Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill.
Speaker 1: I hear a lot of great feedback from you guys,
Speaker 1: so you are enjoying the podcast and that makes me
Speaker 1: so happy. So thank you so much for letting me
Speaker 1: in your life. And if you are going through something,
Speaker 1: it could be anything, because I feel like we all
Speaker 1: go through something. I definitely was last week. Don't worry,
Speaker 1: hang in there, it will pass. Take deep breaths. You
Speaker 1: got this, okay, we got this hashtag no to self Okay, guys.
Speaker 1: So today I wanted to talk to you guys about
Speaker 1: comparison and not so much maybe a little bit comparing
Speaker 1: yourself to other people, but more than anything, comparing yourself
Speaker 1: to your younger self or to an old version of
Speaker 1: yourself and the importance of not doing that and why.
Speaker 1: So let's start off with age. Okay, and I get it.
Speaker 1: We get older, our bodies change, our skin changes. Especially
Speaker 1: for women, I feel like we feel it a lot,
Speaker 1: even men. I think just men don't talk about it
Speaker 1: as much, but for women it is something. It was
Speaker 1: something that affected me a little more saying, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: like you know, I don't know, my booty is not
Speaker 1: as perky as it used to be. I don't know,
Speaker 1: like things like that let us women go through. And
Speaker 1: I think it's important to really embrace where you're at now,
Speaker 1: you know, instead of thinking, oh, my body was this
Speaker 1: or my face looked like that when I was twenty Like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but I really really feel that the thirties
Speaker 1: are the new twenties. And I know it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's so cliche, but it's seriously like, I feel better
Speaker 1: than ever, although I do miss things for my twenties, like,
Speaker 1: for instance, a lot I had thicker hair when I
Speaker 1: was twenty five. In my twenties, I hadn't gotten so
Speaker 1: many surgeries. Being under affects your hair growth so much,
Speaker 1: you guys, and then just age and stress and hormones
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. So my hair is not as
Speaker 1: thick as these are extensions by the way, okay, but
Speaker 1: my hair is not as thick as it used to be.
Speaker 1: And I'll look at pictures and I'm like, oh, my gosh,
Speaker 1: my hair was so long and it was my real hair,
Speaker 1: and it makes me sad that I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: who cares. I'm wiser now, you know, And I think
Speaker 1: it's important for us to really just learn to embrace
Speaker 1: where we're at now and stop thinking about the things
Speaker 1: that we don't have or that we had before and
Speaker 1: we no longer have. Like that steals so much joy,
Speaker 1: you guys. And that's what this podcast, or should I
Speaker 1: say this episode is all about, is like not allowing
Speaker 1: our thoughts to steal our joy, our present joy because
Speaker 1: we're so stuck in either the past or even sometimes
Speaker 1: the future, because that happens a lot, at least to
Speaker 1: me sometimes where I'm thinking of something that hasn't even
Speaker 1: happened yet, and I'm like, why am I thinking about
Speaker 1: next year? Like just focus on right now what's in
Speaker 1: front of me. And honestly, guys, the truth is another
Speaker 1: way to look at it is a lot of people
Speaker 1: don't make it to their thirties or their forties, or
Speaker 1: the fifties to their sixties. Like a lot of people
Speaker 1: like unfortunately, for whatever it may be, like either illness
Speaker 1: or or a tragic accident, don't don't make it to
Speaker 1: like the next decade of their life. And it's like,
Speaker 1: that's why we have to learn to be grateful and
Speaker 1: to enjoy what we're living in the moment, you know,
Speaker 1: and just to kind of a little bit more on
Speaker 1: you know, the age thing. I think that we need
Speaker 1: to focus on our self worth, you know, on our
Speaker 1: self worth, who we are inside, what we bring to
Speaker 1: other people's lives. Look at estabia and not just in
Speaker 1: the world, but in people that are in our lives.
Speaker 1: You know, our self worth, our value. It's not just
Speaker 1: about a number. And it took me a while to
Speaker 1: really understand that before. And I think it's because the
Speaker 1: industry that I'm in, to be honest, like it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, don't don't talk at your age, just always
Speaker 1: say early thirties.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, wait a second. I started.
Speaker 1: I had to stop and say, what's wrong with saying
Speaker 1: my real age? You know, for a long time, my
Speaker 1: management was like, no, no, to say it because it
Speaker 1: ages you and this and that, Like I'm proud of
Speaker 1: being in the industry for ten years.
Speaker 2: That doesn't shouldn't age me.
Speaker 1: If anything, it's like, damn, I look back and I'm like,
Speaker 1: thank God, I've accomplished so much at this age. You know,
Speaker 1: we have to look at it that way and not
Speaker 1: let society rob us from what we've been able to
Speaker 1: not only accomplish, but get through emotionally. We all go
Speaker 1: through things, you know, and we're still here, Thank goodness,
Speaker 1: we're still standing. We're doing our best in this very
Speaker 1: sometimes cruel.
Speaker 2: World, you know.
Speaker 1: And it took me a while because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I used to think like, oh, I'm.
Speaker 2: Getting too old for this or whatever.
Speaker 1: No, No, I want to be myself and that's okay.
Speaker 1: Like my age is just my wisdom, you know, getting
Speaker 1: an age wiser is would I say, you know, okay,
Speaker 1: so okay, before I lost weight, I would even think about,
Speaker 1: you know, there's this picture my very i think very
Speaker 1: first red carpet and my legs look so nice and tone,
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, damn, Like I just fixate on that,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, maybe I'm not as lean, or
Speaker 1: my boobies were so tiny, you know, and it's like
Speaker 1: then I went over there and got some big tits
Speaker 1: and then they're not in anymore, and I'm like, damn,
Speaker 1: I miss my cute, little perky tits, you know, And
Speaker 1: I'm like so hard on myself. Maybe yes, we're not
Speaker 1: as lean, we're not as tight as when we were
Speaker 1: when we were in our twenties, but.
Speaker 2: Who freaking cares?
Speaker 1: What about again, the wisdom, what we've learned, the maturity,
Speaker 1: Like I'm so proud of the woman I am today.
Speaker 2: There's no way.
Speaker 1: That the way I've been able to handle certain things
Speaker 1: and certain people in my life, I'd be able to
Speaker 1: do that in my twenties. And that comes with age,
Speaker 1: comes with growing through situations, and I think we need
Speaker 1: to focus on that more than the physical aspect of aging.
Speaker 1: You know, we can age gracefully. I mean, I tell you, guys,
Speaker 1: I give botox, I do feelers here and there, like
Speaker 1: I do my thing.
Speaker 2: I want to. Good skincare is important, you know.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, it always and
Speaker 1: I know I tell you guys this all the time,
Speaker 1: but it really is.
Speaker 2: And I know it sounds so cliche, but like it is.
Speaker 1: The beauty is in your heart, in your mind and
Speaker 1: what you speak about and what you share on social
Speaker 1: media and what you're doing for the world, Like that
Speaker 1: is beautiful and that is everlasting, that will always be
Speaker 1: a part of you, your essence, your intentions in life.
Speaker 1: You know, that is what I feel makes a person beautiful.
Speaker 1: And again in my younger years, like, oh, I want
Speaker 1: a certain type of guy and he needs to be
Speaker 1: this hide and he all that is out of the
Speaker 1: window when you get older and you're like, what is
Speaker 1: really important? Their morals, their values, the way they treat
Speaker 1: other people, all those things are so much more important
Speaker 1: than if he's tall, dark and handsome, like.
Speaker 2: That'll fade. It's his heart.
Speaker 1: My therapist once told me, focus on the motor, not
Speaker 1: the outside, the exterior of the car. The dude. You know,
Speaker 1: maybe he's muscular, but his motor, that is what's going
Speaker 1: to get you, guys.
Speaker 2: Down the road.
Speaker 1: And I was like, damn, always stuck with me. So hopefully,
Speaker 1: you know, teach you a little some something. Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: So while we're here, I also want to talk about
Speaker 1: comparing ourselves to our past selves. Okay, whether it be
Speaker 1: you know, you were an athlete before, or a CEO
Speaker 1: and you had to hire or a better position in
Speaker 1: a company me or in my case, for a long time,
Speaker 1: I was the only girl, you know, doing my thing.
Speaker 1: I was like the only girl on billboard, like charting
Speaker 1: on Billboard, and then came a lot of other wonderful women,
Speaker 1: you know, and for me, I'd be like, damn, like
Speaker 1: I'm not charting the way I used to. But because
Speaker 1: there's a lot of amazing women that are coming out,
Speaker 1: a lot of very talented women, and that makes me
Speaker 1: happy because there's more women in music. But for a
Speaker 1: little bit there, I was like, damn, Like it does
Speaker 1: it can mess with you a little, and that's normal,
Speaker 1: you know, But I think it is important to just
Speaker 1: really and I say this all the time because it's true,
Speaker 1: you guys, like I think we've talked about it, like
Speaker 1: what causes depression and what causes anxiety. Anxiety is a
Speaker 1: lot of the time, every case is different, but when
Speaker 1: we are thinking of something that hasn't even happened yet,
Speaker 1: we start psyching ourselves out and causes anxiety and it
Speaker 1: makes us feel a certain way and we just start
Speaker 1: thinking of things that haven't even happened. Depression is being
Speaker 1: stuck in the past. And I've been there where I'm
Speaker 1: like thinking, damn, and I feel less then, or I
Speaker 1: feel not as cool, or I think am I losing
Speaker 1: my mojo?
Speaker 2: And that's another thing.
Speaker 1: You know, We're gonna talk about all kinds of things here,
Speaker 1: but you know, that's one of my affirmations. I am
Speaker 1: timeless and I am youthful, and that's it, Like I
Speaker 1: can't compare myself to the younger artists that are coming
Speaker 1: out or what I was, or if I was charting,
Speaker 1: or if I was the only one for a while,
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't exist anymore. And it was causing me
Speaker 1: depression and was causing me to shrink. And as soon
Speaker 1: as I let that go, I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm going to step into my power, my power of now,
Speaker 1: the power of Now. If you haven't read that book,
Speaker 1: read it. Amazing. Emilio has a tattooed on his right
Speaker 1: here in his arm, the Power of Now. It's an
Speaker 1: amazing book, and there is so much power in the now,
Speaker 1: in the present. It is a present, it is it's
Speaker 1: a gift, you guys, And we need to learn to
Speaker 1: just focus on that, because if not, we're not able
Speaker 1: to enjoy again, enjoy what we have in front of
Speaker 1: us instead of always trying to chase what we want
Speaker 1: or what we had. And it's like, dude, right now
Speaker 1: is the only thing that is real. Like, right now,
Speaker 1: this moment here, me speaking to you guys, is the
Speaker 1: only thing that is real. I don't know what's going
Speaker 1: to happen in two hours. I can't go back and
Speaker 1: think about what I could have done, I should have
Speaker 1: done what it was?
Speaker 2: What good does that give?
Speaker 1: Like? What good does that do? None at all at all.
Speaker 1: And it takes a while to really train your mind
Speaker 1: to be in the present, to be mindful. Mindfulness means
Speaker 1: being present, being here, being with the person in front
Speaker 1: of you, you know what I mean. Like there's just
Speaker 1: so much power in that. And I think that we
Speaker 1: live in such a fast paced world, you know. I
Speaker 1: feel like every year's going by faster and faster and faster.
Speaker 1: I can't believe that we're almost like there's only a
Speaker 1: couple months left in the year, Like it's insane, and
Speaker 1: it's happening so fast that we get stuck in like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just I want to hurry up and do that,
Speaker 1: and I want to accomplish that, and I want that,
Speaker 1: I want.
Speaker 2: The next this or what this is all about being
Speaker 2: stuck in.
Speaker 1: The past, and that causes depression and it just does
Speaker 1: not allow you to be your best self.
Speaker 2: And I'm telling you all of this.
Speaker 1: I never ever talk about anything that I haven't experienced firsthand.
Speaker 1: And this is something that I think I was able
Speaker 1: to conquer, to really just embrace who I am now
Speaker 1: just a few years ago, like three macs, three years,
Speaker 1: and it takes time, and it takes maturity. And now
Speaker 1: I really do enjoy being my age and knowing everything
Speaker 1: that I know and embracing other women wherever they're at,
Speaker 1: even if they're younger, even if they're prettier. Like I'm
Speaker 1: just like, you know what, whatever, We're all just trying
Speaker 1: to do our best here, you know. And I can
Speaker 1: look at a woman and give her props and say, dude,
Speaker 1: she's beautiful, she's very intelligent, and use it as inspiration
Speaker 1: versus making myself feel bad.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I get it more than anything I understand, especially being
Speaker 1: a woman in the industry, Like in the pressure that
Speaker 1: we get, not just me and my industry, I think
Speaker 1: all of us, I mean even anywhere in our workplace.
Speaker 1: Like you feel a lot of pressure whether you're a
Speaker 1: woman or a man, and it's always and it's the
Speaker 1: world that we live in. But we can't allow that
Speaker 1: pressure to shrink us and make us smaller. It's like
Speaker 1: we got to break through it, you know, in every way,
Speaker 1: like boom pierce through it.
Speaker 2: It's a thing. It really I get it. I know.
Speaker 1: I mentioned athletes a little bit earlier, and I want
Speaker 1: to kind of talk about that. I mean, obviously I
Speaker 1: wasn't an athlete. I wish, but I have seen it
Speaker 1: with some people that I know that played sports in
Speaker 1: high school and they were very I guess excited to
Speaker 1: make it to the big leagues or something, or they
Speaker 1: get hurt.
Speaker 2: I've seen it.
Speaker 1: I've experienced it with even family members that were very
Speaker 1: dedicated to baseball and for whatever reason, life took a
Speaker 1: turn or they got hurt and they weren't able to
Speaker 1: make it. And for a long time, I saw how
Speaker 1: it just put them in a very stagnant situation. They
Speaker 1: were stagnant. They weren't moving forward or backward. They were
Speaker 1: just like I can't believe, they were.
Speaker 2: So just.
Speaker 1: In a hole of just thinking what could have been.
Speaker 1: And that's why for me, because I've seen it even
Speaker 1: with certain people again family members, I guess because in
Speaker 1: the singing industry, you know, like it's that's just life.
Speaker 1: And I've learned that you can be here on the
Speaker 1: top of the top, and it's not how you get there.
Speaker 1: It's sustaining yourself and also knowing when not to give up.
Speaker 1: It's not giving up when to walk away. I guess
Speaker 1: to say, I did what I had to do, and
Speaker 1: it's going to be my choice.
Speaker 2: To stay here.
Speaker 1: Or even if you come a little you come down
Speaker 1: a little bit, like it's life. They say, what goes
Speaker 1: up must come down one way or another. Either you're
Speaker 1: going to do it gracefully or I've seen situations where
Speaker 1: people have been at the top of their career making
Speaker 1: an amazing, crazy amount of money. I don't even know
Speaker 1: if it's amazing, but I'm just saying a crazy amount
Speaker 1: of money and they just made a mistake and they.
Speaker 2: Weren't true to themselves.
Speaker 1: And I just say that true to themselves or true
Speaker 1: about their actions, they were honest, and life just took
Speaker 1: it away and they did it. They were so stuck
Speaker 1: in that moment that I felt like they never grew
Speaker 1: out of it. They stayed stuck there. And we're not
Speaker 1: meant to stay stuck anywhere. We're meant to evolve and
Speaker 1: to grow. And even if for me, I've thought about
Speaker 1: it like things are going amazing, Thank God, in my career.
Speaker 1: I'm able to live where I live right now, and
Speaker 1: I'm very happy, but I'm not stuck. If I'm not
Speaker 1: stuck with Okay, this is my home and I have
Speaker 1: to pay, Like if I can't pay it next here,
Speaker 1: I want to be okay with saying okay, I'll downsize.
Speaker 1: It's okay with going back to basics. There's not people
Speaker 1: see it as I'm going backwards. No, you're just adjusting
Speaker 1: to what's happening your life now. If imagine if like
Speaker 1: I just do anything and everything to just work work, work, work, work,
Speaker 1: and I'm not enjoying anything that I'm doing just to
Speaker 1: pay this house off, but I'm not enjoying my relationship
Speaker 1: or I'm so stressed over money, then I'm like the
Speaker 1: purpose of life, I'm losing out on it because of
Speaker 1: my ego of like, no, I need to sustain this
Speaker 1: type of you know, image, this lifestyle because of who
Speaker 1: I am or who I was.
Speaker 2: And I see that all the time.
Speaker 1: It's like, No, we need to be so confident in
Speaker 1: who we are that it doesn't matter a title. That
Speaker 1: shouldn't determine who we are inside and where we're going
Speaker 1: and what we can still do in the world for others,
Speaker 1: whether we have a title or not, whether we are
Speaker 1: on the top of our game or not. Like, and
Speaker 1: I know it sounds crazy, but it's something that I
Speaker 1: have seen I have grown up in a very successful family.
Speaker 1: I've grown up around athletes, and I've seen how much
Speaker 1: it's affected them because they make that their identity. And again,
Speaker 1: I've done it with my past self, you know, and
Speaker 1: it's like, no, it's okay. Before I was like, I
Speaker 1: was so naive, you know, I was I believed everything
Speaker 1: and the world was so much better when I was naive,
Speaker 1: is what I thought. And I'm like, no, like, it's okay.
Speaker 1: I'm meant to evolve, i am meant to grow, i
Speaker 1: am meant to be better. I am meant to be different.
Speaker 1: If people don't tell me, hey, you've changed, then I'm
Speaker 1: not living. I'm not doing what a human is supposed
Speaker 1: to do. I'm not supposed to be the same in
Speaker 1: any way. And that's okay. It takes a while to
Speaker 1: get there and to embrace that, but I finally got
Speaker 1: a hold of it, and I'm like, Okay, it's fine
Speaker 1: not to compare yourself with anyone else, not to compare
Speaker 1: yourself with who you were where you were, And it
Speaker 1: just takes. It takes just knowing who you truly are
Speaker 1: in the depths of your heart, and it takes time,
Speaker 1: and it takes a lot of tears and accepting, but
Speaker 1: it is possible. So all I can tell you, guys
Speaker 1: is I feel you. I understand.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: We live in a world where there's a lot of
Speaker 1: pressure and how we should look, where we should be,
Speaker 1: you know, social media, and it's like, oh the cars
Speaker 1: that we drive, and it's like doesn't even matter, guys,
Speaker 1: Like it really doesn't matter. Like sometimes when I'm having
Speaker 1: a hard day, like it's been a couple times at lame,
Speaker 1: I'm sitting there and I'm just like, okay, I have
Speaker 1: to remind myself. I'm like, okay, this is my job.
Speaker 1: This isn't who I am, you know, Like it's who
Speaker 1: I am. But at the end of the day, there
Speaker 1: are more important things than saying the right things.
Speaker 2: You know. Because I'm on live television and there's so
Speaker 2: much fucking pressure. I'm just like, oh my god, And
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what.
Speaker 1: Once I get that out of my head, I'm just like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I am here, I am present, i
Speaker 1: am in the now. I'm going to enjoy myself right now.
Speaker 1: It completely changes everything. And I get out of my
Speaker 1: head and I enjoy and I'm in my skin and
Speaker 1: I'm in my flesh and I'm like in the present,
Speaker 1: not thinking of did I say the right thing or
Speaker 1: how do I look? Or it robs us of so
Speaker 1: much joy in the present, guys. So anyways, I just
Speaker 1: want to share with you, guys, because I think that
Speaker 1: these are things that I think about, that I see,
Speaker 1: that I observe, and you know, just like sharing it
Speaker 1: all with you, guys, and I hope that it can
Speaker 1: inspire you in some way and make you feel empowered
Speaker 1: in yourself and where you are now so that you
Speaker 1: can enjoy the now, the present, because again it is
Speaker 1: a gift, so unwrap it, you know. And before I
Speaker 1: let you guys go, I do want to end on
Speaker 1: this note. I think it's something that we are aware
Speaker 1: of but we don't really appreciate, is time. And I
Speaker 1: am telling you guys, is because after my mom passed
Speaker 1: away and the way she passed away, it really put
Speaker 1: things into perspective, especially when it has to do with
Speaker 1: time and how that is something you can never get back.
Speaker 1: And from what I hear, especially with my mom. You know,
Speaker 1: her and I weren't on speaking terms when she passed,
Speaker 1: and she would say, I just need time. I need time.
Speaker 1: And then time was taken from us and time did
Speaker 1: what it was going to do. You know, we weren't
Speaker 1: ever able to speak. So I think it's it was
Speaker 1: a learning lesson for me. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: that resonates with some of you, but I think it
Speaker 1: is important to appreciate the time again in the now.
Speaker 1: And yes, the years are going by faster, but we
Speaker 1: have right now, We have the day, you know, and
Speaker 1: sometimes we get so stuck in tomorrow that we don't
Speaker 1: do what we need to do now right now. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I'll leave you guys with that, so let's take advantage
Speaker 1: of the time that we have now.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: That's it, and I love you guys, and I hope
Speaker 1: that this episode can help you in one way or another.
Speaker 1: That is my goal, that is my mission in life
Speaker 1: with this podcast is to inspire you, to empower you
Speaker 1: to yes, inspire you to become the best version of yourself,
Speaker 1: and not to beat yourself up if you fall off track,
Speaker 1: let's get back on it. So I love you and
Speaker 1: thank you for listening to Cheeky's and Chill. Thank you
Speaker 1: for coming back each and every single week, and.
Speaker 2: Check out Dear Cheeky's. I love you guys.
Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and Make Quintura podcast Network.
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Mike Quintura Podcasts and follow
Speaker 1: me Chieky's That's c h i q u i s.
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