Speaker 1: If you want more speaking engagements, collaborations, or visibility for
Speaker 1: your brand, I got to tell you the truth. This
Speaker 1: is Terry Lomax and I've been a public speaker for
Speaker 1: over twelve years. I've lended national media, a ted talk,
Speaker 1: in six figure collaborations without a publicist or a big
Speaker 1: social media following. And here's what most people don't hear.
Speaker 1: You don't need a publicist or a massive audience to
Speaker 1: get booked. Most people are waiting to feel established first,
Speaker 1: and that waiting is costing them visibility. How many times
Speaker 1: have you looked up and seeing people with less experience
Speaker 1: getting opportunities you were fully qualified for. Here's the truth.
Speaker 1: Opportunities don't go to the most qualified. They go to
Speaker 1: the people who can clearly communicate their value. Once I
Speaker 1: learned how to organize my story and position my expertise
Speaker 1: using a framework, everything changed. If you want my exact
Speaker 1: pitch emails, word for word, my winning subject lines, and
Speaker 1: the Saucy Solutions framework, visit get that pitch dot com
Speaker 1: for a limited time use her space for a special
Speaker 1: listener discount. If this is your year to stop hiding
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Speaker 1: show notes.
Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space. I'm doctor dom, a college
Speaker 2: professor and licensed psychologist.
Speaker 1: And I'm Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. Now,
Speaker 1: before we jump into today's episode, we want to share
Speaker 1: something special. For the first time in eight years of podcasting,
Speaker 1: we're taking a much needed summer break. But stay tuned
Speaker 1: to see what that means for you.
Speaker 2: That's right, lady, After nearly a decade of showing up
Speaker 2: week after week, we're giving ourselves a little time to rest, recharge,
Speaker 2: and refill our cups. But don't worry, we're not leaving
Speaker 2: you hanging. Over the next few weeks, we'll be dropping
Speaker 2: these many episodes filled with reflections, insights, encouragement, and some
Speaker 2: of the conversations we think you need right now.
Speaker 1: When we return, you can expect even more of what
Speaker 1: you love. Authentic conversations, powerful storytelling, practical tools for healing
Speaker 1: and growth, and fresh perspectives on everything from mental health
Speaker 1: and relationships to self discovery and personal development. Thank you
Speaker 1: for being part of this community and for growing alongside
Speaker 1: us over the years. Now let's get into the mini
Speaker 1: episode all.
Speaker 2: Right, team, we are in July officially for this episode
Speaker 2: when it's being released, and so I want us to
Speaker 2: normalize something, right that just because January we had a
Speaker 2: vision board doesn't mean that come the end of June
Speaker 2: we're looking at July. We're in July, that we have
Speaker 2: to carry guilt for what hasn't yet come to fruition
Speaker 2: on that vision board, right, Yeah, I want us to
Speaker 2: really sit and understand that what we started with in January,
Speaker 2: by June or July, life happens like jobs change, relationships shifts,
Speaker 2: something happens with our health, our priorities evolve, And what
Speaker 2: tends to happen for us is that life was lifing. Right,
Speaker 2: all these things that we didn't that wasn't on the
Speaker 2: vision board started happening, and we get to a space
Speaker 2: where if we didn't accomplish, we haven't accomplished all the
Speaker 2: things that were on the vision board for January, we
Speaker 2: start to think that we failed. First, let's note that
Speaker 2: it's only halfway through the year, and life be life,
Speaker 2: we cannot predict all the things that will occur, right,
Speaker 2: because otherwise, if we could, life looks a whole lot different.
Speaker 2: And so what we're going to talk about today is
Speaker 2: how do we release that narrative that if come mid
Speaker 2: year we haven't accomplished the things on the vision board,
Speaker 2: that we fail, like, we're just going to release that.
Speaker 2: So today's episode is about recalibrating.
Speaker 1: I love that, And one thing I want to just
Speaker 1: add to that to Domas sometimes, I mean, obviously we
Speaker 1: want to achieve our goals, but I have found that
Speaker 1: it's been more interesting to explore who I've become as
Speaker 1: I'm en route to the goal. Like I know it
Speaker 1: probably sounds so cheese, like, oh, it's the journey, It's
Speaker 1: all about the journey, but man, the journey it really
Speaker 1: is the thing that develops us. And I feel like
Speaker 1: a lot of times when you achieve the goal, it's
Speaker 1: often not really about the goal. It's about like who
Speaker 1: you became, the discipline, the lessons you learned right, the
Speaker 1: experiences you had, and as someone who's faced so much
Speaker 1: God damn adversary adversity, and I've told God, I said
Speaker 1: I am done, I'm retiring from being your strongest soldier.
Speaker 1: I can say that all the adversity has definitely, it
Speaker 1: is definitely, I don't know, I want to say chiseled
Speaker 1: me into the person that I am that I'm proud
Speaker 1: of today. So I just want to put that out there, like,
Speaker 1: be strong, I know you, even if you may not
Speaker 1: have achieved the goal, think about what you've learned about yourself, right,
Speaker 1: what you've experienced, and just what you've learned in general,
Speaker 1: because I think one of the biggest myths too, dom
Speaker 1: when it comes to success is that it's supposed to
Speaker 1: happen in a straight line, right, And that kind of
Speaker 1: sound is boring. I'm not gonna lie, like if you
Speaker 1: just get what you want, it's like that when you
Speaker 1: look back on it at hindsight, you're like, man, like
Speaker 1: I have so much appreciation for some of the things
Speaker 1: that I've achieved because of the journey of it all,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, yeah, but let's let's let's talk a
Speaker 2: little bit more about that, right, yeah, about it not
Speaker 2: being a straight line, because I like that that point
Speaker 2: that you made there, And so I think about my life,
Speaker 2: your life, the people around me, and I think about
Speaker 2: like when we set a goal for ourselves and going
Speaker 2: back to like just thinking about like, Okay, at the
Speaker 2: top of January, you set a goal, right, and but
Speaker 2: something happened. Right. So let's say that this year, one
Speaker 2: of your goals was to save ten thousand dollars, but
Speaker 2: then your car broke down and your car required three
Speaker 2: thousand dollars worth of repairs. Yeah, well shit, and that's more.
Speaker 2: That's that's outside of your emergency budget, right, like your
Speaker 2: emergency budget like that and so and then your child
Speaker 2: who participates in all the sports, needed an additional three
Speaker 2: thousand dollars worth of uniforms for all the sports and
Speaker 2: trips and all the things, right the Lord, So there
Speaker 2: goes that ten thousand dollars. Math, people don't come from
Speaker 2: me because I know that that's not a back of
Speaker 2: ten thousand dollars. That there are things that derailed you
Speaker 2: from saving your ten thousand dollars, right, So maybe you
Speaker 2: only got to save because I'm about to make this
Speaker 2: math math, you only got to save four thousand, and
Speaker 2: so I think instead of us looking at I only
Speaker 2: saved four thousand, I didn't meet my goal of ten thousand,
Speaker 2: and you hear my tone, right like, because that's how
Speaker 2: we talk to ourselves about it, right, like the disappointment,
Speaker 2: the frustration, the anger, all the things, instead of looking
Speaker 2: at it from that perspective. It's despite the curve balls
Speaker 2: that I was thrown, I was still able to save
Speaker 2: four thousand dollars. Yeah. Right, It's about shifting and reframing
Speaker 2: our perspective. And in that process, my child won the
Speaker 2: state championship, was on the team that won the state championship.
Speaker 2: They wouldn't have been able to do that had I
Speaker 2: not had the funds. If I had been strict on
Speaker 2: my money is going towards this ten thousand dollars goal,
Speaker 2: my child wouldn't have been on the state championship winning team.
Speaker 1: M h. Yeah, I think that's a that's I'm glad
Speaker 1: that you pointed that out because a lot of times
Speaker 1: we can be so hard on ourselves when it comes
Speaker 1: to things we can't even control, and that is literally
Speaker 1: just life like that. It happens. There are always going
Speaker 1: to be curve balls and things that happen, and so
Speaker 1: I think it's important and as we're in pursuit of
Speaker 1: our goals to realize that that it's not failure. You're
Speaker 1: not a failure. Life just happened, and you may need
Speaker 1: to just make some alterations, right exactly.
Speaker 2: And so I think it's about it's about the language
Speaker 2: that we're using. Right, So, instead of asking ourselves as
Speaker 2: we're trying to recalibrate, instead of asking ourselves, why didn't
Speaker 2: I accomplish my goal, you can ask what did this
Speaker 2: season require from me? Right?
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a beautiful one. I love that.
Speaker 2: How close did I get to accomplishing the goal? What
Speaker 2: lessons can I take away from what I've experienced in
Speaker 2: route to achieving this goal? Yeah?
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Speaker 2: And now let's get back to the conversation.
