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Speaker 1: All right, Leah A. Geary is here. She has been

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Speaker 1: on the podcast before, and I just told you Chip

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Speaker 1: is stuck on a zoom call, so he's going to

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Speaker 1: jump in with us whenever he gets off of that. Hope.

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Speaker 1: Be um hope, So he'll be on. He'll be on

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Speaker 1: for sure. He's texting me panicking because he's like, this

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Speaker 1: was only supposed to be thirty minutes. But he is

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Speaker 1: a very hard worker. So UM, anyway, we have you

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Speaker 1: here as a licensed clinical social worker to help us

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Speaker 1: talk through these sex and dating questions. Chip and I

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Speaker 1: get on here and it's like we can talk from

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Speaker 1: our personal experience obviously, UM, but I like to have

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Speaker 1: an expert opinion because sometimes I'm like, wait, am I

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Speaker 1: giving the people to right advice here? Um? And you

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Speaker 1: actually really specialize in well, the female aspect of dating,

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Speaker 1: but the sex and dating and relationship stuff is really

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Speaker 1: kind of your niche and where you're really headed. So

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Speaker 1: tell the people a little bit about where you're shifting

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Speaker 1: your focus and her true empowerment and specifically, yeah, so

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Speaker 1: I changed the handle of my Instagram page to hurt

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Speaker 1: you empowerment because it really embodies everything I'm doing right now. Um. So,

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Speaker 1: as I mentioned in previous conversation with you, I've dated

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Speaker 1: a lot, and I'm also a therapist and have a

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Speaker 1: lot of training in trauma and self worth and anxiety.

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Speaker 1: And I've decided to marry the two together. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I just used my clinical expertise and personal experiences to

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Speaker 1: help empower other women in this dating culture and arena.

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Speaker 1: It's just it's really tough. If anyone has truly dated,

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Speaker 1: it's not easy and it wears on you. And if

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Speaker 1: you dated how I did in my twenties, like almost

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Speaker 1: entirety in my twenties, I did it so compulsively, super fast,

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Speaker 1: and really just to get validated, Like the goal was

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Speaker 1: to be validated by a man and to have my

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Speaker 1: partner and to meet someone. And I realized I was

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Speaker 1: kind of a shell of a person at the end

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Speaker 1: of like it's kind of sad. But then I think

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Speaker 1: at thirty, I was just kind of exhausted and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I need to start shifting and changing the

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Speaker 1: way I do things. And then really did did the

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Speaker 1: inner work myself. I took therapy, not more seriously, but

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Speaker 1: did more I guess work as far as past experiences

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Speaker 1: and how that impacted my self worth and identity, and

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Speaker 1: and then how that applied to dating and the relationships

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Speaker 1: I had been in and some of the terrible encounters

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Speaker 1: I had been in, and um so, really the goal

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Speaker 1: of my work now is to empower other women to

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Speaker 1: date with confidence and intention and to feel truly empowered

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Speaker 1: to do the things that they want to do that

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Speaker 1: are in line with their values around everything, but really

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Speaker 1: with dating and relationships, because I think so many, so

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Speaker 1: many of us women specifically tend to lose themselves and

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Speaker 1: relationships and dating. I totally resonate with that, and I

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Speaker 1: think that a lot of times people really downplay how

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Speaker 1: much your past experiences, even traumatic or just like childhood

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Speaker 1: programming that has come up, even like female program I mean,

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Speaker 1: like we've talked about just with patriarchal thinking, it's like

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Speaker 1: so impactful to your dating in your relationships, and a

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Speaker 1: lot of people just missed that. So if you haven't

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Speaker 1: done the work, you're just going to continue to replay

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Speaker 1: these whole dynamics over and over and over. I know

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Speaker 1: for me, it's like that's how it's gone. It's so subconscious.

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Speaker 1: It's not like and I've done a lot of work,

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Speaker 1: but like I can kind of regress a little bit

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Speaker 1: when my inner child starts leading the show because and

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Speaker 1: if I'm not really like working my program, because um,

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Speaker 1: it is just so ingrained in us, and it's kind

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Speaker 1: of like this forever dynamic will always be working through

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Speaker 1: It's hard because I, like you said, I think so much,

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Speaker 1: so many of us are resistant to doing that work.

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Speaker 1: And or for me, I remember my this is after

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Speaker 1: I graduated from my undergrad program. I was twenty two,

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Speaker 1: and I went to therapy to talk about a breakup

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Speaker 1: and she wanted to talk about my childhood experiences and

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Speaker 1: like everything else besides the breakup, and so I'm here

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Speaker 1: to talk about the guy. I know, I'm like, I'm devastated, heartbroken.

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Speaker 1: You know. I went into this with like, this is

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Speaker 1: what I want to do, and I remember actually didn't

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Speaker 1: go back and she was totally fine. It was nothing

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Speaker 1: nothing about this therapist. But I just was so resistance

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Speaker 1: the idea of addressing anything but the current crisis, a

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Speaker 1: lot of crisis, and because I was just so devastated

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Speaker 1: and grieving, and so I really was totally against this

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Speaker 1: idea of doing this work and like addressing past experiences.

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Speaker 1: And when I've really done the work now, I've realized

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Speaker 1: how my interactions with males UM not so much family,

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Speaker 1: but even just in middle school, have impacted my self

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Speaker 1: worth and self esteem. And I felt at a very

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Speaker 1: young age objectified. So then when I took that into

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Speaker 1: like dating and relationships, that definitely came up and kind

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Speaker 1: of hinged on being validated or seen as attractive or

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Speaker 1: like I felt very sexualis not not necessarily having lots

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Speaker 1: of sex, but just this idea of seeing myself as

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Speaker 1: more of a sexual object, and that really that really

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Speaker 1: messed with me. Well, it's so big in our culture.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I've talked about this a lot on this

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Speaker 1: podcast and especially on Instagram, but I didn't even realize

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Speaker 1: how much that sexualized mentality was in me UM because

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Speaker 1: it's just been something we've done for so long and

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Speaker 1: it's like if you um are not even seeking validation,

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Speaker 1: but it just sort of feels like this role that

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Speaker 1: we've played, and it's just like how we know how

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Speaker 1: to do it. So, like I've mentioned, I've really struggled

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Speaker 1: recently with like, is me posting myself in a bathing suit? Objectifying?

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Speaker 1: Am I sexualizing myself? And downplaying like what's actually me

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Speaker 1: and the brain that I do have and the emotions

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Speaker 1: that I do have. Um, By just putting that out

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Speaker 1: there as the thing that people see on my social

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Speaker 1: media or whatever, yes, they get a lot of likes.

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Speaker 1: And that's the hard part, right, It's like you get

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Speaker 1: this validation for this thing, um or I sell a

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Speaker 1: bunch of bathing suits or whatever it is, and then

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Speaker 1: that becomes the business so the focus, and it's like, wait,

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Speaker 1: but that is literally the tiniest part of me, and

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Speaker 1: is that really how I want to show myself to

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Speaker 1: the world. And then on the flip side, you're like

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Speaker 1: you hear about like women owning their sexuality and all

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Speaker 1: this stuff, and like I'm finally understanding, like that ain't

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Speaker 1: the way to do it, Like that's not it, but

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Speaker 1: we aren't really Like I think we're finally talking about

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Speaker 1: ways to do it and really own your feminism. Um,

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Speaker 1: But other than that, like other than recently, I don't

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Speaker 1: think we've been taught how to do that. And so

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Speaker 1: it's just like we think that like playing into the

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Speaker 1: male role of sexuality and what they want from us

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Speaker 1: is owning your sexuality, and like that's not it. This

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Speaker 1: whole idea of sex cells because it does in our

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Speaker 1: capitalistic culture, right, Like that's a that's very true. And

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Speaker 1: even like so you look on dating accent, it's like

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Speaker 1: do I post this picture in this huge dress with

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Speaker 1: cleavage or is that going to be sending the wrong message?

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Speaker 1: Even though you're like I look good and like I worked,

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Speaker 1: you know, I work hard to be healthy and too,

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Speaker 1: like you know, to like feel good in my skin

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Speaker 1: and in the clothing that I wear. And but then

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Speaker 1: there's this like other conversation in your head going is

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Speaker 1: this going to send the wrong message? Are they going

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Speaker 1: to be is just the sexual object? Are they just

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Speaker 1: going to try to sleep with me? And so it's

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Speaker 1: just this balance, And I think you're right. We've had

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Speaker 1: this whole sexual empowerment move or sex like yeah, like

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Speaker 1: sexual empowerment, right, like positive sex positive movement that we've had,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's great. I also think if we're

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Speaker 1: seeing sex as power, is that empowerment If we're seeing yes,

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't think I think there's a disconnected.

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Speaker 1: It's actually just using sex to manipulate really like it's

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Speaker 1: you're taking sex and you know that this is something

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Speaker 1: that men want from us so you're are it could

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Speaker 1: be women, whatever kind of relationship your but you dangle

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Speaker 1: it in front of another person as this thing to

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Speaker 1: get your power and that you're right. I don't think

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Speaker 1: that that is really embodying your own self and your

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Speaker 1: own feminine essence like to feel empowered. It's just using

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Speaker 1: something to manipulate. This is currency that I think we've

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Speaker 1: started to use, and we've found ways to use it

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Speaker 1: to our advantage versus I want to embrace like my

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Speaker 1: and I think some people are aren't totally it's pure,

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Speaker 1: like that is something pure to them. But I think

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Speaker 1: it's it's something that I struggled with earlier on in

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Speaker 1: college and then after college. Was am I doing it

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Speaker 1: to get attention and to speak out validation or am

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Speaker 1: I doing this because I do love my body and

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Speaker 1: I at the time I didn't love my body. So

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Speaker 1: I think it's one of those things where I think

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Speaker 1: we have it's a balance. I don't think there's a

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Speaker 1: right or wrong way, but I do think we have

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Speaker 1: to be cognizant of it because otherwise we will be

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Speaker 1: in situations where we don't feel empowered, even though you

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Speaker 1: know we're like posting all these things we're saying we're empowered,

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Speaker 1: but we don't feel that way. Yeah, I think you're right.

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Speaker 1: It's about motivation for me. That's what I've really tried

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Speaker 1: to like tap into is what am I seeking here?

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Speaker 1: And if it's I'm seeking validation from other people that

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Speaker 1: you know, that's something outside of myself and it has

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Speaker 1: actually nothing to do with my own empowerment. So anyway,

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Speaker 1: we have a ton of questions for you. I love

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Speaker 1: this new direction that you're going. Obviously I really resonate

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Speaker 1: with it, and UM, I can't wait to talk about

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Speaker 1: what you have coming up as well. We'll do that

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Speaker 1: in just a bit. But UM, we got a lot

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Speaker 1: of questions when I posted about you being on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and like I said, ship and I talk about our

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Speaker 1: own experiences, but people love when we have an expert

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Speaker 1: because it really does help to UM feel like you're getting,

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Speaker 1: you know, really good advice. So let's go ahead and

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Speaker 1: just dive in this. I just said, what relationship questions

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Speaker 1: do you guys have for our expert expert being you? Um,

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Speaker 1: And so we got a ton of responses. This one

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Speaker 1: comes in and she says, can we talk about in

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Speaker 1: laws in one episode? Your married listeners might love this.

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Speaker 1: I personally need it. How do you navigate that relationship?

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Speaker 1: Oh so interesting. So that's a very broad question. Um,

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Speaker 1: I mean I'm not married, so I can't speak to that.

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Speaker 1: I'm not a couple of therapists, by the way, but

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Speaker 1: having a cordial relationship or a pleasant relationship within laws

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Speaker 1: makes for the best type of relationship, and in that

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Speaker 1: then there's no power dynamic or struggle. And I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's where a lot of people struggle with. They

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Speaker 1: feel like they have to choose like their parents over

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Speaker 1: their partner, and this, I guess is kind of war,

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Speaker 1: whether it's set out loud or not, where you're trying

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Speaker 1: to navigate like preference, like do I choose my partner

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Speaker 1: over what my parents want? Or Um that becomes a

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Speaker 1: priority is getting having your parents get along with your partner.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. That's so what do you think that question?

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Speaker 1: Let's what do you like? That's a very broad question.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think you're right, it's very broad, and

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Speaker 1: I think the best we could do with just such

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Speaker 1: a simple question without having details is just to kind

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Speaker 1: of say it's like, I mean, you want there to

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Speaker 1: be peace, obviously, Like I think boundaries would be essential,

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Speaker 1: and these kind of relationships, the times that I've been

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Speaker 1: in really long term relationships, it is a tough one

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Speaker 1: to navigate if the in laws don't respect boundaries, and

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Speaker 1: that I've had that experience in a couple of relationships,

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Speaker 1: and so I think it does become more about communication

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Speaker 1: with your partner ultimately of like, hey, like we need

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Speaker 1: to decide something for ourselves for our unit, and then

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Speaker 1: like navigate the delivery. It's so difficult. And I've found

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Speaker 1: us a lot with men. I don't know if you've

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Speaker 1: noticed this, but like men and their moms seem to

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Speaker 1: have like really weird boundary lines, and the mom sometimes

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Speaker 1: can almost feel like this ownership over the sun and

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Speaker 1: maybe not let go of that, you know, as they

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Speaker 1: age and then as a new woman comes into life.

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Speaker 1: And so the story I make up with this question

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Speaker 1: is maybe that would be part of the dynamic is

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Speaker 1: just like, uh, you know, the parents kind of walking

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Speaker 1: all over this new part this person. And I think

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Speaker 1: you said boundaries that I think like the key, and

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Speaker 1: I also coming as a united front versus to say

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Speaker 1: your partners like, oh, well, she doesn't want you to

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Speaker 1: do this anymore. Can become then us, like you know,

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Speaker 1: it's her versus then, so I think united front and

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Speaker 1: you as a couple coming up with even if it's

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Speaker 1: you know, let's say one of the partners of the

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Speaker 1: it's there in laws that they're uncomfortable with, so they're

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Speaker 1: trying to express that maybe they're not comfortable with parents,

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Speaker 1: just like popping by something like that, like as a

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Speaker 1: united front communicating this or having your partner communicate that,

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Speaker 1: but not saying it's putting blame on one person or another,

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Speaker 1: just say this is what we need as a couple

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Speaker 1: or this is what is a family unit is to

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Speaker 1: you know, for you to respect this boundary. But I

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Speaker 1: think that's instead of it's you know, you're the middle

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Speaker 1: person and doing all the like communication. We call it

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Speaker 1: to triangulation. So then the you know, we'll say the

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Speaker 1: mom puts her son in the middle and is trying

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Speaker 1: to kind of create this dynamic, this very strange dynamic.

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Speaker 1: It has to be united because that's other wise there's

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Speaker 1: gonna be so much miscommunication. It's going to be like

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Speaker 1: a battle who gets whose attention, who means more? And

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Speaker 1: you wanted to come from the united front, especially once

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Speaker 1: you're married I mean, maybe if you're dating and it's

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Speaker 1: not as serious, it's not you know, maybe it's not

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Speaker 1: fully there. But I do think unit in front is

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Speaker 1: always helpful, but when you're married, it has to be

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Speaker 1: united front against the world sort of. I also can't

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Speaker 1: choose your in laws, so I think I remember actions

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Speaker 1: recently at this networking event and this woman who we

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Speaker 1: were connecting with was saying it was kind of like

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Speaker 1: giving us this warning about the in laws matter. Don't

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Speaker 1: marry into a family with in laws that are difficult.

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Speaker 1: But you can't can't choose your parents family, You can't

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Speaker 1: choose your your your partners are. You can't choose your

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Speaker 1: partner's family. You can't choose your partner's history. I think

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Speaker 1: that's unfair and unfair. I think if there's if your

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Speaker 1: partner is not willing to help with establishing boundaries and

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Speaker 1: creating a dynamic that works for you as a couple

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Speaker 1: with their parents, I think that's that's one thing. But

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Speaker 1: I don't think we can write someone off because of

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Speaker 1: their um their background are dynamics. I think it's a

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Speaker 1: situation by situation type thing too. Yeah, I totally going,

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Speaker 1: all right, let's move on transitioning from talking to dating.

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Speaker 1: How do you avoid getting stuck in the what is

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Speaker 1: f w B zone? Friends with benefits? God? All these lingos,

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Speaker 1: like what I avoid getting stuck in the friends with

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Speaker 1: benefits zone? That's a good question. Um, chip is about

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Speaker 1: to connect? Okay? Ums, Like, I'm distracted, So I think, well,

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Speaker 1: I think you have to be direct from the beginning.

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Speaker 1: I think this is hard is that girls especially, And

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Speaker 1: I can't again I can't. I can't generalize, but a

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Speaker 1: lot of women want to be easy breezy, and they

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Speaker 1: want to be easy going and come off as like

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Speaker 1: I'm the cool girl and you know, I don't care

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Speaker 1: what we are and like I'll just go with the flow.

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Speaker 1: And then they have these expectations like this guy will change,

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Speaker 1: you know, like will become closer, things will get more serious,

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Speaker 1: and they don't express it. So there's just so I

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Speaker 1: think if you are wanting something more serious, express it

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Speaker 1: from the get go. Not that you just say I

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Speaker 1: want you to be my boyfriend today. But this is

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Speaker 1: what I hope for us in our relationship moving forward.

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Speaker 1: Some people don't know what they want. So I think

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Speaker 1: if you start noticing you started this casual relationship, or

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Speaker 1: dynamic and you're starting to notice their feelings and you're

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Speaker 1: feeling like jealous or you're feeling like this person is

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Speaker 1: not being respectful or that is not mutual. I think

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Speaker 1: you just have to be direct. I think it's whenever

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Speaker 1: you're starting to feel uncomfortable and you're feeling like not safer,

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Speaker 1: that you can't trust this person. I think you have

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Speaker 1: to be direct and just go in. And I think

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Speaker 1: it's hard for a lot of people to be direct,

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Speaker 1: but it's so important. Yeah, I read something yesterday. Um

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Speaker 1: someone another therapist I follow posted this on Instagram, but

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Speaker 1: he said, there's really no right quote unquote right time

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Speaker 1: to do the DTR, Like it's just whenever you feel

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Speaker 1: that it's needed. So it could be the first date,

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Speaker 1: it could be two months in, it could be a

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Speaker 1: year in. You know, it's just like navigating. Like you said,

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Speaker 1: when do you start to feel unsafe and when when

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Speaker 1: does it come up for you? And then that's just

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Speaker 1: the right way. Like there's not like a rule book

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Speaker 1: on that that it has this direct time. It's more

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Speaker 1: about listening to your body and listening to your instincts.

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Speaker 1: And people want rules, that's the thing, and people want

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Speaker 1: to like there's that three date roule, like you have sex,

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Speaker 1: you know, at the third date, and the thing is

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Speaker 1: is And I'm not like encouraging one way or another

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Speaker 1: saying it's bad to have sex before or it's bad

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Speaker 1: to wait after. But I think it's not super it's

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Speaker 1: not super black and white because it really depends on

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Speaker 1: the relationship. It depends on how safe and comfortable you feel,

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Speaker 1: and safe meaning even like is this this person not

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Speaker 1: gonna murder me? Like, I mean, I think you have

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Speaker 1: to really take your safety into consideration. But it's or

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Speaker 1: what do you need to have sex and be intimate

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Speaker 1: with someone? Do you need to feel respected? Which even

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Speaker 1: if it's just you know, this person respects you and

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Speaker 1: your autonomy and your independence and as a person, not

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Speaker 1: necessarily that they're committed to you, but like, what are

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Speaker 1: you seeking before intimacy? And I think you have to

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Speaker 1: understand that. I don't think it's a third date rule.

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Speaker 1: And I actually wrote a blog post about this, and God,

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Speaker 1: what a pushback. I've got a lot of emails saying

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Speaker 1: that I was encouraging like people to have sex sooner.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't. It's neither way. It's the most

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Speaker 1: comfortable with. And I think there's no rule, and I

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Speaker 1: don't think if you don't want to have sex on

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Speaker 1: the third day, you don't have to. If you feel

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Speaker 1: like this guy is gonna leave or this person is

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Speaker 1: going to leave you because you don't have sex with them,

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Speaker 1: that's a red flag, right Like if if someone's out

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Speaker 1: the door because you're not being intimate with them by

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Speaker 1: the third day, that's a problem. So I think I

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Speaker 1: think that's right. And I when we know one of

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Speaker 1: our really good friends had sex with a guy on

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Speaker 1: the first date and they're still together almost two years later.

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Speaker 1: So I think it just really does depend on your personality,

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Speaker 1: what what you're comfortable with, and then the relationship itself right,

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Speaker 1: and some people go with the flow, like and there

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Speaker 1: it just happens. And I think that's fine if you

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Speaker 1: communicate that. I'm not I'm not anti casual sex, but

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Speaker 1: I think you have to be explicit about that. I

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Speaker 1: think if we'll go into a situation one wanting a

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Speaker 1: serious relationship the other person have no intention of that,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna end a messy. It typically does totally. Well,

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Speaker 1: there he is, Hello, Chip, You're really the worst I

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Speaker 1: was holding out to the third date. We're just going through.

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Speaker 1: We have a ton of listener questions this week, and

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Speaker 1: so I'm trying to just get into it with Leah

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Speaker 1: because I'm going to try to get through all the questions.

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Speaker 1: I love this question because this is something I want

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Speaker 1: to know for myself. How do you spot a narcissistant

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Speaker 1: guy early on? Is it? Though? It's just the truth

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Speaker 1: help hard part is that they're so good. They are

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Speaker 1: so good, they're gonna love bombing feels so good. Well,

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Speaker 1: and I will say though, if that happens right away,

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Speaker 1: may be weary. So someone's like trying to sweep you

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Speaker 1: off your feet on the first day, like you know,

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Speaker 1: let's travel the world or I can see this. I

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Speaker 1: can see I mean love my life on the first

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Speaker 1: second day. I think that's a red flag because I think,

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Speaker 1: but what if it doesn't look like that that has

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Speaker 1: I mean, I've had that experience. It seems so intense

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Speaker 1: and fun in the beginning, especially if you're a person

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Speaker 1: who grew up in chaos like me. I'm drawn to

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Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, but I know how it plays out. However,

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Speaker 1: in other circumstances, I have just felt like maybe I

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Speaker 1: read it as we're really aligned, like maybe the personalities

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Speaker 1: had picks up on what I would want and so

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Speaker 1: they start feeding that. But it seems so genuinely like

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Speaker 1: what they're interested in too. They're totally right, it's attack

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Speaker 1: it because they're mirroring you, like have the place interest.

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Speaker 1: They're going to try to create like foe intimacy. And

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Speaker 1: I actually talked about like this is what they do

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Speaker 1: in The Bachelor all the time. No, I don't think

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Speaker 1: they're all large that. By the way, there's this sharing

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Speaker 1: a personal information right off the bat, and that sharing

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Speaker 1: has to be earned if someone share something so deep

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Speaker 1: or expects that from you right away to me, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's again there are instances where you can,

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Speaker 1: but if someone wants to put it out there right

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Speaker 1: away or like expects you to be vulnerable right away

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Speaker 1: and create this sposense of intimacy, that's the way to

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Speaker 1: manipulate someone to Now we're super close. Now we've both

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Speaker 1: gotten to know each other on this deep level within

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Speaker 1: like one day, and so now like we have this

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Speaker 1: level of closeness that you wouldn't have with someone else.

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Speaker 1: And I'm understanding and validating and can hold space for you,

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Speaker 1: and it's I think those things. I think it's great

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Speaker 1: to be honest and transparent and vulnerable, but I think

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Speaker 1: that you need to do that with like like a guardrail.

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Speaker 1: You have to do it with a person that you

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Speaker 1: really truly feel like you can trust. And how can

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Speaker 1: you know that right away off day one with someone?

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Speaker 1: But I do know people when there are spetistic traits,

407
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 1: will try to align with you and mirry you and

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Speaker 1: create this persona I'm here for you and it can

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Speaker 1: they lay it on Thick I think too. It's that

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Speaker 1: charming kind of charismatic person that yeah, I think when

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Speaker 1: they're and I think that also can be a red

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Speaker 1: flag though, if they're like listening to you but also

413
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Speaker 1: talking about how great they are, but not overtly like

414
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,479
Speaker 1: it's not over, it's very much. They want to talk

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Speaker 1: about their accomplishes, accomplishes, accomplish accomplishments, I'm sorry, accomplishments. They

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00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 1: want to talk about everything that they've done. They're they're

417
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 1: really related on Thick and they I think it can

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00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 1: be attractive for a lot of people because we like,

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Speaker 1: we like, we like confidence. Confidence is attractive. It's like evolution,

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00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 1: human evolution, like we want to see someone who's strong

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Speaker 1: and you can take care of us. But at the

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Speaker 1: end of the day, I think if someone is just

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Speaker 1: talking about themselves, that's a red flag to me of narcissism. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but like what if it doesn't look like I've had

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Speaker 1: experiences where it just doesn't look like that. In fact,

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00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 1: it almost as like a fake humble and let's talk

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00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:58,040
Speaker 1: more about you. That's interesting. I mean, that's the thing.

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Speaker 1: Is it's thing that sometimes you have to teeth out

429
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: over a few dates or like, yeah, it's not something

430
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 1: I know. I wish people want to spot the narcissists.

431
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 1: It's not that easy if someone's trying to push your boundaries,

432
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 1: like I think, and subtily. Again, so say you're like

433
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: they're like, hey, like let's meet your friends, Like it's

434
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: you know, like I want and they're kind of pushing

435
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 1: with stuff like that, and it's been it's pretty new,

436
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 1: and you're not feeling comfortable and something. You're just like, no,

437
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do this with anyone else. And they're kind

438
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: of pushing, like right, pushing it a little bit more

439
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 1: and a little bit more. Something like that, or I mean,

440
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 1: parents like trying to really like create this closeness with

441
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 1: you that doesn't feel like that should happen within the

442
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 1: first or first or second date or third date. I

443
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 1: think that's assigned too, because they will want to create

444
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: this closeness, this false sense of closeness pretty early on.

445
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 1: The false sense of closeness I totally get. And I'm

446
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 1: a person who's very open. I mean I talk about

447
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: like my whole entire life publicly and it's been something

448
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: that I've really tried to pay I really have said

449
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 1: to myself, like I really need to pay attention to

450
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 1: this when I'm go back out into the dating world

451
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 1: because I like essentially offer up every way that you

452
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 1: could fund me over on a platter. Two unsafe people

453
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 1: because I just tell everybody everything and it's like that's

454
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: not really safe either. Um. Also, what was my train

455
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: of thought to that, know the boundaries thing and like

456
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 1: looking at if they respect your boundaries because I think

457
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 1: lack of lack of respect and lack of empathy are

458
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: the two things that I've noticed as patterns in those

459
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,880
Speaker 1: kind of relationships, and so I'm paying attention more to that,

460
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,640
Speaker 1: like are they respecting me from the get go? And um,

461
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 1: as we kind of get a further along in the

462
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 1: dating process, and then what's their level of empathy and

463
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 1: care for others, like, because that is like the number

464
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: one thing is the inability to put yourself in someone

465
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:51,879
Speaker 1: else's shoes or feel like understanding of someone else, have compassion,

466
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 1: like how they treat other people, how they treat servers, you,

467
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: people that they're causing paths with. I think that like

468
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,320
Speaker 1: how they if they're doing other people, like if they're

469
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: remarks to the other people in front of you. I agree,

470
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 1: So I think how they were their axes. Yes, that's

471
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: a big one. Um Okay, why do guys act like

472
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: they like you and then fade out? Oh? Chip likes

473
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: that one? Do you do that? Chip? I mean I

474
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 1: probably have. I look from my I I can only

475
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 1: speak for myself, but I would think that that's every

476
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: situation when you go into a date. The hope is

477
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 1: that you would like them, right, so you have to

478
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 1: kind of act like you do. Um. So I guess

479
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 1: the context it's missing from this question is how long

480
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,880
Speaker 1: they were this person was with somebody. So if it's

481
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 1: something that drags on for six months and then someone

482
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 1: just ghosts you, I've never done that, but have I

483
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 1: been on a few dates where I'm like, I see, oh,

484
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 1: I like this about this person or this about that person,

485
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 1: and um, and you try to lean it and find

486
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,400
Speaker 1: something there and then you just don't and you're like, well,

487
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 1: fuck it, what what? I'm going to stop wasting my

488
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 1: time right like you would appreciate a conversation. Also, why

489
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 1: does your voice sound so low right now? It's like,

490
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 1: I don't know, Well, I mean I think it has

491
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,720
Speaker 1: to do with like what you're sitting and all that stuff.

492
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 1: He's been traveling, party hungover today. No I'm not, I'm

493
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 1: not what yes, well yeah, I mean I also think too,

494
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: it's like it's it's weird when you've only been on

495
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,159
Speaker 1: a few dates that someone feels like they need to

496
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,359
Speaker 1: be broken up with two you know, I just always

497
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 1: appreciate communication either way, Like, hey, I'm just not feeling

498
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 1: this vibe, you know, like it feels more like a

499
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 1: friend thing. Do you think this is the thing I have? Though?

500
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 1: Is I think that? I think it's there's two parts.

501
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: I think there's some people that are avoidant, that avoidant attachment,

502
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 1: and so they like kind of find themselves like really

503
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: being into this person. They're like actually it's going way

504
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 1: too fast now because I clearly have feelings, they have

505
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: feelings for me. Now they get married to me, and

506
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,400
Speaker 1: then they're gonna just run the other way, like much

507
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: too fast, even though they maybe have some feelings that

508
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 1: are similar to the other person. And I also think

509
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: I think you chipped those just I think that was

510
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 1: perfectly that you don't go into a situation wanting it

511
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: to end, like most of us wanted to work out

512
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 1: with someone, we wanted about someone, or if we're introduced

513
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: to someone by someone else, like you know, we wanted

514
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 1: to work out because we see these positive qualities and

515
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 1: you're like really really rooting for it to work, and

516
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 1: then you're putting your all your hopes in it, and

517
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 1: then you're just realizing I can't force it any longer.

