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Speaker 1: And your real talk.

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Speaker 2: I don't like modeling, but you were so good at

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Speaker 2: it was I you were amazing, at least to me.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate that.

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Speaker 2: And baby, it's fair to say that I ripped the runway, darling,

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Speaker 2: but I almost didn't.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 3: You may know us from posting funny videos with our

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Speaker 3: voice and reading.

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Speaker 4: Each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 3: Wait, I make you need therby most days.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 3: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 3: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 4: Things most folks don't want to talk.

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Speaker 3: About through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead

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Speaker 3: Ass is a term that we say every day. So

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Speaker 3: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,

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Speaker 3: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing.

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Speaker 2: But the truth.

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Speaker 1: We about to take Phillo talk to our whole new level.

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Speaker 4: Dead ass starts right now. All right, story time?

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Speaker 2: That was cue R because it's normally Devada says all right,

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Speaker 2: story time, So it's my turn today.

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Speaker 4: It's my turn.

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Speaker 2: So you said, I say, that's all right, story Time,

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Speaker 2: story Time, story Time.

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Speaker 1: I guess, I guess you kind of got me down.

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Speaker 4: A little bit on story time.

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Speaker 2: New York Fashion Week and I get invited to walk

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Speaker 2: in the Actively Black Fashion show.

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Speaker 3: Actively Black Shadow, Actively Black Shadows, and the crew doc.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, it's a Friday Fashion Week in New

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Speaker 2: York September.

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Speaker 4: I mean, big deal, right, big deal.

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Speaker 2: And the anticipation that was building for this show for

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Speaker 2: Deval and I once we agreed to walk in fashion

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Speaker 2: Week was really intense. We agreed to do it, I

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Speaker 2: think it was almost exactly four months to the date.

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Speaker 2: Nons what was four months? There was something else that

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Speaker 2: happened at four months that I was preparing.

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Speaker 3: For because we agreed in the something No, he reached

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Speaker 3: out to us four months, but we didn't get all

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Speaker 3: the deals and stuff in place to know what was

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Speaker 3: going to happen, right, So.

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Speaker 4: It was a two month reach out.

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Speaker 2: And then by the time everything was solidified and we

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Speaker 2: knew for sure we'd be walking, it was about four

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Speaker 2: weeks out. So at that point Devale and I decided

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Speaker 2: to say, you know what, since we're doing this together,

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Speaker 2: you know, we didn't know exactly what we were going

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Speaker 2: to be wearing and what the setup would be and

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Speaker 2: if we'd be walking together or not. But we loosely

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Speaker 2: knew that we were going to be walking potentially together.

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Speaker 2: There was potentially a swimsuit involved.

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Speaker 1: There was no potentially. He asked me if wife were willing.

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Speaker 2: To west from sitting in my mind the ship was

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Speaker 2: potential because I said, let me see how these four

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Speaker 2: weeks ago before the fashion show, right, So I don't know.

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Speaker 3: It was two months. It was four months he reached out,

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Speaker 3: and then two months where we agreed, so we knew

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Speaker 3: we had two months.

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Speaker 4: Of he reached out four months before a fashion week, because.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't four weeks four weeks before we trained, way

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Speaker 3: before four weeks for fashion week.

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Speaker 2: Think about it, well, I know that I was going

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Speaker 2: intents because it was before August.

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Speaker 3: Remember it was in We were talking about this when

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Speaker 3: we were on vacation with the boys in July.

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Speaker 2: You were You're right, So it's two months okay, okay, sorry,

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Speaker 2: my timeline was wrong.

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Speaker 4: My timeline was wrong.

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Speaker 2: Okay, y'all, So let's scroll that back, rewind the tape.

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Speaker 2: Five months, four months out of fashion week, they reached

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Speaker 2: out we solidified everything two months special exactly. I feel

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Speaker 2: like for me though, that four week mark was where

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Speaker 2: it really set. And that's what it was because we

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Speaker 2: came back from vacation. Remember we were in with the boys.

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Speaker 2: We went to Mexico with them and your family. So

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Speaker 2: I remember us while we were on vacation being like, okay,

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Speaker 2: we know that we still have at least four weeks

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Speaker 2: before the show that we walked.

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Speaker 4: That's what happened, Okay.

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Speaker 2: So the potential of the swimsuit for me, you know,

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Speaker 2: was also something that made me gave me a little

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Speaker 2: anxiety because I knew that this would be the first

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Speaker 2: time I'd be in a two piece in here on

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Speaker 2: a runway during fashion week, like in ever, like forever.

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Speaker 1: Right, the last time you've walked in the fashion show

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Speaker 1: was my sophomore year.

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Speaker 4: Of college, right, So that was a long two and.

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Speaker 1: Three though almost it was over twenty years, and.

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Speaker 4: It was pre baby, and that over twenty years.

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Speaker 2: So I was doing my absolute best to between nutrition,

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Speaker 2: working out with Deval, sometimes working out on my own,

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Speaker 2: taking my vitamins. You know, there was so many things

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Speaker 2: that went into me in that last four weeks, specifically

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Speaker 2: just really trying to like double down. I was high

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Speaker 2: inclined walking, I was doing weights. There were so many

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Speaker 2: things that I did to prepare. However, it is now

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Speaker 2: the week of the show. We flew to la for

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Speaker 2: a weekend, came back, then was home for a day,

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Speaker 2: flew to New York, and when we got to New York,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, man, this is the Thursday before the show.

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Speaker 2: I know I might probably be holding a little bit

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Speaker 2: of like water just from like traveling and flying and

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Speaker 2: stuff like that. I had had a lymphatic drain massage

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Speaker 2: booked or the Friday, which was the day of the show.

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Speaker 2: Called into this company and asked about it, and they said, oh,

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Speaker 2: you're coming in for fashion week. We've been so busy.

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Speaker 2: There's so many models coming in for fashion week. I'm

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Speaker 2: sure elymphatic drain massage would be perfect. So I said,

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Speaker 2: should I come in on the Thursday that I fly

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Speaker 2: in and then the results will optimize by the next

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Speaker 2: morning after a good night's sleep, or are the results instant?

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Speaker 2: And the woman on the phone said, the results will

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Speaker 2: be instant on Friday. When you get up off the table,

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Speaker 2: you'll definitely be snatched. So I said, Okay, cool, She

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Speaker 2: then went to stay. She then went out to say,

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Speaker 2: if you really want to optimize your results, maybe we

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Speaker 2: can incorporate some wood therapy with that. So now I

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Speaker 2: had seen people do wood therapy all the time. You know,

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Speaker 2: you scroll through Instagram, you see people doing the wood

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Speaker 2: joint to get read of cell you light. So I

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Speaker 2: was concerned about the little underass area. You know, ladies downald,

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Speaker 2: what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 4: Under the ass cuffed a little bit you don't have

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Speaker 4: under the ass.

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Speaker 1: You don't have that.

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Speaker 4: But well, the thing is, I saw it.

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Speaker 1: You didn't see it.

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Speaker 2: I saw it. So the little underass like little pocket

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Speaker 2: right there. Sometimes it's a little satellite in those areas,

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Speaker 2: you know. And then my waistline, my stomach. I just

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Speaker 2: want to make sure that everything is tight.

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Speaker 4: Can I tell my story? I don't be interrupting a

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Speaker 4: story time, So that being said, So that being said,

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Speaker 4: that being said, you done?

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Speaker 1: Are you done?

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Speaker 4: I'm trying to be done?

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Speaker 2: Are you That being said, I went in for the massage,

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Speaker 2: incorporated the wood therapy on the table. It hurt, but

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Speaker 2: I also know my pain tolerance is high, and I

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Speaker 2: had a lot of muscle soreness and fatigue from working

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Speaker 2: out early.

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Speaker 4: In the week, So I just took it because I'm like,

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Speaker 4: if I'm gonna.

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Speaker 2: Be snatched, I'm gonna take the paint, pull my leggings up,

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Speaker 2: go to get my hair and makeup done.

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Speaker 4: It's three hours before the show.

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Speaker 2: I go to put my swimsuit on and my legs

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Speaker 2: are severely bruised, black and blue, black and blue.

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Speaker 3: When they say snatched, they snatched all the skin up

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Speaker 3: off your your thighs and quads.

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Speaker 1: It was bad, awful, y'all?

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Speaker 3: All right, so karaoke keeping in the vein of Kadeen

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Speaker 3: performing for us today? You want to continue with karaoke?

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Speaker 4: Sure, I guess we can.

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Speaker 2: But I mean it's a song that, you know, I

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Speaker 2: think a guy can sing and really like, you know,

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Speaker 2: take it to the next level.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I might join them.

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Speaker 4: I mean, if somebody's trying to be Ll in his biopic.

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Speaker 1: Nobody anybody trying. I'm going to get that role.

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Speaker 4: I am manifesting baby. So that's the case. In go ahead,

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Speaker 4: I want.

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Speaker 3: To girl with extensions in the head, bamboo and ring

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Speaker 3: at least two pair findy bade. That's all they need

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Speaker 3: to keep me in a good mood. She could walk

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Speaker 3: with a twitch and stalk with sweet slang. I love

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Speaker 3: it when a woman.

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Speaker 4: Is scared to do what they standing at the stop.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to make the hotty steak.

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Speaker 2: And that just so happened to be the song that

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Speaker 2: they had us walk out to yes for our first

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Speaker 2: our first look first of the show. It was around

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Speaker 2: the way girl, I mean the way they did the

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Speaker 2: visuals for that show. Everything was amazing. But we'll we'll

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Speaker 2: unpack when we get into the show.

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Speaker 4: Let's take a quick break and pay some bills and

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Speaker 4: then we'll come back.

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Speaker 3: All right, we're back, So before we get into the show,

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Speaker 3: let's unpack those moments where with that moment where I

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Speaker 3: was in the bathroom trimming my hair and she had

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Speaker 3: just got done doing her makeup, and I heard her

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Speaker 3: pull her her pants down and go, oh.

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Speaker 4: My god, you rumber home girl.

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Speaker 2: When her wigs little off the back of the couch. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: oh my god.

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Speaker 3: So I could hear in the tone that there was

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Speaker 3: like a little bit of like fright. So I come

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Speaker 3: outside and I'm like, what's the matter. When I looked

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Speaker 3: her legs, both sides in the thighs it band, both

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Speaker 3: sides were black and blue, and immediately my first thought

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Speaker 3: process was damn, she gotta wear a swimsuit. But I

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Speaker 3: couldn't let her see my face. So what I did

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Speaker 3: was go, oh, it ain't even that bad. Just get

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Speaker 3: in the bathtub, let the hot water go to the area.

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Speaker 3: It'll pull some of the pigment out. I knew that

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Speaker 3: just from football, Like when you get bruised up a

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Speaker 3: lot sitting in the hot tub, it helps the blood

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Speaker 3: flow get to the area, and a lot of times

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Speaker 3: you get out of the hot tub, the bruise isn't

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Speaker 3: as bad.

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Speaker 1: So I just knew that from years of football.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, at that point, I mean, shoot, I was ready

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Speaker 2: to call it off. To be quite honest, I could

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Speaker 2: tell I was literally about to call Lanny and be like, listen,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna need somebody to stand in for that bikini

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Speaker 2: portion of it, because there was absolutely no way that

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Speaker 2: I could walk on stage like that.

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Speaker 1: And there was absolutely no way I was gonna let

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Speaker 1: you not walk on stage.

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Speaker 4: You had put in so much work, it was so

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Speaker 4: heart breaking.

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Speaker 1: Let's rewind.

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Speaker 3: Let's rewind, because it wasn't just the four months that

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Speaker 3: you had started preparing right all of this. I'm na

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Speaker 3: add some context, Kadeen turns forty this year, and we

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Speaker 3: had decided that. When I got to resected me last year,

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Speaker 3: Kadeen was about to turn thirty nine, she had made

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Speaker 3: a decision at that point in her life, like, Yo,

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Speaker 3: we're not having any more kids. I can finally dedicate

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Speaker 3: myself to getting my body back to where I want

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Speaker 3: it and I don't have to worry about giving another

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Speaker 3: two years to having children. Yes, so you had been

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Speaker 3: putting work in from I would say your thirty ninth.

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Speaker 4: Birthday, Yes, that's fair.

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Speaker 3: The end of last year, you had started putting work

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Speaker 3: in and you were just like yodavo. Let's remember your

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Speaker 3: birthday last year. I was like, yo, what do you

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Speaker 3: want to do? You said, I don't want to do anything.

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Speaker 3: I just want to relax. And then at that point

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Speaker 3: you has said I'm going to focus this whole year

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Speaker 3: and to getting my body back for forty. So the

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Speaker 3: transformation you guys saw wasn't just four.

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Speaker 4: Months right or four weeks.

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Speaker 3: It was because I remember we went to you went

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Speaker 3: to Tiffany's wedding and you took pictures in some swimsuits.

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Speaker 1: And you were just like devou.

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Speaker 3: I do not like where my b and you were

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Speaker 3: just like I'm over it, Like I don't want to

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Speaker 3: feel like this anymore. You were a year postpartum from

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Speaker 3: having Dakota. You was like, no more excuses. So from

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Speaker 3: last year, your birthday, you had started going hard in

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Speaker 3: the gym. For me, it was important for you to

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Speaker 3: get in a swimsuit because I needed you to prove

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Speaker 3: to yourself that you hadn't wasted time or given away

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Speaker 3: a decade of your life. Think about it, when we

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Speaker 3: first met, you were turning nineteen. We were so into

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Speaker 3: each other. We start getting into each other in our

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Speaker 3: careers and focusing on what we wanted to do collectively.

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Speaker 3: But a large part of that meant you had to

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Speaker 3: sacrifice some things individually. Because when I went to go

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Speaker 3: play for the Lions, you moved out there with me.

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Speaker 3: You weren't modeling anymore. You had to find out where

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Speaker 3: you were going to fit in the TV search. So

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Speaker 3: you went to go to the Midwest. So that helps

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Speaker 3: you going out there get some film. But then as

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Speaker 3: soon as we got back, got married, started having kids,

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Speaker 3: and Jackson is twelve now, so pretty much you've dedicated

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Speaker 3: thirteen years, the last thirteen years of your life to

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Speaker 3: creating our family.

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Speaker 1: We've done that together.

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Speaker 3: But in those thirteen years you weren't able to do

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Speaker 3: things that women at that age who are in your

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Speaker 3: position due like twenty two to twenty nine is like

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Speaker 3: prime for modeling, and you, as a pageant girl in

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Speaker 3: the model couldn't.

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Speaker 4: Do itpaking younger than that I met you.

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Speaker 3: Start younger, yeah, but and you did win pageants before that.

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Speaker 3: So to me, I just felt like them, I want

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Speaker 3: her to prove to herself that you could get back

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Speaker 3: in those thirteen plus years wasn't a waste. And only,

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Speaker 3: as I say a waste, I don't mean a waste

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Speaker 3: as far as family, because you don't feel like it's

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Speaker 3: a waste.

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Speaker 1: But I felt like as far.

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Speaker 3: As your career, if you could walk on Fashion Week

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Speaker 3: in a bathing suit after having four children, I felt

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Speaker 3: like that was that's redemption, you know, for what you

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Speaker 3: had to endure and contribute to have a children.

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Speaker 1: So for me, that's what it was.

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Speaker 2: About for that and I love that for for me

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Speaker 2: that I had you to like literally support me through

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Speaker 2: the process.

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Speaker 4: And that's one thing I think.

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Speaker 2: If with with every child, or with every event, or

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Speaker 2: with every opportunity that I have to progress or to

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Speaker 2: do something career related or something that is just for me.

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Speaker 2: I love how invested you getting that as well and

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Speaker 2: become such a great source of motivation and like a

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Speaker 2: partner in it. I mean, because not for nothing you

297
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Speaker 2: was getting snatched too boo. You know I did say too,

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Speaker 2: like you know, I I think I might have put

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Speaker 2: on a little bit of you know, waiting certain areas

300
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Speaker 2: I could have gotten rid of.

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Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. You know, he concerned about

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Speaker 4: his low back fat.

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Speaker 1: You always bring it up.

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Speaker 4: Can be concerned about his little back fat?

305
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Speaker 3: What I look like after the tour? Remember we got

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Speaker 3: off tour eating fast food. I wasn't able to consistently

307
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Speaker 3: work out. You know, my body just doesn't respond well

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Speaker 3: to not working out. At one point, I was two

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Speaker 3: hundred and eleven pounds. I've never been two hundred and

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Speaker 3: eleven pounds, right. Look, we started to look like Brian.

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Speaker 3: It's different from men, know because when we gained a

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Speaker 3: little bit of weight and get husky, no one's looking

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Speaker 3: at you like, why you know, why are you not?

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Speaker 4: Oh my god? Is he pregnant again?

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Speaker 1: Right now?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 4: A little bloated today?

318
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Speaker 3: And it was sometimes I was bloated from eating the

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Speaker 3: pizza these oreoles. Yo.

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Speaker 1: I ate so many.

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Speaker 3: Oreoles between between March and May, in part because I

322
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Speaker 3: was traveling. Nobody fell I film in Canada. You weren't there.

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Speaker 3: That was my comfortble. You know, I get some oreoles

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Speaker 3: every other night. Let me throw ten oreos and some

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Speaker 3: milk and what else?

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Speaker 1: What else?

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Speaker 4: What else is in Canada that you were partaking in?

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Speaker 3: It in Canada and a lot of Canada bus Yo,

329
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Speaker 3: y'all know that that eases my page so, oh my god,

330
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,840
Speaker 3: on every corner, but it gives me munchies. So I

331
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Speaker 3: had gained some weight, I had lifted a lot more weights,

332
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Speaker 3: but I didn't like the way I looked, and I

333
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,640
Speaker 3: didn't feel like I was because you're not the only

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Speaker 3: one turning forty.

335
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Speaker 4: Right behind me, baby, You're right behind me.

336
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Speaker 3: I wanted to be the best version of myself for

337
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Speaker 3: you as well. But also I've never walked out in

338
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Speaker 3: the world and did anything by myself, so I felt

339
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Speaker 3: like you shouldn't have to do it either.

340
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Speaker 1: So I was like, Yo, if we're.

341
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Speaker 3: Gonna go out there and do it, we're gonna do

342
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,880
Speaker 3: it to do it together. We diet it together. I

343
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,960
Speaker 3: was drinking celery juice. Y'all. You got me into juicing watermelons,

344
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Speaker 3: which has helped us tremendous. People keep asking, what's the

345
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:30,920
Speaker 3: point of watermelon juice? For me, It's this simple, right.

346
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Speaker 3: I love sweets, as everyone knows, at nighttime, when you

347
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,640
Speaker 3: want to eat something sweet or drink something sweet, rather

348
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Speaker 3: than going in there and getting some MEMI punch or

349
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Speaker 3: eating some snickers or some oreoles, I would just go

350
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Speaker 3: drink some watermelon juice.

351
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Speaker 1: It was sweet enough, it's a natural sugar.

352
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Speaker 3: It was also hydrating, so it helped me get through

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Speaker 3: that process for those eight weeks of not wanting to

354
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Speaker 3: eat anything or drink anything sweet, and it worked. Eight

355
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Speaker 3: weeks of cutting out what is it called hy had

356
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Speaker 3: my men section look completely different.

357
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Speaker 2: On again your I thought a V coming in. I

358
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,760
Speaker 2: was like, okay, you know I love a good V.

359
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,360
Speaker 4: I love a good V.

360
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Speaker 2: So I think for both of us, yeah, I mean

361
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Speaker 2: I I was also another one that cut. I cut

362
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Speaker 2: a bunch of sugar and like all that stuff, and

363
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,680
Speaker 2: even after doing that blood work. I'm not sure where

364
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,160
Speaker 2: this episode airs in me talking about some blood work

365
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:34,120
Speaker 2: that day, but cutting some items from my diet that

366
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,040
Speaker 2: I found out I was now allergic to or had

367
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,680
Speaker 2: been allergic to, really did cut a lot of my

368
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,880
Speaker 2: bloating and constipation issues. So I was like, there might

369
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,400
Speaker 2: be something to this whole thing. So it was really

370
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,360
Speaker 2: like an experimental phase for me to to really just

371
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:55,600
Speaker 2: see like how can I get myself to, you know,

372
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,960
Speaker 2: the most optimal space that I want to be until

373
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Speaker 2: in a bikini. And I still had apprehensions because why

374
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,200
Speaker 2: the day of I'm.

375
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Speaker 4: Like, well, give me this massage.

376
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Speaker 2: And I'm like, at this point a bit because it's

377
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,640
Speaker 2: like a water Pilon called it a day and it's

378
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,919
Speaker 2: not even been a thing. But you know, I think

379
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 2: it's always this pursuit of like that this idea of

380
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,800
Speaker 2: perfection we have in our mind, particularly as women, and

381
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,440
Speaker 2: then add the layer of having children on it. You're

382
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,919
Speaker 2: pursuing this level of perfection that in your mind like

383
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,840
Speaker 2: if I do this one more thing, I get this

384
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,879
Speaker 2: one more treatment, or if I, you know, do this

385
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:32,359
Speaker 2: one last workout, then that'll be it. And it ended

386
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,520
Speaker 2: me up in a freaking state of she might not

387
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Speaker 2: even hit the runway.

388
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Speaker 3: But but to be honest, though, I feel like the

389
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,919
Speaker 3: universe God whoever you pray to, Allah always finds a

390
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:48,879
Speaker 3: way to challenge you right before you're going to reach

391
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Speaker 3: that moment where you finally get the desired affirmation you're

392
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 3: looking for.

393
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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

394
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Speaker 3: It's like God is saying, you want to you want

395
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Speaker 3: to be a firm for doing this work. Well, I

396
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,240
Speaker 3: want to see you through this. Do you you have

397
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 3: faith in me? If you get through this, then I'll

398
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,320
Speaker 3: give you the desired affirmation.

399
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Speaker 1: Right. I feel like that whole.

400
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:10,160
Speaker 3: Thing with the wood therapy on pause, I just feel

401
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,920
Speaker 3: uncomfortable saying that with the wood therapy was your mind

402
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,000
Speaker 3: tricking yourself saying I'm not ready when you were ready.

403
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,200
Speaker 3: You were ready, but you kept saying I'm not ready.

404
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,000
Speaker 3: But if I do this, I'll be even more ready.

405
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,560
Speaker 3: That literally was me, And that was God saying you

406
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,320
Speaker 3: trusted other people other than trusting my trusting me, trusting

407
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:28,920
Speaker 3: my guidance.

408
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,960
Speaker 1: Right. That was off the top. That was off the

409
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,359
Speaker 1: top right there. I ain't even write that, you know

410
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,960
Speaker 1: what I'm saying at.

411
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 2: All to that, because the night before the show, we

412
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 2: had a rehearsal. Yes, then we had a dress rehearsal,

413
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,600
Speaker 2: and in that dress rehearsal. I was literally sweating bullets.

414
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,440
Speaker 2: I don't know if you could tell.

415
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 1: Oh, no, I saw it was.

416
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,920
Speaker 2: Sweating bullets because I'm like, Okay, this is going to

417
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 2: be like the first step for me to be walking

418
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 2: in front of people in the heels, in a bikini

419
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,239
Speaker 2: in a room like and it's like a banquet room

420
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Speaker 2: in a whole.

421
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 4: So it's like.

422
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 2: Everyone's gonna see every flaw, every stretch mark, every imperfection.

423
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 4: Everything's to sell your light.

424
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,200
Speaker 2: And I got up there and I walked, and the

425
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 2: amount of people that came up to me after and

426
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 2: they were cheering me on, and it felt so good

427
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 2: at that moment. I should have just taken that and

428
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 2: been like, you know what, Keneen, you have all these people,

429
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 2: But I was like, you know what, they probably just

430
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 2: trying to be nice.

431
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,800
Speaker 3: See, Probably that's the enemy. That's the enemy into cool

432
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 3: human nature. Just being cynical of yourself. Yes, and also

433
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,880
Speaker 3: a form of imposture syndrome. Right, I don't belong here,

434
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 3: I'm not supposed to be here, so let me find

435
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,359
Speaker 3: a way to sabotage or find somebody to say something

436
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 3: to make to confirm what I already believe. About myself.

437
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,880
Speaker 3: That's why I wanted you to do this so bad,

438
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,159
Speaker 3: because I wanted you. I tell you all the time,

439
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,879
Speaker 3: I said, I'm not saying this because you're my wife

440
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 3: or because you have four kids. You look great for

441
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,120
Speaker 3: four kids is not a compliment. Okay, you've worked hard.

442
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 3: You just look great. I've been trying to tell you this.

443
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 3: You just looked great. I felt like you needed this

444
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:05,560
Speaker 3: to walk in your purpose. Not that your purpose is

445
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 3: to be a bikini model, but it's not. But your

446
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,879
Speaker 3: purpose is to have confidence in all the things you

447
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,800
Speaker 3: can do and not for nothing.

448
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 1: Your physical appearance is not everything, ever.

449
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,679
Speaker 3: But you have to work to get to a level

450
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,760
Speaker 3: of acceptance for your physical experience.

451
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 1: And you put the work in.

452
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So since you put

453
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 3: the work in, I feel like, go go walk in it.

454
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 3: Don't don't, don't put the work in it and be afraid. Well,

455
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 3: and that's let's be real. You walked against some women.

456
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 3: Just to name a few, with women, Kayla, Nicole, Taya Cooper.

457
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,080
Speaker 3: These women are in their mid twenties right. Shout out

458
00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 3: to Coop and Kayla and also Beyonca. These all these

459
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 3: women are in their mid twenties. You walked step for

460
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 3: step with.

461
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 4: Them, and I think that that was the apprehension I had.

462
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, that's alongside girls who are

463
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 2: just like younger and firmer.

464
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 3: And but that's but here's that's not That's not your competition.

465
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 1: Your competition is.

466
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 4: Never a competition.

467
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:05,439
Speaker 1: I don't know.

468
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,200
Speaker 3: What I'm saying is mentality. Your competition is your best

469
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 3: version of yourself. Yeah, yeah, right, your best version of yourself.

470
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 3: Like that's that's all you have to really focus on.

471
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 3: And when you did look at what you were able

472
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,359
Speaker 3: to do, Yeah, it looked great.

473
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, you look, I do in retrospect now that I

474
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 2: look back at the footage. Because so to finish out

475
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,399
Speaker 2: the story time, since I know it was kind of

476
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 2: long winded in the beginning, now I.

477
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: Was joking, which it was. It was a good you

478
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,240
Speaker 1: had to add content. You I'm just busting.

479
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 4: To wrap it in.

480
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 2: So how we finally got me to the stage, right,

481
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 2: So Deval has me in the bathtub in hot water,

482
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 2: and I'm just like looking at.

483
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 4: Myself trying not to cry, trying not.

484
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 2: To cry because Nelly just beat the heck out of

485
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 2: my face. And then Nelly was like, is there anything

486
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 2: you want me to do? When I was like no,

487
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 2: because I felt badly. Nelly was waiting for me like

488
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 2: almost an hour because I ran late with here. So

489
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 2: said Nelly, It's okay, go ahead, I'm going to figure

490
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,879
Speaker 2: it out. Devall was literally like, do you need me

491
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,159
Speaker 2: to run to the max story and get you found it?

492
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 1: I was willing to do whatever.

493
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 2: At that point, he said, what tell me the things

494
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 2: that you need from when you cover up a bruise?

495
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 2: So like the old makeup artist in me is like, Okay,

496
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 2: I'm gonna need to color correct this. I'm like part

497
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 2: of it was black, someone's blue, some of it was red,

498
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 2: Like it was a whole color.

499
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:15,920
Speaker 4: It was really bad.

500
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 2: And then I'm just like I'm gonna have to figure

501
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 2: it out. So I'm in the tub. I get out

502
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,640
Speaker 2: of the tub. I get my phone now to tell

503
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 2: my sister what's happening, because she's coming to the show

504
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 2: and she's gonna be my eyes from the stage right

505
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,959
Speaker 2: she's gonna be telling me like what I need to know.

506
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 2: Like literally, once I got off the stage, I text

507
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,640
Speaker 2: my sister like, how bad did it look?

508
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 4: My saving grade.

509
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,360
Speaker 1: Two people to cut you off you had your sister, Josh. Yes.

510
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 1: Josh was like, no, I've seen that ship the whole time.

511
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 1: Be it a stually looked bad son. I was like,

512
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: Josh Man, She like really, Josh, I'm like it was

513
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 1: that bad jobs And He's like, na I should was bad, bro.

514
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: The lights was hitting it. It was looking crazy. I

515
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 1: was like, was happy.

516
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,639
Speaker 2: I was like, damn, Josh, Yeah, I can count on

517
00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 2: Josh for a very very honest, honest perspective.

518
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,120
Speaker 4: Right his eyes is mad big.

519
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 2: I was like, thank you, so as the Good Lord

520
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 2: would have it. Because again the enemy try to swoop

521
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 2: in and take me out. I jump onto Instagram because

522
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 2: at this point it's crazy. The place that did this

523
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,160
Speaker 2: massage and like completely bruised me was like, if.

524
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,199
Speaker 4: You enjoyed your massage, we'd love if you give us

525
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 4: a tag.

526
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 2: And I'm like I don't usually tag people, but I

527
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 2: had tagged them while I was getting the massage done.

528
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,240
Speaker 2: I didn't blast them after that because I'm not about

529
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 2: that life. I'm like, we can sign yeah, we can

530
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 2: resolve this amicably. After In that moment, I was just

531
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 2: focused on what could be done, and I look in

532
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 2: my DMS and my good friend and former I guess manager.

533
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 2: She hates when I say I used to work for her,

534
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 2: but my former manager at Matt Cosmetics when I worked

535
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 2: at King's Plaza. She said, I'll see you later at

536
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 2: the show. I'll be there with the client. So I

537
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,640
Speaker 2: was like, wait a second, Keanus to be at the show.

538
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 2: So she ended up doing makeup for the CEO of Essence,

539
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 2: who was there also walking in the show with her daughter.

540
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 2: I hit Keanda and I was like, girl, I sent

541
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 2: her pictures of my legs and she was like, what happened.

542
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'll explain it to you later. Just let

543
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 2: me know if you have anything they can cover this up,

544
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,199
Speaker 2: because I'm supposed to be wearing a swimsuit in the

545
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,920
Speaker 2: show tonight. She said, come at meut you downstairs. Got

546
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 2: down to her. She got to work on these bruises

547
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 2: and she covered them to the very best of her ability.

548
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:32,880
Speaker 2: And I mean it was getting so bad that when

549
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 2: I first initially saw the bruise at six o'clock, by

550
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 2: the time I walked at like nine, it had gotten

551
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:39,439
Speaker 2: progressively darker.

552
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,880
Speaker 4: So when she covered it initially it looked perfect.

553
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,160
Speaker 2: And then still when I was on stage, of course,

554
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 2: there's the lights, there's all those added theatrics. You can

555
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 2: still kind of see a bit of it while I'm

556
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 2: on stage. But I think it's one of those things

557
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 2: where you had to really look for it, you know.

558
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 2: Some people thought it was a shadow. Some people thought

559
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 2: it was just the lighting. Like they weren't sure what

560
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 2: it was until after I.

561
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,880
Speaker 3: Said it was bruis side of your leg. You had

562
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 3: on a two piece swimsuit, and there were seven other

563
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 3: women walking that had two piece swimsuits. Anybody looking at

564
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 3: the side of your thigh wasn't really focused on what

565
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 3: they need to be focused.

566
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 4: It was only me.

567
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 3: It was you was the only one really like like

568
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,679
Speaker 3: really focused on that. And I understand why. First you

569
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,919
Speaker 3: can feel the pain. Then it's just you know, the

570
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 3: nerves of walking and fashion.

571
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 1: So I get it.

572
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,719
Speaker 2: I feel like it even affected my walk because I'm

573
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 2: just like, you don't even walk like I need.

574
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 4: To do over. I would put this out there, you're

575
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 4: still right.

576
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 1: Now, she's doing she's doing again.

577
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,680
Speaker 2: You walked find But just this is just me being

578
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 2: like critique of myself. I'm like, I just I know,

579
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 2: I like I had I still had a little bit

580
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 2: of reservation in me, so like, you know, my shoulders

581
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 2: moving a little bit more, could have moved a little

582
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 2: bit more.

583
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 3: You're always going You're always gonna find something too critique.

584
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, in it just enjoys like watching football. You know

585
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 4: what I'm saying.

586
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: You can always find ways to get better.

587
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 2: We always found with Now I know how I'm gonna

588
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 2: take my body to the next level as I approached forty,

589
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,719
Speaker 2: because it's like that was one goal that I had

590
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 2: that was pretty immediate, Right, that's a week and then

591
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 2: now my next goal is turning forty. So it just

592
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 2: gave me that much more animal to be like, you

593
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 2: know what, you can do this, you did it, you overcame.

594
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:16,480
Speaker 4: There was an obstacle.

595
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,679
Speaker 2: It taught me the bigger lesson though, and I think

596
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 2: that this is my message to women, or maybe I'll

597
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,439
Speaker 2: say this for my moment of truth. I'll say that

598
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 2: for my moment of truth, a bigger lesson in this

599
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:26,640
Speaker 2: entire thing.

600
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: First of all, did you have fun?

601
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 4: I had an amazing time. We had such a good time.

602
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 2: I feel like Lanny and the team at Actively Black

603
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 2: really were purposeful about picking absolutely some amazing individuals Like

604
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,199
Speaker 2: that space there was like what's seventy seventy five of

605
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 2: us in that show.

606
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 4: Five There were a lot of us in that show.

607
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: And not all of the participants were models.

608
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 3: He had influencers, people who were just big on social advocacy.

609
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, dancers.

610
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a whole show. It was a show.

611
00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 4: It wasn't your typical fashion.

612
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: Week runway show. It was it was a show about.

613
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,160
Speaker 4: The COC did the creative direction.

614
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 2: It was amazing, the video, everything was just amazing and

615
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 2: we had a great time all in all.

616
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 4: So would I do it again? Absolutely well, you could

617
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 4: do it. And now you said you're not a.

618
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 1: Model, but I'm not a model.

619
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 3: Like to me, modeling is very similar to being a

620
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 3: sports commentator.

621
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: Right, you have your job.

622
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 3: You have to walk a certain way, you have to

623
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 3: be stoic, you have to I like to give personality.

624
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 3: If it was up to me, I would have clown

625
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 3: and danced and did all this other stuff, which I

626
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 3: think that show would have allotted for if I was.

627
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 1: Willing to do that.

628
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 3: But also in those moments, I felt like I was

629
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 3: there to be your in your assistance. It wasn't about

630
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 3: me in those moments, you know what I'm saying, And

631
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 3: it was about just being almost you know, being a prop.

632
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 3: You know, this is my wife's moment. You know, I'm

633
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 3: not a model, Let you know, let me do that.

634
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 3: So if I had to walk by myself in the show,

635
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'd be willing to do that.

636
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 1: Like, I'm just it's not it's not fun for me.

637
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 3: Not that I had a bad experience, but the same

638
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,479
Speaker 3: way being a color commentator on television or in studio analyst,

639
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,359
Speaker 3: it's not fun for me. Like I can talk about

640
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 3: the NFL all day, but I don't want to sit

641
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,439
Speaker 3: up there in the suit and talk about it the

642
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 3: way you want me to talk about it. So as

643
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 3: far as modeling is concerned, nah, Just I like clowning,

644
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 3: doing live shows.

645
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 1: Acting, That's that's my thing, that's my wheel house.

646
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 2: I mean, I do it if they don't mind a

647
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: little model with some junk and hunt trunk, you know

648
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. Historically Fashion Week models be like really

649
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 2: really like thin, and I'm like, but I I don't think.

650
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 1: I think even if you get thin, you would never

651
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: lose the junk in your trunk.

652
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 4: Because when I met that might be a problem.

653
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: When I met.

654
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 2: You, a problem was soaking wet.

655
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 3: About forty five pounds was the ass and the other

656
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 3: other seventy five was your head.

657
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: It was like you had a head ass. That's all

658
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 1: I've seen.

659
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 4: Whatever.

660
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: You be a possible, So you're gonna take.

661
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 4: That take because you sure as that was a potbo

662
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 4: for sure. For sure.

663
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 2: All right, y'all, let's take a quick break and we're

664
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: going to come back and get into some listener letters.

665
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 4: So stay tuned.

666
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: Now we're back.

667
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 4: We're back. I'm still bruised, y'all. Sidebar. We're recording this now.

668
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 4: This Friday will be two weeks, so.

669
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 1: It's about ten days weeks.

670
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 4: Two weeks, yeah, and I'm still bruised.

671
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 1: Bruising takes time.

672
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 2: Mad long, Like, oh, I can't even And I didn't

673
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 2: get my money back just because people were asking, Like

674
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 2: at least at the very least I did get my

675
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 2: money back. I mean, shoot, I need some money for

676
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 2: paying stuff.

677
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: There with a neck brace song and a wheelchair talking.

678
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 2: About was offul Yeah, but that they did take responsibility.

679
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 4: They didn't try to blame.

680
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 2: They took accountability and they apologize and all that good stuff.

681
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 3: So stand down, be clear to lady giving massage had

682
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 3: no clue because she was not doing with therapy the

683
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 3: way I would have did it, first of all. But

684
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 3: also it's not supposed to be done like that. You're

685
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 3: not supposed to walk away with third degree bruising. I'm

686
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 3: not even sure that they even have degrees for bruising. Yeah,

687
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 3: but I know you're not supposed to walk away with

688
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 3: third degree bruising and its swollen.

689
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 4: No way hard, Like it's still kind of like have

690
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 4: areas where it's like hard.

691
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 3: I think they just offered it. Oh, try with therapy.

692
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,760
Speaker 3: He had to rub the wood on their leg.

693
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 2: Home girl, so she had was working on doing with

694
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 2: her therapy for fifteen years.

695
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, ain't no way, ain't no way.

696
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 3: I've been doing with therapy way longer than that, all right,

697
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 3: and I know how it's supposed to go. Sometimes there

698
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 3: is some bruising and some limping, you know.

699
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 2: Sometime long story shorts, This is the only with therapy

700
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 2: I need, and I will never be doing this again.

701
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: I try to tell you that, ever, Try to tell

702
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: you that. Ask me if I want to get with

703
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 1: therapy my bad.

704
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 3: She asked me, Like, first of all, do I look

705
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 3: like the type of person that would be like, yeah,

706
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 3: let me go get some wood therapy.

707
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 4: You were going to get a lymphatic drain massage after

708
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 4: me too. I don't know if they were.

709
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 3: Around me on my v on my back fat. All right,

710
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 3: it's just not happening, all right.

711
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 4: Now that we've made that clear.

712
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 1: Sorry, I just can't. I gotta pause.

713
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 4: That can read the letter.

714
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 1: You want to read the letter for you? Read the letter?

715
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 4: She real talking.

716
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 1: Number one. My fiance and I don't know many married couples.

717
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 3: So we sit wine and talk about the level of

718
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 3: success you achieve and how one day we will sip

719
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 3: wine with you both telling you how successful we have

720
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 3: become because of how you both poured into us.

721
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 1: We're also manifested, always manifested. We appreciate that.

722
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 3: I hope all you all do that man manifestation is

723
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 3: very powerful. That's what Kneen and I do. So I

724
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 3: will speak to you as if you're both here in

725
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 3: real time. I have so much to say, but no time.

726
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 3: New York's New York Times bestseller We Over Me was

727
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 3: eye opening and informative.

728
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 1: I am about to read it one more time.

729
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 3: The runway walk as a couple at New York Fashion

730
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 3: Week was a breath of fresh air. I wish we

731
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 3: were there in real time. Thank you so much for

732
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 3: supporting us the way you do. Oh and just so

733
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 3: you know, I'm watching everything on Patreon and devou Welcome

734
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 3: to the be. Me and my Caramel Coffee made the

735
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 3: decision together for me to take a different direction in

736
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 3: the job market. I am now a female truck driver

737
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 3: and he is a stay at home dad. My struggle

738
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 3: is how I underestimated how much I was going to

739
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 3: miss him and my kids my first time away from them.

740
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 3: I missed my youngest thirteenth birthday. I never missed one before.

741
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 3: I cried most of the time. I was gone forty

742
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 3: days exactly. Wow, way longer than I was supposed to be,

743
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 3: No fault of my own. That's another conversation for another day. Now,

744
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 3: with training done, I'm set to work four weeks and

745
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 3: have four days at home. How do you handle your

746
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 3: emotions of missing your wife and kids and do you

747
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 3: consider yourself sacrificing time because you're doing something you love

748
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 3: so you can provide for the people you love. Kadeen,

749
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 3: how do you handle your emotions on missing him for

750
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 3: long periods of time? Because I am a truck driver now,

751
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 3: I pray we don't miss out on tour days for

752
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 3: dead ass because baby and Mykadeen voice, we will be livid.

753
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: Love you to pieces, baby, it's a super sweet letter. Wow.

754
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 2: So being away from your family forty days Initially that's

755
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 2: a long time, but I can empathize because whenever Deval

756
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 2: is away on set or filming or just not home

757
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 2: for whatever reason, the way we cope with it, other

758
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 2: than lots of facetiming, is really just finding pockets of

759
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 2: when we can get to him. So if he's in

760
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 2: a stationary location where we know, for example, he's in

761
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 2: Canada filming for six weeks, the kids have spring break,

762
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 2: which is fortunately yeah, fortunately it fell during the kids'

763
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 2: spring break, so we were able to alter spring break

764
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 2: plans to be able to go see him. And any

765
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 2: opportunity that I have to take a little piece of

766
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 2: home to him is good for all of us, good

767
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 2: for him, good for me, and good for the children.

768
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 2: We just don't do well with time a part and

769
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,359
Speaker 2: that's Deval, that's me, that's the kids. So I think

770
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 2: I say that to say I always try to make

771
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 2: sure that I don't make his time away or make

772
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,279
Speaker 2: him feel during his time away that it's about me,

773
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 2: and I try to control my emotions. So even though

774
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 2: I do miss him, or I would want him there

775
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 2: for certain things, or I maybe overwhelmed in moments with

776
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: the kids, I try to kind of shield him from

777
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 2: that because that's not going to help him feel any

778
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 2: better about being away.

779
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 4: A and B.

780
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 2: I know that he's literally living out his dreams, like

781
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 2: doing a film for Netflix, being the lead male in

782
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 2: the film, Like that's something that he's wanted as long

783
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 2: as I've known him. So my best way to support

784
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 2: him through that is to not make him feel badly

785
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 2: for being away, but just finding ways to make sure

786
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,280
Speaker 2: that he can cope with being away too, because because

787
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 2: it's both an issue for both of us.

788
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, and for me, first of all, case is amazing

789
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 3: when I'm going. Last time she traveled to Canada with

790
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 3: and I filmed in Canada two years in a row.

791
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 3: The first time she traveled with the two younger ones

792
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 3: and three the three younger ones.

793
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, we went through Toronto to Ottawa.

794
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you had to transfer connected. So I flew

795
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 4: from Atlanta to Toronto, Atlanta.

796
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 3: To Toronto, yeah, and then drove and then and then

797
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 3: drove and then had to leave one week to go

798
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 3: do essence Fest and then came back. So ultimately, what

799
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 3: what we're saying is we lean on our village. You know,

800
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,240
Speaker 3: when I'm traveling. Of course, there's a lot of times

801
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 3: when Kay can't bring the boys, but if her mom

802
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 3: and dad can watch the boys, she'll run for a

803
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 3: quick weekend, come see me. We'll spend some time. She'll

804
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:56,120
Speaker 3: jump on a flight, jump back. And this is not

805
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 3: something we did. We didn't do when we were in college.

806
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 3: You know, when when I was in the NFL, we

807
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 3: weren't making a lot of money because I was a

808
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 3: free agent tryout.

809
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: I hadn't made the team yet.

810
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 3: During the spring, when I was still working to make

811
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 3: the team, could Dean would drive to Michigan.

812
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 1: She would drive eight hours to Michigan. Money we didn't

813
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 1: have play money.

814
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 3: So ultimately, what we're saying is is that I know

815
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 3: right now when we try to give advice to people,

816
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 3: it's like it was easy for y'all to do that

817
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 3: now because you have the resources. But when we didn't

818
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 3: have the resources, we always found a way. We spoke

819
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 3: on the phone every single day. This was before FaceTime.

820
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:33,800
Speaker 2: Bro So Deval had me taking pictures. This is before

821
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 2: phones had cameras. I was in ra or rd training

822
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 2: at Hofstra and Deval would be at campus in practice

823
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 2: and he would be hounding me to get pictures.

824
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,320
Speaker 3: To him the minute practice was done out before I

825
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:51,879
Speaker 3: was get in the shower, I'll take my pads off.

826
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 1: I would text her like, YO, about to go to

827
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 1: meetings with my pictures?

828
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,320
Speaker 4: Where's my pictures?

829
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 2: And I'm trying to juggle my schedule because i have

830
00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 2: all these different sessions I'm trying to attend, so literally

831
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 2: my lunch break, I would sometimes forfeit eating at the

832
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 2: lunch station and go back.

833
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 4: I ain't know you ain't eat now, skinny bro.

834
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 1: No, my bad baby.

835
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,360
Speaker 2: Sometimes I would leave lunch and then come back to

836
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 2: the room because I would have to use my digital

837
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,400
Speaker 2: camera to set it up with the timer to take pictures,

838
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 2: put on cute little outfits for him, then upload them

839
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 2: to my laptop to then send it to him in

840
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 2: an email, just so key he can have pictures of

841
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 2: me because there was no FaceTime and picture. Guys like

842
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 2: we pretty much say that to say we did.

843
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 1: Whatever we could do.

844
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 3: Man, whatever your part of the needs when you away,

845
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 3: whatever you desire when they're away.

846
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:44,319
Speaker 1: Find a way.

847
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 3: If y'all love each other, that's a fact. Money, no money, kids,

848
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 3: no kids, find a way. People find time for the

849
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:52,359
Speaker 3: things that's important to do it for each other.

850
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,879
Speaker 4: And do you feel like you're sacrificing time because you're

851
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 4: doing something you love.

852
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:56,800
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

853
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 3: I miss my kids and I miss you when I'm going,

854
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 3: But I also think about sacrificing now doing the things

855
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 3: I don't want to do now so I can live

856
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 3: the way I want to live for the rest of

857
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 3: my life, right. And I always put myself on the timeframe,

858
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 3: So it's like, yo, if I'm going to spend six

859
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 3: weeks in Canada, right, for the next rest of this month,

860
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 3: I'm focusing only on my kids. So I learned how

861
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 3: to take time, Like if I'm gonna take time and

862
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 3: make this money and do this now, the next six

863
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 3: weeks I have is only going towards them.

864
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:26,279
Speaker 1: I made promises to them.

865
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna leave, I'm gonna be here, and that's

866
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 3: exactly what we did, so exactly.

867
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 1: It hurts, But what you're gonna do.

868
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 3: I could be home with them all day and we

869
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 3: wouldn't be able to do anything, and no one would

870
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 3: like that either true.

871
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,279
Speaker 2: That's the bigger picture there there, so I hope it

872
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 2: helps us, and good luck to y'all and hopefully we'll

873
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 2: see you on tour. Yes matewing up this February. All right,

874
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 2: now onto our second listed letter of the day. Hi

875
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: to Valancadeen. I've been a fan of yours for years.

876
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 2: I read your book and loved it.

877
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 4: Thank you.

878
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 2: I appreciate how much both of you are willing to

879
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 2: share and be vulnerable with the rest of us. Thank

880
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 2: you for all that you do. I found out I'm

881
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 2: pregnant last week. I'm only five weeks. My partner and

882
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 2: I are overjoyed at the news. This will be our

883
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 2: first child, as neither of us has children. This is

884
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 2: my second time being pregnant this year. I got pregnant

885
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 2: in spring, but it resulted in a miscarriage. I'm trying

886
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 2: really hard not to think about the negatives, but I'm

887
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 2: struggling to completely overcome anxiety that I did not feel before.

888
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 2: My doctor has told me that I'm healthy and everything

889
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,759
Speaker 2: is fine. I'm just scared of the unknowns that I

890
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,240
Speaker 2: cannot control. How did you overcome any thoughts of fear?

891
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,840
Speaker 2: Thoughts of fear you may have around miscarriage when you

892
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 2: got pregnant again. Talking to my partner about my feelings

893
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:41,879
Speaker 2: has helped a lot so far, especially how he loves me. Additionally,

894
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,479
Speaker 2: what did you do to start preparing when you first

895
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 2: found out you were pregnant? The planner in me wants

896
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 2: to start researching and planning, but I have been a

897
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 2: little scared to do so because the first trimester is

898
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 2: nowhere over. I appreciate any guidance you can give me.

899
00:39:56,200 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 2: Wishing you the best well, Congratulations, congratulations, gratulations.

900
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 4: Five weeks in.

901
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's one of those things where I've heard I

902
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 2: think it's like three and every four pregnancies end up

903
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 2: in is it one in every four pregnancies end up

904
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 2: in this one?

905
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 1: Every four?

906
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,799
Speaker 2: One in every four yet, which was crazy because when

907
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 2: I miscarried, Devout gave me that statistic.

908
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 4: Of course, I was like emotional, and then the moment.

909
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 2: Or the time when I had the miscarriage wasn't like

910
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 2: the best time frame, just because Deval wasn't home, and

911
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 2: you know, I had the kids alone. We were in California,

912
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 2: I wasn't close to a lot of family, only had

913
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 2: my mom. But when you told me that It almost

914
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 2: kind of put it in perspective for me that, Okay,

915
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 2: I was blessed with three healthy pregnancies and then this

916
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 2: one was a fourth that didn't make it. But I

917
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 2: think after getting over, of course, the initial devastation of it,

918
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 2: I was also in a place of this just wasn't

919
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 2: God's time for this date, and there may have been

920
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:03,279
Speaker 2: some thing that God was trying to protect us or

921
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 2: this potential child from. You know, maybe there was some

922
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 2: abnormality that we wouldn't have known about that, you know,

923
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 2: this just wasn't the right time for this baby. And

924
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 2: I think that was how I was able to kind

925
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 2: of reconcile the whole thing. I know that this is

926
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 2: your first, well your second pregnancy, but your first together.

927
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 2: So the unknowns of pregnancy, I think for anybody, doesn't

928
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 2: go away after you have your first child or your

929
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 2: second child. It's something that comes with every single child,

930
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 2: because as a woman who's growing a child in your body,

931
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 2: you feel like you are literally the sole person responsible

932
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 2: for making sure that this child grows and develops perfectly

933
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 2: and then comes earthside, and you are the sole person

934
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 2: in control of this. So I understand that feeling of

935
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:53,879
Speaker 2: anxiety but the anxiety doesn't help with the pregnancy. Any

936
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 2: added stress, any added feelings of negativity, none of that helps.

937
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,399
Speaker 2: Just your mind set in your body when it comes

938
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 2: to growing a baby in the most healthy manner. So

939
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 2: I would say to you speaking through your emotions is

940
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 2: definitely something that's comforting because I know when I was pregnant,

941
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 2: every single time Daval was talking me off of all

942
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 2: sorts of ledges. And this was from baby number one

943
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 2: through baby number four. Yeah, I mean you could speak

944
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,399
Speaker 2: to being a supportive spouse, but Devaal was definitely there

945
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,239
Speaker 2: for me and made me feel a lot better when

946
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 2: it came to easing those fears of things that were unknown.

947
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 3: It may not ease your your spirit at all, but

948
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 3: knowing that one in every four pregnancies ends in a

949
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 3: miscarriage was easy for me to reconcile. Like, we had

950
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:39,320
Speaker 3: three normal, full term pregnancies and in the fourth she miscarriaged.

951
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 3: So to me, it was like, Okay, we're right on

952
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 3: par with what happens, right. That doesn't mean that every

953
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:44,879
Speaker 3: person is going to have a miscarriage. But I also

954
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,839
Speaker 3: had a client that I used to train. She had

955
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 3: six children, two miscarriages, so Okay, three six kids, two miscarriages,

956
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 3: it almost seems like that's the going rate, which you

957
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 3: really don't want to say because it sounds morbid. But

958
00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 3: I also researched and found out that most miscarriages that

959
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 3: happened happen because there isn't imbalance or something isn't right

960
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:06,960
Speaker 3: with the pregnancy. So typically the body will dispel or

961
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,320
Speaker 3: push out something that isn't going to be perfect.

962
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 1: That's how the body works.

963
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 3: So what I learned to do is not question how

964
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,600
Speaker 3: the body works or how God works in those situations.

965
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,279
Speaker 3: God is there to protect you from the things you

966
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 3: cannot handle. So what I tell myself is, hey, if

967
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 3: this is what we were dealt in this time, it's

968
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 3: my responsibility as your spouse, your partner to help you

969
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 3: rationalize with what you can't rationalize because you don't want

970
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 3: to hear numbers when you're pregnant.

971
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 1: You don't want to hear numbers when you're emotional.

972
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 3: So I'm like, fine, I'm going to allow my partner

973
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 3: to feel whatever it is she feels, not discredit how

974
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 3: she feels, but try to continuously walk her through what

975
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:51,239
Speaker 3: the reality is while not discrediting how she feels so

976
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:52,800
Speaker 3: the worst thing you can do is like, you shouldn't

977
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 3: feel this way. No, no, no, you should feel that way.

978
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:58,720
Speaker 3: And young lady, you should feel nervous and anxious because

979
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,840
Speaker 3: it's your body, it's your child. You don't know what's happening.

980
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 3: So all of these things you're feeling is natural and normal.

981
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 3: It's his job to walk you through that because he

982
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 3: has nothing to do right now. That's that's And I

983
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 3: know men get upset when I say that, but when

984
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 3: it comes to pregnancy, we literally have nothing to do. Well, yeah,

985
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 3: like we can't carry, we can't take the baby from you.

986
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,720
Speaker 3: So yo, let me make sure all the environment around

987
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 3: my spouse at.

988
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:24,760
Speaker 1: That time it is comfortable.

989
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:26,399
Speaker 2: So one thing I do love for you is that

990
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,120
Speaker 2: very rarely do we get someone writing in with a

991
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,760
Speaker 2: I guess a story where you know I'm pregnant.

992
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 4: We're both excited, we're both happy.

993
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,440
Speaker 2: We can't wait for this baby like and I'm happy

994
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:38,880
Speaker 2: for that for you guys, So good luck to you

995
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 2: in this and just really, you know, listen to your doctor,

996
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:43,760
Speaker 2: listen to your gut. You know a lot of times

997
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,520
Speaker 2: you'll just know that maternal instinct. I promise you kicks

998
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,360
Speaker 2: in super super early, and that's in part why miscarriages

999
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 2: are so hard for women depend regardless of when it happens,

1000
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:56,839
Speaker 2: because that maternal instinct takes in super early and your

1001
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 2: natural desire and the only anything you want is to

1002
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 2: protect and make sure that this baby is going to

1003
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 2: be okay. So just try to keep your space, your

1004
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 2: mental space, in the space of positivity, and follow your

1005
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 2: doctor's orders and take your your prenatal vitamins and you know,

1006
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 2: work out if you can, and just try to be

1007
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 2: your healthiest version of yourself during this whole entire pregnancy.

1008
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 2: So good luck, right back in and let us know

1009
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:22,360
Speaker 2: you know how it goes with the baby.

1010
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 4: Is it a boy, is it a girl? What's the deal?

1011
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:24,839
Speaker 4: What's the deal?

1012
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 2: We want to know, and we want to know more

1013
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 2: from you guys, because we always do. If you want

1014
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 2: to be featured as a listener letter, be sure to

1015
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,880
Speaker 2: email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.

1016
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,320
Speaker 3: That's D E A D A d V I C

1017
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 3: E at gmail dot com.

1018
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:43,320
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time, we're talking the Elliss

1019
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 2: Take Fashion Week baby for the first time.

1020
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 4: Devao said that was his last time. I'm saying I

1021
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 4: might do it again.

1022
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: Last time.

1023
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 3: I would do it especially for actively black. Ya, I

1024
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 3: would do it again for actively black. And if somebody

1025
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 3: coming with the actively bag, all right, and y'all come

1026
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:02,840
Speaker 3: in with the actively.

1027
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 4: Bad turned down actively bag.

1028
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 3: Baby, kids, I'll be doing all the model poses. Look

1029
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:17,919
Speaker 3: like that, that's how the models be walking.

1030
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:24,799
Speaker 4: The fact that you still look cute like that. I

1031
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:29,319
Speaker 4: love that for me. Do you have a moment of

1032
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 4: truth for them?

1033
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:30,919
Speaker 1: Yes?

1034
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 3: I do have a moment of truth. The moment of

1035
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:37,239
Speaker 3: truth is people believe in yourself. Stop finding reasons to

1036
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,719
Speaker 3: doubt yourself and trying to sabotage so that you can

1037
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 3: say you didn't do it for whatever reason. Okay, we

1038
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:48,359
Speaker 3: all have a purpose, we all have a vision at

1039
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 3: some point in your life. If you want to live

1040
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 3: a full life, you have to believe the vision you see,

1041
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 3: trust the purpose that you feel, and just fucking do it.

1042
00:46:57,760 --> 00:46:58,319
Speaker 1: Just do it.

1043
00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 3: You may not think you perfect, you may not think

1044
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 3: that you look the best, or sound the best, or

1045
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:04,239
Speaker 3: may be the best.

1046
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 1: But you are not the only judge. Just do it

1047
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 1: because you want to do it. Have a good time,

1048
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: trusting God, trusting yourself, and be great.

1049
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:11,880
Speaker 4: I love that.

1050
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 2: Good job, baby, I think my moment of truth is

1051
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 2: just the lesson that this whole experience taught me. It

1052
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 2: just taught me to be grateful for my progress that

1053
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:25,320
Speaker 2: I'm making. It told me to be grateful to believe

1054
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,799
Speaker 2: in the fact that I can do the things that

1055
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 2: I seek out to do, even after having four children.

1056
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 2: And I know I always hate to say, or people

1057
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,320
Speaker 2: don't like to say, oh, you look good after four kids.

1058
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 2: You just look good, And I get it, but I

1059
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 2: think the perspective for me is just also knowing what

1060
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:42,759
Speaker 2: my body has been through after having four children and

1061
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 2: approaching forty, I need to be grateful for the progress

1062
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 2: that I've made instead of harping on small imperfections. And

1063
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:52,879
Speaker 2: that's my message to women out there that I said

1064
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 2: I was going to hold onto for now. I know

1065
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 2: that we all have those little things that were like, oh,

1066
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,160
Speaker 2: if I can just fix that, if I could just

1067
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:01,879
Speaker 2: tweak that, if I can just get rid of that,

1068
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:03,839
Speaker 2: and it's going to be something that no one else

1069
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 2: will probably see, but you want to feel better about

1070
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 2: it because that's the one thing that's an imperfection for you.

1071
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 2: And I could have completely missed out on this major,

1072
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:18,320
Speaker 2: this major opportunity that I had. If I was decided,

1073
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:19,640
Speaker 2: if I decide to say, you know what, I'm not

1074
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:20,440
Speaker 2: going to do it anymore.

1075
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 4: I'm just not going to do it.

1076
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 2: I could have missed out on an opportunity. And it's

1077
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,799
Speaker 2: a this was a small price to pay for me,

1078
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 2: for this aim that I have, for this image of

1079
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:33,240
Speaker 2: perfection in my mind. And I just need to trust

1080
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:36,760
Speaker 2: in the process. I need to continue in the process

1081
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 2: and this journey that I've been on to being my

1082
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 2: best self as I approached.

1083
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 4: Forty and on.

1084
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 2: So, you know, ladies, let's let's let's give ourselves a

1085
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 2: little bit more grace and be.

1086
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 4: A little kinder, you know.

1087
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 3: Trust what you see ye in yourself, not what you

1088
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 3: see on the ground.

1089
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:56,319
Speaker 4: And if you don't like it, do something about it.

1090
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:58,879
Speaker 1: That's a good one. If you don't, I don't like something, like.

1091
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 2: Something about it, because I'd be out here trying to

1092
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 2: do some about it, right, all right, y'all be sure

1093
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 2: to follow us on Patreon Patreon.

1094
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 4: Gang got some exclusive stuff. Baby.

1095
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 2: Exclusive stuff is giving access to tour tickets, exclusive dead

1096
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 2: ass content videos, long form family content that you guys

1097
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 2: have been asking for all Decay episodes. Baby, Yes so

1098
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 2: much and you can find us on social media too.

1099
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 2: Dead Ass the Podcast, you can find me at Kadeen

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Speaker 2: I Am and.

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Speaker 3: I Am devou And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

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00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 3: be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and also pick up

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Speaker 3: your hard copy version of We Over Meet, The Counterintuitive

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Speaker 3: Approach to Getting Everything you Want out of your relationship.

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Speaker 2: New York Times bestseller Baby, dead Ass, Love It, Love y'all,

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Speaker 2: Thank You.

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Speaker 1: Dead Ass is.

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Speaker 3: A production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, and it's produced by

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Speaker 3: Donorpina and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at

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Speaker 3: dead Ass the Podcast and Never Miss a Thing