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Speaker 1: Confession I can't take back ol Arms.

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Speaker 2: Speak text to seven eight five nine two says I

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Speaker 2: always have to be the last person clapping in a crowd.

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Speaker 3: Always hard for you.

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Speaker 2: My brothers picked up on it and started challenging me.

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Speaker 2: Made for a very awkward wedding ceremony last week, and

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Speaker 2: neither of us gave in for what felt like three

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Speaker 2: whole minutes.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, why do I feel like this guy is also

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Speaker 4: the groom?

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Speaker 2: Your weird sibling rivalries may last forever, but your secrets

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Speaker 2: don't have to. You can air him out right here

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Speaker 2: on the mass speaker. And we have a gentleman who'd

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Speaker 2: like to get something off of his chest today. He's

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Speaker 2: chosen to go by the name Greg. So let's welcome

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Speaker 2: Greg to the show with an uncomfortably long round of applause. Gray, Welcome, Gray.

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Speaker 5: Tired of something that feels like a dance.

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Speaker 1: I am some coffee.

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Speaker 3: I'm giving up.

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Speaker 1: I'm reaching.

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Speaker 2: That one, Greg.

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Speaker 4: Up?

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Speaker 3: Now? That was Greg?

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Speaker 4: Hi?

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Speaker 1: Greg, Hello, I keep forgetting This is all right, Greg.

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Speaker 2: Half of the segment is now over, So with the

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Speaker 2: remaining time, the boys Changer is on. You are the

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Speaker 2: mass speaker. Whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. That's pretty embarrassing.

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Speaker 4: Oh, something embarrassing happened? Is that what you just said? Greg?

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Speaker 1: Yes, it doesn't make me look very good, that's for sure.

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Speaker 2: Those are our favorite types of confessions. So go ahead.

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Speaker 4: What happened?

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Speaker 1: Well, years ago, I had a girlfriend and I really

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Speaker 1: really wanted to break up with her, but it was

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Speaker 1: too much of a coward to do it. I didn't

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Speaker 1: want the confrontation. Yeah you want to.

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Speaker 3: Break over there? She was kind of scary.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think most of my excess feel that way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, true little domineering. That's neither here nor there.

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Speaker 1: The point is, for weeks I was trying to drive

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Speaker 1: her away to make her break up with me. If

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Speaker 1: I was doing all these these weird, weird things to

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Speaker 1: make her embarrassed or ashamed to be with me so

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Speaker 1: that she would break up with me, Yeah, okay, kind

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Speaker 1: of fun.

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Speaker 5: Actually it's not, though, You're like being a total jerk.

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Speaker 5: It goes against everything that you are.

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Speaker 2: Like, what kinds of weird things were you doing?

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Speaker 1: Well, one of the first things I did, in a

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Speaker 1: long list of things, was I bought a life size

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Speaker 1: cutout of her and I put it up in my bedroom, and.

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Speaker 4: You're just going to say, like I flirted with her

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Speaker 4: sister or something.

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Speaker 2: You know, this is weirder.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I should have done that, but she had all

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Speaker 1: brothers that would be that could have worked. Well. She

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Speaker 1: definitely thought it was creepy, but apparently not creepy enough

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Speaker 1: to dump me.

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Speaker 3: So I got a keeper. No, he's got me.

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Speaker 4: He's probably thinking the same thing, like, God, he's so pathetic.

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Speaker 4: He likes me so much. I don't know how to

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Speaker 4: get rid of him.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: Maybe she liked the idea of her watching herself in

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Speaker 2: the bedroom.

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Speaker 5: I mean, you can't bring other girls homes.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so that didn't work.

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Speaker 1: What else did you do? Well? The next thing I

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Speaker 1: started doing was I started having conversations with my pet turtle, Shelley,

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Speaker 1: right in front of her.

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Speaker 4: But that's your day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's cute.

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Speaker 1: Well, they were long conversations, like five to ten minute conversations.

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Speaker 1: Every time you tried to buddy and I would say, no, no,

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Speaker 1: this isn't a conversation with you, so I would just

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Speaker 1: I would keep it going.

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Speaker 3: No, Shelley, you're lying. Sorry. My turtles a compulsive liar.

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Speaker 3: Kelley stop lying.

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Speaker 5: Through this, you're finding out that you have the most patient,

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Speaker 5: understanding girlfriend that you want to dump.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: Well, this was way past the point of being cute.

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Speaker 1: She got tired of it and she would leave the room,

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Speaker 1: but still would not break up with me.

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Speaker 4: Okay, o my god.

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Speaker 5: I mean, like, it is kind of a weird reason

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Speaker 5: to break up with someone talking talking to their turtle

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Speaker 5: too much?

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Speaker 2: Is the end of the story. You've been married to

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Speaker 2: this woman for twenty years?

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Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, no, the breakup did happen?

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Speaker 4: Okay, okay, what was the final straw?

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Speaker 1: Well, it keeps going. There was more weird and decided

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Speaker 1: to ramp it up, so I would startastically start clapping

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Speaker 1: anytime that she started to say anything. I would. I

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Speaker 1: would be very facetious about it.

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Speaker 3: Oh true, just thinking about that.

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Speaker 1: And didn't Bill didn't break up with me? Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: Somebody paying her to stay with him.

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Speaker 1: The more money you'll maybe this was just really good.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but.

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Speaker 3: I've been there.

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Speaker 4: I doubt that was what it was.

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Speaker 3: The cardboard cut out and you weren't there.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's.

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Speaker 1: So. Then then I bought tons of panty liners and

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Speaker 1: I kept them out of my dressers that you. I

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Speaker 1: would definitely see them and she would ask. She would

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Speaker 1: ask what they were for, and I refuse to explain.

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Speaker 1: I would say, don't worry about it. You don't need

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Speaker 1: to know it. I don't need to know basis.

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Speaker 2: She probably just enjoyed the convenience of having those around

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Speaker 2: whenever she needed them.

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Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, sure, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well there was a time where she took one and said, oh,

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Speaker 1: thanks for being considerate, Hunt and I just thought, at

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Speaker 1: this point, what am I supposed to do? Nothing I

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Speaker 1: do will make her break up with me.

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Speaker 5: It's so crazy that feminine hygiene products don't freak out of.

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Speaker 1: Every night.

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Speaker 2: How did you eventually get her to dump you?

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Speaker 1: The final straw? I had my older sister come in

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Speaker 1: and do it for me.

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Speaker 4: You had your sister dump your girlfriend for you?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, And it wasn't that hard because my sister

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Speaker 1: really didn't like my girlfriend anyways, but she was happy

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Speaker 1: to do it, and she was a huge about But

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Speaker 1: my sister came through, and I am glad to say

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Speaker 1: that I was finally free of this woman.

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Speaker 3: Go shout out to sisters everywhere.

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Speaker 4: What a man you.

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Speaker 2: Are your sister on her, Yeah, you're a catch though.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it works.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Girls always say they want a guy who's close with

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Speaker 3: their sister.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, not that close.

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Speaker 2: Yeah she does all the dirty words text in seven, eight, five,

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Speaker 2: nine too. If you have a confession that you've been

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Speaker 2: holding on to, we can hide your identity, mask your voice,

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Speaker 2: and make you the next mass speaker. Your phototap's coming

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Speaker 2: up next

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Speaker 4: Brooking Jeffrey in the morning,