WEBVTT - You Haven't Failed, It's Time to Recalibrate - Revisiting Your Goals with Grace – Mini V2

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<v Speaker 1>If you want more speaking engagements, collaborations, or visibility for

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<v Speaker 1>your brand, I got to tell you the truth. This

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<v Speaker 1>is Terry Lomax and I've been a public speaker for

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<v Speaker 1>over twelve years. I've lended national media, a ted talk,

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<v Speaker 1>in six figure collaborations without a publicist or a big

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<v Speaker 1>social media following. And here's what most people don't hear.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't need a publicist or a massive audience to

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<v Speaker 1>get booked. Most people are waiting to feel established first,

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<v Speaker 1>and that waiting is costing them visibility. How many times

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<v Speaker 1>have you looked up and seeing people with less experience

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<v Speaker 1>getting opportunities you were fully qualified for. Here's the truth.

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<v Speaker 1>Opportunities don't go to the most qualified. They go to

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<v Speaker 1>the people who can clearly communicate their value. Once I

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<v Speaker 1>learned how to organize my story and position my expertise

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<v Speaker 1>using a framework, everything changed. If you want my exact

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<v Speaker 1>pitch emails, word for word, my winning subject lines, and

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<v Speaker 1>the Saucy Solutions framework, visit get that pitch dot com

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<v Speaker 1>for a limited time use her space for a special

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<v Speaker 1>listener discount. If this is your year to stop hiding

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<v Speaker 1>and start getting booked, I'll see you inside. Visit get

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<v Speaker 1>that pitch dot com or click the link in our

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<v Speaker 1>show notes.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to Cultivating her Space. I'm doctor dom, a college

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<v Speaker 2>professor and licensed psychologist.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>before we jump into today's episode, we want to share

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<v Speaker 1>something special. For the first time in eight years of podcasting,

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<v Speaker 1>we're taking a much needed summer break. But stay tuned

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<v Speaker 1>to see what that means for you.

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<v Speaker 2>That's right, lady, After nearly a decade of showing up

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<v Speaker 2>week after week, we're giving ourselves a little time to rest, recharge,

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<v Speaker 2>and refill our cups. But don't worry, we're not leaving

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<v Speaker 2>you hanging. Over the next few weeks, we'll be dropping

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<v Speaker 2>these many episodes filled with reflections, insights, encouragement, and some

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<v Speaker 2>of the conversations we think you need right now.

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<v Speaker 1>When we return, you can expect even more of what

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<v Speaker 1>you love. Authentic conversations, powerful storytelling, practical tools for healing

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<v Speaker 1>and growth, and fresh perspectives on everything from mental health

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<v Speaker 1>and relationships to self discovery and personal development. Thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for being part of this community and for growing alongside

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<v Speaker 1>us over the years. Now let's get into the mini

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<v Speaker 1>episode all.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, team, we are in July officially for this episode

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<v Speaker 2>when it's being released, and so I want us to

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<v Speaker 2>normalize something, right that just because January we had a

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<v Speaker 2>vision board doesn't mean that come the end of June

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<v Speaker 2>we're looking at July. We're in July, that we have

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<v Speaker 2>to carry guilt for what hasn't yet come to fruition

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<v Speaker 2>on that vision board, right, Yeah, I want us to

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<v Speaker 2>really sit and understand that what we started with in January,

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<v Speaker 2>by June or July, life happens like jobs change, relationships shifts,

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<v Speaker 2>something happens with our health, our priorities evolve, And what

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<v Speaker 2>tends to happen for us is that life was lifing. Right,

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<v Speaker 2>all these things that we didn't that wasn't on the

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<v Speaker 2>vision board started happening, and we get to a space

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<v Speaker 2>where if we didn't accomplish, we haven't accomplished all the

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<v Speaker 2>things that were on the vision board for January, we

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<v Speaker 2>start to think that we failed. First, let's note that

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<v Speaker 2>it's only halfway through the year, and life be life,

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<v Speaker 2>we cannot predict all the things that will occur, right,

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<v Speaker 2>because otherwise, if we could, life looks a whole lot different.

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<v Speaker 2>And so what we're going to talk about today is

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<v Speaker 2>how do we release that narrative that if come mid

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<v Speaker 2>year we haven't accomplished the things on the vision board,

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<v Speaker 2>that we fail, like, we're just going to release that.

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<v Speaker 2>So today's episode is about recalibrating.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that, And one thing I want to just

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<v Speaker 1>add to that to Domas sometimes, I mean, obviously we

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<v Speaker 1>want to achieve our goals, but I have found that

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<v Speaker 1>it's been more interesting to explore who I've become as

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<v Speaker 1>I'm en route to the goal. Like I know it

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<v Speaker 1>probably sounds so cheese, like, oh, it's the journey, It's

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<v Speaker 1>all about the journey, but man, the journey it really

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<v Speaker 1>is the thing that develops us. And I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of times when you achieve the goal, it's

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<v Speaker 1>often not really about the goal. It's about like who

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<v Speaker 1>you became, the discipline, the lessons you learned right, the

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<v Speaker 1>experiences you had, and as someone who's faced so much

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<v Speaker 1>God damn adversary adversity, and I've told God, I said

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<v Speaker 1>I am done, I'm retiring from being your strongest soldier.

