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Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke.

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Speaker 1: I'm your host, Holy Wit, and today we have very

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Speaker 1: special guests, relationship expert and magn Magnetic Matchmaker Matchmaker Spicy

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Speaker 1: Moday exactly. She just did my whole intro for me.

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Speaker 2: I'm helping you out.

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Speaker 1: Down here so much, Spicy Life. Yes, and you also

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Speaker 1: have a podcast called The Life Life Yes. Yes. And

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Speaker 1: when you say Matchmaker, you're just out here. Just someone

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Speaker 1: calls you and you.

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Speaker 2: It's a process, it's a program, so like I take

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Speaker 2: you for ninety days and transform your life. So I

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Speaker 2: have an entire curriculum program that we're doing. There's just

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Speaker 2: video and audio, but like actual assessments that we're taking

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Speaker 2: so that I can help you become the best version

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Speaker 2: of yourself to be aligned with your purpose.

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Speaker 1: Mate, got it? Okay, So it's not like I have

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Speaker 1: a pool of men.

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Speaker 2: I do. But you aren't being introduced until after you

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Speaker 2: do the work. Because if you if I just take

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Speaker 2: you cold off of the street based on everything that

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Speaker 2: you've been exposed to, when you've been experiencing and you

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Speaker 2: think that you're just gonna snap into recognizing and realizing

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Speaker 2: that this person is the one it doesn't work like that.

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Speaker 2: I got to find out where the wounds are, where

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Speaker 2: the strengths and weaknesses are. I do a whole little

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Speaker 2: swat analysis, and then we get to work so that

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Speaker 2: that way, when he is presented in front of you,

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Speaker 2: you now can recognize him and accept him, and you

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Speaker 2: then are aligned. But if I just try to go

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Speaker 2: cold turkey, you will not have a match because you're

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Speaker 2: already on a certain vibration. So I need to disrupt

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Speaker 2: that wavelength.

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Speaker 1: Jeez.

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Speaker 2: Yes, okay, And I'll teach you how to fish so

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Speaker 2: that you can feed yourself, because Heaven forbid something happens

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Speaker 2: to me. Now, then you have the tools to be

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Speaker 2: able to guide the male psyche.

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Speaker 1: Oh, we're doing all that.

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Speaker 2: We're doing all that psycho behavioral. If you do it

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Speaker 2: for me, I do it for men as well. And

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Speaker 2: do you have a lot of men that come to you?

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Speaker 2: I do. And the other element that you often see

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Speaker 2: is me working with couples, except that we are trying

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Speaker 2: to heal and repair the relationship. But I'll also be

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Speaker 2: very honest when they should not be together and they

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Speaker 2: belong with somebody else.

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Speaker 1: Wow, you say that, Now, what if a like a

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Speaker 1: significant other hires you and says hey, I want you

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Speaker 1: to save my marriage, and you get them in a

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Speaker 1: room and.

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Speaker 2: They're like, You're like, oh yeah, this hate Now I

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Speaker 2: see why you guys are having problems. It's my goals

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Speaker 2: for you guys to say together. My goal is always

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Speaker 2: for relationship. I'm always on team love. So I don't

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Speaker 2: care who's wrong or right. If it's not aligned with

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Speaker 2: the purpose and the mission, which is to restore the

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Speaker 2: family unit, then I can't get with it. Everything has

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Speaker 2: to go back to the goal, which is to restore

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Speaker 2: the relationship and have a healthy relationship. If we're not,

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Speaker 2: if we're making choices that aren't healthy, we got to

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Speaker 2: get we got to get to work.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So before we get into the love world, take

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Speaker 1: me back to what was going on. I'm guessing before, yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: for the company before, before the spicy life. What are

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Speaker 1: you gonna have me eating today? We're going to be

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Speaker 1: eating my spicy toast? Spicy toast? Yes, okay, this is

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Speaker 1: simple ingredients.

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Speaker 2: We've got butter, cinnamon, that's where the spice comes in.

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Speaker 2: With the sugar okay, okay, the and hard boiled eggs.

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Speaker 2: Gotta have a little protein. In there to balance it crops.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so this was a real deal. Holy day.

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Speaker 2: This is what I made to feed my family.

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Speaker 1: So feed your family.

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Speaker 2: And when I say by that is anyone who's the

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Speaker 2: oldest child. Okay, you guys should understand this. As the

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Speaker 2: oldest we then take on some of the prayerent to

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Speaker 2: roll responsibility, right, even though we're extremely young. And I

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Speaker 2: grew up in a single parent home, and come Mother's Day,

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Speaker 2: I still keep my siblings up, like are we celebrating

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Speaker 2: me or what you're practically raised?

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Speaker 1: That's hilarious. Is your mom still around?

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Speaker 2: Dish?

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Speaker 1: My mom is okay, okay, and you still say, hey,

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Speaker 1: give me my giving.

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Speaker 2: My mom's a disagreement. My mom's you didn't do anything,

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Speaker 2: And I'm like.

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Speaker 1: What are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: I raised your children.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's what I would imagine.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's my spicy and I love her.

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Speaker 1: But I did.

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Speaker 2: I took my kids to call my kids. I took

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Speaker 2: my siblings to school, I said them. And so at

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Speaker 2: the time, of course, I'm like eight years old when

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Speaker 2: my sister was born, and I don't necessarily know how

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Speaker 2: to use like all of the dishes and all the

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Speaker 2: pots and pans and stuff, so I kept it simple.

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Speaker 2: I was good at toast, and my cinnamon toast crunch

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Speaker 2: is now my spicy toast, which my son now gets

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Speaker 2: to enjoy. Okay, okay, okay, good, But my siblings tease

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Speaker 2: me all the time, but like, you didn't cook for us,

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Speaker 2: the toast doesn't count. I'm like, yes it does. You

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Speaker 2: did you die?

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Speaker 1: You live? How many siblings did you have?

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Speaker 2: I'm the oldest of three oldest yeah, two siblings, a

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Speaker 2: brother and a sister, and I'm the oldest, and the

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Speaker 2: age gap is eight years eight and eleven, eight and eleven, yeah,

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Speaker 2: And like back then, it was not abnormal for your

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Speaker 2: eight year old up until to watch the kids and

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Speaker 2: be left by yourself. And so I was a latchkey kid,

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Speaker 2: and so I had to figure out. My mom liked

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Speaker 2: to prepare leftovers, and so we ate like a lot

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Speaker 2: of those, and I would warm those up. But my

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Speaker 2: go to dish was always like the spicies with some

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Speaker 2: hard boiled eggs because I could boil eggs.

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Speaker 1: And were you like the in house babysitter a lot?

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Speaker 2: Yes, all the time, all the time.

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Speaker 1: Did you ever snap back at her like and your

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Speaker 1: t ain't my kids.

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Speaker 2: No, huh, so my mother would have thrown me against

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Speaker 2: the wall. Yeah, but yes, there were conversations had that.

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Speaker 2: It was just dang, I don't want to, like why

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Speaker 2: do I have to? And it was very much like this

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Speaker 2: is your responsibility and she's the baby of six. So

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Speaker 2: sometimes there would be that like energy clash. So you

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Speaker 2: were the baby of six, I'm those of three. You

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Speaker 2: don't understand it, you don't get it.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: But we have these conversations like now in our maturity

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Speaker 2: and our evolution of us in our relationship, and there's

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Speaker 2: been like a lot of healing and repair around my

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Speaker 2: childhood perceptions and where she could have showed up differently

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Speaker 2: or I could have showed up differently. But at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, all of the stereotypes about the

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Speaker 2: eldest child remain true for me. Okay for sure, all.

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Speaker 1: Right, go ahead, feed me oldest child. You want me

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Speaker 1: to hear, friend, go for it. We pre boiled spicy bodies.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to infhaty size of your name because I've

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Speaker 1: been working on the spicy moddies. We pre boiled your

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Speaker 1: hard boiled eggs. I'm guessing we could just peel it right,

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Speaker 1: we could just peel it. I'll just I'll work on mine,

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Speaker 1: even though I think, is it.

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Speaker 2: So how hard we had? Yes, we gotta have a song, poker.

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Speaker 1: Salt and pepper. I've had a hard boiled egg and

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Speaker 1: so long. The last thing we had a hard boiled

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Speaker 1: egg on this show was very traumatizing. Why because the

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Speaker 1: young lady chose a pickled egg. And let me tell

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Speaker 1: you something. It like, to this day, I don't look

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Speaker 1: at eggs the same because of that pickled egg. It's

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Speaker 1: trying to traumatize me. So let's see if the trauma

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Speaker 1: still lingers.

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Speaker 2: Okay, because I love it when I tell you that

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Speaker 2: I eat probably for eggs a day, really a lot

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Speaker 2: of protein.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, you look stunny. It looks stunning.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate.

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Speaker 1: So is your mom still single mom?

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Speaker 2: So that's that's the origin story, right, single parent home.

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Speaker 2: Grew up with a deep desire for a father. Early on,

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Speaker 2: my father went to is't and I didn't know like

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Speaker 2: drug dealer goes to prison. But all I knew was like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I deserve a daddy. What's going on mom? With your

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Speaker 2: love life? So I started to intentionally introduce her to

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Speaker 2: men because I would see my mother's like reaction to

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Speaker 2: guys being in her life. She was very young, she

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Speaker 2: was hot. My mom had me when she was twenty,

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Speaker 2: so there was this energy of wanting to still be

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Speaker 2: married and I felt that from her, and I wanted

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Speaker 2: a daddy. I noticed how poor you were. I noticed

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Speaker 2: the other kids had two parents, and I really felt

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Speaker 2: like I deserve that. So I would go up to

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Speaker 2: men in the gas station at the car wash at

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Speaker 2: my school pitching my mom and me as like a

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Speaker 2: great package, like how a cute?

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Speaker 1: I am you fabulous? But I'm pretty sure looking at you,

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Speaker 1: your mom had to she had to beat them off

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Speaker 1: a little bit.

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Speaker 2: My mom was a soul trained dancer, okay, so she

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Speaker 2: gave up her career for me. But like she my

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Speaker 2: mom was a hottie okay, and so definitely would be

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Speaker 2: trying to sell the package. Because also to when my

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Speaker 2: mom was in a reallyationship, we had more, we had

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Speaker 2: more resources, toys, more food, So she did get in

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Speaker 2: other relationships. My mom was married three times.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, I like to say that I.

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Speaker 2: Get the credit for that, but my mom saw it

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Speaker 2: to all the husbands because when you are I consider

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Speaker 2: people with big hearts. Right, we're still products. And so

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Speaker 2: I understood at a very young age that like, we

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Speaker 2: got to seal this deal. Yeah, And I was accustomed

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Speaker 2: to the men understanding how close we were. And also

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Speaker 2: when they would court my mom, they would also court me.

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Speaker 2: And what I mean and not in a negative way,

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Speaker 2: but I mean, is a very positive way in the

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Speaker 2: sense of if they brought her flowers, they brought me flowers.

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Speaker 2: If they got her a gift, they would come with

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Speaker 2: something for me. And so it was very much, Oh,

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Speaker 2: I like how this feels. I understand why my mom

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Speaker 2: is into this. And I kept doing it over and over,

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Speaker 2: like I kept introducing her to people over and over

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Speaker 2: because I just saw how happy she was relationship and

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Speaker 2: that did something for me the credit of dang, I

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Speaker 2: helped you with that relationship. And I was young. When

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Speaker 2: I tell you I was young.

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Speaker 1: Give me an idea of how young you are. I

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Speaker 1: was pitching her at six, Oh, you're really young.

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Speaker 2: And my mom has been married three times, she was

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Speaker 2: divorced when before sixth grade she got a divorce, and

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Speaker 2: that last divorce, I was like, we need to make

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Speaker 2: this work somehow. But since then, my mother, of course

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Speaker 2: has had like other boyfriends. But my whole purpose arose

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Speaker 2: from plugging her in relationships and seeing how it changes

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Speaker 2: you and seeing the negative and the positive from it.

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Speaker 2: And she saw that I also had a gift and

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Speaker 2: like this propensity to try to connect, and I kept

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Speaker 2: doing it throughout high school. I would plug my friends. College,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, you need to study this. Oh, so

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Speaker 2: you see Berkeley from there, and I too always had

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Speaker 2: a boyfriend. Like I loved relationships, but that's not enough.

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Speaker 2: You can't just be obsessed with relationships. Actually need to

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Speaker 2: understand and have strategy and the tools in order for

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Speaker 2: it to be healthy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw in your bile there's a it was

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Speaker 1: like a certification or I didn't even know there was

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Speaker 1: like a school for relationships, but in your bio it

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Speaker 1: said something like.

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Speaker 2: That in communication studied not just women's studies. I went

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Speaker 2: to Spelman as well and studied women's studies. That's shout

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Speaker 2: out to Akamupie. And then in my undergrad I did

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Speaker 2: communication and that was where I realized the breakdown between

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Speaker 2: men and women. Okay, And then in my I went

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Speaker 2: on to get my masters in communication as well, and

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Speaker 2: that dealt more with like me understanding not just how

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Speaker 2: male and men and women communicate, but also how technology

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Speaker 2: plays a role in our lack of intimacy or can

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Speaker 2: expand and help it. And so everything that I did

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Speaker 2: in my master's was actually to build the spicy life.

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Speaker 2: When I saw the problems that we were having in relationships,

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Speaker 2: a spicy life grew into more of a not just

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Speaker 2: let me match make it grew into no, you guys

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Speaker 2: need coaching. So I took psychology, sociology and then went

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Speaker 2: on to get certified as a dating coach. Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: saw that, and then marital counseling from Gotman Institute.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so there's a certification for that.

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Speaker 2: You. Yes, there are certifications for any area that you

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Speaker 2: want to become more of an expert. And I'm a

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Speaker 2: huge proponent of It's one thing to have lived experience,

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Speaker 2: another thing to have education. With those two combined, you're

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Speaker 2: more powerful versus I just read a book. No, okay,

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Speaker 2: But I also applied the tools and then manifested that

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Speaker 2: as well.

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Speaker 1: But you knew from a very young age, from this

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Speaker 1: age of toast and eggs, that this is your colic.

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Speaker 2: Knew in the sense of I knew that I was

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Speaker 2: good at it. I didn't know that it was my gift.

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Speaker 2: Mom brought that to my attention one time in high school.

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Speaker 2: I came home and, like I said, we didn't have

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Speaker 2: much poor. She doesn't like me to say poor. I

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Speaker 2: think she prefers me to say or not use poverty.

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Speaker 2: What is it poor versus broke? My mom prefers broke. Yes, Okay,

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Speaker 2: my mom says we were broke, we weren't poor.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my mom too, Patato, there's a difference. I

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Speaker 1: just want to clarify the difference because I like the

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Speaker 1: way my mom says it. Broke is temporary. Poor is

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Speaker 1: more long term. So if you say, okay, I'm broke

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Speaker 1: right now. Okay, I'm broke right now, But if you

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Speaker 1: say I'm poor, it's like your destitute, almost like past

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Speaker 1: future current you're poor. Yeah, to for broke is more

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Speaker 1: like the way my mom positions broke is always like

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Speaker 1: a temporary So that's that was her whole thing. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're broke right now, but if you say you're poor,

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Speaker 1: just seems to have a little bit more of a longer.

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Speaker 2: My mom is on your team. Okay, poor versus broke.

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Speaker 2: She was broke, but I'm like, we only were not

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Speaker 2: broke when or poor, which when she was married. The

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Speaker 2: moment that, like the relationship was over, it was back

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Speaker 2: to the streets. We were living with my aunty. We

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Speaker 2: moved in and this was in seventh grade. We moved

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Speaker 2: in with my aunty and me and my siblings, and

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Speaker 2: I had to take care of them, and my mom

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Speaker 2: was living in San Diego. We're living in San Clementy

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Speaker 2: on the marine base because my aunt was married and

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Speaker 2: in the trailer. We lived in a trailer with her

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Speaker 2: and my siblings, and so I was with them every

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Speaker 2: single day, making sure they got up for school, that

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Speaker 2: they were going down because my aunt had her six

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Speaker 2: kids to take care of.

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Speaker 1: So the there's a lot to unpack cares. Yeah, your

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Speaker 1: how did these breakups impact you? Because I gain the

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Speaker 1: love and the highs, But how did the lows not

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Speaker 1: have a negative impact on you?

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Speaker 2: They absolutely did, tons of daddy issues.

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Speaker 1: Yeah all right, so here's to the healthier version. I

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Speaker 1: love me.

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Speaker 2: I love the yolk, that's your favorite part. I love

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Speaker 2: it all. So like I could do egg whites, I

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Speaker 2: can also do the yolk. I'm like, I'm just an

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Speaker 2: egg person, really good.

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Speaker 1: Perfect, is just your third egg today? Yes, it's mine too.

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Speaker 2: You already.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, we're on the same look the same two

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Speaker 1: eggs and three pieces of bacon.

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Speaker 2: And I probably wind up having another egg later with

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Speaker 2: my salad or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to do.

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Speaker 2: When I tell you, one time I was trying to

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Speaker 2: lose weight, I did a meat, cheese an egg diet.

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Speaker 2: You only can eat meat, you can only eat geese

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Speaker 2: and eggs for three months, right, I lost so many bounds.

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Speaker 2: At the end, you start to incorporate vegetables, and which

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Speaker 2: is crazy to not eat vegetables and fruit in the beginning,

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Speaker 2: even but they want to drop your blood sugar and

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Speaker 2: so I lost a lot of weight. But it's not

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Speaker 2: sustainable for the rest of your life. Is not sustainable.

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Speaker 2: But I lost a lot of weight. I lost a

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Speaker 2: lot of weight.

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Speaker 1: If I'm ever going on vacation, I'm gonna try that

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Speaker 1: all right. For the cinnamon toast, We're only doing one bite.

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Speaker 1: You only took a little cute, little bite out of

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Speaker 1: your egg.

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Speaker 2: You want to eat more my egg?

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Speaker 1: No, I'm gonna I tell people. When people are like,

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Speaker 1: how much do you, I'm like, like a real person.

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Speaker 2: Your clips was like, oh, it's the food.

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Speaker 1: Oh there's sometimes where we have to call cut and like, yo,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna finish this. Yeah, all right, We're going in

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Speaker 1: for the cinnamon toast. Butter cinnamon toast.

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Speaker 2: Right here, I'm gonna take a bite with you.

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Speaker 1: I feel like when you was a kid, you laced

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Speaker 1: this way better than this I did.

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Speaker 2: But now that I know the calories are butter.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, because I know if I.

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Speaker 2: Wasn't, I wasn't help conscious till seventh grade when I

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Speaker 2: got my brass off. Okay, rereason being is because I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna give you all the whole backstory.

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Speaker 1: You better.

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Speaker 2: The one common thing between my mom and her husband's

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Speaker 2: and my mom give infermission to share the intimate details

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Speaker 2: of our lives, is that they all were addicts.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: My said that at the time when he would drink,

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Speaker 2: I would go to the liquor store with him and

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Speaker 2: we would pick up his six packs, and he would

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Speaker 2: always give me candy bars, and I got in the

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Speaker 2: habit of expecting a candy bar every day because he

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Speaker 2: was getting a six pack every day, So it gain's

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Speaker 2: a lot of weight. I was a jimpy kid. Okay,

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Speaker 2: when I got my braces off though, because I wasn't

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Speaker 2: allowed to eat nuts and Carmen who have bracelets. The

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Speaker 2: weight came off when I stopped eating all that candy.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: And so when I took the braces off, I lost

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Speaker 2: the weight and then the boobies came out. I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 2: not only does this look better, but y'all treat me

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Speaker 2: different when I'm twenty pounds smaller than when. That was

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Speaker 2: like the first time that I noticed. Okay, when I

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Speaker 2: cut sugars and this was young, I'm like, I'm a

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Speaker 2: kid at this point, but I was like, dang, the

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Speaker 2: way that the boys weren't on me. I was like, Ooh,

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Speaker 2: I like this attention. I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep

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Speaker 2: doing this no wonder my mom is addicted to it.

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Speaker 2: So that was ben opening, I opening moment.

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Speaker 1: For me until this day.

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Speaker 2: I do a different diet every other month.

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Speaker 1: And you definitely stay away from the sugars.

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Speaker 2: Me, okay, to lose the weight, I stay away from

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Speaker 2: the sugars. But the reason why I have to go

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Speaker 2: back on the diet is is I still have a

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Speaker 2: bad relationship with food.

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Speaker 1: Oh, you do have a bad.

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Speaker 2: I have one more than likely. Body image just morephia

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Speaker 2: a paper that I wrote in college, I diagnose myself

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Speaker 2: like based on my studies, I have body image just

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Speaker 2: more for. But my relationship with food still is the

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Speaker 2: same in this sense of when I look in the mirror,

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Speaker 2: I still see a big girl that when as a

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Speaker 2: kid in my elementary days, and then when I gain weight,

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Speaker 2: it reminds me of, oh, I'm not necessarily I don't

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Speaker 2: feel my clothes appropriately, I don't feel as confident as usual,

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Speaker 2: and so me understanding the power that it has over me.

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Speaker 2: It's a process in the sense of I understand that

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Speaker 2: we need to love ourselves through it. I don't believe

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Speaker 2: that when I'm overweight I look my best, So you

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Speaker 2: can't change the belief. Yeah, So instead, okay, let me

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Speaker 2: program myself to do the healthy thing. I go to

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Speaker 2: the health the habit if I can't change the belief

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Speaker 2: that I have about when I'm big.

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Speaker 1: Now that understand that's yeah, But that's great. That sounds healthy.

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Speaker 1: It's a healthy way to handle it, a healthy, responsible versus.

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Speaker 2: I'm just going to accept as I am and continue

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Speaker 2: to eat whatever I want. If and so there can

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Speaker 2: there's different ways that it can go the way that

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Speaker 2: it transfer overs into relationship as well, because I tell

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Speaker 2: my clients the same thing when it comes to the

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Speaker 2: belief system is if you believe that, let's just say

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Speaker 2: all men are trash, or don't love women, or they're

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Speaker 2: all dogs, then you will behave in a way that

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Speaker 2: serves that belief.

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Speaker 1: You're not going to be kind to them.

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Speaker 2: You're going to treat them with the same level of

401
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,800
Speaker 2: respect that you think they treat you. You're going to

402
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,159
Speaker 2: be stands offish, and you're not going to be a

403
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,959
Speaker 2: magnet for the thing that you're trying to attract insteader

404
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,359
Speaker 2: of going to be a magnet for the thing that

405
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Speaker 2: you hate, the thing that you say that you want

406
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Speaker 2: to avoid. Okay, I can't make I can't transform that

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Speaker 2: belief until we unpack why we believe that. We have

408
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Speaker 2: to get to the root of that perspective, like what

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Speaker 2: form that belief, what's at the root of it, and

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Speaker 2: then I have to give you a behavior that proves

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Speaker 2: that belief wrong. Okay, So what that would look like

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Speaker 2: is if let's just say you think the men are trash. Okay,

413
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Speaker 2: let's put ourselves in an environment and experience a kind man,

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Speaker 2: the kind man will help you shift the belief because

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Speaker 2: now you will have an experience that makes a deposit

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Speaker 2: into the positive belief bank, or.

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Speaker 1: How do you give him that experience?

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Speaker 2: So we're redoing your dating profiles. I'm taking you out.

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Speaker 2: We're hunting right, I'm going with you as you know,

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Speaker 2: your wing woman, and I'm helping you actually, like figure

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Speaker 2: out how to communicate with them effectively. We are going

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Speaker 2: to events, We're going like you name it, We're doing it.

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Speaker 2: I'm going through not just my rolodex, but we're reaching out.

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Speaker 2: We're asking friends, we are tapping into our network the

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Speaker 2: same way you would with I need a job, Does

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Speaker 2: anybody have one? We're doing the same thing when it

427
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,560
Speaker 2: comes to a man, Wow, I have to make those

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00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,360
Speaker 2: positive deposits in there, and that's or I'm not gonna

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Speaker 2: be able to change the belief. So for my chest

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Speaker 2: and my carbs and all that, it's the same thing. Okay,

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Speaker 2: what's the positive deposits that I can make to make

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Speaker 2: me feel better about the thing that I'm trying to manifest.

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Speaker 2: I like it. That makes sense.

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Speaker 1: I like it. I like it makes a lot of sense,

435
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,440
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense.

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Speaker 2: The family has been a huge part of my now

437
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Speaker 2: my graziness.

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Speaker 1: Going back, let's talk about these breakups and how that

439
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 1: acted you and what that did. Yep.

440
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:24,320
Speaker 2: I saw growing up unhealthy relationships, multuous relationships where my

441
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,879
Speaker 2: mother was treated well in the beginning and then mistreated

442
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 2: when the manhatter or their true nature came out. So

443
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 2: that impacted me in a way that you would think

444
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,400
Speaker 2: that I would have a disdain for men.

445
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, it did not.

446
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 2: Instead, I was like, that's not going to be me

447
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,680
Speaker 2: until my naivity. I got in a relationship in seventh

448
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:52,000
Speaker 2: grade with gentleman Roy, wind up seeing him kiss someone else,

449
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,680
Speaker 2: and that is what became what that is the moment

450
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 2: when I decided I was going to be a gangster

451
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 2: moving forward with me? Okay, So then there was this

452
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,440
Speaker 2: shift that occurred. It wasn't my daddy's that made the shift.

453
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:10,320
Speaker 2: It was actually it was Roy. I've talked him in years,

454
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 2: but Roy was the first person to ever cheat on

455
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 2: me and betray me. And in that moment, I was like, oh,

456
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,719
Speaker 2: I will never be hurt like this again. So it

457
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 2: took me into my wounded feminine. The wounded feminine felt

458
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 2: weak and I didn't like the way that felt. So

459
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 2: in order to empower myself, I leaned into my wounded masculine.

460
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I want to yeah, because that's what is

461
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,919
Speaker 1: the gangster you. I want to know what that the

462
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 1: gangs to me is.

463
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,080
Speaker 2: You don't love these os, so I would. I was

464
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,200
Speaker 2: dating and this is high school, right like I was

465
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,440
Speaker 2: still this is in high school.

466
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 1: Was high school.

467
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 2: I was still a virgin. In high school, I did

468
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,160
Speaker 2: it was with my virginity until twenty one. I played

469
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 2: with a lot of men's hearts. I was a tease.

470
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 1: I was a flirt.

471
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 2: One of my best friends also, let me know, you

472
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,119
Speaker 2: can't invest in these men like you need to do

473
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 2: you the men will be there. And because I was

474
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 2: a straight A student, I was like, oh, okay, I

475
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 2: could get these good grades. I can have you take

476
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:56,920
Speaker 2: me out. But then there's this moment where one of

477
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 2: the dudes who I was player, he had bombed a

478
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 2: diamond necklace and I brought it home to my mom

479
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 2: and I'm like, look at this necklace he got me

480
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 2: and it was like zails, but like still I'm in

481
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 2: high school. My mom was like, how did you get

482
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,439
Speaker 2: because she knows I'm a virgion. My mom knows everything

483
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,120
Speaker 2: about me. So she was like, how did you get

484
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 2: this dude to get you this diamond necklace. I was like,

485
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,800
Speaker 2: I just told him that he wanted some jewelry and

486
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 2: he got me this. And she was like, Okay, I'm

487
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 2: not even gonna ask where it came from and how

488
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 2: he got it, because y'all are in high school, she said,

489
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 2: But I do know that you have a gift. She said,

490
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 2: you have the ability to connect with people and also

491
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,880
Speaker 2: guide them, and that means that I need to guide

492
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 2: this energy appropriately. She was like, you can use your

493
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 2: gift for good or you can use it for evil.

494
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 2: She was like, and if I would have stayed with

495
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 2: your father, you would have probably been the best madam

496
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 2: in the world. But I didn't stay with him for

497
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 2: a specific reason. So I need you to make sure

498
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,640
Speaker 2: that you were using your gifts for good.

499
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:53,639
Speaker 1: Okay, you understand you had a swagger type pit mentality, right.

500
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 2: I was like, what can we get because I also

501
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 2: remember I'm also seeing like when I was little with her,

502
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 2: we would get gifts into this, so I'm just playing

503
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,639
Speaker 2: not what I saw my mom receiving and experiencing. But

504
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 2: it wasn't necessarily a healthy mind yet. She was like,

505
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,399
Speaker 2: I need you to educate yourself, empower yourself so that

506
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,840
Speaker 2: you're not dependent on these men, because she saw my

507
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,159
Speaker 2: self esteem was also affected by it, and so I

508
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 2: wasn't aware enough in high school to understand we weren't

509
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 2: talking about mental health and esteem at that point. She

510
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 2: just recognized certain traits that also flowed from her to me,

511
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,360
Speaker 2: and she was like, you're gonna be either a dog

512
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 2: or a lover of men, or you're gonna abuse these powers.

513
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 2: And my mom was a hopeless romantic and she didn't

514
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 2: want me to feel like men had all of the control.

515
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,360
Speaker 2: So she was like, go to college, be the first

516
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 2: to go to college, blah blah blah. And I did,

517
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 2: and college had a relationship. Wasn't the most honest with

518
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 2: this person in college? You?

519
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, you weren't.

520
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 2: Like the dog was still okay, I was still her.

521
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 2: Ray sent me on a trajectory and so that getting

522
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 2: caught right like accidentally at the time. Emailed my boyfriend

523
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 2: an email out somebody who's going to come visit me

524
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 2: at college for the weekend. And I was and I

525
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,360
Speaker 2: saw I hit him up. I'm like, please don't open

526
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,880
Speaker 2: that email. Please don't open.

527
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: After you sent it, and it was supposed to be

528
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 1: to someone else.

529
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 2: It was supposed to be in response to the dude

530
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 2: who was coming to visit me, and I accidentally sent

531
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 2: it to the boyfriend at the time. Yeah, I told you, mind,

532
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 2: you still hadn't slept with any of these men. I

533
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 2: don't how graphic can we get on here?

534
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:24,639
Speaker 1: Oh?

535
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, had done, had done the everything else right, all

536
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 2: the other elements of intimacy, but still not sex. I

537
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 2: still wind up losing it to this gentleman who you

538
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 2: sent this email?

539
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:34,360
Speaker 1: Who?

540
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,400
Speaker 2: No, I lost it to the boyfriend at the time

541
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 2: because I wanted to make sure that I lost it

542
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 2: to somebody who I loved, who treated me, and even

543
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,399
Speaker 2: though I mistreated him, I felt I wasn't going to

544
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 2: be able to wait till marriage. I knew I wasn't

545
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 2: gonna be a wait's marriage, and so I still felt

546
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 2: like we needed to share this intimacy while we still

547
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:52,360
Speaker 2: have the safety there.

548
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, so.

549
00:23:55,640 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 2: That relationship also, plus my studies understand and think that

550
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 2: in my twenties, the trajectory that I was going down,

551
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 2: Although I'm out here like setting relationships, setting people up,

552
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,159
Speaker 2: I needed to further my education and that's when I

553
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 2: went back to school later, but I was already doing

554
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 2: a radio show for kjlage giving spicy tips and then

555
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 2: later on What Up doing spicy tips and relationship advice

556
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,159
Speaker 2: on my Heart for I TIE two point three, but

557
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 2: went back to get my masters so that I could

558
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 2: help people correctly with the tools, and then also was

559
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 2: building my company at the same time. I had to

560
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,639
Speaker 2: do a transformation within because even through my twenties, I

561
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 2: was still allowing myself to think that in relationship or

562
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 2: in partnership, you have more, and you do have more

563
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:41,159
Speaker 2: in the sense.

564
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 1: Of, yeah, because you have a partnership, you have a Partnershipyah.

565
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,439
Speaker 1: But if they're on the right team, if they're on.

566
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,360
Speaker 2: The right team, yes, But I didn't. I don't date

567
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 2: men who don't vote you, like who don't vote on you,

568
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 2: and like court you. That was a non negotiable for me,

569
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 2: So I wasn't ever gonna be without. But what I

570
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 2: didn't understand is that I was actually dating from a

571
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 2: scarcity mindset. I feel like it's a lot like you

572
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 2: need like several episodes for my love life? What you're

573
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 2: all going in a book? Oh?

574
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 1: They are? Do you have to make up names for

575
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 1: the characters too.

576
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 2: Anytime you talk about someone out of respect and out

577
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 2: for their privacy, I'm changing names and I'm changing even

578
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 2: even if I reference like examples around maybe something that

579
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 2: I'm pulling from Bee a client, I'm going to change

580
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 2: all the details so that it doesn't trace back to

581
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,400
Speaker 2: that person, just to respect their privacy. And then I'll

582
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,959
Speaker 2: also be sharing and be getting their permission. Yeah, anytime

583
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 2: you mention someone, you want to get.

584
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,920
Speaker 1: That anytime now. So to go back to your story,

585
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 1: you're in college, You've lost your virginity. You're understanding this

586
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 1: relationship cycle this whole time. You're in pursuit of eventually

587
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 1: become creating this spicy life. But maybe not the name

588
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: of it.

589
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 2: Ye didn't know the name yet. Okay, that was birthed after,

590
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 2: Like I graduated in undergrad in I'm a girlfriend person,

591
00:25:56,119 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 2: so I stay in relationship from relationship for relationship. Definitely

592
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 2: had those seasons where I'm like, Okay, I need to

593
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 2: be single so that I can live myself and be alone.

594
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah. I've tasted the single life and

595
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 2: I've tasted the spicy life and in relationship. What I

596
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 2: noticed about myself is that I thrive and go further. Okay,

597
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 2: when I'm in an unhealthy relationship, I fall to the wayside,

598
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 2: it takes over. And so identifying that early on and

599
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 2: identifying the power that sex had over my emotions and

600
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 2: how it would either make me super anxious or I

601
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 2: would be spiraling and I can't eat, I can't sleep,

602
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 2: I'm showing up but your house, Like I went through

603
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 2: that crazy season. So there was always this back and

604
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 2: forth between the gangster and me and then the thirst

605
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 2: in me because at the end of the day, what

606
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 2: my heart really wanted was my heart really wanted was

607
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 2: a man. Well, my heart really wanted was a father.

608
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. Now have you heard this subconsciously that people are

609
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 1: attracted to that familiar energy? Well, what am I saying?

610
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: You've studied this? Is this? I'm going to ask you,

611
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,200
Speaker 1: is this a thing? Because I was telling my homeboy

612
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 1: definitely leaving his name out, but he's in a relationship

613
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: where he's continually being abandoned. And I was just like

614
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: I had learned from a toxic relationship. I went there

615
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,919
Speaker 1: before the lady had said subconsciously, you're the feeling you

616
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 1: had in say a childhood or whatever. Yeah, you're reinvoking

617
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 1: it whether you liked it or not subconsciously. Is this true? Yeah,

618
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:22,360
Speaker 1: shed more light on.

619
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:24,959
Speaker 2: That as so what it is that you tend to

620
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 2: date with Just even though you may say you don't

621
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 2: want that thing because it's familiar to you, you will

622
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 2: subconsciously attract that thing and choose that thing. And so

623
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,119
Speaker 2: what that may look like for me, for example, was

624
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 2: because I wanted a father figure, I'm going to go

625
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,920
Speaker 2: after men that either maybe I saw my mom date

626
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 2: men that may not have been even certain about me.

627
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,680
Speaker 2: That would be like the oh, I'm not I don't

628
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 2: realize that this is something that is affecting me. So

629
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 2: that would look like if I'm anxious, right, it would

630
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 2: look like me getting with maybe an avoidant because my

631
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 2: mom was with avoidance men who were not emotionally available

632
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 2: to and but that was familiar because that's how my

633
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,640
Speaker 2: dads were. And so we have to recognize, Okay, what's

634
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 2: my kryptonite? What are the things that are holding me

635
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 2: back from achieving what I want? And you have to

636
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:13,880
Speaker 2: make a conscious decision for what you want.

637
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 1: So like an anxious or avoidant attachment style, like you're

638
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 1: looking at the attachment stock.

639
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 2: So yeah, So that plays a role in how you

640
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 2: behave and navigate in the relationship. For me, what I

641
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 2: wanted was a father figure and to be loved appropriately

642
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,880
Speaker 2: by a man. But what I was attracting were men

643
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 2: who either embodied some of the characteristics of previous father

644
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 2: figures or understood that was a void that I was

645
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 2: hunting for, and so I was accepting maybe their voids

646
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 2: or their weaknesses or their wounds. So we were wound mates,

647
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 2: we were not purpose mates. A wound mate is someone.

648
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 1: Who you are, you have you both share.

649
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 2: Similar wound or hurt, okay, and so that person then

650
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:02,959
Speaker 2: becomes attached to you through time, shared experiences, intimacy. But

651
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 2: that is not somebody who's gonna propel you into your purpose.

652
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 2: That is not that's like cluational somebody who's gonna hold

653
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 2: you back. And so when I would see I got

654
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 2: in a relationship with this one guy, and I wouldn't

655
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: I introduce my mom to let's say, all of my men,

656
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,479
Speaker 2: wouldn't introduce this one because the relationship was so toxic.

657
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 2: He was an alcoholic, and my mom was like, this

658
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 2: is looking real familiar, and she busted me out. She

659
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 2: was like, you won't let me meet him. What is

660
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 2: wrong with him? There's something going on. You introduced me

661
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 2: to all your little chicky boom booms. What is wrong

662
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 2: with him? And I was like, MoMA, making a pros

663
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 2: and consist right now about him because I don't know

664
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 2: whether to stay or whether to go.

665
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 1: Why?

666
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 2: And she was like, stop making that pros and consics

667
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 2: about yourself about him. Make it about yourself. Oh, she's

668
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 2: make the pros and consts about yourself because something about

669
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 2: you is attracted to this guy that you're dating and

670
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 2: you need to see, like, why is it so familiar

671
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 2: to you? And he was the prototype of every man

672
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 2: that she had previously been with.

673
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 1: I just think it's interesting that she's able to call

674
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: out these things for you. Correct, But she also played

675
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,719
Speaker 1: a role contributing to these things. Correct. I don't know,

676
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: and I'm not judging. I just think it's interesting that

677
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 1: the whole dynamic with you and your mom is just

678
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: very unique in the sense that it's almost like she

679
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: wants you to be a She definitely wants you to

680
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: be a better version, of better version, but she's definitely

681
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: able to call it out and give really great advice. Yes,

682
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 1: And I don't even know what a pro and CON's

683
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 1: list of you would look like. What does that even mean?

684
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 2: It's funny. I do it for my clients now right.

685
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 2: It's essentially a swat analysis on yourself. So a swat

686
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 2: in business is when you, let's say, take an organization

687
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 2: or even if you were to take your eat while

688
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 2: eating while broke. Okay, what are the strengths of the show,

689
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 2: what are the weaknesses, where's the opportunities for growth? And

690
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 2: what are the threats? And so what that would look

691
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 2: like for yourself is okay, where do I excel? Where's

692
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 2: what are my strengths? What am I superior at? What

693
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 2: do I do amazing? What are my weaknesses? Where's the

694
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 2: areas that I suck? That I'm awful, that I'm a

695
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 2: horrible person. I'm gonna give you one, y'all. I was

696
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 2: late to the show. Time management will be one of

697
00:30:59,040 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 2: my weaknesses.

698
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: To be clear, though, there's that when you give a

699
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 1: lead way before. That's so late would be like overf.

700
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:07,239
Speaker 2: I communicate it.

701
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: She was fifteen minutes, but she called and was calling

702
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 1: and texting and doing the whole nine, so she that's

703
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: a I was like, okay, if that's your weakness. That

704
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: ain't bad.

705
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: Okay, it's bad in the sense of I know it

706
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 2: about myself and I'm still having a hard time changing.

707
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 2: I try to do too much in a certain amount

708
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 2: of time because your mom.

709
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: That's what we do.

710
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 2: I was like this before. I can't even I would

711
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 2: love to blame my son. Now he'd just be running

712
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 2: late with me. So that's how my neighbor is.

713
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: Shout out to my neighbor'd she'd be like, hey, I'll

714
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: take both the kids to school. I'm like, not, because

715
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 1: you're gonna know this, You're gonna be late late.

716
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 2: You gotta be late the So for this, why it's okay?

717
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 2: Straight's weaknesses and then opportunities. Where is spicy body's opportunities

718
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 2: for growth? Right? I know the weakness is maybe high management?

719
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 2: Where my opportunities for growth? Okay, maybe I'm gonna set

720
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 2: my alarm, schedule my appointments better. Maybe I'm not going

721
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 2: to take on more than I could chew and make

722
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 2: an over commit. The threat if I don't work on

723
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 2: this thing that is horrible about myself, what is going

724
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 2: to happen to me? What is going to happen if

725
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: I don't work on my time misopportunities, I could potentially

726
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 2: disrupt other people's livelihood. You have to really assess the threats,

727
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 2: and so in relationship, you have to do this for yourself.

728
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 2: Because I'm over here saying I want to be a wife,

729
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 2: but I haven't looked at within? Why aren't I yet?

730
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 2: What am I doing? What toxic traits do I have?

731
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 2: And I did add some toxic ones, I thought, just

732
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 2: because I was like studying relationship, I was also using

733
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 2: some of those gifts that my mom warned me about

734
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 2: to take advantage of. I believe men who really did

735
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 2: care about me.

736
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: Wow.

737
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 2: And because I was hurt, right, I was actually making

738
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 2: choices from a wounded place, and I thought, I'm empowered.

739
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 2: I'm not going to love these hoes. And it was

740
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 2: really like, you are afraid to let them in because

741
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 2: you grew up seeing your mother get hurt, You've abandoned met,

742
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 2: you're afraid of being poor again. And so all of

743
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 2: these things played a role in the choices that I

744
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 2: was making in men. And so when she gave me

745
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 2: that little wake up call, she called it like a

746
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 2: pros and cons list, but I.

747
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 1: Call it a swat.

748
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 2: Now you need to do it on yourself, because something

749
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 2: about you wants this, dude. And at that moment, that

750
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 2: was a wake up call to me because she said,

751
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 2: she was like, you're you think you're running circles around

752
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 2: me and you're trying to avoid being me. She was like,

753
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 2: but you are on a trajectory to become me, geez,

754
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 2: And I like, did it?

755
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 1: Mom?

756
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 2: And that was my wake up call. I was like,

757
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 2: you know what, I do want a wife. I do

758
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 2: want to be a wife, and I do want a family,

759
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 2: and I want a healthy one and I want a

760
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 2: two parent home. And so if I'm going to do that,

761
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 2: what are the things about me that I have to change?

762
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 2: How do I need to show up to prepare to

763
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 2: be a wife. How do I need to make shifts

764
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 2: in my life? How do I need to communicate? And

765
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 2: when I went back to school and I studied like

766
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 2: spic y so in order to be in a health relationship, Spicy.

767
00:33:54,040 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: Sorry sbic So, I say, I see, but take me

768
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 1: a minute to sound it out in my head. That's

769
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:04,800
Speaker 1: all I see.

770
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 2: IM seeing you commute, I see you compute the things though,

771
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 2: I see your the willls in your head.

772
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,760
Speaker 1: Sturtay, Spicy, all right, spicy.

773
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 2: Yes, But I went back to school. The entire birth

774
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 2: of the Spicy Life was me studying what makes a

775
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 2: healthy relationship. So I threw myself back into school and

776
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, I'm going to focus on this, I'm

777
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 2: going to prioritize this, and I'm not going to still

778
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 2: love men. I'm still going to date. But in my

779
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 2: studies I discovered that the main ingredients that you need

780
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 2: for a healthy relationship are the self component to love

781
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 2: thyself but also know thyself. So it's a self awareness part.

782
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 2: The next part is passion. You've got to have a

783
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 2: passion for your purpose and a passion for life. You

784
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 2: have to be able to evoke passion in others. Intimacy

785
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 2: is the eye. How do you connect what wounds.

786
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 1: Do we need to heal?

787
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 2: Were you strong in your feminity and your masculinity? And

788
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 2: how do you show intimacy? How do you pull intimacy

789
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 2: out of others? Communication? How do you deliver that message

790
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 2: for your target audience? So, if you want a man,

791
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:04,839
Speaker 2: how do you speak to men? If you want a woman,

792
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 2: how do you speak to women? Yeah, sender versus receiver.

793
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 2: And then the last part is yes, sacrificing whatever.

794
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: Yeah. I saw that you had said someone like get

795
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:16,879
Speaker 1: used to saying yes or finding the power to say yes?

796
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 2: What did you say in your learning to say yes?

797
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 1: Learning to say yes? And I was like, Oh, that's different. Yeah,

798
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,439
Speaker 1: what does that even look like? Learning to say yes?

799
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:26,720
Speaker 1: Culture of all boundaries?

800
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, everybody's know. And I'm like, yes in the sense

801
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 2: of what am I afraid of? And how do I

802
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 2: conquer that? What do I need to sacrifice to be

803
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 2: able to achieve my heart's desire?

804
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,239
Speaker 1: Got it? What do I need to say yes to?

805
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 2: Is it more invitations? Is it yes to the guy

806
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 2: who I'm like, that's not my type? Is it yes

807
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 2: to this class that I want to enroll in? Is

808
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 2: it yes to this thing that maybe somebody is asking

809
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 2: me to try and I'm closed off to it. A

810
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,240
Speaker 2: lot of us are really just trying to protect ourselves

811
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, and so the decisions

812
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 2: that we make are always going to resort back to

813
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:01,319
Speaker 2: what am I afraid of and what am I trying

814
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 2: to avoid so that I don't repeat the same mistakes.

815
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 2: And you need to say yes to sometimes the unknown,

816
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 2: Yes to the elevation and to the expansion.

817
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 1: Now I get it. Now I get the yes. So

818
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 1: talk about yes, what if you want to do. Some

819
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 1: of you ain't into it.

820
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 2: But yes, we'll help you in your relationship too, though,

821
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 2: because when your partner's proposing things, if you shut them down,

822
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 2: if you close them down, that's going to train them

823
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 2: to not open up to you. That's going to train

824
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 2: them that she always says no. And when you say yes,

825
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 2: and you're more open even in improv yes, and that

826
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 2: gives the person permission to.

827
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 1: Be open with you.

828
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 2: Okay, So I've decided I'm going to go full blown

829
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 2: spicy and ran with it in the sense of I

830
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 2: have to. I had to own it. I had to

831
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 2: be spicy, and I had to create the spicy life,

832
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 2: and I had to teach others how to be spicy.

833
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 2: So I decided I did a transformation. I went from

834
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 2: Venom to Spider Man, and I was like, I have

835
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 2: to now use my powers for good like my mom

836
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 2: ton'd me back in the day.

837
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: Now to build this empire that you've built. What did

838
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 1: that runway look like? Because I would imagine you were

839
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:09,880
Speaker 1: doing something on the side till you got the company

840
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: off the round. So can you tell me just a

841
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: little bit to bits of how the company.

842
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 2: I was a sales rep one time. For gosh, I've

843
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 2: had jobs all my life through even to put myself

844
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:23,280
Speaker 2: through college. But after graduation it looked like me working

845
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 2: as a buyer for Macy's. I've been a pharmaceutical sales rep.

846
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 2: I was a PR rep for an insurance agency at

847
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,360
Speaker 2: one point. All those times that I had like that

848
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 2: full time job coming in, I always worked at my

849
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 2: craft of relationships and hosting. So I always did radio

850
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:41,960
Speaker 2: at the same time because that doesn't pay.

851
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, and.

852
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 2: I always did radio and TV. Okay, and that would

853
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 2: be always like sending the relationship message of my spicy tips.

854
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 2: Got it, But that did not pay the bills. I

855
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 2: had to do these other jobs in the interim.

856
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, but now you're just full time spicy.

857
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 2: Now I'm full time spicy life.

858
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 1: Okay. And how does that look like from an entrepreneur's

859
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 1: perspective day in the life? Is it smooth or is

860
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,240
Speaker 1: it bumpy? Still? Oh no, it's crazy.

861
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 2: And this is why, like I have my husband, who

862
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 2: is my purpose made he's my writer die because he

863
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 2: saw how I was trying to manage like jobs at

864
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 2: the same time, wile build my empire and I was

865
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,839
Speaker 2: disorganized with how I was trying to build the Spicy Life.

866
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,359
Speaker 2: He was like, Okay, we're not gonna be able to scale.

867
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 2: We're not going to be able to grow this business

868
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 2: if you are running twenty different ways, and this is

869
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 2: how we need to actually like create and run your operations.

870
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 2: It's because he's an expert in that I shout out

871
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,399
Speaker 2: to my husband Marriage and Finances book. He was able

872
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 2: to help me become more organized in my business. And

873
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 2: then that's when I really start to see the benefits.

874
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 2: And I always knew. I was like, I'm on my

875
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 2: own radio and TV show as a relationship expert, and

876
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 2: he said, focus on the business. You build the business,

877
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 2: the shows will come. Okay, build the business, the shows

878
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,840
Speaker 2: will come. And I was like, no, I got an audition.

879
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 2: I gotta show my expertises being able to talk about

880
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 2: relationships on TV shows. He's build the business, the shows

881
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,960
Speaker 2: will come, and I focus on just my clients. I

882
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,760
Speaker 2: poured into them. I poured into walking focus down the aisle.

883
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 2: I went and got officiated so I could marry them off.

884
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 2: I saw that I did all the things and the

885
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 2: shows came and that was my next thing.

886
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,959
Speaker 1: So they just started contacting you saying hey, we would

887
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 1: love for you to audition, or they just said come

888
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: on pack your bags.

889
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 2: They shows usually will reach out to me and it

890
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 2: will be essentially an audition will look like an audition

891
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,920
Speaker 2: since of we need a relationship expert. Can you talk

892
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 2: about these three things on zoom really quick? Or we

893
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 2: saw your video tape. We want to see how you

894
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,719
Speaker 2: read with this co host. That would literally just be

895
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,759
Speaker 2: that was DAANMGN happy. I listened to my husband and

896
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 2: I'm happy that I said on this trajectory. Yeah, and

897
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 2: when you see yourself do more good than broken hearts,

898
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 2: it's whoo. But it makes me a great coach though,

899
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 2: because I went through all my seasons. I went through

900
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 2: my poor season, I went through my host season, I

901
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 2: went through my anxious attachment thirsty season, I went through

902
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 2: my pansy, I went through all the events. And so

903
00:39:58,120 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 2: it helps me with women because no matter what FAI,

904
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 2: they're coming in and me now being the CEO of

905
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 2: my company, I'm mostly working with those alpha queens.

906
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, those that independent women are independent. They I

907
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 1: saw one of my girls posts like the dad cannot

908
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: be independent because it is a real heavy I think

909
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:19,280
Speaker 1: women carry it well, like it's a very from the outside.

910
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 1: It's carried very well. But I remember I think DC

911
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: Young Fly had said to me, like women carry the

912
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 1: most grace, like hell could be going on at Yahn

913
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 1: put on a smiling for sure or whatever. And but

914
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: I see, yeah, I think women that are real independent

915
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: they just want to break. They're like, yeah, this is

916
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:37,760
Speaker 1: for the birds. This sucks.

917
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,359
Speaker 2: It's challenging because when you focus on just your career, right,

918
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 2: I knew that I wanted both, so I always did

919
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 2: multitasking the sense of build my career.

920
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 1: And I was a leven girl.

921
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course you're gonna get me what you're'n gonna

922
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 2: find me without a man, unless I was being intentional

923
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 2: of being without a man. Always that a man.

924
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 1: Well as the longest you were ever single, I think

925
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 1: the most I made it was like one year. But

926
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 1: when I say one year, it was literally I was

927
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: just like, let's wait, just a couple more buds to

928
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,719
Speaker 1: put the title on it, like you knew what you

929
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 1: were doing. But I was like, please, man, I promise

930
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 1: myself I'd be officially single. But it was really diasy.

931
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 2: You had to make a pact, like you had to

932
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 2: try try me.

933
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 1: I been single ever.

934
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:16,320
Speaker 2: I did six months.

935
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did six and I did a detox.

936
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, no me and no sex, no dates,

937
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:23,879
Speaker 2: no nothing, no nothing. I did that detox just to see,

938
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 2: like one if I could do it, but also to

939
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 2: just to focus on me. I wanted to be selfish

940
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 2: in that moment because relationships are really about serving. Healthy

941
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 2: relationships are about serving one another. So yeah, that's that.

942
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,399
Speaker 2: That's single. I've been in all the seasons, but nothing

943
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 2: compared to the spicy season, where you're empowered with understanding

944
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 2: the tools and the power that we have as women

945
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 2: to pivot back and forth between our masculine and feminine

946
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 2: to get anything done. You do have to lean into

947
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 2: your masculine when it comes to like efficiency, but to

948
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 2: get the things that you want and to not have

949
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 2: to work as hard for it, you need to leave

950
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 2: into your feminine. Yeah that's so into the receiving.

951
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 1: I agree. Okay. One thing I want to back track

952
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: to is you said marriage and Finances was the name

953
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 1: of oh, my husband's book. Yeah, your husband's book. All right,

954
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 1: shout outs to your husband. Marriage and Marriage and Finances. Okay, Shaye.

955
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 1: What's his last name if people want to my husband

956
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 1: is Shae Wah. Okay, Shae Wah. And the name of

957
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 1: the book is Marriage and Finances and shout Outs if

958
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 1: you guys want to check that out because it helps

959
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: the spicy life.

960
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, my husband is that man.

961
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 1: And then what are how can someone out there identify

962
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:34,400
Speaker 1: deal breakers that are just non negotiables that this relationship

963
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 1: is definitely headed down a path of just going opposite ways,

964
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 1: or maybe they were on course but then they parted. Yeah,

965
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I have you here. I'm gonna try and

966
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:45,759
Speaker 1: get it out of you.

967
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 2: So let me give you the pizza. This is a

968
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 2: cook this is a cooking show. Let me give you

969
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 2: the pizza. So the pizza is how you get led

970
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:56,839
Speaker 2: to your purpose. Mate, Okay, how you exclude and get

971
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,280
Speaker 2: rid of all the waste, all the garbage, all the trash.

972
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 2: Your pizza is the crust, sauce, and toppings. So the

973
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 2: three things you need for a good pizza crust, sauce, toppings.

974
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 2: Crust is the foundation. So folks at home needs to

975
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,240
Speaker 2: do five things that they believe make a good human.

976
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 2: Write those five things down, Okay, the five things you

977
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 2: think make a good human. The sauce is the five

978
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 2: ways that I need to be treated in order to

979
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 2: feel loved, to be inspired, to give love, and to

980
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 2: feel loved. I need these five things. That's gonna be

981
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 2: very hard for people to answer. The good person is

982
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 2: hard for the crust is hard for people to answer,

983
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 2: and the sauce is hard for people to answer.

984
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,800
Speaker 1: The last you can't generic like just they have to

985
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: have intagrity or whatever.

986
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,439
Speaker 2: If that's a core value of yours, If that would

987
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 2: be a crust, that would be in the crust. But

988
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 2: the sauce needs to be like, I need chivalry. That's

989
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 2: a non negotiable for me. I have to have chivalry.

990
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 2: The toppings is the next.

991
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:51,240
Speaker 1: Really the cheese.

992
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 2: The toppings is the cheese to the toppings, it goes crust, sauce, toppings.

993
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 2: Cheese is considered a topic.

994
00:43:58,280 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 1: Okay, go on.

995
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:03,400
Speaker 2: So the toppings is what do I need to be

996
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 2: physically attracted to this person? Oh? Okay, how can and

997
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:08,879
Speaker 2: what do they need to have for me to want

998
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,320
Speaker 2: to take my clothes off? The toppings, though, is okay?

999
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 2: Is how everybody is dating in twenty twenty five. We're

1000
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 2: starting with the toppings and then we're pulling back that

1001
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:19,719
Speaker 2: beats and we're being like, Okay, what is the sauce

1002
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 2: look like? Okay, what is the crust look like? And

1003
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 2: that's jacking us up as a society. Yeah, is messing

1004
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 2: us up.

1005
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 1: I'll say this, though, I feel like the way people

1006
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 1: are dating back in the day, and I truly believe

1007
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 1: that the only reason why I was always in a

1008
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 1: relationship was you would make a guy wait or whatever.

1009
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 1: Now if you hang out with a guy with they

1010
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 1: have like their own number. If they're not smashing by

1011
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 1: like date two, they're like I got Shakara, Keisha, Sarah

1012
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 1: and Jody yeah or whoever that are all in rotation

1013
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,240
Speaker 1: right now. I don't even want to waste my time.

1014
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 1: So it's weird because now they don't even want to

1015
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 1: stick around. I had guys that would stick around forever, yeah,

1016
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 1: and then if you did hook up, but then they

1017
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,800
Speaker 1: were definitely like, you're my girlfriend. You know what I'm saying.

1018
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 2: And this error, But sex isn't guarantee that, No, it

1019
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 2: doesn't it.

1020
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying that when you're thinking about your layers,

1021
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 1: people start with this toppings. Then they hook up because

1022
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: they're just going off attraction, and then they're peeling back

1023
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 1: the layers.

1024
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 2: They're peeling back those layers.

1025
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,320
Speaker 1: So it's backwards. I'm just it's backwards.

1026
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, And that backwardsness is messing us up, especially

1027
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:22,839
Speaker 2: as us as women who want husbands, because if you're

1028
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 2: working backwards and you're operating and thinking like a man,

1029
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,840
Speaker 2: because that's what a man cares about, hears about toppings.

1030
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 2: If you don't have the toppings, a man's not fooling

1031
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 2: with you at all. Yeah, but for a woman that's

1032
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 2: looking for a husband, the crust and the sauce are

1033
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 2: by far the most important things got and so anything.

1034
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 2: So as you create your pizza right, you're gonna writ

1035
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 2: your pizza out the five five five. The toppings are

1036
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 2: negotiable because if he has the crust and he has

1037
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 2: the sauce, it's still a good freaking pizza.

1038
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 1: It's still a delicious, say, and you're definitely going to

1039
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 1: be attracted to it. Yeah, you know, it's longs.

1040
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 2: More attractive to you the better that he reads you.

1041
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 2: There needs to be a few toppings on there, just

1042
00:45:57,239 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 2: so that you can take your clothes off. But O

1043
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:00,359
Speaker 2: five do not have to be on there. Okay, those

1044
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 2: are negotiable. You can fix the things that may not

1045
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:05,360
Speaker 2: be on there. My husband had crookeet see now he

1046
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 2: had a visit line straight, his teeth are straight. Hand.

1047
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 2: But this needs to be the map, the road map

1048
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 2: to how you are dating and how you are getting

1049
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 2: in relationship. If they don't have the crust, the crust

1050
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 2: is not negotiable. If they're not a good human, if

1051
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 2: they show you anything outside of those five qualities in

1052
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 2: the crust, you have to release them.

1053
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,399
Speaker 1: Dang, you have to really, Now, what if someone say,

1054
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,760
Speaker 1: dip their hands in the little cookie jar and they're attached,

1055
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 1: they gotta like, if.

1056
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:32,840
Speaker 2: You want a husband and you want a healthy relationship,

1057
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 2: you got to release them because why would you If

1058
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 2: he's not the crust, If he doesn't have the characteristics

1059
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 2: that you just said defined a good human, why are

1060
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 2: you with him? What are you doing here?

1061
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 1: Or her? Or her?

1062
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:51,439
Speaker 2: Or Yeah, men do this too, but for us trying

1063
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 2: to select husbands, it may have to be in the

1064
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:55,800
Speaker 2: sense of a numbers game. Okay, so you do have

1065
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 2: to give up five, You might have to give up ten.

1066
00:46:57,480 --> 00:47:00,320
Speaker 2: You may have to continue your rotation in your dating pool.

1067
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 2: When these qualities are you have to give up. You

1068
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 2: might have to give up someone. Oh give up, yeah, yeah,

1069
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 2: give up a guy like you. Might have to catch

1070
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 2: and release, Catch and release, and you move on to

1071
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 2: the next zoo.

1072
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,359
Speaker 1: Catch and release. I went to a phase where I said,

1073
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 1: I have to catch and release. The second I feel

1074
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 1: slight disrespect, you released back to the ocean.

1075
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:20,800
Speaker 2: You gotta sometimes let them go.

1076
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 1: You gotta let them go. Okay, okay. And then for

1077
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 1: the married folk out there, shout outs to all the

1078
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:28,959
Speaker 1: people the roller coaster, Oh.

1079
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 2: That's right.

1080
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: Here. Yeah, what advice do you give to those folks

1081
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,240
Speaker 1: that have been at it for a while? Now, spice

1082
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: it up, spice it up with the spider. It doesn't

1083
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 1: just look like the bedroom. I'm telling you.

1084
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,439
Speaker 2: If you become more attractive when your partner sees you growing,

1085
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:46,840
Speaker 2: so start pouring into yourself, whether that's something that you

1086
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 2: want to register for, a hobby that you want to

1087
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 2: get into and expose your partner to it. That actually

1088
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:55,880
Speaker 2: becomes sexy when you teach your partner new things. So

1089
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 2: that's what I call intellectual intimacy. Oh I like that

1090
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:02,399
Speaker 2: to where it's I'm I'm growing. I'm teaching myself cool

1091
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 2: things or someone introduced something to me, and then you

1092
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 2: share that with them. You get them then into the

1093
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 2: thing that you are being expanded by, and then they

1094
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 2: within themselves will also be expanded. But that keeps the

1095
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 2: relationship intimacy there. And then also I do think that

1096
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 2: you gotta put love on this to do list, so

1097
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 2: we do need our date nights. I also am a

1098
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 2: huge proponent of schedule.

1099
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 1: Sex really scheduled, Yes, scheduled. How do you do that?

1100
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 1: Though you on the calendar, I'm gonna be all the

1101
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 1: way one. I have the same age child as you. Yeah,

1102
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: I promise you. Around nine o'clock if me and my

1103
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 1: significant my husband are together, the only thing that's happening

1104
00:48:46,719 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 1: is sleep yep. I don't know if it's like the

1105
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 1: energy or the vibe, like the energy with her in

1106
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: the peripherals. It just it's like dead tired. And I'm

1107
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:01,840
Speaker 1: like that is, But if she wasn't around, it'd be different.

1108
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:05,759
Speaker 1: I get it. But Wednesday, every Wednesday this.

1109
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted the baby to bed out this time

1110
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:08,800
Speaker 2: and we're gonna get it in.

1111
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 1: And what he doesn't feel forced, it's not about.

1112
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 2: No because it actually gives you something to look forward to.

1113
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 2: People feel like, if I put on the calendar or

1114
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,839
Speaker 2: I make it like a part of my agenda, it's

1115
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 2: not going to be spontaneous, and I want it spontaneous,

1116
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:23,279
Speaker 2: And I'm like, but I want the sex, and I

1117
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:25,960
Speaker 2: know my time management is bad, So if I try

1118
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 2: to make it spontaneous, it's never gonna happen. I would

1119
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 2: rather have the connection. I would rather be plugged into

1120
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 2: with him, then miss out on our passion and our intimacy.

1121
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 2: So it's actually now being intentional. If we're intentional everything

1122
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 2: else in our life, whether it be our workouts, whether's

1123
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:43,839
Speaker 2: drink and water, why not be intentional about your sex

1124
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,440
Speaker 2: life as well. If you are a busy body like me,

1125
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:49,640
Speaker 2: and it makes sense, and I do get tired.

1126
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 1: If I know they have a kid, you'd be like, yo,

1127
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:56,320
Speaker 1: be all looking at the kid like you, oh, let's.

1128
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 2: Be trying to sleep with us, And I'm like, a,

1129
00:49:58,080 --> 00:49:58,800
Speaker 2: you're throwing.

1130
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 1: Salt on my game. These kids are like birth control, man.

1131
00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 2: Oh my one thousand percent, yeah, one thousand percent.

1132
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: But that is by nature though.

1133
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,160
Speaker 2: If they keep you busy, if they make sure that

1134
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 2: you have all other attention, they can eliminate the potential

1135
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:19,799
Speaker 2: for siblings and they can absorb all of the resources

1136
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:21,919
Speaker 2: that come with being an only child.

1137
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, and then what do you advice

1138
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 1: for people that are going through separation?

1139
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 2: Separations are challenging because it's one foot and one foot out. Yeah,

1140
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 2: you're trying to decide do you want to stay do

1141
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 2: you want to go? And so I think that you

1142
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 2: need to be very clear on do we have the

1143
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 2: same goal. Do we both want the same things in life?

1144
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 2: If we want completely different things in life? Because I

1145
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 2: think that when you are with your purpose mate, you

1146
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 2: guys understand the bigger picture and so anything that diverts

1147
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 2: from that throws you off track. So you always have

1148
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 2: to go back to, Okay, what is the goal in

1149
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:59,320
Speaker 2: the relationship? What are we both trying to accomplish, not

1150
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 2: just in our but in our relationship goal. You have

1151
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 2: to put relationship goals and have team meetings for relationship goals,

1152
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 2: just the same way that you would for financial on

1153
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 2: the calendar. Everything goes on the calendar. At this point

1154
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 2: in my life, I said, we run in behind, but

1155
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:14,479
Speaker 2: even the sex runs behind. But everything goes on the calendar.

1156
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 2: Yeahs are hilarious.

1157
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:20,480
Speaker 1: You are hilarious. I can't imagine what that would look like.

1158
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: But the way you called us fifteen minutes, I'm so

1159
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 1: so sorry. Yeah, I'll make it up. That is one thing.

1160
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:30,799
Speaker 2: Me and my husband, we communicate. He's even a better

1161
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 2: communicator than be. But we communicate.

1162
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 1: And you still think communication is like key number.

1163
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 2: One, number one. A lot of us think that we

1164
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 2: are great communicators and we are not.

1165
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 1: Okay, And what's the difference between male and female communication?

1166
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's a million things, but I'll start

1167
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:49,240
Speaker 2: with love versus logic and women, communication is an emotional

1168
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:52,759
Speaker 2: experience for it. For men, communication is a driver of

1169
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:56,200
Speaker 2: efficiency and logic. And so that's why we are in

1170
00:51:56,320 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 2: our masculine when we are at work, because we are

1171
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 2: trying to just let me give you this information so

1172
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 2: we can make these changes so we can be efficient

1173
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 2: and effective. Men naturally communicate with the factual disclosure. Factual

1174
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 2: disclosure is the facts that you need to know. Women

1175
00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 2: we communicate oftentimes with emotional disclosure. And if you're a

1176
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 2: woman not communicating with emotional disclosure, you'll never create intimacy

1177
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 2: in relationship that you're operating. You're masculine and you need

1178
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 2: to call me. But emotional disclosure is telling you how

1179
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:29,360
Speaker 2: the fact made you feel.

1180
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:31,719
Speaker 1: Okay, So that's a good thing.

1181
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 2: If that is a good thing, most of us as

1182
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 2: a society are not operating in emotional disclosure. We are

1183
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 2: operating in factual disclosure when we are in our masculine energy.

1184
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 1: Give me an example, you and I were in a relationship. Yeah,

1185
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you a factual disclosure, like today, I

1186
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:52,239
Speaker 1: have an appointment at four pm. Sorry, I couldn't make

1187
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 1: it to our dinner. Okay, So is that a good example? Yes?

1188
00:52:55,719 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 2: Close, That would be I have a four pmtor's appointment,

1189
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 2: or of a four pm conference call, and you can

1190
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:03,320
Speaker 2: say I'm sorry.

1191
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: That's not that.

1192
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 2: Being apologetic is an emotion. However, we would take it

1193
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 2: a step further and say, I apologize and it makes

1194
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 2: me feel awful to have disappointed you and not being

1195
00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:20,320
Speaker 2: able to make it. But I need you to understand

1196
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:25,240
Speaker 2: that what I'm going through really requires this for my esteem.

1197
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,279
Speaker 2: I got to make disappointment and tell me how this

1198
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 2: is making you feel and how I can make it

1199
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 2: up to you.

1200
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 1: That's emotional.

1201
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:34,920
Speaker 2: That is the emotional Okay, you have to let the

1202
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 2: person into how it's making you feel. They need to

1203
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 2: see the remorse saying, to hear the repentance. They need

1204
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,360
Speaker 2: to because the problem with i'm sorry, and this is

1205
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:44,319
Speaker 2: a whole nother episode about the apology languages, the problem

1206
00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 2: with i'm sorry is that people if you use i'm

1207
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 2: sorry in relationship, it doesn't work anymore because if you've

1208
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 2: been sorry a hundred times, the person's tired of hearing it. Yeah,

1209
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:56,799
Speaker 2: like whatever, the emotional disclosure would come in even though

1210
00:53:56,840 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 2: you're like, i'm sorry, that's an emotion apologetic is, but

1211
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 2: i'm sorry is like the delivery of the remorse. The

1212
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 2: person actually needs to hear and feel and experience the

1213
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:08,000
Speaker 2: remorse to actually believe you.

1214
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:09,239
Speaker 1: I agree with that.

1215
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 2: But the factual disclosure would be, we made toast. Maybe

1216
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:15,880
Speaker 2: my husband's gonna ask me how the podcast we made toast.

1217
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,040
Speaker 2: That's factual disclosure. He's not bonded to.

1218
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 1: Me, that's a fact. Yes, we made I got it.

1219
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 2: That sugar sent him in toast. I like to call

1220
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,879
Speaker 2: it my spicy Toast baby. And it took me back

1221
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 2: to my childhood when I was feeding my siblings and

1222
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 2: I was responsible for them at a young age and

1223
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:35,880
Speaker 2: that was so hard on me, but like we persevered

1224
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:38,160
Speaker 2: and it made me feel good to think about Mama.

1225
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 2: We made it like that's more emotional disclosure.

1226
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:42,839
Speaker 1: But now do men like that? Because you always see

1227
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 1: these jokes online where men are like the woman is

1228
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 1: just downloading and the man has just had lunch.

1229
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 2: At the end, what are you trying to achieve in

1230
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,800
Speaker 2: that moment? If we want to bond, I need to

1231
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 2: give you emotional disclosure, because I'm trying to get ish done.

1232
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 2: I need to give you factual disclosure. So if I

1233
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:01,400
Speaker 2: want the man closer to me, I should not be

1234
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 2: mirroring his communication. I should be having him mear mind.

1235
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 2: But if I never speak to you in emotional disclosure,

1236
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 2: you never learn. You never learned, as my partner, how

1237
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:14,560
Speaker 2: to become more articulate with your emotional language. We get

1238
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:17,560
Speaker 2: on a vibration of masculinity and we're just delivering the

1239
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:21,680
Speaker 2: facts to each other versus Oh my god, it makes

1240
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 2: me feel so good. When you came home early today,

1241
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 2: I needed that. I needed to see you, I needed

1242
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 2: to recharge with your presence like that. He needs to

1243
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:32,759
Speaker 2: know what the fact meant to him. Got it, and

1244
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:35,360
Speaker 2: he will not be guided to being closer to you

1245
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 2: unless he hears it. It does not need to be

1246
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 2: a four page letter. And that's where we go wrong.

1247
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:44,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, with the eighteen eighteen eighteen page tech correct now

1248
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: there are There's another thing that men have been saying

1249
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 1: online is that women like to be lied to. Have

1250
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 1: you heard about that?

1251
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:49,799
Speaker 2: Oh?

1252
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:54,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I do think it's interesting because I can't

1253
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:56,439
Speaker 1: see in some ways where they're making sense.

1254
00:55:57,239 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 2: Tell me your OI gets true.

1255
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 1: I think it's kind of true. Like me and my

1256
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 1: husband we separated for a couple of years and women

1257
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 1: were like this. One girl had talked to me. She said,

1258
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:11,879
Speaker 1: he told me, she said, you're separated. I said, yeah,

1259
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,360
Speaker 1: that still means married. Like you know what I'm saying, like,

1260
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:20,319
Speaker 1: still means married. I'm not holding you responsible. Yeah you're

1261
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,800
Speaker 1: married or no. She said, you're married on paper. No,

1262
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:27,120
Speaker 1: that's what I said. I said, that is exactly what married.

1263
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:30,320
Speaker 1: That is exactly what it is. So stop saying married

1264
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 1: on paper, Just say married. But I remember having this

1265
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 1: conversation with this girl and she literally kept saying married

1266
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:42,120
Speaker 1: on paper, and I was just like, no, no anger

1267
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:42,719
Speaker 1: towards her.

1268
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:43,520
Speaker 2: No.

1269
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 1: But I could not believe that this young lady was

1270
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:51,200
Speaker 1: saying to me, married on paper, fully saying it like

1271
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,759
Speaker 1: it was okay, but not realizing what she said was

1272
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: married on paper. You know what I'm saying. It's like

1273
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:59,320
Speaker 1: a form of lying to herself. And she got and

1274
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 1: it was all all these things that she saw that

1275
00:57:01,280 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 1: was very clear evidence that this person is clearly married.

1276
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 1: But that to me would be an example of someone

1277
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 1: lying to themselves. Do you get, I understand exactly what

1278
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:12,640
Speaker 1: do you feel that too? That's like lions. Yes, we

1279
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 1: will look for.

1280
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,680
Speaker 2: How to turn the red flags into green flags. As women,

1281
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 2: we can oftentimes try to rationalize mistreatment, rationalize what's obvious

1282
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 2: because we want to feel a certain way. Okay, we

1283
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:28,240
Speaker 2: want something, we have a desire of our heart and

1284
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 2: we want to achieve it. Will rationalize the bad thing

1285
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 2: that intuitively maybe telling us like run, We will rationalize it.

1286
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,840
Speaker 2: But we rationalize it by lying to ourselves about it. Yeah,

1287
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 2: by painting a pretty picture and making it seem like

1288
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:47,160
Speaker 2: it's normal, and deep down inside, when we are healed,

1289
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 2: we're able to recognize that. Unhealed, you now have become

1290
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:59,040
Speaker 2: desensitized from the recognition and being tapped out of your

1291
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:03,400
Speaker 2: intuitive Yeah, so you begin to lose trust himself.

1292
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 1: Also, yeah, yeah, yeah, I could see that in the conversation.

1293
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 1: I could see with the young lady too, like our

1294
00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:13,720
Speaker 1: friends were like, what are you doing?

1295
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 2: Correct?

1296
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:16,440
Speaker 1: And then there was one other thing. Do you ever

1297
00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:18,320
Speaker 1: console poly relationships?

1298
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 2: That's funny. I've done poly show, Yeah you have the.

1299
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 1: I will.

1300
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:26,280
Speaker 2: So I've done let's say, triangles right in the SNS

1301
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 2: of husband, wife who's separated or divorcing, and mistress. Okay,

1302
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 2: I've counseled them. When it comes to polyamorous relationships, I

1303
00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 2: do not believe that restores the family unit when you

1304
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 2: have the intentions of having multiple partners. I do not

1305
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 2: think that we have the ability or to be able

1306
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 2: to juggle them all. And I do not feel like

1307
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 2: a man without discipline can be trusted. I agree with them,

1308
00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 2: So I will not counsel polyamous relationships. And I have

1309
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 2: been approached by them. Can we have such sessions?

1310
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,880
Speaker 1: No, we cannot. And that's interesting that they're also approaching you,

1311
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:03,960
Speaker 1: because they when you see these poly relationships, they clamorize

1312
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:06,320
Speaker 1: this whole like multiple and we all get along. You

1313
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 1: would never It's interesting to hear that these same people

1314
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:09,640
Speaker 1: are saying, hey, can you help us.

1315
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:11,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of coaches and counsel lers that

1316
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:14,040
Speaker 2: will take any one. I'm finally at a point in

1317
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 2: my career where i don't have to. Yeah, there's a

1318
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 2: point when I'm like, come on, Well, there's a screening

1319
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:21,760
Speaker 2: process with your Yeah, we do consultations first. There, I

1320
00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:24,080
Speaker 2: do an assessment and that's one hundred and fifty questions

1321
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 2: where I'm like figuring out, Okay, where do I need

1322
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:28,480
Speaker 2: to help you within SPI C Y. So there's a

1323
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 2: whole process before we get started.

1324
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:31,080
Speaker 1: You're not in a service.

1325
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 2: Agreement and n date. We're going through the real because

1326
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:36,520
Speaker 2: I'm going to not only deep dive into your life,

1327
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 2: I'm letting you into mine.

1328
00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:39,919
Speaker 1: Got it? Oh okay, So it's a two ways.

1329
00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:42,840
Speaker 2: It's a two way. I can't teach you the fundamentals

1330
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 2: and the formulas for trust and intimacy without reciprocating, got it.

1331
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 2: There's no way for me to be able to transform

1332
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 2: your perspective and understand your beliefs and hear your childhood

1333
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:56,640
Speaker 2: wounds and traumas if it's one sided. And that's not

1334
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 2: to say that a lot of my clients experience there

1335
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:03,400
Speaker 2: and me simultaneously, because therapy will help them understand like

1336
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 2: where that experience came from or what was at the route.

1337
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 2: I help them in the transformation of Okay, this is

1338
01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:12,200
Speaker 2: how we actually tackle it. This is how we create

1339
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:14,720
Speaker 2: the change. So there's self awareness component and there's a

1340
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:17,720
Speaker 2: self actualization component. That's where I'm coming in and kicking

1341
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:18,080
Speaker 2: your ass.

1342
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:21,720
Speaker 1: Nice. So where can everybody keep up with everything the

1343
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:22,560
Speaker 1: Spicy Life?

1344
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 2: You guys can go to the spicylife dot com. You

1345
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 2: can play with my Twitter stroke, my ig at Spicy Modi.

1346
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:31,680
Speaker 2: You can find the podcast everywhere that they're streaming The

1347
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 2: Spicy Life.

1348
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 1: And you tape that every week or every week we

1349
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:38,240
Speaker 1: have that every week. Yes, so all the relationship advice,

1350
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 1: all the relationship guru topics and challenges, you come and

1351
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,439
Speaker 1: is it just you or do you have a guest?

1352
01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 2: I have a guest come on every episode with me.

1353
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:48,959
Speaker 1: Wow, And then they just full transparency.

1354
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:52,240
Speaker 2: Yes, sometimes we're talking about their expertise in the profession

1355
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:54,120
Speaker 2: because I'll have a lot of like relationship coaches or

1356
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:56,920
Speaker 2: therapists and counselors come on, or it's a guest that

1357
01:00:56,960 --> 01:00:58,080
Speaker 2: we're exploring their love life.

1358
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:03,320
Speaker 1: Wow wow to here first and then any other projects on.

1359
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 2: The TV Netflix, Netflix. We gotta shout out Netflix niaky links. Okay,

1360
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:11,280
Speaker 2: I already told Team Healthy relationship situationships, booty calls, sneaky

1361
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 2: links do not help you get closer to your husband.

1362
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:16,560
Speaker 2: I'm the relationship expert on the show on Netflix right

1363
01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:21,080
Speaker 2: now that's streaming. It's called Sneaky Links. Snaky Links, Sneaky links.

1364
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Yes, and you're gonna. You're on the

1365
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:25,840
Speaker 1: Health Team Healthy side, so you're gonna.

1366
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:30,000
Speaker 2: I'm helping the singles in the motel transform their sneaky

1367
01:01:30,040 --> 01:01:33,080
Speaker 2: ways so that they can be a magnet for real love.

1368
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:35,920
Speaker 1: Wow, but that doesn't happen overnight. How long do you

1369
01:01:35,960 --> 01:01:36,880
Speaker 1: have you tape the show?

1370
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 2: We were in the motel for a month, and so

1371
01:01:39,920 --> 01:01:42,840
Speaker 2: we're doing like coaching sessions together, putting them through like

1372
01:01:42,880 --> 01:01:45,920
Speaker 2: a boot camp of activities, and even putting temptation in

1373
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:47,880
Speaker 2: front of them to test for the change.

1374
01:01:48,840 --> 01:01:50,880
Speaker 1: Did they pass? Not?

1375
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:55,120
Speaker 2: All of them? You can leave them to the water. Okay,

1376
01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:57,479
Speaker 2: you can't necessarily get them to drink.

1377
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 1: Check out Sneaky Links on Netflix. I know I am,

1378
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 1: because I just want to see people fail test. I'm

1379
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 1: that person.

1380
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:08,040
Speaker 2: You and your husband are back together now right.

1381
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:10,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're working right. Yes, he's working very hard. I'm

1382
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:12,400
Speaker 1: very proud of him. I love that.

1383
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 2: I love you give up on it.

1384
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:17,280
Speaker 1: Shoot, I'm a hard one. Let me tell you something.

1385
01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 1: When I be done, I blow up the whole building.

1386
01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:22,960
Speaker 1: I don't like. That's it. It's a wrap. But yeah,

1387
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:25,480
Speaker 1: my daughter is very happy, so I'm one hundred per

1388
01:02:25,720 --> 01:02:28,479
Speaker 1: cool with it. Yeah, I'll try shout outs to growth.

1389
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:32,080
Speaker 1: Call me anytime you need to grow. When you're gonna

1390
01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:36,000
Speaker 1: whoop his butt, I probably would right now, he's on

1391
01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:38,320
Speaker 1: a good past. Shout out shout outs to him. I

1392
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:41,320
Speaker 1: definitely respect. I respect anybody that works on themselves and

1393
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 1: works really hard and fight a good fight and doesn't quit.

1394
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:47,240
Speaker 1: That's my thing. That's quit. Just don't quit.

1395
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 2: What are the area come to? Sharing? Where the areas

1396
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 2: are that he asks you to grow?

1397
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:55,080
Speaker 1: Where he asked me to grow. If you asked him,

1398
01:02:55,080 --> 01:02:56,680
Speaker 1: he probably say I have an anger. I have a

1399
01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:58,640
Speaker 1: little bit of anger. I'm making.

1400
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 2: My husband.

1401
01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 1: I possessed. He's like, yo, I got a book to

1402
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:05,760
Speaker 1: get out of the state.

1403
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,600
Speaker 2: That zimper Oh my god. I had to work with

1404
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 2: my husband early on that what we won't be doing

1405
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:11,120
Speaker 2: in this relationship.

1406
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:15,040
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be or I don't listen,

1407
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 1: maybe I may cut him off before he finishes. I'm like,

1408
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 1: wooo okay, yeah, but that's about it. But I was

1409
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:25,720
Speaker 1: I would say he probably said the communication. I don't

1410
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:29,520
Speaker 1: think it's that bad. But the communication, Yeah, is that

1411
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:33,640
Speaker 1: that is communicating? Yes, yeah, that would be it. That

1412
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:35,760
Speaker 1: would probably be his number one. Other than that, he'd

1413
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:36,240
Speaker 1: be cool.

1414
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I'm having a little sushi session with y'all.

1415
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:43,160
Speaker 1: That's funny. He probably needs it. He needs a good tweaking.

1416
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:46,120
Speaker 2: I love when I hear couple say my partner needs it.

1417
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:50,080
Speaker 2: But I'm good. That's that is the clear past. You

1418
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:53,360
Speaker 2: already both very much need this. Okay, time point the

1419
01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:55,840
Speaker 2: fingers of the other partner. I know it's a tail tale.

1420
01:03:55,960 --> 01:03:57,120
Speaker 1: That's like one on one.

1421
01:03:57,160 --> 01:03:57,959
Speaker 2: You want to know something.

1422
01:03:58,040 --> 01:04:00,800
Speaker 1: It's so funny because I totally did times in a row.

1423
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 1: You should. He needs the help. He needs help. All right,

1424
01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:08,080
Speaker 1: thank y'all for tuning in to a great meal. I'm

1425
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:08,840
Speaker 1: gonna finish my egg.

1426
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 2: Oh did you finish your mind?

1427
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:12,520
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm gonna finish my egg. Peace out, y'all

1428
01:04:17,360 --> 01:04:20,560
Speaker 1: for more eating while broke from iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.

1429
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:24,320
Speaker 1: Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen

1430
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:25,480
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.