1 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 1: Heads up, We'll be talking about mental health challenges and 2 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:20,600 Speaker 1: suicidal ideation in today's episode, Listener Discretion Advised. Hi everyone, 3 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,239 Speaker 1: and welcome back to another week of Wide Open with 4 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 1: Ashland Harris. 5 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,919 Speaker 2: I'm so excited today. 6 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: To introduce one of the most iconic goalkeepers of my 7 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 1: lifetime of US Soccer Federation, bry Scurry. 8 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 2: Welcome to this show, my friend. Oh my gosh, this 9 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 2: is like so fun for me. It's so good to see. 10 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 3: You, Ash, great to see you too, Thanks so much 11 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 3: for having me. I'm happy we can do this. I'm 12 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,519 Speaker 3: excited about it. So yeah, appreciate it. 13 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 4: Thank you. 14 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 2: I appreciate that. 15 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: And not that you need any introduction, but Briy, you 16 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: know you might've heard of like Olympics, World Cup. She 17 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 1: is emphasized like you are known as one of the 18 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: ninety nine ers. However, like I find that to be 19 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:14,920 Speaker 1: so it's so funny to even say that, because you 20 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: your career and what you've done for the landscape of 21 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: the position for US soccer in general, you are iconic. 22 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: So I'm so excited to have you on the podcast 23 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 1: today because you have such a legacy of generosity to 24 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: continue showing up and paving the way for change when 25 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: it comes to women in sports, especially Black women in sports, 26 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:44,119 Speaker 1: and it hits even deeper, and I would I would 27 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: hate not to say it. 28 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 3: Now. 29 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 1: I am raising a black female, strong child and I 30 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: love that I get to talk to her about you. 31 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 4: Oh thank you. That's so sweet and. 32 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 2: It is so important. So thank you. Welcome to the show. 33 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 2: How are you? 34 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,160 Speaker 1: What is going I saw you last week, but I'm like, 35 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: I know what's going on in your crazy life? Like 36 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: you don't stop, but you tell the listeners and whoever's 37 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: watching what's going on. 38 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 2: Where are you at right now? 39 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: Before we dive in to all the juicy questions and 40 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 1: have a little fun. 41 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 3: I am in a great place right now, really just 42 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:28,640 Speaker 3: leaning into the bonus mom, being a great wife, being 43 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,720 Speaker 3: on the road sometimes for business. Right now, I am 44 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:36,960 Speaker 3: on the international speaker's circuit. So I talk about my 45 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 3: journey throughout my life to businesses, fortune, five hundred companies, colleges, universities, 46 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 3: different organizations, and so doing a lot of that stuff. 47 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,959 Speaker 3: But some of the things that I absolutely love doing 48 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:57,399 Speaker 3: and continuing to do is advocating, like you said, advocating 49 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:05,920 Speaker 3: for mental health, advocating for representation, equity, quality, inclusion, all 50 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 3: these things. I feel like it's just something that that's 51 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 3: who I am, and I continue to do it, even 52 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 3: though I'm not necessarily advocating at that moment for myself personally, 53 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 3: but I feel like it's part of what we do. 54 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,639 Speaker 3: Now you know, you're in the in the mix, and 55 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 3: so you're you're going to do that for the rest 56 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 3: of your life. And I'm actually very very proud of it, 57 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 3: and I'm I'm you know, it's a great honor of mine. 58 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: So it's so good to see you, like in the 59 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: places that you should be in because you moved the 60 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 1: needle and you push us forward. And your story, your 61 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: fucking story is so good. It just is because there's 62 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: so much beauty and struggle. And you said something to 63 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 1: me that was so profound. Oh whenever it was last week, 64 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 1: you were like, just know that that little you know, 65 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 1: there's there's a base, that dark black basement. 66 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 2: When you're ready, you're gonna have to walk through it. 67 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: And I can't wait to really unpack a lot of 68 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: those type of topics because I think people don't realize 69 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: what we go through to get to the top, to 70 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 1: stay at the top, and then how quickly it all 71 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:26,599 Speaker 1: can crumble. Yes, So before we even dive into that 72 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 1: whole heavy topic of what we sacrifice to be the 73 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 1: greatest versions of ourselves, I'm curious how all the listeners 74 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 1: out there exactly who you were as a kid, and 75 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,720 Speaker 1: how you moved in the world, and how you played 76 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: every sport, and what were your goals and your dreams 77 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: and all the things that made your reality possible. 78 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 3: Well, one of the things that is so intriguing about 79 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 3: the decisions that my parents made. So we lived in 80 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 3: Minneapolis proper Minneapolis, Minnesota, and that's where I was born, 81 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 3: in the city area. And then when I was roughly 82 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 3: six or seven years old, they moved out to the 83 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 3: suburbs of Dayton, Minnesota, which is literally two thousand people, 84 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 3: no street lights, very rule. 85 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,600 Speaker 4: We were the only family of color in the area. 86 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,279 Speaker 3: And because of that move, it gave me a lot 87 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 3: more opportunity in sport, and so I started playing you know, 88 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 3: different sports. I played volleyball, I played floor hockey, which 89 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:34,279 Speaker 3: was really interesting back then. And then when I was 90 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 3: in fourth grade, so roughly ten years old or so, 91 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 3: I played tackle football. I was yeah, full pads, helmet, 92 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 3: the whole nine yards there was only only girl in 93 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 3: the league, in the entire league. 94 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:47,360 Speaker 2: Wow. 95 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:53,280 Speaker 4: And I loved it. Loved it. Oh, I still I'm 96 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 4: thinking about it now. 97 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,280 Speaker 3: It's just I used to sleep with my helmet under 98 00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 3: my arm and I just absolutely loved it. AD introduced 99 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,159 Speaker 3: me to NFL football back in the day when it 100 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 3: was only on Sunday afternoon, and they let me play 101 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 3: my mom and dad. I said, you know, I want 102 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,560 Speaker 3: to play tackle football, and they were like, okay, you 103 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 3: can play in the lightweight division. 104 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 4: And I did for two years. 105 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 3: And actually the replacement for when I could no longer 106 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 3: play football was football. So soccer came into my life 107 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,599 Speaker 3: around twelve years old. And I guess the rest is history. 