WEBVTT - The Wake Up Call with Dale Borchiver 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.400 I won't lend my body out me out way everything 0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:07.920 that I'm made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.440 I'm learning a love who I am, I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:15.840 I feel free, I know who every part of me. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:24.000 It's beautiful and I will always out way if you 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:26.680 feel it. With your hays in the air, she'll some 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:30.000 love to the MOOI at there say good day and 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:36.680 time did you and die out? Welcome back to Outweigh today. 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:39.720 Our guest is Dale Borsheverr. She is half of the 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:42.879 Instagram account and the blog Sweats in the City, and 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:46.280 we're here to talk to Dale about her intuitive eating 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:48.680 journey and all the things that kind of led her 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:52.519 to get help both internally and publicly to share that 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:55.120 story with her followers. So welcome Dale, So excited to 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:57.680 see you. Thank you both so much for having me. 0:00:57.720 --> 0:00:59.920 I'm so excited to be on here. I know it's 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:02.200 in a little bit since you talked about this part 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:05.720 of your journey. It was very present on your Instagram 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:08.000 account as you were moving through it, which I thought 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:12.520 was very brave, especially a wellness blog where you're kind 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:15.520 of expected to kind of contribute to the noise in 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:18.600 some way. It takes bravery to say, okay, we need 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:22.440 to pull it back here. So you entered wellness blogging 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:25.920 and kind of found yourself in over your head when 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:29.959 it came to wellness trends. So how did the noise 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:33.720 of wellness infiltrate your mind in the beginning of your 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:35.679 career or maybe it was the middle of your career, 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:39.080 maybe not the exact beginning. Yeah, that's exactly right. You know, 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:41.839 when Elizabeth and I first started sweats in the City, 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:45.000 our main goal was to review studios and that was 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:47.080 my passion. I loved going to studios. I love the 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:51.160 community aspects of fujiq Fitness, and our account. The original 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:54.640 like pictures going way back, was just of the studio. 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:58.360 We weren't planning to be these influencer models, whatever you 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:01.520 like to call it. As we kind of gravitated towards 0:02:01.520 --> 0:02:03.640 and then you know, we were starting to be asked 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:07.760 to do photo shoots and modeling clothing, and I think 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:11.000 there was a part of me that was wrongfully the way, 0:02:11.080 --> 0:02:14.360 you know, my own insecurity, my own views of the world, 0:02:14.480 --> 0:02:19.120 that I wasn't necessarily worthy of that position I had 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:20.880 in over my head. I'm like I don't have this 0:02:21.000 --> 0:02:25.320 like perfect Instagram body with these rock hard abs, and like, yeah, 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:27.360 I always grew up like thin and I have a 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:30.120 lot of thin privileged but I just didn't feel like 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:32.519 I deserved to be in that position. Although I wasn't 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:35.359 a fitness trainer or anything. It was my own insecurities 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:38.520 that were holding me back. And you know, I was 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:41.800 comfortable wearing certain things on camera and I would generally 0:02:41.800 --> 0:02:44.359 wear like a tea and leggings, and then I had 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:46.560 to wear crop tops and then I turned to bras 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:49.840 and like, it just stressed me out because I myself 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:53.560 didn't feel so comfortable, and I remember thinking, I was like, well, 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.640 you know what, instead of me trying to look inward 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:58.840 and be like a six pack of abs, that's not 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:02.080 my value, I decided I'm going to change how I 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:04.960 look until I get there and that will make me 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:07.800 feel better. So that's kind of where it started. And 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:09.360 there was a lot of things going on in my 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:12.280 life that made its spiral out of control, but there 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:16.600 was that insecurity inside me that definitely sparked from all this, 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:19.280 and I think it was just unleashing the beast, like 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:21.480 waiting for it to kind of come out Okay. So 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:23.200 I feel like we have a lot of listeners that 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:27.880 don't even realize that some of their behaviors are disordered, 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:31.320 because again, it's just so out there in society and 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:33.440 it's what we grow up seeing and viewing. And so 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:36.480 for you, yeah, you didn't look inward first. You were like, oh, 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:38.480 if I just go get this body that I quote 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.720 unquote need for Instagram, then everything will be fine and 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:45.080 I'll be happy. So I don't want to trigger anybody 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:48.360 with ideas of what you were doing, but I also 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:51.119 want you to share those ideas because it also might 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:54.520 make a lightbulb go off in some people's heads of like, oh, 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:56.400 I kind of do that. And this is not a 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:58.520 place where we want to call people out, and that's 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:01.000 not the point. But I think gets important that people 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.600 share their journey and when you had the wake up call, 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:08.440 because so many of us are just brainwashed. I was 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:11.800 for years. I didn't realize the disservice I was doing 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:15.720 to myself and my followers, because on your Instagram account 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.520 you have followers by not being aware of how disordered 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:22.400 my patterns were. Absolutely, I think that's a really great 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:25.760 question because I think I was kind of tricked, not tricked, 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:28.440 but I tricked myself into thinking I was being extremely 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:32.800 healthy and that visible body parts meant health, and in order, 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:34.920 once I got there, that meant that it would look 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:38.400 like I was extremely healthy and fit. So for me, 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:42.040 I was an extreme denial because I wasn't abusing any 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:45.440 pills or weighing myself. I was not even weighing myself. 