Speaker 1: That's a good one, and I'm loving the what did
Speaker 1: this season require me? Because if you were to literally
Speaker 1: make a list of all those things on your plate,
Speaker 1: all that you've been handling, it might make you like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, I was doing all this and I still
Speaker 1: did a little bit of something something, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I still made a little bit of progress.
Speaker 1: I think we just really have to be compassionate with ourselves,
Speaker 1: especially in these times, lady. We have so much on
Speaker 1: our plate physically, emotionally, mentally, with everything going on in
Speaker 1: the world. Like, give yourself a break, police, Okay, we
Speaker 1: have to be gentle with ourselves. It's a lot going on.
Speaker 1: You may have finally left a toxic relationship. That's worth something,
Speaker 1: because you know, as hard as hell, to leave them
Speaker 1: toxic relationships, or to leave a situation where the d
Speaker 1: was good you know how it is. Okay, you know
Speaker 1: how it is, and it wasn't serving you right. You
Speaker 1: may have started therapy. That's something to celebrate, or maybe
Speaker 1: you paid off a little bit of debt, you know,
Speaker 1: learn to rest without guilt. I think there are so
Speaker 1: many things that we're doing that are worth celebrating that
Speaker 1: we just take for granted. We're like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 1: just did that thing. Uh, that should be celebrated. It
Speaker 1: counts exactly.
Speaker 2: All of that counts. And I think the thing you
Speaker 2: think about, too, is as you're looking at that, as
Speaker 2: you're looking at what this season required of you, and
Speaker 2: what are the in creating that accomplishment list? Right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: look for themes and patterns in that accomplishment list, because
Speaker 2: I think what it does is allows you the opportunity
Speaker 2: to refine and rewrite your goals, your narrative about yourself.
Speaker 2: And because oftentimes what happens for us is that we
Speaker 2: end up moving in the direction of the things that
Speaker 2: we actually value. That so we might name in January
Speaker 2: ten things that we're trying to work on, and if
Speaker 2: those things really aren't calibrated to our values, then chances
Speaker 2: are life is gonna life and we might not be
Speaker 2: making the moves to achieve these goals because they really
Speaker 2: aren't aligned with what feels good for us, where our
Speaker 2: values are right. And so I think a few questions
Speaker 2: that we want to ask ourselves as we're trying to
Speaker 2: recalibrate and like really assess what are the goals that
Speaker 2: we need to be focused on. You can ask yourself,
Speaker 2: what do I want to protect, what do I want
Speaker 2: to lease? What deserves more of my attention? And what's
Speaker 2: one one habit emphasis on one that would support the
Speaker 2: life I'm trying to build.
Speaker 1: I love it. I'm just processing those questions down and
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about making it like a little challenge for
Speaker 1: this week where lady, you can let this be your homework. Right,
Speaker 1: you can set aside twenty minutes, grab your journal and
Speaker 1: just look at the goals that you wrote in January
Speaker 1: or the last time you wrote your goals, and ask yourself,
Speaker 1: is this still important? What got in the way? What
Speaker 1: have I learned? Because sometimes we evolve and change, and
Speaker 1: so the thing that we're pursuing, like Don was saying,
Speaker 1: it may not even align with your values anymore, so
Speaker 1: just aligning what's important to you right now with what
Speaker 1: you're actually pursuing, so that everything can just be in alignment.
Speaker 2: Yes, I like that word alignments.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: And to your point that you made in earlier is
Speaker 2: growth is not about what you've achieved right, It's not
Speaker 2: about measuring what you've achieved. It's about measuring who you
Speaker 2: are becoming. Recalibrating does not mean that you are giving up.
Speaker 2: It is making sure that you're climbing the right mountain.
Speaker 2: It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.
Speaker 2: Are you currently a resident of the state of California
Speaker 2: and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please
Speaker 2: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
Speaker 2: That's d R D O M I N I q
Speaker 2: U E B R O U S s ar D
Speaker 2: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I
Speaker 2: look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for tuning into
Speaker 2: Cultivating her Space. Remember that while this podcast is all
Speaker 2: about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's not a substitute for therapy.
Speaker 2: If you or someone you know needs support, check out
Speaker 2: resources like therapy for Black Girls or Psychology Today. If
Speaker 2: you love today's episode, do us a favor and share
Speaker 2: it with a friend who needs some inspiration, or leave
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Speaker 2: world to us and helps keep this space thriving.
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me and move
Speaker 1: in alignment not urgency. What's meant for me? Respond to me,
Speaker 1: chep Thriving Lady, and tune in next Friday for more
Speaker 1: inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure
Speaker 1: to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast.