1
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,400
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. If I ever told

2
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:20,440
Speaker 1: you protection I hiar Radio. Here's a personal question for you.

3
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:26,960
Speaker 1: I suppose have you ever had a celebrity sex dream? Yes? Oh,

4
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,559
Speaker 1: mind sharing, Uh, always kind of vague. I feel like

5
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,960
Speaker 1: the last celebrity sex dream I had, I think I

6
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,280
Speaker 1: ended up telling my partner and he was like, thanks,

7
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,320
Speaker 1: I want to say it was Brendan Fraser. I think

8
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:49,879
Speaker 1: it's like the mommy yes, yes, and it would be

9
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,800
Speaker 1: that time frame as well, And it was just pretty

10
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,960
Speaker 1: much like I have some weird dreams, and all of

11
00:00:55,960 --> 00:01:00,320
Speaker 1: it has implications of like is romantic and sweet but

12
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:04,280
Speaker 1: also confusing because typically in public and I don't know

13
00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:07,959
Speaker 1: why weird dreams, but it takes place either where it's

14
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:15,360
Speaker 1: public enough that we may be in a children's little

15
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,600
Speaker 1: like playhouse, you know, those plastic playhouse that would happen

16
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:24,880
Speaker 1: one time, and or a tree house, so but people

17
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:28,280
Speaker 1: are around, and it's like it doesn't make sense while

18
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:32,160
Speaker 1: we're there. But it's typically those types of dreams. Somebody

19
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,840
Speaker 1: might interpret this. Yeah, please don't don't tell me. I

20
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:41,880
Speaker 1: don't that. Um. I remember very vividly the first sextream

21
00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:45,640
Speaker 1: I had with celebrities and it was after I saw

22
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:51,080
Speaker 1: Black Swan, So I was I was in college. Uh,

23
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,960
Speaker 1: I had a sex dream with Mila Kunes and Joseph

24
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,680
Speaker 1: Gordon lived it was so it was a threesome. But

25
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,480
Speaker 1: I know we talked about this in our um A

26
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,919
Speaker 1: sexual episode. I normally don't like. I don't fantasize about people.

27
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,920
Speaker 1: I don't normally have sex streams. A few times i've

28
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,600
Speaker 1: had them, it's almost always been with a fictional character

29
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:14,200
Speaker 1: that I don't like, and I wake up really angry

30
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:19,600
Speaker 1: about it. Why I hated every second of that? Why

31
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,960
Speaker 1: that guy? Which also probably says something about me, and

32
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:28,480
Speaker 1: you can interpret it if you want, But I just

33
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,560
Speaker 1: wanted to ask because recently we we've done a lot

34
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:35,040
Speaker 1: of talking about orgasms and virginity as we are want

35
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,040
Speaker 1: to do on this show, and UM a while back,

36
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,080
Speaker 1: Kristen and Caroline did an episode on who Fakes Orgasms,

37
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,000
Speaker 1: which is something that we talked about in our orgasm episode.

38
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,040
Speaker 1: So you'll probably hear some of the same stuff, but

39
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:50,000
Speaker 1: some new new stuff are like updated stuff from us

40
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,120
Speaker 1: and then more in depth stuff here. So please enjoy

41
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:59,920
Speaker 1: this classic episode. Welcome to Stuff Mom Never told you

42
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:08,240
Speaker 1: From housetop works dot com. Hello and welcome to the podcast.

43
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:12,680
Speaker 1: I'm Kristen and I'm Caroline. And Caroline, since we're talking

44
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,160
Speaker 1: about fake orgasms today, I just want to go ahead

45
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,640
Speaker 1: and get the one Harry met Sally reference out of

46
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:24,000
Speaker 1: the way. In almost every article that we read, Nora

47
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:29,960
Speaker 1: Ehron's hit about friends who can't possibly not be lovers

48
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,919
Speaker 1: came up because there's that famous Dean with Meg Ryan

49
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:38,040
Speaker 1: faggy an orgasm to Billy Crystal and Cats his deli

50
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:41,160
Speaker 1: in New York City, and it's hilarious and no, I'm

51
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,960
Speaker 1: not going to reenact it because that would be very inappropriate,

52
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:48,040
Speaker 1: but there it is, and their conversation in the movie

53
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,160
Speaker 1: during that scene pretty much sums of everything that we're

54
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,480
Speaker 1: going to talk about, and which is basically like Meg

55
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,080
Speaker 1: Ryan saying, oh, well, everybody every woman's faked at one

56
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,200
Speaker 1: point or another, and Billy Crystal is like, oh, but

57
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,920
Speaker 1: not with me, and she goes, well, you do the math.

58
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,600
Speaker 1: Every woman's faked it and every man thinks that they haven't.

59
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:08,880
Speaker 1: So but not, it's not the entire conversation that Carolina,

60
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,960
Speaker 1: it's not that cutting dry. Yeah. So before we get

61
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,880
Speaker 1: into statistics, because we got a lot of statistics to

62
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,599
Speaker 1: go over with fake orgasms, because I'm sure everybody's wanting

63
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,719
Speaker 1: to know what percentage of women have done it? Have

64
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:27,839
Speaker 1: men done it too? Um? But the whole female faking

65
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:32,400
Speaker 1: thing has a lot of cultural baggage with it as well.

66
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:36,480
Speaker 1: That goes way back beyond when Harry Melt Sally Yeah,

67
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,760
Speaker 1: goes back to the Victorians, those dark Victorians. They always

68
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,960
Speaker 1: come up, what do they Why? Why are we still

69
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:47,320
Speaker 1: suffering under Victorian things stuff? At least we got graham

70
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,560
Speaker 1: crackers and corn flakes out of it, I guess, and

71
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:56,320
Speaker 1: doubt Navvy And although it's more of an Edwardian anyway. Um. Yes, Well,

72
00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:01,080
Speaker 1: during the Victorian era, the woman's orgasm came to be

73
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,240
Speaker 1: seen as sort of an unnecessary part of sexual intercourse.

74
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:09,000
Speaker 1: It really was sort of viewed as a man's thing

75
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,080
Speaker 1: to really enjoy sex and have an orgasm, whereas women

76
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,680
Speaker 1: were supposed to lie back and think of England and

77
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,120
Speaker 1: if they didn't orgasm, who cares? Right? Well, there was

78
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:22,360
Speaker 1: the point made by Brian Fawz in Performing Sex, The

79
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:27,880
Speaker 1: Making and Unmaking of Women's Erotic Lives that the sort

80
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:32,719
Speaker 1: of self imposed sexual oppression became linked during that era

81
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:39,360
Speaker 1: to higher class for women. Yeah, um, not only higher class,

82
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:43,040
Speaker 1: but it's it's funny to talk about uh sex and

83
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,200
Speaker 1: gender and all this stuff in the Victorian area era.

84
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:50,640
Speaker 1: Excuse me because UM. Tied into all this is hysteria,

85
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:55,640
Speaker 1: the female disease which was caused in their minds by

86
00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:02,360
Speaker 1: a wandering womb, which goes back to Hippocrates Hippocrates um

87
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:06,159
Speaker 1: who said that the you know, women might go crazy

88
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,799
Speaker 1: because they're their uteruses are are wandering around, just wandering,

89
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,120
Speaker 1: wandering the womb. But if you fast forward to the eighties,

90
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:20,200
Speaker 1: when the first vibrators were invented, Um, they realized that

91
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:24,280
Speaker 1: they could cure hysteria, all of this anxiety and sleeplessness

92
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:29,200
Speaker 1: and excessive sexual fantasy that these women were experiencing by

93
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,120
Speaker 1: bringing women to orgasm. Right, and this was something done

94
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:36,120
Speaker 1: in doctor's offices, Like medical professionals were leading women to

95
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,000
Speaker 1: orgasm as a way to be like, hey, just calm down,

96
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,760
Speaker 1: don't don't have so much anxiety in your life, lady.

97
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,480
Speaker 1: And it's it's I can't believe that an orgasm went

98
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,680
Speaker 1: from being a normal thing that men and women experience

99
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:52,839
Speaker 1: to something that women shouldn't experience because they're too classy

100
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,200
Speaker 1: for that to being something that happens in doctor's offices.

101
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,960
Speaker 1: But then after that though, I mean, like, if we're

102
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:03,359
Speaker 1: talking about orgasm today, not only is it considered this

103
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:08,039
Speaker 1: normalized part or expected part of the sexual experience, but

104
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:13,800
Speaker 1: that is we conflate sex with orgasm. Yeah, good sex

105
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:18,040
Speaker 1: equals having an orgasm. It's an expectation. It's also um,

106
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,840
Speaker 1: I think brand Faz also frames it as a type

107
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,960
Speaker 1: of gift that women give. And we're talking to at

108
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,600
Speaker 1: this point about heterosexual women a gift that they give

109
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,840
Speaker 1: to their male partner. Yeah, and as as far as

110
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,960
Speaker 1: it's more of the history goes of of sexual intercourse

111
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:39,000
Speaker 1: and orgasms and how they relate um, the psychoanalysts. Freud

112
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,280
Speaker 1: got in on the discussion and it became okay suddenly

113
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,880
Speaker 1: for women to have orgasms, expected for that to happen.

114
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,680
Speaker 1: But you're a weirdo if you can't have an orgasm

115
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:53,120
Speaker 1: through vaginal intercourse alone, right. Floyd Freud was very dismissive

116
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,800
Speaker 1: of c literal stimulation. He said that was basically for girls,

117
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,480
Speaker 1: and if you cannot figure out how to have an

118
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:06,280
Speaker 1: orgasm through penile vaginal intercourse, you really weren't a woman, Yeah,

119
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,680
Speaker 1: not a real woman. And then so fast forward, way

120
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:14,640
Speaker 1: forward into the dawn of the feminist movement. Feminist activism,

121
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:18,679
Speaker 1: and the female orgasm, according to Jane Gerhardt, came to

122
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:23,120
Speaker 1: signify the political power of women's sexual self determination. So

123
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,480
Speaker 1: suddenly the discourse was more about we can have an

124
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,360
Speaker 1: orgasm anyway we want, and we deserve to have an

125
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,960
Speaker 1: orgasm any way we want, right, and it shouldn't just

126
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:35,319
Speaker 1: be some kind of gift or performance unless it is

127
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:39,280
Speaker 1: a gift or performance, you know, for ourselves. Maybe that

128
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:44,760
Speaker 1: just sounds like masturbation though, which was another two part podcast, Right, yeah,

129
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,920
Speaker 1: we've already covered that. Yeah. The author of that Making

130
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,720
Speaker 1: an Unmaking of Women's Erotic Lives book sites research that

131
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,239
Speaker 1: shows that some women tend to downplay the significance of orgasm,

132
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,439
Speaker 1: while other women rate it as the most important feature

133
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,840
Speaker 1: of sexual satisfaction. And so now we're getting into more

134
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,400
Speaker 1: of the oh well it's okay, you just go ahead

135
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,760
Speaker 1: kind of mentality that some women have about sex. Right,

136
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,560
Speaker 1: and a lot of surveys from the Kinsey Institute have

137
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,480
Speaker 1: found that if you ask men and women whether or

138
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:20,760
Speaker 1: not sex can be satisfying without an orgasm, way more

139
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,040
Speaker 1: women will say yeah, that's okay, compared to men who

140
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:27,040
Speaker 1: are like, oh, I gonna know, I mean sort of,

141
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:31,040
Speaker 1: that's what that's my end goal, right, And that Fause

142
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,920
Speaker 1: says that by downplaying the importance of orgasms, women may

143
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,320
Speaker 1: be indicating that they don't value their orgasmic pleasure, or

144
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,320
Speaker 1: like you were saying, it could be that they have

145
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,680
Speaker 1: placed a greater importance on other aspects of relationships. So

146
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:48,360
Speaker 1: maybe just emotional connectedness, but uh, having the connectedness of

147
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:53,320
Speaker 1: sex is more important than actually achieving orgasm um. So

148
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,600
Speaker 1: by that, by extension of that logic, you would think

149
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:01,760
Speaker 1: that if we're faking orgas um, it would be too

150
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:09,160
Speaker 1: foster emotional intimacy or to trappaman depending on what you're reading,

151
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,880
Speaker 1: depending on what you're reading, because there's also the notion

152
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,760
Speaker 1: that you know, completely opposite to that, that faking an

153
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,560
Speaker 1: orgasm is a way for us to distance ourselves from

154
00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:21,560
Speaker 1: male sexual partners by ourselves. I'm still talking again about

155
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:25,320
Speaker 1: heterosexual women. Will talk about same sex relationships a little

156
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,920
Speaker 1: bit later on. Um, do you want to get into

157
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,000
Speaker 1: some statistics. Let's do it the stats. Let's set the

158
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,800
Speaker 1: stats there have been a number of studies and surveys

159
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:41,000
Speaker 1: on women faking it, women specifically faking it from nineteen

160
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,800
Speaker 1: seventy three to the present day. A series of studies

161
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:50,000
Speaker 1: have found that anywhere from fifty three to sixty five

162
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:56,439
Speaker 1: of both married and unmarried women have pretended to climax

163
00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,199
Speaker 1: at some point. Um there was a study at leave

164
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,680
Speaker 1: It came out in two thousand and ten from Aaron

165
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,600
Speaker 1: Cooper who was a psychologist at Temple University, and she

166
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,240
Speaker 1: talked to three hundred and sixty six women ages eighteen

167
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:14,080
Speaker 1: to thirty two and found that about sixty of these

168
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:18,360
Speaker 1: women faked it. And I thought that this study was

169
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:22,760
Speaker 1: kind of compelling because the number one reason that she

170
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:28,720
Speaker 1: found for these mostly college females faking it was creating distance.

171
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,760
Speaker 1: And then she also found for a small subset said

172
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,240
Speaker 1: that it actually enhanced their own sexual experience. Was kind

173
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,040
Speaker 1: of a fake it till you make it sort of thing. Yeah,

174
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,080
Speaker 1: maybe the faking it just turned them on more, and

175
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,760
Speaker 1: maybe they could actually achieve a real orgasm, well yeah,

176
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,120
Speaker 1: by maybe by by faking excitement, that could turn the

177
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,600
Speaker 1: other person on more as well. And then it's sort

178
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:55,680
Speaker 1: of snowballs perhaps, Yeah, UM some other reasons that people

179
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,560
Speaker 1: say in various studies that they faked orgasm. We're avoiding

180
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:03,439
Speaker 1: the blame, aim and pressure that comes along with with sex,

181
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,280
Speaker 1: and avoiding conflict, doubt, guilt, shame, whether it's yours or

182
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,640
Speaker 1: your partners. UM and some people that Fause talked to

183
00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:14,160
Speaker 1: you in her book. Basically we're saying, you know, well,

184
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,760
Speaker 1: I don't have a good reason for not you know,

185
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,640
Speaker 1: orgasm NG, so maybe I should just go ahead and

186
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,679
Speaker 1: fake it. I feel bad about it. Oh, these expectations.

187
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,960
Speaker 1: A lot of this goes back to UH, to these

188
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:29,560
Speaker 1: sex roles and these sexual scripts that we take into

189
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:35,200
Speaker 1: the bedroom and feel so compelled to follow. UM. And

190
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:37,760
Speaker 1: in addition to you know, not wanting to have to

191
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:42,080
Speaker 1: explain yourself, there's also the idea of wanting to make

192
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:47,760
Speaker 1: your partner feel adequate, especially among UH opposite sex couples.

193
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:54,080
Speaker 1: There was a study from the University of Kansas from

194
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:58,920
Speaker 1: Charlene L. Mullen Hard and Sheina KA Shippy, and she

195
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:03,120
Speaker 1: similar to the Temple University study I just mentioned, pulled

196
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,200
Speaker 1: both male and female students and asked whether they had

197
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:11,920
Speaker 1: faked orgasm and the number one reason why the of

198
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,280
Speaker 1: women said yes, they had faked an orgasm, was that

199
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,760
Speaker 1: they didn't want to bruise the guy's egos. This would

200
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:25,480
Speaker 1: be called altruistic deceit. Yeah, that's uh, that's interesting because

201
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,719
Speaker 1: men's a lot of men's reasons for faking it are

202
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,120
Speaker 1: similar to women's the same, like they just wanted to

203
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,520
Speaker 1: be over or they know they're not going to achieve orgasm,

204
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,200
Speaker 1: so let's just go ahead and get this over with.

205
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,280
Speaker 1: But I wonder if men have the same the same

206
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,520
Speaker 1: reasoning as far as not wanting to hurt someone's feelings.

207
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:46,080
Speaker 1: There is a gender difference um that Dr Mollenhard at

208
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:50,680
Speaker 1: the University of Kansas uncovered between men's and women's rationale

209
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:55,480
Speaker 1: for faking an orgasm. More women said that they wanted

210
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:59,760
Speaker 1: to either avoid the negative consequence of having to explain

211
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:04,480
Speaker 1: why they weren't able to finish um, or they wanted

212
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,560
Speaker 1: to please their partners, So kind of from both angles,

213
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,240
Speaker 1: it's a way of it's sort of a subservience to

214
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,080
Speaker 1: the other person. Yeah, and going back to Aaron Cooper

215
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,800
Speaker 1: who you mentioned earlier, and altruistic deceit, you know, saving

216
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,680
Speaker 1: the person's feelings. Um. Aaron Cooper called it a relationship

217
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:25,520
Speaker 1: maintenance strategy and basically said that this leads into another

218
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,360
Speaker 1: study called do women pretend orgasm to retain a mate?

219
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,560
Speaker 1: I was not on board with a study from Todd

220
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:37,280
Speaker 1: Shackelford and Dr Shackleford. If you're listening, No, nothing personal,

221
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,280
Speaker 1: but I question your methodology. It felt like one of

222
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,880
Speaker 1: those kind of self fulfilling prophecies that's set up like

223
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:50,360
Speaker 1: these researchers basically went into this study assuming that via

224
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:55,680
Speaker 1: evolutionary biology, that women who suspected their partner of cheating

225
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,760
Speaker 1: were more likely to fake because it was it was

226
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:01,760
Speaker 1: a way to manipulate a partner's conmit meant by signaling

227
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,400
Speaker 1: a mate selection, because it also goes back to this

228
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:09,720
Speaker 1: theory of female orgasm existing as a way for um

229
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:15,400
Speaker 1: women to retain sperm of fitter mates, so that you know,

230
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,440
Speaker 1: it's a signal to guys that were like, hey, you

231
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,080
Speaker 1: know what my body is into your body? That means

232
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:24,320
Speaker 1: you're amazing. I'm boosting your ego right now. And uh so,

233
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,880
Speaker 1: so they pulled these women for how often they faked orgasms,

234
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:32,320
Speaker 1: and then they also asked about certain behaviors such as

235
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,840
Speaker 1: intentionally flirting in front of other guys to make their

236
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:39,600
Speaker 1: partner jealous or displaying jealous tendencies toward other women that

237
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:44,760
Speaker 1: they're uh, their mates might interact with. And so they said, yes,

238
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 1: there is a correlation, and women be faking just to

239
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:53,840
Speaker 1: keep their men around. Exactly. That's actually a quote from

240
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,280
Speaker 1: the study. And really, I mean, if you think about it,

241
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,600
Speaker 1: we have like listed out so many different reasons why

242
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,800
Speaker 1: women might fake. It might be to keep a man.

243
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,760
Speaker 1: It might be to drive him away. It might be

244
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 1: to go to bed, it might be to stay awake

245
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,800
Speaker 1: and cuddle. And I would just like to state my

246
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:13,400
Speaker 1: favorite quote from this this Retain a Mate study. Uh.

247
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,320
Speaker 1: You know, we talked about how women are are faking

248
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:20,040
Speaker 1: orgasms to to retain their mate and being like, you're sexy,

249
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:21,720
Speaker 1: so I'm going to fake it and look at how

250
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,960
Speaker 1: sexy I am by making all these noises, So let's

251
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:29,680
Speaker 1: be sexy together. Um. Another reason is to prevent defection

252
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,960
Speaker 1: from the relationship, which I think is a great way

253
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,680
Speaker 1: a great of course a scientist person would write that,

254
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:41,200
Speaker 1: so instead of saying we broke up, just starts saying, well, uh,

255
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,000
Speaker 1: she defected. Yeah. I think the next time that anything

256
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 1: like this happens to me, like a breakup or something.

257
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:51,440
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to say, it's I'm not breaking

258
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:55,240
Speaker 1: up with you, I am defecting. To defect from this relationship,

259
00:16:55,240 --> 00:17:00,840
Speaker 1: it sounds much more revolutionary like rod affection from the anyway,

260
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 1: moving on, Um, well, a lot of this research is

261
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:09,840
Speaker 1: focused on women, but we have not gotten to one

262
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:15,000
Speaker 1: of the most groundbreaking points of all this research, which

263
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:22,000
Speaker 1: is that guys, guess what, you're doing it too. Guys

264
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 1: are doing it too, and not just a couple of

265
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:29,159
Speaker 1: fellas here and there no no going back to that

266
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:35,000
Speaker 1: University of Kansas study which was done specifically because Charlene L.

267
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:41,080
Speaker 1: Mullenhard wanted to know whether or not men pretended orgasm,

268
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:46,320
Speaker 1: and of the men surveyed said that yes, they had pretended,

269
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:50,920
Speaker 1: and another in addition to that, another sixteen percent said

270
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:55,679
Speaker 1: that they had kenna sort of pretended, done something along

271
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,679
Speaker 1: the lines to to deceive their partner in terms of

272
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:05,080
Speaker 1: how my they were really enjoying the sexual activity. Um.

273
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 1: And there was one interesting difference that she found in

274
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 1: the ways that men and women faked it. Uh, Carolin,

275
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,879
Speaker 1: you mentioned, you know, looking sexy and being all like

276
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,840
Speaker 1: oh wow, you know, going back to the when Harry

277
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:24,879
Speaker 1: met sally, oh wow. Women tend to fake by becoming

278
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:29,520
Speaker 1: a lot more vocal, whereas men tend to fake by

279
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:35,359
Speaker 1: clenching their muscles more and thrusting harder and then being like, Okay,

280
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,679
Speaker 1: I did it, I'm done, or just stopping. Some of

281
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:43,840
Speaker 1: the guys were like, well I just I just stopped. Yeah,

282
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,000
Speaker 1: it's over now. And and some of the studies talked

283
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:51,200
Speaker 1: about scripts for this kind of thing, relationship and sexual

284
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:54,480
Speaker 1: scripts for this kind of thing, and how, um, when

285
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,160
Speaker 1: a man fakes it, or when a man orgasms real

286
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:01,840
Speaker 1: or fake, uh, that signifies that's faith over, whereas if

287
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 1: a woman fakes it, that signifies like okay, honey, you

288
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 1: can go now, so that we can stop right. Um.

289
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 1: And I think it's also worth pointing out that a

290
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:19,440
Speaker 1: vast majority of this fakery takes place during penile vaginal intercourse.

291
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 1: Oral sex came in a quote distant second, So there's

292
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:30,880
Speaker 1: something about intercourse that that that sets these crazy scripts

293
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 1: into play. And the script, the established script is that, uh,

294
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:39,639
Speaker 1: that the woman should orgasm first and then the man

295
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:44,919
Speaker 1: should orgasm, because the male orgasm signals the end of sex.

296
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:50,119
Speaker 1: Because in the physiological process of sexual intercourse and climax,

297
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,360
Speaker 1: men go through a latency period after sex, whereas women

298
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 1: can have multiple orgasms. And playing off of some of

299
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 1: those differences you were talking about, UM, a study bisexual

300
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 1: research team William Masters and Virginia Johnson found in the lab.

301
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 1: I wonder what kind of experiments these were found in

302
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 1: the lab that men took about four minutes to orgasm

303
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,879
Speaker 1: with their partner, while women took ten to twenty minutes

304
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,720
Speaker 1: to orgasm with a partner. But when masturbating women took

305
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: about you guessed it four minutes. So there, you're right,

306
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:29,639
Speaker 1: there is something about partnered sexual uh, penile vaginal intercourse

307
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,679
Speaker 1: right because um, and I don't have the statistics in

308
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 1: front of me, but women will report far higher prevalence

309
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 1: of achieving an orgasm through clitoral stimulation versus achieving orgasm

310
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 1: through vaginal stimulation exclusively a lot of women. I think

311
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 1: it's something around of women rarely will have an orgasm

312
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 1: just from vaginal intercourse. But there was all this brought

313
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: up a question in my mind of whether or not

314
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:06,199
Speaker 1: this is just an issue for heterosexual couples. UM. And

315
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 1: while a majority of the research is done on on

316
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,440
Speaker 1: street women, there was a study that we found from

317
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 1: the Journal of Sex Research in a little bit dated,

318
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 1: and the researchers were investigating the differences in self reported

319
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 1: sexual satisfaction among lesbians compared to straight women, and they

320
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,240
Speaker 1: found that lo and behold, lesbian's report having sex more often,

321
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:37,879
Speaker 1: feeling more sexually satisfied, and having orgasms uh more often

322
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:43,440
Speaker 1: than their straight counterparts. And so the researchers wondered if

323
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 1: maybe this had to do with the type of sexual

324
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: stimulation that is going on now. At the same time, UM,

325
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 1: I also was doing a little little poken around on

326
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 1: the interwebs and landed on a column on AlterNet basically

327
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 1: urging p people to dispel this myth of the perfect

328
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: lesbian sex because that only perpetuates this idea that all

329
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:11,439
Speaker 1: women function sexually the exact same way and that's not true.

330
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:17,639
Speaker 1: Um But statistically lesbians do seem to have seem to

331
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: have a better, better time of it. But I wonder

332
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 1: if it's because they're breaking there, they're not operating within

333
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 1: that rigid heterosexual script. Could be they feel more free

334
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 1: to um do whatever feels good instead of just what

335
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 1: they think their partner wants or what they think sex

336
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 1: is supposed to be like um. Going back to Masters

337
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 1: and Johnson, who you referenced, their research showed that same

338
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: sex couples of both genders were more likely to take

339
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 1: their time, maybe because there's not some order in their

340
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 1: head of Okay, well you go first, and then I'll go,

341
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 1: and then we'll then we'll fall asleep. Yeah. Maybe so.

342
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 1: Going to the Journal of Sex Research from three uh,

343
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 1: they cited some stats that of heterosexual women reported difficulty

344
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 1: reaching orgasm and fifteen percent reported inability to reach orgasm.

345
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 1: And this compares with twenty percent of lesbians who reported

346
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 1: difficulty reaching orgasms and only seven percent of lesbians who

347
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 1: reported inability to reach orgasm. So a big difference there, right,

348
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: which just makes me think of that the statistic of

349
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 1: how pan vagual intercourse is usually far more correlated to

350
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 1: fake orgasms where both men and women compared to other

351
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 1: forms of sexual contact. But the whole faking thing, I mean,

352
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 1: it's it's a it's it's pretty fascinating that we that

353
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 1: we would a lot of times when you read in

354
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: women's publications about faking orgasms, it's urging us not to

355
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 1: because the bottom line is you might not need to

356
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,919
Speaker 1: fake it if you're sexual communication is open and honest,

357
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,680
Speaker 1: and you're telling your partner you know what feels good

358
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 1: and what you like, and hopefully that will help things.

359
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: I mean the fact though, that people in that master's

360
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 1: in Johnson study were able in a laboratory setting to

361
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: the orgasm within ten minutes, it's pretty astounding to me.

362
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 1: I wonder how they set the lab up, Like, did

363
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: they did they make it look like the Playboy Bunny?

364
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 1: A lot of tea candles in sense, lots of pillows.

365
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 1: It was the early sixties, so you know, beaded curtains, yeah,

366
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 1: a lot of shag carpeting. And one more thing, just

367
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,560
Speaker 1: bring it back to men, because we've talked about how yes,

368
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 1: men do it, but we spent a lot more time

369
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 1: talking about women. And it reminds me of an article

370
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:47,719
Speaker 1: that came out a couple of years ago in New

371
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:53,120
Speaker 1: York Magazine talking about this phenomenon of men faking it

372
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 1: and especially men using condoms as a tool of subversive

373
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 1: uh fakery. And one of the guys said, one of

374
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 1: the men who was who was interviewed for the article says,

375
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 1: as a guy, your biggest fear is that you'll come

376
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:13,360
Speaker 1: too soon and Another man who has interviewed said that

377
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: there was a double standard because men are expected to

378
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 1: be the sex craze beast who can yes, achieve an

379
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 1: orgasm within four minutes and even a laboratory of a setting,

380
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 1: whereas women are almost assumed to take longer and maybe

381
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,400
Speaker 1: not even be able to reach orgasm at all. And

382
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,919
Speaker 1: if we are, we might be faking it. So I

383
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,120
Speaker 1: can see how how some some fellows might might see

384
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 1: a double standard there. But to all of this, I say,

385
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 1: maybe we should just use this as a lesson in

386
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: why communication is so important. Yeah, pheel, I mean, tell

387
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 1: your partner what's what works for you and what doesn't.

388
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,159
Speaker 1: But also, if it's not going to happen, it's not

389
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,639
Speaker 1: going to happen. And yes, there is the fear that

390
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: you might hurt someone's feelings or someone might feel guilty

391
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 1: or insulted or whatever. But yeah, I think opening those

392
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 1: channels of communication my lesson the need to fake it right,

393
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: because if you look at psychological studies of couples who

394
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: are complaining of having disappointing sex lives, a lot of

395
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:27,640
Speaker 1: times it traces back to their level of sexual communication.

396
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 1: If there's a dip in the activity. A lot of

397
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 1: times there's been a dip in or non existence of communication,

398
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 1: and I mean, communication is not an easy thing, but

399
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: it's something to keep in mind. And can I can

400
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:47,400
Speaker 1: I toss that one last fun finding only if it's fun,

401
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,919
Speaker 1: it's pretty fun um And I have tweeted about this,

402
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 1: so Twitter followers, you're already in the know. But there

403
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: was a two thousand and ten study from Emory University

404
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: looking at the economics of faking it, and they found

405
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 1: that a funny correlation between education levels and uh faking

406
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: orgasm and found that people who are more highly educated

407
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: tend to fake it because quote, love making takes time

408
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: and people and people with more education may have a

409
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: higher opportunity cost of time and may therefore be more

410
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: likely to fake just to get it over with. Perhaps

411
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: this is a quote, perhaps so they can return to

412
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 1: writing papers. So doctoral students out there, we are onto

413
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 1: you interesting now. I mean the study really had like

414
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: whole giant formulas with symbols and things division signs. I

415
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 1: don't know. Uh So now that we have bombarded you

416
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: with statistics and theories about who's faking it and why,

417
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,919
Speaker 1: do you know what we're gonna ask for your stories.

418
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 1: Don't be ashamed. Yeah. Also, don't be too dirty. We

419
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,439
Speaker 1: can't read them on the air to dirty, right And uh,

420
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 1: you know, or if someone out there who has never

421
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 1: faked it before, let us let us know, or you

422
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 1: just did in an incredible communicator. Yeah. Oh, another group

423
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 1: of people I would like to hear from. Some of

424
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 1: these studies talked about people who fake it intersect with

425
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: women who have report never having had an orgasm. And

426
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: so if we have any people out there who have

427
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 1: never had an orgasm, they've they've tried, but maybe just

428
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: have never gotten there. Do you fake it for that reason?

429
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: Let us know. Mom stuff at Discovery dot com. And

430
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 1: you can also head over to Facebook. But again, please

431
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 1: keep our Facebook walk clean. Uh. And in the meantime,

432
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: we've got a couple of emails here. I have one

433
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 1: in response to our long ago episode about female scientists,

434
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 1: and I really wanted to share this one because it

435
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 1: is from Chloe, who is a PhD student in chemistry

436
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: at one of the top research institutions in the US,

437
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 1: and she writes, first of all, I think people should

438
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: understand that STEM females may make a little more money,

439
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 1: but it's also the result of an additional five to

440
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 1: ten years ten to fourteen hour days six days a

441
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 1: week of additional experience post post bachelor degree. I think

442
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 1: this is something important that should be considered before convincing

443
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 1: people to pursue careers in stem. Secondly, I think your

444
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 1: lack of role models explains explains the gender gap very well.

445
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 1: But it's not because there aren't lack of successful female scientists.

446
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 1: There are plenty of these very successful, intelligent scientists, but

447
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 1: that doesn't translate to an individual we can look up to.

448
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 1: I have a female advisor, and while she is a

449
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: successful scientist, she has to nanny's on rotation, travels at

450
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: least a week out of the month, and makes it

451
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 1: clear that family is not high on our list of priorities.

452
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 1: The sad part is this is an uncommon Many women

453
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 1: my age and their late twenties scientists are not want

454
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 1: a family. However, it's very difficult to find a role

455
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: model who can show us how to balance family life,

456
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: their love for fience, their careers, and also show compassion

457
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: toward others. I think this is often the case that

458
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: successful scientists might lack the more quote unquote human side

459
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,479
Speaker 1: of things that many women consider to be important. This

460
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 1: is why I and many of my friends are not

461
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: pursuing This is why I and many of my friends

462
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: are not continuing to pursue traditional academic careers. So some

463
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: great insight from Chloe, Thank you. We have some more

464
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 1: insight from Jessica. This is about our friendship podcasts plural.

465
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: She says that she's in somewhat unique of a position

466
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 1: of being best friends with a male and female romantic couple.

467
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 1: Through an odd but not uncomfortable set of circumstances. We

468
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: have ended up sharing a two bedroom apartment here in

469
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: Korea along with their two cats, also a male and

470
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: a female. The difference in our friendship pretty clearly exemplifies

471
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 1: the differences you mentioned between male and female roommates. With

472
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 1: my female best friend, I share a very caring, warm bond.

473
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: I call her when I'm upset about something, and she

474
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 1: is the one who keeps up with me when I'm

475
00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: out of town. We know just about all of the

476
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 1: him at details of each other's lives, from my dating

477
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: foibles to her relationship with her parents, her boyfriend. My

478
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 1: male best friend loves and cares about me, but expresses

479
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: this through wanting to spend time with me and watching

480
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 1: funny movies, are making jokes together. We rarely talk about

481
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: our emotions, and when I gave him a hug the

482
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: other day at his receiving some bad news, it's probably

483
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 1: the first time we touched affectionately in months. They're very

484
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 1: different friendships and having them both is a complimentary force

485
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 1: that means I don't have to search for someone to

486
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 1: share brunch or a movie. And thanks to everybody who's

487
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: written in again. Our email address is mom Stuff at

488
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 1: Discovery dot com. But of course you can also head

489
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 1: over to our Facebook page and send us a tweet.

490
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: We're at Mom's Stuff podcast. And if you want to

491
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: know more about orgasms, both fake and not, you can

492
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 1: read How Orgasms Work by me written by me How

493
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: Stuff Works dot com. Be sure to check out our

494
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 1: new video podcast, Stuff from the Future. Join how Stop

495
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 1: Work staff as we explore the most promising and perplexing

496
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: possibilities of tomorrow. The Househufforks iPhone app has arrived. Dewnlmoad

497
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: it today on iTunes, brought to you by the reinvented

498
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: two thousand twelve camera. It's ready. Are you