Speaker 1: Hey there friends, Oh hello, welcome to another episode of
Speaker 1: Ridiculous Romance. I'm Diana, I'm Eli. How's that? Does that
Speaker 1: sound like an intro voice? That's a solid intro. I
Speaker 1: love it. It's so so commanding and welcoming at the
Speaker 1: same time. Welcome to this show. Five star general treating
Speaker 1: his troops or her troops or their troops to tell
Speaker 1: anybody that they can't have the what sounds like terrible
Speaker 1: job of five star general. So nice to have you back.
Speaker 1: You know this is your favorite podcast for dick jokes,
Speaker 1: dirty poems, ghost sex, you know, alien fornication. You can't
Speaker 1: find this stuff anywhere else. We don't think until the
Speaker 1: format changes. We're just gonna keep going with this one,
Speaker 1: which is a show where we talk about our r R,
Speaker 1: which we saw again the other No, we won't. We
Speaker 1: won't get into it, but it's so good rewatch risible.
Speaker 1: But yeah, let's just get on with our show. Yeah.
Speaker 1: In our last episode, we told you all all about
Speaker 1: the lusty life of John Wilmot, the second Earl of Rochester,
Speaker 1: like all the times that he piste off the king um,
Speaker 1: how he abducted his future wife and then disguised himself
Speaker 1: as a gynecologist to treat infertility, and we shared with
Speaker 1: you a few of his infamous poems, including our new
Speaker 1: favorite regime d Vive. But we did want to dive
Speaker 1: into some of his longer poems, so we decided to
Speaker 1: dedicate an episode to a John Wilmot poetry corner. So
Speaker 1: we'll perform for you a poem about premature ejaculation, another
Speaker 1: one where an old libertine kind of reflecting on his
Speaker 1: younger debauch days, not with regret but rather with the
Speaker 1: hope of inspiring future generations to you, and filth ther
Speaker 1: deeds and his name. And finally, a full reading of
Speaker 1: Senior Dildo, which was Wilmot's poem about the gentleman from
Speaker 1: Italy that all the ladies are falling in love with. Finally,
Speaker 1: so we hope you enjoyed these poems as much as
Speaker 1: we do. Come on down to poetry corner. Let's go,
Speaker 1: Hey the French, come listen well, Eli and Diana got
Speaker 1: some stories to tell. There's no match making, a romantic tips.
Speaker 1: It's just about ridiculous relationships, a lover. It might be
Speaker 1: any type of person at all. And abstract cons at
Speaker 1: our concrete wall but if there's a story, we're the
Speaker 1: second Glance show, Ridiculous Romance, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Hey everybody, before we get started, we made a little
Speaker 1: slip up in the last episode. Uh, and we got
Speaker 1: a correction in in time to fix it. So let's
Speaker 1: go put ourselves in corrections corner. You're such a loser,
Speaker 1: that's right. Ruth Dempsey on Instagram reached out to say
Speaker 1: first that she really loved the John Wilmot episode. But
Speaker 1: we were talking in one part about a famous diarist
Speaker 1: who had kind of written down the account of John
Speaker 1: abducting his future wife and his name. We called him
Speaker 1: Samuel Pepys, but actually it's pronounced Samuel Peeps, which is
Speaker 1: so much better. Perfect. What a perfect name for a
Speaker 1: guy who's snooping on everybody. Okay, I was like anything
Speaker 1: Samuel Peeps he writes in his diary, So I feel
Speaker 1: like people should say that everywhere they talk about him.
Speaker 1: Don't let Samuel peep you. Everyone's going to know. So
Speaker 1: thank you Ruth for that correction, because I was a
Speaker 1: truly much better, much better name. I'm so excited that
Speaker 1: we're doing this filthy poetry episode a ken so many
Speaker 1: of you have written in and told us that the
Speaker 1: Barongier of the long Asshole is one of your favorite episodes,
Speaker 1: where we just spent a long time reading that that
Speaker 1: old dirty poem medieval fabulous. It's so fun to do.
Speaker 1: I never thought of thought that I would be reading
Speaker 1: poetry to people, but this is this is definitely the
Speaker 1: format and the subject material. But it should be for
Speaker 1: me true. And I mean again, I think I said
Speaker 1: this in the in our last episode. Why was this
Speaker 1: not the main focus of my English degree? Seriously, I
Speaker 1: feel like if you just had body poetry one oh one,
Speaker 1: it would be full. It would be full every semester,
Speaker 1: right for real, And we'll read through it. We'll we'll
Speaker 1: stop and talk about it along the way, because it's
Speaker 1: not gonna go like our typical poetry corner here. But
Speaker 1: our first poem here is fairly self explanatory. John Wilmot
Speaker 1: wrote about a guy who is disappointed that his premature
Speaker 1: ejaculation is preventing him from having you know, full on
Speaker 1: sexy times with his lady friend. Damn old penis they Well,
Speaker 1: it reminds me of the Reddit episode we read about
Speaker 1: people's worst sexual experiences and the girl said that guy
Speaker 1: just started screaming at his dick in front of her
Speaker 1: when it wouldn't work. Yes, and she had to sneak out.
Speaker 1: But this is like a classier version of that, much classier.
Speaker 1: If that guy had been a renowned poet, Yes, you
Speaker 1: might have gotten something like this, because John Wilmot clearly
Speaker 1: felt that if you're gonna yell at your dick, it
Speaker 1: might as well rhyme. So let's hear John Wilmot, the
Speaker 1: second Earl of Rochester's The Imperfect Enjoyment. Naked, she lay
Speaker 1: clasped in my longing arms. I filled with love, and
Speaker 1: she all over charms, both equally inspired with eager fire,
Speaker 1: melting through kindness, flaming and desire. With arms, legs, lips close,
Speaker 1: clinging to embrace, she clips me to her breast and
Speaker 1: sucks me to her face. Her nimble tongue loves lesser
Speaker 1: lightning blade within my mouth and to my thoughts conveyed
Speaker 1: swift orders that I should prepare to throw the all
Speaker 1: dissolving thunderbolt below. Damn this guy, I mean, this is
Speaker 1: one hottest description about to have sex. My fluttering soul
Speaker 1: sprung with a pointed kiss, hangs hovering over her balmy
Speaker 1: brings the bliss. But whilst her busy hand would guide
Speaker 1: that part which should convey my soul up to her
Speaker 1: heart in liquid raptures, I dissolve all our mountain too sperm,
Speaker 1: and spend at every pore a touch from any part
Speaker 1: of her had done her hand, her foot, Her very
Speaker 1: looks a country. There's nothing funny premature ejaculation unless it's
Speaker 1: written out like this, and that it's hilarious. Smiling, she
Speaker 1: chides in a kind murmuring noise, and from her body
Speaker 1: wipes the clammy choice. When with a thousand kisses wandering
Speaker 1: or my panting bosom is there then no more? She
Speaker 1: cries all this to love and raptures do must we
Speaker 1: not pay a debt to pleasure too? She's like, I
Speaker 1: know you finished, but there's more we can do, right,
Speaker 1: I wonder? She's like, you know you could do some
Speaker 1: things for me, but I the most forlorn, lost man alive.
Speaker 1: To show my wish to obedient spainly strive, I sigh,
Speaker 1: alas and kiss, but cannot swive eager desires confound my
Speaker 1: first intent succeeding, shame does more success prevent, and rage
Speaker 1: at last confirms me. Impotent. That's when you can't get
Speaker 1: out of it because you're so mad. I know he's
Speaker 1: like I just I love it. He's really filling in,
Speaker 1: Like all all the moments, very evocative and accurate. I imagine,
Speaker 1: not that you would, No, I wouldn't know. It happens
Speaker 1: to lots of guys, I'm sure. But even her fair hand,
Speaker 1: which might bid heat return to frozen age and make
Speaker 1: cold hermits burn, applied to my dear cinder warms no
Speaker 1: more than fire to ashes could pass flames restored, trembling, confused, despairing, limber, dry,
Speaker 1: a wishing, weak, unmoving luve by life, This dart of love,
Speaker 1: who's piercing point oft tried with a virgin blood, ten
Speaker 1: thousand maids has died, which nature still directed with such
Speaker 1: art that it through every count, reached, every heart, stiffly resolved.
Speaker 1: Twould carelessly invade woman or man, nor ought its fury
Speaker 1: staid where'er it pierced a count it found or made?
Speaker 1: Now languid lies in this unhappy hour, shrunk up in
Speaker 1: sapless like a withered flower. Thou treacherous base, deserter of
Speaker 1: my flame, false to my passion, fatal to my fame
Speaker 1: through what mistaken magic? Dost thou prove so true to lewdness,
Speaker 1: so untrue to love? What oyster, cinder beggar common? Or
Speaker 1: didst thou e'er fail in all thy life before? When vice, disease,
Speaker 1: and scandal lead the way? With what officious haste, dost
Speaker 1: thou obey? Like a rude, roaring hector in the streets,
Speaker 1: who scuffles, cuffs and jestles all he meets. But if
Speaker 1: his king or country claim his aid, the rake hell
Speaker 1: villain shrinks and hides his head. Even so thy brutal
Speaker 1: valor is displayed breaks if stew does each small horror invade,
Speaker 1: But when great love the onset does command base recreant
Speaker 1: to thy prince, thou darest not stand. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: all the times that you've been taken charge, all the
Speaker 1: boners I've gotten in crowds blows, and you're ready to go.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, But I got the love of my life
Speaker 1: trying to impress her. You got nothing. Come on, man,
Speaker 1: stupid dick, he's not done. Worst part of me and
Speaker 1: henceforth hated most through all the town, a common fucking
Speaker 1: post on whom each horror relieves her tingling count as
Speaker 1: hogs on gates do rub themselves and grunt. May'st thou
Speaker 1: to ravenous chances be a prey or in consuming weepings
Speaker 1: waste away. May Strangerry and stone thy days attend, mayst
Speaker 1: thou never piss, who didst refuse to spend when all
Speaker 1: my joys did on falsely depend? And may ten thousand
Speaker 1: abler pricks agree to do the wronged Corinna right for thee.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's straight up like, I hope, Penis, I
Speaker 1: hope you never pee again. Oh God, for your betrayal
Speaker 1: of me, he says, May strangry and stone thy Day's attend.
Speaker 1: Strangry's a condition caused by blockage or irritation at the
Speaker 1: base of the bladder, makes your dick really hurt. So
Speaker 1: he's literally wishing, and I think stone like kidney stones.
Speaker 1: I think he's wishing pain u t eyes and kidney
Speaker 1: stones on his own day as punishment for its behavior.
Speaker 1: And then he's like, I hope that Corinna finds ten
Speaker 1: thousand Penis is better than you so that she can
Speaker 1: get some I like, in my mind, he's telling this
Speaker 1: in front of her. Yeah, He's like, I just want
Speaker 1: you to know how mad I am at my dick too.
Speaker 1: It's not me, it's him worst part of me. It's
Speaker 1: the little Earl of Rochester, the little Earl I love it.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine if that girl and read it was
Speaker 1: like and then the guy was like worst part of
Speaker 1: me and henceforth hated most. I feel like she would
Speaker 1: have been like, Okay, she might have stuck around. Let
Speaker 1: me hear this, not run out the door. Let's hear more.
Speaker 1: That ship is hilarious. Sorry, that is so funny to me. Yeah, poetry, man,
Speaker 1: it's it's incredible. You can do things with language never
Speaker 1: thought possible. You couldn't do that in pros. You couldn't
Speaker 1: convey that emotion. And although if you've got an example
Speaker 1: feeling to be corrected. All right, Well, we have so
Speaker 1: much more to get to. Uh so let's take a
Speaker 1: quick break and we will be right back with another
Speaker 1: John Wilmot poetry corner. Welcome back, you filthy poetry lovers.
Speaker 1: So yeah, John Wilmot's most famous poem is a stature
Speaker 1: against reason and mankind, and it's very long and it's
Speaker 1: not really body. So we were kind of like not
Speaker 1: going to read that one for you too. It's not
Speaker 1: a love poem and there's no dicks in it, so
Speaker 1: it doesn't really fit with the show. It's true, but
Speaker 1: I did just want to throw out there that it
Speaker 1: is really a great poem to check out and read.
Speaker 1: It's probably the greatest insight into John Wilmot's personality and
Speaker 1: life life philosophy. I guess, like what he really believed
Speaker 1: about the world. It's like his full argument about how
Speaker 1: reason and rationality is being um two lauded or ap
Speaker 1: appreciated over your senses and your joy and your bodily
Speaker 1: desires and stuff like that kind of reminded me of
Speaker 1: Walt Whitman's song of Yourself that way. Yeah, definitely very different,
Speaker 1: very different, but still like kind of a similar feeling
Speaker 1: about the world. I guess, well, when we talked to
Speaker 1: about for nervous poetry readers out there, or if you're
Speaker 1: not as familiar about how accessible his poetry is because
Speaker 1: he doesn't touch everything in metaphor, it's really easy to read.
Speaker 1: I think it's true. Like he he has a great
Speaker 1: line where he says his wisdom did his happiness destroy
Speaker 1: aiming to know the world he should enjoy that speaks
Speaker 1: to me so hard. I thought, I feel I was like,
Speaker 1: Eli will like this poem. I think because at times
Speaker 1: you really do do that, you get caught so caught
Speaker 1: up in understanding things. It can really I think it
Speaker 1: can depress you. It kind of takes the magic out
Speaker 1: of life a little bit. And I'm a I'm a
Speaker 1: pragmatic you know, science leaning pers and where I do
Speaker 1: want to know a lot of answers and reasons and
Speaker 1: stuff like that, but sometimes just gotta, you know, let
Speaker 1: this guy be blue, who cares why? I know he well?
Speaker 1: And that's kind of part of the poem. Is John
Speaker 1: Wilmot is like I would argue that there is a
Speaker 1: reasoning that I respect very much, and it's kind of
Speaker 1: animal reasoning. Whereas you're going too far, like you're you're
Speaker 1: doing too much. Here's a good stanza to describe that.
Speaker 1: He says, quote your reason hinders mine helps enjoy renewing appetites.
Speaker 1: Yours would destroy My reason is my friend. Yours is
Speaker 1: a cheat. Hunger calls out my reason, bids me to eat. Perversely, yours,
Speaker 1: your appetite does mock this asks for food that answers
Speaker 1: what's a clock? This plain distinction, sir, your doubt secures
Speaker 1: tis not true reason I despise, but yours. And I
Speaker 1: thought that was really cool because he's just talking about
Speaker 1: how he's like, I would rather be a beast than
Speaker 1: a man, because beasts are ruled by rules that make
Speaker 1: sense to me, and y'all are talking at best, no nonsense.
Speaker 1: It sounds to me like he's sick of pedantic people,
Speaker 1: you know. I immediately thought of of John Mulaney's thing
Speaker 1: about the sleepover his friends, Like, well, technically it's not
Speaker 1: it's tomorrow because it's after midnight. Take your sleeping bag,
Speaker 1: get the funk out of my house. That is such
Speaker 1: a good joke we say all the time, all the time,
Speaker 1: every time, every time somebody's too pedant, take up, Like really, actually,
Speaker 1: it's like this, take your sleep in bed and get
Speaker 1: the funk out of my house. And it must be said,
Speaker 1: sometimes that person is me sometimes, because I can be
Speaker 1: a little I like it. I like a precise definition. Look,
Speaker 1: just because many a joke has been crushed under the
Speaker 1: weight of recent right. Well, that's why I always said
Speaker 1: my stand If I ever did stand up, my stand
Speaker 1: up special will be called buzz kill. And I would
Speaker 1: talk about how many jokes I ruined, because I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's that pertically accurate. Uh. This poem also kind of
Speaker 1: shows his cynicism off a little bit because he talks
Speaker 1: a lot, and this was another thing I thought would
Speaker 1: resonate with you, Eli, he talks a lot about. He's like,
Speaker 1: please tell me about one single person on this earth
Speaker 1: who puts other people's interests before his own or before
Speaker 1: his families, who actually cares about strangers or his country
Speaker 1: over himself. Um. He's kind of like, the way the
Speaker 1: world is, the way society is built because of your rationality,
Speaker 1: this thing you're so proud of. You have to be
Speaker 1: an asshole to get ahead. And so if you're not
Speaker 1: an asshole, you're not a good person. Or you know,
Speaker 1: people don't help you out. They just leave you in
Speaker 1: the dust. So he's like, if you can prove to
Speaker 1: me that I'm wrong, I will take back everything that
Speaker 1: I just said. But until then, I maintain animals are
Speaker 1: smarter than men. Okay, So, and you thought of me
Speaker 1: because you think that I'm the example. No, I thought
Speaker 1: of you because you're always like this. At least American
Speaker 1: society is very much right now, leaning on the worst
Speaker 1: you are, the more money and success you get. I
Speaker 1: know that that's why you thought of me. I was
Speaker 1: just hoping it was because I was perfect, because I'm
Speaker 1: a cynic. Now it's because you're a cynic. Well. But anyway,
Speaker 1: we're not here to do some academic poetry breakdown of
Speaker 1: his cool satire against rant reason or I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: have to pass to do another podcast for that, that's right.