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:48.880 I wasn't throwing up. It was just extreme restriction. And 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:52.200 at first what it started was I would say something 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:55.239 like orthorexia. I was scared to eat outside of my house. 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:59.080 I unfortunately took poor advice from other trainers who kind 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:02.640 of taught me would get there. I followed certain diets 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:05.200 that I were led to believe that were good for 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:08.920 my health that weren't. And for me, I think I'm 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.839 already a small person, so my body fights to be 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:13.840 at this set point weight, and in order for me 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.839 to exceed that set point weight, extreme restriction had to 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.120 be in place because it wasn't so easy for me 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:21.760 to just lose a few pounds, like you know, maybe 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:25.080 a few, but not much more than that. So what 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:28.480 went from being like started some health emales at home 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:31.480 and some swaps that I thought were good for me 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:37.359 turned into extreme fear of social situations, going out to 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:40.240 eat food that I didn't know what was inside the ingredients. 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:42.960 I wouldn't say calories, but I had an overall like 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:46.719 sense of what what things were higher calories. I honestly 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:49.479 don't even know what I was eating. But the truth 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:53.480 is many people had to approach me about it, and 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.160 at first I was so resistant. People were like, you 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:58.640 lost a lot of weight, and at first it was compliments, 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.600 and I think it's definitely triggered me to keep going 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:03.760 like wow, like clearly it's working and maybe I am 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:06.240 going to be this fitness professional that I've dreamed of 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:09.320 by people asking me what my method is. And then 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:11.719 it turned into okay, people are getting worried. I was 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.480 getting comments on social media, and then it turned into 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.520 like a full on intervention from my family that were 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:20.120 like you got to stop this or get off of 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:22.920 social media because this is not gonna end well if 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:25.479 you don't get help now. So that's kind of what 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:28.000 turned it around for me. And I was so resistant. 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:30.520 I mean I wasn't fully resistant. I listened to them, 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:32.360 but I was like, you don't get it, Like I 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:34.920 am so healthy I'm doing all the workouts the other 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:37.040 girls are doing. I just didn't see it. I was 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:40.200 so deep and I thought it was normal and it wasn't. 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:42.599 And I think that was just deep denial. And there's 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:44.880 kind of two angles of this way. I really wanted 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:48.000 to hear your story. And number one is because you 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:52.200 kind of transitioned very quickly from the regular person, if 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:57.520 you will, to wellness expert, and with that came a 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:01.640 very abrupt kind of learning of this is what you 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:04.400 do when you're healthy. You don't eat this, you eat this. 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:08.120 There's a substitute for just about everything. And it starts 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:11.240 off really, you know, exciting and positive and wow, this 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:15.040 taste just like my favorite Da dada, And before you 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:18.040 know it, you develop these fears of foods and you're 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:19.960 crutching onto these foods and you won't go out of 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:23.560 your house. And it's very easy to happen to anybody. 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.480 And I think that's kind of what I want, and 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:28.320 quickly it could happen very quickly, especially with the access 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:31.360 to these foods that we have. And number two is 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:35.280 because you are an influencer who you know. I'm sure 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:38.040 those pictures that you were posing in during that time 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:41.000 people thought you had it all figured out. And I 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:44.160 think it's just important when we look at anybody's photos 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:46.960 to know that every one of us is on a 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:50.800 journey of some kind, and it's important to just you know, 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:54.280 not mimic what somebody else is doing or even judge them, 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:57.800 but really, you know, figure our stuff out for ourselves. 0:07:58.080 --> 0:07:59.920 So it sounds like your wake up call was your 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:03.080 family really stepping in, which is powerful when you're in 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:07.040 your mid twenties or so. Right. Yeah, absolutely, I think 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:10.760 it took that to really make me go seek help 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:13.640 because there was, you know, the comments. It's very easy 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:16.520 on social media to be like, oh, these are just haters, 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:19.520 and I completely agree haters do exist. But I knew 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:22.080 something was up, and I think I just wouldn't admit it. 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:24.760 And I think, like, as you said, portraying this idea 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:28.080 of having it all figured out is such a common 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:31.320 theme that we see, and it's it's crazy that a 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:33.320 lot of people who act like they haven't figured out 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:37.320 really are are struggling. So it it definitely did take 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:40.920 a strong wake up call. And even so, like I 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:43.520 didn't even realize it when my parents were like, we 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:45.400 just want you to talk to someone, we just want 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:48.200 you to go to a dietitian. Again, like I'm not 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:51.280 I don't have any credentials. I was never giving advice 0:08:51.360 --> 0:08:54.680 to anyone that was not that's not what I'm certified in. 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:57.160 Our goal was to make a fun, boutique fitness account, 0:08:57.240 --> 0:08:59.520 and I didn't want people to mimic me, but I 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:02.480 found the people were looking to me to you know, 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:05.480 what are you eating, what are you what supplements you're taking, 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:07.440 what shoes are you wearing? So it was kind of 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:10.280 became like an all encompassing thing. It wasn't just about 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:13.800 reviewing studios anymore. It was who are you? And how 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:16.600 can I become that? And that was what was so 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:19.560 much pressure for me of someone who would literally before this, 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:22.480 I was ordering pet tie and pizza and like, I 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:25.320 never worried about my weight. It was just not a thing. 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:27.880 And then all of a sudden, I felt that pressure. 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:30.040 So I want to do a little activity with you 0:09:30.200 --> 0:09:32.360 for people, because I think a lot of times when 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:35.440 you're scrolling on Instagram, Yeah, you see this body or 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:37.800 that body, and you wonder what they're doing. And so 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:40.840 let's pretend we're talking about one of your pictures that 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:43.000 you were super proud of you finally got to where 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:45.199 you were Like again, on the inside, you weren't feeling 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:47.680 that great, but on the outside you're like, Yes, this 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:51.200 is what I've been working for. Now what if and 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:53.319 this is what I think would be amazing if this 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:55.800 was possible on social media. What if you see that 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:58.480 picture but then coming out of your head was a 0:09:58.520 --> 0:10:01.839 bubble of what you were really feeling on the inside 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:04.520 at that moment because we all double tap and then 0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:06.439 you know, comment, And when I say we, I mean 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:09.080 the collective. That's like still part of that narrative of 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:10.760 like what are you doing giving all the details? I 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.840 want your body, even though everybody's body is completely different. 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:17.640 But say someone is commenting like, oh my gosh, she 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:19.960 looks so great. I want to know all your details. 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:22.480 But like what if that person was able to double 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:24.640 tap your photo and then get a look inside your 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:27.160 brain at that very moment, Like what what are some 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:31.480 adjectives to describe what you were feeling like inside? Yeah? 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.040 I love that question. I think that just my world 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:37.800 was so small. I would wake up, I think about food, 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:39.520 I think about what I'm going to eat, how I'm 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:42.880 gonna hide, what I'm gonna eat, how I'm gonna avoid 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:46.120 a social gathering, how I'm gonna get energy to go 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:50.240 through my class? And everything became about me restricting. I'm 0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:51.840 going to say one of the things that my friends 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:55.240 told me, she said this about me, which was interesting. 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:57.480 She said, you know, you were the kind of person 0:10:57.520 --> 0:10:59.640 that would light up a room when you would come 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:02.320 through as a friend gathering, and when you were going 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.680 through this period, it was like you were there was 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.920 nothing there, and I just it's it's hard for me 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:09.440 to see because I was in it, but to have 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.920 an outside perspective of people being like that wasn't dale. 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:15.000 And when I look back, I would journal during that time, 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.480 it was just like I now to this day, don't 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.640 even recognize that person. It wasn't me. So to tell 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:23.160 someone like it's one thing to make a healthy lifestyle 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.160 change and something that you feel good about and proud 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:28.160 about and having goals is amazing, But when you take 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:32.320 it too far and that becomes your world, it's not 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:36.440 something to glamorize. So a lot of people want to 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:40.080 move away from diet culture recognize that they have disordered 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:43.520 eating or poor body image or some sort of tendencies 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:45.640 that are not their healthiest, they don't feel like their 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:48.600 best self. But I think very few people work with 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:52.640 a professional, whether that's a mental health professional or a 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.720 registered dietitian. And what I see a lot on the 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:59.400 internet is a lot of people saying I tried not dieting, 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:05.360 intuitive eating, quitting diets, whatever, and it didn't work because X. 