Speaker 1: And your real talk.
Speaker 2: I don't like modeling, but you were so good at
Speaker 2: it was I you were amazing, at least to me.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that.
Speaker 2: And baby, it's fair to say that I ripped the runway, darling,
Speaker 2: but I almost didn't.
Speaker 1: Dead ass.
Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 3: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 3: voice and reading.
Speaker 4: Each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Speaker 3: Wait, I make you need therby most days.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 3: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 3: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 4: Things most folks don't want to talk.
Speaker 3: About through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead
Speaker 3: Ass is a term that we say every day. So
Speaker 3: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
Speaker 3: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing.
Speaker 2: But the truth.
Speaker 1: We about to take Phillo talk to our whole new level.
Speaker 4: Dead ass starts right now. All right, story time?
Speaker 2: That was cue R because it's normally Devada says all right,
Speaker 2: story time, So it's my turn today.
Speaker 4: It's my turn.
Speaker 2: So you said, I say, that's all right, story Time,
Speaker 2: story Time, story Time.
Speaker 1: I guess, I guess you kind of got me down.
Speaker 4: A little bit on story time.
Speaker 2: New York Fashion Week and I get invited to walk
Speaker 2: in the Actively Black Fashion show.
Speaker 3: Actively Black Shadow, Actively Black Shadows, and the crew doc.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, it's a Friday Fashion Week in New
Speaker 2: York September.
Speaker 4: I mean, big deal, right, big deal.
Speaker 2: And the anticipation that was building for this show for
Speaker 2: Deval and I once we agreed to walk in fashion
Speaker 2: Week was really intense. We agreed to do it, I
Speaker 2: think it was almost exactly four months to the date.
Speaker 2: Nons what was four months? There was something else that
Speaker 2: happened at four months that I was preparing.
Speaker 3: For because we agreed in the something No, he reached
Speaker 3: out to us four months, but we didn't get all
Speaker 3: the deals and stuff in place to know what was
Speaker 3: going to happen, right, So.
Speaker 4: It was a two month reach out.
Speaker 2: And then by the time everything was solidified and we
Speaker 2: knew for sure we'd be walking, it was about four
Speaker 2: weeks out. So at that point Devale and I decided
Speaker 2: to say, you know what, since we're doing this together,
Speaker 2: you know, we didn't know exactly what we were going
Speaker 2: to be wearing and what the setup would be and
Speaker 2: if we'd be walking together or not. But we loosely
Speaker 2: knew that we were going to be walking potentially together.
Speaker 2: There was potentially a swimsuit involved.
Speaker 1: There was no potentially. He asked me if wife were willing.
Speaker 2: To west from sitting in my mind the ship was
Speaker 2: potential because I said, let me see how these four
Speaker 2: weeks ago before the fashion show, right, So I don't know.
Speaker 3: It was two months. It was four months he reached out,
Speaker 3: and then two months where we agreed, so we knew
Speaker 3: we had two months.
Speaker 4: Of he reached out four months before a fashion week, because.
Speaker 3: It wasn't four weeks four weeks before we trained, way
Speaker 3: before four weeks for fashion week.
Speaker 2: Think about it, well, I know that I was going
Speaker 2: intents because it was before August.
Speaker 3: Remember it was in We were talking about this when
Speaker 3: we were on vacation with the boys in July.
Speaker 2: You were You're right, So it's two months okay, okay, sorry,
Speaker 2: my timeline was wrong.
Speaker 4: My timeline was wrong.
Speaker 2: Okay, y'all, So let's scroll that back, rewind the tape.
Speaker 2: Five months, four months out of fashion week, they reached
Speaker 2: out we solidified everything two months special exactly. I feel
Speaker 2: like for me though, that four week mark was where
Speaker 2: it really set. And that's what it was because we
Speaker 2: came back from vacation. Remember we were in with the boys.
Speaker 2: We went to Mexico with them and your family. So
Speaker 2: I remember us while we were on vacation being like, okay,
Speaker 2: we know that we still have at least four weeks
Speaker 2: before the show that we walked.
Speaker 4: That's what happened, Okay.
Speaker 2: So the potential of the swimsuit for me, you know,
Speaker 2: was also something that made me gave me a little
Speaker 2: anxiety because I knew that this would be the first
Speaker 2: time I'd be in a two piece in here on
Speaker 2: a runway during fashion week, like in ever, like forever.
Speaker 1: Right, the last time you've walked in the fashion show
Speaker 1: was my sophomore year.
Speaker 4: Of college, right, So that was a long two and.
Speaker 1: Three though almost it was over twenty years, and.
Speaker 4: It was pre baby, and that over twenty years.
Speaker 2: So I was doing my absolute best to between nutrition,
Speaker 2: working out with Deval, sometimes working out on my own,
Speaker 2: taking my vitamins. You know, there was so many things
Speaker 2: that went into me in that last four weeks, specifically
Speaker 2: just really trying to like double down. I was high
Speaker 2: inclined walking, I was doing weights. There were so many
Speaker 2: things that I did to prepare. However, it is now
Speaker 2: the week of the show. We flew to la for
Speaker 2: a weekend, came back, then was home for a day,
Speaker 2: flew to New York, and when we got to New York,
Speaker 2: I'm like, man, this is the Thursday before the show.
Speaker 2: I know I might probably be holding a little bit
Speaker 2: of like water just from like traveling and flying and
Speaker 2: stuff like that. I had had a lymphatic drain massage
Speaker 2: booked or the Friday, which was the day of the show.
Speaker 2: Called into this company and asked about it, and they said, oh,
Speaker 2: you're coming in for fashion week. We've been so busy.
Speaker 2: There's so many models coming in for fashion week. I'm
Speaker 2: sure elymphatic drain massage would be perfect. So I said,
Speaker 2: should I come in on the Thursday that I fly
Speaker 2: in and then the results will optimize by the next
Speaker 2: morning after a good night's sleep, or are the results instant?
Speaker 2: And the woman on the phone said, the results will
Speaker 2: be instant on Friday. When you get up off the table,
Speaker 2: you'll definitely be snatched. So I said, Okay, cool, She
Speaker 2: then went to stay. She then went out to say,
Speaker 2: if you really want to optimize your results, maybe we
Speaker 2: can incorporate some wood therapy with that. So now I
Speaker 2: had seen people do wood therapy all the time. You know,
Speaker 2: you scroll through Instagram, you see people doing the wood
Speaker 2: joint to get read of cell you light. So I
Speaker 2: was concerned about the little underass area. You know, ladies downald,
Speaker 2: what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4: Under the ass cuffed a little bit you don't have
Speaker 4: under the ass.
Speaker 1: You don't have that.
Speaker 4: But well, the thing is, I saw it.
Speaker 1: You didn't see it.
Speaker 2: I saw it. So the little underass like little pocket
Speaker 2: right there. Sometimes it's a little satellite in those areas,
Speaker 2: you know. And then my waistline, my stomach. I just
Speaker 2: want to make sure that everything is tight.
Speaker 4: Can I tell my story? I don't be interrupting a
Speaker 4: story time, So that being said, So that being said,
Speaker 4: that being said, you done?
Speaker 1: Are you done?
Speaker 4: I'm trying to be done?
Speaker 2: Are you That being said, I went in for the massage,
Speaker 2: incorporated the wood therapy on the table. It hurt, but
Speaker 2: I also know my pain tolerance is high, and I
Speaker 2: had a lot of muscle soreness and fatigue from working
Speaker 2: out early.
Speaker 4: In the week, So I just took it because I'm like,
Speaker 4: if I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Be snatched, I'm gonna take the paint, pull my leggings up,
Speaker 2: go to get my hair and makeup done.
Speaker 4: It's three hours before the show.
Speaker 2: I go to put my swimsuit on and my legs
Speaker 2: are severely bruised, black and blue, black and blue.
Speaker 3: When they say snatched, they snatched all the skin up
Speaker 3: off your your thighs and quads.
Speaker 1: It was bad, awful, y'all?
Speaker 3: All right, so karaoke keeping in the vein of Kadeen
Speaker 3: performing for us today? You want to continue with karaoke?
Speaker 4: Sure, I guess we can.
Speaker 2: But I mean it's a song that, you know, I
Speaker 2: think a guy can sing and really like, you know,
Speaker 2: take it to the next level.
Speaker 1: Maybe I might join them.
Speaker 4: I mean, if somebody's trying to be Ll in his biopic.
Speaker 1: Nobody anybody trying. I'm going to get that role.
Speaker 4: I am manifesting baby. So that's the case. In go ahead,
Speaker 4: I want.
Speaker 3: To girl with extensions in the head, bamboo and ring
Speaker 3: at least two pair findy bade. That's all they need
Speaker 3: to keep me in a good mood. She could walk
Speaker 3: with a twitch and stalk with sweet slang. I love
Speaker 3: it when a woman.
Speaker 4: Is scared to do what they standing at the stop.
Speaker 1: It's hard to make the hotty steak.
Speaker 2: And that just so happened to be the song that
Speaker 2: they had us walk out to yes for our first
Speaker 2: our first look first of the show. It was around
Speaker 2: the way girl, I mean the way they did the
Speaker 2: visuals for that show. Everything was amazing. But we'll we'll
Speaker 2: unpack when we get into the show.
Speaker 4: Let's take a quick break and pay some bills and
Speaker 4: then we'll come back.
Speaker 3: All right, we're back, So before we get into the show,
Speaker 3: let's unpack those moments where with that moment where I
Speaker 3: was in the bathroom trimming my hair and she had
Speaker 3: just got done doing her makeup, and I heard her
Speaker 3: pull her her pants down and go, oh.
Speaker 4: My god, you rumber home girl.
Speaker 2: When her wigs little off the back of the couch. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: oh my god.
Speaker 3: So I could hear in the tone that there was
Speaker 3: like a little bit of like fright. So I come
Speaker 3: outside and I'm like, what's the matter. When I looked
Speaker 3: her legs, both sides in the thighs it band, both
Speaker 3: sides were black and blue, and immediately my first thought
Speaker 3: process was damn, she gotta wear a swimsuit. But I
Speaker 3: couldn't let her see my face. So what I did
Speaker 3: was go, oh, it ain't even that bad. Just get
Speaker 3: in the bathtub, let the hot water go to the area.
Speaker 3: It'll pull some of the pigment out. I knew that
Speaker 3: just from football, Like when you get bruised up a
Speaker 3: lot sitting in the hot tub, it helps the blood
Speaker 3: flow get to the area, and a lot of times
Speaker 3: you get out of the hot tub, the bruise isn't
Speaker 3: as bad.
Speaker 1: So I just knew that from years of football.
Speaker 2: Yeah, at that point, I mean, shoot, I was ready
Speaker 2: to call it off. To be quite honest, I could
Speaker 2: tell I was literally about to call Lanny and be like, listen,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna need somebody to stand in for that bikini
Speaker 2: portion of it, because there was absolutely no way that
Speaker 2: I could walk on stage like that.
Speaker 1: And there was absolutely no way I was gonna let
Speaker 1: you not walk on stage.
Speaker 4: You had put in so much work, it was so
Speaker 4: heart breaking.
Speaker 1: Let's rewind.
Speaker 3: Let's rewind, because it wasn't just the four months that
Speaker 3: you had started preparing right all of this. I'm na
Speaker 3: add some context, Kadeen turns forty this year, and we
Speaker 3: had decided that. When I got to resected me last year,
Speaker 3: Kadeen was about to turn thirty nine, she had made
Speaker 3: a decision at that point in her life, like, Yo,
Speaker 3: we're not having any more kids. I can finally dedicate
Speaker 3: myself to getting my body back to where I want
Speaker 3: it and I don't have to worry about giving another
Speaker 3: two years to having children. Yes, so you had been
Speaker 3: putting work in from I would say your thirty ninth.
Speaker 4: Birthday, Yes, that's fair.
Speaker 3: The end of last year, you had started putting work
Speaker 3: in and you were just like yodavo. Let's remember your
Speaker 3: birthday last year. I was like, yo, what do you
Speaker 3: want to do? You said, I don't want to do anything.
Speaker 3: I just want to relax. And then at that point
Speaker 3: you has said I'm going to focus this whole year
Speaker 3: and to getting my body back for forty. So the
Speaker 3: transformation you guys saw wasn't just four.
Speaker 4: Months right or four weeks.
Speaker 3: It was because I remember we went to you went
Speaker 3: to Tiffany's wedding and you took pictures in some swimsuits.
Speaker 1: And you were just like devou.
Speaker 3: I do not like where my b and you were
Speaker 3: just like I'm over it, Like I don't want to
Speaker 3: feel like this anymore. You were a year postpartum from
Speaker 3: having Dakota. You was like, no more excuses. So from
Speaker 3: last year, your birthday, you had started going hard in
Speaker 3: the gym. For me, it was important for you to
Speaker 3: get in a swimsuit because I needed you to prove
Speaker 3: to yourself that you hadn't wasted time or given away
Speaker 3: a decade of your life. Think about it, when we
Speaker 3: first met, you were turning nineteen. We were so into
Speaker 3: each other. We start getting into each other in our
Speaker 3: careers and focusing on what we wanted to do collectively.
Speaker 3: But a large part of that meant you had to
Speaker 3: sacrifice some things individually. Because when I went to go
Speaker 3: play for the Lions, you moved out there with me.
Speaker 3: You weren't modeling anymore. You had to find out where
Speaker 3: you were going to fit in the TV search. So
Speaker 3: you went to go to the Midwest. So that helps
Speaker 3: you going out there get some film. But then as
Speaker 3: soon as we got back, got married, started having kids,
Speaker 3: and Jackson is twelve now, so pretty much you've dedicated
Speaker 3: thirteen years, the last thirteen years of your life to
Speaker 3: creating our family.
Speaker 1: We've done that together.
Speaker 3: But in those thirteen years you weren't able to do
Speaker 3: things that women at that age who are in your
Speaker 3: position due like twenty two to twenty nine is like
Speaker 3: prime for modeling, and you, as a pageant girl in
Speaker 3: the model couldn't.
Speaker 4: Do itpaking younger than that I met you.
Speaker 3: Start younger, yeah, but and you did win pageants before that.
Speaker 3: So to me, I just felt like them, I want
Speaker 3: her to prove to herself that you could get back
Speaker 3: in those thirteen plus years wasn't a waste. And only,
Speaker 3: as I say a waste, I don't mean a waste
Speaker 3: as far as family, because you don't feel like it's
Speaker 3: a waste.
Speaker 1: But I felt like as far.
Speaker 3: As your career, if you could walk on Fashion Week
Speaker 3: in a bathing suit after having four children, I felt
Speaker 3: like that was that's redemption, you know, for what you
Speaker 3: had to endure and contribute to have a children.
Speaker 1: So for me, that's what it was.
Speaker 2: About for that and I love that for for me
Speaker 2: that I had you to like literally support me through
Speaker 2: the process.
Speaker 4: And that's one thing I think.
Speaker 2: If with with every child, or with every event, or
Speaker 2: with every opportunity that I have to progress or to
Speaker 2: do something career related or something that is just for me.
Speaker 2: I love how invested you getting that as well and
Speaker 2: become such a great source of motivation and like a
Speaker 2: partner in it. I mean, because not for nothing you
Speaker 2: was getting snatched too boo. You know I did say too,
Speaker 2: like you know, I I think I might have put
Speaker 2: on a little bit of you know, waiting certain areas
Speaker 2: I could have gotten rid of.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. You know, he concerned about
Speaker 4: his low back fat.
Speaker 1: You always bring it up.
Speaker 4: Can be concerned about his little back fat?
Speaker 3: What I look like after the tour? Remember we got
Speaker 3: off tour eating fast food. I wasn't able to consistently
Speaker 3: work out. You know, my body just doesn't respond well
Speaker 3: to not working out. At one point, I was two
Speaker 3: hundred and eleven pounds. I've never been two hundred and
Speaker 3: eleven pounds, right. Look, we started to look like Brian.
Speaker 3: It's different from men, know because when we gained a
Speaker 3: little bit of weight and get husky, no one's looking
Speaker 3: at you like, why you know, why are you not?
Speaker 4: Oh my god? Is he pregnant again?
Speaker 1: Right now?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 4: A little bloated today?
Speaker 3: And it was sometimes I was bloated from eating the
Speaker 3: pizza these oreoles. Yo.
Speaker 1: I ate so many.
Speaker 3: Oreoles between between March and May, in part because I
Speaker 3: was traveling. Nobody fell I film in Canada. You weren't there.
Speaker 3: That was my comfortble. You know, I get some oreoles
Speaker 3: every other night. Let me throw ten oreos and some
Speaker 3: milk and what else?
Speaker 1: What else?
Speaker 4: What else is in Canada that you were partaking in?
Speaker 3: It in Canada and a lot of Canada bus Yo,
Speaker 3: y'all know that that eases my page so, oh my god,
Speaker 3: on every corner, but it gives me munchies. So I
Speaker 3: had gained some weight, I had lifted a lot more weights,
Speaker 3: but I didn't like the way I looked, and I
Speaker 3: didn't feel like I was because you're not the only
Speaker 3: one turning forty.
Speaker 4: Right behind me, baby, You're right behind me.
Speaker 3: I wanted to be the best version of myself for
Speaker 3: you as well. But also I've never walked out in
Speaker 3: the world and did anything by myself, so I felt
Speaker 3: like you shouldn't have to do it either.
Speaker 1: So I was like, Yo, if we're.
Speaker 3: Gonna go out there and do it, we're gonna do
Speaker 3: it to do it together. We diet it together. I
Speaker 3: was drinking celery juice. Y'all. You got me into juicing watermelons,
Speaker 3: which has helped us tremendous. People keep asking, what's the
Speaker 3: point of watermelon juice? For me, It's this simple, right.
Speaker 3: I love sweets, as everyone knows, at nighttime, when you
Speaker 3: want to eat something sweet or drink something sweet, rather
Speaker 3: than going in there and getting some MEMI punch or
Speaker 3: eating some snickers or some oreoles, I would just go
Speaker 3: drink some watermelon juice.
Speaker 1: It was sweet enough, it's a natural sugar.
Speaker 3: It was also hydrating, so it helped me get through
Speaker 3: that process for those eight weeks of not wanting to
Speaker 3: eat anything or drink anything sweet, and it worked. Eight
Speaker 3: weeks of cutting out what is it called hy had
Speaker 3: my men section look completely different.
Speaker 2: On again your I thought a V coming in. I
Speaker 2: was like, okay, you know I love a good V.
Speaker 4: I love a good V.
Speaker 2: So I think for both of us, yeah, I mean
Speaker 2: I I was also another one that cut. I cut
Speaker 2: a bunch of sugar and like all that stuff, and
Speaker 2: even after doing that blood work. I'm not sure where
Speaker 2: this episode airs in me talking about some blood work
Speaker 2: that day, but cutting some items from my diet that
Speaker 2: I found out I was now allergic to or had
Speaker 2: been allergic to, really did cut a lot of my
Speaker 2: bloating and constipation issues. So I was like, there might
Speaker 2: be something to this whole thing. So it was really
Speaker 2: like an experimental phase for me to to really just
Speaker 2: see like how can I get myself to, you know,
Speaker 2: the most optimal space that I want to be until
Speaker 2: in a bikini. And I still had apprehensions because why
Speaker 2: the day of I'm.
Speaker 4: Like, well, give me this massage.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, at this point a bit because it's
Speaker 2: like a water Pilon called it a day and it's
Speaker 2: not even been a thing. But you know, I think
Speaker 2: it's always this pursuit of like that this idea of
Speaker 2: perfection we have in our mind, particularly as women, and
Speaker 2: then add the layer of having children on it. You're
Speaker 2: pursuing this level of perfection that in your mind like
Speaker 2: if I do this one more thing, I get this
Speaker 2: one more treatment, or if I, you know, do this
Speaker 2: one last workout, then that'll be it. And it ended
Speaker 2: me up in a freaking state of she might not
Speaker 2: even hit the runway.
Speaker 3: But but to be honest, though, I feel like the
Speaker 3: universe God whoever you pray to, Allah always finds a
Speaker 3: way to challenge you right before you're going to reach
Speaker 3: that moment where you finally get the desired affirmation you're
Speaker 3: looking for.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: It's like God is saying, you want to you want
Speaker 3: to be a firm for doing this work. Well, I
Speaker 3: want to see you through this. Do you you have
Speaker 3: faith in me? If you get through this, then I'll
Speaker 3: give you the desired affirmation.
Speaker 1: Right. I feel like that whole.
Speaker 3: Thing with the wood therapy on pause, I just feel
Speaker 3: uncomfortable saying that with the wood therapy was your mind
Speaker 3: tricking yourself saying I'm not ready when you were ready.
Speaker 3: You were ready, but you kept saying I'm not ready.
Speaker 3: But if I do this, I'll be even more ready.
Speaker 3: That literally was me, And that was God saying you
Speaker 3: trusted other people other than trusting my trusting me, trusting
Speaker 3: my guidance.
Speaker 1: Right. That was off the top. That was off the
Speaker 1: top right there. I ain't even write that, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying at.
Speaker 2: All to that, because the night before the show, we
Speaker 2: had a rehearsal. Yes, then we had a dress rehearsal,
Speaker 2: and in that dress rehearsal. I was literally sweating bullets.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you could tell.
Speaker 1: Oh, no, I saw it was.
Speaker 2: Sweating bullets because I'm like, Okay, this is going to
Speaker 2: be like the first step for me to be walking
Speaker 2: in front of people in the heels, in a bikini
Speaker 2: in a room like and it's like a banquet room
Speaker 2: in a whole.
Speaker 4: So it's like.
Speaker 2: Everyone's gonna see every flaw, every stretch mark, every imperfection.
Speaker 4: Everything's to sell your light.
Speaker 2: And I got up there and I walked, and the
Speaker 2: amount of people that came up to me after and
Speaker 2: they were cheering me on, and it felt so good
Speaker 2: at that moment. I should have just taken that and
Speaker 2: been like, you know what, Keneen, you have all these people,
Speaker 2: But I was like, you know what, they probably just
Speaker 2: trying to be nice.
Speaker 3: See, Probably that's the enemy. That's the enemy into cool
Speaker 3: human nature. Just being cynical of yourself. Yes, and also
Speaker 3: a form of imposture syndrome. Right, I don't belong here,
Speaker 3: I'm not supposed to be here, so let me find
Speaker 3: a way to sabotage or find somebody to say something
Speaker 3: to make to confirm what I already believe. About myself.
Speaker 3: That's why I wanted you to do this so bad,
Speaker 3: because I wanted you. I tell you all the time,
Speaker 3: I said, I'm not saying this because you're my wife
Speaker 3: or because you have four kids. You look great for
Speaker 3: four kids is not a compliment. Okay, you've worked hard.
Speaker 3: You just look great. I've been trying to tell you this.
Speaker 3: You just looked great. I felt like you needed this
Speaker 3: to walk in your purpose. Not that your purpose is
Speaker 3: to be a bikini model, but it's not. But your
Speaker 3: purpose is to have confidence in all the things you
Speaker 3: can do and not for nothing.
Speaker 1: Your physical appearance is not everything, ever.
Speaker 3: But you have to work to get to a level
Speaker 3: of acceptance for your physical experience.
Speaker 1: And you put the work in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So since you put
Speaker 3: the work in, I feel like, go go walk in it.
Speaker 3: Don't don't, don't put the work in it and be afraid. Well,
Speaker 3: and that's let's be real. You walked against some women.
Speaker 3: Just to name a few, with women, Kayla, Nicole, Taya Cooper.
Speaker 3: These women are in their mid twenties right. Shout out
Speaker 3: to Coop and Kayla and also Beyonca. These all these
Speaker 3: women are in their mid twenties. You walked step for
Speaker 3: step with.
Speaker 4: Them, and I think that that was the apprehension I had.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, that's alongside girls who are
Speaker 2: just like younger and firmer.
Speaker 3: And but that's but here's that's not That's not your competition.
Speaker 1: Your competition is.
Speaker 4: Never a competition.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying is mentality. Your competition is your best
Speaker 3: version of yourself. Yeah, yeah, right, your best version of yourself.
Speaker 3: Like that's that's all you have to really focus on.
Speaker 3: And when you did look at what you were able
Speaker 3: to do, Yeah, it looked great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you look, I do in retrospect now that I
Speaker 2: look back at the footage. Because so to finish out
Speaker 2: the story time, since I know it was kind of
Speaker 2: long winded in the beginning, now I.
Speaker 1: Was joking, which it was. It was a good you
Speaker 1: had to add content. You I'm just busting.
Speaker 4: To wrap it in.
Speaker 2: So how we finally got me to the stage, right,
Speaker 2: So Deval has me in the bathtub in hot water,
Speaker 2: and I'm just like looking at.
Speaker 4: Myself trying not to cry, trying not.
Speaker 2: To cry because Nelly just beat the heck out of
Speaker 2: my face. And then Nelly was like, is there anything
Speaker 2: you want me to do? When I was like no,
Speaker 2: because I felt badly. Nelly was waiting for me like
Speaker 2: almost an hour because I ran late with here. So
Speaker 2: said Nelly, It's okay, go ahead, I'm going to figure
Speaker 2: it out. Devall was literally like, do you need me
Speaker 2: to run to the max story and get you found it?
Speaker 1: I was willing to do whatever.
Speaker 2: At that point, he said, what tell me the things
Speaker 2: that you need from when you cover up a bruise?
Speaker 2: So like the old makeup artist in me is like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna need to color correct this. I'm like part
Speaker 2: of it was black, someone's blue, some of it was red,
Speaker 2: Like it was a whole color.
Speaker 4: It was really bad.
Speaker 2: And then I'm just like I'm gonna have to figure
Speaker 2: it out. So I'm in the tub. I get out
Speaker 2: of the tub. I get my phone now to tell
Speaker 2: my sister what's happening, because she's coming to the show
Speaker 2: and she's gonna be my eyes from the stage right
Speaker 2: she's gonna be telling me like what I need to know.
Speaker 2: Like literally, once I got off the stage, I text
Speaker 2: my sister like, how bad did it look?
Speaker 4: My saving grade.
Speaker 1: Two people to cut you off you had your sister, Josh. Yes.
Speaker 1: Josh was like, no, I've seen that ship the whole time.
Speaker 1: Be it a stually looked bad son. I was like,
Speaker 1: Josh Man, She like really, Josh, I'm like it was
Speaker 1: that bad jobs And He's like, na I should was bad, bro.
Speaker 1: The lights was hitting it. It was looking crazy. I
Speaker 1: was like, was happy.
Speaker 2: I was like, damn, Josh, Yeah, I can count on
Speaker 2: Josh for a very very honest, honest perspective.
Speaker 4: Right his eyes is mad big.
Speaker 2: I was like, thank you, so as the Good Lord
Speaker 2: would have it. Because again the enemy try to swoop
Speaker 2: in and take me out. I jump onto Instagram because
Speaker 2: at this point it's crazy. The place that did this
Speaker 2: massage and like completely bruised me was like, if.
Speaker 4: You enjoyed your massage, we'd love if you give us
Speaker 4: a tag.
Speaker 2: And I'm like I don't usually tag people, but I
Speaker 2: had tagged them while I was getting the massage done.
Speaker 2: I didn't blast them after that because I'm not about
Speaker 2: that life. I'm like, we can sign yeah, we can
Speaker 2: resolve this amicably. After In that moment, I was just
Speaker 2: focused on what could be done, and I look in
Speaker 2: my DMS and my good friend and former I guess manager.
Speaker 2: She hates when I say I used to work for her,
Speaker 2: but my former manager at Matt Cosmetics when I worked
Speaker 2: at King's Plaza. She said, I'll see you later at
Speaker 2: the show. I'll be there with the client. So I
Speaker 2: was like, wait a second, Keanus to be at the show.
Speaker 2: So she ended up doing makeup for the CEO of Essence,
Speaker 2: who was there also walking in the show with her daughter.
Speaker 2: I hit Keanda and I was like, girl, I sent
Speaker 2: her pictures of my legs and she was like, what happened.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'll explain it to you later. Just let
Speaker 2: me know if you have anything they can cover this up,
Speaker 2: because I'm supposed to be wearing a swimsuit in the
Speaker 2: show tonight. She said, come at meut you downstairs. Got
Speaker 2: down to her. She got to work on these bruises
Speaker 2: and she covered them to the very best of her ability.
Speaker 2: And I mean it was getting so bad that when
Speaker 2: I first initially saw the bruise at six o'clock, by
Speaker 2: the time I walked at like nine, it had gotten
Speaker 2: progressively darker.
Speaker 4: So when she covered it initially it looked perfect.
Speaker 2: And then still when I was on stage, of course,
Speaker 2: there's the lights, there's all those added theatrics. You can
Speaker 2: still kind of see a bit of it while I'm
Speaker 2: on stage. But I think it's one of those things
Speaker 2: where you had to really look for it, you know.
Speaker 2: Some people thought it was a shadow. Some people thought
Speaker 2: it was just the lighting. Like they weren't sure what
Speaker 2: it was until after I.
Speaker 3: Said it was bruis side of your leg. You had
Speaker 3: on a two piece swimsuit, and there were seven other
Speaker 3: women walking that had two piece swimsuits. Anybody looking at
Speaker 3: the side of your thigh wasn't really focused on what
Speaker 3: they need to be focused.
Speaker 4: It was only me.
Speaker 3: It was you was the only one really like like
Speaker 3: really focused on that. And I understand why. First you
Speaker 3: can feel the pain. Then it's just you know, the
Speaker 3: nerves of walking and fashion.
Speaker 1: So I get it.
Speaker 2: I feel like it even affected my walk because I'm
Speaker 2: just like, you don't even walk like I need.
Speaker 4: To do over. I would put this out there, you're
Speaker 4: still right.
Speaker 1: Now, she's doing she's doing again.
Speaker 2: You walked find But just this is just me being
Speaker 2: like critique of myself. I'm like, I just I know,
Speaker 2: I like I had I still had a little bit
Speaker 2: of reservation in me, so like, you know, my shoulders
Speaker 2: moving a little bit more, could have moved a little
Speaker 2: bit more.
Speaker 3: You're always going You're always gonna find something too critique.
Speaker 4: Yeah, in it just enjoys like watching football. You know
Speaker 4: what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You can always find ways to get better.
Speaker 2: We always found with Now I know how I'm gonna
Speaker 2: take my body to the next level as I approached forty,
Speaker 2: because it's like that was one goal that I had
Speaker 2: that was pretty immediate, Right, that's a week and then
Speaker 2: now my next goal is turning forty. So it just
Speaker 2: gave me that much more animal to be like, you
Speaker 2: know what, you can do this, you did it, you overcame.
Speaker 4: There was an obstacle.
Speaker 2: It taught me the bigger lesson though, and I think
Speaker 2: that this is my message to women, or maybe I'll
Speaker 2: say this for my moment of truth. I'll say that
Speaker 2: for my moment of truth, a bigger lesson in this
Speaker 2: entire thing.
Speaker 1: First of all, did you have fun?
Speaker 4: I had an amazing time. We had such a good time.
Speaker 2: I feel like Lanny and the team at Actively Black
Speaker 2: really were purposeful about picking absolutely some amazing individuals Like
Speaker 2: that space there was like what's seventy seventy five of
Speaker 2: us in that show.
Speaker 4: Five There were a lot of us in that show.
Speaker 1: And not all of the participants were models.
Speaker 3: He had influencers, people who were just big on social advocacy.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, dancers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a whole show. It was a show.
Speaker 4: It wasn't your typical fashion.
Speaker 1: Week runway show. It was it was a show about.
Speaker 4: The COC did the creative direction.
Speaker 2: It was amazing, the video, everything was just amazing and
Speaker 2: we had a great time all in all.
Speaker 4: So would I do it again? Absolutely well, you could
Speaker 4: do it. And now you said you're not a.
Speaker 1: Model, but I'm not a model.
Speaker 3: Like to me, modeling is very similar to being a
Speaker 3: sports commentator.
Speaker 1: Right, you have your job.
Speaker 3: You have to walk a certain way, you have to
Speaker 3: be stoic, you have to I like to give personality.
Speaker 3: If it was up to me, I would have clown
Speaker 3: and danced and did all this other stuff, which I
Speaker 3: think that show would have allotted for if I was.
Speaker 1: Willing to do that.
Speaker 3: But also in those moments, I felt like I was
Speaker 3: there to be your in your assistance. It wasn't about
Speaker 3: me in those moments, you know what I'm saying, And
Speaker 3: it was about just being almost you know, being a prop.
Speaker 3: You know, this is my wife's moment. You know, I'm
Speaker 3: not a model, Let you know, let me do that.
Speaker 3: So if I had to walk by myself in the show,
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'd be willing to do that.
Speaker 1: Like, I'm just it's not it's not fun for me.
Speaker 3: Not that I had a bad experience, but the same
Speaker 3: way being a color commentator on television or in studio analyst,
Speaker 3: it's not fun for me. Like I can talk about
Speaker 3: the NFL all day, but I don't want to sit
Speaker 3: up there in the suit and talk about it the
Speaker 3: way you want me to talk about it. So as
Speaker 3: far as modeling is concerned, nah, Just I like clowning,
Speaker 3: doing live shows.
Speaker 1: Acting, That's that's my thing, that's my wheel house.
Speaker 2: I mean, I do it if they don't mind a
Speaker 2: little model with some junk and hunt trunk, you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. Historically Fashion Week models be like really
Speaker 2: really like thin, and I'm like, but I I don't think.
Speaker 1: I think even if you get thin, you would never
Speaker 1: lose the junk in your trunk.
Speaker 4: Because when I met that might be a problem.
Speaker 1: When I met.
Speaker 2: You, a problem was soaking wet.
Speaker 3: About forty five pounds was the ass and the other
Speaker 3: other seventy five was your head.
Speaker 1: It was like you had a head ass. That's all
Speaker 1: I've seen.
Speaker 4: Whatever.
Speaker 1: You be a possible, So you're gonna take.
Speaker 4: That take because you sure as that was a potbo
Speaker 4: for sure. For sure.
Speaker 2: All right, y'all, let's take a quick break and we're
Speaker 2: going to come back and get into some listener letters.
Speaker 4: So stay tuned.
Speaker 1: Now we're back.
Speaker 4: We're back. I'm still bruised, y'all. Sidebar. We're recording this now.
Speaker 4: This Friday will be two weeks, so.
Speaker 1: It's about ten days weeks.
Speaker 4: Two weeks, yeah, and I'm still bruised.
Speaker 1: Bruising takes time.
Speaker 2: Mad long, Like, oh, I can't even And I didn't
Speaker 2: get my money back just because people were asking, Like
Speaker 2: at least at the very least I did get my
Speaker 2: money back. I mean, shoot, I need some money for
Speaker 2: paying stuff.
Speaker 1: There with a neck brace song and a wheelchair talking.
Speaker 2: About was offul Yeah, but that they did take responsibility.
Speaker 4: They didn't try to blame.
Speaker 2: They took accountability and they apologize and all that good stuff.
Speaker 3: So stand down, be clear to lady giving massage had
Speaker 3: no clue because she was not doing with therapy the
Speaker 3: way I would have did it, first of all. But
Speaker 3: also it's not supposed to be done like that. You're
Speaker 3: not supposed to walk away with third degree bruising. I'm
Speaker 3: not even sure that they even have degrees for bruising. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but I know you're not supposed to walk away with
Speaker 3: third degree bruising and its swollen.
Speaker 4: No way hard, Like it's still kind of like have
Speaker 4: areas where it's like hard.
Speaker 3: I think they just offered it. Oh, try with therapy.
Speaker 3: He had to rub the wood on their leg.
Speaker 2: Home girl, so she had was working on doing with
Speaker 2: her therapy for fifteen years.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, ain't no way, ain't no way.
Speaker 3: I've been doing with therapy way longer than that, all right,
Speaker 3: and I know how it's supposed to go. Sometimes there
Speaker 3: is some bruising and some limping, you know.
Speaker 2: Sometime long story shorts, This is the only with therapy
Speaker 2: I need, and I will never be doing this again.
Speaker 1: I try to tell you that, ever, Try to tell
Speaker 1: you that. Ask me if I want to get with
Speaker 1: therapy my bad.
Speaker 3: She asked me, Like, first of all, do I look
Speaker 3: like the type of person that would be like, yeah,
Speaker 3: let me go get some wood therapy.
Speaker 4: You were going to get a lymphatic drain massage after
Speaker 4: me too. I don't know if they were.
Speaker 3: Around me on my v on my back fat. All right,
Speaker 3: it's just not happening, all right.
Speaker 4: Now that we've made that clear.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I just can't. I gotta pause.
Speaker 4: That can read the letter.
Speaker 1: You want to read the letter for you? Read the letter?
Speaker 4: She real talking.
Speaker 1: Number one. My fiance and I don't know many married couples.
Speaker 3: So we sit wine and talk about the level of
Speaker 3: success you achieve and how one day we will sip
Speaker 3: wine with you both telling you how successful we have
Speaker 3: become because of how you both poured into us.
Speaker 1: We're also manifested, always manifested. We appreciate that.
Speaker 3: I hope all you all do that man manifestation is
Speaker 3: very powerful. That's what Kneen and I do. So I
Speaker 3: will speak to you as if you're both here in
Speaker 3: real time. I have so much to say, but no time.
Speaker 3: New York's New York Times bestseller We Over Me was
Speaker 3: eye opening and informative.
Speaker 1: I am about to read it one more time.
Speaker 3: The runway walk as a couple at New York Fashion
Speaker 3: Week was a breath of fresh air. I wish we
Speaker 3: were there in real time. Thank you so much for
Speaker 3: supporting us the way you do. Oh and just so
Speaker 3: you know, I'm watching everything on Patreon and devou Welcome
Speaker 3: to the be. Me and my Caramel Coffee made the
Speaker 3: decision together for me to take a different direction in
Speaker 3: the job market. I am now a female truck driver
Speaker 3: and he is a stay at home dad. My struggle
Speaker 3: is how I underestimated how much I was going to
Speaker 3: miss him and my kids my first time away from them.
Speaker 3: I missed my youngest thirteenth birthday. I never missed one before.
Speaker 3: I cried most of the time. I was gone forty
Speaker 3: days exactly. Wow, way longer than I was supposed to be,
Speaker 3: No fault of my own. That's another conversation for another day. Now,
Speaker 3: with training done, I'm set to work four weeks and
Speaker 3: have four days at home. How do you handle your
Speaker 3: emotions of missing your wife and kids and do you
Speaker 3: consider yourself sacrificing time because you're doing something you love
Speaker 3: so you can provide for the people you love. Kadeen,
Speaker 3: how do you handle your emotions on missing him for
Speaker 3: long periods of time? Because I am a truck driver now,
Speaker 3: I pray we don't miss out on tour days for
Speaker 3: dead ass because baby and Mykadeen voice, we will be livid.
Speaker 1: Love you to pieces, baby, it's a super sweet letter. Wow.
Speaker 2: So being away from your family forty days Initially that's
Speaker 2: a long time, but I can empathize because whenever Deval
Speaker 2: is away on set or filming or just not home
Speaker 2: for whatever reason, the way we cope with it, other
Speaker 2: than lots of facetiming, is really just finding pockets of
Speaker 2: when we can get to him. So if he's in
Speaker 2: a stationary location where we know, for example, he's in
Speaker 2: Canada filming for six weeks, the kids have spring break,
Speaker 2: which is fortunately yeah, fortunately it fell during the kids'
Speaker 2: spring break, so we were able to alter spring break
Speaker 2: plans to be able to go see him. And any
Speaker 2: opportunity that I have to take a little piece of
Speaker 2: home to him is good for all of us, good
Speaker 2: for him, good for me, and good for the children.
Speaker 2: We just don't do well with time a part and
Speaker 2: that's Deval, that's me, that's the kids. So I think
Speaker 2: I say that to say I always try to make
Speaker 2: sure that I don't make his time away or make
Speaker 2: him feel during his time away that it's about me,
Speaker 2: and I try to control my emotions. So even though
Speaker 2: I do miss him, or I would want him there
Speaker 2: for certain things, or I maybe overwhelmed in moments with
Speaker 2: the kids, I try to kind of shield him from
Speaker 2: that because that's not going to help him feel any
Speaker 2: better about being away.
Speaker 4: A and B.
Speaker 2: I know that he's literally living out his dreams, like
Speaker 2: doing a film for Netflix, being the lead male in
Speaker 2: the film, Like that's something that he's wanted as long
Speaker 2: as I've known him. So my best way to support
Speaker 2: him through that is to not make him feel badly
Speaker 2: for being away, but just finding ways to make sure
Speaker 2: that he can cope with being away too, because because
Speaker 2: it's both an issue for both of us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and for me, first of all, case is amazing
Speaker 3: when I'm going. Last time she traveled to Canada with
Speaker 3: and I filmed in Canada two years in a row.
Speaker 3: The first time she traveled with the two younger ones
Speaker 3: and three the three younger ones.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we went through Toronto to Ottawa.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you had to transfer connected. So I flew
Speaker 4: from Atlanta to Toronto, Atlanta.
Speaker 3: To Toronto, yeah, and then drove and then and then
Speaker 3: drove and then had to leave one week to go
Speaker 3: do essence Fest and then came back. So ultimately, what
Speaker 3: what we're saying is we lean on our village. You know,
Speaker 3: when I'm traveling. Of course, there's a lot of times
Speaker 3: when Kay can't bring the boys, but if her mom
Speaker 3: and dad can watch the boys, she'll run for a
Speaker 3: quick weekend, come see me. We'll spend some time. She'll
Speaker 3: jump on a flight, jump back. And this is not
Speaker 3: something we did. We didn't do when we were in college.
Speaker 3: You know, when when I was in the NFL, we
Speaker 3: weren't making a lot of money because I was a
Speaker 3: free agent tryout.
Speaker 1: I hadn't made the team yet.
Speaker 3: During the spring, when I was still working to make
Speaker 3: the team, could Dean would drive to Michigan.
Speaker 1: She would drive eight hours to Michigan. Money we didn't
Speaker 1: have play money.
Speaker 3: So ultimately, what we're saying is is that I know
Speaker 3: right now when we try to give advice to people,
Speaker 3: it's like it was easy for y'all to do that
Speaker 3: now because you have the resources. But when we didn't
Speaker 3: have the resources, we always found a way. We spoke
Speaker 3: on the phone every single day. This was before FaceTime.
Speaker 2: Bro So Deval had me taking pictures. This is before
Speaker 2: phones had cameras. I was in ra or rd training
Speaker 2: at Hofstra and Deval would be at campus in practice
Speaker 2: and he would be hounding me to get pictures.
Speaker 3: To him the minute practice was done out before I
Speaker 3: was get in the shower, I'll take my pads off.
Speaker 1: I would text her like, YO, about to go to
Speaker 1: meetings with my pictures?
Speaker 4: Where's my pictures?
Speaker 2: And I'm trying to juggle my schedule because i have
Speaker 2: all these different sessions I'm trying to attend, so literally
Speaker 2: my lunch break, I would sometimes forfeit eating at the
Speaker 2: lunch station and go back.
Speaker 4: I ain't know you ain't eat now, skinny bro.
Speaker 1: No, my bad baby.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I would leave lunch and then come back to
Speaker 2: the room because I would have to use my digital
Speaker 2: camera to set it up with the timer to take pictures,
Speaker 2: put on cute little outfits for him, then upload them
Speaker 2: to my laptop to then send it to him in
Speaker 2: an email, just so key he can have pictures of
Speaker 2: me because there was no FaceTime and picture. Guys like
Speaker 2: we pretty much say that to say we did.
Speaker 1: Whatever we could do.
Speaker 3: Man, whatever your part of the needs when you away,
Speaker 3: whatever you desire when they're away.
Speaker 1: Find a way.
Speaker 3: If y'all love each other, that's a fact. Money, no money, kids,
Speaker 3: no kids, find a way. People find time for the
Speaker 3: things that's important to do it for each other.
Speaker 4: And do you feel like you're sacrificing time because you're
Speaker 4: doing something you love.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: I miss my kids and I miss you when I'm going,
Speaker 3: But I also think about sacrificing now doing the things
Speaker 3: I don't want to do now so I can live
Speaker 3: the way I want to live for the rest of
Speaker 3: my life, right. And I always put myself on the timeframe,
Speaker 3: So it's like, yo, if I'm going to spend six
Speaker 3: weeks in Canada, right, for the next rest of this month,
Speaker 3: I'm focusing only on my kids. So I learned how
Speaker 3: to take time, Like if I'm gonna take time and
Speaker 3: make this money and do this now, the next six
Speaker 3: weeks I have is only going towards them.
Speaker 1: I made promises to them.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna leave, I'm gonna be here, and that's
Speaker 3: exactly what we did, so exactly.
Speaker 1: It hurts, But what you're gonna do.
Speaker 3: I could be home with them all day and we
Speaker 3: wouldn't be able to do anything, and no one would
Speaker 3: like that either true.
Speaker 2: That's the bigger picture there there, so I hope it
Speaker 2: helps us, and good luck to y'all and hopefully we'll
Speaker 2: see you on tour. Yes matewing up this February. All right,
Speaker 2: now onto our second listed letter of the day. Hi
Speaker 2: to Valancadeen. I've been a fan of yours for years.
Speaker 2: I read your book and loved it.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I appreciate how much both of you are willing to
Speaker 2: share and be vulnerable with the rest of us. Thank
Speaker 2: you for all that you do. I found out I'm
Speaker 2: pregnant last week. I'm only five weeks. My partner and
Speaker 2: I are overjoyed at the news. This will be our
Speaker 2: first child, as neither of us has children. This is
Speaker 2: my second time being pregnant this year. I got pregnant
Speaker 2: in spring, but it resulted in a miscarriage. I'm trying
Speaker 2: really hard not to think about the negatives, but I'm
Speaker 2: struggling to completely overcome anxiety that I did not feel before.
Speaker 2: My doctor has told me that I'm healthy and everything
Speaker 2: is fine. I'm just scared of the unknowns that I
Speaker 2: cannot control. How did you overcome any thoughts of fear?
Speaker 2: Thoughts of fear you may have around miscarriage when you
Speaker 2: got pregnant again. Talking to my partner about my feelings
Speaker 2: has helped a lot so far, especially how he loves me. Additionally,
Speaker 2: what did you do to start preparing when you first
Speaker 2: found out you were pregnant? The planner in me wants
Speaker 2: to start researching and planning, but I have been a
Speaker 2: little scared to do so because the first trimester is
Speaker 2: nowhere over. I appreciate any guidance you can give me.
Speaker 2: Wishing you the best well, Congratulations, congratulations, gratulations.
Speaker 4: Five weeks in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's one of those things where I've heard I
Speaker 2: think it's like three and every four pregnancies end up
Speaker 2: in is it one in every four pregnancies end up
Speaker 2: in this one?
Speaker 1: Every four?
Speaker 2: One in every four yet, which was crazy because when
Speaker 2: I miscarried, Devout gave me that statistic.
Speaker 4: Of course, I was like emotional, and then the moment.
Speaker 2: Or the time when I had the miscarriage wasn't like
Speaker 2: the best time frame, just because Deval wasn't home, and
Speaker 2: you know, I had the kids alone. We were in California,
Speaker 2: I wasn't close to a lot of family, only had
Speaker 2: my mom. But when you told me that It almost
Speaker 2: kind of put it in perspective for me that, Okay,
Speaker 2: I was blessed with three healthy pregnancies and then this
Speaker 2: one was a fourth that didn't make it. But I
Speaker 2: think after getting over, of course, the initial devastation of it,
Speaker 2: I was also in a place of this just wasn't
Speaker 2: God's time for this date, and there may have been
Speaker 2: some thing that God was trying to protect us or
Speaker 2: this potential child from. You know, maybe there was some
Speaker 2: abnormality that we wouldn't have known about that, you know,
Speaker 2: this just wasn't the right time for this baby. And
Speaker 2: I think that was how I was able to kind
Speaker 2: of reconcile the whole thing. I know that this is
Speaker 2: your first, well your second pregnancy, but your first together.
Speaker 2: So the unknowns of pregnancy, I think for anybody, doesn't
Speaker 2: go away after you have your first child or your
Speaker 2: second child. It's something that comes with every single child,
Speaker 2: because as a woman who's growing a child in your body,
Speaker 2: you feel like you are literally the sole person responsible
Speaker 2: for making sure that this child grows and develops perfectly
Speaker 2: and then comes earthside, and you are the sole person
Speaker 2: in control of this. So I understand that feeling of
Speaker 2: anxiety but the anxiety doesn't help with the pregnancy. Any
Speaker 2: added stress, any added feelings of negativity, none of that helps.
Speaker 2: Just your mind set in your body when it comes
Speaker 2: to growing a baby in the most healthy manner. So
Speaker 2: I would say to you speaking through your emotions is
Speaker 2: definitely something that's comforting because I know when I was pregnant,
Speaker 2: every single time Daval was talking me off of all
Speaker 2: sorts of ledges. And this was from baby number one
Speaker 2: through baby number four. Yeah, I mean you could speak
Speaker 2: to being a supportive spouse, but Devaal was definitely there
Speaker 2: for me and made me feel a lot better when
Speaker 2: it came to easing those fears of things that were unknown.
Speaker 3: It may not ease your your spirit at all, but
Speaker 3: knowing that one in every four pregnancies ends in a
Speaker 3: miscarriage was easy for me to reconcile. Like, we had
Speaker 3: three normal, full term pregnancies and in the fourth she miscarriaged.
Speaker 3: So to me, it was like, Okay, we're right on
Speaker 3: par with what happens, right. That doesn't mean that every
Speaker 3: person is going to have a miscarriage. But I also
Speaker 3: had a client that I used to train. She had
Speaker 3: six children, two miscarriages, so Okay, three six kids, two miscarriages,
Speaker 3: it almost seems like that's the going rate, which you
Speaker 3: really don't want to say because it sounds morbid. But
Speaker 3: I also researched and found out that most miscarriages that
Speaker 3: happened happen because there isn't imbalance or something isn't right
Speaker 3: with the pregnancy. So typically the body will dispel or
Speaker 3: push out something that isn't going to be perfect.
Speaker 1: That's how the body works.
Speaker 3: So what I learned to do is not question how
Speaker 3: the body works or how God works in those situations.
Speaker 3: God is there to protect you from the things you
Speaker 3: cannot handle. So what I tell myself is, hey, if
Speaker 3: this is what we were dealt in this time, it's
Speaker 3: my responsibility as your spouse, your partner to help you
Speaker 3: rationalize with what you can't rationalize because you don't want
Speaker 3: to hear numbers when you're pregnant.
Speaker 1: You don't want to hear numbers when you're emotional.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, fine, I'm going to allow my partner
Speaker 3: to feel whatever it is she feels, not discredit how
Speaker 3: she feels, but try to continuously walk her through what
Speaker 3: the reality is while not discrediting how she feels so
Speaker 3: the worst thing you can do is like, you shouldn't
Speaker 3: feel this way. No, no, no, you should feel that way.
Speaker 3: And young lady, you should feel nervous and anxious because
Speaker 3: it's your body, it's your child. You don't know what's happening.
Speaker 3: So all of these things you're feeling is natural and normal.
Speaker 3: It's his job to walk you through that because he
Speaker 3: has nothing to do right now. That's that's And I
Speaker 3: know men get upset when I say that, but when
Speaker 3: it comes to pregnancy, we literally have nothing to do. Well, yeah,
Speaker 3: like we can't carry, we can't take the baby from you.
Speaker 3: So yo, let me make sure all the environment around
Speaker 3: my spouse at.
Speaker 1: That time it is comfortable.
Speaker 2: So one thing I do love for you is that
Speaker 2: very rarely do we get someone writing in with a
Speaker 2: I guess a story where you know I'm pregnant.
Speaker 4: We're both excited, we're both happy.
Speaker 2: We can't wait for this baby like and I'm happy
Speaker 2: for that for you guys, So good luck to you
Speaker 2: in this and just really, you know, listen to your doctor,
Speaker 2: listen to your gut. You know a lot of times
Speaker 2: you'll just know that maternal instinct. I promise you kicks
Speaker 2: in super super early, and that's in part why miscarriages
Speaker 2: are so hard for women depend regardless of when it happens,
Speaker 2: because that maternal instinct takes in super early and your
Speaker 2: natural desire and the only anything you want is to
Speaker 2: protect and make sure that this baby is going to
Speaker 2: be okay. So just try to keep your space, your
Speaker 2: mental space, in the space of positivity, and follow your
Speaker 2: doctor's orders and take your your prenatal vitamins and you know,
Speaker 2: work out if you can, and just try to be
Speaker 2: your healthiest version of yourself during this whole entire pregnancy.
Speaker 2: So good luck, right back in and let us know
Speaker 2: you know how it goes with the baby.
Speaker 4: Is it a boy, is it a girl? What's the deal?
Speaker 4: What's the deal?
Speaker 2: We want to know, and we want to know more
Speaker 2: from you guys, because we always do. If you want
Speaker 2: to be featured as a listener letter, be sure to
Speaker 2: email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: That's D E A D A d V I C
Speaker 3: E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time, we're talking the Elliss
Speaker 2: Take Fashion Week baby for the first time.
Speaker 4: Devao said that was his last time. I'm saying I
Speaker 4: might do it again.
Speaker 1: Last time.
Speaker 3: I would do it especially for actively black. Ya, I
Speaker 3: would do it again for actively black. And if somebody
Speaker 3: coming with the actively bag, all right, and y'all come
Speaker 3: in with the actively.
Speaker 4: Bad turned down actively bag.
Speaker 3: Baby, kids, I'll be doing all the model poses. Look
Speaker 3: like that, that's how the models be walking.
Speaker 4: The fact that you still look cute like that. I
Speaker 4: love that for me. Do you have a moment of
Speaker 4: truth for them?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: I do have a moment of truth. The moment of
Speaker 3: truth is people believe in yourself. Stop finding reasons to
Speaker 3: doubt yourself and trying to sabotage so that you can
Speaker 3: say you didn't do it for whatever reason. Okay, we
Speaker 3: all have a purpose, we all have a vision at
Speaker 3: some point in your life. If you want to live
Speaker 3: a full life, you have to believe the vision you see,
Speaker 3: trust the purpose that you feel, and just fucking do it.
Speaker 1: Just do it.
Speaker 3: You may not think you perfect, you may not think
Speaker 3: that you look the best, or sound the best, or
Speaker 3: may be the best.
Speaker 1: But you are not the only judge. Just do it
Speaker 1: because you want to do it. Have a good time,
Speaker 1: trusting God, trusting yourself, and be great.
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 2: Good job, baby, I think my moment of truth is
Speaker 2: just the lesson that this whole experience taught me. It
Speaker 2: just taught me to be grateful for my progress that
Speaker 2: I'm making. It told me to be grateful to believe
Speaker 2: in the fact that I can do the things that
Speaker 2: I seek out to do, even after having four children.
Speaker 2: And I know I always hate to say, or people
Speaker 2: don't like to say, oh, you look good after four kids.
Speaker 2: You just look good, And I get it, but I
Speaker 2: think the perspective for me is just also knowing what
Speaker 2: my body has been through after having four children and
Speaker 2: approaching forty, I need to be grateful for the progress
Speaker 2: that I've made instead of harping on small imperfections. And
Speaker 2: that's my message to women out there that I said
Speaker 2: I was going to hold onto for now. I know
Speaker 2: that we all have those little things that were like, oh,
Speaker 2: if I can just fix that, if I could just
Speaker 2: tweak that, if I can just get rid of that,
Speaker 2: and it's going to be something that no one else
Speaker 2: will probably see, but you want to feel better about
Speaker 2: it because that's the one thing that's an imperfection for you.
Speaker 2: And I could have completely missed out on this major,
Speaker 2: this major opportunity that I had. If I was decided,
Speaker 2: if I decide to say, you know what, I'm not
Speaker 2: going to do it anymore.
Speaker 4: I'm just not going to do it.
Speaker 2: I could have missed out on an opportunity. And it's
Speaker 2: a this was a small price to pay for me,
Speaker 2: for this aim that I have, for this image of
Speaker 2: perfection in my mind. And I just need to trust
Speaker 2: in the process. I need to continue in the process
Speaker 2: and this journey that I've been on to being my
Speaker 2: best self as I approached.
Speaker 4: Forty and on.
Speaker 2: So, you know, ladies, let's let's let's give ourselves a
Speaker 2: little bit more grace and be.
Speaker 4: A little kinder, you know.
Speaker 3: Trust what you see ye in yourself, not what you
Speaker 3: see on the ground.
Speaker 4: And if you don't like it, do something about it.
Speaker 1: That's a good one. If you don't, I don't like something, like.
Speaker 2: Something about it, because I'd be out here trying to
Speaker 2: do some about it, right, all right, y'all be sure
Speaker 2: to follow us on Patreon Patreon.
Speaker 4: Gang got some exclusive stuff. Baby.
Speaker 2: Exclusive stuff is giving access to tour tickets, exclusive dead
Speaker 2: ass content videos, long form family content that you guys
Speaker 2: have been asking for all Decay episodes. Baby, Yes so
Speaker 2: much and you can find us on social media too.
Speaker 2: Dead Ass the Podcast, you can find me at Kadeen
Speaker 2: I Am and.
Speaker 3: I Am devou And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 3: be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and also pick up
Speaker 3: your hard copy version of We Over Meet, The Counterintuitive
Speaker 3: Approach to Getting Everything you Want out of your relationship.
Speaker 2: New York Times bestseller Baby, dead Ass, Love It, Love y'all,
Speaker 2: Thank You.
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