Speaker 1: Hey, guys, Steve here, you are listening to one of
Speaker 1: our original twenty six episodes. If you listen to any
Speaker 1: of our new episodes, you're gonna notice that we're sounding
Speaker 1: a little different in these ones. Yeah, there's a reason
Speaker 1: for that. There is they've been remastered. They have been
Speaker 1: remastered because they had a really annoying hum. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean a huge thanks to listener James for doing almost
Speaker 1: all of the legwork on this thing. You'll also notice
Speaker 1: if you had listened to what we're calling the last
Speaker 1: twenty six episodes before and you're re listening now, the
Speaker 1: music and sound effects are gone. Yes, we've we've gone
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Speaker 1: little different today than we do in what you're about
Speaker 1: to listen to. Yeah, bye bye stories. Hey everyone, welcome
Speaker 1: to a very special episode of Thinking Sideways the podcast.
Speaker 1: It's the holiday episode Merry Christmas in like the Western
Speaker 1: like Santa Ho Ho Ho, not the like offensive religious
Speaker 1: or not offensive religious jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells,
Speaker 1: you know, the awesome fun presents. Way, Merry Christmas, everyone, Hey,
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. I'm Devin, I'm Steve So, speaking
Speaker 1: of Christmas favorite holidays, it's a pretty good one. I know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty good. You get presents, you get to like
Speaker 1: sit around and drink and eggnog and just eat a
Speaker 1: lot and just like hang out in warm houses and
Speaker 1: there's snow outside and I'm just so happy. I feel like, right,
Speaker 1: it's pretty cool. And you just if there's snow. If
Speaker 1: there's not actually snow, we don't get a lot of
Speaker 1: snow here. I know, I just go out and a
Speaker 1: spray paint my yard. It's the perfect way to do it.
Speaker 1: It's a very Orgonian way, very organic. Um. So, I
Speaker 1: kind of wanted to talk about the mystery of santasolved mystery, well,
Speaker 1: the unsolved mystery. Yeah. I mean, you know, we all
Speaker 1: know Santa's real, Yeah, but you know, I kind of
Speaker 1: have some questions I want to talk about because we
Speaker 1: think about Santa, but you know, we just kind of
Speaker 1: accept it a lot feeling. But you know, there's some
Speaker 1: really serious questions here, like how does he fit all
Speaker 1: of those presents in his sleigh? Or like how does
Speaker 1: he actually get around to like all of the children, Right,
Speaker 1: I mean those are some pretty big questions. What do
Speaker 1: you know the answer, No, it's not magic. I thought, ups, No,
Speaker 1: what of confusing it's not magic. I mean, Steve, come on,
Speaker 1: we are skeptics on this show. You know, magic is
Speaker 1: not real. We talked about aliens on this show. Magic
Speaker 1: is definitely do we talk about aliens and seriousness though,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I just I think that there's some really
Speaker 1: great explanations there. I think there are some very good,
Speaker 1: solid scientific explanations magic. For example, the sack and how
Speaker 1: does it hold some mandy pressents? Well, you know, because
Speaker 1: it uses trans dimensional transportation. It's essentially when they go
Speaker 1: into the mouth of the sack, they go into another dimension.
Speaker 1: That's actually a really good theory. So that's one of
Speaker 1: my val manages to load five million presents into one sack.
Speaker 1: So let's actually talk about the sack to start with. Well, actually,
Speaker 1: let's first of all, let's just talk a little bit
Speaker 1: about Santa, right, and everybody, I mean, I'm just assuming
Speaker 1: everybody knows what we're talking about. But Santa's called other things.
Speaker 1: We call him Santa or Santa clause Um. He's also
Speaker 1: called St. Nicholas, St. Nick, Father Christmas, or sometimes Chris Kringle. Right,
Speaker 1: you know, the bowl full of jelly. Usually he wears
Speaker 1: the red suit, sir. Sometimes they do. Yeah, so now
Speaker 1: that we're all on the same page, that okay, not
Speaker 1: the other Santa, I don't know, yeah, not that No,
Speaker 1: not that one. Okay. My first question is the toys
Speaker 1: and the sack, right, So Joe was just saying that
Speaker 1: it's another dimension trans dimensional, which is a good theory. Um.
Speaker 1: I I have a different theory actually, and it has
Speaker 1: to do with nanotechnology in like a nano toymaker situation.
Speaker 1: So it's like a like a three D printer almost.
Speaker 1: So he doesn't actually carry all the toys with him,
Speaker 1: but he makes them on site specific to each kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he uses the soot as raw material. And he
Speaker 1: also can use at to make a lump of coal
Speaker 1: if you have yeah, yeah, for the bad kids. My
Speaker 1: one problem with this series that lots of houses don't
Speaker 1: have fireplaces and chimneys. Well, I mean, you know, he's
Speaker 1: got other stuff, I mean leftovers, right do you think?
Speaker 1: I mean, I assume that he carries some material with
Speaker 1: him in case, but most houses do have those sort
Speaker 1: of things. These are a lot of houses have chimneys,
Speaker 1: but not all Technology's moved on we've moved away from
Speaker 1: the fire and place. I guess that's true. You know,
Speaker 1: you can cut off a limb of a tree or something.
Speaker 1: Then maybe maybe he sends out like cracked teams of
Speaker 1: Elk commandos to just burn down houses in certain spots.
Speaker 1: So materials. Yet, that's horrible. No, I don't think that's
Speaker 1: what he's doing is a serious subject. Now he's serious.
Speaker 1: You can't make a little utbreaking a few eggs, right,
Speaker 1: that's true, Yeah, that's true. So the other thing, another
Speaker 1: question I have is elves, like really, thousands of elves
Speaker 1: just working for him for like nothing like that gets expensive,
Speaker 1: don't you think? I mean they were like past the
Speaker 1: age of indentured servitude right. Well, and the other thing
Speaker 1: too is it's that doesn't make sense about that. I mean,
Speaker 1: you guys have seen Lord of the Rings, right, and
Speaker 1: do you really different elves different elves, see a different
Speaker 1: race of elves, of different kind of elves. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: those were tall elves. I haven't talking about the dead elves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: talking about shrimpken elves. I read this really interesting report
Speaker 1: about Santa's main distribution center up in the North Pole, Okay,
Speaker 1: and it's apparently four million square feet. It's pretty big,
Speaker 1: the world's largest factory, right, and it's got a real
Speaker 1: time warehouse management system which is required to run the
Speaker 1: entire complex. The elves wear a hard hat. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think they must at this point, right, relation might be regulated. No,
Speaker 1: because Oshan is just America, and you know this is
Speaker 1: they're they're in the North Pole there. I think it
Speaker 1: must be elsha. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, probably.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming at some point that that Samy decided too
Speaker 1: many else were getting killed in industrial accidents and decided to, like,
Speaker 1: you know, just beef off safety a little bit. Because
Speaker 1: we know San cares about the elves. He does care
Speaker 1: about the elves. That's pretty clear, I think, isn't it.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, you can't have those people work
Speaker 1: for you all the time and not don't care about them.
Speaker 1: Unless you don't care about them, You have to care
Speaker 1: about them. He must work them like dogs. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't think so. I think it's mostly automated at this point.
Speaker 1: And you know the point is is that, like I think,
Speaker 1: if I believe in this, in this three D printer
Speaker 1: scenario of his his magic bag, right, well, then why
Speaker 1: the elves don't really have to work that hard. They
Speaker 1: have to work on the technology, keep of that. But
Speaker 1: they don't have to build toys all year round. But okay,
Speaker 1: So for saying Santa has the three D printer, now, yeah,
Speaker 1: what did he do before the three D printer? Well, no,
Speaker 1: he had a he had a three D printer. So
Speaker 1: it doesn't look like the three D printers that we
Speaker 1: had today. It's it's actually kind of a steampunk kind
Speaker 1: of looking contraptions. Yeah, it's all it's all like wood
Speaker 1: and brass and copper and where to get it. He
Speaker 1: made it, yeah, I mean it, Yeah, made it his specs.
Speaker 1: I suspect he didn't always have it, but to keep
Speaker 1: up with current demand, right, I mean, you know way
Speaker 1: back when when it was just like, oh, there's like
Speaker 1: four thousand kids to get to Oh no, and the
Speaker 1: toys are basically like pieces of wood. I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: it was easy back in that. There's no problem. Now
Speaker 1: he has to like an iPad. Really, Okay, I guess
Speaker 1: I'll just grab my three D printer and printed out
Speaker 1: out of the coal or the soot in the chimney.
Speaker 1: I got to cut into Apple's bottom lone. Actually, there
Speaker 1: is a physics professor at the University of Lendon has
Speaker 1: has actually theorized that perhaps Santa is fudging just a
Speaker 1: little bit and outsourcing a lot of that stuff to China.
Speaker 1: So it might be that, you know, he's not making everything.
Speaker 1: I choose to disbelieve that. I choose to believe that
Speaker 1: he is making everything, and that now the Elves they're
Speaker 1: in charge of the basic upkeep of you know, his
Speaker 1: his sack, so they're they're all Elvin middle managers at
Speaker 1: this point. Basically, Oh, they can't all be middle managers.
Speaker 1: There's a couple of elevin supervisors. But it's not middle management.
Speaker 1: It's you know, technology upkeep. That's not middle management. So
Speaker 1: it's Elvin I T yeah, pretty much. And mechanics and
Speaker 1: you know, stuff like that. They have to keep this
Speaker 1: thing up right. And then there's a shop stewards and
Speaker 1: you know, if you've got your janitors, your Elvin janitors
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. Somebody we're talking to san is
Speaker 1: worried about safety. I'm assuming they're not wearing the green
Speaker 1: funny shoes the little bells at the end any we
Speaker 1: get sucked into things. Yeah, I imagine they're not wearing
Speaker 1: that anymore. I heard that quite a few of them
Speaker 1: did get sucked out of the machine ry and it
Speaker 1: was unfortunate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So and then I guess
Speaker 1: my last kind of question that I have is how
Speaker 1: does he make it to everyone's house in one night?
Speaker 1: Steve's answers magic, you have a good answer. I have
Speaker 1: a really good answer, making wormholes and close to answer
Speaker 1: s wormholes. And the thing I'm thinking about about Santa
Speaker 1: too is that he would be a virtual treasure, true
Speaker 1: with technological information, if we could get our hands on him.
Speaker 1: And I think I hope the military is working on that. No,
Speaker 1: I think that they're just choosing to like let him
Speaker 1: have what he has. But I mean, I mean think
Speaker 1: about it like now, for example, like if you look
Speaker 1: at say the Iraq War, I mean the build up
Speaker 1: for that was months because it takes so long just
Speaker 1: to ship all that crap over their tanks and humvies
Speaker 1: and all kinds of stuff you have to go in
Speaker 1: ships and planes. You know, if we can get status
Speaker 1: technology for transporting all that crap over there, just like
Speaker 1: thing you know, Well, Okay, Santa isn't transporting that much.
Speaker 1: He's just transporting his magic baself. A three D printer
Speaker 1: or whatever, and I think he's using antimatter. But what Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so this is a thing that NASA is like hoping
Speaker 1: to develop to cut down the time that it takes
Speaker 1: get from Earth to Mars to a matter of weeks.
Speaker 1: And basically what it is is you collide matter with
Speaker 1: anti matter. The explosion, the force of their energy coming
Speaker 1: together is so great. It just like this amazing propulsion
Speaker 1: system that makes you go super super fast in a
Speaker 1: super super short amount of time, travel the world in
Speaker 1: like one night. If you can make it to Mars
Speaker 1: in a couple of weeks, you could travel the world
Speaker 1: a couple of times in one night. You probably could.
Speaker 1: The other problem is, of course Santa would be flattened
Speaker 1: like a pancake by the acceleration forces. No, most of
Speaker 1: course he's a supernatural being, which you know he might be.
Speaker 1: He might. At this point, I have a better theory.
Speaker 1: What's your theory. There's not one Santa. Santa has cloned himself.
Speaker 1: There's eight bazillion Santa's. I don't know how many it
Speaker 1: would require. And each one has a county or a district,
Speaker 1: and they just deal with their own area, and you know,
Speaker 1: the rest of the year, they sit in more holls
Speaker 1: and talked to children of Chios. That's that's not a
Speaker 1: bad theory. So I have one more question. Why hasn't
Speaker 1: any anybody ever seen Santa? Because he's a magic magic
Speaker 1: you know, he's he's actually kind of like a master capler.
Speaker 1: That's why he might be. So that's actually my theory.
Speaker 1: I've read a lot of theories in doing my research
Speaker 1: for this about why people haven't seen Santa delivering gifts, right,
Speaker 1: you see him in the mall or whatever. But you know,
Speaker 1: some people said he has an invisibility cloak. Some people
Speaker 1: said that he has some kind of men in Black
Speaker 1: style memory eraser that he uses on anybody who sees
Speaker 1: him so they forget that they saw him. I feel
Speaker 1: like those are all just like crazy. I just think
Speaker 1: that's not realistic right there. And I just feel like
Speaker 1: I think there's a totally reasonable explanation for this, and
Speaker 1: it is that kids fall asleep, well, kids tend to
Speaker 1: fall asleep, and they just missed Santa. Are you saying
Speaker 1: that Santa exudes something? No, I'm not there. I'm saying
Speaker 1: there's nothing weird about this. I'm just saying that it's
Speaker 1: three am and you're a child and you're asleep. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but and so you missed Santa. But the adults in
Speaker 1: the house might still be awake. Yeah, but they don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, we have come to our deep
Speaker 1: faith in Santa. We know Santa exists. We don't feel
Speaker 1: like we need to see Santa. That's not an important
Speaker 1: thing as an adult, right, It's it's important as a kid.
Speaker 1: I saw Santa when as a kid, When when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, when first this morning and dupped a
Speaker 1: bag of toys on me. You're thinking of your phone. Well, no,
Speaker 1: I ran outside. My dad was outside point of the roof,
Speaker 1: and there was cracks on the roof and the snow.
Speaker 1: But you said you saw Santa. So did you see
Speaker 1: the tracks in the snow or did you see Santa?
Speaker 1: I saw both. I saw Santa and I was a
Speaker 1: dog with I got the RC car. I went, I'm like, wait, wait, say,
Speaker 1: I gotta find Santa. And with screaming out of my
Speaker 1: bedroom and how my dad's standing outside pointing at the roof.
Speaker 1: I've seen Santa. He's real. Here's another case of magic, Steve.
Speaker 1: No I saw Santa. Okay, I think he saw an
Speaker 1: impostor because now. I think what happens with Santa though,
Speaker 1: is like he I think he uses misdirection and things
Speaker 1: like that too, so in distraction. So for example, if
Speaker 1: there's a couple of adults awake in the house before
Speaker 1: he goes down the chimney, he goes and shows a
Speaker 1: rock at their car and sets off their car a mark.
Speaker 1: They run outside, and then he goes down the chimney
Speaker 1: distributes the pressents back out just as they're coming back
Speaker 1: in the front door. So he's just the master of
Speaker 1: that kind of technique. Yeah, I guess I just think,
Speaker 1: you know, it's not important to me, as a true
Speaker 1: believer in Santa to see him because I know he exists.
Speaker 1: So because magic, he's not magic, Steve, He's just a
Speaker 1: little ahead of the realistic here talking either of you
Speaker 1: anymore magic. Well, there you have it, So answered some
Speaker 1: questions about Santa. I know everybody was really scared that
Speaker 1: we weren't going to talk about Santa, but we did.
Speaker 1: It's very important for us. So if you want to
Speaker 1: check out any of the links that I talked about,
Speaker 1: anything that I'm referencing, I've got I actually have some
Speaker 1: research on this um you can check them out. At
Speaker 1: our website. That website is Thinking Sideways podcast dot com.
Speaker 1: Send us an email if you have theories about Santa.
Speaker 1: That's Thinking Sideways Podcast at gmail dot com. Find us
Speaker 1: on Facebook just you know, Thinking Sideways Podcast. I know
Speaker 1: that's a shocker. You can listen to us on our website.
Speaker 1: You're probably listening to us on iTunes. If you are,
Speaker 1: remember to give us a comment and rating. Is the
Speaker 1: giving season, It is the giving season. If no, we
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Speaker 1: you are on the go you didn't get a chance
Speaker 1: to download it, you forgot, give us a check on stitcher.
Speaker 1: You can just stream right from your phone probably I
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe your iPod at this point yet computer point,
Speaker 1: so you know, check us out there. Um yeah, and
Speaker 1: have a really good Christmas or holidays. Holidays. Oh and
Speaker 1: by the way, I stick around for April when we
Speaker 1: tackle another hard hitting topic easter bunny dcor fiction. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Happy holidays everybody, by all. And it's magic