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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to step

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Speaker 1: I Never Told You production to iHeart Radio, and welcome

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Speaker 1: to our monthly fiction segment. Uh it is ongoing, Yes

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Speaker 1: it is. We're currently on chapter seven of Terminus, which

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Speaker 1: I wrote as part of Nano Rimo and ten. I

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Speaker 1: did not edit this, so you're getting kind of like

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Speaker 1: a flow of what I did, and we're gonna have

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Speaker 1: discussions about why I wrote it because I have I'm

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Speaker 1: very curious about it. But yes, again, I've never had kids,

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Speaker 1: so I'm kind of like, this is interesting to me

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Speaker 1: that this is what came out of your brain. But

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Speaker 1: yes it is. If this isn't your thing, I totally

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Speaker 1: get it. Christina does amazing work with it, though, so

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Speaker 1: hope you're enjoying it. We are on chapter or seven.

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Speaker 1: I will say The Last of Us just came out

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Speaker 1: and you should watch it if you have any interest.

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Speaker 1: This is a very similar story. I did write this

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Speaker 1: before the Last of Us came out, but it's not

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Speaker 1: like it's a super like people have done that before.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, I often call it like the Last of

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Speaker 1: Us meets Children of Men meets hammids Him so super fun. Uh.

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Speaker 1: Speaking of This one has a content warning miscarriage and

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Speaker 1: child death. Very seriously. It made me kind of tear

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Speaker 1: up when I was reading it, so just so you

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Speaker 1: know that is in here. Uh, stigma around sex and infertility, viruses,

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Speaker 1: a pandemic, a lack of control over your own body,

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Speaker 1: injury and healing, suicidal ideation, self loving and internalized able

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Speaker 1: is um around disease. Uh. So I try to be

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Speaker 1: very cognizant of what content warnings, and I will say

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Speaker 1: a lot of those they are discussed, they're not discussed

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Speaker 1: in depth. But I just want to be very careful.

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Speaker 1: I want you to have a good time, and your

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Speaker 1: mental health is important to us. So yes, and as

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Speaker 1: I've said several times, I know that like this is

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Speaker 1: coming out perhaps the worst time for some people. But

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Speaker 1: if perhaps you're like me and for some reason, well

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Speaker 1: I know why, but it's cathartic for me, So I

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Speaker 1: get it if it's not, though I want to think

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Speaker 1: get it if it's not. Uh. This one is kind

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Speaker 1: of longer chapter, so we're just gonna do a recap

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Speaker 1: and get into it. It's longer, but it's sort of

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Speaker 1: a like setting stage chapter, but for a very quick recap.

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Speaker 1: The world is ending due to a sex based virus

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Speaker 1: that is decimating the population. And because of this, any

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Speaker 1: child who is born is under the jurisdiction of the

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Speaker 1: Board of Better Parenting and a religious organization called arm

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Speaker 1: that is very closely related to the government called the

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Speaker 1: States Um, and this religious organization believes that the virus

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Speaker 1: is due to the sinful nature of humanity is kind

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Speaker 1: of a punishment um. After giving birth to a child

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Speaker 1: outside of a conception center illegally, Tilda, the main character,

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Speaker 1: runs away with her son, Madison, in order to keep

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Speaker 1: them from force separation. Several years later, she and Madison

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Speaker 1: are facing very grim circumstances. Winter is coming there closer,

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Speaker 1: thin supplies are dwindling, and in their desperation, they were

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Speaker 1: captured by the government's enforcers who were seeking to capture

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Speaker 1: it Priority number one case as they are called. However,

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Speaker 1: Tilda Madison escape, but not before Tilda is shot and

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Speaker 1: after fleeing and abandoning their stolen car, Tilda has passed

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Speaker 1: out in the street with Madison calling her name. And

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Speaker 1: that is where we are, so let's get into it.

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Speaker 1: A deep weighted darkness anchored Tilda, restorative and protective. She

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Speaker 1: could almost feel her body repairing itself. She had the

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Speaker 1: vague sense of being rebuilt. She lost all concepts of time.

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Speaker 1: She dug herself out with a black few times, catching

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Speaker 1: images and feelings between blinks. Madison, staring at her inches

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Speaker 1: from her face, watchful and worried, fingers twisted an older

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Speaker 1: woman with fading brown hair, a wrinkled face, pastel colors,

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Speaker 1: leading him from the room, A ripple of anxiety. She

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Speaker 1: was too exhausted to feel properly, the overwhelming need to sleep,

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Speaker 1: a painful itching, eating at her calf, sinking, sinking, sinking,

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Speaker 1: breathing deeply for the first time in years, being comfortable

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Speaker 1: and warm, sensations almost foreign to her, now a true luxury.

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Speaker 1: A bed. She was in a bed, but darkness dragged

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Speaker 1: her down again, wrapping warm tendils around her. Before she

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Speaker 1: could fathom what that meant. She had fuzzy dreams of

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Speaker 1: mice and elephants, and she wasn't sure which one was

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Speaker 1: scared of the other. Blinking, she slipped into consciousness as

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Speaker 1: gently as a dolphin breaching the ocean's surface. Madison curled

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Speaker 1: into her side, nestled under the covers, breathing even her

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Speaker 1: eyes closed again. Awareness came to Tilda slowly, so long

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Speaker 1: had she been away from it she had trouble recognizing

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Speaker 1: it at first. Her brain struggled the process. The softly

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Speaker 1: lit room she resided in with warm beige walls and

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Speaker 1: furniture that wasn't overturned, and that bed fluffy and soft

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Speaker 1: and warm. The pillow beneath her head comfortable enough to

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Speaker 1: almost lull her back into oblivion. But Madison wasn't there,

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Speaker 1: and she didn't know where he was. That gave her

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Speaker 1: strength enough to combat the exhaustion, though it required a

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Speaker 1: ridiculous amount of willpower. She pushed herself into a sitting position.

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Speaker 1: She took a deep breath, disentangling herself from white sheets

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Speaker 1: and covers with fingers that felt thick and clunky. Her

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Speaker 1: legs swept over the edge of the bed and dangled

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Speaker 1: hovering over the carpeted floor. A thick white bandage adorned

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Speaker 1: her left calf. She flexed the muscle experimentally and felt

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Speaker 1: only the briefest answering pain. Where was she? What had happened?

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Speaker 1: She lowered her bare feet to the floor. It was

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Speaker 1: soft and plushy. Someone had changed her clothes, Her ratty coat,

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Speaker 1: replaced with an overlarge gray shirt and faded blue drawstring

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Speaker 1: shorts hanging around her waist. Tilted swayed to her feet,

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Speaker 1: almost drunk in her drowsiness. Stumbling steps had her collapsing

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Speaker 1: against the door frame, clinging to it to hold her upright.

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Speaker 1: She paused, breathing deeply, willing her weak muscles to cooperate. Slowly,

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Speaker 1: some semblance of strength returned to her limbs, and she

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Speaker 1: released the door frame, Using her hands to support herself

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Speaker 1: against the wall. She tottered down the hall, heading toward

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Speaker 1: the sound of voices. Pictures caught her fingers as she

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Speaker 1: skimmed them along the wall for balance, Smiling faces peering

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Speaker 1: at her as she made her unsteady procession. She passed

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Speaker 1: a working lamp, almost knocking it over as she gaped

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Speaker 1: at it. Madison giggled, his young, small voice, lilting joy

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Speaker 1: and wonder. Unease and fear bubbled until the stomach. Her

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Speaker 1: faulty steps becoming surer and faster. The hall opened, branching

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Speaker 1: into a kitchen and dining area directly in front of her.

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Speaker 1: In a sitting room to her right, sunlight streamed through

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Speaker 1: the many windows. A woman murmured something, and Madison laughed again.

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Speaker 1: Tilda turn towards the sitting room and the source of

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Speaker 1: the voices. The woman with graying brown hair sat in

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Speaker 1: a lavender armchair, Madison sitting on her lap, holding a

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Speaker 1: book in his hands. She had glasses and a kind smile,

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Speaker 1: but Tilda felt fear and anger and a sort of

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Speaker 1: jealousy spring to life inside of her, the intensity of

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Speaker 1: them dampened by exhaustion. Gawking at the bazaar scene before her,

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Speaker 1: She entered the room dream like till the Madison slid

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Speaker 1: off the woman's lap and barreled towards her, almost knocking

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Speaker 1: her down with the force of his hug. Tilda slid

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Speaker 1: an arm behind his shoulders, stroking his hair with her

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Speaker 1: other hand, but she kept her gaze on the woman,

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Speaker 1: a potential threat. You're awake, Madison exclaimed, you slept a

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Speaker 1: long time. His voice held a mixture of something like

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Speaker 1: chastisement and worry. She smiled down at him. The woman

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Speaker 1: rose from the chair, and Tilda snapped her eyes up again.

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Speaker 1: How long did I sleep? She kept the question light,

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Speaker 1: playing into Madison's attempt to reprimand her days. He answered solemnly,

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Speaker 1: releasing his grip and looking up at her two days

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Speaker 1: to be exact. The woman clarified, I imagine you have

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Speaker 1: many questions, but we should really get some food and

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Speaker 1: water in your system. Tilda kept a hand on Madison's

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Speaker 1: shoulder as she approached them. I'm Lynn, she introduced herself, warmly,

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Speaker 1: extending her hand. Tilda hesitated before taking it, still suspicious.

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Speaker 1: When Tilda did not respond in kind, Lynne filled in

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Speaker 1: for her, and you must be the amazing Tilda. Madison

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Speaker 1: has nothing but praise for you, dear. They dropped hands,

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Speaker 1: Lynn moving past them and into the kitchen. Come sit down.

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Speaker 1: How are you feeling? When Tilda wavered with indecision about

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Speaker 1: whether to follow Linn or take Madison and bolt out

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Speaker 1: the door, the child grabbed her hand, leading her into

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Speaker 1: the dining area and pulling a chair out for her.

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Speaker 1: In a day she sat better, she responded, My leg

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Speaker 1: is um a lot better, did you. Her conversation skills

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Speaker 1: were extremely lacking. She tried to recall the last person

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Speaker 1: she'd spoken to outside of Madison. Despite the borderline inarticulate question,

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Speaker 1: Lynn derived the meaning I was a doctor. I'm retired now, um,

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Speaker 1: but I still make house calls. Occasionally, I removed the

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Speaker 1: bullet and stitched the wound. The antibiotic cream I appledgedpeed

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Speaker 1: the healing process up um good as new in a

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Speaker 1: few days. Tilda digested that, hardly aaring to believe it,

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Speaker 1: as Lynne climbed about pots and pants and switched on

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Speaker 1: the burners. You have electricity, yes, Topeka still has power.

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Speaker 1: There are a decent number of us here, Lynn, do

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Speaker 1: you need any help? Tilda had to fight to keep

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Speaker 1: herself from holding the child in her arms to prevent

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Speaker 1: him from moving to her relief. Lynn declined his offer. Oh, no,

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Speaker 1: thank you, dear, take a seat next to your mother's sweetheart.

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Speaker 1: Tilda's heart swooped at the word mother. Madison scraped a

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Speaker 1: chair across the floor next to her, clambering into it

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Speaker 1: and propping his hands on the table. Regarding Tilda was

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Speaker 1: such an adult expression on his young face that she

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Speaker 1: almost laughed. But Lynde's next query demanded all her attention.

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Speaker 1: How does scrambled eggs toast? She him moving things around

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Speaker 1: in the refrigerator, sliced apples and saute vegetable sound. Tilda

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Speaker 1: blinked rapidly as her stomach cramped, salivating at the mere

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Speaker 1: thought of all that food. She cleared her throat. Um good, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that sounds really you have all that, Lynn laughed, Of course.

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Speaker 1: She placed glasses of water in front of Tilda and Madison.

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Speaker 1: There are a few farmers left still growing things, just

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Speaker 1: to be growing them. Every week they all get together

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Speaker 1: at the square a few blocks away, and we trade

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Speaker 1: goods services. But they enjoy it. You know, not much

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Speaker 1: else to do. I've got a garden of my own

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Speaker 1: out back. Now, drink up. Tilda took careful SIPs of water,

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Speaker 1: knowing from experience to take it slowly. Once, when they

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Speaker 1: found water after days of low supplies, she'd drank it

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Speaker 1: quickly enough to make herself sick. Her throat was parched,

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Speaker 1: and the liquid it felt cool, soothing. Madison mimicked her,

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Speaker 1: his eyes on Tilda as you drink, while Tilda's eyes

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Speaker 1: were fixated on Lynn. As she whished together the eggs

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Speaker 1: and poured the mixture into a pan. She popped a

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Speaker 1: few slices of buttered bread into the toaster and started

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Speaker 1: cutting up the vegetables and fruit. The delicious room of

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Speaker 1: cooking food filled the air. Tilda couldn't remember ever smelling

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Speaker 1: something so unificence bread, She asked, Oh, I make it.

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Speaker 1: Damn mossk grubbed down the street makes the flower. Tilda

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Speaker 1: had so many questions she had difficulty choosing one. She

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Speaker 1: settled on clothes. Apparently she could only pose one word questions.

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Speaker 1: Linda did not answer immediately. For the first time that

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Speaker 1: Tilda realized Madison was outfitted in a new shirt and

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Speaker 1: jacket with jeans. They were a tad on the large side,

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Speaker 1: making him appear even smaller, but they felt relatively well.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't leave you in those rags. Most of the

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Speaker 1: clothes in the stores and malls have been redistributed to

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Speaker 1: makeship shops and all the neighborhoods that still have people

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Speaker 1: in them. I picked some things up for the two

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Speaker 1: of you, and don't worry. It's unsupervised. No point in

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Speaker 1: stealing them, really, so I didn't draw any attention. I

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Speaker 1: changed you into those, but don't worry, dear, nothing I

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Speaker 1: haven't seen before. Stomach growling loudly, Tilda asked the question

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Speaker 1: she should have asked in the beginning. What happened the

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Speaker 1: toaster binged? Lynn definitely removed the toast, sliding it onto

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Speaker 1: a plate and setting it on the table, followed by

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Speaker 1: a bowl of apple slices. It was all Tilda could

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Speaker 1: do to keep from snatching the piece of morn bread,

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Speaker 1: almost choking on her massive first bite. The bread melted

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Speaker 1: in her mouth in that moment, the best thing she'd

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Speaker 1: ever tasted. Madison took an apple slice, nibbling at it

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Speaker 1: before grabbing some toast for himself. Lynn returned with three

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Speaker 1: plates of scrambled eggs and salted vegetables, handing each person

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Speaker 1: a fork. While Tilda sampled everything oddly ravenous and almost

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Speaker 1: full at the same time, Lynn joined them, taking a

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Speaker 1: bite of eggs before she replied, I heard Madison screaming,

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Speaker 1: you collapse down the road from my house. You know,

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Speaker 1: I saw the blood and I knew we needed to

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Speaker 1: get you treatment. With Madison's help, she gave him a

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Speaker 1: smile and a wink, we were able to get you inside.

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Speaker 1: I cleaned the wound and stitched up. You were semi

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Speaker 1: conscious for a few minutes, and that's when I changed

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Speaker 1: your clothes and got you into bed. You lost a

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Speaker 1: lot of blood, That's why you slept so long. Your

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Speaker 1: body needed to replenish and recover that and flat out

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Speaker 1: exhaustion I wager, Tilda, she thoughtfully, not quite grasping one

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Speaker 1: main aspect. Why. Lynn straightened her glasses. Why what dear?

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Speaker 1: Why help us? A frown marked the older woman's features.

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Speaker 1: How could I ignore a screaming child and an injured woman?

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Speaker 1: What sort of doctor would I be if I could

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Speaker 1: do such a thing like that? What sort of person?

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00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:33,880
Speaker 1: For that matter? Madison swung his legs absent mindedly, riveted

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Speaker 1: violence answer adult of understanding shook Tilda's core, and she

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Speaker 1: gasped aloud with the power of it. Madison had never

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Speaker 1: had much interaction with other people. He only had Tilda

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Speaker 1: and the enforcers to form his view on humanity. She'd

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Speaker 1: spoken about her parents on a few instances, but other

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00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,160
Speaker 1: than that, for all he knew everyone else in the

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Speaker 1: world was out to get them. He stared at Lynn

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Speaker 1: as though she were some sort of angel. Tilda c

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Speaker 1: at her throat, savoring the sweetness of the apple. She paused,

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Speaker 1: searching for the best way to phrase her next question,

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00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:10,360
Speaker 1: but couldn't conjure anything better than are there many enforcers here?

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00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,840
Speaker 1: Lynn's gaze flitted to Madison before she shared a look

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Speaker 1: with Tilda over the boy's head. I saw a few yesterday.

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Speaker 1: In general, they leave us alone out here, so it

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Speaker 1: is a bit strange. Tilda could see Lynne knew the

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Speaker 1: enforcers were looking for her in Madison, they won't find

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Speaker 1: as will they. His small voice piped up. Lynn flashed

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Speaker 1: him a tender smile, rubbing his shoulder. Of course, not, honey,

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Speaker 1: you're safe here. Madison smiled back at Lynn, and Tilda

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00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:43,440
Speaker 1: felt another wave of jealousy and inadequacy. This woman was

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Speaker 1: a mother, She knew what to do. Are we, Tilda

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00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,200
Speaker 1: new Lynn would hear her underlying question? Is she going

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00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,680
Speaker 1: to turn them in? Lynn leveled her dark brown eyes

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Speaker 1: with Tilda's firm and since here, yes you are. Tilda

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00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 1: held her gaze for several seconds, Madison glancing curiously at

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00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:08,040
Speaker 1: each of them in turn. Before Tilda nodded. Len's got books,

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00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 1: Madison interjected, light dancing in his eyes. She's been letting

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Speaker 1: me read, has she. Tilda's grin may have resembled a

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Speaker 1: grimace as she pictured Madison cozy and secure on Lynn's lap,

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Speaker 1: exposed to how mothers should be. For the first time

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Speaker 1: in his life, maybe now he would recognize Tilda for

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Speaker 1: what she was. A fake. He nodded enthusiastically, and Lynn chuckled.

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Speaker 1: And quite a reader you are. I haven't had much practice,

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00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,360
Speaker 1: he admitted ruefully. But I'm getting better. And she let

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00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:42,920
Speaker 1: me color too. She ruffled his hair fondly. That's great, mouse,

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00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,560
Speaker 1: Lynn fixed her with an assessing eye. Your color is improving,

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00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 1: but you still look rather pale. We should get you

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Speaker 1: back to bed. What time is it, Tilda ask, exhaustion

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Speaker 1: creeping back into her bones. Afternoon. Lynn gathered their dishes

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Speaker 1: and placed them in this inc Come on, let's go

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Speaker 1: talk in the sitting room. Madison hopped off his chair

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Speaker 1: and charged down the hall, grabbing a coloring book and

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Speaker 1: some crowns, and flinging himself onto the carpet. He started

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Speaker 1: scribbling before the pages had even settled open. Tilda shot

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00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,640
Speaker 1: Land a quizzical look. They were for my son, Lynne

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00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,400
Speaker 1: answered her unasked question. She pointed at a green armchair,

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Speaker 1: reclaiming her own seat in the purple one opposite. Now

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00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,679
Speaker 1: that she was well fed for the first time and

285
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,359
Speaker 1: who knows how long, a generally pleasant feeling, but her

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00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:31,000
Speaker 1: stomach felt a little heavy and uneasy. The rest of

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00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:35,040
Speaker 1: her body was aching, demanding her attention. Her calf pulsed

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Speaker 1: dully as she almost fell into the chair. There's a

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Speaker 1: blanket on the back there, Lynn pointed behind Tilba's head,

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00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,280
Speaker 1: and Tilda tugged at the burgundy throw from where it

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00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,240
Speaker 1: was draped over the chairs back and pulled it over

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00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:48,720
Speaker 1: her legs, tired in a little feverish just a short talk,

293
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:53,280
Speaker 1: then Lynn said, you could do some more rest. Madison

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00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,480
Speaker 1: looked up at that, eyes narrowed and forehead wrinkling, and murray,

295
00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:00,480
Speaker 1: she'll be fine, Lena assured him quickly. Something almos reverent

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00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 1: in her gaze. Tilda's breath caught in her throat. Precious,

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00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,120
Speaker 1: isn't he? Madison blushed at Lyne's question that was more

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Speaker 1: of a statement. Decking his side closer to his coloring book,

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00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,719
Speaker 1: Tilda's not of agreement was almost indiscernible. She pushed her

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00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,560
Speaker 1: lips together, arms cold without madisone in them. She clenched

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00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,159
Speaker 1: and unclenched her hands in a parody of Madison's nervous

302
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:26,720
Speaker 1: habit of twisting his fingers. Lynn continued, I had almost

303
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,919
Speaker 1: forgotten how wonderful it is to have a child around.

304
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,439
Speaker 1: It's so rare to see one these days. Her voice

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00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,200
Speaker 1: turned melancholy as she watched the Madison scribbling. In fact,

306
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 1: I can't remember the last time I saw one. Tilda

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00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,600
Speaker 1: almost missed the sores marring Lynn's face, the pale, pinkish

308
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 1: white spots blending in with her skin HSV five sores

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00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,639
Speaker 1: were becoming almost like a natural part of the human makeup,

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00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,280
Speaker 1: freckles and moles that everyone had. It threw her more

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00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 1: to see someone without them, unaccountably nervous that Land would

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00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,520
Speaker 1: steal Madison from her, or that Madison would prefer to

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Speaker 1: stay with Lynde rather than travel, hungry and cold with her,

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Speaker 1: emburdened with the responsibility of not only raising a child,

315
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Speaker 1: but one of the few left until to strive to

316
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 1: change the subject. You have a son, I had one.

317
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,879
Speaker 1: Lynn leaned back, her voice full of tired grief, but

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00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,960
Speaker 1: he was still born till his heart dropped. At that,

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00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 1: she apologized tentatively, but Lynne waved it away. It was cruel.

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00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go to a conception center. I

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00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,920
Speaker 1: could hardly believe it at first that I was pregnant.

