Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce
Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can
Speaker 1: experience on Purpose in person. Join me in a city
Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It
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Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,
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Speaker 1: Head to Jaysheddy, dop me Forward Slash Tour and get
Speaker 1: yours today. Confidence is something we all struggle with at
Speaker 1: some point. But where does confidence come from? How do
Speaker 1: we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting?
Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Seti, Jay Shehey,
Speaker 1: Welcome back to On Purpose today. We're talking about something
Speaker 1: that impacts every decision we make, a confidence and self worth.
Speaker 1: We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if
Speaker 1: we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it
Speaker 1: started in childhood, or maybe Over time, life's challenges have
Speaker 1: made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth. Confidence
Speaker 1: isn't something you're just born with, it's something you build.
Speaker 1: And self worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success.
Speaker 1: It's about how you see yourself at your core. In
Speaker 1: this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best
Speaker 1: minds to help you quiet self doubt, recognize your true value,
Speaker 1: and step into the confidence that's already in you. Because
Speaker 1: when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes. So often
Speaker 1: when we're searching for confidence and self worth, it's easy
Speaker 1: to feel pressured to try every new trend or practice,
Speaker 1: as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves.
Speaker 1: But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about
Speaker 1: tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works
Speaker 1: for you. Kendall Jenna knows that pressure all too well.
Speaker 1: Having spent most of her life in the public eye.
Speaker 1: She's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries,
Speaker 1: and find joy in the simple things. In this conversation,
Speaker 1: she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and
Speaker 1: true to herself. Let's get into it had.
Speaker 2: Had a lot of people coming to me telling me
Speaker 2: about meditation and how it changed their life and therapy
Speaker 2: and so many different things, and I was a bit
Speaker 2: overwhelmed because I was like, oh my god, what of
Speaker 2: this is gonna suit me. I think it's a very
Speaker 2: personal experience. I think everybody has a very different version
Speaker 2: of all of that stuff, and so it was a
Speaker 2: little so I think I really just took the time
Speaker 2: to be off for a second. It was even the
Speaker 2: little things. It was like being able to go to
Speaker 2: my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able
Speaker 2: to go to before because I was working a lot.
Speaker 1: I love hearing that because I think it is those
Speaker 1: simple things, like you know, giving yourself that space. Yeah,
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you needed to do when you
Speaker 1: needed it, And like you said, sometimes it's like that's
Speaker 1: when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of
Speaker 1: you and it's like try this and try this, and
Speaker 1: it's like, well, no, no, no, let me just take my time.
Speaker 2: It was also, now that I think about it, yeah,
Speaker 2: twenty three, I'm twenty six. I've had my horse for
Speaker 2: so around that time is when I bought the horse
Speaker 2: that I have now who is my Like I jump her,
Speaker 2: and I like, I have two other horses, but they're
Speaker 2: like retired, so I don't really ride them the same
Speaker 2: way I ride her. So yeah, I guess it was
Speaker 2: around that time too that I was like, I'm going
Speaker 2: to do this because I love this and like I
Speaker 2: want to get back into it, and this is what
Speaker 2: I've loved my whole life. So so it was around that
Speaker 2: time that I feel like all of that started happening,
Speaker 2: and I bought my and I like started taking more
Speaker 2: time for things that made me really happy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what I what I'm noticing in you and observing
Speaker 1: or at least from just the God. No, I was
Speaker 1: just saying, it's like, it feels like, no matter what's
Speaker 1: happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that
Speaker 1: it's important to be happy. Yeah, Like you know, that's
Speaker 1: like this core center belief in your life where it's
Speaker 1: important to be happy. It's important to be happy. It's
Speaker 1: that has to be the.
Speaker 2: Goal for sure, And you know it's not always easy.
Speaker 2: We live in such an interesting industry and in such
Speaker 2: an interesting time with social media that it can be
Speaker 2: very hard. Sometimes you can fall victim to so many
Speaker 2: things that don't serve you and that don't make you happy.
Speaker 2: If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you know,
Speaker 2: you're at mercy of things that you can't control. And
Speaker 2: that's ever where I want to be. So I always
Speaker 2: want to live in like me and my therapist talk
Speaker 2: about like my higher goddess, my higher self, Like I
Speaker 2: always want to live there, knowing that you know, when
Speaker 2: I'm there, you can't take that away from me. That
Speaker 2: that's mine. And no matter what you can disagree with me,
Speaker 2: you can agree with me, that's not going I'm not changing,
Speaker 2: I'm not shifting. I'm here, I'm in my higher goddess.
Speaker 2: So I kind of I always live by, like keep
Speaker 2: holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it.
Speaker 2: And though I fall victim to it at times, well
Speaker 2: as we all probably do, absolutely I strive every day
Speaker 2: to live in that place.
Speaker 1: So what are some of the qualities of your higher
Speaker 1: goddess so that that kind of.
Speaker 2: She's awesome. Like I said, I don't love a pity party.
Speaker 2: I also, like, you know, sometimes it feels weird to
Speaker 2: like say good things about yourself. But I've also learned
Speaker 2: a lot about talking to myself, and a lot about
Speaker 2: looking in the mirror and being like, you're you're gorgeous,
Speaker 2: you're amazing, you're loyal, you're positive, you're so many like.
Speaker 2: I love words of affirmation. I love just sitting there
Speaker 2: and reassuring myself of who I am, because that's another
Speaker 2: thing for me. You know, there's so many false narratives
Speaker 2: about me, about all of us, I'm sure, like so
Speaker 2: many people think they have you figured out when they
Speaker 2: don't even know the half of it. So sitting there
Speaker 2: and being like, you know, you get frustrated. Sometimes it
Speaker 2: could feel really unfair. You could be reading something that
Speaker 2: someone is saying about you, or hearing something that someone's
Speaker 2: saying about you and being like, that is so unfair
Speaker 2: because that's not who I am. And that really gets
Speaker 2: to me sometimes and that really sucks. But then looking
Speaker 2: at myself in the mirror and being like, but I
Speaker 2: know who I am and that's all. Why does anything
Speaker 2: else matter? And my friends know who I am, and
Speaker 2: my family knows who I am, My dog knows who
Speaker 2: I am, my horse knows who I am, Like, why
Speaker 2: does any of everything else? Is just noise?
Speaker 1: I do this exercise. I didn't think if she had
Speaker 1: this before. But I do this exercise with some of
Speaker 1: my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll
Speaker 1: be on a hike wherever we are, and I'll ask
Speaker 1: them what they think a piece of you know, maybe
Speaker 1: there's a little leaf, or maybe there's some flower or
Speaker 1: something that looks a little unique on the path, and
Speaker 1: I'll say, what do you think that feels like? And
Speaker 1: what do you think it would feel like if you
Speaker 1: picked it up in your hand. And they'll be like, Oh,
Speaker 1: it looks really rough and like it might scratch me,
Speaker 1: and like it looks like a bit, you know, like
Speaker 1: uneven or whatever, and it looks kind of hard and strong.
Speaker 1: And then I'll ask them to pick it up, and
Speaker 1: nine times out of ten it's completely different. Like they'll
Speaker 1: pick it up and it will just dissolve in their hands,
Speaker 1: or they'll turn it over and the color is really
Speaker 1: soft and sorry, the shape, the shape's really soft and
Speaker 1: the color's totally different on the other side. And I
Speaker 1: do that I exercise to help us realize just how
Speaker 1: multifaceted humans are. Yeah, today I've got to meet you,
Speaker 1: and obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable
Speaker 1: time together, so you learn faster about someone. But if
Speaker 1: someone only follows someone on social media, or only sees
Speaker 1: someone at an event, or only sees one interview, it's
Speaker 1: so easy to create such a singular view of someone.
Speaker 1: I think, and I want to say this because I
Speaker 1: really think we all feel it. I don't think anyone
Speaker 1: wants to be seen in a singular way. If you
Speaker 1: had to choose one word that had to be you
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. I don't think anyone
Speaker 1: wants that. I think course all know that we're messy
Speaker 1: and complex and different, of course, but we like to
Speaker 1: put someone else in a box, whoever that may be,
Speaker 1: because it's easier than to live life and say, okay,
Speaker 1: well that's person's a bright yeah.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: So there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always
Speaker 1: share from Charles Horton Cooley, and he wrote this in
Speaker 1: eighteen ninety I think it was, which just shows how
Speaker 1: true this has been for such a long time, and
Speaker 1: obviously long before that as well. And he said, the
Speaker 1: challenge today is I'm not what I think I am.
Speaker 1: I'm not what you think I am. I am what
Speaker 1: I think you think I am. And we'll let that
Speaker 1: blow everyone's mind. Charles Houghton Cooley said, the challenge today
Speaker 1: is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not
Speaker 1: what you think I am. I am what I think
Speaker 1: you think I am. And what he's trying to say
Speaker 1: is that we live in a perception of a perception
Speaker 1: of ourselves. So if I think you think I'm smart,
Speaker 1: then I allow myself to feel smart.
Speaker 2: Right, It's like we need that value, we need that validation.
Speaker 1: Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then
Speaker 1: I feel hurt. And the challenges I don't know what
Speaker 1: you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world, and
Speaker 1: so I find out what you're saying around like, well
Speaker 1: what do I think about myself? Like how do I
Speaker 1: feel about myself? How do the people that actually know
Speaker 1: me feel about me? I think that's really empowering. There
Speaker 1: are times in life when we feel disconnected from ourselves,
Speaker 1: as if we've lost our sense of who we are.
Speaker 1: It can happen after a big life change, the grind
Speaker 1: of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in
Speaker 1: the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment
Speaker 1: came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies, she
Speaker 1: found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way
Speaker 1: to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took
Speaker 1: a leap, one that felt scary but ultimately led her
Speaker 1: back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her
Speaker 1: comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self worth.
Speaker 4: I feel like my first solo trip was when I
Speaker 4: was like, it was right after I did a stint
Speaker 4: of like really heavy, emotionally demanding movies. I think Gimme
Speaker 4: Shelter was the last one of that, and I came
Speaker 4: home and I like genuinely did.
Speaker 5: Not know who Vanessa was.
Speaker 4: I had gotten so off on becoming this other person
Speaker 4: and like genuinely changed my mindset the way that I looked.
Speaker 4: I put on like twenty pounds, cut off all my hair,
Speaker 4: like all the things that made me me were not
Speaker 4: there anymore. And I was like, I need to do
Speaker 4: something because I'm like scared because I don't know who
Speaker 4: I am. And I was like, Okay, We're gonna go
Speaker 4: on a yoga retreat. My my publicist at the time
Speaker 4: was like, Ei, there's this retreat. They're doing it the
Speaker 4: four seasons. It was like a practice, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna like go on my own because that
Speaker 4: scares me. And I was very much in that place
Speaker 4: of like do the things that scare you, because you
Speaker 4: will evolve like you're forced to. And I was like,
Speaker 4: you know, like a yoga retreat in Hawaii, like that
Speaker 4: gives me an excuse to be in Hawaii, but also
Speaker 4: like have something to do and like know that I'll
Speaker 4: be around people because like filming as well as an adult,
Speaker 4: Like when I hit eighteen, I would go off to
Speaker 4: film things all the time, and I would be on
Speaker 4: my own. And so like if I wanted to go
Speaker 4: to dinner, like a lot of times, I would just
Speaker 4: go by myself and like bring a book, and like
Speaker 4: I definitely would have those moments where I'm like looking
Speaker 4: around like kind of trying to like lock eyes and
Speaker 4: engage with anyone. Preferably would sit at the bar, so
Speaker 4: I like talk to the bartender because like I love
Speaker 4: I love people, like I love I love just like
Speaker 4: talking to people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you start using a different part of your
Speaker 1: brain when you do that, Like you start using a
Speaker 1: different part of your energy where it's like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: going to see if I can make something out of nothing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: I said that you lose as we get older. That's
Speaker 1: because most of your life is surrounded about the same people,
Speaker 1: same work people, same life people. And so like when
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I'm trying to talk to the bartender,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to lock even the idea of locking eyes
Speaker 1: with someone random that overcomes a thing. Yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: favorite thing.
Speaker 4: I literally will like be driving and like we'll like
Speaker 4: turn and just like look at people if I'm stop
Speaker 4: at a red light and like try to like dance
Speaker 4: with people. The other day, this guy was like listening
Speaker 4: to a song. We had our windows down, he had
Speaker 4: his windows down, and me and my girlfriend were just
Speaker 4: like body well and like just like luck and I
Speaker 4: was trying to make this person laugh, like yeah, I
Speaker 4: love that. But the trip the yoga retreat in Hawaii
Speaker 4: ended up just being like so freeing because I was
Speaker 4: just like okay, like I'm here on my own, like
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna like talk to people that I connect
Speaker 4: with and like go from there and like genuinely forced
Speaker 4: me to stay as present as possible because I was
Speaker 4: engaging with people I know nothing about. I feel like
Speaker 4: That's the thing I love about talking to people that
Speaker 4: you don't know, like you're forced to be present because
Speaker 4: it's like if you're actually trying to engage, which not
Speaker 4: everybody does. Yeah, but then those are the people you
Speaker 4: don't need to engage with. But when you find people
Speaker 4: who you can like, it's do you say you're so
Speaker 4: present because you're actually listening.
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Speaker 1: Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point.
Speaker 1: But where does confidence come from? How do we build
Speaker 1: it in a way that feels genuine and lasting. Claudia Aushriy, comedian,
Speaker 1: podcast host and social media personality, gets candid about her
Speaker 1: journey with self image and how love played a role
Speaker 1: in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear
Speaker 1: her story, Like, what would you say to someone who
Speaker 1: maybe doesn't have doesn't want to go on a z
Speaker 1: MPG because they're scared or whatever it may be. But
Speaker 1: like what would you say with them?
Speaker 6: So I feel like people don't like my answer because
Speaker 6: as when I was like struggling with myself image, I
Speaker 6: feel like I'm gonna cry and ass sorry. So much
Speaker 6: of my confidence, I would say, like all of it
Speaker 6: came from the fact that I had a husband or
Speaker 6: a boyfriend at the time, fiance who loved me so
Speaker 6: much and he thought I was like the greatest thing.
Speaker 6: And so if he thought it and look at him,
Speaker 6: like I just I love him so much, and so
Speaker 6: he thinks I'm so great, Like that's nothing. You should
Speaker 6: get your confidence from a man whatever, But like I did,
Speaker 6: just to be loved so unequivocally by somebody who I
Speaker 6: think is so great, that gave me a lot of confidence.
Speaker 6: Like he thought I was the best, he thought I
Speaker 6: was as smartest, he thought I was the prettiest, so
Speaker 6: like I was because his opinion is only when that matters.
Speaker 6: But also like I look at him and I think
Speaker 6: of him as like so charming attractive, like who wouldn't
Speaker 6: want to marry him? And he likes me, like, oh
Speaker 6: my god, I must be like the greatest thing ever.
Speaker 6: And I really feel like so much of my confidence
Speaker 6: and It's so funny because he says that he gets
Speaker 6: confidence from me, which I feel like really happy that
Speaker 6: it's a two way street, but having a relationship that
Speaker 6: I felt really solid about, but also somebody who just
Speaker 6: loved me so much. Really it just made me believe
Speaker 6: like what he was saying, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: What's interesting to me is just so much of how
Speaker 1: whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that
Speaker 1: society does to us, how so much of it is
Speaker 1: built up around esthetics and visuals, and how health and
Speaker 1: vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.
Speaker 6: No, but I will say visually at the time, like
Speaker 6: if you were to just compare me visually now and
Speaker 6: me visually then, like I was very unhealthy, Like I
Speaker 6: had a lot of random medical issues that like a
Speaker 6: twenty five year old girl shouldn't be having. So I
Speaker 6: agree with you that like a lot of times we
Speaker 6: judge people's health based on their weight, and that's not
Speaker 6: the case for everyone. But to be clear, like it
Speaker 6: was the case for me. Yeah, like I was not healthy.
Speaker 6: I did not walk to work, like I was really
Speaker 6: like living a very inactive, unhealthy lifestyle. That's not the
Speaker 6: case for everyone you see who's overweight, but that was
Speaker 6: one thousand percent the case for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and now what's the new schedule?
Speaker 6: Oh bitch? Well, nown pregnant, so like it's kind of
Speaker 6: reverted back, but so not pregnancy wise. I just really
Speaker 6: like lead my day with little pockets of activity. I
Speaker 6: think that like meat, going to meetings, going to work,
Speaker 6: Like I'm always being like, okay, I'll walk.
Speaker 1: I worked out like before I.
Speaker 6: Got pregnant, I worked out like you know, three to
Speaker 6: five times a week. I would spend my weekends like
Speaker 6: doing things that I enjoy whilst being active, like going
Speaker 6: for walks in the park with Ben. Just like making
Speaker 6: sure that I wasn't rotting in bed as much as
Speaker 6: I can I'm capable of, because I'm capable of a
Speaker 6: great deal of rotting. And then with meals, that's really
Speaker 6: where I probably struggled the most, but just just trying
Speaker 6: to be a little bit more well rounded. I feel
Speaker 6: like I eat like a six year old, and so
Speaker 6: I do, like I eat rice and chicken fingers, and
Speaker 6: so just changing sometimes to like brown rice and grilled chicken,
Speaker 6: you know, thinking a little bit more. But it's hard
Speaker 6: because I'm such a picky eater that you know, I'm
Speaker 6: not gonna be making Bronzino on the weekends with like
Speaker 6: a top of nod. You know that's never gonna happen.
Speaker 6: I don't even know what top not is.
Speaker 1: And then I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm
Speaker 1: just like, is there a lot of people talk about
Speaker 1: this right now, like this idea of when you become pregnant,
Speaker 1: is there like a loss of the life you had? Like,
Speaker 1: is there a feeling of like, wait a minute, just
Speaker 1: a few moments ago, a few months ago I was.
Speaker 6: I would say, I don't feel I really. I mean,
Speaker 6: I've been married for one hundred years and we decided
Speaker 6: to wait to have kids. And I think that because
Speaker 6: we made that choice, I am now not spending my
Speaker 6: pregnancy and you know, hopefully the next year or two
Speaker 6: mourning a life. I feel like I lived life to
Speaker 6: the fullest and I really really waited till I was ready.
Speaker 6: So the only thing I feel like I'm mourning is
Speaker 6: my body. Like that nobody talks enough about, like what
Speaker 6: it's like to lose significant weight and then get pregnant.
Speaker 6: I don't know how I feel about it. I don't
Speaker 6: have like fully fleshed that out. I'm like struggling every
Speaker 6: single day, But no, I don't. I don't I feel
Speaker 6: sad about like a life left behind. I feel like
Speaker 6: I lived every minute of my twenties, like on the
Speaker 6: edge of cliffs, going on trips, partying, like doing everything
Speaker 6: I wanted to do. And when I turned thirty over
Speaker 6: the summer, I was like, you know what, I'm done,
Speaker 6: Like I really feel And That's what I'm so happy about,
Speaker 6: because yeah, I like see my friends with kids, and
Speaker 6: I'm like, oh, I do wish I had, like, you know,
Speaker 6: joined them. But I feel so fulfilled in that one
Speaker 6: chapter of my life that I'm really ready to start
Speaker 6: the next chapter.
Speaker 1: We often think about self care as something external, our skincare, routine,
Speaker 1: our dire or exercise, But what about caring for our soul?
Speaker 1: How do we create rituals that nurture not just our body,
Speaker 1: but our peace of mind and self worth. To share
Speaker 1: her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate
Speaker 1: for soul care, Alisha opens up about her struggles with anxiety,
Speaker 1: how stress affected her skin, and how she turned her
Speaker 1: personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others into this.
Speaker 1: I think often those of us who live spiritual lives,
Speaker 1: we can be quite negligent of our casing and of
Speaker 1: this body, and you can you can kind.
Speaker 5: Of disconnect, disconnect from it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, disconnect from it right right. And so I wanted
Speaker 1: to ask you, how is your relationship changed with your skin?
Speaker 1: That was something that brought you anxiety?
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, I mean confident in your skin. I
Speaker 5: mean it was forever. It was literally forever that I
Speaker 5: really struggled with my with my skin. And you know,
Speaker 5: you're a teenager and your hormones and you get it
Speaker 5: and it's cool. And then all of a sudden, I
Speaker 5: was like eighteen, and then I was twenty three, and
Speaker 5: then I was twenty eight, and then I was thirty,
Speaker 5: and then I was like thirty five, and I'm like, WHOA,
Speaker 5: when does this thing stop? Like when I thought like sixteen, eighteen,
Speaker 5: twenty one, maybe why is it continuing? And it was
Speaker 5: really hard to especially to be in spaces where you
Speaker 5: would present yourself and you would feel just so self conscious.
Speaker 5: I just felt so self conscious and I'm like, but
Speaker 5: there's a big bump right here, And then most people
Speaker 5: are like, I don't even see the damn bump. But
Speaker 5: I see the bump right here, and it's huge, and
Speaker 5: it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 5: You want to know why too, You want to know
Speaker 5: what's the matter? Is something wrong why? I thought, I'm
Speaker 5: what can I do to help this? And so that
Speaker 5: definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in
Speaker 5: the music world when I was eighteen, and so that
Speaker 5: was right kind of at the precipice. And then the
Speaker 5: stress of the whole universe of music was just so much.
Speaker 5: And I was trying my best to play it cool
Speaker 5: and like I can handle it. I can do it.
Speaker 5: But it was stressful. It was a whole new world.
Speaker 5: I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders
Speaker 5: and try to, you know, kind of like be calm
Speaker 5: while or cool while doing it, and it was and
Speaker 5: my skin. I learned that my body reacts to stress.
Speaker 5: Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts
Speaker 5: to stress. Many of our personal bodies do this, which
Speaker 5: is obviously why even many diseases come to us from stress,
Speaker 5: because physically, it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which
Speaker 5: is why it is so important for us to figure out,
Speaker 5: like what gives you peace, what calms you down, what
Speaker 5: makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin
Speaker 5: and you're yourself and these type of things. And so
Speaker 5: of course I didn't know what that was for a
Speaker 5: long time, but I realized that it was these relationships
Speaker 5: I was attracting, and it was the you know, the
Speaker 5: level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no
Speaker 5: space for me to reflect or to sleep, or to
Speaker 5: be with my friends, and you know, do those those
Speaker 5: outlets that do give you a sense of calm. And
Speaker 5: so my skin was so reactive that I said, one
Speaker 5: day to myself, if I one day I'm gonna make
Speaker 5: something that fixes this this, I'm gonna do something about this,
Speaker 5: because I know I'm not the only one. And I
Speaker 5: realized as I began to you know, live and experience
Speaker 5: so many different parts of my life, motherhood and you know,
Speaker 5: raising young kids and finding time for yourself really and
Speaker 5: getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me
Speaker 5: in real life, I realized that you really have to
Speaker 5: take care of your soul, like you have to take
Speaker 5: care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care
Speaker 5: really came from all of these understandings and all of
Speaker 5: these realizings that no one's going to do it for me.
Speaker 5: Like no, as much as I really really wish someone
Speaker 5: would stand up and be like you, you're not good
Speaker 5: for her, get out of here, that thing you you
Speaker 5: need to stop, No, I have to be the judge
Speaker 5: of that. And therefore I have to find my way
Speaker 5: to the understanding of how do I hear myself to
Speaker 5: know what is good and what is not, or what
Speaker 5: is real or what is true? And so there were
Speaker 5: many things that brought me to that place. Some of
Speaker 5: them were meditations that brought me there and really brought
Speaker 5: me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were
Speaker 5: just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No,
Speaker 5: I know six friends said this, or I know that
Speaker 5: very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think
Speaker 5: said this, But what do you think? And that became
Speaker 5: the practice of soul care, and also these ideas of
Speaker 5: ancient rituals and what are some special ways that we
Speaker 5: can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to
Speaker 5: crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted
Speaker 5: to journaling. And I have a very difficult time as
Speaker 5: a kid, I had a difficult time pressing my truth,
Speaker 5: and I realized that when I would journal or do
Speaker 5: the stream of consciousness I could, I could actually just
Speaker 5: release it. I could let it go. And if I'm
Speaker 5: not good at doing that to someone else because I
Speaker 5: didn't trust as fully, I can do it with myself,
Speaker 5: you know. And so these practices of how do you
Speaker 5: kind of like depend on yourself to find your own
Speaker 5: grounding became my idea of what soul care is, which
Speaker 5: eventually became how I said, I'm going to make that
Speaker 5: thing to fix that thing became this key soul care,
Speaker 5: and the idea is, to me, it's a philosophy, it's
Speaker 5: a way of life. It's a lifestyle to me, you know.
Speaker 5: You know, the beauty industry or the skincare industry, just
Speaker 5: like the music industry, all of it is kind of
Speaker 5: creating how to live within the chaos, and so how
Speaker 5: do we do it? Nobody teaches us. Normally it's a
Speaker 5: blessing if someone does, but normally it's not so finding
Speaker 5: these ways through affirmations, through the idea, idea of really
Speaker 5: connecting to yourself and using the affirmations around every battle
Speaker 5: because the ideas you wash your face, you do that
Speaker 5: every day with the Golden cleanser. You can also think
Speaker 5: about how I'm devoted to this moment because so many
Speaker 5: times we're over here, over there, back there. How can
Speaker 5: you just be right here with yourself right now? And
Speaker 5: so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient
Speaker 5: rituals and we're skin meats, soul and sole care because
Speaker 5: we have air care, hair care, and nail care, body care,
Speaker 5: home care, but we never had soul care. Why so
Speaker 5: I want to start it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more.
Speaker 1: As someone who was very negligent of a lot of
Speaker 1: this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it,
Speaker 1: I've seen the value of I'm a big fan of affirmations, right,
Speaker 1: I think even when it comes to cleansing my face,
Speaker 1: what that means, what that feels like, how different I
Speaker 1: feel internally because of it, How it can be a
Speaker 1: reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul as
Speaker 1: well as that which is around me. There's so much
Speaker 1: of that connection from body, mind, spirit and soul that
Speaker 1: I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected
Speaker 1: they all are. Confidence is something we all strive for
Speaker 1: but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking action.
Speaker 1: But what if the key is to act first, even
Speaker 1: when we don't feel ready. What if confidence is something
Speaker 1: we build as we go, not something we wait for.
Speaker 1: To help us break through the myths of confidence, we
Speaker 1: have Lisa Billu, entrepreneur, best selling author, and co founder
Speaker 1: of Impact Theory. Lisa's journey from stay at home wife
Speaker 1: to powerhouse businesswoman has given her a unique perspective on
Speaker 1: what it really takes to build confidence from within. Let's
Speaker 1: hear what she has to say. So, I think confidence
Speaker 1: is such a important and powerful topic. I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask you because I think there's so much material and
Speaker 1: you do so many interviews around confidence and what it
Speaker 1: means and what it feels like. How do you define
Speaker 1: confidence for you and what does it mean to you?
Speaker 1: And what is something that people can think of because
Speaker 1: I think everyone has a different view of the word confidence.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think most people actually have the misinterpretation of
Speaker 7: a confidence actually is because they usually and I was
Speaker 7: culprit of this when I was a stay at home
Speaker 7: WiFi eight years. I thought I needed it to get started,
Speaker 7: and I thought I needed the confidence to live out
Speaker 7: my dreams, to actually go towards my goals, and I
Speaker 7: was waiting to have the confidence, and that I think
Speaker 7: is a complete misconception. Is what actually is holding so
Speaker 7: many of us back from trying anything. And what I
Speaker 7: realized was in my own journey, I actually just need
Speaker 7: to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure,
Speaker 7: not knowing what I was doing. Practice and practice and practicing,
Speaker 7: you know, wax on, whax off my favorite movie Karate Kid,
Speaker 7: and get so damn good that I build the competence
Speaker 7: to then lead to confidence. So the truth is the
Speaker 7: confidence is the byproduct of taking action, and a lot
Speaker 7: of us don't think of it like that. We think
Speaker 7: it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to
Speaker 7: get us to actually take that action at the beginning.
Speaker 7: And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I
Speaker 7: rethought of the word confidence. And then also for me,
Speaker 7: confidence is like a muscle. If you don't keep practicing it,
Speaker 7: you won't actually get strong at it, and if you
Speaker 7: stop practicing, you will get weaker. And just like when
Speaker 7: you go to the gym, you may practice like your
Speaker 7: biceps or your legs, it's a different mechanism to practice
Speaker 7: working your calves than practice in your bicep. So that
Speaker 7: is what confidence is. It's not like you get confidence
Speaker 7: in one area and you're good to go. It's like
Speaker 7: you get confidence maybe being in front of the camera.
Speaker 7: But being in front of the camera, as you know, JAY,
Speaker 7: is very different than being on stage. So when someone
Speaker 7: sees maybe you've got confidence in one area, it doesn't
Speaker 7: mean that you've got confidence everywhere else. And I think people,
Speaker 7: if it's you and you're thinking about it, you may
Speaker 7: then think that you're incompetent, or you're no good, or
Speaker 7: like it's just well, I don't have the gene, so
Speaker 7: I may as well not get started. But the truth is,
Speaker 7: identify where you can't want the confidence, get started, build
Speaker 7: that competence, and then eventually it will breed confidence.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, I can agree with you more. I remember
Speaker 1: once looking at the definition of confidence in the dictionary,
Speaker 1: and one of the definitions is an appreciation of one's
Speaker 1: own abilities, skills, and qualities. I really like that definition,
Speaker 1: Like it's actually self validation, Like confidence is being able
Speaker 1: to look at yourself and say, I'm good at this,
Speaker 1: I'm actually a kind person, I'm a thoughtful person. I
Speaker 1: am a good public speaker, I am a best selling author,
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. And you're almost validating a skill,
Speaker 1: quality or attribute you have by yourself. And I think
Speaker 1: it's so interesting, and you're right. I think we've viewed confidences.
Speaker 1: How do other people feelout us? So we look at
Speaker 1: it as like, Oh, that person looks so confident because
Speaker 1: they're like walking out their car, they got that swag,
Speaker 1: they're like dripping in great clothes or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: And we see that as confidence. But we know that
Speaker 1: that person could be sitting in there going, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: not the right size, I'm overweight, underweight, I'm whatever else
Speaker 1: it may be. In criticizing themselves, I was wondering, what
Speaker 1: is something that took you the longest in your life
Speaker 1: to build confidence around?
Speaker 7: Ooh, I'm ever evolving. But I think it really was
Speaker 7: to believe in myself that I'm capable. And that all
Speaker 7: started from because I was a stay at home wife
Speaker 7: for eight years and I want to just make sure
Speaker 7: that I say this though there's nothing wrong with being
Speaker 7: a stay home wife at all. It's actually one of
Speaker 7: the hardest jobs that was for me. But I didn't
Speaker 7: want it that actually wasn't my dream, it was I
Speaker 7: felt like it was sucking the life out of me.
Speaker 7: So as that staying home wife, I didn't make any
Speaker 7: change because I didn't feel like I was capable of anything,
Speaker 7: because I was so insecure. That voice my head was
Speaker 7: so negative Jay telling me all the reasons why I
Speaker 7: was no good to try anything. And so in order
Speaker 7: for me to build my confidence to move forward, I
Speaker 7: was like, well, what if I am bad? Who cares
Speaker 7: you have to actually practice? Why do I think that
Speaker 7: I can be amazing at something?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 7: If someone looks at you and they're like, oh my god,
Speaker 7: he's such an amazing podcaster, how long have you been
Speaker 7: doing it? Years and years and years and years. So
Speaker 7: when someone looks at you and let's say they're comparing
Speaker 7: their beginning to your middle or your end, you will
Speaker 7: feel incompetent. And so for me, I had to stop
Speaker 7: looking outside of myself at all the amazing people because
Speaker 7: I believed I wasn't good enough to try. And so
Speaker 7: I had to build the internal confidence to take that
Speaker 7: action to actually just try and understand that it's going
Speaker 7: to be a process. And without that I never would
Speaker 7: have got out of what I call purgatory of the
Speaker 7: mundane when my life is just mundane enough and so
Speaker 7: I'm just stuck there day in and day out. And
Speaker 7: that idea that even if you don't feel good enough,
Speaker 7: you can still take action, I think was the biggest
Speaker 7: thing that was the heart for me, because I didn't
Speaker 7: want to get bullied. I was already bullied as a
Speaker 7: kid for my looks from other women, so you can
Speaker 7: imagine me trying anything. That fear of being bullied from
Speaker 7: other girls was so petrifying that I didn't even want
Speaker 7: to take a chance, and so realizing A have to
Speaker 7: build that within myself. And you said the word validate
Speaker 7: actually earlier. That word really sticks with me because I
Speaker 7: think a lot of us wait for validation external validation.
Speaker 7: We wait for someone to tell us that we're a
Speaker 7: good Greek wife or an amazing husband or a fantastic wife,
Speaker 7: and that can actually hold us where we are. Because
Speaker 7: I was so seeking validation from everybody else, and at
Speaker 7: the time I was getting validation from being that stay
Speaker 7: at home wife, and so you can imagine I have
Speaker 7: low self esteem. I don't believe in myself. I don't
Speaker 7: think I'm good enough, and everyone's validating me for this
Speaker 7: one thing, even though I don't like that one thing.
Speaker 7: That validation, that feeling good about yourself is what kept
Speaker 7: me there. So I think the trick is is how
Speaker 7: do you make sure that you value yourself? And that
Speaker 7: became the path for me building my confidence every single day.
Speaker 7: What am I going to do to validate myself? Not
Speaker 7: get validation from my partner, from my boyfriend, from the exit,
Speaker 7: how many likes I got on Instagram?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 7: No, how can I validate myself? And that became my
Speaker 7: north star versus everyone else? Making me feel good about myself.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, confidence isn't something that just appears overnight. It's built
Speaker 1: through experiences, setbacks, and self acceptance. For Megan Trainer, that
Speaker 1: journey started with a song she never thought anyone would hear. Well.
Speaker 1: Began as a fun personal expression, turned into an anthem
Speaker 1: that resonated with millions, But even after hitting number one,
Speaker 1: she found herself still chasing validation instead of trusting her
Speaker 1: own instincts. Let's hear how she learned to let go
Speaker 1: of expectations and embrace her true confidence.
Speaker 3: Well, back then, I was a songwriter writing for other artists,
Speaker 3: so I was thinking, like, what's not on the radio,
Speaker 3: and what could be on the radio. But I when
Speaker 3: I wrote all about that bass, it was like a joke.
Speaker 3: Like it was like I was like, no one's gonna
Speaker 3: cut this. We've wasted a day of work and we'll
Speaker 3: just write a therapy song for us, like because the
Speaker 3: co writer was like a man and it was a
Speaker 3: first time meeting him, so it's kind of like a
Speaker 3: blind date and you're like, where'd you grow up? Power,
Speaker 3: and we both were like we were chubby kids and
Speaker 3: we had to learn how to love ourselves. And I
Speaker 3: was like, how funny would it be? That was like
Speaker 3: I ain't no sas too, but I can't shake it,
Speaker 3: shake it. And I'm like, I'm not a confident dancer
Speaker 3: that dances in front of everyone, but I imagine if
Speaker 3: I was. And I remember being like, I'll sing the
Speaker 3: demo who cares? And it was like a raw demo
Speaker 3: with no autitude and nothing, but the lyrics hit so
Speaker 3: many people that they're like, this is gonna be huge.
Speaker 3: Who's singing it? We'll just let her do it. So
Speaker 3: it was really from like a weird, raw place, like
Speaker 3: I wasn't chasing radio, I wasn't an I fell into
Speaker 3: that before when you're talking about competition, I didn't know
Speaker 3: about charts and all that stuff. When they're like you're
Speaker 3: number one, I was.
Speaker 5: Like fantastic, Like what is that?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 3: Number one everywhere? They're like everywhere? I was like, well
Speaker 3: that was easy. So then anytime I did another song,
Speaker 3: I was like, it's not number one everywhere? What do
Speaker 3: you mean like? And then I was like, oh, maybe
Speaker 3: I'm not doing what's on the radio. And then I've
Speaker 3: caught myself chasing radio and just falling on my face.
Speaker 3: So with this new album, taking aback, I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go back to when I did do Op
Speaker 3: and just didn't care about any charts and anything and
Speaker 3: just do me. Yeah, and you'll hear that come out.
Speaker 3: And the first song they put out was a emo,
Speaker 3: toxic relationship song. I was like, oh, okay, coming out passionate.
Speaker 1: And so it sounds like it's always been a real
Speaker 1: emotion that, yeah, that's going on, and now you're taking
Speaker 1: it back and going back to that and you're really
Speaker 1: earning that, like with this with this new album, would
Speaker 1: you say that we're hearing you through the healing process?
Speaker 1: Are we hearing you healed? Are we hearing you.
Speaker 3: I think you're hearing. You're here a healed it's your
Speaker 3: mother who is just ruthlessly honest.
Speaker 8: You know.
Speaker 3: Like one song don't I Make It Look Easy? That
Speaker 3: I tease today on my Instagram is like talking about
Speaker 3: don't I make this look easy? Like everything's perfect, because
Speaker 3: everyone who interviews me is like, you are so fun
Speaker 3: and you have the best family in best life. And
Speaker 3: I'm like, I cry so much. You just don't know
Speaker 3: it because I don't film myself and post it, you know,
Speaker 3: So I say in the first verse, like I posted
Speaker 3: a picture, I read all the comments, I hearted the
Speaker 3: good ones, and if I'm being honest, I probably spent
Speaker 3: an hour on it. And then I'm like, and it's
Speaker 3: just like a fun way of being ruthlessly honest. Ruthlessly
Speaker 3: that's not the word, brutally honest.
Speaker 1: Yeah. True confidence doesn't just come from winning. It comes
Speaker 1: from how you handle the losses. It's about resilience, picking
Speaker 1: yourself back up when things don't go your way, and
Speaker 1: having the determination to keep pushing forward. Kobe Bryant understood
Speaker 1: this better than most. He wasn't always the strongest or
Speaker 1: the fastest, but he built confidence by prioritizing long term
Speaker 1: growth over immediate results. He knew that self worth isn't
Speaker 1: defined by where you are today, It's about your commitment
Speaker 1: to improvement. Let's hear how he developed that mindset. And
Speaker 1: you talk about that because you talk about you know,
Speaker 1: when you talk about missing five throws and you talk
Speaker 1: about getting over yourself. Yeah, right, like getting over yourself?
Speaker 1: How did you get that mentality of just being like
Speaker 1: I need to get over this, like I need to
Speaker 1: get over myself? You know?
Speaker 8: Trial and error? You know, you grow up and you
Speaker 8: make game winning shots and it's awesome, and you come
Speaker 8: back the next day and miss a game when it's
Speaker 8: shot and it's misery. And then the next day comes
Speaker 8: and you're back playing again, and you understand that life
Speaker 8: has this cyclical nature where it's, you know, what you
Speaker 8: do on Monday, it's fantastic, but then Tuesday's a bad day.
Speaker 8: But guess what, there's Wednesday. So are we just supposed
Speaker 8: to live our lives like this the whole time, you know,
Speaker 8: versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really
Speaker 8: just a journey of evolution. Every day is constant improvement,
Speaker 8: constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter.
Speaker 8: It's the figuring out that matters.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we all get obsessed about the results that
Speaker 1: we get obsessed about like the output, not the input
Speaker 1: of not figuring it out and not like changing things
Speaker 1: what you said, trial and error, like the experimenting. We
Speaker 1: forget to do that.
Speaker 8: It's unfortunate, man. Like I've seen a lot of players,
Speaker 8: especially now, you know in youth basketball, dealing with that.
Speaker 8: You have players that are like bigger and faster and stronger,
Speaker 8: and you know, their coaches or just coaching them for results.
Speaker 8: You know, we're just going to use your size that
Speaker 8: because you're bigger than every other twelve year old out
Speaker 8: there to dominate today. But they're not growing right, so
Speaker 8: they're just based on that result. But they're not focused
Speaker 8: on growing this young child into becoming a better athlete
Speaker 8: and through that teaching them how to become a more
Speaker 8: well rounded person. And we're missing that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, see what you've said that Just I want to
Speaker 1: ask you this, And I'm not saying because I you know,
Speaker 1: like you you know yourself best and you know how
Speaker 1: you've got there. So I'm asking it from a place
Speaker 1: of humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your
Speaker 1: superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is
Speaker 1: like you think strategically. Like that's a very strategic thought
Speaker 1: of saying, this person could be this in the future
Speaker 1: if they were developed as a whole individual rather than
Speaker 1: just like let's use them for the short term. And
Speaker 1: where did you develop that from? That ability to see beyond,
Speaker 1: to think deeper, to reflect deeper, Where did that come from? Well?
Speaker 8: I had to do that because you know, I grew
Speaker 8: up growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there,
Speaker 8: it was you know, I didn't speak Italian, I didn't
Speaker 8: have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball,
Speaker 8: and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to
Speaker 8: make friends and build connections. But it was a lot
Speaker 8: of time spent alone. And when I came back to
Speaker 8: the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 8: I was really strawny, like really really skinny, and had
Speaker 8: like major knee issues because I was growing. So I
Speaker 8: was the dorky kid with hot socks and big ol
Speaker 8: knee pets. Fashionable now, it's fashionable now, and then and then,
Speaker 8: and so I had to look long term because in
Speaker 8: the here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids.
Speaker 8: I mean there's kids that were like twelve years old
Speaker 8: with beards like you. What I was supposed to do
Speaker 8: with that? Like they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and
Speaker 8: I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know. So
Speaker 8: I had to look at it from a long term
Speaker 8: because I wasn't going to give up on the game.
Speaker 8: So I had to say, Okay, this year, I'm gonna
Speaker 8: get better at that. Next year, this and then so
Speaker 8: forth and so on, and then patiently I was able
Speaker 8: to catch them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I love hearing that because I think so
Speaker 1: many of us kind of you believe, like when when
Speaker 1: you see people like yourself, it's like it's so easy
Speaker 1: as an excuse to ourselves to just all your destined
Speaker 1: for it, right, you were made kind of like that,
Speaker 1: you know, Like you know, but when you talk about saying, oh, actually,
Speaker 1: when I started, I didn't have the physicality that meant
Speaker 1: that I was going to make it Like you have
Speaker 1: to figure it out, and I.
Speaker 8: Love to figure it out.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 8: It's just piece by piece, and it's the consistency of
Speaker 8: the work, which I feel like a lot of parents
Speaker 8: are missing today because we're not teaching that to our kids.
Speaker 8: We tend to say like kids don't want to do
Speaker 8: the work, but in reality, it's when we're failing them
Speaker 8: because we're not leading them the right way and teaching them.
Speaker 8: You know how to fish, you know what I mean.
Speaker 8: And so like the consistency of work, Monday get better,
Speaker 8: Tuesday get better, Wednesday get better. Right, and you do
Speaker 8: that over a period of time, you know, not like
Speaker 8: one month or two months. I mean it's three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,
Speaker 8: ten years, and then you know you can get to
Speaker 8: where you want to go.
Speaker 1: Confidence isn't about walking into a room and thinking you're
Speaker 1: the best. It's about not feeling the need to compare
Speaker 1: yourself to anyone. True self worth comes from knowing who
Speaker 1: you are, not just what you accomplish. It's built in
Speaker 1: the quiet moments, how you show up for yourself and
Speaker 1: the way you speak to yourself when no one's around.
Speaker 1: I hope this episode helped you realize that confidence isn't
Speaker 1: about having all the answers. It's about trusting yourself to
Speaker 1: figure it out. If something resonated with you, Share it
Speaker 1: with someone who needs to hear it, and I'll see
Speaker 1: you next time on on Purpose. If you love this episode,
Speaker 1: you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending
Speaker 1: your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with
Speaker 1: more compassion.
Speaker 4: My fears are only going to continue to show me
Speaker 4: what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,
Speaker 4: the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom,
Speaker 4: and I just want to keep doing that