1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Welcome to Worst Year Ever, A production of I Heart 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: Radio Together Everything, So don't just keep those eight balls 3 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,079 Speaker 1: Nordland short short short in here here, Come on, it's 4 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: lovely weather for some fentanyl together with you outside the 5 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 1: blow is falling and it's all fentanyl too. We're all 6 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: o ding together in stormy weather. Whoo hoo. How is 7 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:46,159 Speaker 1: that is that good again? Cody's gonna come back with 8 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,400 Speaker 1: I thought it was really good, Robert, I thought it 9 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: was genius. I have been telling Cody for years. He 10 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,959 Speaker 1: needs to keep his emergency tambourine closer to the right. 11 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: You know. We just finished to shoot the studios and 12 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: as I couldn't find it in time. I'm sorry, but no, 13 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 1: that was that was a one time thing. Oh this 14 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,199 Speaker 1: is our Christmas episode. I guess this is dropping Christmas week, 15 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: so like it's not a Christmas episode. You've got several 16 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: days till Christmas. This is your your podcast that you'll 17 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:23,319 Speaker 1: listen to, your sitting in that motherfucking traffic at the mall, 18 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: trying to get the present that you didn't get when 19 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: you should have or when you managed to like hide 20 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:32,479 Speaker 1: yourself in a bathroom at the house where your entire 21 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 1: extended family is hanging out and you're grabbing just twenty 22 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,040 Speaker 1: minutes at a time of blissed, blessed, blessed peace. Um, 23 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: we appreciate that you're spending that precious time with us 24 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: talking about Ben Shapiro's short stories. I hope that you're 25 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: hiding place is better than a bathroom. That's my wishes. 26 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: I liked it at my parents house, like they before 27 00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: they redid it. They had like those old heater events, 28 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: those old ones where you flip on the switch in 29 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 1: the bathroom and it heats it up real quick. I 30 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: love hiding in the bathroom. I'd go upstairs with a 31 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 1: book and some pillows and cozy up in front of there. So, um, hide. 32 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,880 Speaker 1: If you're I hope if you're hiding in the bathroom 33 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: that it's as pleasant as my parents. Or you're listening 34 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,919 Speaker 1: to this on speakers with your entire family in a 35 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: room silently staring at each other. Yeah, that's that's what 36 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: I hope. I hope it's the first time you've all 37 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: been in a room in years, and in order to 38 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 1: break the ice, h're all utterly silent listening to us 39 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,639 Speaker 1: talk about Ben Shipping. If anybody you get there out 40 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,919 Speaker 1: of the family. This relates to everybody on this call. 41 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,679 Speaker 1: I saw this thing that was like shout out to 42 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 1: all the millennials struggling to explain what they do to 43 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 1: a living to their relatives this holiday season. And amen, yeah, 44 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:59,800 Speaker 1: I mean I yeah, alright, because I think it's apparently 45 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 1: sense sometimes what we do. I do not think that 46 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,239 Speaker 1: she's listened the whole time. I think it's a recent thing. 47 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: But hello, anyway, that's not what we're here for. Hi, 48 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: mom um. I think a reasonable clear explanation of what 49 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 1: we do is we read What's Fair and Other short 50 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:26,360 Speaker 1: Stories by Ben Shapiro. Um, what's confusing about that? So, Cody, 51 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 1: what's the title of today's short story? I'm imagining through 52 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 1: half of it? By Ben Shapiro in his collection of 53 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 1: short stories. Um, is I know? B low Blow? Sorry? 54 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:45,839 Speaker 1: Um uh this is called from the pit because he's 55 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: not very I got it. Yeah, yeah, boys, didn't hear. 56 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 1: I loved it. I'm so sorry you guys two times 57 00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 1: two times, the second time times two time reference. Well, 58 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 1: it's of despair. Okay, it's really great with favorite movie? 59 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 1: Oh shut up, really no, no, it can't be my 60 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: favorite movie's favorite movie. And now I'm sad. Everybody pick 61 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: a new one for Carrie Nights. No one else picks 62 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: Nights is their favorite movie. Yeah, but anyway from the 63 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: pit up, why it's hard. I had a can't Christmas 64 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: movie experience the other day. I was this time of year, 65 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,839 Speaker 1: I will periodically search for random Christmas movies on Netflix, 66 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: and I found there's a Christmas movie starring Joel McHale 67 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:54,359 Speaker 1: from Community, Jeff and Robin Williams, and it's It's the 68 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 1: last movie I think that Robin Williams filmed before he died. 69 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: Like they made like they made it that like August 70 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 1: or something. Um, and it is. I don't know. There's 71 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: a scene where they try to decide how to dispose 72 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 1: of the body of a drifter. Um, it's it's fine, 73 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: it's fine. That doesn't sound like something that Robin Williams 74 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 1: would want to do. He's always a surly character in 75 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:21,559 Speaker 1: this employ use Uh. He always an unemploying some member 76 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 1: of the on housed community on his films Youth. Well, 77 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: they didn't purposefully hit the drifter, but anyway, whatever, But 78 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 1: I'll just real quick, if we're talking about Christmas movies, guys, 79 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: I'm in one I don't know where you would find it, 80 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: but this is a really bad thing that I'm telling you. 81 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,039 Speaker 1: I don't remember anything about it except that it's called Farewell, 82 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,600 Speaker 1: Mr Kringle. I think I have to tiny little scenes 83 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: with Christine what's her name? Ben's Diller's wife, Christine Taylor, 84 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 1: and Vivica Fox I believe is in it and am 85 00:05:54,320 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 1: getting so I um, oh, you guys are looking cool cool. Yeah, 86 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: they're probably around and Robert. I do not remember the plot. 87 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: I remember I had one day and I had just 88 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 1: adopted my cat Henry and what's her name, Christine Taylor 89 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: what's her name? She had to sit next to me. 90 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: I had to sit next to her. What she had 91 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: to sit next to me? And I just was talking 92 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: your ear off about my brand new kitten. And I 93 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 1: remember her being like, she just kept leaving. And I 94 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 1: can see that in hindsight. Anyway, that's my day on 95 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 1: the plot of the movie is on a writing assignment 96 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,600 Speaker 1: in the quaint town of Mistletoe, a magazine journalist who 97 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,600 Speaker 1: long ago lost her Christmas spirit finds herself enchanted by 98 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:48,479 Speaker 1: an inspirational man who claims to be Santa Claus. Yeah, 99 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: it's a very dark movie that could have more or 100 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 1: less the same plot. I'm her sister, her assistant, so okay, 101 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,159 Speaker 1: that makes sense. Well, okay, let's let's get onto the 102 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: story story. I will be watching the tonight though, Katie 103 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 1: horrified obviously, you know what, It's far enough in the 104 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: past that I can tell you about it and it 105 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: can be a laugh instead of feature. I'm convinced Cody 106 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 1: was in which which is what the extended cut off apocalypse? Now, 107 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he's definitely in that. I mean, Robert, see 108 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 1: how this goes. I've got several bad movies that I've done, 109 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: but you just I'll ease you into it. I'm I'm, I'm, 110 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 1: I'm particularly in the mood for bad Christmas movies. Right 111 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 1: there you go, speaking of bad things. Yes, let's do 112 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: this from the pit. From the pit, and I believe 113 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 1: possible spoilers. This is his first foray into science fiction. Um, 114 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 1: so we're gonna get a little taste of his beliefs. 115 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 1: How many how many? How many pages? How many pages? 116 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 1: Is it? This is uh twenty six pages and the 117 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 1: last one, last one was about was barely twenty Okay, 118 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 1: all right, here we go, let's do it. Let's get 119 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 1: in here from the pit. September nineteen Colon. I am 120 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: now just five days and to wake up from the 121 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 1: end of my term, and I'm still alive. It's lonely work. 122 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: Ever since Phillips was killed. I didn't think i'd ever 123 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: say this, but I miss him. I don't really care 124 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 1: for this character. Right. We're a sentence in whatever I 125 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: spent to day traversing the caverns very few crobes? Ye? 126 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: Wait a second, is that a sci fi turn like 127 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: a crobe? Is he referring to microbes? Is that what 128 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 1: he's Probably that's probably the lingo of of uh, this environment, 129 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: you know, you know, like how sci fi words are 130 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: bad sci fi think? Yeah, yeah, that's that's two sentences in. 131 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: And I can already tell you this is copy paste 132 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: in tax and approach as the last one. But instead 133 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 1: of doing folksy things like darn tooton or whatever the 134 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 1: ship he threw in the last one, he's gonna throw 135 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:17,360 Speaker 1: in weird, really bad sci fi terms. Okay, that's my prediction. Okay, um, 136 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 1: And then you know, like sci fi like you like, yeah, 137 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,080 Speaker 1: it's too early. There's gonna be some words where we're like, oh, 138 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: what's that and then we find out and it all 139 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: sort of comes together. So no judgment yet, I mean 140 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: lots of judgment, but there is tremendous judgment. Okay, unlimited judgment. 141 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 1: I spent today traversing the caverns. Very few crobes. We've 142 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 1: we've done a masterful job of taking them out. It's 143 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,680 Speaker 1: been weeks since the last wave of MIT's got Phillips. 144 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 1: I still remember the wave, Like giant, malevolent spiders. They're 145 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: scaly tentacles, reaching, squirming, their stench overpowering. Okay, Phillips firing 146 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 1: his laser, but it's power source draw Philips stumbling backwards, 147 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: Me firing, thinking of amy, And then the mite was 148 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: on him, sucking him dry, stripping the skin from his 149 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 1: muscles with its massive pincers. Philips screaming. That was one sentence. Um, okay, 150 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:20,559 Speaker 1: new paragraph, but thinking about it makes me sick. New paragraph. 151 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: I never thought the territory could be so vast. Before 152 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: the downsizing, the territory was no bigger than a large room. Now, 153 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: of course, it seems vast. Miles upon miles of endless caverns, 154 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 1: followed by the drop off colon a cliff that feels 155 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: hundreds of feet high, plunging down into a soft forest 156 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 1: of polyester. So it's vast. Apparently it's nearly seven o'clock. 157 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: The light still burns above, but the climate is temperate. 158 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,839 Speaker 1: That's the good news about being an anti. At least 159 00:10:53,960 --> 00:11:00,440 Speaker 1: capital an anti and anti like I am an anti, 160 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:08,319 Speaker 1: I'm an capital a NT I yeah, okay, uh. At 161 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: least the climate is always good Anti, but you kind 162 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 1: of anti. Sounds like Anti, Katie. I'm sorry, I'll do Anti. 163 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 1: I'll do Anti. That's the good news about being an anti. 164 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: See how it sounds like an ant's eye. Okay, does 165 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:28,560 Speaker 1: go back to your um? Okay, that's that's the good 166 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 1: news about being an anti. At least the climate is 167 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,319 Speaker 1: always good. The power of indoor climate control. The whale 168 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: capital w The whale is rumbling above. His thunderous voice 169 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 1: is overpowering. Does he ever shut up? He's working on 170 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,640 Speaker 1: a transnational trade again, something to do with steel and 171 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,079 Speaker 1: carbon manufacture. A stock trader could make a fortune by 172 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: listening to him. But I'm just a simple guy. I 173 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:59,520 Speaker 1: just want to get home to Amy. Two years. That 174 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: was the length of that damnable contract. I though the 175 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 1: money would be enough. I just ben sh up your 176 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 1: own women. All of them are idealized women put on 177 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 1: a pedestal or some like. Was always about the guy, 178 00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 1: the rugger, rugged guy that wants to get home to 179 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 1: the woman or the woman that's on his mind, you 180 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: know what I mean, the obsession with a woman. But 181 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 1: they're never like either, like okay in true allegiance, never 182 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: in the same room, you know, they're just like, they're 183 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 1: not characters, they're a prop. They're a woman. He doesn't 184 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,559 Speaker 1: want to be around them, he doesn't want to develop 185 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: them in any capacity. And of course, in the last book, 186 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: whatever that funk that was, any who had to point 187 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: that out. Amy is her name. Amy is back home 188 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: and I want to get to her, which is why 189 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 1: I signed a contract for two years. Um. I actually 190 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:55,119 Speaker 1: have to read this sentence again because my brain inserted 191 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:59,839 Speaker 1: words that were not there, because it's even worse than 192 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:05,559 Speaker 1: originally thought. Um so okay, two years that was the 193 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: length of that damnable contract. I though the money would enough, indeed, 194 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 1: been I though the money would be enough to would 195 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: enough so easy to put the in. It's like like 196 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 1: you're instinctively just like, yeah, no, obviously the word be is. 197 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: I though the money would enough been writing is like jazz, though, 198 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 1: you know, it's as much about the words that he 199 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:38,920 Speaker 1: doesn't to say I thought the money would be enough. Yeah, 200 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: he absolutely meant I thought the money would be I 201 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 1: thought the money would be He didn't read it a 202 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 1: second time, and so now it says I though the 203 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 1: money would enough. What is Are you sure it's not 204 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 1: supposed to be? I comma, though the money would be enough. 205 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: I I'm still putting the be in. Well, yeah, exactly. Yeah. 206 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 1: You you always try to make it vaguely competent, even 207 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,680 Speaker 1: in your just yeah. No, Like it's just like my 208 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 1: brain is like, obviously, this is what he meant. Um. Also, like, 209 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: that's not even like the finished sentence, because there's a dash. Yeah, 210 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: what what else we got going on in that sentence? 211 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 1: It starts off with a banger, um, I though the 212 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: money would enough. Dash A guaranteed pension for life and 213 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,200 Speaker 1: endless income, A nice house above the bay with the 214 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: wind blowing off the sea, amy in my arms, A 215 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: lot of commas there. Wow, that's not a sentence. That's 216 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 1: not that's for sure, not a sentence, like even even 217 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 1: if the first part was written correctly, that is not. Yeah, 218 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: that's not there's that is not even particularly close to 219 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 1: a sentence. I mean, oftentimes it sounds like he's riding 220 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: and he's really high or something, you know, and like 221 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: not going back and looking at all, like missing much 222 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,320 Speaker 1: like I was not paying attention when I read the 223 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 1: sentence more correctly. Maybe bends one of those writers who 224 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: thinks that in order to be great, you have to 225 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: write while drunk. And so he had a single thimble 226 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 1: of wine. Right, all right, okay, okay, um, all right, 227 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 1: where the fuck am I? This? Uh Amy in my arms? 228 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 1: She warned me against this. She was right, I was wrong. 229 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 1: But now it's nearly over. The reversal process begins in 230 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 1: two days. It took them three days to get me 231 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 1: down to this size. Sem, It'll take three days the 232 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 1: other way too. Okay, they say it hurts, but at 233 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 1: this point I wouldn't care if they had to skin 234 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,240 Speaker 1: me to get me home. The lights winked off. Now 235 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: another day over, I'll pitch the halo and get some 236 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 1: shut eye, like trying like he's just gonna tent ship. 237 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: It's like a shelter. Yeah, okay, yeah stuff halo. Um 238 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: Also the lights winked off. Um, I guess but like 239 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:24,320 Speaker 1: it's fine, just like it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Traditionally, 240 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: a wink is just like goes open. I'll buy it. 241 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 1: Look it works, it's fine, it works well enough, well enough. 242 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 1: September twenty four days and to wake up. I hate 243 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: hunting in the dark, but that's what I'll have to 244 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: do today. It's Saturday, so there will be no light, 245 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 1: just the hurricane sound of the cleaning woman's vacuum. And 246 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: the mites are back. I could see a wave of 247 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 1: mites today from save them. I could see a wave 248 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 1: of mites today from inside my halo to them, I 249 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: just looked like another crobe. I think you're coming from 250 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: the ashtray. They've all loved the ashtray for an obsessive, 251 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:06,720 Speaker 1: compulsive clean freak, the ultimate clean freak. The whales addiction 252 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: to cigarettes is a weird one, But then again, he 253 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,120 Speaker 1: can afford the lung cleansing day after day, the wooshing 254 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:17,440 Speaker 1: that lifts the ash from his lungs. Okay, so lung 255 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: cleansing in this world, all right on? Um? Yeah, okay, yeah, 256 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,600 Speaker 1: you like you put like a suction cup or something 257 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: over He's literally like sucking the ash out of his 258 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,560 Speaker 1: lungs because that's how big thick cigarettes hurt you too 259 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:40,199 Speaker 1: much ash in your lungs. That's right, that's what do 260 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,080 Speaker 1: he thinks happen. He thinks that he thinks the cigarettes 261 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 1: are bad because you fill your lungs up with ashes. 262 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: Oh that's not where the ashes go. Okay, all right. Also, 263 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,199 Speaker 1: this is I mean, this is the guy who like 264 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: performatively like has his little cigar buddies and their leather 265 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 1: chairs like right, like like I bet my co workers 266 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 1: putting ash in their lung afterwards. Been just sucks the 267 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: hooks the vacuum cleaner up to his throat and lives 268 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: confident in the knowledge that he's cured cancer. Like he 269 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:21,199 Speaker 1: can say tar like there's like it's just like basic 270 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:25,119 Speaker 1: like like third or to be honest, it's a future thing. 271 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,280 Speaker 1: Just say he was able to afford you know, the 272 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 1: anti cancer treatments or whatever. Like we don't need an explanation, 273 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 1: like that's not what the story is about. I'll buy 274 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,760 Speaker 1: that in the future, rich people can just take a 275 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: pill to not get cancer. Like fine, you don't need 276 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: to go into detail. Uh, well, good thing he doesn't. 277 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 1: Well look well, no, but the thing is just enough 278 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 1: to detail to derail the story because it makes no sense. 279 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,879 Speaker 1: But like in general, it's easier to get away with 280 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,199 Speaker 1: that stupid bullshit in this sci fi format of her 281 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 1: because you you know, you're like, maybe they'll explain what 282 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,159 Speaker 1: that is later. He's not going to Everything that's a 283 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,199 Speaker 1: question mark isn't going to be addressed. It's all going 284 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,199 Speaker 1: to be a confusing mess. Ultimately, there's no answers to 285 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 1: this story right there, Like things of like forgivable things 286 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 1: and like there's more. There's a a broader landscape in 287 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,200 Speaker 1: a sci fi world to do that kind of thing. 288 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,760 Speaker 1: But he won't, but like it won't help him. Yeah, 289 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: it's often, in fact great in sci fi to mention 290 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: things that you don't necessarily explain, just to let them 291 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 1: know you're there. It makes the world feel deeper. But Ben, Ben, 292 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 1: I'm going to guess Ben fails to explain the things 293 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: that we actually need explained, and that's what I mean, 294 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: add unnecessary explanations for things he could have just breezed over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 295 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 1: prediction for Ben Shapiro, sci fi writer. Okay, I I 296 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: support that prediction anyway. The wooshing lifts the ash from 297 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 1: his lungs. I pop on my night vision goggles and 298 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 1: put on my boots. Then I step outside the halo, 299 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: which automatically deflates to fit in my gear bag. The 300 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: last mite turns around a nearby corner. I follow. When 301 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: I get to the ash tray, the final ashes are 302 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 1: still smoldering from his cigarette. It looks like a gigantic 303 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,760 Speaker 1: white tower at an ankle. I've seen pictures of the 304 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 1: leaning Tower of pizza. It's like that, but with the 305 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 1: bottom end broken and trailing into black dust. A few 306 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 1: sparks dance near the base. I mean, and again another 307 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 1: unnecessary thing. We don't need you to say. You've seen 308 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:34,160 Speaker 1: pictures of the leading town. Describe the leaning tower, right, 309 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,160 Speaker 1: you can evoke the Leading Tower of pieces without being 310 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,160 Speaker 1: like I've seen pictures and I boy, let me tell 311 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: you it's kind of like that, except this way. You 312 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 1: know what this thing's purposes. It's an ash tray, it's 313 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: an it's just a cigarette. He's talking about aigarette, aigrette. Yeah, 314 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: them though. I think I think he's hunting the mite 315 00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:04,719 Speaker 1: for food, probably right, Yeah, to hide from the crobes. Yeah. Uh. 316 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 1: The mites are all over the cigarette, all over it. 317 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,879 Speaker 1: To might seat cigarettes. I'm gonna I'm gonna look this up, 318 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 1: will you please? You know what? You know what? You 319 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 1: know what? We actually have to take a quick break. 320 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 1: My sponsors, I know doesn't eat cigarettes for sure? Is 321 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:44,120 Speaker 1: our sponsors? Are you sure though? Wellgether everything. We're back. 322 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,879 Speaker 1: This is funny. I knew aspects of this because of 323 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,520 Speaker 1: the book that I wrote that talks heavily about nicotine, 324 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:53,880 Speaker 1: but uh so tobacco. If you're like, if you want 325 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,639 Speaker 1: something that will keep insects off of you, you can 326 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 1: actually like rub like wild like tobacco on you like 327 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 1: the oils on it, keep up insects and stuff. And 328 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: I found an article talking about how it might be 329 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 1: birds and cities may seek out cigarette buds because it 330 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 1: keeps mites off of them. Um so there seems like 331 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,440 Speaker 1: they're repelled from cigarettes. Again, every single thing been could 332 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 1: be wrong about he gets wrong. Just look it up, like, 333 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 1: do do insects like? Do mites like tobacco? Something like that? 334 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,879 Speaker 1: Like a second? A second of work, that's all I 335 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 1: put in a funny detail that a second and I 336 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:37,359 Speaker 1: found out that cigarettes keep mites away. This fact about 337 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 1: mites is art. Yeah, Oh god, are incredible yeah, I 338 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: mean there are there are like insects that eat tobacco. 339 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 1: Please don't get me wrong, but they seem to be 340 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:55,119 Speaker 1: specific things that live in where tobacco is grown. Uh, 341 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:59,080 Speaker 1: they're like a type of flea flea beetles, a doult 342 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:03,240 Speaker 1: flea beetles. That's what seems to eat tobacco. Well, this 343 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: passage doesn't say that adult flea beetles are beetles in 344 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:11,440 Speaker 1: this billionaire's house. Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna do 345 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 1: do a quick word search for adult flea beetles. Nope. 346 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: Um put in the typing sound after mites or something, 347 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,879 Speaker 1: which is probably different from the type of mites that 348 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: those birds eat tobacco to keep away. But again, I 349 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 1: don't think might seat tobacco. Doesn't matter, it's still funny, funny, 350 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 1: the point being. The mites are all over the cigarette, 351 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,919 Speaker 1: all over it. They cover the top of the cigarette, 352 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,879 Speaker 1: swarm it, clawing at the chunks of the whale saliva. 353 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,120 Speaker 1: Best to get them now before they disperse and hide 354 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,359 Speaker 1: in the crevices of the desk. They're spit mites, m 355 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,920 Speaker 1: and so I climb. When you're at full size, a 356 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:53,199 Speaker 1: cigarette looks like a smooth precisely calibrated cylinder. Only when 357 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,440 Speaker 1: you're climbing one do you realize that it's full of 358 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 1: footholds and hand holds. The mites are above me, but 359 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,640 Speaker 1: they haven't sensed me yet. I take out my hook 360 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 1: from my belt and tear it into the cigarette wall 361 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 1: with a satisfying thunk. Then I lash it through my 362 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:12,359 Speaker 1: belt and leaned back. The mites are silhouetted against the 363 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: foam board ceiling. I have a clear shot. I take 364 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 1: the first mite out with a single laser beam. Watch 365 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: it plummet down the cigarette and smash into the table below, 366 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 1: split in two. Before I have a chance to silently celebrate, though, 367 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,359 Speaker 1: the other mites dash, God, there have to be at 368 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: least two hundred of them, dash, turn and face me. 369 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:39,000 Speaker 1: This is the moment where they're stunned. Moment when they're stunned. 370 00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:42,360 Speaker 1: This is the moment where they're stunned before they realize 371 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,400 Speaker 1: what's happening. This is the moment for the laser grenade. 372 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,919 Speaker 1: I've done it a thousand times already, so many times 373 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,440 Speaker 1: that it's a matter of course, that's not how how you, 374 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,159 Speaker 1: that's not that's not right, that's not the right words. 375 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,119 Speaker 1: A matter of reflex that do it by reflex, Like 376 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 1: I don't even like but it's not a matter of 377 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: You would never describe automatically doing something as a matter 378 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,439 Speaker 1: of course like that, Like, it's just not the right 379 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: way to say force of habit, force of habit. Um. Yeah, 380 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 1: that's just not that's not how a human being uses 381 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: But as a matter of course, the laser grenade, because 382 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 1: I've done it so many times, but I haven't done 383 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,399 Speaker 1: it while hanging from a cigarette and in the dark alone. Um, 384 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,119 Speaker 1: I don't think it being dark is relevant because you 385 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,240 Speaker 1: specifically said that you put on night vision goggles. But whatever, 386 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 1: I reached behind me into my gear bag searching for 387 00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:42,639 Speaker 1: the grenade. Damn it. I should have thought of this 388 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,400 Speaker 1: before firing on the herd. They're climbing down toward me now. 389 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 1: They're great bulky frames, picking up momentum as they plunge 390 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,680 Speaker 1: their claws into the body of the cigarette. What I 391 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,720 Speaker 1: can find the kind of mites that are likely to 392 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 1: be in a house feed on like skin flakes and stuff, 393 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 1: not saliva. But not Okay, Yeah again, everything he's and 394 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:07,960 Speaker 1: anytime he is specific about something, it's it's inevitably wrong. 395 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: It's inevitably wrong if he if he goes out of 396 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 1: his way to be specific, chances is incorrect. M Um. 397 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,720 Speaker 1: But you know they're they're covered in the crusted saliva 398 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 1: of the whale, and their smell is overpowering. I wretch 399 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 1: grasped deeper into my gear bag. My hand closes around 400 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,720 Speaker 1: the grenade, but now the herd is closing, closing in. 401 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 1: I can see the black maw of the lead might, 402 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,800 Speaker 1: of the lead might. Sorry, my apologies, that's my mistake. 403 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 1: I can see the black maw of the lead might 404 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,159 Speaker 1: opening as he chunks his way down the cigarette. I 405 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,720 Speaker 1: closed my eyes and scream and fling it upward. Yeah that, 406 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: as a matter of course, I close my eyes and 407 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:56,560 Speaker 1: scream and throw. I thought, you've done it. That's how 408 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,919 Speaker 1: he trained himself to throw a grenade with his eyes closed, 409 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:08,679 Speaker 1: his eyes closed. That's what the handbook says, close your 410 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 1: eyes and scream. It's not a good throw. Yeah, no, 411 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 1: ship man. It seems to flutter in the air before 412 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: gravity takes hold of it. It reaches the top of 413 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: the parabola, and it suddenly occurs to me that this 414 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,879 Speaker 1: damn thing could go off as it passes me on 415 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,920 Speaker 1: the way down. Of course, by that time I'll be 416 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: might food. But then the mit reaches down with its 417 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,000 Speaker 1: pincers and gobbles it up. I count to four. It's 418 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,679 Speaker 1: already been a second, and the mite explodes outward, blowing 419 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 1: a dozen of its repulsive brethren off the cigarette into 420 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 1: the chasms below the way. Okay, sure, all right, yeah 421 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 1: you're it's not but whatever? Uh they left the track 422 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,040 Speaker 1: at this point, where like, why waste time like it? 423 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:01,439 Speaker 1: Since whatever? It's fine? The way from the how does 424 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 1: he describe the mites biting him? What is it that 425 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: they have? It? Is it pincers? Okay, you know that's 426 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: fair enough. It would be fair to describe it as pincers. 427 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:17,040 Speaker 1: I think it's a little fright. But I can't wait 428 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:18,600 Speaker 1: to see that word over and over and over again 429 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 1: because he got it right. Um, the way from the 430 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,800 Speaker 1: explosion almost blows me off the cigarette, but the belt 431 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 1: holds me tight. But the second wave, but the second 432 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,360 Speaker 1: wave of mites is still coming down for me. They're 433 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:36,040 Speaker 1: creeping more slowly, more warily. That's not good for me. 434 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 1: My only chance is that they panic. I can never 435 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 1: make it down the cigarette in time to escape them. Sleep. Okay, 436 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 1: so this is like a regular thing he does. He 437 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,080 Speaker 1: like waits for the mites to gather around the cigarette. 438 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,440 Speaker 1: And because mites left cigarettes so much as a matter 439 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:58,080 Speaker 1: of course, they're not panicking, though they're getting smart. Their 440 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,880 Speaker 1: beady eyes scope me out as they tiptoe almost daintily 441 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,840 Speaker 1: down the cylindrical tower. I fire a couple of times 442 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 1: to pick two of them off. It's hard to miss 443 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 1: at this distance, but my heart is pounding and my 444 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:16,840 Speaker 1: throat is dry. New paragraph, shattering light, new paragraph again. 445 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 1: It's a Saturday. What the hell is going on here? 446 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: That's right here, I see what the hell is going 447 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 1: on here. Somebody turned on the light, and it's as 448 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: bright as the brightest day. Excellent, pros. It's as bright 449 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: as day would be the brightest brightest day, right, like 450 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,440 Speaker 1: as it is daytime. Yeah, but no, it is actually 451 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,560 Speaker 1: as bright as the brightest day. You got your vision 452 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 1: goggles on, unless you forgot that you put those on, 453 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:48,440 Speaker 1: in which case, all right, thank God for that. The 454 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 1: mites hate the light, and they're scurrying down the cigarette 455 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,160 Speaker 1: but trying like hell to get to the darkness of 456 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:59,400 Speaker 1: the desk grooves. They completely ignore me, rush around me. 457 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:04,400 Speaker 1: I shout in glee. I'm saved. That's not in quotes. 458 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:08,680 Speaker 1: That's the thing, he says. I I shout in glee, 459 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 1: I'm saved exclamation point. Yeah. Yeah. He sees he's just 460 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,240 Speaker 1: happy that he's saved, and his shout he shouts in glee, 461 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 1: and then he tells us I'm saved exclamation yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 462 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:22,880 Speaker 1: that's that's writing. Okay, okay, yes, I agreed. I agree. 463 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,160 Speaker 1: Somebody did write that down and and we can read it. 464 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 1: Then I hear it the voice of the whale again. 465 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 1: This is the whale is always in all caps or 466 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 1: not all caps, but capitalized. Sure, fine, whatever, yea. I'm 467 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,920 Speaker 1: just like, I'm just letting you know the y you know, 468 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,920 Speaker 1: it's not I'm not no judgment. I'm just saying that's 469 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 1: I sure hope we at least learn what the whale is. 470 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, no, no. Ben does not give details 471 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:51,440 Speaker 1: unless those details are necessary and incorrect. He's a guy 472 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,280 Speaker 1: who feeds the mites his saliva um. Then I hear 473 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,120 Speaker 1: the voice of the whale grumbling from above, something about 474 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 1: an emergency in Tokyo. The earth starts shaking beneath me 475 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 1: as the whale searches for his cigarettes, cursing he always 476 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,480 Speaker 1: needs his cigarettes when he's under stress, and this one 477 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:14,320 Speaker 1: must be a doozy. Bang. He's open to the top 478 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 1: drawer of his desk and slammed it shut, turning the 479 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 1: air blue with invective. Okay, okay, boom. The entire desk 480 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 1: shutters with the weight of his massive, meaty fist. Oh 481 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,320 Speaker 1: through line. Maybe it's the guard from the other story. 482 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,880 Speaker 1: This is a motif, the motif of the meaty fist. 483 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,160 Speaker 1: I can see it from a top to cigarette and 484 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: it looks like an avalanche of human flesh punctuated by 485 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:49,400 Speaker 1: thick black hairs on his knuckles. Treat trunk thick, damn it. 486 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: I mean, if you're small enough that mites are big, 487 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:56,200 Speaker 1: his fingers would be more like canyon walls. Then yeah, yeah, 488 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,440 Speaker 1: I feel like the cigarette. Feel like the cigarette is 489 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:02,080 Speaker 1: the entire buildings, or like he said, like it was 490 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,320 Speaker 1: like the leaning tower of Pizza was with a cigarette, 491 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,600 Speaker 1: so like its fucking hands would be. Like perspectives are 492 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:09,960 Speaker 1: all over the place here. Yeah again, Ben doesn't there's 493 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:16,560 Speaker 1: nothing consistent about here, yeah, he says. Then I look up. 494 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,480 Speaker 1: His broad, fat face stares down at me. He can't 495 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,920 Speaker 1: see me of course I'm too small to be seen 496 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,360 Speaker 1: by the naked eye, but I can see him. It's 497 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:31,000 Speaker 1: like the moon rising massive during harvest season, Massive and 498 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,080 Speaker 1: puffed and bloated and sweaty. Didn't need to say massive 499 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:40,160 Speaker 1: so close together twice? Oh boy, not to do that, 500 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:46,280 Speaker 1: um God like losing all right. An enormous droplet of 501 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:50,600 Speaker 1: sweat forms on his eyebrow lingers. He said massive twice 502 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,360 Speaker 1: because he knew he was going to use enormous a 503 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,680 Speaker 1: moment later. Uh. An enormous droplet of sweat forms on 504 00:32:56,760 --> 00:33:00,160 Speaker 1: his eyebrow lingers for a moment, then falls down like 505 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 1: a bomb towards the desk. It detonates, washing three or 506 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,920 Speaker 1: four mites away with it. Why is he looking at me? 507 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 1: Then I realized what he's looking at, and it isn't me. 508 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:15,120 Speaker 1: Oh God. I struggle frantically to unbelt myself from the cigarette. 509 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 1: The belts too tight, though, and I can't work myself 510 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:23,480 Speaker 1: free of it. And before we find out what it 511 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:28,760 Speaker 1: is that this whale sees, before we find out what 512 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:34,440 Speaker 1: our main character is so worried about, we must go 513 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 1: too and ad break Cody. You put more work into 514 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: that transition than Ben did into this entire book of 515 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,880 Speaker 1: short stories. Well, you know, I care about my craft, 516 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:51,440 Speaker 1: unlike somebody I could think of. Okay, it's me, and yes, 517 00:33:51,760 --> 00:34:04,240 Speaker 1: that's true. I was staring directly at you together everything, 518 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:12,319 Speaker 1: and we're back from that break to hear more from Ben. Um. 519 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:18,440 Speaker 1: I keep thinking that this is so good, so uncreative. 520 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:22,759 Speaker 1: I mean it's not. Oh yeah, the exploits of someone 521 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,279 Speaker 1: really small. We got that with Honey. I shrunk the 522 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 1: kids and man, you know what I mean? All right? 523 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 1: And again Ben mistakes the point of science fiction entirely, 524 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,760 Speaker 1: because if you're the thing the germ of an idea 525 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:41,120 Speaker 1: that could someone competent could do, is this idea might 526 00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,200 Speaker 1: have an idea trobe of an idea? Yeah? Is these 527 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,920 Speaker 1: people shrinking themselves in order to like deal with the 528 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:53,279 Speaker 1: whims of a lunatic billionaire. Um, And that is like 529 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,960 Speaker 1: not a at And then it's a terrible action scene 530 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,560 Speaker 1: and there's no actual analysis of like the world that 531 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,320 Speaker 1: would make this necessarily. This feels like an anti capitalist story. 532 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:09,120 Speaker 1: I think it will be. Yeah, but that makes any 533 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,440 Speaker 1: kind of sense because again the bad guys are the 534 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: might it kind of I don't know. Well, I guess 535 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,840 Speaker 1: we'll see where it's going we'll see. I feel like 536 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 1: they're like, there's definitely a really bad point poorly veiled 537 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:26,799 Speaker 1: that we will arrive at eventually. Great, but we don't 538 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,120 Speaker 1: know anything about the whale, right or did I miss that? 539 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 1: There's some sort of businessman. Yeah, like literally nothing more 540 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,480 Speaker 1: than businessman. Like he's on the phone yelling about steal 541 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:42,160 Speaker 1: or something. Yeah, smoker. Uh, he does deals, right, he 542 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:48,799 Speaker 1: does deals. Yeah. It doesn't understand capitalism any better than 543 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,080 Speaker 1: he understands socialism. M yeah, it's good that he doesn't 544 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 1: understand much. It's it is good that he doesn't understand 545 00:35:54,800 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 1: either of those things. Okay, continue, When last we left 546 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,239 Speaker 1: our heroes, Um, yeah, something bad is going on and 547 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:08,920 Speaker 1: the guys like the whale season but not anyway. And 548 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:13,680 Speaker 1: then I'm hanging by my belt horizontal parallel with the earth, 549 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:18,759 Speaker 1: and I'm rising, falling backwards, sliding down the cigarette, the 550 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:22,800 Speaker 1: hook tearing tobacco out of the cigarette as I cigarette twice, 551 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,719 Speaker 1: the hook tearing tobacco out of the cigarette as just 552 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 1: say it all right, sorry, the hook tearing down tobacco 553 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,359 Speaker 1: out of the cigarette as I slide toward his fat, 554 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:37,440 Speaker 1: blubbery lips. Specs of spit oozing from his gaping mouth. Um, 555 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,719 Speaker 1: we don't need to harp on it. But like if 556 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 1: it if something is having the tobacco torn out of it, 557 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,759 Speaker 1: I have to assume it's the cigarette. So you don't 558 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 1: need to say it twice, doesn't matter. Moving on, I 559 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:52,840 Speaker 1: try to stop myself grabbing at the serpent. That's my mistake. 560 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,480 Speaker 1: I tried to stop myself grabbing at the surface of 561 00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:00,160 Speaker 1: the cigarette, but the mites have left it slick thick 562 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:04,880 Speaker 1: with their ooze mixed with the whale's spittle. The surface 563 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,920 Speaker 1: of the cigarette is getting hot. Now I look behind me, 564 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:12,439 Speaker 1: and the damn thing is on fire, much like Tommy's house. 565 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:16,360 Speaker 1: The blasted whale has gone and ReLit. The butt hot 566 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:19,920 Speaker 1: ash begins sweeping beneath me under the paper as the 567 00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,839 Speaker 1: whale breathes in, scorching my legs. But before I can 568 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,320 Speaker 1: worry about it, the whale takes an enormous puff. The 569 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:33,160 Speaker 1: sucking is like an unstoppable hurricane, drawing me toward its eye. Down, 570 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:37,200 Speaker 1: down I go, until I plunge into his open mouth. 571 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:43,680 Speaker 1: It's the movement from fire into water. Weird sounds. It's 572 00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:50,160 Speaker 1: the movement from fire to water. It goes all right, Sorry, 573 00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,839 Speaker 1: it broke my brain. Yeah, I don't know what he's 574 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,960 Speaker 1: trying to do with that, unless it's a reference to 575 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:59,879 Speaker 1: the great Bloodhound Gang song fire water burn. I prom 576 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:05,760 Speaker 1: to see it as not well, don't I go until 577 00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,759 Speaker 1: I plunge into his open mouth. It's the movement from 578 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,200 Speaker 1: fire into water. I wretch again as I'm immersed in 579 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:16,280 Speaker 1: waves of his saliva, stinking of yesterday's food, a toxic 580 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 1: mix of bile and phlegm. I try to swim towards 581 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,879 Speaker 1: the surface of his mouth, but it's too far. I'll 582 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,920 Speaker 1: never make it, not with the rocket pack before he 583 00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:29,480 Speaker 1: shuts that blubbery hole forever, locking me in his body, 584 00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:35,440 Speaker 1: swirling me down his throat and into his intestines. Then, Also, 585 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,680 Speaker 1: it seems weird that like a freak who's like obsessive 586 00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 1: about cleanliness would just let human like tiny humans wander 587 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,920 Speaker 1: around his his his home. That's a good point that 588 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,359 Speaker 1: he would be like less concerned about that than Mike 589 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,200 Speaker 1: was that. The point is he supposed to be killing 590 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:54,759 Speaker 1: all the mites. Yeah, but it's this guy's there. Yeah, 591 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,160 Speaker 1: I would agree. It doesn't this guy have his own 592 00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:03,359 Speaker 1: tiny mites, you know? Yeah, Also, like he's a neat freak, 593 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,520 Speaker 1: but like also like his saliva stinking of yesterday's food, 594 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:12,080 Speaker 1: fucking teeth. Man, Like what Ben, Ben can't even make 595 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:16,000 Speaker 1: this character who's not a character consistent. Like it's like 596 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,359 Speaker 1: you said like three things about him, yeah, and none 597 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,040 Speaker 1: of them back to that. Yeah, it's great that all 598 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,319 Speaker 1: of the things that every new fact we learned about 599 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,960 Speaker 1: this character could can like conflicts with the other things 600 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,400 Speaker 1: he told us about him. This disgusting slab of a 601 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:37,680 Speaker 1: neat freak. What this filthy, gross person who has hired 602 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,799 Speaker 1: tiny people to clean his house at the atomic level 603 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,560 Speaker 1: because he loves being neat so much. Well, so, I 604 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,439 Speaker 1: don't think the whale knows about this guy. I don't 605 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,399 Speaker 1: think he knows about the tiny people, right, I think 606 00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:51,960 Speaker 1: I think the thing he has to think. I think 607 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,799 Speaker 1: he's working well. I think the tiny guys spying on him. 608 00:39:56,640 --> 00:40:00,320 Speaker 1: I think. But he says he doesn't understand it. He's 609 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:03,440 Speaker 1: a it's a two year contract. Like he just vaguely 610 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,040 Speaker 1: says that anyone listening in could make money off of 611 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,879 Speaker 1: it if they knew about the stock market. But he's 612 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:13,600 Speaker 1: not taking that down right. It sounds like his job 613 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,520 Speaker 1: is to kill dust mites. I will, well, so I will. 614 00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:20,960 Speaker 1: I'm gonna pose it that he could have. He should 615 00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:25,400 Speaker 1: have just added a line like you know, if anyone listening, uh, 616 00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,480 Speaker 1: you know, they can make a fortune, which is why 617 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,400 Speaker 1: I'm here, Like, I think that might be why he 618 00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,080 Speaker 1: just didn't. Isn't explaining it? Well, it's very hard to 619 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:37,120 Speaker 1: predict what's going on, because why was he working with 620 00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:41,640 Speaker 1: the team, Like it's a two year contract. Uh, it 621 00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:46,359 Speaker 1: just sounds like he's an exterminator. He's stuff. But then 622 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,520 Speaker 1: there's the maid who comes in to vacuum the mites away, 623 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,279 Speaker 1: right right yep? So like why does he need a 624 00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,080 Speaker 1: tiny guy to get rid of the mites? If he 625 00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 1: the tiny guy to get rid of the mites? Is 626 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:01,960 Speaker 1: the I had to fing you and ask in a story? 627 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:09,279 Speaker 1: Been Shapiro rude about using ten Yeah, we'll see if 628 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:13,440 Speaker 1: it's if it clears, it's so bad it I believe 629 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:17,880 Speaker 1: he's an exterminator. Okay, you're putting that out there, all right, 630 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,880 Speaker 1: That's that's how it seems to be going on to me. 631 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,800 Speaker 1: I believe the story is bad. I believe that I 632 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,759 Speaker 1: think it might be corporate espionage. I think, yeah, it 633 00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,600 Speaker 1: seems like he would have said something at all about it, 634 00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,320 Speaker 1: other than like if anyone here knew what there was 635 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,960 Speaker 1: being said, they would they could make money off of it. 636 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:43,840 Speaker 1: You think, you think, because there's nothing about him transmitting 637 00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:47,960 Speaker 1: data to anything, there's nothing about him recording anything. He 638 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,200 Speaker 1: doesn't seem to understand. Just he's just fighting these mites. 639 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,920 Speaker 1: He's just fighting mites. I think that's his gig. Presumably 640 00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,919 Speaker 1: we'll find out more information. Yeah, let's hope, but maybe 641 00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:05,440 Speaker 1: not because the story is bad. Okay, but so like 642 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:09,920 Speaker 1: he's getting he's getting sucked into this guy's mouth, right, 643 00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,520 Speaker 1: I know what, I know what I said. Uh, then 644 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,560 Speaker 1: then I remember the halo. I rip it out of 645 00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:21,080 Speaker 1: my gearback. See that's called that's like that was good storytelling, 646 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,560 Speaker 1: right he introduced halo early on, and now here we are, 647 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:25,960 Speaker 1: I rip it out of my gear bag and hit 648 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,920 Speaker 1: the button. It automatically inflates. Just say it inflates. Like 649 00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:33,280 Speaker 1: it doesn't automatically inflates, then you wouldn't hit the button 650 00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:39,640 Speaker 1: if there's a button. If not, all right, it automatically inflates. 651 00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:43,080 Speaker 1: After I hit the button, I scramble like if you okay, 652 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,360 Speaker 1: I'm not no, not spend time on it moving on. 653 00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:50,600 Speaker 1: I scramble in it does it does not deserve any 654 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:54,120 Speaker 1: more thought. I scramble inside the air tight space as 655 00:42:54,200 --> 00:43:03,480 Speaker 1: the halos buffeted on the waves of spit buff puffe. Okay, 656 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,920 Speaker 1: all right, yeah, maybe, okay, maybe I just don't know, 657 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:12,200 Speaker 1: like how the whereas used normally? Okay, Then the whale 658 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:20,560 Speaker 1: swallows the halo dash and I dash go flying backwards 659 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:25,759 Speaker 1: down his throat, past the blimp of his uvula, down 660 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:30,160 Speaker 1: his thorax, into the vast blackness beyond. The air pressure 661 00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:35,680 Speaker 1: changes and I fall into the simul simultan formatting is terrible. 662 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:41,160 Speaker 1: I fall into the simultaneous darkness of unconsciousness. The wow 663 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:47,120 Speaker 1: what wow, that's why I was confused. The air pressure changes, 664 00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:51,759 Speaker 1: and I fall into the simultaneous darkness of unconsciousness. Oh no, 665 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:55,279 Speaker 1: I know what he's saying. He's both falling into the 666 00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:58,760 Speaker 1: darkness of the body as he's passing out. But that's 667 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:02,200 Speaker 1: not Yeah, the darkness of the belly the darkness of 668 00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:08,520 Speaker 1: unconsciousness simultaneously. Yeah, right, idea not a bad idea, like 669 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:14,080 Speaker 1: the crobe of an idea there for this one sentence 670 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,600 Speaker 1: is not bad but poorly executed. Yeah, maybe like I can't. 671 00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,640 Speaker 1: I couldn't afterwards, I wouldn't be able to remit. I 672 00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,600 Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to tell if I had passed out 673 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:24,800 Speaker 1: for before it had gotten darker like what, I don't know. 674 00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:27,200 Speaker 1: Maybe even don't mention that because there's no real way 675 00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:31,720 Speaker 1: to or just like like darkness of h I passed 676 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:36,680 Speaker 1: out on the way down, everything went black? Uh, some 677 00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:40,280 Speaker 1: darkness of the darkness. There's a number of simpler ways 678 00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,840 Speaker 1: to frame it. More time could be spent on it, 679 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:45,640 Speaker 1: and more time than we're willing to spend on it. 680 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:56,560 Speaker 1: So moving on September, predict what this next sentence says, 681 00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:04,719 Speaker 1: Has he spent several days in explicably inside a man? Well, 682 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:10,120 Speaker 1: so the previous section said, September twenty, Yeah, okay, it's 683 00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:15,520 Speaker 1: the next day, September one, colon, I don't know what 684 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:34,439 Speaker 1: day it is. Oh my god, it's funny. That is funny, beautiful, perfect, yeah, 685 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:39,360 Speaker 1: perfect author, September one. I don't know what day it is. 686 00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,640 Speaker 1: I assume it's three days and to wake up. When 687 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,600 Speaker 1: I opened my eyes this morning or is it afternoon, 688 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:50,440 Speaker 1: I couldn't see much. I lit my semicolon, I lit 689 00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:53,880 Speaker 1: my hand lantern and looked around I seemed to be 690 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,200 Speaker 1: in an enormous dark cave. You know where you are? 691 00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:01,279 Speaker 1: What do you like? Yeah? Like you? He knows he 692 00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:06,880 Speaker 1: was swallowed. Also, I'm sorry he was swallowed by the whale. Like, 693 00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:10,560 Speaker 1: come on, man, I know that's what I keep thinking. 694 00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:16,920 Speaker 1: They decided to comb the whale. Kind of embarrassing, But 695 00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:22,040 Speaker 1: it is embarrassing whatever. I seemed to be an enormous cave, 696 00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:25,440 Speaker 1: even though I know that I was swallowed moments ago 697 00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:29,640 Speaker 1: almost a huge, ugly veined dome. It must be the 698 00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:33,560 Speaker 1: whale's stomach. Yeah, no ship. The halo is caught near 699 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,560 Speaker 1: the top of the bean shaped space, which shines with 700 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,360 Speaker 1: a weird pale reflection from the lantern. It's pink and 701 00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:44,160 Speaker 1: slimy and ridged or rigid. I don't know what he 702 00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:48,520 Speaker 1: means except for two anomalies. A red hole filled with 703 00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:53,120 Speaker 1: puss and blood and an odd yellow patch thick pulsating 704 00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:57,719 Speaker 1: like an enormous caterpillar. The halo has an oxygen eight 705 00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:00,640 Speaker 1: or so at least I won't suffocate, and I have 706 00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,920 Speaker 1: nutrition packs to last me a week. Thank god. The 707 00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,440 Speaker 1: halo caught me at the top of the stomach. I 708 00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:10,160 Speaker 1: can't imagine that allowing the whales antibodies to attack me 709 00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:15,480 Speaker 1: and the intestines would be a healthy process. Wait a second, Okay, 710 00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:20,440 Speaker 1: I thought he was Okay, I can't imagine letting the 711 00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:24,680 Speaker 1: whales antibodies attack me would be a healthy process. Well, so, 712 00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:27,239 Speaker 1: first of all, maybe like the stomach acid is what 713 00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:30,359 Speaker 1: you should be worried about. Um, not like the thing 714 00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:34,560 Speaker 1: that happens after that. But whatever, Um, I'm gonna read 715 00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:38,719 Speaker 1: this again because it's poorly written. I can't imagine that 716 00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:42,239 Speaker 1: allowing the whales antibodies to attack me in the it 717 00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,759 Speaker 1: doesn't matter, all right. They're going to need to find 718 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:48,080 Speaker 1: a way to extract me though. The reversal process is 719 00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:51,000 Speaker 1: set to start tonight. And while the whales big, he 720 00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:57,040 Speaker 1: isn't that big? Is big? Whales big? If they don't 721 00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:59,640 Speaker 1: get me out of here, I'll tear right through his 722 00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:03,279 Speaker 1: stum wall, right through his abdomen. I'd better alert them. 723 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:05,600 Speaker 1: I reached into my bag and pick up the beacon. 724 00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,120 Speaker 1: I hit it once. The light flashes bright, illuminating the 725 00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:15,320 Speaker 1: stomach like an enormous palpitating monster. Okay, and then I 726 00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:20,600 Speaker 1: hear Jensen, my former best friend history, the guy I 727 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,880 Speaker 1: went to high school with, more history. Wowee, For the 728 00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,560 Speaker 1: first time since Phillips died, a human voice adjusted for pitch. 729 00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:34,440 Speaker 1: I almost cry camp Is that you over Roger Jensen? 730 00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:38,640 Speaker 1: God man, it's good to hear your voice over. There's 731 00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:42,480 Speaker 1: a pause on the other end. How are you? I'm 732 00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:45,479 Speaker 1: puzzled by this. Can't you see where I'm calling from? 733 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:50,320 Speaker 1: The beacon has a tracker on it. Say say again, Jensen, 734 00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:54,319 Speaker 1: I'm in the whale. Another pause, along, pause, this time 735 00:48:54,520 --> 00:49:02,360 Speaker 1: broken by static. Describe your status, Kemp, I'm in his stomach. Understood. 736 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:05,680 Speaker 1: What do you see his stomach? Jensen? What the hell 737 00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:08,640 Speaker 1: else would I see? I look around again. He has 738 00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,120 Speaker 1: to be getting at something. Then it hits me all 739 00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:15,400 Speaker 1: at once, that yellow mass. It's a tumor. The whale 740 00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:21,160 Speaker 1: is dying. Suddenly, Yeah, that was the worst, laughed everybody 741 00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:31,160 Speaker 1: h conflict, tension, drama. Suddenly, thoughts are whirling through my brain, 742 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:34,600 Speaker 1: almost too fast for me to keep up. I'm probably 743 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:38,440 Speaker 1: the only one outside his doctors who know, outside of 744 00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:41,440 Speaker 1: his doctors who know he runs a billion dollar empire. 745 00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:44,320 Speaker 1: His stock price would drop through the floor if the 746 00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:48,200 Speaker 1: public knew he had months to live. I'm a wealthy man, 747 00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:51,080 Speaker 1: but all I want to do is get home to 748 00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:55,800 Speaker 1: my wife. Jensen, I say, you tell the whale that 749 00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:58,400 Speaker 1: I don't want anything from him. All I want is 750 00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,680 Speaker 1: to go home, get me the hell out of here, 751 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,920 Speaker 1: and I won't say a word about the tumor not 752 00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:07,719 Speaker 1: a word. A firm, Jensen, A firm. The beacon goes dead. 753 00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:12,080 Speaker 1: I haven't prayed since I was a child. I don't 754 00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:15,120 Speaker 1: believe in God. No God would play the cosmic joke 755 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,040 Speaker 1: of letting the whale fall into so much wealth then 756 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:21,560 Speaker 1: curse him with an obsessive, compulsive dislike of dust mites 757 00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,560 Speaker 1: so strong that he'd spent half the wealth developing the 758 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:27,640 Speaker 1: shrinking system and hiring dudes like me. To man, you 759 00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:33,719 Speaker 1: are right, you are right. You hired him to kill them. 760 00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:40,280 Speaker 1: My store him dumbest premise of a science fiction story 761 00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:45,360 Speaker 1: I think I've ever heard. Oh I can't o God. 762 00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:48,880 Speaker 1: I can because here's the thing, Cody. To get on 763 00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:53,120 Speaker 1: Ben's level, you have to imagine what the dumbest thing 764 00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:56,160 Speaker 1: could possibly be, and then try to make it a 765 00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:59,879 Speaker 1: little dumber, and you'll get close to whatever been simple math. 766 00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:03,600 Speaker 1: It's a formula. Are we at a stopping point? Yeah? 767 00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:05,840 Speaker 1: I think I think now that we know what this 768 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:13,280 Speaker 1: story is about. Shouldn't waste any more of your Christmas 769 00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:16,120 Speaker 1: hiding in a closet or a bathroom listening to them again, 770 00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:17,920 Speaker 1: it's kind of a cool there's a cool a germ 771 00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:19,880 Speaker 1: of a cool idea. Here a rich guy who's just 772 00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:22,440 Speaker 1: out of his mind and hiring people to be shrunk 773 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:26,319 Speaker 1: down and like toil in order to clean his his house. 774 00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:29,840 Speaker 1: At the atomic level, you could say some things with that, 775 00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:32,400 Speaker 1: um it. I would say that the way to make 776 00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,479 Speaker 1: it interesting would not be to make it a dude 777 00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,319 Speaker 1: fighting dust fights, because that's boarding as hell. But maybe 778 00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,520 Speaker 1: it's like a chain gang, maybe in like the future, 779 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,960 Speaker 1: prisoners or mortgaged and they found a way to assassinate 780 00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:45,640 Speaker 1: this billionaire who's got them slaving away cleaning the fibers 781 00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:47,880 Speaker 1: of his carpet. I don't know. There's things could be 782 00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,560 Speaker 1: done with this and to say about it if you 783 00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:54,160 Speaker 1: were the kind of person who wrote stories, um interesting. 784 00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:58,680 Speaker 1: Uh you say dudes, um because that's what I said, 785 00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:02,200 Speaker 1: But I'm pretty sure I inserted that. I don't know 786 00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:04,680 Speaker 1: if he intended to say dudes or not. Yeah, he 787 00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:10,040 Speaker 1: says he'd spend so strong dust. My dislike of dust, 788 00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:13,319 Speaker 1: my so strong, but not like his filthy, filthy mouth, 789 00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,840 Speaker 1: apparently so strong that he spent half that wealth developing 790 00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:20,719 Speaker 1: the shrinking system and hiring duds like me to man it, right. 791 00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:25,760 Speaker 1: I think he meant dudes like a bird on himself, 792 00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:29,879 Speaker 1: only doesn't talk about himself like he's a dude, talking 793 00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:33,360 Speaker 1: about himself like he's a superhero able to you know, 794 00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:36,680 Speaker 1: take the it's of course now I can shoot these lasers. 795 00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:40,399 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, it's knowing Ben, 796 00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:47,440 Speaker 1: It's more likely that he misspelled dudes and that and 797 00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:51,880 Speaker 1: that would be a typo, so that this story is 798 00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:55,279 Speaker 1: a dud. It's a dud. It's a close out though 799 00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:59,200 Speaker 1: the last sentence of this paragraph that blew the whole story. 800 00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:06,560 Speaker 1: Why dope, how bet is? It's all too absurd? Ye? Yeah, 801 00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:14,000 Speaker 1: it is very absurd. Okay, well that's gonna do it 802 00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:17,880 Speaker 1: here at worst year ever for before the holiday, So 803 00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:22,839 Speaker 1: enjoy the holiday. Um. And you know, if you need 804 00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:26,160 Speaker 1: some extra cash to buy presents, consider shrinking yourself down 805 00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:34,880 Speaker 1: to the size of a DustMite. Yeah, like, that's so inefficient. 806 00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:39,680 Speaker 1: Hire two guys like he describes hundreds poisons that kill 807 00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:44,960 Speaker 1: mits like it's not Also the woman who vacuums them up. Um. 808 00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:47,880 Speaker 1: The worst way to do it is to have two 809 00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:51,759 Speaker 1: guys with guns shoot them. Yeah. If you're like half 810 00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:55,040 Speaker 1: of your fortune to develop this, spend half your fortune 811 00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:58,360 Speaker 1: on a better idea, like give that money to somebody 812 00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,319 Speaker 1: and be like, well, actually, what if you do this? Yeah, 813 00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:03,520 Speaker 1: Like this guy hates the idea of dust mites, but 814 00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:07,840 Speaker 1: he's fine with tiny people shooting things in his carpet. Like, again, 815 00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:11,640 Speaker 1: you're not considering the mites that those tiny people are carrying. Yeah, 816 00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:14,880 Speaker 1: they're also going to be covered in they're they're being shrunk. 817 00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:19,759 Speaker 1: I don't know how that man's bathing. He's got to 818 00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:24,200 Speaker 1: be shipping and pissing. Yes, yeah, he's covering the two 819 00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:27,560 Speaker 1: years worth of tiny ship and piss human chit piss. 820 00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:34,160 Speaker 1: Who's that I'll say it again? Or is bad? It's bad? 821 00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:41,720 Speaker 1: Any who? Mary Crimbo, that's tiny little the last episode, everybody, 822 00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:52,520 Speaker 1: that's unbelievable. Not dropping next week because we need a break. 823 00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:57,279 Speaker 1: It was great, was no notes. I feel like that's 824 00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:02,000 Speaker 1: what everybody says about at all. You know what, you guys, 825 00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:07,480 Speaker 1: The year is bad. I guess if Mary less bad 826 00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:11,040 Speaker 1: than the year before, but just marginally. It depends on 827 00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:13,880 Speaker 1: on Yeah, it's how you're looking at it in different 828 00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:18,200 Speaker 1: in some ways, in some ways always it wasn't you know? 829 00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:20,439 Speaker 1: What it is is time for you to stop listening 830 00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:23,280 Speaker 1: to this podcast. Now, go go out into the family 831 00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,400 Speaker 1: room and tongue kiss your uncle. Come on the racist 832 00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:29,279 Speaker 1: one to get in there for the good story, and 833 00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:35,640 Speaker 1: then tell us about it. Take a pis, have someone 834 00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:39,120 Speaker 1: videotape you tongue kissing your racist uncle. Posted on Twitter, 835 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,240 Speaker 1: say this is my racist uncle, but even though he's racist, 836 00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:46,879 Speaker 1: we can still tongue kiss hashtag together, bridging the divide, 837 00:55:47,239 --> 00:56:01,440 Speaker 1: Bridging the divide. There you go, You're welcome everything. Danil 838 00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:04,760 Speaker 1: Worst Year Ever is a production of I Heart Radio. 839 00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,239 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i 840 00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:10,279 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 841 00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:11,160 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.