been to the show already will be back,

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Speaker 2: because we have a lot of people who've been back

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Speaker 2: and been to every show so far in whatever respective city.

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Speaker 2: But that just lets me know that we have a

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Speaker 2: good thing going when they're repeat people coming back.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, And also this is not the last show that

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Speaker 1: when we hate doing it, we're never doing it again.

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Speaker 1: We're trying to find a way to curate an experience

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Speaker 1: that you guys deserve, but also curate our lives to

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Speaker 1: where our kids get the best version of us in

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Speaker 1: our careers. So we're trying to find a way, but

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Speaker 1: as of right now, this is going to be We're

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Speaker 1: gonna put everything into this show.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And I mean also too like to piggyback

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Speaker 2: off of that devel where we have the live shows

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Speaker 2: now in the time of year, February always kind of

422
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Speaker 2: falls right into March and April when you are potentially

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Speaker 2: filming something. And let's be real about why we even

424
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:14,400
Speaker 2: started this journey. It was to help to spark your

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Speaker 2: acting career, just sharing in general and just showing what

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Speaker 2: you were capable of. And I just honestly feel deep

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Speaker 2: down in my soul that this year is going to

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Speaker 2: be a breakout year for you. And bring on the projects,

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Speaker 2: bring on the leading male roles, bring on all the films,

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Speaker 2: like this is what you've been working so hard for.

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Speaker 2: So in me being a bit selfish in this moment

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Speaker 2: wanting to see you win, I feel like this is

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Speaker 2: like the time, this is when it's going to spark

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Speaker 2: for you, like in your forties. There's something about now

435
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Speaker 2: that just makes me feel like we're gonna have to

436
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Speaker 2: take a back seat. And I mean we meaning me

437
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Speaker 2: and y'all, you know, take a back seat to Devo

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Speaker 2: really living.

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Speaker 1: You will never in your life take a back seat

440
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:53,959
Speaker 1: to anything that I got going on.

441
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:54,399
Speaker 4: You know that.

442
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,680
Speaker 1: There's never going to be a point where we be like, baby, you,

443
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,040
Speaker 1: I don't understand I'm filming this.

444
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,880
Speaker 2: No, I I elect to make that decision for us

445
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,840
Speaker 2: and for you to be able to do this. Y'all

446
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 2: have no idea how much Devo I will lose sleep

447
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,280
Speaker 2: over what he's trying to curate for this show with

448
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 2: alongside me and our team. So I feel like it

449
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,639
Speaker 2: is just owed to you in this space, in this moment,

450
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 2: that you be able to live out those dreams fully

451
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 2: and this moment.

452
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, just create some space for me to grow in

453
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 1: other ways might not always be working on something else

454
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 1: and saying well, I can't do it. Because we have

455
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:33,679
Speaker 1: this plan, I feel focused.

456
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,639
Speaker 2: Do you have any favorite moments for many of our

457
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 2: live shows, whether it was twenty twenty, twenty twenty two,

458
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:40,000
Speaker 2: twenty twenty.

459
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 1: Three, one of my favorite moments the first moment I

460
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 1: will have to say Chicago, what's up? Chicago? Oh my God?

461
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:53,200
Speaker 2: To me?

462
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 1: To me, Chicago was like the best shop, like to

463
00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:00,920
Speaker 1: jump over the couch after Chicago's and the lights people cheering.

464
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 1: There was a group in the corner that was in

465
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 1: in the balcony that you could tell that they are

466
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 1: fans of our work because they were reciting stuff from

467
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:20,439
Speaker 1: Sisters Zatima from the podcast, reciting videos from twenty and seventeen,

468
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 1: like saying things that I'm just like wow, Like that

469
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:29,360
Speaker 1: has become a bit of a cultural phenomenon. Like, for example,

470
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 1: some one of the young men screamed out, when Kate

471
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,640
Speaker 1: come out here, she better be ready to drop it,

472
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,720
Speaker 1: And I'm like, man, everyone knows that kind of like

473
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:40,600
Speaker 1: how when we look at Martin and you know, we

474
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,479
Speaker 1: look at the fresh prince of Jamie Fox and they

475
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,719
Speaker 1: have certain things like when Jamie Fox goes, people know

476
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,479
Speaker 1: that's him. So it's like now when people him out,

477
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 1: can I get a drop? They know, like that's the

478
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 1: valent coadeen do that right? You know. Even when the

479
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,159
Speaker 1: whole drop challenge was happening, I was getting tagged so

480
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,879
Speaker 1: often because they like, look what y'all started, Look what

481
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 1: y'all started, now, you know, And I just felt good

482
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,639
Speaker 1: with Chicago was like that moment everyone knew everything and

483
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 1: it was just like man, like they rock with us,

484
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 1: So Chicago will be my favorite favor.

