1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,320 Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to sit back and you have to 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: think before you speak. 3 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,040 Speaker 2: The yappers regret. 4 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 3: It's a real thing. 5 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 2: Sometimes I just I'll spill my deepest, darkest secrets just 6 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,399 Speaker 2: because I want to keep the conversation going. 7 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:19,880 Speaker 3: Damn, I did not need to share that much information sometimes. 8 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 1: I was always told in the monastery that when you 9 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: share something before it's complete, that idea lose its fifty 10 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,320 Speaker 1: percent of its value. 11 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 3: You know, when something's like at the top of your heart, 12 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 3: it's like stuck at the top of your throat, and 13 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,199 Speaker 3: all you're waiting to do is burst out and talk 14 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 3: about it. 15 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: I find it really inspiring when someone's opening their heart. 16 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 3: Even if someone was vlogging for twenty four hours a day, 17 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 3: even if someone was telling you every moment that they 18 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,840 Speaker 3: were moving, you can't know their heart and you can't 19 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 3: know their mind. 20 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: I really don't share anything to try and get someone 21 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:50,840 Speaker 1: to believe I'm anything. 22 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,920 Speaker 3: I've just come to the conclusion that no one will 23 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 3: ever Hey, everyone, welcome back to this week's episode of 24 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 3: On Pap. I wish we had a name for it, 25 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 3: we do. Welcome back to this week's episode of Conversations 26 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 3: with Radi on On Purpose we have been having these 27 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 3: wonderful discussions. That's not the efficient name, but we have 28 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 3: been having these wonderful conversations based on things our friends 29 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 3: have told us, things we've been reading, listening to, and 30 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 3: we realized that these conversations are actually really useful to 31 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 3: maybe share with people. Me and Jay have them often 32 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,679 Speaker 3: when we're on car journeys together traveling, and one has 33 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 3: helped create more depth in our conversation, but also some 34 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 3: of the stuff we come out with, it's pretty good 35 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 3: in them. So I thought, let's share it. Well, I 36 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 3: didn't think Jay thought let's share it with the world. 37 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 3: On a fourth episode a week of On Purpose, over to. 38 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: You, Jay, why we suddenly switched to news. 39 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 3: A news Anka, It's hard not to when you've got 40 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 3: mic in front of you. 41 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 2: Is it? Is that what you feel like today? 42 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 3: On today's weather? It's I can you just start? 43 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 2: All right? 44 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 1: So as you're talking about what we want to share, 45 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: today's topic is all about oversharing. Are we oversharing online? 46 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: Are we over sharing with our friends? What is too much? 47 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 1: What is just enough? What do we do with it? 48 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: Because it feels like we don't know who to share 49 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: our life with? How much of our life to share, 50 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 1: where to share it, and let's dive in. 51 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 3: It's so true. I've really struggled, well, you said online, 52 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 3: I really struggle with the online sharing situation because on 53 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:30,840 Speaker 3: one hand, people want to experience your personality, and especially 54 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,920 Speaker 3: as someone who is sharing a lot of content online, 55 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,919 Speaker 3: you also want people to feel like they know your life, 56 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,720 Speaker 3: because otherwise you're just sharing little miniscule parts of it, 57 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 3: the best parts, which people don't want to see anymore. 58 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 3: They also want to see the pain. But then when 59 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 3: I sometimes share that I'm crying and get messages that 60 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 3: why you are sharing that you're sad? Like I don't 61 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 3: want to be sad with you, and so it's such 62 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 3: an interesting message. Oh yeah, I do, I get like, oh, 63 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 3: your life must be so hard. You know, if you 64 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,640 Speaker 3: do share that you're upset, there's always somebody or people 65 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 3: who who think you've got no reason to be said, 66 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 3: so why you cry? And so I think there's a 67 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,760 Speaker 3: really difficult balance between. I always used to say I 68 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 3: don't want to share the negative parts of life because 69 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 3: there's enough negativity in the world, and I'd rather share 70 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 3: even if I am feeling a certain way. I'd rather 71 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 3: share even if I have an ounce of happiness, let 72 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 3: me share that online rather than sharing sadness with people, 73 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 3: because energy is so contagious that if someone comes online, 74 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,360 Speaker 3: they're already having a bad day. The last thing I 75 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 3: want is to make their day worse. But I think 76 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 3: it was so interesting because I was speaking to my 77 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 3: friend about this. She's going through probably one of the 78 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 3: most difficult times in her life right now, going through 79 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 3: a situation that she never expected herself to be in, 80 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 3: and she was really struggling with it. You know, when 81 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 3: something's like at the top of your heart, it's like 82 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 3: stuck at the top of your throat, and all you're 83 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 3: waiting to do is burst out and talk about it 84 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 3: because it's so prominent inside of you. And so what 85 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 3: she started doing was she had told me, and then 86 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 3: she started spending time with people, and we had said, 87 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 3: maybe you shouldn't speak about this to other people, but 88 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 3: when she ended up being around people too much, she 89 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,040 Speaker 3: would end up blesting out or share it. And I 90 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 3: had a conversation with her about how it's so important 91 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 3: to protect things that one if you're unsure about, or 92 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 3: two that are really difficult, because a lot of the 93 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 3: time people don't necessarily have the best desires for you. 94 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,919 Speaker 3: There are very few people in this world who actually 95 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,039 Speaker 3: have deep desire for you to be happy. And so 96 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 3: when you end up sharing certain things or over sharing things, 97 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 3: I think it leaks this energy of One, the situation 98 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 3: gets made bigger because you're constantly speaking about it, and 99 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 3: therefore even if it was painful, it becomes even more painful. 