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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce

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Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can

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Speaker 1: experience on Purpose in person. Join me in a city

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Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It

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Speaker 1: could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO

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Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,

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Speaker 1: spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences

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Speaker 1: for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a

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Speaker 1: meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.

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Speaker 1: Head to Jaysheddy, dop me Forward Slash Tour and get

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Speaker 1: yours today. Confidence is something we all struggle with at

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Speaker 1: some point. But where does confidence come from? How do

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Speaker 1: we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting?

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Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Seti, Jay Shehey,

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to On Purpose today. We're talking about something

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Speaker 1: that impacts every decision we make, a confidence and self worth.

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Speaker 1: We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if

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Speaker 1: we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it

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Speaker 1: started in childhood, or maybe Over time, life's challenges have

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Speaker 1: made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth. Confidence

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Speaker 1: isn't something you're just born with, it's something you build.

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Speaker 1: And self worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success.

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Speaker 1: It's about how you see yourself at your core. In

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Speaker 1: this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best

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Speaker 1: minds to help you quiet self doubt, recognize your true value,

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Speaker 1: and step into the confidence that's already in you. Because

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Speaker 1: when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes. So often

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Speaker 1: when we're searching for confidence and self worth, it's easy

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Speaker 1: to feel pressured to try every new trend or practice,

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Speaker 1: as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves.

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Speaker 1: But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about

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Speaker 1: tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works

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Speaker 1: for you. Kendall Jenna knows that pressure all too well.

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Speaker 1: Having spent most of her life in the public eye.

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Speaker 1: She's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries,

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Speaker 1: and find joy in the simple things. In this conversation,

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Speaker 1: she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and

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Speaker 1: true to herself. Let's get into it had.

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Speaker 2: Had a lot of people coming to me telling me

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Speaker 2: about meditation and how it changed their life and therapy

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Speaker 2: and so many different things, and I was a bit

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Speaker 2: overwhelmed because I was like, oh my god, what of

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Speaker 2: this is gonna suit me. I think it's a very

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Speaker 2: personal experience. I think everybody has a very different version

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Speaker 2: of all of that stuff, and so it was a

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Speaker 2: little so I think I really just took the time

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Speaker 2: to be off for a second. It was even the

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Speaker 2: little things. It was like being able to go to

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Speaker 2: my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able

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Speaker 2: to go to before because I was working a lot.

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Speaker 1: I love hearing that because I think it is those

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Speaker 1: simple things, like you know, giving yourself that space. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: whatever it is that you needed to do when you

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Speaker 1: needed it, And like you said, sometimes it's like that's

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Speaker 1: when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of

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Speaker 1: you and it's like try this and try this, and

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Speaker 1: it's like, well, no, no, no, let me just take my time.

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Speaker 2: It was also, now that I think about it, yeah,

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Speaker 2: twenty three, I'm twenty six. I've had my horse for

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Speaker 2: so around that time is when I bought the horse

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Speaker 2: that I have now who is my Like I jump her,

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Speaker 2: and I like, I have two other horses, but they're

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Speaker 2: like retired, so I don't really ride them the same

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Speaker 2: way I ride her. So yeah, I guess it was

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Speaker 2: around that time too that I was like, I'm going

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Speaker 2: to do this because I love this and like I

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Speaker 2: want to get back into it, and this is what

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Speaker 2: I've loved my whole life. So so it was around that

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Speaker 2: time that I feel like all of that started happening,

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Speaker 2: and I bought my and I like started taking more

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Speaker 2: time for things that made me really happy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what I what I'm noticing in you and observing

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Speaker 1: or at least from just the God. No, I was

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Speaker 1: just saying, it's like, it feels like, no matter what's

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Speaker 1: happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that

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Speaker 1: it's important to be happy. Yeah, Like you know, that's

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Speaker 1: like this core center belief in your life where it's

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Speaker 1: important to be happy. It's important to be happy. It's

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Speaker 1: that has to be the.

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Speaker 2: Goal for sure, And you know it's not always easy.

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Speaker 2: We live in such an interesting industry and in such

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Speaker 2: an interesting time with social media that it can be

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Speaker 2: very hard. Sometimes you can fall victim to so many

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Speaker 2: things that don't serve you and that don't make you happy.

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Speaker 2: If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you know,

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Speaker 2: you're at mercy of things that you can't control. And

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Speaker 2: that's ever where I want to be. So I always

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Speaker 2: want to live in like me and my therapist talk

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Speaker 2: about like my higher goddess, my higher self, Like I

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Speaker 2: always want to live there, knowing that you know, when

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Speaker 2: I'm there, you can't take that away from me. That

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Speaker 2: that's mine. And no matter what you can disagree with me,

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Speaker 2: you can agree with me, that's not going I'm not changing,

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Speaker 2: I'm not shifting. I'm here, I'm in my higher goddess.

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Speaker 2: So I kind of I always live by, like keep

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Speaker 2: holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it.

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Speaker 2: And though I fall victim to it at times, well

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Speaker 2: as we all probably do, absolutely I strive every day

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Speaker 2: to live in that place.

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Speaker 1: So what are some of the qualities of your higher

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Speaker 1: goddess so that that kind of.

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Speaker 2: She's awesome. Like I said, I don't love a pity party.

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Speaker 2: I also, like, you know, sometimes it feels weird to

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Speaker 2: like say good things about yourself. But I've also learned

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Speaker 2: a lot about talking to myself, and a lot about

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Speaker 2: looking in the mirror and being like, you're you're gorgeous,

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Speaker 2: you're amazing, you're loyal, you're positive, you're so many like.