Speaker 1: Something else. We're here to do body poetry reading. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So instead we're going to dive into a poem called
Speaker 1: The Disabled Debaucher. And in this poem, an old rake
Speaker 1: is kind of reflecting on his bygone days and he's
Speaker 1: trying to inspire a new generation to fucking suck just
Speaker 1: as much, if not more, then he did as a
Speaker 1: young man. So let's hear John Wilmot the Disabled Debaucher,
Speaker 1: as some braise admiral in former war, deprived of force
Speaker 1: but pressed with courage. Still, two rival fleets, appearing from afar,
Speaker 1: crawls to the top of an adjacent hill. From whence
Speaker 1: swift thoughts full of concern, he views the wise and
Speaker 1: daring conduct of the fight, and each bold action, to
Speaker 1: his mind renews his present glory and his past delight
Speaker 1: from his fierce eyes. Flashes of rage he throws as
Speaker 1: from black clouds when lightning breaks away, transported thinks himself
Speaker 1: amidst his foes and absent, yet enjoys the bloody day.
Speaker 1: So when my days of impotence approach, and I'm by
Speaker 1: pox and wines, unlucky chance, driven from the pleasing billows
Speaker 1: of debauch on the dull shore of lazy temperance, my pains,
Speaker 1: at last some respite shall afford, whilst I behold the
Speaker 1: battles you maintain. When fleets of glasses sail about the
Speaker 1: board from whose broadsides, vall lease of wit shall rain,
Speaker 1: Nor shall the sight of honorable scars, which my two
Speaker 1: forward valor did procure. Frightened new listed soldiers from the
Speaker 1: wars past joys have more than paid what I endure.
Speaker 1: I like, literally, you might see me and I've got
Speaker 1: like syphilis and gono rhea and my Dick's fallen off.
Speaker 1: But that's not gonna stop you. You're gonna get out
Speaker 1: there and screw everyone you see. You know I enjoyed
Speaker 1: every minute of it. I got no regrets. No I
Speaker 1: look like the portrait of Dorian Gray, should hopeful you
Speaker 1: worth being drunk, prove nice and from their fair inviterers
Speaker 1: meanly shrink. It would please the ghost of my depart
Speaker 1: advice if at my council they repent and drink. Or
Speaker 1: should some cold complexion sut forbid with his dull morals
Speaker 1: our nights brisk alarms. I'll fire his blood by telling
Speaker 1: what I did when I was strong and able to
Speaker 1: bear arms. I'll tell of whores attacked their lords at home,
Speaker 1: bod's quarters, beat up and fortress one windows, demolished, watches overcome,
Speaker 1: and handsome ills by my contrabance done. I love the
Speaker 1: line Watches overcomes, considering that we know he got a
Speaker 1: friend killed by the night Watch, that's true. I just
Speaker 1: love this, Like, uh no, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: you my stories and then you're gonna get so riled
Speaker 1: up you're gonna have to go there. I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: you about I've screwed these women while their husbands were
Speaker 1: right there in the other room. If I can do it,
Speaker 1: you can do it, kid, Come on, prove you try
Speaker 1: to beat my record. Yeah, yeah, I did five and
Speaker 1: a night beat that, And they're like, well now, I
Speaker 1: have to well, if the old man could do it,
Speaker 1: nor shall our love fits Cloris be forgot when each
Speaker 1: the well looked link boy strove to enjoy and the
Speaker 1: best kiss was the deciding lots whether the boy fucked
Speaker 1: you or I the boy basically saying like sometimes we
Speaker 1: got the pool boy involved. Basically, I think in a
Speaker 1: kind of way, because link boys were probably like twelve,
Speaker 1: and oh no, I don't think they were very old.
Speaker 1: Link boys like carried lights, uh down the street. That's right.
Speaker 1: They Yeah, they were like torch bears kind of um
Speaker 1: and yeah, that's were not they were not grown up. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: you moving on with tails like these, I will such
Speaker 1: heat inspire as to important mischief, shall incline, I'll make
Speaker 1: them long some ancient church to fire, and fear no lewdness.
Speaker 1: They're called to by wine, thus statesmanlike, I'll suscily impose
Speaker 1: and safe from Dane sure valiantly advised, sheltered in impotence,
Speaker 1: urge you two blows and being good for nothing else
Speaker 1: be wise. He's like, I'm so old now I can't
Speaker 1: do it anymore. I'm safe from any other harm that
Speaker 1: might befall me from getting into this kind of trashy behavior.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna stand here and tell you to do it.
Speaker 1: That's right, and if you have it, if you have questions,
Speaker 1: I can advise. I'm here speak to your elders. I
Speaker 1: love that he's comparing it to being an old general
Speaker 1: who's like looking back on his r glories and he's
Speaker 1: like late straight up, like this is a bat this
Speaker 1: is my battle field. But what's funny is I remember
Speaker 1: when I was doing the research for this episode, somebody
Speaker 1: was like, this the Disabled Debauch is like the most
Speaker 1: the dirtiest poem in the English language, and I was like,
Speaker 1: it really feels like Regime d Vive and Imperfect Enjoyment
Speaker 1: are like dirtier in a way than this one. He
Speaker 1: don't even say the sea heard in this one. Well
Speaker 1: that's a fun little poem, not as dirty as some
Speaker 1: of the other ones. And when we come back from
Speaker 1: the break, we are going to read in full the
Speaker 1: poem that we've read a little bit of with Ben
Speaker 1: and Noel in our Brief History of Sex Toys episode,
Speaker 1: but we're going to do the whole thing this time,
Speaker 1: and it's incredible. It's called Senor Buildo and it's about
Speaker 1: exactly what you think it is. So we'll be right
Speaker 1: back with that. Welcome back, everybody. Okay. So back in
Speaker 1: our brief History of Sex Toys episode that we did
Speaker 1: with Ridiculous History with Ben and Noel, we read about
Speaker 1: four stanzas of John Wilmot's senior bildo, but it is
Speaker 1: much longer than that. John Wilmot possibly wrote this after
Speaker 1: Mary of Modena arrived in England to marry James the Second.