485
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 2: One favorite moment for me that was hilarious was in

486
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 2: New York when I forgot that your parents were in

487
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 2: the crowd or they were going to be at that

488
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,159
Speaker 2: show because we had already car agreed. We collectively agreed

489
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,399
Speaker 2: that like, our parents just can't come to our live shows,

490
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,399
Speaker 2: like we would love for them to see us in action,

491
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 2: but like it's not appropriate for our parents to come

492
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 2: because you know, we joke about all sorts of flude things,

493
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 2: and seeing as though in my mom's eyes, I am

494
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 2: still virgin Mary who's had these children not bisex, right,

495
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,239
Speaker 2: I was just like, there's no way, so forgetting that,

496
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 2: you're not even remembering that your parents were even thinking

497
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:46,880
Speaker 2: about coming to the show.

498
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 3: I didn't even know if they really had gotten tickets

499
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 3: or not know your.

500
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 1: Brother was coming.

501
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,439
Speaker 2: And then we had the whole joke about me getting

502
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 2: the dental work done and me saying like, damn, now

503
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 2: that my face is swollen, I can't even say suck

504
00:22:58,640 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 2: no dick.

505
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 1: You said that in front of my mother, and I.

506
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 2: Was like, oh my god, your parents are in the crowd.

507
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 2: Like I literally wanted to just you know, when you

508
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 2: had the hole in the stage like drops like That's

509
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 2: how I felt.

510
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 1: That was as moment.

511
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 3: That was a classic moment for me.

512
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,199
Speaker 2: But it was funny because in retrospect, looking back on it,

513
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 2: it was just a funny moment.

514
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 1: It was another funny moment. Brooklyn. Oh, we were in Brooklyn,

515
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: downtown Brooklyn. This was the first live show we did

516
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn. He had on the gold dress, the gold dress,

517
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 1: and he looked like an Oscar. And I picked you

518
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 1: up like I was accepting the Oscar and you were

519
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: sitting there like this.

520
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,639
Speaker 3: I was like that I put the micropront of it

521
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 3: and you were like, I like to take.

522
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 1: My mom That was great. Was that was That was

523
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 1: great improv. That was stuff that we don't That's why

524
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,920
Speaker 1: we love live shows, man, man.

525
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 2: Live shows are bomb, all right, y'all. So yeah, we're excited.

526
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,880
Speaker 2: We're working. We're about one month out from our first stop,

527
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 2: which is in Dallas. So February thirteenth, we will be

528
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 2: in Dallas. Shout out to Texas, y'all. Weather been looking

529
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 2: a little crazy lately too. It's been looking very cold

530
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 2: out there.

531
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 1: Oh man.

532
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 2: So we'll see, we'll see what it looks like when

533
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 2: we get down there on the thirteenth of February and

534
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:05,400
Speaker 2: then we have Valentine's Day off in between. The fifteenth.

535
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 2: I am looking so forward to this show. I grew

536
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 2: up watching the Apollo.

537
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a big deal.

538
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 2: The fact that we are going to be performing live

539
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 2: in the Apollo is something that I've never even dreamed of,

540
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 2: never thought as a foreseeable thing for us. But it's

541
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 2: going to be iconic to be in that space. So man,

542
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 2: New York, please show out for us. We're coming back

543
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 2: to our hometown, our home state, rather and we can't

544
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 2: wait to be there at the Apollo on the fifteenth.

545
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 2: Then next day we'll be out in Philly on the sixteenth.

546
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 2: Philly is also nar and Dere again. First show was

547
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 2: ever Philly. We get so much love down in the

548
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 2: DC Maryland area. Baltimore drive up. That's going to be

549
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 2: on the seventeenth.

550
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 1: The eighteenth is the eighteenth.

551
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 2: We're back home home, and then we're prepping to get

552
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 2: to North Carolina.

553
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 3: Charlotte and I got twenty.

554
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 1: Second Carolina is my family is from Orangeburg, South Caro.

555
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 1: Y'all better show up and show out, man, Come on now,

556
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 1: because I fought. I fought to get this show in

557
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 1: the Calinas.

558
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 3: Fought for Charlotte for sure.

559
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 1: Because I'm like, yo, we have to do something close

560
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,800
Speaker 1: by the family. You know. Everyone was telling us, Oh,

561
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: y'all doing Atlanta, they can draw. I said, no, we

562
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 1: have to do something for the Carolina. So Carolina, y'all

563
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: better show up and show out.

564
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 2: For you, even our Virginia folks, anybody up up on

565
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 2: that side of the of the Carolinas, come on down

566
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 2: and see us on the.

567
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 3: Twenty second in Charlotte, and then we are rounding out.

568
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 2: This tour with Atlanta, Atlanta our new hometown on the

569
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 2: twenty fourth of February. So we're excited to see y'all.

570
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 2: We're gonna take a quick break, and of course no

571
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 2: episode will be complete without listener letters. So we're gonna

572
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 2: show y'all some love and get into that after we

573
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:46,679
Speaker 2: get into some ads.

574
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 3: So stick around. We'll be back all right, We're back

575
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 3: back with listening letters. I will dive right in.

576
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:02,360
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm about to the bed.

577
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 2: I'm talking about coming to a show. I'm looking ahead.

578
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 2: Let's see Hi. Deval and Kadeen love you and your

579
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,679
Speaker 2: boys so much. Thank you for being a light in

580
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,400
Speaker 2: this world and allowing us into your home and lives.

581
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 3: You're so welcome.

582
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to my first live show in Dallas this

583
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,639
Speaker 2: February twenty twenty four. Got my VP ticket front row seat. Baby,

584
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 2: you are lit. Can't wait to see you all and

585
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 2: have a good time. It's going to be a good

586
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,919
Speaker 2: time for sure. I'm writing to you all because my

587
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,919
Speaker 2: boyfriend would like me to be more spontaneous, spicy in

588
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 2: the bedroom and less shy and awkward.

589
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 3: I believe too much.

590
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,119
Speaker 2: I believe I'm too much in my head when we

591
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 2: make love and trying to perform rather than just enjoy

592
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 2: when we enter the relationship. I was a virgin and

593
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 2: he was not, so we're still learning what we enjoy

594
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 2: in the bedroom. We like adventure and are always open

595
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 2: to learning new positions and finding new places to be intimate.

596
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 3: It excites us a lot.

597
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 2: Can you give advice on how I can be better

598
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,479
Speaker 2: to feel confident sex see with my man and ensure

599
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 2: that we don't get bored in the bedroom. And how

600
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,919
Speaker 2: long does it take to find a good groove or

601
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 2: be in sync with your partner in the bedroom?

602
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 3: All right, I'll let.

603
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 1: You answer this one. If I want to a woman,

604
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 1: I'll let you answer this one.

605
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 3: Girl. I know because I've been there.

606
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,199
Speaker 2: I still be there sometimes about what in my mind

607
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,159
Speaker 2: I think is sexy versus what he's going to receive

608
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 2: as being sexy. And this is twenty two years in

609
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 2: the making. Tovow has literally been begging me for certain things,

610
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 2: and I just can't get out of my own head

611
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 2: about how I can just do it and feel confident

612
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 2: doing it and not feel stupid doing it, thinking that, man,

613
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,199
Speaker 2: this is something that he's really going to enjoy, but

614
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 2: I also feel confident in delivering. So for me, when

615
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 2: it comes to that, I just have to I mean,

616
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,159
Speaker 2: first of all, I will say Devout does make me

617
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 2: feel super comfortable, regardless of what phase I am in

618
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 2: physically or mentally, time of day, time a year, whatever

619
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 2: it is. He makes me feel comfortable and attractive and

620
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 2: wanted because.

621
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 1: You naturally are. Though, like I will, I will say this,

622
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: I don't be lying after you've had a baby, Before

623
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 1: you had a baby, while you're pregnant, I'm still attracted

624
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,120
Speaker 1: to you. So I think it's important that I tell

625
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: you that so that you don't feel like it's tough yeah,

626
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 1: because it's not. I'm still attracted to you, you know.

627
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 1: So I think it's important for men to know that

628
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: when your wife is going through all your significant others

629
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 1: going through these changes, when you feel attracted to her,

630
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:22,800
Speaker 1: let her know. Right, you don't let her know.

631
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 2: But sometimes even THO that's not enough. Right, As women,

632
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 2: we still tend to internalize things and we're just like

633
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 2: picking at that like roll of fat or picking at

634
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 2: the moments that we don't feel sexy. So my problem

635
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,919
Speaker 2: that I had to overcome and I'm still overcoming, is

636
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 2: what in my mind constitutes being sexy versus just at

637
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 2: giving him what he asks for. So I would say,

638
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 2: talk to your talk to your man, and just say, hey,

639
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 2: what can I do to spice things up? Like you're

640
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 2: a little bit more experienced than I am. I'm still

641
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 2: trying to find my groove because you're my first partner,

642
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 2: so I'm starting to try. She's also trying to figure

643
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 2: out what she still likes. Absolutely, So I think having

644
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 2: the open conversations and saying, hey, baby, what can I

645
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 2: do to spice things up?

646
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 3: Do you want me to dressed some kind of way?

647
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 3: Do you want some role play?

648
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 2: Should we try spontaneous places, and you just have to

649
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 2: be willing and open to receive that and giving him

650
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 2: what he wants.

651
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 3: And I think that was my problem for a long.

652
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: Time, is I'm trying to curate an experience that I

653
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 2: think is sexy for him. When he's just like, I

654
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 2: don't need all that, I need this, give me this.

655
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 2: And when he's clear and he's confident about what he wants,

656
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 2: you can be confident in delivering that. How do you feel, babe,

657
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,239
Speaker 2: in terms of like getting that groove or you know,

658
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 2: being in sync in the bedroom.

659
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: I would just say this, when he tells you what

660
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: he likes and what he wants, don't try to give

661
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: him your version of what it is.

662
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's where I go wrong.

663
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 1: And that's as all the time. I'll say I want

664
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 1: one thing, she'll do something else. And then when I say,

665
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: but I ask for this, she'll say, but I gave

666
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 1: you this, as if I should just accept it. It's

667
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: not fair to your partner if they're telling you exactly

668
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 1: what they like, but you keep telling your partner, I

669
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 1: hear you, but I'm gonna give you this because I

670
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: know what you need. No, I'm telling you what I need.

671
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 1: Why are you ignoring what I'm telling you to give

672
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 1: me what's more convenient for you? And I think that's

673
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 1: for both sides. I don't think that's a man or

674
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: a woman thing. I think that if you have decided

675
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 1: that you want exclusivity from that partner, when that partner

676
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: tells you that this is what they require or want,

677
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 1: you then have to make a choice if you want

678
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 1: to provide that. If you don't want to provide that

679
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: to that person, it's kind of unfair for you to

680
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: ask for exclusivity. So since you asking for exclusivity, if

681
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: this is what your partner wants and requires, do your

682
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: best to give it to them as long as it's

683
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: within your alignment for what your morals are. Yeah, because

684
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: if somebody asking for too much and you're like, I

685
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: don't want to do that, all that, and then you

686
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: can say, hey, I'm not trying to do that, maybe

687
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 1: we're not aligned on this part of our life and

688
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 1: maybe this is not meant for us.

689
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 2: Do you think it takes a while for people to

690
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 2: get into a sexual groove? And the reason I ask

691
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 2: that is because, like I know someone who confided in

692
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:53,959
Speaker 2: me about feeling like when she initially started her journey

693
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 2: sexually with someone that they weren't on the same page,

694
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 2: Like I guess maybe they didn't have the right I

695
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 2: don't know if it was the right cadence or you know,

696
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 2: maybe her.

697
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,479
Speaker 3: Way was not like his.

698
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 2: Does it take time for people to develop a groove

699
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 2: with sex or should you have that initially when you

700
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 2: have that attraction, Like.

701
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: No, I don't think anything is just this works. What

702
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: I think happens is, especially for women, being sexual is

703
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 1: so taboo and women are shamed a lot for being sexual.

704
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 1: So you spend most of your life trying to dim

705
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 1: down your sexuality because in the workplace you can't be sexual.

706
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: If you're a mom and you're out at school, you can't,

707
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: like there's no place for you to openly practice your sexuality.

708
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 1: Then you get with someone and it's like this person

709
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 1: just wants you to be this flamboyantly sexual being and

710
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 1: it's like, I've never practiced this, So it takes time.

711
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: But also for men too write men's idea of sexuality,

712
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 1: it becomes extremely perverse because from the time we're young,

713
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: people are telling us you're a man, you have to

714
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: be able to do this. You listen to some older

715
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: gentlemen who tell you right. So it's like women are

716
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 1: conditioned to not be sexual because it's not ladylike, But

717
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: then men are conditioned to be overly sexual. And now

718
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: you have two people trying to be together, and you

719
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 1: have one being who's overly sexual and another being who's

720
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 1: not sexual. Right, it takes listening to each other. That's

721
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: why I'm saying I wouldn't even say time because if

722
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: that person's a good listener and this person's a good listener,

723
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 1: when they get to get right to it. But when

724
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: you have two people who are stubborn, who will say, well,

725
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 1: I want to be sexual this way. I'm not interested

726
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 1: in the way you want to be sexual. This is

727
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 1: what I want, now you have a problem.

728
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 2: But also to it takes compromise, right, because there's certain

729
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 2: things that I kind of introduced, you know, in our

730
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 2: sexual world that you were like, all right, i'll give

731
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 2: it a try. Absolutely, you know, I'll give it a try.

732
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 2: It's not something that I would have necessarily subscribed to

733
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 2: in the beginning, but hey, if it's something you want

734
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 2: to try, let's do it.

735
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 3: And it does it or not.

736
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 1: It does take compromise and grace, but it also just

737
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: takes a willingness to want to be that for someone

738
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: like I just knew personally for me, I wanted monogamy right,

739
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 1: and I wanted to find someone else who wanted monogamy.

740
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 1: So I also knew as a man that if the

741
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: person I'm choosing to ask them to be monogamous with me,

742
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: if they're saying they want to do something, I have

743
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 1: to be open to that, you know what I'm saying, like,

744
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: I have to be what do you want to try

745
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: a bad what do you want to do? I can't say, well,

746
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:16,880
Speaker 1: I only want monogamy the way I want it. That's

747
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: unfair for me, you know. And then I feel like

748
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: it's also unfair for a partner to ask that of me. So,

749
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 1: what you want monogamy and you want me to only

750
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: be with you, but I only can be with you

751
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: the way you want it? Why would anyone subscribe to that?

752
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: So it's not so much just compromise, it's a willingness

753
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: to be of service. Yeah, because compromise can also be

754
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: seen as okay, I won't do this. No being of

755
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: service means I will do that because that's what you require,

756
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 1: and I want to be of service, So I don't

757
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: feel like I'm doing anything that I don't want to do.

758
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: I want to be of service or if this is

759
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 1: what you require, I want to do it right.

760
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 2: And the two shall meet at some point because for me, yes,

761
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 2: much like her, Sometimes you just get in your own

762
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 2: head about the way you need to deliver things, and

763
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 2: that can be intimidating.

764
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 3: So I get it.

765
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 2: Have a conversation with him, says, see what he likes,

766
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 2: you know, see if he's willing to try certain things.

767
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 2: There may be certain fantasies that you in your mind,

768
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 2: even though you haven't been as experienced, you might say, hey,

769
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 2: I like this, this felts a little good this time around.

770
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 3: Let's running back.

771
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: You know, I would say, don't listen to anybody else

772
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: about what you should try. No, ask him what he

773
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: requires and what he needs. Provide that while also figuring out,

774
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: because she was a virgin, what you need require and

775
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: tell him anybody else telling y'all try this. You don't

776
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 1: know if y'all gonna like that. But now you introduce

777
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:37,879
Speaker 1: something to your bedroom that you don't even know if

778
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: you like or he likes. It was a waste of time.

779
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: Ask him what he wants. But then also be like, babe,

780
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 1: I'll do this. I want to try this. Can we

781
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 1: do that? Y'all will have fun. She said that they're

782
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 1: having fun, so I think they'll have fun engaging and

783
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 1: talking consistently to each other. Leave everybody else out of

784
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 1: this conversation. Don't ask your mom, your sister, your male,

785
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: best friend, your brother, don't ask them what they do.

786
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 1: Learn your body, know what you like, and ask your

787
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 1: partner what they like.

788
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 3: Period number two.

789
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 1: Hello Kinne Devout. Recently, a friend of mine was promoted

790
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: to this high level position, and she reached out to

791
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 1: me about an opportunity to come work with her. I've

792
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 1: been in management a few years now, but at the

793
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 1: time I wasn't really happy at my previous job, so

794
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: I felt this opportunity came at the right time. It

795
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 1: was more money, a smaller team to supervise, and I

796
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: was allowed to work from home two days a week.

797
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 1: That sounds like a plus plus. I felt this new

798
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 1: position aligned with my professional goals, so I accept it

799
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 1: without hesitation. I have known her for over fifteen years,

800
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 1: and I was excited about working with her and supporting

801
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,760
Speaker 1: her in her new role. When I first started, everything

802
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 1: was going well. However, that didn't last long. I started

803
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 1: seeing sides of her that I had never seen before.

804
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 1: She became so hot and cold and at times wouldn't

805
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,399
Speaker 1: even speak when she came into the office. Now, don't

806
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 1: get me wrong, I understand she's in a high level

807
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 1: position and her job can be stressful, but she is

808
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: becoming downright mean and bully like. I am not the

809
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 1: only one who feels this way, because other managers would

810
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 1: come to me about her behavior towards them. After word,

811
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 1: she acts as if nothing happened, and I'm left feeling perplexed.

812
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:07,720
Speaker 1: I just listened to the episode when you all discuss

813
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 1: why you start a Patreon. You all talked about hiring

814
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 1: people you trust and how you don't work with them.

815
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 1: You don't work with just any brand. My question to

816
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 1: you is how do you know when to choose the

817
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 1: right job role for you? Also, how do you manage

818
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 1: hiring your friends for instance Devo? How do you know

819
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,719
Speaker 1: which acting roles are best for you? And Kay, I'm

820
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 1: sure you get hundreds of requests of host speaking engagements.

821
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 1: What do you look for in order to say yes

822
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 1: or no? Deep Down, I felt like this was the

823
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: right position for me, and now I feel like I've

824
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,800
Speaker 1: made a huge mistake. I also feel like this working

825
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:44,399
Speaker 1: relationship will now cause tension between my boss Nope, who

826
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 1: just so happens to be my friend. I want to

827
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 1: talk to her about it, but I don't know how

828
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: to address her antics professionally and from a friend's perspective.

829
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 1: I could be wrong, but I think this new role

830
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 1: has gone to her head a little.

831
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 3: That's why this thing you don't make it's business and pleasure.

832
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 1: People need to understand that there is a difference between

833
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:11,760
Speaker 1: a friendship and a business relationship. She's hiring you because

834
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 1: you guys are friend She is not going to be

835
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 1: your friend when you guys are at work. And if

836
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 1: you're expecting her to be your friend while at work,

837
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: it may come across as bullying if she's being cold

838
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 1: because at work she has to maintain a certain standard

839
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: to make sure that everyone around her gets her job done.

840
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 1: No one likes the person in charge. I'll tell you

841
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 1: this right now. When I have to be in charge

842
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: of my friends or my family, they all hate me,

843
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: all of them, including my wife, including my wife. You

844
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,760
Speaker 1: know why, because there is a standard and there's accountability

845
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 1: that is expected by the person who's in charge, and

846
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: when shit goes wrong, all of those people then look

847
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 1: to who you. So since y'all are going to look

848
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 1: to me with that responsibility, I'm going to carry that

849
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: responsibility with everything I do while at work, which means

850
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 1: if you're not getting something done, I have to tell you.

851
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to sit you down and be like, hey,

852
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 1: you're my friend. No, I'm gonna be like, yo, wasn't

853
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 1: supposed to get done. It didn't get done. It needs

854
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 1: to get done. A lot of times when people go

855
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 1: to work with their friends, they think it's going to

856
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: be all chummy, and so that person has to hold

857
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: you accountable and now no one likes the person no more.

858
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 3: But I think there should also be a level of respect.

859
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,359
Speaker 2: And for me, I know, if I'm working in an

860
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 2: environment where my friend hires me for something, nothing's going

861
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 2: to stop me from delivering the best version of whatever

862
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 2: it is that they need because I would be so

863
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 2: invested in whatever my friend.

864
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 3: Needs in that position, because you want her to.

865
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 2: Be It's like, yeah, it's like a responsibility that I

866
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:44,880
Speaker 2: feel like you should have if you are working with

867
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 2: a friend on something, to say, you know what, I

868
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,479
Speaker 2: could let a stranger down potentially, But I'm not gonna

869
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,360
Speaker 2: let my friend down in this business.

870
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,839
Speaker 1: Everybody don't think like that. I would hope that, but no,

871
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: everybody don't. You know how a lot of people think

872
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: my friend got me this job. I'm about to be

873
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 1: at work. I don't got to come on time. If

874
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit late. My friend got me. Oh

875
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,359
Speaker 1: this report was due with this time. I'll hand it

876
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 1: in this time. My friend got me. That's how a

877
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 1: lot of people do their friends when their friends put

878
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 1: them on, and then when their friends fired them. Oh

879
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 1: she changed, she acting different like I was only a

880
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 1: five minutes late. Ten times I've dealt with that. Remember

881
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 1: at the gym, hiring my friends. At times, I'm like, yo,

882
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 1: Like I remember the session started at three o'clock. Val

883
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: was only three oh three. We require the parents and

884
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 1: the kids to be here fifteen minutes early. You think

885
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 1: it's okay for you to be three minutes late. It's

886
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: only three minutes. Cool. Now you have no more group sessions.

887
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 1: De Val took my money away. He power tripping. I've

888
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 1: heard that. I've heard that this very thing. I've heard

889
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:42,360
Speaker 1: that when I was running my business.

890
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're absolutely about that.

891
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 1: It's hard that she asked, how do you hire your friends?

892
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,839
Speaker 1: You use discernment and you say, you know what, I've

893
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,839
Speaker 1: watched this person over years, and I understand that this

894
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,799
Speaker 1: person has a certain work ethic, and I think that

895
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 1: that work ethic is in alignment with mine. That's how

896
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 1: I hire friends. And as you're younger and growing, you learn.

897
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 2: Who can be weeded out of that process. Right now,

898
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 2: I know for sure, although I have, for example, say

899
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 2: a group of five friends, there's probably two who I

900
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 2: would hire and for no other reason that I know

901
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,879
Speaker 2: that there are effective in whatever roles that they've been

902
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 2: in over the course of years.

903
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 3: So these are people who have had.

904
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 2: Track records that I've seen them in their own jobs

905
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 2: that I can say, along with the fact that we

906
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 2: have a friendship and y'all will be invested in my

907
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 2: product or my company or whatever it is, I've seen

908
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,720
Speaker 2: the track record of how you were able to exist.

909
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 2: And that's probably what your friends saw in you, which

910
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 2: is the reason why she hired you. But now I

911
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 2: feel like it is worth you kind of assessing, Okay,

912
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 2: what I'm feeling right now from my friend this bullying

913
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 2: in a sense? Is it because she's just stressed in

914
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 2: her role or is she really going out of her

915
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,320
Speaker 2: way to be like that because she's trying to flex

916
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 2: deciding which one it is.

917
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 1: I will say this too, Women get an unfair rap

918
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 1: when they get hired to a new position. Clearly this

919
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:01,920
Speaker 1: one worked her ass off to be able to be

920
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 1: put in that higher position, because they don't give higher

921
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: positions to women for no reason, right, So clearly this

922
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,439
Speaker 1: woman has worked her ass off. You know what I've

923
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 1: noticed though from a lot of women, and I've learned

924
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 1: this from your mom and my aunt and my mom.

925
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: Everybody's cool with you when we at the same level.

926
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 1: One person gets promoted. Now everybody at that level hates

927
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 1: that person. She said, people are coming to her to

928
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 1: talk about her friend. Don't do that. You don't know

929
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: what type of jealousy is coming with them. Conversations. You

930
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 1: don't know what like the first thing you do when

931
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: someone comes to talk to you about a higher with

932
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: someone else, excuse me, excuse me. If you have an

933
00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 1: issue with that person, you should take that with hr.

934
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,240
Speaker 1: I'm not the person, because what happened is that person

935
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,879
Speaker 1: will then use that conversation like ahah soon Show said

936
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 1: the same thing too. Women give each other the hardest

937
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 1: time when it comes to moving up, especially in corporate.

938
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 3: America, is fact.

939
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: And I don't want this young lady to look at

940
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 1: her friend and then listen to the other people around

941
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 1: who are also saying she's being a bully. No, maybe

942
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 1: she's just being a woman who's holding people accountable. And

943
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 1: the fact that she's a woman is making other people

944
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: pissed off. Oh yeah, you know what I'm saying. Your

945
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: mom went through that. My mom went through that, My

946
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: aunt Monique went through that. I watched it all the time.

947
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 2: That's a fact. People hating my mom and her job.

948
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 1: Yes, and your mom had three straight deficiency free surveys,

949
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 1: which never happens. She had one every year for three

950
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: years in a row. And allman people gets I can

951
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,400
Speaker 1: stand shure why because she gets shited done and because

952
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 1: she won't let you come to work late and she

953
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 1: holds you accountable. Oh, she's a bitch now because she's

954
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 1: doing all the things that when that white man was

955
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 1: telling you to do what you had no problem doing it.

956
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 1: Now you have a woman of color telling you the

957
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: same thing, and now she acting like a bitch. This

958
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 1: really be happening in a corporate America college.

959
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 3: So does.

960
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 2: And then who's responsible when everything is gone to shit?

961
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 2: Her the boss, yes, And who's going to have to

962
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 2: answer to the bigger bosses her the boss? So yeah,

963
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 2: give her a little grace here, sis, And if you

964
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 2: value the friendship that much, know how to have the

965
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:58,839
Speaker 2: discernment to decipher what's what.

966
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 3: All right. I think we covered everything in this listener letter, right.

967
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, she didn't ask about how I know which acting

968
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 2: roles are for you and which speaking engagements. Usually I

969
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,720
Speaker 2: work with brands, and I partner with people who align

970
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 2: and synergies match with turn like something that I believe

971
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 2: in or something that I'm passionate about.

972
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 3: That's when I.

973
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 2: Normally take those speaking engagements and roles and stuff like

974
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,480
Speaker 2: that has to be something that I'm passionate about.

975
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 1: For me as an actor, I take roles that are

976
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: in alignment with my belief system. I take roles that

977
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 1: tell stories that I can stand behind and say, you

978
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: know what, I'm comfortable telling this story because I agree

979
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: with the message. I've been blessed that I own businesses,

980
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 1: so I don't act for money. It's difficult to be

981
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 1: an artist and to do anything for money, because then

982
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 1: when the roles come around and you have to pay

983
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 1: your rent or you have to pay your mortgage, and

984
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 1: you may not agree with that role, but you have

985
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 1: to take it to pay it. That happens to people

986
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:58,280
Speaker 1: at times. I've just decided that I wanted to build

987
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: my own revenue streams outside of my art so that

988
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 1: I can say yeah or nate to whatever projects and

989
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 1: then I don't have.

990
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 3: To be inmate number one again, right right.

991
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: You know, you know, because sometimes get tired away in

992
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 1: an orange suit. You know, I get tired of cursing

993
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 1: people out and being a thug bad guy, because that's

994
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: not the only version of a black man. I want

995
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: to be seen. As we talked about early in this

996
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: in this podcast or maybe it was another podcast, but

997
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: watching everything through the male gaze, right, it's also watching

998
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:29,480
Speaker 1: everything through a European gaze. Right. When we see things,

999
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 1: we see things through the idea of that's what everyone

1000
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: believes is the truth, and that's not always the truth.

1001
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 1: So I look at projects, I look at scripts, and

1002
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 1: I say, what is this story about? What is this

1003
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 1: character trying to say? And if I agree with the message,

1004
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 1: then I'm with it. If the message challenges me from

1005
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,359
Speaker 1: my own thought and makes me think or rethink what

1006
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:55,480
Speaker 1: I'm what my belief system is. I will then do

1007
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 1: research to say do I am I comfortable doing this?

1008
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: For example, Zach MHM, Zach is an x con. I

1009
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: got tired of playing the bad boy x con thug

1010
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:11,399
Speaker 1: with the tattoos. But then I asked, and TP said,

1011
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:12,879
Speaker 1: where do you want to see Zach go? I said,

1012
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: I want to see him. I wanted to be a

1013
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,319
Speaker 1: redemption story. I want to be able to talk about

1014
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 1: recidivism going in and out of prison.

1015
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 2: And because that's someone's story, people really exactly people can

1016
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 2: relate to that.

1017
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 1: So I didn't want to amplify or glorify him being

1018
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:30,759
Speaker 1: an ex con, but I wanted to be able to

1019
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 1: tell the story about how what an x con goes

1020
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 1: through and how they can build themselves up. So, just

1021
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: for example, Zach was that guy, you know, and I

1022
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: chose to do that, even though I didn't want to

1023
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: do any more criminals, it made sense for me.

1024
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:43,919
Speaker 3: In that moment.

1025
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 2: You were able to really show a evolutions Zach, you know,

1026
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 2: trying to be better, absolutely trying to be better. All right,

1027
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 2: to y'all, if you want to be featured as a

1028
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:58,320
Speaker 2: listener letter. Be sure to email us at Deadass Advice

1029
00:45:58,360 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com.

1030
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 1: That's the E A D A S S A D

1031
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:05,240
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1032
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 2: Moment of truth time, we're talking about preparing for the

1033
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:12,360
Speaker 2: tour dead Ass Podcast Live coming up this February twenty

1034
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:12,919
Speaker 2: twenty four.

1035
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:14,440
Speaker 3: Do you have a moment of truth for us?

1036
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 1: Yes? What's that This live show will be something that

1037
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,839
Speaker 1: you have never seen before. You will get to see

1038
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 1: us do things and create an experience that people will

1039
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 1: walk away with being happy and motivated and smiling and

1040
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:32,320
Speaker 1: laughing and loving their significant others when they leave that theater.

1041
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: That's just moments.

1042
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 3: Did I hypen this stuff up so much for y'all? Man?

1043
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 3: I hope it lives up to right. Why what it's

1044
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:40,760
Speaker 3: been saying?

1045
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 2: Why?

1046
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 3: Because I'm lowki scared as hell. That's my moment of truth.

1047
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 2: I get nervous before every show, and then once I

1048
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 2: hit the stage, I'm fine because you all do a

1049
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 2: great job of making me feel so warm and so

1050
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 2: loved and everything. But I never take for granted the

1051
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 2: support that y'all give us. I never take for granted

1052
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 2: the fact that y'all use your time, you spend your

1053
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 2: money to really support us, so that in itself is

1054
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 2: enough for me to work hard to continue to make

1055
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:10,319
Speaker 2: sure that this show, regardless of what city you're in,

1056
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 2: is worth it. So we love y'all, We thank you.

1057
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 2: If you haven't purchased your tickets yet, be sure to

1058
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,400
Speaker 2: go to is it deadass dot com?

1059
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:18,719
Speaker 1: Yes?

1060
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 2: Podcast that yeah, And then if you can go there

1061
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 2: and you can find links for all of the shows,

1062
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 2: you get the rundown for the dates, the venues and

1063
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 2: all that good stuff.

1064
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 3: And be sure to grab your copy of We Over Me.

1065
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 3: Don't forget about that.

1066
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:35,400
Speaker 1: All of my stuff.

1067
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:36,920
Speaker 3: Oh sorry, I didn't even get to the paper.

1068
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 1: Every time. She she just be reading the whole thing.

1069
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 1: Go ahead.

1070
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:44,720
Speaker 2: It was the moment of truth that kind of spiraled

1071
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 2: into that because it just felt natural. But you can,

1072
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 2: you can, you can bring up the rear. Be sure

1073
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 2: to follow us on Patreon.

1074
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 1: You you know that you should have.

1075
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 3: Known that was hoping that we could laze over that,

1076
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 3: and you just.

1077
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 1: Got some stuff you can glaze over to, and then

1078
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 1: I could pull up the rear. You feel me. Look,

1079
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:03,480
Speaker 1: she's stuck. She don't even know what to say. This

1080
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 1: is what I've been doing, She's stuck. Be sure to

1081
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: find us on Patreon see exclusive Deadass podcast video content,

1082
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 1: and to find us on social media at dead Ass

1083
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 1: the Podcasts and I Am Devoured.

1084
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 2: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,

1085
00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 2: review and subscribe and grab your copy of over Me

1086
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,720
Speaker 2: and grab your tickets dead Ass.

1087
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1088
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: it's produced by Donor, Opinia and Triple Follow the podcast

1089
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,879
Speaker 1: on social media at dead Ass the Podcasts and Never

1090
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Speaker 1: Miss a Thing