Speaker 1: He's a sexy sexy man, sexy sexy plan because he
Speaker 1: ain't no stuck us looking so funny. You try like
Speaker 1: a drucker, clean like a plank, you the solid jucker
Speaker 1: fool wheel, try so we never get a guy right
Speaker 1: so far to get up a lot of band wins.
Speaker 1: And he's a god y he ain't no stand and
Speaker 1: he doesn't have chs on a nighttime stand, which because
Speaker 1: everybody knows he's the Fergens. He banded The Ron Burgundy
Speaker 1: Podcast Live from Lago and Holley Rod, California. Put your
Speaker 1: hat chuck out of a round fag. Thank you, thank you. Wait,
Speaker 1: oh my god, wow that is ah. That is like
Speaker 1: rocket fuel for me. I haven't been around people for
Speaker 1: a long time. Thank you for coming out. It's just
Speaker 1: amazing to be here and you're all masked up and
Speaker 1: we really appreciate it. I can still see your beautiful eyes.
Speaker 1: I mentioned this the other night. I prefer it. I
Speaker 1: don't need to know what's below here. All I need
Speaker 1: just give me those peoples. Carolina, you look so lovely tonight.
Speaker 1: You really do. I notice you really up your game
Speaker 1: once we're get in front of people. No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't mean it that. I mean yeah, I'm I
Speaker 1: just put makeup because we're doing a show. That's okay? Yes,
Speaker 1: is that a new week? No? This is my hand,
Speaker 1: that's your real hair. Yeah. We've known each other for
Speaker 1: how long now? And I always thought you were a wig.
Speaker 1: You learned something new every day, don't you. I just
Speaker 1: want to thank everyone for coming out. The ticket sales
Speaker 1: um are raising money for International Rescue Committee, which is
Speaker 1: helping families in the Ukraine. So don't worry. I'll get
Speaker 1: my take somehow. No, it's old Ronnie always needs to
Speaker 1: dip his beak, and uh it will get dipped. Some
Speaker 1: of the proceeds are going over to the Gentleman's Club
Speaker 1: Sin across the street. Um, let's let's not leave that out.
Speaker 1: How often you got to send? Um? Well, I'll be
Speaker 1: there right after the show tonight, and I'm only there
Speaker 1: four days a week, and I take a lot of
Speaker 1: lunch meetings, so ours probably out of we'll have multiple
Speaker 1: lunche meetings. Yes, three hour block. Have my table right
Speaker 1: over in the corner, and uh order the prime rib
Speaker 1: h horshish, dream spinach. You gotta have dream spinach. Um, Oh,
Speaker 1: what are what are the puffy potatoes? Um, yes, thank you.
Speaker 1: That's why she always looks at me so weird. I'm like,
Speaker 1: give me a puffy potato with chives and sour cream.
Speaker 1: It's a fake baked potato. And it's called that because
Speaker 1: they put it in the oven. They bake it right,
Speaker 1: baked potato. I might do a baked potato at home
Speaker 1: one of these days. You you should, so you just
Speaker 1: jam your oven full of potatoes. No, no, it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to like, don't. Probably should pack as many potatoes
Speaker 1: as you can get in there, because then you're done
Speaker 1: for like a month. Or would that be considered a
Speaker 1: fire ahead Arson? Yeah? Maybe we don't know. That's you
Speaker 1: know what, that's what's fascinating. I'm I'm I was about
Speaker 1: to say, I'm really intrigued by people who can study Arson.
Speaker 1: You know, Arson is is where where it came. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not in favor of. But when there is a
Speaker 1: fire somewhere in the fire department shows up and they
Speaker 1: have like the friends like Specialist who are like, oh,
Speaker 1: someone made this fire. Nine times out of ten, it's
Speaker 1: an oven jammed with baked potatoes. Arsonist signature. That's a
Speaker 1: signature move they open up oven. But Arson, it was Arson.
Speaker 1: It is good to be It's really great to be
Speaker 1: here in a theater in front of people, and I'm just, uh,
Speaker 1: does it feel all right to be in a group? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was thinking maybe we could do some icebreakers, just
Speaker 1: in case. You know, you're you're feeling strange sitting next
Speaker 1: to each other. So raise your hand if you've okay,
Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter. Most of you are shrouded in darkness,
Speaker 1: so it's not just just have fun. Play a look, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: raise your hand if you've if you've ever cheated on
Speaker 1: a test, yeah, great school. Whoa a bunch of dirty cheaters?