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Speaker 2: I love words of affirmation. I love just sitting there

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Speaker 2: and reassuring myself of who I am, because that's another

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Speaker 2: thing for me. You know, there's so many false narratives

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Speaker 2: about me, about all of us, I'm sure, like so

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Speaker 2: many people think they have you figured out when they

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Speaker 2: don't even know the half of it. So sitting there

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Speaker 2: and being like, you know, you get frustrated. Sometimes it

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Speaker 2: could feel really unfair. You could be reading something that

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Speaker 2: someone is saying about you, or hearing something that someone's

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Speaker 2: saying about you and being like, that is so unfair

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Speaker 2: because that's not who I am. And that really gets

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Speaker 2: to me sometimes and that really sucks. But then looking

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Speaker 2: at myself in the mirror and being like, but I

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Speaker 2: know who I am and that's all. Why does anything

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Speaker 2: else matter? And my friends know who I am, and

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Speaker 2: my family knows who I am, My dog knows who

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Speaker 2: I am, my horse knows who I am, Like, why

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Speaker 2: does any of everything else? Is just noise?

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Speaker 1: I do this exercise. I didn't think if she had

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Speaker 1: this before. But I do this exercise with some of

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Speaker 1: my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll

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Speaker 1: be on a hike wherever we are, and I'll ask

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Speaker 1: them what they think a piece of you know, maybe

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Speaker 1: there's a little leaf, or maybe there's some flower or

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Speaker 1: something that looks a little unique on the path, and

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Speaker 1: I'll say, what do you think that feels like? And

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Speaker 1: what do you think it would feel like if you

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Speaker 1: picked it up in your hand. And they'll be like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: it looks really rough and like it might scratch me,

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Speaker 1: and like it looks like a bit, you know, like

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Speaker 1: uneven or whatever, and it looks kind of hard and strong.

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Speaker 1: And then I'll ask them to pick it up, and

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Speaker 1: nine times out of ten it's completely different. Like they'll

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Speaker 1: pick it up and it will just dissolve in their hands,

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Speaker 1: or they'll turn it over and the color is really

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Speaker 1: soft and sorry, the shape, the shape's really soft and

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Speaker 1: the color's totally different on the other side. And I

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Speaker 1: do that I exercise to help us realize just how

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Speaker 1: multifaceted humans are. Yeah, today I've got to meet you,

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Speaker 1: and obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable

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Speaker 1: time together, so you learn faster about someone. But if

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Speaker 1: someone only follows someone on social media, or only sees

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Speaker 1: someone at an event, or only sees one interview, it's

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Speaker 1: so easy to create such a singular view of someone.

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Speaker 1: I think, and I want to say this because I

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Speaker 1: really think we all feel it. I don't think anyone

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Speaker 1: wants to be seen in a singular way. If you

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Speaker 1: had to choose one word that had to be you

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Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. I don't think anyone

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Speaker 1: wants that. I think course all know that we're messy

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Speaker 1: and complex and different, of course, but we like to

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Speaker 1: put someone else in a box, whoever that may be,

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Speaker 1: because it's easier than to live life and say, okay,

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Speaker 1: well that's person's a bright yeah.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 1: So there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always

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Speaker 1: share from Charles Horton Cooley, and he wrote this in

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Speaker 1: eighteen ninety I think it was, which just shows how

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Speaker 1: true this has been for such a long time, and

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Speaker 1: obviously long before that as well. And he said, the

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Speaker 1: challenge today is I'm not what I think I am.

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Speaker 1: I'm not what you think I am. I am what

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Speaker 1: I think you think I am. And we'll let that

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Speaker 1: blow everyone's mind. Charles Houghton Cooley said, the challenge today

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Speaker 1: is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not

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Speaker 1: what you think I am. I am what I think

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Speaker 1: you think I am. And what he's trying to say

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Speaker 1: is that we live in a perception of a perception

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. So if I think you think I'm smart,

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Speaker 1: then I allow myself to feel smart.

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Speaker 2: Right, It's like we need that value, we need that validation.

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Speaker 1: Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then

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Speaker 1: I feel hurt. And the challenges I don't know what

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Speaker 1: you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world, and

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Speaker 1: so I find out what you're saying around like, well

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Speaker 1: what do I think about myself? Like how do I

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Speaker 1: feel about myself? How do the people that actually know

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Speaker 1: me feel about me? I think that's really empowering. There

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Speaker 1: are times in life when we feel disconnected from ourselves,

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Speaker 1: as if we've lost our sense of who we are.

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Speaker 1: It can happen after a big life change, the grind

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Speaker 1: of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in

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Speaker 1: the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment

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Speaker 1: came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies, she

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Speaker 1: found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way

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Speaker 1: to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took

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Speaker 1: a leap, one that felt scary but ultimately led her

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Speaker 1: back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her

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Speaker 1: comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self worth.

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Speaker 4: I feel like my first solo trip was when I

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Speaker 4: was like, it was right after I did a stint

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Speaker 4: of like really heavy, emotionally demanding movies. I think Gimme

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Speaker 4: Shelter was the last one of that, and I came

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Speaker 4: home and I like genuinely did.

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Speaker 5: Not know who Vanessa was.

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Speaker 4: I had gotten so off on becoming this other person

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Speaker 4: and like genuinely changed my mindset the way that I looked.

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Speaker 4: I put on like twenty pounds, cut off all my hair,

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Speaker 4: like all the things that made me me were not

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Speaker 4: there anymore. And I was like, I need to do

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Speaker 4: something because I'm like scared because I don't know who

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Speaker 4: I am. And I was like, Okay, We're gonna go

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Speaker 4: on a yoga retreat. My my publicist at the time

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Speaker 4: was like, Ei, there's this retreat. They're doing it the

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Speaker 4: four seasons. It was like a practice, and I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 4: I'm just gonna like go on my own because that

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Speaker 4: scares me. And I was very much in that place

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Speaker 4: of like do the things that scare you, because you

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Speaker 4: will evolve like you're forced to. And I was like,

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Speaker 4: you know, like a yoga retreat in Hawaii, like that

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Speaker 4: gives me an excuse to be in Hawaii, but also

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Speaker 4: like have something to do and like know that I'll

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Speaker 4: be around people because like filming as well as an adult,

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Speaker 4: Like when I hit eighteen, I would go off to

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Speaker 4: film things all the time, and I would be on

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Speaker 4: my own. And so like if I wanted to go

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Speaker 4: to dinner, like a lot of times, I would just

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Speaker 4: go by myself and like bring a book, and like

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Speaker 4: I definitely would have those moments where I'm like looking

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Speaker 4: around like kind of trying to like lock eyes and

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Speaker 4: engage with anyone. Preferably would sit at the bar, so

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Speaker 4: I like talk to the bartender because like I love

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Speaker 4: I love people, like I love I love just like

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Speaker 4: talking to people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but you start using a different part of your

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Speaker 1: brain when you do that, Like you start using a

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Speaker 1: different part of your energy where it's like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to see if I can make something out of nothing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: I said that you lose as we get older. That's

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Speaker 1: because most of your life is surrounded about the same people,

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Speaker 1: same work people, same life people. And so like when

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Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I'm trying to talk to the bartender,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to lock even the idea of locking eyes

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Speaker 1: with someone random that overcomes a thing. Yeah, but it's

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Speaker 1: favorite thing.

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Speaker 4: I literally will like be driving and like we'll like

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Speaker 4: turn and just like look at people if I'm stop

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Speaker 4: at a red light and like try to like dance

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Speaker 4: with people. The other day, this guy was like listening

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Speaker 4: to a song. We had our windows down, he had

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Speaker 4: his windows down, and me and my girlfriend were just

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Speaker 4: like body well and like just like luck and I

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Speaker 4: was trying to make this person laugh, like yeah, I

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Speaker 4: love that. But the trip the yoga retreat in Hawaii

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Speaker 4: ended up just being like so freeing because I was

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Speaker 4: just like okay, like I'm here on my own, like

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Speaker 4: I'm just gonna like talk to people that I connect

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Speaker 4: with and like go from there and like genuinely forced

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Speaker 4: me to stay as present as possible because I was

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Speaker 4: engaging with people I know nothing about. I feel like

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Speaker 4: That's the thing I love about talking to people that

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Speaker 4: you don't know, like you're forced to be present because

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Speaker 4: it's like if you're actually trying to engage, which not

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Speaker 4: everybody does. Yeah, but then those are the people you

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Speaker 4: don't need to engage with. But when you find people

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Speaker 4: who you can like, it's do you say you're so

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Speaker 4: present because you're actually listening.

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Speaker 1: Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point.

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Speaker 1: But where does confidence come from? How do we build

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Speaker 1: it in a way that feels genuine and lasting. Claudia Aushriy, comedian,

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Speaker 1: podcast host and social media personality, gets candid about her

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Speaker 1: journey with self image and how love played a role

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Speaker 1: in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear

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Speaker 1: her story, Like, what would you say to someone who

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Speaker 1: maybe doesn't have doesn't want to go on a z

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Speaker 1: MPG because they're scared or whatever it may be. But

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Speaker 1: like what would you say with them?

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Speaker 6: So I feel like people don't like my answer because

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Speaker 6: as when I was like struggling with myself image, I

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Speaker 6: feel like I'm gonna cry and ass sorry. So much

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Speaker 6: of my confidence, I would say, like all of it

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Speaker 6: came from the fact that I had a husband or

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Speaker 6: a boyfriend at the time, fiance who loved me so

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Speaker 6: much and he thought I was like the greatest thing.

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Speaker 6: And so if he thought it and look at him,

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Speaker 6: like I just I love him so much, and so

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Speaker 6: he thinks I'm so great, Like that's nothing. You should

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Speaker 6: get your confidence from a man whatever, But like I did,

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Speaker 6: just to be loved so unequivocally by somebody who I

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Speaker 6: think is so great, that gave me a lot of confidence.

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Speaker 6: Like he thought I was the best, he thought I

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Speaker 6: was as smartest, he thought I was the prettiest, so

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Speaker 6: like I was because his opinion is only when that matters.

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Speaker 6: But also like I look at him and I think

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Speaker 6: of him as like so charming attractive, like who wouldn't

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Speaker 6: want to marry him? And he likes me, like, oh

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Speaker 6: my god, I must be like the greatest thing ever.

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Speaker 6: And I really feel like so much of my confidence

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Speaker 6: and It's so funny because he says that he gets

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Speaker 6: confidence from me, which I feel like really happy that

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Speaker 6: it's a two way street, but having a relationship that

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Speaker 6: I felt really solid about, but also somebody who just

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Speaker 6: loved me so much. Really it just made me believe

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Speaker 6: like what he was saying, do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: What's interesting to me is just so much of how

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Speaker 1: whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that

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Speaker 1: society does to us, how so much of it is

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Speaker 1: built up around esthetics and visuals, and how health and

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Speaker 1: vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.

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Speaker 6: No, but I will say visually at the time, like

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Speaker 6: if you were to just compare me visually now and

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Speaker 6: me visually then, like I was very unhealthy, Like I

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Speaker 6: had a lot of random medical issues that like a

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Speaker 6: twenty five year old girl shouldn't be having. So I

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Speaker 6: agree with you that like a lot of times we

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Speaker 6: judge people's health based on their weight, and that's not

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Speaker 6: the case for everyone. But to be clear, like it

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Speaker 6: was the case for me. Yeah, like I was not healthy.

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Speaker 6: I did not walk to work, like I was really

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Speaker 6: like living a very inactive, unhealthy lifestyle. That's not the

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Speaker 6: case for everyone you see who's overweight, but that was

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Speaker 6: one thousand percent the case for me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and now what's the new schedule?

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Speaker 6: Oh bitch? Well, nown pregnant, so like it's kind of

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Speaker 6: reverted back, but so not pregnancy wise. I just really

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Speaker 6: like lead my day with little pockets of activity. I

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Speaker 6: think that like meat, going to meetings, going to work,

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Speaker 6: Like I'm always being like, okay, I'll walk.

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Speaker 1: I worked out like before I.

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Speaker 6: Got pregnant, I worked out like you know, three to

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Speaker 6: five times a week. I would spend my weekends like

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Speaker 6: doing things that I enjoy whilst being active, like going

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Speaker 6: for walks in the park with Ben. Just like making

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Speaker 6: sure that I wasn't rotting in bed as much as

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Speaker 6: I can I'm capable of, because I'm capable of a

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Speaker 6: great deal of rotting. And then with meals, that's really

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Speaker 6: where I probably struggled the most, but just just trying

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Speaker 6: to be a little bit more well rounded. I feel

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Speaker 6: like I eat like a six year old, and so

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Speaker 6: I do, like I eat rice and chicken fingers, and

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Speaker 6: so just changing sometimes to like brown rice and grilled chicken,

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Speaker 6: you know, thinking a little bit more. But it's hard

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Speaker 6: because I'm such a picky eater that you know, I'm

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Speaker 6: not gonna be making Bronzino on the weekends with like

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Speaker 6: a top of nod. You know that's never gonna happen.

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Speaker 6: I don't even know what top not is.

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Speaker 1: And then I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, is there a lot of people talk about

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Speaker 1: this right now, like this idea of when you become pregnant,

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Speaker 1: is there like a loss of the life you had? Like,

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Speaker 1: is there a feeling of like, wait a minute, just

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Speaker 1: a few moments ago, a few months ago I was.

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Speaker 6: I would say, I don't feel I really. I mean,

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Speaker 6: I've been married for one hundred years and we decided

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Speaker 6: to wait to have kids. And I think that because

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Speaker 6: we made that choice, I am now not spending my

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Speaker 6: pregnancy and you know, hopefully the next year or two

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Speaker 6: mourning a life. I feel like I lived life to

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Speaker 6: the fullest and I really really waited till I was ready.

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Speaker 6: So the only thing I feel like I'm mourning is

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Speaker 6: my body. Like that nobody talks enough about, like what

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Speaker 6: it's like to lose significant weight and then get pregnant.

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Speaker 6: I don't know how I feel about it. I don't

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Speaker 6: have like fully fleshed that out. I'm like struggling every

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Speaker 6: single day, But no, I don't. I don't I feel

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Speaker 6: sad about like a life left behind. I feel like

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Speaker 6: I lived every minute of my twenties, like on the

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Speaker 6: edge of cliffs, going on trips, partying, like doing everything

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Speaker 6: I wanted to do. And when I turned thirty over

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Speaker 6: the summer, I was like, you know what, I'm done,

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Speaker 6: Like I really feel And That's what I'm so happy about,

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Speaker 6: because yeah, I like see my friends with kids, and

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Speaker 6: I'm like, oh, I do wish I had, like, you know,

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Speaker 6: joined them. But I feel so fulfilled in that one

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Speaker 6: chapter of my life that I'm really ready to start

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Speaker 6: the next chapter.

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Speaker 1: We often think about self care as something external, our skincare, routine,

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Speaker 1: our dire or exercise, But what about caring for our soul?

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Speaker 1: How do we create rituals that nurture not just our body,

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Speaker 1: but our peace of mind and self worth. To share

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Speaker 1: her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate

403
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Speaker 1: for soul care, Alisha opens up about her struggles with anxiety,

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Speaker 1: how stress affected her skin, and how she turned her

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Speaker 1: personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others into this.

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Speaker 1: I think often those of us who live spiritual lives,

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Speaker 1: we can be quite negligent of our casing and of

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Speaker 1: this body, and you can you can kind.

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Speaker 5: Of disconnect, disconnect from it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, disconnect from it right right. And so I wanted

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Speaker 1: to ask you, how is your relationship changed with your skin?

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Speaker 1: That was something that brought you anxiety?

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Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, I mean confident in your skin. I

414
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 5: mean it was forever. It was literally forever that I

415
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Speaker 5: really struggled with my with my skin. And you know,

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Speaker 5: you're a teenager and your hormones and you get it

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Speaker 5: and it's cool. And then all of a sudden, I

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Speaker 5: was like eighteen, and then I was twenty three, and

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Speaker 5: then I was twenty eight, and then I was thirty,

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Speaker 5: and then I was like thirty five, and I'm like, WHOA,

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Speaker 5: when does this thing stop? Like when I thought like sixteen, eighteen,

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Speaker 5: twenty one, maybe why is it continuing? And it was

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Speaker 5: really hard to especially to be in spaces where you

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Speaker 5: would present yourself and you would feel just so self conscious.

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Speaker 5: I just felt so self conscious and I'm like, but

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Speaker 5: there's a big bump right here, And then most people

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Speaker 5: are like, I don't even see the damn bump. But

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Speaker 5: I see the bump right here, and it's huge, and

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Speaker 5: it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable.

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Speaker 5: You want to know why too, You want to know

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Speaker 5: what's the matter? Is something wrong why? I thought, I'm

432
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 5: what can I do to help this? And so that

433
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,439
Speaker 5: definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in

434
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 5: the music world when I was eighteen, and so that

435
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,439
Speaker 5: was right kind of at the precipice. And then the

436
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 5: stress of the whole universe of music was just so much.

437
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 5: And I was trying my best to play it cool

438
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 5: and like I can handle it. I can do it.

439
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 5: But it was stressful. It was a whole new world.

440
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 5: I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders

441
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,439
Speaker 5: and try to, you know, kind of like be calm

442
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 5: while or cool while doing it, and it was and

443
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,360
Speaker 5: my skin. I learned that my body reacts to stress.

444
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 5: Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts

445
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 5: to stress. Many of our personal bodies do this, which

446
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 5: is obviously why even many diseases come to us from stress,

447
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 5: because physically, it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which

448
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,200
Speaker 5: is why it is so important for us to figure out,

449
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 5: like what gives you peace, what calms you down, what

450
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 5: makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin

451
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 5: and you're yourself and these type of things. And so

452
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 5: of course I didn't know what that was for a

453
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 5: long time, but I realized that it was these relationships

454
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 5: I was attracting, and it was the you know, the

455
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 5: level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no

456
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 5: space for me to reflect or to sleep, or to

457
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,360
Speaker 5: be with my friends, and you know, do those those

458
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 5: outlets that do give you a sense of calm. And

459
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 5: so my skin was so reactive that I said, one

460
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 5: day to myself, if I one day I'm gonna make

461
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 5: something that fixes this this, I'm gonna do something about this,

462
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 5: because I know I'm not the only one. And I

463
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 5: realized as I began to you know, live and experience

464
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 5: so many different parts of my life, motherhood and you know,

465
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 5: raising young kids and finding time for yourself really and

466
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,439
Speaker 5: getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me

467
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 5: in real life, I realized that you really have to

468
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 5: take care of your soul, like you have to take

469
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 5: care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care

470
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 5: really came from all of these understandings and all of

471
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,479
Speaker 5: these realizings that no one's going to do it for me.

472
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 5: Like no, as much as I really really wish someone

473
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 5: would stand up and be like you, you're not good

474
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 5: for her, get out of here, that thing you you

475
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 5: need to stop, No, I have to be the judge

476
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 5: of that. And therefore I have to find my way

477
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 5: to the understanding of how do I hear myself to

478
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 5: know what is good and what is not, or what

479
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 5: is real or what is true? And so there were

480
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 5: many things that brought me to that place. Some of

481
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 5: them were meditations that brought me there and really brought

482
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 5: me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were

483
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 5: just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No,

484
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 5: I know six friends said this, or I know that

485
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:37,199
Speaker 5: very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think

486
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 5: said this, But what do you think? And that became

487
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 5: the practice of soul care, and also these ideas of

488
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 5: ancient rituals and what are some special ways that we

489
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,000
Speaker 5: can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to

490
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 5: crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted

491
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 5: to journaling. And I have a very difficult time as

492
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 5: a kid, I had a difficult time pressing my truth,

493
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 5: and I realized that when I would journal or do

494
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 5: the stream of consciousness I could, I could actually just

495
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,439
Speaker 5: release it. I could let it go. And if I'm

496
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,119
Speaker 5: not good at doing that to someone else because I

497
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 5: didn't trust as fully, I can do it with myself,

498
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,440
Speaker 5: you know. And so these practices of how do you

499
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 5: kind of like depend on yourself to find your own

500
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 5: grounding became my idea of what soul care is, which

501
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,640
Speaker 5: eventually became how I said, I'm going to make that

502
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 5: thing to fix that thing became this key soul care,

503
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 5: and the idea is, to me, it's a philosophy, it's

504
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 5: a way of life. It's a lifestyle to me, you know.

505
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 5: You know, the beauty industry or the skincare industry, just

506
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,719
Speaker 5: like the music industry, all of it is kind of

507
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:49,439
Speaker 5: creating how to live within the chaos, and so how

508
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,479
Speaker 5: do we do it? Nobody teaches us. Normally it's a

509
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 5: blessing if someone does, but normally it's not so finding

510
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 5: these ways through affirmations, through the idea, idea of really

511
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,880
Speaker 5: connecting to yourself and using the affirmations around every battle

512
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 5: because the ideas you wash your face, you do that

513
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 5: every day with the Golden cleanser. You can also think

514
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 5: about how I'm devoted to this moment because so many

515
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 5: times we're over here, over there, back there. How can

516
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,919
Speaker 5: you just be right here with yourself right now? And

517
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 5: so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient

518
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 5: rituals and we're skin meats, soul and sole care because

519
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 5: we have air care, hair care, and nail care, body care,

520
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 5: home care, but we never had soul care. Why so

521
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 5: I want to start it.

522
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more.

523
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:42,199
Speaker 1: As someone who was very negligent of a lot of

524
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,879
Speaker 1: this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it,

525
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 1: I've seen the value of I'm a big fan of affirmations, right,

526
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 1: I think even when it comes to cleansing my face,

527
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 1: what that means, what that feels like, how different I

528
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,399
Speaker 1: feel internally because of it, How it can be a

529
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 1: reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul as

530
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: well as that which is around me. There's so much

531
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: of that connection from body, mind, spirit and soul that

532
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,199
Speaker 1: I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected

533
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: they all are. Confidence is something we all strive for

534
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:23,160
Speaker 1: but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking action.

535
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: But what if the key is to act first, even

536
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: when we don't feel ready. What if confidence is something

537
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 1: we build as we go, not something we wait for.

538
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 1: To help us break through the myths of confidence, we

539
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: have Lisa Billu, entrepreneur, best selling author, and co founder

540
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 1: of Impact Theory. Lisa's journey from stay at home wife

541
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:50,239
Speaker 1: to powerhouse businesswoman has given her a unique perspective on

542
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 1: what it really takes to build confidence from within. Let's

543
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: hear what she has to say. So, I think confidence

544
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 1: is such a important and powerful topic. I wanted to

545
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 1: ask you because I think there's so much material and

546
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 1: you do so many interviews around confidence and what it

547
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 1: means and what it feels like. How do you define

548
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: confidence for you and what does it mean to you?

549
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 1: And what is something that people can think of because

550
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: I think everyone has a different view of the word confidence.

551
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think most people actually have the misinterpretation of

552
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 7: a confidence actually is because they usually and I was

553
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 7: culprit of this when I was a stay at home

554
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 7: WiFi eight years. I thought I needed it to get started,

555
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 7: and I thought I needed the confidence to live out

556
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 7: my dreams, to actually go towards my goals, and I

557
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 7: was waiting to have the confidence, and that I think

558
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 7: is a complete misconception. Is what actually is holding so

559
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 7: many of us back from trying anything. And what I

560
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 7: realized was in my own journey, I actually just need

561
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 7: to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure,

562
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 7: not knowing what I was doing. Practice and practice and practicing,

563
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 7: you know, wax on, whax off my favorite movie Karate Kid,

564
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 7: and get so damn good that I build the competence

565
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 7: to then lead to confidence. So the truth is the

566
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 7: confidence is the byproduct of taking action, and a lot

567
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 7: of us don't think of it like that. We think

568
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 7: it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to

569
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 7: get us to actually take that action at the beginning.

570
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 7: And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I

571
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 7: rethought of the word confidence. And then also for me,

572
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 7: confidence is like a muscle. If you don't keep practicing it,

573
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 7: you won't actually get strong at it, and if you

574
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 7: stop practicing, you will get weaker. And just like when

575
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 7: you go to the gym, you may practice like your

576
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 7: biceps or your legs, it's a different mechanism to practice

577
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 7: working your calves than practice in your bicep. So that

578
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 7: is what confidence is. It's not like you get confidence

579
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 7: in one area and you're good to go. It's like

580
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 7: you get confidence maybe being in front of the camera.

581
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 7: But being in front of the camera, as you know, JAY,

582
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 7: is very different than being on stage. So when someone

583
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 7: sees maybe you've got confidence in one area, it doesn't

584
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 7: mean that you've got confidence everywhere else. And I think people,

585
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 7: if it's you and you're thinking about it, you may

586
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 7: then think that you're incompetent, or you're no good, or

587
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 7: like it's just well, I don't have the gene, so

588
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 7: I may as well not get started. But the truth is,

589
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 7: identify where you can't want the confidence, get started, build

590
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 7: that competence, and then eventually it will breed confidence.

591
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, I can agree with you more. I remember

592
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: once looking at the definition of confidence in the dictionary,

593
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 1: and one of the definitions is an appreciation of one's

594
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 1: own abilities, skills, and qualities. I really like that definition,

595
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 1: Like it's actually self validation, Like confidence is being able

596
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: to look at yourself and say, I'm good at this,

597
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 1: I'm actually a kind person, I'm a thoughtful person. I

598
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: am a good public speaker, I am a best selling author,

599
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. And you're almost validating a skill,

600
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 1: quality or attribute you have by yourself. And I think

601
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 1: it's so interesting, and you're right. I think we've viewed confidences.

602
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: How do other people feelout us? So we look at

603
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: it as like, Oh, that person looks so confident because

604
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 1: they're like walking out their car, they got that swag,

605
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: they're like dripping in great clothes or whatever it may be.

606
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 1: And we see that as confidence. But we know that

607
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 1: that person could be sitting in there going, oh, I'm

608
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 1: not the right size, I'm overweight, underweight, I'm whatever else

609
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: it may be. In criticizing themselves, I was wondering, what

610
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: is something that took you the longest in your life

611
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: to build confidence around?

612
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 7: Ooh, I'm ever evolving. But I think it really was

613
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 7: to believe in myself that I'm capable. And that all

614
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 7: started from because I was a stay at home wife

615
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 7: for eight years and I want to just make sure

616
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 7: that I say this though there's nothing wrong with being

617
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 7: a stay home wife at all. It's actually one of

618
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 7: the hardest jobs that was for me. But I didn't

619
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,239
Speaker 7: want it that actually wasn't my dream, it was I

620
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 7: felt like it was sucking the life out of me.

621
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 7: So as that staying home wife, I didn't make any

622
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 7: change because I didn't feel like I was capable of anything,

623
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 7: because I was so insecure. That voice my head was

624
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 7: so negative Jay telling me all the reasons why I

625
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 7: was no good to try anything. And so in order

626
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 7: for me to build my confidence to move forward, I

627
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 7: was like, well, what if I am bad? Who cares

628
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 7: you have to actually practice? Why do I think that

629
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 7: I can be amazing at something?

630
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:16,880
Speaker 3: Right?

631
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 7: If someone looks at you and they're like, oh my god,

632
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 7: he's such an amazing podcaster, how long have you been

633
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 7: doing it? Years and years and years and years. So

634
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 7: when someone looks at you and let's say they're comparing

635
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 7: their beginning to your middle or your end, you will

636
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 7: feel incompetent. And so for me, I had to stop

637
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 7: looking outside of myself at all the amazing people because

638
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 7: I believed I wasn't good enough to try. And so

639
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 7: I had to build the internal confidence to take that

640
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 7: action to actually just try and understand that it's going

641
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 7: to be a process. And without that I never would

642
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 7: have got out of what I call purgatory of the

643
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 7: mundane when my life is just mundane enough and so

644
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 7: I'm just stuck there day in and day out. And

645
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 7: that idea that even if you don't feel good enough,

646
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 7: you can still take action, I think was the biggest

647
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 7: thing that was the heart for me, because I didn't

648
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 7: want to get bullied. I was already bullied as a

649
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 7: kid for my looks from other women, so you can

650
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 7: imagine me trying anything. That fear of being bullied from

651
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 7: other girls was so petrifying that I didn't even want

652
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 7: to take a chance, and so realizing A have to

653
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 7: build that within myself. And you said the word validate

654
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 7: actually earlier. That word really sticks with me because I

655
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 7: think a lot of us wait for validation external validation.

656
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 7: We wait for someone to tell us that we're a

657
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 7: good Greek wife or an amazing husband or a fantastic wife,

658
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 7: and that can actually hold us where we are. Because

659
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 7: I was so seeking validation from everybody else, and at

660
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 7: the time I was getting validation from being that stay

661
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 7: at home wife, and so you can imagine I have

662
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 7: low self esteem. I don't believe in myself. I don't

663
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 7: think I'm good enough, and everyone's validating me for this

664
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 7: one thing, even though I don't like that one thing.

665
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 7: That validation, that feeling good about yourself is what kept

666
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 7: me there. So I think the trick is is how

667
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 7: do you make sure that you value yourself? And that

668
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 7: became the path for me building my confidence every single day.

669
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 7: What am I going to do to validate myself? Not

670
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 7: get validation from my partner, from my boyfriend, from the exit,

671
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 7: how many likes I got on Instagram?

672
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 3: No?

673
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 7: No, how can I validate myself? And that became my

674
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 7: north star versus everyone else? Making me feel good about myself.

675
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:25,240
Speaker 1: Absolutely, confidence isn't something that just appears overnight. It's built

676
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 1: through experiences, setbacks, and self acceptance. For Megan Trainer, that

677
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 1: journey started with a song she never thought anyone would hear. Well.

678
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: Began as a fun personal expression, turned into an anthem

679
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 1: that resonated with millions, But even after hitting number one,

680
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: she found herself still chasing validation instead of trusting her

681
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: own instincts. Let's hear how she learned to let go

682
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:56,279
Speaker 1: of expectations and embrace her true confidence.

683
00:35:56,800 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 3: Well, back then, I was a songwriter writing for other artists,

684
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 3: so I was thinking, like, what's not on the radio,

685
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 3: and what could be on the radio. But I when

686
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 3: I wrote all about that bass, it was like a joke.

687
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 3: Like it was like I was like, no one's gonna

688
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 3: cut this. We've wasted a day of work and we'll

689
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 3: just write a therapy song for us, like because the

690
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 3: co writer was like a man and it was a

691
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 3: first time meeting him, so it's kind of like a

692
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 3: blind date and you're like, where'd you grow up? Power,

693
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 3: and we both were like we were chubby kids and

694
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 3: we had to learn how to love ourselves. And I

695
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 3: was like, how funny would it be? That was like

696
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 3: I ain't no sas too, but I can't shake it,

697
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:37,800
Speaker 3: shake it. And I'm like, I'm not a confident dancer

698
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 3: that dances in front of everyone, but I imagine if

699
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 3: I was. And I remember being like, I'll sing the

700
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 3: demo who cares? And it was like a raw demo

701
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 3: with no autitude and nothing, but the lyrics hit so

702
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,280
Speaker 3: many people that they're like, this is gonna be huge.

703
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,319
Speaker 3: Who's singing it? We'll just let her do it. So

704
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:57,360
Speaker 3: it was really from like a weird, raw place, like

705
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,879
Speaker 3: I wasn't chasing radio, I wasn't an I fell into

706
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 3: that before when you're talking about competition, I didn't know

707
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 3: about charts and all that stuff. When they're like you're

708
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 3: number one, I was.

709
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 5: Like fantastic, Like what is that?

710
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 4: Like?

711
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 3: Number one everywhere? They're like everywhere? I was like, well

712
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 3: that was easy. So then anytime I did another song,

713
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 3: I was like, it's not number one everywhere? What do

714
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 3: you mean like? And then I was like, oh, maybe

715
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 3: I'm not doing what's on the radio. And then I've

716
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 3: caught myself chasing radio and just falling on my face.

717
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,960
Speaker 3: So with this new album, taking aback, I was like,

718
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,919
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go back to when I did do Op

719
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 3: and just didn't care about any charts and anything and

720
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 3: just do me. Yeah, and you'll hear that come out.

721
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 3: And the first song they put out was a emo,

722
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 3: toxic relationship song. I was like, oh, okay, coming out passionate.

723
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 1: And so it sounds like it's always been a real

724
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,319
Speaker 1: emotion that, yeah, that's going on, and now you're taking

725
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,399
Speaker 1: it back and going back to that and you're really

726
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 1: earning that, like with this with this new album, would

727
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: you say that we're hearing you through the healing process?

728
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: Are we hearing you healed? Are we hearing you.

729
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 3: I think you're hearing. You're here a healed it's your

730
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 3: mother who is just ruthlessly honest.

731
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 8: You know.

732
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 3: Like one song don't I Make It Look Easy? That

733
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 3: I tease today on my Instagram is like talking about

734
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 3: don't I make this look easy? Like everything's perfect, because

735
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 3: everyone who interviews me is like, you are so fun

736
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 3: and you have the best family in best life. And

737
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 3: I'm like, I cry so much. You just don't know

738
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 3: it because I don't film myself and post it, you know,

739
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 3: So I say in the first verse, like I posted

740
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 3: a picture, I read all the comments, I hearted the

741
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 3: good ones, and if I'm being honest, I probably spent

742
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 3: an hour on it. And then I'm like, and it's

743
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 3: just like a fun way of being ruthlessly honest. Ruthlessly

744
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 3: that's not the word, brutally honest.

745
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:48,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. True confidence doesn't just come from winning. It comes

746
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 1: from how you handle the losses. It's about resilience, picking

747
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 1: yourself back up when things don't go your way, and

748
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 1: having the determination to keep pushing forward. Kobe Bryant understood

749
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: this better than most. He wasn't always the strongest or

750
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:06,399
Speaker 1: the fastest, but he built confidence by prioritizing long term

751
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 1: growth over immediate results. He knew that self worth isn't

752
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: defined by where you are today, It's about your commitment

753
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: to improvement. Let's hear how he developed that mindset. And

754
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:20,800
Speaker 1: you talk about that because you talk about you know,

755
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: when you talk about missing five throws and you talk

756
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 1: about getting over yourself. Yeah, right, like getting over yourself?

757
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: How did you get that mentality of just being like

758
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:31,239
Speaker 1: I need to get over this, like I need to

759
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:32,360
Speaker 1: get over myself? You know?

