Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jerry
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio podcast. Welcome, Welcome back to a
Speaker 1: whole new episode of Help I Suck a Dating. You
Speaker 1: are joined today, but only one third of the host
Speaker 1: so myself, Vanessa Jared is in Capris. I believe Dean
Speaker 1: is in Croatia, so they're on the other end of
Speaker 1: the world. But I'm joining studio by Mark and Easton.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for not ditching me today. Well believe
Speaker 1: if we're a chance to go to either of those places,
Speaker 1: we'd be there. I know. Well, I'm in my bedroom
Speaker 1: right now, calling in from my little studio here, and
Speaker 1: we have actually great episode. UM. Last time I did
Speaker 1: a solo episode, it was a girl talk Brandy Cyrus
Speaker 1: came in to help me co host UM. And today
Speaker 1: we have Ernestine Slefanie Bayliss, who's here to talk about
Speaker 1: her new book. And if you're dating someone who's obsessed
Speaker 1: with sports, you're gonna want to listen to this UM.
Speaker 1: But first I kind of want to just give a
Speaker 1: little bit of UM an update on my life. I mean,
Speaker 1: I talked about my life all the time on the podcast,
Speaker 1: but ten months ago that's when I did my solo
Speaker 1: episode called Girl Talk. Brandy Cyrus was on and she
Speaker 1: was also single, and I was talking about how a
Speaker 1: guy had just kind of ended a relationship with me,
Speaker 1: or quote unquote a relationship. I was like dating him
Speaker 1: long distance. Mark had asked me about babies. I started
Speaker 1: crying because I thought, I'm never gonna find anyone. I'm
Speaker 1: going to be single for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to freeze my eggs. And ten months
Speaker 1: ago that was going through my head. I was single.
Speaker 1: I was, I will admit it. I was desperate. I
Speaker 1: thought it was the end of the world that I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to find someone who wanted the same things
Speaker 1: as I did. Brandy had moved. I think she had
Speaker 1: just moved to Member at that point. A. K. Denver
Speaker 1: Um because she was also fed up of like being single,
Speaker 1: and she recently announced that she's in a relationship. So
Speaker 1: this is not to like talk about, oh look at us,
Speaker 1: we're in a relationship. This is really to give hope
Speaker 1: for people who did tune in to that episode and
Speaker 1: are now listening to this episode and to see that
Speaker 1: you know there is hope and that you will find someone.
Speaker 1: Um and if you are going through a heartbreak right now,
Speaker 1: it's totally normal to feel like it's the end of
Speaker 1: the world, that there is no hope, that you're not
Speaker 1: going to find the person that you have in mind,
Speaker 1: and so on and so forth. But first of all,
Speaker 1: the person that you have in mind, and this idea
Speaker 1: of this like perfect soulmate doesn't exist right Like, I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that my boyfriend now is not perfect, but
Speaker 1: he's perfect in my eyes, and he's perfect in the
Speaker 1: relationship that I have with him because we built the
Speaker 1: relationship that we want to have together. So I actually
Speaker 1: took the liberty to write down five things that I
Speaker 1: feel and no particular order either, five things that I
Speaker 1: feel are important to have in a relationship. And these
Speaker 1: are things that I've learned throughout the last ten months,
Speaker 1: um so from the last episode that I did called
Speaker 1: girl Talk on the podcast. So these are five things
Speaker 1: that I came up with. So Number one, when you're
Speaker 1: looking for a partner, um, a soulmate, whatever you want
Speaker 1: to call them, find someone who is able I don't
Speaker 1: even know if I'm able to work the word, but willing,
Speaker 1: someone who's willing to work on things and work things
Speaker 1: through and put in efforts. So whether that means I
Speaker 1: feel like we live in an age right now where
Speaker 1: it's so easy to i don't know, get distracted by
Speaker 1: Instagram or get distracted by a dating app, or everything
Speaker 1: is so fast paced and it's like, oh, next, I
Speaker 1: don't want this. Next, I don't want this. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like uber eats, right, like you're looking at all
Speaker 1: the food and you're like, oh, let me pick the
Speaker 1: best thing that has like five stars. So it's the
Speaker 1: same thing when it comes to dating, Like everything is
Speaker 1: very much fast paced, but you want to be able
Speaker 1: to find someone who's kind of like old school and
Speaker 1: wanting to work on things when things get tough. Because
Speaker 1: in a relationship, I mean, Mark, you've been married for
Speaker 1: how many years? Just a few weeks ago? Oh wow, okay, congratulations,
Speaker 1: so seventeen years, um, happy anniversary. So there's there's ups
Speaker 1: and downs in a relationship. And I remember like kind
Speaker 1: of doing a diagram of what a relationship looks like,
Speaker 1: and the first like to three years, it's like a
Speaker 1: kind of like a roller coaster. It's like going up
Speaker 1: because you're like getting to know about each other. It's
Speaker 1: still fairly new and then it keeps going up because
Speaker 1: you get engaged and that's like another exciting thing that happens.
Speaker 1: And then you have a wedding to plan, so the
Speaker 1: roller coaster keeps going up. And then you get married
Speaker 1: and it's very exciting, and then you have a kid.
Speaker 1: It's very exciting. And then like at one point, obviously
Speaker 1: your relationship or marriage kind of goes flat, right, And
Speaker 1: that's okay. And I feel like it's it's a stage
Speaker 1: in a relationship where a lot of people fear. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: why don't it keep going up? Like why isn't the
Speaker 1: roller coaster keep going up? And it's okay for it
Speaker 1: to get flat, because that means as long as it's
Speaker 1: flat at a happy point, right, not your lowest point
Speaker 1: in the relationship, because that means that you're just unhappy.
Speaker 1: But in order to make a relationship last, you need
Speaker 1: to partners that are willing to make it work, whether
Speaker 1: that's finding out that you need individual therapy or that
Speaker 1: you need to go to a couples therapy together, or
Speaker 1: that you want to talk about your emotions and not
Speaker 1: suppress your feelings so that you later on resent the person.
Speaker 1: Because I remember I had dated someone who um did
Speaker 1: not like a certain job that I was doing and
Speaker 1: basically gave me an ultimatum. Was like, well, I it's
Speaker 1: either me or the job type of thing, and I
Speaker 1: quit the job at that point. Yeah, And at that
Speaker 1: I remember crying so much and remember thinking like, why
Speaker 1: am I crying for? If this is what I want?
Speaker 1: If this is the guy that I want to be
Speaker 1: dating and married to. Who gives you about the job.
Speaker 1: But at that point, when I was in my twenties,
Speaker 1: that was like my little brain thinking like, oh, everything
Speaker 1: should be revolved around the person I'm dating. And this
Speaker 1: goes to my next point. Can you say what it
Speaker 1: was about your job that he objected to? So I
Speaker 1: was hosting some TV shows and he just didn't like
Speaker 1: the fact that I guess it was like some guy interaction.
Speaker 1: But it's not really like there was no guy. It's
Speaker 1: not like I'm making out with a host, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you're hosting. I was hosting like
Speaker 1: a little, very little show in Montreal. That's some deeper
Speaker 1: security on his part. I think that's a real red flag.
Speaker 1: And by the way, just what you're saying, you're right,
Speaker 1: it needs a dual mindset. That you are in this
Speaker 1: for the long haul and that the relationship is worth
Speaker 1: fighting for because it is very easy to just walk away.
Speaker 1: And I found that in my marriage that in our
Speaker 1: there we bicker, sometimes you fight, sometimes it's going to happen.
Speaker 1: We've been together twenty two years, but it's a mindset.
Speaker 1: It's a long term mindset that we're in this forever.
Speaker 1: And so if there's these years that we need to
Speaker 1: figure out, we got to figure them out because we're
Speaker 1: not going anywhere. That's what you're looking for, right And
Speaker 1: if you're if you're like me and you're the type
Speaker 1: of person that has them mindset from early on in
Speaker 1: a relationship and you're dating someone who doesn't, then like
Speaker 1: it's hard to to make that work. And a lot
Speaker 1: of my relationships post and pre Bachelor were like that.
Speaker 1: And now that I'm eating someone who's so I don't
Speaker 1: like calling its old school, but he has that old
Speaker 1: school mentality where it's like, no, we're not going to
Speaker 1: break up because we're arguing, and even if like you're
Speaker 1: arguing about like stupidities for a week or whatever, like
Speaker 1: we're going to get through this. Let's like figure out
Speaker 1: a way to resolve this conflict. Just the other day
Speaker 1: she said, I was married to you long before I
Speaker 1: was actually married to you. Ah, I love that. I
Speaker 1: love that thing. I love that. So I a hundred
Speaker 1: percent agree with that. That's how I feel too. And
Speaker 1: you know what, that could really scare some people away.
Speaker 1: That's true. But it's but and so you don't want
Speaker 1: to make a big deal out of it, but it's
Speaker 1: it's it's a long term mindset. It doesn't mean I'm
Speaker 1: absolutely going to marry you. Who knows what's going to happen.
Speaker 1: But I'm that committed to you. I'm that level of
Speaker 1: commitment on. My mind's not straying, my eyes aren't straying.
Speaker 1: I'm all yours. Yes, I love that. And so this
Speaker 1: goes to my next point when I talk about qualities.
Speaker 1: So again this is like not professional advice. He's just
Speaker 1: things that I've wrote down. So write down what your
Speaker 1: qualities are like. I don't know if the word is qualities,
Speaker 1: like qualities like for me, like I love laughing. Would
Speaker 1: that be a quality or things I like to do?
Speaker 1: Maybe things I like to do like I love I
Speaker 1: don't know, I love laughing. I used to like working out, Um,
Speaker 1: I love spending time with my family. I love spending
Speaker 1: time with my friends, And are you still doing these
Speaker 1: things while you're in a relationship. So this is a
Speaker 1: holding yourself accountable to not losing yourself in a relationship,
Speaker 1: because that's something that I would do in former in
Speaker 1: other relationships. And b are you not doing these things
Speaker 1: because the person that you're with is making you so
Speaker 1: unhappy that it's taking you away from the things that
Speaker 1: you love doing. M That's something that I realized about
Speaker 1: some former relationships of mine. And I'm kind of in Um,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of a point in my life right now
Speaker 1: where I work a lot from home. My boyfriend has
Speaker 1: his job and he leaves the house and I work
Speaker 1: from my record my podcast from my bedroom, so everything
Speaker 1: that I do is from home. And oftentimes I've realized, Wow,
Speaker 1: I have not left my house all day, and it's
Speaker 1: eleven o'clock at night, and it gets very sad and
Speaker 1: very lonely and very depressing because I'm constantly either on
Speaker 1: my phone on my computer, and I'm not doing a
Speaker 1: lot of face to face conversations like I'm calling in,
Speaker 1: but I'm not talking to anyone like I'm talking to
Speaker 1: you guys, through the screen. So I found myself in
Speaker 1: a place right now where I remember on Sunday, I
Speaker 1: got really mad and I'm like, I'm going for a
Speaker 1: walk and he's like, why are you upset for. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just I'm bored. I'm bored. We're
Speaker 1: always home, We're never doing anything. And he's like, that's
Speaker 1: not true. Right now, you're just projecting all of this,
Speaker 1: like what you're going through in your personal life into
Speaker 1: the relationship. So I and he put me into my
Speaker 1: He put me in my place, and he's like, listen,
Speaker 1: hold yourself accountable. You know you love working out, Go
Speaker 1: work out. You know you love hanging out with your friends.
Speaker 1: Spend more time with your friends, like make that conscious effort.
Speaker 1: Another piece of advice is no what your non negotiables are,
Speaker 1: because if you're someone that just really wants to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship, sometimes you might overlook things in the
Speaker 1: guy or things that you know you like hold really
Speaker 1: dear and close to your heart. But you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: but this guy really likes me. Let me ignore some
Speaker 1: of the signs. So what are your core values that
Speaker 1: are your non negotiables? So for me, kids is number
Speaker 1: one I will not date a guy who doesn't want
Speaker 1: kids or it's not open to the idea of wanting kids. Um,
Speaker 1: maybe you're someone that's very religious, so then you're gonna
Speaker 1: want to date someone who's open to the same religion
Speaker 1: that you're in, or having family time, or even a
Speaker 1: little things like if you're someone that wants a specific
Speaker 1: kind of lifestyle, make sure that you're with someone that's
Speaker 1: able to want the same things as you do, because
Speaker 1: if not, that's going to be that level of resentment like, well,
Speaker 1: you're not giving me what I need or you're not
Speaker 1: giving me what I want. But if that's not what
Speaker 1: he's capable of giving you, then you need to look
Speaker 1: elsewhere type of thing. Does that make sense? It does
Speaker 1: make sense. I would warrant not to have too long
Speaker 1: a lift of deal breakers because sometimes you evolve and
Speaker 1: you change and you find the guy that doesn't check
Speaker 1: every box, but it turns out he's the guy. I
Speaker 1: don't think I've checked all of my wife's boxes when
Speaker 1: we first met, but but we became inseparable, uhh and
Speaker 1: listen and those but the non negotiables for me basically
Speaker 1: have one. It's kids, Like I don't really need to
Speaker 1: be with someone that doesn't want to get married. I
Speaker 1: just want to make sure that you want to procreate.
Speaker 1: And the non negotiables that I had in my twenties
Speaker 1: and versus my thirties kind of changed. In my twenties,
Speaker 1: you guys, I was the typical like anyone that's listening
Speaker 1: from Montreal. I didn't want to leave my mom's air,
Speaker 1: like wherever my mom lived. I wanted to buy a
Speaker 1: house near my mom. I wanted kind of like the
Speaker 1: same lifestyle. And now I'm like living in the city
Speaker 1: and I'm in my thirties, and like, I would not
Speaker 1: have wanted what I had wanted in my twenties because
Speaker 1: I was kind of wanting the same things. I guess
Speaker 1: my family was projecting onto me. And now that I've
Speaker 1: moved out of the suburbs, and like, that's not what
Speaker 1: I wanted. Okay, couldn't an argument to not have a
Speaker 1: list of deal breakers if that list is going to
Speaker 1: change any way throughout your life, right, But that's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So there's things that are deal breakers, which
Speaker 1: are my non negotiables a wanting kids, and then there's
Speaker 1: that's never going to change, And then there's the negotiables, right,
Speaker 1: the ones that you're like, I'm willing to compromise on it. Right. So,
Speaker 1: and I think when you're twenty, it's a long list,
Speaker 1: and then when you're thirty it's a shorter list, and
Speaker 1: then when you're forty, it's getting pretty short because you
Speaker 1: realize that well, I mean, perhaps there's a level of
Speaker 1: desire just for that person, but also there's a level
Speaker 1: of you know what, there's a lot of people in
Speaker 1: the world. It's a very diverse, wonderful world, and maybe
Speaker 1: I can get to know we can come together on
Speaker 1: certain things. So, like I said, yeah, the non negotiables
Speaker 1: and then the ones that you're willing to to to
Speaker 1: negotiate and to compromise on. So yeah, definitely do not
Speaker 1: I'm echoing what you said, do not have a long list,
Speaker 1: but just know, like what are your like, who are
Speaker 1: you as a person, And obviously certain things can be
Speaker 1: compromise versus others that you're like, no, this is what
Speaker 1: I want, and I know, you know, like I know
Speaker 1: I want kids, and I know I need to be
Speaker 1: with someone that has kids. And my last one is,
Speaker 1: which might be a hard one, is to encourage each
Speaker 1: other too. How can I put this. So let's say Mark,
Speaker 1: you one day wake up and you're like, you know what, Well,
Speaker 1: maybe not a DJ, but okay, fine. Like you wake
Speaker 1: up and you're like, you tell your wife, I want
Speaker 1: to become a DJ, and you want to make sure
Speaker 1: you're with a partner who's going to encourage you to
Speaker 1: do and have healthy goals. Right. So, I I'm a
Speaker 1: firm believer that I think our educational system is kind
Speaker 1: of back where it's like at sixteen years old, it's
Speaker 1: not really reasonable to think, oh, I want to become
Speaker 1: this in my you know, when I'm in my twenties
Speaker 1: and in my thirties and so I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: university to study this. You can change your career path
Speaker 1: at any stage in your life, so you're not stuck
Speaker 1: to in doing the things you're doing in your twenties
Speaker 1: or your thirties or your forties. You could be doing
Speaker 1: something in your twenties and you graduate to something bigger
Speaker 1: in your thirties or something completely different. And I'm someone
Speaker 1: who's very much I like to be multi faceted, So
Speaker 1: I like doing different things all at once, and so
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that I have a partner
Speaker 1: who's gonna encourage me to follow some of my goals
Speaker 1: that are healthy, not like, oh, I'm gonna become a
Speaker 1: clown today, Like that's not really reasonable where I'm not
Speaker 1: going to really make a lifestyle. I really did actually
Speaker 1: wanted to join to clown college. He encourage you know what,
Speaker 1: he probably want that thing. He's so sweet. Um So
Speaker 1: those aren't my top four things that I learned in
Speaker 1: the last ten months of dating Tories and studio tories
Speaker 1: or other producer. Are you in a relationship? No, but
Speaker 1: I am kind of talking to someone, Okay. So I
Speaker 1: had reached out to Instagram and I told some of
Speaker 1: my followers. While I told my followers, and some of
Speaker 1: the followers did reply ask me certain questions or topics
Speaker 1: that you want to talk about on the podcast, And
Speaker 1: some of them had asked, how do you know that
Speaker 1: the person that you're dating is someone that you want
Speaker 1: to date long term? This is everything I needed to discuss.
Speaker 1: So this person that I'm talking to is long distance,
Speaker 1: and it's really hard for me. I'm like starting to
Speaker 1: kind of like think about him, and I don't do
Speaker 1: well with like codependency like that terrifies me and I
Speaker 1: think when somebody starts to make me feel like they're
Speaker 1: not like affecting your mother. But you're like, oh, like
Speaker 1: I kind of hate that, I'm like thinking about you,
Speaker 1: Like that's is that a waste of time? Like I
Speaker 1: really fight things on that in my brain because I
Speaker 1: just don't want somebody to ever determine how my like
Speaker 1: day goes. So if you're like, oh, he's like taking
Speaker 1: a long time to respond back, I'm fine, I'm cool. No,
Speaker 1: everything's great, but like it's really not, so I hate
Speaker 1: to start to feel that way. So then now I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's so hard because long distance you can don't really
Speaker 1: have the quality time needed to progress to know, Okay,
Speaker 1: I do want to keep spending time with you, and
Speaker 1: we have face times and they're like great, but you
Speaker 1: don't get to see somebody's really true character when you're
Speaker 1: face timing. So now I'm like, is this worth investing in? Obviously,
Speaker 1: Like I'm still like going on data with other people,
Speaker 1: but it's it's like hard because you're like like do
Speaker 1: I need to just kind of like let this one go?
Speaker 1: But then why am I thinking about him? But then
Speaker 1: if he's long distance and I don't really get to
Speaker 1: see those moments of just kind of I don't know
Speaker 1: the moment you need to see if you want to
Speaker 1: keep progressing or not. So that's why I am having
Speaker 1: a hard time relating to maybe what yours were, because
Speaker 1: I am like in the midst of it, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is you guys met in person. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: well that's that's a good stuff. Um So in relation
Speaker 1: to your code dependency, I totally agree. But there's just
Speaker 1: one quote. I don't remember who said it, and I
Speaker 1: want to read it to you into anyone listening. If
Speaker 1: you suffer, it is because of you. If you feel blissful,
Speaker 1: it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible, only
Speaker 1: you and you alone. You are your hell and your
Speaker 1: heaven too. And it's so true because when you're when
Speaker 1: you're I remember saying, like, I love being single. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm my best self when I'm single, Like
Speaker 1: I'm happy, like no one could ruin my mood. I'm
Speaker 1: not dependent on anyone else's people responding to me or
Speaker 1: not responding to me, or how they react to something
Speaker 1: that I do or say, and how that's gonna affect
Speaker 1: my day to day. But at the end of the
Speaker 1: day after I read this quote, I'm like, it is
Speaker 1: so true. No one else has control of your emotions,
Speaker 1: no one else has control of your brain. You go
Speaker 1: to bed with yourself and you wake up with yourself
Speaker 1: every single morning. So you should never allow which is
Speaker 1: so easy to say it, right, but having that balance
Speaker 1: of understanding if someone is not responding to you, or
Speaker 1: they respond to you like in a way that you
Speaker 1: don't you didn't expect. I mean, that's something that's going
Speaker 1: on with them, you know, like you can't hold that
Speaker 1: energy over yourself and make that ruin your it. It's true.
Speaker 1: I hate that now in technology, we're so affected by
Speaker 1: not just one outlet of like, oh, this guy is
Speaker 1: not taking on a date. I'm okay, well he didn't
Speaker 1: text me back. Okay, well I know he's done with um,
Speaker 1: like his work, so now he why wouldn't he want
Speaker 1: to call me? Or like, okay, we set up a
Speaker 1: FaceTime date, but then he hasn't communicated with me yet
Speaker 1: and when he's going to call me? And I hate
Speaker 1: that now have so many different outlets to be stressed about.
Speaker 1: And I'm not like I don't really get stressed easily.
Speaker 1: But then I'm having to constantly reroute my mindset, which
Speaker 1: I'm okay with, but it gets really conflicting of being
Speaker 1: like I'm wasting so much energy almost on a situation.
Speaker 1: I don't know that's worth it because you're a long
Speaker 1: distance and I'm trying to be a team player. But
Speaker 1: it is really hard because you can't be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I really hate when you don't text me back even
Speaker 1: though we've only really hung out for about three weeks,
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm like, we're not dating, so it's
Speaker 1: super hard. I know. I remember someone had just recently
Speaker 1: asked me likesa, how did you go on the Bachelor?
Speaker 1: Like you know that he's dating all these other roles.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but at least I know that he
Speaker 1: has to be dating as you girls like in the
Speaker 1: real world. I don't know, like, how do you know
Speaker 1: when do you ask the person? Are you dating other people?
Speaker 1: Are we going to be exclusive? Is three months too early?
Speaker 1: Is three weeks too early? I know? I think if
Speaker 1: you feel like you're really into this guy, and I'm
Speaker 1: I love I love doing long distance, I kind of
Speaker 1: do too. I don't like the beginning of it, but
Speaker 1: I do like how we can both be independent with
Speaker 1: our lives. But marking a long distance if there's no
Speaker 1: relationship that has established prior, if you established relationship and
Speaker 1: then you have to be long distance, I get it.
Speaker 1: But starting from a long distance I think is really challenging.
Speaker 1: With no plan for eventual non long distance I think
Speaker 1: it's almost impossible and we'll get emails marks a jerk
Speaker 1: my husband years we sat a long distance. That's cool.
Speaker 1: I just think the odds are against you. Just over
Speaker 1: here crying, don't d it is a flight, but connecting, oh,
Speaker 1: direct flight, I know you guys, that's really hard from
Speaker 1: X to where he is. Wow, you know I do
Speaker 1: like a prison colony somewhere and it's not. And he
Speaker 1: does not have the easiest schedule ever, especially this time
Speaker 1: of year. Like he got off the plane at like
Speaker 1: two am, and luckily I was packing and um but
Speaker 1: that's like four am two am my time. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: so that's why you went zero dark thirty on me.
Speaker 1: But like, I just need communication, But then again, we're
Speaker 1: so early on I can't be like, hey, I didn't
Speaker 1: like how you didn't let me know what you were doing.
Speaker 1: But then I don't want to be that psycho girl.
Speaker 1: This is why I hate dating. This is why I
Speaker 1: suck at dating, and this is why no. See, I
Speaker 1: dated someone long distance and I remember once he uh,
Speaker 1: I don't remember where he went. He had to go
Speaker 1: somewhere for work. He boarded his flight, he landed, and
Speaker 1: then I'm like, I didn't hear from him before he
Speaker 1: left while he had like while he was on his flight,
Speaker 1: after he landed, I have no idea where he is,
Speaker 1: if he's safe, he's okay, whatever, And I had given
Speaker 1: him a little I was a little bit passive aggressive
Speaker 1: when he had called me that night and he's like,
Speaker 1: what's wrong And I'm like, well, you never told me
Speaker 1: when your plane took off, like like there was no
Speaker 1: communication throughout the entire day. He's like, well, why don't
Speaker 1: you just ask me? And I'm like, oh, it's that simple.
Speaker 1: I can just ask you to say these are things
Speaker 1: that I kind of want in our relationship because for
Speaker 1: a long distance and I kind of need this kind
Speaker 1: of communication because it's a different kind of not face
Speaker 1: to face relationship And he's like yeah, and that's that's
Speaker 1: how he ended up making it work for or whatever,
Speaker 1: not making a long time but it worked for a while.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling so good about this. You guys, thank you
Speaker 1: question did you know him before? Like going down Mark's thing?
Speaker 1: Did you did you guys set something up prior? And
Speaker 1: I just could never like take a I also feel
Speaker 1: like when you have those moments of face timing someone
Speaker 1: when they're a long distance, you just wanted to be
Speaker 1: fun and great and everything's happy. So like bringing it
Speaker 1: up and being like, hey, um, I don't It's like
Speaker 1: I couldn't even imagine. Obviously I physically could not say
Speaker 1: anything at this point, but I'm like, you need to
Speaker 1: be enjoying it for what it is, and if you're not,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like you're not, but I'm not sure
Speaker 1: what you're doing. No, I do enjoy it adding a
Speaker 1: lot of stress to your life. It's just because I
Speaker 1: don't like codependency. So when I start thinking about someone
Speaker 1: and like, this is such a waste of my time
Speaker 1: to think about, Yeah, it is. It is just probably
Speaker 1: I think you're just scared. Yeah, I think it's fear.
Speaker 1: I don't like to feel feelings date me everybody. No, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I actually do have to feel like I think I
Speaker 1: actually do have a problem with that. Well, it is
Speaker 1: letting your guard down, which I can do when I've
Speaker 1: talked about it with like other people before, or it's
Speaker 1: like almost comes scripted, where it's not scripted, but it's
Speaker 1: more like, oh, i've talked about this before. I can
Speaker 1: get into that. But when you start to get into
Speaker 1: the things that I don't really want to talk about,
Speaker 1: or the fact that I'm like you actually kind of
Speaker 1: make me sad when you don't respond. It gets me
Speaker 1: a little terrified because I also don't want to be
Speaker 1: that crazy girl who's like he didn't text me back. No, No,
Speaker 1: I believe there's no such thing as crazy girl. I
Speaker 1: think girls have that title. No, I think girls have
Speaker 1: that title because of things that men have put people
Speaker 1: women through. And then now, well there is a reason
Speaker 1: why every girl is quote unquote crazy. Yeah. No, like
Speaker 1: there's something that a guy has done. Usually because like
Speaker 1: you could go talk to your friends and be like, hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're like we're having like a really fun time, we're
Speaker 1: talking every night, and then he says things, but then
Speaker 1: he'll translate to his friends being like, oh, she's just crazy.
Speaker 1: She like always wants to talk to me, but you're like, no,
Speaker 1: we're missing a huge part of the story. So it
Speaker 1: makes it girls seem crazy. That's because guys have give
Speaker 1: lack of the details to their friends. Does that make
Speaker 1: sense you know? Guys? Yeah, I I get that. What
Speaker 1: I'm saying, a guy doesn't understand the level of depth
Speaker 1: there is in Some guys don't understand there's different layers
Speaker 1: to a relationship, and if you're not meeting those layers,
Speaker 1: then it could drive a woman to ask certain questions.
Speaker 1: And guys are very simple. I feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like is it gonna work? Is it not going
Speaker 1: to work? I think that guys are so simple it's
Speaker 1: almost complicated. But but I but how would you handle
Speaker 1: a girl that you've only been talking to for about
Speaker 1: like a month and was like, hey, like I don't
Speaker 1: like respond You'd be like this is weird. Yeah, I'd say,
Speaker 1: what on the other side of the country. I don't
Speaker 1: know why we're doing this in the first place. By
Speaker 1: I think so it's like taking it simple for me,
Speaker 1: like I have to have to cover my emotions, which
Speaker 1: is going to make me a easy girl. No, so
Speaker 1: that is your first sign to tell yourself maybe this
Speaker 1: isn't the right person. Then, But while you're afraid to.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't be afraid of someone's reaction to your emotions
Speaker 1: because your feelings could never be wrong. Right, You can
Speaker 1: never do me wrong. I tell my kids this. Your
Speaker 1: emotions aren't wrong. You're you're the way you respond to
Speaker 1: your emotions can be wrong, right, Okay, right, but the
Speaker 1: emotions themselves are not wrong. Yeah. No, I actually get Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're gonna feel jealousy, and you're gonna feel envy, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna feel hate towards people. But acting on it
Speaker 1: is where the problems come in. Okay, I agree with that,
Speaker 1: the acting of it for like on it for sure. Well,
Speaker 1: this kind of goes to um. It connects to the
Speaker 1: next topic that someone wrote in on Instagram. How do
Speaker 1: you know when it's time to let go that you
Speaker 1: need to let go? I'm not thinking you need to
Speaker 1: let go, but how do you know when the right
Speaker 1: time is to say goodbye to someone like I am?
Speaker 1: This is great question, actually really hard for me too,
Speaker 1: and never really someone. Uh. We spoke about this with
Speaker 1: the guys too, and I think they said it was
Speaker 1: easier for them to be broken up with than to
Speaker 1: be the one to be the one to break up with. Someone, um,
Speaker 1: and I feel like, yeah, maybe towards some the end
Speaker 1: of some relationships, I would act a certain way for
Speaker 1: them to kind of be like nadamnt even break up
Speaker 1: with you. So I mean not every relationship was like that,
Speaker 1: but I mean I think when I was really young,
Speaker 1: I don't know how to break up with someone and
Speaker 1: or hurt their feelings. Um. But now it's like whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, like you don't have time to waste. So
Speaker 1: when you for me at least, I feel like if
Speaker 1: that person, like I said at the beginning of this conversation,
Speaker 1: isn't really hitting the is this person willing to work
Speaker 1: things through with me and do whatever it takes to
Speaker 1: make this a healthy relationship, because you're gonna have parts
Speaker 1: of a relationship that make you unhappy and could be
Speaker 1: kind of toxic when you're having like outbursts of like
Speaker 1: disagreements and stuff. But if that person isn't willing to
Speaker 1: hear you this and see you for who you are
Speaker 1: and you kind of feel invisible in the relationship, to me,
Speaker 1: that's a sign of like time to walk away. It's
Speaker 1: time to walk away. Yeah, exactly what you said. That
Speaker 1: that's the key when one of you and it could
Speaker 1: be you doesn't want to put the effort in anymore.
Speaker 1: When you see that from them or you feel it
Speaker 1: in yourself, that's when it's time to walk away. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I like how you put that, market you could be
Speaker 1: can we pass rewind a little bit? When is it
Speaker 1: a time to walk away? When you're dating someone and
Speaker 1: you're not sure if you're totally into them, but you're
Speaker 1: still saying yes to dates, when do you finally go, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not into this or I am, Like for me,
Speaker 1: I went on a date with this guy too, like
Speaker 1: a couple of dates. He was so nice, like literally
Speaker 1: knew I was sick, showed up with little juice crafters
Speaker 1: wellness shots like it was like I either had to
Speaker 1: get gas or this, and so I chose to get
Speaker 1: you this because I know how much you love these
Speaker 1: like so so nice. But you guys, I like wasn't
Speaker 1: attracted to him, like physically, So do I give that
Speaker 1: more than two dates? Even though I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: like I feel in my gut it's kind of a note.
Speaker 1: But you're so thoughtful, Like he knew I didn't like
Speaker 1: to kill us, so he's like, we're gonna get wine first,
Speaker 1: then get tacos. You guys, he was so nice and
Speaker 1: the worst you whenever. But how many dates you give
Speaker 1: someone before walking away from that? Um? I would say
Speaker 1: a few. I think. Listen, there's a lot of looking
Speaker 1: people in the world. Um. But okay, so this analogy
Speaker 1: is a friend of mine that came up with this analogy. Okay,
Speaker 1: listen to this. So she said, Vanessa, if someone presents
Speaker 1: to you, but you know that Tiffany, you know Tiffany. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: So if someone presents to you, presents you eight to
Speaker 1: Finny box and it's really pretty because you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: it's a blue Tiffany box and you open it up
Speaker 1: and inside is a piece of Are you gonna want
Speaker 1: the Tiffany box? No? Right? So it's so you like,
Speaker 1: you can judge someone from their exterior, but then their
Speaker 1: heart is not as it is not shining as bright
Speaker 1: as their exterior. For me, it's what is this person
Speaker 1: going to be able to, like, willing to do for
Speaker 1: you and for the relationship. To me, it doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like he has a piece of heart. It sounds like
Speaker 1: he has a heart of goal. I would give this
Speaker 1: guy a chance, And you're saying the opposite is true.
Speaker 1: You can if there's a Tiffany bracelet inside a junkie
Speaker 1: Amazon box, doesn't matter. It's what's inside the matter, right.
Speaker 1: I agree. I feel like, look, maybe I'm crazy, but
Speaker 1: isn't everybody attractive if they put the effort in totally,
Speaker 1: Like if they dressed nicely, they're in shape, they get
Speaker 1: their hair done well, whatever it is. I feel like everybody,
Speaker 1: everybody is a certain amount of attractive. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: so conflicted about it because I'm like, how long do
Speaker 1: you give someone? And I don't want to lead. Here's
Speaker 1: my main thing. I never want to lead anybody on
Speaker 1: and make it harder on them. And I feel like
Speaker 1: I kind of do have a one up in a
Speaker 1: situation where I'm like, oh, I'm not so attached, so
Speaker 1: it's easy to go on a date with you. But
Speaker 1: then in the back of my head, I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is so mean are you dating? Do you know that?
Speaker 1: Does he know that you're dating other people? I don't
Speaker 1: really know, like it's brought up, but yes, okay, so
Speaker 1: then you're not leading him on. I mean I would
Speaker 1: just probably bring up a conversation, not like you know,
Speaker 1: like you want to see Oh my gosh, I mean
Speaker 1: dating other people, but I still would love to like
Speaker 1: eat my cake too. No, I think, listen, there's nothing
Speaker 1: sexier than a woman or a man or whoever to
Speaker 1: be fully transparent and honest about where their head is
Speaker 1: at in the in the relationship. I hate when you're
Speaker 1: dating someone and it's like you kind of have to
Speaker 1: decode what they're saying, what they're doing, if they're writing
Speaker 1: to you with an exclamation market point three dots, like
Speaker 1: what does that all mean? Tell me where your head
Speaker 1: is at? You want to date other people? Do you
Speaker 1: want to date me exclusively? I find that sexy, and
Speaker 1: I feel like men find that really sexy coming from
Speaker 1: a woman as well. On outside of it. A lot
Speaker 1: long ago, I would be friends with these women and
Speaker 1: I would catch feelings and they would tell me about
Speaker 1: dates they would go on, and I would just have
Speaker 1: to deal with it. It It was never mean, It was honest,
Speaker 1: but the pining sucked like that that part of me
Speaker 1: that was just like trying and sometimes as ever, but
Speaker 1: about my feelings, I was honest too, and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's very nice, you know, as you're not using me
Speaker 1: for free dinners and free movies. We're just hanging out
Speaker 1: and spending time together. I think it's fine, man, I
Speaker 1: don't know why that just like makes my stomach go
Speaker 1: into knots. All right, we have so much more to
Speaker 1: talk about. A lot of you have sent in a
Speaker 1: bunch of questions and topics on Instagram. But before we
Speaker 1: get into that, Ernestine is in studio and we're going
Speaker 1: to talk to her and about her new book coming up. Okay,
Speaker 1: So we are back and we're very lucky to have
Speaker 1: in studio today the lovely Ernestine Fannie Bayliss, who's here
Speaker 1: to talk to us about her new book. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for being here, her new book Balls, How
Speaker 1: to keep your relationship alive when you live with a
Speaker 1: sports obsessed guy. Thank you for being here, my pleasure,
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. Okay, so give us a little
Speaker 1: bit more background on who you are. You're, okay, married
Speaker 1: to an influential sports personality. I am. I'm married to
Speaker 1: Skip Bayless, who's probably one of the most well known
Speaker 1: personalities in sports. We've been together fourteen years and married
Speaker 1: for three and so over the fourteen years, I have
Speaker 1: watched a ton of sports and probably knows more about
Speaker 1: sports than I'd say, you know, pick any guy on
Speaker 1: the street, and I know more, not because I want
Speaker 1: to be, because it just seeps in. Oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: I wish. So you're joined today by me. But then
Speaker 1: there's also two other co hosts that aren't here, Dean
Speaker 1: and Jared. And Jared is a huge sports fan. He
Speaker 1: loves Tom Brady, he loves football, so I'm sure he
Speaker 1: would have loved it. It was his Skip's favorite, Tom Brady.
Speaker 1: And then you know the Cowboys. This is in Patriots.
Speaker 1: That's my life. I have. I have T shirts that
Speaker 1: prove it. I have no I don't care about it,
Speaker 1: but I wear T shirts just to be on his side,
Speaker 1: just to help him. That's so sweet of you. So
Speaker 1: you were never into sports before meeting your husband. Never.
Speaker 1: I'm somebody that grew up in a house that my
Speaker 1: father liked the Boston you know, Philharmonics, My mother liked
Speaker 1: Vegas and Atlantic City. My brother played soccer, but I
Speaker 1: had no interest. I didn't grow up in a house
Speaker 1: I cared about college football and college basketball. And it
Speaker 1: wasn't until I met Skip that I actually even found
Speaker 1: out what sports was. I mean, I didn't care. I
Speaker 1: mean the closest I got to sports was I played
Speaker 1: clarinet for years in high school and I was in
Speaker 1: the marching band, So that was the closest I ever
Speaker 1: got to like a real, you know, football game, but
Speaker 1: I was playing clarinet, so I didn't know what was
Speaker 1: going on. And then I met this guy who was
Speaker 1: just totally engulfed in sports. It's and it just opened
Speaker 1: a whole new world and I had this appreciation for
Speaker 1: what guys, mostly guys. I mean, there are a lot
Speaker 1: of women that love sports, but you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: it's almost a religion to them. And it's just funny
Speaker 1: now that I've been with him for fourteen years and
Speaker 1: I just see it in a different light. And so
Speaker 1: I've had so many girlfriends that said to me, how
Speaker 1: do you put up with the sports thing? That I
Speaker 1: wrote this book because it's just been part of my
Speaker 1: life and I figured I can help other women get
Speaker 1: through it. So when they say opposites attract, I guess,
Speaker 1: as a saying goes it does you can date someone
Speaker 1: who has different interests and a different sort of lifestyle
Speaker 1: and don't make it work. Yeah, you know, it's all
Speaker 1: a matter of compromise. You really can make it work
Speaker 1: with anybody. It just my father, being the Italian dad.
Speaker 1: I would go to him with problems. I say, Dad,
Speaker 1: what do you think about this? He'd say, take a
Speaker 1: piece of paper and write the pros on one side,
Speaker 1: the cons on the other side, and see which you
Speaker 1: know equals out. And it's really if the guy has
Speaker 1: all these great qualities and you don't have that much
Speaker 1: going as far as in common with them, but there
Speaker 1: are other good points about that guy, then why not
Speaker 1: make it, you know, give it a try and make
Speaker 1: it work. Yeah. Actually, I love doing the pros and
Speaker 1: consulists especially do that whenever I feel like I feel
Speaker 1: like the relationship is coming to an end, I do
Speaker 1: a pros and consulist and if the consulis outweighed the
Speaker 1: pros and like, all right, start from this guy to girl.
Speaker 1: But I also feel like when you're dating someone, you
Speaker 1: have this idea of like, oh, I want to have
Speaker 1: this type of lifestyle and these are the interests that
Speaker 1: I like, and I hope that he has the same
Speaker 1: types of interest and if he doesn't match those, then
Speaker 1: I don't want to be with him. But also, don't
Speaker 1: lose yourself in the relationship. Right. So if you're dating
Speaker 1: someone like you're married to someone who has to watch
Speaker 1: sports for a living, you still have your life. He
Speaker 1: has his life when you find a way to make
Speaker 1: things work. Yeah, when I first met him and we
Speaker 1: had our first phone conversation, he was watching a Yankees game,
Speaker 1: and I thought, Oh, that's so cute. He's watching a
Speaker 1: Yankees game. I didn't really know that this was going
Speaker 1: to be the larger picture of my life, like, oh god,
Speaker 1: he's watching another Yankees game. But so we were talking
Speaker 1: and he said, I really like what he all in movies,
Speaker 1: and I said, I love what he allen and then
Speaker 1: I said I love I Love Lucy. He said I
Speaker 1: know every Lucy and it was like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: This guys like there are some really good points about
Speaker 1: this guy. And you know he likes things I like.
Speaker 1: And the sports thing, yeah, that's his thing. And even
Speaker 1: if he wasn't in sports for his job, he loves sports.
Speaker 1: He just his you know, if he wasn't doing his
Speaker 1: job today, he'd still watch sports. It's in his veins,
Speaker 1: it's in his blood. But he has other qualities. We love,
Speaker 1: we love music, we love movies, we love theater, and
Speaker 1: so you know all of that. It kind of equals out.
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes on the weekend during football season, it
Speaker 1: doesn't really equal out because it's like Saturday and Sunday
Speaker 1: and Monday and Thursday. But I just do my own thing. Um.
Speaker 1: But you know, you know, yeah, they have some things
Speaker 1: in common, and but the other the good qualities, kind
Speaker 1: of take over some of the other things you don't
Speaker 1: have in common. So this relations this book is about
Speaker 1: how to keep your relationship alive. Can you give us
Speaker 1: a little tease of what kind of advice you can
Speaker 1: find in the book? Okay, Well, the title of course
Speaker 1: balls how to keep your relationship alive when you live
Speaker 1: with a sports obsess guy. I mean, that's basically it
Speaker 1: covers the whole whole gamut. Um. I keep it alive
Speaker 1: by the longer I've been with him, that I learned
Speaker 1: about him, and I learned what works and what doesn't work.
Speaker 1: And so he's got this whole thing about jinxes when
Speaker 1: he watches sports, and so the more I mean again,
Speaker 1: I come from a Jewish Italian house and my mother,
Speaker 1: who liked to play cards, she would say to me,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the guy I'm playing cards with, if
Speaker 1: he gets up while we're playing and he has to
Speaker 1: go to the men's room, then I'm losing because he
Speaker 1: got it from the table. So I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I knew a little bit about Jinxes, but then Skip
Speaker 1: took it to a higher level because if I walk
Speaker 1: into the living room after coming from the kitchen and
Speaker 1: turning the light up in the kitchen and his game
Speaker 1: is losing, he makes me go back into the kitchen
Speaker 1: and turn the light off. So that's the god we're
Speaker 1: talking major Jenxes. I I could relate to that though,
Speaker 1: because when I was watching so like we discussed before
Speaker 1: we went on air, I am from an Italian background,
Speaker 1: and whenever Italy was in the World Cup, I would
Speaker 1: walk into the room and the other team would score.
Speaker 1: So my friends would tell me go back into the
Speaker 1: bathroom and you're not allowed to come back out, and
Speaker 1: it score every time. I literally was stuck in the
Speaker 1: bathroom for three hours and that year Italy won. That
Speaker 1: is funny. I mean I can go on and on.
Speaker 1: He's got Jinxes. Where if he was watching a game
Speaker 1: and he had come back from playing golf, so he's
Speaker 1: washing his golf clubs in the sink or whatever he
Speaker 1: has to do, I don't play golf. I just drive
Speaker 1: the golf card. So he's washing them and this, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a good wife. I just drive the car and
Speaker 1: then I try to drive it safely. And at times
Speaker 1: he's like, oh my god, you're going too fast. I'm like,
Speaker 1: how fast can I go? The pedal only goes down stir,
Speaker 1: you know, so far. But anyway, he's washing the golf
Speaker 1: clubs in the sink and his game is on and
Speaker 1: he's winning. And so what he does is he continues
Speaker 1: to wash the golf club heads. It's now like two
Speaker 1: hours and I'm like how long. He's like, because if
Speaker 1: I stopped washing them, they're going to lose. And so
Speaker 1: this is the neuroses that I've come to live with
Speaker 1: and understand. It's amazing because he covers sports. He knows
Speaker 1: the athletes, he does, he does some of them personally.
Speaker 1: He knows that it all happens on the field, none
Speaker 1: of it happens. But you try to explain that to someone,
Speaker 1: you know. Then we have this little dog, Hazel, who's
Speaker 1: this little white Maltese who's three years old. And in
Speaker 1: the beginning, when we first got Hazel, i'd see Skip
Speaker 1: take Hazel into his room because he's got two giant
Speaker 1: TVs in his room that he watches sports. And then
Speaker 1: I would see her disappear for two hours and I say,
Speaker 1: here's Hazel. And then I would go into his room
Speaker 1: and said, what are you doing, Hazel? What? Nothing? Just
Speaker 1: don't worry about it, okay. And then I realized, Oh,
Speaker 1: it's like having a Buddha, and you know people rub
Speaker 1: a Buddha. So Hazel is the good, you know, And
Speaker 1: when things are going great, Hazel stays in there and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I see Skip opens the door
Speaker 1: and hands me Hazel, and I know the team is losing.
Speaker 1: This is like the pawn take her away from me.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I get it. I know what's going
Speaker 1: on is that it's crazy, but that's what it is.
Speaker 1: It's all about that. So are you saying you should
Speaker 1: be encouraging your significant other to have these rituals and
Speaker 1: jinxes and to believe in them or to just avoid
Speaker 1: them at all costs? You know, you know you can't
Speaker 1: make them do what you know you if you if
Speaker 1: they have a jinx, they're gonna have the jinx. You
Speaker 1: can't stop that jinx. So what you have to do
Speaker 1: is you have to learn about the jinxes. So now
Speaker 1: I know, you know not to say certain things like
Speaker 1: the kiss of death is to say as soon as
Speaker 1: his game starts and like they're up by like maybe
Speaker 1: three points and the other team is losing, and I go, oh,
Speaker 1: you got this, this team is gonna win. Don't Oh
Speaker 1: my god? This is like why now, why don't you
Speaker 1: turn the TV off? You know what you just did
Speaker 1: to me? You just made me lose. I'm like, do
Speaker 1: you think I have such power? I can change a game,
Speaker 1: I can change change the Super Bowl, I can change
Speaker 1: the World Series. If I do, I should buy the
Speaker 1: lottery ticket, go play lotto immediately. But this is what
Speaker 1: he thinks. So now I know. I don't even say
Speaker 1: it because you know, why hype them up? Why get
Speaker 1: them really mad? It's like feed into it. It's like, okay, fine,
Speaker 1: you know what, just don't don't turn the light on.
Speaker 1: And he makes me walk backwards. If I walk into
Speaker 1: his room and his team is winning, and then I
Speaker 1: walk and he makes me walk out the same exact
Speaker 1: way I came in. You know you have to walk
Speaker 1: out backwards, you know. So this is but I think
Speaker 1: every guy has something. You know Josh have stuff like this.
Speaker 1: Josh is not so. Josh is my boyfriend. Josh is
Speaker 1: my too wish boyfriend, and he's yeah, I love that
Speaker 1: I got your approval. He is not He's not really
Speaker 1: into sports, and none of us are really into sports.
Speaker 1: We're both we both love the Olympics. So he runs, yeah,
Speaker 1: he runs track. I was a gymnast, and when I
Speaker 1: was a gymnast, I had these really crazy superstitions. If
Speaker 1: I would win gold, I would wake up the next
Speaker 1: morning for the next competition and do everything I did
Speaker 1: the same day I won that gold medal. I would
Speaker 1: tie my hair the same way, I would wear the
Speaker 1: same underwear. So I totally get when it comes to
Speaker 1: like the ritual and superstition, and especially coming from an
Speaker 1: Italian background where we believe in like like right the evil.
Speaker 1: My father would say to me he was giving me
Speaker 1: the maluke and then I look up in the Webster dictionary, Mom,
Speaker 1: how do you spell mala yoke? I don't even know
Speaker 1: what you know? Evil eye? Evil eye? It's crazy which
Speaker 1: part of Italy because you have Palermo Sicilian. So my
Speaker 1: father had a very very big temper, you know, it
Speaker 1: was very you don't eat until my father sits at
Speaker 1: the dinner table at six o'clock. We all have to listen,
Speaker 1: you know, wait until my father sits down. And it
Speaker 1: was that was a kind of house I grew up in.
Speaker 1: So but the the jinks thing I get because I
Speaker 1: did grow up again. My mother had it with cards,
Speaker 1: my father had it just with being Italian, and so
Speaker 1: I understand it. But this has taken it to a whole,
Speaker 1: you know, larger level. And then in the book, we
Speaker 1: have some celebrities that have you know, they've weighed in
Speaker 1: on their jinxes, from Billy, Bob Thornton, Little Wayne to
Speaker 1: Um Shannon who skipped debate partner on Undisputed Um and everybody.
Speaker 1: Everybody just has a jinx. I have a thing that
Speaker 1: I do um on. My teams are the Milwaukee Brewers
Speaker 1: and the Green Bay Packers, and when the Packers are
Speaker 1: in the playoffs, I have a special hat that I
Speaker 1: wear that's kind of like a beret and the yellow
Speaker 1: and somebody made it. Once it's home made. It's not
Speaker 1: like merchandise, and they sewed into it. Go Packers. We
Speaker 1: found it in a garage sale back in the nineties
Speaker 1: and it says World Champs and I wear the playoffs
Speaker 1: and my wife hates it because I look like an
Speaker 1: absolute idiot who cares win. It doesn't matter, right, No,
Speaker 1: that's the whole thing. Skip has a Dallas Cowboys T
Speaker 1: shirt and when they're winning, it's great. But if you
Speaker 1: if you go on his I think it's on his
Speaker 1: Instagram or his Facebook. After they lose, then he goes
Speaker 1: and he throws it in the garbage pail in the
Speaker 1: kitchen because but then later he goes and he takes
Speaker 1: it out. So what's the difference. Sooner or later you're
Speaker 1: gonna you're gonna wear it. Just give it up, you know.
Speaker 1: But it's a whole learning experience. And that's what is
Speaker 1: in the book. And again, I've never even I've never
Speaker 1: been to a football game in my life. I've not done. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: he doesn't go to football games. He watches on TV
Speaker 1: because first of all, it's easier for him to watch
Speaker 1: because he has to tweet, and he's got different you know,
Speaker 1: he's got six games on it once. But um, when
Speaker 1: I first watched games with him, I had no clue.
Speaker 1: I knew what, you know, it's football. But he'd say,
Speaker 1: we want the red team to win, and so I
Speaker 1: would know, you know, the red team versus the blue team,
Speaker 1: and then what would happen. I go to the ladies
Speaker 1: room and I come out and I'd say, what's happening?
Speaker 1: Oh no, that was the other game I put. I
Speaker 1: turned on the other game. I'm like, but I got
Speaker 1: into the other game with the red guys. Now you
Speaker 1: got yellow guys. I don't know where these guys come
Speaker 1: from and what they're doing. So you know, it's like
Speaker 1: a big, big game you have to follow. But the
Speaker 1: only way that I started learning how to um one
Speaker 1: of the tips is that I ended up looking for
Speaker 1: the really cute guys. So the cute guys are how
Speaker 1: I can watch the game. So for every team, I
Speaker 1: identify cute guys, and so the Spurs that that's one
Speaker 1: of his favorite teams. I have a Manu Genobily, you
Speaker 1: know sweatshirt Tony Parker. I had Kauai until Kai defected,
Speaker 1: but I have And the reason why I like it
Speaker 1: is because I'm like, oh, these guys are so cute.