100 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 3: Or two, there's this idea in like iv Aiden. I 101 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 3: think you've spoken about this as well, where when when 102 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 3: you share too much, you're just leaking energy out of 103 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 3: that one thing, And you talk about this that I'd 104 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,559 Speaker 3: love for you to share this about when things haven't 105 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 3: happened yet, and then sharing them before things have happened, 106 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 3: and the leaking of energy that happens in that. But 107 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 3: I was speaking to her about it, and I do 108 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,760 Speaker 3: believe that sometimes oversharing or not sharing to the right 109 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,359 Speaker 3: people can be really detrimental to whatever it is that 110 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 3: you're talking about. 111 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,279 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it all comes down. I think the 112 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 1: world will talk about some things we call them over 113 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: sharing because we want to censor it. Sometimes people think 114 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,919 Speaker 1: things are oversharing because they're overly emotional. I think we 115 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,320 Speaker 1: have to look back at how this all started. The 116 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 1: online world was a place people put up pictures, they 117 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: put up food, they put up dances. All of a sudden, 118 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 1: people started sharing highlight reels, and that's what we did. 119 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: We shared our best moments. People then called that out 120 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,360 Speaker 1: and said we want to see the truth, and people 121 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: started sharing vulnerable things. Vulnerability, which is actually quite an 122 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 1: intimate personal thing, became a very public thing, right. And 123 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: then what's happened is vulnerability, in my opinion, has become performative. Sometimes, 124 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 1: it's not always, not always sometimes, And so now when 125 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 1: someone's being overly vulnerable and I'm vulnerable online too, it's 126 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:02,000 Speaker 1: really hard to get it gauges to what's right or 127 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 1: wrong or where you stand on it, and it all 128 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: comes down to the individual and their intention. If I 129 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,680 Speaker 1: ever share vulnerably online, it's because I believe there's a lesson, 130 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,560 Speaker 1: there's a guiding moment, there's a teaching moment, there's something 131 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 1: I've gained that I want to share with it. That's 132 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:19,039 Speaker 1: when I choose to do that. I have a boundary 133 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: around it. I have a way of thinking about when 134 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,320 Speaker 1: and why I want to be vulnerable. I think people 135 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,279 Speaker 1: who listen to my podcast regularly do understand who I 136 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,679 Speaker 1: am as a person. 137 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 3: That's a good assessment, though, go on what you just said, 138 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 3: a good assessment of knowing whether you should be vulnerable 139 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 3: or not. What is the reason behind you being vulnerable online? 140 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,240 Speaker 3: What is the reason you're sharing yourself crying? What is 141 00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:43,600 Speaker 3: the reason you're sharing this difficult thing that happened. Is 142 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,839 Speaker 3: it because you want someone to be able to relate 143 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 3: to it be better, which is milful? Is it because 144 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 3: you want attention? Is it because you want sympathy? Like 145 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,280 Speaker 3: being really clear about what way your vulnerability is coming from. 146 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:58,279 Speaker 3: That's a really great place of assessment. Sorry to cut 147 00:06:58,279 --> 00:06:59,160 Speaker 3: you off by no, no, no. 148 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,599 Speaker 2: I'm so glad you did. You should know. 149 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: I think it's better when we're doing that. There was 150 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,920 Speaker 1: this you just said something that hit this. Doctor Christopher 151 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,640 Speaker 1: Hands said, the more people tend to present about themselves, 152 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 1: the less sympathy they get when things go wrong. People 153 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 1: they brought it on themselves, and oversharing can lead to 154 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: judgment instead of empathy online especially, And so I agree 155 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: that if I was to ever cry online, I have 156 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:31,800 Speaker 1: cried in interviews before, which has been very natural. But 157 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: if I was ever to cry online, to share a 158 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: paint point. It would be because I think it could 159 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 1: help someone, or it's because I would hope someone would 160 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,560 Speaker 1: be able to connect to it and not feel alone. 161 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 1: That would be my intention. Now I'm not saying that's perfect. 162 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that's the best or the right thing 163 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: to do. That's just how I see it. But if 164 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: I wanted to cry and just break down, I would. 165 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 3: Just call you, yeah, exactly, take. 166 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: Right, or talk to one of my friends, because that's 167 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 1: where I think it would be held the best. 168 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 3: I remember when I started we go cry. I started 169 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 3: seeing all these pictures or so becoming more conscious of 170 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 3: the fact that we take so many pictures laughing, but 171 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 3: we never take pictures of ourselves crying. And I remember 172 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 3: starting to collect these pictures of whenever I was upset, 173 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 3: or that i'd sent to my friend or I spoke 174 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 3: to my friend was going through a difficult time and 175 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 3: she was like, I'm so upset right now and I 176 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 3: don't feel like posting anything online. I was like, send 177 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 3: me a picture of you crying, Like, send me a 178 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 3: picture of what's actually happening in this real moment. And 179 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 3: she always repeats it back to me because now she 180 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 3: says that she documents and takes pictures of every emotion 181 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 3: that she's feeling and whenever. Now, I share a lot 182 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 3: of pictures of me crying online now, just because I 183 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 3: also want that to be normalized. Of yes, of course 184 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 3: it'll be crazy if I was crying. In the next second, 185 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 3: I'm taking a selfie and I'm smiling. That's actually boadline psychotic. 186 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:50,680 Speaker 3: And so I felt like the necessity of sharing the 187 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 3: fact that you are upset can be normalized because if 188 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 3: people if we're trying to create an open platform or 189 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 3: a place where people can be themselves online, there has 190 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 3: to be that ability of not having to switch it 191 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 3: up to a smile straight away. 192 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think for you at least, and you can 193 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,439 Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong. There was a feeling of 194 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: when people are like, oh, you're always happy, and you 195 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: kind of wanted to help people understand that no one 196 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,719 Speaker 1: in the world is always happy, which I think is 197 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: a great message and is true and people need to hear. 198 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 1: And that was you know, that's important thing. And obviously 199 00:09:23,679 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: a really good cry is based on that, the idea 200 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: that you get that ability to share your emotions. But 201 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:33,199 Speaker 1: what's really interesting is that Sociologist Ben Ager says that 202 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 1: people often reveal more of their inner feelings, opinions, and 203 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 1: sexuality online than they would in person or even over 204 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 1: the phone. And I think that's actually because in some 205 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:49,079 Speaker 1: cases it's easier to be yourself with strangers than it 206 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: is with the people that know you best, because the 207 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,560 Speaker 1: people that know you best, when you share your emotions 208 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,280 Speaker 1: that way, then they're like, wait a minute, you're not 209 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: like this, wait, why are you doing this? 210 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 2: What's going on here? Was? 211 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:00,680 Speaker 1: When you share it online, you kind of sometimes feel 212 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 1: heard and scene where a stranger goes. 213 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 2: I feel the same way. 214 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that, And so I don't think 215 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 1: it's fair for anyone to say, oh, you shouldn't share 216 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 1: how you feel online, because that may be where you 217 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: feel safest for some people. 218 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:19,319 Speaker 3: In an interesting way, can you talk about what you've 219 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 3: always shared with me, the oversharing thing I was telling, 220 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 3: the saying about the protecting before you before you speak 221 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:26,439 Speaker 3: things that haven't happened. 222 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a spiritual principle. 223 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: I'm writing about it in my third book right now, actually, 224 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: And it's this idea that I was always told in 225 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,319 Speaker 1: the monastery that when you share something before it's complete, 226 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: that idea lose its fifty percent of its value, and 227 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: actually you lose the energy and the discipline to maybe 228 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 1: even carry it through. And so often when you're excited 229 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 1: about something, you just blurt it out and then you 230 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 1: never get around to doing it because in some cases, 231 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:59,199 Speaker 1: you've already enjoyed the moment of sharing. 232 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 2: The success of it, and you've. 233 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: Already gained the validation for it, and so you don't 234 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: feel it anymore. Whereas when you keep something private and 235 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: you build it and then you put it out into 236 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:12,679 Speaker 1: the world, it has a much better reaction for you 237 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 1: as well, because you used all that energy to complete 238 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: the task. And that's what it's all about. It's not 239 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: about whether it gets validation or praise. It's about are 240 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 1: you losing energy by talking about this thing to everyone? 241 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,040 Speaker 1: And so the way I've changed it is I talk 242 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 1: to people who can actually give me insight or impact 243 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 1: on that thing. So if someone can give me an idea, 244 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: someone can help me with it, I'll share it with them. 245 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,560 Speaker 1: But if they can't, then I probably won't. Yeah, And 246 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: I found that to be true for me, and it's 247 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:43,439 Speaker 1: really helped me in my life. I like building things 248 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 1: in private and then launching them in public than talking 249 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:51,760 Speaker 1: about something in public forever and then putting it out there. 250 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 1: And I may not even get around putting it out there. 251 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,320 Speaker 3: But there's a weird line between like telling people things 252 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 3: for accountability and then overshare, because sometimes you want to 253 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 3: tell people that I'm trying to get to this goal, 254 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,560 Speaker 3: and you know, I'm telling you because I really want 255 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 3: to make sure I get there. But then I have, 256 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 3: you know, I completely relate to the telling everybody everything, 257 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 3: and then you kind of lose the energy or the 258 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 3: will to even get there because you've already enjoyed. They 259 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 3: say that you enjoyed the success in your mind already, 260 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 3: so it's almost like your your mind doesn't know the 261 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 3: difference between actually actually completing something and when you're talking 262 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 3: about it, because the same hormones or the same chemicals 263 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,760 Speaker 3: are released in your brain. So when you've already technically 264 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 3: succeeded by talking about it, you have less motivation to 265 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 3: complete it afterwards. Yes, so that's I guess. Yeah, and 266 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 3: that's the only thing I actually read something. I actually 267 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 3: came across this, I think this morning on Instagram and 268 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 3: I had saved it. Yeah, this is why oversharing drains 269 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 3: your aura, according to Irada, and so if you ever 270 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 3: felt off after a deep shit online or with someone 271 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 3: who didn't feel safe, Iraida says, it's your aura and 272 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 3: your energetic boundary getting weakened. And so it basically talks 273 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,960 Speaker 3: about how now when you end up sharing sacred parts 274 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,480 Speaker 3: of yourself with people who haven't earned it, or whether 275 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 3: you're venting too much on social media or explaining your 276 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:11,439 Speaker 3: life constantly or seeking constant external validation. The fact is 277 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 3: that every single word carries intentionality, and when you end 278 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 3: up sharing words over and over again, they lose their intentionality, 279 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 3: they lose their power, they lose their energy, and that 280 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 3: it scatters your energy all over the place, rather than 281 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 3: being focused on trying to actually fix the problem, it 282 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,920 Speaker 3: just scatters you. And I have noticed that I do 283 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,439 Speaker 3: think that there's this power of when you end up 284 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 3: talking about things too much, it drains you, and it 285 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 3: drains the problem too, or it drains the excitement of something. 286 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 3: It really is a draining practice to continuously keep talking. 287 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 3: But on the other hand, I have noticed that when 288 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,840 Speaker 3: you're in social situations, I used to do this to 289 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 3: try and fill gaps. I would overshare things, and I 290 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 3: would talk about things unnecessarily or say things that really 291 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,000 Speaker 3: don't need to be talked about in this situation, but 292 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 3: to try and create a closeness. That's why oversharing is 293 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:04,440 Speaker 3: sometimes used in between people is let me tell you 294 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 3: everything about my life so we feel close straight away. 295 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 3: It's like a false closeness that you can create and 296 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,720 Speaker 3: a way to show a way to make people trust 297 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 3: you because I'm going to tell you I'm an open book. 298 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you everything about my life. One 299 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:21,240 Speaker 3: because hopefully it makes you like me more, two because 300 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 3: now you can be vulnerable with me. And three now 301 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 3: it makes you feel like you're my best friend and 302 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 3: it creates as connection as fast as possible. 303 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. 304 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 3: But I think it's really important to know when to 305 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 3: share things and who to share things with, because if 306 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 3: they're not ready for it, and if they don't know 307 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 3: you well enough, it's so much harder to receive that information. 308 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. And I love that point. 309 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: And I think that you actually end up being more 310 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 1: confused because you've now told thirty people. 311 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, so a lot of people. Now. 312 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 1: I think you have a group chat and you tell 313 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 1: thirty people who you're dating what they said to you 314 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: and you're saying, what should I say back? Yeah, I know, 315 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 1: you ask thirty people, how are you going to pro 316 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: sss thirty people's backgrounds, walks of life, advice, insight, No 317 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: wonder you feel lost and confused because you're asking thirty 318 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 1: people in the group chat how to respond, and then 319 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: you're asking someone else when you meet them and then 320 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,680 Speaker 1: exactly what you said about draining the problem. And I 321 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: think one of the biggest things with oversharing now though, 322 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: is that it's also different on different platforms and so 323 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok, because it's actually generally your face 324 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,200 Speaker 1: and your name. It's different where I know a lot 325 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: of people who find people sharing their stories of miscarriages, 326 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,840 Speaker 1: IVF breakups on Reddit is actually really helpful for them 327 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: because they're reading about other people's anonymous experiences. And there's 328 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 1: something we get from anonymous oversharinge because the person can 329 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: tell everything about their life because it's not their name. 330 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 3: It feels a bit more authentic, I guess as well, 331 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 3: because you know that they're not doing it for themselves. 332 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 3: They're sharing anonymously, which means that there must be some 333 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 3: sort of tooth shore it. 334 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that being totally themselves because they don't have 335 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: anything to gain, and so many people can turn to 336 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 1: that and be like, oh my god, that's exactly what 337 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 1: I'm going through, and that's exactly what I'm experiencing. And 338 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 1: I think that is the same even for someone on 339 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 1: Instagram who's going through Like I follow plenty of people 340 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: who are sharing their healing journeys, whether it's their health, 341 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,880 Speaker 1: whether it's a challenge they've went through. I find it 342 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: so inspiring, so I rarely see something as oversharing from 343 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: a consumer point of view. I find it really inspiring 344 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: when someone's opening their heart, and I find it really 345 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: amazing for the world that people can do that. I 346 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: think it only makes the person who's sharing happy if 347 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: their intention is not attention and validation. That's how I 348 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 1: look at it. When I see someone, I see bravery, 349 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,240 Speaker 1: I see courage, I see in a big heart. But 350 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: for them it will only fulfill them if it's done 351 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 1: from the intention of I want to serve, I want 352 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 1: to help, I want to support, I want to share, 353 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: but I'm not doing it for attention and validation. 354 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 3: Do you think that you know, we talk about this 355 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 3: a lot, where you really have to be careful about 356 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 3: who you tell what to. And in that sense, we 357 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 3: don't talk about that many wins that we have with 358 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,680 Speaker 3: too many people, or even pain points even about a relationship. 359 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 3: You know, there are certain things that you keep private 360 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,800 Speaker 3: versus sharing it with people or being really mindful about 361 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,040 Speaker 3: who you share what with. Do you think other people's 362 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,960 Speaker 3: energy can affect the things that you are thinking about 363 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 3: or doing in your life if you share it with 364 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:28,679 Speaker 3: the wrong people. 365 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:29,200 Speaker 2: Yeah. 366 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 1: I don't think it's some sort of magic pocus pocus thing. 367 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 1: I think it's truly just their thoughts can affect you. 368 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,400 Speaker 1: For example, let's say you want to start something right 369 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,479 Speaker 1: and I was guilty of this a few months ago 370 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 1: with us, and you kindly called me out about it 371 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 1: in a good way. You shared an idea with me 372 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,440 Speaker 1: about something and we were just messaging about it. My 373 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,880 Speaker 1: initial response was, yeah, we can't. 374 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:51,200 Speaker 2: Do that right now. 375 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,919 Speaker 1: Oh, And you were like, wait a minute, can you 376 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 1: just let me share my idea? 377 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:55,400 Speaker 2: Yeah? 378 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,760 Speaker 1: And you said it in a really nice way, and 379 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,720 Speaker 1: I got the message, and I felt really bad about it, 380 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 1: and I was wrong. But my point is my energy. 381 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 2: Did affect it. 382 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 1: It. I closed something down when I shouldn't have. So 383 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 1: that's a really good example. So let's say someone's listening 384 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: right now and they're like, you've got an idea to 385 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,640 Speaker 1: start a YouTube channel or a podcast, or you want 386 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: to write a book, and you go and tell all 387 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:17,679 Speaker 1: your friends, and then all your friends go, why are 388 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 1: you starting a podcast? 389 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,360 Speaker 2: Like, oh, you know, there's like a million podcasts now. 390 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 1: It's not a hocus focus. That energy affects you. You 391 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 1: hear that and you go, yeah, maybe I shouldn't start it. 392 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 1: So true, So all of a sudden, that energy has 393 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:32,640 Speaker 1: affected you. Now, if you had shared it with a podcaster, 394 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 1: that podcast would have said to you, oh, great, what 395 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,120 Speaker 1: genre is it? What kind of podcast do you want 396 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 1: to do? And you're like, yeah, it's all about relationships 397 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: and it's all about connection, And then you could have 398 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,960 Speaker 1: asked them a question. They would have said, yeah, well, 399 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,800 Speaker 1: here's what you need to do. Makes you do one 400 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 1: episode a week, make sure that you are really authentic 401 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: and be yourself, and make sure that you're consistent because 402 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,959 Speaker 1: something like ninety seven percent of podcast don't make it 403 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 1: past episode two or three. Right now, all of a sudden, 404 00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,959 Speaker 1: that person who's already done what you want to do 405 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 1: is actually helping you, whereas someone who hasn't done what 406 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 1: you want to do is draining you. And so I 407 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: think it is important because energy does impact you and 408 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,160 Speaker 1: affect you, and someone who's already done what you want 409 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 1: to do is more likely to encourage you, where someone 410 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,239 Speaker 1: who hasn't done it is more likely to discourage you 411 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 1: because they may not understand, they think it's hard, or 412 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:20,679 Speaker 1: they think it's complicated. 413 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,360 Speaker 3: Do you think people are happier when they're sharing more 414 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,680 Speaker 3: or do you think actually, oh, I'll ask you for yourself. 415 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,719 Speaker 3: When you made the decision to keep a lot of 416 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 3: your own life private and be mindful about what you're sharing, 417 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:36,239 Speaker 3: did that bring more peace and clarity and confidence in 418 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 3: what you're doing or did you feel like you're missing 419 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,679 Speaker 3: out on Did you feel a bit lonely without sharing things? 420 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: I think people online and I want to ask you 421 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,440 Speaker 1: the same questions about these are great questions. I think 422 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:53,200 Speaker 1: we started to equate vulnerability with authenticity online. 423 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 3: Tell me the difference. 424 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,399 Speaker 1: So I, no, no, no, it's it's we're saying that 425 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: if you share stuff about your life, then you're off authentic. Yeah, 426 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: don't share stuff about your life. 427 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:03,480 Speaker 2: You're not authentic. 428 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,679 Speaker 1: My take is authenticity is sharing the right thing with 429 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,879 Speaker 1: the right person at the right time. That's actually authentic. 430 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,520 Speaker 1: Right If I just found out that a family member 431 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 1: was ill just today, I wouldn't tell everyone on social media, 432 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,399 Speaker 1: not because I'm being inauthentic, but the first person a 433 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 1: call would be my family member exactly. So that's not 434 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: an inauthentic act. It's actually the most authentic act. So 435 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,919 Speaker 1: I think we shouldn't fall for this trap where it's like, 436 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 1: if you're not fully vulnerable online all the time, that 437 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 1: you're inauthentic. Actually being authentic is being intentional and selective. 438 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 1: In my that's my definition for it. So I feel 439 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,320 Speaker 1: very happy knowing what I share with you, what I 440 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: share with my best friends, what I share with my mom, 441 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,399 Speaker 1: and then what I share online. Am I sharing my 442 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: truth online? 443 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,399 Speaker 2: Of course i am? Am I sharing my heart online? 444 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,399 Speaker 2: Of course I am. 445 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: Are there things that are private that need to be 446 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: kept between me and my mum, or me and you, 447 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 1: or me and my best friends. Of course there are, 448 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:04,119 Speaker 1: because that's reality, And I don't think that makes someone inauthentic. 449 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:08,480 Speaker 1: I think it actually makes someone real because it's the 450 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 1: same as saying, if you're do you go into your 451 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,919 Speaker 1: workplace because social media is our workplace. Ye, you go 452 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 1: into your workplace, stand up on your desk and tell 453 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 1: everyone in your office everything about everything. 454 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 2: And you would never do that. 455 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,360 Speaker 1: You wouldn't hijack the company's zoom call and say, guys, 456 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 1: I just need everyone to know right now that this 457 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: is what's going on in my life. 458 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,160 Speaker 2: You would just never do that. It's not normal. 459 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: But online we assume that that is the normal. I'm 460 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 1: not saying it's bad if you do that. I'm just 461 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: saying that for me, that's not authenticity. 462 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I've really struggled with that. I think 463 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 3: I've always gone between, Oh, I just want to keep 464 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,760 Speaker 3: everything private now because everyone's opinions and everyone's thoughts and 465 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,200 Speaker 3: things are too much, and then back to, oh, maybe 466 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 3: I should be showing because me not talking about this 467 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 3: seems like I'm really happy, but actually I've got this 468 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,120 Speaker 3: going on in my life and my grandma's not well 469 00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,879 Speaker 3: and whatever. Maybe I should be sharing because I'm sharing 470 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 3: smiles and happiness all online, but there's another part of 471 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,960 Speaker 3: my life that's happening. And then I've just come to 472 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 3: the conclusion that no one will ever understand the duality 473 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 3: in people's lives, and I think that's just my conclusion 474 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 3: is of having gone through the ups and downs of 475 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:17,680 Speaker 3: sharing or not sharing, and even sharing within within friendship circles, 476 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 3: I think, actually I don't share much with my friends, 477 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 3: or very selective about what I speak to, who I 478 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,600 Speaker 3: speak to about what, and it's made me so much 479 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 3: happier because it's also allowed me to be so much 480 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 3: more reflective in my own life. I think I was 481 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 3: so used to outsourcing my uncertainty with other people's opinions 482 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 3: and making decisions based on that that now the more 483 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:47,159 Speaker 3: that I feel comfortable with answering my own questions solving 484 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,119 Speaker 3: my own problems, the less I've got this need to 485 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 3: speak to so many people about so many things happening 486 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 3: in my life. And I actually do feel so much 487 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,199 Speaker 3: happier in that. I think the only part I struggle with, 488 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 3: which you know, is being misunderstood online, and I think 489 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 3: that's something that I am forever working on, because I 490 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,120 Speaker 3: think I go through these bouts of sharing and then 491 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 3: not sharing and trying to find that in between. But 492 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 3: what you said about the work situation that makes sense 493 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 3: to you just stand up and shout when you're having 494 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 3: a bad day in your office, you don't. You don't 495 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,640 Speaker 3: do that. And so I think it goes back to intentionality. 496 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,119 Speaker 3: Am I sharing this for a good reason? Or am 497 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 3: I sharing this to try and prove myself which I've 498 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,119 Speaker 3: done before, or get people to try and understand me, 499 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 3: which is impossible. I actually sent a voice note to 500 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 3: my friend this morning, our friend this morning, because she 501 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,200 Speaker 3: was saying, how you know her ex boyfriend's friends don't 502 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 3: like her because of stuff that he said. And I said, look, 503 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:46,920 Speaker 3: they're all going to always be people who no matter 504 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,240 Speaker 3: what you do or say, if they've wanted to dislike you, 505 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,199 Speaker 3: no matter how much you tell them about yourself, no 506 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:53,879 Speaker 3: matter how much you're trying and convince them that you 507 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 3: are amazing, if they have already wanted to dislike you, 508 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 3: they'll have found any one word, a breath that you've 509 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 3: taken that they don't like. But if they want to 510 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,680 Speaker 3: be rooting for you, and if they want to see 511 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 3: good in you, and if they want to love you, 512 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 3: everything that you say, they'll give you benefit of doubt 513 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,880 Speaker 3: everything you say, they'll give you grace. And I wrote 514 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 3: about this in my notes the other week. I was 515 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,639 Speaker 3: thinking imagine how nice it would be if people just 516 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,920 Speaker 3: gave people grace, whether they're oversharing, whether they're not sharing enough. 517 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 3: Like I just think everybody is going through duality and 518 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,719 Speaker 3: so much in their life that it's impossible to know 519 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,359 Speaker 3: the depths of someone. Even if someone was vlogging for 520 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,840 Speaker 3: twenty four hours a day, even if someone was telling 521 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,359 Speaker 3: you every moment that they were moving, you can't know 522 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 3: their heart and you can't know their mind, and so 523 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:39,240 Speaker 3: it's impossible to know someone that deeply. And the sharing, 524 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 3: not sharing or oversharing, I think also comes comes with 525 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,679 Speaker 3: how you're feeling in the moment, in the day, in 526 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,160 Speaker 3: your life, depending what's happening. 527 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love what you're saying. I think we've created 528 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:55,360 Speaker 1: such a judgmental, critical world. And it's almost like if 529 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,720 Speaker 1: you walked into a movie theater and you watch three 530 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 1: minutes of a movie, and then you walked out, and 531 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 1: then you walked into another movie for three minutes, then 532 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,439 Speaker 1: you walked out, and you walked into another movie for 533 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,680 Speaker 1: three minutes. That's what we do on social media. That's 534 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,199 Speaker 1: so true, right, you don't ever see the full picture, 535 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,680 Speaker 1: So no one has listened to every episode I've ever 536 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,960 Speaker 1: recorded on any platform I've ever been on. It would 537 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,440 Speaker 1: be my full picture. 538 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,120 Speaker 3: You never talk about purpose, yes. 539 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,399 Speaker 1: Or yeah exactly, or you never talk about this or 540 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: you know. It's like, but that's how we'd feel if 541 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,200 Speaker 1: we walked into movie for three minutes and walked out. 542 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 1: So you can only truly have an opinion on something 543 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: when you. 544 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,159 Speaker 2: Understand it fully. 545 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,920 Speaker 1: Yes, you can have an opinion on anything, to be honest, 546 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 1: but you can only truly have an assessment of something, yes, 547 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 1: if you understand it fully. And today most of us 548 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 1: make big assessments on small amounts of information huge. 549 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:49,439 Speaker 2: And we all do it. 550 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 1: I do it too, And that's why it's so important 551 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,439 Speaker 1: to remind each other of that and what you were 552 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:58,000 Speaker 1: saying where you know, I remember a few years back 553 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 1: because people were like, oh generally I never together anymore. 554 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 1: Maybe they're breaking up, Like maybe you know all this 555 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 1: for months? Yeah, yeah, and it's like, no, we travel 556 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: a lot for work, We do spend time apart every 557 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:15,959 Speaker 1: year consciously intentionally planned. But if you don't know us, 558 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:19,320 Speaker 1: and you're not you don't know our relationship, your assessment 559 00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:20,919 Speaker 1: of it is completely inaccurate. 560 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, And so this idea of like, oh. 561 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 1: Maybe they're breaking up or did you know they don't 562 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,320 Speaker 1: live together anymore? And it's like, well, no, Rather, he 563 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,119 Speaker 1: was in London and I was in la which are 564 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,160 Speaker 1: two places that we live in. Like you know, it's 565 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 1: and it's so basic. But and I don't come out 566 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,359 Speaker 1: and defend or talk about these things or make it 567 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,160 Speaker 1: obviously because to me, it's not worth it, it's not enough. 568 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,080 Speaker 1: But it's important to help people realize that. That's why 569 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,399 Speaker 1: people don't overshare, or that's why they do overshare. And 570 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,520 Speaker 1: so my thing is very clear. I really don't share 571 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 1: anything to try and get someone to believe I'm anything. 572 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 3: Yes, you really don't, you're. 573 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 1: So happy with whatever judgment and just. 574 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,879 Speaker 3: Say something about this. I really don't need to. I 575 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,680 Speaker 3: don't need so at peace with it, it's so good. 576 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's not that I'm fully at peace with it. 577 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 1: I'm probably like figuring out. Yeah, it's not like I'm 578 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 1: beyond it. I'm figuring out internally. But what I've realized 579 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 1: is my intentions really clear. That's what I'm focused on 580 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 1: because I can't change It's what you just said. So well, 581 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 1: it's if someone doesn't like me, no matter what I do, 582 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,159 Speaker 1: they'll still not like me, And if someone loves me, 583 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,960 Speaker 1: no matter what I do, they'll still love me. And 584 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 1: that's how we make decisions in life. And so I 585 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 1: don't want to convince someone to change their mind about me. Yeah, 586 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,959 Speaker 1: if someone thinks I'm x y Z, that's okay, because 587 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 1: I don't want to waste my life explaining myself. 