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.120 But I think there's something very important. And we've had 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:12.400 some amazing intuitive eating dietitians and therapists on the podcast 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.719 that are great resources for anybody who wants to kind 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:16.760 of go back and listen to them. But what was 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:20.800 it like to work with a professional while also, you know, 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:23.520 never taking a break from the public eye. I worked 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:26.800 with a team, so I had a nutritionist that eventually 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:29.160 I went to see a dietitian. I had a therapist 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:32.400 who specialized. Part of our specialty was in in disorders, 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:34.480 and then I also had a doctor who specialized in that. 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.439 So I know this isn't for everyone. But you don't 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:39.240 have to be a certain weight to be to have 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:41.920 an E disorder. I know that for sure, but in 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:44.720 my particular case, I had to be gaining a certain 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:47.840 amount of weight each week, so they put me, you know, 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:50.320 on a meal plan, and you know, at first, again 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:53.360 I was so resistant, But I think why that was 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:55.760 so effective for me. First of all, I think I 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:58.320 don't know. I don't know if anyone can recover on 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:02.199 their own. That I never imagine. Because you are fighting 0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:04.960 against your own thoughts, you need someone to guide you. 0:13:05.280 --> 0:13:08.560 And I think my therapist did some of the best work. 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:12.640 I think she was incredible. She really cracked down about 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:16.040 what was going through. And and this was like two years, 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:17.800 Like this isn't just like I went to a few 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.440 therapy sessions, I'm good now, Like this was me coming 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:22.640 back going from two times a week to a therapist 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:25.840 two times a week, to nutritionists and a group session 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:30.120 and to the doctor every single week to eventually every 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:33.000 week and then every other week and then eventually you 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.160 know that kind of stuff. So it kind of was 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:38.120 a lot of them not letting me quit. And then 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:41.360 there was that also at the beginning especially, they told 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:44.720 me like, we will not even continue with you and 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:46.480 we will send you to a higher level of care 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:48.920 if you don't do not cooperate with us. I grew 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.120 up like I always followed the rules. I love to 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:53.840 do well in school. So for me, like there was 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:55.599 two sides of me. There was the part that was 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:57.800 so resistant, but the part that wanted to like impress 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:00.560 them and do well and get my straight A. It 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:02.520 was weird, Like I was like every time I would 0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:05.400 get away in like it was just the most stressful time. Souse. 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:07.160 I'm like, I wanted to be proud of me, but 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:08.880 I don't want to gain weight, And it was just 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:12.160 this fight. But eventually they were so supportive that it 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:16.679 started to trickle away. And I mean, it definitely wasn't easy, 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:20.120 but I think they had the right tools to get 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.280 me out of the mindset and be that support for me. 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:24.480 And then at one point you were very open about 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:27.120 working with the intuitive eating Dietitian. I remember you did 0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:29.200 a ton of Q and a S on your your story. 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:32.480 Was that kind of after the treatment plan was solidified, 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:36.280 was this continued care? Yeah, So actually I electively decided 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:40.040 to do that. I originally saw nutritionist, but I felt 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:41.920 as though, and I think this is where the intuitive 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:44.640 eating thing is very necessary. I find that a lot 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.560 of people who may choose to recover by themselves or 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:51.280 go through things, they tied their disorder into a new 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:54.760 a new disorder. Maybe it's not everyone, but maybe it's veganism, 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.480 maybe it's inn and a fasting. Maybe they're just trying 0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:00.360 to make an excuse of how they can maintain that troll. 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:04.480 And with the intuitive Eater, she really got those labels away, 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.480 like she had worked with me to be like there's 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:10.600 nothing that's gonna keep you controlled, like we are just 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:13.800 doing what's right for you. So when I was done 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:15.680 with the nutritionists, I found I still had a lot 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:17.320 more work to do in that area. I didn't feel 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:20.280 like the nutritionist I was with was as intuitive as I. 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:23.440 I was started following accounts on Instagram that we're very intuitive, 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:24.600 and I was like, I kind of want to see 0:15:24.600 --> 0:15:27.480 someone like that. So I ended up seeing someone who 0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:30.160 was super helpful, and we went through a program and 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:33.000 she doesn't actually see anyone who needs treatment and weigh 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:35.360 ins like this was kind of like after So it 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:37.600 was really that was like the final stage. And by 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:40.280 then I felt comfortable talking about it because I felt 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:42.800 like I was actually implementing the things that I should 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:45.640 be talking about. At the beginning, I wasn't comfortable because 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:47.720 I wasn't in a position to be talking about it 0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:51.080 because I was still so disordered, so I kind of 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:55.240 kept that away from the public until I realized, Okay, 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:57.360 like this is actually how I'm living my life now. 0:15:57.680 --> 0:15:59.840 And it was hard because I had this fear of 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.000 what if I bounced the other way and then no 0:16:02.040 --> 0:16:04.880 one wanted to follow me because I was just promoting 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:07.080 junk food of time, so I was battling it. And 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:09.120 then I was like, wait, there is this like middle 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:12.400 ground I can find that's like healthy but also not 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:16.200 restrictive and enjoying my life, you know, and and nourishing 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.960 my body so in the best way possible. And I 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.200 think you do a really good job now of kind 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:23.640 of showing that on your account. One of my favorite 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:26.520 things that you do is you're really playful with food 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:30.280 and you'll you know, find something at like I don't know, 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.120 for lack of a better example here, like a gas 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:34.640 station or like a food that you've kind of forgot 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.840 about from your youth, and then you'll try them on 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.960 your stories and again, like on an account where you 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:43.880 expect the gluten free, grain free, dairy free version, you're 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:47.480 exposing it, and whether it's for yourself or for other people, 0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:51.760 it's a really positive example to see it and normalize 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:54.080 it Is that intentional? Do you try to be a 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.600 good role model for others? Or is that now just 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:00.320 kind of like naturally who you are. I think now 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:02.320 that's naturally who I am. But I do like to 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:05.240 show both sides of the coin. I'm really careful in 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.040 again like not showing everything I eat. I don't want 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:09.560 like what I eat in a day's I don't want 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:12.320 people to compare themselves to me. I'm also again like 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.320 not certified in any way, so do people taking nutrition 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:18.560 advice for me? I like to show snippets of like 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:22.679 my green juices and my smoothies too, and something at 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:25.600 a restaurant or a new chip I found or froyo 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:28.359 or something that's more of like a treat and and 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:31.560 something that I'd love to enjoy. And so I think 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:35.000 that's definitely something I'd like to show and show that 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:38.760 you can enjoy all foods and they can all fit 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:42.080 into your daily incake. So yeah, and I think, now 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:45.320 that's like very telling of me. And I sometimes I 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:49.240 forget and I am like, am I healthy? Am I not? 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:52.600 Am I eating enough treats? Am I not? And then 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:54.840 I remember spending a couple of months with my family 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:56.960 this summer and they were like, you have your dessert, 0:17:57.359 --> 0:18:00.280 you eat your greens, like they're like, wow, out like 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:02.240 you don't go crazy when the dessert comes and have 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:04.919 like a whole tub, but you know how to portion it. 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:06.959 And I was like, wow, that was honestly, so I 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:10.040 wasn't that I need validation, but it's good to know that, like, 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:12.360 because some of you in your own thoughts, and it's 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:15.320 good to know that I actually find myself like living 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:18.280 that way and people who are around me feel that 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:21.320 I'm not to one way or the other. So I 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:24.480 think it's kind of my life now. And I'm sure 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:28.439 that your family and your friends they notice bad about you, 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:31.080 but also that you're probably back to lighting up the 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.720 room when you walk in. That's so true because my 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:36.000 sister also said that to me this summer. She was 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:39.439 like a couple of summers ago, you came home and 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:42.040 she was like, I honestly was like, was dale always 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:44.440 like this? Was that? Like she she's like I started 0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:47.120 to question my own sanity. She's like, I just remember, 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:49.879 like She's like I started to question myself because again, 0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:52.239 I was such a chatterbox growing up. I was like 0:18:52.320 --> 0:18:54.520 always in place and just again, like I had this 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:57.439 energy and she was like, and now I see it 0:18:57.480 --> 0:18:59.280 and it's back. And I knew that it was just 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:02.639 like the because you were in this state, and but 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:05.439 she was like, I honestly questioned myself many times, being like, 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:07.679 maybe that wasn't the deal I remember. So it was 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:10.159 very interesting to hear that from my own sister, who 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:12.760 I speak to every single day, and you know, I 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:15.800 haven't lived there in like a decade, in in the 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:18.960 same cities, but it was it was really refreshing to 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:21.159 hear that I had been brought back to life and 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.160 there was a reason why I should never go back 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:25.920 to that stage. I feel like this right here gives 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:29.280 people hope. If they currently feel like they don't even 0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:32.800 know themselves anymore, there's hope that you can get back 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:35.440 to that and they are there no matter how many 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:37.480 years it's been. Because for some people, they've been living 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:39.879 with their eating disorder since they were a teenager, and 0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:42.520