518
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think communication is right. I think

519
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: what's hard and I try to be super communicative. And

520
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, Kelly with men, but when

521
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,400
Speaker 1: I've been communicative about it not working out, I've been

522
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 1: scared sometimes because the reaction I get is usually really

523
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 1: extreme and terrible. So that's where I think some people

524
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: will ghost and probably why other like why men goes

525
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 1: to like they don't want to deal with the reaction

526
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: of the other person, like being like heartbroken, like you know,

527
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,719
Speaker 1: and just so then they just goes completely and they

528
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 1: go the other direction versus Hey, I'm just not feeling

529
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 1: it or something's just not right or I'm not ready

530
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,199
Speaker 1: for this. I mean, I think that's so simple. But

531
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: I do think I had some really extreme reactions and

532
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 1: I tried to be honest with guys and it was

533
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,479
Speaker 1: like telling me names and like one guy like I

534
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: ended up blocking him, and this is years ago. And

535
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 1: then the the end of like like messaging me on his

536
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 1: like iCloud email, like just he was able to get

537
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 1: in there and it was like then there. Yeah. So

538
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,919
Speaker 1: it's like I think there's also fear of confrontation because

539
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 1: of some people do have extreme responses, But I still

540
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 1: don't think it makes it okay the ghost. No, I agree,

541
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 1: And I think that I'd take it for granted. I'm

542
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 1: really comfortable communicating period, Like I just I'll communicate about

543
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,880
Speaker 1: anything if it's uncomfortable or not, like I get uncomfortable,

544
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 1: but I'll power through it. And I think a lot

545
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 1: of people would rather just not and so they're like, Okay,

546
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a hard conversation or they don't

547
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: know how, and it's like yeah, like it's it's actually

548
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: so much more loving and kind to say to somebody,

549
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 1: So like let somebody go and be like, hey, I'm

550
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: just not the vibe isn't connecting for me or whatever

551
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 1: it is that you would say. It could be really simple,

552
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,919
Speaker 1: but you you give them the freedom from stopping the

553
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 1: worry or the second guessing of themselves, and they get

554
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: then can just move on with their life versus like

555
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: spinning and feeling like personalizing it like it was something

556
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 1: with them, you know, like sometimes it's just not a match, right, Yeah,

557
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 1: I think too, and I'm you know, I'm guilty of

558
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 1: doing it myself, but I do think that um, that

559
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 1: guilt from not communicating builds up over time and it's

560
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 1: just not something that you want to carry. So it's

561
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 1: such a relief when you actually communicate something that you're

562
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 1: feeling really uncomfortable about, because once it's done, it's done,

563
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: and you get it gets to exit your body to

564
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 1: you know, like you might have a little residual effect,

565
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 1: you know, because someone blows up or doesn't go as

566
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 1: you had hoped, but at least it's behind you, you know. Yeah,

567
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 1: I think it's like powering through it, which is what

568
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: you have to do. Yeah, exactly, an adult. You have

569
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 1: to have these conversations that are hard and not ideal. Right,

570
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 1: none of us want to do it, but it's like

571
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: just like put your big girl panties on and let's

572
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 1: go come. Um, okay, how do you uh oh, there's

573
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: so many good ones on this page? Okay, Um, how

574
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: can someone who doesn't want to casually hook up still

575
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: enjoy sex while single? So she doesn't want to casually

576
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: hook up, but she's single and she wants to have sex.

577
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: So I'm really going to say, or usually you buy

578
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: a vibrator and have sex with yourself. Yeah, don't fuck yourself.

579
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: That's our answer. I think, you know, there are a

580
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 1: lot of people that I think would be down for

581
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 1: our friends with benefits. So I think is if you

582
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 1: can find that person, then how do you go back

583
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 1: to the friendship? Know, like I mean, but maybe if

584
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: you want to date a penance for someone you're like,

585
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 1: I'm just looking for a casual you know. I feel

586
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 1: like there's a ton of gods would be like, okay,

587
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: I have a line around the block, right, um, how

588
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: do you balance sex in life? I'm too tired. I

589
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: can we talk about that question? What is that? I mean?

590
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: I think she's probably in a relationship and she's just

591
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: saying like life is a lot, especially when you have kids.

592
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: You know, like there's a lot. So where's the balance?

593
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: I think for my first response over my first thought

594
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: was like, I think it depends on what you prioritize.

595
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 1: And um, I have personally always been a high like

596
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 1: relationships are a very high priority to me, even my friendships,

597
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: like and so I know life gets busy and all

598
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: this stuff, but it's about like taking that time and

599
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: so like, if your relationship is a priority to you,

600
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 1: then sex is a big part of that, you know priority,

601
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 1: and you just make the time. You schedule it. Like

602
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 1: I always say, Chip is like, so against it. Friday

603
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 1: at Friday at seven, Friday at seven, let's go baby.

604
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 1: I think I think that I think certain people do

605
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 1: have the schedule or even like date nights and that's

606
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 1: when you that's when you have sex, you have your

607
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: date night. Or I also think just communicating because this

608
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: is the thing too. I think a lot of people

609
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 1: have sex because they feel like they owe it to

610
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: their partners, but in that great resentment. So I think

611
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,360
Speaker 1: you need to communicate like what you and your partner need,

612
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 1: like what's realistic with your schedules. And it's also be

613
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: able to communicate when you can't have sex. I think

614
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: a lot of a hard time because they don't want

615
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: their partner to feel rejected. So I think communicate that like, hey,

616
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: I don't have the energy right now, and like really

617
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: be validating too. I think people just again, I think

618
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:53,959
Speaker 1: there's so much focus. I'm not trying to come off

619
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: as mean or or having their partner feel rejected to them.

620
00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: They power through it, but then there's resentment on their

621
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: or they're just not feeling into it, and so I

622
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 1: think you just have to communicate that otherwise I think

623
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 1: it does build up over time if one person feels

624
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 1: like they're doing it because they have to and not

625
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 1: because they feel like like they don't want to but

626
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 1: they just don't have the energy. Well, and I know

627
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 1: for me, like I've always put such a high priority

628
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: of sex in my relationships, and it's been an interesting

629
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: thing to really think about as that process through like

630
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: my part and my last relationship and everything and just

631
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: what I want to change moving forward. And I thought

632
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: to myself about self abandonment, because a lot of times,

633
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: you know, I would feel almost this obligation or oh god,

634
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: I need to have sex because I don't want X,

635
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,239
Speaker 1: Y and Z to happen, And that's just a lot

636
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 1: of self abandonment. And so, like, your relationship with yourself

637
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: is really important in this conversation too, because if you

638
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 1: start abandoning yourself to make your partner happy, then like

639
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: you said, there's either resentments that build up, it's a

640
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: disconnect in general because you're not actually able to show

641
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 1: up fully because you're doing it for them, not for

642
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: you too. And not to say I didn't enjoy it,

643
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: but it would just be like a situation where I

644
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 1: think my fear was driving the bus more than actually

645
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: being present in the situation. And I don't want to

646
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 1: do that anymore. Yeah, And I think people have different

647
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 1: levels of sex strive, Like that's an actual thing with

648
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 1: some people more of a sex drive than others. And

649
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: so if that's happening in a relationship, which usually there's

650
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 1: one person that has more of a sex right than other,

651
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 1: it's not it's not a good or bad thing. But

652
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,959
Speaker 1: then you have to kind of work through that and

653
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 1: talk to communication exactly. I don't always think of the communication,

654
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: but it's true. But it's in a relationship you have to, right,

655
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 1: it's real intimacy though, Okay, um, how to refrain from

656
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 1: scheduled sex or a sex writ in the marriage long term?

657
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 1: I always say this. I'm like, people like, change your

658
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 1: mentality about scheduled sex. Though. It doesn't have to mean

659
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 1: you're in a rut. It's just like life is fucking busy,

660
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 1: and like, let's make it sexy. You know, we talked

661
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 1: about like sexting all day on the nights. You know

662
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 1: it's going to happen, making it special in some capacity,

663
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 1: Like I don't think it has to be boring or

664
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 1: like manual. I think it can be pretty hot. No,

665
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 1: I don't think it has to be like when you

666
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 1: have you know, you take out your retainer and you

667
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: bring you know, bring the lood moved up the night stand.

668
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 1: I don't think like you're like you're like, okay, ready,

669
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: I'll get in the position one to three punk Like

670
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,200
Speaker 1: that sounds terrible. Yes, So I think that. I think

671
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:28,799
Speaker 1: it's like I think, like you said, like it's like

672
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 1: whether it's sex thing during the day, or it's scheduling

673
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 1: a date or not even a date night. It's like,

674
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 1: let's like like have wine together and like you know

675
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: what I mean, like play this like make it sexy. Yeah,

676
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: I mean, be anything crazy. I think it just has

677
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 1: to be something where again, you make it like a

678
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,839
Speaker 1: date night, you make in an experience, like we're scheduling sex, okay,

679
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,360
Speaker 1: get sex at seven am. We're like like, okay, like

680
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 1: Friday night, we're having your date night. We're hiring you

681
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: set up we have kids right, or we're Wednesday night.

682
00:34:57,680 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: We're going to make sure to like make some fun cocktails.

683
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 1: And like it's just so it's not like you're saying

684
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 1: it's our sex night. It's like it's our like our

685
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:05,880
Speaker 1: date at home night. I guess I think it just

686
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: makes it less I feel less robotic if you make it. Yeah.

687
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: And I think it's also like we all talk about

688
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 1: how fun the beginning of relationships are, but then we

689
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,800
Speaker 1: stop doing the behaviors that we do at the beginning

690
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 1: of the relationship once their relationships more official, and it's

691
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: like the reason it's fun is because of what you're doing. Yes,

692
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,879
Speaker 1: you're getting to know a new person, but like it's

693
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,400
Speaker 1: exciting because you're putting a lot of energy into it

694
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 1: and you're doing fun activities. So it's just like you

695
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 1: can't maybe do it as frequently once the relationships further along.

696
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 1: But that is something that you can bring into a

697
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 1: relationship well. And I think this context too, is it

698
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,719
Speaker 1: like injects a little bit of the romance back into it.

699
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,400
Speaker 1: And that's why I think, like just the idea of

700
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: scheduled sex sounds so frigid to me. It's like, hey,

701
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 1: I dropped it on your calendar. We're gonna suck at seven,

702
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: you know, like even though a calendar invite. Yeah, it's

703
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,760
Speaker 1: also mantics because like the hope is, hey, if Friday's

704
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 1: date night, we're all we're both getting right right, you know.

705
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,759
Speaker 1: So that to me, it is just a semantics thing.

706
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 1: So I get that that is also scheduling sex. But

707
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 1: I can get behind that. But if it's just like

708
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 1: every Tuesday at seven a specific time, that is where

709
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 1: we lose chip chipses this boner if you miss seven pm,

710
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,880
Speaker 1: it's stressful. Good point too, Yeah, exactly, you like we

711
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: we're gonna go out to a nice dinner or like

712
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 1: because when you dress up right. It's like when you

713
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: feel like you look sexy, or you a cocktail, or

714
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 1: you like play like a fun game like I don't

715
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,040
Speaker 1: know like or you do like you do something that

716
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 1: the two of you really connect on. So you two

717
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 1: really like doing like outdoorsy things like go out having

718
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: at doorsy day and adventure and then come back and

719
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: write it's fine and have an indoors adventure. Okay, this

720
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 1: one is a really good question to me. How do

721
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: you feel safe with the guy to be able to orgasm?