760
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 8: Trial and error? You know, you grow up and you

761
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 8: make game winning shots and it's awesome, and you come

762
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 8: back the next day and miss a game when it's

763
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 8: shot and it's misery. And then the next day comes

764
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 8: and you're back playing again, and you understand that life

765
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 8: has this cyclical nature where it's, you know, what you

766
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 8: do on Monday, it's fantastic, but then Tuesday's a bad day.

767
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 8: But guess what, there's Wednesday. So are we just supposed

768
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 8: to live our lives like this the whole time, you know,

769
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 8: versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really

770
00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 8: just a journey of evolution. Every day is constant improvement,

771
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:05,240
Speaker 8: constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter.

772
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 8: It's the figuring out that matters.

773
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we all get obsessed about the results that

774
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 1: we get obsessed about like the output, not the input

775
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 1: of not figuring it out and not like changing things

776
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 1: what you said, trial and error, like the experimenting. We

777
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:20,839
Speaker 1: forget to do that.

778
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 8: It's unfortunate, man. Like I've seen a lot of players,

779
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 8: especially now, you know in youth basketball, dealing with that.

780
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 8: You have players that are like bigger and faster and stronger,

781
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 8: and you know, their coaches or just coaching them for results.

782
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 8: You know, we're just going to use your size that

783
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 8: because you're bigger than every other twelve year old out

784
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:42,319
Speaker 8: there to dominate today. But they're not growing right, so

785
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 8: they're just based on that result. But they're not focused

786
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:48,760
Speaker 8: on growing this young child into becoming a better athlete

787
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 8: and through that teaching them how to become a more

788
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 8: well rounded person. And we're missing that.

789
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, see what you've said that Just I want to

790
00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 1: ask you this, And I'm not saying because I you know,

791
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 1: like you you know yourself best and you know how

792
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:02,959
Speaker 1: you've got there. So I'm asking it from a place

793
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,839
Speaker 1: of humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like,

794
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 1: you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your

795
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 1: superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is

796
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,720
Speaker 1: like you think strategically. Like that's a very strategic thought

797
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 1: of saying, this person could be this in the future

798
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 1: if they were developed as a whole individual rather than

799
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 1: just like let's use them for the short term. And

800
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:27,720
Speaker 1: where did you develop that from? That ability to see beyond,

801
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,439
Speaker 1: to think deeper, to reflect deeper, Where did that come from? Well?

802
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 8: I had to do that because you know, I grew

803
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 8: up growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there,

804
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 8: it was you know, I didn't speak Italian, I didn't

805
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 8: have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball,

806
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 8: and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to

807
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 8: make friends and build connections. But it was a lot

808
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 8: of time spent alone. And when I came back to

809
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 8: the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid.

810
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:52,400
Speaker 4: You know.

811
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 8: I was really strawny, like really really skinny, and had

812
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 8: like major knee issues because I was growing. So I

813
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,319
Speaker 8: was the dorky kid with hot socks and big ol

814
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:04,560
Speaker 8: knee pets. Fashionable now, it's fashionable now, and then and then,

815
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 8: and so I had to look long term because in

816
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 8: the here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids.

817
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,479
Speaker 8: I mean there's kids that were like twelve years old

818
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 8: with beards like you. What I was supposed to do

819
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 8: with that? Like they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and

820
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:22,239
Speaker 8: I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know. So

821
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,719
Speaker 8: I had to look at it from a long term

822
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 8: because I wasn't going to give up on the game.

823
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 8: So I had to say, Okay, this year, I'm gonna

824
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 8: get better at that. Next year, this and then so

825
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 8: forth and so on, and then patiently I was able

826
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 8: to catch them.

827
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I love hearing that because I think so

828
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 1: many of us kind of you believe, like when when

829
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,160
Speaker 1: you see people like yourself, it's like it's so easy

830
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,800
Speaker 1: as an excuse to ourselves to just all your destined

831
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 1: for it, right, you were made kind of like that,

832
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 1: you know, Like you know, but when you talk about saying, oh, actually,

833
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 1: when I started, I didn't have the physicality that meant

834
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: that I was going to make it Like you have

835
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: to figure it out, and I.

836
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:57,839
Speaker 8: Love to figure it out.

837
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 3: Man.

838
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 8: It's just piece by piece, and it's the consistency of

839
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 8: the work, which I feel like a lot of parents

840
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 8: are missing today because we're not teaching that to our kids.

841
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 8: We tend to say like kids don't want to do

842
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 8: the work, but in reality, it's when we're failing them

843
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 8: because we're not leading them the right way and teaching them.

844
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 8: You know how to fish, you know what I mean.

845
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,280
Speaker 8: And so like the consistency of work, Monday get better,

846
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 8: Tuesday get better, Wednesday get better. Right, and you do

847
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 8: that over a period of time, you know, not like

848
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 8: one month or two months. I mean it's three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,

849
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 8: ten years, and then you know you can get to

850
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 8: where you want to go.

851
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 1: Confidence isn't about walking into a room and thinking you're

852
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 1: the best. It's about not feeling the need to compare

853
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 1: yourself to anyone. True self worth comes from knowing who

854
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 1: you are, not just what you accomplish. It's built in

855
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: the quiet moments, how you show up for yourself and

856
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,280
Speaker 1: the way you speak to yourself when no one's around.

857
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:58,319
Speaker 1: I hope this episode helped you realize that confidence isn't

858
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 1: about having all the answers. It's about trusting yourself to

859
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: figure it out. If something resonated with you, Share it

860
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 1: with someone who needs to hear it, and I'll see

861
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: you next time on on Purpose. If you love this episode,

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Speaker 1: you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending

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Speaker 1: your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with

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Speaker 1: more compassion.

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Speaker 4: My fears are only going to continue to show me

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Speaker 4: what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,

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Speaker 4: the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom,

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Speaker 4: and I just want to keep doing that