WEBVTT - SPICY MARI - From Crumbs to Chemistry 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:16.280 Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke. 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:18.720 I'm your host, Holy Wit, and today we have very 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:27.560 special guests, relationship expert and magn Magnetic Matchmaker Matchmaker Spicy 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:30.840 Moday exactly. She just did my whole intro for me. 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:32.040 I'm helping you out. 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:34.240 Down here so much, Spicy Life. Yes, and you also 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:36.960 have a podcast called The Life Life Yes. Yes. And 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:39.560 when you say Matchmaker, you're just out here. Just someone 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.040 calls you and you. 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:43.800 It's a process, it's a program, so like I take 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:46.440 you for ninety days and transform your life. So I 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:50.560 have an entire curriculum program that we're doing. There's just 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:53.519 video and audio, but like actual assessments that we're taking 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:56.120 so that I can help you become the best version 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:58.320 of yourself to be aligned with your purpose. 0:00:58.360 --> 0:01:02.280 Mate, got it? Okay, So it's not like I have 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:03.520 a pool of men. 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:07.360 I do. But you aren't being introduced until after you 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:09.200 do the work. Because if you if I just take 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:11.800 you cold off of the street based on everything that 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:14.600 you've been exposed to, when you've been experiencing and you 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:17.560 think that you're just gonna snap into recognizing and realizing 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:19.840 that this person is the one it doesn't work like that. 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:22.080 I got to find out where the wounds are, where 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:24.520 the strengths and weaknesses are. I do a whole little 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:27.959 swat analysis, and then we get to work so that 0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:31.160 that way, when he is presented in front of you, 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:33.480 you now can recognize him and accept him, and you 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:36.040 then are aligned. But if I just try to go 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:39.120 cold turkey, you will not have a match because you're 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:41.720 already on a certain vibration. So I need to disrupt 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:42.399 that wavelength. 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:42.920 Jeez. 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:45.200 Yes, okay, And I'll teach you how to fish so 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:47.279 that you can feed yourself, because Heaven forbid something happens 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:49.240 to me. Now, then you have the tools to be 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:50.760 able to guide the male psyche. 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:53.520 Oh, we're doing all that. 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:58.440 We're doing all that psycho behavioral. If you do it 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:00.440 for me, I do it for men as well. And 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:02.040 do you have a lot of men that come to you? 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:04.559 I do. And the other element that you often see 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:07.080 is me working with couples, except that we are trying 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:09.200 to heal and repair the relationship. But I'll also be 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:12.359 very honest when they should not be together and they 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:13.360 belong with somebody else. 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:16.399 Wow, you say that, Now, what if a like a 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:20.880 significant other hires you and says hey, I want you 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:22.840 to save my marriage, and you get them in a 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:23.240 room and. 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:25.360 They're like, You're like, oh yeah, this hate Now I 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:27.880 see why you guys are having problems. It's my goals 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:29.480 for you guys to say together. My goal is always 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:31.959 for relationship. I'm always on team love. So I don't 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:34.320 care who's wrong or right. If it's not aligned with 0:02:34.680 --> 0:02:37.040 the purpose and the mission, which is to restore the 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:39.520 family unit, then I can't get with it. Everything has 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:42.280 to go back to the goal, which is to restore 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:45.360 the relationship and have a healthy relationship. If we're not, 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:48.079 if we're making choices that aren't healthy, we got to 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:49.000 get we got to get to work. 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:52.720 Okay, So before we get into the love world, take 0:02:52.760 --> 0:02:56.959 me back to what was going on. I'm guessing before, yes, okay, 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:00.320 for the company before, before the spicy life. What are 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:02.160 you gonna have me eating today? We're going to be 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:07.640 eating my spicy toast? Spicy toast? Yes, okay, this is 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:09.239 simple ingredients. 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:13.399 We've got butter, cinnamon, that's where the spice comes in. 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:17.200 With the sugar okay, okay, the and hard boiled eggs. 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:19.360 Gotta have a little protein. In there to balance it crops. 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:21.639 Yeah, so this was a real deal. Holy day. 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:23.520 This is what I made to feed my family. 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:26.080 So feed your family. 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:27.919 And when I say by that is anyone who's the 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:30.160 oldest child. Okay, you guys should understand this. As the 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:32.359 oldest we then take on some of the prayerent to 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:35.040 roll responsibility, right, even though we're extremely young. And I 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:37.760 grew up in a single parent home, and come Mother's Day, 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:40.280 I still keep my siblings up, like are we celebrating 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:42.000 me or what you're practically raised? 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.360 That's hilarious. Is your mom still around? 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:44.680 Dish? 0:03:44.720 --> 0:03:48.560 My mom is okay, okay, and you still say, hey, 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:50.040 give me my giving. 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:52.720 My mom's a disagreement. My mom's you didn't do anything, 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:53.160 And I'm like. 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:53.800 What are you talking about? 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:54.800 I raised your children. 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:57.880 Yeah, yeah, that's what I would imagine. 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:00.880 Yeah, but that's my spicy and I love her. 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:02.240 But I did. 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.640 I took my kids to call my kids. I took 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:07.360 my siblings to school, I said them. And so at 0:04:07.400 --> 0:04:09.840 the time, of course, I'm like eight years old when 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:13.080 my sister was born, and I don't necessarily know how 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:14.840 to use like all of the dishes and all the 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:16.839 pots and pans and stuff, so I kept it simple. 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:19.000 I was good at toast, and my cinnamon toast crunch 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.760 is now my spicy toast, which my son now gets 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:28.479 to enjoy. Okay, okay, okay, good, But my siblings tease 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:30.240 me all the time, but like, you didn't cook for us, 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:32.559 the toast doesn't count. I'm like, yes it does. You 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:33.120 did you die? 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:35.000 You live? How many siblings did you have? 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:37.880 I'm the oldest of three oldest yeah, two siblings, a 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:39.840 brother and a sister, and I'm the oldest, and the 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:43.320 age gap is eight years eight and eleven, eight and eleven, yeah, 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:45.480 And like back then, it was not abnormal for your 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:48.000 eight year old up until to watch the kids and 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:50.760 be left by yourself. And so I was a latchkey kid, 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:52.960 and so I had to figure out. My mom liked 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:54.960 to prepare leftovers, and so we ate like a lot 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:57.359 of those, and I would warm those up. But my 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:00.760 go to dish was always like the spicies with some 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:02.480 hard boiled eggs because I could boil eggs. 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:04.839 And were you like the in house babysitter a lot? 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:06.600 Yes, all the time, all the time. 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:08.360 Did you ever snap back at her like and your 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:09.440 t ain't my kids. 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:12.000 No, huh, so my mother would have thrown me against 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:16.200 the wall. Yeah, but yes, there were conversations had that. 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:18.040 It was just dang, I don't want to, like why 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:20.000 do I have to? And it was very much like this 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:22.599 is your responsibility and she's the baby of six. So 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:25.200 sometimes there would be that like energy clash. So you 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:27.400 were the baby of six, I'm those of three. You 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:28.760 don't understand it, you don't get it. 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:29.440 Wow. 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:32.840 But we have these conversations like now in our maturity 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:35.640 and our evolution of us in our relationship, and there's 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:37.680 been like a lot of healing and repair around my 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:40.839 childhood perceptions and where she could have showed up differently 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:43.200 or I could have showed up differently. But at the 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:45.919 end of the day, all of the stereotypes about the 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:49.720 eldest child remain true for me. Okay for sure, all. 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:52.640 Right, go ahead, feed me oldest child. You want me 0:05:52.680 --> 0:05:58.600 to hear, friend, go for it. We pre boiled spicy bodies. 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:01.080 I'm trying to infhaty size of your name because I've 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.400 been working on the spicy moddies. We pre boiled your 0:06:03.480 --> 0:06:05.600 hard boiled eggs. I'm guessing we could just peel it right, 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:07.640 we could just peel it. I'll just I'll work on mine, 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:09.120 even though I think, is it. 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:12.520 So how hard we had? Yes, we gotta have a song, poker. 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:15.360 Salt and pepper. I've had a hard boiled egg and 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:18.080 so long. The last thing we had a hard boiled 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:22.080 egg on this show was very traumatizing. Why because the 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:26.640 young lady chose a pickled egg. And let me tell 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:29.200 you something. It like, to this day, I don't look 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:33.120 at eggs the same because of that pickled egg. It's 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.080 trying to traumatize me. So let's see if the trauma 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:35.719 still lingers. 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:37.599 Okay, because I love it when I tell you that 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:41.680 I eat probably for eggs a day, really a lot 0:06:41.720 --> 0:06:42.160 of protein. 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:46.200 Yeah, okay, you look stunny. It looks stunning. 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:46.799 I appreciate. 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:50.000 So is your mom still single mom? 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.800 So that's that's the origin story, right, single parent home. 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:56.840 Grew up with a deep desire for a father. Early on, 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:01.400 my father went to is't and I didn't know like 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:05.200 drug dealer goes to prison. But all I knew was like, hey, 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:07.360 I deserve a daddy. What's going on mom? With your 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:11.320 love life? So I started to intentionally introduce her to 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.640 men because I would see my mother's like reaction to 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:18.240 guys being in her life. She was very young, she 0:07:18.320 --> 0:07:20.000 was hot. My mom had me when she was twenty, 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.640 so there was this energy of wanting to still be 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:24.720 married and I felt that from her, and I wanted 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.400 a daddy. I noticed how poor you were. I noticed 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:29.520 the other kids had two parents, and I really felt 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:32.120 like I deserve that. So I would go up to 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:34.720 men in the gas station at the car wash at 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:38.000 my school pitching my mom and me as like a 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:40.440 great package, like how a cute? 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:44.640 I am you fabulous? But I'm pretty sure looking at you, 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:46.840 your mom had to she had to beat them off 0:07:46.880 --> 0:07:47.320 a little bit. 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:50.400 My mom was a soul trained dancer, okay, so she 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:52.960 gave up her career for me. But like she my 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:56.600 mom was a hottie okay, and so definitely would be 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:59.360 trying to sell the package. Because also to when my 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:01.360 mom was in a reallyationship, we had more, we had 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:05.480 more resources, toys, more food, So she did get in 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:07.800 other relationships. My mom was married three times. 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:10.600 Okay, Okay, I like to say that I. 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:12.000 Get the credit for that, but my mom saw it 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:17.200 to all the husbands because when you are I consider 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.920 people with big hearts. Right, we're still products. And so 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:24.160 I understood at a very young age that like, we 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:27.400 got to seal this deal. Yeah, And I was accustomed 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.200 to the men understanding how close we were. And also 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:32.840 when they would court my mom, they would also court me. 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:34.959 And what I mean and not in a negative way, 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:36.440 but I mean, is a very positive way in the 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:38.480 sense of if they brought her flowers, they brought me flowers. 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:40.720 If they got her a gift, they would come with 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:43.800 something for me. And so it was very much, Oh, 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:46.079 I like how this feels. I understand why my mom 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:48.960 is into this. And I kept doing it over and over, 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:53.480 like I kept introducing her to people over and over 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:55.640 because I just saw how happy she was relationship and 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:58.640 that did something for me the credit of dang, I 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:00.800 helped you with that relationship. And I was young. When 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:02.439 I tell you I was young. 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:04.520 Give me an idea of how young you are. I 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:07.160 was pitching her at six, Oh, you're really young. 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:09.560 And my mom has been married three times, she was 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:14.160 divorced when before sixth grade she got a divorce, and 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:17.240 that last divorce, I was like, we need to make 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:19.720 this work somehow. But since then, my mother, of course 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:24.240 has had like other boyfriends. But my whole purpose arose 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:27.920 from plugging her in relationships and seeing how it changes 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:31.320 you and seeing the negative and the positive from it. 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:33.079 And she saw that I also had a gift and 0:09:33.400 --> 0:09:36.160 like this propensity to try to connect, and I kept 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:38.880 doing it throughout high school. I would plug my friends. College, 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:41.480 I don't know, you need to study this. Oh, so 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:44.640 you see Berkeley from there, and I too always had 0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:47.240 a boyfriend. Like I loved relationships, but that's not enough. 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:49.760 You can't just be obsessed with relationships. Actually need to 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:53.080 understand and have strategy and the tools in order for 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:53.840 it to be healthy. 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:56.600 Yeah, I saw in your bile there's a it was 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.800 like a certification or I didn't even know there was 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:03.240 like a school for relationships, but in your bio it 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:04.439 said something like. 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:07.080 That in communication studied not just women's studies. I went 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:09.199 to Spelman as well and studied women's studies. That's shout 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:12.200 out to Akamupie. And then in my undergrad I did 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:15.079 communication and that was where I realized the breakdown between 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:17.360 men and women. Okay, And then in my I went 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:20.439 on to get my masters in communication as well, and 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:23.079 that dealt more with like me understanding not just how 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.880 male and men and women communicate, but also how technology 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:28.600 plays a role in our lack of intimacy or can 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:31.679 expand and help it. And so everything that I did 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:34.640 in my master's was actually to build the spicy life. 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:37.359 When I saw the problems that we were having in relationships, 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.960 a spicy life grew into more of a not just 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:42.719 let me match make it grew into no, you guys 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.360 need coaching. So I took psychology, sociology and then went 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:48.960 on to get certified as a dating coach. Yeah, I 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:51.880 saw that, and then marital counseling from Gotman Institute. 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:55.080 Wow. Yeah, so there's a certification for that. 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:58.880 You. Yes, there are certifications for any area that you 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:00.560 want to become more of an expert. And I'm a 0:11:00.640 --> 0:11:03.200 huge proponent of It's one thing to have lived experience, 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:06.240 another thing to have education. With those two combined, you're 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.800 more powerful versus I just read a book. No, okay, 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.360 But I also applied the tools and then manifested that 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:11.839 as well. 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:14.160 But you knew from a very young age, from this 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:18.719 age of toast and eggs, that this is your colic. 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:21.199 Knew in the sense of I knew that I was 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:23.079 good at it. I didn't know that it was my gift. 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:25.280 Mom brought that to my attention one time in high school. 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.120 I came home and, like I said, we didn't have 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:28.840 much poor. She doesn't like me to say poor. I 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:32.160 think she prefers me to say or not use poverty. 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.760 What is it poor versus broke? My mom prefers broke. Yes, Okay, 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:37.200 my mom says we were broke, we weren't poor. 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:41.280 Yeah, that's my mom too, Patato, there's a difference. I 0:11:41.280 --> 0:11:42.840 just want to clarify the difference because I like the 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:46.360 way my mom says it. Broke is temporary. Poor is 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:49.000 more long term. So if you say, okay, I'm broke 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.199 right now. Okay, I'm broke right now, But if you 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:54.680 say I'm poor, it's like your destitute, almost like past 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:59.600 future current you're poor. Yeah, to for broke is more 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:02.360 like the way my mom positions broke is always like 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:05.160 a temporary So that's that was her whole thing. Okay, 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:07.240 we're broke right now, but if you say you're poor, 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.120 just seems to have a little bit more of a longer. 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:13.840 My mom is on your team. Okay, poor versus broke. 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:17.640 She was broke, but I'm like, we only were not 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:21.360 broke when or poor, which when she was married. The 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.040 moment that, like the relationship was over, it was back 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.440 to the streets. We were living with my aunty. We 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:28.000 moved in and this was in seventh grade. We moved 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:30.440 in with my aunty and me and my siblings, and 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:31.880 I had to take care of them, and my mom 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:35.199 was living in San Diego. We're living in San Clementy 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:37.880 on the marine base because my aunt was married and 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:39.719 in the trailer. We lived in a trailer with her 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:43.120 and my siblings, and so I was with them every 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.280 single day, making sure they got up for school, that 0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:47.360 they were going down because my aunt had her six 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:48.160 kids to take care of. 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:52.120 So the there's a lot to unpack cares. Yeah, your 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.400 how did these breakups impact you? Because I gain the 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:58.000 love and the highs, But how did the lows not 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:00.000 have a negative impact on you? 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.880 They absolutely did, tons of daddy issues. 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:07.400 Yeah all right, so here's to the healthier version. I 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:07.800 love me. 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:11.319 I love the yolk, that's your favorite part. I love 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:13.240 it all. So like I could do egg whites, I 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:14.720 can also do the yolk. I'm like, I'm just an 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:16.120 egg person, really good. 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:22.120 Perfect, is just your third egg today? Yes, it's mine too. 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:23.200 You already. 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:26.640 Oh wow, we're on the same look the same two 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:29.199 eggs and three pieces of bacon. 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:31.520 And I probably wind up having another egg later with 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:32.880 my salad or whatever. 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:33.480 I'm gonna try to do. 0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:36.160 When I tell you, one time I was trying to 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:38.839 lose weight, I did a meat, cheese an egg diet. 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:41.079 You only can eat meat, you can only eat geese 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:44.840 and eggs for three months, right, I lost so many bounds. 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:47.520 At the end, you start to incorporate vegetables, and which 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:49.520 is crazy to not eat vegetables and fruit in the beginning, 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:53.160 even but they want to drop your blood sugar and 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:55.360 so I lost a lot of weight. But it's not 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:58.960 sustainable for the rest of your life. Is not sustainable. 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:01.400 But I lost a lot of weight. I lost a 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:01.800 lot of weight. 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:04.400 If I'm ever going on vacation, I'm gonna try that 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:07.760 all right. For the cinnamon toast, We're only doing one bite. 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:10.440 You only took a little cute, little bite out of 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:10.800 your egg. 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:12.800 You want to eat more my egg? 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:16.400 No, I'm gonna I tell people. When people are like, 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:18.360 how much do you, I'm like, like a real person. 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:20.800 Your clips was like, oh, it's the food. 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:23.320 Oh there's sometimes where we have to call cut and like, yo, 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:27.160 we're gonna finish this. Yeah, all right, We're going in 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:30.440 for the cinnamon toast. Butter cinnamon toast. 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:33.680 Right here, I'm gonna take a bite with you. 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:35.360 I feel like when you was a kid, you laced 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:36.960 this way better than this I did. 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:39.240 But now that I know the calories are butter. 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:42.880 Okay, yeah, because I know if I. 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:46.240 Wasn't, I wasn't help conscious till seventh grade when I 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:51.120 got my brass off. Okay, rereason being is because I'm 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:52.479 gonna give you all the whole backstory. 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:53.160 You better. 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:58.640 The one common thing between my mom and her husband's 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:02.680 and my mom give infermission to share the intimate details 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:05.240 of our lives, is that they all were addicts. 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:06.360 Okay. 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:10.160 My said that at the time when he would drink, 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:12.000 I would go to the liquor store with him and 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:13.520 we would pick up his six packs, and he would 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:15.760 always give me candy bars, and I got in the 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:17.720 habit of expecting a candy bar every day because he 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:20.840 was getting a six pack every day, So it gain's 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:22.480 a lot of weight. I was a jimpy kid. Okay, 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:25.400 when I got my braces off though, because I wasn't 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:27.760 allowed to eat nuts and Carmen who have bracelets. The 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:29.760 weight came off when I stopped eating all that candy. 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:30.520 Wow. 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:33.800 And so when I took the braces off, I lost 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.880 the weight and then the boobies came out. I was like, Oh, 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:40.560 not only does this look better, but y'all treat me 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:44.240 different when I'm twenty pounds smaller than when. That was 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:46.320 like the first time that I noticed. Okay, when I 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:48.400 cut sugars and this was young, I'm like, I'm a 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:50.880 kid at this point, but I was like, dang, the 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:53.160 way that the boys weren't on me. I was like, Ooh, 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:55.040 I like this attention. I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:56.880 doing this no wonder my mom is addicted to it. 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.640 So that was ben opening, I opening moment. 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:00.640 For me until this day. 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.320 I do a different diet every other month. 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:04.960 And you definitely stay away from the sugars. 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.480 Me, okay, to lose the weight, I stay away from 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:09.680 the sugars. But the reason why I have to go 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:11.400 back on the diet is is I still have a 0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:12.960 bad relationship with food. 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:15.720 Oh, you do have a bad. 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:18.640 I have one more than likely. Body image just morephia 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:20.920 a paper that I wrote in college, I diagnose myself 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:23.400 like based on my studies, I have body image just 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:26.480 more for. But my relationship with food still is the 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:28.120 same in this sense of when I look in the mirror, 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:30.520 I still see a big girl that when as a 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:35.040 kid in my elementary days, and then when I gain weight, 0:16:35.560 --> 0:16:38.360 it reminds me of, oh, I'm not necessarily I don't 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:41.480 feel my clothes appropriately, I don't feel as confident as usual, 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:44.480 and so me understanding the power that it has over me. 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:48.920 It's a process in the sense of I understand that 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.480 we need to love ourselves through it. I don't believe 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:53.680 that when I'm overweight I look my best, So you 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:57.200 can't change the belief. Yeah, So instead, okay, let me 0:16:57.280 --> 0:16:59.680 program myself to do the healthy thing. I go to 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:01.800 the health the habit if I can't change the belief 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:03.440 that I have about when I'm big. 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:06.440 Now that understand that's yeah, But that's great. That sounds healthy. 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:09.840 It's a healthy way to handle it, a healthy, responsible versus. 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:13.520 I'm just going to accept as I am and continue 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:15.840 to eat whatever I want. If and so there can 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:17.840 there's different ways that it can go the way that 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:21.360 it transfer overs into relationship as well, because I tell 0:17:21.359 --> 0:17:22.800 my clients the same thing when it comes to the 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:26.400 belief system is if you believe that, let's just say 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:29.800 all men are trash, or don't love women, or they're 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:32.879 all dogs, then you will behave in a way that 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:33.719 serves that belief. 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:35.280 You're not going to be kind to them. 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:36.960 You're going to treat them with the same level of 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:38.800