722
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: I think a lot of women would connect with this

723
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 1: because we could, you know, like Susan Bratton came on

724
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: with me and Ship and talked about this. She's a

725
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,240
Speaker 1: sex expert and a lot of times, like with women,

726
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: it takes a little longer. There's a little more of

727
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 1: a process to get us excited to get to the

728
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 1: point of orgasm um, and with guys it's just like

729
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,759
Speaker 1: much quicker. And so how do you let and how

730
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,319
Speaker 1: do you let your guard down to be able to

731
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 1: lean into that like receiving even I think for women

732
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 1: that can be really difficult. I think sometimes women don't

733
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: even know what gets them off, Like I think a

734
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 1: lot of it goes back to social programming and not

735
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: being taught, because I think it's they're doing more now,

736
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 1: we're saying more of like yeah, the sex positivity and

737
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 1: um these movements to empower women right to like be

738
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: more like embrace their sexuality and enjoy these experiences. But

739
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 1: I think it's still like we women aren't taught, like

740
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: where is the g spot? Like so many women don't

741
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:58,400
Speaker 1: even know where that thought is. Like it's one of

742
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 1: those things where I don't think we're taught that. And

743
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 1: I think women again, like there's still Amy Schumer did

744
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 1: a bit of like, you know, like women are just

745
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 1: like like the guys are always like trying to like

746
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: you know, get it in, and the women are just like, hmm,

747
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: I'm tired, like and it's just this weird dynamic where

748
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:15,320
Speaker 1: it's like the women are forced and like not forced,

749
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 1: but but like kind of feel obligated, like you're like

750
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: self ammatas can do it to please them. I don't

751
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,360
Speaker 1: think a lot of women know a or socialized you know,

752
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 1: it's okay to enjoy sex and having an orgasm and

753
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,479
Speaker 1: also become more familiar with what you want, so whether

754
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:29,759
Speaker 1: it's your masturbation or if it's you to talk about

755
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: it and like this position works for me, it does

756
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,439
Speaker 1: not so much. I think. Also women try to fake

757
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: orgasm a lot. And I mean I did that when

758
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:39,320
Speaker 1: I was like, like you just because you don't want to,

759
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: like you just kind of there's like every woman has

760
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 1: thanked an orgasm, they're like absolutely not woman, one woman

761
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:49,959
Speaker 1: in this world. I actually think a lot of times

762
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 1: it's because they don't even know, like maybe they haven't

763
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,360
Speaker 1: ever had an orgasm, and so like and if you

764
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 1: watch porn and it's like, you know, it's like that

765
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: is not what it's like. But so remember Chip always

766
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 1: talks about this time I got a dare on a

767
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 1: bachelortte party to act out an orgasm and I went

768
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:11,920
Speaker 1: very meg Ryan and whatever, and Chip was like, this

769
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 1: is the best thing I've ever seenscar Worthy, But I

770
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: was not doing what I really sound like when orgasm.

771
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 1: So it's just it was that over the top. Yeah, exactly.

772
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 1: And so I think like we feel a lot of

773
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 1: times like, oh, well, they're watching this porn that makes

774
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 1: it look like this and they're squirting everywhere and all

775
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 1: this weird ship and then it's like, Okay, we feel

776
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 1: like we should do that, so that would make you

777
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 1: not be able to let your guard down and actually

778
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 1: get there. You would be acting. Yeah, I'm on a

779
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:45,800
Speaker 1: sex surrapis by the way, but there are like therapists.

780
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 1: I'm sure like you've probably talked um with the other

781
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 1: expected of that do like even just you do your

782
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 1: KEYL exercises and you do your your muscle floor what

783
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,279
Speaker 1: is it called your Oh my gosh, I should know

784
00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 1: this before, you know, like just all those that on

785
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 1: the floor for exercises. Ye, people do that because they

786
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 1: have like a hard time like becoming relaxed during sex.

787
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 1: You have to do these exercises to to really yeah,

788
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 1: like feel pleasure because otherwise you're so sick. I do

789
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: think it's just I just think women, a lot of

790
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 1: women weren't. You're taught in sex education how to stay

791
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: safe and not get pregnant, not of STDs, you're not

792
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:24,319
Speaker 1: to write, and how to get the guy off exactly, yes,

793
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 1: so we all know how to do that. So yeah,

794
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,879
Speaker 1: I think like something moving forward for me too would

795
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,280
Speaker 1: be like being with a partner who I can say

796
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:35,360
Speaker 1: like like and you can make this sexy too, but

797
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 1: it's like be patient with it, like let's slow it

798
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 1: down because that's what resonates with women a lot of

799
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,439
Speaker 1: times has taken a little slower, not like it can't

800
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: be heated, but like we just need a little more time.

801
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:50,239
Speaker 1: Susan Bratton really did dissect in the exact nature of

802
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 1: why that is. So if you because want the details,

803
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,439
Speaker 1: go listen to that podcast because she really breaks down

804
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 1: our claturus and all the things that it needs. And

805
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:00,879
Speaker 1: I am also not a sex say that, so I'll

806
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:04,919
Speaker 1: just step it on that. Yeah, okay, how many dates

807
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: should you wait to say I want to get married

808
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:11,879
Speaker 1: and have kids? I thought they would say sex, Um,

809
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,240
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm honestly, I think you have to be direct,

810
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 1: so like if you yeah, and I don't say And

811
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 1: it's funny because I say this like I'm looking for

812
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 1: something and I'm single. I say this directly. I'm looking

813
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 1: for something that could ultimately become long term and like

814
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:29,400
Speaker 1: be a life partner, and I do want kids, like

815
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: with someone who it works out with. And I always

816
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 1: feel like I'm not saying it's you, and I kind

817
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 1: of like joke about come, like I not that I

818
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 1: get to you, but like ultimately that's what I want.

819
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 1: And if you're not someone who's wanting a relationship or

820
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 1: a long term relationship or a family. This is not

821
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 1: going to work out. I totally. I don't. I mean,

822
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,840
Speaker 1: I think it's it's different if you're like, do you

823
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 1: love me? And you want to be like, do you

824
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 1: see this? Like that's a different conversation, and usually you

825
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:54,960
Speaker 1: can kind of read like see if the person's feeling

826
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 1: similar feelings. I do think you need to have that

827
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: conversation if you feel unsure. But I'm directed, I say

828
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: it right away and I tell my clients that too, um,

829
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 1: And someone who gets freaked out by that is not

830
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 1: meant for you. They're not. And that's to me. It's

831
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 1: like you're just discussing your core values, like it's what

832
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 1: you want in your life, and why are you going

833
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,399
Speaker 1: to waste time with someone who that doesn't align with?

834
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 1: Like I said, if it's scared someone off too, then

835
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: they're obviously not aligned. But I don't. I do think

836
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 1: it's like you don't say I want to have I

837
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 1: want to get married and have kids with you and

838
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 1: it's the first day like that, psycho. But but you

839
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 1: can talk about what you want for your life, right Yeah,

840
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: And there shouldn't be a time limit on that. Well,

841
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 1: I also think some of those things are really important

842
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,439
Speaker 1: to get out of the way. Yeah, like why would

843
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 1: you tell them doesn't want to have children? Then like

844
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,400
Speaker 1: it's nice, yeah, legment, just like, yeah, we're getting this.

845
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:48,360
Speaker 1: We're not wasting anyone's time. Time is so precious, and

846
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 1: I feel like you shouldn't spend time with someone if

847
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: you feel like this is not going anywhere you are

848
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 1: on the same page. I think I also do that

849
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 1: with politics too. I know it's crazy and people have

850
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:58,879
Speaker 1: pushed back on that too, But if if that's something

851
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 1: that it's a strong value of yours, like you need

852
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: someone who's like again, I'm a social worker. I'm very

853
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 1: politically inclined. I do. I'm just all about social advocacy

854
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 1: and I'm very passionate about if someone is not on

855
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 1: the same page or gets weird if I asked that

856
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 1: right away and then we're not a good fit and

857
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 1: it's no judgment, it's not going to work out. But

858
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 1: I've had a lot of guys pushed back on that,

859
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 1: and you know, like, and that's where I'm like, Okay, well,

860
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 1: if you're pushing back, clearly, this isn't going to work issue. Yeah.

861
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: I actually think in the past it wouldn't have mattered

862
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: so much to me, But now I'm like, I couldn't

863
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: date anyone else on the other side, like we would

864
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,359
Speaker 1: just to me, it's like such a values thing at

865
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 1: this point. So we're just not aligned. And so again,

866
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 1: why waste your time? Why waste their time? Right? Yeah,

867
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,880
Speaker 1: I mean I think there's you know, I have a

868
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 1: really good friend who's super Christian, and it's like that's

869
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:49,839
Speaker 1: one of her things. She's just like, um, She's even

870
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 1: said to me, I don't have to date a Christian man.

871
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,319
Speaker 1: I just have to date a man who is fine

872
00:43:56,360 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 1: with me raising my child as a Christian. Yeah. So

873
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: that's something that she likes, sort of like leads with

874
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:08,239
Speaker 1: and which which I totally understand. Yeah, I like that.

875
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,800
Speaker 1: I think a directness is best and someone who pushes

876
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: back that gives the reactions so telling the reaction of

877
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,839
Speaker 1: phone is so telling. So if they get really weirded out,

878
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 1: freaked out, it's a turn off to them, then that

879
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: person is not for you anyway. So then you just

880
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: already you know, figure out soon and then later yeah, okay,

881
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: what about when you're initiating, but you keep being shut down?

882
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 1: Um do you keep going? Are there different new ways

883
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 1: to initiate? Like what do you overall? I think about that.

884
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:41,319
Speaker 1: I'm assuming this is in a relationship, Oh, initiating just

885
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:45,919
Speaker 1: sex or every sex. I think that's a conversation. Again,

886
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: you have to because I think some people are usually

887
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 1: in a relationship, there's the like pursuers and the ones

888
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 1: that are a little bit more avoiders. Okay, so typically

889
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 1: you have one of the other. Again not extreme forms,

890
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 1: but there's someone who's more like aggressive or assertive, and

891
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:04,399
Speaker 1: the other people a little bit more like easy going,

892
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,960
Speaker 1: go with the flow. They'll follow the leader. But I

893
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: think and that's okay, but I think if you're having

894
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: a problem always initiating it, you have to communicate that

895
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, like I have no problem communicating it,

896
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 1: but or communicating initiating this, but I need to see

897
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:21,320
Speaker 1: it on your end too, because I don't feel whatever.

898
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,800
Speaker 1: You know, it makes me feel not desirable, or it

899
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 1: makes me feel like not good enough for it makes

900
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: me feel like you don't want to have sex with me.

901
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 1: So I think you have to communicate that. It's that

902
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,960
Speaker 1: like I statement, you know, like I feel this way

903
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:38,799
Speaker 1: when I'm always initiating, like I think, communicating what it

904
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,959
Speaker 1: seems like there might be a deeper issue that needs

905
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 1: to be discussed there too, So that she was the

906
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 1: person was saying, there's they're rejected, right, Oh that yeah,

907
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,760
Speaker 1: there could be. And people have lots of stuff with sex,

908
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 1: like whether it's childhood experiences or trauma, whether it's religious

909
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 1: upbringing or spiritual beliefs or values like some of that

910
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 1: can get in the way and really become this barrier.

911
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,720
Speaker 1: Or they could have had a negative experience being intimate

912
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:06,840
Speaker 1: with their previous partner. We don't know what it is,

913
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 1: and then that there can be this ambivalence to have sex. Yeah,

914
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: but all things that you would want to discuss with

915
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 1: your partner so you guys can move through it and understand, right,

916
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 1: So communicate, Okay, how do you get out of the

917
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,399
Speaker 1: dating desert when dating apps and bars are not for you?

918
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: You and I were talking before, and it's like, I

919
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 1: have never done a dating app, but I'm like, I

920
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 1: don't see a way forward for me in the future

921
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 1: when I do start dating again, because it seems like

922
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 1: that is the only way to meet people nowadays. It's

923
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 1: just become I think, well, the pandemic and then't even

924
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 1: sped that up because it's funny, I was, this was

925
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 1: pre pandemic. This is actually a few years ago. Remember

926
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 1: my friend was telling me she was out with a

927
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 1: couple and their friend. They were trying to set him up,

928
00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:49,800
Speaker 1: and the guy was on his phone the whole time,

929
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:53,279
Speaker 1: like not interacting with this like set up and it's

930
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 1: just you see that at bars, like people are just

931
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: on their front not just men. Like everyone's on their phones.

932
00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:00,799
Speaker 1: Everyone's swiping and liking and just consume with their phones.

933
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 1: They're not looking at what's right in front of them.

934
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,799
Speaker 1: They're not really I think, super present. So it's hard

935
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 1: to meet people out and about these days because hanging

936
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 1: out and you're on your phone, Like who doesn't go

937
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 1: to like you know, I go to the coffee shop

938
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 1: a lot, like and alone I'll do be doing work,

939
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 1: will be on my phone, like I'm not like looking

940
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 1: around like China make eye contact with people. Like it's

941
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: just I don't know. That's the world we're living in now.

942
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:25,319
Speaker 1: So I think it's making peace with the outlets we have,

943
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: which a lot of them are dating apps or doing

944
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: things that you enjoy. So I talk to people about like,

945
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 1: not even necessarily to meet someone to date. But if

946
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 1: you like, say you're interested in fitness and you do

947
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 1: a group fitness gym, you're gonna meet community, You're gonna

948
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 1: meet people, and they can introduce you to people. So

949
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 1: something like an activity or a community that you know

950
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 1: you share values or there's this like mindedness, I think

951
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: you can meet people through that. But I think ultimately

952
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 1: dating apps are kind of where to go right now.

953
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 1: Not to say it can't ever happen at a gym

954
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: or a bar or a you know, grocery store, but yeah,

955
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: I like the like minded things, like because you're going

956
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 1: to something that you enjoy, so already the people that

957
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 1: are there are going to be more aligned with you

958
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: than maybe a random on the street or a random

959
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 1: at a bar. And so I think, if you really

960
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 1: are like seeking meeting new people, do activities with new

961
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 1: groups of people and see what happens. Okay, newly divorced,

962
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 1: how do I begin to put myself out there to

963
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:24,400
Speaker 1: meet people? Oh? I like that. Well, I'm excited that

964
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:27,439
Speaker 1: you're open to meet new people. That's exciting. I feel

965
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 1: like it's exciting once you're whether it's a divorce or

966
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: you're ending a long term relationship and there's like this

967
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 1: hopefulness of something exciting to come. Um. I think it's

968
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:39,760
Speaker 1: just remind I think it's hard. It's easy to feel insecure,

969
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 1: especially if you were married and married for a while

970
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,919
Speaker 1: or with someone for a long like, and you haven't

971
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 1: been in the dating you know, the dating game for

972
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: a while. It's really awkward. It's hard, but just I

973
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:52,360
Speaker 1: think it's I think it's really owning the qualities you

974
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 1: like about yourself, then going into it knowing that you

975
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,760
Speaker 1: have so much to offer, and then also reminding yourself

976
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: of what you're looking for. I think some people go

977
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:01,440
Speaker 1: into dating without even thinking about what they want or

978
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:04,359
Speaker 1: truly want or what they deserve, so then they'll find

979
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: themselves in situations aren't super fruitful, I guess because they're

980
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,879
Speaker 1: not really coming in with confidence, or they're not coming

981
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:12,319
Speaker 1: in with an idea of what they want and what

982
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 1: they're looking for. I think that is such a good point,

983
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 1: because then it becomes about do they like me or

984
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 1: do they not? And you're like, wait a second, do

985
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 1: you like them? Like? I've gotten in that situation before,

986
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,799
Speaker 1: and that's exactly why I've been taking a break right now.

987
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 1: It's one I don't want to bring any of the

988
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:31,319
Speaker 1: ship from my last relationship into my future relationships and

989
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 1: to like, so I want to do my healing work

990
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 1: and I want to take the time to get back

991
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 1: to myself, but I also really want to get to

992
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,280
Speaker 1: know myself at this stage of my life because I'm different,

993
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:44,480
Speaker 1: like I've evolved of change, and I don't want to

994
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,360
Speaker 1: get in something because I just want to be in

995
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 1: a relationship, Like I really want to pick and choose

996
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 1: someone who's aligned with me and who shows up for

997
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 1: the relationship, like I show it for a relationship. And

998
00:49:56,680 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: for me, that's about knowing what I want U what

999
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,320
Speaker 1: I know that I like standing up for what I

1000
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 1: know I deserve because I think a lot of times

1001
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 1: a lot of that goes to the wayside, to you're like, oh,

1002
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 1: well this guy checks these boxes, but you know, I

1003
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 1: don't know, like you just kind of make what's the

1004
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 1: word boxes. I feel like we then like a lot

1005
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 1: of people will make that person fit into the boxes,

1006
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 1: or you'll be like actually or try to yeah, yes,

1007
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:25,799
Speaker 1: like that check box actually isn't necessary, even though it

1008
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:29,720
Speaker 1: might be incredibly important to you. Yeah, but it's almost

1009
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:31,880
Speaker 1: like if you don't take the time to ask yourself,

1010
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: there's questions and I hate when people say, like, you

1011
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first.

1012
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:40,360
Speaker 1: But there is part of this, like being with yourself

1013
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 1: and being comfortable in yourself and your needs and your

1014
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 1: wants and your who you are that you can take

1015
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 1: into dating to to to say like I don't want

1016
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 1: to It's not like this desperation of like, oh there's

1017
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 1: a guy and he's fun, so whatever. It's like, yeah,

1018
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 1: he's fun, but does he line up in these other ways?

1019
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: Is that are things that you actually want a relationship,

1020
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:06,799
Speaker 1: So we're not just like right, completely sacrificing our wants

1021
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 1: it needs I guess I think people get so and

1022
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 1: I think chemistry and feeling connected is important, like that part,

1023
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 1: like chemistry is important, but I think sometimes that overrides

1024
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: everything because you're so up and it's so exciting and

1025
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 1: you're like so turned on or so like this is

1026
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 1: this is it, and then you're not looking at the

1027
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 1: other the other underlying issues or the other things that

1028
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: maybe are just deal breakers, but you're not admitting it

1029
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 1: because you're so caught up in the chemistry. I think

1030
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: so many to do that. I did that, Like you're

1031
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:38,839
Speaker 1: just like so caught up in the like attraction and

1032
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 1: how expicy it is, and you're like, this is realizing

1033
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:43,840
Speaker 1: this person I have nothing in common or this person

1034
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 1: isn't anything that I actually need. And I think so

1035
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,840
Speaker 1: many people do that, like not just like men, women,

1036
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 1: everyone does this totally totally um moving in tips or advice.

1037
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:58,840
Speaker 1: So if you're moving in with someone, do you have

1038
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,839
Speaker 1: any advice? But these people, I will say, if one

1039
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 1: is moving in with the other, I think you want

1040
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 1: to talk about how we make this space ours. I

1041
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:10,399
Speaker 1: think I've talked to a lot of people where it's yeah,

1042
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 1: when when one partner is moving in with another one

1043
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 1: and it becomes like that you want to make your space.

1044
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 1: So I think it's talking about like how can we

1045
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 1: make the space rs whether it's like decoration wise, whether

1046
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:22,720
Speaker 1: it's you bring in your fund of furniture and I

1047
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 1: take mine out. I think it's trying to create a

1048
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 1: space of both of yours, especially if you're moving to

1049
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 1: another person's space. I also think it's there's gonna be

1050
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 1: a learning curve, And I think couples really struggle with

1051
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,000
Speaker 1: this because especially if you've been single for a long time,

1052
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: or you know, like you're just used to living on

1053
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 1: your own and then you have to share this space

1054
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 1: in this life with this person. It's going to be

1055
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 1: a learning curve. You're gonna have times where you both

1056
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:46,840
Speaker 1: hate how each other like, you know, does the dishes,

1057
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 1: or you shower very differently, or you have different times

1058
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:52,839
Speaker 1: that you do things. I think it's gonna be a

1059
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,400
Speaker 1: lot of communication, it's gonna be a lot of growing pains.

1060
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,920
Speaker 1: So it's just having patience with one another. So I

1061
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 1: think it's really creating a space of both of you

1062
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 1: like and feel like as yours as a couple, and

1063
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 1: then also allowing that that that space for for trial

1064
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 1: and error with stuff like cleaning and schedules. And I

1065
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:14,520
Speaker 1: don't know, and it could be an also way. And

1066
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 1: I think people get stuck of each other really quickly

1067
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:18,520
Speaker 1: because you're used to seeing each other, you know, like

1068
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:20,319
Speaker 1: a handful of times a week, and then you're like,

1069
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 1: we're here all the time with each other, So also

1070
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: being cognizant of when we need a lone time and

1071
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 1: communicating that. Like I think too, it's like if someone's

1072
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 1: super social and extrovert and always wants to have friends

1073
00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: over and you're not. You have to create. You have

1074
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 1: to tell me when you're having friends over, like let's

1075
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,719
Speaker 1: talk about it. Like I you know, if I had

1076
00:53:37,719 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 1: a long day at work, I don't want to be

1077
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,799
Speaker 1: around lots of people. I think those are those are

1078
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 1: part of learning. Group too, is adjusting. It's like when

1079
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 1: people used to say the first year of marriage is

1080
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:49,400
Speaker 1: the hardest. It's because you moved in together back in

1081
00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:52,040
Speaker 1: the day, and like nowadays, most people move in together

1082
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 1: before they get married, and I think it's the same thing.

1083
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:56,719
Speaker 1: It's like learning each other and taking that time to

1084
00:53:56,800 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 1: navigate and be gracious and communicate and all the things

1085
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 1: like you just that. So, yeah, this is a hard one.

1086
00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 1: My ex has moved on quickly and I can't seem

1087
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 1: to find anyone. How do I navigate this? Um chip?

1088
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I feel like Kelly's a little bit

1089
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:23,160
Speaker 1: more primed because answer this, because she is. I feel

1090
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 1: like you're kind of nearing are getting closer to maybe

1091
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 1: being willing to date again. So that's true. I mean,

1092
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:32,439
Speaker 1: I do think you have to like listen to your

1093
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 1: body and your heart and give yourself the time to

1094
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 1: heal from whatever it was that your last relationship caused.

1095
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:43,280
Speaker 1: Um there you know again, it's like I'm the type

1096
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:45,800
Speaker 1: that's like, let's just move on as quickly as possible.

1097
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:49,440
Speaker 1: And I know that's not for everybody. Um, but it's

1098
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:52,320
Speaker 1: also not what you do. I think it's really funny

1099
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,400
Speaker 1: that you keep saying that that's what you do. Like

1100
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 1: I've known you long enough to see you go through

1101
00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:58,919
Speaker 1: break ups and it's actually not at all. I know,

1102
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 1: So are you sure that's what you think, because but

1103
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 1: it's not how you live your life. So I'm just

1104
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 1: wondering how aligned that actually is. I will say I

1105
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:13,799
Speaker 1: did just go through this and my ex moved on

1106
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 1: really quickly, and it was extremely painful for me, and

1107
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 1: it still is, like I still have to um deal

1108
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 1: with that. Some days it comes up like it's a

1109
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,320
Speaker 1: full grieving process in and of itself, because then you

1110
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:27,239
Speaker 1: start to ask yourself like did they even love me?

1111
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 1: Like you go through the process. I just keep saying,

1112
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:33,280
Speaker 1: like I'm going through the process of grieving the relationship

1113
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 1: and then also those actions like but I've gotten to

1114
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:40,240
Speaker 1: a place of being like that's his only coping and

1115
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 1: and I actually like I'm trying to work towards forgiveness

1116
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 1: and like knowing he's doing the best he can, I guess, um,

1117
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:51,440
Speaker 1: but like you know, and we all take different actions,

1118
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:54,160
Speaker 1: and I don't like those actions, and so that was like,

1119
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:57,759
Speaker 1: that's a validation for me of moving on is the

1120
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:02,319
Speaker 1: right thing. That was, um. But what I do know

1121
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:04,360
Speaker 1: as well is there's been a part of me that

1122
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:07,319
Speaker 1: wants to be like, well, fuck you, you did this

1123
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:09,319
Speaker 1: and that hurts, So I'm gonna go do it too,

1124
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 1: to cause him the pain because I wanted him to

1125
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 1: feel the pain that I felt because of it. But

1126
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 1: that isn't aligned with who I am, and it would

1127
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 1: not be good for me. All it would do would

1128
00:56:18,040 --> 00:56:21,240
Speaker 1: make me spiral even more. I also think it's extremely

1129
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 1: selfish to whoever I would do that with because I

1130
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:28,000
Speaker 1: don't have anything to give, so it would be literally

1131
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 1: me walking into a situation to get my personal needs

1132
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:34,439
Speaker 1: met in like revenge, I guess. And at the age

1133
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 1: of almost forty, that's just disgusting. So um for me,

1134
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 1: it's just been a part of the grieving process with him,

1135
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:45,440
Speaker 1: to like grieve that separately and then also to to

1136
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:48,520
Speaker 1: really know that like I still have to make decisions

1137
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 1: for my life that align with who I am and

1138
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:53,920
Speaker 1: who I want to be moving forward and what I

1139
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:57,360
Speaker 1: want to bring to a relationship moving forward and navigating

1140
00:56:57,400 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 1: that myself. And it doesn't for me. It's not going

1141
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:02,239
Speaker 1: to be quick. That's not gonna it wasn't that's not

1142
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 1: how it's gonna work, and it's not um how I

1143
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 1: want to be. And so like just being patient with yourself,

1144
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 1: I guess, and knowing that when it is the right time,

1145
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:14,359
Speaker 1: you will meet the right person. And just because this

1146
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 1: person has met someone and moved on, moved on and

1147
00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 1: saying some air quotes because we don't really know if

1148
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:22,080
Speaker 1: they've really truly moved on, it doesn't mean if you're

1149
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 1: not finding yourself in the situation in a new relationship

1150
00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 1: as quickly doesn't make you any less like worthy or

1151
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 1: good like you're not not good enough. It's again, like

1152
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:36,000
Speaker 1: you said, it's everyone handles exactly and grieves differently. And

1153
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 1: if this person can move on, great, it doesn't mean

1154
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 1: just because you're not in a relationship that you're any

1155
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 1: less better than than that person. I don't know. I

1156
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 1: think there's a lot of comparing to it when people

1157
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 1: come out and I think it's it feels very personal, right,

1158
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:52,000
Speaker 1: Like it feels like, well, you just didn't mean anything

1159
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 1: to them, or they didn't value you, or like if

1160
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:57,680
Speaker 1: you loved me, how could you fucking do that so fast?

1161
00:57:57,800 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 1: And so you do take it personal and for me

1162
00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 1: it cause a lot of insecurity. Um, but those are

1163
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 1: my things to work through myself. And now I'm coming

1164
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 1: out of it and I'm to a place where I'm like, no,

1165
00:58:08,680 --> 00:58:11,600
Speaker 1: that's just another way we weren't aligned. And thank you

1166
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:14,880
Speaker 1: Universe for showing me the cards there and knowing that

1167
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:19,919
Speaker 1: like walking forward, Um, I get to choose who else

1168
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:23,160
Speaker 1: I let in my life. And also like it's forced

1169
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:25,480
Speaker 1: me to have to get really confident in myself again,

1170
00:58:25,520 --> 00:58:27,520
Speaker 1: and like that does come with time. So just hang

1171
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 1: in there would be my advice. And make your life

1172
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,960
Speaker 1: your life based on you, not based on what your

1173
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 1: ex is doing. That's where you find the confidence. Yeah

1174
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:41,120
Speaker 1: I was I was going to add that, like often

1175
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with you, it's all about them,

1176
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 1: And the moment that you can sort of realize and

1177
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 1: accept that, the easier it's going to be for you

1178
00:58:51,560 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 1: to move on, um, because it's maybe they're coping. Mechanism

1179
00:58:56,840 --> 00:59:00,560
Speaker 1: is just to start over again to to forget. You know,

1180
00:59:00,760 --> 00:59:04,280
Speaker 1: guys are like taught that, like get to get over someone,

1181
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,200
Speaker 1: get under someone else. And I mean, I have a

1182
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 1: huge I've talked about this on other podcasts. I've talked

1183
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:11,400
Speaker 1: about this with Jake Woodard on a podcast about like

1184
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 1: the programming we give to men. I think that's so sad,

1185
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:17,120
Speaker 1: Like it's like, don't fill your feelings. But in actuality,

1186
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 1: I've read a lot of articles that men end up

1187
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:23,720
Speaker 1: holding onto grieving a relationship longer because they don't face

1188
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 1: their feelings and so they just like start having sex

1189
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 1: with someone else or whatever, and like ultimately it ends

1190
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:33,960
Speaker 1: it ends up keeping them stuck longer because of that.

1191
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 1: Then I actually think it's too, Like Chips said, like,

1192
00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:39,720
Speaker 1: I'm finally getting to a more clear headspace where i

1193
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 1: could actually start taking steps to move forward. And that

1194
00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 1: is because I've taken a lot of time to grieve

1195
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:50,120
Speaker 1: and feel the shitty feelings and process and go to

1196
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 1: therapy and work my program and um, that's what works

1197
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:56,360
Speaker 1: for me at least, is to actually put to bed

1198
00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:00,760
Speaker 1: the things from the past first. So maybe that's what's

1199
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:02,800
Speaker 1: going on with this girl too. Like you said, I

1200
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 1: think guys are socializing and it's like a validation thing.

1201
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,840
Speaker 1: It's like I didn't work out with this person, but look,

1202
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 1: this other person is interested in me, so we're good. Right,

1203
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 1: I'm fine. Yeah, I don't need the face anymore. Ship

1204
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 1: just can't. I'm a bit or at all. Um. Okay,

1205
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:24,120
Speaker 1: last question, because I know we're out of time here,

1206
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: but this is actually a really good question, and I

1207
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:29,080
Speaker 1: think it's a very good for an expert to answer.

1208
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 1: How important is the quote unquote spark. I'm thirty three

1209
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 1: and a guy has zero red flags but no big spark.

1210
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:37,880
Speaker 1: But I don't want to miss out on a good

1211
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 1: one because I'm hung up on a concept from my twenties.

1212
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:44,560
Speaker 1: That's a hard one, and I think, Okay, this is

1213
01:00:44,560 --> 01:00:47,320
Speaker 1: the difference though, is I think there needs to be chemistry,

1214
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 1: Like you need to feel some excitement, some excitement. I

1215
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 1: don't think it's gonna be fireworks, like we're taught in

1216
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:57,760
Speaker 1: program to believe that it is all the time. But

1217
01:00:57,840 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 1: I think you need to have a little bit of excitement.

1218
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:01,200
Speaker 1: So I think up to gauge a spark, like do

1219
01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:03,360
Speaker 1: I look forward to seeing this person? Do I get

1220
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:05,880
Speaker 1: a little bit excited to see this person? Do I

1221
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 1: want to share my share my experience as my day

1222
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 1: with this person. I think you have to look at

1223
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:12,920
Speaker 1: those things or are you like, are you feeling you're

1224
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,280
Speaker 1: doing it because you are just like wanting to be

1225
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,400
Speaker 1: in a relationship, which again, that's okay, right if you

1226
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:20,920
Speaker 1: want if that's if you're just wanting to like build

1227
01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:23,520
Speaker 1: a life with someone. And but I think the spark,

1228
01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 1: I think it's just we've created this huge idea of

1229
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:28,240
Speaker 1: what that means and looks like, and it's like but

1230
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 1: I think we've come to kind of equate spark with

1231
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:36,040
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like the Bachelor, like honestly, which

1232
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:39,800
Speaker 1: is unrealistic whirlwind romance where you just feel like swept

1233
01:01:39,840 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 1: off your feet, and actually it's like the longest relationships

1234
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 1: and like most stable there's like a slow burn, so

1235
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:48,480
Speaker 1: there's like you're excited, like you're excited to see this person,

1236
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:51,120
Speaker 1: see where it goes. Maybe you're not like you know,

1237
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:53,320
Speaker 1: having like a heart attack every time you see them,

1238
01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:55,360
Speaker 1: but you're still looking forward to it. And I think

1239
01:01:55,440 --> 01:01:57,360
Speaker 1: it's just I think you have to check in how

1240
01:01:57,560 --> 01:02:00,000
Speaker 1: how you feel with this person. I think that's more

1241
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:01,760
Speaker 1: written than the spark. But I think spark is like

1242
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:04,240
Speaker 1: you do want to feel excited. I think that's totally normal,

1243
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:07,160
Speaker 1: you want to feel attracted. Um, but I think it's

1244
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:10,120
Speaker 1: like how much how big are we talking? Because I

1245
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 1: think some people have this expectation of like they need

1246
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 1: to know it's the one, and I don't think that's

1247
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:17,480
Speaker 1: realistic because how many people go into marriage thinking it's

1248
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 1: the one? It doesn't work out right, like it's really

1249
01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:24,120
Speaker 1: it's I think it's not super straightforward like we thought

1250
01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:26,480
Speaker 1: were Like we're socialized and programmed to believe it's like

1251
01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:29,400
Speaker 1: very tail ending, right like the movie show it you

1252
01:02:29,440 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 1: can't complete or you complete me kind of ship. I

1253
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 1: actually UM talk about this a lot with my therapist

1254
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:38,080
Speaker 1: because for me, you know, like I talked openly about

1255
01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:40,440
Speaker 1: I grew up in an alcoholic home that was very

1256
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:43,400
Speaker 1: chaotic and while you know, my parents got to recovery

1257
01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:46,400
Speaker 1: and everything shifted, that was kind of the way the

1258
01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:49,840
Speaker 1: dynamic of how relationships are shaped to me. And so

1259
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:53,200
Speaker 1: sometimes for me, I have to be really careful when

1260
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:56,600
Speaker 1: I feel really drawn to someone, like our chemistry feels

1261
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:59,520
Speaker 1: on fire because it's a dysfunctional chemistry that I'm familiar with,

1262
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:03,000
Speaker 1: and so if I'm not paying attention to that. Then

1263
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:06,920
Speaker 1: I get an these relationships that just mimic my childhood

1264
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 1: dynamic and um moving forward something that you know, she

1265
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 1: and I have talked about it is just taking it

1266
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:16,280
Speaker 1: really slow, like you said, And even if I'm maybe

1267
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:19,680
Speaker 1: a little quote unquote board at the beginning, the boredom

1268
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 1: is actually probably like a good thing for a person

1269
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 1: like me because the chaos is what I know, so

1270
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:28,440
Speaker 1: like I'm going to be drawn to that that same thing.

1271
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 1: But what I really want from a relationship might come

1272
01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 1: after a quote unquote couple normal boring dates, you know,

1273
01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:42,040
Speaker 1: and like the deeper connection can come after that, and

1274
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,320
Speaker 1: and that actually is probably how you find true love

1275
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 1: and true intimacy. Eat. Anyway, when I think think about

1276
01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 1: when you she said, she's twenty two, When you're twenty

1277
01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 1: two or in your twenties, like you're not seeking monotony.

1278
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:57,640
Speaker 1: Usually you're not seeking like you know, like that stability

1279
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:02,520
Speaker 1: and that foundation you're wanting like excitement and spontaneity age

1280
01:04:02,560 --> 01:04:05,400
Speaker 1: you're just like excited to experience new things. And then

1281
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:06,960
Speaker 1: I think what's hard is when you in your in

1282
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:09,160
Speaker 1: your thirties and forties, and you know, just later in

1283
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 1: life you want something that's more like that feels safe

1284
01:04:12,240 --> 01:04:16,560
Speaker 1: and secure, and that's reliable and consistent. And unfortunately, like

1285
01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:19,720
Speaker 1: usually the spark or like that chaos you talk about

1286
01:04:19,880 --> 01:04:23,560
Speaker 1: is not going to give be those things. Yeah, I think.

1287
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:25,280
Speaker 1: I just think about people in their twenties partying and

1288
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 1: stuff and having drunken fights and like this, like it's

1289
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,000
Speaker 1: you know, you're getting these passionate fights and you're so

1290
01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:31,800
Speaker 1: angry at one another and you're yelling at each other

1291
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:34,760
Speaker 1: and you're making up and it's amazing. I mean that's

1292
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:37,720
Speaker 1: not sustainable long term. And also it's also like we're

1293
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 1: way too old entire friends, right, Like I can't do

1294
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:45,440
Speaker 1: it anymore. Yeah, fun in your twenties. Leah, thank you

1295
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:48,840
Speaker 1: so much. I think that we hopefully answered all you

1296
01:04:48,840 --> 01:04:51,400
Speaker 1: guys questions, and there's a couple of we didn't get

1297
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:53,720
Speaker 1: to you, but we are sadly out of time, so

1298
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:57,440
Speaker 1: we'll just have to have you back. Yes, I love questions.

1299
01:04:57,520 --> 01:05:00,640
Speaker 1: UM tell the people where they can find you first,

1300
01:05:01,320 --> 01:05:03,600
Speaker 1: so you can find me on Instagram. That her true

1301
01:05:03,640 --> 01:05:06,080
Speaker 1: Empowerment And I'm actually I have to have a new

1302
01:05:06,080 --> 01:05:07,800
Speaker 1: e book that's out, so you can find that on

1303
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,520
Speaker 1: my website and that's linked in my Instagram handle, And

1304
01:05:10,560 --> 01:05:12,200
Speaker 1: that's what I was gonna ask you describe a little

1305
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:14,080
Speaker 1: bit what the e book is about, because when you

1306
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:15,440
Speaker 1: were telling me about it before, I felt like it

1307
01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:17,160
Speaker 1: was really in line with all the stuff we talked

1308
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:19,920
Speaker 1: about today. So it's basically an e book and it's

1309
01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 1: really specific to online dating, but this idea of dating

1310
01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:26,760
Speaker 1: with more intention and dating mindfully and becoming aware of

1311
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:29,640
Speaker 1: what you need, what your values are, what you value

1312
01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:31,960
Speaker 1: in a relationship, what you want and a partner, and

1313
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 1: then dating mindfully and with intentions slowly even when you're

1314
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:37,280
Speaker 1: on the apps, and how what that looks like, how

1315
01:05:37,320 --> 01:05:40,360
Speaker 1: to do it, how to navigate uncomfortable situations and be

1316
01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:42,760
Speaker 1: direct and communicate. I think those are the things that

1317
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:45,040
Speaker 1: we talked about. Is so difficult for a lot of people,

1318
01:05:45,080 --> 01:05:48,040
Speaker 1: but it's super important to do. So it's just basically

1319
01:05:48,120 --> 01:05:50,800
Speaker 1: an e book that helps you kind of work step

1320
01:05:50,800 --> 01:05:52,800
Speaker 1: by step through that process and then also gives you

1321
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:55,680
Speaker 1: some activities and reflective questions to ask yourself and even

1322
01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:57,880
Speaker 1: journal if you want. It's I think it gonna be

1323
01:05:57,880 --> 01:06:00,200
Speaker 1: a really helpful tool for a lot of people. Yeah,

1324
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,280
Speaker 1: I'm definitely gonna read so it's um at her True

1325
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:05,640
Speaker 1: Empowerment on Instagram. You guys go check it out. I'll

1326
01:06:05,640 --> 01:06:07,919
Speaker 1: also put it in the description of this podcast. Thank

1327
01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:10,040
Speaker 1: you again Leah for being here, Chip. Thank you for

1328
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,280
Speaker 1: showing up with us today. That was so fun of

1329
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:17,240
Speaker 1: you to pleasure us. Okay, my god, thank you guys

1330
01:06:17,280 --> 01:06:19,480
Speaker 1: for listening and for all the questions. I love when

1331
01:06:19,480 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 1: you guys give us a ton to work with. It

1332
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:23,840
Speaker 1: makes this so much more fun for us. So keep

1333
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:27,640
Speaker 1: them coming to my Instagram is at Velvet's Edge. Chip

1334
01:06:27,960 --> 01:06:33,160
Speaker 1: is at chip Doors d R. I love that you

1335
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:35,120
Speaker 1: pretended like you weren't going to actually go there and

1336
01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:40,240
Speaker 1: do this, but I'm like, come on now, hello, you're

1337
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:44,400
Speaker 1: already late today. You can always also email us at

1338
01:06:44,480 --> 01:06:47,160
Speaker 1: the Edge at Velvet's Edge dot com. And as you

1339
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:49,439
Speaker 1: guys go into this weekend and we've given you all

1340
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:52,680
Speaker 1: the sex and dating advice to successfully go through this weekend,

1341
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:58,360
Speaker 1: I hope Waite tried to check through something. As you

1342
01:06:58,360 --> 01:06:59,960
Speaker 1: guys go into this weekend and you're living on the

1343
01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:02,560
Speaker 1: edge with all the sex and dating advice that we

1344
01:07:02,680 --> 01:07:08,400
Speaker 1: just gave you, I hope you always remember to act casual. Bye.

1345
01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:11,080
Speaker 1: M