Speaker 1: And raise your hand. If you've ever played hooky? Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, little blue flue for some of the cops
Speaker 1: in here, right, we usually have of our audience are
Speaker 1: our officers of the LAWE Okay, here's a here's a
Speaker 1: spicy one. Rais ahead. I have you ever made out
Speaker 1: in a movie theater? Okay, you're gissing your hand. Oh
Speaker 1: that's okay. Now raise your hand. If you've ever given uh,
Speaker 1: some clean urine to your friend for a drug test? Anyone,
Speaker 1: raise us show of hands. A couple over there. Okay, um, okay,
Speaker 1: well look, just a suggestion. I'm gonna leave the Scotch
Speaker 1: classed right here on the end of my table here,
Speaker 1: And if anyone is full of urine in the next hour,
Speaker 1: and it happens to be clean and you're feels so inspired,
Speaker 1: just wander up onto the stage, grab the glass and
Speaker 1: have at it. Uh if you if you feel like
Speaker 1: it for no reason, well, I'm so sorry. What I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do when they pee in your glass, well they'll
Speaker 1: just leave it with Flann again, the owner of this stag, Flann,
Speaker 1: Are you good with that? And and and and I'm
Speaker 1: so say, why do you need clean urine so badly?
Speaker 1: Aren't you drug tested? I am, but I I'm not
Speaker 1: doing any illegal drugs. Are you doing any illegal drugs?
Speaker 1: I'm not. No, I'm not doing. Don't you This feels weird,
Speaker 1: It feels awkward, but you're making it all because it was.
Speaker 1: It was so fine. And all I did. We were
Speaker 1: playing a fun game. It was called Icebreakers, and I
Speaker 1: just happened to land on my last one. They're all
Speaker 1: randomly selected randomly, and I just said, here's a fun
Speaker 1: one off the top of my head. That I wrote
Speaker 1: down on a card. Uh, does anyone want a peanut
Speaker 1: glass and call her today and we'll just keep it
Speaker 1: up by the bar and we'll just you know, we'll market.
Speaker 1: But the Scotch tape this says clean urine. Please save
Speaker 1: for someone who was involved in tonight's show initials r B.
Speaker 1: There's nothing going on. You just don't know when you
Speaker 1: might need a small supply of clean urine. Case closed.
Speaker 1: I'm you know what, we don't have to worry about it.
Speaker 1: By the way, with the new travel regulations, they're they're
Speaker 1: checking you have to wear a mask to fly a
Speaker 1: prison vaccination and you have to have a small amount
Speaker 1: of clean earine. So I'm just I'm going to Bermuda
Speaker 1: next week and I just want to have enough clean eurine.
Speaker 1: Nothing wrong with that, I guess. Well. We actually, before
Speaker 1: we get on the their show, we have some listeners
Speaker 1: who wrote in these beautiful letters. And actually one of
Speaker 1: them comes from this young sweet boy named Nathaniel, and
Speaker 1: he wrote in the cutest letter about how he looked
Speaker 1: you're joining yourself. Yeah, okay, right, you don't have to,
Speaker 1: don't have to. Don't put it close to if I
Speaker 1: get doesn't sound good, okay enough, And I've been so sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. This is beautiful, this is incredible. Who
Speaker 1: booked the mariachi band? I think you guys are in
Speaker 1: the wrong place. I'm so sorry because that was amazing.
Speaker 1: That was amazing. Who booked a mariachi That's so weird
Speaker 1: because we had a breakdown of the show that was
Speaker 1: time to the minute, and I said, I know who
Speaker 1: booked a mariachi band? Who would have done that? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know either. I didn't, did you know?
Speaker 1: I didn't. It was so week. Maybe you ran up
Speaker 1: there grabbed at trump Well, no, I was kind of
Speaker 1: panicked because I've always heard if you're ever in this
Speaker 1: same public space with a mariachi band and there is
Speaker 1: a trumpet or some sort of woodwind instrument close by,
Speaker 1: grab it and start playing, just to be a part
Speaker 1: of the group. Contain. Contain who saw that flugel horn
Speaker 1: over there right beautiful? That centuries horn, antique, Civil War gorgeous?
Speaker 1: And I tried to I tried. You played your heart out.
Speaker 1: I played my heart out. Not a lot of sound
Speaker 1: came out of the horn. A lot of sound came
Speaker 1: out like right here, and was like air and I've
Speaker 1: never played it before. Sorry, I don't know. I assumed
Speaker 1: you would. You guys, we have phrases of the day
Speaker 1: here and if anything else like that happens, I just
Speaker 1: hope you guys can join me and just saying we've
Speaker 1: spent three hours on what did you just say? What? Oh?
Speaker 1: Cool it, bro? Maybe a little more like confrontational cool bro?
