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Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness podcast Shetty.

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Speaker 2: Today we have best selling author, motivational speaker, and big

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Speaker 2: time podcaster Jay Shetty, who's out on let y'all Know

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Speaker 2: Now out on its All Purpose live tour right now.

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Speaker 2: Speaking of that, man, I think it's so cool, Jay,

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Speaker 2: when you show the pictures of how it started to

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Speaker 2: how it's going, and I actually counted the people in

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Speaker 2: one of the picture. It was only twelve to be

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Speaker 2: in the position that you're in now. When you started

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Speaker 2: out on this journey. How could you ever have imagined

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Speaker 2: that it would end up where you are now, touring

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Speaker 2: the country, touring the world in some senses, and people

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Speaker 2: power into arenas to see.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you could ever imagine it, and that's

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Speaker 1: what's beautiful about it. I think the challenge today is

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Speaker 1: everyone has too much pressure. Every video has to have

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Speaker 1: a million views, Everything you post has to get lots

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Speaker 1: of engagement, Everything you share has to get lots of attention.

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Speaker 1: When I started giving my first talks, I was in

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Speaker 1: a room like the corner of this the size of

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Speaker 1: the corner of this room, and the first time I

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Speaker 1: went to speak, zero people showed up. So I just

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Speaker 1: practiced to the four walls, and the second time I

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Speaker 1: showed up, no one showed up, And so I practiced

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Speaker 1: to the four walls. And the third time I realized

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Speaker 1: that the fire the person who was putting the flyers out,

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Speaker 1: because who went in a good job. But for years,

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Speaker 1: nearly ten years before I posted a video, I was

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Speaker 1: speaking to groups of small rooms. I was speaking of

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Speaker 1: groups of three people, five people, ten people, And I'll

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Speaker 1: be honest with you, I never ever felt, why is

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Speaker 1: only ten people? I never ever felt, oh, it's only

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Speaker 1: twenty people today, I would have loved it to be

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Speaker 1: fifty or one hundred, don't get me wrong, but I

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Speaker 1: never thought it needed to be more than that. I

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Speaker 1: was just happy that anyone would take time out of

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Speaker 1: their day to come and hear about things that were

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Speaker 1: meant to be good for them. But you know, it

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Speaker 1: wasn't hey, here's how to do this, or here's how

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Speaker 1: to get rich, or it was here's how to improve

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Speaker 1: your life. And so for me, those years of spending

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Speaker 1: hours and hours and hours with people, roughly ten years later,

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Speaker 1: when I post my first video and I start to

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Speaker 1: have the groundswell experience of more people finding out about

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Speaker 1: my work. I live in gratitude every day. I post

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Speaker 1: those to show people that no one starts in an arena.

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Speaker 1: Everyone starts at zero. And the reason why we don't

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Speaker 1: start is not because we're scared of starting at zero.

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Speaker 1: We're scared of people watching us start at zero. We're

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Speaker 1: scared of the opinions of people around us starting at zero.

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Speaker 1: We're not scared of starting from scratch. We're scared of

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Speaker 1: our friends seeing us start from scratch. And I just

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Speaker 1: want to remind people that everyone started zero. You did,

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Speaker 1: you did, and everyone on planet Earth did, and that

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Speaker 1: means you can do it as much as I have.

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Speaker 2: Hey change, By the way, I just want to say this,

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Speaker 2: this is the first time Fred's voice has been out

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Speaker 2: sexy doing our show.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, that London.

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Speaker 4: That London is sexy. Now I see it.

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Speaker 3: I want to ask you about motivational speaking and spiritual advisors.

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Speaker 4: What about on the others? Why do people need them?

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Speaker 3: I'm a I'm a I'm not a pessimist, but I'm

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Speaker 3: a you know, I'm a person that thinks about it,

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Speaker 3: like I don't talk to anybody like this is this

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Speaker 3: is probably my therapy with us doing this. What about

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Speaker 3: on the other side, why do people need you to

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Speaker 3: get them going?

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Speaker 4: Like, bro, tighten up.

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Speaker 1: You know what's really interesting is when you're doing it,

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Speaker 1: you don't think that's what you're doing. So when I

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Speaker 1: first started learning from the monks, I was just trying

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Speaker 1: to share what they were teaching me because I thought

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Speaker 1: it was valuable. It's almost like if someone told you, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is really cool thing. There's this cool spot, there's

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Speaker 1: this great movie, there's this great song that, there's this

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Speaker 1: great rapper, there's this great artist. If someone introduced you

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Speaker 1: to that, you'd start talking about it because it was cool.

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Speaker 1: And so for me, wisdom was cool, and so I

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Speaker 1: was just sharing it because it changed my life and

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Speaker 1: had an impact on me, and I thought it would

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Speaker 1: help other people. So from my side, you don't even

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Speaker 1: see yourself that way. You just see yourself as a

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Speaker 1: spiritual dealer because you're just sharing what's helping you and

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Speaker 1: you want it to help other people. So from my side,

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Speaker 1: I don't look at myself as that. I think for people,

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Speaker 1: what happens is we're all looking for people who represent

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Speaker 1: what we're chasing, who represent what we're pursuing, who represent

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Speaker 1: what we admire. And I think the thing is everyone

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Speaker 1: needs someone or something to believe in. Now, I don't

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Speaker 1: want people to believe in me. I want them to

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Speaker 1: believe in the wisdom. So that's my responsibility to make

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Speaker 1: it very clear. I don't want you to believe in me.

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Speaker 1: I'm flawed, I'm human, I have weaknesses. But the wisdom

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Speaker 1: has lasted for five thousand years. There's nothing in the

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Speaker 1: world that has lasted apart from the world the planet

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Speaker 1: for five thousand years. I remember talking about The Bug

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Speaker 1: with Gito, which is the book that I referenced a

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Speaker 1: lot in my books. I was speaking about it with

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Speaker 1: a guy that had met and he was big in business,

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Speaker 1: and he said to me after the interview. This was

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Speaker 1: years ago. He said to me, because, how long did

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Speaker 1: you say that book's been around? I said, five thousand years.

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Speaker 1: He goes, oh, there must be truth in it. If

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Speaker 1: it's lasted five thousand years. You think about the best

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Speaker 1: music artists, they're not going to last five thousand years.

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Speaker 1: You think about the best movies, they're not going to

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Speaker 1: last five thousand years. Well, I'm definitely not going to

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Speaker 1: last five thousand years. So the fact that something has

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Speaker 1: stood the test of time, that's worth sharing. So I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to get people to believe in that because that

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Speaker 1: is actually going to change their life. Them believing in

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Speaker 1: me or another person or whatever is kind of insignificant

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Speaker 1: and irrelevant.

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Speaker 5: You also try to get people to believe in their

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Speaker 5: purpose because you speak about passion being what you like

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Speaker 5: and purpose being what you give. Take us back to

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Speaker 5: the moment when you say you were just in the

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Speaker 5: room waiting for people, and you were staring at the

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Speaker 5: four walls. Right, if your purpose wasn't greater than your passion,

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Speaker 5: would we be doing this interview today.

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Speaker 1: That's a great question. The purpose is what drives you,

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Speaker 1: because when you're doing your passion, there may not be

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Speaker 1: the result immediately. And so for me, the way I

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Speaker 1: like to explain it is, your passion is for you.

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Speaker 1: Your passion is doing something that brings you joy. It

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Speaker 1: could be baking, could be photography, could be organizing your

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Speaker 1: kid's birthday. It could be coaching them, you know, a

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Speaker 1: football or soccer or whatever it may be. That could

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Speaker 1: be your passion. But as soon as you start doing

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Speaker 1: it to improve other people's lives, that's where it becomes

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Speaker 1: a purpose. When you start connecting it with making someone

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Speaker 1: else's day better. So instead of just baking for you,

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Speaker 1: you're not baking for the homeless. Instead of just baking

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Speaker 1: for you, you're not baking for the community. Instead of

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Speaker 1: just taking pictures for yourself, you start sharing it so

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Speaker 1: the people who don't have the money to travel that

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Speaker 1: far can now see what it looks like to experience it.

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Speaker 1: All of a sudden, you start to get that feedback

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Speaker 1: and you realize you're meant for more, You're made for more,

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Speaker 1: You're here for more. For me, I would have kept going,

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Speaker 1: and I did keep going for ten years of sharing

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Speaker 1: it in small rooms because I saw impact on one person.

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Speaker 1: And I think if anyone wants to build a product,

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Speaker 1: a business, a service, a show, you've got to see

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Speaker 1: how it impacts one person before you can impact one

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Speaker 1: million people. If your product can't change one person's life,

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Speaker 1: it's never going to change a million people's lives because

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Speaker 1: the feedback you get from that one person is everything.

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Speaker 1: That one person could help you improve your product, your service,

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Speaker 1: your energy, your show more than anyone. I'm sure you

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Speaker 1: guys have had it, Like you've had someone who watches

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Speaker 1: every Pivot podcast right every episode. They're like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I really liked him when you guys did that. I

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Speaker 1: wasn't sure when you guys did that, And same for me.

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Speaker 1: People will be like, I really like it when you

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Speaker 1: share your opinion. I really like it when you stay

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Speaker 1: true to your value. That's what helps you keep going.

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Speaker 1: So to me, I kept going because there was always

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Speaker 1: one person who was being moved. And even today, when

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Speaker 1: I'm speaking to a large audience or an arena, I'm

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Speaker 1: visualizing being in that small room with three to five people,

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Speaker 1: because that's how intimate I want it to feel. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to feel like this. This is special. Just the

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Speaker 1: intimacy you guys have created here. This is special, and

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Speaker 1: I want people in a room full of thousands to

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Speaker 1: feel like this because this is what we're all craving.

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Speaker 1: No one's craving to be in a room full of

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Speaker 1: thousands of people. Everyone's craving this eye contact, this kind

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Speaker 1: of connection, this kind of space, and it's our job.

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Speaker 1: And that's what you guys do so well here. Whenever

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Speaker 1: I watch your clips, this is how I feel. I

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Speaker 1: feel this close to you. Before I met you, I

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Speaker 1: felt like I knew you because I'd seen so many

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Speaker 1: of you guys's clips and it felt like you guys

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Speaker 1: were genuine and sincere. You were doing this for the

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Speaker 1: right reason, and so I think we've got to give

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Speaker 1: that give people that experience. And that's what I've always

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Speaker 1: tried to do, whether it was five people of five thousand. Jay.

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Speaker 2: I look at you, man, the finally manicured hair, right,

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Speaker 2: the beard always taped up, obviously, the gear. And I

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Speaker 2: see you in bad boys and moving around, and it's like,

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Speaker 2: man like this dude's kind of like me.

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Speaker 6: Make sure his hair is nice. He make sure his

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Speaker 6: clothes or tight, right, he gonna stay clean.

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Speaker 2: And I see the lifestyle you live now, and I

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Speaker 2: try to just put my mind and say, okay, Jay Shetty,

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Speaker 2: after being college educated, decided to follow the monastic way?

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Speaker 2: What was it about that lifestyle that drew you to

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Speaker 2: the astronum?

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Speaker 1: When I met my monk teacher, I saw that he

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Speaker 1: dedicated his life to monstering his emotions and his mind

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Speaker 1: and serving other people. And that's what attracted me. I

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Speaker 1: felt that that felt like a life worth pursuing. When

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Speaker 1: I met him, I remember I'd met people who are

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Speaker 1: rich and famous and successful, but I don't think i'd

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Speaker 1: met anyone who was content and happy in their own skin.

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Speaker 1: I'm a monk teacher didn't have any of those other things,

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Speaker 1: but he was happy in who he was, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I want that, Like that feels like the

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Speaker 1: life I want to have. And he graduated also from it,

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Speaker 1: which is the MIT of India. So he went to

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Speaker 1: one of the best colleges in the country. For example,

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Speaker 1: the current CEO of Google went to that university. Like

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Speaker 1: that's the level of institution. And he gave that all

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Speaker 1: up to be a monk. So I was thinking, and

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Speaker 1: I was at college at the time, and I was thinking,

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Speaker 1: wait a minute, if I'm going to aspire to get

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Speaker 1: a job like that, this guy's given it up. There's

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Speaker 1: something amazing about him. So to me, it was truly

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Speaker 1: the fascination. And I'm sure you've had it in sports.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you've had it in business where you see

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Speaker 1: someone and you just like the way they move and

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Speaker 1: you think, how are you that happy, that peaceful, that content?

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Speaker 1: And I just wanted to know. And so to me,

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Speaker 1: it was as simple as finding one person who is

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Speaker 1: living differently. And I always say to people, everyone needs

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Speaker 1: to find their monk. And what I mean by that

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Speaker 1: is who's the one person you haven't met yet that's

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Speaker 1: going to change the trajectory of your life. Who's the

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Speaker 1: one person who embodies what you believe life is about.

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Speaker 1: It might not be a monk, it might be something else,

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Speaker 1: but everyone has to find that. And for me, mental stability,

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Speaker 1: resilience and peace and service to others have always felt

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Speaker 1: like the best pursuits. And now when you're talking about

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Speaker 1: you know, the hair or the clothes or whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: I'm giving myself permission to be all of myself. So

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Speaker 1: I enjoy presenting myself.

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Speaker 7: Well.

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Speaker 1: I like living an intentional life. I think the way

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Speaker 1: we dress, the way we appear, everything's about intention and

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Speaker 1: that's what mindfulness is. Mindfulness ultimately, is am I mindful

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Speaker 1: about what I wear? What I think about, how I

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Speaker 1: show up, what energy I walk into the room with,

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Speaker 1: if I'm kind to people. That's what mindfulness is about.

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Speaker 1: So to me, everything from like this room has been

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Speaker 1: mindfully designed. I walked in and I felt happy, I

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Speaker 1: felt good, I felt it was comfortable, it was inviting.

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Speaker 1: But let's say you were like, oh, it doesn't matter,

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Speaker 1: it only matters what's on the inside. We'll just sit

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Speaker 1: in a black room. Yeah, well that's gonna affect your mindset.

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Speaker 1: So mindfulness also means focusing on the outside and the inside.

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Speaker 1: And I think immature mindfulness is like, oh, it only

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Speaker 1: matters what's on the outside, And materialism is it only

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Speaker 1: matters what's on the outside, right, So I think that's

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Speaker 1: the mistake we make as humans. We think, Oh, if

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Speaker 1: I'm spiritual, it means only the inside matters. And if

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Speaker 1: I'm material only the outside matters. And intentional mindful living

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Speaker 1: is they both affect each other. If I'm in a

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Speaker 1: messy outside space, I'm gonna be messy up here. And

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Speaker 1: if I have a messy world here, it doesn't matter

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Speaker 1: how clean my outside is, I'll never be at peace.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I learned in the monastery for Shure.

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Speaker 3: Monk ism, is it like the fight club where you

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Speaker 3: can't talk about the fight club? Like I know had

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Speaker 3: to become a crip or a blood you get jumped in.

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Speaker 3: What's the process of becoming a monk? Like you meet

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Speaker 3: your advisor, your monk teacher, and then you become a monk.

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Speaker 4: What is that process?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, there's there's a system for sure, and it's

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Speaker 1: not like fight club. You can totally talk about it.

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Speaker 1: They don't get jumped in.

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Speaker 4: They jump you in because.

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Speaker 1: Tool the initiation is the daily practice and commitment to it.

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Speaker 1: So you're waking up at four am, you're meditating for

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Speaker 1: four to eight hours a day. You sleep on the

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Speaker 1: floor on a thin mat and have a sheet. When

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Speaker 1: you're in India, you have a mosquito net because the

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Speaker 1: mosquitoes will bite you all night, so you've got to

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Speaker 1: be inside of this tent like thing. You get two

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Speaker 1: sets of robes. You wear one, you wash one. All

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Speaker 1: your possessions fit inside a gym locker and you live

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Speaker 1: that practice. You eat what you're given. You don't get

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Speaker 1: to choose. There's no menu, you don't get to say

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Speaker 1: to that one pizza and doesn't exis. Everyone eats the

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Speaker 1: same thing. There's no space that's yours. So we'd be

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Speaker 1: in a room like this and there's thirty men sleeping

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Speaker 1: in it, and you just put your mout down and

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Speaker 1: go to sleep. It's not like that's my corner. The

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Speaker 1: idea is to lose a sense of I, me and

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Speaker 1: mind until you have very very few possessions. And it's

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Speaker 1: that daily practicing commitment that if they see you're dedicated

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Speaker 1: to that allows you to become a monk, Like.

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Speaker 3: Let's ride to the monastery, like I've seen no one

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Speaker 3: get it, Like yeah, that process of it, like you

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Speaker 3: being a monk and your books, you know, the mindset,

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Speaker 3: the like Okay, I met this dude and then now

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Speaker 3: I'm sleeping on the mat, yeah, with thirty dudes sitting

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Speaker 3: in the room with me. Like that that process, like

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Speaker 3: it what why?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 6: But what what is that?

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Speaker 4: Those steps? Is it something mental? Then the shaven of

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Speaker 4: the hair and.

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Speaker 3: All that stuff like yeah, I like the day the

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Speaker 3: process from living a normal life, have an apartment, graduating

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Speaker 3: from one of the best schools, and now I have

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Speaker 3: no possessions, I'm in a locker and I'm sleeping on

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Speaker 3: the floor with twenty nine dudes.

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Speaker 1: So I was so young when I did it that

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Speaker 1: there was a sense of naive following. And what I

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Speaker 1: mean by that is I was just like, yeah, let's

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Speaker 1: give it a go, Let's try it out, like, let's

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Speaker 1: test it out. I kind of went in there as

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Speaker 1: an experiment. I was like, can I do this? What

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Speaker 1: did it look like? And I think I had that

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Speaker 1: openness of that age where you aren't necessarily asking all

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Speaker 1: these questions, you're kind of just like, let's see how

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Speaker 1: it goes. And to me, it was as simple as

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Speaker 1: I spoke to the monk in England, which is where

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Speaker 1: I first met him, and then he invited me to

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Speaker 1: India to spend time with him. So I flew over

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Speaker 1: during my Christmas breaks in college vacations, and I would

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Speaker 1: spend time with him at the monastery. And now at

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Speaker 1: that time, I would get a more comfortable room and

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Speaker 1: I'd do the practices so they didn't throw me right

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Speaker 1: into the deep end. But I did that so often

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Speaker 1: that I got so used to it that when I graduated,

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Speaker 1: I knew what I was getting myself into. It's almost like,

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Speaker 1: you've seen this is you're going to sleep it. You've

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Speaker 1: seen what it looks like. And I, truly, if I'm

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Speaker 1: completely honest, I didn't give it too much thought. I

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Speaker 1: was just like, I'm open to it. Let's see if

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Speaker 1: it works, let's test it out. And so to me,

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Speaker 1: the mindset was being open, not being skeptical, and being

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Speaker 1: a human guinea pig and going let's see if this

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Speaker 1: proves to be true. And the more I did it,

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Speaker 1: the more I gained confidence in it because I mean

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Speaker 1: to me a kid from London waking up at four am.

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Speaker 1: You know, as a college student, that's unheard of. You're

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Speaker 1: getting back at four am right from going out, and

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Speaker 1: so all of a sudden, I'm waking at four am.

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Speaker 1: But I literally said, I'm just going to do this

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Speaker 1: properly and see if it works. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: something I'd like to encourage, especially young people to do,

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Speaker 1: is if you're going to try something out, go all

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Speaker 1: in and test it out for seven days, and if

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Speaker 1: it doesn't work, don't do it again. But the problem

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Speaker 1: is we never go all in. We do it for

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Speaker 1: a day. If I said to you, I really want

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Speaker 1: to learn about American football, right, I really want to

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Speaker 1: understand the game. Well, if I come to one game

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Speaker 1: a year, what am I going to learn? If you

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Speaker 1: get a one meditation a year, what are you going

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Speaker 1: to learn? I'm not going to learn anything. But if

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Speaker 1: I sat with you every single day, if I followed

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Speaker 1: you around, if I followed the players around, then I'm

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Speaker 1: actually going to learn something, right. And so I think

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Speaker 1: it's that intimacy and that connection to a coach, a

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Speaker 1: mentor a guide that makes it easier to understand what's

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Speaker 1: happening and what's going on. So it's an immersive experience.

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Speaker 1: Does that make sense. I want to make sure I

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Speaker 1: answer your question. It's a great question.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems crazy to do, but you wanted to

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Speaker 3: dive in, and.

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Speaker 1: That's totally it is crazy. It was so now when

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Speaker 1: I look back, I'm like, what was I thinking? But

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Speaker 1: I had that young, naive spirit of this guy has

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Speaker 1: something I don't have and I want it. And you

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Speaker 1: could think about how that mindset can get you into

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Speaker 1: trouble right when you're young. I'm sure I saw lots

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Speaker 1: of guys who had amazing cars and rims and you know,

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Speaker 1: clothes and whatever it is, and you can get involved

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Speaker 1: in the wrong things because you also want that. I

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Speaker 1: just was really lucky that the person I was inspired

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Speaker 1: to be like was a monk. People who was asking me,

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Speaker 1: how did you have that at such a young age.

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Speaker 1: I truly think it's because of their aura and their presence.

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Speaker 1: I don't it's a little bit of me. I have

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Speaker 1: a good heart. I was raised to be a good man.

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Speaker 1: My mom raised me well. But they are just so

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Speaker 1: powerful in their presence that you just couldn't help but

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Speaker 1: want to live that way. And I'm lucky that it

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Speaker 1: was the right people not the wrong people, because that

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Speaker 1: naive mindset can end up, you know, in completely the

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Speaker 1: other direction.

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Speaker 5: I just want to add to that too, J before

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Speaker 5: I get into the immersion, because you're here now, you're

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Speaker 5: wanted the boys.

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Speaker 7: And this is more so for Channing.

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Speaker 5: But I just want to say before I get into

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Speaker 5: that question, is you're not your thoughts, right, You're not

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Speaker 5: your emotions.

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Speaker 7: You're the observer of those things.

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Speaker 5: And a young Jay, you were able to observe, you know,

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Speaker 5: what you wanted when you met this monk, and it

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Speaker 5: allowed you to discover your identity.

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Speaker 7: And your real purpose. If I'm the right ones.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely, But in terms of Channing, I want to go

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Speaker 5: back to when you say being mindful right, and your

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Speaker 5: appearance and your approach.

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Speaker 7: What drives that?

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Speaker 5: Because Channing calls it insecurity there so conversation more so

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Speaker 5: than awareness, because he feels that the way Ryan dresses

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Speaker 5: or the way I might dress, or the things I wear,

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Speaker 5: which comes across as materialistic, but it's something that I like, Right,

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Speaker 5: how do you what drives your mindfulness? I'm sure it's

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Speaker 5: not an insecurity more so than it is awareness itself.

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Speaker 5: Of wanting to present yourself this way.

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Speaker 1: The way I like to think about it is two

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Speaker 1: people can do the exact same thing, but for completely

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Speaker 1: different reasons. Let's say we were at a charity event

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Speaker 1: and two celebrities signed a million dollar check for the charity.

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Speaker 1: We don't know what's happening inside their head. One of

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Speaker 1: them signed it because they want to be seen as child.

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Speaker 1: The other person signed it because they really believe in

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Speaker 1: the charity. We don't know, only they do. And that's

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Speaker 1: how it works with everything in life. Two people go

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Speaker 1: to the same job every day. One person does it

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Speaker 1: because they love the job. The other person does it

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Speaker 1: to put food on the table. You could see two

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Speaker 1: people dressed in three piece suits. One does it because

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Speaker 1: they're insecure, and one does it because it represents who

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Speaker 1: they are and how they want to be presented.

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Speaker 4: No one knows.

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Speaker 1: The only person that knows is the person wearing the suit,

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Speaker 1: wearing the watch giving the money and charity externally. It's both,

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Speaker 1: it could be whatever. And so sometimes we see people

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Speaker 1: and we project our own insecurities onto them. So I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying that by Channey, I don't know you well

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Speaker 1: enough look at me. I just I'm gonna go off

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Speaker 1: with you said. Some people do a fan security. Other

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Speaker 1: is how they want to be presented, presented to.

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Speaker 4: Who other people?

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Speaker 1: And if you if the world was blind, would you

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Speaker 1: dress up? So I'll give you an example. I'll give

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Speaker 1: you a really good example. My friends back in London

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Speaker 1: rip the way, what do you what word do you use?

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Speaker 1: Like this? I don't know what's the word? Like, what's

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Speaker 1: the word in the room? Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, so

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Speaker 1: like I'm just making sure I'm not speaking too much British.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, so my Yeah, my friends back at home

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Speaker 1: will see me on the red carpet and destroy me

434
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 1: in the group chat, right, They'll post it up and

435
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 1: be like boys up with your hair, bro like you know,

436
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 1: like what are you wearing? Why are you wearing that?

437
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,879
Speaker 1: Why are you looking like a girl? Like you know?

438
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 1: Like that, my friends will completely destroy me in the

439
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:32,479
Speaker 1: group chat. So I get no clout for dress like

440
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,920
Speaker 1: I have taken some risks. My wife we made a

441
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: video last week which wasn't my idea, but it was

442
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 1: Taylor who's here with me? So Taylor did she set

443
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 1: me up? She invited me into a space with my

444
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,959
Speaker 1: wife and she had printed out all my looks in

445
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,919
Speaker 1: the last nine years of my public figure career, like

446
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 1: since I left the monastery and since my career took off,

447
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: and she got my wife to rap my looks and

448
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 1: roast me on each one of them. My wife doesn't

449
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 1: even like this stuff I wear. So, if I'm completely honest,

450
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,159
Speaker 1: and this is why I like Ryan because he has

451
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: good taste. Right, So this is Ryan compliments me on

452
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 1: what I wear because he has a good taste. You know,

453
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,800
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't have good taste. So actually

454
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 1: I wear a lot of stuff that no one wants

455
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: to see me. And so what I'm trying to say

456
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,399
Speaker 1: is that actually I would argue that some of the things,

457
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,719
Speaker 1: and I'm talking for myself. I can only talk for myself.

458
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: I'd argue and say a lot of the stuff I wear,

459
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,919
Speaker 1: the people around me don't even like it, but I

460
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 1: like it. It makes me feel comfortable, It makes me

461
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 1: feel confident, it makes me feel like I like for me.

462
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 1: I also like to dress up to feel how I

463
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,880
Speaker 1: want to feel in this space. So I'm comfortable in this.

464
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,159
Speaker 1: I feel casual in it, I feel like myself, I

465
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,880
Speaker 1: feel relaxed. Do I want people to think I care

466
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 1: about my appearance, of course I do. Definitely do I

467
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: care what people think about my parents. Of course I do.

468
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 1: I'm not beyond that. And I think it's the honesty

469
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 1: of that which is what makes me authentic, not the

470
00:22:57,359 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: not caring. I think we live in a world where

471
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,640
Speaker 1: we think, if that person don't care about what anyone thinks,

472
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 1: they're authentic.

473
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 7: No.

474
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,400
Speaker 1: Authentic is me being honest about what I care about,

475
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 1: what I don't. Do. I care if Ryan thinks I

476
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 1: dress well, Yes, of course I do. But that's honesty.

477
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 1: That is authenticity. I think today we've made authenticity feel

478
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,879
Speaker 1: like I don't care about anyone and I'm above it all,

479
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 1: I'm beyond it. That's not authenticity. That's just fake. Namely

480
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,679
Speaker 1: one person, by the way, when I walked around as

481
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: a monk, that's when I really didn't care because we

482
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 1: had robes, we had shaved heads, and there was nothing

483
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: attractive about our appearance. And I remember walking through city centers.

484
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:36,360
Speaker 1: We traveled across Scandinavia, teaching meditation in Copenhagen and Stockholm

485
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 1: and Oslo, and I'd be on the streets and people

486
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: are laughing at you. People are looking at you like

487
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,919
Speaker 1: you're dressed weird, like I've done that too. So I

488
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: have lived in a world of no one cared that

489
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,160
Speaker 1: I didn't care what people thought. But now at this point,

490
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 1: I'd rather be honest than say I like taking pride

491
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 1: in my appearance. I like dress in a certain way.

492
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 1: Some people hate it, some people love it. But I

493
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: think that no one knows what's going on inside someone's mind.

494
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 1: And that's what's most interesting to me is that we

495
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 1: can all have projections of why people dress the way

496
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: they do, talk the way they do, or do what

497
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,199
Speaker 1: they do, and then you realize what you said. I

498
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: think the inner reflection is more important to me than

499
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 1: what we think of others. So the inner reflection is

500
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,360
Speaker 1: am I doing this for the praise? Because if I am,

501
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to be let down by it, because sometimes

502
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: people are going to notice it and sometimes they're not.

503
00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: So do I keep doing it when there's no praise

504
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: or do I only do it when there is praise?

505
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,639
Speaker 1: Am I doing this because it makes me feel comfortable?

506
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 1: Or am I willing to wear something completely uncomfortable in

507
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 1: order to impress people? Right? So I never wear a

508
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 1: suit these days because I don't like wearing suits. I

509
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,880
Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable in them, right, it doesn't make me

510
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 1: feel at ease.

511
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 4: He wears the tight crutch suits. We can't be comfortable.

512
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 6: Why are you looking at my crutch?

513
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 4: Because I know you've got an east infection? Jay, I

514
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 4: gotta ask you with the honesty too.

515
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm I've been They've killed me on this

516
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 3: show before we were doing so long.

517
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: They usually roast to you, no, no, no.

518
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 3: But when I tell dudes like you're a good looking dude,

519
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 3: Like what's the boy name, Denzel Award? Like I see

520
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:13,439
Speaker 3: a dude, I'm like, bro, you're a fine dude, like

521
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 3: Jason Momoa, Idris Elba. I got some dudes that we

522
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 3: could raise a baby together. But like, do you think

523
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,359
Speaker 3: you're a very good looking man? The pretty eyes, like

524
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 3: in the way you talk and the little you know,

525
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 3: the accent. Would you be as successful if you were

526
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,120
Speaker 3: a big, old, fat, ugly guy.

527
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 7: I don't know.

528
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 1: There's two sides to this. One side is I'm also

529
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: an Indian man. You don't see a lot of brown

530
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: Indian people having huge public profiles, Like it's just not

531
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: that as common, right, It's just not I mean to

532
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 1: be honest, I think most Indian people when they come

533
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,360
Speaker 1: to America. It's like most people don't even know where

534
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 1: to place. You born and raised in London, there's lots

535
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:58,359
Speaker 1: of Indian people, so it's very common, but in the

536
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 1: media you didn't really see that. And so if you

537
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 1: think about in America, the most successful Indian person in

538
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: America of all time is Deepac ch Oprah, like the

539
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: only person I can think of, and then there would

540
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 1: have been like a musician Jay Sean. More recently there's

541
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 1: Ris Armored and Dev Patel, both amazing actors, but there's

542
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,120
Speaker 1: few and far between, like there's a handful of South

543
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 1: Asian people. I think it's a hard question to answer

544
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 1: because I don't know is the reality. But what I

545
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 1: would say is that subjectively speaking, there's plenty of people

546
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: who've succeeded in life not based on their appearance as well,

547
00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 1: and they would say that themselves. And I don't think

548
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 1: anyone is attractive to everyone. Like people always meet me

549
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: and go, oh, you're a lot shorter in person, right,

550
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,879
Speaker 1: which means that there's a presence on screen that like

551
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 1: people expect me to be bigger, but that's a personality

552
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 1: thing that's not my shape or size. Some people also

553
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 1: tell me that I look more fat on social media.

554
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 1: People meet them, they're like, oh, you know, you're really lean,

555
00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 1: you're a fit in person. And I'm like, oh, wait,

556
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,239
Speaker 1: what do I look to you? And then you know,

557
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 1: so I think, you know, appearance and stuff is such

558
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: a it's so subjective, right, I'm sure you've met someone

559
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,639
Speaker 1: that like, like, I get it. There's people that I

560
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: think are attractive or whatever, and some people think they're ugly.

561
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 1: It's such a messy thing. Ultimately, what I think it

562
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 1: is is it does come down to energy and personality

563
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: and spirit, and that's what people hold on to with people.

564
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 1: I think that's what works when you look at the

565
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: biggest YouTubers in the world today, look at some of

566
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 1: the biggest podcasters, look at some of the biggest comedians.

567
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 1: It's people telling great stories and people who make you

568
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,719
Speaker 1: feel something. And I think that's what wins in the

569
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: online world. Because back in the day, people were choosing

570
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 1: who people followed. Right, there'd be an exec in a

571
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 1: suit that said, you're good looking, you're ugly. The good

572
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 1: looking person gets to be front of house, the ugly

573
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 1: person has to be back a house. No one decides

574
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 1: that anymore, the public decides who goes up and down.

575
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: So to me, when the public gets to decide, now,

576
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: you have to make someone feel something for them to

577
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 1: keep being involved. And I've been doing this for nine

578
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: years online, and my goal always is to make people

579
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: feel something. By the way, if you look at my

580
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,719
Speaker 1: old videos, I didn't have like this, I'm wearing a

581
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 1: T shirt. I've got, you know, people, I remember my

582
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,479
Speaker 1: first video we posted. People were like, why's he got

583
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: a wind machine? Dude? It wasn't a wind machine. It

584
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,680
Speaker 1: was the wind. The wind's just blowing my hair. Because

585
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 1: I didn't have a team to produce the thing. My

586
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: first video, I'm sitting there with a boom mic stuck

587
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 1: into a backpack to hold it up, and my friend's

588
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: got his camera, Like that's all we had. And so

589
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 1: when I started out, we didn't have like I wasn't.

590
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 1: I wasn't, you know, wearing cool clothes. I didn't. My

591
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 1: hair wasn't perfect. I was just some guys. So I think,

592
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: to me, it's what we make people feel. To me,

593
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: that's what people connect with.

594
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 2: Life is about connection, and we're all searching for it

595
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 2: in some way and in something. And I thought you

596
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 2: said something really profound about the language we use.

597
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 6: Right, there's two different to describe being alone.

598
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 2: One is solitude, which could be looked at as a positive,

599
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:09,959
Speaker 2: and then there's loneliness, which obviously has a negative connotation.

600
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 6: How does someone who is alone or spending time alone

601
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 6: decipher between the two.

602
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 1: I think in today's society, people would rather be in

603
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: the wrong relationship than be alone. People would rather settle

604
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 1: for less than they deserve than be alone. People would

605
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: rather be in a toxic relationship than be alone. We've

606
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: made being alone feel so scary and feel so bad

607
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: that people don't even think about it. Eighty percent of

608
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: people will pick out their phone in a crowd just

609
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: not to feel lonely. You just walk in through a

610
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 1: crowd and you just take your phone out because you

611
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like you're alone. People struggle to

612
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 1: eat on their own. Whenever you ever seen someone go

613
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: out sit at a table by themselves and eat food.

614
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 1: If we do that, we have to get our phone now.

615
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 1: It's very rare. So we've made it since we were young.

616
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: If you think about it, if you were the kid

617
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: eating lunch on your own table alone, you were considered

618
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 1: the loaner or the weirdo. If you turn up to

619
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: a wedding and you don't have a plus one, or

620
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: you just got divorced, or you just broke up, everyone's

621
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 1: looking at you like are you okay? Like poor you.

622
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: It's like if you don't have someone next to you,

623
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 1: you're always seen as weaker, less than, or incomplete. We

624
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: even say that, we say, find someone who completes you.

625
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: What does that mean? It means you're incomplete without someone.

626
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 1: So we've made people feel that if you're alone, you're incomplete.

627
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 1: So we've villainized being alone. But Paul Tillich wrote about it,

628
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: and the monk teachers reminded me that there's two words

629
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: for being alone. One is lonely and one is solitude.

630
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 1: Paul Tillot says that being lonely is the weakness of

631
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: being alone, but solitude is this strength of being alone.

632
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: So solitude is saying, actually, if I can be comfortable

633
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: in my own company, that success. If I can like

634
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 1: the thoughts in my mind and the conversations I have

635
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 1: in my head when I'm alone, then I've had success

636
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 1: in my life. And that's what the monks were trying

637
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 1: to train you to do that instead of always looking

638
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: for the next bit of praise, the next bit of validation,

639
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: the next bit of approval. How do I feel so

640
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 1: centered and happy and content with who I am that

641
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 1: I'm not looking for other people to fill the parts

642
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: of me that are gaps. I actually look for other

643
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: people so we can enhance and grow together. And so,

644
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 1: to me, solitude is something we all need. And by

645
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 1: the way, we did this at my last show two

646
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 1: years ago, I went on a world tour. We did

647
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 1: nearly forty cities across the world, and my first segment

648
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: was something I was so excited to do. So what

649
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 1: we did is I ask people in the audience who's

650
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 1: the most addicted to their phone? And we broke it

651
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: down to the person who looks at their phone basically

652
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: every two minutes, so I'd bring them out to the audience.

653
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 1: I had of five thousand people who take one person

654
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: onto stage, and I asked them how that feels. And

655
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 1: they usually feel pretty bad about it, naturally, as we

656
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: all do. And I told them, well, they shouldn't feel

657
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 1: bad about it, because they're just the honest one. Everyone

658
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 1: else is lying because you know, everyone's addicted to their phone.

659
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 1: And then What I did is I gave them one question.

660
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 1: And what they didn't know is we lock them into

661
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 1: a cave on stage. We had this big box come out,

662
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: almost like a magician's box, and we locked them in

663
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 1: it in pitch black. Gave them noise canceling headphones so

664
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 1: they can't hear anything. I didn't even tell them how

665
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 1: long they were going to be in there. This person

666
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 1: was in there for fifteen minutes alone. We had a

667
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 1: night vision camera so we could see how they were

668
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 1: settling in them and I left them with one question.

669
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:50,479
Speaker 1: The question was, what's the one thing you value that

670
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 1: you've been devaluing lately? What's really important to you but

671
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: you keep brushing it aside. I left them with that.

672
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: Fifteen minutes later. People would come out of this solitude.

673
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 1: Some people would be in tears, some people would be

674
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 1: in deep reflection, some people would have had a moment.

675
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 1: It was so good that people thought we fake the

676
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: whole thing, Like people afterwards coming up to me, going,

677
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: you must have faked that. I was like, trust me,

678
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 1: I'm in Australia. I've never been to Australia. We just

679
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: picked someone out of the audience. People had huge experiences

680
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: and the reason I did that was to show people

681
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: that when you take reflection into solitude, you come out

682
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: with value.

683
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 4: Right.

684
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: We've been told if you're alone, you don't get any

685
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,479
Speaker 1: value from it. These people were getting so much value

686
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 1: from it because they had a pointed focus and reflection.

687
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: And then afterwards we'd have a conversation about it. People

688
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 1: were talking about how they valued their family and they

689
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: don't care about them, they haven't been focusing on them.

690
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 1: People talked about their kids, people talked about themselves. It

691
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 1: was really beautiful and we've got video for its to

692
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 1: prove it. And what was amazing about it was just

693
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 1: everyone walked away realizing that solitude and the discomfort of

694
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: solitude was helpful. So to me, it's all about showing

695
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: people that they have the answers within themselves, not showing

696
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: them that I have the answers and solitude has the answers.

697
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 1: You can't hear your voice when you're surrounded by all

698
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 1: of this noise. You can't hear you in a voice,

699
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 1: when you're surrounded by opinions. You can't hear your voice

700
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 1: when you're always asking the group chat, what should I wear?

701
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 1: What should I do? Where should we go. You never

702
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: get to know yourself because you never had to. I'm

703
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 1: really loving where this conversation is going. Let's pause for

704
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: a quick break for our sponsors and we'll be right back.

705
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: Thanks for sticking with me. Let's get into it.

706
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 5: How do you get people to embrace that solitude in

707
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 5: that stillness because the world, it's a constant reminder of

708
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,839
Speaker 5: what hustle, how it can reward you, right, and then

709
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 5: technology is forever evolving.

710
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 7: You don't want to feel missed out.

711
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 5: So how do you get someone to like, I'm the

712
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 5: person that's on my phone right all the time if

713
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,080
Speaker 5: you ask them, I'm that guy that would have I

714
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 5: poured out of the crowd. But how do you get

715
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 5: someone to embrace that stillness that you will hope that

716
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 5: they could search for.

717
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people think that stillness and

718
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:12,839
Speaker 1: solitude means doing nothing and just sitting there, And that's

719
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 1: not the goal. The goal is we're gonna focus your

720
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 1: attention on one thing. And actually that's where beast mode

721
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 1: comes from. To me, beast mode doesn't come from running

722
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:29,280
Speaker 1: around being busy. Beast mode comes from having super focused

723
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 1: on one thing. There's this great quote I love from

724
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 1: Bruce Lee, where he said, I'm not scared of the

725
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 1: man who's practiced fifteen thousand kicks one time each. I'm

726
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: scared of the man who's practiced one kick fifteen thousand times. Right,

727
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,360
Speaker 1: Because if you've practiced something once every time, you're not

728
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,720
Speaker 1: scared of that person because they can't do it that well.

729
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,800
Speaker 1: So the person who's running around trying to do everything,

730
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 1: I'm not scared of that person. They're not winning. I'm

731
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: scared of the person who stood at the hoop and

732
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 1: shot a hundred free throws every hour for the next

733
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: ten days. That person's scary. So that's what stillness and

734
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:11,919
Speaker 1: solitude is is, can I focus laser focus on one thing,

735
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 1: whether that's the mindset, whether that's clarity, whether it's strategy,

736
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 1: whether it's my breath, whatever it is. That person's scary.

737
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 1: That person's undefeatable because that person has done the same

738
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: thing again and again and again. Doesn't make sense. It's

739
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 1: like stillness and solitude isn't I'm just sitting there doing nothing.

740
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,439
Speaker 1: Time's going by, I'm wasting time. It's no, it's one

741
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 1: pointed attention. Energetically. I was talking to Carmelo Anthony yesterday,

742
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 1: and he was saying that the best games he played

743
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:46,839
Speaker 1: was when his coaches showed him a video of like

744
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 1: three hundred when like Gerard Butler's like shouting Sparta or like,

745
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 1: you know, the best games he played was when he

746
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 1: was in the zone. It wasn't the best games, wasn't

747
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 1: the ones where he's like just doing a million things.

748
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 1: It was like he was showing a video that made

749
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 1: him feel like a gladiator, that made him know what

750
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: he had to go and do out there. That's what

751
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 1: solitude gives you the space to do. Solitude gives you

752
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 1: the space to go. What is the energy I'm trying

753
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 1: to create? But you can't create that if you're hustling,

754
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: running around trying to win everything and do everything. And

755
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 1: that's what I want people to think of stillness and

756
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 1: solitude as it's priming the beast inside of you to

757
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: do what Bruce Lee said, which is I'm so focused

758
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 1: that you know, I don't even need to move that

759
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 1: much to destroy my enemy. Like that's the energy you

760
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 1: can create in solitude.

761
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,240
Speaker 2: You know, when I look at you and your wife

762
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:42,759
Speaker 2: now right, it's like your wife has her own thing,

763
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 2: you have your own thing. And then you come together

764
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 2: and you guys do your thing. You know, you met

765
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 2: her while you were in the monastery, and then now

766
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 2: you're rout and you get an opportunity to develop this relationship.

767
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 6: Was it difficult to be.

768
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 2: In something where it became about us when for three

769
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 2: years you were dealing in the world of mindfulness, of understanding, solitude,

770
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 2: of having a certain level of peace by yourself, and

771
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 2: now you had to give yourself to someone else.

772
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. I actually met her before I became a monk, okay,

773
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 1: And we never dated. I just met her. I introduced

774
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 1: her to my sister. They became friends, and so when

775
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:23,319
Speaker 1: I came back from the monastery, her and my sister

776
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: were best friends, and my sister was my wingman. So

777
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,280
Speaker 1: in my first book, I wrote my dedication. I dedicated

778
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: Think like a Monk to my wife, and the dedication says,

779
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 1: to my wife, who's more monk than I'll ever be?

780
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 1: And I mean that my wife is way more monk

781
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: than I'll ever be. I had to work to be

782
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: a monk. My wife is a monk like she's naturally

783
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 1: that way. And I got lucky and fortunate that I

784
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: was able to find a partner who actually brings me

785
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: peace rather than brings me drama. And I always say

786
00:38:54,719 --> 00:39:00,200
Speaker 1: that the right person will reduce drama and the wrong

787
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 1: person will increase trauma. Right, the right person brings you peace,

788
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 1: the wrong person brings you chaos. The right person brings

789
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 1: you stability. The wrong person brings you inconsistency. And so

790
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 1: to me, I found someone who was able to match

791
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 1: that energy. But it was hard in the beginning because

792
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: I came out of the monastery as a bit of

793
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 1: an avoidance. What I mean by that was I used

794
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 1: to constantly say to my wife, you know, I'd be

795
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 1: okay without you. I used to be happy before this.

796
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 1: You know, I'm okay without you. And I didn't realize

797
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 1: how much damage that did to connection because I felt

798
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:42,799
Speaker 1: that with strength and confidence, it was just avoidance. It

799
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 1: was the avoidance of connection. I'd be like, you know,

800
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,479
Speaker 1: I'd be happy on my own. You know, I'm happy

801
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 1: on my own. I was good by myself. It's not

802
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 1: that that's not true. It's that when you're trying to

803
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,800
Speaker 1: connect with someone, that isn't the language and the approach

804
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 1: that creates connection. So what did that do that create

805
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 1: a relationship When my wife like, well, I'm okay without

806
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 1: you too, right, And now you're like few strangers living

807
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 1: in the same house. We both think, oh, we're better

808
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 1: without each other. We're fine without each other. So that's

809
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: what the challenge was, is that I came out as

810
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: an avoidant and created an avoidant attachment style in my

811
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 1: own relationship. And it took me a long time to realize.

812
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,279
Speaker 1: And partly it was me grieving a past life. And

813
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,800
Speaker 1: I'm sure you felt this in sport, business and everything

814
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 1: else in your lives. When you're retiring, there's a grieving

815
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: of who you used to be. And so for me

816
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 1: leaving the monastery, I was grieving that life that I

817
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 1: had created for myself. And what you do is when

818
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: you're grieving, you take that into the next life and

819
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: you carry that baggage into your next relationship. It took

820
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,239
Speaker 1: me a lot of years to say, actually, I'm just

821
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 1: gonna embrace I'm a married man now, I'm not a

822
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 1: monk anymore, and that's okay, And this is coming with

823
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: new gifts, new blessings, new reflections, and this is going

824
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: to make me a better monk, a better man, a

825
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: better person. And if I embrace it rather than I

826
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 1: keep holding onto this over here, there's a beautiful Zen

827
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:09,800
Speaker 1: teaching that says, whatever you're holding onto is what's holding

828
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 1: you back. So if you're holding onto a past version

829
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,320
Speaker 1: of yourself, that's holding your back. If you're holding to

830
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:19,360
Speaker 1: a person in your past, that's holding you back. If

831
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 1: you're holding onto a life that you once had, that's

832
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 1: holding you back. So what's holding you back is something

833
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 1: you're actually holding onto. But if you just let it

834
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:29,800
Speaker 1: go and free it, you're free to move forward.

835
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 3: And Jack got to ask you about the three year

836
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 3: stretch in the monastery. You in college, you were having

837
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 3: a good time, understand you, and then you got back

838
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 3: into the world. There was three years you didn't touch

839
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,319
Speaker 3: a woman or have no sex.

840
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 1: Nothing for three years. Bro, that's crazy, It is crazy.

841
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 3: Did you have to really meditate some nights it's three years, Jane,

842
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 3: that's nuts to me.

843
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 1: You know what it is, there's an environment when you

844
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 1: go to a place where people have meditated for decades,

845
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 1: and some temples we went to in south of India

846
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 1: people have meditated for thousands of years and people have

847
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 1: been celibate for thousands of years. There's an energy in

848
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 1: that space that you can't conceive. The only way I

849
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 1: can describe it is like when you go to a

850
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:23,800
Speaker 1: stadium that you love and you just get pumped because

851
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: you walk into this stadium and it has an energy

852
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 1: because your greats played there and you won super Bowls

853
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 1: there or whatever it is, and you walk into that space.

854
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:36,399
Speaker 1: And so I think the energetic sphere that's created by

855
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:39,879
Speaker 1: the monks is what makes it easier. Was it hard

856
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 1: for me? Of course it was. Was it unnatural for me,

857
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 1: of course it was, But there was a value in it,

858
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: and it was made easier in their association. There are

859
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 1: certain things that are easier when you're surrounded by people. Right,

860
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 1: there's that famous quote that says, if you're surrounded by

861
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 1: five rich people, you'll be the sixth. If you're surrounded

862
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,359
Speaker 1: by five smart people, you'll be the sixth. If you're

863
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: surrounded by five fit people, you'll be the sixth, And

864
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 1: if you're surrounded by five idiots, you'll be the sixth. Right,

865
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 1: you're going to be the sixth of whoever you are.

866
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: So when you're surrounded by all these people that are

867
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 1: committed to this practice surprisingly becomes easier. But yes, there

868
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: were times when I had to really lock in when

869
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: I felt weak, when I felt moments of vulnerability. For sure,

870
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 1: you're so engaged positively. This is another trick for the mind.

871
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:32,200
Speaker 1: The mind can't give up something hard if it doesn't

872
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: have something that it's connected to better. Right, So when

873
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: you think about the first car you ever got, there's

874
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:39,879
Speaker 1: how I like to think about this. The first car

875
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 1: I ever got. I'll have to show you a picture later.

876
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: It's a red Vauxhall Courser, which I don't even think

877
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 1: they have the brand in America. But it's like this tiny,

878
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: little red beetle looking thing.

879
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 4: Right.

880
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: It was the first car I ever had. To me

881
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 1: that was a Ferrari, because I was a kid who

882
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: just wanted a car, Like I would be playing like

883
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 1: fifty cent the game while driving around in my red,

884
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,279
Speaker 1: tiny little beetle looking car, and I felt like the

885
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,239
Speaker 1: coolest kid in town. And this is when you had

886
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: the cassette tape that connected to the MP three player

887
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 1: and then you know, played the song and I used

888
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 1: to feel so cool. Now I when I look back

889
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 1: at that picture, I mean, I look like an idiot,

890
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:20,359
Speaker 1: like that car was, you know whatever. But if someone

891
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,399
Speaker 1: told me to give up that car for nothing, I'd

892
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 1: be like, are you kidding me? I'd never give it up.

893
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: It's the best car in the world because for me,

894
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:28,719
Speaker 1: that's all I could afford. That was the best thing

895
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 1: I could have. But if someone said, hey, i'll trade

896
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 1: you at that time, I'll trade you a Mercedes for

897
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 1: that car, I would have done it in an instant. Obviously.

898
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:40,399
Speaker 1: That's kind of what it's like, where it's like you're

899
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 1: addicted to this thing over here. You can't just give

900
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 1: it up. Like to make to theoretically rationalize how you

901
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 1: can give it up is impossible. But when someone's offering

902
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 1: you something, when it's enlightenment, mindfulness, presence, the greatest emotional

903
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 1: and mental mastery, and it's being offered to you, it's

904
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 1: because of that that it becomes easier to not follow

905
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 1: this distraction.

906
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 5: If that is Yeah, Jay, you talked about your wife

907
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:11,799
Speaker 5: and yourself living in the same home as strangers. Did

908
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 5: that help you create your book The Eight Rules of Love?

909
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:18,640
Speaker 5: When I think you talk about building and maintaining relationships,

910
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 5: and I also want to ask you, what's the most

911
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 5: common misconception of love?

912
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 1: So the book wasn't written from what I got, right,

913
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: The book was written from what other people got wrong

914
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 1: that shared their stories with me. So I wrote the

915
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 1: book not from what I got right about love, but

916
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 1: from what I got wrong and the people that are

917
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:40,719
Speaker 1: interviewed on what they got wrong, because I think it's

918
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 1: really interesting to study people's challenges. The biggest misconception about

919
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:53,720
Speaker 1: love is that we've confused inconsistency with excitement, and we've

920
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 1: confused stability with boredom. We've confused that if someone shows

921
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: up with f that they're desperate. If someone shows up

922
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:07,240
Speaker 1: for us with time and energy, we think they need us.

923
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 1: We think that if someone actually has space for us,

924
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 1: then they must be the loser. We believe that love

925
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:21,759
Speaker 1: means chasing someone who doesn't want to stay, rather than

926
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 1: being with someone who never wants to leave. The biggest

927
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: misconception is that love is something that has to be

928
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 1: earned rather than shared, and so what we do is

929
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 1: we want to be with the person who keeps us

930
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 1: on our toes right. We've all met people who say

931
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:41,439
Speaker 1: I really want someone with values, but then they chase

932
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 1: the person who doesn't give them validation. We've all met

933
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 1: someone who says I really want someone who's affectionate, but

934
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 1: they chase the person who doesn't give them any attention.

935
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,839
Speaker 1: We've all met someone who says I really want someone

936
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 1: who's present, But then you're chasing the person who never

937
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: shows up on time. We're always chasing the person who

938
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 1: doesn't give us what we want because we believe that's love.

939
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 1: And that's the biggest misconception. And too many people are

940
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 1: chasing all the wrong people. And the right person is

941
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: standing right there, ready to love them with all their heart,

942
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: but they're boring, needy, desperate, and I'm not attracted to them.

943
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 1: But wait, when you're gonna be with someone for five, ten,

944
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 1: fifteen years, I want the person who texts me back.

945
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 1: I want the person who calls me back in five ten,

946
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: fifteen years time. I want the person who shows up

947
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: on time. I want the person who wants to hear

948
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 1: how my day was. I don't want the person who's

949
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 1: never around. I don't want the person who disappears when

950
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 1: it's hard like that's not the person I want. And

951
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 1: so people are choosing the sixth month pleasure versus the

952
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:49,359
Speaker 1: sixty year presence. And yeah, those six months are gonna

953
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 1: be the amazing six months, but guess what, you're gonna

954
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 1: have to keep doing those six months every six months

955
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: six months, so you either date, you know, thirty people

956
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:58,800
Speaker 1: every six months or the rest of your life, or

957
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 1: you have one person or two people maybe because by

958
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: the way, I also don't like to demonize divorce and

959
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:08,399
Speaker 1: breakups because I do believe it's honestly possible for people

960
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:12,320
Speaker 1: to outgrow each other and for people to grow apart.

961
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 1: And I don't think we should demonize people who get

962
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 1: divorced or break up or make it feel like a

963
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 1: failure when actually it could be the best decisions of

964
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 1: someone's life and the best decision for that other person.

965
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 1: And I think we have to learn in society to

966
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:31,439
Speaker 1: be okay with that because a fifty percent of people

967
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 1: are doing it anyway, so you're going to know someone

968
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:37,760
Speaker 1: who's gone through it, and b it's actually we should

969
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 1: realize it's more rare to stay with someone than it

970
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,799
Speaker 1: is to leave someone. It's way harder to find someone

971
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 1: on planet Earth that you actually can stay with than

972
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 1: it is to find someone that you probably will outgrow

973
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: or break up with. So, you know, I think we've

974
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:55,480
Speaker 1: got to give people an easier time on that.

975
00:48:55,480 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 2: It's interesting because in reading the title of your book,

976
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 2: it's you know, find it, keep it, let it go,

977
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 2: And it's almost one of those things you read that

978
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 2: tiredle You're like, well, damn, he gonna get me to it,

979
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 2: then teach me how to live when it's gone. But

980
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:14,200
Speaker 2: that is part of it. When you wrote that book,

981
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 2: what sort of advice were you trying to give to

982
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 2: people who are looking for love, who are trying to

983
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 2: continue to build on their love, and also who are

984
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,839
Speaker 2: trying to let go of love lost.

985
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 1: There's two things. The first is everyone, at one point

986
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 1: in their life will have to let go of someone

987
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: they love, whether that be while that person's alive or

988
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:47,279
Speaker 1: while that person's about to pass away. Every single one

989
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: of us is going to lose someone we love. And

990
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: the hardest realization is when you recognize that you love

991
00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: someone but you still have to let them go because

992
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 1: you didn't have the other emotional skills to keep love right.

993
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,799
Speaker 1: You can love someone but not be good for them,

994
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 1: and someone can love you but not be right for

995
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:16,319
Speaker 1: you because they don't have the other emotional skills that

996
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:21,719
Speaker 1: make love stay. Love's not enough. You need emotional maturity,

997
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 1: you need personal mastery, you need self control, you need compassion,

998
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 1: you need empathy. There is so much more. Needed to

999
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 1: make love last, and so a lot of us are

1000
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 1: going to lose love because we didn't develop those other skills.

1001
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: You lose love. To remind you that there are other

1002
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 1: skills to be developed as well. There are other habits

1003
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 1: that you need to build as well. And the number

1004
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 1: one habit that I encourage all people to realize is

1005
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 1: that we've put romantic love on a pedestal on planet Earth.

1006
00:50:55,920 --> 00:51:00,200
Speaker 1: We believe that romantic love is the number one timeeype

1007
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,800
Speaker 1: of love. If you look at all the spiritual traditions

1008
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 1: they disagree. They believe that the number one type of

1009
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 1: love is a parent's love for their child. That's the deepest,

1010
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:19,920
Speaker 1: most unconditional, selfless love that could possibly exist. But in humans,

1011
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: we've said romantic love is better than anything. So someone

1012
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: could be loved by their kid and love their kid.

1013
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: Someone could love their friends and be loved by their friends.

1014
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 1: Someone could love their brother or their sister and be

1015
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 1: loved by their siblings, but still feel incomplete because they

1016
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 1: don't have a partner. And I want to remind people

1017
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:41,759
Speaker 1: that you need to value all of those forms of

1018
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:46,239
Speaker 1: love as much as romantic love. Stop putting this hierarchy

1019
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 1: on love. Stop rating love on a scale of romantic

1020
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,439
Speaker 1: love is the best. Family love is second, kid's love

1021
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 1: is fifth. That's what's ruining love in our lives. I

1022
00:51:57,560 --> 00:52:00,120
Speaker 1: think people don't realize how much love they already have

1023
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,360
Speaker 1: have and by the way, that will probably help you

1024
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 1: find romantic love. Whereas when you walk around thinking I

1025
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 1: don't have love in my life, well, guess what, that's

1026
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 1: all you're gonna.

1027
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:09,279
Speaker 4: See thinking of love.

1028
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:14,239
Speaker 3: Does your passion for helping others, your passion for, you know,

1029
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:18,760
Speaker 3: spiritually guiding people. Does that take away from your personal

1030
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:23,360
Speaker 3: love relationships, your wife, your family Because you're helping so

1031
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 3: many people, there's only so much energy, It's only so

1032
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:26,160
Speaker 3: many hours in a day.

1033
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 1: That's a great question. Yeah, I've always felt like, in

1034
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:33,399
Speaker 1: one sense, I always feel like I have so much

1035
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:38,280
Speaker 1: parental energy because my work is so parental. Right, It's

1036
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 1: almost like you're giving parental love through what I do

1037
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:43,799
Speaker 1: every day. So I feel like the parental side of

1038
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:46,360
Speaker 1: my life is very satisfied. But I still want to

1039
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 1: have kids with my wife because I think she'll be

1040
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,800
Speaker 1: a great mom. I think that i'd like to create

1041
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 1: with her because I'd want to have a kid that's

1042
00:52:56,320 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 1: just like her. So there's a beauty in that too.

1043
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:01,839
Speaker 1: I think about it the other way around. If you

1044
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 1: love your kid, you have to love their friends, because

1045
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 1: if you don't love their friends, your kid is surrounded

1046
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:12,879
Speaker 1: by friends who don't have love. And if you love

1047
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: your kid and you love their friends, you have to

1048
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 1: love their school because if you don't care about the

1049
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 1: school they go to, your kid is going to become

1050
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 1: like the school makes them. So if you love your

1051
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 1: kid and you love their friends and you care about

1052
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 1: their school, you got to care about the city they

1053
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:29,240
Speaker 1: grow up in because what they see on the streets

1054
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 1: is what they're going to repeat. And then if you

1055
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:33,439
Speaker 1: care about your kid and you care about their friends,

1056
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 1: and you care about the school and you care about

1057
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 1: the city, you got to care about the country they

1058
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,239
Speaker 1: grow up in because the leaders they see are the

1059
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 1: people they're following. So if you actually care about your kid,

1060
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:46,839
Speaker 1: you have to care about the world because your kid

1061
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 1: is growing up in that world. And so I think

1062
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,760
Speaker 1: people don't realize. They go, oh, I'm caring about my kids.

1063
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 1: But if you just care about your kids, you don't

1064
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: really get them anywhere because they're growing up in the

1065
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:58,719
Speaker 1: world that you hate. And that's not the world you

1066
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:00,319
Speaker 1: want to create. And that's why I think so many

1067
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: people today are realizing it does matter who the leaders are.

1068
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 1: It does matter what they see on TV. It does

1069
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,240
Speaker 1: matter who's represented. It does matter that people of color

1070
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 1: get a chance to have exec positions and leadership positions.

1071
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:17,280
Speaker 1: It does matter that people have represented effectively on screen

1072
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: and off screen. It does matter that women are in

1073
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:23,319
Speaker 1: boardrooms and are CEOs. All of this matters because your

1074
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: kid's going to grow up in that world. It's not

1075
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 1: good enough to say I love my kid, I care

1076
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:29,040
Speaker 1: about them, and because I just take care of them,

1077
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 1: everything's going to be okay. Now, I'm not saying everyone

1078
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:36,680
Speaker 1: has the capacity to take care of everything, but the

1079
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:39,760
Speaker 1: mom showing up at school to make sure the kids

1080
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 1: have support, that's making an impact. Right the parent who's

1081
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 1: coaching their kid in Little League, that's making an impact.

1082
00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:50,680
Speaker 1: The fact that I get to try and show love

1083
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:53,879
Speaker 1: to the world is making an impact in my own way.

1084
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 1: So to me, it's all connected. I can't really break

1085
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,680
Speaker 1: it apart. If that makes sense. Let's take a short

1086
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:03,160
Speaker 1: to hear from some of our sponsors, then we'll get

1087
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:06,319
Speaker 1: right back into it. I hope you learned about some

1088
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:09,000
Speaker 1: of our incredible partners. Let's jump by kid.

1089
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 5: When I do speak to school's business whatever, I like

1090
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 5: to lead with routine versus commitment because I think routines

1091
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 5: are vital for everyone. Much like yourself as a monk,

1092
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 5: you believe in structure.

1093
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:21,439
Speaker 7: I know, think like a monk.

1094
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 5: You talk about routine when things are challenging for you,

1095
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 5: Do you have like a personal mantra or something that

1096
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:30,360
Speaker 5: kind of reminds you to get back in gear? Because

1097
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 5: in my speech about routine versus commitment, we all are

1098
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:37,000
Speaker 5: going to have that. But the commitment reinforces the routine

1099
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,560
Speaker 5: in those times when you don't feel like, you know,

1100
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 5: sticking to that routine.

1101
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:44,719
Speaker 7: What's your personal mind for or guideline.

1102
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:48,319
Speaker 1: Everything that is good for me is hard before I

1103
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:51,880
Speaker 1: do it and easy after I do it. And everything

1104
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,880
Speaker 1: that's bad for me is easy before I do it,

1105
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:57,840
Speaker 1: and it's hard after I do it. Getting to the

1106
00:55:57,880 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: gym is hard. The feed after leaving the gym is easy.

1107
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 1: Eating junk food is easy, but the feeling afterwards is hard.

1108
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,319
Speaker 1: So I like to remind myself that if I don't

1109
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:12,920
Speaker 1: feel like going to the gym right now, that's how

1110
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 1: it's meant to feel it's going to be hard if

1111
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:18,319
Speaker 1: I don't feel like eating a salad right now, that's

1112
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:20,600
Speaker 1: how it's meant to feel. It's hard because it's good

1113
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,400
Speaker 1: for me. So anything that is good for my body

1114
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,400
Speaker 1: and good for my mind is hard to do right now,

1115
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:30,360
Speaker 1: but it bears benefits afterwards. And anything that is not

1116
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 1: great for me to do right now, it's going to

1117
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 1: be easy, but it's going to create lots of pain afterwards.

1118
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 1: And that reminder to me allows me to recognize it's okay.

1119
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:42,879
Speaker 1: It's hard because it's good for me, So I turn

1120
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:45,480
Speaker 1: to that when it's a bigger thing in life. A

1121
00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:48,920
Speaker 1: mantra that I love is this only makes the story better.

1122
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:52,720
Speaker 1: Whenever I fail, or whenever I lose, or whenever something

1123
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:55,279
Speaker 1: goes wrong, I always say to myself, this only makes

1124
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 1: the story better. Because if you've failed, you've fallen, you've

1125
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 1: made mistakes, you're a human. It's more relatable when you

1126
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 1: tell your story one day, more people will connect to you,

1127
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: whereas if your story was just win off to win,

1128
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:11,880
Speaker 1: off to win, off to win, you're unrelatable, and so

1129
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:13,560
Speaker 1: it only makes the story better.

1130
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 2: Jay, you seem really traditional in a lot of ways,

1131
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 2: and then so progressive in others. I think when you

1132
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 2: have a mindset that's deeply rooted in history, some of

1133
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,800
Speaker 2: those things are going to carry over. But you also

1134
00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 2: seem to understand, okay, as life change and as life evolves,

1135
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,439
Speaker 2: we have to We had Jason Kelce on the show

1136
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 2: and he talked about the famous swipe right or left,

1137
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 2: whatever way it is that got him kighly. You know,

1138
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:41,160
Speaker 2: for you when you think of of like dating apps

1139
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 2: and the way that people try to meet one another, now,

1140
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:46,840
Speaker 2: how much better do you.

1141
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 6: Think that makes it? Or do you think it's harder that.

1142
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:54,680
Speaker 1: You have to look at through what's actually changed. So

1143
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 1: we have more choices, but all the studies show that

1144
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:03,160
Speaker 1: humans are bad with more choice. The Paradox of Choice

1145
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:06,680
Speaker 1: is a recent study that shows how when humans have

1146
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 1: more things to choose from, they always make bad choices.

1147
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,560
Speaker 1: And so I think there's a big challenge in the

1148
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 1: fact that now you're exposed to more people. Twenty five

1149
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:18,439
Speaker 1: thirty years ago, most people married someone in a five

1150
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:21,880
Speaker 1: mile radius of where they grew up. So your friend

1151
00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: knew them, your brother knew them, your family knew them,

1152
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:27,400
Speaker 1: the person down the street knew them. Someone knew them,

1153
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 1: and that's how you met them. Today, people are getting

1154
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 1: married to people from different cities, different countries, different cultures,

1155
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:35,720
Speaker 1: and that comes with a set of challenges. Not that

1156
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 1: it's bad, It just requires more maturity, It requires more

1157
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:42,880
Speaker 1: openness and wisdom. And so what I think we need

1158
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 1: to do is we need to be really clear about

1159
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 1: the values and vision of the relationship we want, because

1160
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 1: that hasn't changed. You could have married the person next

1161
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 1: door twenty five years ago and they could have been abusive,

1162
00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:01,240
Speaker 1: They could have been a narcissist. They probably were, and

1163
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,680
Speaker 1: we just didn't think about it because people got arranged

1164
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 1: marriages and they didn't talk about it. It wasn't public knowledge.

1165
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:10,000
Speaker 1: Just because you married the person next door doesn't mean

1166
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 1: they were right for you. That wasn't a good thing either.

1167
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: So I think we also have this nostalgic view of oh,

1168
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:18,960
Speaker 1: you know, the eyes crusted at the grocery store and

1169
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 1: I dropped a bag of potatoes and they came and

1170
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 1: picked them up with me, and oh my god, it

1171
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,360
Speaker 1: was so romantic. It's like, yeah, but that person was

1172
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 1: a psycho, Like you didn't you didn't know that, right,

1173
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:31,919
Speaker 1: exactly right. It's like, well, you didn't. You didn't talk

1174
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:33,800
Speaker 1: about that like part in the past that people didn't

1175
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,560
Speaker 1: talk about this. Right, you have so many marriages that

1176
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:40,960
Speaker 1: have physical abuse, domestic violence, verbal abuse going on background

1177
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,280
Speaker 1: behind the scenes, no one even knows about it. But oh,

1178
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:45,320
Speaker 1: we met them next door and they were my sister's friend,

1179
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 1: Like you know, it was awesome. Like we have this

1180
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:49,960
Speaker 1: romantic view of the past, and I don't think that's

1181
00:59:49,960 --> 00:59:53,320
Speaker 1: healthy either. We have to move with the times. So

1182
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,640
Speaker 1: one of the things I built recently is I partnered

1183
00:59:56,720 --> 01:00:00,600
Speaker 1: up with match dot com to build a values based

1184
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:03,520
Speaker 1: matching system. What this does is it allows you to

1185
01:00:03,520 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 1: do a short test we created where you get to

1186
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 1: learn your values, and everyone who joins that part of

1187
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:11,680
Speaker 1: the app does the same. The goal for this was

1188
01:00:11,720 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 1: not to say I want you to find someone with

1189
01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:16,760
Speaker 1: the same values. The goal for me was, now, at

1190
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: least you can see someone's values up front, and when

1191
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:23,120
Speaker 1: you meet them, you can check whether their values are aligned.

1192
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 1: Because here's the thing, no one walks around with their

1193
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 1: values stuck on the top of their forehead. It takes

1194
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,840
Speaker 1: years to figure someone's values out. But what if that

1195
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:35,040
Speaker 1: becomes the thing you start talking about checking out when

1196
01:00:35,040 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 1: you meet someone and they say, oh, yeah, I love

1197
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:39,560
Speaker 1: my family. Family's number one priority. Then you go to them,

1198
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:40,960
Speaker 1: when did you last speak to your mom? And they're like,

1199
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:42,640
Speaker 1: I don't know, I haven't spoken to it for two years.

1200
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 1: It's like, all right, this person's not in alignment. Someone

1201
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:47,880
Speaker 1: says to you, oh yeah, yeah, I'm ambitious, I love

1202
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 1: I love work, and then you go, all right, but

1203
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:52,160
Speaker 1: what are you building right now? And they're like, I

1204
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm trying to figure it out right. It's

1205
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 1: like you can very quickly when you talk about values,

1206
01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:00,720
Speaker 1: figure out whether someone is compatible for you and whether

1207
01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 1: they whether you're attracted them and excited about them. And

1208
01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:06,240
Speaker 1: so to me, I'm more interested in making people clear

1209
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 1: about their vision and values and that will make dating

1210
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 1: easier because that narrows the pool, that makes the choice easier,

1211
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 1: rather than if you're just basing it on looks, or

1212
01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:18,160
Speaker 1: if you're just basing it on a clever little caption

1213
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:20,760
Speaker 1: or a funny thing they said about themselves. I mean,

1214
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:22,600
Speaker 1: now you can just get chat GPT to write the

1215
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:25,160
Speaker 1: funniest thing, and everyone's a comedian now, you know. It's

1216
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:27,840
Speaker 1: like it's not hard to fake it. And so I

1217
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:31,200
Speaker 1: think we have to look deeper to find a relationship

1218
01:01:31,240 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 1: that's going to last longer. We have to look beyond

1219
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:37,080
Speaker 1: looks to find a relationship that will last when the

1220
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:41,920
Speaker 1: looks fade. We gotta look so much more at someone's

1221
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 1: heart than just how interesting they look on a page.

1222
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:48,640
Speaker 1: And that only happens when you talk about vision and values.

1223
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:51,440
Speaker 2: My favorite j Shady picture now like this. I like

1224
01:01:51,480 --> 01:01:53,760
Speaker 2: all the I like all the red carpet pictures. I

1225
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,800
Speaker 2: like all the different things that you know, the Vince

1226
01:01:56,840 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 2: you show up at, you know, presiding over nuptial All

1227
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 2: those pictures are cool. But the coolest picture is your

1228
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 2: high school picture. Haha, right, And I think it's because

1229
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:09,760
Speaker 2: of the story you shared on Instagram about it though,

1230
01:02:10,040 --> 01:02:12,400
Speaker 2: all the things people told you you couldn't do, all

1231
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 2: the things people said you couldn't be, And it seems

1232
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:19,040
Speaker 2: now that you are living in your purpose, and that

1233
01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:21,800
Speaker 2: purpose is a tree that's deeply rooted with a lot

1234
01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:26,760
Speaker 2: of branches. For people watching this show, Jay, how will

1235
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:31,439
Speaker 2: they truly know that what they're doing, what they're pouring into,

1236
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:33,560
Speaker 2: is them living in their purpose.

1237
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 1: The first step of finding your purpose is collecting wherever

1238
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:40,200
Speaker 1: you are right now, even if you hate your job,

1239
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 1: Collect every skill, every person, every networking relationship. Collect collect, collect, literally,

1240
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:54,480
Speaker 1: see yourself as a collector of gold coins. Even if

1241
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:57,920
Speaker 1: you hate your job, you hate your career. Collect everything

1242
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:01,760
Speaker 1: you possibly can from this experience, and then move to

1243
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:06,080
Speaker 1: the next thing and collect everything from there. And one day,

1244
01:03:06,120 --> 01:03:09,480
Speaker 1: after you've done enough collecting, you're going to start connecting

1245
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:13,640
Speaker 1: the dots. So my first ever job was I used

1246
01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 1: to deliver newspapers in my area. All my friends who

1247
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:20,920
Speaker 1: also deliver newspapers, they used to throw them on the

1248
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:25,000
Speaker 1: train tracks. They never delivered them, so the guy who

1249
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:28,160
Speaker 1: owned the newspaper company gave me more streets. So what

1250
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:29,960
Speaker 1: did I learn? I learned, when you do a good job,

1251
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:33,280
Speaker 1: you get rewarded. My next job was I worked at Morrison's.

1252
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:36,840
Speaker 1: Morrison's is our walmart, like a grocery store. I used

1253
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:38,800
Speaker 1: to stack shelves, I used to bring in palettes. I

1254
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 1: worked back of house. It was a hard job. I

1255
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:46,320
Speaker 1: learned that not always just working hard leads to great rewards.

1256
01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:46,919
Speaker 4: Right.

1257
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 1: The third job I had, I worked in retail. The

1258
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:52,280
Speaker 1: fourth job I had, like I mean in one sense.

1259
01:03:52,320 --> 01:03:54,360
Speaker 1: After that, my fourth job was being a monk. I

1260
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:57,280
Speaker 1: learned all the wisdom I learned all the wisdom that

1261
01:03:57,280 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 1: I learned. The fifth job I had I worked in

1262
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 1: the corporate world. I worked as a consultant. I learned negotiation,

1263
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:08,160
Speaker 1: I learned sales. I learned connection. I learned understanding what

1264
01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:12,320
Speaker 1: people wanted and needed in different industries. Today, I'm living

1265
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 1: my purpose because I just connected all of that. Everything

1266
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:19,360
Speaker 1: I'm living today is as much management as it is Monk,

1267
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:22,960
Speaker 1: as it is Morrison's, as it is paper delivery. It's

1268
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,480
Speaker 1: all of those things. And people think, no, no, no,

1269
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:27,720
Speaker 1: there's one job that's going to be my purpose. Everything

1270
01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:30,560
Speaker 1: you do today, everything all of you do today, is

1271
01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 1: this beautiful harmony and synergy of all the experiences you've had.

1272
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,960
Speaker 1: That's what purpose is. And so purpose is not about

1273
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:42,440
Speaker 1: finding the perfect job or the perfect title or the

1274
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:46,880
Speaker 1: perfect thing. It's about just collecting experiences, collecting people, and

1275
01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 1: then connecting it.

1276
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:50,160
Speaker 3: One day, just listen to you talking knowing your success

1277
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:53,400
Speaker 3: and watching your videos. Were you born different to be

1278
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:55,840
Speaker 3: able to do what you're doing or with them?

1279
01:04:56,120 --> 01:04:58,640
Speaker 4: Did those experience make Jay Shendy.

1280
01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 1: When you actually study the greatest athletes of all time,

1281
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:03,840
Speaker 1: even if they were born with it, they're still working

1282
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:04,680
Speaker 1: harder than everyone.

1283
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:07,680
Speaker 3: But Randy Moss was six had forty in vertical sure,

1284
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,080
Speaker 3: so physical, physical, like the athlete side of it.

1285
01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:11,680
Speaker 1: But you've probably know a lot of guys that are

1286
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:14,479
Speaker 1: six to four and can't do that. So you know, Yeah,

1287
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:16,360
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people that are tall and built,

1288
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,440
Speaker 1: but I know a lot of people that are attractive

1289
01:05:18,480 --> 01:05:20,040
Speaker 1: that are not actors on screen. I know a lot

1290
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:22,960
Speaker 1: of people who can sing who aren't musicians. Like I

1291
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 1: know a lot of rappers that made it that have

1292
01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:28,840
Speaker 1: terrible verses, like you know, but they stuck it out. Yeah, right,

1293
01:05:28,840 --> 01:05:30,440
Speaker 1: Like if you think about the amount of rappers that

1294
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:34,560
Speaker 1: have terrible verses that have hit songs, but when you

1295
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:36,560
Speaker 1: hear their bars, you're like, how did you make it?

1296
01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:40,280
Speaker 1: But they stuck around so consistency. Like what's that famous

1297
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:43,439
Speaker 1: quote like hard work meets talent when talent doesn't work

1298
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,400
Speaker 1: hard like that. It's the oldest quote in the book,

1299
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:49,240
Speaker 1: but it's so true. So for me, I would say

1300
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:54,440
Speaker 1: that I was so much of it was nurture. So

1301
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:57,080
Speaker 1: much it was nurture. My parents were really scared I

1302
01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:59,240
Speaker 1: was going to be a shy kid, so they forced

1303
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:01,120
Speaker 1: me to go to public speaking drama school when I

1304
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:04,040
Speaker 1: was eleven years old. I hated it, but I went

1305
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:06,600
Speaker 1: for seven years. And when I walked out there, I

1306
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:08,280
Speaker 1: didn't know what to talk about. But I knew I

1307
01:06:08,280 --> 01:06:10,720
Speaker 1: had skills, but I didn't have something to talk about.

1308
01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 1: But then when I became a monk or I had

1309
01:06:12,520 --> 01:06:15,800
Speaker 1: something to talk about. So I found the passion with

1310
01:06:15,920 --> 01:06:17,960
Speaker 1: the skills. Because skills aren't good enough, what are you

1311
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 1: going to do with it? And so I really believe

1312
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:26,920
Speaker 1: in people nurturing their abilities and people investing in their abilities,

1313
01:06:27,560 --> 01:06:30,760
Speaker 1: and people realizing that it's possible for them. Is it

1314
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:33,320
Speaker 1: possible for me to be a basketball player a football player?

1315
01:06:33,360 --> 01:06:33,400
Speaker 7: No?

1316
01:06:33,960 --> 01:06:38,360
Speaker 1: Right, Physically I'm not even in the fiftieth percentile, like

1317
01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:40,960
Speaker 1: I'm ninety like right, Like I'm like, I don't know,

1318
01:06:41,160 --> 01:06:44,360
Speaker 1: I can't write. There are certain things I just can't do.

1319
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:46,919
Speaker 1: So I've got to be honest about that. But that's

1320
01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:51,200
Speaker 1: mainly sports, which requires a physicality to it, or if

1321
01:06:51,240 --> 01:06:53,280
Speaker 1: you're a singer, but there's some singers who can't sing

1322
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,640
Speaker 1: that well too, So you know, it's like there's a

1323
01:06:55,640 --> 01:06:58,880
Speaker 1: lot of careers where sports is probably the one that

1324
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:01,560
Speaker 1: you just can't mesh around with, right, But then you

1325
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:03,840
Speaker 1: get people like Alan Iverson, Like you know, you get

1326
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:05,720
Speaker 1: a few players who don't really fit the bill, and

1327
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:08,120
Speaker 1: that's exception. They're not the rule. They're the exception where

1328
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:10,680
Speaker 1: they don't have the physicality, but they're just talented. So

1329
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:12,880
Speaker 1: I agree. I think sports is one of those things

1330
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:16,000
Speaker 1: you can't break into if you don't have something you're

1331
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:19,320
Speaker 1: born with. But of other things, there's not many things

1332
01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:20,960
Speaker 1: that feel the same way as sports.

1333
01:07:21,320 --> 01:07:25,200
Speaker 5: Jay, throughout the collection process of you discovering your purpose,

1334
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:29,960
Speaker 5: what was your biggest pivot? That's that one moment and

1335
01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:31,919
Speaker 5: we always act off. I guess this is the one

1336
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,640
Speaker 5: moment you can look back on and say, without this

1337
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:37,600
Speaker 5: happening to me or for me, I wouldn't be who

1338
01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:38,360
Speaker 5: I am today.

1339
01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:40,120
Speaker 1: So the reason why I love the name of the

1340
01:07:40,160 --> 01:07:49,080
Speaker 1: podcast is because my life is full of pivots. There's

1341
01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:52,960
Speaker 1: not one. Everything's a pivot. So instead of getting a

1342
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:55,960
Speaker 1: corporate job, which I was destined to get, I decided

1343
01:07:55,960 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 1: to become a monk. That was a pivot. Then when

1344
01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:01,720
Speaker 1: I was meant to be a monk, I thought I

1345
01:08:01,720 --> 01:08:02,760
Speaker 1: was going to be a monk for the rest of

1346
01:08:02,760 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 1: my life, but I left because it didn't feel right. Anymore.

1347
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:09,320
Speaker 1: That was a pivot. Went back to the corporate world.

1348
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:11,680
Speaker 1: I was just about getting steady in my job. I

1349
01:08:11,680 --> 01:08:14,080
Speaker 1: was going to get married to my wife, and I went,

1350
01:08:14,480 --> 01:08:16,400
Speaker 1: this isn't my purpose. I'm going to leave. That was

1351
01:08:16,439 --> 01:08:20,880
Speaker 1: a pivot. Started making videos. When I started making videos,

1352
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:24,120
Speaker 1: I made these four minute videos. They went viral. I

1353
01:08:24,160 --> 01:08:26,800
Speaker 1: wanted to launch a podcast, and every podcast company said,

1354
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:29,080
Speaker 1: don't do a podcast. People want to listen to you

1355
01:08:29,120 --> 01:08:30,720
Speaker 1: for four minutes. No one wants to listen to you

1356
01:08:30,720 --> 01:08:33,080
Speaker 1: for an hour. So I did it. That was a pivot.

1357
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:35,200
Speaker 1: Then I had a hit podcast. I wanted to write

1358
01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:39,200
Speaker 1: a book. Fourteen out of seventeen publishers said, don't call it.

1359
01:08:39,240 --> 01:08:40,840
Speaker 1: Think like a monk. No one wants to think like

1360
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:43,599
Speaker 1: a monk. I wrote the book anyway. That was a pivot.

1361
01:08:44,320 --> 01:08:46,160
Speaker 1: Then I wanted to go. So it's like my life

1362
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:48,519
Speaker 1: has just been full of pivots. I actually think all

1363
01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:50,840
Speaker 1: I care about is pivots. I don't actually want to

1364
01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:54,519
Speaker 1: be ever not pivoting, because that's what we all have

1365
01:08:54,640 --> 01:08:57,599
Speaker 1: to do. And I think the longer you take to pivot,

1366
01:08:58,120 --> 01:09:01,280
Speaker 1: the harder it gets. There's a beautiful quote I read

1367
01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:03,479
Speaker 1: the other day that I love, and it says the

1368
01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:07,240
Speaker 1: longer you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive

1369
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:10,760
Speaker 1: it is to get back home. And so actually, the

1370
01:09:10,800 --> 01:09:13,000
Speaker 1: more you pivot, because I started pivoting when I became

1371
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:16,000
Speaker 1: a monk at twenty one, twenty two years old. Because

1372
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:20,360
Speaker 1: I've pivoted that early, I've got so comfortable pivoting. So

1373
01:09:20,360 --> 01:09:24,439
Speaker 1: I would encourage everyone to not be scared of the pivot,

1374
01:09:24,479 --> 01:09:28,400
Speaker 1: because the pivot becomes the platform that creates the next

1375
01:09:28,680 --> 01:09:32,040
Speaker 1: moment of your purpose. Whereas if you stay where you are,

1376
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:36,040
Speaker 1: that's what kind of crushes everything, and you get more

1377
01:09:36,080 --> 01:09:38,040
Speaker 1: scared to move the more years go by. And so

1378
01:09:38,800 --> 01:09:42,600
Speaker 1: I just I just keep pivoting even now, like you know,

1379
01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:44,439
Speaker 1: we're trying to do I mean, we've been talking about it.

1380
01:09:44,479 --> 01:09:47,040
Speaker 1: We're doing TV and film, we're doing production, we're doing

1381
01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:49,599
Speaker 1: all this stuff. And in one sense, someone said, well, Jay,

1382
01:09:49,640 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 1: what qualification do you have. Oh, I just got to

1383
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:56,200
Speaker 1: keep pivoting. Life's full of pivots, and I've learned that

1384
01:09:56,200 --> 01:09:58,320
Speaker 1: when I look back at my life, the best decisions

1385
01:09:58,320 --> 01:10:02,080
Speaker 1: I made were pivots. They weren't staying in the same place.

1386
01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:06,320
Speaker 1: That was never the good decision. So to answer your question, yeah,

1387
01:10:06,520 --> 01:10:08,680
Speaker 1: I've got a million pivots, and I hope there's a

1388
01:10:08,720 --> 01:10:12,840
Speaker 1: million more that surprise everyone. And I'm just collecting experiences.

1389
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:14,439
Speaker 1: You know, today I get to see it with you guys, Like,

1390
01:10:14,479 --> 01:10:16,840
Speaker 1: how dope is this? Like, you know, I get to

1391
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:18,760
Speaker 1: see with I get to sit with all of you

1392
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:21,800
Speaker 1: from this world. I was laughing at my life. I

1393
01:10:21,840 --> 01:10:22,920
Speaker 1: was like you were talking about it, like I was

1394
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:25,160
Speaker 1: in Bad Boys, like a year ago, sitting here with

1395
01:10:25,200 --> 01:10:28,760
Speaker 1: you guys today. Yesterday I was with Carmelo Anthony. Then

1396
01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:31,880
Speaker 1: I was with a mindfulness expert, then my monk teachers

1397
01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:33,920
Speaker 1: coming into La to live with me for two weeks

1398
01:10:33,920 --> 01:10:36,280
Speaker 1: on Sunday. Now my life is just made up of

1399
01:10:36,320 --> 01:10:39,280
Speaker 1: me collecting the random. And I want to die having

1400
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:43,800
Speaker 1: just had these beautiful exchanges, meaningful exchanges with people that

1401
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:46,479
Speaker 1: I maybe would never have crossed paths with or because

1402
01:10:46,520 --> 01:10:48,760
Speaker 1: I was trying to help people. How beautiful is that?

1403
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:51,000
Speaker 1: Why would I say no to having the opportunity to

1404
01:10:51,600 --> 01:10:55,160
Speaker 1: have this rich life of experiences? And I think when

1405
01:10:55,160 --> 01:10:57,360
Speaker 1: you get lost in your cocoon and your echo chamber

1406
01:10:57,439 --> 01:11:01,760
Speaker 1: and your little world which we all do, you miss

1407
01:11:01,800 --> 01:11:04,320
Speaker 1: out on the joy that comes from you know. I

1408
01:11:04,400 --> 01:11:06,880
Speaker 1: remember when Ryan. Ryan realized that I listened to the game,

1409
01:11:07,280 --> 01:11:09,679
Speaker 1: and that was like a big moment for him, and

1410
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:11,479
Speaker 1: it was like and it was like I was like, yeah,

1411
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:13,519
Speaker 1: Like all we did growing up in London was listened

1412
01:11:13,560 --> 01:11:16,439
Speaker 1: to American rap and hip hop. That's all we did.

1413
01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:18,599
Speaker 1: And you wouldn't know that from the way we dress,

1414
01:11:18,640 --> 01:11:20,640
Speaker 1: the way we look, from where we come from. But

1415
01:11:21,439 --> 01:11:25,400
Speaker 1: when you can find commonalities and similarities, you know, the

1416
01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:29,280
Speaker 1: the black Monk, Like who would have known? You know,

1417
01:11:29,400 --> 01:11:33,240
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, it's official. Now away from this.

1418
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:34,920
Speaker 6: They call me the black Monk too.

1419
01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:38,759
Speaker 4: You can leave, we stay around.

1420
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:41,879
Speaker 1: But who would have ever thought that a professional athlete,

1421
01:11:41,920 --> 01:11:45,479
Speaker 1: a former American football players, had so much success in

1422
01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:47,240
Speaker 1: his career, would call himself the black Monk, like just

1423
01:11:47,520 --> 01:11:49,800
Speaker 1: I would never have guessed that in a million years.

1424
01:11:49,800 --> 01:11:52,000
Speaker 1: And that's the beauty of this amazing life that we live,

1425
01:11:52,520 --> 01:11:54,720
Speaker 1: that me and Ryan could sit and have something in

1426
01:11:54,760 --> 01:11:58,320
Speaker 1: common when we're so different, have such different backgrounds and

1427
01:11:58,360 --> 01:12:01,679
Speaker 1: different upbringings. We can both like the game and both

1428
01:12:01,800 --> 01:12:03,559
Speaker 1: like the idea of being monks. Like that is the

1429
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:06,520
Speaker 1: I love that. That's what makes life people I actually.

1430
01:12:06,800 --> 01:12:10,559
Speaker 2: And not you know, not a Hindu monastery but I

1431
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:13,120
Speaker 2: actually spent a lot of time in the Greek Orthodoxed

1432
01:12:13,160 --> 01:12:19,560
Speaker 2: Christian monastery with Troy Palomalo, and the life was fascinating

1433
01:12:19,680 --> 01:12:23,360
Speaker 2: because those people seem like the most authentic humans in

1434
01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:26,960
Speaker 2: the world. They were one hundred percent comfortable in who

1435
01:12:27,000 --> 01:12:28,880
Speaker 2: they were. And so I understand when you say you

1436
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:31,400
Speaker 2: met your monk teacher, you like, I want that, Like

1437
01:12:31,439 --> 01:12:34,720
Speaker 2: whatever that thing is, that's what I want. And you

1438
01:12:34,760 --> 01:12:37,840
Speaker 2: know you mentioned commonalities. I'm excited with working on something now.

1439
01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:41,439
Speaker 2: I'm excited about continuing to move forward, and that I

1440
01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:44,240
Speaker 2: do have one last question. I have like a million

1441
01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:46,160
Speaker 2: of them, but we'll talk about them off air one day.

1442
01:12:46,439 --> 01:12:49,840
Speaker 2: You know, you mentioned pivoting, that your entire life has

1443
01:12:49,840 --> 01:12:54,120
Speaker 2: been a pivot, and when you decide that you're gonna

1444
01:12:54,280 --> 01:12:58,479
Speaker 2: dedicate your life and to the monastic lifestyle, that's a

1445
01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:02,400
Speaker 2: that's a forever change, and you had to move out

1446
01:13:02,439 --> 01:13:04,800
Speaker 2: of there to move into something else that continue to.

1447
01:13:04,760 --> 01:13:06,080
Speaker 6: Move you towards your purpose.

1448
01:13:07,320 --> 01:13:12,920
Speaker 2: How do people decipher whether moving on or quitting, or

1449
01:13:13,040 --> 01:13:17,080
Speaker 2: changing careers or letting a relationship go is a pivot

1450
01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:18,320
Speaker 2: instead of a failure.

1451
01:13:19,560 --> 01:13:23,240
Speaker 1: What's interesting about that question is that it's actually all

1452
01:13:23,280 --> 01:13:28,120
Speaker 1: in your head, because what you label it as is

1453
01:13:28,160 --> 01:13:31,920
Speaker 1: what it becomes. So when I left the monastery, I

1454
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:35,280
Speaker 1: thought it was a failure, and guess what, that's what

1455
01:13:35,320 --> 01:13:37,720
Speaker 1: it was. Then it was a failure. Now when I

1456
01:13:37,720 --> 01:13:41,360
Speaker 1: look back, I see it as a pivot. And often

1457
01:13:41,400 --> 01:13:43,519
Speaker 1: when you're making the decision, it feels like a failure

1458
01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:45,800
Speaker 1: in the moment. More often than not, it will feel

1459
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:48,320
Speaker 1: like a failure in the moment, But when you look back,

1460
01:13:48,680 --> 01:13:51,280
Speaker 1: you'll see it as a pivot, because what you realize

1461
01:13:51,320 --> 01:13:53,120
Speaker 1: is is that if you keep seeing it as a failure,

1462
01:13:54,040 --> 01:13:57,680
Speaker 1: you'll keep failing. And when I left the monastery and

1463
01:13:57,680 --> 01:14:01,160
Speaker 1: felt like a failure, which I did, I realized that

1464
01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:04,519
Speaker 1: at one point that mindset didn't serve me anymore. There

1465
01:14:04,560 --> 01:14:06,439
Speaker 1: was only so much I could feel sorry for myself.

1466
01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:09,479
Speaker 1: There's only so much I could pity myself. There's only

1467
01:14:09,479 --> 01:14:11,640
Speaker 1: so much I could feel like I wish I was

1468
01:14:11,640 --> 01:14:14,320
Speaker 1: still there, and I had to own my life and

1469
01:14:14,360 --> 01:14:17,800
Speaker 1: take responsibility and say, what did I love about it?

1470
01:14:18,400 --> 01:14:20,679
Speaker 1: I love the fact that I got to study wisdom

1471
01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:23,200
Speaker 1: and share it. I love the fact that we woke

1472
01:14:23,280 --> 01:14:25,320
Speaker 1: up early and we meditated. I love the fact that

1473
01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:29,400
Speaker 1: we had a routine that made me feel good. Guess

1474
01:14:29,439 --> 01:14:31,759
Speaker 1: so I can do that. Well, now I can still

1475
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,799
Speaker 1: do that, I can still build that into my life.

1476
01:14:35,040 --> 01:14:36,679
Speaker 1: That's why I wrote the book Think like a monk,

1477
01:14:36,800 --> 01:14:38,920
Speaker 1: not live like a monk, because I'm not living like

1478
01:14:38,960 --> 01:14:41,840
Speaker 1: a monk anymore, but I'm still thinking like one. So

1479
01:14:41,960 --> 01:14:43,680
Speaker 1: to me, it's all about how you label it. And

1480
01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:47,040
Speaker 1: chances are you will always label the end of something

1481
01:14:47,720 --> 01:14:50,960
Speaker 1: as a failure because again, society has conditioned you to

1482
01:14:51,040 --> 01:14:56,559
Speaker 1: believe that ending something or leaving something incomplete is a failure.

1483
01:14:57,360 --> 01:14:59,759
Speaker 1: So you will, in the moment always think it's a failure.

1484
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:02,720
Speaker 1: But the quicker you realize it to pivot, the more

1485
01:15:02,760 --> 01:15:05,760
Speaker 1: you move towards your purpose. And so I would just

1486
01:15:05,840 --> 01:15:09,360
Speaker 1: encourage anyone to say, if something's no longer serving you,

1487
01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:14,000
Speaker 1: if something's no longer fulfilling you, if you've tried everything

1488
01:15:14,040 --> 01:15:18,960
Speaker 1: you possibly can and you can't save, fix, or solve

1489
01:15:19,600 --> 01:15:24,040
Speaker 1: this thing, let it be. You will feel like a failure,

1490
01:15:24,240 --> 01:15:28,720
Speaker 1: expect it, and then pivot. Allow yourself to feel like

1491
01:15:28,760 --> 01:15:29,759
Speaker 1: a failure, and then pivot.

1492
01:15:29,960 --> 01:15:33,759
Speaker 5: Our mantra here is accept the just and move forward,

1493
01:15:33,960 --> 01:15:36,840
Speaker 5: and also realize it's never too late to pivot, never

1494
01:15:36,880 --> 01:15:37,639
Speaker 5: too late to pivot.

1495
01:15:37,680 --> 01:15:38,120
Speaker 1: I love that.

1496
01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:40,280
Speaker 2: So the tour, you know, that's the reason we were

1497
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:43,519
Speaker 2: able to catch you here in New York, just for

1498
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:45,960
Speaker 2: people who are looking to tap in, people who want

1499
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:48,400
Speaker 2: to get an opportunity to lay eyes on Jay Shetty

1500
01:15:48,640 --> 01:15:52,519
Speaker 2: and absorb some of that wisdom, but also experience some

1501
01:15:52,640 --> 01:15:54,280
Speaker 2: of the things you've experienced.

1502
01:15:54,920 --> 01:15:57,280
Speaker 6: Where are you going? How do they do that? How

1503
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:58,000
Speaker 6: do they tap in?

1504
01:15:58,160 --> 01:16:00,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm really excited. For the first time ever, we're

1505
01:16:00,240 --> 01:16:04,040
Speaker 1: doing a podcast tour, So we have fifteen cities, fifteen

1506
01:16:04,080 --> 01:16:08,000
Speaker 1: surprise guests across North America and Canada. I'll be interviewing

1507
01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:10,599
Speaker 1: people's favorites from the show, some new ones as well.

1508
01:16:11,080 --> 01:16:13,280
Speaker 1: And what I'm really excited about, if I'm honest, is

1509
01:16:14,200 --> 01:16:18,240
Speaker 1: it's going to be walking into a room. Well, when

1510
01:16:18,280 --> 01:16:21,080
Speaker 1: you look left and right, the person next to you

1511
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:24,040
Speaker 1: listens to the same thing you do. So the amount

1512
01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:27,440
Speaker 1: you have in common with the people around you is huge.

1513
01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:29,600
Speaker 1: There's very few places in the world that we go

1514
01:16:29,680 --> 01:16:32,439
Speaker 1: into anymore where you feel connected to someone before you

1515
01:16:32,479 --> 01:16:35,559
Speaker 1: walk into the room. Now you can walk in and

1516
01:16:35,600 --> 01:16:37,280
Speaker 1: the person next to you as a favorite episode, you

1517
01:16:37,320 --> 01:16:38,960
Speaker 1: have a favorite episode. The energy is going to be

1518
01:16:38,960 --> 01:16:42,519
Speaker 1: electric and I'm going to be sharing wisdom and insights

1519
01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:45,120
Speaker 1: that we haven't before. I think there's something special about

1520
01:16:45,479 --> 01:16:48,160
Speaker 1: memories that are made in person. In New York, we're

1521
01:16:48,200 --> 01:16:50,360
Speaker 1: going to be at the Theater at MSG, so that's

1522
01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:53,200
Speaker 1: going to be incredible. In LA we're at the Greek Theater,

1523
01:16:53,520 --> 01:17:06,040
Speaker 1: which is beautiful. Then we're going Chicago, Dallas, Florida, Seattle, Vancouver, Toronto, Colorado, Philadelphia.

1524
01:17:06,560 --> 01:17:08,360
Speaker 1: You know. So we're doing fifteen cities and you can

1525
01:17:08,360 --> 01:17:11,720
Speaker 1: go to Jay Shetty Dop Me Forward Slash Tour and

1526
01:17:11,760 --> 01:17:13,559
Speaker 1: you'll find all the day to all the tickets, and

1527
01:17:14,040 --> 01:17:15,559
Speaker 1: I hope people will come out and leave with a

1528
01:17:15,600 --> 01:17:18,559
Speaker 1: connection with other people. That's my goal I think we're

1529
01:17:18,600 --> 01:17:20,599
Speaker 1: all looking for. I'm hoping people come there and leave

1530
01:17:20,600 --> 01:17:23,040
Speaker 1: with the date right. Like it's like you see someone

1531
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:25,600
Speaker 1: you like. They care about the same stuff you do.

1532
01:17:26,479 --> 01:17:28,680
Speaker 1: So you know how rare it is to go to

1533
01:17:28,720 --> 01:17:30,640
Speaker 1: a place where people care about the same thing you do.

1534
01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:32,680
Speaker 1: They're listening to the same show. You can leave it

1535
01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:34,679
Speaker 1: the day, you can leave it. The proposal.

1536
01:17:34,720 --> 01:17:37,400
Speaker 2: It's like match dot com in person, in person creating

1537
01:17:37,439 --> 01:17:40,360
Speaker 2: it and now you're bringing everybody together to do it. Now,

1538
01:17:40,479 --> 01:17:42,639
Speaker 2: Jay This was amazing, man. This is something we've been

1539
01:17:42,680 --> 01:17:45,200
Speaker 2: wanting to do for a while. If I'm being honest,

1540
01:17:45,920 --> 01:17:49,360
Speaker 2: it's something that I didn't think was possible a while ago.

1541
01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:51,600
Speaker 2: But to meet you, man, to get to understand you

1542
01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:54,120
Speaker 2: a little better personally, and then now to sit with

1543
01:17:54,200 --> 01:17:57,479
Speaker 2: you. You truly are everything you see to be from the

1544
01:17:57,520 --> 01:17:59,679
Speaker 2: outside man. So best of luck on the tour. Can't

1545
01:17:59,680 --> 01:18:01,200
Speaker 2: wait to work with you further.

1546
01:18:01,280 --> 01:18:03,160
Speaker 1: But this is amazing now you all of you, and

1547
01:18:03,200 --> 01:18:07,040
Speaker 1: I met you in person, like you know, like you're

1548
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:09,719
Speaker 1: like big scary dudes, you know, but it's like you guys,

1549
01:18:09,720 --> 01:18:13,920
Speaker 1: you know, it's just the kindness, the genuineness, the curiosity,

1550
01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:18,000
Speaker 1: the depth of the questioning that I love. The skepticism

1551
01:18:18,080 --> 01:18:21,080
Speaker 1: and that's important, right, you need that, Like I think

1552
01:18:21,080 --> 01:18:24,120
Speaker 1: it's great when people push back and question and check

1553
01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:27,160
Speaker 1: and you know, reflect on stuff. And you know, I mean,

1554
01:18:27,560 --> 01:18:30,280
Speaker 1: I was blown away around by your hospitality, your kindness

1555
01:18:30,280 --> 01:18:31,840
Speaker 1: when I came out to the game to meet you.

1556
01:18:32,280 --> 01:18:35,280
Speaker 1: All the zoom calls we've had, I've really been humbled

1557
01:18:35,320 --> 01:18:37,920
Speaker 1: by how grounded and humble you are. Like it is

1558
01:18:38,160 --> 01:18:41,120
Speaker 1: just it's so rare in this world to meet someone

1559
01:18:41,600 --> 01:18:45,040
Speaker 1: who's operating at the top of their game, but is

1560
01:18:45,160 --> 01:18:48,160
Speaker 1: willing to make everyone else feel like a star. And

1561
01:18:48,479 --> 01:18:50,800
Speaker 1: you do that. Watching you in your element of like

1562
01:18:51,200 --> 01:18:54,040
Speaker 1: literally being on TV, jumping off in between me and

1563
01:18:54,080 --> 01:18:57,040
Speaker 1: you having like deep conversations on the sideline, jumping back

1564
01:18:57,080 --> 01:18:59,439
Speaker 1: on and off like watching you do that, you're I mean,

1565
01:18:59,439 --> 01:19:02,000
Speaker 1: your magnificent in what you do, but I was more

1566
01:19:02,040 --> 01:19:05,439
Speaker 1: impressed by who you were in just connecting and so

1567
01:19:05,479 --> 01:19:08,240
Speaker 1: I want the world to know that you're even better

1568
01:19:08,280 --> 01:19:11,439
Speaker 1: in person. Congrats on the Emmy nomination. You deserve it,

1569
01:19:11,920 --> 01:19:13,800
Speaker 1: you deserve to win it. And on top of all

1570
01:19:13,840 --> 01:19:16,000
Speaker 1: of that, it's just great to be around great men

1571
01:19:16,040 --> 01:19:18,200
Speaker 1: and great people. I think being around great men is

1572
01:19:18,240 --> 01:19:20,400
Speaker 1: something a lot of men need right now. And it's

1573
01:19:20,400 --> 01:19:22,400
Speaker 1: amazing that all of you are setting such an awesome

1574
01:19:22,439 --> 01:19:25,400
Speaker 1: example of what men can aspire to do, especially men

1575
01:19:25,439 --> 01:19:28,519
Speaker 1: who want to be powerful, make an impact, but then

1576
01:19:28,560 --> 01:19:30,800
Speaker 1: have a deep and good heart as well. So thank

1577
01:19:30,800 --> 01:19:32,320
Speaker 1: you for the example you're setting for men.

1578
01:19:32,600 --> 01:19:34,439
Speaker 6: Appreciate you.

1579
01:19:34,439 --> 01:19:36,400
Speaker 1: You got the best. You guys are awesome. I mean

1580
01:19:37,240 --> 01:19:42,679
Speaker 1: every word, every word that's crazy.

1581
01:19:42,880 --> 01:19:44,720
Speaker 6: Appreciate your brother. So what is this man?

1582
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:45,799
Speaker 4: This is this custom?

1583
01:19:46,280 --> 01:19:47,680
Speaker 1: No, no, no, this is a brand that I love

1584
01:19:47,680 --> 01:19:51,120
Speaker 1: out of France. It's It's probably one of my favorite

1585
01:19:51,120 --> 01:19:53,680
Speaker 1: brands they make. They make good stuff. If you love

1586
01:19:53,760 --> 01:19:57,160
Speaker 1: this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew

1587
01:19:57,240 --> 01:20:00,080
Speaker 1: Hussey on how to get over your ex and and

1588
01:20:00,160 --> 01:20:02,240
Speaker 1: find true love in your relationships.

1589
01:20:02,439 --> 01:20:05,960
Speaker 5: People should be compassionate to themselves, but extend that

1590
01:20:06,080 --> 01:20:10,760
Speaker 2: Compassion to your future self, because truly extending your compassion

1591
01:20:10,800 --> 01:20:13,760
Speaker 2: to your future self is doing something that gives him

1592
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:16,320
Speaker 2: or her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life.