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00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 1: I thought I could handle it as a doctor. My

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00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 1: husband helped me. He was a doctor as well. We

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00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 1: were so careful to keep it hidden, using the old

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00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,240
Speaker 1: equipment we've taken from abandoned hospitals for checkups. When we

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00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,000
Speaker 1: found out it was a boy, I started to pick

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00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 1: things out for him, tiny little clothes, toys, shoes. A

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00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,719
Speaker 1: ghost of a grin tugged at her lips. I had

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00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:57,200
Speaker 1: to be discreet that I couldn't help myself. She stopped

330
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,680
Speaker 1: both her until the watched Madison as Lend's or unfolded,

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00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 1: almost mesmerized by a living, breathing child. I don't know

332
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,200
Speaker 1: what happened. The last checkup was fine, but something went

333
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 1: wrong during labor. She didn't elaborate, but it didn't matter.

334
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,919
Speaker 1: The child was born dead, and details didn't change that.

335
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 1: Lynne swallowed, her voice thicker as she remembered. My husband

336
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 1: was never the same. He blamed himself. I think that

337
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,640
Speaker 1: he messed up the delivery. I have to admit I

338
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: do often wonder if we'd gone to a conception facility.

339
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 1: She trailed off, her eyes far away. But we can't

340
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 1: change these things, and we knew we couldn't try again.

341
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:43,920
Speaker 1: He just faded away, died in his sleep. Madison looked

342
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 1: up at her, his face so innocent, so open. Tilda

343
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 1: opened her mouth to make an apology again, but found

344
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 1: there was none she could make. It's a hard world

345
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 1: we live in. Lynn smiled feebly at Madison, motioning for

346
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 1: him to return to his coloring book. It's nice to

347
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,959
Speaker 1: be were minded that there are still things in this

348
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 1: world worth fighting for, for saving. What's a conception center,

349
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 1: Madison asked guilelessly. Lynne slid her eyes over to Tilda

350
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 1: before answering, it's a place where babies go to be born. Oh,

351
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 1: he bit his lip before picking up his line of questioning,

352
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 1: why didn't you want your baby born there? Tilda had

353
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 1: never explained much about the state or conception centers to Madison.

354
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 1: She kept telling herself she would, but she put it off,

355
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 1: never able to find the right words, always wanting to

356
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 1: spare him. All he knew was that a disease had

357
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,879
Speaker 1: cut down the population, and the enforcers would separate them

358
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 1: if they were caught, and make it so they could

359
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,159
Speaker 1: never see each other again. If Lynn was thrown. She

360
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 1: hit it, well, I was worried they'd take my baby

361
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: from me. Who the enforcers? Yes, dear, and the state state,

362
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: he parroted, twisting his neck to look back at Tilda. Government.

363
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 1: You know when we hear those broadcasts that come on

364
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 1: the radio, the voices mass And nodded. That's the president

365
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: of the state or the leader of arm the religious

366
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 1: adviser to the president. At the child's furrowed brow, she

367
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 1: smiled weakly. It's complicated. He turned his attention back to Lynn.

368
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: Why would they take your baby because they're afraid of

369
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:31,879
Speaker 1: HSP five. You know about the disease, mass And nodded solemnly.

370
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 1: They think if they can keep all the babies safe,

371
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 1: they can keep things going. That they know better how

372
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 1: to raise a child, But they don't always do they

373
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 1: a child nodded again, glancing over to Tilda, who found

374
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: she couldn't hold his trusting gaze, guilt almost making her squirm.

375
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 1: Lynn knew how to raise a child, but Tilda didn't

376
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 1: have a clue. How is it fair that Lynn's child

377
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,159
Speaker 1: should die during birth while Novice know him an undeserving

378
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 1: Tilda got such a beautiful child, as Madison was I

379
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: born there in a conception center. Tilda shook her head, yes,

380
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,199
Speaker 1: and Madison asked, is that why they're looking for us?

381
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 1: Because you wouldn't let them take me away from you?

382
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: Tilda gave a final nod, scrubbing at her eyes and

383
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 1: horrified to find tears stinging at them. A gentle hand

384
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 1: on her shoulder made her jump. Madison stood in front

385
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: of her, genuine concern on his face. She tried to

386
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,400
Speaker 1: give him a reassuring smile, but her face crumpled. Instead.

387
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 1: Masson crawled onto her lap, hugging her around the middle.

388
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 1: She couldn't stop a tear from spilling out the corner

389
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,880
Speaker 1: of her eyes, sliding down her cheek and dripping into

390
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: the boy's mousey brown hair, soft it had been washed.

391
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,880
Speaker 1: Lynn murmured, let's get you back to bed. We'll talk

392
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 1: more when you wake up. Madison made no move to

393
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 1: get out of Tilda's lap. Lynne tapped him on the shoulder, clucking.

394
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 1: He reinforced his grip around Tilda, curling into a tighter ball. Laughing,

395
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: Lynde told Tilda, I couldn't keep him away from you.

396
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 1: I'd put him to sleep in his own bed at night,

397
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 1: and I'd find him in yours the next morning. Come on,

398
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 1: ask me, Hart. We gotta get your mom to bed

399
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 1: so we can get her well again. Another twister and

400
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 1: get at that title. Madison reluctantly released her, and lynn

401
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,199
Speaker 1: ushered him back, helping Tilda out of the chair and

402
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,639
Speaker 1: down the hall. Her skin crawled, and she suddenly felt

403
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 1: unbearably filthy, like everyone could see how dirty she was.

404
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: She could scrub and scrub and scrub and never be

405
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 1: clean again. Can I do you mind if i'd take

406
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:35,639
Speaker 1: a shower? She forced out quietly. Of course, Lene assured her.

407
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: Just through here. Across the hall from the room Tilda

408
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: had woken up in was a modest bathroom, but any

409
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 1: bathroom with working water was a marvel to Tilda. Lynne

410
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 1: pulled out a towel, shooting a Madison hovering at the

411
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:51,399
Speaker 1: doorway away. Adorable little thing, Lynde said under her breath.

412
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,680
Speaker 1: What about the enforcers, Tilda asked, quietly, leaning against the sink.

413
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,680
Speaker 1: I'm not going to turn you into them, if that's

414
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 1: what you mean. Tilta lowered her voice. They'll come looking

415
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:06,400
Speaker 1: for us. They won't find you here, Lynn matched Tilda

416
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 1: hushed tone. Tilda shook her head. You don't know them.

417
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 1: They won't stop until they find us. They'll have to

418
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 1: come door to door they will, Tilda said, confidently, know

419
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: when she sounded paranoid, but also knowing it was the truth.

420
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: Then I will hide you. But right now, you don't

421
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: need to worry. A shower, some sleep, then we'll talk

422
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: about it, all right. I'll keep Madison entertained. Another tear

423
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,640
Speaker 1: escaped at that, but Tilda nodded. Lynn gave her breathe hug,

424
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:41,200
Speaker 1: It'll be all right. For a fleeting moment, Tilda felt

425
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 1: wiser than Lynn, Lynn who thought it would be okay,

426
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 1: who thought she could hide two wanted fugitives from enforcers.

427
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 1: But then shame flooded Tilda's senses and she succumbed to

428
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: the embrace, imagining it was her own mother's arms around her.

429
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 1: Lynn pulled back with a bracing look on her face.

430
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:02,120
Speaker 1: It's very simple to work, dear, Tilda blinked, before realizing

431
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,360
Speaker 1: we were talking about the shower. Just turn on the faucet,

432
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 1: pull the lever there and that's it. The warm water

433
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 1: doesn't last very long, so be efficient with your time

434
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: and be careful of your injury. I'll rewrap it when

435
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: you're done, all right. Tilda nodded, and Lynne shuffled out

436
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: with a parting call if you need anything. The door

437
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 1: closed behind her, leaving Tilda alone for a long moment,

438
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: Tilda leaned against the sink, blinking back tears, fighting for control.

439
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 1: With a shuddering breath, she limped towards the shower, glancing

440
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: worriedly at the deep tub. The faucet turned easily. Untilda

441
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: tested the temperture of the water with her fingers before

442
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,680
Speaker 1: she pulled the small lever of the handle. Warm water

443
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: sprang from the nozzle. Tilda pull the bandage from her calf,

444
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 1: finding the puffy, pink wound a much better sight than

445
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 1: the angry red veel she had been expecting. She carefully

446
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,479
Speaker 1: negotiated her way into the tub, the warm water soothing

447
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 1: against her skin. She could feel her muscles relaxing, melting

448
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: under the cascade. It felt so good simply standing under

449
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: the faucet with her eyes closed. She almost forgot Land's

450
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 1: warning about the hot water. She worked the dirt and

451
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: grime out of her hair with her fingers, scrubbing at

452
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: her skin with the ivory bar of soap. But no

453
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 1: matter how hard she worked, she couldn't wash away the

454
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 1: crawling feeling under her skin, the filth underneath the flesh,

455
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: the virus in her blood. The water turned cold until

456
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: they switched it off. Defeated, she stood dripping, shivering before

457
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: she snatched the towel from where it was draped over

458
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: the top of the shower door and dried herself off.

459
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 1: Her clothes start to her still damp skin as she

460
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 1: tugged them on, but she took little notice. Her hand

461
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: slipped on the door knobs slick with condensation before she

462
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 1: yanked it open, wapping herself on the hip. She bent

463
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 1: over momentarily, stunned by the pain. Lynn was there, a

464
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: gentle hand on her shoulder blade, guiding her across the

465
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: hall to her bedroom into the bed, where she collapsed gracelessly.

466
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 1: The woman helped her roll over on her back. Out

467
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: of the corner of her eye, Telda could see Mattie

468
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: and entering the room. Cautiously. Lynn started bandaging her leg

469
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:07,640
Speaker 1: with warm but firm pressure. Amana escaped Tilda's lips at

470
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: the sudden pain that spiked through the heavy blanket of

471
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: sleepiness that had settled over her. Madison, now the edge

472
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,399
Speaker 1: of the bed, his face obscured from the nose down,

473
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,640
Speaker 1: whimpered softly in dismay at her distress. S Now, She'll

474
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 1: be all right, Tilda extended the fingers on her right

475
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 1: hand from where it rested near her hip mass and

476
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: grassed them, and the bed dipped as he climbed up

477
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 1: onto it. Lynn said something, but it was lost in

478
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:35,959
Speaker 1: the fog. Tilda wanted everything to fall away. She didn't

479
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: want this life, could no longer bear how it felt

480
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: and what it meant. She was barely aware of Lynn

481
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: pulling the covers around her before sleep claimed her once again.

482
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 1: And that brings us to the end of chapter seven

483
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: of Terminus. I hope you enjoyed it. I know it

484
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: had some kind of heavy things, um, but I hope

485
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 1: you enjoyed it. It's something we have talked about several times,

486
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: but we've been meaning to do a full episode on.

487
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 1: Is how in things like this and things like horror

488
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: and thrillers and things like The Last of Us, these

489
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: sort of child lost the child death, it's such like

490
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: a pivotal thing that sets the story in motion, um.

491
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: Which isn't necessarily the the case with this new character,

492
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: Lynn that I introduced in this chapter of Whom I Love,

493
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 1: But it's just it is. It is very prevalent in

494
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 1: our media, um, and it is very painful thing. Yeah,

495
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: So we have been meaning to come back and talk

496
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 1: about out that um and I mean, I think there

497
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 1: are a couple of reasons that are very obvious why

498
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: that's used in a lot of our media, but we're

499
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 1: planning on digging into it. Also this jealousy that kind

500
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: of pops up in this chapter of like the better mother,

501
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 1: who you believe is the better mother, who's the better caretaker,

502
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 1: and feeling really inadequate about that, because I mean, that's

503
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: like Tilda's the whole Insecurity is that she feels extremely

504
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: inadequate to have made this huge choice and doesn't feel

505
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: like she's taking care of Madison in the seas Lynn

506
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: with Madison, uh, and feels jealous and like Madison will

507
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 1: realize in her mind what a terrible job she's done.

508
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 1: I want to tell her terrible mother she is. There's also, yeah,

509
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: these kind of themes of depression and wanting to disappear

510
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 1: in this one, which yeah, it was. I seriously, I

511
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 1: haven't read this in a while. Like I I did

512
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 1: go over it several times when I first wrote it,

513
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 1: and I was like, maybe I could get this published

514
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 1: one day, and then I haven't read it since then.

515
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:12,240
Speaker 1: But I was like, when you were writing this, you're

516
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: wrestling with some stuff. But yeah, and a lot of

517
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: these things. We're gonna come back and talk to you.

518
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: Like I said, this is a bit of a longer chapter,

519
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna get into it right now, and

520
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 1: it's going to be recurring of her trying to grapple

521
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,959
Speaker 1: with these things, these heavy things, and how to survive

522
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: in this quite bleak world. Um, but there were also

523
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: some happy things in this chapter, so you know it's

524
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 1: not all bad. So yes, look out her chapter eight

525
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: in the coming meth. But in the meantime, I've loved

526
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 1: hearing from you all about this, or if you have

527
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: any recommendations for other fiction we could do. We do

528
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: enjoy doing these. Um you can send those our way

529
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: our email. Stuff at you Mom Stuff at ihart media

530
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at month

531
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 1: Stuff podcast or on Instagram and took talk at stuff

532
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 1: I Never Told to you. Thanks it's always to our

533
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 1: super producer Christina the best, the absolute best, and thanks

534
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: to you for listening stuff I Never told this protection

535
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: by Heart Radio. For more podcast from my Heart Radio,

536
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 1: you can check out the Ihear Radio app, Apple podcast

537
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: or where you listen to your favorite shows,