WEBVTT - PODCAST: Darvin Does Security

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<v Speaker 1>It's another jewel on the twenty. Tell me I'm moving nine. Hello, Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>is this Kelly? This is Kelly Kelly. My name is

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<v Speaker 1>Darvin Wood, and I'm the new security guard for your warehouses.

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<v Speaker 1>The guard before me gave me your number and said

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<v Speaker 1>that I needed to call you. Yes, yes, yes, Um,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, tell me your name one more time, Darvin, Darvin. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry we haven't had a chance to meet, but

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<v Speaker 1>I'm glad that Mark gave you my numbers so we

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<v Speaker 1>can chat. So fill me in kind of on your

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<v Speaker 1>experience so far. Okay, well, you know I've only been

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<v Speaker 1>here for a few hours now. Um, I guess I

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<v Speaker 1>never knew how dark it got here. Okay, Um, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you didn't know how dark it gotten in a warehouse. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's really dark. And then I have another question. Do

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<v Speaker 1>you guys have spiders or anything. I'm sure there are spiders.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a it's a warehouse. Oh my gosh, are you serious? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Do Mark not give you the flashlight though? To you?

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<v Speaker 1>He gave me a flashlight. I'm just not really used

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<v Speaker 1>to it being so dark. And then also the spiders

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<v Speaker 1>thing is kind of freaking me out a little bit. Sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>let's back up here for a second. Is there a

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<v Speaker 1>spider in testation somewhere in the building that were we

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<v Speaker 1>need to be made aware of? Or are you just

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<v Speaker 1>like afraid of like a daddy long leg. Well, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not really a big fan of spiders in general. But

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<v Speaker 1>I also have to tell you something else. Earlier, I

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<v Speaker 1>think I've heard a sound. You're a security guard. Did

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<v Speaker 1>you check it out? Well? No, but is there somebody

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<v Speaker 1>else nearby they can take a look. No, you are

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<v Speaker 1>getting paid to do this. This is your job. I

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<v Speaker 1>have to be kind of honest. The sound was scary. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so you said this sound was scary. What did it

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<v Speaker 1>sound like? I don't know. It's like a rock or

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<v Speaker 1>a pebble was thrown against one of the warehouses. It

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<v Speaker 1>was like a like a p they're calling me because

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<v Speaker 1>a rock was thrown against one of the warehouse walls. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if it was a rock for sure,

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<v Speaker 1>but it could have been anything. It could have been

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<v Speaker 1>a scary clown throwing rocks, or a guy dressed up

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<v Speaker 1>as a scary clown throwing rocks. I don't I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>Why would you think that it's a clown? Did you

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<v Speaker 1>see somebody walking around the still? No? But I've seen

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of movies where, like you know, a clown

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<v Speaker 1>will like throw a rock or something to get the

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<v Speaker 1>security guard to come and investigate, and then when they

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<v Speaker 1>go look at it, they grab them, you know, So, Darvin,

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<v Speaker 1>there are no clowns out there. Well, I'm just scared.

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<v Speaker 1>I've never been a security guard before. Do you do

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<v Speaker 1>you think you could just come help me this one

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<v Speaker 1>time and just come look with me. This is ridiculous.

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<v Speaker 1>This is your job. You need to go and investigate. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll go take a look. But if I don't come back,

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<v Speaker 1>can you tell my mom that I loved her? Sure?

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<v Speaker 1>If you want me to tell your mom, I will

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<v Speaker 1>tell your mom. But please just go invest inigate, go

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<v Speaker 1>do your job. Thank you, Darvin. I need you to

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<v Speaker 1>quit calling this number. Well, I know you're I know

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<v Speaker 1>you're Are you sound annoyed at least? Are you yet?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm extremely annoyed. Did you go and check out the sound, Darvin?

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<v Speaker 1>I did, and everything's fine. I don't have an emergency.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not scared of anything. I just had an update

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<v Speaker 1>for you. You're not supposed to call me for update.

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<v Speaker 1>You can email me. I'd give me my email address.

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<v Speaker 1>Please email me update. No, no, I know, but you're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna you're gonna want to hear this update. I promise

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<v Speaker 1>you're gonna want to hear it. Fine, Darwin, what is

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<v Speaker 1>the update? You know the guard dog Zeus? What about him?

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<v Speaker 1>Check this out? I taught him to roll over and

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<v Speaker 1>I scratched his belly and it was so cute. You

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<v Speaker 1>have to see it when you come to work on Monday.

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<v Speaker 1>You have to see Are you freaking kidding me? Devin?

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<v Speaker 1>You're calling me? This was my personal number with an emergency.

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<v Speaker 1>Tell me that you taught Zeus to roll over? No,

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<v Speaker 1>not an emergency, so I mean, unless it's a cute emergency.

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<v Speaker 1>But you have to see this next time you're gonna work. No, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>no, no no no, this is not what you use this number. Four.

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<v Speaker 1>I never want you to call me again. Do you

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<v Speaker 1>understand what I'm saying here? Well, not even if I

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<v Speaker 1>teach him to shake, No, not even any Are you

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<v Speaker 1>freaking kidding me? You don't keat a guard dog to

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<v Speaker 1>do tricks. He's there to guard well, I know, I know,

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<v Speaker 1>but he and I were playing because all those other

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<v Speaker 1>guys you know, they showed up with their truck to

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<v Speaker 1>to grab stuff from the warehouse. So he and I

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<v Speaker 1>just went and played ohoooa, whoa, whoa, what what? What's

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<v Speaker 1>after hours? Who was coming to the warehouse to grab

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<v Speaker 1>stuff with their trucks? I don't remember their name. They

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<v Speaker 1>just said they were the pick some stuff up and

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, come on in, I'll get the dog

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<v Speaker 1>out of the way, and no what Yeah, yeah, they

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<v Speaker 1>seem nice though. I don't know where they were going.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know, it was like a pickup truck too,

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<v Speaker 1>which was weird. I thought it should have been like

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<v Speaker 1>a bigger truck. But anyway, things are fine. Things are

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<v Speaker 1>not fine. I'm coming down there right now, Darvin, you

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<v Speaker 1>are getting fired, and I'm probably gonna call the cops

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<v Speaker 1>on you. Well, in that case, I should tell you

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<v Speaker 1>it's a prank phone call, because I don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>get fired. I don't even work there. I guess what. Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>this is actually Jewel from Brook and Jewel in the

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<v Speaker 1>morning doing a phone tap on you. Your best friend

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<v Speaker 1>Skyler set you up. What oh, no freaking way. He

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<v Speaker 1>said that you've been having issues hiring quality security guards lately,

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<v Speaker 1>so this was a nightmare. You can't see me. You

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<v Speaker 1>probably thought you hired the worst security guard of all time.

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<v Speaker 1>Huh No, no, no, you'd made a surprise at what

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<v Speaker 1>ideal with weak up every morning the twenties on moving

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<v Speaker 1>Natty two point five weed them