Speaker 1: You cool it all right? I said to me, Mark,
Speaker 1: you love a tuss all. I still have long haul.
Speaker 1: Um very forgetful. I literally forget moments like that. I
Speaker 1: didn't remember in that split second that you would already
Speaker 1: instructed the audience to say cool it, bro, And then
Speaker 1: when you did it again, I thought they were they
Speaker 1: were coming at me. Well we you said you had
Speaker 1: some headlines. But you know what's cured long haul clean urine.
Speaker 1: It's not real quick. I just want to circle. Um.
Speaker 1: I found this great little gourmet restaurant. You're a big foodie,
Speaker 1: aren't you. Do you have any foodies here? People love?
Speaker 1: I mean, l A has become such a food scene, right.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard of this place called
Speaker 1: House of Pies. Oh you have, I didn't know. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's a little hole in the wall place. I just
Speaker 1: stumbled across it, and they've got all these pies fresh
Speaker 1: strawberry cream seasonal. It is, yes, sweet ripe strawberry covering
Speaker 1: a creamy vanilla custard filling, topped with glaze and whipped cream.
Speaker 1: You said that you were going to read the news
Speaker 1: headlines key lime, a burst of flavor and every bite
Speaker 1: in everybody, give me a break. How are you gonna get?
Speaker 1: That makes me want to get key lime and just
Speaker 1: have a bite and go. First bite, burst of flavor,
Speaker 1: second bite, burst of flavor. Third not so much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not now. Southern peakcam uh large toasted peacons blended into
Speaker 1: our signature peacampo filing a lemon leg o, your southern
Speaker 1: Give me a little sweet tea. Went to house of pies.
Speaker 1: You know, I started in a community theater. Tennessee, Williams.
Speaker 1: Is your That was my Stanley Ducci? Is he here tonight?
Speaker 1: If by any chance Stanley stand Kowalski, Yes, yes, I
Speaker 1: was Stanley Kowalski's brother Dave. Very experimental version of Tennessee, Williams.
Speaker 1: What do you do with your your shoulders? Again? Looks
Speaker 1: because it's sultry. It's a soultial night. The whole play
Speaker 1: takes place during a sultry night. It's too hot to sleep.
Speaker 1: So Dave would always come in with a piece of
Speaker 1: peak campie and I would say, anyone can have a
Speaker 1: peak CAMPI and they'd say not now, Uncle David. How
Speaker 1: many lines that you have in the play? I had
Speaker 1: two lines, the same line, two full first act, second act.
Speaker 1: Brother kept on coming in. Yeah, people would just say no,
Speaker 1: they say no, They just say not now, Uncle Dave.
Speaker 1: Because then I was like, God, let me, let me
Speaker 1: deliver the peak can't die. Oh my god. Cream pies,
Speaker 1: banana chocolate, German chocolate, Bavarian chocolate, Bavaria chocolate. But what
Speaker 1: what's going on? Wait? So you went into the House
Speaker 1: of Pies and and had such a good time you
Speaker 1: took two pages from their menu and just left. That's
Speaker 1: exactly what. Well. I went to House of Pies, uh,
Speaker 1: looking for a good piece of fried chicken, And I said,
Speaker 1: what else have you got? And You're like, well, mostly
Speaker 1: we have pies. Well as much as we There were
Speaker 1: also a lot of people working on math equations. Do
Speaker 1: you know what the numeric value of pies? Let's go Malibu, Hi, right, here.
Speaker 1: I'm I. I stumble off at three point one four
Speaker 1: three point one four nine seven six eight four three
Speaker 1: nine to zero zero one for seven asterisk. That was
Speaker 1: pretty good. That has not left my brain. But what
Speaker 1: left your brain was me telling the audience blackout. That
Speaker 1: shook me to my core. We do have a fun gas,
Speaker 1: We do have a great fun. I can't wait for
Speaker 1: you guys to be fun. We bring out our fun guess. Okay,
Speaker 1: don't don't do it. Don't do it, hey, guys, guys please, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. That was I don't know why you
Speaker 1: keep coming out here. No one called you to come here.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Yees again. That will be a
Speaker 1: mystery as to how they showed up here. We'll never
Speaker 1: know who called them ever, because the documents were burned.
Speaker 1: The document there was a document was that what that
Speaker 1: small trash fire was outside the small That was a
Speaker 1: small trash fire which was a combination of documents and
Speaker 1: baked potatoes. Um, heck, let's do it. Let's bring out
Speaker 1: our guest. I am so excited for this guest. How
Speaker 1: many of you have ever been to the circus? Who? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like three people? Oh that was a double fist pump
Speaker 1: right there. You're like Circus is in town. Yes, I
Speaker 1: love the circus. That's my man right there. Well we
Speaker 1: have and I am a fan of this art form.
Speaker 1: I I gotta tell you it is. It is pure
Speaker 1: as it's just. Oh, I get I get giddy what
Speaker 1: I think about it. You didn't call me yesterday say
Speaker 1: oh my god and hung up the phone. Yes, and
Speaker 1: I thought I couldn't even finish my thoughts. It was,
Speaker 1: oh my god. What I was saying is Carolina, guess
Speaker 1: what I booked as our first guest. Please welcome Gilly
Speaker 1: the clown. You can't sorry for those of you listening
Speaker 1: at home, Gilly just tripped him sound really hard. I
Speaker 1: thought it had coffee all over that. Now we just
Speaker 1: threw a Starbucks cup looking fetty all over this lady.
Speaker 1: And she's not happy. My bad. So I may make
Speaker 1: you balloon real quick. He's doing balloon animals. Here you go.
Speaker 1: This is what I do. You know by the ancient Greeks,
Speaker 1: they're so sorry about that. That stuff will wash off
Speaker 1: the blue one. Now he's doing a Greek He's combining
Speaker 1: the two. Guess like a caterpillar floor. I want you
Speaker 1: to have one too, Okay, here you go. Now it's
Speaker 1: a sword, but I want you to have some two
Speaker 1: since you're sitting right next to him. Okay, here you go.
Speaker 1: This is another sword for you. Okay, had another sword? Yeah? Um,
Speaker 1: would you come over here, sir, real quick? I know
Speaker 1: someone else did like a sword. Keep doing your act,
Speaker 1: Keep doing your acts. Okay, look, would you here you go?
Speaker 1: This right here? Hold out your hand please, it's an earthworm.
Speaker 1: Okay for you those listening at home, he didn't blow
Speaker 1: it up any ended, he called, so without further ado,
Speaker 1: I would like to hold a race. Is that? Okay?
Speaker 1: What are you gonna do? Well, I'm just gonna have
Speaker 1: a race real quick. Okay, did no one moves? Okay,
Speaker 1: it's like you're on break. Okay, here we go. So
Speaker 1: here we go. I'm gonna go ahead and roll up
Speaker 1: this sin and once I roll up this in, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna roll up to the other end and both ends
Speaker 1: we rolled up. Oh sorry, what are you manipulating? Right?
Speaker 1: Sorry about this? Yeah, you can't see. N roll up
Speaker 1: this in like this so you can see. And then okay,
Speaker 1: oh I gotta hold it. Kevin rolled this thing like this,
Speaker 1: and we're roll up the smoll like this. So raise
Speaker 1: your hand. If you think the big end is gonna
Speaker 1: win the race, raise your hand. I think the big one. Okay,
Speaker 1: raise your hand. If you think the little one's gonna Oh,
Speaker 1: I changed my mind. I think one like the little
Speaker 1: Raise your hand. If you don't care at all, completely apathetic,
Speaker 1: that's cool. I like apathetic people fans. Ok, here we go.
Speaker 1: I'm a cat to have three down to two down
Speaker 1: in one cat with me? When more time raising for
Speaker 1: the big end? Raine, you don't give you heay counting down?
Speaker 1: Here we go, count with me, three two one. It's
Speaker 1: a tie. It's a time classic play onwards. It always
Speaker 1: was a tie, always works. I'm gonna steal that from you,
Speaker 1: my friend. I hope you do. I hope you did.
Speaker 1: Mr Burgundy, Oh, hold about this whole thing, Sorry about everybody, hopeful.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, Oh you've suffered so much already. I apologize.
Speaker 1: That's been the good thing about the mask. And sneeze
Speaker 1: right into him, you know, no one ever knows. Just
Speaker 1: sneeze into hank. Sneeze right in here, just kind of
Speaker 1: make you pay with your books. Torting the handkerchief in
Speaker 1: a certain way. Do you ever feel like, Oh, the
Speaker 1: handkerchief is coming to life. The books are attacking him.
Speaker 1: He's getting emotional. As for those listening at home, you're
Speaker 1: missing one of the most beautiful things I've seen in
Speaker 1: my life. Now, I was just gonna kip him. He's
Speaker 1: owing sweet nothings. Oh it just smacked the bookers. Just
Speaker 1: smacked you in the face. Yeah, it happens. I would
Speaker 1: like to do a final sort of thing if that's okay, Well, sure,
Speaker 1: but you're not leaving us, are you know. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: juggle two chickens and a club who As far as
Speaker 1: I know, it has never been done before. This is good.
Speaker 1: Here we go, give me drummer on your legs please,
Speaker 1: he's juggling. Yes, thank you very much. Thank you. I
Speaker 1: really appreciate that. You guys are too much. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. He squeeze my chicken. No, don't
Speaker 1: you can squeeze it though. There you go. It's mournful
Speaker 1: gilly there. Yes, sir, there's a lot of law enforcement
Speaker 1: in the audience, so just let's thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1: That was fantastic. Oh wait, what's happening? What did you do?
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna sit on the edge are you comfortable?
Speaker 1: There we go slide into it. I wish Micey did that.
Speaker 1: Oh I have something for you, Carolina. Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm a little scared. Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Welcome Those aren't real, just gilly. Where do you hail from? Originally? Uh? Texas?
Speaker 1: Originally like the state. Yeah, it's okay, you'll wake the others.
Speaker 1: Have you? Let me ask you this question? Have you
Speaker 1: ever killed a person with laughter? Because you almost killed me?
Speaker 1: Great question? No, I don't think I have. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Did you always want to be a clown or did
Speaker 1: your mother make you do it? Well? It was bad grades. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then uh my mother did play a part in it,
Speaker 1: but she she bore me. Yeah yeah, no, yeah, you
Speaker 1: would without not really. If my mom hears that, she'd
Speaker 1: be really upset if I said that my mom is
Speaker 1: actually very fun. No, I'm sure. I mean, well, do
Speaker 1: you want to meet my mom? Don't look at me.
Speaker 1: I don't never met her. I wouldn't know if she's
Speaker 1: fun or not. But she'd assume she is. I mean,
Speaker 1: you're you're I think she is. You're a great fun
Speaker 1: I mean you mean fun fun? Like what do you
Speaker 1: mean fun? Fun? They went, No, I'm not suggesting anything.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I'm sure like you seem like a
Speaker 1: lot of fun. I'm sure your mom is is a
Speaker 1: barrel of laughs. And uh, you know, I'm sure you
Speaker 1: guys just sit around making a balloon swords with each
Speaker 1: other now. But that's great. This is a personal opinion
Speaker 1: of mine and I feel very strongly. But people who
Speaker 1: do stand up they seem like third rate clouds. It's
Speaker 1: like the lower echelon of clowning. Have you ever seen
Speaker 1: a funny stand up comedian. That's a trick question, right, No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, if you have, I'd love to I'd
Speaker 1: love to know who they are. Uh. The Encyclopedia Britannic
Speaker 1: a guy. That guy was pretty good. I'm not familiar,
Speaker 1: not familiar. I don't follow The guy did the commercials
Speaker 1: back in the eighties. Is he a stand up comedian?
Speaker 1: He was fine. So you've answered my question. There's no
Speaker 1: funny stand up comedians. Do you do you have a
Speaker 1: big makeup deal with maybe Lene or fenty Beauty by Rihanna?
Speaker 1: I mean you should. I mean you're out there all
Speaker 1: the time with makeup and you're doing your thing and
Speaker 1: has anyone ever approached you. I would be open to
Speaker 1: that because I think that would be like Rihanna's fenty
Speaker 1: line of clown makeup or just regular makeup. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: open to whatever. So you're open to that partnership? Yeah? Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I'm sad he is great. That's good to know. Let
Speaker 1: me write that down. Open to the Rihanna partner ship.
Speaker 1: Carolina has nightmares about clowns. What if you sat peacefully
Speaker 1: in the corner of her room while she slept? Don't
Speaker 1: you think that would help? Right? She'd have to pay me, Well,
Speaker 1: I would pay for it. Sure, I'm game. And how
Speaker 1: would do you think that would take a week, a month,
Speaker 1: a year. Well, if you worked really hard at it,
Speaker 1: we could probably get it done in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: Are you up for that? I couldn't. I couldn't have
Speaker 1: Gilly just he's just sitting staring at you. He's not
Speaker 1: blinking the entire night. Yes, okay, thank you, that right there. No,
Speaker 1: try to sleep right now, Okay, just relax and sleep
Speaker 1: drifting off all right, okay, I'm almost so I keep
Speaker 1: a distance, like, yeah, I think I think we'd have
Speaker 1: to rope off an area where you're not allowed to
Speaker 1: step into. Make sense. Um, I can play far, I
Speaker 1: can play far. I think that I think that as
Speaker 1: a form of therapy would work. Um are rodeo clowns,
Speaker 1: real clowns. Don't get me started with rodeo clowns, okay,
Speaker 1: because they're not really they're not doing they don't bring
Speaker 1: the act the way you do. They're just running around
Speaker 1: trying to not kill be killed by a bull. Right. Well,
Speaker 1: that's all clowns, oh, metaphorically speaking, Yeah, you're just avoiding death.
Speaker 1: You know. It's not a little kid punching in the balls.
Speaker 1: You know, you're just trying to avoid getting hit. You're
Speaker 1: running from death every day. That's basically what a clown is.
Speaker 1: That's what we all are though, if you think about it,
Speaker 1: keep going, just running along, running from death, just trying
Speaker 1: not to die, you know. And some of us have
Speaker 1: our faces painted right, yeah, with sponsorships. If you're listening,
Speaker 1: I've I've heard of clown schools, right and I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about Arizona State University. Uh uh, I need that
Speaker 1: just eventuate my jokes when people don't know that it's
Speaker 1: a joke. Did you did you go to clown school. Uh,
Speaker 1: to work on your training or is it? Are you
Speaker 1: all self taught? It's all been on the job training. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you say stuff like well I should have said that,
Speaker 1: or there's a lot of suit or they tell you know, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you learned the hard way. You learned the hard way
Speaker 1: while you're perpetually running from the grim reaper. It's pretty
Speaker 1: much it. Hospitals can be rough crowds. What do you
Speaker 1: do if you're bombing? That's a tough one, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, you just I just I guess you you
Speaker 1: just clock out, you know, you try again the next day.
Speaker 1: Oh so you just leave the hospital. Yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: hey see you later, try better tomorrow. You're only human, right, Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: we're not. We're flawed all over the place, and each
Speaker 1: day moving closer to death. Squeeze. No, I can't jog
Speaker 1: that from my memory. I wish I had long haul
Speaker 1: COVID right now, because all I keep thinking about is
Speaker 1: every day is a race against death. Thanks to Gilly
Speaker 1: over here, you're right, the insane clown Posse was insane.
Speaker 1: The joker was insane. Yeah, you don't seem insane. You're
Speaker 1: quite funny. I mean, what do you think of media
Speaker 1: representations of clowns? Thank you? How do you? Well? I mean,
Speaker 1: if I can be a little serial for a minute,
Speaker 1: you know, um, I do think that right now. Clowns
Speaker 1: get a bit of a bad rap, you know, I think,
Speaker 1: you know, Mime's kind of got it in the eighties
Speaker 1: and the nineties, I got it bad. I was good
Speaker 1: friends with I'm the godfather of shields and yardnails to child,
Speaker 1: so you know, you know I do. Yeah. They were
Speaker 1: reduced to tears many occasions. What a baby like? Their
Speaker 1: baby doesn't speak because they never spoke to it. So
Speaker 1: I had to read bedtime stories to the baby and
Speaker 1: how would it react? The baby was horrified because that
Speaker 1: was the only voice that ever heard because the rest
Speaker 1: of the time that was dinner time at their house.
Speaker 1: That was what that was like. For those of you
Speaker 1: listening on the podcast, we just a sandwich. We mind
Speaker 1: eating a sandwich, and we shared it sharing and sharing
Speaker 1: is caring. I'm not familiar with it. Long Hal, Long Hal,
Speaker 1: How do you feel about the movie It? What is it? Well,
Speaker 1: it's a very it's a it's a but it's called
Speaker 1: what It's What is it? It is a horrifying clown
Speaker 1: that lives in a neighborhoo it and lives underneath the
Speaker 1: street sewer change and chase his children and drags them
Speaker 1: into the sewer. It's in a new movie. It's relatively new,
Speaker 1: I would say, in the last fifteen years. It's scarier
Speaker 1: that you haven't heard of it. But what is it called?
Speaker 1: It's called it. That's is news to me. I haven't
Speaker 1: do you worry that you scared too many people. Let's
Speaker 1: say you were standing alone in the woods at night.
Speaker 1: What about them? What about them? Is that? Is that
Speaker 1: something you would do? Just scare the ship out of
Speaker 1: people in the woods. It's possible. It's possible, but no,
Speaker 1: but it's But it's possible for our listeners, Gilly just
Speaker 1: mouth maybe to rock, but no, I wouldn't do it
Speaker 1: in like, you know, for real, real right for our listeners.
Speaker 1: That's like it? That was it? Really? That did seem
Speaker 1: like it? Oh you're talking about Pennywise. Yeah, that's my cousin.
Speaker 1: He's gone Hollywood. No, that guys are really Oh you
Speaker 1: guys don't speak huh oh he said, well, man, I speak.
Speaker 1: He's a big shot now, he's a big shots of tesla.
Speaker 1: That is the current sign of opulence, and your dodge
Speaker 1: run and you're at a red light. The person next
Speaker 1: to you is in a nice blue tesla turns to you.
Speaker 1: What do you do? Clean urine all down on the
Speaker 1: front of my pants. I wet myself and then I
Speaker 1: just throat and reverse because that's the move. Don't speed ahead.
Speaker 1: They'll follow you anywise, we'll be following. Throw it into
Speaker 1: reverse and ram your way out. We had a president
Speaker 1: who was a clown. Um did all the clowns just
Speaker 1: love that the representation in the White House? He obviously
Speaker 1: did his own makeup to one shade, I believe it
Speaker 1: or not. I I was one of the clowns against it,
Speaker 1: against him. Yeah, in the minity, Yeah yeah, I guess so.
Speaker 1: I guess so I started my own group clowns against Trump.
Speaker 1: Didn't go to U right, small but vocal group, very vocal.
Speaker 1: Laughter is the best medicine. I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: ever heard that phrase. Do you think you're more qualified
Speaker 1: to do open heart surgery than say, a surgeon on
Speaker 1: the doctrine that laughter is no, no, but good question.
Speaker 1: What about a witch doctor? What about Dr oz Well?
Speaker 1: I think anybody could do what he does right that
Speaker 1: it's so funny. I went in for I went in
Speaker 1: for a small, uh minimally invasive procedure, caffeine plants. And
Speaker 1: how much were those? By the way, Oh, way too much,
Speaker 1: way too much? Well less than you would think, but
Speaker 1: still a lot. So I would say, But guess who
Speaker 1: my surgeon was, doctor Oz? Really? Yeah, I think so
Speaker 1: where did you meet him? Huh? Where did you find
Speaker 1: your surgeon? Doctor Oz? I looked him up in the
Speaker 1: Yellow Pages. I still get the Yellow Pages delivered to
Speaker 1: me because I don't trust uh technology, that's not great.
Speaker 1: Oh what's happening? Gilly skin all thirsty gillies, the biggest
Speaker 1: straw world and it keeps growing and it keeps growing,
Speaker 1: and and now he's do you want some? That's okay,
Speaker 1: it's okay. Do you need this for your urine sample? Uh? Well,
Speaker 1: it could come in handy. You never know. Um, once
Speaker 1: you hold onto it, I'll put it right here. I
Speaker 1: don't I know that. I did not wake up today
Speaker 1: thinking I would receive a giant straw. There's no way
Speaker 1: that I could have predicted this. But it's delight delightful.
Speaker 1: It's hard to be casual. With a giant straw. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie to Okay, you're doing it? Hey, how
Speaker 1: you doing? It's a giant straw. Take it with me
Speaker 1: wherever I go. No, I can't share it. It's good
Speaker 1: for the environment. I don't want to straw. Can you
Speaker 1: place that Yeah? Can you place that latte about twenty
Speaker 1: ft away from things? That's good. Yeah, let's get on you. Ryan.
Speaker 1: You said you wanted to do something from your favorite show. Yes,
Speaker 1: I did, if you would indulge us. Thinking we could
Speaker 1: do a little stage reading from an episode of Grey's Anatomy.
Speaker 1: I love that show. Um, you'll play Derek, of course,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna play the part of Meredith. Um Interior Grace
Speaker 1: Sloan Memorial Hospital night, Derek is in the scrub room
Speaker 1: after surgery, way sushing his hands. Meredith storms in. I lied,
Speaker 1: I'm not out of of this relationship. I'm in. I'm
Speaker 1: so in. It's humiliating because here I am begging Meredith.
Speaker 1: Shut up, you say, Meredith, and I yell. Remember yeah.
Speaker 1: Derek leans against the sink, listening. Okay, here, it is
Speaker 1: your choice. It's simple. Meredith starts getting teary and emotional.
Speaker 1: Her or me, and I'm sure she's really great. But Derek,
Speaker 1: I love you in a really really big pretend to
Speaker 1: like your taste in music. Let you eat the last
Speaker 1: piece of cheesecake. Hold of radio over my head, outside
Speaker 1: your window. I don't follow that, do you anyway? Classic show,
Speaker 1: unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you? No,
Speaker 1: pick me, choose me, love me. Derek looks at her lovingly.
Speaker 1: He moves in to touch her. I'll be at Joe's tonite.
Speaker 1: I'll be at Joe's tonite. You got it, So if
Speaker 1: you do decide to sign the papers, meet me there.
Speaker 1: Meredith ready to scrub in. I'm a nurse. Meredith walks out.
Speaker 1: Derek looks distressed in size. Wow, you can't beat that, Gilly.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hand you that back. Um. We can't thank
Speaker 1: you enough for coming on. Thank you so much. You
Speaker 1: are wonderfully jelly the cloud everyone well, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: they're not supposed to be here. Mcketh coming back. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry to do that again. Weird. I don't know
Speaker 1: who invited. I don't stop coming out here. Thank you.
Speaker 1: That was beautiful. Yet again and thank you, thank you
Speaker 1: so much, thank you, Mr Burg And we appreciate all
Speaker 1: the work you do in the clowning community. You do
Speaker 1: a great job. I appreciate it. Thank you, sir. Wonderful
Speaker 1: Gilly the clown over, thank you. And now it's time
Speaker 1: we've come to a close. Here, it's time for a
Speaker 1: little episode. I like to call my take. Let me
Speaker 1: ask you a simple question. How many of you are
Speaker 1: dog lovers out there? Um? Can we actually just for
Speaker 1: I get a bunch of you doing fair enough? Sometimes
Speaker 1: you do run into a random group of people on
Speaker 1: a Wednesday night who happened to collectively hate dogs. It's
Speaker 1: no secret that I love dogs, especially my very own Baxter. Heck,
Speaker 1: I'm not ashamed to say he's my best friend. The
Speaker 1: love and respect I have for Baxter is the cornerstone
Speaker 1: of what is the greatest relationship I have ever known,
Speaker 1: human or otherwise. And yet I do have to say
Speaker 1: I think I might have a notion as to what's
Speaker 1: contributing to people's hatred towards our canine friends. If you
Speaker 1: happen to visit a dog park in the excoming days, weeks,
Speaker 1: or months, and I really suggest you do, you'll notice
Speaker 1: a very strange phenomenon. Dog names are getting out of control.
Speaker 1: I mean it. I come from an era when there
Speaker 1: were only about five acceptable dog names Sparky, Skipper, Spot, Pepper,
Speaker 1: and lady. I mean, and that's all you really needed.
Speaker 1: People were fine with it, in fact, that we happen
Speaker 1: to lose your dog, all you had to do was
Speaker 1: yell spark A, Skipper, Spot, Pepper, lady, and said dog
Speaker 1: would come running home. But somewhere down the line, I
Speaker 1: don't know when or where, but this would make a
Speaker 1: fascinating research paper. People started playing around with different names,
Speaker 1: pushing the limits with an occasional shadow or bingo or hello,
Speaker 1: chats such a good boy. Heck, I remember getting a
Speaker 1: few odd looks the first time I called out Baxter's name.
Speaker 1: But now something is wrong with the matrix. I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's the pandemic or the state of the
Speaker 1: world right now, but trust me, next time you go
Speaker 1: to a dog park, you will lose your mind. Nacho,
Speaker 1: come here, Nacho, Cooper Ferrari Jazz. That's a good jazz.
Speaker 1: Who's the best jazz? Surfer Boy, pork chop, pumpkin sugar sushi, Chase,
Speaker 1: Adella flapjack, cutting board, Boeing seven four seven. What the
Speaker 1: hell going on? I often scream at my fellow dog owners.
Speaker 1: The other day, I kid you not, there was a
Speaker 1: dog named power Aid and another named Direct TV. And
Speaker 1: I know what you're thinking. They're dogs. It's just noises
Speaker 1: to them. But I disagree. Show them some dignity and
Speaker 1: some grace and they will pay it back tenfold. How
Speaker 1: I don't know. What I do know is that you
Speaker 1: don't want to be lying on your deathbed staring up
Speaker 1: at the big cheeseburger in the sky, thinking to yourself,
Speaker 1: why did I name my dog? Jacob and ronni attorney
Speaker 1: at law. Well, I'm Ron Burgundy and that's my take.
Speaker 1: Thank you everyone, You've been a wonderful audience. We appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Thank you for coming up, wonderful marrianties, big surprise. I
Speaker 1: hired him. It was my idea of the whole God.
Speaker 1: He's a sexy sexy man with a sexy sexy plan
Speaker 1: because he ain't no sucker looking so flight. You could
Speaker 1: drive like a trucker, clean like a plant. You can
Speaker 1: solim younger, fool wheel dry, so we never get a duck.
Speaker 1: He brace so much tacking up a lot of bandwids
Speaker 1: and he's a god. Yeah, he ain't no standing, he
Speaker 1: doesn't have He's on a nighttime Standwich because everybody knows
Speaker 1: he's the surge he banded Ron Burgundy podcast