WEBVTT - Setting Boundaries For Your In-Laws

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<v Speaker 1>And he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine.

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<v Speaker 1>For example, she taught my two year old son to

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<v Speaker 1>call her mom and he defended her. Wow. Welcome to

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast guys. Thank you for being with us. I

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<v Speaker 1>got one of my best friends and second week in

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<v Speaker 1>a row to help me answer your questions. Bernie Calcot welcome.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, thanks thanks for having me back. And last time,

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<v Speaker 2>I know, guys, I talked a lot on every question

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<v Speaker 2>about getting off of social media, and I got like

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<v Speaker 2>tons of emails and people saying, hey, bahbah, you know

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<v Speaker 2>this is my job and I'm just kidding. Nobody ever

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<v Speaker 2>use emails me, but I was thinking, hey, you should

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<v Speaker 2>get off of social media. If you hear what I'm

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<v Speaker 2>saying in it and it hits you and you have

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<v Speaker 2>that conviction, if it's your job and is whatever, then

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<v Speaker 2>don't listen to me. But I just want to clarify

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<v Speaker 2>that from last week.

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<v Speaker 1>Sept for the Grangersmith podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you don't have to be on social media to

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<v Speaker 2>do that.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know, unless you're like watching it on YouTube

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<v Speaker 1>that just only watched that.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, for some reason, I don't. For I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know if I consider YouTube social media.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe it is now that they have YouTube shorts you know.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, it's it's it's creeping up there as a

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<v Speaker 1>social media platform for sure. Yeah, because my kids aren't

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<v Speaker 1>allowed on social media, and YouTube shorts is part of that,

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<v Speaker 1>Like you can't be on YouTube. That's part of the thing.

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<v Speaker 2>And I know that we need to jump into the questions,

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<v Speaker 2>but I got a quick question for you, if that's okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I heard recently on your another podcast or something maybe

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<v Speaker 2>with Amber that you guys were going like no screens

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<v Speaker 2>for your kids.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Like.

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<v Speaker 2>I use that all the time with my kids. By

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<v Speaker 2>the way, I'm like grangers kids don't even get screen.

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<v Speaker 2>You guys, y'all need to be grateful.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. So I uh, I read in a book somewhere

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<v Speaker 1>where the guy his dad offered him so much amount

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<v Speaker 1>of money. It's like five hundred bucks. And this was,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, when he was a kid, his dad offered

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<v Speaker 1>him five hundred bucks to be off of TV for

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<v Speaker 1>a year, and he said he hated it. At first,

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<v Speaker 1>he took it because he wanted the money, and then

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<v Speaker 1>he hated it, and then he started to love it,

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<v Speaker 1>and then he looks back and now he's like a lawyer,

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<v Speaker 1>and he's so grateful that his dad did that. So

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm gonna do that. So with inflation

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<v Speaker 1>at five hundred, probably is around two grand. So I

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<v Speaker 1>told each of my kids, I'll give you two thousand dollars.

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<v Speaker 1>Two thousand dollars you don't touch screens for a year,

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<v Speaker 1>which it was at London's birthday in October. So by

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<v Speaker 1>next London's birthday next October, if you successfully made it,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll give you two thousand dollar. Now the idea is

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<v Speaker 1>the idea is YouTube. Combine it Lincoln in London and

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<v Speaker 1>we'll go to Disney World. Nice, and we'll use that

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<v Speaker 1>four grand and go to Disney World. Yeah, and so

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<v Speaker 1>they're like really excited and then and it has rules

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<v Speaker 1>that are attached with It's not like they just can't

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<v Speaker 1>look at a screen. You would do family movie Night. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I get to pick the movies occasionally. They could have input.

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<v Speaker 1>You could have an hour on a Saturday morning to

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<v Speaker 1>watch a cartoon show if you're with others, can't watch

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<v Speaker 1>it by yourself, And we'll give you a video game

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<v Speaker 1>allowance in the week, and it's going to be once

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<v Speaker 1>a week. It once again, in a community, you have

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<v Speaker 1>to be in a community. Can't be by yourself, and

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<v Speaker 1>you can't just be playing online with somebody. You have

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<v Speaker 1>to be together in a community playing the game. And

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<v Speaker 1>then aside from that, loccasions like you're sick, you're home,

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<v Speaker 1>you got the flu. Okay, you can watch them YouTube

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<v Speaker 1>or something, but you cannot just randomly pick up a

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<v Speaker 1>screen and start watching something and you make it. You

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<v Speaker 1>get two thousand bucks. Now that that is in London,

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<v Speaker 1>Like two months later, it's like, I'm out. I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>gonna I'm not.

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<v Speaker 2>Long did she go though?

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<v Speaker 1>She went like two months. But I told her you

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<v Speaker 1>can't get out. You can't, You're already in. I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>letting you get out. She was like why wait? What

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<v Speaker 1>I thought this is this is an agreement that you

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<v Speaker 1>You gave me an opportunity. And I was like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I change my mind.

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<v Speaker 2>It's now it's im I get to do that.

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<v Speaker 1>And Lincoln back there like this is typical Lincoln. He

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<v Speaker 1>was like, hey, daddy, so if she quits but I

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<v Speaker 1>won't quit, do I get both money? Like I get

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<v Speaker 1>extra money. It was like, stop it, man, stop it,

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<v Speaker 1>stay out of this conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>That sounds like Boston.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. So Anyway, that's where we are. I honestly don't

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<v Speaker 1>know how this experiment's going to turn out. And there

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<v Speaker 1>have been times when I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm looking at hairstyles on Pinterest. I'm like, that's a

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<v Speaker 1>social media and that's a screen. Yeah but dad, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just looking out to curl my hair tomorrow. Yeah. No,

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<v Speaker 1>they didn't count.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah ah yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's where we are. Well, it's not it's not pretty,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not perfect.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, man, I think the message to everybody, including what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm here in two, is like, you are trying something.

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<v Speaker 2>You're trying to like push against the norm of culture,

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<v Speaker 2>and man, I admire that so much. That's gonna look

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<v Speaker 2>different for everybody out there, but I think the message is, guys,

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<v Speaker 2>we should be trying something. It should be counterculture, because

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<v Speaker 2>if we're just doing what the norm is and conforming

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<v Speaker 2>to that, it is not going to produce healthy, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>kids that don't have anxiety and all kinds of issues

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<v Speaker 2>like you're.

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<v Speaker 1>Trying, man.

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<v Speaker 2>And I love that Boston would have negotiated at least

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<v Speaker 2>up to six or seven grand before we even started.

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<v Speaker 2>He was like, all right, I'll see your two I'll

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<v Speaker 2>raise you another eight. I'm like that way.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think they listened to this podcast. They did

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<v Speaker 1>not negotiate the deal, but that would have been funny

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<v Speaker 1>if they would have been like twenty two hundred. And

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<v Speaker 1>my goal really is that they I don't just give

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<v Speaker 1>them cash. Really, my goal is that we go on

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<v Speaker 1>like some kind of vacation.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, hey, I love that. The investment though,

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<v Speaker 2>that you're making in them is far more than the

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<v Speaker 2>two grand or whatever that it takes to go to

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<v Speaker 2>Disney World.

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<v Speaker 1>That's really well, I'll see. I'll let everybody know how

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<v Speaker 1>this turns out. What we do here you asked me

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<v Speaker 1>a question. What we do is we answer your question.

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<v Speaker 1>The listener. You email me at podcast at grangersmith dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Podcast at grangersmith dot com, and we'll walk through these questions.

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<v Speaker 1>Today it's Bernie and I and the first question comes

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<v Speaker 1>from Coleman. It says, Hey, Granger, I am a recent

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<v Speaker 1>college graduate of the University of Georgia and now I'm

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<v Speaker 1>working here go dogs. My question slash situation is this.

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<v Speaker 1>I am working an office job. The advantage is it

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<v Speaker 1>is a stable job, but I find myself not enjoying it.

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<v Speaker 1>I think about it because it's generally a boring job.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a girlfriend up here and live in an

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<v Speaker 1>apartment with four roommates. My goal right now is to

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<v Speaker 1>save money put towards a house in the future. My

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<v Speaker 1>question is this, how long do you think I should

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<v Speaker 1>stay in a job that I don't hate but I

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<v Speaker 1>also don't enjoy? Thanks and come to Athens someday. Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>great question to kick the show off with Coleman. Man.

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<v Speaker 1>You've got a great guest today for this question, Bernie.

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<v Speaker 1>Bernie's gonna be all over this. Let me recap it

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<v Speaker 1>for my own brain. You're in a job. You're young.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know how old you are, but you're pretty.

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<v Speaker 1>You're working in an office job. It's stable. You don't enjoy it,

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<v Speaker 1>but you also don't hate it. It's just boring. You

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<v Speaker 1>have a girlfriend, you got four roommates, and you're wanting

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<v Speaker 1>to think about your future, maybe save up some money,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe for a house. So then your question is how long?

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<v Speaker 1>How long do I live in this season with this

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<v Speaker 1>job that I don't enjoy? And I'm excited. Actually, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to kick it to you, Burns, because I love

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<v Speaker 1>the way you think through scenarios like this.

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<v Speaker 2>I appreciate you setting the bar so high for me. Sorry, listen,

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<v Speaker 2>there's just a regular dude over here. But I think

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<v Speaker 2>that I would answer this question honestly two different ways

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<v Speaker 2>if there would have been any mention of belief in

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<v Speaker 2>God and his plan for me. But there's not, and

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<v Speaker 2>so I just think I would answer it two different

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<v Speaker 2>ways if there was. If there is not, I think

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<v Speaker 2>that the and we've answered, you know, similar questions before

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<v Speaker 2>where we kind of get set on these ideas of

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<v Speaker 2>our lives and really we've watched too much social media,

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<v Speaker 2>we've watched too much TV. We think that we're all

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<v Speaker 2>going to be country music stars, and the reality is

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<v Speaker 2>is you're not like that thing that media has taught

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<v Speaker 2>you that you're going to be. And if you just

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<v Speaker 2>work harder, you just get that break or whatever, you're.

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<v Speaker 1>Going to be rich.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's just not true, guys, it's not true. So

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<v Speaker 2>what you need to recognize is you have skills, and

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<v Speaker 2>you have opportunities in front of you. Use those skills

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<v Speaker 2>to be the absolute best at the opportunities you have

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<v Speaker 2>in front of you, the absolute best, pursue it everything

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<v Speaker 2>with excellence, and I believe that does open other doors

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<v Speaker 2>to you. You will know for sure when you have

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<v Speaker 2>just hit a ceiling at the place that you're at.

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<v Speaker 2>You will get a sense like, man, I am overqualified

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<v Speaker 2>for what I am doing right now, and you will

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<v Speaker 2>have already probably started looking on LinkedIn or wherever people

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<v Speaker 2>look these days for jobs to find something like, man,

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<v Speaker 2>this is the skill I have. There's this opportunity. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>going to try to go for it. I just think

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<v Speaker 2>if you if you're okay. So this is a quote

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<v Speaker 2>from Francis Chand that I just heard, and what he

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<v Speaker 2>said is our greatest fear should not be failure, but

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<v Speaker 2>being successful at the wrong things, things that don't matter.

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<v Speaker 2>So those things that you're wanting to do or have

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<v Speaker 2>a house, which isn't a bad thing, but you need

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<v Speaker 2>to sit in consider like what is important to me?

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<v Speaker 2>What matters with my life? And once you have a

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<v Speaker 2>clear picture of that, you just get rid of everything

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<v Speaker 2>else and you give everything to pursuing that. And the

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<v Speaker 2>steps to get there may not look pretty, but I

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<v Speaker 2>believe that you'll have affirmation along the way, like Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm on the path, I'm in where I need to be,

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<v Speaker 2>So I do there's a.

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<v Speaker 1>Book you recommended last episode that you talked about a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit about working passionately. What was that again?

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<v Speaker 2>So good they can't ignore you? By Cal Newport. It's

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<v Speaker 2>basically in the title, like you're going to become You're

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<v Speaker 2>going to work at this like a craftsman hones his craft.

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<v Speaker 2>You're going to get so good that your potential customers

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<v Speaker 2>or your boss they can't ignore, like how talented you

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<v Speaker 2>really are. But you're not going to do that if

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<v Speaker 2>you're just going on this passion of like I want

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<v Speaker 2>to get a house and I want to do this,

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<v Speaker 2>and I want to make money. Like making money is

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<v Speaker 2>just not gonna do it. You have to like create

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<v Speaker 2>and refine those skills.

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<v Speaker 1>That's good man, and I would challenge you, Coleman. I

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<v Speaker 1>would challenge you to finish this season strong and and

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<v Speaker 1>extend this season because this is going to look really

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<v Speaker 1>good on a resume. One day, it doesn't look good

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<v Speaker 1>if it's like seven months out, seven months in another one,

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<v Speaker 1>and then three months in this one. It looks good.

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<v Speaker 1>If it's like, oh, I see here, you worked six

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<v Speaker 1>years for this company. Why did you leave this company?

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<v Speaker 1>You go, yeah, I you know, I worked really hard

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<v Speaker 1>in that company. I didn't totally enjoy it. I had

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<v Speaker 1>passions in other places, but I wanted to I wanted

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<v Speaker 1>to do do the job with excellence for as long

0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:52.560
<v Speaker 1>as I could until a new job came around. I

0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.320
<v Speaker 1>think there's something to say for that. So let this

0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:57.400
<v Speaker 1>season extend out a little bit. And also remembered that

0:12:57.559 --> 0:13:00.680
<v Speaker 1>this is a new thing in America where we now

0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.280
<v Speaker 1>say I don't think I love my job. Anython want

0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:07.240
<v Speaker 1>to change jobs. It's a new thing in America. If

0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:11.959
<v Speaker 1>you think about our fathers, and definitely our grandfathers, they

0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:15.080
<v Speaker 1>just worked a job. It was a job. That's the

0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:19.240
<v Speaker 1>only thing they did. You think about the old sitcoms

0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:26.920
<v Speaker 1>from the seventies, those guys working factories in Indiana and

0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:29.720
<v Speaker 1>their dad worked the same factory and they've packed their

0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:32.680
<v Speaker 1>lunch every day. Do you think they loved it or

0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:35.640
<v Speaker 1>you think they were passionate about the factory, or that

0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:39.000
<v Speaker 1>they quote enjoyed it. No, but it was a job,

0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:43.440
<v Speaker 1>and it paid the bills, and it provided stability, which

0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:47.320
<v Speaker 1>you say your job does, and it helped with the

0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:50.120
<v Speaker 1>bank loan of the house for the family to raise

0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:52.960
<v Speaker 1>the kids, and it you know, that's just what you

0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:56.319
<v Speaker 1>did back then and then we've created this world now

0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:59.840
<v Speaker 1>where we go. I gotta love it, you know, otherwise

0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:01.320
<v Speaker 1>I just don't want to get out of bed because

0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:05.240
<v Speaker 1>I still love it. Andy Coleman, I'm not not saying

0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:06.679
<v Speaker 1>that's you. I'm just that's us.

0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:09.319
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what do you think it was that? Because you're

0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.360
<v Speaker 2>absolutely right. What do you think brought us here?

0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:14.760
<v Speaker 1>I feel like we've had the same discussion on this podcast,

0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:17.320
<v Speaker 1>And like your dad was a police officer.

0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:18.120
<v Speaker 2>Thirty five years, same thing.

0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:20.160
<v Speaker 1>I mean, he just did it. He just showed up

0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:22.400
<v Speaker 1>and just did it. My dad only had one job

0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.680
<v Speaker 1>at the same company. I don't he never changed jobs

0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:29.320
<v Speaker 1>as long as I knew my dad, Your dad didn't either.

0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:32.200
<v Speaker 1>And I bet you most people listening their dads did

0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:36.320
<v Speaker 1>not change jobs, but just didn't. But but your friends

0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:38.520
<v Speaker 1>have probably changed jobs a thousand times.

0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:44.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, do you think it's the whole social media? Well,

0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:51.600
<v Speaker 2>social media, but also hard times produce strong men. Strong

0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:54.560
<v Speaker 2>men produce good times.

0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:56.280
<v Speaker 1>Good times. Good good times produce.

0:14:56.280 --> 0:15:00.360
<v Speaker 2>Weak weak men hard times, and so we're in that,

0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:04.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, we're riding the coattails of our forefathers that

0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:08.600
<v Speaker 2>created these good times, and we have so many options. Yeah,

0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:11.080
<v Speaker 2>A lot of times those guys they didn't have options,

0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.360
<v Speaker 2>and we just feel like we, oh man, there's all

0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.360
<v Speaker 2>kinds of work out there. We just we just switch,

0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:18.560
<v Speaker 2>you know whatever.

0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:22.960
<v Speaker 1>Switch wives, switch jobs, switch trucks. Just go get it

0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:24.920
<v Speaker 1>and take it and trade it in, trade in your

0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:27.120
<v Speaker 1>truck at the dealerships.

0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:29.400
<v Speaker 2>This is good, man, because what it's getting down to

0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:34.760
<v Speaker 2>is a heart of discontentment. We have been conditioned. And

0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:38.960
<v Speaker 2>maybe it is the exposure to all the options instead

0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:42.120
<v Speaker 2>of like just learning to be content because this is

0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:44.080
<v Speaker 2>what you got in front of you be content with it.

0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:48.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, dude, I get it, man, And uh yeah,

0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:51.400
<v Speaker 1>this has taking a huge spin for this one simple

0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:54.400
<v Speaker 1>question from Coleman and Coleman, I hope, I hope you're listening,

0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:57.840
<v Speaker 1>and I hope that you really dwell on this and

0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:00.600
<v Speaker 1>kind of dig to where this feeling's coming from. I

0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:05.560
<v Speaker 1>could attest in my time in country music, you know, man,

0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:09.720
<v Speaker 1>what a what a privilege and a blessing to be

0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:14.120
<v Speaker 1>able to work as a country singer. And I didn't

0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:16.920
<v Speaker 1>think that all the time. Probably most of the time,

0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:21.760
<v Speaker 1>I didn't. I remember clearly recently this earlier this year,

0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:25.440
<v Speaker 1>we went to Idaho and Lincoln and I Lincoln was

0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:27.800
<v Speaker 1>on tour with me. We played a concert in Idaho

0:16:28.080 --> 0:16:32.520
<v Speaker 1>and Lincoln was on tour and we went trout fishing

0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:36.000
<v Speaker 1>with this guide and we're going out and I was

0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:38.440
<v Speaker 1>riding out to this to the river with this guy,

0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.920
<v Speaker 1>super cool dude, you know, trout fishing guide in Idaho.

0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:44.960
<v Speaker 1>And he was like, man, I just live and breathe this.

0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:47.320
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, I was like, so, what's your job?

0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:50.280
<v Speaker 1>And he's like, well, this I take out during the

0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:53.000
<v Speaker 1>summer and fall and spring. I take out trout fishing

0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:56.160
<v Speaker 1>guys for trout fishing. And in the winter it's all

0:16:56.200 --> 0:17:00.720
<v Speaker 1>elk and mule deer. And I was like, what else

0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:05.879
<v Speaker 1>that's your job? Like, you literally get to take you

0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:08.640
<v Speaker 1>get to fish and hunt and camp. That's your job

0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:09.920
<v Speaker 1>in the mountains of Idaho.

0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:13.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and then I have to go shot up, you idiot.

0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:17.439
<v Speaker 1>You're country singer. Yeah, you travel around singing country music.

0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:19.680
<v Speaker 1>What are you talking about on your tour? And your

0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:22.720
<v Speaker 1>little tour bus is not good enough for you? You know?

0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:25.439
<v Speaker 1>And I have to slap myself that that spirit of

0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:29.359
<v Speaker 1>discontentment it gets even you might think it's hitting you Coleman,

0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:32.560
<v Speaker 1>and your your your office job. I guarantee you it

0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:34.800
<v Speaker 1>hits you on a country music stage as well.

0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:40.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, everybody everywhere. I think that that. Uh. I can't say.

0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:45.480
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't alive one hundred years ago, but it seems

0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:50.800
<v Speaker 2>like with the development of media and how readily available

0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:55.920
<v Speaker 2>information about what is happening in so many different parts

0:17:55.960 --> 0:18:00.200
<v Speaker 2>of the world is now it it just makes made

0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:01.280
<v Speaker 2>us more aware.

0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:04.639
<v Speaker 1>Oh wow, sure he's.

0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.520
<v Speaker 2>Doing this and I'm not doing that. And it's not

0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:11.640
<v Speaker 2>just like one guy on your trip. It's like, oh,

0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:14.560
<v Speaker 2>I'll scroll through social media for five minutes and man,

0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:16.840
<v Speaker 2>there's one hundred people doing something I want to do.

0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:20.879
<v Speaker 2>And before I was just working out on the farm,

0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:25.160
<v Speaker 2>happy as a clam. Yeah. Now it's like, well wait,

0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:30.120
<v Speaker 2>you know, so there's I don't know how you know, practically,

0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:35.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, we encourage people to combat that spirit of

0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:38.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, discontentment, but man, it is prevalent.

0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:42.320
<v Speaker 1>Hey, awareness comes first, just being aware that it exists,

0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:46.520
<v Speaker 1>ye spirit of discontentment. Being aware of that spirit.

0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:48.119
<v Speaker 2>Is a great first step.

0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:51.040
<v Speaker 1>If you're looking for a last minute gift for somebody

0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:53.760
<v Speaker 1>that seems to have everything, or you just can't think

0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:56.359
<v Speaker 1>of anything that you could possibly get them, well, how

0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:58.560
<v Speaker 1>about a cameo for me. I could shoot him a

0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:01.480
<v Speaker 1>video saying exactly what you need me to say, with

0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:03.960
<v Speaker 1>the bullet points that you want me to follow, and

0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:07.600
<v Speaker 1>you just say, Hey, Granger, my friend Mark or my

0:19:07.600 --> 0:19:10.040
<v Speaker 1>my husband or my wife or my girlfriend or my

0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:12.760
<v Speaker 1>son is a fan of you or the Smiths or

0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:15.880
<v Speaker 1>your podcast or your book like a River, or your

0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:18.639
<v Speaker 1>music or Earl Dabbles Junior. Can you shoot them a

0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:23.360
<v Speaker 1>message and just tell them Merry Christmas and I'll customize

0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:26.040
<v Speaker 1>it and make it just for them however you need

0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:27.800
<v Speaker 1>me to do it. It's super easy. I do it

0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:29.560
<v Speaker 1>on my phone and then I'll I send you that

0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:32.600
<v Speaker 1>message and then you give it to them whoever you

0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:34.960
<v Speaker 1>want to give the gift to, whenever you want to

0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:37.520
<v Speaker 1>do it, maybe Christmas morning. You could do this by

0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:41.320
<v Speaker 1>going to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Or you

0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:44.960
<v Speaker 1>could download the cameo app and search for me Granger

0:19:45.040 --> 0:19:49.400
<v Speaker 1>Smith again, that's cameo dot com, c am eo dot

0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:53.600
<v Speaker 1>com slash Granger Smith. And then, speaking of Christmas presence

0:19:53.680 --> 0:19:57.439
<v Speaker 1>or our Birthday presence or pick me up presence, have

0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:00.439
<v Speaker 1>you been to eee dot com lately and checked out

0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:04.679
<v Speaker 1>some eee apparel. You know, December fifteenth is the last

0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:07.440
<v Speaker 1>date that you could order that we can guarantee it's

0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:12.760
<v Speaker 1>going to arrive to you before Christmas. So again, December fifteenth,

0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:15.040
<v Speaker 1>that's the cutoff date and you might get it if

0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:18.399
<v Speaker 1>you order after, and you usually do, but we can

0:20:18.440 --> 0:20:22.560
<v Speaker 1>guarantee before or on December fifteenth. You order something from

0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:25.760
<v Speaker 1>yeee dot com, it's gonna get to your husband or

0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:29.199
<v Speaker 1>your girlfriend, or your wife or your son, whoever you

0:20:29.240 --> 0:20:31.679
<v Speaker 1>want to get that new hat or shirt or hoodie,

0:20:31.680 --> 0:20:35.719
<v Speaker 1>your jacket, or maybe some eee jerky for the stockings.

0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:38.840
<v Speaker 1>Ye is a family run business owned by me and

0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:42.479
<v Speaker 1>my brother Tyler, and then Parker is our CEO, and

0:20:42.480 --> 0:20:46.000
<v Speaker 1>then Amber runs the women line. So it's a it's

0:20:46.000 --> 0:20:49.719
<v Speaker 1>a Smith endeavor to the fullest for sure. Again, go

0:20:49.800 --> 0:20:52.160
<v Speaker 1>to yee ye dot com and check out what's new.

0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:55.120
<v Speaker 1>Hey Grainger, my name is Jake. I'm from Greenville, Ohio.

0:20:55.200 --> 0:20:58.600
<v Speaker 1>I really appreciate your podcast. I wanted to ask you

0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:02.640
<v Speaker 1>what should we do with regret? I know we all sin,

0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:05.720
<v Speaker 1>and I know God is abundantly gracious to his children,

0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:09.280
<v Speaker 1>but how do how should we deal with regret? As Christians?

0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:14.760
<v Speaker 1>Especially over big mistakes and sins. I love your kind

0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:17.119
<v Speaker 1>thoughts and biblical insight on your podcast. Thank you for

0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:22.920
<v Speaker 1>what you do. God blushed, Brother Jake Man, great question,

0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:30.360
<v Speaker 1>m HM and Greenville, Ohio. He's asking, I'm always got

0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:33.560
<v Speaker 1>to recap from own brain, what should we what should

0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:39.280
<v Speaker 1>we do with regret? I know we all sin and

0:21:39.280 --> 0:21:42.199
<v Speaker 1>and God is abundantly gracious to his children, but how

0:21:42.240 --> 0:21:45.600
<v Speaker 1>should we deal with regret, especially over big mistakes? Okay,

0:21:45.880 --> 0:21:49.960
<v Speaker 1>this is great And something one thing about this podcast

0:21:50.600 --> 0:21:55.640
<v Speaker 1>with Bernie and I is that possibly we could be

0:21:55.680 --> 0:21:59.240
<v Speaker 1>probably more thorough and more precise if we actually knew

0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:02.280
<v Speaker 1>these questions were and prepared and had some research and

0:22:02.320 --> 0:22:05.680
<v Speaker 1>some Bible verses ready to go. But we don't. And

0:22:05.720 --> 0:22:07.480
<v Speaker 1>I think part of the intrigue of the part of

0:22:07.520 --> 0:22:10.200
<v Speaker 1>the reason I like doing this is because this is

0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:13.800
<v Speaker 1>more like you're literally asking me on the phone, and

0:22:13.840 --> 0:22:15.800
<v Speaker 1>I need to answer right now. I'm not gonna say, hey,

0:22:16.040 --> 0:22:18.600
<v Speaker 1>let me get back to you, Jake and look some

0:22:18.600 --> 0:22:20.720
<v Speaker 1>stuff up. I'm just going to answer on the fly.

0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:23.600
<v Speaker 1>And so that's what we're gonna do. Because this question,

0:22:23.960 --> 0:22:26.600
<v Speaker 1>I could research it for a few hours and just

0:22:27.480 --> 0:22:30.280
<v Speaker 1>really give you everything you need to know. But here's

0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:36.399
<v Speaker 1>the thing. When we are believers, and I know you

0:22:36.440 --> 0:22:40.240
<v Speaker 1>are because you signed off by saying solely Day Gloria.

0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:49.560
<v Speaker 1>And when you are a believer, meaning when you're a Christian,

0:22:50.320 --> 0:22:57.159
<v Speaker 1>meaning you believe the gospel, meaning you believe that Jesus

0:22:57.280 --> 0:23:03.560
<v Speaker 1>Christ came, died on the cross for sins of his

0:23:03.680 --> 0:23:09.639
<v Speaker 1>people as a substitute, becoming the sacrificial lamb, becoming the

0:23:09.720 --> 0:23:15.119
<v Speaker 1>ultimate sacrifice to satisfy the wrath of God and reconcile

0:23:15.160 --> 0:23:20.440
<v Speaker 1>God's people to himself. Basically, God demands from us, because

0:23:20.440 --> 0:23:24.040
<v Speaker 1>God's perfect, God, is holy, He's a holy, just God,

0:23:24.840 --> 0:23:31.520
<v Speaker 1>because he demands from us a righteousness that we cannot give.

0:23:32.720 --> 0:23:36.880
<v Speaker 1>He gives to us the righteousness that he demands from

0:23:37.000 --> 0:23:41.000
<v Speaker 1>us as a gift, and with it brings us to himself.

0:23:41.760 --> 0:23:45.359
<v Speaker 1>That's the gospel. And with that, as he does that

0:23:45.440 --> 0:23:49.880
<v Speaker 1>on the cross, he covers our sin and he makes

0:23:49.920 --> 0:23:59.320
<v Speaker 1>our sin remembered no more. And we should in two

0:23:59.359 --> 0:24:02.439
<v Speaker 1>things to that. Well, So where does that leave us

0:24:02.760 --> 0:24:05.480
<v Speaker 1>if we're if we're a Christian and we're covered in

0:24:05.480 --> 0:24:09.159
<v Speaker 1>our sin is remembered no more and we are given

0:24:09.280 --> 0:24:11.880
<v Speaker 1>to us the righteousness that we could not produce ourselves.

0:24:12.200 --> 0:24:14.840
<v Speaker 1>If that's us, what do we do with all these

0:24:14.880 --> 0:24:18.399
<v Speaker 1>old feelings, like, but I'm messed up when I was younger,

0:24:18.400 --> 0:24:20.800
<v Speaker 1>are a couple of years ago, I still got some

0:24:20.840 --> 0:24:22.719
<v Speaker 1>stuff that's kind of lingering. What do I do with that?

0:24:24.040 --> 0:24:31.000
<v Speaker 1>Two things? I think One, understand that you're covered, you're forgiven,

0:24:32.040 --> 0:24:37.680
<v Speaker 1>that God sees you as Christ, he sees Christ who

0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:42.560
<v Speaker 1>is in you, and you're covered, you're made new. And

0:24:42.560 --> 0:24:45.439
<v Speaker 1>then two, I think we use that to fuel us

0:24:45.440 --> 0:24:48.960
<v Speaker 1>a little bit. I think it's there, that regret is

0:24:49.080 --> 0:24:52.720
<v Speaker 1>there a little bit, so that we go man, that

0:24:53.440 --> 0:24:55.920
<v Speaker 1>that hurt, and I don't want to go back there again.

0:24:56.560 --> 0:24:59.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm covered, I'm forgiven. I don't have to worry about

0:24:59.800 --> 0:25:02.639
<v Speaker 1>that coming up in my past and haunting me so

0:25:02.720 --> 0:25:05.320
<v Speaker 1>that I don't make it to heaven or something weird

0:25:05.359 --> 0:25:09.560
<v Speaker 1>like that. But I also realize it's still there because

0:25:09.600 --> 0:25:12.840
<v Speaker 1>we're still in the fallen world and sin has consequences,

0:25:13.520 --> 0:25:18.320
<v Speaker 1>and those consequences could still be lingering, which perpetuates the regret.

0:25:19.320 --> 0:25:22.680
<v Speaker 1>And so that kind of lingers, partly so that we

0:25:22.760 --> 0:25:24.880
<v Speaker 1>go I don't want to do that again. I want

0:25:24.920 --> 0:25:27.919
<v Speaker 1>to get as far from that. And that's what repentance

0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:30.119
<v Speaker 1>is turning from that. I want to get as far

0:25:30.200 --> 0:25:33.360
<v Speaker 1>from that as I can, because I'm a new creation.

0:25:34.960 --> 0:25:35.680
<v Speaker 1>What do you got on this.

0:25:35.640 --> 0:25:40.200
<v Speaker 2>Pernch Yeah, man, that's all really good. That's really good.

0:25:40.240 --> 0:25:44.800
<v Speaker 2>I don't have a whole lot to add except maybe

0:25:44.920 --> 0:25:49.679
<v Speaker 2>just kind of going back to the the the exercise

0:25:49.720 --> 0:25:55.560
<v Speaker 2>of the mind, because what I have struggled with whenever

0:25:55.600 --> 0:25:58.679
<v Speaker 2>I mess up, or whenever I make a mistake or whatever,

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:03.679
<v Speaker 2>you know, like he's talking about, is this tendency to

0:26:04.400 --> 0:26:08.560
<v Speaker 2>listen to myself instead of talking to myself. So whenever

0:26:08.560 --> 0:26:11.200
<v Speaker 2>I talk to myself, I say everything that you just said,

0:26:11.840 --> 0:26:14.679
<v Speaker 2>Jesus is the high priest, who is ever interceding for

0:26:14.760 --> 0:26:17.320
<v Speaker 2>me before the Father? Like these sins are as far

0:26:17.359 --> 0:26:20.400
<v Speaker 2>from the east as the west. Like that's not who

0:26:20.440 --> 0:26:25.080
<v Speaker 2>I am. I am covered. When I listen to myself,

0:26:25.480 --> 0:26:31.000
<v Speaker 2>the tone is different and the words are different. There

0:26:31.520 --> 0:26:37.240
<v Speaker 2>their accusations and they're well, man, you did this again,

0:26:38.800 --> 0:26:41.040
<v Speaker 2>you can't stop doing it. Well, if you really believed

0:26:41.080 --> 0:26:44.879
<v Speaker 2>in Jesus, you really had faith, there's this different tone

0:26:45.440 --> 0:26:49.119
<v Speaker 2>whenever I am listening to myself instead of talking to myself.

0:26:49.160 --> 0:26:52.240
<v Speaker 2>I think that this practice of preaching to ourselves needs

0:26:52.240 --> 0:26:57.280
<v Speaker 2>to be a mental habit. And again, like, I'm not

0:26:57.400 --> 0:27:00.719
<v Speaker 2>licensed in anything, and I'm not in semina. I'm just

0:27:00.760 --> 0:27:03.320
<v Speaker 2>a dude like the rest of not the rest of y'all.

0:27:03.320 --> 0:27:07.240
<v Speaker 2>There's probably some really smart people out there, but I'm

0:27:07.240 --> 0:27:10.120
<v Speaker 2>just a regular guy. So I'm thinking through this as

0:27:10.320 --> 0:27:14.160
<v Speaker 2>my own struggle with the same question. Here's what I'm

0:27:14.200 --> 0:27:19.399
<v Speaker 2>trying to do. I'm trying to spend time in God's

0:27:19.440 --> 0:27:21.240
<v Speaker 2>word and the truth. I'm gonna hide it, I'm gonna

0:27:21.280 --> 0:27:23.679
<v Speaker 2>let it dwell in me ritually, and then I'm gonna

0:27:23.720 --> 0:27:27.840
<v Speaker 2>try all day every day to preach that to myself

0:27:28.920 --> 0:27:34.960
<v Speaker 2>because inevitably there will be these attacks that I will

0:27:35.080 --> 0:27:39.119
<v Speaker 2>launch on myself to start listening to those lies. And

0:27:39.160 --> 0:27:42.560
<v Speaker 2>that's really the difference, is listening to the truth or

0:27:42.600 --> 0:27:43.400
<v Speaker 2>listening to their lies.

0:27:43.520 --> 0:27:48.159
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's so good, that's great. I would meditate in

0:27:48.240 --> 0:27:54.159
<v Speaker 1>the psalms, particularly for you, Psalm fifty one. Have mercy

0:27:54.200 --> 0:27:56.520
<v Speaker 1>on me, O God, according to your steadfast love, according

0:27:56.520 --> 0:27:59.840
<v Speaker 1>to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions, Wash me

0:28:00.040 --> 0:28:03.120
<v Speaker 1>thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

0:28:03.200 --> 0:28:05.800
<v Speaker 1>For I know my transgression, my sin is ever before

0:28:05.800 --> 0:28:08.359
<v Speaker 1>me against you, and you only have I sinned and

0:28:08.400 --> 0:28:11.199
<v Speaker 1>done what is evil in your sight, so that you

0:28:11.280 --> 0:28:14.000
<v Speaker 1>may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.

0:28:14.280 --> 0:28:16.560
<v Speaker 1>I was brought forth in iniquity and in sended. My

0:28:16.640 --> 0:28:20.040
<v Speaker 1>mother conceived me. Behold you delight in truth and inward being,

0:28:20.080 --> 0:28:22.960
<v Speaker 1>and you teach me wisdom and the secret heart. Purge

0:28:23.000 --> 0:28:24.879
<v Speaker 1>me with hissop, and I shall be clean, wash me,

0:28:25.200 --> 0:28:27.320
<v Speaker 1>and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear

0:28:27.520 --> 0:28:31.359
<v Speaker 1>joy and gladness. Let the bones that you have broken rejoice.

0:28:31.800 --> 0:28:34.080
<v Speaker 1>Hide your face from my sins and blot out my iniquities.

0:28:34.080 --> 0:28:36.560
<v Speaker 1>Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew

0:28:36.560 --> 0:28:38.760
<v Speaker 1>a right spirit within me, and on and on and on.

0:28:39.520 --> 0:28:42.440
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't meditate and stuff like that, and just jump

0:28:42.440 --> 0:28:45.400
<v Speaker 1>into the psalms and just hear David saying the same

0:28:45.440 --> 0:28:47.840
<v Speaker 1>thing you're saying, how do I deal with this regret?

0:28:48.480 --> 0:28:51.240
<v Speaker 1>And you go through the word of God by going

0:28:51.280 --> 0:28:54.160
<v Speaker 1>to the cross and remembering what has been done for me,

0:28:54.600 --> 0:28:57.760
<v Speaker 1>Drew says. In the next question, here, Drew says, is

0:28:57.800 --> 0:29:00.960
<v Speaker 1>someone trying to get their mental health right? During the

0:29:01.080 --> 0:29:05.200
<v Speaker 1>Winter Blues quote, I told myself, I'm gonna start hitting

0:29:05.240 --> 0:29:08.400
<v Speaker 1>the gym. What are some workout routines that you do

0:29:08.680 --> 0:29:11.000
<v Speaker 1>to stay consistent in them? By the way, from the

0:29:11.040 --> 0:29:13.320
<v Speaker 1>bottom of them of my heart, thank you, Thank you

0:29:13.360 --> 0:29:16.360
<v Speaker 1>for everything you do. You're truly you have truly shown

0:29:16.600 --> 0:29:19.280
<v Speaker 1>me the type of man I strive to be. You're

0:29:19.320 --> 0:29:21.640
<v Speaker 1>making a difference in a lot more lives than you think.

0:29:22.040 --> 0:29:27.360
<v Speaker 1>God is using you ps come to Northwest Indiana about

0:29:27.960 --> 0:29:30.000
<v Speaker 1>by a Valparaiso. I love y'all, Drew.

0:29:30.240 --> 0:29:31.240
<v Speaker 2>Does that get old? Man?

0:29:31.480 --> 0:29:34.920
<v Speaker 1>No? No, But when I hear that, I just think, oh, dude,

0:29:35.360 --> 0:29:39.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm so far from your hero, you know, I

0:29:39.480 --> 0:29:43.200
<v Speaker 1>am when you When I hear things like you have

0:29:43.280 --> 0:29:44.840
<v Speaker 1>shown me the type of man I strive to be,

0:29:44.920 --> 0:29:47.840
<v Speaker 1>I just think, man, you got I have so far

0:29:47.920 --> 0:29:48.160
<v Speaker 1>to go.

0:29:49.760 --> 0:29:52.440
<v Speaker 2>But I think I think the point is is it

0:29:52.640 --> 0:29:56.640
<v Speaker 2>in them seeing the fruit of your life and then

0:29:56.680 --> 0:30:00.760
<v Speaker 2>hearing you in humility say that that's the model man.

0:30:00.840 --> 0:30:02.760
<v Speaker 2>That's what they're saying. They're like, man, I hope that

0:30:02.840 --> 0:30:05.000
<v Speaker 2>I have fruit in my life like that, But I

0:30:05.000 --> 0:30:09.600
<v Speaker 2>can also still be on a path of humility that says, man,

0:30:09.760 --> 0:30:12.160
<v Speaker 2>I am. I am still a sinner and I'm still

0:30:12.200 --> 0:30:15.719
<v Speaker 2>in need of God's love and his grace, And so

0:30:16.360 --> 0:30:19.080
<v Speaker 2>I meant the part about like come to Wyoming or

0:30:19.160 --> 0:30:22.080
<v Speaker 2>come to Ohio, come to wherever. Ain't nobody asking me

0:30:22.160 --> 0:30:22.800
<v Speaker 2>to go anywhere?

0:30:22.840 --> 0:30:23.000
<v Speaker 1>Man?

0:30:23.120 --> 0:30:28.200
<v Speaker 2>People in separate emails, they they keep asking you come here.

0:30:28.360 --> 0:30:29.520
<v Speaker 1>You have been on the road with me.

0:30:29.720 --> 0:30:32.000
<v Speaker 2>My wife is like, hey, come home. You know that's

0:30:32.000 --> 0:30:32.560
<v Speaker 2>what I get.

0:30:33.480 --> 0:30:35.040
<v Speaker 1>You've been on the road with me, and you've seen

0:30:35.080 --> 0:30:37.600
<v Speaker 1>people start collecting around you to just talk. Like Burnie

0:30:37.600 --> 0:30:40.720
<v Speaker 1>from the podcast, we still need to do a podcast tour.

0:30:40.880 --> 0:30:43.120
<v Speaker 1>We have to just do it, you know, have to

0:30:43.160 --> 0:30:46.320
<v Speaker 1>figure that out. Okay, Sorry, I love the rest question.

0:30:47.000 --> 0:30:49.120
<v Speaker 1>The question is great because and I think we've been

0:30:49.160 --> 0:30:51.400
<v Speaker 1>asked this before, but it's great because we have very

0:30:51.400 --> 0:30:54.960
<v Speaker 1>different answers. I love this. I think the question is

0:30:56.480 --> 0:31:01.320
<v Speaker 1>what are some workout routines that you do and how

0:31:01.360 --> 0:31:06.440
<v Speaker 1>do you stay consistent in them? Oh?

0:31:06.520 --> 0:31:10.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, man, So he's got winter, like he's experienced winter.

0:31:11.000 --> 0:31:14.760
<v Speaker 2>So this is like a north This is not South

0:31:15.320 --> 0:31:16.440
<v Speaker 2>central Texas.

0:31:17.160 --> 0:31:21.920
<v Speaker 1>He's at Valpo, which gets pretty cold and overcast like

0:31:21.960 --> 0:31:26.640
<v Speaker 1>I did when we lived in Nashville. Yep. So my

0:31:26.720 --> 0:31:30.880
<v Speaker 1>answer is very different than Burns. And my answer has

0:31:30.920 --> 0:31:35.560
<v Speaker 1>stayed the same for man. I used to say six years,

0:31:35.560 --> 0:31:38.520
<v Speaker 1>seven years, but now it has to have been more

0:31:38.560 --> 0:31:42.680
<v Speaker 1>than that since I've been doing this, maybe ten I

0:31:42.720 --> 0:31:47.200
<v Speaker 1>mean it's yeah, probably since about twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen.

0:31:48.920 --> 0:31:53.480
<v Speaker 1>So what happened was, I'll try say this quickly. Amber

0:31:53.480 --> 0:31:56.200
<v Speaker 1>and I used to do you remember P ninety x

0:31:56.520 --> 0:31:58.520
<v Speaker 1>back in the day. So Amber and I, like when

0:31:58.560 --> 0:32:00.000
<v Speaker 1>we first got married, we used to do P. Nine

0:32:00.800 --> 0:32:04.040
<v Speaker 1>that comes off this Beach Body app. You download the

0:32:04.040 --> 0:32:07.640
<v Speaker 1>Beach Body app. By the way, absolutely no sponsoring at

0:32:07.640 --> 0:32:09.360
<v Speaker 1>all going on in this situation. I'm just going to

0:32:09.360 --> 0:32:11.840
<v Speaker 1>tell you tell it the way it is. We used

0:32:11.880 --> 0:32:14.240
<v Speaker 1>to go to Beach Body app and we'd watch P

0:32:14.320 --> 0:32:16.000
<v Speaker 1>nin e X. Well, one day I saw on that

0:32:16.040 --> 0:32:18.080
<v Speaker 1>app there's other there's a lot of other things on there,

0:32:18.440 --> 0:32:21.000
<v Speaker 1>and one of them is called body Beast. It's by

0:32:21.000 --> 0:32:23.920
<v Speaker 1>this guy named Segie, and I was like, I'll check

0:32:23.960 --> 0:32:29.000
<v Speaker 1>that out. So it's it's this. It's a strength training

0:32:30.120 --> 0:32:37.320
<v Speaker 1>using weights, using heavyweights exercise, and it's focusing on specific

0:32:37.440 --> 0:32:41.440
<v Speaker 1>muscle groups. So like chest is one workout, back is one,

0:32:41.640 --> 0:32:46.480
<v Speaker 1>shoulders is one, cardio is one legs is one, core

0:32:46.760 --> 0:32:50.960
<v Speaker 1>is one. Arms as one. So it's all divided and

0:32:51.000 --> 0:32:55.080
<v Speaker 1>there's like ten ten of these little videos and I

0:32:55.320 --> 0:32:58.840
<v Speaker 1>tried it and I actually really started liking it. This

0:32:58.920 --> 0:33:01.480
<v Speaker 1>guy Sagi, And so what I did is I downloaded

0:33:01.520 --> 0:33:05.280
<v Speaker 1>it on my phone and I found that it helped

0:33:05.320 --> 0:33:09.400
<v Speaker 1>me go to especially on the road. Like I'm say,

0:33:09.400 --> 0:33:13.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm in a hotel, I could just press play and

0:33:13.120 --> 0:33:15.920
<v Speaker 1>Segi there is Segie and he's like, here we go

0:33:16.440 --> 0:33:19.840
<v Speaker 1>and we're doing this workout. And it forced me not

0:33:19.960 --> 0:33:22.120
<v Speaker 1>to just peddle around or go what am I going

0:33:22.200 --> 0:33:24.400
<v Speaker 1>to do today, or like what kind of work out

0:33:24.400 --> 0:33:27.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do? Fast forward. I'm still doing it

0:33:27.440 --> 0:33:30.880
<v Speaker 1>like a decade later. I did it this morning, and

0:33:32.600 --> 0:33:35.640
<v Speaker 1>so like here's I go to my phone and I

0:33:35.720 --> 0:33:39.720
<v Speaker 1>just hit this, guys.

0:33:41.560 --> 0:33:46.160
<v Speaker 2>This is bulk back. If you want huge back lead,

0:33:46.400 --> 0:33:47.600
<v Speaker 2>let's get it guys.

0:33:49.320 --> 0:33:53.600
<v Speaker 1>So then starts this warm up. Right there's my buddy

0:33:53.680 --> 0:33:57.160
<v Speaker 1>Chris right there and my buddy Brian.

0:33:58.640 --> 0:33:59.960
<v Speaker 2>If you have limited a quiz.

0:34:01.960 --> 0:34:05.480
<v Speaker 1>So these three guys, like I've listened to them for

0:34:05.560 --> 0:34:09.200
<v Speaker 1>like ten years, and so I usually do like Chest

0:34:09.239 --> 0:34:14.640
<v Speaker 1>on Mondays, back on Tuesdays, Cardio on Wednesdays, shoulders on Thursdays,

0:34:15.120 --> 0:34:18.440
<v Speaker 1>arms on Fridays legs on the weekend like I have it.

0:34:18.640 --> 0:34:21.960
<v Speaker 1>I've been doing that forever. Yeah, that is my way

0:34:22.000 --> 0:34:24.840
<v Speaker 1>to answer your question. How do I stay consistent? I

0:34:25.000 --> 0:34:27.239
<v Speaker 1>just I go all right, some days I'm tired, I

0:34:27.239 --> 0:34:30.000
<v Speaker 1>don't want to. I just hit play and here's Sigi

0:34:30.120 --> 0:34:32.160
<v Speaker 1>and he's like, let's do this.

0:34:32.560 --> 0:34:36.120
<v Speaker 2>We bump. Yeah that's good man.

0:34:36.280 --> 0:34:38.359
<v Speaker 1>And I still get sore, which is important too.

0:34:38.600 --> 0:34:42.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, all right, okay, So I'll go quick shout out

0:34:42.800 --> 0:34:47.560
<v Speaker 2>to my buddy Andy at at swift Fit at X.

0:34:47.760 --> 0:34:50.040
<v Speaker 2>I've worked out and trained with him for a long time.

0:34:51.280 --> 0:34:53.120
<v Speaker 2>One of the things, and I've learned a lot from

0:34:53.200 --> 0:34:56.800
<v Speaker 2>him just about the body, about how things work.

0:34:56.960 --> 0:34:57.319
<v Speaker 1>And so.

0:34:58.760 --> 0:35:00.839
<v Speaker 2>One thing that he told me me a while back

0:35:00.840 --> 0:35:03.839
<v Speaker 2>that I really believe is just the body wants to

0:35:03.880 --> 0:35:08.600
<v Speaker 2>be fooled, so, you know, changing up. So for me,

0:35:08.840 --> 0:35:14.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm I'm gonna do like yoga or like a bickroom

0:35:14.800 --> 0:35:18.959
<v Speaker 2>yoga or like a sauna on a Monday, something that's

0:35:19.040 --> 0:35:20.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, just totally different than the next day when

0:35:20.920 --> 0:35:23.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna do like a hill and outside, like he'll

0:35:23.800 --> 0:35:27.440
<v Speaker 2>repeat workout, I'm gonna go mountain biking. I'm gonna do

0:35:27.520 --> 0:35:32.120
<v Speaker 2>some strength training with Andy in the gym. I'm gonna,

0:35:32.440 --> 0:35:35.200
<v Speaker 2>as we've talked about before, I'm gonna go on some

0:35:35.239 --> 0:35:38.160
<v Speaker 2>trail runs for like two or three hours. I know,

0:35:38.200 --> 0:35:40.000
<v Speaker 2>if you're like in a place where it's snow and

0:35:40.640 --> 0:35:42.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, unless you want to be like Rocky, maybe

0:35:42.560 --> 0:35:45.040
<v Speaker 2>that's not a you know, it's not an option. But

0:35:46.200 --> 0:35:49.560
<v Speaker 2>so I would just say for me, I think Granger

0:35:49.600 --> 0:35:51.680
<v Speaker 2>has a good point having a plan. I try to

0:35:51.680 --> 0:35:54.719
<v Speaker 2>set that at the beginning of the week. I don't

0:35:54.719 --> 0:35:58.560
<v Speaker 2>have Sigiz as name, I don't have him, but I

0:35:58.560 --> 0:36:00.239
<v Speaker 2>think having a plan so that you don't have to

0:36:00.280 --> 0:36:01.640
<v Speaker 2>wake up that morning and be like, Okay, what am

0:36:01.680 --> 0:36:03.000
<v Speaker 2>I going to do? Because you're not going to do it.

0:36:03.080 --> 0:36:03.640
<v Speaker 1>You're in trouble.

0:36:04.800 --> 0:36:07.560
<v Speaker 2>Trouble, yeah, But I just I try to have some

0:36:07.600 --> 0:36:12.440
<v Speaker 2>accountability to it, meet some guys for some things, and

0:36:12.520 --> 0:36:15.120
<v Speaker 2>just try to like fool my body and surprise my

0:36:15.120 --> 0:36:18.640
<v Speaker 2>body a little bit. Because yesterday, instead of instead of

0:36:18.680 --> 0:36:20.880
<v Speaker 2>doing a he'll repeat workout, Andy and I went to

0:36:20.920 --> 0:36:22.840
<v Speaker 2>a track and we did a track workout, and I

0:36:22.880 --> 0:36:24.959
<v Speaker 2>guarantee you that shocked my body because I haven't run,

0:36:25.280 --> 0:36:28.319
<v Speaker 2>you know, for two hundreds in a long time. Like

0:36:28.480 --> 0:36:32.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, kind of sprinting after you know, all of

0:36:32.239 --> 0:36:35.640
<v Speaker 2>our warm ups and everything. So I know that you're

0:36:35.640 --> 0:36:38.919
<v Speaker 2>probably looking for something or like what Granger is talking about,

0:36:38.920 --> 0:36:41.719
<v Speaker 2>because a lot of that is inside. But I think

0:36:41.760 --> 0:36:44.600
<v Speaker 2>a lot of fun is just trying new things and

0:36:44.920 --> 0:36:47.840
<v Speaker 2>getting into different things that will push your body. And also,

0:36:47.880 --> 0:36:50.719
<v Speaker 2>I guess the most important thing, what's your goal, like

0:36:51.520 --> 0:36:52.640
<v Speaker 2>understanding your.

0:36:52.440 --> 0:36:53.960
<v Speaker 1>Goals fighting mental health?

0:36:54.440 --> 0:36:58.000
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so for fighting mental health, but I'm I think

0:36:58.000 --> 0:37:02.759
<v Speaker 2>that that could be physical activity is one of the

0:37:02.760 --> 0:37:05.000
<v Speaker 2>things he's using to fight mental health. But as far

0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:07.880
<v Speaker 2>as like your physical goals, like is there any that

0:37:07.960 --> 0:37:09.520
<v Speaker 2>you have you want to run a race or you

0:37:09.600 --> 0:37:11.560
<v Speaker 2>just want to get you know, bigger, you want to

0:37:11.560 --> 0:37:14.880
<v Speaker 2>get stronger, like what I think that could dictate maybe

0:37:15.719 --> 0:37:16.439
<v Speaker 2>what you get into.

0:37:16.560 --> 0:37:19.640
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, that great point. And as as I promised you,

0:37:20.040 --> 0:37:24.920
<v Speaker 1>two completely different answers, same same result in staying consistent.

0:37:25.000 --> 0:37:27.719
<v Speaker 1>Like Bernie as long as I've known, I've known him

0:37:27.760 --> 0:37:32.400
<v Speaker 1>a long time, last everyone years, You've been really consistent

0:37:32.440 --> 0:37:36.120
<v Speaker 1>with that the many years. And so can I ask

0:37:36.160 --> 0:37:39.239
<v Speaker 1>you a personal question though you don't have to answer this,

0:37:39.680 --> 0:37:40.879
<v Speaker 1>how much is Andy.

0:37:42.200 --> 0:37:42.879
<v Speaker 2>Like per hour?

0:37:43.120 --> 0:37:45.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you don't have to answer but maybe ballpark.

0:37:45.440 --> 0:37:48.080
<v Speaker 2>It's it's not cheap for somebody like that. You're gonna

0:37:48.080 --> 0:37:51.760
<v Speaker 2>pay between I don't know, seventy five and one fifty

0:37:51.800 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 2>an hour, okay, just depending on where you are, what

0:37:55.200 --> 0:38:01.000
<v Speaker 2>level of certifications they have. You can also getting group sessions,

0:38:01.000 --> 0:38:03.479
<v Speaker 2>which I'll do with Andy sometimes and it's awesome because

0:38:03.480 --> 0:38:05.480
<v Speaker 2>there's this one girl, Jess that I jump into a

0:38:05.480 --> 0:38:08.239
<v Speaker 2>group session with. Yeah, and the rate's lower, but she

0:38:08.440 --> 0:38:11.520
<v Speaker 2>is a beast and she will push me, and Andy's

0:38:11.560 --> 0:38:14.799
<v Speaker 2>training both of us. So you could also find if

0:38:14.840 --> 0:38:17.640
<v Speaker 2>finance was a thing, you could find somebody that could

0:38:17.680 --> 0:38:18.440
<v Speaker 2>do a group session.

0:38:18.560 --> 0:38:23.279
<v Speaker 1>So find your flaw, Drew. If your flaw is, man,

0:38:23.360 --> 0:38:26.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm just granger. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna hit play

0:38:26.680 --> 0:38:29.879
<v Speaker 1>on Sigi Like, I'm just not gonna do that, then

0:38:29.920 --> 0:38:33.080
<v Speaker 1>I go, okay, go to the gym and find an Andy.

0:38:33.719 --> 0:38:36.440
<v Speaker 1>Every gym has one, yep, every single gym has one,

0:38:36.480 --> 0:38:38.520
<v Speaker 1>and go tell them that, hey, I'm want to get

0:38:38.560 --> 0:38:40.040
<v Speaker 1>rid of these winter blues. I'm gonna get going. And

0:38:40.040 --> 0:38:44.960
<v Speaker 1>they're like, okay, I've got a spot on at seven

0:38:45.120 --> 0:38:49.880
<v Speaker 1>thirty on the weekdays, can you do that? And you're like, yeah,

0:38:50.040 --> 0:38:52.800
<v Speaker 1>I guess like, here we go and get ready and

0:38:52.840 --> 0:38:54.759
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna show up at seven thirty and if it's

0:38:55.280 --> 0:38:57.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, if it's seven thirty five, he's probably texting

0:38:57.560 --> 0:39:00.960
<v Speaker 1>you like, hey, bro, you on your way, and that

0:39:01.040 --> 0:39:04.680
<v Speaker 1>kind of motivation. Maybe maybe, Drew, maybe you need that.

0:39:05.960 --> 0:39:08.080
<v Speaker 1>And that's a cool thing I went through during the

0:39:08.239 --> 0:39:10.719
<v Speaker 1>during like the twenty twenty season. I remember I did

0:39:10.719 --> 0:39:12.880
<v Speaker 1>that with Tyler and Parker and I still work out

0:39:12.880 --> 0:39:16.040
<v Speaker 1>with those guys on Mondays and so having that accountability.

0:39:16.040 --> 0:39:18.800
<v Speaker 1>But we were going to the gym with another trainer

0:39:19.960 --> 0:39:22.319
<v Speaker 1>and he was thankfully he wasn't charging us. He just

0:39:22.520 --> 0:39:26.399
<v Speaker 1>that was his workout time. But man, it's a lot

0:39:26.400 --> 0:39:28.560
<v Speaker 1>of accountability when you have someone waiting for you to

0:39:28.600 --> 0:39:31.440
<v Speaker 1>get there. So, yeah, there you go, Drew. That's a

0:39:31.440 --> 0:39:33.960
<v Speaker 1>lot of options for you. But I'm happy. I think

0:39:34.280 --> 0:39:36.520
<v Speaker 1>I think you're right in thinking that it's really good

0:39:36.520 --> 0:39:37.520
<v Speaker 1>to get out in sweat.

0:39:38.040 --> 0:39:40.200
<v Speaker 2>Is it Rocky for Is that the one where he's

0:39:40.200 --> 0:39:42.279
<v Speaker 2>in Russia? Yeah, all right, we go watch that too.

0:39:42.719 --> 0:39:45.799
<v Speaker 2>That'd be some kid motivation. Just get out in the snow. Man,

0:39:46.040 --> 0:39:49.560
<v Speaker 2>he's like carrying logs on his you know, shoulders through

0:39:49.600 --> 0:39:49.959
<v Speaker 2>the snow.

0:39:50.080 --> 0:39:50.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's really good.

0:39:51.080 --> 0:39:51.840
<v Speaker 2>I have a tiger.

0:39:52.080 --> 0:39:54.720
<v Speaker 1>Is that? The one? Yeah? Nice question comes from Dolly,

0:39:54.960 --> 0:39:58.120
<v Speaker 1>who I love that name, says, hey there, thank you

0:39:58.160 --> 0:39:59.960
<v Speaker 1>so much for sharing your story and spreading the God.

0:40:00.600 --> 0:40:03.279
<v Speaker 1>Y'all are amazing. I've been married for five years now,

0:40:03.840 --> 0:40:06.720
<v Speaker 1>and he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine.

0:40:07.960 --> 0:40:10.920
<v Speaker 1>For example, she taught my two year old son to

0:40:11.000 --> 0:40:18.319
<v Speaker 1>call her mom, and he defended her. Wow. She used

0:40:18.320 --> 0:40:20.920
<v Speaker 1>to barge into our home when she felt like it

0:40:21.000 --> 0:40:23.640
<v Speaker 1>without a call or a text, and he would defend her.

0:40:24.280 --> 0:40:30.880
<v Speaker 1>She is extremely controlling, manipulative, and possessive. All right, Dolly,

0:40:31.040 --> 0:40:33.360
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much. I would hang on a second.

0:40:33.360 --> 0:40:38.120
<v Speaker 1>It keeps going. There's another page to this. Her twenty

0:40:38.120 --> 0:40:40.879
<v Speaker 1>six year old son and thirty eight year old daughter

0:40:41.080 --> 0:40:43.279
<v Speaker 1>live at home and don't have anything going for them.

0:40:43.520 --> 0:40:46.400
<v Speaker 1>I kindly and politely set some hard boundaries, but my

0:40:46.480 --> 0:40:48.560
<v Speaker 1>husband just doesn't get it. He expects me to give

0:40:48.680 --> 0:40:52.040
<v Speaker 1>up my peace and privacy for her, and I cannot.

0:40:52.480 --> 0:40:56.120
<v Speaker 1>There are hundreds more examples and I could provide, but

0:40:56.160 --> 0:40:58.919
<v Speaker 1>I think you get the point. We've tried counseling and

0:41:00.080 --> 0:41:03.719
<v Speaker 1>married ministry at church, and everyone tells him the same thing.

0:41:04.080 --> 0:41:06.799
<v Speaker 1>He agrees to the face, but he doesn't change. I'm

0:41:06.840 --> 0:41:09.560
<v Speaker 1>getting exhausted, and we also have a four and two

0:41:09.600 --> 0:41:13.520
<v Speaker 1>year old boys. We are also new Christians, and I

0:41:13.520 --> 0:41:16.000
<v Speaker 1>feel like I'm doing all the things wrong, but I

0:41:16.000 --> 0:41:18.640
<v Speaker 1>don't know what else to do myself. I cannot allow

0:41:18.680 --> 0:41:22.399
<v Speaker 1>myself nor my children to suffer at her hand or

0:41:22.440 --> 0:41:28.040
<v Speaker 1>her twisted ways. Thank you, Dolly, Okay, Dolly, thanks for

0:41:28.080 --> 0:41:34.600
<v Speaker 1>the question. That's crazy just hearing her teaching your son

0:41:34.680 --> 0:41:36.120
<v Speaker 1>to could call her mom.

0:41:36.520 --> 0:41:37.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's a hard stop for me.

0:41:38.080 --> 0:41:40.400
<v Speaker 1>Man, Like, no way. Yeah, we see these kind of

0:41:40.400 --> 0:41:43.080
<v Speaker 1>emails a lot, but that's that's an extent.

0:41:43.120 --> 0:41:45.680
<v Speaker 2>That's different. Yeah, that's different. And we were just saying

0:41:45.719 --> 0:41:49.480
<v Speaker 2>on one of the earlier breaks, like we don't really

0:41:49.600 --> 0:41:52.840
<v Speaker 2>know like the extent of these situations. We can say,

0:41:53.640 --> 0:41:57.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, oh grace and like consider yourself and whatever,

0:41:57.760 --> 0:41:59.560
<v Speaker 2>but it's like you may be in the middle of

0:41:59.600 --> 0:42:01.800
<v Speaker 2>like a very crazy, toxic situation.

0:42:02.239 --> 0:42:03.479
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and we just can't.

0:42:03.560 --> 0:42:09.880
<v Speaker 2>We always don't really know this. Uh. The the discouraging,

0:42:10.480 --> 0:42:13.360
<v Speaker 2>the most discouraging part about this is that they have

0:42:13.640 --> 0:42:16.520
<v Speaker 2>been to people at the church, they've been through counseling,

0:42:16.560 --> 0:42:21.360
<v Speaker 2>they've and he's heard the unhealthy nature of this, and

0:42:21.400 --> 0:42:23.680
<v Speaker 2>he still will say yes to their face and then

0:42:23.920 --> 0:42:30.320
<v Speaker 2>refuse to change. Yeah. Uh, that's a tough spot, Dolly,

0:42:30.400 --> 0:42:33.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry. I guess that's yeah.

0:42:33.400 --> 0:42:36.880
<v Speaker 1>There's a there's a couple of things. I hate. I

0:42:36.920 --> 0:42:39.240
<v Speaker 1>hate to even say this, but I think I should

0:42:39.239 --> 0:42:41.799
<v Speaker 1>because we need to uncover every rock here, turn over

0:42:41.840 --> 0:42:44.960
<v Speaker 1>every rock. I think there's a good chance you're in

0:42:45.360 --> 0:42:49.279
<v Speaker 1>you're in a not so healthy church. I think it's

0:42:49.280 --> 0:42:53.200
<v Speaker 1>a pretty good I could say that, whether or not

0:42:53.200 --> 0:42:55.040
<v Speaker 1>I know you or not, I know your story or not.

0:42:55.200 --> 0:42:57.960
<v Speaker 1>I think there's a good chance, especially as a new Christian,

0:42:58.600 --> 0:43:02.720
<v Speaker 1>that you ended up at a a very secret, sensitive

0:43:02.800 --> 0:43:07.560
<v Speaker 1>church that is more interested in reaching the lost and

0:43:07.680 --> 0:43:11.399
<v Speaker 1>less interested about shepherding the current flock that they have.

0:43:12.719 --> 0:43:14.880
<v Speaker 1>See that a lot as I travel, I see it

0:43:14.880 --> 0:43:17.360
<v Speaker 1>a lot. And so when you say you did this

0:43:17.440 --> 0:43:21.759
<v Speaker 1>married ministry at church, I kind of see it's like

0:43:21.800 --> 0:43:25.560
<v Speaker 1>a here, here's some information, uncle, do it instead of

0:43:25.680 --> 0:43:29.160
<v Speaker 1>let's walk it together, how's it going, Let me text you,

0:43:29.239 --> 0:43:30.520
<v Speaker 1>let's have coffee, let's talk.

0:43:30.600 --> 0:43:32.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's a great question that she doesn't say, like

0:43:32.760 --> 0:43:36.200
<v Speaker 2>does your husband have like elders in the church or

0:43:36.600 --> 0:43:40.319
<v Speaker 2>or godly men, wise counsel in his life that he

0:43:40.560 --> 0:43:43.960
<v Speaker 2>is accountable to and meeting with regularly, that will speak

0:43:44.000 --> 0:43:47.120
<v Speaker 2>truth and he will receive it from them. Yes, Okay,

0:43:47.160 --> 0:43:49.880
<v Speaker 2>let's say that she answers that she says he does not.

0:43:51.120 --> 0:43:52.360
<v Speaker 2>What do you say then, because.

0:43:52.160 --> 0:43:54.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because of what I think, what I think she's

0:43:54.360 --> 0:43:56.879
<v Speaker 1>talking about with the church is typically it's like, hey,

0:43:57.239 --> 0:44:00.719
<v Speaker 1>on the on the fifteenth of next month, we're doing

0:44:00.760 --> 0:44:05.360
<v Speaker 1>a married session, So all you married couples, come on.

0:44:05.440 --> 0:44:07.359
<v Speaker 1>We're going to come in at seven pm at the

0:44:07.400 --> 0:44:09.000
<v Speaker 1>sanctuary and we're all going to get in there and

0:44:09.080 --> 0:44:12.439
<v Speaker 1>get motivated and bringing in a guest speaker and they're

0:44:12.440 --> 0:44:14.080
<v Speaker 1>going to talk and him and his wife are going

0:44:14.160 --> 0:44:16.279
<v Speaker 1>to discuss and then you go out and you live

0:44:16.320 --> 0:44:20.040
<v Speaker 1>your life as opposed to like a one on one

0:44:20.320 --> 0:44:27.280
<v Speaker 1>like you're saying, which is discipleships called it's literally called discipleship.

0:44:28.560 --> 0:44:31.880
<v Speaker 1>And so I want to see that. I think I

0:44:31.920 --> 0:44:34.600
<v Speaker 1>don't think you have that, And that's none of this

0:44:34.719 --> 0:44:36.960
<v Speaker 1>is an accusation. I'm just trying to, like I said,

0:44:37.040 --> 0:44:41.920
<v Speaker 1>uncover every rock here. So to your question, Burns, if

0:44:42.239 --> 0:44:44.840
<v Speaker 1>if she comes back and says he doesn't have anybody

0:44:45.360 --> 0:44:49.799
<v Speaker 1>or he just has the guys at his work. I

0:44:49.840 --> 0:44:53.600
<v Speaker 1>want you to know that all of this is on him.

0:44:53.760 --> 0:44:55.879
<v Speaker 1>The mother in law thing, I'm not worried about her.

0:44:56.760 --> 0:44:59.759
<v Speaker 1>This the psycho thing she's doing to your son. Do

0:45:00.080 --> 0:45:05.120
<v Speaker 1>not concern me. That secondary next to the husband that

0:45:05.280 --> 0:45:09.680
<v Speaker 1>is defending her. He has to stop. The mother in

0:45:09.760 --> 0:45:13.160
<v Speaker 1>law will not stop unless the husband steps in and

0:45:13.200 --> 0:45:17.160
<v Speaker 1>goes Hang on a second, this is my wife, this

0:45:17.320 --> 0:45:20.480
<v Speaker 1>is my family. Mom. I love you to death boundaries,

0:45:20.680 --> 0:45:25.600
<v Speaker 1>but that's going too far here, And so what do

0:45:25.640 --> 0:45:28.279
<v Speaker 1>we do? I want to answer your question, what do

0:45:28.360 --> 0:45:31.920
<v Speaker 1>we do if she says he doesn't have anybody speaking in,

0:45:31.960 --> 0:45:34.919
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't have coffee with anybody, Because what you don't

0:45:34.960 --> 0:45:38.040
<v Speaker 1>want to do is say you need some friends. Yeah

0:45:38.280 --> 0:45:40.799
<v Speaker 1>you need to start having coffee with some Christian men,

0:45:41.520 --> 0:45:42.520
<v Speaker 1>like don't don't do that.

0:45:42.960 --> 0:45:46.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, he's gonna run for the hills.

0:45:46.160 --> 0:45:48.600
<v Speaker 1>He's run for the hills. So how do.

0:45:48.640 --> 0:45:57.799
<v Speaker 2>We m I mean, I think that byen nature, I

0:45:57.920 --> 0:46:01.879
<v Speaker 2>will hang out with some of my and build relationship

0:46:01.920 --> 0:46:07.640
<v Speaker 2>with other guy friends that are husband's to my wife's friends,

0:46:07.920 --> 0:46:11.680
<v Speaker 2>just because what's her name, Dolly? Dolly, Dolly's like, hey,

0:46:12.360 --> 0:46:15.880
<v Speaker 2>Julie and her husband are coming over. We're gonna have

0:46:15.920 --> 0:46:18.959
<v Speaker 2>some burgers and hang out. And then you just meet

0:46:19.520 --> 0:46:23.040
<v Speaker 2>Mike for the first time, and you know, you're like, oh,

0:46:23.080 --> 0:46:25.920
<v Speaker 2>Mike's kind of cool. But then you and Julie, you

0:46:26.000 --> 0:46:29.240
<v Speaker 2>really see her as someone that is a godly woman,

0:46:29.600 --> 0:46:32.320
<v Speaker 2>and she's told you about Mike and like he's a

0:46:32.360 --> 0:46:35.759
<v Speaker 2>strong believer, and you're like, he could be a good influence.

0:46:36.640 --> 0:46:40.520
<v Speaker 2>And maybe you just start hanging out with people that

0:46:40.560 --> 0:46:43.759
<v Speaker 2>you feel like could be an influence and see if

0:46:43.800 --> 0:46:45.600
<v Speaker 2>those you can't force it, but maybe you see if

0:46:45.640 --> 0:46:48.440
<v Speaker 2>those relationships kind of click on things that are not

0:46:48.480 --> 0:46:52.920
<v Speaker 2>related to marriage advice or you know, counsel or anything

0:46:53.000 --> 0:46:55.399
<v Speaker 2>like that, like, oh, hey, Mike's a huge Cowboys fan,

0:46:55.440 --> 0:46:57.280
<v Speaker 2>so are you? Like, And then all of a sudden,

0:46:57.320 --> 0:46:59.600
<v Speaker 2>there's like some kind of trust that starts to he's

0:46:59.640 --> 0:47:03.560
<v Speaker 2>gonna have have to like trust somebody. He's gonna have

0:47:03.560 --> 0:47:05.560
<v Speaker 2>to trust somebody to speak into his life, yea other

0:47:05.600 --> 0:47:06.160
<v Speaker 2>than his mother.

0:47:06.920 --> 0:47:07.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:47:07.880 --> 0:47:08.680
<v Speaker 2>So it sounds like.

0:47:09.320 --> 0:47:11.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking of more things for Dolly not to do.

0:47:12.040 --> 0:47:15.120
<v Speaker 1>And another thing not to do Dolly is don't go

0:47:15.239 --> 0:47:19.239
<v Speaker 1>to another man and tell him the problems that you're

0:47:19.239 --> 0:47:21.759
<v Speaker 1>having with your husband. As if he's going to be

0:47:21.800 --> 0:47:24.720
<v Speaker 1>able to speak to your husband. Yeah, that's a dangerous

0:47:24.719 --> 0:47:25.160
<v Speaker 1>place to go.

0:47:25.360 --> 0:47:26.359
<v Speaker 2>Battle tale kind of thing.

0:47:26.719 --> 0:47:29.200
<v Speaker 1>There's all kinds of bad things that couldn't come out

0:47:29.239 --> 0:47:33.880
<v Speaker 1>of that. So the other thing is usually with a

0:47:34.000 --> 0:47:37.920
<v Speaker 1>question like this, after two hundred and eighteen podcast, I

0:47:38.000 --> 0:47:41.880
<v Speaker 1>will go to grace and I'll say I want to

0:47:41.920 --> 0:47:46.600
<v Speaker 1>make sure, Dolly that you are having grace for your husband,

0:47:47.160 --> 0:47:54.200
<v Speaker 1>that you are not turning into this jaded recluse that's

0:47:54.200 --> 0:47:57.799
<v Speaker 1>like protecting your kids and you're creating a separation. I

0:47:57.800 --> 0:48:01.560
<v Speaker 1>want to make sure that it's that's not happening, because

0:48:01.560 --> 0:48:05.520
<v Speaker 1>that's gonna make everything worse. I understand protecting your children

0:48:05.880 --> 0:48:09.560
<v Speaker 1>from her twisted way, as you said, but at the

0:48:09.560 --> 0:48:12.880
<v Speaker 1>same time, I want you to be still open with

0:48:12.920 --> 0:48:15.360
<v Speaker 1>your husband in a way that's like, Hey, we're a team,

0:48:15.880 --> 0:48:19.880
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna do this together. Are you having date nights?

0:48:20.280 --> 0:48:23.759
<v Speaker 1>That's a good one, right, Like, Hey, I got ass

0:48:23.840 --> 0:48:27.560
<v Speaker 1>reservations at your favorite restaurant. Not your favorite restaurant, Dolly,

0:48:27.640 --> 0:48:32.120
<v Speaker 1>but his serve him in a healthy way. Don't take

0:48:32.160 --> 0:48:34.719
<v Speaker 1>that the wrong way, in a healthy way. Like I've

0:48:34.719 --> 0:48:38.560
<v Speaker 1>made reservations at so and so restaurant on Friday night

0:48:39.040 --> 0:48:41.120
<v Speaker 1>and we're gonna go out. And then during that conversation,

0:48:41.160 --> 0:48:43.160
<v Speaker 1>it's not nagging on him, it's not telling him his

0:48:43.280 --> 0:48:46.319
<v Speaker 1>mom's horrible and twisted and she's ruining the kids and

0:48:46.360 --> 0:48:49.920
<v Speaker 1>can you believe she did the It's more like, I

0:48:49.960 --> 0:48:54.440
<v Speaker 1>want to talk about raising our kids in the best

0:48:54.480 --> 0:48:57.680
<v Speaker 1>way possible. Let's kick around some things that are helpful

0:48:57.760 --> 0:48:59.759
<v Speaker 1>right now in our life, and let's kick around some

0:48:59.800 --> 0:49:02.360
<v Speaker 1>things that aren't so helpful, and let him join that

0:49:02.480 --> 0:49:06.240
<v Speaker 1>conversation where he feels like he's helping fix some things,

0:49:07.160 --> 0:49:11.239
<v Speaker 1>not you, And you're not accusing, You're just like, what

0:49:11.360 --> 0:49:15.560
<v Speaker 1>are some things totally hypothetical? Dolly? What are some things

0:49:15.640 --> 0:49:20.560
<v Speaker 1>right now that's giving our kids anxiety? And you start

0:49:20.640 --> 0:49:24.760
<v Speaker 1>naming everything but the mother in law and let him go, yeah, mom,

0:49:24.840 --> 0:49:27.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, mom's kind of been doing some weird stuff.

0:49:27.800 --> 0:49:32.960
<v Speaker 1>And then you could be like, like, what, let him

0:49:33.080 --> 0:49:36.320
<v Speaker 1>lead it, let him create, let him see the problem,

0:49:36.520 --> 0:49:39.680
<v Speaker 1>and then start to try to fix it himself. It's

0:49:39.880 --> 0:49:41.200
<v Speaker 1>like a psychological trick here.

0:49:41.360 --> 0:49:45.120
<v Speaker 2>That's no. I think that that's good. I would I

0:49:45.160 --> 0:49:50.239
<v Speaker 2>would also say that date night probably needs to come

0:49:50.440 --> 0:49:55.719
<v Speaker 2>after a date night that doesn't talk about any of that.

0:49:56.080 --> 0:49:56.600
<v Speaker 1>That's good.

0:49:56.719 --> 0:50:00.480
<v Speaker 2>If you don't have the foundation, Like I'm just if

0:50:00.520 --> 0:50:02.920
<v Speaker 2>your marriage is not at a place where you guys

0:50:02.960 --> 0:50:06.160
<v Speaker 2>can openly be vulnerable and discuss things, you need to

0:50:06.160 --> 0:50:08.320
<v Speaker 2>build that trust. So that means get away from the

0:50:08.440 --> 0:50:11.600
<v Speaker 2>kids and his mom and everything and just go connect

0:50:11.640 --> 0:50:15.600
<v Speaker 2>with your husband and just start to ask other questions

0:50:15.640 --> 0:50:18.440
<v Speaker 2>about him. Hey, what's going on with you? No, we

0:50:18.480 --> 0:50:20.040
<v Speaker 2>haven't been able to do this in a while, Like.

0:50:20.120 --> 0:50:23.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, And what you didn't mean, You didn't mean

0:50:23.760 --> 0:50:25.920
<v Speaker 1>what's going on with you? You meant like, tell me,

0:50:26.040 --> 0:50:28.640
<v Speaker 1>tell me what's going on at work? Yeah, that's what

0:50:28.680 --> 0:50:28.920
<v Speaker 1>you mean.

0:50:29.040 --> 0:50:32.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, and the things that you guys both love,

0:50:33.360 --> 0:50:36.040
<v Speaker 2>like talk about those things, and hey, you want to

0:50:36.040 --> 0:50:37.600
<v Speaker 2>go on a trip, Well, where will we go if

0:50:37.600 --> 0:50:40.800
<v Speaker 2>we go on a trip, like start to just really

0:50:41.600 --> 0:50:46.480
<v Speaker 2>you initiate building that foundation. If it's not there. If

0:50:46.520 --> 0:50:50.399
<v Speaker 2>it is there, that's the date that the granger just said,

0:50:50.400 --> 0:50:52.440
<v Speaker 2>that's the date that you need to have and start

0:50:52.480 --> 0:50:56.120
<v Speaker 2>to just ask those questions, not in a condescending way,

0:50:56.840 --> 0:50:59.799
<v Speaker 2>but in a way that's very genuine and authentic.

0:51:00.320 --> 0:51:03.279
<v Speaker 1>It's gonna be tough. You have to swallow a lot

0:51:03.320 --> 0:51:04.920
<v Speaker 1>of pride, Dolly.

0:51:04.680 --> 0:51:08.080
<v Speaker 2>To do this, and it probably won't be I mean

0:51:08.200 --> 0:51:11.080
<v Speaker 2>against speculating, but it probably won't be the way you

0:51:11.160 --> 0:51:12.920
<v Speaker 2>think it's like, it won't go down the way you

0:51:12.920 --> 0:51:14.600
<v Speaker 2>think it's gonna go down. It's not gonna be one

0:51:14.600 --> 0:51:17.879
<v Speaker 2>moment where he's like, you know what, we gotta cut

0:51:17.880 --> 0:51:20.319
<v Speaker 2>my mom out. It's probably not gonna happen like that,

0:51:20.520 --> 0:51:24.399
<v Speaker 2>but there could be like a slow transition to some

0:51:24.520 --> 0:51:28.000
<v Speaker 2>healthy boundaries. And it sounds like that's what you're after, So.

0:51:29.840 --> 0:51:32.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's great. I think the last thing I could

0:51:32.040 --> 0:51:35.000
<v Speaker 1>possibly add to this, Dolly, is to make sure you

0:51:35.040 --> 0:51:38.000
<v Speaker 1>are also getting poured into We're talking a lot about

0:51:38.040 --> 0:51:41.640
<v Speaker 1>him and his discipleship and men pouring into his life

0:51:41.680 --> 0:51:44.480
<v Speaker 1>and church and things that help him, ministries and counseling

0:51:44.480 --> 0:51:48.560
<v Speaker 1>that help him. Make sure you also have a lot

0:51:48.640 --> 0:51:53.200
<v Speaker 1>of people, or at least some good biblical women that

0:51:53.239 --> 0:51:57.560
<v Speaker 1>are pouring into you, not men. And this should come

0:51:57.600 --> 0:52:03.760
<v Speaker 1>through a healthy church. If you have a women's small

0:52:03.800 --> 0:52:06.920
<v Speaker 1>group or a you're working through a book of the Bible.

0:52:07.840 --> 0:52:09.600
<v Speaker 1>Amber right now is working through the Book of Job

0:52:09.920 --> 0:52:14.920
<v Speaker 1>with like eight or nine women and all there's like

0:52:14.960 --> 0:52:17.440
<v Speaker 1>four or five churches represented there. So it doesn't have

0:52:17.520 --> 0:52:20.680
<v Speaker 1>to be your church. It could be different churches. Just

0:52:20.920 --> 0:52:23.319
<v Speaker 1>that people in your neighborhood, like people that live around you.

0:52:23.760 --> 0:52:27.240
<v Speaker 1>Make sure you're make sure you are getting poured into.

0:52:27.960 --> 0:52:32.120
<v Speaker 1>That is huge. Make sure you have a good, healthy,

0:52:32.920 --> 0:52:36.200
<v Speaker 1>quiet time with God for yourself as a new Christian,

0:52:36.719 --> 0:52:40.800
<v Speaker 1>reading your Bible as an old Christian as well, making

0:52:40.920 --> 0:52:44.960
<v Speaker 1>time every day at some point of the day, whereas

0:52:44.960 --> 0:52:48.800
<v Speaker 1>it's you and your Bible and the simple prayer of God.

0:52:49.000 --> 0:52:52.240
<v Speaker 1>Reveal yourself to me today. Reveal yourself in your word.

0:52:52.640 --> 0:52:57.000
<v Speaker 1>Read Psalm one nineteen and see how the Psalmist is

0:52:57.520 --> 0:53:00.480
<v Speaker 1>in love with the Word of God, and pray that

0:53:00.560 --> 0:53:04.239
<v Speaker 1>you could think and want and desire the Word like that.

0:53:04.600 --> 0:53:06.400
<v Speaker 1>So make sure that's part of the day you're getting

0:53:06.400 --> 0:53:10.399
<v Speaker 1>poured into. These are You can't neglect yourself. You've got

0:53:10.400 --> 0:53:13.040
<v Speaker 1>to keep the oxygen mask on yourself. When you're trying

0:53:13.040 --> 0:53:15.399
<v Speaker 1>to fix your husband and your your kids and your

0:53:15.600 --> 0:53:18.160
<v Speaker 1>twisted mother in law and all that stuff. Make sure

0:53:18.560 --> 0:53:26.640
<v Speaker 1>you got yourself taken care of as well. That's good, dude.

0:53:26.640 --> 0:53:30.560
<v Speaker 1>I think we've we've we've run down a lot of

0:53:30.600 --> 0:53:36.759
<v Speaker 1>stuff today. I actually could we could hit one more

0:53:36.800 --> 0:53:40.200
<v Speaker 1>real quickly from Maddie. Hey, my name is Mattie. I'm

0:53:40.200 --> 0:53:42.440
<v Speaker 1>twenty six. I have a degree in business, and right

0:53:42.480 --> 0:53:45.759
<v Speaker 1>now I'm working for a construction equipment rental company called

0:53:45.840 --> 0:53:48.600
<v Speaker 1>sun Belt Rentals. I've heard of them, and part of

0:53:48.640 --> 0:53:50.480
<v Speaker 1>me doesn't know if I want to stay forever. My

0:53:50.600 --> 0:53:52.880
<v Speaker 1>dream job is to be a manager of an artist,

0:53:53.320 --> 0:53:55.880
<v Speaker 1>specifically a country music artist, but I have no idea

0:53:55.880 --> 0:53:59.560
<v Speaker 1>how to even start that. Help me. Thank you. I

0:53:59.560 --> 0:54:01.040
<v Speaker 1>love how God is using you.

0:54:01.960 --> 0:54:05.239
<v Speaker 2>Okay, you're lucky day, Maddie. I've actually been thinking about

0:54:05.320 --> 0:54:08.120
<v Speaker 2>launching a country music career and I'm looking for a manager.

0:54:08.320 --> 0:54:12.760
<v Speaker 1>So now you know where to start, Maddie, start with Bernie.

0:54:12.840 --> 0:54:15.440
<v Speaker 2>I wish that was true, Mattie, I really do, But

0:54:15.840 --> 0:54:16.520
<v Speaker 2>for me, it's not.

0:54:19.320 --> 0:54:23.840
<v Speaker 1>Love the dreams. I love the good construction equipment rental

0:54:23.840 --> 0:54:27.000
<v Speaker 1>company that you're working for. You're not gonna You're not

0:54:27.040 --> 0:54:30.799
<v Speaker 1>going to bypass that. Getting into country music management is

0:54:30.920 --> 0:54:38.480
<v Speaker 1>extremely difficult, extremely difficult. But I'll answer your question quickly.

0:54:38.600 --> 0:54:41.719
<v Speaker 1>You say, how do I start? You start by meeting

0:54:41.719 --> 0:54:45.319
<v Speaker 1>people in that industry. And so that industry is going

0:54:45.360 --> 0:54:48.279
<v Speaker 1>to be The majority is in Nashville, there is some

0:54:48.440 --> 0:54:53.000
<v Speaker 1>in New York, in Austin and LA. As far as

0:54:53.080 --> 0:54:56.200
<v Speaker 1>country music, the majority of country music managers are going

0:54:56.280 --> 0:54:59.320
<v Speaker 1>to be in Nashville. And just a heads up, Bernie

0:54:59.320 --> 0:55:02.759
<v Speaker 1>knows this as well. That job is going to start

0:55:02.800 --> 0:55:06.040
<v Speaker 1>off as an internship making nothing. So you're gonna have

0:55:06.080 --> 0:55:09.120
<v Speaker 1>to give up time and energy and all this stuff

0:55:09.120 --> 0:55:11.600
<v Speaker 1>you got going on with other things. You're twenty six

0:55:11.640 --> 0:55:13.640
<v Speaker 1>years old, and go do it for free, and do

0:55:14.120 --> 0:55:17.120
<v Speaker 1>it for nothing at a chance that maybe one day

0:55:17.480 --> 0:55:22.560
<v Speaker 1>you'll get taken on as a full time employee. And

0:55:22.840 --> 0:55:24.879
<v Speaker 1>it's probably gonna you're gonna burn out and you're gonna

0:55:24.920 --> 0:55:29.040
<v Speaker 1>realize being a country music manager it's very difficult. You're

0:55:29.080 --> 0:55:32.160
<v Speaker 1>always on call. You're like a fireman working twenty four

0:55:32.160 --> 0:55:35.160
<v Speaker 1>to seven putting out fires. And I don't know if

0:55:35.200 --> 0:55:36.960
<v Speaker 1>it's going to be all yes.

0:55:37.080 --> 0:55:41.439
<v Speaker 2>So maybe before Maddy moves to Nashville or New York,

0:55:42.040 --> 0:55:44.480
<v Speaker 2>maybe do a little more research. Maybe go to a

0:55:44.560 --> 0:55:48.920
<v Speaker 2>local show and find a local band and say, hey,

0:55:48.960 --> 0:55:51.400
<v Speaker 2>do you guys have management. I'd love to talk to

0:55:51.440 --> 0:55:54.440
<v Speaker 2>them and just ask their manager, Hey, what does this

0:55:54.520 --> 0:55:56.520
<v Speaker 2>job look like. I'm interested in it. I think once

0:55:56.560 --> 0:55:59.759
<v Speaker 2>you start to get more educated, it probably starts to

0:56:00.280 --> 0:56:03.560
<v Speaker 2>back the veil of you know, this shiny career and

0:56:03.600 --> 0:56:06.359
<v Speaker 2>it's like you get to know the real And if

0:56:06.400 --> 0:56:10.160
<v Speaker 2>all of that still sounds appealing and you have like

0:56:10.239 --> 0:56:13.319
<v Speaker 2>gained all this knowledge, then pack it up.

0:56:13.520 --> 0:56:17.399
<v Speaker 1>Love it. It's good all right, guys, Thanks so much.

0:56:17.440 --> 0:56:19.880
<v Speaker 1>It's all we got today. See you next week. Thanks

0:56:19.880 --> 0:56:23.080
<v Speaker 1>for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all

0:56:23.120 --> 0:56:25.240
<v Speaker 1>of you guys. You could help me out by rating

0:56:25.280 --> 0:56:28.880
<v Speaker 1>this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to

0:56:28.920 --> 0:56:32.600
<v Speaker 1>this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell

0:56:32.719 --> 0:56:36.120
<v Speaker 1>so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.

0:56:36.600 --> 0:56:36.880
<v Speaker 1>Yig