588 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,400 Speaker 2: I just want to accept that this is where I am. 589 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 1: And I think today we'd all be a lot more 590 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: peace if we weren't explaining ourselves to others. We all 591 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,640 Speaker 1: want to feel better, to have more energy and more 592 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 1: focused throughout the day. That's why I co founded Junie, 593 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:04,119 Speaker 1: a sparkling adaptogen it drink made with powerful ingredients like 594 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,880 Speaker 1: ushwaganda and Lion's maine. 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Get your Daily Mood Boost with Juni at 612 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,920 Speaker 1: Whole Foods Market or head to drink juni dot com 613 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 1: to find a store near you. 614 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 3: You know where I found sharing recently has been really useful. 615 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,560 Speaker 2: I was going to ask you that itally, Yeah, where 616 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 2: is it? 617 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,520 Speaker 3: Where it's been really useful? So I And again this 618 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 3: is based on relationship stuff. But one of my friends 619 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 3: was really struggling in her relationship and we were speaking 620 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 3: about all the people that we know in our families, 621 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 3: everyone that we're really close to that she also knows 622 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 3: that I know. And I was saying, you know, it's 623 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 3: really normal if you've been in a relationship for X 624 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,960 Speaker 3: amount of time to go through phases that are really difficult. 625 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 3: You do know that this person in our family has 626 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 3: been through it, this person in our friendship circle has 627 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 3: been through it, this person has been through this. These 628 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,520 Speaker 3: people have gone to couples therapy. Me and Jay have 629 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 3: gone the readly. We've got times we've found it it's 630 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 3: hard to even have conversations with each other. We've been 631 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,000 Speaker 3: through so many ups and downs. She said, I had 632 00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 3: no idea. What do you mean. I had no idea 633 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 3: that was normal. I've seen all of you and none 634 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 3: of that makes any sense. I was like, yeah, these 635 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 3: people were the verge of breaking up and they literally 636 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 3: had to spend so much a year trying to reconnect. 637 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 3: She was like, no way. And I told her all 638 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,160 Speaker 3: of that to make her realize how normal the phases 639 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 3: she was going through in her relationship were. But I 640 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 3: found that so useful because even within relationships, obviously you 641 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,080 Speaker 3: have the pictures at events, and you have all these 642 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 3: little things that you can share and we're talking about online, 643 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 3: but even within within close family groups or close friendship groups, 644 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 3: you will not even know what's happening and realize that 645 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,720 Speaker 3: actually they're going through the same thing as you are, 646 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,760 Speaker 3: and it makes you feel so okay about your situation 647 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 3: when you realize you're not the only one. And so 648 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:54,240 Speaker 3: I think having those that conversation with my friend was 649 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:58,600 Speaker 3: so important because one, it humanized everyone and it wasn't 650 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 3: just the rosy relationships that she too. I don't know 651 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,160 Speaker 3: anybody who hasn't gone through stuff in their relationship. And 652 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 3: then three, I think sharing it online for a lot 653 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 3: of people who are public figures or not even public 654 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,400 Speaker 3: figures sharing it with their communities. Let's say, the time 655 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,720 Speaker 3: it becomes difficult is when people take one thing and 656 00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,560 Speaker 3: make it into something huge even though they've been through it. 657 00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 3: So like me saying okay, we found it really difficult before, 658 00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,720 Speaker 3: someone may say, oh my gosh, they found it difficult, 659 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 3: not realizing that they've had such difficult times in their 660 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,479 Speaker 3: relationship too. And so I think the judgment ends up 661 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 3: going towards people even when we've created that experience or 662 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 3: had that experience in our life. But I think sharing 663 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,960 Speaker 3: in that way has been so useful, even between me 664 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,600 Speaker 3: and my best friend. Now, when I say things that 665 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,400 Speaker 3: I've been through she's like, I would have never thought 666 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 3: that that was you. And she's like, oh, I went 667 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 3: through that too, and I can't believe we're the same. 668 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 3: And we've had that in common even though we're such 669 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,440 Speaker 3: different people. And I think being more open about things 670 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 3: like that, especially in our community, because especially I don't know, 671 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,120 Speaker 3: you know, wherever you whichever community are, and I'm sure 672 00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:02,400 Speaker 3: it's quite similar, but painting rosy pictures about family relationships, 673 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,640 Speaker 3: about partner relationships, about all these things, it's so easy 674 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:07,760 Speaker 3: to paint in a rosy picture, and it helps no 675 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 3: one because then everyone thinks they're the odd one now 676 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 3: when they're going through the same thing that you are. 677 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,960 Speaker 3: So that I found really useful recently after being around 678 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:15,960 Speaker 3: my friends and family here. 679 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 1: I mean, that's one of the reasons why, you know, 680 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 1: if anyone ever watched the history of our conversations we've 681 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:24,960 Speaker 1: had online, yeah, them, we'll focus on challenges we've had. 682 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:26,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, probably, And. 683 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 1: That's where I've felt sharing is really helpful. Is my 684 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,560 Speaker 1: intention is to show that we're all in the same boat. 685 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:35,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, No one's example. 686 00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 2: We're all on the same page. 687 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:41,600 Speaker 1: No matter how enlightened or perfect or illuminated you feel. 688 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,040 Speaker 1: Someone is we're all in the same boat and we're 689 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,520 Speaker 1: all struggling. And that is when I think sharing is 690 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,640 Speaker 1: really important, and that's what I choose to share. I 691 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:51,640 Speaker 1: choose to share my challenges. I choose to share things 692 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,120 Speaker 1: that I'm stressed about. 693 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:54,640 Speaker 3: Or you're like that even with your friends, not even 694 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,440 Speaker 3: just this is even in a public forum. I hear 695 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 3: you speak to your friends about the real I'm like, 696 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,080 Speaker 3: oh wow, I didn't think it was going to talk 697 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:01,520 Speaker 3: about that, or didn't think you would share that with 698 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,120 Speaker 3: that person, but you really do to help them also 699 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:05,360 Speaker 3: open up back to. 700 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,480 Speaker 1: You, and also just because I also want them to 701 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,880 Speaker 1: know that that's the real expression that everyone has. 702 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:13,320 Speaker 3: And it's you being honest with yourself in that moment too, 703 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 3: isn't it. I think we can get so covered up 704 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,480 Speaker 3: by the fake realities we create in our own mind 705 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 3: of trying to be okay in front of other people 706 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,360 Speaker 3: that share that, you end up sharing this false version 707 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,160 Speaker 3: of yourself and then you come away from that conversation 708 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,120 Speaker 3: and even though you think you've been vulnerable, you've actually 709 00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,200 Speaker 3: been false vulnerable because that's not actually how you feel. 710 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,080 Speaker 3: You haven't actually shared anything exactly, and so you haven't 711 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:38,160 Speaker 3: actually built a connection to anyone. I always think that's 712 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:41,160 Speaker 3: why I find difficult when you know, people catch pictures 713 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 3: of celebrities fighting and they put up pictures of it 714 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:45,959 Speaker 3: or whatever. It's like, have we not all had a 715 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:48,200 Speaker 3: moment where we've slammed the door? Have we all had 716 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 3: a moment where we've walked out of a restaurant because 717 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,240 Speaker 3: we've had an argument, we were a little bit upset. 718 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 3: And so I think that I always feel so sad 719 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,160 Speaker 3: for people when I see stuff like that, because I'm like, 720 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:02,200 Speaker 3: I've had those moments or showing up, I've slammed the 721 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,360 Speaker 3: door in the car and I've left before, and. 722 00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 1: Or you don't have a clue what was happening anyway. 723 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,800 Speaker 2: Someone's resting face is just not smiley. 724 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,240 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah. 725 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:12,240 Speaker 2: And so someone. 726 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:13,880 Speaker 3: Whenever I'm on my phone and you're like are you okay, 727 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:15,880 Speaker 3: and I'm like writing a message and it's literally me 728 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 3: just on Aesos ordering some clothes and I'm literally just concentrating. 729 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:24,640 Speaker 3: But if someone saw me doing that in public, fine with. 730 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:25,720 Speaker 2: Somebody, yeah exactly. 731 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,839 Speaker 1: And that's I think that's what it is, is that 732 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,840 Speaker 1: you can't make big assessments and judgments with small information 733 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,360 Speaker 1: and it would just make your life more peaceful and easier. 734 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,480 Speaker 1: I think the takeaway I want people to have is 735 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,239 Speaker 1: that whether you have a life that is online or 736 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,439 Speaker 1: whether it's your offline life, it's almost like the same 737 00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,200 Speaker 1: principles apply. Who do you want to share this with, 738 00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 1: what are you trying to share, and most importantly, why 739 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,960 Speaker 1: are you sharing it? What's your intention? And if your 740 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,200 Speaker 1: intention is to make others feel less alone, if your 741 00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:01,080 Speaker 1: intention is to share something so that you've loved in case. 742 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:02,719 Speaker 3: Help people through what they're going frock and. 743 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 1: Help yourself, these are all beautiful things. And no one 744 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,560 Speaker 1: can tell you whether you're oversharing or overexposed. Only you 745 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,600 Speaker 1: get to decide that even if everyone goes, oh, you're oversharing, 746 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 1: you wanted to share it, as long as your intentions 747 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:21,319 Speaker 1: in the right place. And don't ever feel pressured into 748 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,799 Speaker 1: thinking that you have to be vulnerable to be authentic, 749 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,319 Speaker 1: because it's authentic to be vulnerable when you want to 750 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,399 Speaker 1: not it's not authentic to just be vulnerable anytime, any 751 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:32,160 Speaker 1: place with everyone. 752 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think i'd also add that sharing is 753 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 3: similar with your words, is similar to sharing emotion in 754 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,360 Speaker 3: the sense that you're not supposed to hold everything inside, 755 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,720 Speaker 3: and it's not supposed to all live in your head either, 756 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:48,080 Speaker 3: And so I think part of experiencing life, and part 757 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:51,880 Speaker 3: of experiencing emotions, and part of experiencing pain and happiness, 758 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:55,319 Speaker 3: a big part of it is the sharing aspect of it. 759 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,200 Speaker 3: There is a notion of you experience something and then 760 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 3: you share it. You learn something and then you share it, 761 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,280 Speaker 3: And so we're not supposed to just keep everything inside 762 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,319 Speaker 3: of us. There is supposed to be this action of 763 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:11,200 Speaker 3: receiving whatever the whatever it is, pain, knowledge, information, and 764 00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:14,160 Speaker 3: then giving it out to other people. And I think 765 00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 3: we're built to be in communities and sharing is a 766 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,719 Speaker 3: big part of that, and being honest with yourself a 767 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,120 Speaker 3: big part of that is also sharing. And I think 768 00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:25,799 Speaker 3: that's something really important to remember that we have to 769 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,040 Speaker 3: learn to take what's in our mind and be able 770 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,960 Speaker 3: to say it out loud to really sometimes get the 771 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,319 Speaker 3: depth or the weight of what is inside of us. 772 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,280 Speaker 3: But yeah, keep sharing, people, keep sharing. 773 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:40,160 Speaker 2: Thanks so much for listening and watching everyone. 774 00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:42,560 Speaker 1: I hope you share your comments, your ideas, your thoughts 775 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,160 Speaker 1: in the comment section, and of course share this episode 776 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:47,640 Speaker 1: with anyone else that. 777 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:50,960 Speaker 3: You think is Can you know what overshare It overshare 778 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,360 Speaker 3: this episode. Yeah, okay, by hey everyone. 779 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,440 Speaker 1: If you love that conversation, go and check out my 780 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:01,719 Speaker 1: episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she 781 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,839 Speaker 1: answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when 782 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:10,319 Speaker 1: it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're 783 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,959 Speaker 1: trying to figure out that space right now, you won't 784 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,560 Speaker 1: want to miss this conversation. 785 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:19,320 Speaker 3: If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard 786 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,800 Speaker 3: to argue. It actually calms your nervous systems. 787 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,640 Speaker 2: Just hold hands as you're having the conversation. 788 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:25,720 Speaker 3: It's so lovely.