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<v Speaker 1>I can say that all the adversity has definitely, it

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<v Speaker 1>is definitely, I don't know, I want to say chiseled

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<v Speaker 1>me into the person that I am that I'm proud

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<v Speaker 1>of today. So I just want to put that out there, like,

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<v Speaker 1>be strong, I know you, even if you may not

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<v Speaker 1>have achieved the goal, think about what you've learned about yourself, right,

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<v Speaker 1>what you've experienced, and just what you've learned in general,

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<v Speaker 1>because I think one of the biggest myths too, dom

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<v Speaker 1>when it comes to success is that it's supposed to

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<v Speaker 1>happen in a straight line, right, And that kind of

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<v Speaker 1>sound is boring. I'm not gonna lie, like if you

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<v Speaker 1>just get what you want, it's like that when you

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<v Speaker 1>look back on it at hindsight, you're like, man, like

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<v Speaker 1>I have so much appreciation for some of the things

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<v Speaker 1>that I've achieved because of the journey of it all,

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<v Speaker 1>you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And so yeah, yeah, but let's let's let's talk a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more about that, right, yeah, about it not

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<v Speaker 2>being a straight line, because I like that that point

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<v Speaker 2>that you made there, And so I think about my life,

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<v Speaker 2>your life, the people around me, and I think about

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<v Speaker 2>like when we set a goal for ourselves and going

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<v Speaker 2>back to like just thinking about like, Okay, at the

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<v Speaker 2>top of January, you set a goal, right, and but

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<v Speaker 2>something happened. Right. So let's say that this year, one

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<v Speaker 2>of your goals was to save ten thousand dollars, but

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<v Speaker 2>then your car broke down and your car required three

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<v Speaker 2>thousand dollars worth of repairs. Yeah, well shit, and that's more.

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<v Speaker 2>That's that's outside of your emergency budget, right, like your

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<v Speaker 2>emergency budget like that and so and then your child

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<v Speaker 2>who participates in all the sports, needed an additional three

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<v Speaker 2>thousand dollars worth of uniforms for all the sports and

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<v Speaker 2>trips and all the things, right the Lord, So there

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<v Speaker 2>goes that ten thousand dollars. Math, people don't come from

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<v Speaker 2>me because I know that that's not a back of

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<v Speaker 2>ten thousand dollars. That there are things that derailed you

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<v Speaker 2>from saving your ten thousand dollars, right, So maybe you

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<v Speaker 2>only got to save because I'm about to make this

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<v Speaker 2>math math, you only got to save four thousand, and

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<v Speaker 2>so I think instead of us looking at I only

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<v Speaker 2>saved four thousand, I didn't meet my goal of ten thousand,

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<v Speaker 2>and you hear my tone, right like, because that's how

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<v Speaker 2>we talk to ourselves about it, right, like the disappointment,

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<v Speaker 2>the frustration, the anger, all the things, instead of looking

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<v Speaker 2>at it from that perspective. It's despite the curve balls

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<v Speaker 2>that I was thrown, I was still able to save

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<v Speaker 2>four thousand dollars. Yeah. Right, It's about shifting and reframing

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<v Speaker 2>our perspective. And in that process, my child won the

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<v Speaker 2>state championship, was on the team that won the state championship.

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<v Speaker 2>They wouldn't have been able to do that had I

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<v Speaker 2>not had the funds. If I had been strict on

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<v Speaker 2>my money is going towards this ten thousand dollars goal,

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<v Speaker 2>my child wouldn't have been on the state championship winning team.

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<v Speaker 1>M h. Yeah, I think that's a that's I'm glad

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<v Speaker 1>that you pointed that out because a lot of times

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<v Speaker 1>we can be so hard on ourselves when it comes

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<v Speaker 1>to things we can't even control, and that is literally

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<v Speaker 1>just life like that. It happens. There are always going

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<v Speaker 1>to be curve balls and things that happen, and so

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's important and as we're in pursuit of

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<v Speaker 1>our goals to realize that that it's not failure. You're

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<v Speaker 1>not a failure. Life just happened, and you may need

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<v Speaker 1>to just make some alterations, right exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>And so I think it's about it's about the language

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<v Speaker 2>that we're using. Right, So, instead of asking ourselves as

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<v Speaker 2>we're trying to recalibrate, instead of asking ourselves, why didn't

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<v Speaker 2>I accomplish my goal, you can ask what did this

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<v Speaker 2>season require from me? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, that's a beautiful one. I love that.

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<v Speaker 2>How close did I get to accomplishing the goal? What

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<v Speaker 2>lessons can I take away from what I've experienced in

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<v Speaker 2>route to achieving this goal? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>All right, lady, We're going to take a quick part

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<v Speaker 2>And now let's get back to the conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a good one, and I'm loving the what did

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<v Speaker 1>this season require me? Because if you were to literally

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<v Speaker 1>make a list of all those things on your plate,

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<v Speaker 1>all that you've been handling, it might make you like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh shit, I was doing all this and I still

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<v Speaker 1>did a little bit of something something, you know what

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, Like I still made a little bit of progress.

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<v Speaker 1>I think we just really have to be compassionate with ourselves,

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<v Speaker 1>especially in these times, lady. We have so much on

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<v Speaker 1>our plate physically, emotionally, mentally, with everything going on in

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<v Speaker 1>the world. Like, give yourself a break, police, Okay, we

0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:49.520
<v Speaker 1>have to be gentle with ourselves. It's a lot going on.

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<v Speaker 1>You may have finally left a toxic relationship. That's worth something,

0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:55.880
<v Speaker 1>because you know, as hard as hell, to leave them

0:11:55.880 --> 0:12:00.600
<v Speaker 1>toxic relationships, or to leave a situation where the d

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<v Speaker 1>was good you know how it is. Okay, you know

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<v Speaker 1>how it is, and it wasn't serving you right. You

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<v Speaker 1>may have started therapy. That's something to celebrate, or maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you paid off a little bit of debt, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>learn to rest without guilt. I think there are so

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<v Speaker 1>many things that we're doing that are worth celebrating that

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<v Speaker 1>we just take for granted. We're like, oh, yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>just did that thing. Uh, that should be celebrated. It

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<v Speaker 1>counts exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>All of that counts. And I think the thing you

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<v Speaker 2>think about, too, is as you're looking at that, as

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<v Speaker 2>you're looking at what this season required of you, and

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<v Speaker 2>what are the in creating that accomplishment list? Right, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>look for themes and patterns in that accomplishment list, because

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<v Speaker 2>I think what it does is allows you the opportunity

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<v Speaker 2>to refine and rewrite your goals, your narrative about yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>And because oftentimes what happens for us is that we

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<v Speaker 2>end up moving in the direction of the things that

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<v Speaker 2>we actually value. That so we might name in January

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<v Speaker 2>ten things that we're trying to work on, and if

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<v Speaker 2>those things really aren't calibrated to our values, then chances

0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:30.800
<v Speaker 2>are life is gonna life and we might not be

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<v Speaker 2>making the moves to achieve these goals because they really

0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:37.800
<v Speaker 2>aren't aligned with what feels good for us, where our

0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:43.000
<v Speaker 2>values are right. And so I think a few questions

0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:46.160
<v Speaker 2>that we want to ask ourselves as we're trying to

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<v Speaker 2>recalibrate and like really assess what are the goals that

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<v Speaker 2>we need to be focused on. You can ask yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>what do I want to protect, what do I want

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<v Speaker 2>to lease? What deserves more of my attention? And what's

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<v Speaker 2>one one habit emphasis on one that would support the

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<v Speaker 2>life I'm trying to build.

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<v Speaker 1>I love it. I'm just processing those questions down and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about making it like a little challenge for

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<v Speaker 1>this week where lady, you can let this be your homework. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>you can set aside twenty minutes, grab your journal and

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<v Speaker 1>just look at the goals that you wrote in January

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<v Speaker 1>or the last time you wrote your goals, and ask yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>is this still important? What got in the way? What

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<v Speaker 1>have I learned? Because sometimes we evolve and change, and

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<v Speaker 1>so the thing that we're pursuing, like Don was saying,

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<v Speaker 1>it may not even align with your values anymore, so

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<v Speaker 1>just aligning what's important to you right now with what

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<v Speaker 1>you're actually pursuing, so that everything can just be in alignment.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I like that word alignments.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>And to your point that you made in earlier is

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<v Speaker 2>growth is not about what you've achieved right, It's not

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<v Speaker 2>about measuring what you've achieved. It's about measuring who you

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<v Speaker 2>are becoming. Recalibrating does not mean that you are giving up.

0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:21.520
<v Speaker 2>It is making sure that you're climbing the right mountain.

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<v Speaker 2>It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you currently a resident of the state of California

0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:35.600
<v Speaker 2>and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please

0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:39.480
<v Speaker 2>reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

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<v Speaker 2>That's d R D O M I N I q

0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:49.560
<v Speaker 2>U E B R O U S s ar D

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<v Speaker 2>dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I

0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:59.520
<v Speaker 2>look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for tuning into

0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:03.840
<v Speaker 2>Cultivating her Space. Remember that while this podcast is all

0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:09.040
<v Speaker 2>about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's not a substitute for therapy.

0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:13.480
<v Speaker 2>If you or someone you know needs support, check out

0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:18.320
<v Speaker 2>resources like therapy for Black Girls or Psychology Today. If

0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:21.480
<v Speaker 2>you love today's episode, do us a favor and share

0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:25.320
<v Speaker 2>it with a friend who needs some inspiration, or leave

0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:28.680
<v Speaker 2>us a quick five star review. Your support means the

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<v Speaker 2>world to us and helps keep this space thriving.

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<v Speaker 1>And before we meet again, repeat after me and move

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<v Speaker 1>in alignment not urgency. What's meant for me? Respond to me,

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<v Speaker 1>chep Thriving Lady, and tune in next Friday for more

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<v Speaker 1>inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure

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<v Speaker 1>to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast.