WEBVTT - Thinking Sideways: Santa Claus

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, guys, Steve here, you are listening to one of

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<v Speaker 1>our original twenty six episodes. If you listen to any

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<v Speaker 1>of our new episodes, you're gonna notice that we're sounding

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<v Speaker 1>a little different in these ones. Yeah, there's a reason

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<v Speaker 1>for that. There is they've been remastered. They have been

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<v Speaker 1>remastered because they had a really annoying hum. Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>mean a huge thanks to listener James for doing almost

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<v Speaker 1>all of the legwork on this thing. You'll also notice

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<v Speaker 1>if you had listened to what we're calling the last

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<v Speaker 1>twenty six episodes before and you're re listening now, the

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<v Speaker 1>music and sound effects are gone. Yes, we've we've gone

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<v Speaker 1>back to straight audio, so be warned. We sound a

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<v Speaker 1>little different today than we do in what you're about

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<v Speaker 1>to listen to. Yeah, bye bye stories. Hey everyone, welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to a very special episode of Thinking Sideways the podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the holiday episode Merry Christmas in like the Western

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<v Speaker 1>like Santa Ho Ho Ho, not the like offensive religious

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<v Speaker 1>or not offensive religious jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the awesome fun presents. Way, Merry Christmas, everyone, Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. I'm Devin, I'm Steve So, speaking

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<v Speaker 1>of Christmas favorite holidays, it's a pretty good one. I know, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's pretty good. You get presents, you get to like

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<v Speaker 1>sit around and drink and eggnog and just eat a

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<v Speaker 1>lot and just like hang out in warm houses and

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<v Speaker 1>there's snow outside and I'm just so happy. I feel like, right,

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<v Speaker 1>it's pretty cool. And you just if there's snow. If

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<v Speaker 1>there's not actually snow, we don't get a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>snow here. I know, I just go out and a

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<v Speaker 1>spray paint my yard. It's the perfect way to do it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a very Orgonian way, very organic. Um. So, I

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<v Speaker 1>kind of wanted to talk about the mystery of santasolved mystery, well,

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<v Speaker 1>the unsolved mystery. Yeah. I mean, you know, we all

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<v Speaker 1>know Santa's real, Yeah, but you know, I kind of

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<v Speaker 1>have some questions I want to talk about because we

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<v Speaker 1>think about Santa, but you know, we just kind of

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<v Speaker 1>accept it a lot feeling. But you know, there's some

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<v Speaker 1>really serious questions here, like how does he fit all

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<v Speaker 1>of those presents in his sleigh? Or like how does

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<v Speaker 1>he actually get around to like all of the children, Right,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean those are some pretty big questions. What do

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<v Speaker 1>you know the answer, No, it's not magic. I thought, ups, No,

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<v Speaker 1>what of confusing it's not magic. I mean, Steve, come on,

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<v Speaker 1>we are skeptics on this show. You know, magic is

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<v Speaker 1>not real. We talked about aliens on this show. Magic

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<v Speaker 1>is definitely do we talk about aliens and seriousness though,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna I just I think that there's some really

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<v Speaker 1>great explanations there. I think there are some very good,

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<v Speaker 1>solid scientific explanations magic. For example, the sack and how

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<v Speaker 1>does it hold some mandy pressents? Well, you know, because

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<v Speaker 1>it uses trans dimensional transportation. It's essentially when they go

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<v Speaker 1>into the mouth of the sack, they go into another dimension.

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<v Speaker 1>That's actually a really good theory. So that's one of

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<v Speaker 1>my val manages to load five million presents into one sack.

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<v Speaker 1>So let's actually talk about the sack to start with. Well, actually,

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<v Speaker 1>let's first of all, let's just talk a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>about Santa, right, and everybody, I mean, I'm just assuming

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<v Speaker 1>everybody knows what we're talking about. But Santa's called other things.

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<v Speaker 1>We call him Santa or Santa clause Um. He's also

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<v Speaker 1>called St. Nicholas, St. Nick, Father Christmas, or sometimes Chris Kringle. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the bowl full of jelly. Usually he wears

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<v Speaker 1>the red suit, sir. Sometimes they do. Yeah, so now

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<v Speaker 1>that we're all on the same page, that okay, not

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<v Speaker 1>the other Santa, I don't know, yeah, not that No,

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<v Speaker 1>not that one. Okay. My first question is the toys

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<v Speaker 1>and the sack, right, So Joe was just saying that

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<v Speaker 1>it's another dimension trans dimensional, which is a good theory. Um.

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<v Speaker 1>I I have a different theory actually, and it has

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<v Speaker 1>to do with nanotechnology in like a nano toymaker situation.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's like a like a three D printer almost.

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<v Speaker 1>So he doesn't actually carry all the toys with him,

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<v Speaker 1>but he makes them on site specific to each kid. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and he uses the soot as raw material. And he

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<v Speaker 1>also can use at to make a lump of coal

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<v Speaker 1>if you have yeah, yeah, for the bad kids. My

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<v Speaker 1>one problem with this series that lots of houses don't

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<v Speaker 1>have fireplaces and chimneys. Well, I mean, you know, he's

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<v Speaker 1>got other stuff, I mean leftovers, right do you think?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I assume that he carries some material with

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<v Speaker 1>him in case, but most houses do have those sort

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<v Speaker 1>of things. These are a lot of houses have chimneys,

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<v Speaker 1>but not all Technology's moved on we've moved away from

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<v Speaker 1>the fire and place. I guess that's true. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>you can cut off a limb of a tree or something.

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<v Speaker 1>Then maybe maybe he sends out like cracked teams of

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<v Speaker 1>Elk commandos to just burn down houses in certain spots.

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<v Speaker 1>So materials. Yet, that's horrible. No, I don't think that's

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<v Speaker 1>what he's doing is a serious subject. Now he's serious.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't make a little utbreaking a few eggs, right,

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<v Speaker 1>that's true, Yeah, that's true. So the other thing, another

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<v Speaker 1>question I have is elves, like really, thousands of elves

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<v Speaker 1>just working for him for like nothing like that gets expensive,

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<v Speaker 1>don't you think? I mean they were like past the

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<v Speaker 1>age of indentured servitude right. Well, and the other thing

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<v Speaker 1>too is it's that doesn't make sense about that. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>you guys have seen Lord of the Rings, right, and

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<v Speaker 1>do you really different elves different elves, see a different

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<v Speaker 1>race of elves, of different kind of elves. Okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>those were tall elves. I haven't talking about the dead elves. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>talking about shrimpken elves. I read this really interesting report

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<v Speaker 1>about Santa's main distribution center up in the North Pole, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's apparently four million square feet. It's pretty big,

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<v Speaker 1>the world's largest factory, right, and it's got a real

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<v Speaker 1>time warehouse management system which is required to run the

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<v Speaker 1>entire complex. The elves wear a hard hat. Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>think they must at this point, right, relation might be regulated. No,

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<v Speaker 1>because Oshan is just America, and you know this is

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<v Speaker 1>they're they're in the North Pole there. I think it

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<v Speaker 1>must be elsha. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, probably.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm assuming at some point that that Samy decided too

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<v Speaker 1>many else were getting killed in industrial accidents and decided to, like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, just beef off safety a little bit. Because

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<v Speaker 1>we know San cares about the elves. He does care

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<v Speaker 1>about the elves. That's pretty clear, I think, isn't it.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, you know, you can't have those people work

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<v Speaker 1>for you all the time and not don't care about them.

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<v Speaker 1>Unless you don't care about them, You have to care

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<v Speaker 1>about them. He must work them like dogs. Well, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think so. I think it's mostly automated at this point.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know the point is is that, like I think,

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<v Speaker 1>if I believe in this, in this three D printer

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<v Speaker 1>scenario of his his magic bag, right, well, then why

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<v Speaker 1>the elves don't really have to work that hard. They

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<v Speaker 1>have to work on the technology, keep of that. But

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<v Speaker 1>they don't have to build toys all year round. But okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So for saying Santa has the three D printer, now, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>what did he do before the three D printer? Well, no,

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<v Speaker 1>he had a he had a three D printer. So

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't look like the three D printers that we

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<v Speaker 1>had today. It's it's actually kind of a steampunk kind

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<v Speaker 1>of looking contraptions. Yeah, it's all it's all like wood

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<v Speaker 1>and brass and copper and where to get it. He

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<v Speaker 1>made it, yeah, I mean it, Yeah, made it his specs.

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<v Speaker 1>I suspect he didn't always have it, but to keep

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<v Speaker 1>up with current demand, right, I mean, you know way

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<v Speaker 1>back when when it was just like, oh, there's like

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<v Speaker 1>four thousand kids to get to Oh no, and the

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<v Speaker 1>toys are basically like pieces of wood. I mean yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it was easy back in that. There's no problem. Now

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<v Speaker 1>he has to like an iPad. Really, Okay, I guess

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<v Speaker 1>I'll just grab my three D printer and printed out

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<v Speaker 1>out of the coal or the soot in the chimney.

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<v Speaker 1>I got to cut into Apple's bottom lone. Actually, there

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<v Speaker 1>is a physics professor at the University of Lendon has

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<v Speaker 1>has actually theorized that perhaps Santa is fudging just a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit and outsourcing a lot of that stuff to China.

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<v Speaker 1>So it might be that, you know, he's not making everything.

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<v Speaker 1>I choose to disbelieve that. I choose to believe that

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<v Speaker 1>he is making everything, and that now the Elves they're

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<v Speaker 1>in charge of the basic upkeep of you know, his

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<v Speaker 1>his sack, so they're they're all Elvin middle managers at

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<v Speaker 1>this point. Basically, Oh, they can't all be middle managers.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a couple of elevin supervisors. But it's not middle management.

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<v Speaker 1>It's you know, technology upkeep. That's not middle management. So

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<v Speaker 1>it's Elvin I T yeah, pretty much. And mechanics and

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<v Speaker 1>you know, stuff like that. They have to keep this

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<v Speaker 1>thing up right. And then there's a shop stewards and

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<v Speaker 1>you know, if you've got your janitors, your Elvin janitors

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<v Speaker 1>and stuff like that. Somebody we're talking to san is

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<v Speaker 1>worried about safety. I'm assuming they're not wearing the green

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<v Speaker 1>funny shoes the little bells at the end any we

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<v Speaker 1>get sucked into things. Yeah, I imagine they're not wearing

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<v Speaker 1>that anymore. I heard that quite a few of them

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<v Speaker 1>did get sucked out of the machine ry and it

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<v Speaker 1>was unfortunate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So and then I guess

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<v Speaker 1>my last kind of question that I have is how

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<v Speaker 1>does he make it to everyone's house in one night?

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<v Speaker 1>Steve's answers magic, you have a good answer. I have

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<v Speaker 1>a really good answer, making wormholes and close to answer

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<v Speaker 1>s wormholes. And the thing I'm thinking about about Santa

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<v Speaker 1>too is that he would be a virtual treasure, true

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<v Speaker 1>with technological information, if we could get our hands on him.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think I hope the military is working on that. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I think that they're just choosing to like let him

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<v Speaker 1>have what he has. But I mean, I mean think

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<v Speaker 1>about it like now, for example, like if you look

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<v Speaker 1>at say the Iraq War, I mean the build up

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<v Speaker 1>for that was months because it takes so long just

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<v Speaker 1>to ship all that crap over their tanks and humvies

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<v Speaker 1>and all kinds of stuff you have to go in

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<v Speaker 1>ships and planes. You know, if we can get status

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<v Speaker 1>technology for transporting all that crap over there, just like

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<v Speaker 1>thing you know, Well, Okay, Santa isn't transporting that much.

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<v Speaker 1>He's just transporting his magic baself. A three D printer

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<v Speaker 1>or whatever, and I think he's using antimatter. But what Yeah, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so this is a thing that NASA is like hoping

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<v Speaker 1>to develop to cut down the time that it takes

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<v Speaker 1>get from Earth to Mars to a matter of weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>And basically what it is is you collide matter with

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<v Speaker 1>anti matter. The explosion, the force of their energy coming

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<v Speaker 1>together is so great. It just like this amazing propulsion

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<v Speaker 1>system that makes you go super super fast in a

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<v Speaker 1>super super short amount of time, travel the world in

0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:25.679
<v Speaker 1>like one night. If you can make it to Mars

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<v Speaker 1>in a couple of weeks, you could travel the world

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<v Speaker 1>a couple of times in one night. You probably could.

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<v Speaker 1>The other problem is, of course Santa would be flattened

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<v Speaker 1>like a pancake by the acceleration forces. No, most of

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<v Speaker 1>course he's a supernatural being, which you know he might be.

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<v Speaker 1>He might. At this point, I have a better theory.

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<v Speaker 1>What's your theory. There's not one Santa. Santa has cloned himself.

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<v Speaker 1>There's eight bazillion Santa's. I don't know how many it

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<v Speaker 1>would require. And each one has a county or a district,

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<v Speaker 1>and they just deal with their own area, and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>the rest of the year, they sit in more holls

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<v Speaker 1>and talked to children of Chios. That's that's not a

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<v Speaker 1>bad theory. So I have one more question. Why hasn't

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<v Speaker 1>any anybody ever seen Santa? Because he's a magic magic

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<v Speaker 1>you know, he's he's actually kind of like a master capler.

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<v Speaker 1>That's why he might be. So that's actually my theory.

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<v Speaker 1>I've read a lot of theories in doing my research

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<v Speaker 1>for this about why people haven't seen Santa delivering gifts, right,

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<v Speaker 1>you see him in the mall or whatever. But you know,

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<v Speaker 1>some people said he has an invisibility cloak. Some people

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<v Speaker 1>said that he has some kind of men in Black

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<v Speaker 1>style memory eraser that he uses on anybody who sees

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<v Speaker 1>him so they forget that they saw him. I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like those are all just like crazy. I just think

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<v Speaker 1>that's not realistic right there. And I just feel like

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<v Speaker 1>I think there's a totally reasonable explanation for this, and

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<v Speaker 1>it is that kids fall asleep, well, kids tend to

0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:04.480
<v Speaker 1>fall asleep, and they just missed Santa. Are you saying

0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:08.440
<v Speaker 1>that Santa exudes something? No, I'm not there. I'm saying

0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:11.080
<v Speaker 1>there's nothing weird about this. I'm just saying that it's

0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:14.679
<v Speaker 1>three am and you're a child and you're asleep. Yeah,

0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:16.960
<v Speaker 1>but and so you missed Santa. But the adults in

0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:18.920
<v Speaker 1>the house might still be awake. Yeah, but they don't.

0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:23.240
<v Speaker 1>I mean, you know, we have come to our deep

0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:26.280
<v Speaker 1>faith in Santa. We know Santa exists. We don't feel

0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:29.200
<v Speaker 1>like we need to see Santa. That's not an important

0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:31.920
<v Speaker 1>thing as an adult, right, It's it's important as a kid.

0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:35.640
<v Speaker 1>I saw Santa when as a kid, When when I

0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:39.360
<v Speaker 1>was a kid, when first this morning and dupped a

0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:43.440
<v Speaker 1>bag of toys on me. You're thinking of your phone. Well, no,

0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.360
<v Speaker 1>I ran outside. My dad was outside point of the roof,

0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:48.480
<v Speaker 1>and there was cracks on the roof and the snow.

0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:50.719
<v Speaker 1>But you said you saw Santa. So did you see

0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:52.440
<v Speaker 1>the tracks in the snow or did you see Santa?

0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:54.840
<v Speaker 1>I saw both. I saw Santa and I was a

0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:59.920
<v Speaker 1>dog with I got the RC car. I went, I'm like, wait, wait, say,

0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:03.520
<v Speaker 1>I gotta find Santa. And with screaming out of my

0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:06.240
<v Speaker 1>bedroom and how my dad's standing outside pointing at the roof.

0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:11.880
<v Speaker 1>I've seen Santa. He's real. Here's another case of magic, Steve.

0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:14.560
<v Speaker 1>No I saw Santa. Okay, I think he saw an

0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:18.960
<v Speaker 1>impostor because now. I think what happens with Santa though,

0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:21.680
<v Speaker 1>is like he I think he uses misdirection and things

0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:24.880
<v Speaker 1>like that too, so in distraction. So for example, if

0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:26.920
<v Speaker 1>there's a couple of adults awake in the house before

0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:28.480
<v Speaker 1>he goes down the chimney, he goes and shows a

0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:30.400
<v Speaker 1>rock at their car and sets off their car a mark.

0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:33.200
<v Speaker 1>They run outside, and then he goes down the chimney

0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:35.520
<v Speaker 1>distributes the pressents back out just as they're coming back

0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:38.200
<v Speaker 1>in the front door. So he's just the master of

0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.640
<v Speaker 1>that kind of technique. Yeah, I guess I just think,

0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:42.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's not important to me, as a true

0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.840
<v Speaker 1>believer in Santa to see him because I know he exists.

0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:50.200
<v Speaker 1>So because magic, he's not magic, Steve, He's just a

0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.720
<v Speaker 1>little ahead of the realistic here talking either of you

0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:59.320
<v Speaker 1>anymore magic. Well, there you have it, So answered some

0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:02.280
<v Speaker 1>questions about Santa. I know everybody was really scared that

0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:04.120
<v Speaker 1>we weren't going to talk about Santa, but we did.

0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:06.920
<v Speaker 1>It's very important for us. So if you want to

0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:08.840
<v Speaker 1>check out any of the links that I talked about,

0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.200
<v Speaker 1>anything that I'm referencing, I've got I actually have some

0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.640
<v Speaker 1>research on this um you can check them out. At

0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:17.560
<v Speaker 1>our website. That website is Thinking Sideways podcast dot com.

0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:20.320
<v Speaker 1>Send us an email if you have theories about Santa.

0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:24.240
<v Speaker 1>That's Thinking Sideways Podcast at gmail dot com. Find us

0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:27.520
<v Speaker 1>on Facebook just you know, Thinking Sideways Podcast. I know

0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:32.280
<v Speaker 1>that's a shocker. You can listen to us on our website.

0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:35.040
<v Speaker 1>You're probably listening to us on iTunes. If you are,

0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.800
<v Speaker 1>remember to give us a comment and rating. Is the

0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:42.880
<v Speaker 1>giving season, It is the giving season. If no, we

0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.240
<v Speaker 1>don't want your money, just your ratings and comments. If

0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:48.360
<v Speaker 1>you are on the go you didn't get a chance

0:15:48.360 --> 0:15:51.520
<v Speaker 1>to download it, you forgot, give us a check on stitcher.

0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:55.000
<v Speaker 1>You can just stream right from your phone probably I

0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:59.880
<v Speaker 1>don't know, maybe your iPod at this point yet computer point,

0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:03.280
<v Speaker 1>so you know, check us out there. Um yeah, and

0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:08.160
<v Speaker 1>have a really good Christmas or holidays. Holidays. Oh and

0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:10.200
<v Speaker 1>by the way, I stick around for April when we

0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:17.280
<v Speaker 1>tackle another hard hitting topic easter bunny dcor fiction. Yeah,

0:16:17.280 --> 0:16:20.360
<v Speaker 1>Happy holidays everybody, by all. And it's magic