Speaker 1: If you remember James the Second, he was the that
Speaker 1: creepy younger brother of Charles the Second. You know, he
Speaker 1: would just stare at women's boobs leer. He's the one
Speaker 1: who the guys were like. His mistresses are so ugly.
Speaker 1: They must have been given to him by priest. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. He's also the one that Charles got so
Speaker 1: mad about being compared to. So that's right, he's just
Speaker 1: who this guy was. Now. Mary of Medina was Italian
Speaker 1: and the dildo was referred to as the Italian device
Speaker 1: in Restoration England. I was like, have you tried the
Speaker 1: Italian device? You? Yes, I have three d wolf. I've
Speaker 1: got a few as well. Oh who's that? That's Jerry
Speaker 1: the Blacksmith. He likes a dildo. It's nothing wrong with that,
Speaker 1: Mad Adam from Dragon Steel. That's actually true because the
Speaker 1: dildos were not anything new. They're very old actually, and
Speaker 1: aristocrats had dildos made from all kinds of different materials.
Speaker 1: Fancy show like silver and gold, and you fancy medals
Speaker 1: and stuff. Arry the blacksmith, yeah, Ivory, he might be
Speaker 1: forging the next big dildo for somebody. Now. Was it
Speaker 1: secretive where they like, oh, Jerry, can you make me
Speaker 1: one of those Italian devices? Or did he have like
Speaker 1: a side business where he's like, you know, horseshoes and dildos,
Speaker 1: come on down to Jerry's shop. I don't know the
Speaker 1: answer to that because it kind of varies, I guess,
Speaker 1: depending on what society. Obviously, English society is pretty buttoned up,
Speaker 1: so it probably was a secret, whereas apparently in Japan
Speaker 1: when they had dildos, it's straight up like just here's
Speaker 1: a bunch of pictures of ladies enjoying their dildos, almost
Speaker 1: a comical thing. Much more like it's fine. So you've
Speaker 1: got a Japanese blacksmith being like, I've got dildos everyone,
Speaker 1: and horseshoes if you want them, keep it on the
Speaker 1: hush there, but flip it around for England. This is
Speaker 1: a dildo shop if anybody asks. But yeah, around John's time,
Speaker 1: because even like I said, dildos were nothing new. People
Speaker 1: were used to them. But around this time, men were
Speaker 1: starting to get really nervous that women would prefer dildo's
Speaker 1: over the real thing, kind of because of that imperfect
Speaker 1: enjoyment thing. They're like, they can always stay up, they're
Speaker 1: always ready, you know that, they never fail. So they
Speaker 1: start to get really insecure. Well, and that exists today.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of guys are very insecure about
Speaker 1: sex toys in the bedroom. Yeah. They say if you
Speaker 1: use a vibrator too much, like you can't come your
Speaker 1: hand anymore, something, which I'm like, Okay, if she don't
Speaker 1: know any better, then you got better chances. That's basically
Speaker 1: what they're saying, right, Yeah, find someone who doesn't know
Speaker 1: that I'm the worst at this. It'd be like me
Speaker 1: go into an alien planet and being like, hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'm actually the best baker on planet Earth, and they don't.
Speaker 1: They don't know any better, right, so you can just
Speaker 1: make whatever garbage the best cupcakes I can do from scratch,
Speaker 1: which I'm more of a cook than a baker. I
Speaker 1: would forget an ingredient of some kind, you would get
Speaker 1: all the way to Alpha Centauri and be like, shit,
Speaker 1: I forgot the corn starch. I love the baking powder.
Speaker 1: You know why my cupcakes are so bad? Because I
Speaker 1: put corn star was no wonder. Yeah, all right, but
Speaker 1: let's get to the poem. Senior Dildo kind of plays
Speaker 1: on those fears of men feeling insecure about the dildo
Speaker 1: being popularized. And just you know, the duchess that John
Speaker 1: Wilmot refers to in the first two stanzas is referring
Speaker 1: to Mary of Modena, who had come there to Mary
Speaker 1: James the second. So let's see her John Wilmot's Senior Dildo.
Speaker 1: You ladies of Mary, England who have been to kiss
Speaker 1: the Duchess's hand, pray, did you not lately observe in
Speaker 1: the show a noble Italian called Senior Dildo. This senor
Speaker 1: was one of the Duchess's train and helped to conduct
Speaker 1: her over the main But now she cries out to
Speaker 1: the Duke, I will go, I have no more need
Speaker 1: for Senior Dildo. At the Sign of the Cross in St.
Speaker 1: James Street, when next you go thither to make yourself
Speaker 1: sweet by buying a powder gloves essence, or so you
Speaker 1: made chance to get a sight of Senior Dildo. You
Speaker 1: would take him at first for no person of note,
Speaker 1: because he appears in a plain leather coat. But when
Speaker 1: you his virtuous abilities, no, you'll fall down and worship
Speaker 1: Senior Dildo. Did it come in like a leather sleeve
Speaker 1: when you got one? Because that's why I'm conturing. And
Speaker 1: also I think that some early condoms were like many
Speaker 1: times washed leather. Yeah, well so that might be a
Speaker 1: reference to a condom as well. Helloa, you might see
Speaker 1: this guy around and just think he's a you know,
Speaker 1: just a weird wooden cucumber. But I'm telling you he's special,
Speaker 1: and you're going to figure it out, and then you
Speaker 1: will worship him. My Lady south esk heaven prosper her
Speaker 1: fort first clothed him in satin, then brought him to court,
Speaker 1: but his head in the circle he scarcely durst show
Speaker 1: so modest a youth was Senior Dildo. The good Lady Suffolk,
Speaker 1: thinking no harm, had got this poor stranger, hid under
Speaker 1: her arm. Lady Betty, by chance came the secrets to know,
Speaker 1: and from her own mother stole senior Dildo. How rude,
Speaker 1: Lady Betty's mom is like tearing her room apart. I
Speaker 1: swear it was just here under my pillow of the
Speaker 1: finest ivory, Lady, Betty, get your own. Lady Petty, she
Speaker 1: was like, where am I supposed to go? I can't
Speaker 1: go order a horseshoe. I'm a lady. She's like, I
Speaker 1: need it now, and Jerry's is closed. The Countess of Falmous,
Speaker 1: of whom people tell her footman wear shirts of a
Speaker 1: guinea and l might save that expense if she did,
Speaker 1: But know how lusty a swinger is Senior Dildo. By
Speaker 1: the help of this gallant, the Countess of Raith against
Speaker 1: the fierce Harris, preserved herself safe. She stifled him almost
Speaker 1: beneath her pillow. So closely she embraced senior dildo. Keep
Speaker 1: in mind, all these people are real, like he might
Speaker 1: be reading this in front of them. He's like, I
Speaker 1: know how closely you embraced senior dildo, or at least
Speaker 1: people who know them. Yeah, the pattern of virtue, her
Speaker 1: Grace of Cleveland has swallowed more pricks than the ocean
Speaker 1: has sand. But by rubbing and scrubbing, so wide does
Speaker 1: it grow? It is fit for just nothing but senior dildo.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. He's saying that she's so burnt out
Speaker 1: that she needs senior dildo. Yes, he is one of
Speaker 1: the Yeah, he's like, she's had too many penises now
Speaker 1: nothing can satisfy her. She's the Grace of Cleveland. There's
Speaker 1: a poor somewhere in Cleveland, Ohio. There's a girl with
Speaker 1: the same reputation. Oh no, Grace of Cleveland Gate Cleveland.
Speaker 1: I mean whatever, Grace, if you're in do you think
Speaker 1: if you swallow more pricks than the ocean has sand?
Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned, that's the achievement unlocked. Better
Speaker 1: you than me, our dainty fine duchesses have got a
Speaker 1: trick to dote on a fool for the sake of
Speaker 1: his prick. The thops were undone, did their graces. But no,
Speaker 1: the discretion and figure I've senior dilto. He's like, these
Speaker 1: ladies are always keeping these stupid dudes around just because
Speaker 1: they can get it up. If only they knew they
Speaker 1: had another option, But they don't need to entertain them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and senior dildo. Nobody ever knows he's there. It's a quiet,
Speaker 1: he's so quiet. The Duchess of Modina, though she looks
Speaker 1: so high with such a gallant as, content to lie
Speaker 1: and for fear that the English her secrets should know
Speaker 1: for her, gentleman Usher took Senior Dildo. The Countess of
Speaker 1: the Cockpit, who knows not her name. She's famous in
Speaker 1: story for a killing dame. When all her old lovers
Speaker 1: forsake her, I trow. She'll then be contented with Senor Dildo,
Speaker 1: Red Howard, Red Sheldon and Temple so tall complain of
Speaker 1: his absence so long from Whitehall. Senior Barnard has promised
Speaker 1: a journey to go and bring back his countryman. Senior Dildo.
Speaker 1: Hang on, I'll go get it. They took him off
Speaker 1: to England. Dol Howard, no longer with his highness, must range,
Speaker 1: and therefore is proffered this civil exchange. Her teeth being rotten,
Speaker 1: she smells best below and needs must be fitted for
Speaker 1: Senior Dildo. Oh my god, he's like her mouth is
Speaker 1: so nasty. Better off downstairs, good lord. That actually reminds me.
Speaker 1: My cousin Alex is in Germany right now, and he
Speaker 1: was learning there from some historians that apparently like one
Speaker 1: of the reasons that, like the Mona Lisa and a
Speaker 1: lot of other portraits didn't smile open mouth allegedly is
Speaker 1: that their teeth were so nasty and they didn't want
Speaker 1: to show him. Oh, I guess the portraitors couldn't compensate, right,
Speaker 1: They're like, we're not going to paint of white or not.
Speaker 1: I can't. I don't know how to fake teeth. I'm
Speaker 1: not looking at it. I can't paint it. If they're like,
Speaker 1: I'll crooked and ship paint what I see, Alex, I
Speaker 1: know that's awesome. St Alban's with wrinkles and smiles in
Speaker 1: his face, whose kindness to strangers becomes his high place,
Speaker 1: and his coach and six horses is gone to bear,
Speaker 1: go to take the fresh air with Senior Dildo. We're
Speaker 1: the senor, but known to the citiz and fops. He'd
Speaker 1: keep their fine wives from the foreman of the shops.
Speaker 1: But the rascals deserved their horns should still grow for
Speaker 1: burning the pope and his nephew Dildo Tom Killigrew's wife,
Speaker 1: that holland fine flower. At the sight of this senor
Speaker 1: did fart and belch sour and her debt rereading the
Speaker 1: further to show says, welcome to England, mynheer van dildo.
Speaker 1: By the way, Tom Killigrew is the playwright that John
Speaker 1: Wilmot punched in the ear in front of the King
Speaker 1: and got that got him banished and fished for it
Speaker 1: for the first time. So I guess he wants to
Speaker 1: make fun of his wife. In this section, he civilly
Speaker 1: came to the cockpit one night and proffered his service
Speaker 1: to fair Madam Knight. Quoth she all intrigue with Captain
Speaker 1: cats O your nose in mine ours? Good senior dilto Wow,
Speaker 1: she wants the dildo in the butt. She's like, while
Speaker 1: intrigued with the captain in the front, maybe he's yours
Speaker 1: in the back. Here, This senior is sound safe, ready
Speaker 1: and dumb as ever was candle, carrot or thumb. Then
Speaker 1: away with these nasty devices and show how you rate
Speaker 1: the just merit of senior dildo. Amazing. He's like, look,
Speaker 1: I know what you've tried with, all right, and this
Speaker 1: is a better option. Trust me. It's more sanitary, scomber nana,
Speaker 1: whatever you got, whatever, whatever you can find that's long
Speaker 1: and cylindrical. This is better. Count Gutso, who carries his
Speaker 1: nose very high. In passion, he swore his rival should die,
Speaker 1: then shut himself up to let the world know. Flesh
Speaker 1: and blood could not bear it from Senior Dildo. Do
Speaker 1: you think that means? In passion he swore he was
Speaker 1: like all do him? Yeah, And then so he was
Speaker 1: trying to like Marathon and beat this woman and he
Speaker 1: could not do it. It's the John Henry story that
Speaker 1: John Henry store John Harry was the steel driving man
Speaker 1: who couldn't Who was who went out to beat the
Speaker 1: machine the building railways? Yeah, Count was the first John Henry.
Speaker 1: Count Catso is the John Henry of Dildo's. John Henry
Speaker 1: is a folk hero. Count Katso just couldn't keep it
Speaker 1: going compared to keep up with the Dildo. A rabble
Speaker 1: of pricks who were welcome before, now finding the porter
Speaker 1: denied them. The door maliciously waited his coming below, and
Speaker 1: inhumanly fell on Senior Dildo. Now I wearied out, The
Speaker 1: poor stranger did fly, and along the pall mall they
Speaker 1: followed full cry. The women concerned from every window cried
Speaker 1: for Heaven's sight save signor Dildo. The lady sand is
Speaker 1: burst into a laughter to see how the bollocks came
Speaker 1: wobbling after and had not their weight slowed down the foe. Indeed,
Speaker 1: it had gone hard. We're Senior Dildo. They're like, these
Speaker 1: guys are like we used to get fucked, but now
Speaker 1: they won't let us in. We have to kill senior,
Speaker 1: run this guy out of town. But they couldn't be
Speaker 1: They could not beat him. They couldn't beat them. They
Speaker 1: couldn't even catch up the hilarious. The women are like, no,
Speaker 1: not the dildo alone. It's the best sex we've had
Speaker 1: in this town. Look, oh god, I've said it before.
Speaker 1: I sat again. There is room for Senior Dildo to
Speaker 1: join us. You know clearly Madam Knight had it right.
Speaker 1: She's like, let me get Captain Cats on the front.
Speaker 1: You're in the back. Everybody's having fun. Look, I'll do
Speaker 1: all I can do. Senior Dildo here, tag out, tag in, Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm ready again, Dildo out. It's my turn. It should
Speaker 1: be tech in tag tournament in the bedroom at all time.
Speaker 1: Everybody has a tag in partner. And if and if
Speaker 1: Senior Dildo is just performing better than you, well then
Speaker 1: you know, maybe ask some questions. Try, you should ask
Speaker 1: some questions. It's funny when people are presentful of things
Speaker 1: like sex toys, but then they are not themselves putting
Speaker 1: their partner's pleasure in the forefront. Okay, you know, I'm like,
Speaker 1: well then what do you care? Right? That's kind of
Speaker 1: what's so weird about it. It's like, I mean, there's
Speaker 1: things you can do that like the imperfect enjoyment. I'm
Speaker 1: surprised Karina feeling wronged by his dick wasn't like use
Speaker 1: your hands or something like, let's there's other ways he
Speaker 1: should have read that poem, like you listen here, dick.
Speaker 1: If you don't straight now, I'm going to get Senior
Speaker 1: Dildo in here. That's right, you listen here. I love
Speaker 1: that you listen here, dick, little earl? How dare you?
Speaker 1: How dare you abandon me? I Am about to go
Speaker 1: call up my good friends senior dildo and he's gonna
Speaker 1: come in here and show you what for. But it's
Speaker 1: all just stories. The general is telling wait in this life, yes,
Speaker 1: the generals like, let me tell you about the one
Speaker 1: time I check in tag team it we're senior tilto
Speaker 1: now we went down to captain kessos and you see
Speaker 1: him surrounded by all these younger men who are like
Speaker 1: learning at his knees. They're all so excited and just
Speaker 1: totally enraptured in this story. Teach me the way. One
Speaker 1: day it's going to be my tune. Maybe I'll be
Speaker 1: in the front while senior dildos in the back, or
Speaker 1: I'll be in the back, and I don't care. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Whatever you want. You know what, senior dildo
Speaker 1: your choice, you know what, lady's choice. I'm going to
Speaker 1: be a general. Are you here too, oh, madam knight out?
Speaker 1: But it was just me and Signor dilto Wow. Incredible,
Speaker 1: the finest poet of his of his age. Another thing
Speaker 1: I do want to point out because to your point
Speaker 1: and imperfect enjoyment, and in this one, he's really pointing
Speaker 1: out that women do want to have sex, like women
Speaker 1: have sexual desires and they get pleasure out of it
Speaker 1: and they want it as much as men do, which
Speaker 1: I find would be a really interesting position for him
Speaker 1: to take pun intended, I guess, because a lot of
Speaker 1: men don't don't think that, you know, they especially at
Speaker 1: that time, they were like whatever, you know, I just
Speaker 1: supposed to put a baby in there. That's that's all
Speaker 1: you care about, um, or if you were a true lady.
Speaker 1: I guess they kind of thought you didn't get into it,
Speaker 1: and not not just that. Uh, women like sex and
Speaker 1: enjoy sex, but their pleasure is important and uh and
Speaker 1: something that you wouldn't want to fail at. Yes, false
Speaker 1: to my passion, fatal to my fame. Everybody knows me
Speaker 1: as the guy who who every tingling cunt rubs herself
Speaker 1: off or whatever he said. But now you're in Karen
Speaker 1: is going to go run around tell him I couldn't
Speaker 1: even put it insider before I was right. And it's
Speaker 1: not to say that her pleasure was his motivation for
Speaker 1: being upset. He really just wanted to funk. But um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I think that's really interesting that he's writing
Speaker 1: about this about women's pleasure so much. That's why I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't really like the line, like personally
Speaker 1: like the line about every horror you know relieves her
Speaker 1: tingling cunt post and stuff, because that sounds a little
Speaker 1: bit like it's a little harsh, I guess to me.
Speaker 1: But again, it does say like they want it, they're interested,
Speaker 1: they're feeling horny, and they need something to get on
Speaker 1: to get off one of those lines where I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't love the way you phrased it. At the
Speaker 1: knowledge behind it, I guess is good or at least
Speaker 1: different for your time. I think it's interesting to to
Speaker 1: your point, um, about him writing about pleasure and about
Speaker 1: that not necessarily being a mindset of the age, or
Speaker 1: of or of a lot of ages. Um. I think
Speaker 1: we see that that's not really as true on an
Speaker 1: individual level, like we've got this kind of stereotype because
Speaker 1: I think even in a lot of very masculine societies,
Speaker 1: generally speaking, you're like, oh, yeah, no, I don't care
Speaker 1: about that part. I just want that. But when still
Speaker 1: a lot of those men themselves, you get them alone
Speaker 1: with the woman they love, and they actually care very
Speaker 1: much about it. But you know, I would say that
Speaker 1: the locker room, you know, it doesn't matter how sex,
Speaker 1: you know. And so I think that's something we see too,
Speaker 1: where he was like fine talking about this, like, hey,
Speaker 1: women out there be looking for pleasure everybody, so maybe
Speaker 1: you should focus a little on that, or Senior Dilda's
Speaker 1: going to come in and run us all out of town, okay,
Speaker 1: as opposed to just being like who cares When I'm
Speaker 1: you know, out there in the world. I like to
Speaker 1: perpetuate the stereotype that we men don't care, But I
Speaker 1: don't think it's as true if you really got down
Speaker 1: to a lot of individual partnerships. I mean, that's a
Speaker 1: good point. I think that's true in modern day as
Speaker 1: much as back in the day, but very much there's
Speaker 1: this sense of like what men are allowed to talk about,
Speaker 1: like or love or be passionately into or cry about
Speaker 1: or whatever, and it's very limited and it's not healthy.
Speaker 1: I feel sorry for men in that way. I see
Speaker 1: those tiktoks sometimes I got you know, we kind of
Speaker 1: laugh at it, but I'm also kind of annoyed by
Speaker 1: it where there's like a guy snuggling with his girlfriend
Speaker 1: and then somebody walks in and he like jumps up
Speaker 1: like whoa, no, you didn't catch me, you know, and
Speaker 1: it's like, oh ha ha, it's funny, but also like
Speaker 1: why that's not that shouldn't be emasculating the emotional and
Speaker 1: enjoy yourself right, speaking of go see r R and
Speaker 1: you will learn how to be friends with another man, yes,
Speaker 1: and expose your heart yes, and be just loving to
Speaker 1: one another. And it doesn't have to be sexual at all.
Speaker 1: It's just a beautiful friendship, incredible. I just love it.
Speaker 1: A witty a witty guy. Yeah, you see where he
Speaker 1: got his reputation. Definitely. I don't know, he's just he's
Speaker 1: a good writer. I mean he really did have a way,
Speaker 1: a real way with words. You can see why King
Speaker 1: Charles was like, all right, but get back in here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he is a laugh like there's just oh, this guy
Speaker 1: isn't so much trouble all the time. But nobody writes
Speaker 1: about dil does like that guy. Get him back in here. Well.
Speaker 1: There are so many more poems from John Wilmot, and
Speaker 1: we definitely encourage you to just keep looking into him
Speaker 1: because it's so funny, it's so amazing, and they are
Speaker 1: so well written, especially Satura against Reason. It's really interesting.
Speaker 1: I love that. Really is a great WANs to be there.
Speaker 1: And while you're doing that, shoot us an email. Let
Speaker 1: us know what you thought of all these poems. Send
Speaker 1: us your verses about I don't know, prettymature ejaculation, whatever
Speaker 1: you want, would love to hear, and we will read
Speaker 1: your dirty poems on the show if you send it. God,
Speaker 1: I would love a listener Male poetry cards. You know what,
Speaker 1: all of you listening, you're a poet. You might not
Speaker 1: realize it, but uh you are. So put some words
Speaker 1: together sending our way because we would love to read
Speaker 1: some some modern body poetry from our listeners. You can
Speaker 1: hit us at ridic Romance at gmail dot com right
Speaker 1: or we're on Twitter and Instagram. I'm at Dianamite boom
Speaker 1: and I'm at oh great, it's Eli and the show
Speaker 1: is at ridict Romance. That's right. And follow us on
Speaker 1: TikTok at Ridiculous Romance for some videos. And I'm so
Speaker 1: excited to have brought you this. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: bring in the next episode. Yeah, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for spending time with us today in Poetry Corner. We
Speaker 1: will see you next time. I love you so long. Friends,
Speaker 1: It's time to go. Thanks for listening to our show.
Speaker 1: Tell your friends neighbor's uncle s Indance to listen to
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