WEBVTT - Jay & Radhi Talk About Why People Feel the Need to Overshare 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.320 Sometimes you have to sit back and you have to 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:04.400 think before you speak. 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:06.040 The yappers regret. 0:00:07.040 --> 0:00:07.720 It's a real thing. 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:10.920 Sometimes I just I'll spill my deepest, darkest secrets just 0:00:10.960 --> 0:00:13.399 because I want to keep the conversation going. 0:00:13.760 --> 0:00:19.880 Damn, I did not need to share that much information sometimes. 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:22.200 I was always told in the monastery that when you 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:26.360 share something before it's complete, that idea lose its fifty 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:27.320 percent of its value. 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:29.720 You know, when something's like at the top of your heart, 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:31.800 it's like stuck at the top of your throat, and 0:00:32.000 --> 0:00:34.199 all you're waiting to do is burst out and talk 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:34.640 about it. 0:00:34.800 --> 0:00:38.120 I find it really inspiring when someone's opening their heart. 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:41.080 Even if someone was vlogging for twenty four hours a day, 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:43.440 even if someone was telling you every moment that they 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:45.840 were moving, you can't know their heart and you can't 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:46.440 know their mind. 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:50.000 I really don't share anything to try and get someone 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:50.840 to believe I'm anything. 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:52.920 I've just come to the conclusion that no one will 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:58.640 ever Hey, everyone, welcome back to this week's episode of 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:00.680 On Pap. I wish we had a name for it, 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:05.080 we do. Welcome back to this week's episode of Conversations 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:09.760 with Radi on On Purpose we have been having these 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:13.360 wonderful discussions. That's not the efficient name, but we have 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:16.640 been having these wonderful conversations based on things our friends 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:19.440 have told us, things we've been reading, listening to, and 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:22.959 we realized that these conversations are actually really useful to 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:24.800 maybe share with people. Me and Jay have them often 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:28.679 when we're on car journeys together traveling, and one has 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:32.360 helped create more depth in our conversation, but also some 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:34.039 of the stuff we come out with, it's pretty good 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:36.640 in them. So I thought, let's share it. Well, I 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:39.240 didn't think Jay thought let's share it with the world. 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:43.240 On a fourth episode a week of On Purpose, over to. 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:46.800 You, Jay, why we suddenly switched to news. 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:49.560 A news Anka, It's hard not to when you've got 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:50.240 mic in front of you. 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:52.840 Is it? Is that what you feel like today? 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:55.960 On today's weather? It's I can you just start? 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:56.360 All right? 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:58.640 So as you're talking about what we want to share, 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:03.840 today's topic is all about oversharing. Are we oversharing online? 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:06.880 Are we over sharing with our friends? What is too much? 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:10.120 What is just enough? What do we do with it? 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:13.000 Because it feels like we don't know who to share 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:14.840 our life with? How much of our life to share, 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:18.560 where to share it, and let's dive in. 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:21.880 It's so true. I've really struggled, well, you said online, 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:25.600 I really struggle with the online sharing situation because on 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:30.840 one hand, people want to experience your personality, and especially 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:33.920 as someone who is sharing a lot of content online, 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:35.919 you also want people to feel like they know your life, 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:38.720 because otherwise you're just sharing little miniscule parts of it, 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:40.720 the best parts, which people don't want to see anymore. 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:42.400 They also want to see the pain. But then when 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:44.560 I sometimes share that I'm crying and get messages that 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:46.480 why you are sharing that you're sad? Like I don't 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:48.440 want to be sad with you, and so it's such 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:50.760 an interesting message. Oh yeah, I do, I get like, oh, 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:53.000 your life must be so hard. You know, if you 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:56.640 do share that you're upset, there's always somebody or people 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.000 who who think you've got no reason to be said, 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:01.400 so why you cry? And so I think there's a 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:04.760 really difficult balance between. I always used to say I 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:06.800 don't want to share the negative parts of life because 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:09.400 there's enough negativity in the world, and I'd rather share 0:03:09.639 --> 0:03:12.760 even if I am feeling a certain way. I'd rather 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:15.240 share even if I have an ounce of happiness, let 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:18.160 me share that online rather than sharing sadness with people, 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:21.600 because energy is so contagious that if someone comes online, 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:23.360 they're already having a bad day. The last thing I 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.760 want is to make their day worse. But I think 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:27.480 it was so interesting because I was speaking to my 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:29.880 friend about this. She's going through probably one of the 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:32.200 most difficult times in her life right now, going through 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:34.520 a situation that she never expected herself to be in, 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:37.920 and she was really struggling with it. You know, when 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:40.240 something's like at the top of your heart, it's like 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:42.440 stuck at the top of your throat, and all you're 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:44.800 waiting to do is burst out and talk about it 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:48.640 because it's so prominent inside of you. And so what 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:51.040 she started doing was she had told me, and then 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:53.400 she started spending time with people, and we had said, 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:55.720 maybe you shouldn't speak about this to other people, but 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:58.360 when she ended up being around people too much, she 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:01.040 would end up blesting out or share it. And I 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:04.680 had a conversation with her about how it's so important 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:08.080 to protect things that one if you're unsure about, or 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:12.040 two that are really difficult, because a lot of the 0:04:12.080 --> 0:04:16.839 time people don't necessarily have the best desires for you. 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:18.919 There are very few people in this world who actually 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:22.039 have deep desire for you to be happy. And so 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:24.839 when you end up sharing certain things or over sharing things, 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:28.240 I think it leaks this energy of One, the situation 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:32.760 gets made bigger because you're constantly speaking about it, and 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:35.600 therefore even if it was painful, it becomes even more painful. 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:39.120 Or two, there's this idea in like iv Aiden. I 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:41.560 think you've spoken about this as well, where when when 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:44.120 you share too much, you're just leaking energy out of 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:46.440 that one thing, And you talk about this that I'd 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:48.559 love for you to share this about when things haven't 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:51.520 happened yet, and then sharing them before things have happened, 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:53.880 and the leaking of energy that happens in that. But 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:55.400 I was speaking to her about it, and I do 0:04:55.480 --> 0:04:58.760 believe that sometimes oversharing or not sharing to the right 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:02.359 people can be really detrimental to whatever it is that 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:03.240 you're talking about. 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:05.279 Yeah, I think it all comes down. I think the 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:09.000 world will talk about some things we call them over 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:12.400 sharing because we want to censor it. Sometimes people think 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:15.919 things are oversharing because they're overly emotional. I think we 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:18.320 have to look back at how this all started. The 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:21.560 online world was a place people put up pictures, they 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:25.400 put up food, they put up dances. All of a sudden, 0:05:25.800 --> 0:05:29.159 people started sharing highlight reels, and that's what we did. 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:32.000 We shared our best moments. People then called that out 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:34.360 and said we want to see the truth, and people 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:39.680 started sharing vulnerable things. Vulnerability, which is actually quite an 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:44.560 intimate personal thing, became a very public thing, right. And 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:49.560 then what's happened is vulnerability, in my opinion, has become performative. Sometimes, 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:53.880 it's not always, not always sometimes, And so now when 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:58.000 someone's being overly vulnerable and I'm vulnerable online too, it's 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:02.000 really hard to get it gauges to what's right or 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:04.120 wrong or where you stand on it, and it all 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:07.200 comes down to the individual and their intention. If I 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:10.680 ever share vulnerably online, it's because I believe there's a lesson, 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:13.560 there's a guiding moment, there's a teaching moment, there's something 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:15.680 I've gained that I want to share with it. That's 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:19.039 when I choose to do that. I have a boundary 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:21.920 around it. I have a way of thinking about when 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:24.320 and why I want to be vulnerable. I think people 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:27.279 who listen to my podcast regularly do understand who I 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:28.679 am as a person. 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:31.760 That's a good assessment, though, go on what you just said, 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:34.320 a good assessment of knowing whether you should be vulnerable 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:37.760 or not. What is the reason behind you being vulnerable online? 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:40.240 What is the reason you're sharing yourself crying? What is 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:43.600 the reason you're sharing this difficult thing that happened. Is 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:46.839 it because you want someone to be able to relate 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:50.120 to it be better, which is milful? Is it because 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:53.279 you want attention? Is it because you want sympathy? Like 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:56.280 being really clear about what way your vulnerability is coming from. 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.279 That's a really great place of assessment. Sorry to cut 0:06:58.279 --> 0:06:59.160 you off by no, no, no. 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:00.599 I'm so glad you did. You should know. 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:02.320 I think it's better when we're doing that. There was 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.920 this you just said something that hit this. Doctor Christopher 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:09.640 Hands said, the more people tend to present about themselves, 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:13.680 the less sympathy they get when things go wrong. People 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:17.400 they brought it on themselves, and oversharing can lead to 0:07:17.480 --> 0:07:23.720 judgment instead of empathy online especially, And so I agree 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:28.720 that if I was to ever cry online, I have 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:31.800 cried in interviews before, which has been very natural. But 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:34.320 if I was ever to cry online, to share a 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.040 paint point. It would be because I think it could 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:40.640 help someone, or it's because I would hope someone would 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:42.560 be able to connect to it and not feel alone. 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:44.800 That would be my intention. Now I'm not saying that's perfect. 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:46.640 I'm not saying that's the best or the right thing 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:49.520 to do. That's just how I see it. But if 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:51.960 I wanted to cry and just break down, I would. 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:53.960 Just call you, yeah, exactly, take. 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:56.800 Right, or talk to one of my friends, because that's 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:58.880 where I think it would be held the best. 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.680 I remember when I started we go cry. I started 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:04.960 seeing all these pictures or so becoming more conscious of 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:08.200 the fact that we take so many pictures laughing, but 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:11.600 we never take pictures of ourselves crying. And I remember 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:14.440 starting to collect these pictures of whenever I was upset, 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.520 or that i'd sent to my friend or I spoke 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:18.480 to my friend was going through a difficult time and 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.600 she was like, I'm so upset right now and I 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:22.480 don't feel like posting anything online. I was like, send 0:08:22.520 --> 0:08:24.480 me a picture of you crying, Like, send me a 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:26.840 picture of what's actually happening in this real moment. And 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:28.720 she always repeats it back to me because now she 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:32.400 says that she documents and takes pictures of every emotion 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:35.160 that she's feeling and whenever. Now, I share a lot 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.400 of pictures of me crying online now, just because I 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:41.160 also want that to be normalized. Of yes, of course 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:43.280 it'll be crazy if I was crying. In the next second, 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:46.160 I'm taking a selfie and I'm smiling. That's actually boadline psychotic. 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:50.680 And so I felt like the necessity of sharing the 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:54.600 fact that you are upset can be normalized because if 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:56.840 people if we're trying to create an open platform or 0:08:56.840 --> 0:09:00.240 a place where people can be themselves online, there has 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:02.240 to be that ability of not having to switch it 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:03.600 up to a smile straight away. 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:05.679 Yeah, I think for you at least, and you can 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.439 correct me if I'm wrong. There was a feeling of 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:09.880 when people are like, oh, you're always happy, and you 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.720 kind of wanted to help people understand that no one 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.719 in the world is always happy, which I think is 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.720 a great message and is true and people need to hear. 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:23.679 And that was you know, that's important thing. And obviously 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:25.880 a really good cry is based on that, the idea 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:28.640 that you get that ability to share your emotions. But 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:33.199 what's really interesting is that Sociologist Ben Ager says that 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:36.800 people often reveal more of their inner feelings, opinions, and 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:41.320 sexuality online than they would in person or even over 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.880 the phone. And I think that's actually because in some 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:49.079 cases it's easier to be yourself with strangers than it 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:51.400 is with the people that know you best, because the 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:53.560 people that know you best, when you share your emotions 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:55.280 that way, then they're like, wait a minute, you're not 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:57.120 like this, wait, why are you doing this? 0:09:57.200 --> 0:09:58.520 What's going on here? Was? 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:00.680 When you share it online, you kind of sometimes feel 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:02.800 heard and scene where a stranger goes. 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:04.280 I feel the same way. 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:07.000 Thank you for sharing that, And so I don't think 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:10.040 it's fair for anyone to say, oh, you shouldn't share 0:10:10.080 --> 0:10:14.120 how you feel online, because that may be where you 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:16.160 feel safest for some people. 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:19.319 In an interesting way, can you talk about what you've 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:21.640 always shared with me, the oversharing thing I was telling, 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:25.360 the saying about the protecting before you before you speak 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:26.439 things that haven't happened. 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.200 Yeah, this is a spiritual principle. 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.200 I'm writing about it in my third book right now, actually, 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:34.320 And it's this idea that I was always told in 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:38.319 the monastery that when you share something before it's complete, 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:42.520 that idea lose its fifty percent of its value, and 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:47.560 actually you lose the energy and the discipline to maybe 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:51.040 even carry it through. And so often when you're excited 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:53.679 about something, you just blurt it out and then you 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:55.960 never get around to doing it because in some cases, 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:59.199 you've already enjoyed the moment of sharing. 0:10:58.840 --> 0:11:00.680 The success of it, and you've. 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:03.160 Already gained the validation for it, and so you don't 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:06.800 feel it anymore. Whereas when you keep something private and 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:08.880 you build it and then you put it out into 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:12.679 the world, it has a much better reaction for you 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.800 as well, because you used all that energy to complete 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:19.040 the task. And that's what it's all about. It's not 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:22.400 about whether it gets validation or praise. It's about are 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:24.760 you losing energy by talking about this thing to everyone? 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:27.040 And so the way I've changed it is I talk 0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:30.640 to people who can actually give me insight or impact 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:33.440 on that thing. So if someone can give me an idea, 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:35.800 someone can help me with it, I'll share it with them. 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.560 But if they can't, then I probably won't. Yeah, And 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:40.520 I found that to be true for me, and it's 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:43.439 really helped me in my life. I like building things 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:47.760 in private and then launching them in public than talking 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:51.760 about something in public forever and then putting it out there. 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:54.640 And I may not even get around putting it out there. 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:57.320 But there's a weird line between like telling people things 0:11:57.320 --> 0:12:01.760 for accountability and then overshare, because sometimes you want to 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:03.760 tell people that I'm trying to get to this goal, 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:05.560 and you know, I'm telling you because I really want 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:08.720 to make sure I get there. But then I have, 0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:12.280 you know, I completely relate to the telling everybody everything, 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:14.040 and then you kind of lose the energy or the 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:17.480 will to even get there because you've already enjoyed. They 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:19.520 say that you enjoyed the success in your mind already, 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:21.920 so it's almost like your your mind doesn't know the 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:27.040 difference between actually actually completing something and when you're talking 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:29.840 about it, because the same hormones or the same chemicals 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:32.760 are released in your brain. So when you've already technically 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:36.640 succeeded by talking about it, you have less motivation to 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:39.960 complete it afterwards. Yes, so that's I guess. Yeah, and 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.120 that's the only thing I actually read something. I actually 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:45.840 came across this, I think this morning on Instagram and 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:48.760 I had saved it. Yeah, this is why oversharing drains 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.280 your aura, according to Irada, and so if you ever 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:53.400 felt off after a deep shit online or with someone 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:56.040 who didn't feel safe, Iraida says, it's your aura and 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:59.400 your energetic boundary getting weakened. And so it basically talks 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:01.960 about how now when you end up sharing sacred parts 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:04.480 of yourself with people who haven't earned it, or whether 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:07.080 you're venting too much on social media or explaining your 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:11.439 life constantly or seeking constant external validation. The fact is 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:15.920 that every single word carries intentionality, and when you end 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:19.240 up sharing words over and over again, they lose their intentionality, 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.720 they lose their power, they lose their energy, and that 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:24.760 it scatters your energy all over the place, rather than 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:26.800 being focused on trying to actually fix the problem, it 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:29.920 just scatters you. And I have noticed that I do 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:33.439 think that there's this power of when you end up 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:37.400 talking about things too much, it drains you, and it 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:41.400 drains the problem too, or it drains the excitement of something. 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:44.480 It really is a draining practice to continuously keep talking. 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:47.280 But on the other hand, I have noticed that when 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:49.840 you're in social situations, I used to do this to 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:52.560 try and fill gaps. I would overshare things, and I 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.400 would talk about things unnecessarily or say things that really 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:58.000 don't need to be talked about in this situation, but 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:01.000 to try and create a closeness. That's why oversharing is 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:04.440 sometimes used in between people is let me tell you 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.440 everything about my life so we feel close straight away. 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:09.480 It's like a false closeness that you can create and 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.720 a way to show a way to make people trust 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:15.280 you because I'm going to tell you I'm an open book. 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:17.720 I'm going to tell you everything about my life. One 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:21.240 because hopefully it makes you like me more, two because 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:24.400 now you can be vulnerable with me. And three now 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:27.440 it makes you feel like you're my best friend and 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:29.680 it creates as connection as fast as possible. 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:30.120 Yeah. 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:32.720 But I think it's really important to know when to 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:35.240 share things and who to share things with, because if 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:37.640 they're not ready for it, and if they don't know 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:41.080 you well enough, it's so much harder to receive that information. 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:43.560 Yeah. And I love that point. 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:46.080 And I think that you actually end up being more 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:49.200 confused because you've now told thirty people. 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:50.720 Yeah, so a lot of people. Now. 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:52.360 I think you have a group chat and you tell 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:55.520 thirty people who you're dating what they said to you 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:57.720 and you're saying, what should I say back? Yeah, I know, 0:14:57.840 --> 0:14:59.920 you ask thirty people, how are you going to pro 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:05.360 sss thirty people's backgrounds, walks of life, advice, insight, No 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:08.120 wonder you feel lost and confused because you're asking thirty 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.440 people in the group chat how to respond, and then 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:12.040 you're asking someone else when you meet them and then 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:14.680 exactly what you said about draining the problem. And I 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:17.080 think one of the biggest things with oversharing now though, 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:21.720 is that it's also different on different platforms and so 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:26.360 on Instagram and TikTok, because it's actually generally your face 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:29.200 and your name. It's different where I know a lot 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:34.840 of people who find people sharing their stories of miscarriages, 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:38.840 IVF breakups on Reddit is actually really helpful for them 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:43.240 because they're reading about other people's anonymous experiences. And there's 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:48.240 something we get from anonymous oversharinge because the person can 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:50.760 tell everything about their life because it's not their name. 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:52.480 It feels a bit more authentic, I guess as well, 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:54.960 because you know that they're not doing it for themselves. 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.560 They're sharing anonymously, which means that there must be some 0:15:57.600 --> 0:15:58.640 sort of tooth shore it. 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:01.680 Yeah, and that being totally themselves because they don't have 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:04.280 anything to gain, and so many people can turn to 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:06.280 that and be like, oh my god, that's exactly what 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:09.200 I'm going through, and that's exactly what I'm experiencing. And 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:10.920 I think that is the same even for someone on 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.640 Instagram who's going through Like I follow plenty of people 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:16.640 who are sharing their healing journeys, whether it's their health, 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:18.880 whether it's a challenge they've went through. I find it 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:24.080 so inspiring, so I rarely see something as oversharing from 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:26.920 a consumer point of view. I find it really inspiring 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:30.640 when someone's opening their heart, and I find it really 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:34.280 amazing for the world that people can do that. I 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:37.600 think it only makes the person who's sharing happy if 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:41.520 their intention is not attention and validation. That's how I 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:43.800 look at it. When I see someone, I see bravery, 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:47.240 I see courage, I see in a big heart. But 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:50.640 for them it will only fulfill them if it's done 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:52.880 from the intention of I want to serve, I want 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:54.800 to help, I want to support, I want to share, 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:57.000 but I'm not doing it for attention and validation. 0:16:57.400 --> 0:16:59.360 Do you think that you know, we talk about this 0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:02.720 a lot, where you really have to be careful about 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:05.280 who you tell what to. And in that sense, we 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:07.960 don't talk about that many wins that we have with 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:11.680 too many people, or even pain points even about a relationship. 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:15.560 You know, there are certain things that you keep private 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:18.800 versus sharing it with people or being really mindful about 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:22.040 who you share what with. Do you think other people's 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:25.960 energy can affect the things that you are thinking about 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:27.960 or doing in your life if you share it with 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:28.679 the wrong people. 0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:29.200 Yeah. 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:33.080 I don't think it's some sort of magic pocus pocus thing. 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:36.800 I think it's truly just their thoughts can affect you. 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:39.400 For example, let's say you want to start something right 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.479 and I was guilty of this a few months ago 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:45.119 with us, and you kindly called me out about it 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.040 in a good way. You shared an idea with me 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:49.440 about something and we were just messaging about it. My 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:50.880 initial response was, yeah, we can't. 0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:51.200 Do that right now. 0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:52.919 Oh, And you were like, wait a minute, can you 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:54.080 just let me share my idea? 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:55.400 Yeah? 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:56.760 And you said it in a really nice way, and 0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:58.720 I got the message, and I felt really bad about it, 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:02.960 and I was wrong. But my point is my energy. 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:04.080 Did affect it. 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:06.320 It. I closed something down when I shouldn't have. So 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:09.000 that's a really good example. So let's say someone's listening 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:11.000 right now and they're like, you've got an idea to 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:13.640 start a YouTube channel or a podcast, or you want 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:15.080 to write a book, and you go and tell all 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.679 your friends, and then all your friends go, why are 0:18:17.680 --> 0:18:18.760 you starting a podcast? 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.360 Like, oh, you know, there's like a million podcasts now. 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:24.040 It's not a hocus focus. That energy affects you. You 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.240 hear that and you go, yeah, maybe I shouldn't start it. 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:29.000 So true, So all of a sudden, that energy has 0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:32.640 affected you. Now, if you had shared it with a podcaster, 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:35.280 that podcast would have said to you, oh, great, what 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:37.120 genre is it? What kind of podcast do you want 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:39.480 to do? And you're like, yeah, it's all about relationships 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:42.280 and it's all about connection, And then you could have 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:43.960 asked them a question. They would have said, yeah, well, 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:45.800 here's what you need to do. Makes you do one 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:49.120 episode a week, make sure that you are really authentic 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:52.080