Speaker 1: This gives me an interest to watch these games. Yes,
Speaker 1: I totally agree with you, I'm not yes agree with
Speaker 1: you are Also whenever the finals, right, and if your
Speaker 1: country's and the finals are your city or whatever's in
Speaker 1: the finals, and you get into it, and that's when
Speaker 1: you do all your research and there's that pride that's
Speaker 1: attached to it. For like, for females like me who
Speaker 1: aren't really into sports, that's when I really get into it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you also talk about what not to say when
Speaker 1: their team is losing, which I think is also important
Speaker 1: for people who aren't necessarily dating someone that's into sports,
Speaker 1: because this is also the art of empathy, right right,
Speaker 1: act towards your partner's feeling and what the reactions. So
Speaker 1: one of the key um phrases I guess you could
Speaker 1: say is when I didn't do this at first, and
Speaker 1: Skip would come in, he'd be really upset his team lost,
Speaker 1: and I'd just say wow, and he'd say, can't you say,
Speaker 1: you know, I feel bad? Or I'd say to them,
Speaker 1: what do you mean I feel bad? What are you
Speaker 1: talking about? I didn't have anything to do with them losing.
Speaker 1: Him He'd say, yeah, But I mean, come on, can't
Speaker 1: you just say, well, I'm sorry your team lost, so
Speaker 1: it makes him feel better. If I say I'm sorry
Speaker 1: your team lost, I don't understand the logic to that
Speaker 1: at all, because I really had nothing. Do you under
Speaker 1: you get of course, because you need to take it
Speaker 1: as seriously as they do it. It's like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: almost like a death in the family. You need to
Speaker 1: really seems like, hey, I'm really sorry, right exactly? Help?
Speaker 1: Yeah see now I get Now you're a guy and
Speaker 1: you're telling me this. I understand it. But it's like,
Speaker 1: what do you feel bad? Like if my you know,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, my show went off the air or something.
Speaker 1: It's not like, oh, if I'm sorry that you know
Speaker 1: the HDTV that you like, that show is no longer
Speaker 1: on Fix Her Up or is off I used to
Speaker 1: love Fix Her Up? Or He'd walk through the living
Speaker 1: room and go, oh god, you're watching that stupid show again.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, yeah, but I don't call it your
Speaker 1: a game stupid. Well they're not stupid, you know, But
Speaker 1: that's that's the guy girl thing, you know. But so
Speaker 1: now I learned, you know, I'm sorry. Your team was
Speaker 1: what can I do? Want something special for dinner? Should
Speaker 1: I go get you something? It's like this whole I try,
Speaker 1: I really do, but then you know, you cross your
Speaker 1: fingers that they're not always losing something. You don't always
Speaker 1: gotta do these things that you're like, right, and then
Speaker 1: I then I even And I'm not the most religious person.
Speaker 1: I grew up with, you know, Italian father, Jewish mom.
Speaker 1: I go to church, I go to temple. I go
Speaker 1: to church now with skip, but I'd say, oh, I
Speaker 1: pray to God, God your team and skip and take.
Speaker 1: That's not what you pray to God for. You don't
Speaker 1: pray to God for your team to win or lose.
Speaker 1: But for me, it's like, please, you don't know what
Speaker 1: it's like if your team loses. You don't live with you.
Speaker 1: I live with you. I need every every little bit
Speaker 1: of help I can get, you know, So when does
Speaker 1: I get the most intense? Because I don't really follow sports,
Speaker 1: is there like a specific month? Oh yeah, now it's
Speaker 1: kicking off September September eight, that's Sunday that it kicks off.
Speaker 1: That is the worst season, football season, because it's endless,
Speaker 1: it really is. You have college football, you have pro
Speaker 1: you know, NFL football, So you have Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Thursday,
Speaker 1: and they're all they seem to all be important. It's
Speaker 1: like every game is important. So then right, and then
Speaker 1: October in the midst of that, then you have NBA
Speaker 1: that kicks up. Then you're right. So then it's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's just my life because mine
Speaker 1: is magnified by a thousand percent. Then you know most women,
Speaker 1: but there's always a sport on, no matter when it is,
Speaker 1: even in the dead of summer, which is usually August
Speaker 1: and we can take a vacation. He'll watch women's softball
Speaker 1: from Oklahoma City and it's like, I think, yeah, we're
Speaker 1: I think, oh god, there's no games on. And then
Speaker 1: it's like, well, look at these girls. Look how hard
Speaker 1: they I'm like, oh my god. Not women's softball is
Speaker 1: a thing like Tuesday night is our night and there's
Speaker 1: gonna be no sports. Yeah. You know what he's really
Speaker 1: good about, I have to say, in old kidding aside,
Speaker 1: he does compromise because he'll look at the game schedule
Speaker 1: before and he'll say, hey, listen, I can go to
Speaker 1: a mattenee because I have to be home by four thirties,
Speaker 1: So then we'll go to a mattenee. I will say,
Speaker 1: let's go to you know, like last weekend or was
Speaker 1: it just this weekend? Um, the game come on pre
Speaker 1: pre football. There is the pre football games that are
Speaker 1: just preseason, which I don't know. They seem to be
Speaker 1: as important as the other ones, but not really because
Speaker 1: the starters don't play this. I've learned the starters are
Speaker 1: the main guys. Just so you know, Vanessa, the starters.
Speaker 1: This is a little bit. I know starters are there.
Speaker 1: There's some of them are cute, but the main is
Speaker 1: like the Tom Brady's and all those guys. They haven't
Speaker 1: played yet. But somehow he still has to watch it.
Speaker 1: But he said, listen, if I can get home by
Speaker 1: I think it was five six o'clock, then we're okay.
Speaker 1: So we quickly ran and we got food at four
Speaker 1: thirty to six, and then he did like a hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty miles an hour driving home so we can
Speaker 1: get home just before the you know, kickoff starts. So
Speaker 1: there is a compromise, and he tries to help, and
Speaker 1: he tries to say, hey, listen, this one is not
Speaker 1: as important, and they'll say we could watch something else,
Speaker 1: and then what I see what he does he thinks
Speaker 1: I don't know this. He puts his laptop up and
Speaker 1: he puts the game on the laptop. So we're watching
Speaker 1: TV on the big screen in the living room, and
Speaker 1: then I see he's like looking down. I'm like, do
Speaker 1: you really need to watch it? No, No, I'm just
Speaker 1: looking to see what's going on. But I'm watching, you know.
Speaker 1: It's it's never you are. We'll be watching Grace and
Speaker 1: Natomy or something together, and I'll have my iPads. It's horrible.
Speaker 1: I need full attention, full attention. So how do you
Speaker 1: prioritize your free time together? How do you make you
Speaker 1: said in August, you guys were on vacation with that
Speaker 1: free time. Yeah, so we get during after the super Bowl,
Speaker 1: then there's a free time. So we have a week
Speaker 1: off for a week and a half off, um, and
Speaker 1: then in August we take the other part right before
Speaker 1: football season starts. So that was last week. Uh. And
Speaker 1: then in December he takes a few days around Christmas maybe,
Speaker 1: but Christmas is a big day, as you know, NBA
Speaker 1: is a big day, Christmas Day, so it's Christmas Day.
Speaker 1: There's oh god, those are the big ones. See, be
Speaker 1: glad your boyfriend does not like sports. So you've been
Speaker 1: married for just say three or four years? Three years?
Speaker 1: Three years. We moved from New York City to Los
Speaker 1: Angeles three years ago. When he left, he was working
Speaker 1: for ESPN. He had a show called First Take and
Speaker 1: then he went to Fox Sports one and it's undisputed.
Speaker 1: So we got married actually two days before we moved
Speaker 1: to l A. We in New York City. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: went down to City Hall and we got married. Well, congratulations,
Speaker 1: thank you. I mean that. I love that. I love
Speaker 1: being able to I think there's such a pressure in society,
Speaker 1: especially if you're coming from like a Jewish background or
Speaker 1: an Italian background where you've been dating. You guys were
Speaker 1: dating for fourteen years. Uh, yeah, and you decided to
Speaker 1: get married three years ago. So how did you make
Speaker 1: that decision and how did you not feel like there
Speaker 1: was a pressure to make that step? Well, we made
Speaker 1: I actually said to him, you know what, for me
Speaker 1: to move across country because I grew up in New
Speaker 1: York and I have all my friends and my family there,
Speaker 1: it's a big undertaking to move somewhere with someone. And
Speaker 1: I said, um, I really feel better if we were married,
Speaker 1: because I don't really care. I think if we were
Speaker 1: still in New York City, we probably would not have
Speaker 1: been married. But because we were moving and I just
Speaker 1: felt like I needed. I needed to feel as though
Speaker 1: I was moving with somebody that it wasn't going to
Speaker 1: be some kind of just late, Hey, let's hang out.
Speaker 1: Let's just move to l A and hang out. I
Speaker 1: needed a little bit more security. And so a friend
Speaker 1: of ours was a judge, and we called him and
Speaker 1: we said, hey, we're moving to l A on August first,
Speaker 1: and he said, oh, great, come in on. And we
Speaker 1: went downtown and we just I think he had like
Speaker 1: a golf shirt on, golf pants, and we just went
Speaker 1: downtown and uh, it was almost like night court because
Speaker 1: the bailiff was our our witness, and it was just
Speaker 1: kind of a crazy, crazy I told nobody. And then
Speaker 1: we went back uptown and and I think he watched
Speaker 1: a game or something. I don't know. And then we
Speaker 1: came out to l A on August first, and it
Speaker 1: was like here we are, and um. But we were
Speaker 1: together for so many years and he lived part of
Speaker 1: the time in Connecticut because he was working at ESPN,
Speaker 1: and I lived full time in New York City, and
Speaker 1: we had not lived together full time until we moved
Speaker 1: to l A. And so that was a little bit
Speaker 1: of an awakening too, because we were you know, We
Speaker 1: had an apartment in New York City. He would come
Speaker 1: home on the weekends or I would go up to
Speaker 1: Connecticut on the weekends. But we didn't live full time,
Speaker 1: and it's different when you live full time with somebody
Speaker 1: in the same house. So fourteen years, you guys were
Speaker 1: doing long distance. Yeah, well it was it was a
Speaker 1: twelve eleven years. Eleven years. Yeah, first year I met him,
Speaker 1: he was working out of New York City and I
Speaker 1: was living in New York City, so we were together,
Speaker 1: but I wasn't living with him. After one year, they
Speaker 1: moved his his show up to Connecticut and so then
Speaker 1: it was a weekend relationship. But then we moved to
Speaker 1: l A and that was you know, it was a
Speaker 1: very long Yeah. I mean it's it's hard moving with
Speaker 1: somebody cross country, living with somebody in a you know,
Speaker 1: in a house then that you never lived with before.
Speaker 1: On top of sports, we had so many questions about
Speaker 1: long distance relationships, like it's so nice here that you
Speaker 1: were able to do it for eleven years, and I
Speaker 1: kind of I love I'm in a relationship now. But
Speaker 1: I loved long distance relationships because I was a type
Speaker 1: of person that would fully immerse myself into the relationship
Speaker 1: and kind of lose who I was. And so for me,
Speaker 1: long distance was a way to like get that emotional
Speaker 1: you know, like need from my person, but still be
Speaker 1: able to do all the things that I want to
Speaker 1: be doing. Um, But for me it was always my
Speaker 1: sick month mark. Once it hits six six months of
Speaker 1: my who's moving? Where? Like, how are we going to
Speaker 1: make this work? So it's really nice to hear that
Speaker 1: you made a relationship work for eleven years. Now you're married.
Speaker 1: You have a book And did he help you write
Speaker 1: it or is he a part of the book. He
Speaker 1: wrote a couple of chapters and part of a book.
Speaker 1: He does a Q and A for what you know,
Speaker 1: what do guys think about this with girls sports relationships?
Speaker 1: So he just tried to answer what he thought the
Speaker 1: best way to help women deal with men that like sports.
Speaker 1: And so he was part of it, and he was
Speaker 1: he was really supportive. He loved it because he knows
Speaker 1: that I've been living in it for so long and
Speaker 1: people would say to me, you should write a book, God,
Speaker 1: how do you do this? I couldn't put up with
Speaker 1: my guy for one day, and you're like living with
Speaker 1: this guy So it's just a fun book and it's
Speaker 1: not meant to it's not like a war in piece.
Speaker 1: It's just a fun guide tip book that you can carry.
Speaker 1: It's not gigantic, and it's just something that you could
Speaker 1: read on a plane and have a few laughs. And
Speaker 1: it's just life. And you're so funny and you're so playful.
Speaker 1: So I'm sure that's a big indication of what the
Speaker 1: book is going to be like. So make sure to
Speaker 1: check out Balls How to Keep your relationship Alive when
Speaker 1: you live with the Sports Obcess guy, Ernestine, Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for coming in. Where can you find you?
Speaker 1: Do you have an Instagram account? No? I don't social media.
Speaker 1: I am the most non social media, but I will
Speaker 1: after this book comes out and has perfect Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us. Appreciate it. I absolutely
Speaker 1: have such a girl crush on Ernestine. She's so funny.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to read her book. Mark. I know
Speaker 1: you're a huge sports fan, and reading this book and
Speaker 1: talking to her, I just think, oh, my poor wife,
Speaker 1: did you put her through some of the stuff that
Speaker 1: Ernestine was talking about? Do because my team, the Brewers,
Speaker 1: any baseball team plays a hundred and sixty two games
Speaker 1: a year and everyone is a big deal and you
Speaker 1: watch every you watch hundred sixty two games not start
Speaker 1: to finish. But if I'm not watching them, following it
Speaker 1: on my phone, it's it's every game is a big deal.
Speaker 1: And I know that's crazy to have so many games,
Speaker 1: but I start, I do. We played four this afternoon,
Speaker 1: we and I can't. I just getting at their lineup.
Speaker 1: I'm like ready for this one, Like I'm ready every day. Listen.
Speaker 1: I would look at the lineup or whatever it's called,
Speaker 1: the roster when I was single, to see which guys
Speaker 1: were cute, and then I'm like, oh, this team has
Speaker 1: really cute guys. I'm gonna watch that team. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was my way of watching sports. Um, the Tories back
Speaker 1: in studio and we're talking about some of the topics
Speaker 1: and questions that you guys had on Instagram, and I
Speaker 1: feel like this is a whole new like World Cup
Speaker 1: living in with Instagram and social media and the etiquette
Speaker 1: behind social media. I feel like we should have an
Speaker 1: entire episode just on dating someone and having Instagram, the
Speaker 1: etiquette Instagram. If you're dating someone and you see that
Speaker 1: they're laking pictures of models, pictures of other women on Instagram?
Speaker 1: What do you like? What is your brain telling you
Speaker 1: is happening? And are you trying to should we be
Speaker 1: decoding that kind of behavior or should we just be
Speaker 1: like he's just liking the pictures. I don't have a
Speaker 1: huge deal with it. On my behalf, I think that
Speaker 1: it's like depending on the Like if it's like a
Speaker 1: naked girl on a beach, then I'm like, what, that's
Speaker 1: just also the fact that we can post those as
Speaker 1: kind of swimming whatever, But I would have a hard
Speaker 1: time with that. But like a bathing suit picture, I'm like, whatever,
Speaker 1: it's like if he's throwing hard eyes at it, then
Speaker 1: I'd be like, uh, yeah, no, we got a problem.
Speaker 1: But the like, I think it's just it's it's literally
Speaker 1: ornate in our bodies. Now. You scroll through and you like,
Speaker 1: but it's not even you don't really take a beat
Speaker 1: to be like, oh what am I liking? You're just
Speaker 1: like cute, cool, yes, whatever, So I don't take it
Speaker 1: as personal. In my behalf, I captain and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that girl is hot, So I do get it, but
Speaker 1: I don't take it personal because I'm also like, do
Speaker 1: you know only editing apps that all us feels that
Speaker 1: I don't here that's hilarious. I feel like, let me
Speaker 1: just do it on my ways for you to teach
Speaker 1: you exactly exactly. Crook at the stairs are rock Um.
Speaker 1: I think for me it would be that's hilarious. I
Speaker 1: think for me it's more of a how does that
Speaker 1: make me look? So? Right? So if I you guys
Speaker 1: see and this is not true at all, but like
Speaker 1: let's say you see jobs laking a bunch of girls
Speaker 1: on Instagram, we're probably thinking like, that's a lot of disresplake.
Speaker 1: I kind of feel bad for Vanessa, like see, like
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's how I when I get into relationship,
Speaker 1: I always think I shift my mentality from how does
Speaker 1: this affect me? To how does this affect us? So
Speaker 1: my actions are going to be based on how will
Speaker 1: this make my partner look? And I don't want him
Speaker 1: to look stupid, So when and if my partner would
Speaker 1: do something like that, that's how I would bring it up,
Speaker 1: like this makes me feel and look a certain way.
Speaker 1: I agree with Vanessa on this one. I think it's
Speaker 1: a form of flirting. I really do. Now, it depends
Speaker 1: on the situation. If it's a person he's known since
Speaker 1: he was a kid and they grew up together and
Speaker 1: it's not terribly provocative photo, fine, whatever. But if it's
Speaker 1: a woman in a bikini and it doesn't know where that, well,
Speaker 1: it's a flirt because you're sending a message when you
Speaker 1: hit that like button, and what message are you trying
Speaker 1: to send? It's not just I like your photo. That's
Speaker 1: a nice photo. It's not that it is deeper than
Speaker 1: because I get I actually do understand if it was
Speaker 1: somebody that he didn't follow and was liking a photo,
Speaker 1: I'd be a little bit like, that's kind of weird.
Speaker 1: But I also feel like there's a double standard. Like
Speaker 1: girls like guys with with like shirtless picks. You would
Speaker 1: be offended if a girl if they're like on a
Speaker 1: beach and you were like and like your wife or
Speaker 1: not your wife, that's too hard. If so, if you're
Speaker 1: dating someone and if I liked a guy who was shirtless,
Speaker 1: that's just a friend or somebody that I followed, I'd
Speaker 1: be pissed. If my guy came at me being like,
Speaker 1: you're flirting because you're liking his pick, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: are you kidding? So what what message are you sending
Speaker 1: by hitting that like button? It's a great pick, is it? Though?
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I'm here to support your wings post
Speaker 1: whatever you want on Insta. I'll like your photo of
Speaker 1: you got a brewerth game, you know, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: like a guy who maybe has a shirtless picture. You
Speaker 1: like the picture of me and my daughter together like that,
Speaker 1: but it's a guy who's half naked on the beach
Speaker 1: and you don't know him that well, you're sending a message. Look,
Speaker 1: you can like a photo without hitting that button, right,
Speaker 1: I know that it's and everybody's so dialed in the
Speaker 1: social media you can look at a picture go oh,
Speaker 1: that's a nice picture and not press that button out
Speaker 1: of respect for your part, right, I get it, and
Speaker 1: I don't. And that's not to say that. Listen, once
Speaker 1: you're dating someone, it's not like you can't find anyone
Speaker 1: else attractive, Like that's just not no, that's not going
Speaker 1: to happen. But to act upon those feelings is for me,
Speaker 1: it's like just pump the brakes. That's a level okay,
Speaker 1: then let's take us level deeper. If you're feeling like
Speaker 1: that on social media, why even follow them? Should you.
Speaker 1: Are you saying now you need to regulate who you're
Speaker 1: dating profiles Instagram on who they're following, Yes you guys.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no no no. I dated someone
Speaker 1: that This is before like the ten months ago first
Speaker 1: time I did the Girls Talk episode with Brandy and
Speaker 1: this guy had come up to me. He's like outstating
Speaker 1: him and he's like, oh, I don't want kids, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, we never even spoke about kids. And
Speaker 1: he was liking so many like naked women, but like
Speaker 1: not only naked, like naked almost naked women, you know,
Speaker 1: like barely showing like barely like you know, clothed, And
Speaker 1: I remember thinking like, I'm just gonna look past this
Speaker 1: whatever or whatever. Fast forward like a couple of months later,
Speaker 1: he just didn't want to have a serious relationship with me.
Speaker 1: To me, that was an indication that's like, oh, you're cool,
Speaker 1: I want to hang out with you, but also I
Speaker 1: don't really like have I don't know if it's a
Speaker 1: level of respect for the person that you're dating. For me,
Speaker 1: actually it is. It's like if I'm yeah, if I'm
Speaker 1: like really into someone, if a guy's dating me they're
Speaker 1: really into me, then like, yeah, just like I said,
Speaker 1: how does that make me feel? And how does that
Speaker 1: make me look? So if you're if Josh goes is
Speaker 1: like following Gidid and likes one of her model picks,
Speaker 1: do you get offended by different? But that's work, that's work. See,
Speaker 1: now we're setting up so many regulations. Homeboy can't even
Speaker 1: press follow a bunch of bikini a bunch of bikini
Speaker 1: models on Instagram. He should not be doing that, he
Speaker 1: knows them. It shouldn't be that bad. If you're concerned
Speaker 1: about a like, then you are you should you be
Speaker 1: dating them. Here's the comparison I make. Let's say you're
Speaker 1: on the beach with your boyfriend and a girl walks
Speaker 1: by in a tiny, tiny bikini. Okay, bound to happen,
Speaker 1: bound to happen, and he's bound to see that, and
Speaker 1: he's bound to think, Wow, she's really hot. Yes, and
Speaker 1: that's all perfectly fine. However, if he goes up to
Speaker 1: and says hey, he says he says it. Nope, he
Speaker 1: just thinks to himself, well, she's really hot, and then
Speaker 1: you go back to your books. But if he walks
Speaker 1: up to her and says, hey, you're really hot, that's
Speaker 1: stepping over the line. That's different, that's not okay, And
Speaker 1: that's what he's doing by hitting the like button. Like,
Speaker 1: saying something in person is so different than doing a
Speaker 1: like on Instagram. It's two different languages. I think a
Speaker 1: like on Instagram is the equivalent of a silent thumbs up.
Speaker 1: That's what I always think about, Like if you're walking
Speaker 1: into Like if I'm walking down the street with my
Speaker 1: wife and uh, there's a nice looking and the lady
Speaker 1: and I just feel like I just don't say anything.
Speaker 1: I just give this. I don't even smile, it just
Speaker 1: thumbs up. I think that she'd be like, hey, what
Speaker 1: was that? Like, I'm not that it's it's like like
Speaker 1: I think that's the same thing, and but I don't
Speaker 1: do that. And furthermore, I mean, Tory, we're friends, right, Yeaum,
Speaker 1: I follow you on Instagram. I like the crap out
Speaker 1: of your pictures. If you posted like a bikini picture,
Speaker 1: I would not be double top. This happened to me
Speaker 1: because I'm friends with Tanya rad and she posted a
Speaker 1: picture on the beach of her in a bikini and
Speaker 1: it was just butt cheeks and like, there was no
Speaker 1: way I'm liking that photo. No disrespect makes it weird
Speaker 1: though whatever the coworker makes it a little bit Like
Speaker 1: for me and my gun, I'm still like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a coworker, you shouldn't maybe, But in my head,
Speaker 1: if a guy is following someone and likes her photo,
Speaker 1: I have way bigger issues now if he's calling like
Speaker 1: naked girls and there's stuff and he's like de m ng.
Speaker 1: Of course unraveling at the seams. But a like on
Speaker 1: Instagram is not a huge deal. It's a whole other
Speaker 1: world we live in where you can give silent like
Speaker 1: thumbs up and you know your girlfriend. Next you could
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, not silent. It's not silent because I
Speaker 1: feel like it's like a ding dong, like notice me,
Speaker 1: and that can lead to sliding into the damn too.
Speaker 1: It's just you're saying, honestly, he shouldn't follow anybody else
Speaker 1: than like a puppy Instagram page and his guying like it.
Speaker 1: He can have human emotions and you can even say
Speaker 1: to you, look at this girl. Some people have that
Speaker 1: relationship where they say hey, wow, she's really hot and
Speaker 1: you say, yeah, she is really hot. Wow, And to
Speaker 1: think about guy like wow, he's really Hansome. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: sure is. That's all fine because it's between the two
Speaker 1: of you. But the second you let them know you've
Speaker 1: feel that way, it's crossing a line. I agree. I
Speaker 1: still believe what I believe. I wouldn't. Just don't act
Speaker 1: upon Listen, we all have these human instincts that we
Speaker 1: we like shiny, beautiful things, right, just don't act upon them.
Speaker 1: That is it. Well, I say, do what you won't
Speaker 1: with your thumb. That sounded weird the episode. Do what
Speaker 1: you want with my god. I think that's a great
Speaker 1: way to end the episode. What you want or something.
Speaker 1: But first, peach Body, Yes, okay. So for people, a
Speaker 1: lot of people, um, the new year starts in January,
Speaker 1: obviously does start in January. But for me, because the
Speaker 1: teacher brand of mind, it starts in September. And that's
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Speaker 1: Dan to Hey, we're going to San Francisco? Yes? When
Speaker 1: is that next week? Yeah, it's the weekend after this weekend?
Speaker 1: So the weekend after this weekend. You guys know how
Speaker 1: much I have terrible luck traveling, so make sure you
Speaker 1: pray for me. I get my luggages, I get there
Speaker 1: in time. I'm only there for a couple of days.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited. I haven't been to San Francisco in
Speaker 1: a really long time, so really looking forward to that
Speaker 1: and especially to doing a podcast live face to face
Speaker 1: with my boys with one boy. Thank San Francisco, Home
Speaker 1: of the Giants, and thank you to Hotel v s
Speaker 1: F San Francisco for taking care of us while we're there.
Speaker 1: Are we um pitching? Are we doing? And like it's
Speaker 1: a baseball game? Right? Because I started campaign right now
Speaker 1: and Dan throughout the first person in Angels game he
Speaker 1: has experience at that. You can give you some t
Speaker 1: yes all right and an email quickly from anonymous. I've
Speaker 1: had a little crush on my co worker for over
Speaker 1: a year. The only problem is he has a long
Speaker 1: distance girlfriend he's been with for around two years. Recently,
Speaker 1: a bunch of co workers hung out and we all
Speaker 1: got pretty drunk. What surprised me was how flirty he
Speaker 1: was towards me that even my co workers noticed. He
Speaker 1: kept touching me, putting his arm around me, hugging me, etcetera.
Speaker 1: At one point he was holding my hand. I would
Speaker 1: never do anything out of respect for his girlfriend, but
Speaker 1: in a strange way, it kind of felt right. The
Speaker 1: weird thing is that we worked together the following day.
Speaker 1: He didn't act different. But is it strange that he
Speaker 1: hasn't brought it up. I'm thinking he's probably just drunk.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean anything, but don't drunk actions speak sober thoughts,
Speaker 1: so many feelings. Listen, Do you really want to start
Speaker 1: a reallyationship with a guy who's showing you how he
Speaker 1: is already in a relationship? To me, that's a warning sign.
Speaker 1: So the only thing that I would bring up is
Speaker 1: kind of putting him in his place because Tori, Like
Speaker 1: Tori said, I'm the kind of girl that's like hold
Speaker 1: my hoops and like take my nails off. So I
Speaker 1: would kind of just captually bring it up and be like, dude,
Speaker 1: like you know, I know, like we're really um clirt,
Speaker 1: not even plotatious, that we're really friendly with each other.
Speaker 1: And I just want to say, like, it felt uncomfortable
Speaker 1: for me because I know you have a girlfriend, so
Speaker 1: I just want to stay like I didn't really appreciate
Speaker 1: the way that you acted on behalf of your girlfriend.
Speaker 1: That's something that I would say, but I guess some
Speaker 1: people would just kind of let it go and not
Speaker 1: say anything. I would let it go and not say
Speaker 1: anything because of the other girlfriend. I think that I
Speaker 1: think that drunk actions do speak the sober thoughts. I
Speaker 1: think he probably has a little bit of a crush
Speaker 1: on you, and that happens in relationships. It happens. People
Speaker 1: eyes wander, people get little crushers and stuff. They like
Speaker 1: Instagram pictures. Yes, but I think as long as that
Speaker 1: girlfriends there, there is nothing thing you can do about that.
Speaker 1: Until that girlfriend's out of the way, you just gotta
Speaker 1: keep quiet about it. I'm like dead center in the
Speaker 1: middle where I think drunk thoughts like liquor gives you
Speaker 1: the courage to do something, but once you sober up,
Speaker 1: the situation is still the exact same way. So if
Speaker 1: he was, like even if he if he he does
Speaker 1: have feeling, obviously sounds like he has feelings for her,
Speaker 1: um and you have the liquid courage in you to
Speaker 1: say or to be flirty or whatever. But until the
Speaker 1: actual act is done where he separates from his girlfriend,
Speaker 1: nothing's going to happen. So it's like, I think he's
Speaker 1: getting the courage to say things or do things because
Speaker 1: I don't know if he really said anything, but to
Speaker 1: do be flirty and be bold. But at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, sober thoughts are I'm still with my girlfriend,
Speaker 1: and he probably won't break up with his girlfriend. No,
Speaker 1: And Vanessa's got a good point there that if if
Speaker 1: you start dating him and then he's drunk with some
Speaker 1: somebody else somewhere, he may be all over them, So
Speaker 1: keep that in mind. M That's just some food for thought,
Speaker 1: because I mean, he's all giving you a little glimpse
Speaker 1: of his actions, you know, and whether that's like dude,
Speaker 1: like people are in relationships and there's a point in
Speaker 1: the relationship where you're miserable, well not you're not, not
Speaker 1: definitely miserable, but that's the point in a relationship where
Speaker 1: you're not happy, and that's okay, and that you want
Speaker 1: to make sure you're with someone in those low times
Speaker 1: that it's still going to treat you and make you
Speaker 1: seem like the queen of the world in your eyes
Speaker 1: and and everyone else's eyes. Drop the money, so you're
Speaker 1: like that God. So I think we should end on
Speaker 1: that high note. Ladies, make sure that you are the
Speaker 1: queen and that your men or your woman or your
Speaker 1: partner or whoever you're dating is treating you like you
Speaker 1: know you need to be treated. So I wanted to
Speaker 1: give a very big thank you Tori, thank you for
Speaker 1: coming in and opening up to us about your long
Speaker 1: distance stuff. Eastern Mark, thank you so much for being
Speaker 1: on the podcast today. Uh, and a very big thank
Speaker 1: you to Ernestine schle Fannie Bayliss, who came in and
Speaker 1: talk to us about her new book Balls, How to
Speaker 1: Keep your relationship Alive when you live with Sports Obsessky.
Speaker 1: You can find the book on Amazon. A very big
Speaker 1: thank you to our listeners and to beach body, and
Speaker 1: um yes. Thanks, thanks to everybody who keeps tuning in
Speaker 1: and keeps writing, and hopefully next week we will suck
Speaker 1: a little bit less. Follow hell I Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcast