Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Holy Wit, and today we have very
Speaker 1: special guests, relationship expert and magn Magnetic Matchmaker Matchmaker Spicy
Speaker 1: Moday exactly. She just did my whole intro for me.
Speaker 2: I'm helping you out.
Speaker 1: Down here so much, Spicy Life. Yes, and you also
Speaker 1: have a podcast called The Life Life Yes. Yes. And
Speaker 1: when you say Matchmaker, you're just out here. Just someone
Speaker 1: calls you and you.
Speaker 2: It's a process, it's a program, so like I take
Speaker 2: you for ninety days and transform your life. So I
Speaker 2: have an entire curriculum program that we're doing. There's just
Speaker 2: video and audio, but like actual assessments that we're taking
Speaker 2: so that I can help you become the best version
Speaker 2: of yourself to be aligned with your purpose.
Speaker 1: Mate, got it? Okay, So it's not like I have
Speaker 1: a pool of men.
Speaker 2: I do. But you aren't being introduced until after you
Speaker 2: do the work. Because if you if I just take
Speaker 2: you cold off of the street based on everything that
Speaker 2: you've been exposed to, when you've been experiencing and you
Speaker 2: think that you're just gonna snap into recognizing and realizing
Speaker 2: that this person is the one it doesn't work like that.
Speaker 2: I got to find out where the wounds are, where
Speaker 2: the strengths and weaknesses are. I do a whole little
Speaker 2: swat analysis, and then we get to work so that
Speaker 2: that way, when he is presented in front of you,
Speaker 2: you now can recognize him and accept him, and you
Speaker 2: then are aligned. But if I just try to go
Speaker 2: cold turkey, you will not have a match because you're
Speaker 2: already on a certain vibration. So I need to disrupt
Speaker 2: that wavelength.
Speaker 1: Jeez.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, And I'll teach you how to fish so
Speaker 2: that you can feed yourself, because Heaven forbid something happens
Speaker 2: to me. Now, then you have the tools to be
Speaker 2: able to guide the male psyche.
Speaker 1: Oh, we're doing all that.
Speaker 2: We're doing all that psycho behavioral. If you do it
Speaker 2: for me, I do it for men as well. And
Speaker 2: do you have a lot of men that come to you?
Speaker 2: I do. And the other element that you often see
Speaker 2: is me working with couples, except that we are trying
Speaker 2: to heal and repair the relationship. But I'll also be
Speaker 2: very honest when they should not be together and they
Speaker 2: belong with somebody else.
Speaker 1: Wow, you say that, Now, what if a like a
Speaker 1: significant other hires you and says hey, I want you
Speaker 1: to save my marriage, and you get them in a
Speaker 1: room and.
Speaker 2: They're like, You're like, oh yeah, this hate Now I
Speaker 2: see why you guys are having problems. It's my goals
Speaker 2: for you guys to say together. My goal is always
Speaker 2: for relationship. I'm always on team love. So I don't
Speaker 2: care who's wrong or right. If it's not aligned with
Speaker 2: the purpose and the mission, which is to restore the
Speaker 2: family unit, then I can't get with it. Everything has
Speaker 2: to go back to the goal, which is to restore
Speaker 2: the relationship and have a healthy relationship. If we're not,
Speaker 2: if we're making choices that aren't healthy, we got to
Speaker 2: get we got to get to work.
Speaker 1: Okay, So before we get into the love world, take
Speaker 1: me back to what was going on. I'm guessing before, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: for the company before, before the spicy life. What are
Speaker 1: you gonna have me eating today? We're going to be
Speaker 1: eating my spicy toast? Spicy toast? Yes, okay, this is
Speaker 1: simple ingredients.
Speaker 2: We've got butter, cinnamon, that's where the spice comes in.
Speaker 2: With the sugar okay, okay, the and hard boiled eggs.
Speaker 2: Gotta have a little protein. In there to balance it crops.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so this was a real deal. Holy day.
Speaker 2: This is what I made to feed my family.
Speaker 1: So feed your family.
Speaker 2: And when I say by that is anyone who's the
Speaker 2: oldest child. Okay, you guys should understand this. As the
Speaker 2: oldest we then take on some of the prayerent to
Speaker 2: roll responsibility, right, even though we're extremely young. And I
Speaker 2: grew up in a single parent home, and come Mother's Day,
Speaker 2: I still keep my siblings up, like are we celebrating
Speaker 2: me or what you're practically raised?
Speaker 1: That's hilarious. Is your mom still around?
Speaker 2: Dish?
Speaker 1: My mom is okay, okay, and you still say, hey,
Speaker 1: give me my giving.
Speaker 2: My mom's a disagreement. My mom's you didn't do anything,
Speaker 2: And I'm like.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about?
Speaker 2: I raised your children.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's what I would imagine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's my spicy and I love her.
Speaker 1: But I did.
Speaker 2: I took my kids to call my kids. I took
Speaker 2: my siblings to school, I said them. And so at
Speaker 2: the time, of course, I'm like eight years old when
Speaker 2: my sister was born, and I don't necessarily know how
Speaker 2: to use like all of the dishes and all the
Speaker 2: pots and pans and stuff, so I kept it simple.
Speaker 2: I was good at toast, and my cinnamon toast crunch
Speaker 2: is now my spicy toast, which my son now gets
Speaker 2: to enjoy. Okay, okay, okay, good, But my siblings tease
Speaker 2: me all the time, but like, you didn't cook for us,
Speaker 2: the toast doesn't count. I'm like, yes it does. You
Speaker 2: did you die?
Speaker 1: You live? How many siblings did you have?
Speaker 2: I'm the oldest of three oldest yeah, two siblings, a
Speaker 2: brother and a sister, and I'm the oldest, and the
Speaker 2: age gap is eight years eight and eleven, eight and eleven, yeah,
Speaker 2: And like back then, it was not abnormal for your
Speaker 2: eight year old up until to watch the kids and
Speaker 2: be left by yourself. And so I was a latchkey kid,
Speaker 2: and so I had to figure out. My mom liked
Speaker 2: to prepare leftovers, and so we ate like a lot
Speaker 2: of those, and I would warm those up. But my
Speaker 2: go to dish was always like the spicies with some
Speaker 2: hard boiled eggs because I could boil eggs.
Speaker 1: And were you like the in house babysitter a lot?
Speaker 2: Yes, all the time, all the time.
Speaker 1: Did you ever snap back at her like and your
Speaker 1: t ain't my kids.
Speaker 2: No, huh, so my mother would have thrown me against
Speaker 2: the wall. Yeah, but yes, there were conversations had that.
Speaker 2: It was just dang, I don't want to, like why
Speaker 2: do I have to? And it was very much like this
Speaker 2: is your responsibility and she's the baby of six. So
Speaker 2: sometimes there would be that like energy clash. So you
Speaker 2: were the baby of six, I'm those of three. You
Speaker 2: don't understand it, you don't get it.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: But we have these conversations like now in our maturity
Speaker 2: and our evolution of us in our relationship, and there's
Speaker 2: been like a lot of healing and repair around my
Speaker 2: childhood perceptions and where she could have showed up differently
Speaker 2: or I could have showed up differently. But at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, all of the stereotypes about the
Speaker 2: eldest child remain true for me. Okay for sure, all.
Speaker 1: Right, go ahead, feed me oldest child. You want me
Speaker 1: to hear, friend, go for it. We pre boiled spicy bodies.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to infhaty size of your name because I've
Speaker 1: been working on the spicy moddies. We pre boiled your
Speaker 1: hard boiled eggs. I'm guessing we could just peel it right,
Speaker 1: we could just peel it. I'll just I'll work on mine,
Speaker 1: even though I think, is it.
Speaker 2: So how hard we had? Yes, we gotta have a song, poker.
Speaker 1: Salt and pepper. I've had a hard boiled egg and
Speaker 1: so long. The last thing we had a hard boiled
Speaker 1: egg on this show was very traumatizing. Why because the
Speaker 1: young lady chose a pickled egg. And let me tell
Speaker 1: you something. It like, to this day, I don't look
Speaker 1: at eggs the same because of that pickled egg. It's
Speaker 1: trying to traumatize me. So let's see if the trauma
Speaker 1: still lingers.
Speaker 2: Okay, because I love it when I tell you that
Speaker 2: I eat probably for eggs a day, really a lot
Speaker 2: of protein.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, you look stunny. It looks stunning.
Speaker 2: I appreciate.
Speaker 1: So is your mom still single mom?
Speaker 2: So that's that's the origin story, right, single parent home.
Speaker 2: Grew up with a deep desire for a father. Early on,
Speaker 2: my father went to is't and I didn't know like
Speaker 2: drug dealer goes to prison. But all I knew was like, hey,
Speaker 2: I deserve a daddy. What's going on mom? With your
Speaker 2: love life? So I started to intentionally introduce her to
Speaker 2: men because I would see my mother's like reaction to
Speaker 2: guys being in her life. She was very young, she
Speaker 2: was hot. My mom had me when she was twenty,
Speaker 2: so there was this energy of wanting to still be
Speaker 2: married and I felt that from her, and I wanted
Speaker 2: a daddy. I noticed how poor you were. I noticed
Speaker 2: the other kids had two parents, and I really felt
Speaker 2: like I deserve that. So I would go up to
Speaker 2: men in the gas station at the car wash at
Speaker 2: my school pitching my mom and me as like a
Speaker 2: great package, like how a cute?
Speaker 1: I am you fabulous? But I'm pretty sure looking at you,
Speaker 1: your mom had to she had to beat them off
Speaker 1: a little bit.
Speaker 2: My mom was a soul trained dancer, okay, so she
Speaker 2: gave up her career for me. But like she my
Speaker 2: mom was a hottie okay, and so definitely would be
Speaker 2: trying to sell the package. Because also to when my
Speaker 2: mom was in a reallyationship, we had more, we had
Speaker 2: more resources, toys, more food, So she did get in
Speaker 2: other relationships. My mom was married three times.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, I like to say that I.
Speaker 2: Get the credit for that, but my mom saw it
Speaker 2: to all the husbands because when you are I consider
Speaker 2: people with big hearts. Right, we're still products. And so
Speaker 2: I understood at a very young age that like, we
Speaker 2: got to seal this deal. Yeah, And I was accustomed
Speaker 2: to the men understanding how close we were. And also
Speaker 2: when they would court my mom, they would also court me.
Speaker 2: And what I mean and not in a negative way,
Speaker 2: but I mean, is a very positive way in the
Speaker 2: sense of if they brought her flowers, they brought me flowers.
Speaker 2: If they got her a gift, they would come with
Speaker 2: something for me. And so it was very much, Oh,
Speaker 2: I like how this feels. I understand why my mom
Speaker 2: is into this. And I kept doing it over and over,
Speaker 2: like I kept introducing her to people over and over
Speaker 2: because I just saw how happy she was relationship and
Speaker 2: that did something for me the credit of dang, I
Speaker 2: helped you with that relationship. And I was young. When
Speaker 2: I tell you I was young.
Speaker 1: Give me an idea of how young you are. I
Speaker 1: was pitching her at six, Oh, you're really young.
Speaker 2: And my mom has been married three times, she was
Speaker 2: divorced when before sixth grade she got a divorce, and
Speaker 2: that last divorce, I was like, we need to make
Speaker 2: this work somehow. But since then, my mother, of course
Speaker 2: has had like other boyfriends. But my whole purpose arose
Speaker 2: from plugging her in relationships and seeing how it changes
Speaker 2: you and seeing the negative and the positive from it.
Speaker 2: And she saw that I also had a gift and
Speaker 2: like this propensity to try to connect, and I kept
Speaker 2: doing it throughout high school. I would plug my friends. College,
Speaker 2: I don't know, you need to study this. Oh, so
Speaker 2: you see Berkeley from there, and I too always had
Speaker 2: a boyfriend. Like I loved relationships, but that's not enough.
Speaker 2: You can't just be obsessed with relationships. Actually need to
Speaker 2: understand and have strategy and the tools in order for
Speaker 2: it to be healthy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw in your bile there's a it was
Speaker 1: like a certification or I didn't even know there was
Speaker 1: like a school for relationships, but in your bio it
Speaker 1: said something like.
Speaker 2: That in communication studied not just women's studies. I went
Speaker 2: to Spelman as well and studied women's studies. That's shout
Speaker 2: out to Akamupie. And then in my undergrad I did
Speaker 2: communication and that was where I realized the breakdown between
Speaker 2: men and women. Okay, And then in my I went
Speaker 2: on to get my masters in communication as well, and
Speaker 2: that dealt more with like me understanding not just how
Speaker 2: male and men and women communicate, but also how technology
Speaker 2: plays a role in our lack of intimacy or can
Speaker 2: expand and help it. And so everything that I did
Speaker 2: in my master's was actually to build the spicy life.
Speaker 2: When I saw the problems that we were having in relationships,
Speaker 2: a spicy life grew into more of a not just
Speaker 2: let me match make it grew into no, you guys
Speaker 2: need coaching. So I took psychology, sociology and then went
Speaker 2: on to get certified as a dating coach. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: saw that, and then marital counseling from Gotman Institute.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so there's a certification for that.
Speaker 2: You. Yes, there are certifications for any area that you
Speaker 2: want to become more of an expert. And I'm a
Speaker 2: huge proponent of It's one thing to have lived experience,
Speaker 2: another thing to have education. With those two combined, you're
Speaker 2: more powerful versus I just read a book. No, okay,
Speaker 2: But I also applied the tools and then manifested that
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: But you knew from a very young age, from this
Speaker 1: age of toast and eggs, that this is your colic.
Speaker 2: Knew in the sense of I knew that I was
Speaker 2: good at it. I didn't know that it was my gift.
Speaker 2: Mom brought that to my attention one time in high school.
Speaker 2: I came home and, like I said, we didn't have
Speaker 2: much poor. She doesn't like me to say poor. I
Speaker 2: think she prefers me to say or not use poverty.
Speaker 2: What is it poor versus broke? My mom prefers broke. Yes, Okay,
Speaker 2: my mom says we were broke, we weren't poor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my mom too, Patato, there's a difference. I
Speaker 1: just want to clarify the difference because I like the
Speaker 1: way my mom says it. Broke is temporary. Poor is
Speaker 1: more long term. So if you say, okay, I'm broke
Speaker 1: right now. Okay, I'm broke right now, But if you
Speaker 1: say I'm poor, it's like your destitute, almost like past
Speaker 1: future current you're poor. Yeah, to for broke is more
Speaker 1: like the way my mom positions broke is always like
Speaker 1: a temporary So that's that was her whole thing. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're broke right now, but if you say you're poor,
Speaker 1: just seems to have a little bit more of a longer.
Speaker 2: My mom is on your team. Okay, poor versus broke.
Speaker 2: She was broke, but I'm like, we only were not
Speaker 2: broke when or poor, which when she was married. The
Speaker 2: moment that, like the relationship was over, it was back
Speaker 2: to the streets. We were living with my aunty. We
Speaker 2: moved in and this was in seventh grade. We moved
Speaker 2: in with my aunty and me and my siblings, and
Speaker 2: I had to take care of them, and my mom
Speaker 2: was living in San Diego. We're living in San Clementy
Speaker 2: on the marine base because my aunt was married and
Speaker 2: in the trailer. We lived in a trailer with her
Speaker 2: and my siblings, and so I was with them every
Speaker 2: single day, making sure they got up for school, that
Speaker 2: they were going down because my aunt had her six
Speaker 2: kids to take care of.
Speaker 1: So the there's a lot to unpack cares. Yeah, your
Speaker 1: how did these breakups impact you? Because I gain the
Speaker 1: love and the highs, But how did the lows not
Speaker 1: have a negative impact on you?
Speaker 2: They absolutely did, tons of daddy issues.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, so here's to the healthier version. I
Speaker 1: love me.
Speaker 2: I love the yolk, that's your favorite part. I love
Speaker 2: it all. So like I could do egg whites, I
Speaker 2: can also do the yolk. I'm like, I'm just an
Speaker 2: egg person, really good.
Speaker 1: Perfect, is just your third egg today? Yes, it's mine too.
Speaker 2: You already.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, we're on the same look the same two
Speaker 1: eggs and three pieces of bacon.
Speaker 2: And I probably wind up having another egg later with
Speaker 2: my salad or whatever.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to do.
Speaker 2: When I tell you, one time I was trying to
Speaker 2: lose weight, I did a meat, cheese an egg diet.
Speaker 2: You only can eat meat, you can only eat geese
Speaker 2: and eggs for three months, right, I lost so many bounds.
Speaker 2: At the end, you start to incorporate vegetables, and which
Speaker 2: is crazy to not eat vegetables and fruit in the beginning,
Speaker 2: even but they want to drop your blood sugar and
Speaker 2: so I lost a lot of weight. But it's not
Speaker 2: sustainable for the rest of your life. Is not sustainable.
Speaker 2: But I lost a lot of weight. I lost a
Speaker 2: lot of weight.
Speaker 1: If I'm ever going on vacation, I'm gonna try that
Speaker 1: all right. For the cinnamon toast, We're only doing one bite.
Speaker 1: You only took a little cute, little bite out of
Speaker 1: your egg.
Speaker 2: You want to eat more my egg?
Speaker 1: No, I'm gonna I tell people. When people are like,
Speaker 1: how much do you, I'm like, like a real person.
Speaker 2: Your clips was like, oh, it's the food.
Speaker 1: Oh there's sometimes where we have to call cut and like, yo,
Speaker 1: we're gonna finish this. Yeah, all right, We're going in
Speaker 1: for the cinnamon toast. Butter cinnamon toast.
Speaker 2: Right here, I'm gonna take a bite with you.
Speaker 1: I feel like when you was a kid, you laced
Speaker 1: this way better than this I did.
Speaker 2: But now that I know the calories are butter.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, because I know if I.
Speaker 2: Wasn't, I wasn't help conscious till seventh grade when I
Speaker 2: got my brass off. Okay, rereason being is because I'm
Speaker 2: gonna give you all the whole backstory.
Speaker 1: You better.
Speaker 2: The one common thing between my mom and her husband's
Speaker 2: and my mom give infermission to share the intimate details
Speaker 2: of our lives, is that they all were addicts.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: My said that at the time when he would drink,
Speaker 2: I would go to the liquor store with him and
Speaker 2: we would pick up his six packs, and he would
Speaker 2: always give me candy bars, and I got in the
Speaker 2: habit of expecting a candy bar every day because he
Speaker 2: was getting a six pack every day, So it gain's
Speaker 2: a lot of weight. I was a jimpy kid. Okay,
Speaker 2: when I got my braces off though, because I wasn't
Speaker 2: allowed to eat nuts and Carmen who have bracelets. The
Speaker 2: weight came off when I stopped eating all that candy.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: And so when I took the braces off, I lost
Speaker 2: the weight and then the boobies came out. I was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: not only does this look better, but y'all treat me
Speaker 2: different when I'm twenty pounds smaller than when. That was
Speaker 2: like the first time that I noticed. Okay, when I
Speaker 2: cut sugars and this was young, I'm like, I'm a
Speaker 2: kid at this point, but I was like, dang, the
Speaker 2: way that the boys weren't on me. I was like, Ooh,
Speaker 2: I like this attention. I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep
Speaker 2: doing this no wonder my mom is addicted to it.
Speaker 2: So that was ben opening, I opening moment.
Speaker 1: For me until this day.
Speaker 2: I do a different diet every other month.
Speaker 1: And you definitely stay away from the sugars.
Speaker 2: Me, okay, to lose the weight, I stay away from
Speaker 2: the sugars. But the reason why I have to go
Speaker 2: back on the diet is is I still have a
Speaker 2: bad relationship with food.
Speaker 1: Oh, you do have a bad.
Speaker 2: I have one more than likely. Body image just morephia
Speaker 2: a paper that I wrote in college, I diagnose myself
Speaker 2: like based on my studies, I have body image just
Speaker 2: more for. But my relationship with food still is the
Speaker 2: same in this sense of when I look in the mirror,
Speaker 2: I still see a big girl that when as a
Speaker 2: kid in my elementary days, and then when I gain weight,
Speaker 2: it reminds me of, oh, I'm not necessarily I don't
Speaker 2: feel my clothes appropriately, I don't feel as confident as usual,
Speaker 2: and so me understanding the power that it has over me.
Speaker 2: It's a process in the sense of I understand that
Speaker 2: we need to love ourselves through it. I don't believe
Speaker 2: that when I'm overweight I look my best, So you
Speaker 2: can't change the belief. Yeah, So instead, okay, let me
Speaker 2: program myself to do the healthy thing. I go to
Speaker 2: the health the habit if I can't change the belief
Speaker 2: that I have about when I'm big.
Speaker 1: Now that understand that's yeah, But that's great. That sounds healthy.
Speaker 1: It's a healthy way to handle it, a healthy, responsible versus.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to accept as I am and continue
Speaker 2: to eat whatever I want. If and so there can
Speaker 2: there's different ways that it can go the way that
Speaker 2: it transfer overs into relationship as well, because I tell
Speaker 2: my clients the same thing when it comes to the
Speaker 2: belief system is if you believe that, let's just say
Speaker 2: all men are trash, or don't love women, or they're
Speaker 2: all dogs, then you will behave in a way that
Speaker 2: serves that belief.
Speaker 1: You're not going to be kind to them.
Speaker 2: You're going to treat them with the same level of
Speaker 2: respect that you think they treat you. You're going to
Speaker 2: be stands offish, and you're not going to be a
Speaker 2: magnet for the thing that you're trying to attract insteader
Speaker 2: of going to be a magnet for the thing that
Speaker 2: you hate, the thing that you say that you want
Speaker 2: to avoid. Okay, I can't make I can't transform that
Speaker 2: belief until we unpack why we believe that. We have
Speaker 2: to get to the root of that perspective, like what
Speaker 2: form that belief, what's at the root of it, and
Speaker 2: then I have to give you a behavior that proves
Speaker 2: that belief wrong. Okay, So what that would look like
Speaker 2: is if let's just say you think the men are trash. Okay,
Speaker 2: let's put ourselves in an environment and experience a kind man,
Speaker 2: the kind man will help you shift the belief because
Speaker 2: now you will have an experience that makes a deposit
Speaker 2: into the positive belief bank, or.
Speaker 1: How do you give him that experience?
Speaker 2: So we're redoing your dating profiles. I'm taking you out.
Speaker 2: We're hunting right, I'm going with you as you know,
Speaker 2: your wing woman, and I'm helping you actually, like figure
Speaker 2: out how to communicate with them effectively. We are going
Speaker 2: to events, We're going like you name it, We're doing it.
Speaker 2: I'm going through not just my rolodex, but we're reaching out.
Speaker 2: We're asking friends, we are tapping into our network the
Speaker 2: same way you would with I need a job, Does
Speaker 2: anybody have one? We're doing the same thing when it
Speaker 2: comes to a man, Wow, I have to make those
Speaker 2: positive deposits in there, and that's or I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: be able to change the belief. So for my chest
Speaker 2: and my carbs and all that, it's the same thing. Okay,
Speaker 2: what's the positive deposits that I can make to make
Speaker 2: me feel better about the thing that I'm trying to manifest.
Speaker 2: I like it. That makes sense.
Speaker 1: I like it. I like it makes a lot of sense,
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2: The family has been a huge part of my now
Speaker 2: my graziness.
Speaker 1: Going back, let's talk about these breakups and how that
Speaker 1: acted you and what that did. Yep.
Speaker 2: I saw growing up unhealthy relationships, multuous relationships where my
Speaker 2: mother was treated well in the beginning and then mistreated
Speaker 2: when the manhatter or their true nature came out. So
Speaker 2: that impacted me in a way that you would think
Speaker 2: that I would have a disdain for men.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it did not.
Speaker 2: Instead, I was like, that's not going to be me
Speaker 2: until my naivity. I got in a relationship in seventh
Speaker 2: grade with gentleman Roy, wind up seeing him kiss someone else,
Speaker 2: and that is what became what that is the moment
Speaker 2: when I decided I was going to be a gangster
Speaker 2: moving forward with me? Okay, So then there was this
Speaker 2: shift that occurred. It wasn't my daddy's that made the shift.
Speaker 2: It was actually it was Roy. I've talked him in years,
Speaker 2: but Roy was the first person to ever cheat on
Speaker 2: me and betray me. And in that moment, I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I will never be hurt like this again. So it
Speaker 2: took me into my wounded feminine. The wounded feminine felt
Speaker 2: weak and I didn't like the way that felt. So
Speaker 2: in order to empower myself, I leaned into my wounded masculine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I want to yeah, because that's what is
Speaker 1: the gangster you. I want to know what that the
Speaker 1: gangs to me is.
Speaker 2: You don't love these os, so I would. I was
Speaker 2: dating and this is high school, right like I was
Speaker 2: still this is in high school.
Speaker 1: Was high school.
Speaker 2: I was still a virgin. In high school, I did
Speaker 2: it was with my virginity until twenty one. I played
Speaker 2: with a lot of men's hearts. I was a tease.
Speaker 1: I was a flirt.
Speaker 2: One of my best friends also, let me know, you
Speaker 2: can't invest in these men like you need to do
Speaker 2: you the men will be there. And because I was
Speaker 2: a straight A student, I was like, oh, okay, I
Speaker 2: could get these good grades. I can have you take
Speaker 2: me out. But then there's this moment where one of
Speaker 2: the dudes who I was player, he had bombed a
Speaker 2: diamond necklace and I brought it home to my mom
Speaker 2: and I'm like, look at this necklace he got me
Speaker 2: and it was like zails, but like still I'm in
Speaker 2: high school. My mom was like, how did you get
Speaker 2: because she knows I'm a virgion. My mom knows everything
Speaker 2: about me. So she was like, how did you get
Speaker 2: this dude to get you this diamond necklace. I was like,
Speaker 2: I just told him that he wanted some jewelry and
Speaker 2: he got me this. And she was like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 2: not even gonna ask where it came from and how
Speaker 2: he got it, because y'all are in high school, she said,
Speaker 2: But I do know that you have a gift. She said,
Speaker 2: you have the ability to connect with people and also
Speaker 2: guide them, and that means that I need to guide
Speaker 2: this energy appropriately. She was like, you can use your
Speaker 2: gift for good or you can use it for evil.
Speaker 2: She was like, and if I would have stayed with
Speaker 2: your father, you would have probably been the best madam
Speaker 2: in the world. But I didn't stay with him for
Speaker 2: a specific reason. So I need you to make sure
Speaker 2: that you were using your gifts for good.
Speaker 1: Okay, you understand you had a swagger type pit mentality, right.
Speaker 2: I was like, what can we get because I also
Speaker 2: remember I'm also seeing like when I was little with her,
Speaker 2: we would get gifts into this, so I'm just playing
Speaker 2: not what I saw my mom receiving and experiencing. But
Speaker 2: it wasn't necessarily a healthy mind yet. She was like,
Speaker 2: I need you to educate yourself, empower yourself so that
Speaker 2: you're not dependent on these men, because she saw my
Speaker 2: self esteem was also affected by it, and so I
Speaker 2: wasn't aware enough in high school to understand we weren't
Speaker 2: talking about mental health and esteem at that point. She
Speaker 2: just recognized certain traits that also flowed from her to me,
Speaker 2: and she was like, you're gonna be either a dog
Speaker 2: or a lover of men, or you're gonna abuse these powers.
Speaker 2: And my mom was a hopeless romantic and she didn't
Speaker 2: want me to feel like men had all of the control.
Speaker 2: So she was like, go to college, be the first
Speaker 2: to go to college, blah blah blah. And I did,
Speaker 2: and college had a relationship. Wasn't the most honest with
Speaker 2: this person in college? You?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you weren't.
Speaker 2: Like the dog was still okay, I was still her.
Speaker 2: Ray sent me on a trajectory and so that getting
Speaker 2: caught right like accidentally at the time. Emailed my boyfriend
Speaker 2: an email out somebody who's going to come visit me
Speaker 2: at college for the weekend. And I was and I
Speaker 2: saw I hit him up. I'm like, please don't open
Speaker 2: that email. Please don't open.
Speaker 1: After you sent it, and it was supposed to be
Speaker 1: to someone else.
Speaker 2: It was supposed to be in response to the dude
Speaker 2: who was coming to visit me, and I accidentally sent
Speaker 2: it to the boyfriend at the time. Yeah, I told you, mind,
Speaker 2: you still hadn't slept with any of these men. I
Speaker 2: don't how graphic can we get on here?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, had done, had done the everything else right, all
Speaker 2: the other elements of intimacy, but still not sex. I
Speaker 2: still wind up losing it to this gentleman who you
Speaker 2: sent this email?
Speaker 1: Who?
Speaker 2: No, I lost it to the boyfriend at the time
Speaker 2: because I wanted to make sure that I lost it
Speaker 2: to somebody who I loved, who treated me, and even
Speaker 2: though I mistreated him, I felt I wasn't going to
Speaker 2: be able to wait till marriage. I knew I wasn't
Speaker 2: gonna be a wait's marriage, and so I still felt
Speaker 2: like we needed to share this intimacy while we still
Speaker 2: have the safety there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so.
Speaker 2: That relationship also, plus my studies understand and think that
Speaker 2: in my twenties, the trajectory that I was going down,
Speaker 2: Although I'm out here like setting relationships, setting people up,
Speaker 2: I needed to further my education and that's when I
Speaker 2: went back to school later, but I was already doing
Speaker 2: a radio show for kjlage giving spicy tips and then
Speaker 2: later on What Up doing spicy tips and relationship advice
Speaker 2: on my Heart for I TIE two point three, but
Speaker 2: went back to get my masters so that I could
Speaker 2: help people correctly with the tools, and then also was
Speaker 2: building my company at the same time. I had to
Speaker 2: do a transformation within because even through my twenties, I
Speaker 2: was still allowing myself to think that in relationship or
Speaker 2: in partnership, you have more, and you do have more
Speaker 2: in the sense.
Speaker 1: Of, yeah, because you have a partnership, you have a Partnershipyah.
Speaker 1: But if they're on the right team, if they're on.
Speaker 2: The right team, yes, But I didn't. I don't date
Speaker 2: men who don't vote you, like who don't vote on you,
Speaker 2: and like court you. That was a non negotiable for me,
Speaker 2: So I wasn't ever gonna be without. But what I
Speaker 2: didn't understand is that I was actually dating from a
Speaker 2: scarcity mindset. I feel like it's a lot like you
Speaker 2: need like several episodes for my love life? What you're
Speaker 2: all going in a book? Oh?
Speaker 1: They are? Do you have to make up names for
Speaker 1: the characters too.
Speaker 2: Anytime you talk about someone out of respect and out
Speaker 2: for their privacy, I'm changing names and I'm changing even
Speaker 2: even if I reference like examples around maybe something that
Speaker 2: I'm pulling from Bee a client, I'm going to change
Speaker 2: all the details so that it doesn't trace back to
Speaker 2: that person, just to respect their privacy. And then I'll
Speaker 2: also be sharing and be getting their permission. Yeah, anytime
Speaker 2: you mention someone, you want to get.
Speaker 1: That anytime now. So to go back to your story,
Speaker 1: you're in college, You've lost your virginity. You're understanding this
Speaker 1: relationship cycle this whole time. You're in pursuit of eventually
Speaker 1: become creating this spicy life. But maybe not the name
Speaker 1: of it.
Speaker 2: Ye didn't know the name yet. Okay, that was birthed after,
Speaker 2: Like I graduated in undergrad in I'm a girlfriend person,
Speaker 2: so I stay in relationship from relationship for relationship. Definitely
Speaker 2: had those seasons where I'm like, Okay, I need to
Speaker 2: be single so that I can live myself and be alone.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah. I've tasted the single life and
Speaker 2: I've tasted the spicy life and in relationship. What I
Speaker 2: noticed about myself is that I thrive and go further. Okay,
Speaker 2: when I'm in an unhealthy relationship, I fall to the wayside,
Speaker 2: it takes over. And so identifying that early on and
Speaker 2: identifying the power that sex had over my emotions and
Speaker 2: how it would either make me super anxious or I
Speaker 2: would be spiraling and I can't eat, I can't sleep,
Speaker 2: I'm showing up but your house, Like I went through
Speaker 2: that crazy season. So there was always this back and
Speaker 2: forth between the gangster and me and then the thirst
Speaker 2: in me because at the end of the day, what
Speaker 2: my heart really wanted was my heart really wanted was
Speaker 2: a man. Well, my heart really wanted was a father.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Now have you heard this subconsciously that people are
Speaker 1: attracted to that familiar energy? Well, what am I saying?
Speaker 1: You've studied this? Is this? I'm going to ask you,
Speaker 1: is this a thing? Because I was telling my homeboy
Speaker 1: definitely leaving his name out, but he's in a relationship
Speaker 1: where he's continually being abandoned. And I was just like
Speaker 1: I had learned from a toxic relationship. I went there
Speaker 1: before the lady had said subconsciously, you're the feeling you
Speaker 1: had in say a childhood or whatever. Yeah, you're reinvoking
Speaker 1: it whether you liked it or not subconsciously. Is this true? Yeah,
Speaker 1: shed more light on.
Speaker 2: That as so what it is that you tend to
Speaker 2: date with Just even though you may say you don't
Speaker 2: want that thing because it's familiar to you, you will
Speaker 2: subconsciously attract that thing and choose that thing. And so
Speaker 2: what that may look like for me, for example, was
Speaker 2: because I wanted a father figure, I'm going to go
Speaker 2: after men that either maybe I saw my mom date
Speaker 2: men that may not have been even certain about me.
Speaker 2: That would be like the oh, I'm not I don't
Speaker 2: realize that this is something that is affecting me. So
Speaker 2: that would look like if I'm anxious, right, it would
Speaker 2: look like me getting with maybe an avoidant because my
Speaker 2: mom was with avoidance men who were not emotionally available
Speaker 2: to and but that was familiar because that's how my
Speaker 2: dads were. And so we have to recognize, Okay, what's
Speaker 2: my kryptonite? What are the things that are holding me
Speaker 2: back from achieving what I want? And you have to
Speaker 2: make a conscious decision for what you want.
Speaker 1: So like an anxious or avoidant attachment style, like you're
Speaker 1: looking at the attachment stock.
Speaker 2: So yeah, So that plays a role in how you
Speaker 2: behave and navigate in the relationship. For me, what I
Speaker 2: wanted was a father figure and to be loved appropriately
Speaker 2: by a man. But what I was attracting were men
Speaker 2: who either embodied some of the characteristics of previous father
Speaker 2: figures or understood that was a void that I was
Speaker 2: hunting for, and so I was accepting maybe their voids
Speaker 2: or their weaknesses or their wounds. So we were wound mates,
Speaker 2: we were not purpose mates. A wound mate is someone.
Speaker 1: Who you are, you have you both share.
Speaker 2: Similar wound or hurt, okay, and so that person then
Speaker 2: becomes attached to you through time, shared experiences, intimacy. But
Speaker 2: that is not somebody who's gonna propel you into your purpose.
Speaker 2: That is not that's like cluational somebody who's gonna hold
Speaker 2: you back. And so when I would see I got
Speaker 2: in a relationship with this one guy, and I wouldn't
Speaker 2: I introduce my mom to let's say, all of my men,
Speaker 2: wouldn't introduce this one because the relationship was so toxic.
Speaker 2: He was an alcoholic, and my mom was like, this
Speaker 2: is looking real familiar, and she busted me out. She
Speaker 2: was like, you won't let me meet him. What is
Speaker 2: wrong with him? There's something going on. You introduced me
Speaker 2: to all your little chicky boom booms. What is wrong
Speaker 2: with him? And I was like, MoMA, making a pros
Speaker 2: and consist right now about him because I don't know
Speaker 2: whether to stay or whether to go.
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 2: And she was like, stop making that pros and consics
Speaker 2: about yourself about him. Make it about yourself. Oh, she's
Speaker 2: make the pros and consts about yourself because something about
Speaker 2: you is attracted to this guy that you're dating and
Speaker 2: you need to see, like, why is it so familiar
Speaker 2: to you? And he was the prototype of every man
Speaker 2: that she had previously been with.
Speaker 1: I just think it's interesting that she's able to call
Speaker 1: out these things for you. Correct, But she also played
Speaker 1: a role contributing to these things. Correct. I don't know,
Speaker 1: and I'm not judging. I just think it's interesting that
Speaker 1: the whole dynamic with you and your mom is just
Speaker 1: very unique in the sense that it's almost like she
Speaker 1: wants you to be a She definitely wants you to
Speaker 1: be a better version, of better version, but she's definitely
Speaker 1: able to call it out and give really great advice. Yes,
Speaker 1: And I don't even know what a pro and CON's
Speaker 1: list of you would look like. What does that even mean?
Speaker 2: It's funny. I do it for my clients now right.
Speaker 2: It's essentially a swat analysis on yourself. So a swat
Speaker 2: in business is when you, let's say, take an organization
Speaker 2: or even if you were to take your eat while
Speaker 2: eating while broke. Okay, what are the strengths of the show,
Speaker 2: what are the weaknesses, where's the opportunities for growth? And
Speaker 2: what are the threats? And so what that would look
Speaker 2: like for yourself is okay, where do I excel? Where's
Speaker 2: what are my strengths? What am I superior at? What
Speaker 2: do I do amazing? What are my weaknesses? Where's the
Speaker 2: areas that I suck? That I'm awful, that I'm a
Speaker 2: horrible person. I'm gonna give you one, y'all. I was
Speaker 2: late to the show. Time management will be one of
Speaker 2: my weaknesses.
Speaker 1: To be clear, though, there's that when you give a
Speaker 1: lead way before. That's so late would be like overf.
Speaker 2: I communicate it.
Speaker 1: She was fifteen minutes, but she called and was calling
Speaker 1: and texting and doing the whole nine, so she that's
Speaker 1: a I was like, okay, if that's your weakness. That
Speaker 1: ain't bad.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's bad in the sense of I know it
Speaker 2: about myself and I'm still having a hard time changing.
Speaker 2: I try to do too much in a certain amount
Speaker 2: of time because your mom.
Speaker 1: That's what we do.
Speaker 2: I was like this before. I can't even I would
Speaker 2: love to blame my son. Now he'd just be running
Speaker 2: late with me. So that's how my neighbor is.
Speaker 1: Shout out to my neighbor'd she'd be like, hey, I'll
Speaker 1: take both the kids to school. I'm like, not, because
Speaker 1: you're gonna know this, You're gonna be late late.
Speaker 2: You gotta be late the So for this, why it's okay?
Speaker 2: Straight's weaknesses and then opportunities. Where is spicy body's opportunities
Speaker 2: for growth? Right? I know the weakness is maybe high management?
Speaker 2: Where my opportunities for growth? Okay, maybe I'm gonna set
Speaker 2: my alarm, schedule my appointments better. Maybe I'm not going
Speaker 2: to take on more than I could chew and make
Speaker 2: an over commit. The threat if I don't work on
Speaker 2: this thing that is horrible about myself, what is going
Speaker 2: to happen to me? What is going to happen if
Speaker 2: I don't work on my time misopportunities, I could potentially
Speaker 2: disrupt other people's livelihood. You have to really assess the threats,
Speaker 2: and so in relationship, you have to do this for yourself.
Speaker 2: Because I'm over here saying I want to be a wife,
Speaker 2: but I haven't looked at within? Why aren't I yet?
Speaker 2: What am I doing? What toxic traits do I have?
Speaker 2: And I did add some toxic ones, I thought, just
Speaker 2: because I was like studying relationship, I was also using
Speaker 2: some of those gifts that my mom warned me about
Speaker 2: to take advantage of. I believe men who really did
Speaker 2: care about me.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: And because I was hurt, right, I was actually making
Speaker 2: choices from a wounded place, and I thought, I'm empowered.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to love these hoes. And it was
Speaker 2: really like, you are afraid to let them in because
Speaker 2: you grew up seeing your mother get hurt, You've abandoned met,
Speaker 2: you're afraid of being poor again. And so all of
Speaker 2: these things played a role in the choices that I
Speaker 2: was making in men. And so when she gave me
Speaker 2: that little wake up call, she called it like a
Speaker 2: pros and cons list, but I.
Speaker 1: Call it a swat.
Speaker 2: Now you need to do it on yourself, because something
Speaker 2: about you wants this, dude. And at that moment, that
Speaker 2: was a wake up call to me because she said,
Speaker 2: she was like, you're you think you're running circles around
Speaker 2: me and you're trying to avoid being me. She was like,
Speaker 2: but you are on a trajectory to become me, geez,
Speaker 2: And I like, did it?
Speaker 1: Mom?
Speaker 2: And that was my wake up call. I was like,
Speaker 2: you know what, I do want a wife. I do
Speaker 2: want to be a wife, and I do want a family,
Speaker 2: and I want a healthy one and I want a
Speaker 2: two parent home. And so if I'm going to do that,
Speaker 2: what are the things about me that I have to change?
Speaker 2: How do I need to show up to prepare to
Speaker 2: be a wife. How do I need to make shifts
Speaker 2: in my life? How do I need to communicate? And
Speaker 2: when I went back to school and I studied like
Speaker 2: spic y so in order to be in a health relationship, Spicy.
Speaker 1: Sorry sbic So, I say, I see, but take me
Speaker 1: a minute to sound it out in my head. That's
Speaker 1: all I see.
Speaker 2: IM seeing you commute, I see you compute the things though,
Speaker 2: I see your the willls in your head.
Speaker 1: Sturtay, Spicy, all right, spicy.
Speaker 2: Yes, But I went back to school. The entire birth
Speaker 2: of the Spicy Life was me studying what makes a
Speaker 2: healthy relationship. So I threw myself back into school and
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, I'm going to focus on this, I'm
Speaker 2: going to prioritize this, and I'm not going to still
Speaker 2: love men. I'm still going to date. But in my
Speaker 2: studies I discovered that the main ingredients that you need
Speaker 2: for a healthy relationship are the self component to love
Speaker 2: thyself but also know thyself. So it's a self awareness part.
Speaker 2: The next part is passion. You've got to have a
Speaker 2: passion for your purpose and a passion for life. You
Speaker 2: have to be able to evoke passion in others. Intimacy
Speaker 2: is the eye. How do you connect what wounds.
Speaker 1: Do we need to heal?
Speaker 2: Were you strong in your feminity and your masculinity? And
Speaker 2: how do you show intimacy? How do you pull intimacy
Speaker 2: out of others? Communication? How do you deliver that message
Speaker 2: for your target audience? So, if you want a man,
Speaker 2: how do you speak to men? If you want a woman,
Speaker 2: how do you speak to women? Yeah, sender versus receiver.
Speaker 2: And then the last part is yes, sacrificing whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I saw that you had said someone like get
Speaker 1: used to saying yes or finding the power to say yes?
Speaker 2: What did you say in your learning to say yes?
Speaker 1: Learning to say yes? And I was like, Oh, that's different. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what does that even look like? Learning to say yes?
Speaker 1: Culture of all boundaries?
Speaker 2: Yeah, everybody's know. And I'm like, yes in the sense
Speaker 2: of what am I afraid of? And how do I
Speaker 2: conquer that? What do I need to sacrifice to be
Speaker 2: able to achieve my heart's desire?
Speaker 1: Got it? What do I need to say yes to?
Speaker 2: Is it more invitations? Is it yes to the guy
Speaker 2: who I'm like, that's not my type? Is it yes
Speaker 2: to this class that I want to enroll in? Is
Speaker 2: it yes to this thing that maybe somebody is asking
Speaker 2: me to try and I'm closed off to it. A
Speaker 2: lot of us are really just trying to protect ourselves
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, and so the decisions
Speaker 2: that we make are always going to resort back to
Speaker 2: what am I afraid of and what am I trying
Speaker 2: to avoid so that I don't repeat the same mistakes.
Speaker 2: And you need to say yes to sometimes the unknown,
Speaker 2: Yes to the elevation and to the expansion.
Speaker 1: Now I get it. Now I get the yes. So
Speaker 1: talk about yes, what if you want to do. Some
Speaker 1: of you ain't into it.
Speaker 2: But yes, we'll help you in your relationship too, though,
Speaker 2: because when your partner's proposing things, if you shut them down,
Speaker 2: if you close them down, that's going to train them
Speaker 2: to not open up to you. That's going to train
Speaker 2: them that she always says no. And when you say yes,
Speaker 2: and you're more open even in improv yes, and that
Speaker 2: gives the person permission to.
Speaker 1: Be open with you.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I've decided I'm going to go full blown
Speaker 2: spicy and ran with it in the sense of I
Speaker 2: have to. I had to own it. I had to
Speaker 2: be spicy, and I had to create the spicy life,
Speaker 2: and I had to teach others how to be spicy.
Speaker 2: So I decided I did a transformation. I went from
Speaker 2: Venom to Spider Man, and I was like, I have
Speaker 2: to now use my powers for good like my mom
Speaker 2: ton'd me back in the day.
Speaker 1: Now to build this empire that you've built. What did
Speaker 1: that runway look like? Because I would imagine you were
Speaker 1: doing something on the side till you got the company
Speaker 1: off the round. So can you tell me just a
Speaker 1: little bit to bits of how the company.
Speaker 2: I was a sales rep one time. For gosh, I've
Speaker 2: had jobs all my life through even to put myself
Speaker 2: through college. But after graduation it looked like me working
Speaker 2: as a buyer for Macy's. I've been a pharmaceutical sales rep.
Speaker 2: I was a PR rep for an insurance agency at
Speaker 2: one point. All those times that I had like that
Speaker 2: full time job coming in, I always worked at my
Speaker 2: craft of relationships and hosting. So I always did radio
Speaker 2: at the same time because that doesn't pay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and.
Speaker 2: I always did radio and TV. Okay, and that would
Speaker 2: be always like sending the relationship message of my spicy tips.
Speaker 2: Got it, But that did not pay the bills. I
Speaker 2: had to do these other jobs in the interim.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, but now you're just full time spicy.
Speaker 2: Now I'm full time spicy life.
Speaker 1: Okay. And how does that look like from an entrepreneur's
Speaker 1: perspective day in the life? Is it smooth or is
Speaker 1: it bumpy? Still? Oh no, it's crazy.
Speaker 2: And this is why, like I have my husband, who
Speaker 2: is my purpose made he's my writer die because he
Speaker 2: saw how I was trying to manage like jobs at
Speaker 2: the same time, wile build my empire and I was
Speaker 2: disorganized with how I was trying to build the Spicy Life.
Speaker 2: He was like, Okay, we're not gonna be able to scale.
Speaker 2: We're not going to be able to grow this business
Speaker 2: if you are running twenty different ways, and this is
Speaker 2: how we need to actually like create and run your operations.
Speaker 2: It's because he's an expert in that I shout out
Speaker 2: to my husband Marriage and Finances book. He was able
Speaker 2: to help me become more organized in my business. And
Speaker 2: then that's when I really start to see the benefits.
Speaker 2: And I always knew. I was like, I'm on my
Speaker 2: own radio and TV show as a relationship expert, and
Speaker 2: he said, focus on the business. You build the business,
Speaker 2: the shows will come. Okay, build the business, the shows
Speaker 2: will come. And I was like, no, I got an audition.
Speaker 2: I gotta show my expertises being able to talk about
Speaker 2: relationships on TV shows. He's build the business, the shows
Speaker 2: will come, and I focus on just my clients. I
Speaker 2: poured into them. I poured into walking focus down the aisle.
Speaker 2: I went and got officiated so I could marry them off.
Speaker 2: I saw that I did all the things and the
Speaker 2: shows came and that was my next thing.
Speaker 1: So they just started contacting you saying hey, we would
Speaker 1: love for you to audition, or they just said come
Speaker 1: on pack your bags.
Speaker 2: They shows usually will reach out to me and it
Speaker 2: will be essentially an audition will look like an audition
Speaker 2: since of we need a relationship expert. Can you talk
Speaker 2: about these three things on zoom really quick? Or we
Speaker 2: saw your video tape. We want to see how you
Speaker 2: read with this co host. That would literally just be
Speaker 2: that was DAANMGN happy. I listened to my husband and
Speaker 2: I'm happy that I said on this trajectory. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: when you see yourself do more good than broken hearts,
Speaker 2: it's whoo. But it makes me a great coach though,
Speaker 2: because I went through all my seasons. I went through
Speaker 2: my poor season, I went through my host season, I
Speaker 2: went through my anxious attachment thirsty season, I went through
Speaker 2: my pansy, I went through all the events. And so
Speaker 2: it helps me with women because no matter what FAI,
Speaker 2: they're coming in and me now being the CEO of
Speaker 2: my company, I'm mostly working with those alpha queens.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, those that independent women are independent. They I
Speaker 1: saw one of my girls posts like the dad cannot
Speaker 1: be independent because it is a real heavy I think
Speaker 1: women carry it well, like it's a very from the outside.
Speaker 1: It's carried very well. But I remember I think DC
Speaker 1: Young Fly had said to me, like women carry the
Speaker 1: most grace, like hell could be going on at Yahn
Speaker 1: put on a smiling for sure or whatever. And but
Speaker 1: I see, yeah, I think women that are real independent
Speaker 1: they just want to break. They're like, yeah, this is
Speaker 1: for the birds. This sucks.
Speaker 2: It's challenging because when you focus on just your career, right,
Speaker 2: I knew that I wanted both, so I always did
Speaker 2: multitasking the sense of build my career.
Speaker 1: And I was a leven girl.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course you're gonna get me what you're'n gonna
Speaker 2: find me without a man, unless I was being intentional
Speaker 2: of being without a man. Always that a man.
Speaker 1: Well as the longest you were ever single, I think
Speaker 1: the most I made it was like one year. But
Speaker 1: when I say one year, it was literally I was
Speaker 1: just like, let's wait, just a couple more buds to
Speaker 1: put the title on it, like you knew what you
Speaker 1: were doing. But I was like, please, man, I promise
Speaker 1: myself I'd be officially single. But it was really diasy.
Speaker 2: You had to make a pact, like you had to
Speaker 2: try try me.
Speaker 1: I been single ever.
Speaker 2: I did six months.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did six and I did a detox.
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, no me and no sex, no dates,
Speaker 2: no nothing, no nothing. I did that detox just to see,
Speaker 2: like one if I could do it, but also to
Speaker 2: just to focus on me. I wanted to be selfish
Speaker 2: in that moment because relationships are really about serving. Healthy
Speaker 2: relationships are about serving one another. So yeah, that's that.
Speaker 2: That's single. I've been in all the seasons, but nothing
Speaker 2: compared to the spicy season, where you're empowered with understanding
Speaker 2: the tools and the power that we have as women
Speaker 2: to pivot back and forth between our masculine and feminine
Speaker 2: to get anything done. You do have to lean into
Speaker 2: your masculine when it comes to like efficiency, but to
Speaker 2: get the things that you want and to not have
Speaker 2: to work as hard for it, you need to leave
Speaker 2: into your feminine. Yeah that's so into the receiving.
Speaker 1: I agree. Okay. One thing I want to back track
Speaker 1: to is you said marriage and Finances was the name
Speaker 1: of oh, my husband's book. Yeah, your husband's book. All right,
Speaker 1: shout outs to your husband. Marriage and Marriage and Finances. Okay, Shaye.
Speaker 1: What's his last name if people want to my husband
Speaker 1: is Shae Wah. Okay, Shae Wah. And the name of
Speaker 1: the book is Marriage and Finances and shout Outs if
Speaker 1: you guys want to check that out because it helps
Speaker 1: the spicy life.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, my husband is that man.
Speaker 1: And then what are how can someone out there identify
Speaker 1: deal breakers that are just non negotiables that this relationship
Speaker 1: is definitely headed down a path of just going opposite ways,
Speaker 1: or maybe they were on course but then they parted. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I have you here. I'm gonna try and
Speaker 1: get it out of you.
Speaker 2: So let me give you the pizza. This is a
Speaker 2: cook this is a cooking show. Let me give you
Speaker 2: the pizza. So the pizza is how you get led
Speaker 2: to your purpose. Mate, Okay, how you exclude and get
Speaker 2: rid of all the waste, all the garbage, all the trash.
Speaker 2: Your pizza is the crust, sauce, and toppings. So the
Speaker 2: three things you need for a good pizza crust, sauce, toppings.
Speaker 2: Crust is the foundation. So folks at home needs to
Speaker 2: do five things that they believe make a good human.
Speaker 2: Write those five things down, Okay, the five things you
Speaker 2: think make a good human. The sauce is the five
Speaker 2: ways that I need to be treated in order to
Speaker 2: feel loved, to be inspired, to give love, and to
Speaker 2: feel loved. I need these five things. That's gonna be
Speaker 2: very hard for people to answer. The good person is
Speaker 2: hard for the crust is hard for people to answer,
Speaker 2: and the sauce is hard for people to answer.
Speaker 1: The last you can't generic like just they have to
Speaker 1: have intagrity or whatever.
Speaker 2: If that's a core value of yours, If that would
Speaker 2: be a crust, that would be in the crust. But
Speaker 2: the sauce needs to be like, I need chivalry. That's
Speaker 2: a non negotiable for me. I have to have chivalry.
Speaker 2: The toppings is the next.
Speaker 1: Really the cheese.
Speaker 2: The toppings is the cheese to the toppings, it goes crust, sauce, toppings.
Speaker 2: Cheese is considered a topic.
Speaker 1: Okay, go on.
Speaker 2: So the toppings is what do I need to be
Speaker 2: physically attracted to this person? Oh? Okay, how can and
Speaker 2: what do they need to have for me to want
Speaker 2: to take my clothes off? The toppings, though, is okay?
Speaker 2: Is how everybody is dating in twenty twenty five. We're
Speaker 2: starting with the toppings and then we're pulling back that
Speaker 2: beats and we're being like, Okay, what is the sauce
Speaker 2: look like? Okay, what is the crust look like? And
Speaker 2: that's jacking us up as a society. Yeah, is messing
Speaker 2: us up.
Speaker 1: I'll say this, though, I feel like the way people
Speaker 1: are dating back in the day, and I truly believe
Speaker 1: that the only reason why I was always in a
Speaker 1: relationship was you would make a guy wait or whatever.
Speaker 1: Now if you hang out with a guy with they
Speaker 1: have like their own number. If they're not smashing by
Speaker 1: like date two, they're like I got Shakara, Keisha, Sarah
Speaker 1: and Jody yeah or whoever that are all in rotation
Speaker 1: right now. I don't even want to waste my time.
Speaker 1: So it's weird because now they don't even want to
Speaker 1: stick around. I had guys that would stick around forever, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then if you did hook up, but then they
Speaker 1: were definitely like, you're my girlfriend. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: And this error, But sex isn't guarantee that, No, it
Speaker 2: doesn't it.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying that when you're thinking about your layers,
Speaker 1: people start with this toppings. Then they hook up because
Speaker 1: they're just going off attraction, and then they're peeling back
Speaker 1: the layers.
Speaker 2: They're peeling back those layers.
Speaker 1: So it's backwards. I'm just it's backwards.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, And that backwardsness is messing us up, especially
Speaker 2: as us as women who want husbands, because if you're
Speaker 2: working backwards and you're operating and thinking like a man,
Speaker 2: because that's what a man cares about, hears about toppings.
Speaker 2: If you don't have the toppings, a man's not fooling
Speaker 2: with you at all. Yeah, but for a woman that's
Speaker 2: looking for a husband, the crust and the sauce are
Speaker 2: by far the most important things got and so anything.
Speaker 2: So as you create your pizza right, you're gonna writ
Speaker 2: your pizza out the five five five. The toppings are
Speaker 2: negotiable because if he has the crust and he has
Speaker 2: the sauce, it's still a good freaking pizza.
Speaker 1: It's still a delicious, say, and you're definitely going to
Speaker 1: be attracted to it. Yeah, you know, it's longs.
Speaker 2: More attractive to you the better that he reads you.
Speaker 2: There needs to be a few toppings on there, just
Speaker 2: so that you can take your clothes off. But O
Speaker 2: five do not have to be on there. Okay, those
Speaker 2: are negotiable. You can fix the things that may not
Speaker 2: be on there. My husband had crookeet see now he
Speaker 2: had a visit line straight, his teeth are straight. Hand.
Speaker 2: But this needs to be the map, the road map
Speaker 2: to how you are dating and how you are getting
Speaker 2: in relationship. If they don't have the crust, the crust
Speaker 2: is not negotiable. If they're not a good human, if
Speaker 2: they show you anything outside of those five qualities in
Speaker 2: the crust, you have to release them.
Speaker 1: Dang, you have to really, Now, what if someone say,
Speaker 1: dip their hands in the little cookie jar and they're attached,
Speaker 1: they gotta like, if.
Speaker 2: You want a husband and you want a healthy relationship,
Speaker 2: you got to release them because why would you If
Speaker 2: he's not the crust, If he doesn't have the characteristics
Speaker 2: that you just said defined a good human, why are
Speaker 2: you with him? What are you doing here?
Speaker 1: Or her? Or her?
Speaker 2: Or Yeah, men do this too, but for us trying
Speaker 2: to select husbands, it may have to be in the
Speaker 2: sense of a numbers game. Okay, so you do have
Speaker 2: to give up five, You might have to give up ten.
Speaker 2: You may have to continue your rotation in your dating pool.
Speaker 2: When these qualities are you have to give up. You
Speaker 2: might have to give up someone. Oh give up, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: give up a guy like you. Might have to catch
Speaker 2: and release, Catch and release, and you move on to
Speaker 2: the next zoo.
Speaker 1: Catch and release. I went to a phase where I said,
Speaker 1: I have to catch and release. The second I feel
Speaker 1: slight disrespect, you released back to the ocean.
Speaker 2: You gotta sometimes let them go.
Speaker 1: You gotta let them go. Okay, okay. And then for
Speaker 1: the married folk out there, shout outs to all the
Speaker 1: people the roller coaster, Oh.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: Here. Yeah, what advice do you give to those folks
Speaker 1: that have been at it for a while? Now, spice
Speaker 1: it up, spice it up with the spider. It doesn't
Speaker 1: just look like the bedroom. I'm telling you.
Speaker 2: If you become more attractive when your partner sees you growing,
Speaker 2: so start pouring into yourself, whether that's something that you
Speaker 2: want to register for, a hobby that you want to
Speaker 2: get into and expose your partner to it. That actually
Speaker 2: becomes sexy when you teach your partner new things. So
Speaker 2: that's what I call intellectual intimacy. Oh I like that
Speaker 2: to where it's I'm I'm growing. I'm teaching myself cool
Speaker 2: things or someone introduced something to me, and then you
Speaker 2: share that with them. You get them then into the
Speaker 2: thing that you are being expanded by, and then they
Speaker 2: within themselves will also be expanded. But that keeps the
Speaker 2: relationship intimacy there. And then also I do think that
Speaker 2: you gotta put love on this to do list, so
Speaker 2: we do need our date nights. I also am a
Speaker 2: huge proponent of schedule.
Speaker 1: Sex really scheduled, Yes, scheduled. How do you do that?
Speaker 1: Though you on the calendar, I'm gonna be all the
Speaker 1: way one. I have the same age child as you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I promise you. Around nine o'clock if me and my
Speaker 1: significant my husband are together, the only thing that's happening
Speaker 1: is sleep yep. I don't know if it's like the
Speaker 1: energy or the vibe, like the energy with her in
Speaker 1: the peripherals. It just it's like dead tired. And I'm
Speaker 1: like that is, But if she wasn't around, it'd be different.
Speaker 1: I get it. But Wednesday, every Wednesday this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted the baby to bed out this time
Speaker 2: and we're gonna get it in.
Speaker 1: And what he doesn't feel forced, it's not about.
Speaker 2: No because it actually gives you something to look forward to.
Speaker 2: People feel like, if I put on the calendar or
Speaker 2: I make it like a part of my agenda, it's
Speaker 2: not going to be spontaneous, and I want it spontaneous,
Speaker 2: And I'm like, but I want the sex, and I
Speaker 2: know my time management is bad, So if I try
Speaker 2: to make it spontaneous, it's never gonna happen. I would
Speaker 2: rather have the connection. I would rather be plugged into
Speaker 2: with him, then miss out on our passion and our intimacy.
Speaker 2: So it's actually now being intentional. If we're intentional everything
Speaker 2: else in our life, whether it be our workouts, whether's
Speaker 2: drink and water, why not be intentional about your sex
Speaker 2: life as well. If you are a busy body like me,
Speaker 2: and it makes sense, and I do get tired.
Speaker 1: If I know they have a kid, you'd be like, yo,
Speaker 1: be all looking at the kid like you, oh, let's.
Speaker 2: Be trying to sleep with us, And I'm like, a,
Speaker 2: you're throwing.
Speaker 1: Salt on my game. These kids are like birth control, man.
Speaker 2: Oh my one thousand percent, yeah, one thousand percent.
Speaker 1: But that is by nature though.
Speaker 2: If they keep you busy, if they make sure that
Speaker 2: you have all other attention, they can eliminate the potential
Speaker 2: for siblings and they can absorb all of the resources
Speaker 2: that come with being an only child.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, and then what do you advice
Speaker 1: for people that are going through separation?
Speaker 2: Separations are challenging because it's one foot and one foot out. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you're trying to decide do you want to stay do
Speaker 2: you want to go? And so I think that you
Speaker 2: need to be very clear on do we have the
Speaker 2: same goal. Do we both want the same things in life?
Speaker 2: If we want completely different things in life? Because I
Speaker 2: think that when you are with your purpose mate, you
Speaker 2: guys understand the bigger picture and so anything that diverts
Speaker 2: from that throws you off track. So you always have
Speaker 2: to go back to, Okay, what is the goal in
Speaker 2: the relationship? What are we both trying to accomplish, not
Speaker 2: just in our but in our relationship goal. You have
Speaker 2: to put relationship goals and have team meetings for relationship goals,
Speaker 2: just the same way that you would for financial on
Speaker 2: the calendar. Everything goes on the calendar. At this point
Speaker 2: in my life, I said, we run in behind, but
Speaker 2: even the sex runs behind. But everything goes on the calendar.
Speaker 2: Yeahs are hilarious.
Speaker 1: You are hilarious. I can't imagine what that would look like.
Speaker 1: But the way you called us fifteen minutes, I'm so
Speaker 1: so sorry. Yeah, I'll make it up. That is one thing.
Speaker 2: Me and my husband, we communicate. He's even a better
Speaker 2: communicator than be. But we communicate.
Speaker 1: And you still think communication is like key number.
Speaker 2: One, number one. A lot of us think that we
Speaker 2: are great communicators and we are not.
Speaker 1: Okay, And what's the difference between male and female communication?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's a million things, but I'll start
Speaker 2: with love versus logic and women, communication is an emotional
Speaker 2: experience for it. For men, communication is a driver of
Speaker 2: efficiency and logic. And so that's why we are in
Speaker 2: our masculine when we are at work, because we are
Speaker 2: trying to just let me give you this information so
Speaker 2: we can make these changes so we can be efficient
Speaker 2: and effective. Men naturally communicate with the factual disclosure. Factual
Speaker 2: disclosure is the facts that you need to know. Women
Speaker 2: we communicate oftentimes with emotional disclosure. And if you're a
Speaker 2: woman not communicating with emotional disclosure, you'll never create intimacy
Speaker 2: in relationship that you're operating. You're masculine and you need
Speaker 2: to call me. But emotional disclosure is telling you how
Speaker 2: the fact made you feel.
Speaker 1: Okay, So that's a good thing.
Speaker 2: If that is a good thing, most of us as
Speaker 2: a society are not operating in emotional disclosure. We are
Speaker 2: operating in factual disclosure when we are in our masculine energy.
Speaker 1: Give me an example, you and I were in a relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you a factual disclosure, like today, I
Speaker 1: have an appointment at four pm. Sorry, I couldn't make
Speaker 1: it to our dinner. Okay, So is that a good example? Yes?
Speaker 2: Close, That would be I have a four pmtor's appointment,
Speaker 2: or of a four pm conference call, and you can
Speaker 2: say I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: That's not that.
Speaker 2: Being apologetic is an emotion. However, we would take it
Speaker 2: a step further and say, I apologize and it makes
Speaker 2: me feel awful to have disappointed you and not being
Speaker 2: able to make it. But I need you to understand
Speaker 2: that what I'm going through really requires this for my esteem.
Speaker 2: I got to make disappointment and tell me how this
Speaker 2: is making you feel and how I can make it
Speaker 2: up to you.
Speaker 1: That's emotional.
Speaker 2: That is the emotional Okay, you have to let the
Speaker 2: person into how it's making you feel. They need to
Speaker 2: see the remorse saying, to hear the repentance. They need
Speaker 2: to because the problem with i'm sorry, and this is
Speaker 2: a whole nother episode about the apology languages, the problem
Speaker 2: with i'm sorry is that people if you use i'm
Speaker 2: sorry in relationship, it doesn't work anymore because if you've
Speaker 2: been sorry a hundred times, the person's tired of hearing it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like whatever, the emotional disclosure would come in even though
Speaker 2: you're like, i'm sorry, that's an emotion apologetic is, but
Speaker 2: i'm sorry is like the delivery of the remorse. The
Speaker 2: person actually needs to hear and feel and experience the
Speaker 2: remorse to actually believe you.
Speaker 1: I agree with that.
Speaker 2: But the factual disclosure would be, we made toast. Maybe
Speaker 2: my husband's gonna ask me how the podcast we made toast.
Speaker 2: That's factual disclosure. He's not bonded to.
Speaker 1: Me, that's a fact. Yes, we made I got it.
Speaker 2: That sugar sent him in toast. I like to call
Speaker 2: it my spicy Toast baby. And it took me back
Speaker 2: to my childhood when I was feeding my siblings and
Speaker 2: I was responsible for them at a young age and
Speaker 2: that was so hard on me, but like we persevered
Speaker 2: and it made me feel good to think about Mama.
Speaker 2: We made it like that's more emotional disclosure.
Speaker 1: But now do men like that? Because you always see
Speaker 1: these jokes online where men are like the woman is
Speaker 1: just downloading and the man has just had lunch.
Speaker 2: At the end, what are you trying to achieve in
Speaker 2: that moment? If we want to bond, I need to
Speaker 2: give you emotional disclosure, because I'm trying to get ish done.
Speaker 2: I need to give you factual disclosure. So if I
Speaker 2: want the man closer to me, I should not be
Speaker 2: mirroring his communication. I should be having him mear mind.
Speaker 2: But if I never speak to you in emotional disclosure,
Speaker 2: you never learn. You never learned, as my partner, how
Speaker 2: to become more articulate with your emotional language. We get
Speaker 2: on a vibration of masculinity and we're just delivering the
Speaker 2: facts to each other versus Oh my god, it makes
Speaker 2: me feel so good. When you came home early today,
Speaker 2: I needed that. I needed to see you, I needed
Speaker 2: to recharge with your presence like that. He needs to
Speaker 2: know what the fact meant to him. Got it, and
Speaker 2: he will not be guided to being closer to you
Speaker 2: unless he hears it. It does not need to be
Speaker 2: a four page letter. And that's where we go wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah, with the eighteen eighteen eighteen page tech correct now
Speaker 1: there are There's another thing that men have been saying
Speaker 1: online is that women like to be lied to. Have
Speaker 1: you heard about that?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I do think it's interesting because I can't
Speaker 1: see in some ways where they're making sense.
Speaker 2: Tell me your OI gets true.
Speaker 1: I think it's kind of true. Like me and my
Speaker 1: husband we separated for a couple of years and women
Speaker 1: were like this. One girl had talked to me. She said,
Speaker 1: he told me, she said, you're separated. I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: that still means married. Like you know what I'm saying, like,
Speaker 1: still means married. I'm not holding you responsible. Yeah you're
Speaker 1: married or no. She said, you're married on paper. No,
Speaker 1: that's what I said. I said, that is exactly what married.
Speaker 1: That is exactly what it is. So stop saying married
Speaker 1: on paper, Just say married. But I remember having this
Speaker 1: conversation with this girl and she literally kept saying married
Speaker 1: on paper, and I was just like, no, no anger
Speaker 1: towards her.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: But I could not believe that this young lady was
Speaker 1: saying to me, married on paper, fully saying it like
Speaker 1: it was okay, but not realizing what she said was
Speaker 1: married on paper. You know what I'm saying. It's like
Speaker 1: a form of lying to herself. And she got and
Speaker 1: it was all all these things that she saw that
Speaker 1: was very clear evidence that this person is clearly married.
Speaker 1: But that to me would be an example of someone
Speaker 1: lying to themselves. Do you get, I understand exactly what
Speaker 1: do you feel that too? That's like lions. Yes, we
Speaker 1: will look for.
Speaker 2: How to turn the red flags into green flags. As women,
Speaker 2: we can oftentimes try to rationalize mistreatment, rationalize what's obvious
Speaker 2: because we want to feel a certain way. Okay, we
Speaker 2: want something, we have a desire of our heart and
Speaker 2: we want to achieve it. Will rationalize the bad thing
Speaker 2: that intuitively maybe telling us like run, We will rationalize it.
Speaker 2: But we rationalize it by lying to ourselves about it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: by painting a pretty picture and making it seem like
Speaker 2: it's normal, and deep down inside, when we are healed,
Speaker 2: we're able to recognize that. Unhealed, you now have become
Speaker 2: desensitized from the recognition and being tapped out of your
Speaker 2: intuitive Yeah, so you begin to lose trust himself.
Speaker 1: Also, yeah, yeah, yeah, I could see that in the conversation.
Speaker 1: I could see with the young lady too, like our
Speaker 1: friends were like, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: Correct?
Speaker 1: And then there was one other thing. Do you ever
Speaker 1: console poly relationships?
Speaker 2: That's funny. I've done poly show, Yeah you have the.
Speaker 1: I will.
Speaker 2: So I've done let's say, triangles right in the SNS
Speaker 2: of husband, wife who's separated or divorcing, and mistress. Okay,
Speaker 2: I've counseled them. When it comes to polyamorous relationships, I
Speaker 2: do not believe that restores the family unit when you
Speaker 2: have the intentions of having multiple partners. I do not
Speaker 2: think that we have the ability or to be able
Speaker 2: to juggle them all. And I do not feel like
Speaker 2: a man without discipline can be trusted. I agree with them,
Speaker 2: So I will not counsel polyamous relationships. And I have
Speaker 2: been approached by them. Can we have such sessions?
Speaker 1: No, we cannot. And that's interesting that they're also approaching you,
Speaker 1: because they when you see these poly relationships, they clamorize
Speaker 1: this whole like multiple and we all get along. You
Speaker 1: would never It's interesting to hear that these same people
Speaker 1: are saying, hey, can you help us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of coaches and counsel lers that
Speaker 2: will take any one. I'm finally at a point in
Speaker 2: my career where i don't have to. Yeah, there's a
Speaker 2: point when I'm like, come on, Well, there's a screening
Speaker 2: process with your Yeah, we do consultations first. There, I
Speaker 2: do an assessment and that's one hundred and fifty questions
Speaker 2: where I'm like figuring out, Okay, where do I need
Speaker 2: to help you within SPI C Y. So there's a
Speaker 2: whole process before we get started.
Speaker 1: You're not in a service.
Speaker 2: Agreement and n date. We're going through the real because
Speaker 2: I'm going to not only deep dive into your life,
Speaker 2: I'm letting you into mine.
Speaker 1: Got it? Oh okay, So it's a two ways.
Speaker 2: It's a two way. I can't teach you the fundamentals
Speaker 2: and the formulas for trust and intimacy without reciprocating, got it.
Speaker 2: There's no way for me to be able to transform
Speaker 2: your perspective and understand your beliefs and hear your childhood
Speaker 2: wounds and traumas if it's one sided. And that's not
Speaker 2: to say that a lot of my clients experience there
Speaker 2: and me simultaneously, because therapy will help them understand like
Speaker 2: where that experience came from or what was at the route.
Speaker 2: I help them in the transformation of Okay, this is
Speaker 2: how we actually tackle it. This is how we create
Speaker 2: the change. So there's self awareness component and there's a
Speaker 2: self actualization component. That's where I'm coming in and kicking
Speaker 2: your ass.
Speaker 1: Nice. So where can everybody keep up with everything the
Speaker 1: Spicy Life?
Speaker 2: You guys can go to the spicylife dot com. You
Speaker 2: can play with my Twitter stroke, my ig at Spicy Modi.
Speaker 2: You can find the podcast everywhere that they're streaming The
Speaker 2: Spicy Life.
Speaker 1: And you tape that every week or every week we
Speaker 1: have that every week. Yes, so all the relationship advice,
Speaker 1: all the relationship guru topics and challenges, you come and
Speaker 1: is it just you or do you have a guest?
Speaker 2: I have a guest come on every episode with me.
Speaker 1: Wow, And then they just full transparency.
Speaker 2: Yes, sometimes we're talking about their expertise in the profession
Speaker 2: because I'll have a lot of like relationship coaches or
Speaker 2: therapists and counselors come on, or it's a guest that
Speaker 2: we're exploring their love life.
Speaker 1: Wow wow to here first and then any other projects on.
Speaker 2: The TV Netflix, Netflix. We gotta shout out Netflix niaky links. Okay,
Speaker 2: I already told Team Healthy relationship situationships, booty calls, sneaky
Speaker 2: links do not help you get closer to your husband.
Speaker 2: I'm the relationship expert on the show on Netflix right
Speaker 2: now that's streaming. It's called Sneaky Links. Snaky Links, Sneaky links.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Yes, and you're gonna. You're on the
Speaker 1: Health Team Healthy side, so you're gonna.
Speaker 2: I'm helping the singles in the motel transform their sneaky
Speaker 2: ways so that they can be a magnet for real love.
Speaker 1: Wow, but that doesn't happen overnight. How long do you
Speaker 1: have you tape the show?
Speaker 2: We were in the motel for a month, and so
Speaker 2: we're doing like coaching sessions together, putting them through like
Speaker 2: a boot camp of activities, and even putting temptation in
Speaker 2: front of them to test for the change.
Speaker 1: Did they pass? Not?
Speaker 2: All of them? You can leave them to the water. Okay,
Speaker 2: you can't necessarily get them to drink.
Speaker 1: Check out Sneaky Links on Netflix. I know I am,
Speaker 1: because I just want to see people fail test. I'm
Speaker 1: that person.
Speaker 2: You and your husband are back together now right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're working right. Yes, he's working very hard. I'm
Speaker 1: very proud of him. I love that.
Speaker 2: I love you give up on it.
Speaker 1: Shoot, I'm a hard one. Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: When I be done, I blow up the whole building.
Speaker 1: I don't like. That's it. It's a wrap. But yeah,
Speaker 1: my daughter is very happy, so I'm one hundred per
Speaker 1: cool with it. Yeah, I'll try shout outs to growth.
Speaker 1: Call me anytime you need to grow. When you're gonna
Speaker 1: whoop his butt, I probably would right now, he's on
Speaker 1: a good past. Shout out shout outs to him. I
Speaker 1: definitely respect. I respect anybody that works on themselves and
Speaker 1: works really hard and fight a good fight and doesn't quit.
Speaker 1: That's my thing. That's quit. Just don't quit.
Speaker 2: What are the area come to? Sharing? Where the areas
Speaker 2: are that he asks you to grow?
Speaker 1: Where he asked me to grow. If you asked him,
Speaker 1: he probably say I have an anger. I have a
Speaker 1: little bit of anger. I'm making.
Speaker 2: My husband.
Speaker 1: I possessed. He's like, yo, I got a book to
Speaker 1: get out of the state.
Speaker 2: That zimper Oh my god. I had to work with
Speaker 2: my husband early on that what we won't be doing
Speaker 2: in this relationship.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be or I don't listen,
Speaker 1: maybe I may cut him off before he finishes. I'm like,
Speaker 1: wooo okay, yeah, but that's about it. But I was
Speaker 1: I would say he probably said the communication. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's that bad. But the communication, Yeah, is that
Speaker 1: that is communicating? Yes, yeah, that would be it. That
Speaker 1: would probably be his number one. Other than that, he'd
Speaker 1: be cool.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I'm having a little sushi session with y'all.
Speaker 1: That's funny. He probably needs it. He needs a good tweaking.
Speaker 2: I love when I hear couple say my partner needs it.
Speaker 2: But I'm good. That's that is the clear past. You
Speaker 2: already both very much need this. Okay, time point the
Speaker 2: fingers of the other partner. I know it's a tail tale.
Speaker 1: That's like one on one.
Speaker 2: You want to know something.
Speaker 1: It's so funny because I totally did times in a row.
Speaker 1: You should. He needs the help. He needs help. All right,
Speaker 1: thank y'all for tuning in to a great meal. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna finish my egg.
Speaker 2: Oh did you finish your mind?
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm gonna finish my egg. Peace out, y'all
Speaker 1: for more eating while broke from iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
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