108 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 2: As they say, well, I guess we can really say that. 109 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 1: So you were a part of like the process of 110 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 1: really putting women's soccer and women's sports on the map. 111 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 1: Like I have heard so many beautiful stories about the 112 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 1: sacrifices and the things that you all had to do 113 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: to really make sure that ninety nine World Cup was monumental. 114 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 1: Like all the fucking hard work was literally before the tournament. 115 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 2: Everyone thinks, like when you lock into. 116 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 1: A World Cup, like that is when the stress and 117 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,039 Speaker 1: the hard work like really hits the peak and I'm like, 118 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:12,080 Speaker 1: not really, not really, it's all all the stuff before it, 119 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: and you talk so beautifully about it. Did you know 120 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 1: the magnitude of what was going to come? And that 121 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 1: the nine World Cup? 122 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 3: You know, I feel like for me, I understood it 123 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 3: to a degree because before the World Cup in ninety nine, 124 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 3: we had played in the Olympics in ninety six and 125 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 3: I wanted to be an Olympian since I was eight 126 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,720 Speaker 3: years old. And so for me, seeing that dream become 127 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 3: reality in front of seventy six thousand people in Athens, Georgia, 128 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 3: and if you weren't at the game, you didn't see 129 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 3: the game because NBC did. 130 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 4: Not cover it at all. So we felt like we 131 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 4: had something special. 132 00:07:55,760 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 3: And so when the Women's World Cup Organizing Committee, we 133 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,120 Speaker 3: were originally going to have that World Cup in regional 134 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 3: two to five thousand seeds stadiums, you know, just on 135 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 3: the northeastern part of the country, not not a real 136 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 3: international flavor event at all, and we decided, you know what, 137 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:18,120 Speaker 3: that's not who we are. We can do better, and 138 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 3: fortunately the committee agreed, so we basically for the next 139 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 3: two years, so from like ninety seven ninety eight, we 140 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 3: basically went all over the country and connecting with different 141 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,680 Speaker 3: clubs in different states and having clinics and you know, 142 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 3: shaking hands and letting the community. 143 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 4: See us and inviting them to our World. 144 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 3: Cup because we're going to be you know, in the 145 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,720 Speaker 3: United States and ninety nine and have this tournament. 146 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 4: You should come. 147 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:50,080 Speaker 3: And sure enough they showed up, and so we The 148 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 3: stadiums were changed to Giant Stadium, to Soldier Field, to 149 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 3: Palo Alto and the Rose Bowl and all of these 150 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 3: different stadiums even here in DC, and we packed the 151 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 3: house for our games. I mean, seventy six thousand, sixty 152 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 3: one thousand, seventy seven thousand, and it truly was a 153 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 3: golden time. But I feel like it grew so fast 154 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 3: and so deep compared to what we thought it was 155 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 3: going to be, at least in my opinion for myself, 156 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 3: what I thought, Wow, yeah. 157 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 1: And I think, you know, now, as you can sit 158 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: back and you can reflect being a black, queer woman 159 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:42,679 Speaker 1: in that moment, do you really do you grasp not 160 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: only the magnitude of what I said, you guys accomplished 161 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: as a team, but you individually, like every I hear 162 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,719 Speaker 1: it all the time. I remember Crystal Dunne talking about it, 163 00:09:55,240 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: the representation that you provided to the world. In my mind, 164 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 1: it just you didn't see it. Did you even place 165 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:11,680 Speaker 1: it somewhere for yourself to realize what you were doing 166 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 1: in that moment, to show little girls that look like you, 167 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,199 Speaker 1: what is possible? 168 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 4: You know. 169 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 3: It's so intriguing because it was almost pointed out to 170 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 3: me from the outside, because for me, I was just 171 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 3: doing my thing. Like my mom and dad raised me, 172 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 3: they were very supportive. They were like, honey, you can 173 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 3: do anything you set your mind to. And my dad's 174 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 3: words of wisdom were always be first. So I combined 175 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 3: those two things together into a predominantly white sport for men. 176 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 3: Also that soccer was and is, and I was like, 177 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,319 Speaker 3: you know what, I want to do this and I'm 178 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 3: going to take it as far as I can take it. 179 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,839 Speaker 3: And the cool thing is I had way more than 180 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 3: just my mom and dad as support the over the 181 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 3: course of my my my growing up and my playing. 182 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 3: I had great coaches who went to bat for me, 183 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 3: who had confidence and faith and saw something in me 184 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 3: that was special. 185 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,319 Speaker 4: And so for me, it only made sense. 186 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 3: To just show up as the best version of myself 187 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 3: be authentic, and I was just out there and I 188 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 3: was like, here I am. You know, you got to 189 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 3: deal with me. And I never shied away from the 190 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 3: fact that I was gay. All my teammates knew it 191 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 3: the entire time I was on the team. I was 192 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,439 Speaker 3: the only one that was out. And as it turns out, 193 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 3: I wasn't the only one that was gay, but I 194 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 3: was so imagine. 195 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 4: That, you know, and I wasn't. I was. 196 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:49,439 Speaker 3: I felt like I would do a disservice to myself, 197 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 3: to my family, to the people who cared about me 198 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 3: if I did not show up one hundred percent authentically 199 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 3: me and just live in my dream and the ships 200 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 3: are going to fall where they may. But my soccer playing, 201 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:07,319 Speaker 3: I felt like was somewhat anointed because of that, and 202 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,839 Speaker 3: I had a lot of success. And so when we 203 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 3: were in Giant Stadium and playing in front of seventy 204 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 3: six thousand, and you had all these current and previous 205 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 3: newer players on the national team in the stands as 206 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 3: children watching us play. I'm so honored to have been 207 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,960 Speaker 3: able to be someone that they saw that looked like them. 208 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,959 Speaker 3: In the case of Crystal and given her the inspiration 209 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 3: that you know what I can too. I can do it, 210 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:40,959 Speaker 3: she can do it as a gay woman. Also, that 211 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:45,679 Speaker 3: whole environment back then was not the friendliest environment. 212 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 4: I didn't care because I was going to be me here. 213 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 3: I am deal with me or not, but I'm not 214 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 3: going anywhere, and I'm doing my thing. And so I 215 00:12:56,559 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 3: feel like now that I'm retired, and now that I 216 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 3: have an opportunity to talk to to former players like 217 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:10,319 Speaker 3: you and Kristen and Tobin and Abby, I was seen 218 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 3: as someone who they looked up to. And for me, 219 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 3: that's the greatest honor. I mean, it's one thing to 220 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 3: be appreciated and honored by the by the feelings and 221 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 3: the inspiration that I give to younger people. But to 222 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 3: have peers like legit peers on the level you know, 223 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 3: teammates appreciate you is truly, it is truly amazing for me. 224 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,679 Speaker 2: Stay tuned, we'll be right back after this. 225 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 1: Well you also, Brah, you stayed so humble through that 226 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: entire period. And I can say the thing because I'm 227 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,920 Speaker 1: unhinged and I truth, I don't give a shit. 228 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,040 Speaker 2: I don't think you. I think. 229 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 1: If you would have been who you are now, you 230 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 1: would have gotten a lot more respect and a lot 231 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 1: more fucking money than who you were then. And it's 232 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:16,319 Speaker 1: like hard for me to say that, but I'll just 233 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:21,440 Speaker 1: say the thing, like you saved that p K to 234 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: even put that team in the position to be successful. 235 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: Forget the championship game. Let's go back one game you 236 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: wouldn't even be at the and that's okay. We're all 237 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: gonna play the Humble game a little bit, so let 238 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 1: me be your hype woman. 239 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 4: Okay, but I appreciate it. 240 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 1: The semi final game up, like we have this term 241 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 1: as goalkeepers, like you stand on your head, like you 242 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,240 Speaker 1: play out of your mind. I don't even know how 243 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: many saves you had that game. 244 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 2: You might know because you lived it a lot. 245 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: But then last year, we're like celebrating the anniversary twenty 246 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: five anniversary of the ninety nine ers, and here I am, 247 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, rise, my favorite can't wait for that kit, 248 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: can't wait for that kit, and it doesn't fucking come, 249 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 1: no kid, no kit. Everyone else gets the kit redone 250 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: reissued she. 251 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 2: But not the goalkeeper. And I'm like, when are y'all 252 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 2: gonna wake up? We're in twenty twenty five that we 253 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 2: still can't even buy. 254 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 1: Goalkeeper kits to support, celebrate, want to like sleep in 255 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 1: you know, as a kid, you're like, I just want 256 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:35,800 Speaker 1: to be ry. You don't even get that opportunity because 257 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 1: they're not even selling any of our jerseys, right, But 258 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: how does that make you feel? As someone who has 259 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: this rich legacy of success and you didn't get what 260 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 1: you deserve then and now you're still not getting the 261 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 1: reps and benefits and rewards of all the fucking work 262 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,200 Speaker 1: you've put in over decades. 263 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 2: Now. 264 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 4: Ugh, there's so much there that you just said. There's 265 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 4: so much. Sorry I tell you so I know, I know, 266 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 4: I love it. I love it. It's very true. 267 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 3: So I saw myself as a part of a team 268 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:19,320 Speaker 3: when I was playing, and a very very vitally important 269 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 3: part of the team. From my understanding, unless a goalkeeper 270 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 3: plays incredibly well on the men's or the women's side, 271 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 3: you don't get a championship win. I mean there's always 272 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 3: going to be a time in a tournament where the 273 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 3: goalkeeper is going to have to stand or not, and 274 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 3: the team that has the goalkeeper that stands as a 275 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 3: team that ends up winning. So you're right in that 276 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 3: semi final game, which is this jersey right here. That's 277 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 3: the jersey from that game, because for me, that was 278 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 3: the most valuable game I played in and it had 279 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 3: nothing to do with the final of the tournament. But 280 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 3: I showed up and earned my keep on that day 281 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:01,400 Speaker 3: and I had no less than seven emergency he saves 282 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 3: in that game, I mean back to back to back, 283 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 3: and was awarded Player of the Game, which I thought 284 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:11,719 Speaker 3: was fantastic. And so going forward from there for the final, uh, 285 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,359 Speaker 3: you know, doing my part as we all say, like 286 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 3: you said, you know, do do your thing. So my 287 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 3: job was to save one, and all my teammates jobs 288 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 3: was to make one. But getting to that, getting to 289 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 3: that shootout, a lot happened, as you know back then, 290 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 3: that was golden goal and thank goodness for Christine Lilly 291 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,240 Speaker 3: heading that ball off the line. 292 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:34,640 Speaker 4: So when the moment. 293 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 3: Came for that for that shootout, uh, you know, I thought, 294 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,119 Speaker 3: after we were done and I made that save, I 295 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 3: did my job, and I was so excited and so 296 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 3: ready to just see how my life was going to 297 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 3: change after that. And it did change, but not nearly 298 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,879 Speaker 3: as much as I thought. And so for the longest time, 299 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 3: I thought, like you said, that it was because I 300 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 3: was a goalkeeper. You know, goalkeepers have high level responsibility, 301 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 3: low level of glory. You know, a field player can 302 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,680 Speaker 3: have seven chances and miss five and be a hero. 303 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 4: I can't. You can't we go. 304 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:19,640 Speaker 3: It can't do it have to be perfect, perfect, perfect, exactly. 305 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 3: And so for the longest time I thought it was 306 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 3: the fact that I was a goalkeeper, and then a 307 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,680 Speaker 3: few years later I realized that wasn't it at all. 308 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:33,159 Speaker 3: It was either the color of my skin, my sexual orientation, 309 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 3: or both. And it was really, really sad ash when 310 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 3: I realized that, because I had never worried about what 311 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,439 Speaker 3: I looked like, or who I loved, or any of 312 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 3: that stuff in terms of what I was going to 313 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 3: do in my life and what I could achieve and 314 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,520 Speaker 3: what seeds i'd sew and and wait and then have 315 00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,959 Speaker 3: the harvest. But the media was just not ready. The 316 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 3: market wasn't ready for me. The market is very much 317 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,360 Speaker 3: more ready for me now than it was back then. 318 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 3: And so now I am someone who is coveted, someone 319 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,200 Speaker 3: who corporations want to work with because I can speak 320 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 3: to my journey and to things that I learned over 321 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:24,120 Speaker 3: the course of many years being the one on the mountaintop, 322 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 3: but also being the one you know in the in 323 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,639 Speaker 3: the rocks, in the jack the frocks below, having learns 324 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,440 Speaker 3: from my failures, and so for me now I am. 325 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 4: I feel like I am reaping. 326 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 3: Seeds that I sowed twenty years ago, twenty five years ago, 327 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 3: thirty years ago, because now it's time. I was way 328 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 3: before my time, and I would love a jersey Nike, 329 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 3: thank you very much. 330 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:52,880 Speaker 4: Would love a jersey. 331 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 3: But I feel like that's part of the reason why 332 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 3: I keep doing what I do ash but why I 333 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,360 Speaker 3: keep sharing my journey with mental health. Why I keep sharing, 334 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 3: you know, my story and things that have overcome and 335 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,879 Speaker 3: the obstacles and all of that, because I feel like 336 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 3: being authentically myself is important now as it's ever been, 337 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 3: and I feel people people are listening. 338 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 1: Absolutely, and that's so that perspective is so beautiful because 339 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 1: you know, I shared this with you the other day. 340 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 1: I feel that I'm in like a weird breakup, like 341 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 1: I'm newly retired and you and I had very different experiences, 342 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:32,960 Speaker 1: like I. 343 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 2: Was lucky enough to walk away at thirty seven. I 344 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,400 Speaker 2: think I. 345 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,880 Speaker 1: Held on a little too long because it's so hard 346 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:46,479 Speaker 1: to say goodbye to your baby and your life that 347 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,959 Speaker 1: you've created that really has changed you for the better. 348 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,400 Speaker 2: But I really am in this. 349 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: It's hard for me to watch games, it's hard for 350 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: me to go to games. 351 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 2: I'm in this real reflection moment with a lot of 352 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,120 Speaker 2: therapy that I'm trying. 353 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,879 Speaker 1: To figure out, like did I love it? Do I 354 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 1: have a lot of trauma from it? Did? You know? 355 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:15,560 Speaker 1: There's just I think there's just so much that's loaded 356 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 1: in what we do that people only get to. 357 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,640 Speaker 2: See the highs. 358 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 1: I know that after the ninety nine World Cup, all 359 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 1: of these things happen and one podcasts, We're never going 360 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,119 Speaker 1: to get through it. But you know, WUSA came about, 361 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,359 Speaker 1: which is was the WUSA, which is a league we 362 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:40,040 Speaker 1: were all dying for. It was the possibility that this 363 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:45,119 Speaker 1: wouldn't be the sport, wouldn't be contingent on just every 364 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,440 Speaker 1: four years for an Olympic or a World Cup, because 365 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,400 Speaker 1: that's how we operated at the beginning. 366 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 2: There was really nothing in between. But the US team 367 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,720 Speaker 2: operated like a club team, which we were lucky enough 368 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 2: to do so. But this was the real, oh my gosh, 369 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,159 Speaker 2: this could be a career, like a real job. And 370 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 2: then it lasted like two. 371 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:08,360 Speaker 1: Years right to change and change, you know, and then 372 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 1: it's like you go to the next league and you're 373 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 1: in all of these I'm watching you know, I'm watching 374 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,640 Speaker 1: your games, and I'm at your games and I'm just like, this. 375 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 2: Is the coolest thing ever. And boom you get hit. 376 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 4: You get hit. 377 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,159 Speaker 2: You didn't see it, and it changed your life forever. 378 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,159 Speaker 2: Tell us, tell us about that moment. 379 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, similar to like you said earlier about 380 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 3: hanging on a little too long. It's hard to know 381 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:47,240 Speaker 3: when to exit, and especially when you're in it as 382 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 3: an athlete high level. 383 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:49,960 Speaker 4: You know, highest level. 384 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,359 Speaker 3: You want to do that thing as long as you 385 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:57,120 Speaker 3: possibly can, because it's part of you. It's not all 386 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,360 Speaker 3: of you, not all of your identity, but it's a big, big, 387 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:08,800 Speaker 3: huge chunk of it. For me, soccer was anointed on 388 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 3: the national team level. Internationally, For me, I had a 389 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,880 Speaker 3: lot of success. I had a lot of self sabotage 390 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,159 Speaker 3: in there too. I had some things not go my way. 391 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,320 Speaker 3: I didn't win everything, but boy, I felt good about 392 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 3: my body of work, if you will, especially internationally speaking. 393 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,879 Speaker 3: So when I retired and decided to just play club, 394 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,000 Speaker 3: I admit my heart wasn't completely in it anymore. My 395 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 3: father had passed away in two thousand and four. I 396 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 3: just didn't feel the way I felt earlier. And so 397 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 3: the irony is that particular day, that morning of that game, 398 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 3: I had a weird feeling and I really couldn't put 399 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 3: my finger on it. I remember sitting on my bed 400 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 3: that morning in the hotel just being like trying to 401 00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 3: shake that feeling off. I'm like, I don't know what's 402 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,480 Speaker 3: going on. Something's weird, something's off, but I was trying 403 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 3: to just get past it. And sure enough, in that game, 404 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,640 Speaker 3: I got hit and that was the last game I played. 405 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:14,600 Speaker 4: And so for me, the game, the game left me 406 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,680 Speaker 4: when it needed to, and I felt it coming. 407 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 3: And so when I stood up after getting hit, I 408 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:31,440 Speaker 3: knew my life was different, radically different. And unfortunately, at 409 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 3: the time, I felt like I could probably still play, 410 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 3: and so I did for the next several minutes, and 411 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,199 Speaker 3: I didn't even come out of the game until it 412 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,679 Speaker 3: was halftime. And so I'm walking over to my to 413 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,440 Speaker 3: my trainer and she's like, are you okay, And I'm 414 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:47,960 Speaker 3: like kind of lean into the left and I said, no, 415 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,800 Speaker 3: I'm not okay, And you know, you know, as an 416 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 3: athlete if you're okay or if you're not, and there's 417 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 3: no there's no messing around with that. And so I 418 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 3: was like, you know what, I'm not okay. And it 419 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:02,680 Speaker 3: took first a couple of weeks. I took the baseline 420 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,879 Speaker 3: test over and over again. Couldn't pass it, couldn't do it, 421 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,639 Speaker 3: couldn't remember. Finally passed it because I took a duplicate, 422 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 3: didn't say anything, took the duplicate test, Finally passed it, 423 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,439 Speaker 3: and then I realized there was at a point where 424 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 3: it was season ending and then it was career ending 425 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 3: pretty much in the same swoop. And so I haven't 426 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 3: played soccer since that. That was literally, you know, fifteen 427 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 3: years ago. But yeah, on that journey, ash, I was 428 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:37,000 Speaker 3: so not me anymore. And people will talk about changes 429 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 3: that happened when you have a traumatic brain injury. Sometimes 430 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:44,280 Speaker 3: that emotional piece gets disrupted. Everything gets disrupted. 431 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 4: I mean you're literally it feels like you're. 432 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:52,920 Speaker 3: Being unplugged from your energy, feel from your life. Basically, 433 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 3: it affects everything. And so for me, it was a 434 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:59,760 Speaker 3: really difficult road in part because of being misdiagnosed. So 435 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 3: back then, the general understanding about concussions was that it 436 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 3: just kind of rectifies itself over time. But I struggled, 437 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,440 Speaker 3: and I knew it wasn't okay, and doctors didn't understand 438 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,760 Speaker 3: what they understand now. So the misdiagnosis was a big 439 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 3: part of it. And then I was descending literally into 440 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 3: the depths of an emotional hell each day after day 441 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 3: after day. For the longest time. People thought, well, is 442 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 3: it because your career is over? Is that why you're depressed? 443 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 3: And I'm like, no, actually, that's not why. There's just 444 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 3: something really wrong here. I don't feel like myself. I 445 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 3: don't think about things like I used to. I'm struggling 446 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 3: with trying to focus. I mean, I was able to 447 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 3: focus on the panel of a ball in front of 448 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,880 Speaker 3: ninety thousand fans in one hundred and seven degree rather 449 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 3: and a World Cup final penalty kicks shootout. If I 450 00:26:54,080 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 3: can't focus, there's a problem, yeah, exactly. So it was 451 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,600 Speaker 3: like all this misdiagnosis, the doctors weren't listening to me, 452 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 3: and so there's so much wrapped up in there. It's 453 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:10,199 Speaker 3: just insane. And so, you know, what was part of 454 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:16,879 Speaker 3: the thing that healed me was eventually getting to the 455 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 3: point where I got the career I needed. Also, that's 456 00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 3: actually when my wife came into my life, thank goodness. 457 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:29,040 Speaker 3: And I don't feel like if I didn't talk about it, 458 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 3: if I didn't become an advocate for mental health for TBI, 459 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 3: That's what helped me get through. It was the talking 460 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:43,240 Speaker 3: and the sharing and the being vulnerable. I mean, I 461 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 3: could say, I could tell you I was not nearly 462 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,360 Speaker 3: as vulnerable before that hit as i've been after it. 463 00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,879 Speaker 3: And that's been a really liberating thing for me. And 464 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,280 Speaker 3: so the fact that I'm able to advocate, I mean, 465 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,399 Speaker 3: I was actually in front of Congress with regards to 466 00:27:58,480 --> 00:27:59,720 Speaker 3: TBI and mental health. 467 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,119 Speaker 4: That to me, it shows me. 468 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:02,879 Speaker 1: Wow. 469 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 3: And so I have an obligation to share my journey 470 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,879 Speaker 3: with people, the good, the bad, and the ugly, so 471 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,920 Speaker 3: that they can understand that they're not alone. They can 472 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:18,280 Speaker 3: understand that sometimes there's waves. And like talking to you 473 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,680 Speaker 3: the other day about those dark rooms, that's okay, You're 474 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 3: okay having dark rooms. We all have them, but eventually 475 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,360 Speaker 3: for self healing, you're gonna have to go in there. 476 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:37,800 Speaker 1: Yep, this is wide open, and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris. 477 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 2: We'll be right back. This is like a real, real question. 478 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 1: And I don't know if you've been asked this, but 479 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: when did you feel whole enough to go back into 480 00:28:58,240 --> 00:28:59,160 Speaker 1: those dark rooms. 481 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 3: It wasn't until the prospect of writing a book, which 482 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:11,560 Speaker 3: came about in twenty nineteen, and I had to sit 483 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 3: down with myself and decide one question, Am I gonna 484 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:17,280 Speaker 3: be real. 485 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:19,200 Speaker 4: Or am I not? 486 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:25,080 Speaker 3: And if the answer is no, then no book. If 487 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,680 Speaker 3: the answer is yes, then guess what. 488 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 4: You gotta go in that room. 489 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 3: Because in order for me to write it, to describe it, 490 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:41,480 Speaker 3: to truly get to the feeling place of these incidences 491 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:45,400 Speaker 3: that happened that were so painful for me, I have 492 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:49,000 Speaker 3: to be willing to go back to that state I 493 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 3: was in at the time. And it was the idea 494 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,840 Speaker 3: of writing a book and wanting it to be truly 495 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 3: something that could help people, truly something that was revolution 496 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 3: and a body of work that was my magnum opus, 497 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 3: is what I called it. I had to be real, 498 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 3: ash and I am as vulnerable as I've ever been 499 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:15,200 Speaker 3: in my life. And it's really freeing, actually, And why 500 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 3: is it freeing? Because I'm being authentic and I'm learning 501 00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 3: from the difficulties I've had in my life. I am 502 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,080 Speaker 3: stronger in the broken places. 503 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I love that about you. 504 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 1: And I've said that, I've said this so much, Bride, 505 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 1: that I feel more comfort and pain and suffering and 506 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: hardship and all the things that we were taught young 507 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,880 Speaker 1: that you would think that makes you successful, But being honest, 508 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:52,880 Speaker 1: being vulnerable are the ones that never mentioned when we 509 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:57,720 Speaker 1: were younger. And I hope that by having these type 510 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,880 Speaker 1: of conversations we give that freedom to young kids when 511 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:08,000 Speaker 1: things feel too hard, because I do remember this vision 512 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 1: like it was yesterday. I walked off the field and 513 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 1: I was having a really hard time with the teammate 514 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 1: and I looked at one of my best friends and 515 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:20,080 Speaker 1: I was sobbing on the corner of the locker room. 516 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:20,960 Speaker 2: No one could see me. 517 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 1: There was these steps and I looked at her and 518 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,480 Speaker 1: she's like, what's going on in your head right now? 519 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 1: And I said, I want to jump off of a bridge, 520 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,280 Speaker 1: and I am breaking every moment I'm here. 521 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 2: And first off, I've never told anyone. 522 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,239 Speaker 1: That story really outside of that moment, but it is 523 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: interesting because I was scared to share that because I 524 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 1: felt weak. 525 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:51,080 Speaker 2: I felt like I couldn't handle the. 526 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:55,719 Speaker 1: Hardness of what it took to be great, and I 527 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: have a lot of trauma from it, and I think 528 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,760 Speaker 1: that is the darker. When I'm ready, I have to 529 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:05,400 Speaker 1: walk in and unpack, and I am nowhere near near 530 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 1: being whole. 531 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,040 Speaker 2: Enough to do it right now. 532 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 1: And I just wish I had someone help me be 533 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:19,000 Speaker 1: vulnerable and truthful in those moments that winning really wasn't 534 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 1: everything at all costs, because you lose yourself in the 535 00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:26,480 Speaker 1: process a lot, and then you have to spend decades 536 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:31,160 Speaker 1: finding your joy again and your truth. We neglect so 537 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 1: much in the sports that we do, and I think 538 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,320 Speaker 1: it's we need to really shift the narrative a lot, 539 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 1: because it's hard out there and the pressure at the 540 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,760 Speaker 1: top the air is very thin, and it's one thing 541 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,960 Speaker 1: to get there, it's a whole another thing to stay there. 542 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,560 Speaker 2: And you lived it for so long. 543 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,239 Speaker 1: So with that, I do have a question for you, 544 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 1: with all the things that have come with your career, 545 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:06,320 Speaker 1: look back, the struggle, the pain, the mental toll, sacrifice. 546 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,160 Speaker 2: Was it worth it. 547 00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:20,440 Speaker 4: I found my greatest love in my greatest pain. 548 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 3: My journey has been two sides of the same coin, 549 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 3: one side where I've had incredible success and great achievement 550 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:36,680 Speaker 3: and accolades and all of this stuff, and the other 551 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 3: side is all the pain, all the anger, all the misunderstanding, 552 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 3: all the things, the self sabotage and sabotage from within 553 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:54,320 Speaker 3: and without. I walk that fine line every day. 554 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:55,720 Speaker 4: Still. 555 00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:01,560 Speaker 3: What I learned was a couple of things. And I 556 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:06,320 Speaker 3: so greatly appreciate you sharing with me and being honest 557 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 3: about it. Your situation is too hot right now in time, 558 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 3: and it could be years. If you go through, you 559 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,920 Speaker 3: will come out the other side with a level of 560 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:30,759 Speaker 3: appreciation that when you look back on it, it may 561 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,920 Speaker 3: not be the worst thing that happened in your life. 562 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 3: It could transform into the best thing that's ever happened 563 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,760 Speaker 3: in your life. And that for me was one lesson 564 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:44,400 Speaker 3: that I learned. But at the time, you're in it, 565 00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,720 Speaker 3: which is why the saying you can't see the forest 566 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:50,279 Speaker 3: for the trees, that's what that comes from. When you're 567 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,719 Speaker 3: in it, you cannot see, And it just seems so 568 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 3: weird to say that and to think that. 569 00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,400 Speaker 4: But when you're in it, you cannot. 570 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 3: See, and it's not going to be until it's far 571 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:07,400 Speaker 3: enough in the rear view to even be able to 572 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,080 Speaker 3: pick it up and look at it. 573 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:13,560 Speaker 4: But I will say. 574 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 3: There is going to be quite a level of salvation, appreciation, compassion, 575 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:29,319 Speaker 3: understanding when you're ready to go through that room and 576 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 3: it all. 577 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:35,320 Speaker 4: Belongs to you. It is yours and it will always 578 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:36,240 Speaker 4: be yours. 579 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:41,040 Speaker 3: I'm able to do what I do on stage speaking 580 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:45,960 Speaker 3: about my most difficult moments because I have some distance 581 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:50,759 Speaker 3: from them. Okay, there was a long time when I 582 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:56,400 Speaker 3: didn't speak about feeling suicidal. It wasn't until recently, literally 583 00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,120 Speaker 3: the last two or three years, when I felt more 584 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:03,359 Speaker 3: comfortable enough to actually speak about it on stage in 585 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:07,840 Speaker 3: a way that would view it justice. But that time 586 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:12,160 Speaker 3: was twenty thirteen. That's the year when I felt that way. 587 00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:15,239 Speaker 3: And it took me over ten years to get to 588 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:19,440 Speaker 3: a point where I didn't feel stupid or weak or 589 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:23,280 Speaker 3: ashamed for telling people about the time that I stood. 590 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 3: I stood on the railing from a waterfall, thinking about 591 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:34,080 Speaker 3: going in, knowing I would die because I can't swim. 592 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,400 Speaker 3: And the thing that kept me from doing that ash 593 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:43,279 Speaker 3: is the thought that somebody would have to tell my. 594 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,480 Speaker 4: Mother that her baby was dead. 595 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 3: Yea, That's what made me step back off of that ledge, 596 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:56,720 Speaker 3: And so shortly after that, the deepest darkest of times. 597 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:01,719 Speaker 3: Within the next six months, I met who was to 598 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:05,799 Speaker 3: be my wife, right on the backside of that. So 599 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:09,440 Speaker 3: that's what I mean about two sides of the coin. Right, 600 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,840 Speaker 3: So when you're ready, I'm going to tell you right now, 601 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:21,680 Speaker 3: I'm here for you. I will listen without judgment, without critique, 602 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 3: because you're asking for help and I am willing to 603 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,520 Speaker 3: do the work with you and you will be in 604 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,400 Speaker 3: that space, not by yourself. 605 00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:36,400 Speaker 1: That's beautiful, Thanks, Briy. That means a lot, and I 606 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:40,919 Speaker 1: will take that with me forever. And I do think 607 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 1: that's the difference between you and a lot of other 608 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,960 Speaker 1: people is your ability to show up. And I do 609 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:52,000 Speaker 1: think that is your superpower, not just standing between the pipes, 610 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,480 Speaker 1: but your superpower is your ability to show up. 611 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:55,680 Speaker 2: And I am so grateful. 612 00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:59,000 Speaker 1: And I told you the other day because I wasn't 613 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:00,920 Speaker 1: able to share that story glory with you, which I'll 614 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 1: share it to everyone. When I played in DC for 615 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:09,480 Speaker 1: the Washington Freedom, you would some days show up to 616 00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 1: the practices and just stand behind the goal at the 617 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:17,000 Speaker 1: top of the hill, and that was a really tough 618 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:20,000 Speaker 1: time for me. But like your ability just to show 619 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:25,920 Speaker 1: up and support and show that sense of compassion you're 620 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,560 Speaker 1: speaking about is really life changing for a lot of people, 621 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:33,799 Speaker 1: and is your superpower. And I hope that I will 622 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:37,239 Speaker 1: be able to turn my pain into my superpower and 623 00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:41,920 Speaker 1: my gift and see the clarity of. 624 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,919 Speaker 2: The pain I've walked in this lifetime. 625 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,080 Speaker 1: To bring me so much joy in this second version, 626 00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:54,479 Speaker 1: in this second wind, and this second chance at being 627 00:38:54,719 --> 00:39:01,200 Speaker 1: real and happy and authentic. And with that, I'm curious, 628 00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,759 Speaker 1: because I do ask every person this question on the podcast, 629 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:09,480 Speaker 1: what you know You've had so many moments that have 630 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,960 Speaker 1: split you wide open in your life. 631 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:14,600 Speaker 2: What moment for you. 632 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:21,080 Speaker 1: Split you wide open that changed the direction of your 633 00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:28,080 Speaker 1: life forever that really just constantly you remember that moment 634 00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:32,240 Speaker 1: that was so meaningful and so impactful. 635 00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:38,879 Speaker 3: In two thousand and four, my mom and dad lived 636 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:44,640 Speaker 3: in Minnesota, in Minneapolis area, and I lived in Georgia. 637 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,600 Speaker 3: I was still living in Atlanta, and at the time, 638 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:54,520 Speaker 3: the league had folded, but I was still obviously with 639 00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,120 Speaker 3: the national team and we were traveling around and my 640 00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,959 Speaker 3: dad was ill. He was very, very sick that year, 641 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:06,160 Speaker 3: and I worried about not being able to potentially come 642 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,680 Speaker 3: home if I needed to in time, if he took 643 00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:14,000 Speaker 3: a turn for the worst. But the irony was That's 644 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,920 Speaker 3: also when we were doing these barnstorming tours where we 645 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,200 Speaker 3: would play different games against each other in different cities, 646 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:25,480 Speaker 3: and we just so happened to be in Minneapolis, and 647 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,920 Speaker 3: I was staying at home that night because I hadn't 648 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,759 Speaker 3: seen my mom for a while, and my dad was 649 00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:32,239 Speaker 3: in the hospital and I see you. He'd been struggling 650 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:35,760 Speaker 3: with his heart, and I remember seeing him that day 651 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,279 Speaker 3: and he was sitting on his bed, laying it up 652 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,920 Speaker 3: against the pillow, and he has this way where he 653 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,600 Speaker 3: has his arm behind his head and I do the 654 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:48,160 Speaker 3: same thing, and he's like, I'll see you later, honey, 655 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:56,160 Speaker 3: And I was like, okay, Dad, I'd say around twelve 656 00:40:56,239 --> 00:41:01,239 Speaker 3: forty five am, the phone ring. It was the hospital. 657 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,799 Speaker 3: He had coded and they said that we have to 658 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:09,080 Speaker 3: get there right away. So I went with my mom 659 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:12,200 Speaker 3: to the hospital in his room, and we saw him 660 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:16,560 Speaker 3: there and he passed away at that moment. 661 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:18,440 Speaker 4: He hung in there long enough. 662 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:29,200 Speaker 3: That moment changed my life because as my father passed away, 663 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:36,160 Speaker 3: what made me special in the game of soccer passed. 664 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:40,319 Speaker 4: Away with him, at least at a way I saw it. 665 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:45,120 Speaker 3: However, that incredible pain and he passed away on Father's 666 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:57,360 Speaker 3: Day made me into an absolute just beast of a 667 00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:03,360 Speaker 3: goalkeeper for the next several months, and I was in 668 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:09,520 Speaker 3: such emotional turmoil. On one hand, I was returning after 669 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:12,600 Speaker 3: a long hiatus from the Olympics to be able to 670 00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:14,520 Speaker 3: play in my first Olympic Games in a while in 671 00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,480 Speaker 3: two thousand and four, and I was excited about that. 672 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,200 Speaker 3: And then on the other hand, my father passed away 673 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,840 Speaker 3: and I saw and I was in the room with him, 674 00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:29,080 Speaker 3: and I had these two emotional balls splitting, pulling me apart. 675 00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,520 Speaker 3: And for the next several months, I just I would 676 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:35,480 Speaker 3: go into the locker room and I would just cry 677 00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:40,640 Speaker 3: and cry and cry, and bless my teammates, all they 678 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,839 Speaker 3: would do is just pat me on my shoulder, give 679 00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,680 Speaker 3: me a hug because they knew why I was crying. 680 00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:51,960 Speaker 3: I never hit it, they knew what my dad meant. Fortunately, 681 00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:53,880 Speaker 3: because of that, my mom was able to come to 682 00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:59,160 Speaker 3: the Olympics that year, and I played out of my mind. 683 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:03,160 Speaker 4: I made saves. To this day, I can't explain. 684 00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:07,200 Speaker 3: I had my father's spirit in that game with me 685 00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:14,319 Speaker 3: that moment. The fact that I was actually there in 686 00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:21,520 Speaker 3: the room when he passed is my greatest pain and 687 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:27,400 Speaker 3: my greatest joy. Wow, because I was actually in the 688 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:32,440 Speaker 3: room and I never thought I would be, And I 689 00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 3: changed that day for the better through that really difficult 690 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:43,239 Speaker 3: time and I speak about it sometimes, but not as 691 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:45,960 Speaker 3: in depth as I just did. So I want to 692 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,760 Speaker 3: say thank you to you for allowing me the space 693 00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,480 Speaker 3: to be able to share that with you. 694 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:51,279 Speaker 4: And thank you. 695 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,960 Speaker 1: Thank you for your vulnerability and that and I've always 696 00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:58,239 Speaker 1: got you, you know that. There's another thing that you 697 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:02,520 Speaker 1: said that's very important for me to talk about because 698 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:08,319 Speaker 1: it is impactful in a way that I hope to 699 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,120 Speaker 1: get to. You said, my greatest save was my own life. 700 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,520 Speaker 1: How long did it take. 701 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,919 Speaker 2: You to see life this way? 702 00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:20,319 Speaker 4: Brian? 703 00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,799 Speaker 2: To see all of these. 704 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:28,200 Speaker 1: Things that you've gone through to be this joyful human 705 00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,000 Speaker 1: you are today. You walk into any room and you 706 00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:32,440 Speaker 1: absolutely light it up. 707 00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:36,320 Speaker 2: You are a light. You are magic, you are. 708 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:42,400 Speaker 1: And it's it's such a beautiful thing to say, because 709 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,440 Speaker 1: you've saved a lot of things, and you've saved a 710 00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,600 Speaker 1: lot of people. But you said my greatest saved was 711 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,719 Speaker 1: my own life. What did you mean by that? 712 00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,680 Speaker 3: So when I was in the depths of my depression 713 00:44:56,719 --> 00:45:00,239 Speaker 3: and my difficulty with what I was going through with 714 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:06,919 Speaker 3: my concussion, I didn't see myself. 715 00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:08,279 Speaker 4: As me in the mirror anymore. 716 00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,120 Speaker 3: There was a time when I was looking at a 717 00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:15,600 Speaker 3: picture of myself making that save, and I remember thinking. 718 00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:17,000 Speaker 4: Who is that? 719 00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:23,760 Speaker 3: I know that's me, but who is that? I felt 720 00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,799 Speaker 3: nothing like that woman who made that save at that 721 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:30,760 Speaker 3: amazing time and that amazing way. I did not feel 722 00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,120 Speaker 3: like that person at all anymore. 723 00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:36,400 Speaker 4: And I hit. 724 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:42,680 Speaker 3: Rock bottom in every single way, shape or form that 725 00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,960 Speaker 3: you can think of at the same time, to the 726 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:47,720 Speaker 3: point where I wanted. 727 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,479 Speaker 4: To just end it. 728 00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:56,120 Speaker 3: Because of my mom. Like I said earlier, I did not. 729 00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:04,240 Speaker 3: I didn't think I could go further without something dramatically changing. 730 00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:11,760 Speaker 3: What changed was this, A very good friend of mine 731 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:17,920 Speaker 3: met this woman in an event and told her about 732 00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:21,120 Speaker 3: my plight, that I was dealing with the insurance company, 733 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,440 Speaker 3: that they weren't paying me right, that I was really struggling, 734 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,200 Speaker 3: and I needed certain amount of care, kind of care, 735 00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,760 Speaker 3: type of care, doctors, all these things. 736 00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,120 Speaker 4: That person was Naomi. 737 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:40,720 Speaker 3: If Naomi doesn't open her mouth and tell Chrisa about 738 00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:45,359 Speaker 3: my plight, I don't even know if I'd be here 739 00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:49,040 Speaker 3: now talking to you, because eventually. 740 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:57,520 Speaker 4: I would have done it. I was saved by love. Wow, 741 00:46:58,600 --> 00:46:59,799 Speaker 4: love is what saved me. 742 00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:03,720 Speaker 3: So when I say my greatest save was my own life, 743 00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:11,120 Speaker 3: it was my willingness to be honest with Naomi, her 744 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:14,440 Speaker 3: willingness to do what she does really well, which is network, 745 00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:18,240 Speaker 3: and tell somebody that she thought could help me about 746 00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:22,800 Speaker 3: what it has happening, and for Chrisa to be willing 747 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:26,000 Speaker 3: to say yes and to meet with me. And it 748 00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:29,239 Speaker 3: wasn't until over a year later that we understood how 749 00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:32,440 Speaker 3: we felt about each other. But that got the ball rolling, 750 00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:39,719 Speaker 3: got everything started. And so for me, I saved my 751 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:46,200 Speaker 3: own life. Naomi saved my life and Chrisa saved my life. 752 00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:50,480 Speaker 3: And I do what I do now with the passion 753 00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:54,040 Speaker 3: and the privilege and the energy that I do it 754 00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:55,279 Speaker 3: with because I know. 755 00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:00,959 Speaker 4: What a shit show looks like. I've seen it, I've 756 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:02,160 Speaker 4: been it, yep. 757 00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:07,120 Speaker 3: And it's because of that experience and that understanding that 758 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:10,200 Speaker 3: I feel like I can help Yepple. And that's why 759 00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,080 Speaker 3: I've chosen to speak like I do and do and 760 00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:15,880 Speaker 3: do keynotes, because this is the best way I think 761 00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:20,960 Speaker 3: to reach the most people in an impactful way. And 762 00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,840 Speaker 3: every time I'm on stage, whether I'm talking to a 763 00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:26,640 Speaker 3: company fortune five hundred, or whether I'm talking to organization 764 00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:30,239 Speaker 3: soccer club who knows where, boys and girls. 765 00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:30,560 Speaker 4: Club, whatever. 766 00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:36,840 Speaker 3: I go in there with the intention of meeting somebody 767 00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:41,240 Speaker 3: where they are with my words and being the exact 768 00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,399 Speaker 3: thing they need to hear in that moment to help 769 00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:46,960 Speaker 3: them be and do what they need to do. 770 00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,399 Speaker 4: And that's why I do what I do. 771 00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:49,440 Speaker 2: That's beautiful. 772 00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:50,680 Speaker 4: Thank you, Wow, thank you. 773 00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:53,719 Speaker 2: The last question I'm gonna I could be here all 774 00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:55,600 Speaker 2: day with you. You are just right, You're just like 775 00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:59,920 Speaker 2: a You're like a giant gentle war. 776 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:04,960 Speaker 1: I'm hug every time I'm with you, Gosh, but I 777 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:08,839 Speaker 1: will because you're in such a beautiful place and I'm 778 00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:12,839 Speaker 1: so genuinely happy to hear that and to see it. 779 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,360 Speaker 1: And I have the last question I want to ask you, 780 00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,960 Speaker 1: is this, with where you are now and you have 781 00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:26,200 Speaker 1: so much living still to do and love to share, 782 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:33,520 Speaker 1: if you could whisper one thing in your ear at 783 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,319 Speaker 1: that ninety nine World Cup when you're standing in goal 784 00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:40,600 Speaker 1: like a fucking giant you were, and all the things 785 00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:44,839 Speaker 1: you've gone through and the pain and the controversy and 786 00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:48,600 Speaker 1: the mental health and the concussion and now finding love 787 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:53,000 Speaker 1: on this side. If you could whisper one thing to 788 00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:56,480 Speaker 1: your younger self in that moment, what would it be. 789 00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:01,279 Speaker 3: You have the mind of your father, you have the 790 00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:06,160 Speaker 3: heart of your mother. Times are going to be incredibly 791 00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:09,520 Speaker 3: difficult and dark, and you will feel like there is 792 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:17,920 Speaker 3: no light. Just hang in there because the light is coming. 793 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:23,960 Speaker 3: And this situation that you feel is heavier than you 794 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:29,160 Speaker 3: can carry. You will see in the future that it 795 00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:30,200 Speaker 3: was your greatest moment. 796 00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:31,040 Speaker 4: Wow. 797 00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:37,719 Speaker 2: Thank you. You are special. 798 00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:42,520 Speaker 1: You are special, Brian, and it is an absolute joy 799 00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,040 Speaker 1: to have you on, to call you a friend, to 800 00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:49,279 Speaker 1: be able to know I can pick this weird thing 801 00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:51,319 Speaker 1: up and call you at any time. 802 00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,520 Speaker 2: And no, no, you've got my back. 803 00:50:55,200 --> 00:51:00,200 Speaker 1: That I am I'm grateful for and I know this, 804 00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:02,360 Speaker 1: this will air, and this will touch a lot of 805 00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:07,120 Speaker 1: people who silently are struggling. And this is a message 806 00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:11,200 Speaker 1: of staying and it's beautiful because life is beautiful. It's hard, 807 00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:17,239 Speaker 1: it's challenging, it's unpredictable, yeah, but there's always beauty in it. 808 00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:23,359 Speaker 1: And you are an incredible testament to that. So thank 809 00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:25,279 Speaker 1: you for being on today, and thank you for being 810 00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:29,560 Speaker 1: vulnerable and wide open. And I hope I get to 811 00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:33,160 Speaker 1: share many more moments and stages with you, because I 812 00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,439 Speaker 1: have a lot to learn from your experience as well, 813 00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:39,480 Speaker 1: and for you to be so open about it brings 814 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,520 Speaker 1: me comfort and knowing I don't have to carry the 815 00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:43,080 Speaker 1: shame either. 816 00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:48,120 Speaker 3: So thanks Briy absolutely ashen, Thank you so much for 817 00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:51,320 Speaker 3: being willing to put yourself out there and for having 818 00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,759 Speaker 3: me on this show. And we together are going to 819 00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:56,439 Speaker 3: help a ton of people. And you don't know where 820 00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:59,080 Speaker 3: things are going to lead or who's listening or who's 821 00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:03,399 Speaker 3: going to help, but I'm grateful to you for being 822 00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,880 Speaker 3: willing to have me on and sharing this with you. 823 00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,640 Speaker 3: So thank you, and I'm ready when you're ready. 824 00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:12,160 Speaker 1: Thanks Brian, and we'll see you all next week on 825 00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:18,840 Speaker 1: Wide Open. Wide Open with Ashlin Harris is an iHeart 826 00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:23,000 Speaker 1: women's sports production. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, 827 00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:26,160 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 828 00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:27,800 Speaker 2: Our producers are. 829 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:34,040 Speaker 1: Carmen Borca Correo, Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants 830 00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:40,240 Speaker 1: from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan, 831 00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:44,280 Speaker 1: and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily 832 00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:47,240 Speaker 1: Rudder and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris