Speaker 1: And he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine.
Speaker 1: For example, she taught my two year old son to
Speaker 1: call her mom and he defended her. Wow. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the podcast guys. Thank you for being with us. I
Speaker 1: got one of my best friends and second week in
Speaker 1: a row to help me answer your questions. Bernie Calcot welcome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks thanks for having me back. And last time,
Speaker 2: I know, guys, I talked a lot on every question
Speaker 2: about getting off of social media, and I got like
Speaker 2: tons of emails and people saying, hey, bahbah, you know
Speaker 2: this is my job and I'm just kidding. Nobody ever
Speaker 2: use emails me, but I was thinking, hey, you should
Speaker 2: get off of social media. If you hear what I'm
Speaker 2: saying in it and it hits you and you have
Speaker 2: that conviction, if it's your job and is whatever, then
Speaker 2: don't listen to me. But I just want to clarify
Speaker 2: that from last week.
Speaker 1: Sept for the Grangersmith podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have to be on social media to
Speaker 2: do that.
Speaker 1: Do you know, unless you're like watching it on YouTube
Speaker 1: that just only watched that.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, for some reason, I don't. For I don't
Speaker 2: know if I consider YouTube social media.
Speaker 1: Maybe it is now that they have YouTube shorts you know.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's it's it's creeping up there as a
Speaker 1: social media platform for sure. Yeah, because my kids aren't
Speaker 1: allowed on social media, and YouTube shorts is part of that,
Speaker 1: Like you can't be on YouTube. That's part of the thing.
Speaker 2: And I know that we need to jump into the questions,
Speaker 2: but I got a quick question for you, if that's okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I heard recently on your another podcast or something maybe
Speaker 2: with Amber that you guys were going like no screens
Speaker 2: for your kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like.
Speaker 2: I use that all the time with my kids. By
Speaker 2: the way, I'm like grangers kids don't even get screen.
Speaker 2: You guys, y'all need to be grateful.
Speaker 1: Okay. So I uh, I read in a book somewhere
Speaker 1: where the guy his dad offered him so much amount
Speaker 1: of money. It's like five hundred bucks. And this was,
Speaker 1: you know, when he was a kid, his dad offered
Speaker 1: him five hundred bucks to be off of TV for
Speaker 1: a year, and he said he hated it. At first,
Speaker 1: he took it because he wanted the money, and then
Speaker 1: he hated it, and then he started to love it,
Speaker 1: and then he looks back and now he's like a lawyer,
Speaker 1: and he's so grateful that his dad did that. So
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna do that. So with inflation
Speaker 1: at five hundred, probably is around two grand. So I
Speaker 1: told each of my kids, I'll give you two thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Two thousand dollars you don't touch screens for a year,
Speaker 1: which it was at London's birthday in October. So by
Speaker 1: next London's birthday next October, if you successfully made it,
Speaker 1: I'll give you two thousand dollar. Now the idea is
Speaker 1: the idea is YouTube. Combine it Lincoln in London and
Speaker 1: we'll go to Disney World. Nice, and we'll use that
Speaker 1: four grand and go to Disney World. Yeah, and so
Speaker 1: they're like really excited and then and it has rules
Speaker 1: that are attached with It's not like they just can't
Speaker 1: look at a screen. You would do family movie Night. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get to pick the movies occasionally. They could have input.
Speaker 1: You could have an hour on a Saturday morning to
Speaker 1: watch a cartoon show if you're with others, can't watch
Speaker 1: it by yourself, And we'll give you a video game
Speaker 1: allowance in the week, and it's going to be once
Speaker 1: a week. It once again, in a community, you have
Speaker 1: to be in a community. Can't be by yourself, and
Speaker 1: you can't just be playing online with somebody. You have
Speaker 1: to be together in a community playing the game. And
Speaker 1: then aside from that, loccasions like you're sick, you're home,
Speaker 1: you got the flu. Okay, you can watch them YouTube
Speaker 1: or something, but you cannot just randomly pick up a
Speaker 1: screen and start watching something and you make it. You
Speaker 1: get two thousand bucks. Now that that is in London,
Speaker 1: Like two months later, it's like, I'm out. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna I'm not.
Speaker 2: Long did she go though?
Speaker 1: She went like two months. But I told her you
Speaker 1: can't get out. You can't, You're already in. I'm not
Speaker 1: letting you get out. She was like why wait? What
Speaker 1: I thought this is this is an agreement that you
Speaker 1: You gave me an opportunity. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I change my mind.
Speaker 2: It's now it's im I get to do that.
Speaker 1: And Lincoln back there like this is typical Lincoln. He
Speaker 1: was like, hey, daddy, so if she quits but I
Speaker 1: won't quit, do I get both money? Like I get
Speaker 1: extra money. It was like, stop it, man, stop it,
Speaker 1: stay out of this conversation.
Speaker 2: That sounds like Boston.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So Anyway, that's where we are. I honestly don't
Speaker 1: know how this experiment's going to turn out. And there
Speaker 1: have been times when I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at hairstyles on Pinterest. I'm like, that's a
Speaker 1: social media and that's a screen. Yeah but dad, I'm
Speaker 1: just looking out to curl my hair tomorrow. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: they didn't count.
Speaker 2: Yeah ah yeah.
Speaker 1: So that's where we are. Well, it's not it's not pretty,
Speaker 1: it's not perfect.
Speaker 2: Hey, man, I think the message to everybody, including what
Speaker 2: I'm here in two, is like, you are trying something.
Speaker 2: You're trying to like push against the norm of culture,
Speaker 2: and man, I admire that so much. That's gonna look
Speaker 2: different for everybody out there, but I think the message is, guys,
Speaker 2: we should be trying something. It should be counterculture, because
Speaker 2: if we're just doing what the norm is and conforming
Speaker 2: to that, it is not going to produce healthy, you know,
Speaker 2: kids that don't have anxiety and all kinds of issues
Speaker 2: like you're.
Speaker 1: Trying, man.
Speaker 2: And I love that Boston would have negotiated at least
Speaker 2: up to six or seven grand before we even started.
Speaker 2: He was like, all right, I'll see your two I'll
Speaker 2: raise you another eight. I'm like that way.
Speaker 1: I don't think they listened to this podcast. They did
Speaker 1: not negotiate the deal, but that would have been funny
Speaker 1: if they would have been like twenty two hundred. And
Speaker 1: my goal really is that they I don't just give
Speaker 1: them cash. Really, my goal is that we go on
Speaker 1: like some kind of vacation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, hey, I love that. The investment though,
Speaker 2: that you're making in them is far more than the
Speaker 2: two grand or whatever that it takes to go to
Speaker 2: Disney World.
Speaker 1: That's really well, I'll see. I'll let everybody know how
Speaker 1: this turns out. What we do here you asked me
Speaker 1: a question. What we do is we answer your question.
Speaker 1: The listener. You email me at podcast at grangersmith dot com.
Speaker 1: Podcast at grangersmith dot com, and we'll walk through these questions.
Speaker 1: Today it's Bernie and I and the first question comes
Speaker 1: from Coleman. It says, Hey, Granger, I am a recent
Speaker 1: college graduate of the University of Georgia and now I'm
Speaker 1: working here go dogs. My question slash situation is this.
Speaker 1: I am working an office job. The advantage is it
Speaker 1: is a stable job, but I find myself not enjoying it.
Speaker 1: I think about it because it's generally a boring job.
Speaker 1: I have a girlfriend up here and live in an
Speaker 1: apartment with four roommates. My goal right now is to
Speaker 1: save money put towards a house in the future. My
Speaker 1: question is this, how long do you think I should
Speaker 1: stay in a job that I don't hate but I
Speaker 1: also don't enjoy? Thanks and come to Athens someday. Hey,
Speaker 1: great question to kick the show off with Coleman. Man.
Speaker 1: You've got a great guest today for this question, Bernie.
Speaker 1: Bernie's gonna be all over this. Let me recap it
Speaker 1: for my own brain. You're in a job. You're young.
Speaker 1: I don't know how old you are, but you're pretty.
Speaker 1: You're working in an office job. It's stable. You don't enjoy it,
Speaker 1: but you also don't hate it. It's just boring. You
Speaker 1: have a girlfriend, you got four roommates, and you're wanting
Speaker 1: to think about your future, maybe save up some money,
Speaker 1: maybe for a house. So then your question is how long?
Speaker 1: How long do I live in this season with this
Speaker 1: job that I don't enjoy? And I'm excited. Actually, I'm
Speaker 1: going to kick it to you, Burns, because I love
Speaker 1: the way you think through scenarios like this.
Speaker 2: I appreciate you setting the bar so high for me. Sorry, listen,
Speaker 2: there's just a regular dude over here. But I think
Speaker 2: that I would answer this question honestly two different ways
Speaker 2: if there would have been any mention of belief in
Speaker 2: God and his plan for me. But there's not, and
Speaker 2: so I just think I would answer it two different
Speaker 2: ways if there was. If there is not, I think
Speaker 2: that the and we've answered, you know, similar questions before
Speaker 2: where we kind of get set on these ideas of
Speaker 2: our lives and really we've watched too much social media,
Speaker 2: we've watched too much TV. We think that we're all
Speaker 2: going to be country music stars, and the reality is
Speaker 2: is you're not like that thing that media has taught
Speaker 2: you that you're going to be. And if you just
Speaker 2: work harder, you just get that break or whatever, you're.
Speaker 1: Going to be rich.
Speaker 2: And it's just not true, guys, it's not true. So
Speaker 2: what you need to recognize is you have skills, and
Speaker 2: you have opportunities in front of you. Use those skills
Speaker 2: to be the absolute best at the opportunities you have
Speaker 2: in front of you, the absolute best, pursue it everything
Speaker 2: with excellence, and I believe that does open other doors
Speaker 2: to you. You will know for sure when you have
Speaker 2: just hit a ceiling at the place that you're at.
Speaker 2: You will get a sense like, man, I am overqualified
Speaker 2: for what I am doing right now, and you will
Speaker 2: have already probably started looking on LinkedIn or wherever people
Speaker 2: look these days for jobs to find something like, man,
Speaker 2: this is the skill I have. There's this opportunity. I'm
Speaker 2: going to try to go for it. I just think
Speaker 2: if you if you're okay. So this is a quote
Speaker 2: from Francis Chand that I just heard, and what he
Speaker 2: said is our greatest fear should not be failure, but
Speaker 2: being successful at the wrong things, things that don't matter.
Speaker 2: So those things that you're wanting to do or have
Speaker 2: a house, which isn't a bad thing, but you need
Speaker 2: to sit in consider like what is important to me?
Speaker 2: What matters with my life? And once you have a
Speaker 2: clear picture of that, you just get rid of everything
Speaker 2: else and you give everything to pursuing that. And the
Speaker 2: steps to get there may not look pretty, but I
Speaker 2: believe that you'll have affirmation along the way, like Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm on the path, I'm in where I need to be,
Speaker 2: So I do there's a.
Speaker 1: Book you recommended last episode that you talked about a
Speaker 1: little bit about working passionately. What was that again?
Speaker 2: So good they can't ignore you? By Cal Newport. It's
Speaker 2: basically in the title, like you're going to become You're
Speaker 2: going to work at this like a craftsman hones his craft.
Speaker 2: You're going to get so good that your potential customers
Speaker 2: or your boss they can't ignore, like how talented you
Speaker 2: really are. But you're not going to do that if
Speaker 2: you're just going on this passion of like I want
Speaker 2: to get a house and I want to do this,
Speaker 2: and I want to make money. Like making money is
Speaker 2: just not gonna do it. You have to like create
Speaker 2: and refine those skills.
Speaker 1: That's good man, and I would challenge you, Coleman. I
Speaker 1: would challenge you to finish this season strong and and
Speaker 1: extend this season because this is going to look really
Speaker 1: good on a resume. One day, it doesn't look good
Speaker 1: if it's like seven months out, seven months in another one,
Speaker 1: and then three months in this one. It looks good.
Speaker 1: If it's like, oh, I see here, you worked six
Speaker 1: years for this company. Why did you leave this company?
Speaker 1: You go, yeah, I you know, I worked really hard
Speaker 1: in that company. I didn't totally enjoy it. I had
Speaker 1: passions in other places, but I wanted to I wanted
Speaker 1: to do do the job with excellence for as long
Speaker 1: as I could until a new job came around. I
Speaker 1: think there's something to say for that. So let this
Speaker 1: season extend out a little bit. And also remembered that
Speaker 1: this is a new thing in America where we now
Speaker 1: say I don't think I love my job. Anython want
Speaker 1: to change jobs. It's a new thing in America. If
Speaker 1: you think about our fathers, and definitely our grandfathers, they
Speaker 1: just worked a job. It was a job. That's the
Speaker 1: only thing they did. You think about the old sitcoms
Speaker 1: from the seventies, those guys working factories in Indiana and
Speaker 1: their dad worked the same factory and they've packed their
Speaker 1: lunch every day. Do you think they loved it or
Speaker 1: you think they were passionate about the factory, or that
Speaker 1: they quote enjoyed it. No, but it was a job,
Speaker 1: and it paid the bills, and it provided stability, which
Speaker 1: you say your job does, and it helped with the
Speaker 1: bank loan of the house for the family to raise
Speaker 1: the kids, and it you know, that's just what you
Speaker 1: did back then and then we've created this world now
Speaker 1: where we go. I gotta love it, you know, otherwise
Speaker 1: I just don't want to get out of bed because
Speaker 1: I still love it. Andy Coleman, I'm not not saying
Speaker 1: that's you. I'm just that's us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think it was that? Because you're
Speaker 2: absolutely right. What do you think brought us here?
Speaker 1: I feel like we've had the same discussion on this podcast,
Speaker 1: And like your dad was a police officer.
Speaker 2: Thirty five years, same thing.
Speaker 1: I mean, he just did it. He just showed up
Speaker 1: and just did it. My dad only had one job
Speaker 1: at the same company. I don't he never changed jobs
Speaker 1: as long as I knew my dad, Your dad didn't either.
Speaker 1: And I bet you most people listening their dads did
Speaker 1: not change jobs, but just didn't. But but your friends
Speaker 1: have probably changed jobs a thousand times.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think it's the whole social media? Well,
Speaker 2: social media, but also hard times produce strong men. Strong
Speaker 2: men produce good times.
Speaker 1: Good times. Good good times produce.
Speaker 2: Weak weak men hard times, and so we're in that,
Speaker 2: you know, we're riding the coattails of our forefathers that
Speaker 2: created these good times, and we have so many options. Yeah,
Speaker 2: A lot of times those guys they didn't have options,
Speaker 2: and we just feel like we, oh man, there's all
Speaker 2: kinds of work out there. We just we just switch,
Speaker 2: you know whatever.
Speaker 1: Switch wives, switch jobs, switch trucks. Just go get it
Speaker 1: and take it and trade it in, trade in your
Speaker 1: truck at the dealerships.
Speaker 2: This is good, man, because what it's getting down to
Speaker 2: is a heart of discontentment. We have been conditioned. And
Speaker 2: maybe it is the exposure to all the options instead
Speaker 2: of like just learning to be content because this is
Speaker 2: what you got in front of you be content with it.
Speaker 1: I don't know, dude, I get it, man, And uh yeah,
Speaker 1: this has taking a huge spin for this one simple
Speaker 1: question from Coleman and Coleman, I hope, I hope you're listening,
Speaker 1: and I hope that you really dwell on this and
Speaker 1: kind of dig to where this feeling's coming from. I
Speaker 1: could attest in my time in country music, you know, man,
Speaker 1: what a what a privilege and a blessing to be
Speaker 1: able to work as a country singer. And I didn't
Speaker 1: think that all the time. Probably most of the time,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I remember clearly recently this earlier this year,
Speaker 1: we went to Idaho and Lincoln and I Lincoln was
Speaker 1: on tour with me. We played a concert in Idaho
Speaker 1: and Lincoln was on tour and we went trout fishing
Speaker 1: with this guide and we're going out and I was
Speaker 1: riding out to this to the river with this guy,
Speaker 1: super cool dude, you know, trout fishing guide in Idaho.
Speaker 1: And he was like, man, I just live and breathe this.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I was like, so, what's your job?
Speaker 1: And he's like, well, this I take out during the
Speaker 1: summer and fall and spring. I take out trout fishing
Speaker 1: guys for trout fishing. And in the winter it's all
Speaker 1: elk and mule deer. And I was like, what else
Speaker 1: that's your job? Like, you literally get to take you
Speaker 1: get to fish and hunt and camp. That's your job
Speaker 1: in the mountains of Idaho.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I have to go shot up, you idiot.
Speaker 1: You're country singer. Yeah, you travel around singing country music.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about on your tour? And your
Speaker 1: little tour bus is not good enough for you? You know?
Speaker 1: And I have to slap myself that that spirit of
Speaker 1: discontentment it gets even you might think it's hitting you Coleman,
Speaker 1: and your your your office job. I guarantee you it
Speaker 1: hits you on a country music stage as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everybody everywhere. I think that that. Uh. I can't say.
Speaker 2: I wasn't alive one hundred years ago, but it seems
Speaker 2: like with the development of media and how readily available
Speaker 2: information about what is happening in so many different parts
Speaker 2: of the world is now it it just makes made
Speaker 2: us more aware.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, sure he's.
Speaker 2: Doing this and I'm not doing that. And it's not
Speaker 2: just like one guy on your trip. It's like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'll scroll through social media for five minutes and man,
Speaker 2: there's one hundred people doing something I want to do.
Speaker 2: And before I was just working out on the farm,
Speaker 2: happy as a clam. Yeah. Now it's like, well wait,
Speaker 2: you know, so there's I don't know how you know, practically,
Speaker 2: you know, we encourage people to combat that spirit of
Speaker 2: you know, discontentment, but man, it is prevalent.
Speaker 1: Hey, awareness comes first, just being aware that it exists,
Speaker 1: ye spirit of discontentment. Being aware of that spirit.
Speaker 2: Is a great first step.
Speaker 1: If you're looking for a last minute gift for somebody
Speaker 1: that seems to have everything, or you just can't think
Speaker 1: of anything that you could possibly get them, well, how
Speaker 1: about a cameo for me. I could shoot him a
Speaker 1: video saying exactly what you need me to say, with
Speaker 1: the bullet points that you want me to follow, and
Speaker 1: you just say, Hey, Granger, my friend Mark or my
Speaker 1: my husband or my wife or my girlfriend or my
Speaker 1: son is a fan of you or the Smiths or
Speaker 1: your podcast or your book like a River, or your
Speaker 1: music or Earl Dabbles Junior. Can you shoot them a
Speaker 1: message and just tell them Merry Christmas and I'll customize
Speaker 1: it and make it just for them however you need
Speaker 1: me to do it. It's super easy. I do it
Speaker 1: on my phone and then I'll I send you that
Speaker 1: message and then you give it to them whoever you
Speaker 1: want to give the gift to, whenever you want to
Speaker 1: do it, maybe Christmas morning. You could do this by
Speaker 1: going to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Or you
Speaker 1: could download the cameo app and search for me Granger
Speaker 1: Smith again, that's cameo dot com, c am eo dot
Speaker 1: com slash Granger Smith. And then, speaking of Christmas presence
Speaker 1: or our Birthday presence or pick me up presence, have
Speaker 1: you been to eee dot com lately and checked out
Speaker 1: some eee apparel. You know, December fifteenth is the last
Speaker 1: date that you could order that we can guarantee it's
Speaker 1: going to arrive to you before Christmas. So again, December fifteenth,
Speaker 1: that's the cutoff date and you might get it if
Speaker 1: you order after, and you usually do, but we can
Speaker 1: guarantee before or on December fifteenth. You order something from
Speaker 1: yeee dot com, it's gonna get to your husband or
Speaker 1: your girlfriend, or your wife or your son, whoever you
Speaker 1: want to get that new hat or shirt or hoodie,
Speaker 1: your jacket, or maybe some eee jerky for the stockings.
Speaker 1: Ye is a family run business owned by me and
Speaker 1: my brother Tyler, and then Parker is our CEO, and
Speaker 1: then Amber runs the women line. So it's a it's
Speaker 1: a Smith endeavor to the fullest for sure. Again, go
Speaker 1: to yee ye dot com and check out what's new.
Speaker 1: Hey Grainger, my name is Jake. I'm from Greenville, Ohio.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate your podcast. I wanted to ask you
Speaker 1: what should we do with regret? I know we all sin,
Speaker 1: and I know God is abundantly gracious to his children,
Speaker 1: but how do how should we deal with regret? As Christians?
Speaker 1: Especially over big mistakes and sins. I love your kind
Speaker 1: thoughts and biblical insight on your podcast. Thank you for
Speaker 1: what you do. God blushed, Brother Jake Man, great question,
Speaker 1: m HM and Greenville, Ohio. He's asking, I'm always got
Speaker 1: to recap from own brain, what should we what should
Speaker 1: we do with regret? I know we all sin and
Speaker 1: and God is abundantly gracious to his children, but how
Speaker 1: should we deal with regret, especially over big mistakes? Okay,
Speaker 1: this is great And something one thing about this podcast
Speaker 1: with Bernie and I is that possibly we could be
Speaker 1: probably more thorough and more precise if we actually knew
Speaker 1: these questions were and prepared and had some research and
Speaker 1: some Bible verses ready to go. But we don't. And
Speaker 1: I think part of the intrigue of the part of
Speaker 1: the reason I like doing this is because this is
Speaker 1: more like you're literally asking me on the phone, and
Speaker 1: I need to answer right now. I'm not gonna say, hey,
Speaker 1: let me get back to you, Jake and look some
Speaker 1: stuff up. I'm just going to answer on the fly.
Speaker 1: And so that's what we're gonna do. Because this question,
Speaker 1: I could research it for a few hours and just
Speaker 1: really give you everything you need to know. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing. When we are believers, and I know you
Speaker 1: are because you signed off by saying solely Day Gloria.
Speaker 1: And when you are a believer, meaning when you're a Christian,
Speaker 1: meaning you believe the gospel, meaning you believe that Jesus
Speaker 1: Christ came, died on the cross for sins of his
Speaker 1: people as a substitute, becoming the sacrificial lamb, becoming the
Speaker 1: ultimate sacrifice to satisfy the wrath of God and reconcile
Speaker 1: God's people to himself. Basically, God demands from us, because
Speaker 1: God's perfect, God, is holy, He's a holy, just God,
Speaker 1: because he demands from us a righteousness that we cannot give.
Speaker 1: He gives to us the righteousness that he demands from
Speaker 1: us as a gift, and with it brings us to himself.
Speaker 1: That's the gospel. And with that, as he does that
Speaker 1: on the cross, he covers our sin and he makes
Speaker 1: our sin remembered no more. And we should in two
Speaker 1: things to that. Well, So where does that leave us
Speaker 1: if we're if we're a Christian and we're covered in
Speaker 1: our sin is remembered no more and we are given
Speaker 1: to us the righteousness that we could not produce ourselves.
Speaker 1: If that's us, what do we do with all these
Speaker 1: old feelings, like, but I'm messed up when I was younger,
Speaker 1: are a couple of years ago, I still got some
Speaker 1: stuff that's kind of lingering. What do I do with that?
Speaker 1: Two things? I think One, understand that you're covered, you're forgiven,
Speaker 1: that God sees you as Christ, he sees Christ who
Speaker 1: is in you, and you're covered, you're made new. And
Speaker 1: then two, I think we use that to fuel us
Speaker 1: a little bit. I think it's there, that regret is
Speaker 1: there a little bit, so that we go man, that
Speaker 1: that hurt, and I don't want to go back there again.
Speaker 1: I'm covered, I'm forgiven. I don't have to worry about
Speaker 1: that coming up in my past and haunting me so
Speaker 1: that I don't make it to heaven or something weird
Speaker 1: like that. But I also realize it's still there because
Speaker 1: we're still in the fallen world and sin has consequences,
Speaker 1: and those consequences could still be lingering, which perpetuates the regret.
Speaker 1: And so that kind of lingers, partly so that we
Speaker 1: go I don't want to do that again. I want
Speaker 1: to get as far from that. And that's what repentance
Speaker 1: is turning from that. I want to get as far
Speaker 1: from that as I can, because I'm a new creation.
Speaker 1: What do you got on this.
Speaker 2: Pernch Yeah, man, that's all really good. That's really good.
Speaker 2: I don't have a whole lot to add except maybe
Speaker 2: just kind of going back to the the the exercise
Speaker 2: of the mind, because what I have struggled with whenever
Speaker 2: I mess up, or whenever I make a mistake or whatever,
Speaker 2: you know, like he's talking about, is this tendency to
Speaker 2: listen to myself instead of talking to myself. So whenever
Speaker 2: I talk to myself, I say everything that you just said,
Speaker 2: Jesus is the high priest, who is ever interceding for
Speaker 2: me before the Father? Like these sins are as far
Speaker 2: from the east as the west. Like that's not who
Speaker 2: I am. I am covered. When I listen to myself,
Speaker 2: the tone is different and the words are different. There
Speaker 2: their accusations and they're well, man, you did this again,
Speaker 2: you can't stop doing it. Well, if you really believed
Speaker 2: in Jesus, you really had faith, there's this different tone
Speaker 2: whenever I am listening to myself instead of talking to myself.
Speaker 2: I think that this practice of preaching to ourselves needs
Speaker 2: to be a mental habit. And again, like, I'm not
Speaker 2: licensed in anything, and I'm not in semina. I'm just
Speaker 2: a dude like the rest of not the rest of y'all.
Speaker 2: There's probably some really smart people out there, but I'm
Speaker 2: just a regular guy. So I'm thinking through this as
Speaker 2: my own struggle with the same question. Here's what I'm
Speaker 2: trying to do. I'm trying to spend time in God's
Speaker 2: word and the truth. I'm gonna hide it, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: let it dwell in me ritually, and then I'm gonna
Speaker 2: try all day every day to preach that to myself
Speaker 2: because inevitably there will be these attacks that I will
Speaker 2: launch on myself to start listening to those lies. And
Speaker 2: that's really the difference, is listening to the truth or
Speaker 2: listening to their lies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so good, that's great. I would meditate in
Speaker 1: the psalms, particularly for you, Psalm fifty one. Have mercy
Speaker 1: on me, O God, according to your steadfast love, according
Speaker 1: to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions, Wash me
Speaker 1: thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
Speaker 1: For I know my transgression, my sin is ever before
Speaker 1: me against you, and you only have I sinned and
Speaker 1: done what is evil in your sight, so that you
Speaker 1: may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
Speaker 1: I was brought forth in iniquity and in sended. My
Speaker 1: mother conceived me. Behold you delight in truth and inward being,
Speaker 1: and you teach me wisdom and the secret heart. Purge
Speaker 1: me with hissop, and I shall be clean, wash me,
Speaker 1: and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear
Speaker 1: joy and gladness. Let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Speaker 1: Hide your face from my sins and blot out my iniquities.
Speaker 1: Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew
Speaker 1: a right spirit within me, and on and on and on.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't meditate and stuff like that, and just jump
Speaker 1: into the psalms and just hear David saying the same
Speaker 1: thing you're saying, how do I deal with this regret?
Speaker 1: And you go through the word of God by going
Speaker 1: to the cross and remembering what has been done for me,
Speaker 1: Drew says. In the next question, here, Drew says, is
Speaker 1: someone trying to get their mental health right? During the
Speaker 1: Winter Blues quote, I told myself, I'm gonna start hitting
Speaker 1: the gym. What are some workout routines that you do
Speaker 1: to stay consistent in them? By the way, from the
Speaker 1: bottom of them of my heart, thank you, Thank you
Speaker 1: for everything you do. You're truly you have truly shown
Speaker 1: me the type of man I strive to be. You're
Speaker 1: making a difference in a lot more lives than you think.
Speaker 1: God is using you ps come to Northwest Indiana about
Speaker 1: by a Valparaiso. I love y'all, Drew.
Speaker 2: Does that get old? Man?
Speaker 1: No? No, But when I hear that, I just think, oh, dude,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so far from your hero, you know, I
Speaker 1: am when you When I hear things like you have
Speaker 1: shown me the type of man I strive to be,
Speaker 1: I just think, man, you got I have so far
Speaker 1: to go.
Speaker 2: But I think I think the point is is it
Speaker 2: in them seeing the fruit of your life and then
Speaker 2: hearing you in humility say that that's the model man.
Speaker 2: That's what they're saying. They're like, man, I hope that
Speaker 2: I have fruit in my life like that, But I
Speaker 2: can also still be on a path of humility that says, man,
Speaker 2: I am. I am still a sinner and I'm still
Speaker 2: in need of God's love and his grace, And so
Speaker 2: I meant the part about like come to Wyoming or
Speaker 2: come to Ohio, come to wherever. Ain't nobody asking me
Speaker 2: to go anywhere?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 2: People in separate emails, they they keep asking you come here.
Speaker 1: You have been on the road with me.
Speaker 2: My wife is like, hey, come home. You know that's
Speaker 2: what I get.
Speaker 1: You've been on the road with me, and you've seen
Speaker 1: people start collecting around you to just talk. Like Burnie
Speaker 1: from the podcast, we still need to do a podcast tour.
Speaker 1: We have to just do it, you know, have to
Speaker 1: figure that out. Okay, Sorry, I love the rest question.
Speaker 1: The question is great because and I think we've been
Speaker 1: asked this before, but it's great because we have very
Speaker 1: different answers. I love this. I think the question is
Speaker 1: what are some workout routines that you do and how
Speaker 1: do you stay consistent in them? Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, So he's got winter, like he's experienced winter.
Speaker 2: So this is like a north This is not South
Speaker 2: central Texas.
Speaker 1: He's at Valpo, which gets pretty cold and overcast like
Speaker 1: I did when we lived in Nashville. Yep. So my
Speaker 1: answer is very different than Burns. And my answer has
Speaker 1: stayed the same for man. I used to say six years,
Speaker 1: seven years, but now it has to have been more
Speaker 1: than that since I've been doing this, maybe ten I
Speaker 1: mean it's yeah, probably since about twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1: So what happened was, I'll try say this quickly. Amber
Speaker 1: and I used to do you remember P ninety x
Speaker 1: back in the day. So Amber and I, like when
Speaker 1: we first got married, we used to do P. Nine
Speaker 1: that comes off this Beach Body app. You download the
Speaker 1: Beach Body app. By the way, absolutely no sponsoring at
Speaker 1: all going on in this situation. I'm just going to
Speaker 1: tell you tell it the way it is. We used
Speaker 1: to go to Beach Body app and we'd watch P
Speaker 1: nin e X. Well, one day I saw on that
Speaker 1: app there's other there's a lot of other things on there,
Speaker 1: and one of them is called body Beast. It's by
Speaker 1: this guy named Segie, and I was like, I'll check
Speaker 1: that out. So it's it's this. It's a strength training
Speaker 1: using weights, using heavyweights exercise, and it's focusing on specific
Speaker 1: muscle groups. So like chest is one workout, back is one,
Speaker 1: shoulders is one, cardio is one legs is one, core
Speaker 1: is one. Arms as one. So it's all divided and
Speaker 1: there's like ten ten of these little videos and I
Speaker 1: tried it and I actually really started liking it. This
Speaker 1: guy Sagi, And so what I did is I downloaded
Speaker 1: it on my phone and I found that it helped
Speaker 1: me go to especially on the road. Like I'm say,
Speaker 1: I'm in a hotel, I could just press play and
Speaker 1: Segi there is Segie and he's like, here we go
Speaker 1: and we're doing this workout. And it forced me not
Speaker 1: to just peddle around or go what am I going
Speaker 1: to do today, or like what kind of work out
Speaker 1: I'm going to do? Fast forward. I'm still doing it
Speaker 1: like a decade later. I did it this morning, and
Speaker 1: so like here's I go to my phone and I
Speaker 1: just hit this, guys.
Speaker 2: This is bulk back. If you want huge back lead,
Speaker 2: let's get it guys.
Speaker 1: So then starts this warm up. Right there's my buddy
Speaker 1: Chris right there and my buddy Brian.
Speaker 2: If you have limited a quiz.
Speaker 1: So these three guys, like I've listened to them for
Speaker 1: like ten years, and so I usually do like Chest
Speaker 1: on Mondays, back on Tuesdays, Cardio on Wednesdays, shoulders on Thursdays,
Speaker 1: arms on Fridays legs on the weekend like I have it.
Speaker 1: I've been doing that forever. Yeah, that is my way
Speaker 1: to answer your question. How do I stay consistent? I
Speaker 1: just I go all right, some days I'm tired, I
Speaker 1: don't want to. I just hit play and here's Sigi
Speaker 1: and he's like, let's do this.
Speaker 2: We bump. Yeah that's good man.
Speaker 1: And I still get sore, which is important too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, okay, So I'll go quick shout out
Speaker 2: to my buddy Andy at at swift Fit at X.
Speaker 2: I've worked out and trained with him for a long time.
Speaker 2: One of the things, and I've learned a lot from
Speaker 2: him just about the body, about how things work.
Speaker 1: And so.
Speaker 2: One thing that he told me me a while back
Speaker 2: that I really believe is just the body wants to
Speaker 2: be fooled, so, you know, changing up. So for me,
Speaker 2: I'm I'm gonna do like yoga or like a bickroom
Speaker 2: yoga or like a sauna on a Monday, something that's
Speaker 2: you know, just totally different than the next day when
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do like a hill and outside, like he'll
Speaker 2: repeat workout, I'm gonna go mountain biking. I'm gonna do
Speaker 2: some strength training with Andy in the gym. I'm gonna,
Speaker 2: as we've talked about before, I'm gonna go on some
Speaker 2: trail runs for like two or three hours. I know,
Speaker 2: if you're like in a place where it's snow and
Speaker 2: you know, unless you want to be like Rocky, maybe
Speaker 2: that's not a you know, it's not an option. But
Speaker 2: so I would just say for me, I think Granger
Speaker 2: has a good point having a plan. I try to
Speaker 2: set that at the beginning of the week. I don't
Speaker 2: have Sigiz as name, I don't have him, but I
Speaker 2: think having a plan so that you don't have to
Speaker 2: wake up that morning and be like, Okay, what am
Speaker 2: I going to do? Because you're not going to do it.
Speaker 1: You're in trouble.
Speaker 2: Trouble, yeah, But I just I try to have some
Speaker 2: accountability to it, meet some guys for some things, and
Speaker 2: just try to like fool my body and surprise my
Speaker 2: body a little bit. Because yesterday, instead of instead of
Speaker 2: doing a he'll repeat workout, Andy and I went to
Speaker 2: a track and we did a track workout, and I
Speaker 2: guarantee you that shocked my body because I haven't run,
Speaker 2: you know, for two hundreds in a long time. Like
Speaker 2: you know, kind of sprinting after you know, all of
Speaker 2: our warm ups and everything. So I know that you're
Speaker 2: probably looking for something or like what Granger is talking about,
Speaker 2: because a lot of that is inside. But I think
Speaker 2: a lot of fun is just trying new things and
Speaker 2: getting into different things that will push your body. And also,
Speaker 2: I guess the most important thing, what's your goal, like
Speaker 2: understanding your.
Speaker 1: Goals fighting mental health?
Speaker 2: Okay, so for fighting mental health, but I'm I think
Speaker 2: that that could be physical activity is one of the
Speaker 2: things he's using to fight mental health. But as far
Speaker 2: as like your physical goals, like is there any that
Speaker 2: you have you want to run a race or you
Speaker 2: just want to get you know, bigger, you want to
Speaker 2: get stronger, like what I think that could dictate maybe
Speaker 2: what you get into.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that great point. And as as I promised you,
Speaker 1: two completely different answers, same same result in staying consistent.
Speaker 1: Like Bernie as long as I've known, I've known him
Speaker 1: a long time, last everyone years, You've been really consistent
Speaker 1: with that the many years. And so can I ask
Speaker 1: you a personal question though you don't have to answer this,
Speaker 1: how much is Andy.
Speaker 2: Like per hour?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have to answer but maybe ballpark.
Speaker 2: It's it's not cheap for somebody like that. You're gonna
Speaker 2: pay between I don't know, seventy five and one fifty
Speaker 2: an hour, okay, just depending on where you are, what
Speaker 2: level of certifications they have. You can also getting group sessions,
Speaker 2: which I'll do with Andy sometimes and it's awesome because
Speaker 2: there's this one girl, Jess that I jump into a
Speaker 2: group session with. Yeah, and the rate's lower, but she
Speaker 2: is a beast and she will push me, and Andy's
Speaker 2: training both of us. So you could also find if
Speaker 2: finance was a thing, you could find somebody that could
Speaker 2: do a group session.
Speaker 1: So find your flaw, Drew. If your flaw is, man,
Speaker 1: I'm just granger. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna hit play
Speaker 1: on Sigi Like, I'm just not gonna do that, then
Speaker 1: I go, okay, go to the gym and find an Andy.
Speaker 1: Every gym has one, yep, every single gym has one,
Speaker 1: and go tell them that, hey, I'm want to get
Speaker 1: rid of these winter blues. I'm gonna get going. And
Speaker 1: they're like, okay, I've got a spot on at seven
Speaker 1: thirty on the weekdays, can you do that? And you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess like, here we go and get ready and
Speaker 1: you're gonna show up at seven thirty and if it's
Speaker 1: you know, if it's seven thirty five, he's probably texting
Speaker 1: you like, hey, bro, you on your way, and that
Speaker 1: kind of motivation. Maybe maybe, Drew, maybe you need that.
Speaker 1: And that's a cool thing I went through during the
Speaker 1: during like the twenty twenty season. I remember I did
Speaker 1: that with Tyler and Parker and I still work out
Speaker 1: with those guys on Mondays and so having that accountability.
Speaker 1: But we were going to the gym with another trainer
Speaker 1: and he was thankfully he wasn't charging us. He just
Speaker 1: that was his workout time. But man, it's a lot
Speaker 1: of accountability when you have someone waiting for you to
Speaker 1: get there. So, yeah, there you go, Drew. That's a
Speaker 1: lot of options for you. But I'm happy. I think
Speaker 1: I think you're right in thinking that it's really good
Speaker 1: to get out in sweat.
Speaker 2: Is it Rocky for Is that the one where he's
Speaker 2: in Russia? Yeah, all right, we go watch that too.
Speaker 2: That'd be some kid motivation. Just get out in the snow. Man,
Speaker 2: he's like carrying logs on his you know, shoulders through
Speaker 2: the snow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 2: I have a tiger.
Speaker 1: Is that? The one? Yeah? Nice question comes from Dolly,
Speaker 1: who I love that name, says, hey there, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for sharing your story and spreading the God.
Speaker 1: Y'all are amazing. I've been married for five years now,
Speaker 1: and he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine.
Speaker 1: For example, she taught my two year old son to
Speaker 1: call her mom, and he defended her. Wow. She used
Speaker 1: to barge into our home when she felt like it
Speaker 1: without a call or a text, and he would defend her.
Speaker 1: She is extremely controlling, manipulative, and possessive. All right, Dolly,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. I would hang on a second.
Speaker 1: It keeps going. There's another page to this. Her twenty
Speaker 1: six year old son and thirty eight year old daughter
Speaker 1: live at home and don't have anything going for them.
Speaker 1: I kindly and politely set some hard boundaries, but my
Speaker 1: husband just doesn't get it. He expects me to give
Speaker 1: up my peace and privacy for her, and I cannot.
Speaker 1: There are hundreds more examples and I could provide, but
Speaker 1: I think you get the point. We've tried counseling and
Speaker 1: married ministry at church, and everyone tells him the same thing.
Speaker 1: He agrees to the face, but he doesn't change. I'm
Speaker 1: getting exhausted, and we also have a four and two
Speaker 1: year old boys. We are also new Christians, and I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm doing all the things wrong, but I
Speaker 1: don't know what else to do myself. I cannot allow
Speaker 1: myself nor my children to suffer at her hand or
Speaker 1: her twisted ways. Thank you, Dolly, Okay, Dolly, thanks for
Speaker 1: the question. That's crazy just hearing her teaching your son
Speaker 1: to could call her mom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a hard stop for me.
Speaker 1: Man, Like, no way. Yeah, we see these kind of
Speaker 1: emails a lot, but that's that's an extent.
Speaker 2: That's different. Yeah, that's different. And we were just saying
Speaker 2: on one of the earlier breaks, like we don't really
Speaker 2: know like the extent of these situations. We can say,
Speaker 2: you know, oh grace and like consider yourself and whatever,
Speaker 2: but it's like you may be in the middle of
Speaker 2: like a very crazy, toxic situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we just can't.
Speaker 2: We always don't really know this. Uh. The the discouraging,
Speaker 2: the most discouraging part about this is that they have
Speaker 2: been to people at the church, they've been through counseling,
Speaker 2: they've and he's heard the unhealthy nature of this, and
Speaker 2: he still will say yes to their face and then
Speaker 2: refuse to change. Yeah. Uh, that's a tough spot, Dolly,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I guess that's yeah.
Speaker 1: There's a there's a couple of things. I hate. I
Speaker 1: hate to even say this, but I think I should
Speaker 1: because we need to uncover every rock here, turn over
Speaker 1: every rock. I think there's a good chance you're in
Speaker 1: you're in a not so healthy church. I think it's
Speaker 1: a pretty good I could say that, whether or not
Speaker 1: I know you or not, I know your story or not.
Speaker 1: I think there's a good chance, especially as a new Christian,
Speaker 1: that you ended up at a a very secret, sensitive
Speaker 1: church that is more interested in reaching the lost and
Speaker 1: less interested about shepherding the current flock that they have.
Speaker 1: See that a lot as I travel, I see it
Speaker 1: a lot. And so when you say you did this
Speaker 1: married ministry at church, I kind of see it's like
Speaker 1: a here, here's some information, uncle, do it instead of
Speaker 1: let's walk it together, how's it going, Let me text you,
Speaker 1: let's have coffee, let's talk.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great question that she doesn't say, like
Speaker 2: does your husband have like elders in the church or
Speaker 2: or godly men, wise counsel in his life that he
Speaker 2: is accountable to and meeting with regularly, that will speak
Speaker 2: truth and he will receive it from them. Yes, Okay,
Speaker 2: let's say that she answers that she says he does not.
Speaker 2: What do you say then, because.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because of what I think, what I think she's
Speaker 1: talking about with the church is typically it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: on the on the fifteenth of next month, we're doing
Speaker 1: a married session, So all you married couples, come on.
Speaker 1: We're going to come in at seven pm at the
Speaker 1: sanctuary and we're all going to get in there and
Speaker 1: get motivated and bringing in a guest speaker and they're
Speaker 1: going to talk and him and his wife are going
Speaker 1: to discuss and then you go out and you live
Speaker 1: your life as opposed to like a one on one
Speaker 1: like you're saying, which is discipleships called it's literally called discipleship.
Speaker 1: And so I want to see that. I think I
Speaker 1: don't think you have that, And that's none of this
Speaker 1: is an accusation. I'm just trying to, like I said,
Speaker 1: uncover every rock here. So to your question, Burns, if
Speaker 1: if she comes back and says he doesn't have anybody
Speaker 1: or he just has the guys at his work. I
Speaker 1: want you to know that all of this is on him.
Speaker 1: The mother in law thing, I'm not worried about her.
Speaker 1: This the psycho thing she's doing to your son. Do
Speaker 1: not concern me. That secondary next to the husband that
Speaker 1: is defending her. He has to stop. The mother in
Speaker 1: law will not stop unless the husband steps in and
Speaker 1: goes Hang on a second, this is my wife, this
Speaker 1: is my family. Mom. I love you to death boundaries,
Speaker 1: but that's going too far here, And so what do
Speaker 1: we do? I want to answer your question, what do
Speaker 1: we do if she says he doesn't have anybody speaking in,
Speaker 1: he doesn't have coffee with anybody, Because what you don't
Speaker 1: want to do is say you need some friends. Yeah
Speaker 1: you need to start having coffee with some Christian men,
Speaker 1: like don't don't do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's gonna run for the hills.
Speaker 1: He's run for the hills. So how do.
Speaker 2: We m I mean, I think that byen nature, I
Speaker 2: will hang out with some of my and build relationship
Speaker 2: with other guy friends that are husband's to my wife's friends,
Speaker 2: just because what's her name, Dolly? Dolly, Dolly's like, hey,
Speaker 2: Julie and her husband are coming over. We're gonna have
Speaker 2: some burgers and hang out. And then you just meet
Speaker 2: Mike for the first time, and you know, you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: Mike's kind of cool. But then you and Julie, you
Speaker 2: really see her as someone that is a godly woman,
Speaker 2: and she's told you about Mike and like he's a
Speaker 2: strong believer, and you're like, he could be a good influence.
Speaker 2: And maybe you just start hanging out with people that
Speaker 2: you feel like could be an influence and see if
Speaker 2: those you can't force it, but maybe you see if
Speaker 2: those relationships kind of click on things that are not
Speaker 2: related to marriage advice or you know, counsel or anything
Speaker 2: like that, like, oh, hey, Mike's a huge Cowboys fan,
Speaker 2: so are you? Like, And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: there's like some kind of trust that starts to he's
Speaker 2: gonna have have to like trust somebody. He's gonna have
Speaker 2: to trust somebody to speak into his life, yea other
Speaker 2: than his mother.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So it sounds like.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of more things for Dolly not to do.
Speaker 1: And another thing not to do Dolly is don't go
Speaker 1: to another man and tell him the problems that you're
Speaker 1: having with your husband. As if he's going to be
Speaker 1: able to speak to your husband. Yeah, that's a dangerous
Speaker 1: place to go.
Speaker 2: Battle tale kind of thing.
Speaker 1: There's all kinds of bad things that couldn't come out
Speaker 1: of that. So the other thing is usually with a
Speaker 1: question like this, after two hundred and eighteen podcast, I
Speaker 1: will go to grace and I'll say I want to
Speaker 1: make sure, Dolly that you are having grace for your husband,
Speaker 1: that you are not turning into this jaded recluse that's
Speaker 1: like protecting your kids and you're creating a separation. I
Speaker 1: want to make sure that it's that's not happening, because
Speaker 1: that's gonna make everything worse. I understand protecting your children
Speaker 1: from her twisted way, as you said, but at the
Speaker 1: same time, I want you to be still open with
Speaker 1: your husband in a way that's like, Hey, we're a team,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do this together. Are you having date nights?
Speaker 1: That's a good one, right, Like, Hey, I got ass
Speaker 1: reservations at your favorite restaurant. Not your favorite restaurant, Dolly,
Speaker 1: but his serve him in a healthy way. Don't take
Speaker 1: that the wrong way, in a healthy way. Like I've
Speaker 1: made reservations at so and so restaurant on Friday night
Speaker 1: and we're gonna go out. And then during that conversation,
Speaker 1: it's not nagging on him, it's not telling him his
Speaker 1: mom's horrible and twisted and she's ruining the kids and
Speaker 1: can you believe she did the It's more like, I
Speaker 1: want to talk about raising our kids in the best
Speaker 1: way possible. Let's kick around some things that are helpful
Speaker 1: right now in our life, and let's kick around some
Speaker 1: things that aren't so helpful, and let him join that
Speaker 1: conversation where he feels like he's helping fix some things,
Speaker 1: not you, And you're not accusing, You're just like, what
Speaker 1: are some things totally hypothetical? Dolly? What are some things
Speaker 1: right now that's giving our kids anxiety? And you start
Speaker 1: naming everything but the mother in law and let him go, yeah, mom,
Speaker 1: you know, mom's kind of been doing some weird stuff.
Speaker 1: And then you could be like, like, what, let him
Speaker 1: lead it, let him create, let him see the problem,
Speaker 1: and then start to try to fix it himself. It's
Speaker 1: like a psychological trick here.
Speaker 2: That's no. I think that that's good. I would I
Speaker 2: would also say that date night probably needs to come
Speaker 2: after a date night that doesn't talk about any of that.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 2: If you don't have the foundation, Like I'm just if
Speaker 2: your marriage is not at a place where you guys
Speaker 2: can openly be vulnerable and discuss things, you need to
Speaker 2: build that trust. So that means get away from the
Speaker 2: kids and his mom and everything and just go connect
Speaker 2: with your husband and just start to ask other questions
Speaker 2: about him. Hey, what's going on with you? No, we
Speaker 2: haven't been able to do this in a while, Like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And what you didn't mean, You didn't mean
Speaker 1: what's going on with you? You meant like, tell me,
Speaker 1: tell me what's going on at work? Yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: you mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and the things that you guys both love,
Speaker 2: like talk about those things, and hey, you want to
Speaker 2: go on a trip, Well, where will we go if
Speaker 2: we go on a trip, like start to just really
Speaker 2: you initiate building that foundation. If it's not there. If
Speaker 2: it is there, that's the date that the granger just said,
Speaker 2: that's the date that you need to have and start
Speaker 2: to just ask those questions, not in a condescending way,
Speaker 2: but in a way that's very genuine and authentic.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be tough. You have to swallow a lot
Speaker 1: of pride, Dolly.
Speaker 2: To do this, and it probably won't be I mean
Speaker 2: against speculating, but it probably won't be the way you
Speaker 2: think it's like, it won't go down the way you
Speaker 2: think it's gonna go down. It's not gonna be one
Speaker 2: moment where he's like, you know what, we gotta cut
Speaker 2: my mom out. It's probably not gonna happen like that,
Speaker 2: but there could be like a slow transition to some
Speaker 2: healthy boundaries. And it sounds like that's what you're after, So.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great. I think the last thing I could
Speaker 1: possibly add to this, Dolly, is to make sure you
Speaker 1: are also getting poured into We're talking a lot about
Speaker 1: him and his discipleship and men pouring into his life
Speaker 1: and church and things that help him, ministries and counseling
Speaker 1: that help him. Make sure you also have a lot
Speaker 1: of people, or at least some good biblical women that
Speaker 1: are pouring into you, not men. And this should come
Speaker 1: through a healthy church. If you have a women's small
Speaker 1: group or a you're working through a book of the Bible.
Speaker 1: Amber right now is working through the Book of Job
Speaker 1: with like eight or nine women and all there's like
Speaker 1: four or five churches represented there. So it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be your church. It could be different churches. Just
Speaker 1: that people in your neighborhood, like people that live around you.
Speaker 1: Make sure you're make sure you are getting poured into.
Speaker 1: That is huge. Make sure you have a good, healthy,
Speaker 1: quiet time with God for yourself as a new Christian,
Speaker 1: reading your Bible as an old Christian as well, making
Speaker 1: time every day at some point of the day, whereas
Speaker 1: it's you and your Bible and the simple prayer of God.
Speaker 1: Reveal yourself to me today. Reveal yourself in your word.
Speaker 1: Read Psalm one nineteen and see how the Psalmist is
Speaker 1: in love with the Word of God, and pray that
Speaker 1: you could think and want and desire the Word like that.
Speaker 1: So make sure that's part of the day you're getting
Speaker 1: poured into. These are You can't neglect yourself. You've got
Speaker 1: to keep the oxygen mask on yourself. When you're trying
Speaker 1: to fix your husband and your your kids and your
Speaker 1: twisted mother in law and all that stuff. Make sure
Speaker 1: you got yourself taken care of as well. That's good, dude.
Speaker 1: I think we've we've we've run down a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff today. I actually could we could hit one more
Speaker 1: real quickly from Maddie. Hey, my name is Mattie. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty six. I have a degree in business, and right
Speaker 1: now I'm working for a construction equipment rental company called
Speaker 1: sun Belt Rentals. I've heard of them, and part of
Speaker 1: me doesn't know if I want to stay forever. My
Speaker 1: dream job is to be a manager of an artist,
Speaker 1: specifically a country music artist, but I have no idea
Speaker 1: how to even start that. Help me. Thank you. I
Speaker 1: love how God is using you.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're lucky day, Maddie. I've actually been thinking about
Speaker 2: launching a country music career and I'm looking for a manager.
Speaker 1: So now you know where to start, Maddie, start with Bernie.
Speaker 2: I wish that was true, Mattie, I really do, But
Speaker 2: for me, it's not.
Speaker 1: Love the dreams. I love the good construction equipment rental
Speaker 1: company that you're working for. You're not gonna You're not
Speaker 1: going to bypass that. Getting into country music management is
Speaker 1: extremely difficult, extremely difficult. But I'll answer your question quickly.
Speaker 1: You say, how do I start? You start by meeting
Speaker 1: people in that industry. And so that industry is going
Speaker 1: to be The majority is in Nashville, there is some
Speaker 1: in New York, in Austin and LA. As far as
Speaker 1: country music, the majority of country music managers are going
Speaker 1: to be in Nashville. And just a heads up, Bernie
Speaker 1: knows this as well. That job is going to start
Speaker 1: off as an internship making nothing. So you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to give up time and energy and all this stuff
Speaker 1: you got going on with other things. You're twenty six
Speaker 1: years old, and go do it for free, and do
Speaker 1: it for nothing at a chance that maybe one day
Speaker 1: you'll get taken on as a full time employee. And
Speaker 1: it's probably gonna you're gonna burn out and you're gonna
Speaker 1: realize being a country music manager it's very difficult. You're
Speaker 1: always on call. You're like a fireman working twenty four
Speaker 1: to seven putting out fires. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's going to be all yes.
Speaker 2: So maybe before Maddy moves to Nashville or New York,
Speaker 2: maybe do a little more research. Maybe go to a
Speaker 2: local show and find a local band and say, hey,
Speaker 2: do you guys have management. I'd love to talk to
Speaker 2: them and just ask their manager, Hey, what does this
Speaker 2: job look like. I'm interested in it. I think once
Speaker 2: you start to get more educated, it probably starts to
Speaker 2: back the veil of you know, this shiny career and
Speaker 2: it's like you get to know the real And if
Speaker 2: all of that still sounds appealing and you have like
Speaker 2: gained all this knowledge, then pack it up.
Speaker 1: Love it. It's good all right, guys, Thanks so much.
Speaker 1: It's all we got today. See you next week. Thanks
Speaker 1: for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all
Speaker 1: of you guys. You could help me out by rating
Speaker 1: this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to
Speaker 1: this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell
Speaker 1: so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
Speaker 1: Yig